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Go to Lovehoney dot com and use code GMBC twenty for twenty percent off. I promise you you will not regret this. Happy Vibrations, Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and I'm Mela. Happy Wednesday, Happy Wednesday.

Be it's really Wednesday.

Oh today is really Wednesday. It is It's someday. How are you feeling?

I feel good? I'm smoking.

You know.

We had a little last minute guest cancelation. So in good Mom's style and mela Erica style, we scrappy as fuck. We just figured some shit out and actually, I think this is going to be really cool. I think this episode is going to be actually interesting. We've never done anything like this before.

I know.

Shout out to whoever gave us a suggestion, who was it? Because this is this is a good idea.

So right now we're on live and people are going to join the live or type in advice questions so we.

Can answer them and then you could be a guest on the show. Hey, but first Tarot time time, Like I'm playing like magic game.

We pulled this yesterday we did the lovers. Wow, isn't that crazy?

Yeah, it is crazy.

I've pulled this so many times in the last week.

You told me that. And also, I uh the deck which is the ace cups. Shout out to Mahogany Tarot deck. It's the original tarot deck, traditional style, but all the images of black people. So yeah, the lovers, what do they? What does this mean?

It's usually about success, It's about I think it's partnership, partnership success. I even think it's travel.

Yeah, travel and travel and before that Ace of Cups fell out. And usually I don't really know a lot about the other like I know more about like I don't know. I think the a ace is usually the beginning. How about this and cups? Oh, your phone is working and cups are for emotions. So it's the beginning of something new and bountiful, abundant. There's travel, and there's love. There's partnership, strength and partnership.

Okay, love, new relationships, compassion, creativity. So with the Ace of Cups, divine love and compassion are pouring through you. You are a vessel for deep spiritual love from the universe, and you can't help but let the love flow through you and into the world. You receive love, you give love, You are love. Your heart overflows. Now is the perfect time for you to open your heart and experience the

Will you take it?

Will you say yes yes to divine love and compassion?

Yes? I will?

And will you run with it?

I will? I'm running fast.

Okay, Well, because the ace of cups carries the potential for spiritual and emotional fulfillment, but only if you embrace it with an open heart.

I'm opening my heart.

Hmm.

That was beautiful. Wow, look at that. Look at God? So oh. Also, we have an affirmation? Right?

What is affirmation?

I'm not I'm just saying it's aff like job, I can think of one. Does anyone else have affirmation? Hmm? Okay, the affirmation is going? Is I have it? Okay?

I am open to divine love in whatever shape or form it takes.

I am open to divine love in whatever shape or form it takes. Because I was like, I am healthy, I am wealthy, I.

Am rich, I am abbit and and I'm not gonna take ya shit. I mean, I was listening to that in the other car the other day with Iri in the car and she's like, Mommy, who is this? And I said, baby Tait.

Not so serious, baby Tait.

And she was like, who was like baby Tait? She's like baby fake.

I was like, no, Tate, and.

She's like, I like this song. I was like, I know, I know, I wouldn't even be mad if you said bitch in this song.

I really, I really, if they cursed doing good songs, I could turn.

My daughter is so good. She literally knows you're every word. Like no, she was cursing.

Yes, I reason one. I'd be like, first of all, she knows all the lyrics. She don't even know all the lyrics. I don't know how she even knows these words. Second ball, she'd be saying the words I've been listening and they don't think, they don't think I'm paying attention.

She even taught Luna that in the Savage song, the Savage remix song, instead of saying like bitch.

You say chick. Oh no, the doja cat? Uh, what's the ship? The sweety best friend, she had.

A real bad chick. She did because Lunash she was saying ratchet and all the other ones. Oh my goodness, I'm like, wow, are we doing? Am I my god? Nursed those all the Hucci songs. Shit, yeah, I'm a savage, classy bougie ratchet Like wow, I'm really I hope she's singing this at her very white school.

She is.

Those kids are singing it too, for sure. Oh my god. Speaking of that, there's did I tell you this? There's always Like, So Luna goes to the elementary school that I went to, and it's in a predominantly like white area, and it's always been white, even when I was in fucking kindergarten. So there is this dad who's always he's always in a tesla and he's always jamming his rap music specifically, it's like, yeah, I think it's like I'm a Savage or like a very like female rap ratchet song.

He's always the same song.

Yeah, he's always jamming to it in the line for school on Ventura. I've seen him also on Ventura. So you know a couple of times I'll stop as I'm walking up the hill and like, oh, yeah, we see you, you know type of thing. And so the other day he was doing it again, as he daily does. He's in a good mood and you should see his son's face. The sun is pissed. So me and Luna are walking down and I see I hear overhear some other parents like, oh my gosh, like he's fifteen. He does this every

Hey, hey, do I sound with some haters? I was like, but low key, Irin. She makes me turn on my music when I pull into her school. I'm pretty sure her dad does this abrasively when he pulls in, like is blasting his music when he's pulling into the school. So when we pull in, she's like, Mommy, can you can.

You lower the fuck? Can you lower it?

I'm like, we're listening to Run the World. What the fuck it's Beyonce. We were just like going crazy and she's like, can you please lower it?

So I do because I don't want to be that.

I also noticed how she kisses me before we get to the mitigation. She looked around the other day. Wow, Yeah, she looked a fucking around and was like, the disrespect.

What the fuck?

The disrespect? Damn, Like, you bring people into the world. You feed them every day, you close them, you put a roof over their head, and they're just like, fuck, you don't kiss me in front of people. Came out of your vagina. Don't need to do much more and relax.

We love our kids.

I too. I just want her to love me.

Pa.

I know today I gave me a foot massage in the morning. She woke up before me. I was like, what, Yeah, it was like actually, she Oh my god, she like really took care of me today. She woke up before me, which was crazy. She woke up at six fifteen. I was like, she was like, Mom from the other room.

That's all I hear. Mom.

I'm like, irie, she comes in and then she cuddles me, and then she.

Massaged my toes. Oh so nice. I'm gonna cracked each and every one of them.

That's so kind. I'm not going to teach you know how to do that. Wake up early, set it along, wake mama up. Oh my goodness.

So we have some questions here.

Okay, are we gonna let people dial in or are we gonna answer I don't know.

I mean we can we can start with the dial in.

Someone asked, like, what's the best way to break up with someone text And I'm just.

Kidding, joking, ghost, don't say shit, break up with them in your head.

They'll get it. They'll get it eventually.

That's a total joke. I would just say, yeah, to do it, that's into it. But to do it, you know it will help. Longer you wait, the harder it's gonna be. Just be honest. I know that's the worst advice. I hate that advice, but just be honest. I'm bored.

Yeah, I mean, I broke up with someone.

I guess, like it's been almost a year and a half now, and it was like, we went for a walk.

I went to his house. I said we should go for a walk. He walked down the stairs. He was like trying his best. I knew it was coming.

He was trying his best.

One my favorite opening.

Every door, maslaging my neck and ship, yeah, your favorite, your fellow cancer. Yeah, and yeah, we just you know, we talked about everything that had been going on in the relationship, which was a lot of bullshit, a lot, and I was just like, you know, I just yeah, just with all that said, it's not gonna work. It's not it's not working. That's all you can say it's not working, this isn't serving me anymore. That's literally what I said. I was like, this doesn't serve me anymore.

Had a six month relationship.

And.

Three months into the six month relationship.

Bitch, bless your heart, I bless your heart, my love, I love you.

Look, can't nobody tell me? I didn't try.

I imagine being her friend, like uh huh, super normal.

Even my therapist was like, you know, this isn't normal.

I was like, if the therapist is telling you, why the fuck are you here, bitch? Like if your therapist is passing you post it notes, run.

Bless our therapist. Oh my god.

Yeah.

So but yeah that was my breakup, and yeah, I was just like, this isn't serving me and you anymore.

Doesn't feel good.

And of course niggas will try to push back, but you just have to really have the boundaries and leave immediately, don't around and try to be.

Like, well, now that we're broken up, we can just like be friends.

Right, No, go flee and don't talk for at least forty five days.

That's my advice.

Yeah, that's great advice.

Also, block each other on Instagram so you don't go stock each other's shit. Still gonna happen now you have to, can't You can't do it if you really want to be broken up.

Oh yeah, is that what.

I'm doing wrong? I okay, maybe I stock a little bit, not that I care. I just want to see this. I don't care. I'm just looking. I'm just looking. La la la la la la la.

Don't care at all.

Oh mg, oh my god. The last time I called myself stalking someone. First of all, I know I'm a stalker because the page is generally always private, but sometimes I'll just check to see maybe I forgot public. And this was obviously super intentional for me. And I looked over there, and I looked at the stories because I mean crazier and I don't I didn't even do it from a private like a secret page. It was my page,

Not well, my bitch askets.

That's how I felt, like, Wow, like it was so intentional.

Well yeah, I mean it was.

Like, I'm so happy with you. You make me breathe. Oh, like how we were just together two weeks ago, That's what it said. It was like you, It's like, I'm the happiest you. I'm at my happiest when i'm with you. I'm like, but you're just with me for a year.

Poor girl, she's just a pawn.

I think it was like even an old video. I don't even think it was a recent.

Videos to bring out of the like when they need to like pull some shit out to make someone jealous or believe they didn't get beat up, they do that.

It's crazy for sure.

So those are two different ways to break up, but I hope you can use one of them, probably ericas that was a good one. Any other questions you might.

Have some questions? Oh, we do we have questions in there. Oh oh, and we have a request someone wants to come in.

Hi.

Hi, You guys have a beautiful ah way, thank you?

So are you?

Thank you?

What's your advice question? What's your name?

Oh?

Janay right, what's your advice question? Jennay?

So I am really like going through it as far as making a huge life.

Decision, and I need your.

So my background has always been in like the business side of health care, but I've also done like production stuff, like production assistant camera.

Work, stuff like that.

And so even though our mayor sucks, they launched this like film workshop.

And they didn't pick me.

I wanted to be in the camera department and they didn't pick me, and I was devastated about it because it's something I really wanted to I don't do monotony.

Very well as far as schedule.

So I'm kind of at a cross because we're still in this pandemic bullshit, and I'm just like trying to figure out, Okay, should I go back to old faithful and work at health care job and you know, see if what the hell happens in five years with the world, or should I just try to be creative and figure shit out on the creative side on my own.

Well you know what we're gonna tell you. Girl, that's like a girl.

Well, I mean, okay, do you feel like you're in a position financially that you can you'll have like that you could be okay for a second so that you could do that, or is this are you risking it all?

Is this a risk? It risk at all? Decision?

It is a risk all. I guess that's the part I should have mentioned.

Like when I left my job in August, I was like the standard six seven months out as far as savings or whatever.

But now it's.

Getting tight, so like I'll be good this month, but next month, I'm like trying to figure out where my money is gonna come from. And I'm actually fighting with a client right now about my check. It's been a month since I work for them, and so I'm just like, do I want to kind of mess with my finances right now or do I just want to make sure that I have money for my bills next month? And moving forward into the season for production stuff picks up.

Okay, I think you may want to take maybe a part time job on some old faithful This is what I know, this is my trade. This is definitely gonna have a check type shit. And in the meantime you need to actively be I mean, like, are your mom your mom? Oh well, I'm real, I'll do it. Just do whatever you want, yeah, live your life, live on a couple of couches, a couple of noodles.

Shit.

I mean I feel like when you have to like do what you love, be happy. You know, your happiness is important, and I think when you lead with that, everything else kind of gets taken care of at some point. I mean, obviously you know what you have to do, but like I think, just tell a job. If you needed a waitress for a cup for a part time at night, that shit is always available. I did it for many years and made much money and I met a lot of people.

So like, I think you just have to also just like ask yourself a few questions. Am I really ready to like embark on this? Am I am I willing to sacrifice?

Am I?

Like?

You know, like because obviously even choosing the creative journey it's it's it's not for the faint of heart.

It's you know, but when you are living.

In your purpose and doing what you have to do, it doesn't matter because every time you show up for work, you're gonna feel at you're gonna feel activated, you're gonna feel ready to do it. And so I mean I'm a more like I believe that you should follow your dreams, but I also for me, like I need a little bit of like like the part time jobs that you think was is crucial. Like I feel like you needs to build like some stability so that you have the space to be creative.

You have space, yah, because if you're stressed in any in any job, there's if you make a lot of money or not. If you're stressed in any capacity, then it's not you're not going you're gonna have.

Stress, But it depends what kind of stress you're trying to have.

Like, yeah, survival stress, so I have somewhere to go tomorrow. Stress, that's just a dire stress that's on the high stress alert system. But I think it will come to you and you you know, and and all the moves will make sense in due time.

Yeah, can you like take a healthcare job that gives you a lot more flexibility, you know what I mean, like only work part time and then the other part of the time you're dedicated to your art and that's your job, and.

That's the thing I've like explored that.

There's been a few nights where it's like I can't sleep, so I'm like, let me see.

And I'm sorry about the keys because I know you.

All are recording, but most of the things that offered that flexibility that I'm yearning for require some type of clinician aspect and I was doing like consulting work and you know, stuff like that. So nothing as far as like cardiac tech or anything like that, so it kind of sucks in that regard.

Well, I think it will work out.

Bye, good luck, and thank you for joining our show today and we're sending you all the good energy for all of the things that you want.

Make a list, write it, write it, write it down, write it down.

I will thank you, Thank you.

Bye bye. You have to hang out because we don't know how that was fun. Okay, let's see if there's any other Do you stay married because it's comfortable, or divorce and find someone to connect with? Girl don't do anything because it's comfortable. If you're not happy, it's time to get the fuck on. We haven't. Oh, Willie Jones, he's so cute.

Hi.

You so fine, fine, fine looking, all cute. You're orange beanie. Good morning?

Where are you?

Are you back in Nashville yesterday?

Oh shit?

Come on, what are you doing tonight?

Meet us in Hollywood. We're gonna dmu our locations.

Okay, no more cool.

So you guys. I met Willie one night, like a month ago. I went to, Uh, what's the spot?

The sofa tel? They have the.

No?

Actually, WILLI? I met Willy the night before. I met Willy the night before, and I was wearing a jacket. Oh at Delilah. I was wearing a jacket with fringes on it. And I think he was wearing a jacket with fringe on it. And I was like, I like a jacket or something, and we had.

A Oh my god, I was drunk. Bro, I don't remember that you weren't with me?

Oh?

I was like, what, you weren't with me?

I met him separately the night before, and I just came up to him and went like this, I guess that was the That was the symbol of we are from the same tribe. And then we ran into him the night after a soft and said and he said merchant one with the jacket and I said yeah.

And then yeah, we had a deep cup. We did we did, which I'm still on the case. One of the reasons I am out here, but we can talk about that.

I'm glad. I'm glad to hear that, Willie. I'm really am How do you break up with someone?

I want to ask a man, how do how How have you broken up with women in the past?

Is it like, well, my first breakup was like it was high school. She was like my high school sweetheart and she moved away, and it was just it was in high school and yeah, and I just caught her on the phone and I was like, you know, I love you and we've been together for these years and I'll always be here for you, but this ain't working out. And then she was like but she she was real quiet at the time. She had just moved and she was like, well, who's gonna be my friend? And I

And I was like, yeah, not just do you want to break over here?

I was like, yeah, yeah I did.

Actually I do.

Never again.

Now. I like to communicate and talk, and I don't like to leave fuckers with like questions, especially when it's like disturbing the peace, and I'm like, I can offer you some kind of piece. I like to communicate now because that's just the easiest thing for me because if my whole stuff here, I start to forget how to dress, I forget.

How to dress.

It's true, fuck up your whole swag and fox all your shit up.

All right, Well, we'll see you tonight.

We're gonna hit you up tonight, okay, bibo.

Well I love what a nice guy.

When I met him, I just was like immediately like drawn to him. Yeah, you just started talking like straight up, had the deepest conversation, like right. I remember I was in the corner and y'all were over there, and I was like me and him were like yeah, I know.

I was like, are you sharing? I know? You're like, come here, come here, look at this picture. Oh my god. I've been trying to keep it sexy, and literally, Like a Kitten gets it poppin'. Every month, they sent a very special subscription box to your house. You don't have to leave the house, you don't have to park, you don't have to pick the shit out. It's perfect. They have lingerie little toys. Last week I got some nipple tassels, and that keeps the shit sexy as fuck. I know.

They even have a byob box aka build your own box girl. Last time, I got handcuffs, robes, massage, oils. Every category you can think of they have. Everything is within reach. And what's amazing is the box only costs seventy nine dollars and some of the vibrators are lone retail for seventy nine dollars, So the entire box of

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That's b l o O m nuu dot com Slash good Moms for fifteen percent off your purchase, You're welcome. I think we have some more advice questions. Let's see. Let's see, how do you keep it together if you're constantly ridiculed for something you didn't choose but just happens, like a pregnancy in a DNA test?

Wait?

What?

Wait? Does that's what it says?

The end?

Yeah?

Wait, okay, you say it again.

How do you keep it together when you're constantly ridiculed for something you didn't choose but just happens like a pregnancy in a DNA test. Oh, like someone's constantly ridiculing you by having about having to about getting pregnant and having to get a DNA test. I mean, shit happens. Boom, that's fuck them. I mean literally, Lesha got the DNA test. Some pitches just be like, is you well? You know,

Science said it was you boot.

I mean, what do you want for me? It's just this is what happened, and this is the result of what happened, and beat it. If you can't get with it because it's already happened, right, how can I build my confidence? I think I'm doing it right, then I feel like I'm not.

Well, That's that's the confidence journey. That's the confidence journey. It's you feel like you're getting ahead, and then you take a few steps back, and then you have to get there because you still haven't healed from there. And then you heal that part and then you move forward and go back and it's just like until one day you wake up and finally that part is healed.

Okay, so there's how to help my child to the soura sorrow of her forming of her father, forming a new family with a wife and a kid. She is devastated. Hmm.

I wonder how old she is. She might be a little bit older or who knows. But that's a really tough one, especially if you are also going through it too. Could you imagine like trying to.

Be there for your kid. And also, I mean you haven't, you haven't really experienced the whole thing, but like I mean a sibling.

Yeah, I mean I've definitely I've in my situation, my ex now has two kids with two different women, which was the first one was a complete shock and the second one was pretty much a shock as well.

We weren't together anymore. But it doesn't.

I would it'd be a lie, I said, It didn't terribly affect me, you know, and devastate me in a way, especially when you are like the first baby mama and you kind of I don't know, there's like this hierarchy, there's this like I'm the first. We've shared this thing together, this first together, we shared like we intentionally made this child together. Like that when it's when you're no longer alone on that island. It feels triggering, It feels egotistical.

Much, natch your crown.

I'm totally fine, guys, No, I know, I am, but it took me a long time to say that and be and say I am. You know, But for my daughter, I mean, I didn't really experience that. She was actually excited about it. She didn't really have a concept of what it meant because honestly, she doesn't remember us together, so it was just like daddy was having, you know, another baby. I think she always wants us, wanted, like she feels the love that we've shared, because I think

Or even if I mean even therapists, Like therapists offer a support for family therapy in ways that are not just like we're a happy family, but there are ways to like you know, include you know, for.

Sure therapy is crucial, but I think also like the family has to be kind to support her, Yeah, support her.

And if they don't, I mean I would say, don't try and overly overly compensate with like material things. I think sometimes parents do that if like one parent is missing or something is they're in order to fill that void, they like give a lot of shit. And I think sometimes it's just like offering the conversation, how are you feeling, checking in with them, giving them the opportunity to talk about it and let them know that their feelings are justified and.

Okay, and also.

Honestly, like I know, we want to protect our kids from everything, but this is real life shit, and she's going to have to like sometimes real life shit hits early. Sometimes it happens sooner than we want. That's life, you know, And I mean obviously support her and do all those things, but also she has to understand too, like this is life and things will, things change, and maybe there's beauty in it too, like I don't know. I don't know what the situation is on the other side, but I think it's.

Just it's life essentially.

Yeah, that reminds that there's another question about someone. How how long should you wait to introduce your kid to someone you're dating. She said she her daughter loves her dad so much and she thinks she'll be shady, And I mean, like that's another thing, Like, it's life. It's not super calculated. Unfortunately, there's no like universal age that makes it like or time. Six weeks, six months, you know, that is a perfect time to introduce someone. I think.

I mean, do you have male friends, because essentially that's what this person is. It's coming around to you know, and not immediately just hey, this is mommy's boyfriend all of a sudden, like you ease into that, you build the trust that she needs to know. Oh, this is someone that my mom can rely on. Oh this is my mom's friend. Okay, cool, and hopefully that you know,

Yeah, and it's like.

Automatically every man.

And that is not to say that we never have some That's not to say.

That everyone needs to meet my child. Okay, no, it's not to say that. But I think that we need to normalize our kids and our kids seeing us a just in different spaces with different people, and sometimes that includes to like male friends. And I'm sure that you have your kid around male friends, but you just don't associate it that way because you're not fucking them.

And like I introduced my kid to like two guys I dated in the last two years, and she liked them both a lot. And you know I hadn't. I had a weird like epiphany the other day when I was like in the car and I was like, I'm really grateful. I'm really grateful for those two guys, for like the role they played in her life. And like even though it didn't work out on both like occasions and we don't talk and whatever, but like they were

You're overwhelmed to have a lot you got to do and you.

Have and you have. When you have a lot you need to do, go for.

A walk, post it, post its and then like what is priority? Go for a walk, put your feet in the grass immediately and yeah ground also sometimes just call it call it a on the fucking day.

You can't win them all.

Okay, pur ly, b I'll give you a moment. Let's read another one.

And I got peep someone seid a planner. I've never been able to use a plan, I lose them. I have like twelve I can't.

I have twelve notebooks and twelve planners, all with separate notes that make no sense. I'm in therapy, but my parents also need it. How do I encourage them to get help and tell them in therapy without offending them? M oh girl?

And not everybody's gonna go on the therapy journey with you, Boom, Like you can, like, obviously you can. What you could do is if you can try invite them to your therapy session first, maybe say like make them feel like you're bringing them in to like, you know, talk to them about something, and then you know, take it from there.

Yeah. Sonny also asked that kind of goes with this question, is Hi, Sonny, how to start repairing a relationship with your mother who plays the victim all the time. My mom plays a lot of victims. But you know, it's really about being patient, being patient and like dabbing in seeing if she how righty she is? If you ain't, I'm I'm kind of ducking out. You just kind of like where are you right now? And you know, me and my mom are in a good place and I'm happy,

An opportunity to lead by example almost and an interesting show her like this is how I want to be treated. Yeah, And remember that time I did that? Mom, Why can like do.

That for me?

Can you show? Yeah? So I was just like calm and it is difficult, like just the patience is a constant, like exercise at exercising how much you can grow your patients. That was big of you.

Wow, I don't know. I don't know if I had that in me, any of it to get that, I need to get that.

Yeah, I mean, I think a part of being like a child as an adult is that you begin to, especially in this generation, you begin to parent your parents and you kind of realize that they're unhealed and that they've made mistakes because they don't know shit really, you know, just like we don't know shit, like there there are our vessels are aging, but like sometimes your mind doesn't necessarily evolve, and like a lot of times, you know, if you're not pushing for that and that and you

It's true. Wow, that was really deep.

But also what's stuck with me when you said that was the pushing for it, because I feel like even the most evolved people have to continue like pushing to grasp more, to understand more, you know what I mean. So many people just stop or they don't even they're like this is good enough, Like there's a lot going on. I'd rather not let's just like stay here.

It's uncomfortable, like it's I don't want to be different growth.

It's so uncomfortable. It's so annoying.

Because you get you get comfortable and being angry, you get comfortable and being mad, you get comfortable and being at being defensive, you get comfortable taking things personally, just like you get comfortable and being in a miserable marriage and not and blaming the other person instead of taking responsibility for your life and for your shit and from saying like I'm cool, like you get comfortable and all of that sadness and the not evolving, and it's like both are hard though.

Mm hm, but once you but I mean, it's so worth it. But it's just it's not easy. It's not easy to get over there.

No, it's not. Oh someone said they love what these queens. I love what y'all queens do? I think we need more of it? Keep on going? Thank you were going, baby going? Should I tell my friend how to tell? Should I tell my friend how to tell her? I've just been ignoring it, but he keeps progressing. They just got married last year after bringing together eleven years. Wait, I think I saw some of this story. This is

Your friend's husband and you're and you're you're married, she's married.

She's married, and she tells her husband what I think you need to join? I can't I can't decode this, Frederick, but I do need to know.

How do you deal with anxiety without putting the energy off on your kid?

Who girl, take away And.

You're not gonna win the mall. You're not gonna win it all every time. You're gonna fail. But the fact that you're even aware of it is step one. Because some people just have no self awareness and are just constantly just being.

Mean to their kids because they have anxiety and are stressed out.

I mean to be honest, like kids are super loud and annoying, and so the noise level doesn't really help with the anxiety. But this is very healthy that you notice like this is my this is a personal problem, and actually all this shit really doesn't need to get done right now, and actually I need to just tend to my child and be kind and patient and sit like put my phone away and you know, at least you's realizing that you're doing it, and apologize.

I think also what helps me in those moments is really just being present and knowing that this moment, that where we are right now, this age that she's in, this this innocence that she possesses. I'm not, but one day I'm gonna wish I could be back here in this moment and wish I could have like done it better for her, I know.

And then that gives me.

Because now she's off in the world, not giving a fuck, doing whatever the fuck she wants, not calling me, and she's in Europe, fucking abroad in college and I don't know where she's at, And all I could wish was that I just would have paid attention to her when she was eight and wanted to fucking you know, build a ginger breadhouse.

I know.

I think about that all the time. I'm like, one day she's gonna be like a teenager and I'm gonna look up and I'm gonna be like, oh my god, whatever I was working on Instagram was not important, and it's not. And it's just like, yeah, that shit haunts me and that she's never gonna be And even looking at her now, I'm like, you're so tall, you're gonna

Also weed we also weed, weed is kind of crucial if you don't smoke.

It, consider it.

Or maybe eat it, eat it, smoke it, rub it on. I don't know, do do something supplements?

Oh my god, we finally got a video request not thank you, Eric. I don't want to repeat the cycle of me and my mom's rinaldo. Who's Ronaldo.

Hip?

Okay, so I'm obviously like naturally co signing everything you girls are staying. But like I really want to talk about, even like with self awareness and just like awareness of like human beings and yourself and life, why do friendship breakups still fucking hit even.

As you get older.

I'm like in my thirties, and anytime it happens, even though deep down I'm like I knew it about this bitch, I just know it, it's still like I don't know, it hurts. That shit hurts harder than like, you know, intimate breakups with like people you're romantic with.

I think, because first of all, it doesn't matter how fucking self aware evolved any of that shit. Like you still have feelings. You know, everybody has feelings, and you have to feel them. That's why they're called feelings. There's nothing like that means you someone told me like that means you're human. You know, if you stop feeling shit, then what the fuck like, then you're some fucking sociopath.

Recently, like oh, I'm like wait, hold on, you know what that shit did really hurt and pissed me off.

You know why I think it is It was.

Just as you're asking this question, I was like, oh my god, this is is only okay.

I don't want to say this is true for me, but it is a little bit true.

Is it because we expect men to leave, whereas like like romantic partners will expect to expire, but friendships we like hold in this other regard where like when it does, we're like, what the fuck, Like you're you're not supposed to leave, Like I'm not even fucking me.

I don't know.

I feel it's weird too. I feel it's weird too, depending on the friendship, right.

Not weird, but like in my my friendships, I like to like pursue it and treat it the same way I would like an intimate relationship, you know what I mean, Like the same importance, the same love on different levels obviously, so it just like hurts extra.

It just hurts extra.

And I find too, when you're older, people can be shistier.

So like you would think it's.

Like a breakup and it's done whatever, but then like you know, they're going out of their way to be friends with your friends now, and like they're.

Popping up where you popping up, and it's like I've been.

Crying over you for days, girl, like and you're just trying so hard to like be close to the people that I'm close with, so.

Like you know what I mean.

So anyways, that's like my thing lately is like my my younger cousin was telling me about this like bad friendship breakup. She had and I was like, girl, I wish I could tell you it gets better, but it actually.

Gets Wait, I didn't realize this is a real Is this like an epidemic that's happening, Like, I don't know.

I think, I don't know.

I haven't had that many friendship breakups. I think, like, I don't, really, I don't. Maybe you are more of a friendly bitch than I am. And I have lots of friends, but I don't I generally have like my my friends. Of course, I've made friends throughout even throughout this our journey and podcasting, but I don't know.

I haven't had that many friendship breakups.

I had one recently, which was but I kind of knew that was coming. And I know the type of bit she was, you know you ah, yeah, I know the type of bit she was. It didn't make me.

I was pissed, but usually, you know what usually the thing is being self aware and being older, is that when it happens, you're just like, yeah, that bit, like you do know. Like like prior to the beginning of me and Erica starting this podcast, I had a pretty

Yeah, yeah, I don't want it to be a problem for me.

I feel that it's just like something that came up for me recently, and I'm like, seriously, like I don't even have time to grieve with this right now. I'm just so busy, like I'm a mom, like what And then it's worse when your friends are kids too.

It's just a whole thing.

And I'm like really like but like you said, like people show their ass, see the signs.

And I used to be like that too, Like I had the one of the friends. It was a little bitch. Our kids were friends and like all these fun things together. But thankfully my baby daddy maintained that friendship and I don't have to, but like I had, I just had to release that too, like I'm sorry, I can't. I can't fucking help your friendship because we're not friends anymore. My bad Like can't do it. Sorry, my piece is more important than yours. I make the rules. You don't have a.

Car, yeah, yeah, true, true, No. I appreciate you all feedback, like obviously, like I'm good and stuff, but it's always just some shit that is at the back of my mind and like this person pops up and it's just like why are friendship break up the fucking worst.

Because they heart just like regular breakups. It's just loving people and then uncoupling from them. Is is hard because you're in routine and you're used to calling them every day or every other day, texting them. There's things you start to do together. It's more about breaking the routine, honestly, because the time away eventually the time separates you any fucking way.

This is also like advice.

Like I would take for a relationship even though I'm married, you know, like just apply that same ship to everybody, just the same way. I love my friends the same way with like a romantic partner, you know, like you show up for your friends like that, just it happens. You cook for them, you clean for them, you wipe their ass if they get a BBO, Like.

You're a good friend, are you?

If I ever get that, I'm calling you, Okabbage, I mean I'm gonna.

Heal an Autowa.

I'm coming to Ottawa to get my BBL.

I found a great BBL doctor.

You know what, I might as well just do the BBL myself too.

I'll give you guys, oh a surgeon.

No no, no, She's like literally, I have a whole group chat happening today about like happening in my phone currently real time while.

We've been on here dollar it's only ten thousand.

My friend is like, this is the ass I want?

Well, I'm already researching Texas in Houston and Mexico.

No wait, first it first it started out as a workout like motivation, like I want this ass. Yeah, let's go to the stairs. And then I don't wear the doctors.

It went from like meet me on this hike to let's just get asses.

Let's just buy asses.

It's so funny, you know what.

It was an intense incline from working out to BBL, but you're scared to get that for the most part.

So they do like the cupping, you know, like the section.

How long does that last? That's only last like a one hour.

I don't know, but I've seen.

Like the results right after, and it takes a few weeks to heal, and honestly, it looks terrible.

I feel like it's not good for your blood vessels. That can't be healthy. That can't be I mean, I don't think either are.

Neither are great.

Yeah, we need to be proud of our little butts, medium butts, like all the booties just get a little jiggle in it if you can, even if it's flat and like call it a day.

Shake some do some squats whatever.

Yeah, I agree. I mean, this is the body you got, you know, take care of it, love it, you know. Yeah, I agree. I think I across all like spectrums, I think that's generally what it should be. If this is how you got here, should probably keep it exactly.

I agree.

But also I have fake boobs, so I was like, I agree, but also, my tits are fake boobs.

Everything he has you should keep, unless.

It's just boobs, because my tits are not real, but everyone else be natural.

They look so real. I'm like talking like I know you in person.

No, but I I think do it. I think.

I agree that we need to normalize just being comfortable with who the fuck we are.

But I also agree with do whatever the fuck you want.

Yeah, but also don't be mad when I make fun of you because you look fucking ridiculous.

Damn.

Just you know, go with your your own risk. That's all I'm gonna say.

All in always, I don't agree with those little ass thighs and those big dumb diaper booties. We at least proportion them, bitches. Come on, tell the doctor to proportion the hips to the ass or else you're gonna look dumb. It's you look like a Christmas turkey.

Yeah, that's like.

And also I see a lot of like younger girls get.

It, which is fine, Like you know, do you?

But you don't realize how much your hormones change as you like leave your twenties and get into your thirties, and like I swear to.

God, like your hips get bigger, your your teaeties get bigger, like sometimes it happens.

So just wait, just wait a second.

But I'll let somebody else join. I love this so much, Thank you, ladies, and I'll keep.

Listening in I have a fourteen year old boy who is growing through this pandemic.

It's so different to try to relate to him.

Ideas, God, I don't even know how I'm supposed to relate to a boy, a fourteen year old boy.

In a pandemic. That's tough. I think for sure, get him into like other like social activities together, like maybe try something new to get for the first.

Time, something that he wants to do that he's into.

Like fencing. I don't know why I thought of that.

Ben is that the most delicate masculine sport you could take up, like fencing.

It's violence, but it's classy. Yeah, cla classy violence.

You know we both can get.

Yeah, that would be fun.

I mean what boy wouldn't do that? Okay, well maybe like the break room breakroom, like breaking ship. There's those rooms where you can break shit all over. I think boys would like that.

Race car driving, risk your life, basically risk your life.

Oh, I know, skydiving. I mean, like what boy would be like? Yeah, I want skydiving with my mom. Get a tat too, Oh yeah, I get hit that too. These are terrible. Why would you ask for a parenting get but you know we're not there, We're not four two. I don't know.

We'll check back in seven years.

I thought those were good ideas. Maybe we were rafting. Maybe just go on a trip.

We were raffed, okay, I think.

We don't know what kind of mommy you are? You are your adventure enough for that.

Maybe teach him how to drive? Go take him and take him, teach him how to drive. Go like that be your thing.

Like a road trip.

Once a week, you guys go and like drive in the parking lot somewhere where he can feel like you're giving your trust, You're you're giving him his trust, you're spending time, he's feeling in control.

I don't know. I think I don't know. I think that would be a good one.

I was gonna say something because I remember, you know what it is.

I was thinking, Okay, I don't know what you're gonna say.

I shouldn't say. Okay.

Well, I was thinking about like my dad, like me and my dad, like how we One of the ways that we bonded was that like he would let me. He would go to Texas and he would let me go out into the field like back country and shit.

And drive his truck.

And I was probably like eight seven or eight maybe, but like it was fun for me.

I felt like I was bonding. I felt like he trusted.

Me and I trusted him, and we were in this together and it was like obviously I was younger, but I still think even a fourteen year old, like they're starting to feel like not starting the probably been feeling like they want to be independent. They want to feel like they are in control of their life in a way, And I think that could be cool.

That's true. You feel like there's some independence in that. Yeah, Hi, ladies, what are your thoughts on single motherhood by choice? This is miss Missy Kamala. I'm thirty four, financially stable, good support system from my family, but trash dating life. I have success, I have access to IVF, and I'm debating whether or not to go ahead with it. I think it's hard right, Like to me, thirty four is not like you're not at the You're not at the last

I would like him.

Do what you want to do for yourself. I mean, if that's what you if you feel like you're ready right now, And I don't know, I feel like that's a really personal choice that only you can really answer. I think that me, I agree with Mila that like you're I mean, obviously, go to the doctor, do the things you need to do. But I think if love is what you would prefer, and that's kind of what you're hoping hoping for, like, then go freeze your eggs and keep dating.

I don't know.

I just I feel like, God, there's so much pressure on women to like feel like they need to be parents too. I mean, not specifically this person who wrote in because I'm you know, I'm sure that you truly do. But I think often like it feels like you haven't. I feel like society makes you feel like you haven't completed your mission on Earth unless you's like been a mother of some sort.

Yeah, that's very true. I think a lot of women's, a lot of women's expectation of themselves to have families and children may have come from society and we don't even realize it because like that's the only way, like most of the way we see women in any media format, like grown Women minus like Sex in the City and the whole show was about Carrie finding a fucking man is about like, you know, like either you have a husband,

Adoption?

Auntie traveling without traveling at the drop of a dime, without ever having to check in with anyone, doing whatever the fuck you want every single moment of the day, not paying for two people eating all your food, it being only your food and no one else can eat your food because it's your fucking food and no one des.

There to take it.

No no loud noises to make I mean not to say, if you're sick.

And like not feeling well, you have a headache, and someone's like, you said you're an make me tea. You said you're gonna make me tee, said you're gonna make me tea. I'm hungry, I'm hungry. I need a snack.

I mean, just really, you think about it, think real long and hard about it. It sounds cute until it's here. And don't get me wrong, my daughter is like the sole purpose of everything. It's She's really the inspiration behind even just sitting here right now.

But shit, just make sure you are ready because yeah, especially alone, that is, there's no one else there. I mean, hopefully someone else gets there. But you know what I'm saying, what is the mom and son sexual connection real? I know there is an unbeakable bond, but it is. But is it rooted in sexual connection? It's been studied. Is

That most girls feel this way.

It's just I feel like it's a like a a standard that they put to exemplify the intimacy and like in how we develop as children into adults, just like you know, you say you may date someone that's similar to your father. It's just the psychology around the first

I'm trying to google it, and all coming up is why kids kill parents?

Like, oh shit, I'm trying to sound smart, but I can't remember the fucking the fucking man who made this theory. But no, there's definitely intimacy, Like there's a form of intimacy, but it's obviously not I don't think it's sexual and I think as a child you don't understand the difference, so the lines are blurred. But there is no really sexuality because you're just a kid.

I want when I was like your kid.

Like wanting to like like touch your tits all the time.

Yeah, I mean, it's just like a form of intimacy and sensuality. When I was five, I thought I should kiss my dad with tongue because I saw my mom do it.

Okay I did.

I didn't warn him. I was just like in my mind, Okay, so this is the only thing I could think of, because this is the true thoughts of my five year old self, and it was like, huh, maybe I should try that. I didn't say let me should talk to him about it first. I was like, let me just try it and see is that was that what's supposed to happen? Because I saw it happen. It was just like trial and error. So I just was like and he was like, what are you doing? No, no, all right,

Thanks for thanks for sharing that, babe. I really appreciate that. I'm so glad that you got that up.

I'll never forget it. I just was like, oh no, okay. I don't think he yelled at me. He was just like, what are you doing? Oh my god?

This must have been a fucking hilarious moment as a parent. Can you imagine?

I wonder if he remembers. I wonder if I should ask him. Maybe.

Some one said, can you speak about rebuilding relationships after narcissist abuse?

Oh?

Wait, hold on. It's based on let's ask toy because she's young and smart. It's based on Odipus Rex, who was orphaned then fell in love with his mom, who didn't know who he didn't know was his mom. It's a Greek story. Okay, so I think there's also a study to Okay, now, what are you saying? Sorry, I don't know.

Someone would just said, how do you build relationships after, you know, being in a narcissistic abusive relationship?

I think it takes a lot of self work, loan work. It takes a lot of a loan work, A lot of a loan work. I mentioned last. I don't know in one of these episodes. Oh, I think today's episode. I mentioned on today's episode if you haven't listened, and now's the time that I was hanging out with an old relationship and I was like, what the fuck was I thinking? This is crazy? This is abuse? Why was I taking this? And it was just like an epiphany.

Also check out our episode with Megan Doherty. She's a narcissist expert, loved bomb m D. He leaves her Instagram. Is there a foot person in here?

Uh?

Huh?

Oh?

Should we Erica got my feet famous? Because Eric's feet or famous? This is not a good Check out my wiki page. If you're on Patreon, you will see see am my feet clean on the bottom. Oh oh mine, Okay, that was for you too, man or woman. I don't know, Okay, I think that's enough. Oh yeah, okay. Toy is so smart. Okay, shout out to Tory because she's my favorite, one of our favorite listeners for our og listeners. She said, the

Well,