This week on Good Mom's Bad Choices, I do have shit to learn about parenting. I do have shit to learn about leading my daughter in the right way, in the most appropriate way.
Luna told me today my back broke out. I must have leaned up against something. She's like, must be allergic to the fabric. I was like, why does she know these combination of words?
This week?
This week, welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and I'm Nila.
And it is September, y'all, Happy September. Happy September, September one. To be exact, it's actually the first of September.
Wow.
Wow. This month's theme is back to School September. Back to school September because it just got to learn back to school and we ain't talking about our kids. Wait, do you remember that song? Did you ever hear that song? I'm Gonna read, I'm gonna read, I'm read, I'm gonna read, I'm no. I was like, oh my god, it was like the best song, like club gay song ever. Okay, well, but you know you know I'm gonna read. I'm wait. We gotta outro the song with that this episode, with that,
you're really getting really spicy right now. I'm gonna read I'm an read. I'm read. Wow.
For me being a former lesbian that was highly into the gay community, I don't recall that I'm gonna read I'm a read song.
Your musical taste wasn't up to part. That's why I was. I was out. I was with the house, the house druggy gays. Maybe you were just with the lesbians. I know I was.
I was with the male gaze. No, I was with the male gates and the lesbians. But I was in the dirty South.
Uh. I was dropped going to Ronda and like weird warehouse parties. I was in a warehouse, but it was very ratchet. This is this is why ratchet I was doing. I prefer the ratchet gays. I'm not gonna lie.
In fact, when I moved back to LA and tried to be gay again, I was like it would confirm that I was gonna be straight.
I hate It's like, this is not my thing anyway.
After a flashback into our former kind of gay lives.
Yes, this month, we wanted to focus on all the things we don't know. There's a lot of those things. I know you guys think we're geniuses. I know, I know. Surprise now you think that we are bona fide PhD holders, But surprise, I don't know shit. IM just kidding. I know a lot, but got a lot more to learn.
I mean, we are experts in threesomes, shut up, cannabis and mushrooms and three way kisses.
But other than that, we do have some learning to do. We are actually recording in Costa Rica right now. Still well not still, but yes, we're in Costa Rica.
It's actually our final night. We only have hours until we leave. Yeah, we're leaving at five thirty in the morning and it is nine fifty six pm. This feels like the old times where we would record like at eleven pm and release it at seven am and be up until two trying to figure it out.
Trying to figure out why the audio won't sync to the video all that bullshit it does.
And also I don't know something about it being feeling that way and it being late at night, even though it's not true, it makes me feel like less people are going to hear it, like it's more of a secret.
No, those days are done, I know, I know.
Unfortunately, do you have any affirmations for us this evening or morning or afternoon, wherever you're catching this. My affirmation for this week is I am always a student of life. I am always a student of life. Oh boy, isn't that shit true. We've been traveling for ten days with our children, and obviously we've traveled with our children before, but I feel like this time is a little bit different because I don't know, it's been a long trip and they're like a little bit older now, so like
I'm realizing that more. The things that they say, their memories, the words that they use, it's like, oh shit, this is like a real little human and it's like a really apparent how different we all are.
Well because their personality, Yeah, their personalities are really shining through, and some of the things that they're like working through are shining through. And it's yeah, it's really it's blowing my mind, to be honest, it really really is. It's like beautiful, but also it's scary. I'm like, damn, like, is this like a preface to teenage years? Like preteen years? Just like how they act. Like Luna told me today, my back broke out. I must have leaned up against something.
She's like, must be allergic to the fabric. I was like, why does she know these combination of words? Who? Who are you? Wow?
You're so smart. You're probably right. Yeah, but it's been really challenging. It's been beautiful and blissful and like such a beautiful trip to say, like last time we were here, we're like, we're going to bring our kids back, and then we bring them back and it's like we did that shit. But it has been challenging. Like I have very shortations. Kids make a lot of noise, a lot of unnecessary loud noises, and I'm really working through that's
what you're learning. I'm learning like children make noise. It's not their fault. But it has been challenging. I've learned a lot on this strip. And you know what, I don't know. There's something about this September twenty twenty one that feels like something is shifting. Ever since that, ever since that lasts that moon and the Lionsgate Moon, Like I felt the shift there, but like I really feel the shift now. I really feel like this next six months I have to be dedicated to.
Committing to the change that I say I'm going to make.
And it just feels I feel really called to do that in a lot of ways.
We're here like.
Making our plans for our retreat in February, finalizing shit, and as we're curating this beautiful experience, I'm just like, Wow, this is responsibility.
You know.
We're like embarking on this journey of wellness. And obviously we keep a rail every week and that's our thing. But it's just I'm noticing there's a lot of work that I have to do on myself, and even if it doesn't feel great, I have to do it. Like I don't know, before I left, I was in like a mini relationship that I didn't exactly plan for, and I also really knew that it probably wasn't the relationship for me. There were some red flags very early on
that we were very different people. But despite all of that, I went towards the red light because my favorite color is red. And the night of the Lions Gate, I made a I was doing like a ritual in the bathtub with Luna, and I literally asked for the things that no longer served me to be removed. And literally, while I was in the bathtub, this person like looked through my phone and like found some shit that really wasn't some shit, And literally I have not talked to him since.
The universe is like and cut scene. It's not funny, I was, I'm not laughing, but I'm just saying. The universe said like, I know you asked for this and you shall receive. Bitch, I know, I know.
And I was like it was jarring, but also like god, damn, universe, bitch, relax, give me atten ding notice. But I've been reflecting on that since I've been here because a literally, as I started to like this person in my mind, I was like, this is a test. I told myself, like, this may be a test because this person is kind of like telling you he's probably not the person for you because we just had a lot of differences.
And yeah, just I don't know how to say, you're ready to learn your lesson.
Essentially, essentially, I'm ready to learn my lessons and like listen to my intuition when I know that my intuition is correct, and then maybe, just maybe I'll prevent myself from learning these difficult lessons in advance instead of eight months later and being sad in Costa Rica because he hasn't called me. It's sad a little bit, you don't ever say anything.
I'm sad. I'm a cancer.
I'm sad inside alone.
I'm sorry, friend, I know, I mean, I know we've talked about it, but I didn't realize. I mean, obviously, I know it's probably on your mind, but you haven't mentioned it much. No, I mean because I know. Yeah.
So my lesson even before I left, is that I need to listen to my intuition and just my overall attachment to things that sometimes don't feel great but only let maybe feel somewhat good, and just my attachment to things that distract me instead of focusing on myself and doing the work to commit to myself so that in the future, when things come up that are probably don't serve me, it's easy to eliminate them because I have done the work and I know that, Hey, I don't
deserve that, that's unnecessary.
I don't need that. So I'm good on you and without any.
Residual feelings about whatever it is. Also, since we've been here, we are finding healers and we've been doing some sessions, some intuitive sessions, some natal chart sessions, a lot of sessions, and they've provided some insight on myself and so I'm committing to the next six months of committing to myself. I'm signing up for a Tantra workshop to help channel some of my energies.
That's so cool. I'm excited. I want I want to do that at some point too.
Yeah, I just I feel like this is a good time to focus on myself. And I'm telling you and everyone else listening so that I could actually do the shit.
And in gids are our accountability partners. Literally, I mean it's the truth. I think a lot of a lot of the things that I've done and we've done together on this podcast. And even like I just launched a I launched a wellness challenge today. Actually it starts today and I post about it on Instagram, a thirty day challenge. I'm really doing it because you guys make like it's like the best tribe ever to just hold each other accountable.
Like if you guys are posting pictures, I want to come in to keep doing it, even if I'm lying sometimes and I ate that you know, whole kind of Ben and Jerry's half baked ice cream, but that might happen. But yeah, I mean, this is the best place. I'm so grateful for like us having the space to for people to hold us accountable and hold ourselves accountable, because we're saying things on this mic every week and we're like, you know, or every year, every year or every year.
I've literally said this every year, but this time I'm serious. If I'm in a deep relationship, eight weeks from now, somebody slap me. If you see me in public holding hands, I give you all the permission.
Well, I think that going back to school, I mean, is it's such an interesting thing because obviously our kids are also going back to school, and I've been thinking about that too, like that at some point we decide that our education kind of ends, I think because obviously the education system is not great all the time. People are put in this system and expected to all learn
the same way, which is fucking ridiculous. And that's why so many people end up hating school and not really tapping into, like what their real purpose is because school doesn't really teach you that. It just teaches you a bunch of just I don't even know general shit that
really I didn't even need to know. But the idea of being an adult and being able to tap into yourself and figure out what it is that you're interested in, what is that you want to work on, you know, if you want to take a tantric class, if you want to, you know, go back. My shout out to my girl Ashley. She just got into like Harvard Online. She's about to take a course and going back to
the school online. Like, there's just so many ways to kind of explore what your interests are as an adult, and I think it's really important not only for you know, your own well being, but also just for your kids. For I mean for us. It's like this retreat has really inspired me too, and meeting so many people here that have I mean, being in Costa Rica, people are quiet, they have time to kind of really decide what fulfills them, you know, and it's like, I think being here again
always brings me that back to that. That's why I love this place so much.
It is a very magical place and it is a place of like quietness and expansion. I feel like we've met a lot of people who have tapped into their natural abilities, and in some ways it kind of gives us permission to do the same, you know, Like what am I good at? What do I want to learn
like what naturally are my my powers? You know? And obviously we have this brand and we do we talk a lot, but I don't think we even ourselves get give ourselves enough credit in the fact that we are good at leading, we're good at being unapologetic sometimes, and being here is kind of like it's reassured me to kind of sit back in myself and like reflect truly on my intentions with people, in relationships, as a parent, with my daughter, and really to myself, and like in
every little way, like in the flings that I have in the just the friendships my words. I feel like people here like really intentional about their words, Like I don't feel like doing that, and no, and like people are comfortable.
Saying no and also saying yes.
And even I think even for you and I we've had obviously we're best friends and we talk about a lot of stuff. But I feel like even in this trip traveling with our children, and one thing about parents is we're going to be sensitive is fuck about our parenting about our children. That's not something you really discuss about, you know, you have discussions about. But I think even we've been vulnerable more in a space to be like Wow, like this is I'm scared of this in my parenting.
Do you notice this?
And like, yeah, I do, And this is triggering because of that, and like even in all spaces, and sometimes that's not a comfortable even with someone you're close to as a friend, is not a comfortable thing to discuss, you know. But we've had even those conversations, and it's interesting how being in a certain environment can contribute to how you are and who you are and the people you keep around you, because this place is really really, really really brought some lessons to the forefront for me.
Oh me too for sure, especially as a parent, and how I can support my child in her development and working through certain things that maybe I noticed were there for sure, but have been even more highlighted on this trip, like really also seeing the differences our kids and like how wanted, like how one one thing is one thing won't bother one where the other one is super affected, and you know, it's just it's just been really enlightening but also kind of terrifying a little bit because I
realized that I I do have shit to learn about parenting. I do have shit to learn about leading my daughter in the right way in the most appropriate way. You know, we had this guest on that's coming on next week and she's an astrologer. I can't wait for you guys
to hear this episode. She actually read me, She read me and Jamila's natal charts while we're here, and then we asked her to come on the show and read our kids natal charts so that we could, you know, learn how to better parent them based on you know, certain things that we might not even realize are just innately part of their who they're destined to be and
what their soul path is. But within that realizing that me and Iri are very different in ways, and you know, we've been we've been having kind of a struggle lately with certain personality issues and I and she's she's been having issues vocalizing like what is wrong whenever she gets upset versus where Luna is very vocal and can tell you like that hurt my feelings. I don't like that,
you know. And I was telling the astrologer and she was telling she was basically telling me how I could support my child more and literally like I was just telling her. I was asking her, like what was wrong? She was like, have you ever asked her, like, how can you what can I do to make you feel more loved? And I literally asked, So I asked that to Iri today and she responded immediately, which is where whereas before I was wording it as what what's wrong?
Tell me what's wrong? And she wouldn't say shit. She just said, I want to need you to be nicer to me, and I said, okay, I'll be nicer to you, but also you have to be nicer to me, and it's and so we were talking about and actually it's funny that it's not funny because everything that we do is somehow aligned and where we are at. But I was telling her, I was like, well, this is something you have to work on, this is something we're working
on together. And then you know, I went around the table and I asked Jamie, like, what are you working on right now? Luna? What are you working on right now? Because these are questions that like we don't ask our kids, right, and like we should, right, and they need to know
that you're working on stuff. Yeah, and it doesn't always have to be an emotional working on something that they're six, right, but there sometimes there does it does, Like hey, so IRI's working on like communicating in a more you know, positive way and not you know, you know, being demanding and being courteous like the child. I know that she is capable of being and is when she's not with me for some reason, like when I go she goes
to school. I got these star stellar reviews abo how kind and humble and sweet she is, and she is all those things, but sometimes she gets in the zone where she is like she's she's just not she's not thoughtful with her words and that ain't gonna bla so but as a parent, I'm like, well, fuck, I know, how do I work on? How do I And then Luna.
Was like, you need to tell Iri to talk nicer and to do this to that, and then Iri got upset and then I was like they were crying and I was crying.
We were all crying. I was crying. It was just like like I redid say, She's like that really hurts my feeling, Like that hurt my feelings. Luna and I told Luna, and I was listening to Luna because Luna was right. She was right, but it also wasn't really the way she said it. Iri was getting I could feel I refelt attacked, you know, and it wasn't constructive
at all. It wasn't being constructive even though I know Luna like she had good intentions, but she was also like trying to she was also kind of like trying to help me a little bit. She was like she was and you know, I don't know, it's.
Just it's just such a testimony of it is we're all very different people. I'm very different from from Iri, you know, me and Lenda are some of but still very different people. She checks me all the time, and it's just like we're never done growing, We're never done learning, even from the small souls in our life, and like that's the biggest lesson. Like they are just people that came through us, Like, you know, we can influence them.
They're growing up in certain environments. We're trying to, you know, obviously lead them to love and like kindness, but overall, they are their own people. And it's just like, no matter how me I am and how Erica Erica is, like, we're all very different.
You know.
Ivy full follows rules. She's not fucking around about the rules. We're all kind of break rolls a little bit. She's very strict in who she is. You know, she knows who she is, and it's just an interesting lesson and obviously we're having a great time. But I'm just I'm happy that this is the chapter I'm in right now that I'm just paying more attention and being more present and intentional and you know, understanding that everything in life is a lesson my child. Your child is a lesson
to me. I'm triggered by her sometimes. I'm just taking accountability and noticing when I'm triggered by things, exploring why, being more conscious of like how I talk to Luna and support her, and just really being conscious of not brushing off children's feelings because that's what I'm used to,
That's what I'm used to from my childhood. And like I realized that, like children being really catered to and coddled sometimes is a trigger for me because maybe I wasn't given that privilege, Like that wasn't the upbringing that was I was supported in?
Really, And do you think I caughd Ale Iri? No, I just it's me. It's like not even caddle.
But like if I like, that's just I didn't get that type of that childhood like at all. So like I noticed even not even just like with you and I even with other people like and I know it's my own personal experiences, it's my own trauma. It's not like it makes me uncomfortable. But that's because I wasn't
supported in that way. And I have to check myself even with Luna, because she is six and she is sassy and she is mature, but she's still six And sometimes I forget that because again, I'm used to a certain thing and you would think, like I'm thirty three, like how long ago is that? But it still is something that I realized more now than ever that that's why it's triggering for me.
Yeah, I mean, I think this trip has really highlighted that parenthood is like it has all these stages, and I feel like I'm just like entering this new stage where like, yeah, or does have feelings. She's very like it's not she's resilient in her feelings, but there's there is a level of like it sticks more now that their memory isn't sticks more, hurt sticks more, The things you say stick more, whereas before you could kind of brush off their feelings a little bit. I don't want to.
It sounds irresponsible, but like you could kind of get away with cause they forget right because they're like, oh whatever, No, it's like no, now I'm starting to see the remnantss of like me assuming that she's going to forget and her not forgetting right, you know not and not that I'm like intentionally doing that, but I don't know. And then also like how do I support her? How do
I like work on her attitude? Like how do I make her super aware of her attitude without like traumatizing traumatizing her and making her feel bad, make her feel bad about herself like she's not a good person, or like she's a problem. She's the problem one of Luna and her, like she's the one who's always getting called out, and like even like even with the food thing, you know what I mean, Like it's so annoying my daughter
is still like not eating anything. It's very fucking irritating, and every dinner it's acknowledged, and it's like I realize that, like that's not I have to acknowledge it at times, but also like it's it's not helpful to keep making her feel bad.
About it, like necessarily fixing I don't know to fix it and so like, I don't know, I'm hoping this month.
This month really, whether it's on the podcast or not, it's one thing that I really have to I really want to like talk to some other parents that are older, that have older children, that have gone through these type of behavioral issues and you know, just different things. My daughter's gone through a few different a few things over the past few years that I don't think I really considered how they've affected her. Well, I don't.
I think just in general, we haven't. Really the culture is not necessarily to think of a child like the psychology of a child, how impressionable they are, the trauma, even if we don't consider it trauma, Like that's not our like our background, you know, Like I know people who have been in therapy since they're they're like children and that's normal in their households. That's not necessarily like
the norm. Because even you made a comment this trip that there was a time like your mom would bring up certain things and you couldn't, you could not talk. I felt that like there was the same thing in my household, like we would bring up stuff and I just couldn't. I would just cry, like literally just cry, and I thought about that too, like not like not
feeling like you can literally talk. You just have all this emotion, you know, motion, and it's just like at the drop of a dime you could just burst out into tears and how like how much you know, I talk a lot, and I talk about here, but I do struggle with like when things get like super deep about myself, I'm like, I don't necessarily want to talk about it, especially not with like most people, like it's maybe like three people, and like it's just it's not healthy.
And if we don't check ourselves down, we don't relearn and reprogram those things, like we'll just create the same shit in ourselves, you know, and our and our kids that have been created in us. And I'm grateful that we are in the position to kind of just be open to it, you know. Like I'm happy I'm Luna's mom. Like she's feisty, she dances like you know, some people will say shit like she's talking and all these things, but I let her live because I know she's mimicking
what she sees. But also I'm happy I'm her mom because I can teach her to channel that I can teach you, like to not be ashamed or not to, you know, let other people tell you what that means for you, you know, And I know I wasn't given that space, and who knows how that's like blocked me in ways.
Life's lessons, guys, life's lessons.
The next six months and the rest of this month, for sure, are just commitment to life's lessons and being open to learn them and recognize them and not not thinking you're too goal old or too grown to return back to school in some way, form or remedy.
Absolutely, and I'm excited for this month too, and seeing all the things that we end up learning. Next week's episode is really intriguing and interesting and I learned a lot and we have some cool things happening the rest of the month. So make sure that you stick around and go back to school with us and let us know, like maybe you have been considering, you know, learning something or going back to school.
Sure, I always love to know what other people are learning. I want to learn too. I want to with all the learns. Yeah, and if you have any cool courses, share.
Them, share them.
Like we're in such as we're in a time where we can literally have access to anything.
It's so interesting, Like there's tantra courses, there's courses, there's reki healing courses, there's courses on you know, or courses. There's courses on like how to build a website, how to market for your business or whatever. Like there's so many different things. And so that's the beauty of the Internet in twenty twenty one is that there literally is an influx of courses. Make sure your check who's making
the courses, but you know they're there. Whoever calls you. Well, if you guys haven't yet signed up for our retreat, to be the first to know all the details of when it is happening, because those details will be coming out next week. We have finalized the actual days here in Costa Rica. We've also finalized the location, which is very exciting, as well as a few other people that we're going to be contributing and facilitating some beautiful and
amazing experiences for you guys. So make sure you go to our website, Good Momsbad Choices dot com and click the retreat tab, put your email in and be the first to know when all the info goes live. Anything else, my love, nothing.
I'm just excited to commit to the next six months up into the retreat to just being better and being my more full learned self. And I hope everybody else is doing the same. Slide in our dms and tell us.
How, tell us how, and join they Get Your Shit Together Challenge.
I think we should continue these up until February. It is like, you're going to get to Get Your Shit Together Challenge.
It starts in September, but the hope is that you don't just fucking stop in October. That would be fucking dumb, because you're going to be feeling so good by the end of September if you continue, If you just do these seven things that I listed, I know because I've done them and then I fall off and then I feel like shit again. So if you're a patron, I posted the details. If you follow us on Instagram, I've
posted the details. We're starting today. If you know you're listening to this and it's a week into September, it's all good. Just start now. Buy that gallon of water and start drinking that shit. Train your bladder. Think of an affirmation. We want you guys to write down an affirmation day. If you have a journal right in there, and you know try to wake up a few minutes early,
especially if you have kids. I know it sucks, it doesn't sound fun, but you get used to it, and honestly, the morning quiet some of us don't have, like the luxury of a babysitter or our homeschooling. Wake up early and have those few early thirty minutes to yourself and do whatever the fuck you want. Get off your phone though, and yeah, so it goes to go check that out and uh, we'll see you guys next week. Bye bye.
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I'm gonna read that bitch. I'm gonna write this situation to just use my ship when I had do online and that's been and I can't get I ripped and I dip and yeah, trick, what bitch you don't like my shit? What bitch wanna fight me? Drick in the back of the classroom said, the talking shit better such an ass up for it for you real quick. I'm gonna reach that bitch. I'm gonna teach that bitch. I'm gonna give
Mm hmm