Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife. She couldn't She cleaned and cared for her children and the man of the house, and of course she didn't talk back. She was both obedient and soft by nature. She was a good woman who always made good choices.
That we're good mom's bad choices. Who single mom who said fuck the patriarchy, shared all their bad choices and found out they were so bad after all, we're experts, overshares and your new besties.
Sit back and enjoy the ride.
I can.
Welcome back to good Mom's bad choices. I'm Erica and I'm Meila. Happy Humpty bitches, Happy motherfucking humpday. We're back back on the couch. You can't hanging in the hume girl anyall?
Was she kind of dressed like a genie in that music video or that another video. I feel like she had a video where she had like her I don't know why she was in the desert in that video. I think like the red puffs.
Like, oh, I think right, that's the way I love goes.
No red puffs weren't there then, Okay, anyway, we've been getting sidetracked like a motherfuck I look like a genie, which is why I'm asking these questions.
Am I Janet? Now? I didn't know where you're going with that. I want to be Janet for Halloween.
Maybe I need to write this down right the fuck now, I need to be red puff Janet, like you know Janet, where you're like, I know who that is.
You're gonna cut your hair off. It's called a wig, bitch.
Oh you can get a red puff wig? Yeah, Janet? And who knows what my hair will be in October? Who knows it might be a little bit longer. Red Puff Janet Jackson, Red Puffs Halloween, I had a good one. I always forget, so I have to write them down and in the moment so that I don't forget.
I think I need to embrace wigs. Yeah you do.
I'm going to in my hair cutting journey, I did that. I was going back down his like during down short hair road, and I was.
Like, god damn.
I was wearing a lot of bad wigs though, I mean they weren't bad. It's just like, you know it's a wig.
It wasn't bad.
It was just like you know that it's a wig. There's no way around the wig.
I actually was looking back at the pictures and I saw some wig pictures and I was like, I kind of missed that way. There's like seven hundred pictures of me, Like it's like, okay, you're feeling.
There was a few where I was like, wow, I could have worn that more time. This one was from Amazon unfortunately, but yeah, wow, why I'll.
Be having them too. I gotta do you remember when I got that wig from Wow?
I remember the hair piece is the wig win?
I had a whole wig from.
Not the way the other day you wore the fell after on the episode Right, it's my favorite.
It's like it's like it was it was in the twenty twenty twenty. Oh my god. You know what?
The first one I ever bought was a Vivica Fox wig in her she has a whole bitch.
Yes.
One night I was in Harlem drunk with Ashley. Were just roaming around. There was some wig shop open and we went in there just trying on wigs, drunk as hell, and I was again in crisis thinking.
I was like, I need to cut my hair.
I'm cut it short, and so I was like, I want to try I want to experiment with a Bob and so I was looking for bobs and shit, I fucking found Vivica Fox shout out tanty viv her wig collection and I looked at those pictures recently, bitch, I looked like fucking Justin Bieber or like Dance Moms or some shit. It was early on in my wig journey.
I didn't realize like texture matter, and I was like, it's just straight, no, bitch, it needs a little crinkle in that straight, bitch for it's like your head of hair, Bob might be cute.
Okay this you know? Yeah, I want to play more with my my look.
Just a little mini bangs.
You like that look?
Yeah, that's end right now. The mini bang is coming back ba a mini bang wig like those like twenties. Yeah, and it's so cute when black girls have the mini bang.
I fucking love it. Yeah, like the mini bang, the mini bang, the mini Bang. I just like that mini bang. Days I saw I found a picture of me with a mini bang.
I was like, do I need to wear a minibang like I saw the mini bang and it was cute.
You have to commit to the mini bang, though, No, you don't. You don't sure?
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, we're not cutting her. I did you see me try to encourge j Ashley to get a minibang in the group chat. I said, the minibang is coming back, bitch, I thought she was going to do.
She would look so cute with a mini bang. She would go crazier than anything.
It would grow back in like two weeks. Yeah, it grows fast. It's not like a long term commitment unless you have curly hair. Because I did try to cut my own curly minibang and like cut too much and then it was like a fucking little afro puff in the front of my head. So curly girls, beware, you don't know and most definitely don't do it wet definitely don't do it at home, I thought, because I've been cutting my hair for so long, it's like I know
how to do this shit. No, bitch, you don't. So anyway, I'm high already.
I know me too. Anyway, this episode, since it's February, and in February we celebrate love and black love and all of the wonderful things. And since we're experts, you heard us talk about our expertise, and we have a variety of expertise. Is and one of them is being all very researched, seventy plus years, seventy plus years of research and development over seven combined forty million hours of hoh shit, responsible, shit, fuck shit, and everything in between.
So we've did it for you. We've done it for you, which is the beauty of this podcast. If you're just joining us, so you just came in the most recent months or years, I encourage you to go all the way back to the beginning, because we've been doing this almost a decade, and eight years ago we were in. We were really you just I.
Need you to chill with the words decade we've almost stop.
I can't I'm trying.
I can't believe you said that loud.
Okay, you're right, you're right. Okay, what are you talking about? You're right, right, you're right. Do you want to telling experts or not? Yes?
I just it's just crazy, it's just insane. It's it's because it's the truth. It's not a lie. We are experts. But ten years god damn, wow, Okay, sorry, go on doing this for eight years and no, just no, a decade. We've been doing it for almost almost a decade, and I don't need to know the specifics.
During this We're almost a decade. We're experts. We've done the developmental research for you field. We were in the field doing ho shit so that we could come back and delve. You don't have to, but you still do it.
You still gotta do it. But now you know you can do it.
I won't know how, like the best way to do it possible. If you're gonna do host shit, the best route possible. So this episode is brought to We're two experts giving you single moms and single dads, single parents everywhere that might just be coming back into the dating sphere. We're here.
We're gonna get you together.
We're gonna speed you up, We're gonna get you. We got five tips for each of you. Okay, so I'm ensued to listen closely. If you are a single mother, single father, single human, I don't really give a fuck wedge you identify it the day that I don't get you out here.
Your single you got kids. The experts have some tips for you.
Yes, the beginning of the year, trying to get your feet wet. You know you're ready to go back. Let's just start with the prep. Let's just start with the ready. Are you ready? Are you bitch?
Are you ready?
Like?
Are you sure?
Are you sure? Is this a good time? Did you just finish something? Do you still is your heart still in another place? Are you still trying to get like your groundings, trying to figure out you and your kids' schedule and survival? Are you in survival mode? Then maybe you need to not date.
Yeah. I think that that's often when we're most vulnerable. And I think that if you're in survival mode, it's just it's not a good time because you're going to be looking to be saved, and then your choices are a bit cloudy because you're in survival mode. And also it's not even survival mode, like let's just move into just do you have capacity? Because obviously we're all parents are past is low. It's never going to be perfect. You're not just necessarily gonna have this wide open space
ready for love and ready for dating. But there is like an emotional I feel like capacity of like are you able to like really take on someone else's energy and shit? Because that is what dating is, whether you're dating or committing to a relationship, which I feel like, first you need to are we just dating or are we actually committing? What are we Doing's the what's the trajectory?
You need to be clear about what you're entering into the dating world, requesting and needing, And if you just got out of something, it's probably you should just be dating. Casually dating is what they call it.
But you know what, that's a slippery slope for some people listening because some people listening don't know how to do that. People, I would say, so many people do not know how to casually date. They are always like kind of waiting for the next thing.
Well, that's what I was gonna say, love or relationships or rather people are a drug. And I think people kind of remove that that problem as an addiction. But sometimes you are addicted to people. You're addicted to someone being there, You're addicted to a warm body because being without someone is removing you know, space, like removing space and conversation that you'd have to think about your fucking self,
and so it's an avoidant. So I think sometimes yeah, like are you just fucking are you fucking to date? Are you just dating? You're trying to make friends?
And like what you were saying is like to like, if you've just come out of a relationship. You're looking for someone to fill avoid and heal something that maybe that whoever left wide open for you. But also like you're gonna be disappointed. You're gonna disappointed because I hate to break it to you, like people are not that's not that's not what they can do. That's not. I feel like there's things that they can tend to, but ultimately the root and the cause have to be tended to buy.
You and long term that that same person that you thought was saving you is gonna get your fucking nerves. Most importantly bad, real bad, real bad. Oh my god. And I've done it. I've done it. I've shown myself do it looking back, like in survival mode in twenty twenty, thinking the world maybe's gonna end finding a nice guy who had a good job and trying to really make
it something that it was not. But like he just had the basic makings of a nice guy with a face that I could handle, big enough dick a job, you know, it was the basics. Wanted more ready to settle down, and I needed a place to say the truth is, I needed stability. I needed something strong and foundational in my life, and so I gravitated towards it, and then you know what, he got in my fucking nerves because it just wasn't it. It wasn't it, and I knew that, but I was really trying to be like,
Buddy's got all the foundation, and that never works. So dating for survival is not what we recommend do that don't do it.
This is for the women and the men.
And sometimes it requires that you do the hard thing and the uncomfortable thing, especially if you're just getting out of a relationship with someone you like cohabitated with. The uncomfortable thing is to stay home alone. The uncomfortable thing is to make dinner for yourself. The uncomfortable thing is to just settle into it and watch a movie alone. But the truth is like once you start to do that,
it gets so fun. Turn on some music, light some candles, bring energy into your house, like dance, you know, like, don't get afraid of the silence, just make it your own environment. And I think I see so many people be afraid of that part, which is so strange because you'll be in your house with the motherfucker and be miserable because they're existing and when you can just exist alone, so you know, and then it's like the little winds
taking out the trash, cooking a meal. Maybe that wasn't your thing when your relationship, you know, speaking of this, you know, the couple that broke up recently, everybody's going crazy over husband and Sarah Sarah.
I want Sarah to come on the show.
I do too. I saw her. I saw her shopping and her mink coat.
Yeah. I feel like, I'm so interested in who she is when she's not like wucking with her husband.
I know, like, who are you?
Like? I feel like we're going to see in the She said, she're gonna see different side of hers, which.
Is I think she's really brave because I was like, I could never walk her on the supermarket and a fur coat with a microphone and she like, h just doing my blog. That's probably my problem, part of the problem, but I'm like, that's brave to me.
Yeah, wait, what were you you were saying?
Oh, I was just saying, just like they recently broke
up and you're now seeing her in the supermarket. It was just not obviously it was not her role before, and like, you know, doing these things for the first time, which I think it's going to be really good because I think people actually need to see it and hear it, and like just because that's a scary part when you haven't done something like that on your own, and you know, you feel like it's easier to do it because you have support in doing of somebody, even if you kind of hate them a little.
I would imagine it made me think of of like also because she's a beautiful woman, and I'm sure that and she has a lot of attention on her so while you're healing, and then also so many eyes on you, so much attention being thrown at you made me think of just even like relating it back to just a regular non influencer person woman, Like a lot of times when you come out of a relationship, like there might be someone there waiting for you, and it's like having
the discernment to say, hey, I'm not ready right now, and not just hopping back into something because it feels good or it feels safe because hey, you know this guy or this or.
That checking a box that the other guy didn't check.
Or I mean, yeah, I just like because I feel like those type of opportunities come more times than you think, which is why then you see people always getting into a relationship well because niggas have got options, you know what I'm saying.
And it's like having.
The the confidence and they the patience and okayness with uncomfortability to be able to even say to someone like, hey, I'm really I think I am interested in you, but like, let me just get my shit together for a second, and that person will still be there if that starts to be, you know what I mean, And trusting that love isn't escaping you the moment that you decide to step away from someone and now you need to replace it, like you actually have more space for love now, and
so when love comes walking on your door, don't don't be surprised. But also just having taking a second to really think, am I ready for that? You know? And like have I learned those lessons? Am I replacing something?
Because one of the things that has come up constantly for me in relationships as someone who loves love and loves partnership, but also as healing is thinking is even the most like person that's introspectable thinking that he thinking that a partner can come and like somehow finish the job for.
You, you know what I mean?
Yeah, And it shows up over and over and it's taken me this long to realize, oh, this is my responsibility. I mean, knowing that some of these things are my responsibility, but thinking, but if I had love, then this would be better, and then this would be and some of those things are, but it's generally not the thing that is.
You know that One more thing I was going to say about that is also if you were like in a loveless relationship or a loveless marriage, or like a sexless marriage and you just can't wait to get back out there, that's one thing. But also no being even intentional with that because eventually that also will get old.
But you know, I mean, and of course, get your feet wet and get your attention on and remember who the fuck you are, but just doing it with you know, a little bit more maturity intention and keeping in mind that re entering the dating space as a parent, it's a little gives you a little a different perspective. I think, actually hate me the book because I'm gonna roll up. I'm gonna roll a blackwood, roll up the backwood, baby. And then are we at number two? Mm hmm, number two?
We have So if you are gonna step out and you are gonna put yourself out there. You think you're ready for dating that kind of sorry, is it ready? Or no?
No, No, that's not the one. That's not the one.
Okay, what kind of backwood are we smoking today?
We might not be smoking any, but you got one. You need to moist it up. You're gonna have to moist it up for sure. Oh, dial, we've got one banana Foster's no nola, no banana Foster's backwood.
If you hold this napkin and I take and I take this water, together, you can work as a team to reignite backward and bless it, bless.
Thy back baptized, bapotized, bless the daughter and the goddess spirit. I revive you, I babe, you.
Said, oh, the feminine essence.
Thank you Lord. I think she's coming back. I feel it. I feel it coming. The backwood is being revives. He's a resurrected m h the more I got, no more. You got some of that water bottle over there? You just dip the Oh you have that water bottle?
M hmm. Okay, it's okay, baby. Sometimes we need a round two. Sometimes it's been such a dry spell, such a dry season, you've got to juice it up a little bit, you know, kind of like your dating life that you're about to enter it. Okay, kind of like that dry dating life you're about to end to because
you're entering into your juiciest season yet. Because if you're ready, if you are finally ready to date differently as a single mom, it's time to step outside of your comfort zone and date different types of people.
So that brings us to number two. Step out of your comfort zone and be open minded and forget this exact image of whoever you thought it was going to be. He might show up a little bit different, not in core values or feeling how you're going to feel. But maybe he's clothes or not exactly as you imagine that, Maybe his wardrobe is a little bit more eccentric.
Things can be changed when it comes to clothing or not.
Maybe maybe you.
Just learn to love you learn to love him, just like he's going to learn to love you. So you're not perfect. I hate to break it to you. I know someone told you you're perfect. They all do if you're not. And we have to accept people for where they're at and what they're doing. And love them through that because trust me and the relationship, you're gonna be forced to do that no matter what, whether he's wearing a crop top or whatever the fuck Puma Rihanna shoes or anything.
Else, Puma Rihanna shoes.
Don't worry about it anyway. You're gonna have to accept some shit. So pick your battles.
Pick your battles is right. And it's just also like where do like, where do those beliefs come from? Why do you think men can't wear crop tops? Wasn't saved by the bill, but it was just, you know, whatever, whatever the fuck. But there's a difference here between being open and going against what you know you don't like, don't go against what you know for a fact, you can't handle long term wardrobe. It's rather minor. I mean, I guess some people it's more up on the the
scale of priority. But something that could be can be molded. But like something like what is something that would you say? It's not something to compromise, like, well, your lifestyles, Matt, lifestyle is important lifestyle and long term goals. If he or she hates to travel and you love to travel, probably not going to work. You don't want to travel with somebody, do you her water? It's gonna need a little bit more proud of us, Look at us.
We're backwoods practitioners.
To the rest of our expertise. Join seventy years life backwards. I am a backwards practitioner. This is a couple drops a little more letters. Just let it sit there for a second. Just let ruminate, ruminate, rhemitate, remedy, rmany.
This one's going to be good.
She's vintage, it's been, it's been seasoned.
Vintage, and she's wise. We smoke this weed. We're gonna have wise words from old witch, an.
Old witch, old old tree. This tobacco plant was old and wise, and it was a woman. I could tell by the way the leaves are rolling on my fingers, like I feel like coming back. Yes, good mother, we're going to smoke you for your wisdom.
Speaking of wisdom. Number three on this list is avoiding open or polydynamics. I love our notes. Avoid open and polydynamics not mandatory just because it's twenty twenty. This is for those you don't got to be gay because it's twenty twenty six.
Witch, you gotta be gay.
You don't gotta be don't got to be gay, gay and Polly.
But you don't have to. If you're gay, it's fine, You're still cool.
If you're not gay, Okay, I know that it seems like, you know, you seem more about that, life, seem more open available, you have some you know, you've had some like experiences in your life. If you're gay, then it just makes you feel like you've've really done some shit, You've been through some shit. All these types of people.
I know, everybody seems gay and everybody's fitting in and being Polly, but you don't have to.
You don't have to do that.
If you've been in a relationship for a long time, you're just getting back into the world. I know it feels overwhelming. Everybody's open by Pollie.
You know what I would say, though, But if you are gay and you are Paully and that is their lifestyle, like maybe just wait to do that with the person. Get y'all shit together first, especially if you're a new single mom and you want to try things great, then just date. Don't date for love, just have go have some motherfucking.
Fun, because essentially being Pollie and having fun, I feel like are synonymous a little bit. I know there's like more of like structure to it, but not you know, disrespecting anyone's dynamics. But I also think that, yeah, I think conquering just casual dating first before going into a dynamy. And you know what I will say from Erica nine, both we both said after our relationships with our baby daddies that we were for sure going to be open style.
We're gonna be relationships that are open style, because we realized other styles didn't work because we were in loveless monogamous relationship.
And we have needs and we have wants and desires too, so fuck.
We didn't We didn't want to be limited, and so it felt like this was the only dynamic that would work. But the truth is we're not. We're both in monogamous relationships. And even though yeah, it's the twenty twenties, what is it twenty twenty six, you don't have to feel obligated to do that, because I do feel like people do it because it's popular. And also, what the fuck is solo polli? Well, I feel like solo polli is you're fucking single and you're dating, and you're being honest about it.
I think people are curious, and I think it's I think some of it might be, but I think a lot of it is curiosity and also pleasing your pleasing someone else's curiosity may not be yours, but you're like, Okay, fine, I'll do it, and it's not for you, and it
might be for them. And then then you end up in a relationship where now you're with someone who who basically told you they were probably from the beginning, and now you're trying to rein it in and it's like, just do the monogamy first, Just try to figure your shit out. There's always time to open up your relationship.
But I think like, if you're just getting into dating, unless you're like a very if you've been out here in these streets, you've been dating, you've done the you've done the balancing of relationships and dynamics and energies and all that shit, don't.
Do that because it just adds.
So much an extra added layer to an already like new plate that I don't know, I don't think that, I don't. I think it just I don't. I don't recommend, but I don't recommend like opening up your trying to date an open relationship from the beginning, like if you're intentionally dating someone and you're trying to date, like.
Well, I think that inevitably the beginning of any dating relationship is open because we're going to date, which implies we're not being exclusively dating unless we're exclusively dating, which means been a relationship. So I think people don't take the grace period and the beginning of dating long enough to just be friends. Of course, it might be like flirting and you're getting to know each other with whatever
the goal is. But I think that is the beautiful part about taking your time is that we can still see other people instead of trying to own and territory everything. And because I like you and now I want you to be mine, it's like it is important that we take this time to know there's other people on the table for you and me, because then it's kind of a compet like, how like are you going to stick out? It's like a competitive like there's not a competitiveness or
a process of elimination. But I don't know you, So I'm giving myself the benefit of the doubt of having multiple people right now, so that if you don't work out, I'm not fucking disappointed, but people run to that next level so quickly, like even a mean or we're just friends or dating or whatever, it was open because nigga, you're across the country. And so even when we were dating and it was open, I was like, it's the same thing. So I don't really give a fuck, You're
just gonna do what I say. It ended up escalating, But.
So I is, okay, you're right, I agree. I agree with everything's just said.
So you don't even have to have open relationship. You don't even have to call it that. Just fucking keep dating and stop asking questions. You're seeing other people, So am I Amen? We don't need to be whatever the fuck these new words are coming up with. So you're going to be an adult. You're gonna be an adult and be honest about what you're doing with your penis and pussy, and since we're sharing in that, and you're gonna be kind enough to respect me to just you know,
casually mention it. So I'm an awareness too. Thank you for being in a mature adult who goes about sexual relations and a respectful well.
I think okay, So, like if we're going on an extra layer into this tip. I think then it is like, because now I'm really pondering and contemplating my seventy plus years of shared experience, is that, especially if you're new to dating, you're being honest about or being available for honesty too is something you're new to when it comes to like being honest about where you're at in your
dating process with the people that you're dating. This is a good time to practice it because it really sets the tone for how you enter into your next relationship and how honest you're willing to be. You have to practice now, because I think that was some of the most that was such a liberating when I think of like the beginning of Good Moms and like us dating wildly, dating whatever the fuck we wanted. There was a freedom in it because we were owning our shit.
We were for the.
First at least for me, for the first time, really being honest with people and requiring it of them, whether or not they.
Did it or not, setting the standard.
Whether or not they did it or not. I don't really give a fuck, but I knew I was being honest, and yeah I had there was pushback, and yeah, people got their feelings hurt and yeah, like maybe I regretted certain shit because after saying it out loud, I'm like, damn,
that was kind of fucked up. But like, at least it put me in the practice of then when I got into a relationship, a was I got into a relationship because there was an implicit honesty available and be like, it's just that the tone and how honest we are able to share about so many other vulnerable things like finances, like child rearing, like like children moving in. Like if you can be honest about sex and dating, it makes being a being honest in other areas of your relationship so much easier.
Even like when you begin it, honesty that is the standard.
And I think a lot of people fuck this up, especially women, because we are trying to gift ourselves and present as this thing that is likable and lovable instead of just being like I'm gonna put it all on front street now, because if you don't like this, then we can not waste each other's time overall, you know what I mean, Like starting at a place of really friendship, because it doesn't matter in a friendship, it doesn't matter if you slept with seven people or whatever the fuck
because I'm not befriending you with this other expectation that you're gonna be my lover. But if you can love someone and respect them and friendship and in all honesty, then like that's truly the only kind of relationship that I think we should all aspire to have, one in which you can walk into it being authentically and genuinely
human and yourself. And I think we're so used to it, especially for women, presenting a certain way to be loved and to be kept that we can we want to keep up this facade, and then later when you can't keep it up, everybody's disappointed and it's like, oh, or he heard on the streets that you had a threesome with two guys, and now he fucking wants to hate He wants to break up with you, despite all the
experiences you've had and what you've been to him. So that's why I'm like, I kind of I love being brutally honest in the beginning. I kind of test it that way. Yeah, I have a podcast. Yeah I did this. Yeah I do that, like you know, because now is the time to figure it out, buddy.
Yeah, But if you're not someone who has that, because not everybody's built like that. Like people are be scared at being left and being judged.
I mean, I've been scared because I came from a relationship that was so jealous, so judgy, so disrespectful that even in the relationship I'm in now sometimes I'm like, I can go, I can leave, I can stay out all night. It's where I am. No one's I'm not getting called seventy times? Are you mad at me? He's like, no, bitch, I'm sleep. You know what I mean. But it's taken time to be honest, or like it's forever.
It's a forever thing. It doesn't just show up, is
basically what I'm saying. Is like whether you are someone who practices honesty in other ways a lot, or you're someone who is at the very beginning of being able to just say what they need, Like if you're entering into dating, I would say, also, if you're entering into dating you haven't practiced that at all in your life, you probably need to start there too, because entering into love and sex, desire, all those things when you are are not good with any sort of boundaries at all,
like you might need to focus on that first learning how to say what you need and also being honest about you know what you've done.
I mean, it doesn't have to be like, hi, I'm rilla. Well one time, one time we went on a trip with our friend and he was with this new guy start dating, and like, look.
At this beautiful backward. Sorry mean disrupt you, but you really revived her from the dead.
I look at her. I'm gonna add like a little drop of honey for sweetness you left in there. Oh, it's coming down. You can't put too much or else it's gonna not stay list.
That's the key is you only put the tiniest little.
Dat seals that you seal it. You seal this wise blunt with the kiss honey, she's wise, She's gonna be sealed. Wait what were we saying?
Just about talking being honest about who you like, what you're doing, who you are, what.
You know, and knowing they've done. That's even being honest. It will be challenging even in the beginning because you don't want to disappoint people, because there's people and as women, there's just so much shame and guilt around dating other people being looked at as a whoe ran through you know you might.
Be surprised though, I think, yes, there's a lot of fucking weird men in the world, but dating people in the world that are judgmental, But generally, when I've led with honesty, it's all most for the most part, been led with respect, whether or not like that person was ready to be honest with me, Like it's never been like, how could you tell me that you stupid whore? Like they might both, but but for the most part, what has it been more? Has it been more at least perceived well received.
Than it has been? Yeah, but with mature men and even with men that thought.
That's what I'm saying, I'm like, they're but there are there is I believe a large percentage of men that probably also want to be honest. I feel like men are waiting to be honest also, so like I think we need to. And also that's the kind of man you want to be with anyway, So you might as well get that.
Shit out the way.
They're gonna You're gonna weave a lot of people out just being yourself and being just in general when you're dating, So start there.
But I also I invite you to contemplate this message too. Because one time, this guy's shamed me and I said, you can't shame me. I was like, I don't feel bad about what I did. I was like, I like who I am, and because I like who I am, I can accept my choices. So that's why I can be honest with you. You don't have to like who I am. You lie about the shit that you do because you are not one with your choices because you don't like who you are. That's the difference. You can't
make me feel bad. You can call me ah, you call me all the things you want to. I feel great. I am okay with my choices. People who lie about their choices don't like themselves. And as soon as I said that shit to him, you shut the fuck up, of course, because nigga, that's what that means. When you lie about your choices, when you present as one thing, but really in reality what you're doing as something else, you really don't like the real you, and that's why
you're lying about it. That's why you're going to women or to men and presenting like you're only talking to them or you're only doing this because that's who you want to be. But that's not who you are so until you start being that person, Like, just admit that you don't like who you actually are, give people options
and like as difficult as it is. Like, that's how you make the world a better place because you start the standard of starting at honesty about self acceptance and the people who are not for you good, keep it moving. Most relationships die because you lied in the beginning about who the fuck you are and what your expectation was. And now you're here.
Now you're here trying to uphold this lie.
Trying to like somebody that you don't even like, you never liked.
Yeah.
Next, Oh my god, this is bluntwood. Is this blutwood? This bluntwood, this backwood.
It's beautiful, it's burning so evenly.
This might be the best one I've ever rolled. Okay, Nola Banana Foster, it like looks perfect? Does?
It's gorgeous? These last two are very funny. One the one number one that we wrote, which was now number four in the era of sassy men, how to weed them out what you bring to the table ass niggas.
And I say sassy, I don't mean wearing your croptop.
Okay, Well, I think that that kind of relates to what we just said. So being yourself is going to is going to weed people out, like niggas that are like, what do you bring to the table, how are you showing up? Who did you fuck? How many people did you have sex with? Did you fuck a homie? Did you like all of those things? You're gonna weed those people out with your honesty. Actually, yeah, I did fuck your homie in twenty eighteen.
If you can't handle it like I didn't, who are you? Who are you? Then I did not know you. This is really important because this is the biggest thing. I think we said this in last week's episode two or one of these episodes recently about this is the most has been the most disappointing thing to me as a woman. I like me to guy. I think it's cute. He
seems super smart, super deep, super spiritual. And then they'd be like yeah, and you know, yeah, generally I like to see other women, but I don't want my women to see other people. Ooh dead, you're we're done. You have to get I think a part of the reason, like I not I you're you're clapping me?
Oh yeah, clock it, clock it, and also pass that backward.
Two meetings. Okay, Hannah, it's so good, I'm gonna get so high. Didn't get real deep.
You have to go do stuff after this.
Lord, oh god, this is what happens every time that happened on Tuesday.
Its okay, I'm a functioning marijuana, not that.
Lizzy Jeff Weed. I was not functioning. What was I gonna say? Fuck? Oh? I think a part of the reason that I kind of kind of enjoy using terms like I'm a hoe or hoo chy housewife or when hoes fall in love because I use the language that I know is generally triggering for men, basic men who are not thinking logically. So that scares you or that pisses you off. Then I know it's you're not gonna survive the fittest, you know what I mean. So it's like you lean ho forward, lean ho forward, because hoe
is not real, there is no hoe. Hoe is relative. Some people say it's two to seven people twenty like it's an opinion. So when I lean ho forward, and it's almost like a a week Nigga's kryptonite, A week Nigga cannot handle for it's like threesomes. My whole shit. I'm not submissive a train literally, So I do like because I think if a man has already has the pre the mindset that women out a certain way or whatever, you're probably not the guy for me.
Next one, Yeah, this is the last one for the ladies, and you know, one more for that one.
Don't try to convince niggas. Don't try to prove yourself.
Oh my god, that is can we move that up the list to number one.
Do not try to prove yourself. Do not try to convince niggas. Let people tell you who they are and say, okay, heard you, We're not compatible. Goodbye, Actually not even heard you.
Like the action like, cause niggas are gonna talk. They're gonna say a lot of things. Let the actions be the voice of reason. Okay, because the voice of the actions are the voice of reason. Fuck what people are talking about.
And for a lot of us, this is one of both sides. Yes, for a lot of us, wanting to be chosen, wanting to change someone's mind, wanting to prove your valuableness comes from childhood wounds, parents that didn't validate us, abandonment wounds. These are things that remitate, that make that word of.
Remonatemate, I ruminate.
Ruminate, my friend, i'mna remitate on that, reminisce and remember, but like literally realizing when you're when you're doing that, and what does that relate back to? When is your time? I didn't feel chosen when is her time? I felt like someone wasn't listening to me, or seeing me or valuing me. And now here I am in this childlike space trying to scratch and pull and chase someone. I really don't even like like that because I still have this wound in me that wants to be chosen, because
I've done it. Even in my more healed where I thought I was more healed, I saw myself do this cycle and I had to pull out of it. And like it's recognizing the cycle in order to change it is where it begins. So when you like someone or there's some compatibility, but there's this thing, this big thing that they're just not accepting about you. If it's a part of you, probably not your person agreed now for
fucking maybe you know whatever. Don't even convince them, shit, just tell me to shut the fuck up, get in and get out. You have to have skin to do that, though, If you don't get to the game. If you don't have tough enough skin to do that, then don't do it.
Number five, don't try and blend your kids and families like the Brady Bunch.
So when we wrote those down, did we.
Mean like our baby daddy's in and like going like hang out with baby daddy and trying to blend the families. Are we talking about I'm dating of someone else and trying to like force the.
Guys or the girl, Like, don't be trying to blend the families. Like your kid does not need to meet the guy you're dating or the girl you're dating immediately. It's just not necessary until you know it's something serious, because then they're gonna confuse the kid. People get attached. Fuck all that. Them bitches or niggas will be playing house buying toys like there's this other Let him be the daddy uncle.
Daddy uncle is a very healthy space to be in.
Now. I think daddy even daddy uncle has to be someone you're gonna be who's gonna be around.
I'm kidding, but also, I mean, I don't think we've been perfect people in that space either. We've talked about like dating men and not knowing a maybe we didn't know we were going to date them long term. For example, Sham met I Rey the first day, like the first time.
If it's your friend, it's your friend, you're gonna have That's what I'm saying.
But that's why it's important to enter into dating with the mindset of being friends anyway, because that's going to weed out a lot of people anyway. Like does this person my friend? Would I even want to hang out with this person if I wasn't trying to fuck or I didn't want them to fuck me.
Or have stability or whatever.
Yeah, But because once you do blend your families, it becomes an added layer of pressure. It's beautiful if it's beautiful, but when there's like an an undoing that has to happen, it can feel scary, even though I will say children
are very resilient. And like even with Iri meeting you know, my ex and him not living here, but still like her being active around him, seeing our love, seeing our you know, our relationship, there was a lot of shame and guilt and that I held onto and held into that relationship not like made it harder to let it go. And what I also learned was that she didn't really give a fuck.
She wanted me to be happy, you know what I'm saying.
But if we can avoid those things, you know, let's do that.
But you dated him for a significant amount of time, so that probably wasn't going to be realistically avoidable. I mean there's a and also the time it's it's just mostly about Also like playing house confuses the brain. Playing house confuses the brain. It feels good in the moment, someone's there, someone's cooking dinner, someone's helping with the homework, you know what I mean. Like it gives this false sense of reality because it's not forever. So just be
careful with that. Like I know people love the playhouse, but like, really good to know, motherfucker before you start integrating that that that level of person like intimacy, because it can deepen the confusion of if this person even my person. Mm hmm. Amen.
That concludes our five tips for women basically.
And there's here's a bonus, and it's just for the men and the women, because I know this is a big thing in our society is like bitches like gold digging bitches and like, but also there are men who don't have jobs or houses ladies, and they want hot meals and they have good dick. They have good dick, and that's really what it comes in. And you have a nicely decorated house and comfort and heat and a
hot meal because you're a mom. So everybody's got to eat in this motherfucking beware, don't put anything in your name, don't let don't give anybody a key. And you know, there's like a forty eight hour max situation here. You got to go home, and I hope you have a home. And if you don't have a home, not my problem. Where'd you come from? And men, if you're on a date with a bitch who literally never offers, not even to tip, she doesn't, how is she taking care of
herself when you met her? Did she have a Balenciaga bag? So what I know? I'm just kidding.
Bitches deserve get the now, get the get the bag.
I'm just saying, are you can you live up to this bitch's standard of life? Are you? Are you prepared to do that? Stop dating bitches who you know are here for a check and you don't have one. That's stupid. You're not in her pay.
Grade unless you're offering something that's really invaluable.
What would that be? Erka, I just meet all the other women, I think on both sides, I mean, might meet someone who don't you make more money than you know what I'm saying. No, that's one thing, But I'm saying, if you don't make enough money, like if you're not in this space to be a part time trick don't date a bitch who's expecting trickery.
Yeah no, I mean I think that's a given. Do men do that?
They will?
They set themselves up like.
That, try to score beyond their fucking scope all.
The time, I know, but they can only hide for so long.
Yeah, I hope this helps guys. Also, one more thing, women don't date anyone who listens to Andrew Tate, Kevin Samuels or any of these other fuck niggas talking about be subservient blah blah blah. God said, blah blah blah. I could have my women, but you just have your blah blah blah.
I mean I think that goes for both, Like who are your poor your who is that person.
Ingesting daily? What is there?
What is their environment? Like?
Who are their friends? Yeah? Like for their friends, are their friends married or their friends and relationships. And not to say every you're gonna everyone's gonna be in the same status, but like, are the things are gonna tell you about them?
Besides what they're telling you, You have to observe their environment, their environment to see what they're not, what they're not even aware of.
Sometimes what kind of house do they live in? Is it well decorated, is it clean? Does he have a standard or she have a standard about her life? Because I've seen I've seen some dirty bitches. I've seen some bitches who look good outside, hair laid, nice car, fucking Balenciaga bag, nice ass fucking outfits, lashes, and you go on that bitch's house and that ship is nasgusting. Nicety kid. I have experienced some bitches. I said, Oh, my fucking god,
niggas are coming over here to fuck you. I know, I don't care what the fuck you look like, bitch.
I had that happened to me. I was a try. I was like into this girl. I went to her house and I was like, oh.
No, I've been scarred by women, by women's houses.
Scarred it's typically the bathroom.
No, I've seen a bitch's whole house. I mean the whole house, the old dog and it looked like a dog park.
That was like the white girl that I had a roommate who was my roommate, and she locked her door and would go back home up north for like two weeks and leave like shit pads with piss and ship on them in her room, like eating.
Spaghetti out of the pot.
Leave it in there, Just leave it in there and walk away and leave for two weeks, a black rim around the fucking bath. It was the ship was falling apart, I was. And then she would come out, hair laid, curl to the tea, eyelashes on fleet. I'm like, bitch, how how do you step over the dog shit to the eyelashes to the shower?
Bitch? How how do you even get dressed in a room with a shit on the floor, Which brings back us back to parenting. You have to teach your kid how to clean their ass, their environment, how to cook. You have to be literally showing them, not telling them showing them, because the things you don't literally show them they just don't know. You have to tell them to floss those fucking teeth, or you eat meat and flesh will rot between your fucking teeth and your your mouth
will smell like a cemetery. You have to say it like that. My dad told me that you want flesh and your between your teeth. Oh my gosh, it's disgusting, But you gotta say it like that because then there I'm not guess who floss it? Yeah, yeah, so yeah. And dating, how you date in front of your kids is how they will date. What you accept, this is what they'll accept. You know, you are setting the standard and the president, and so how you're loved and how you accept men and women to love you is what
your sons and daughters will exemplify. And it's important. Our choices are important in dating and being honest and communicating with them that this ship is not always a fairy tale.
You will fuck up some of these five steps, but at least if you have the honesty to not insult your child's intelligence and like, have a conversation because there there too will be in a situation whe where they're dating or where they're being gas lit or their heart broken or disappointed, and so they need to know that this shit is not a Disney movie. Yeah, you got to kiss a lot of frogs until you find a prince princess.
Hmm, hopefully not too many frogs. We're trying to help you avoid the frogs.
Please please let us, please listen to us.
Trying to help you avoid the frogs. We yeah, I wish I didn't have to.
Do all that. A lot of things I could have not done.
But like like we said a few weeks ago, there's there's no bad choices.
They no bad choices. There are all lessons. Every bad choice leads you to who you are and where you are, and that's important.
If you pay attention. You have to pay attention because I see a lot of people make bad choices and they just literally are like they just don't pay attention.
Well, well, how many times you want to get the same lesson? Some people are willing to go far? Are and hard? Self awareness? Self awareness, self awareness, numb yourself? Good people, We love you. Thank you for listening to our dating advice. Is there an affirmation be yourself? The affirmation is when dating be yourself, there's there's a there's a lid to every pot. When dating be yourself, a lid to everybody. Every every pot has a lid. Oh
like it fits ye for everybody. I thought I was thinking of like the steam coming out of the pot. I was like, what's gonna Uncle Jim told me that every pot has its lid. It's true, which means there's I'm missing a few lids in my fucking pots. It's very annoying, actually though, what are the socks and the potlets? Got? Where do the so and the tap of our tops? Just the tops? What the where the fuck are they?
I'm literally I'm at my way with the tops the socks.
And I'm like calling my baby daddy like, hey, do you have some pyres with a purple top page?
I know, trying to track down tapware. Yeah.
So remember that there's a pot. There's a lid to every pot, and so you don't have to change. You're perfect as you are, and equal rights for women and for men. Don't have expectations of men, or have axpectations of women that you don't have for your fucking self, stupid, or for your homeboy, your homegirl. Stop making them as excuses like men and women are different. We are, but not in our horniness. Actually, what we might be more horny?
I think I agree, Yeah, I think men really want to like take that.
Take that. I want to take that from us.
For some reason, science has made it somehow proven that they do, but.
It's just not the truth from my research.
Anyway, we love you and we'll see you next week and join us at the Good Vibra Treat.
And follow us Good Moms Underscore, Bad Choices, Miela Underscore Map.
At watch Erica and just go just take a second and just go look at the links and all the things in different ways that you can tap in with us and talk to us and all.
The Putreon discord. The Good Mom's universe is vast, and we have merch and we're cool people and we look good and if you're on YouTube, subscribe.
Just going me think of something. The other day, one of the girls from our retreat, Carress, hit me because they the girls from our the Good Vibe Retreat, went and on their own retreat to Denver. Ye okay, so this summer we had this beautiful retreat. These girls, they they bonded and then ended up planning their own trip together. They went to Denver in the snow, had a bomb ass time. Anyway, me and Chorress were talking and she goes like, You're like Beyonce, and I was like, I'm
gonna put you on speaker phone. I want you to say that again. My daughter's in the car.
And MoMA like I didn't hear you again.
I was just roll ri and but she was like no, I just wanted I just want you to know that. Like well, she was like, hey, I have your phone number, like I'm calling you. I saw you on the internet and now we're friends. I'm like, yeah, that's what happens when you come to the retreat. Like this is real shit, Like we're real people, real humans. This isn't like us performing, Like this is like some real shit. You're in the trenches with us, You're sitting like we're embracing you, you know.
And and then she was just and I've been getting a lot of messages like this over the last I would say month, just affirming our friendship and affirming our relationship. And she was just like, you guys are the root of this and we're your branches and we're.
Just spreading the word and we're bearing fruits for you.
And I was like it's so beautiful and just that our friendship is has so much purpose and it's like bigger than just think them what we know right here in this moment right now, you know just how it trickles out. And so I just want to say I'm grateful for our friendship and thank you Chres for affirming our friendship because I really needed to hear that, and I think people need to hear that, you know, whether that's in your relationship and love or your relationship and
friendship or your relationship with family, Like it's good. It feels good to like have someone else affirm you in that way. So I guess what's all my heart is just to affirm somebody in your life this week and say some say, just affirm them, let them know that they're doing a good job, or that they're purpose in your life or here in this present moment in time is a value and is important because there's something like so invaluable, like more than money could ever do, when you feel that from.
Someone that you're respecting, care for. So that's it. I'm high, Well, I love you, and it is really beautiful to consider all that you know, this sitting down at a mic one day eight years ago has birthed and like that and that's all I ever wanted to as a little girl, is to like change the world in a positive way. I was like, there's so much fucked up shit happening, and how can I leave something positive? How can I
make a difference? And I feel like, you know, together we've done that and just by cultivating this friendship and speaking honestly that we've been able to, you know, bring people to beautiful places, change people's minds, open people's minds, and even the slightest way, even if you don't agree with everything we say, because you know we're a little nuts, but I'm just I'm grateful for that for you and
for you guys listening. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, and please comment, please share, please DM because or else we're just fucking talking to her.
Send us to your other mom friends.
Yeah, this is our challenge to you right now, Send us to five, not even mom friends, just five people you think will appreciate these two high bitches giving you seventy years of combined life experience and expertise. Oh I love your guy like Jesus.
Yeah, I'm living so good. Can't you tell? I went through a drought.
That's until I find out, well, MAYM have been known Earth that used to be broken?
Tail.
Now I got the blues ins like Beyonce jaw throat shot or popping his cow wearing our voices.
Patriarchy kept it in the box to exploit it.
Women put the pee and powers so it's pointless. They want me to be good, so I make bad choices.
Bad mom, not a bad mom, but a bad mom.
Get he's in on, put cannabis in their bath. Bon walked in Boss's cap and I blew his cat ball.
Hope dog.
Now I'm immune to the cat called Herbie and no waisted straight to it like a dollar sign.
Mother rent the lover when too.
It's like a water sumner where you're renting winter essential will when the summertime.
I do with all they know when I need to running by