ATL HOE

Right girl.

Shit, Yeah, I'm in my bag, but I mean he is too, and that's why your time you're seeing me.

I got some new shoes. Look, bitch, I'm a start.

I got these niggas wishing. He say, hungry is pussy the kitchen. Yeah, that's my doubt. He's gonna sit down and listen. Call him a trick and he don't get a huller.

Bitch, I'm a start. I got these niggas wishing.

He say hungry's pussy the kitchen. Yeah, that's my doubt.

He's gonna sit down and listen. Call him a Trickiny, don't get offended. You know he giving his money to Megan. He know it's very expensive to daily. Tell him go put my name one to come because when I need money, I'm trying to holler. You know, he giving his money to making You know it's very expensive to day.

Tell him gonna put my name.

One that count because when I need money, I ain't trying to.

Be Welcome back to good Mom's bad choices. I'm Erica and named Mila.

Happy wedsday.

Hey some dad today. It feels like we haven't been here in so long.

I know we haven't I know.

I'm so happy to be in our chairs, in our setup.

I'm so happy to be in chairs and are setup and not have an event planned.

Oh my god, I'm so happy. I'm so happy, so happy. I'm looking at our chalkboard across the way. There's nothing on it. It's fucking great.

It's a whiteboard.

Whatever, a white board. There's nothing on it.

It looks so beautiful, so happy. A see there's nothing on it.

I'm like ready to put some things on it, but like, I'm happy with this right now. Let's take our time because that ship was the source of a lot of stress.

Ooor. I was like, this is gonna be this is gonna be our make or break. Are we gonna make it? Are we gonna make it fastest?

So we didn't put We didn't have an episode last week because we couldn't get our shit together. We were both in different coasts. Jamila was still in Atlanta. I was like in fucking Florida, New York. So sorry about that. Someone messaged us, someone mentioned that we're gonna fall off because we haven't posted, and where are we? A bitch needed a fucking minute, Okay, Like.

I goog the person you told me, yeah, I needed a second.

Okay, Like I could not post think talk nothing about motherhood, mommy hood, good mom hood, nada. I couldn't do it like good mom overload, good mom fucking over loa. I don't know if we're gonna kill each other, kill ourselves. Like I was like ten seconds away from fucking cursing Jamila ou. I was like trying to keep it together. She was ten seconds from like cursing me.

Out, Like I need to calm the fuck damn. Yeah.

Like I realized like a lot of things about my stress levels and how I handle things, like the anxiety lossome friends.

Like yo, shit was just it wasn't the tensions were high.

It was literally like tensions were high up I mean, I want to say up until we got on stage, but like even after that, the next day, it was a lot like Okay, let's just let's just recap this whole thing.

Because it's it's it's it's intent.

So if you don't know, we're talking about our we just had a live show in Atlanta last Sunday.

Last Sunday. Yeah, I know those Sunday before last.

Sunday before last, our first out of state show.

Right, and we decided this at like last minute, maybe like two months, two months before, because we found out there was an all women's podcast convention that weekend and our friend Danielle from Marriage and Martinez, who was going to be there, She's like, you guys should come, and I was like, this is a good time to have our show Erica. So we're like, let's do it.

Fuck itt fuck it. We can do it.

Two people show perfect, we could do everything. We realized that was fucking insane.

We did it.

We did it, We did it. It was absolutely insane.

Okay, so let me just let's start from the beginning. So we had to do all this shit, email people and get these fucking bags, ship everything from La to Atlanta that we needed, ship various things from different people to different people in Atlanta, Like hey, my friend, I'm shipping twenty boxes to your house.

I hope that's cool.

I get to Atlanta, my dumb ass, I left this guy who I've literally known ten years ago and he was crazy ten years.

Ago, picked me up. He's like he can cook, That's what it was. So I was like, okay, you can pick it up in the airport. This bitch and her stomach. I get it from the airport. He picks me up.

We immediately run out of gas. He's like he mentions in these gas, but I didn't think, like literally we left, we left the airport, we got to like, uh, what's the exit where the varsity is. It's like right ten minutes from the airport. We stop and I'm like, he's like, oh no, I'm like, you ran out of gas. We call Hero because in Atlanta, if you stop on the freeway, they'll get they'll give you gas.

But I don't know how long it's going to take.

So like I think there's a gas station off the exit. We walk up the ramp off the exit, get a gas can, get gas, fill it up. Okay, fine, that's fine. I wasn't even tripping. I'm like, this is this is going to be a fun trip. You're to his apartment and immediately he starts talking about like how much he's missed me, you know how he's never forgotten.

And I'm like, what is he talking about?

Like I vaguely remember the hangout, and the one hangout I do remember is because this crazy na get pulled a gun on my twenty first birthday party. What he met me like one week and then he's like he's he's parties.

He's like, you could have a party in my apartment.

I was like twenty one. I'm like, are you sure he's okay. I'll bring all the food up and cradlags. I'm like, bet. I invited like probably like sixty people. Then other people started coming there. We didn't know they were up to his apartment, his condo. He was gonna throw ones at me and this like dirty bitch stole the one.

Wait, he was.

Gonna throw ones at year. I don't know for what.

This on your birthday.

I was also I was also just wearing a bikini in high heels the entire birthday.

The entire birthday.

That's all I remember is like I was wearing this bikini and high heels. I never took them off because I was twenty one. That's what why I would do that.

Now, so wou stairs, this bitch steals the hundred dollars I was on the counter. He flips out.

First of all, the apartment is not the condo's not that big because first one was in the pool. But I had the fucking bathing sit on, goes up to the thing the girl steals the money, he.

Pulls out a gap on the whole party.

I had like coworkers there from the Marriot. I had like all these people. Even then, I was like, what the fuck? Everybody leaves? That ends the party.

Quickly get that money back.

Never got the money back. I found out who stole it, those dirty bitches. So this is why I probably shouldn't have went to hang out with this guy because that. But I was like, whoa, that's a long time ago.

Anyway.

Oh So she starts telling me how much he's missed me and he's been waiting for this opportunity to come, like come back. And then he's like he like touches me, and I like pushed him off a little. He's like, oh man, that's why I like girls from LA. He's like, because y'all, don't you tough. You don't you know, like girls.

Out here be tripping. I'd be like, so, I was like, well, what do you mean they be tripping? He's like, you know, I touched them. They'd be like, you know, trying to tell my friends I'm aggressive. Oh god, you know, they'd been trying to like, you know, make it a big deal. I was like well, I'm not afraid of you because I'll fuck you up. And I was like, but you know, there's this thing called consent.

So in my head as soon as he said this, I'm like, well, how many friends have they told? You know? What?

If you're talking to my boys saying I'm this and I'm that some I had, I'm like, fuck my life, what have I signed up for? Then he continues to talk about how he likes young girls, but not too young.

How old is he?

It's probably forty something. Oh lord, Okay, keep in mind he met me when I was twenty. He showed me he's okay because my other girl, I know, she was nineteen. This other girl I know since she was eighteen, and that they're like your age now. And I was like, so you like young girls. He's like, well, I like girls that age young, like look good in age.

Well like, okay, I like young girls.

I was like, but.

The difference between me and R. Kelly is oh god, no he didn't, Yes he did, No he didn't, Yes he didn't. Oh no, I don't. I won't go below eighteen. I was like, you think that's the difference between insane and insane?

So I was already like okay, panicking a little bit between like the rape.

Comment and the like underage comment.

I'm like, okay, always just being honest, okay, whatever continues a drink, he makes me crab legs or chilling till the night comes and he's like, gets real close to my face and he's like, we're gonna make you know if we have sex tonight, you're gonna remember. I was like, uh, what makes you think we're having sex tonight. He's like, well, at least you gonn kiss me right. I was like, I don't know about all that.

He's like just he's like, breathe.

Out your nose.

I was like what He's like, just just breathe out your nose. He gets real close to my face, to my nose. He's like, I remember that.

I remember that.

Sense.

I was like, oh god, no, So he's into your pheromones, Like what the fuck is happening? Yes?

And then this is another thing that really irritated me, and this is something that men should listen to because niggas do this all the time. When he offered to let me stay pick me up from the airport, he's like, you can stay in my son's bedroom. And I was like cool. I was like, you know, he's like he said he'll sleep in a sun's bedroom. I can stay in his. And I was like whatever, cool, Like you don't have to put me out. I'm smaller, I could stay in your son's bedroom. So I get there and

Lied, right.

I hate this type of shit. Don't do this adults. This is dumb.

I'm not a child, but anyway, I'm like, I'm still not like super scared because I'll throw bleach in your eyes.

So I'm like we can lay down or whatever. He's like cuddling the shit out of me.

I'm like, at first I was like making out with him, and then I was like I got really uncomfortable.

I was just like I needed to get off of me. He's like Pharreal. I was like, yep, you need to get off of me. He's like phar Real. I was like absolutely, I'm asking you to get off of me. He like waited like thirty seconds to see if I was phar Real, and I was like looking at him, and then he's like all right.

Then he starts to snore. Oh God, when I say I wanted to stab him.

I was so tired, like we've been like relentlessly working for this show, and then like even when we were sleeping, we're not sleeping because we're stressing about it.

So I hadn't really slept. I was. I woke up so early. I text everybody in my phone, Hey what's up? Are you? Are you close to this place?

Hey?

What's up?

Bar?

Are you?

Are you close to this place?

But before I got to get picked up, he rolled over on top of me, put his nose in my armpit, took a big whiff, and I was like oh. I was like in my head, I was like, this is not happening. I can't wait to tell someone. Then he proceeds to tell me I remember that smell.

I remember your.

Yeah, he said, I remember ten years ten years ago. I was like Oh my god, I'm so I'm so embarrassed. I was inside you and I sniffed your armpit. You didn't notice, but I got harder. I could never packed my shit up so fast in my life. He was He made me breakfast on the balcony.

He made me a drink.

I was literally looking he took a picture of me. I didn't notice until later. I was looking over the balcony waiting for my friend, and he took a picture, like, oh, this is my friend. I made her breakfast. I hope she has a good show. And I'm literally like my back.

So when I say I, he was like, my friends told me not to tell you this.

I've been thinking about you since. Then in my head, I was like, you sink. You should have listened to your fucking friends. So I leave right. So I took all my shit out. He's like, oh, you're not coming back. I was like, oh, you know, I'll be around. I'm just gonna I got a lot of shit in here. I just you know I'll be I'll be in touch. I ran out of there right.

He calls me ten minutes.

Later, Hey, I just really cleared my schedule because I knew you were coming in town.

I just thought you were staying with me, Like, are you coming back? I was like, did I scare you off? I was like, listen, I have a lot of commitments on here. I have a lot of people to see and I have a lot of things to do for this show, so I'm not going to make any promises.

I'm cool, but I'll call you. Don't call me. I was scared.

I know you text me like what are you here yet? What's going on?

Okay, I'm freaking out. I saw that Danielle text you. You were like, hey, I'm.

Coming over coming your hotel.

Anybody.

I was literally like anybody. So that was like the first lesson, Like, bitch, you're not twenty anymore. Don't be doing dumb shit. This is not twenty one year old Atlanta, and you are not twenty year old Jamilla. And I learned quickly like, but you're too smart for this, Oka, I'm not drunk enough. Nearly, and then he was supposed to come to the show and didn't, thank god.

Thank god.

And then I hope he doesn't listen to this, which I'm sure he will, but this is you need to know that. This is does he listen he has this is these are things you don't do to women because this freaks them out. But he he then, oh, he didn't come to show, and he said something about his mom's lungs and he said, believe it or not, that's what I wanted to talk to you about.

That's another thing.

If you ain't if we haven't connected in ten years, I'm not your close friend, and I don't want to talk to you about your mom's health.

And that sounds bitchy. It does, No, it's not.

It is what it is.

I would not reach out to someone I haven't spoken to in a year and say I want to talk to about when.

I was probably his attempted some having some sort of emotional attachment to you and wanting to connect in any way possible.

And I get it.

And you know, it was the first lesson of the trip for me because I had a lot of similar experiences with people I've had people.

Were actually closer to me than this person.

Though this guy's a little crazy, like ex girlfriends and stuff that I like hung out with and like just people and people were just really invested in our relationships.

And I realized, like I'm that type of person.

People really get connected to me, and sometimes it's not mutual, you know, and I think that's a special quality of mine.

But I also have to be like conscious of that cancer. Yeah, I have to be really.

Conscious because this nigga thought we were getting married for sure, and I was just like, this is crazy, Like you're fucking nuts.

And he was a nice guy. He tried really hard to.

Like accommodate me and be nice and I appreciate that, but like it was just a little it was just a little left too heavy. Anyway, my wonderful friend Sydney picked me up, thank god, and she went with me to the venue and Erica wasn't there yet, and I was like, look, said like what can we do to make this like space nice? You know, like I need how first she was going to drop me off, I was like, can you come and side with me?

I need I need help. My partner's not here, Like please, bitch. She's like, okay, I like stuff like this.

So she comes in. Then we go back to her apartment.

We're sitting getting high and she's like, oh, you know what, my barstools look really good at the show.

This area rug will look really good at the show. Oh, you should take all my plants. I was like, so I could take your.

Whole living room.

And we surely did, and we surely did. I was like, Sydney, I said, I can arrange it. I can arrange for someone to pick up this entire living room and I.

Did, okay, which was amazing and it really made the difference for our decor.

She, like Sydney, pulled the stops out.

So even though I had a really strange, rapey kind of stalker related situation that led me to Sydney, that led her to come with me to look at the venue, that led me to have her whole living room at the venue, it just shows how divine things are, truly. And then and then Erica got there. Yeah, me just you know, raging anxiety.

Raging well, I had just come from Home Shopping Network Florida, from Florida on a show, stressed the fuck out there, then came to Atlanta, got there, and then what happened was.

I was like, go to oh, go to the venue.

Oh yeah, Jamila sends me to the venue, a venue I've never been to with owners that are her people, and I'm like, I get there and she's like, it's fine, just tell them like, oh, I get there because our stage risers are getting delivered. But there's also it's also a restaurant, so there's brunch, there's things that happen between Saturday and Sunday.

They're telling. So they're telling she's first, so they don't know what she's talking about.

No one knows what I'm talking about, and I'm like, I was like, I knew I was gonna get here, and no one's gonna know.

I was talking about everything.

I knew that was gonna happen happen, probably because I manifested it because I was in like a very like negative place. So I get there and I'm like, hey, so I'm here for the podcast. They're like who. I'm like, we're having a podcast outside. They're like what where? And I'm like is there an outside? They're like yeah, I just go out there, go around the side. I'm like where.

Up and then we're gonna move it in the basement.

But I'm like, well, the event planning company can't know that because they're crazy, and they asked me all these motherfucking questions before we booked them because they're crazy.

And they're gonna charge it.

It's like if you, if you, if you, if you touch it, if you do assemble it, if you, if you, if there's stairs, if it's outside.

So I'm there and.

It's like all of the no one knows what the fuck of this riser is, where it's going.

And so I called Jamila.

And keep in mind I had not slept, I'd like partied all night and I was just like wait what.

I'm like, Oh my god, this bitch is gonna kill me. This restaurant is gonna make me kill them. So I'm like, where, Jamila, what do you Where am I suppos put this rider? She's like, it's fine, just put it there. I'm like, no, they're telling me I can't. Then the owner is the wife of the owner. I don't know who she is, big mama, Okay. She calls me on ten like damn you're cursing me like low. Like was just like, hey, so the riser's not going up. We're not putting the

To be here.

We're people are your fucking people. I don't know what the fuck is going on here.

So I'm like, let me call you back. So so I'm calling Jamel, the bar manager that never answers the phone.

Jamel, ever, like the whole time we've been in contact, does not text back, does not answer. That's the sweetest man in the world, but does not text back. He's like, oh yeah, let me let me figure it out. Then I call Ma, who just cussed her out, and I'm like and she is scary, like she's an old terrifying She's like it doesn't get better.

The story of Ma doesn't get better with time.

She's just like she's a good person. She's just direct. So she's like, no, I didn't tell you that they need to put it somewhere. I don't care.

I don't figure out unless you don't get me direct me at track for thirty five hundred dollars for my brunch.

I'm not then, and I'm.

Like, okay, So I'm like, what the fuck are we about to do.

I'm like, listen, they're gonna charge us. We have wasted money.

But da da da da.

It's just like I don't care. Okay, So we hang out. Five minutes later, Erica text me it's fine. The guys just put it downstairs in the basement.

Well, thank god it wasn't the guy who I talked to on the phone. It was like some just some random dudes that he had to come bring the ship and then.

The delivery guys don't give a fuck.

The delivery guards has been parted out down there.

I was, and I was like, please, like, I know it's farther than twenty five feet, because it was like, if it's more than twenty five feet from the car to the venue, it's extra, and I was like, I'm a single mom.

I was like, please, don't even give I Literally it was like, I'm a single mom. I didn't even have to say anything.

And it was like, baby, it's fine.

That's one thing about Atlanta, the hospitality levels and the chillness was so up, like so high that that that kind of eased everything.

Oh that's yeah. So then that worked out and that was fine. I went back to Actually, I don't even like, it's kind of a blow.

I don't even know what I did.

He was to Jennifer and then went to Jennifer and then I met you.

Yeah, and then it got worse. So let me tell you how.

Let me how a divine shit is. So I was.

I was at a hotel room because the night before I stayed out online with my friend Mira. Did not answer the door, so we got a room by Mira's house. So I was like, let me get the fuck up. This bitch is about to have a conniption. So something tells me to text this other guy that I used to like hook up with in my building because he's like, I'm running errands today.

Call me. He lives nowhere.

He lives like where I was staying is in Marietta in the north side. He lives in the West side. Something just like, where are your errands you're running? He's like, Oh, I'm leaving Cumberland Mall. I'm across the street from Cumberland Mall. I'm like, can you come get me please. He's like, yeah, I'm outside.

I'm like trying to get my shit together, collecting my stuff. I'm like, I gotta go. I tell my friends she's sleep. I'm like gonna have to go.

This guy who just happens to be across the street while I text him, Hey, where are those errands you're running at Cumberland Mall? Oh, I'm here, picks me up. I go to Erica. As this girl comes down to get me to take us up. We pick up one more box. But the box is like these two boxes we sent. First of all, we spent like six hundred dollars sending him because we're done moving to the last minute.

And second of all, they're essential for the show, essential crucial, like our merch mom's signed. Everything that was important and everything that was gonna make us some money was in that fucking box.

So we sent them together with the same address.

So we get downstairs to the mailing office. There's one box, the small box, not the one we fucking really need. So I'm looking through this thing. I'm like, I don't see our other box. I'm sorry to flip.

Out, and I my flipout is different than Erica's slip out. I like internalized my flip I'm like, okay, so let's just take a calm, let's just take it one step at a time, because if I freak out, nothing's gonna happen.

So I get upstairs and I told Jim, I just heard. I just told our other this other girl, like Erica stressed the funk out. She stressed me out. And then we've realized the box is not there. I'm like, she's about to flip.

The fuck out.

So we get upstairs and I'm like, Erica, there was only one box downstairs, and she's like what.

So there's like it's like just a silence comes over them, like we don't were just looking at each other, just looking at each other.

Like okay, let's so we start like looking at the ups track tracking and it says.

It is twelve fifty two pm.

It says your box will now be delivered at one pm on Monday. Our show is on Sunday. So I'm like, wait, where is the box? So we finally track the box at like twelve fifty six.

It's by the airport, by the airpor which is twenty minutes from where we are, and.

It's closing at one pm and it's twelve fifty three, and.

I'm like, there's no way we're making it. There's no way.

And I was just like, we gotta try. We have to go up there, and we have to try. We have to see if someone lags them around. There's like if we don't try.

We'll never know.

We'll never know.

So we get in the uber. We get in immediately. I tell the uber driver, I'm like, look, you need to get us there. We need to drive fast as fast as you can while being all being safe. And so he gets us there. He's he did, He fucking.

Hauled us there.

He did, but it was one fifteen. So we got there at one fifteen.

And now I'm thinking, is like Atlanta has a lot of black people. Black people will be clocking out five minutes before the time shift.

I'm out, I'm out.

So we pull and it's this huge ups like hanger like facility, parking lot, like fucking community.

It's huge. So he drops me off at one end and drops Erica off another. We're like jo So she goes.

To like the hangar where like you would go pick up the package. And I go to where I said, I see people.

There's like an office.

So I go in there, Well, did you mean the college. She's like, there's nobody here. They won't let me in. The security guard sell.

I mean. I'm like, but I'm like jogging.

So I'm walking in and I just see so many people and I'm like, what is going on here? It's a fucking job fair for the holidays, so there's so many people in there, just trying to apply for jobs. I am like walking around frantically, like panicking and like hyperventilating. Finally, like they're literally there. They're sitting at school desks, remember the school.

They were taking a test.

They were like sitting at school desk like the ones you had in like middle school, like personals, like you have the little personal desks.

I opened, I see this like really handsome. He was fine.

He was fine, a handsome like man in the in an office inner viewing someone and I just like knock him like, Hi, I'm sorry.

I don't mean to interrupt, but.

I'm like freaking out because my box is missing and I need my box because I'm getting married tomorrow and my wedding dress is in the fucking box. And he was like what and I was like, yes, I'm getting married, my dress is in the box. Please can somebody help me? And he's like whoa.

Just meanwhile, the overdriver has come back to get me from the other side of this strange place Upslafe and I'm in the car and I go in and then Eric's like, I think they're gonna help us. I think they're gonna help us. And this guy's like everything's gonna be fine, and then she discreetly says, oh, yeah. By the way, I told her my wedding dress is in the box and my weddings tomorrow.

I'm like what to mean.

I was like, you don't think the show was important enough. I was like, no, it needs to be emotional emotional attachments. So he knocks on this girl's this lady's office who I had actually been knocking on her office and she was ignoring me, and he went and knocks on her office he's like, hey, Jean, So I have this young lady here she's getting married and her fair.

Name really was je is Jean.

I'll never forget her fucking name Jean.

And she's getting married and her boxes and she's like, oh no, oh wait, we got it.

We're gonna figure this out. Just give me one second. She like locks up her office and ship hurt me.

She starts making phone calls where she's like calling things the cell phone trucks.

Yeah, we're gonna set out to set an announcement for all the truck drivers right now, all the.

Truck drivers all over Lena.

So we've she walks us through the first of all, we have to like take we have to go through security. Security shows that there's like super certain protocol we have to follow, like walk on certain lines.

Hey, stay in line, saying line it's very dangerous. It's very dangerous. Do you have any no photos? She's like, no cell phones.

So I'm like, what the fuck kind of fucking secret area fifty one?

Ups? Shit have we walked into? I wanted to laugh. I'm like I was just gonna have a pant I was panicing, I was having a panic attack, and.

Like I was had.

I was like on the verge of crying.

And so we get there and then there's like thousands of boxes and then she's like, we're gonna find the box.

Somehow, and I was like, no one, So I was gonna call us back, girl.

I we just were walking through a huge way, huge boxes.

Bitch.

I must have saw that box my laser fucking eyes.

I think I think that's walks right there.

I'm like, because Jamila's scribbled scrabble writing on it, I'm.

Like, it is our box.

Oh my god, I like hugged me, hug I like literally, I'm like, I'm gonna cry right now thinking about it.

My eyes were getting watery. I literally was in tears.

Literally like every all this, you would have really thought it was our fucking wedding dress.

Witch.

I literally like fell on the.

Floor like kissed Jean's feet. I was like, Jeane, I'm gonna write review whatever you need. There was another black woman in there who was like these pitches are crazy, right she was.

Then they got the box, like that's a pretty heavy wedding dress. We're like, oh, there's a couple other things in.

There, and the box was lowkey falling apart.

I was like, oh my god, if they pick up this box and falls apart and all the ship falls out and there's no wedding dress.

Because Jean kept saying, you know, like if there was.

Any other, any other situation, I wouldn't I wouldn't just let you guys wait till.

Monday, like if it were some shoes or anything like that.

I'm like, Jeane, thank you so much.

So shout out to Jean from ups and at Land because bit saved a mother. Shout out to everyone in Atlanta that literally saved us on a lot of occasions.

Okay, because there's more.

Wait, I haven't done I know this sounds crazy, right, So we get the box, we somehow get all the furniture to the show.

Oh no.

Then we get the box and we get back to the house. I want to get another alert that one of our other boxes didn't.

Oh yeah, another box that make it.

Oh yeah, our sign, this the fucking print fuck Vista Press, buck Vista print. We got a sign delivered, it was, but they sent it back to Canada because they're dumb.

So we're like, we don't have a sign the end of the world.

Our sign that we got for this event isn't coming like one win, one loss at least, like the big box came and now all honestly, we didn't really fucking need that sign, but.

At the time it seemed very high, like very very important, very important. Everything was very important. And then at this point, I feel like we still hadn't really run the show.

Yeah, that's we haven't run the show one time ever.

So I don't even know.

We were literally.

Running the show while Jamala was taking a shower and I was doing my makeup.

I I was in my hair.

I was like dying my hair, and I was like, I gotta do this, so just come in the bath.

So like we knew generally what we wanted to do with the guests, but like we just didn't.

I don't know.

Thank god we do this.

Every week, I know, because then we can kind of like play off of each other. But it was fine, but it was just And then when we got in the room, I mean honestly, in La I was so nervous, and.

Then when I got the room in Atlanta, I wasn't that nervous. I was like, my people, Thank God, my people are.

I didn't know anybody, but I almost made it better.

No, but it wasn't my people.

It was some faces that I knew, but it was mostly faces I did not know, but I still felt comfortable.

Yeah, it was the audio guy was sucking up a few times with the microphone.

Our DJ didn't get our memo o our we didn't get a rehearsal, so.

It was Yeah, but everything was really good. Everybody was really nice to us. And then to make matters even better because people have asked us, like can we smoke at this venue? And we didn't want to be the culpers saying yes, we got to smoke in the tent like everybody had. Everybody lit their blunts together, well their blunts together, passed their blunts together, took shots together.

Oh my god.

It was And it was just like there was just so much participation too, because you never know, like if people are just gonna be staring at you in silence, like as afraid to ask things. And like I just appreciated like the energy in the room. A lot of women that don't even know us, that like felt comfortable comfortable enough to like share things, ask us things.

Do what are you looking at?

Did you get a new piercing Yeah?

I did.

Oh, I'm like, am I chrippin' or is that a new piercit?

I got it in and it's infected?

This one this well?

This, I got this one I had and he re pierced it well, and I went to I went to a shop to get this done. Then I went to I was being cheap, so I went down the street to another like shady shop, and he bucked my shit up.

Was it a gun?

No, it was already pierced, but it was kind of closed, and so he like was jamming it through.

Did it with a gun though?

No, he just then he pulled.

Out some strange needle, which I don't even know if it was clean. And that's why I think I'm infected. Oh, both yours.

But you're sorry. That was random looking at her like this is what you have?

More? I don't know, okay, but anyway, I just was so I was just like and honestly to like our guests that kind of came together last minute, like Shanisha that.

We've been calling a year and a half.

Yeah, Shanisha, who who's from Black Mom's blog.

We didn't we did an episode with her. She's the only phone interview we've ever done. On the podcast. So we've actually never met her, and we asked her to come. She flew in from like a convention straight to the podcast to come beyond our shit. We've never met in person. We'd had no idea what our dynamic was going to be, Like, I mean, we had a phone conversation before.

But even that was us like really standard.

Yeah, and like Lauren never met her, Lauren from Real.

Housewives of Atlanta, Like that was a hookup through one of our homeboys, Carlton, who lives out here, who knows her, was so cool, came on, shared some like really funny personal shit, like.

It was just like perfect.

Couldn't have asked for like her guests to like also kind of like our show is fun, but also like to bring it down and like.

Have a real conversation right right right.

And then Danielle of course too, like our married wife are We had a segment on the show called Ask a Wife where we Askedanielle a bunch of like inappropriate shit that like things I want to know as a married person, like are you still sucking dick in cars?

Like are you still giving road head? Like you does he finger you?

Right?

Like how do you have sex with three adult kids in the house.

So I just like really appreciated the energy and everything and the honesty.

The honesty. So it all worked out. And then the next day.

So we're all hype it's finally over, and our dear wonderful bar manager is like, leave everything here.

We got it. I'm like, okay, so we leave.

No, Actually, Sydney went and told him. He was like, look, they are single moms. We have worked our ass off. We need this night. Sidney said, yeah, she told me that.

She was like, we need this night.

You guys need to figure this shit out because we're leaving. We're leaving.

You gotta figure this out. And he was like And then I went up to him because I was like, are you guys.

He's like, go go enjoy your night. You guys deserve it. I was like, she sure did tell him that.

Wait. First of all, we have such like such like down ass friends. Sidney.

I don't know what she was over there doing with the bar manager. I'm glad you did it because I didn't have any energy to do it. But we set up like literally literally right before the show came started to the point where people were showing up and we were still like wearing sweats.

I'm like, you're here for the shows, give us five minutes.

Tell me that she was holding shit down with the bar manager, Ashley fucking hell shit.

Two of our friends flew in from LA to come enjoy the show, and they fucking worked the show. If without them, there would have been no motherfucking show for real. Like literally, we've learned so much about what needs to happen if we're gonna do more out of town shows, which we want to do, but god damn, we're.

Gonna need friends in every city.

Okay, we wanna sign up for a roll call us Okay, because we had to, we have someone working the door mirror. My best friend Marra was like security slash door girl. She's like to She told me. All my boyfriends who came, like all the people I went on dates with that week, were like looking at her like, bitch, I don't need.

No ticket, Donna.

It was just bumb But the next day we had to come back and get our shit right.

So we went out.

We partied because that's what we do, and then somehow, like nine o'clock, we like ten eleven, we rolled over.

I was like, bitch, we gotta go back.

We gotta get this goddamn riser. We got to get this fucking riser for this event company.

They're gonna get it picked up.

So we get there.

No again, I just happened to call a friend and she's close by and she has my jacket. I'm like, I was supposed to be picking up my jacket, and me and Erica come down with bubble wrap and we're like, can you drop us off?

And we get to First of all, side note, when I was trying to get the riser into the venue, Jamila kept telling me about a homeless man named Johnny who was gonna be my point.

Of contact for the event.

And I was like, Jamila, I cannot tell an event planning company that the point of contact is Johnny the homeless man outside low key. Even Devin was like, oh, yeah, I think I know Johnny. Who's Devin, Johnny's baby Taddy. Oh who owns the bar down the street? The neighborhood is neighborhood, Jay, I don't care. Johnny can't be the point of contact. So we get there and like we can't get in the bar, but Johnny's there, knocked out, knocked the fuck out.

In the tent. He's like the resident tent guy.

The back, like he just holds down like the parking and the tent and the local bars, you know. But in Atlanta that's just like generally like there's some like there's some like I.

Don't know how to say, resident thumbs.

That help out the gas stations help at certain places, parking lots.

Johnny's asked, So we pull up, my friend leaves us. My phone's about to die.

The bar manager who promised us our stuff is inside is not answering.

I'm going straight to voicemail.

And the truck pulls up to pick up the riser and we're like, listen, uh, it's not open yet.

Can you come back in the thirty minutes?

Thirty minutes He's like, oh man, she shot it because U I don't get some breakfast.

Gonta get some breakfast. We a little early anyway, come on, come on. So thank god they leave. We go across the street.

We go, so I sneak into the tent. Johnny's knocked the fuck out in the tent. He's not doing shit.

So we're like, so, so first of we're dehydrated and dying at first because we got drunk to night before.

My phone's dead.

Bar managers not answering. We have no idea in the restaurant's closed on Monday, we have no idea how we're about to get in, and some strangely enough fucking freak out. Ass Erica is not freaking out. She's like, I don't know, girl, everything's God's just worked it out thus far. He'll work it out again.

And I'm like, I guess you're right.

So we go across the street to like there's like a marketplace that's at indoor, like marketplace with all these different like vendors.

Like it's really big and.

It's really beautiful on Edgewood. And I've lived in Atlanta, I've lived in the lane in for seven years. I've never I didn't even know the shit was there. And I've been there, like on the street a lot of times.

So we go in.

I'm like, damn, I didn't know this was here. We go to we find a coffee shop. We're just sitting at the coffee shop like do do do do you?

Like? I wonder what's gonna happen when they come back and we can't get in. And as we're sitting there Erica looks past me and she goes, oh my god. I was like what she's like, isn't that him? So I turn around like who She's like, that isn't Jamel the bar manager. I turn around and I'm like, oh my fucking god.

I run out into the hallway and his two kids just embraced me, and Erica was so tight.

They hug us like they know us. They gave us so much love.

I was like, that's exactly how I feel. And we're like, Jamel, what are you doing here? We've been calling you.

He's like, I lost my phone.

Ohone stole my phone last night. So if anyone stole Jammel's phone, that is not nice. You didn't take it back.

But anyway, Jammel got an extra phone and was She's like, I just came over here because I don't know how I was gonna like find you guys, and so I'm here.

We hugged that Jamel so fucking hard that day.

I was like, oh my god, Erica, you're right, like God really is looking out for us.

So we get back to the spot, Jamel's like, I don't have the key.

Yeah, the manager is supposed to meet me here. With the key.

He meets me usually on Mondays. I'm like, usually on Mondays he meets you. He's like, I don't have his number, like you have number. I'm like, I don't have nobody's number. So now it's me Erica, Jamel and his two sons and Johnny and Johnny who's still sleep.

Who still passed out?

Johnny still we're all the time, Johnny's passed out.

And my homegirl who dropped us off, who knew my phone was about to die, had delivered some waters and juice to a bench and she texts she DM does like I love some juices on that bench where I left you guys.

You guys were gone when I got back.

So we were like in the so we're telling We're like looking at each other, like what are we gonna do about this fucking riser.

We're going during Chargers an extra day.

The risers literally trapped in the basement and there's a huge lock on it.

There's like a gate in four locks.

So Jamel, I don't know where.

This nigga from where bloodshammer.

He starts banging the fuck out of the lock here literally for an hour, for an hour straight, This poor man is. First of all, he went to he went to the fire station to try to find a cutter. He went next door to some technology school where he thought he was gonna find some shit.

He got tools somehow.

He like went around the neighborhood and found these tools and was banging these locks. I'm like, are you gonna get in trouble for breaking the locks?

He's like, no, it's fine. You need to get your shit up.

And now the truck pulls back up to pick up this fucking riser and the fucking lock is not open yet.

So these two guys come back and look, oh yeah, we heard that banging. Is that whatever you're doing? So you go there look at the lock. He's like, oh yeah, he almost won't get that thing open. Like, can you please come back in fifteen minutes, it's almost open.

Please, He's like, well showed it. I'm taking and we can be you number. I'm like, listen, just come back and fit. As soon as they pull off, jamel Bow pops this the third lock off to the basement.

I was like, it was It was a joyous moment, it really was.

I was just like, God, wow, you're just trying to stress us out. And bring us through every time, trying to make a Churstian out of me.

I believe, for real, for real, Like, okay, god, I get it.

So we got everything out. Everything worked out. I literally went back to the house, packed up and got on a flight straight to Florida to do to go back to work. But it all worked out. And in our Atlanta trap, there are some other things outside of the show that happened.

So there's this Did you write it down in your book?

No, no, no, I'm just I'm not doing this right now. I was thinking about this. This there's this podcast in Atlanta.

Oh, oh my god, I forgot about this part.

So there's this podcast in Atlanta that I had reached out to because I thought maybe we while we were there, we could record and like do like you knows a cross podcast situation.

There had been no way to do it anyway, there was absolutely no time, but we had like reached out to them and text Ericahead.

Yeah, we had texted. Actually did I talk to her on the phone. I think I talked to her on the phone.

I don't know. Whatever.

We talked on the phone and she had asked, they're like a large they're like semi larger podcast than us. They do something they've been they've been doing like more like out of state shows than us. They've had a show longer, show longer.

Yeah.

So when they asked us about like where we're having our podcast, they told them that we're having a BQI Lounge, which is a bar, a bar restaurant, and they're like, oh, that's cool, and like I thought we had really cool rapport.

She asked her them a couple of questions, like advice questions, like we're doing this, this is the first time thing out of town, Like what did you guys do for this or that?

Maybe three questions?

Right, So I happened to listen to their episode, like the week after the week after our conversation, just so happened to tune in. Yeah, and she is talking about her next show and that people need to buy tickets and she's like, you know, we're having a show. If you haven't bought tickets, make sure you buy those tickets because this isn't like those other podcasts that do pop that do bar podcasts, like where you have a podcast in a bar and if anyone can, anyone can just

And I was like, oh, So immediately Erica calls me like I think this bitch is trying to throw shade.

I'm like, well, what do you mean. She's like, she's talking about you know, this ain't that.

She's like I had told her we were having our podcast in a bar literally like a few days before, and then this is the new episode, so I knew that it was connected. And I just felt like, Wow, that's so whack because I thought we had a good rapport.

I mean, I think she's continually thought we did because.

She didn't know you listen and she But I just feel like it's so lame when women feel like they have to throw someone under the bus to make themselves

And that's what where I really get sad for us as women. And there's not that many black women in the podcast. Is that where we feel like we have to be little.

One another because we feel like we're crabs in a barrel and we have to like fight one another or take the jabs at one another.

Even if you weren't even like and that's another thing you got to jab at someone. Bitch, you better come at me all the way, you better say.

The name, you better like. And I don't like the subliminal subliminals. Yeah, I'm not into that.

So I saw that shit and I was like, all right, bitch, well, I'm definitely not hitting you up when I come.

So she had messaged me like.

Oh, hey, I heard you.

I saw you're in town, like I want to come to the show. And I was like cool.

She's like, she said, are you selling tickets or is it free? And I said tickets?

Lol? You said that?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm like, bitch, fuck you.

So I was like tickets all and she's like oh okay, and then she kind of like didn't say anything. She's like, Okay, I guess I'm gonna go get my ticket, and I didn't respond. I'm like, yeah, bitch, you better buy that. God says, you ain't gonna get no free pass over here. You might have you might have gotten like because I wanted them to come, but then I was like, you know what, let me not. I'm glad they didn't because they probably would have like tried to like I don't know.

I mean, they would talk shit, probably would have talked talk shit because my idea, I said, oh, yeah, I'll tell a bitch to come.

I would have gladly had liked her to come because I wanted to be on stage and be like, did you check her ticket at the door?

Specifically this one, I'm sorting yeah, because it's not that type of show I would like I prefer and I've realized this in all of the confrontations I've had or didn't have this week. I would prefer people to talk directly to me if you have some bullshit to side, which just seems not the case with women.

It's unfortunate, and so I just whatever. So anyway, fast forward to the night of our show. We go out and we like to bone who was like, who's our DJ? Which also so divine as well because I actually met to Bone maybe like eight years ago in Atlanta. I was shooting a movie and like I was out there by myself and would I happened to go to this bar alone because I literally didn't know anyone. And I'm sitting there like eating alone and he comes up to

That can't be the same person.

She's like, what does he look like? And I described him and she's like, oh my god, I've met him.

Yeah.

So anyway, he invites us out to this little party that he's was he DJing.

I don't remember some shit he was doing.

And I see this girl from the podcast walking down walking towards us down out of the out of the club, and she saw me.

I saw her. Hi.

I didn't say a guy I didn't say shit to her.

No, no, but like I just thought it was so funny, like, bitch, yeah, you didn't buy that ticket because you're not really a supporter, you don't really give a fuck, and you're actually a hater.

You're actually a hater.

That's really it's the first thing, the most important thing overall is that you're a hater.

And she didn't speak because she also probably knew she was a hater.

Yeah, it just it was just whack overall, and I'm just so disappointed. She just thinks, did you see her, like even hesitate to maybe speak. No, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.

It's just whack. I know she saw me.

She she quickly went downstairs with her whack guss. So I just feel like it's really unfortunate, and unfortunately we've encountered this a few times in the process of you know, building this our shit, where women appear to want to help you or they have these empowering platforms and they're actually the meanest ones. They're actually the most hating ass ones, and it's unfortunate. But I you know, everything happens for

But you know, it's really a reflection of you and has nothing to do with me. So that happened in Atlanta.

There's been a lot of things I think that I've had to like not personalize and then recognize, like some things, a lot of things, most things are a reflection of other people, not you.

People will project shit on you and be mean and be this, but it's because it's their life. They're ugly insides. I don't know.

Yeah, I don't know what. I don't know what it is about us that she feels threatened by.

I mean that we have a ball mask community, that we're multidimensional and not just one type of podcast that we can talk about all different types of things. I don't know, but that's a personal problem. And I will never ever ever go on her podcast and she will never be online.

So that's cool. Anyway.

What else happened Atlanta? I just want I went on I went on a date.

With a someone who listens to the podcast that found me through the podcast that I have not I had never met in person.

Oh yeah, that was your first time meeting.

Him, and uh that was interesting.

I popped up on her date.

Not only did I pop up, our other two friends were already there and I just happened to be at dinner next door. I was joking that I was gonna pop up, but I'm like, ohait right next door, I'm definitely popping up.

And I was also on a date.

I'm done a lot of dates, and I did a lot of twenty year old Jamila things.

Just I went to Starbar on Tuesday.

If you're in Atlanta, I've never been a Starbar on Tuesday, I'm little five points, It's bomb it Cisco music MJQ. On Wednesday, I did that too, all the classic Atlanta things. I got some head in the car on Peachtree.

Great.

Yeah, like one of these I've ever known one of these, like if you're driving, wait with you? Yeah, like he was driving, and then I was in the passenger seat and then wait, he.

Was driving the car? Yes, what was he like checking in back and floors?

Like if it like, what the fuck was happening here? If there was if the light turned red. I like leaned my body up against Oh my god, I wish.

Okay, well, if you drawn our Patreon, you can definitely see what's happening because Jamila's showing me.

Okay.

So he's driving and he's like.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.

Oh that's a good one.

Yeah okay, And then we pulled over. Wait was this after my dan?

Yeah?

Okay, because you told me that because I sent Jamila home.

Yeah, they weren't allowing me to go out. They were going out. They're like, you have to I had to bring the furniture. You hadn't slept. Oh, I hadn't slept.

You told me you haven't slept in twenty four hours, and you were trying to go out with us. And our show was the next day, and I was like, bitch, go home.

So I had to go home.

And I told that guy like, well, mama had to come to your house because Erica told me no. But if you want to figure something out in the way, And so we did.

Pulled over, got a little, got not little, got some D in the car. I like exciting sex, so that was fun. And then he dropped me off.

And the next day, Yeah, I went to get an outfit, pick up that furniture, drop it off, meet up with you to go to the show.

What else happened?

I met up with an ex girlfriend, one of my first girlfriends I've ever had, who is so sweet and I hadn't seen her a long time, but same, she was just like, I can never forget you ever since this relationship.

I was just like, very deep and I had not thought about it in ten years. But it also reminded me like, I'm such I am kind of a lesbian. Because we had some lesbian sex.

I was kind of bomb. It was good.

I wasn't mad at I was like, oh, yeah, this is fine city in lesbian you when they used to be.

Anything else?

No, oh well then we had so then we had one of the guys. So one of the when we have this male listener, I don't even know if he's listener.

Actually I think he. I don't think he listens. I think he just like looks at our Instagram. Oh really, I don't think he listened.

Okay, oh yeah, she could.

Sugarho and we call him sugar. We call him sugar because he.

Sends us nuds, he sends us nuts and his dick is huge, and he lives in Atlanta, and he's been like waiting to like come to one to come to our show. And he showed up to our show and I appairly got to talk to him. He was like kind of lurking around, like trying to like connect with us, but there.

Was like a lot happening, so much happening, so kind of cute. He's really cute. I messaged him a few times after. I was like, what are you doing? What I told him?

I was like, oh my god, it's getting over. I'm let me call you that because we can't pronounce your Instagram name. He's like, my name is whatever his name.

Is, And I was like, look Erica.

Still continued to call him that, and he he's by before his birthday, like he was having a birthday something people were.

He told me like he was. He went to a birthday party.

It was it was for him. Shut up, Oh my god, I know.

And then and then my the guy that I went on the date with didn't even make it to the show because they got in a fucking car accident on the way there.

Shout out to him, Hi, what's up.

I mean.

I had a couple of good dates, I had a good time.

What else I don't know.

I just I just like also like just going back to the show, like I couldn't believe that women drove from like far places to.

Come to Tennessee to like like Nashville.

So I couldn't believe that.

Like this one woman even came up to me and like got emotional because she was talking about our episode with uh the Black Midwife. Oh my god, I came Why am I drawing a blank on her name right now?

Rasha Hani.

That's a lot of people's favorite episode. Yeah, my friend Sidney, who's not even black, loves that episode.

Yeah.

She was just saying she was talking about her birthing story and it was just so cool.

But aside from all those things in.

Atlanta, after Atlanta, which I was so depressed, like I think.

Like everything, all the anxieties, all of like settled adrenaline, all the things that kind of had been neglecting over the last two months because I've been putting so much energy into.

This kind of all hit me at once.

Because after I left Atlanta, I went to Florida and I was alone, and I just felt so heavy and overwhelmed and like sad, and I just had to, like I feel better now, but like there's just been a few a few things like that have been unsettling for me, with like my Dirie's dad and like thinking that I'm over it when I'm really not.

Like I thought.

I really thought like I was really moving I am moving forward and I have been moving forward, but there's things about our relationship that I'm still holding on to. And it wasn't It was only brought to my attention after I finally like got so much of the stress that I've been dealing with out of the way, and then I had to get back to like.

Reality, and.

I just like all just kind of hit me. And also like thinking about like.

Just there was there was this thing that came out yesterday, this other podcast that had him on that like really triggered me. And I wasn't doing it, no, but just the title of it just triggered me. And the fact that I knew he was going to be on there talking about all of his sex just made me. Escapades just made me feel really weird, even though like I talked about my IX escapades, So like I can't really be I can't be upset.

About any of it. Together, right, but it's still triggering.

It's just triggering.

And he had mentioned something about our podcast, like me saying something that he's offended by, which I don't know which one of you motherfucker's listening is reporting my shit to my baby daddy, but if so, fuck you and stop listening.

Thank you.

It's just like it was just like all a lot.

And I called my mom yesterday because I was like just upset and like crying, and she's like, well, she's like, you know it's She's like, it took me ten years to get over your dad.

I was like ten years.

Yeah, I was like ten.

I was like, you only were with him for like two and a half. I was like I was with mine for like seven years. And she's like, it's not about the time, it's about how deep it was, how deep your love is for that person. I was like, well, fuck, my shit was deep as fuck, So what does that mean for me? Like, and it's not even that I

I want to be strong enough to be alone on my own to move past it.

And she's like, a y.

She's like yeah, and that's important, but like also you might meet someone along the way that helps, and that's okay.

What are you watching oursha Yeah?

Ok yeah, And so she was like, you know what you need to do, Erica, You need to just and she's like, I know you talk a lot about manifesting, like you need to like really think about what you want.

Out of a man, like every little detail.

And she said specifically, and this really stuck with me, was like, don't be modest, don't be afraid to ask for the big things. Don't be afraid, I know what she was saying, don't be afraid to say like R needs to be rich.

Yeah, yeah, that's okay.

And I was like, you're so right, because I spent so much time I'm talking about all the things I don't want, all things I won't put up with that I never really talk about the things that I really really truly.

Do want And I told Jamila last night.

I was like, Okay, tomorrow's episode, we're going to talk about Atlanta, but I also want to talk I want to like set in Stone and say the things out loud, the things that I want to manifest for my man. And I was like, I want to be like Sierra, because Sierra talked about this. She did, she talked about the asked God. She asked God and she got be

There are like the oh, I want you to be funny.

I want you to like support my dreams to be honest.

And in ways I feel like I've I've encountered men that encompass certain things that I didn't get out of my last relationship. But there's a lot of things that I feel like I haven't found that. I even told Jamala, like, when what is the work that we're doing to get those men?

You know?

Because like we we ask all these things and we want all those things, and they might be right there, but we're not appealing, appealing to them because we haven't worked on this and this and that, and like, so I was just thinking about like I asked Remal, I was like, so we should think about like what it is,

But I also don't want to.

Not think about what I want, like you know, and not and not and not be like true to myself and saying, yeah, it's someone I do want a relationship.

Well, I realized in this trip that first of when I got back on the plane, I felt really drained, and it reminded me of how I felt a lot of times I live there because there were so many people that I gave energy to and that's a part of it is me because I kind of take from that too.

But even being reaffirmed by.

People who were significant in my life but not as significant as I think as I were in their lives, but them validating me, even friends, like this is what you're supposed to be doing.

I'm so happy to see you in this space. This seems really aligned with who you are.

I knew that you had bigger things, you know, like I knew that this was something like I knew that you had this or that, or you were this person, that you were special, and people who love me validating me reminded me like it's okay not to be modest, Like I'm a good person, I'm a people are like people seek me because I'm a giver and I have things to provide and to give, and so say, speaking about not being modest about the things you want, I have no reason, like you have no reason to be

And granted we're not exactly where we want to be, we both realize.

That there's girl friend things to happen, and there's things that need to be attained to get to those places.

But I also don't feel like I don't because I thought about this. I don't feel like I need a man to like bring me out of anything. And I for sure have.

Attachments like you know you already know to my baby daddy into that situation, and as I think a lot of baby moms do, despite the fact that it was a very abusive relationship, I still love him, and that has a lot to say about me.

But I do kind of feel like if I could.

If I could bring the right person, find the right person in align with the right person with all the things that I really want, I don't think there's anything wrong with that helping you heal. I don't think there's anything wrong with that helping you realize, Oh, this is

I have energy, positive good energy to give.

It needs to be focused and deliberated towards the people that deserve it, and I deserve that exchange, and it deserves.

To be an even exchange.

And if that is what needs to happen to help me move away from the toxic relationship that I'm somewhat still attached to, that's cool.

I'm okay with that.

And I'm not saying I need it to grow or to get to the next level, because obviously I'm still going to continue to do that.

But I'm, like you said, like your mom said, I'm not going.

To be modest about the things that I want because I realized, like people overall are just like you can't be like, oh, I'm the shit. You can't be like, oh, that's because that's a really great quality of mine. Like people, I haven't been really taught to be that way, and most people aren't. I would most some people are, but it's okay. I think the more we hone in on what we deserve, well, I.

Think a lot of times when people are single, when people are asking like what do you want in a relationship, people are like, oh, you're never going to find the perfect person, so you can't ask for that. You can't ask for this and that, Like if you didn't get this, would you accept that? So I think that's where it's like, well we start, we start talking about relationships in a place of like already a deficit like okay, I can't ask.

For that, right, Well, you know, he doesn't have to be so rich. That's not like, oh, you're a gold digger.

Okay, you want a six pack and a big dick, relax, calm down, you can't have and a big wallaway and a big wallet. Oh and he's got to make you laugh. Oh and he's got to love your child as well. Calm down, like, oh and he's got to love his family. Oh.

Like he's got to be thoughtful and romantic.

Yeah.

I want all those things absolutely.

Like you know, all those things that doesn't they don't have to show up immediately and within. But I want someone that wants.

To grow with me.

Yeah, and has the ability to do so.

And I always say this, I kind of need and want someone who maybe is a little older than me, maybe is a little bit more established than me, because bitch, I need a mentor.

Okay, but even that not maybe you have to be specific like I do.

I do.

There are things that I areas I need help in and I would benefit from a partner that are motivated in the areas that I'm not motivated.

I would benefit like I feel like in my.

Past relationships, I'm constantly like not just giving an energy, but tea opening minds and even like my ex girlfriend, she's like, you opened up my mind in so many ways. She's super country, she's from Georgia or whatever. But she's like, there's so many things you showed me that I had no idea about. And I was just like I had no idea that I shifted you in this many ways, you know, just like by being myself. But there are things that I need from, Like you know, I want

I don't have enough. I don't I need, I need.

I don't have enough to teach and to grow and to open up your mind, Like I need someone to be able to like do that for me as well.

And I don't want to feel guilty by about saying that.

No, I don't either, and like you would have asked me, like I think, well, I think also age changes things and responsibility. But like I used to always tell my mom, like I used to think my mom was super shallow because she would always judge my boyfriends when I was so young, like I was a tea like late early twenties, Like they didn't have their shit together, you know, But now I get it. It's like it's not even about

And the reason I asked that is because I plan on being wealthy.

And people really get people turn their nose up at these type of comments. And I've had these conversations before.

Let me explain why this is important, because if I want to have a family with you, we need to be on the same page and what type of a lifestyle we want to live. If your ideal settle down and this is fine, and this is what your ideal is, having a home in suburbia. Maybe it's for bytime, two cars to car garage, and that's what it is.

That's cool.

I want like.

I want a place in like each coast. I want to go on a yacht excursion for the.

Summer, for real, like with my friends, Like let's get the families together and let's get on this yacht as this in the south of.

France, and you know, and in the south of Italy, and like let's go for a month and take Vananny. These are the things I think of.

And if you think that's too crazy, we don't need to be together because I'm gonna be constantly frustrated by your limits.

By your limits and your limited And when I say wealthy, yes I absolutely mean financially, but I also mean in spirit. I also mean in so many other ways. But I do definitely mean in your pockets, because yes, I want to I want to travel. I want to show my daughter and maybe our future children that there's nothing that you can't do. And unfortunately, we live in a society where monetary acts, we're monitory money is determined your access in a lot of ways.

Not always influence does as well, but your freedom.

Yeah, I want to be like fuck it, Like I don't want to be here this weekend anymore. Like I wanna like, let's let's fly up to so and so like, let's just fly up.

For the weekend. That's the type of shit I want to be able to do, because that's the type of person I am. That's how I thrive. I like new experiences. I like new food, I like new places.

I like to travel, and I don't like to be I mean, anybody who has ever stressed over money, which is everybody, nobody, that's not anything I want to do for forever.

It's not something I plan on doing. So I don't feel any shame.

And you know what, I notice all my gold diggery friends, every single one who's always been that way, always has been. And even when I was like, oh she's a little bit much, every single one of those bitch got a man with a coin. Well absolutely, I mean, whether there's love in it or not, it's a different story, and I'm not willing to compromise that. But security is really important to me, and I like to do older guys. So yeah, I hope that you're in a better position than me.

So that's that's I wouldn't say. I don't know if that's number one, but it's definitely up there. I don't even know if there's I think there's probably like a numerical order. Possibly I haven't figured that out, but I know that that's definitely one that I'm asking for and

And you have to be generous. You can't be just rich and stingy like I think.

And I went out with the guy when I was there and he he got my plane ticket and he was like, well, if I'm trying to date you, I like, I help, I help, I want to help if I'm trying to date you.

I'm like, yeah, I think so too.

But that's like even in dating young Bay who was like so young, I didn't constantly like train him on like listen, like you see me struggling offer, you haven't yes offer.

That's yeah.

That's another thing too, is like I don't want to have to ask, and if I ask, don't make me.

Ask twice, right, Like that's I don't have that because that's what I even encountered in the past. And it's just like, don't ask me again if I still need it, And you know what young they used to do, Yes, I still need it because you haven't given it to me.

Younger used to say something like bring when I would bring these type of things up, like he would bring up like, oh, but you want to be all equal with like feminism and and that's that's not that they don't go hand in hand and because you're at the end of the day like yeah, like men have historically been providers.

And I'm not saying that if I was first of all, if I was rich and I want to day a nigga who wasn't on the same page as me, I wouldn't. I would not have an issue given that's that's the and that's why and that's why I don't have an issue saying it, because I know if I had, I will give it.

And and if I believe in you, and I'm like, oh, this nigga has drive and he is he is, he has ideas and he has places to grow and I believe in that I have without a shadow of a doubt, I would do that. And so yeah, that's why I don't think it's like whoever makes it first, let's make it work.

But and this, you know, like if you have it, let's yeah, don't make me have to ask you twice. I hate that. Yeah.

And another one, another thing that I realized is also important to me is humor and being and like if you can make me laugh and if our humor.

Is aligned, and if you can roll with the punches.

Like but specifically, can you make me laugh? Because that's what I've realized is so important to me. I went on a date in New York with someone and it was cool, but I felt like and it was a first date, so who knows, but like, and then I went on a date with my art bay out there, who is like so funny and like, girl, I was telling you, Oh my god, I didn't tell you the story.

Wait side note.

Okay, So I went on this hinge date like three months ago with this guy who I met in New York and we had a great time. And I've been trying to get back to New York for work and I wanted to like hang out with him and see him again and go on a date. We've been talking on it, like we talked pretty consistently over the phone in text. And so when I went to New York after I think it was like after Atlanta.

I went.

I met him in Brooklyn and I was like, what should I wear? Like should I wear my hair down?

What's do?

And so like I actually called Reese and she was like, wear her down and you can put some red lipstick on. I was like, yes, that you're right.

Oh, I think you did tell it. I saw it.

Oh wait, No, yeah, I don't think I told her the story. So there's just like I think I read it in our GMS. Okay, So okay, I told Melanie. So there's this brand that like I always support because it's black owned, and like, I put this lipstick on and it's bomb. Right.

I've worn it a bunch of times. Never made out in it though.

So we go out, we're having a great time, we're dancing, we go back to his house, we're like smoking the bong. We start making out. Bitch, We're like making up for like fifteen minutes. I pulled back and he's.

Like, what the fuck? And I'm like what He's like, Oh my god. And I was like, what he's like, go look in the mirror.

Bitch, my whole face not like smeared across my lips, like from here to here, all red. Even on my forehead was red. I and on top of the eyes and smoked a bong. I looked fucking like a crackhead. My eyes were all like low and like red, bloodshot. I was like semi drunk. Like I look at the room, I'm like, oh my god. So I go in there and I start like wiping my face. Bitch, my face was stained red. I couldn't get it off. I just had red everywhere.

Put like oil. Bitch, I'm at his house is it's like an oils.

I just I was just stained red. Then he comes in he has read all over his face. His beard is red, like everything is red.

And reminded Sadong.

Anyway, I was so embarrassing, so I left because bitch, it was crazy. But but anyway, what I was getting to is that like making me laugh is so important. It's important to like my attraction to you, my la, my long lasting attraction to you, right, like if you can't make me laugh, because I'm fucking funny too, right, Like it's not one sided laugh you know, like I need to make make me laugh, and that you're not taking things too seriously.

I could get stressed out, so you can't be like very stressed out person.

I also need someone.

That's like forgiving of my Like I feel like I'm a communicator, but sometimes my communication can be like poor even though I am communicating, Like I realize that sometimes like I'm emotional when I'm communicating. I'm trying to work on that. But to someone that's like gonna be not take my my moodiness to personally. I want someone that is six feet and over. I can't do anything below that.

It's a big dick. I just can't do anything I could gus give a good head, have a big dick, and you also have.

To be.

More actually or else I'm going to cheat on you.

I'm gonna get bored. It has to be like fun, funcomfortable sex that we can explore together.

I need someone that values family, like goes and sees their family. If their family doesn't live here, I need to know that you make an effort to go see them, because I've learned in the past like through multiple relationships, the men that I've dated, they have family out of state and they don't go see them, and it's it always shows me. It always shows up somehow in our life, like how you deal with me, how you deal with my family.

That's very true.

It's like it's like a lot of times you feel like it's not important because it's like, well, well I'm here, Like, no, you need to make that effort.

I need to know that family is a priority in the family dynamic. Because I've dated someone who's close with their family, it appeared but like they weren't and like they.

I don't know, like there was some distance, and so I feel like I was always trying to like could be the connect between them and the family, and it was just a strange. But I also, on that same note, side note, I went, I hung out with this the same guy who I said, you know, I was like, I'm trying to date you, so and I went to his house and like pictures of his daughter and him everywhere,

It is wet.

I don't know, this is from the party, really good.

They hang out all the time and you know, they have a really good relationship. And I was like, yeah, that's and then he goes home to New Orleans all the time to visit his mom and dad, and I was just like, okay, that's that is important to me too.

And and how your relationship is with your family is shows how your relationship if we're in a startup family and how that will that will play out too.

Also, you need to be okay with public displays of affection period. You I guess someone who's likely obsessed.

With so like art, they were we like I started kissing him outside of the bar, and he was uncomfortable.

I'm that irritating. Young baby did that to me a few times and it's irritated.

I'm like, look, I'm not trying to feel like your dick in public, but like I need to grab my ass, show me some affections to me, like that's what makes me feel like, that's the passion that I like. I let like when I'm old and gray and I'm still horny, like and make out with me in the backseat of the car while our kids drive us to the movie.

Yes, like I want passion like that long term.

I don't like anyone being inhibited.

Inhibited as far as like public displays of affections I don't like. And I know that's not for everyone, and that's cool, but that's what I want me too.

I want you to love me boldly and loudly, no matter who's watching, no matter where we're at.

That's important to me.

And I need to feel like lusted after, Like I need to know you're super attracted to me sexually and you respect me. And I think also me being how I am, I'm a flirt. I dance with everyone at a party. I want somebody who's gonna almost encourage it, like yes, yes both she doing.

That, break it down baby and see for me.

I want someone that's gonna be like your mine, get.

Over here and then occasionally pull me over. I want that.

I want a little bit of it. I think you need more of that than I do.

Yeah, I need more of like the security of like this is our ship and it's unbreakable and no one is infiltrating that.

And I know that's what you want to I'm not saying that's you don't but like I I'm not. I'm not. I'm moody as fucks.

You know. Sometimes I can be that free spirit that's gonna go dance around the party, but sometimes I don't try to talk to anybody and I just want to be in the corner making out with my man.

But I just think more than more than anything, it's just whatever vibe I'm on.

I don't want to be shamed for being a people person, enjoying, like you know, being around people, because that's so much of who I am. I just don't like sometimes we can't be in the corner making out, but I don't want you to make me feel bad for being who I am.

I'm doing what I'm gonna do. When she'd be like, oh, that's Jamilla. I want someone who is invested in my career, yes, and I.

Was like, let's think about it, Like, let's see. I think Alice is a good idea for you, Like, oh, I know someone you should meet, right, and really, do that really connect those dots for me? Right? It's like excited about what I'm doing, because I'm gonna be excited about what you're doing.

I'm always like whenever I meet someone that.

I'm like, I want to pump people up, Like, wow, that's an amazing idea. And if I have an idea, like I'm the type of person too, like I want to be your cheerleader.

I don't and not.

Feel intimidated and feel like it's somehow diminishing like the other. When I was in New York, I went to nicole her Precious Streams Foundation gala and Miguel was one of the keynote speakers. And afterwards, Miguel and Nicole are really good friends, and so we all went out with him and his wife, nas who's they're both like so cool, like real down to earth people, like for real, for real, and he was so excited to like because she has

Yes, I like that, like that, it's so beautiful.

Yes, Like it's not about you, because it probably is mostly always about him. And the fact that like he was pumping her, I need that, I'm natural and he wanted to do it was so proud of you because this is what you're doing big things. Yes, I know, And I just keep saying young be because he's the only person I dated.

Last this year.

I told you, I've said this before, Like I think we did a beach meetup or we did some type of meetup and he was just like, I don't really get the point.

And I was just like, you don't get the point of shit.

You don't get me, then you're not understanding what I'm the work I'm doing, you don't value it, and I mean you're not a mom, But like, yes, this type of shit is important because I'm like, he has a very like nine to five job and I'm like, so what else makes you happy?

What are you passionate about? You could do whatever. This doesn't have to be the end of what you do.

You can do stuff. Take time to you like you want to do this. I'm the pumper upper of people. If you can't pump me up mutually, it's pointless. It's actually draining.

Yeah.

Another thing too, is.

Obviously loving my child, like and you know, and for some time, like I don't really because I've never really had a relationship serie enough to have iri around someone like that. But like I've heard other people be like, you don't have to love my child, but you just have to, Like no, you have to, Like you know, she don't have to, She's not yours, you know what I mean.

Fuck that, like the fact that I don't irie has a father, you know what I mean?

But like I want someone that is loves my child wants to if you're gonna be with me all the time that you're like participating in the things I'm participating, which is enriching her life, teaching her things, and like I don't know, like encouraging her. And that's also like I want to have more kids. That's gonna let me know that like when we do, Like what kind of father you're going to be if you're not a father already? Like who knows if this person I'm manifesting has children.

You know, they understand the important they understand.

The value of time, responsibility, just a little bit have this deeper sense of like how fragile and important life is, because I know that's what parent who's about My.

Role is much bigger.

I have a lot of purpose, but like my number one role is this child. And if you're a part of my life and my partner, you absolutely have to be on the same.

Page, right, And also making my life easier knowing that I have a child, Like, if you know I have a kid, don't expect me to come out to you every all the time anymore, Like make my life easier.

How can I help you today?

Like if you see something needs to be done, just do it right. Like so I think also someone who's really like culturally aware, like, oh.

That's so true. That's that too.

That's another thing, Like I mean, think about this list that we're creating, Like this is a lot of things, and people like I think even me in the past have been like that's too much. I can't ask for all these things. Now you absolutely can't, and you need to. You have to, yeah, or she won't get what you want. And that's why a lot of us are out here just like oh he's nice guy.

Nice guy is not enough. He doesn't have this, but he does that yeah, and I've done that all the time. I've done that.

That's again, And it doesn't mean that all over people aren't good people and aren't worthy of love, but they're just not your people.

And that doesn't mean that this person that you manifest won't fall short. Sometimes this person is not perfect, even I don't want perfect. No, I'm not perfect.

But I need sprinkles of things.

I need big portions and sprinkles of things, and I need to ask for all of them or none of them are going to be in the RX.

Specifically, you know.

Yeah, culturally is so important, like pro like, yeah, just cultural awareness and understanding.

Like my, I need adventure. I need an adventure continuity. I want an adventure life adventurer like I want to.

There's so many things I haven't done, and I think sometimes what I what I realized exatement, is that I'm waiting to share experiences with someone when that's I shouldn't do that, you know, Like there's things I like I could go try. I do travel a lot, but there's things I haven't seen, maybe way like with someone you know, and it's like I want someone that's just like already doing that, and it's to do it. It's gonna maybe even encourage that more in.

Me, right, inspire it more.

You know.

So I want someone spiritual, Yeah, me too. I need you to have some sense of the spirituality, spiritual growth, like purpose, what you like.

You know, I think those things are really important and not necessarily like religious, actually probably not religious, but just have some spiritual accountability, like.

Some sort of ethics, morality.

Anyway, the point is, and like I just feel like we as women, if we want to, I don't know, manifest this partner, like we have to really ask for those things and not be just internalizing it all the time and say it out loud. Like I think that's all the things that I've said out loud that I really really meant have happened. You know. I said to you, let's do this podcast, let's do it, and we did it, and then we just kept talking and it's just continued, you know, let's do an event, let's do it.

All right, right, Okay, fine, let's do it.

I didn't just internalize it in my head and say it in my head or write it down even I said it out loud.

I mean, I think it's important to write things down as well.

But like that.

I think that that idea works in so many different ways, and it can. I have hope. I'm hoping, I'm hoping that is.

I think that's just how the world. I just think how that that's how shit works. I think that's how life works. I think you put it out there, you believe it, and then you I'm a firm believer in the what is it the secret, the like the law of attraction. If you if you believe it's yours, you deserve it, you talk about it like it's yours. And we've proven that so many times, even in the slightest ways, talking about fucking Coachella, talking about this song. Oh that

That's it. So I believe it.

And that's why I don't be tripping, like I be fucking up, you know, chilling with baby Daddy doing this, doing that.

But I'm like, no, this is not it, this is not You're not it, this is not it.

But because I know there's something like this, and I think even with this, we both know, like there's this bigger there's this bigger picture.

There's this bigger thing. People like, what's the angle? And I'm like, just wait and see. So I don't know. Yeah, are we gonna?

Should we do? It's time for horror stories. Guys whose stories highly horrific tales brought to you by good Moms.

Okay, Hory.

I was dating this guy for a couple of months when I went to a party with him and at his friend's house, who I had never met before.

I get really.

Feisty and horny when I joined and there was this dude. They're making fun of special ed people. So I told the guy to shut the fuck up or I was going to knock his ass out.

Tight. I was like, oh my god, is this about me? He continued to.

Make dumb jokes and pissing me off. More so the guy I was with told him, Man, she's not kidding around. She's kind of crazy, so you might want to shut up something about him. Saying that to the to the douchebag dude turned me on.

No, turned me on.

Five minutes later, me and my guy were chilling on the couch and next thing I know, he had his hand up my skirt trying to secretly finger me in front of everyone, and I did not give a fuck. I even said hold on, I'll be right back, went and took off my panties and came back for more.

I was right.

I was like, ah, I was rubbing on his dick through his pants, trying to be nonchalant, but people were definitely catching on. Then my drunk ass got on his lap, told him to whip it out, and I sat on his dick trying to discreetly ride him while we were having a full blown conversation with people.

Like what were you drinking that night? Amazing.

Eventually we snuck away to their their spare bedroom and had some nasty, nasty sex. Well everyone else listened. We probably should have gone in there from the beginning, but whatever. I was so horny I didn't care. We now have two kids and just got married. Oh and those friends don't talk to us anymore.

Manifestation right, that was perfect?

Yeah, yeah, just like we said, if you want the freaky fun family, you can do that.

You can do that. That's so cool. Goals, I'm really horny now. Made that was a really hot one. Choos too, Oh yeah, amazing. I was like, you're my type. Of girl, I said the only thing I wish I wish you would have punched that guy in the face.

Right, that would have been while you write whe.

Wow, Well we've been talking a long time.

Yeah, it's been a while, so we got to go. The kids start coming when I must leave and.

Got a doctor's appointment. Yeah, okay, dokie, See you.

Guys next week.

Make sure to watch this episode on our Patreon search Good Mom's Bad Choices.

You're gonna want to see that car head situation.

You really well, i'm't like I'm gonna I need to try that. I didn't even think about bad as.

I think it was.

I'm not.

I think the dashboard in the seat is right, that's the perfect level. Yeah, and I propped my and I.

Like, bring it up. That's amazing. Patreon. There are sex moves on their car sex moves. You know what's music you were listening to at the time. Try to paint the scene.

Up tempo Atlanta up so Debaby, I think it was the baby. I've been like a lot of de baby all week long. Literally, if you text mer time about the baby bitch.

Anytime I asked her about a song for anything, She's like well the baby.

I'm like, bitch, Mira only listens to the baby, so I'm like, do the baby baby it's called baby side the baby, but it was like, yeah, he has what's another one?

I don't know, maybe was the album is something the baby?

Yeah?

Anyway, and there's another baby, little baby.

There was another little baby.

I can't keep up which one was a cute one? The baby? No? I think, well, I don't know. Okay, whatever? Uh too high. Also, make sure to go on our website, follow our newsletter and.

Should we post all the pictures from our live show on like on our website. Is everybody to like click the down like click to look at them?

Yeah, I'm gonna do that.

Yeah there is. Okay, so look at our live show pictures on her website.

Mom's bad and now you've.

Made me have to do something before we air this.

But okay, I mean, I mean, I know I need to do it.

I could do it.

It's fine.

You need to do it anyway, it's fine. Can add thenk you responsible? We are now Good Mom's Bad Choices dot com. Oh merch we have new merk new merch coming soon.

Follow us on Instagram. Good Mom's underscored bad choices. I'm about to.

Post, uh the real from our show. We should go check it out. Lots of beautiful women, lots of can't wear it all.

Right, y'all see.

Pump ship. Put you on samp ship. She said, you all about money. Yeah, I'm gonna cash you know.

How they visits of me? Wow, Because baby, don't give a fuck what you're doing.

I'll be fixing the wee.

Why she sucking my deck? Put it out then, not titty for I fuck up from the back of see now it's killing them. No, I give it up. I'll be cool on the bitch. Ain't no pressure until I met this le freaking named Meg. Then the thing that's died. Look at you out, look at you, she says, I like when they pretty in ghetto the business. Don't even

I can't be fucked with. Nope, Oh you can't touch this height.

Don re ship my money