The candles were actually a cover. They're like, oh, we'll just say it's white candle wax. Yes, it's like the calm everywhere. Yes, that is what I was saying. Do you mean come? Yes, the man. I'm ejaculate. Yes. Come was the thing is. You're welcome. Opening argument. God Awful Movies. Welcome back to God Awful Movies. We're each week. We watch another terrible movie so you don't have to. I'm your host T. Thinwright and I'm joined by V. Eli Bosnick. Eli, how's it going buddy?
Right. Family. Horror, let's do this baby. Sure it is. Very exciting. And we also have two All Star veterans, Lydia and Thomas of the Where There's Woke Podcast among many other things. Lydia, Thomas, welcome back. Opening arguments is the name of the other podcast that people still don't know that I have that. I have opening arguments myself. It's all me now. I have it. It's all the T. Doh. It's been gavilled. No, I every day I'll see someone being like, oh, what?
What's happening with that? Yeah. Yeah. Because you guys censor me every time I come on here. I mean, I'm going to shout opening arguments throughout this thing. Hey, what are you doing today? It's your new catchphrase. Just work it in subtly like those branding things people take on TikTok. It was like when I was listening to that podcast. What was it? Opening arguments the other day. And I was haunted by a spirit. Anyway, this movie.
All right. Yeah, this movie. Let's do it. Lydia, what movie are we going to be breaking down today? Oh, my God. This is my first right family film folks. I never want to do this ever again. 2024's brand new hot off the presses. Hillick haunting. And it's so bad. And yeah, I'm going to leave now. Yeah, this is a prolific filmmaking family. It really is. They make like four or five movies a year. They're the copalus of the Christian movie world. I've always said that.
Because their movies are bad. All right. And Thomas, as I understand it, this would be your first experience with the right family films as well. How did you enjoy your entre into their body of work? It's hard to believe because I think you're right. But I also, in a way, I feel like I've always known them. I had no idea that the singer from Metallica and Miley Cyrus got cloned way too many times. And then someone also drops a meth into the cloning machine like while
it was cloning. And like five clones down, the resulting, I guess you could call them people started making home movies together with the, I guess you could call them children that they spawn. Yeah. And I didn't know any of this existed. But now I love it. So I enjoyed this so much. It's so fun to watch them. Yes. Genuine laugh out loud moments. But I don't want to spoil it. Like there's crediting that Linda and I have been laughing at all day. Like we just
keep saying it's so good. I fucking love this movie. It's like if NPCs from a PlayStation one game made a move made a movie together. All dialogue is literally NACs from PlayStation maybe two. I'll give them two. They're all just walking into the same bench and not moving. He's getting a slipping in out of walls and then being like, I enjoy reading. I'm going to go to
the room now and read. It's like when you play a point and click adventure and they repeat the same thing over and over again to let you know like you've talked to that character enough times. All of those characters got to that point and then they made it amazing. They're so let me know when you find my wife's necklace, right? But they just all I left out loud in the very first scene by myself. My wife. That's great. Five clones down is the name of my
three doors down cover band. We're playing this Thursday at the JCC. All right, Eli, elaborate a little bit more. How bad was this movie? Well, if you love your favorite Christian horror movie, Dynasty the rights, but you wish their movies were interrupted by all the cute animal videos I did. You will love this movie is 90% worse. It's fucking incredible. We'll talk about it. All right. Is there anything y'all would like to nominate this movie for being the best
and being the worst at all jump in best worst pro donkey propaganda. Yeah, there's this interesting pro donkey like some like I think one of the kids is like people aren't talking about donkeys and how great they are and they're magic and she tries to like yeah, first off, they've written in some spiritual donkey magic that we'll get to. But also there's just like general like good donkey facts in there. Did you know I know that he's like and you're just like what is this
an advertisement for donkey? So yeah, kind of I can share that information later. One of the right girls definitely has the Tism is risen them with the Tism, but isn't a horse girl because they can't afford to be a horse girl. She's a donkey girl instead. They got the Kirkland Signature Horses which exactly. I think this is the best worst zillow listing. It is so clear. They are trying to set up to sell their farm someday and they're just giving us this ridiculous tour around
the entire time and it's really bad. Yeah, it seems like they got this shitty farm in real life and wrote the movie around it so they could like use it and write off something or whatever. Yeah. Well, there's very little movie besides the farm. So that's pretty easy to do. Yeah. All right. I'm going to go with best worst. Fuck it. Just cut the audio. There's like nine moments in this movie where they're just like, yeah, we're not using audio,
but it's expensive. We'll save the money on the MP3 file or whatever. I don't know. It's just out completely for no reason. Buckle up everyone. I was going to say this. I understand it. Y'all figured something out. As I experienced it, it was just like something horrible happened in their recording and they were like, whatever that was. Podcast listener, what you're about to hear is so reflective of the four human beings on this podcast. It is
mwah. Sheps, Kisalicious. Thomas, please. Okay. So what did you figure out? You don't even know. So I started watching this movie before Thomas and I was like, all right, I'm going to be prepared and I think I saw that it was on Amazon Prime and so I was like, all right, I'm going to go to Amazon Prime and I paid $3 to rent this movie. I get the most cursed text. Because I was busy and she started early, I get a text that's like, don't hate me.
There's always good start in marriage. I don't think. The right family is getting extra cheese on the pizza one night. Thanks for the idea. She's like, I'm generous. I accidentally gave these people money. I was fucking Jesus. What? But here's this thing. This turned out to be amazing. It was the best $3 we've ever spent because then we were watching it on Amazon because we started to watch it on YouTube and the audio problem you talked about happened and we're like, what the
fuck? We thought it was us. We're like, did the TV? I don't know. I knew it wasn't us because I had already watched that part at the very beginning and I was like, there's, there's supposed to be sound here. Okay. Okay. I know what the, what the, what the, the kinds of movies you guys watch. It's not always clear when the sound cuts out. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, seven, three, when I was like,
oh, is this an artistic choice? Yeah. Yeah. Most normal movies, if the sound just cuts out and it's not a war scene where a grenade went off nearby, you know that something's fucked up with the speakers. With the right family films, you're like, this could just be the film. Like it might just be the same. They were walking out of sound of metal. Yeah. I'm fucking doing that. I'm doing the sound of metal.
We switch over to Amazon and it's like, oh, the sound is all there. No, it's a sound all there in Amazon. They actually worked on, I think, somebody in that brood of weird clones did the closed captioning. The subtitles. And so the subtitles was actually great. It's not auto-generated like it is in YouTube. Yeah. So that I, we have a bunch of little tidbits of the best subtitles ever. Yeah. They, they go off script a lot. There's, there are a lot of improvised moments. Did you watch
Amazon too? No, I, I watched. You want to fucking know, but I put on the closed captioning and it was clearly the script they put in. No, they're auto-generated. It only has auto-generated ones. Well, it was auto-generating incorrectly a lot on YouTube. Yes. Yes. This I believe. See, and again, this is why this is reflective of everyone on the podcast is that Thomas and Lydia were like, well, the audio's gone out. Let us go to our alternative source to
make sure we capture every moment. Darling, are you taking enough notes? Oh, darling, don't worry, I've taken enough notes. So I also hired a transcript. And me and he's like, well, the sounds, brother. I know what they're saying is simple, though. Oh, look, the video's broken or I turn it off. I don't know. My power went out. I guess I can't do the rest of it. Probably even they control electricity. All right. Well, Eli, do you have a best worst?
Yes. Before we get into it and I cheese this at the beginning, I'm going to go with best worst foreboding imagery. Again, I just have to be clear that the transitions between every scene are the adorable animals that live on this farm, including a sassy sheep. Yeah. Very sassy. There's a sheep and I'm going to say something brave from my heart. Who's Jewish? Interesting. Those acting chops comes from a member of the tribe. I'm sorry. There's no way a
boy should looks at the camera way that way this sheep looks at the camera. Yeah. And the disdain from the animals for the family. Every single one is strong. Every single animal in this movie. Hey, the right. The right family is aware there in a movie and speaks English. And is like, this movie is bad. I'm a goat. The sheep had a real gym from the office energy. Yeah. You're looking into the camera being like, can you believe these fucking weird
meth clones? I don't be on a podcast about bad movies. I could tell. Yeah. I'm a goat. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, it sounds like the Smiths have figured out the movie and we might learn more about it as we go. Fantastic. But first we're going to take a quick break and then we're back to tell you all about hilly c haunting. Hey, David. Did you see the video I sent you pickles that don't eat in an ice cream sundae? I don't know. Where did you send it? Instagram.
I haven't been on Instagram today, actually. Oh, really? You haven't checked Instagram? No, I haven't checked Instagram. Well, when did you get a chance to look at my new movie script? Yeah, I did. Can I say? Yeah. I can't help but notice that you've used literally every transition in the film to insert every video of the donkeys and horses that I haven't watched over the last two years. Oh, yeah. Guess I have haven't I? Well, guess you better get watching. Got a movie to make
movie, right? See that he you're like David Wright. He sounds like a thousand today. It's too many. It's a possible to keep up with. I do like those things. It's still too many. This show was sponsored by Peter Hill and then you bake the whole pumpkin. You're stove. It's a whole pumpkin. Well, yeah, you got to take the racks out, but yeah. Yeah. Right. It's not your fault, Thomas. You have to stop. He's a little help.
Oh, yeah. Okay. Is he telling you it's not your fault like over and over again? Yeah. Why? Yeah. So he's made some kind of like self discovery through therapy and now he's doing this all the time. Really think about your mother, Thomas. It's not your fault. Okay. How do we make it stop? I really don't know. I'm not sure. I keep telling him that if you want to improve your mental health, therapy with a licensed mental health professional, it's definitely the way to do it.
Yeah, but who can find a decent therapist these days? Actually, if you're thinking of starting therapy, give better help a try. It's entirely online designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists any time for no additional charge. Oh, oh, paint a picture of your father and then burn it. Nope. Nope. Not going to do that. But that better help thing sounds good. Where do I sign up?
Take off the mask with better help. Visit betterhelp.com slash awful today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help. H-E-L-P dot com slash awful. All right. Thanks. Yeah. Sorry. I can't make you. I stopped. That's okay. This is basically just dear old dads read the journals thing. I mean, you should read the journals. Oh, okay. What are you afraid of? And we're back. And we're going to start this one off by setting the scary mood with
ominous alphaba and a sheep that is very bored with the movie already. We got your best worst already happening already out there. Can you believe this movie? Not for me, but if you're enjoying it, I would be you. Yeah. And it started with the seven and up. And maybe this was just an Amazon thing, but seven plus is the rate. All my favorite horror movies are seven and up. Hey, six and seven year olds clear out. The big kids are going to watch some sheep horror. I need
someone who can read fluently. You hear me? All right. Eight year olds and up. Let's watch the scary film. My bright, secure, old ready for this film. Absolutely not. What kids approaching twinege only. I also hate that Hans Zimmer, whoever invented like the formula for music that anyone can do now, you know, so like even these fucking weird meth clones can just do somehow music that actually sounds more intense than music from like 30 years ago, you know, yes, but someone just made
a formula now. They shouldn't have access to it is what I'm saying. Like they shouldn't. Yeah, we need some gatekeeping on art. And they do their first misuse of it here because they do the pop scare music without a pop. Yeah. Yeah. Right. It does the like, better, better. And then it's like, I mean, I was just doing jobs. You get what I'm saying, right? And they do that. But nothing's happening. We're just watching the sheep spider web. Yeah.
The sheep's like, are they doing the pop scare music? Yeah. This movie would have been so much better if it took like the babe approach. And like you could actually hear the animals. Thoughts during all of it, like they're talking as oh my god, look who's talking for. They would have been roasting the movie the whole time. It would have been so good. My new theory of the film is that the insane people who made this actually can or they think they can hear the animals
talking. And so to them, that's part of the movie. That's part of the film. This is great. I love this scene with the donkeys and they're and everyone else is like, you're just showing don't know there's great dialogue in there. Here's what I'll say. All right. I know two things in my heart that are true. One, I love my child. Two, the rights would sell us the rights to this film so that we could make the hila haunting in parentheses with all the thoughts of the
s sort of our own look who's talking mystery science theater version of the movie. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I would come back for that. Sure. Right about the the mismatching of this first scene. Because this was supposed to be the scary opening where like I guess a death happened. You can't even tell. Yeah. But what happened was it's almost like someone pulled the the lever on a slot machine of like music fast films and animals and they never matched up like pop scare. Oh,
but it didn't match with the fucking other thing that was supposed to be. Yeah. And it was just this they did the speed film to make the ghost scene scary but then they accidentally also did it on the dude who was like grabbing some like animal food and that didn't make sense. It's just a mess. Yeah. Horror movies written by people who have only seen the trailers for horror movies before the Christian films they watch. Yeah. Yeah. So now we get the credits little Ashley Wright Hayes film.
We know that this is an Ashley Wright joint. I wrote my notes. That's right. You lucky mother fucker. She's done done it again. Yeah. Also, we see we see the murder for a second right before the the Ashley Wright Hayes film thing. I guess we do. Yeah. Sure. If you see that we see like a crazy old lady like sprint into the barn like the ring and the guy. I was sure if it was like a kid or an old lady because the camera work was so bad like I couldn't tell what was happening at all and then you
just see boots like foot on the ground and we find out it's a ghost later. She didn't look like a ghost. She was like a lady. Just crazy. So for all we know some old lady. Yeah. Just killed a guy. We don't know. And when we later see the ghost, it's going to be a dolphin. So it's very confusing as to why. Yes. Okay. This is when I started laughing though when the run happens because the run goes so bad. Yes. The best. What's amazing is because they did speed up the film, but they didn't
realize that when horror movie makers do this, they just speed up the film. They don't speed up the film and also run real fast. And that is what she has done. So now we get our first shot of the daughters. And can I say I just to reflect personally for a moment, I'm kind of watching these daughters grow up through the lens of these bad Christians movies. And can I say it makes me feel bad. It feels a little like they're worth a podcast that roasts family Christmas cards, right?
Because I'm pretty sure we are. People send everyone in their family like, hey, we done a new movie. Make sure you check it out. And I'm a 37 year old man who doesn't know them who's just had increasingly mean jokes about their children's physical appearance. You have a pair of social relationship with these fucking kids. Exactly. Oh, wow. Like this movie is the first time I was like, huh, can I start making jokes about these kids yet? Nah, probably not 18. Cross out. Cross out.
Cross out. That's a weird position to be in. Can I start making jokes about Eli's Halloween card? Did you all get it? Yeah, we got it. It looks like maybe a KKK member in the background. In short sleeves. Interesting choice. Yeah. Okay. So for those at home who are confused, Max chose the costumes this year because Ann and I were talking about it and he wanted to choose. And so the costumes he chose were frog, frog, frog, hate group and spooky ghosts.
So he decided that I would be a spooky ghost. So we covered me in a tablecloth and put my glasses on me while the three of them had a nice photoshoot as frogs. But why were you burning the cross? Though, yeah, that is because I am trying to send a message to my neighbors and I don't want to talk about what it is. Exactly. But back to this movie. The guy. Back this movie. Yeah, the guy gets a call with a ringtone that can't exist now. Like I just find the real thing. He pulls out
an iPhone and it's a ringtone that's not that. Sorry. But then okay, I feel crazy. This is the first moment. She gets a phone call. That's a voicemail. Am I wrong? Well, so they don't know because they watched YouTube, huh? Oh, you oh, you didn't hear any of this? No. That's what I'm saying. We get to share what this is. Okay. Well, sorry. Audible. I am playing the audio of what happened here because you have to hear this man get a phone call. That's a voicemail
because it's the weirdest fucking thing. Henry. Master Uncle Ridge. I hate to be the one to tell you, but your father was found dead in the barn this morning. They said it was a heart attack. The fact that farm is all yours, everybody. That's a voicemail. Wait, he left a voicemail about a death. But he rang his name. He was a phone call with a voicemail. It's like if someone knocked on your door and you answered, but then they were an email. It was a letter. Yeah. That's what,
what? How does that even happen? We also have to point out that David has gone with the Billy Goat's gruff style of beer. Oh my god. New episode just his, how does that happen? It morphs. It changes sciences. It's like one of those, you ever go to like one of those experimental art things and someone set up a thing where they do like a light projection onto water? That's what he's doing with his beer. He should be moving. The sides of his face like
a normal human being sort of like more or less. And then he just forgets shaving exists for the whole chin and mouth part. And so he has a zizi top, but like only like three inches wide, like a zizi top beer just on his chin. Zizi bottom, if you will. And then the sides of his face though, shaved normal. It's the worst to look. It's so bad. I think it's a tactical beard in his head. Yeah. No question. He's quite certain it's tactical in some way. To be fair though,
everything is a tactical that thing for this guy. Like every guy's you could sell anything to with that marketing. Yeah. We make fun of it on dads where it's like it'll be like a diaper carrier and it's tactical back to pressure medication. Yeah. Really? Dear old dad's just one of the many podcasts that Thomas is on. Oh my goodness. Opening arguments. Thomas is handing me a 20 under the recording table right now. Everybody just see what's going on. So now we get the title hillock haunting.
That's not a good title. No, it's not sure. Is it the haunting of hillock house? So it's like it's supposed to be like scary. Like, oh, you what's going to be like the haunting like a haunted mountain or something? Well, it like a little mound, like a small mound. I don't think they know that hillock means small mound. I think they just like saw the word in an old book and they were like, what if it's the hillock family? Hillock, haunting. That's great.
HH. Yeah, let's fucking do it. Yeah, but it sounds so awkward. It always blows my mind when it's like, wait, that's not their actual name. So you could have picked the net. There's no, you know, like you could have picked any net. You can write whatever you want. Yeah, you can write whatever you want. They have to let show something that is so awkward to hillock. Hillock haunting.
Yeah, it is really weird to say it. It's awful. I don't know this, but I think the rights dabble in that transmogifiers version of naming movies, which is that they want to name it close. Close to the hillhouse. That someone is searching for. Yep, they try to get people who are too high to search correctly. We're exactly watch this. That's absolutely what is. But this hillock haunting,
the guy gets a call. I guess we didn't say that his dad died and then the farm. I just want to say, live your life such that when you inherit a piece of shit farm, you're like, oh, no, no thanks. I don't. Yeah, let's see how much that bad boy is worth. But these people drop everything. Just instantly are like, oh, there's something to do. Okay, great. Finally. We bought a petting zoo. Yeah. So yeah. And so he drives them to the farm and then explains
what they're going to do. I wrote my notes at this point. Thomas and Lydia, I would like you to announce to your children that you're moving to a farm and see if their response is a quiet hug, which is the response of the daughters in this movie. They just leave. They leave their apartment. And they're like, all right, they have the scene where they're like, well, we're going to guys the worst. He's not. You can't call him an actor. Did this feel like a documentary to
anybody in this scene? Yeah. The camera work was so weird. Yeah. So bad. And he says like, well, we're moving. And then they just go. It wasn't like like a normal movie or a normal, I don't know, human thing would be well guys. We inherited farm. We are going to move. So probably two, three months, we're going to let's get let's get tie things out. I'm going to put in my notice at the old factory here. You guys are going to quit school. We're going to move. They're like, no, okay, let's go.
And then they're there. And Grandpa died. No reaction. They might as well drive off with a crackling fire of the town behind. They might as well drive off. And then the family that actually lives in that apartment is tied up and like, they just they just been living in someone else's life the whole time. Just flicks a cigarette into gasoline. They've been funny games. They've found a different life to have. Okay. Let the family go. Let them out of their panic room.
They starve to death. Well, there you have it. Should have raised fatter kids. It's interesting that you point out his acting style. Thomas because I think I put my finger on it. Let me let me hit you with this. You ever watching a true crime thing and there's someone who talks weird. And you're like, that guy talks weird this whole time. But then in episode seven, they reveal that he was in the room when the goat burst through the refrigerator and gored dad and then ripped
his head off through it into the blender and it all went into his mouth. And you're like, that's why that guy talks that way. He's crazy. That's how David Wright acts. Yeah. He acts like someone who is not yet revealed their trauma to you. Yeah. But it's going to make sense when they have. So good. I also, you were missing out on so many subtitles. We'll get to them. But what they also tried to do and I love this with these shitty films. They tried to like fix some things in
the subtitles in the Amazon ones again, because they made the Amazon ones. So they'll like make them act better. It'll be like Henry breeds uneasily. I'm like, no. It didn't. The marsals say like Henry acts incredibly compelling. Actually, just because you put it in the script doesn't mean you get to put it in the subtitle squirrel. Come on. So yeah, they they're moving into the farm. This is where the girl stopped to
admire the painting of a donkey. The girl says, wow, he really did love donkeys and I write my notes. Why else? What do you have a painting of one? Yeah. Yeah. Look at the size of that painting and it's literally like something you could get at home goods. It's like not big at all. We're coming up on our favorite thing that we laugh forever on. So I just want to make sure we get to it. Is it the French postcard he got from one of his many donkey lovers that we got to
in the scene? No, but I love that. That's also good. Honestly, like the way that this was being set up, initially, I was like, are donkeys the problem? Like is that what's going on here? Like did they bring on the ghost overtaking? Because there's so much focus on them. But you guys want to know why there's so much focus on donkeys. Why? Because Ashley started a donkey rescue. No, it's called donkey and draft rescue. Come on. They have a Patreon. Oh, what? And it's higher than ours, everybody.
So check them out. If you're also a donkey fan, I'm sure they would really appreciate it. Okay. I want to point out that I did not know this information when I made my donkey propaganda joke. Like because I was literally like, this is just pro donkey. No, I found this because this is what I do. Oh, that feels so I just find things like this. That feels so validating. This is so, all it's all the donkeys were in the fucking thing. Yeah, it is. It is randomly. They'll be like,
fun donkey fact. They're amazing. And you're like, what the fuck is this? I learned it from the newsletter I get from donkey and draft rescue. Okay. Now, first warning, we need to bring a rescue donkey to the right family now. Absolutely. No, no, no, no, no, no, we need to bring me in a donkey costume to the donkey. Yes, that's better. Okay. Now, I look, I hate to bring us to the side, but I need to because
it's important for the Lord when you go to chunky and draft rescue. They have donkey on demand TV. Yes. That promises watch your favorite donkey and draft rescue videos 24 hours a day. Yeah. Deliver to you by your favorite donkeys. What? What is that? They have to do whatever that is. Stop everything. Is she picturing a future project that's sort of a CNBC 24 hours? It's always watching it, but with like Mr. Ed TV.
I was envisioning donkey a series of donkey messengers, but you're saying it's like, no, donkey anchors that are like, okay, and over to you. It's just 24, seven donkey news cycle. Is that what it is? I don't, I don't know with it. Okay. Heath, from your heart, okay? Their highest Patreon level is 300 a month. Can we get? Can we pledge right now as our podcast? Okay. Access to behind the scenes, rescue scenes, exclusive video content never before seen
photos and monthly newsletters. This level also includes a special e-card from the donkeys on our birthday. Okay. Private videos and photos of your favorite recipes. I'm signing up right now. I'm signing up right now. It's a month. Look, I'm actually signing up for a higher thing to see if they invent one. Yeah. I went way higher than three. Oh, I've to apologize to Noah right now for what I'm doing here business. Noah, we are. It's a bad check this month, bud. When you come back
from vacation, it's where I hope you like. We're on. Noah, we bought a petting zoo. We bought a petting zoo. We bought a rescue. We bought a donkey rescue. That's one of the donkeys being rescued from. Like what is David? God. Are a lot of people in apartment complexes taking on one too many donkeys? Like what is they do when they have a dream? No, it was it was going to be fine. We get a donkey. No, we have a studio apartment. No, it'll be great. And then like the accidentally get a
boy donkey and a girl talk. No, wait, famously, they can't reproduce, right? That's right. What? What the fuck? Why are you rest doing them? Okay. How did you know that fact is they didn't talk about that in the movie? That's fair. I don't know. Donkeys until they don't. Disapprises my wife from time to time. I do know information that's not in the movie that we just watched. I disagree. Yeah. I think that's weird. Okay. So we have to talk about this scene. Talk to me.
Because now we need something scary to happen. You ravers something scary to happen. It's a whole movie, everybody. And so the girls are having a scene where the one that Eli thinks is autistic is proving the case. I'm not ready to weigh in on which of them I think is autistic. Is it the one that's doing this entire scene staring at the floor? Because I think it might be her. And I don't understand that. But then again, it also could just be how they make movies. They're
that bad at it. And then they're like, okay, we had a terrible scene, not memorable, whatever they said. And then they start to walk out. And a subtitle indicates the sound that we get. It says, the subtitle says, shower curtain bangs. And can a shower curtain bang is what I want to know. And then they say, whoa, what was that? Oh, we must have just, and I quote, it's the shower curtain. We must have knocked it over when we let what? What? How do you knock a shower curtain down?
Am I crazy? That is a great question. Now, Thomas, it's weird because I feel like we're reversing rolls very slightly because this is a poor person thing. Oh, are you saying that the shower curtain is independent of the shower? It's like the whole. It's independent of the shower. You buy one of the ones that you just sort of like stuck into either side. Yeah, exactly. Happened though. We read that in the movie, they just rustled a curtain and called it knock it over.
So, I'm not. Okay, now we have to get to the, I'm so sorry, because right after this, the way they get out of the scary moment is mine and Lydia's favorite thing to ever happen and be captured until I'm going to play this. And I'm just so glad that I have to put in a special legal request. Thomas brought clips. Yes, to like, I filled out a form to like be able to play clips on your guys' company show. And it's so worth it. So here we go. What was that? He's just the
shower curtain. We must have knocked it over somehow. Oh, okay, we'll get it later. All right. Hey, small books. Hey, small books. Would you try to say some old books? She is trying to say some old books. Okay, she says small books. The, the, the subtitle on Amazon says small books. No, she says small, you're, you're doing giving her credit. These subtitles I remind you're not auto-generated. They, they are from the mind of the off. Yes. And they, she says, hey, small books.
I'm not joking. Small. Hey, round movies. What? Now, I do have to point out that at this point, these books will be books the teens are reading. Later, they will be his dead father's journals. Oh, they like reuse the prop. Yeah. And like various ghost and cyclopedias, I think. Mm-hmm. But also, grip up here's to have chewed the edges of his. It's so stupid. It is so dumb. Using one of like the wood pencil thing. Yeah, the prop of his diary is, is like one of those
stupid TikToks you'd see or back in the day, it was vines or what? No, it was like an old YouTube video where someone made an entire thing in nature out of sticks, but it's a true. Oh, yes. Yes. It's like, why would that be the, they have phones? No, it's like, yeah, school projects, right? Like that you'd have to recreate a journal or something from a family member's past, and you would like, you know, stain it with tea and then add in the edges.
Exactly. But lighter under it. And then you set it on fire and your dad yells at you. I mean, they have Amazon in this world, right? Yeah. Like you would have just ordered a journal from Amazon. Why would you get one that looks like it was made in 1850? Just because it's spookier, but it's just the grandpa. Why would he be spooky? Oh, okay. It's also the one journal and he was 87 years old. He's only had one journal. Oh, no, they find more later on. There's a series of
journals. Spoilers. Yeah. Yeah. So we get some sweet, sweet pony footage and then we cut over to David in the only scene they will have with the horse. Now, this is what I'm going to make a guess here about the cinematic universe. I think they were like, and we could use the horse for the movie, and this horse kicked David in the chest. He was in the hospital for six to ten weeks. And they took the moment where it kicked him in the chest and made it part of the film.
I hate to contradict you, but I think I actually have a better theory, which is that it's all part of the pro donkey propaganda. That's the end. Of course. Oh, man, this fucking horses are so inconvenient. Horses will kick it. If only there was a smaller creature, you know, that still have the same size head. Yeah. Oh, there it is. Yeah, that's absolutely. And now their subtitle says horse clapping angrily. Yeah, I could help but think of flip-flop horse. Yeah,
clop-tom, but I made it into a horse subtitle. But what they're going for here is that like horses can sense demons maybe because maybe there's a demon around and the horse gets a little spooked here. And very clearly David Owen Wright and this whole family, they have very strong opinions on which animals are in league with demons and which animals can magically sense demon. They sure do. And be helpful. Yeah. Also, I just to point out that I and I've never seen this before. This horse has
the same hairstyle as all the women I've ever met who work at a vape shop. I don't know how they manage to do this. It's got the blonde curl over. Anyways, so that night he's sort of taking stock of the farm and he's going to tell the girls about it. He says and I'm almost exact, quote, I counted all the animals. There's 19 of them. Any goes to them. There's two this five that what do we again, it's an advertisement. Yeah. And they're going selling fast everyone if you
know. Yeah, get your dockies now. I also advise them not to get kicked by a horse because again, in my theory, he just got kicked by a horse six to 10 weeks ago when they started making the film. And then the girls ask for permission to read, which is I wrote my notes fine, but just this once. And then they order a pizza again. If you open the fridge and he goes, huh, pizza it is like, yeah, sorry, your dad dad didn't leave like a delicious dinner waiting
for you in the fridge the day after he died. It was a nice charcoot replay, but the pacing is though he just died. Like that's like in terms of the timeline. I love the disappointment in opening the fridge. Absolutely. I've only dad had known about fact reveals, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, they're getting pizza. I also just have to point this scene out with the pizza because I believe that the way the rights get their children to participate in these films is
they get take out for the first time that year. Oh, yeah. Last but only watching it was very obviously KFC this year. I believe it was pizza for just for those of you keeping track. I have to get to my second now favorite moment of acting in this and why I unironically just love watching it. Like every moment of this was a feast for the eyes because we get the funniest reading ever, which is I don't know if they have emotions like us about the animals.
In the most dead, they're talking about the animals and she says, I don't know if they have emotions like us. Yes. And it's like, do you hear yourself? Like the whole movie is stuff like that where you're like, this is actually genius. This might be brilliant. I don't know. I'm not sure. I wrote in my notes when she says that line, I can confirm the donkeys do in fact have emotions like you. Yeah. Yeah. The subtitles just say he said emotionally. He said
doing good acting. So now it's time for another pop scare. We get one of the girls reading in the woods. Trees crackling. Yeah. Some subtitles. Trees crackling. Creepy breathing was one of them. But here's what I want to know, which came first because crackling, not really a thing that they like the sound also actually sounds like that. It's like a candy wrapper. Yeah. But that's not what trees do. So what I know, I want to know is did the sound come first or did the subtitle
come for did the subtitle come first and then the sound guy was like crackling. Okay. I guess I'll wrinkle some fucking cellophane. I guess that's what you want. I have to know. Yeah. And then the shaky cam chases her a little baby. Right. Trying to be Blair Witch. I lived out in the middle of nowhere in a forest. I used to do this as a kid when you're like eight or nine and you just decide like there's a girl. It's not scary and you run away like just as a
thing to do. There wasn't a lot to do. I did that in suburbia. I decided it was my basement. Yeah, you pretend the cops are coming after you if you hear a siren anywhere. I don't know. I use the bushes. Yeah. That sounds good after me. There are. If you live in first, you've got a great stick that you can use as a sword. Oh, yeah. Just saying great stick. I didn't have a great stick. Okay. So at this moment, there's some very small books, which is very scary.
Small books. Just sitting on a rock. And one of the sisters from the family sees that and then maybe gets attacked by a demon in the woods who's like yeah, mad about her taking the very small books that the demon keeps on this rock for their reading spot. Well, they had taken them out there to read. So and then she's got all whoops. We left our small books out there where the demon, I guess, is. Okay. Goes out. And the ghost. I think this is the ghost at this point because
again, spoilers. There's a ghost and a demon. Two different characters with backstories, with entire internal experiences. So we need to honor that. Two different. Yeah, it just goes demon for me throughout, but you're right. It's a ghost and a demon. Two different ghost. Two different entities. They don't call what look alike. Yeah. It's a ghost and a demon. And by the end of the movie, I'm not sure that they know each other. No. No.
By the end of the movie is like, oh, hey, you're. Oh, hi. No, I feel like we're working at cross purposes a little bit. We should have consulted on this. We're kind of haunting the same area. Right. And the ghost, you know, does typical ghosty things, which is nothing. And then she runs away. And it's like, ah, I got away from the nothing that was out there. That's all that happens. Okay. So yeah, I thought the demon ghost or whichever one it is, the ghost.
Wow. Stop mixing. I thought the ghost you fucking big. Those people. I thought the ghost collection, the books on the rock to like, no, get the kids to grab them. And it was like a Boo Radley scenario. And there's going to be more like Boo Radley stuff going on. There's like a neighbor kid that yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That would be better. Yeah. I think the right family read to kill a mockingbird question mark, but they don't know
what happens at all. Hey, buddy, I promise you the right family. Yes. Okay. They went to get a difficult mockingbird that like, yeah, I don't like the proportions of this book. It's a normal size. Here's what I promise you. If you asked David, right? This doesn't teach me how to kill it at all. At all. I'm going to write it even, but how to really kill a mockingbird by David, right? Do you think just going back slightly and please forgive me for dwelling? Do you think that the ghost
talks about the demon the way we talk about bigots who also are atheists? Like the ghost is meeting someone and they're like, you know Sam Harrison is like, I don't know. We are. We are. We don't really. Why does everyone always ask me this? Yeah. Okay. I guess we are. We share a spiritual realm. No, I'm not the same as the demon. I don't make the same choices. Because always has to apologize. Right. We really just agree on one simple question if you
think about it. It's, but if you look at the demon's Patreon, it's like 400 times mine. I don't know why. I don't know why the demon's making a lot more money doing this. And then then I've got their own university. Yeah. We're trying to reclaim a moral sound ghosting. And these demons just come in here and they do one of the fuck they want to make more money. And the demons moms buy them like six PhDs that don't really deserve it. When I go visit other hauntings, they won't
mention opening arguments. Opening arguments. Go, but go. It's going. We'll come to it. All right. So then we get David waking up in the dark. Oh, this is the Yankee candle moment. I'm sorry. I have to talk about this. So David wakes up in the dark and he sees the ghost in the hallway and she should dramatically whips the candle around her body. But it's not scary because
it's very clearly one of those Yankee candles that's called like Christmas morning. So kind of takes away from the, uh, uh, factor and then he goes into the bathroom and realizes that the ghost has fogged up the bathroom in a shower, which is how I learned that my wife is a ghost. I kind of like that the ghost was mostly doing like low level pranks this whole time. Like, yeah, leaving the hot water. It's like just a bunch of stuff to prank all dads. Just like moving the thermostat a little bit.
Run away. Touching the thermostat and messing with the lie. Moving heavy furniture down the stairs without lifting it. Or the ghost was just, you know, taking a shower like getting clean. I don't get it. Leave it in the front door open. It turns it off and the subtitle says handle clattering. Dude, just no, right? Like, no one would imagine an extended argument between the subtitles guy
and the sound time clattering. Oh, what do we think it crinkled? Maybe I'll crinkle the handle and I'll crinkle it and it'll turn off. You're telling me that shower curtain is just holding this whole time. Tee dog, it's been a while since we've done this. Let's invite the rights on for a debate on Seriously Grisoli about what the word clattering means. I think it's time. And it's here where you can see the shower curtain is clearly not a kind you cannot.
It's absolutely not one of the ones that you're not going to get over. 100% but it goes to like I loosened the springs on the tension. Now I wait. Now what would you do? I just want to ask us all. What would you do if you woke up from a dream that you woke up from a dream because he does a dream of a dream thing. And then you go on the showers turned on very spooky. Yes. We cut to the next morning. What do you think this guy
has done about this? He calls the plumber. He calls the plumber. He asks a professional plumber. It's so good. Is there any chance I have a magical shower faucet at the time? His exact words if I may. Can the water come on without me turning it on? And what is the best case scenario answer from the plumber? No. Yeah. Yeah. Who does new numbers? I'm not talking to you anymore. Okay, but here's the thing.
This is where I felt most connected to David because I make these calls to the service people. Yeah. 100% I hear myself. I have multiple times texted my electrician and said, Hey, this light fixture is broken and he has texted me back. The bulb burned out. And I've been like, no, I just changed it. And he's like, you should try changing the bulb before I come out there. And sure enough, I changed the bulb. And it's fine. And I'm like,
you were right. And he's like, and then he doesn't respond because why would you? Okay, every repair person in real life in David Owen writes town is fielding phone calls that are like, hey, is there a demon based reason that my brother, but the door jam is a little bit sticky. Yeah. No question. Now, this is where he and I lost sound. They have a conversation for a good minute.
So Smith. Yeah, fill us in. Yes. Well, fill you in. Well, fill you in. Okay. So they basically say, hey, you know, Grandpa had books about ghosts in the house and we were reading them before bed. The small book that they were very excited about. And he said, you were reading ghost books before bed. He gets very upset about it. And they're like, it's fine. You know, we'll bring them down and show them to you. And why can't they read ghost books before bed? They're like 20.
Yeah, they're freeing old. I think the last movie we did was very much about the dangers of reading books that have occult stuff in it. Like it's a theme for this fan that they worked into this one a little bit. Not sure. Okay. To be fair, James Hatfield, Meth, James Methfield met what a human was from like a Gaston perspective, you know, like it's not right for a woman to read. I was talking ideas and thinking it was more like that, I think. That's why they had to cut it out
of YouTube because the censors in Google would hold them back. It's all making sense. So now we cut to them. They're doing some work out on the farm. I think they try to make a donkey sound scary in this scene. Oh my god. It woke up my dog the first time I watched it. I was so mad. She was freaking out. I was like, Oh, stupid donkey. And also the stall for the donkey was named the Thomas suite. I don't know if you guys saw that. Yeah. Coming together. Also, because this is the
best example of it. I know I've talked about the animals doing cute thing. They literally have like a minute long shot of a donkey rolling around having a bull. I know. So cute. It's literally doing the like dog find in a good puddle roll. Yeah. Not filling me with the chilling feeling. I think a haunted movie should be going for propaganda. Yeah. And then and I can't emphasize this enough. We have about two minutes of footage of David with his bulldozer. Why? Because
he had a bulldozer and Ashley said that we'd do some footage of me. I'm a bulldozer. Has the price tag on it? So here's the thing. Here's the thing. Because he said, he said, I'm calling my gravel guy to repair the paddocks, right? And I see the rocks that are delivered. And I'm like, I feel like that's not right. And so I went on a journey of researching how to properly build a paddock. If you're not listening to where there's woe, this is the mind that you have
available. This is what she does. But for as a force for good instead of as a force for evil, which is what she's forced to do, which she's on our show. I examined like there's various layers. Sometimes it's a force for nothing. Yeah. According to my research, the size of the rock that he had delivered is probably appropriate for a base layer. And that'd be it. Anything higher. And you're going to want something a lot smaller. They're very huge. You don't want horses
stepping on those things. So what he's really doing is building a paddock. He's not repairing one. He's starting from the base layer. And I feel like they should have known that because they're farmers. Let's get to the bottom of this. Yeah. Well, to be very call the plumber to ask if turning it on. That's true. That's true. It doesn't. It doesn't. Not turning it on. It turned it on. Far too large of rocks. But now it's time to meet my favorite
character in the movie Abby. My favorite person. Yeah. Possibly ever. Yeah. It's a great acting performance. Yes. So we see someone put themselves in the room with the donkeys and they're holding a rusty sickle. Right. We're setting up for a horror scene. Scraping it up on someone else's property. Yeah. She does a lot of scraping with this sickle. And the girls find her. And it is Abby, who is I'm going to say the girls friend from school.
What are you guys? Oh, I think this is I think this is another. This is the old. Yeah. I don't know that she's blood related. No, she just got the dad's genetics more than a mom's. You can tell. I'm pretty sure we've seen her in other right family movies and she's one of the sisters in real. I don't think she's adopted. She has the mom's exact mouth, but the dad's exact shape. Okay. Yeah. I think that's right. There's three right children. Yeah. Oh, wow. We made
a scumbag. I'm going away. I just assumed. Yeah. So I don't have whatever your history. So I was like, oh, there's a third one. I know your assumption is definitely correct. Yeah. Okay. I didn't know that. Here. Let me click on the cast. Hey guys, I'm sorry that I oh, yeah. Get on the cast. Okay. I'm gonna tell you. Oh, oh, this is going to be good. Okay. Jaina Wright portrays Abby. Yes. Here's what she's known for. And we'll see if you've seen any raptured I guess. I dare you to
mess with a kid's panda at Christmas. And blessings. Sorry. Let me write the whole. The Bible and Bigfoot. We've done that. Obviously, the one that began it all. Well, then you know her. You know the word of Jaina Wright. Exactly. How did this Jaina Wright erasure? I don't remember. I don't remember children because I can't make fun of their physical appearance. When they age into me being able to make fun of their physical appearance, as she has done in this film,
in Jesus name, that sounds like we also did that one. Yeah. So you also seen her not somewhere. Correct. But again, I have to wipe them from my memory until I'm allowed to make fun of their physical appearance. It's my working process. I love cast out all fear. Yeah. You know, General Wright. Yeah. Prolific. Well, anyways, we see her in this film. They have decided to give her
black eye makeup under the eyes. They had Phoebe do her makeup. No, this is like when I went to sleepovers as a kid and we pretended we were in the craft and like just trying to like spooky and we would like try and levitate each other. Yeah. This is what. Right. But also maybe you were playing center field on a sunny day on a baseball team. I was going to say it does. Yeah. It does. So maybe you're related to a raccoon. Yeah. It does vary from raccoon to football player to Justin true
dose photo. He wishes you would forget about it really. Yeah. It really goes back in for it. Oh, it gets way too close. Yeah. But yeah, this is Abby. She was the girl who helped grandpa out on the farm. And she she talks spooky. Right. The point is she talks spooky. But none of them can act or emote. So she just talks slightly more monotone than the other people in this film. Yeah. They don't have a lot of variables to work with in terms of delivery. You know, there's
not a whole lot. She's like, all right, well, you sound exactly like all of us because we're all this exact thing. Maybe put a little more space in between your sentences. Okay. There you go. That's it. We'll call it a character. And we painted your face weirdly. And that's it. Yeah. Yeah. And then the next day dad meets her, right? So the girls later and then the next day dad meets her. And she's just the entire time they're talking scraping the side back and forth along
the wall. She will not stop playing with this crop size, but it is a very real rusty side that they have on set. It is rusty. But you know, it's more scary. It's like a sharp one of those. You know, the dogs sickle is like, okay, I'm not gonna do this tetanus polish that up. And yeah, that's true. Yeah. That's important. Safe and certain there. So this scene ends with dad just saying like, Hey, Abby, like, thanks for doing work on the farm for us. Just be careful with
the size that you got. And then she improvises the thing and she scratches the back of her and with the she's like, I'll be careful with the out. And they have to cut. And that's the end of the scene. It's the end of the scene. Yeah. It's pretty fantastic. Clearly herself with a size in real life. So we're going to take a quick break and let her get a bandaid or something much larger. I don't know a bunch of neosporant. Yeah. And then back with more hilly haunting. I'm telling you,
donkeys are spiritual. They know things and they can sense when something is a miss. Trust the donkeys. Trust the donkeys. Do you say so? Hey. Oh, um, hey, donkey. Namaste. Say namaste. I said hi. Yeah, but he said namaste. Namaste, donkey. Oh, feels appropriate of. Do you want to get rid of the ghost or not? Anyway, I was wondering if you could help us with the ghost or demon thing. Yes, I can help you. Oh, great. A reading starts at $45. 45 bucks for the reading. And that does not
include crystals or charms. I need to buy a crystal crystals. Plural. I'm going to need a lot. I could tell even though the reading hasn't started yet. Wow. A free preview. He never does those. Okay. And we're back. When we left off, Abby had lost a good deal of blood doing that spacework with a sithe went very badly, I'm assuming they had to like pause production. Opening arguments. Opening arguments is the name of a podcast. Everybody should check it out. Wow. And now the
system's locked editing now. This sisters are having a meeting about the obviously evil person who carries around a weapon all the time and works at their farm, but also does all the work. Yeah. He's like, what do you do around here? And she's like, well, I feed the animals. I repair the path. She like makes a point of saying all the stuff they already did. And I'm like, okay, so you don't have a job anymore? Or they'd, yeah, it's good anyway. Redundant. Somebody's redundant.
Is what I'm saying? I think what they're saying is they need someone to pledge $300 a month. Yeah. Take their favorite donkey. If only we had more donkeys to take care. I don't like that they have other interests. It's not part of the game. This is like when someone was in a volleyball league with David A.R. White and I look, what's he like? And they were like, he's nice. And I was like, no, no, anyway, so now it's time for another hunting. This is one of the most intense ones in the movie.
We get some fast motion camera, some doorknob, and then doorknob clattering again. Yeah, clattering. We also get my favorite closed captioning moment from YouTube anyway. It says suspenseful musical music. You tell me that's auto generator. You tell me what auto generator on God's green earth auto generated suspenseful musical music. That's right. So we cut straight from there to one of those weird cracker barrel signs. You go to cracker barrel and you're like,
who buys it? Ashley, right. That's who buys it. Yeah. And the sign says, keep the gate closed. No matter what the donkeys tell you. We're going to talk to Abby again. Abby will. Clarence throughout the movie reveal everything she knows, which I should point out is a lot, but she's going to reveal it like piece by piece second by second. Yeah, I think it's worth playing this. This is more gold out of the best actress in the film.
Take us there, Thomas. Take one of the the rights. I don't remember her name already. Jaina. She didn't fade to get some more grain. Do you always carry that blade? There's something strange about this property. And this makes me feel safe. Your grandfather chose donkeys to keep him protected. Well, I chose something a little more practical. Say from what? Ghost? More like the feeling of always being watched. Goose bumps on your arms. The hairs on the back of your neck stand enough.
And the cold crushing feeling of death. Hey, Chris, can you not hammer in the back front? We're trying to do a horror movie. They want you. They want to kill you and Matthew did perform it. I don't think so. Come on. I'll show you my farmer team. Ghosts? I don't think so. Come on. I'll show you my farmer team. Yeah. This is why I love this film because my mind, the abstract places my mind went where you're like, what's more practical in your protection against ghosts? A donkey or a side?
I don't, I don't, this is the best SAT question ever. I don't. I know. What's more practical? A donkey or a side against ghosts? I love it. I want to get like really high and ponder that for like a year. Like, can I just use some mushrooms and just like think about that question? Yeah. Do a Terence McNally dose in the desert. Yeah. These people just output this like it's nothing to them. They just spit out these gems of weirdness and it's like it's they don't even recognize it.
I did end up going on a journey with this too because I was like, to find which one. Why don't you? Are they good? Are they good? Just a little walkin' around a haunted house with a donkey. This is practical. This is just a minute. Just a minute. I get it. The donkey's not coming with me. Hold on. Types into Google. Who would win in a fight a donkey or a ghost? No, but I ended up on California Psychics.com. So, you know, a very reputable source. And don't keep the left wing psychics though.
They are considered spirit slash totem animals. Not my words, California Psychics words. Yeah. They say they have intuitive powers that keep them out of dangerous way. Well, spoilers for later in the movie. Wow. They can see into the spirit realm. Well, just saying maybe grandpa had some smart ideas. Has some points. Yeah. Maybe, do you think that's why the rights rescue them?
Is that they see like how many gay people were letting get married and they're like, we need the donkeys now more than ever. For the ratio, yeah. Yeah. I don't think it's very practical still though. Like, okay, they can see into the spirit realm. So, you have a donkey with you at all times and the donkey is just like, this is demon. Now what do you do? Hey, not for nothing. The grandpa died around a copious donkey. A donkey was like, there's a demon and he was like, I'm dead.
So lots of donkeys. Like 14. The grandpa. We were in the meeting of a donkey. We did our part. Yeah, listen, he had a wallet with photos of donkeys in it. Like, he had donkey, a donkey shirt on. He had everything donkey and still got killed. Well, would you say you do here, donkeys? I let him know. I'm not just a warning vessel. Right. I'm, look, if you get an ADT for your house, you also have to call the cops. Okay, don't put this on me. This is impractical. You're impractical.
Try us sides next time. I will. Okay. So now it's time for more exposition because it's another scene. And they literally open this scene by being like, hey, the thing you said three seconds ago, can we talk about that more? And she's like, yes, your grandfather uncovered things on this property. And I wrote in my notes as a joke, do we have to wait until the next animal before you tell us what the fuck that means? But they do. That is what happens next to the movie.
I love that they leave the last scene and then walk back into the same exact spot. To continue a conversation with this scene. The right family styles, the bet they think you have to physically exit and physically enter every scene. It's the best. Yeah, no one's ever doing anything else when a scene starts. It's always like, hey, we are starting existence right now in this moment. If you have a mental disease, the right family films are made for you. Also, I know Abby probably works very hard.
However, these are the stupidest instructions in the entire world. She's like, I'm going to show you how to feed these donkeys. One scoop in the morning, one scoop at night. And that's it. Wow. Wow. I could have been a text. So I got to run into that. I got to memorize this. Also wasn't a whole scoop. So I'm just saying Abby's not even doing her job. So she's starving the donkeys. Yeah, exactly. Oh, they're too hungry to defend the dad, the dad.
This is where Abby fills us in on the kind of information that only California psychics.com that donkeys are very spiritual animals. And I immediately were picturing like the animals is all the friends of my wife that I hate. They were like, oh, he's such a Libra. Okay, donkeys. So now they move to the next animal or is he having his notes? They leave and come back again. Yeah, yeah. For I think the third time that they're doing that. And they're like, okay, so what do you do about the ghosts?
And she explains, please correct me if I'm wrong here. That she just kind of accepts the ghosts as a shitty coworker. Yeah, which is how I imagine everyone talks about me and podcasts things like, I and I get it. It gets very real for a second or they're like, wow, what do you do? She's like, well, unions aren't very strong in this country anymore. And Oshah doesn't listen to my complaints. So I just, I think I'll probably die one day. I don't know.
I'm going to just keep doing my job because I don't have health insurance. We've got this side. So yeah, I got, I mean, hopefully it doesn't like the side. Make sense of consequences, you know, I'm so support and Trump though, because I think Trump's really going to get things going. I just don't trust Kamala. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I'm literally dying of whiteness is what I'm dying of my own ignorance. Yeah, she just starts to cut her own head off with the side.
Oh my god, we're coming up with a two- I blame trans children. We're coming up to my own Lidias favorite. Second, I don't know. It's hard. Small books is close. These are the two things. Hey, small books that we have been saying all day. Hey, small books. The best. Take a search, Mitz. What happens next? So first we have Abby runs and attacks a rat with a scythe, which is the stupidest. But she doesn't because it's just dirty. They show the rat and it's just like a dead rat with some dirt on it.
The rat was coincidentally killed by a cat and they're like, let's use this. Zero blood. It is very important that we clarify the rights found a dead rat on their property and thought. And we're like, we should put this in the movie. We can use this. Yeah. Wow, what a great. If you find a dead rat on your property and you think, hey, this should be part of my job, you should start your life over from the beginning. You should dress up as a baby and hope someone just raises you from the start.
Again, that's my thought. I feel like there's, you know, eight hours of cutscenes where Abby was trying to kill a live rat with a scythe and then they're down the track and they were like, oh my god. They're sitting there eating their craft. This is good. AKA the pizza. They were allowed to order his payment for this movie, right? And they were like, hey, Jamie, you could kill a rat, right? And she was like, sure, good. I'm getting pretty good with this side.
Four days later, they gave up like Quentin Tarantino and Django and Shane. Do you have any idea how hard it would be to kill a rat with this with a little hand time? It's not the big like the, you know, that the Grim Reaper has either. Thomas, I know that. Yeah, I know that. It's amazing. It's the right family. It's impractical. I'd rather try to kill a rat with a donkey. All the exterminator could a rat have died without me. Yes, exactly.
So this is where Abby is going to give some more exposition to dad this time. She explains that Grimper found a human skull while he was digging the well. Okay. So after that pointless scene that I forgot about the so dumb where she hits nothing with her sith and whatever, now the girls have to debrief the dad. And they discover they're here's why she's carrying the sith. The ghosts are afraid of it. It's the. Yes, it was probably what they were murdered with.
Because the sith was found with the skull, which is a fact that we hear no fewer than seven more times in this movie because they forgot dad reads it in the journal. Yeah, that he found in the wall. Yeah. And they do two more scenes with Abby and unusual tool. Also, Grandpa doesn't even know what a site is. They do a scene later where they say it twice in the same scene because they forgot they already did it. They will say it over and over again throughout the rest of the movie.
Yes. And so but this is the first time and so this is the realization. To Abby. The sith, the thing she's always carrying around, that's the tool. She says it brings her protection from the ghost. That's why it brings her protection. That's what killed the ghost. She carries it around because it's afraid of it. That's the answer. We have to get that away from Abby. She doesn't live here. We do. If we had that here, it could buy us enough time to figure out how to get rid of this thing.
She'll kill us if we try to get that from her. She will never put it down. You're right. That's all that poor girl has. Abby just sleeping, making like cute snorenoises and they're trying to like slowly pull a side out from under the pillow. But the turn on the dime from this guy, we need to get it. After all, we live here, not her, but it's all, but she will never get. You're right. It's all she has whenever. On the dime, it's so brilliant. All right, New plan. New plan.
We'll have to buy ourselves time some other way. That level of comedy, I could never think of it. Yeah, like there's, they, oh, they inadvertently create the funniest sequences of words and things. It's amazing. I love the thing. This was a gift. Thank you. Thank you for having us on to watch this. I enjoyed it so much. My life is richer from having watched this film. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, a rich and life.
Oh, and this is where dad explains that if a ghost is afraid of one thing aside, it's got to be afraid of something else. Why would that be true? Yeah, also never comes back and is not true in the movie. So do with that what you will. So one of the girls gets spooked by the ghost again. She hears some words. It doesn't really matter. But you know, the words didn't happen. One thing though is that she walks out of this forest with zero motive, zero urgency.
Even though the motive is literally the line that she just said, I have to show dad it's a clue. And then she kind of like crawls away like, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a very strange, but she did try to pull a great trick, which was, which was she's like, I heard you. You said help me. Yeah. And I'm like, okay, that's like if you do like, no, I will not make out with you. Why? Exactly. Oh, I heard you. You said I'm just a stupid fucking ghost.
I should probably stop haunting us and crinkling trees. Ghost says what? Like see if it works. Yeah, it's worth it. It's worth a try. I don't know. I'm like, so she goes into tell her dad that what just happened in the movie. And the ghost has left her. So when she gets spooked by the ghost, she falls over and finds a message in the bottle. From the ghost.
Yeah, and I had to see go where I'm like, the ghost is like, fuck these people are so stupid, I think I'm going to help them out a little bit with this whole haunting. Like it's too easy, right? You know, like maybe I'll give them a hint. To be clear, you don't need to put messages in a bottle unless you are putting them in water. That's not just a place to put messages.
I mean, I suppose it would weather proof it no matter where you put it, but it is odd that the ghost was like, yeah, I mean, I don't want to put it in a ziplock bag. That's kind of anti-climactic tinfoil messaging. He doesn't want to put plastic in the ground, you know, microplastics leaching. What is that? What is how does this fit with the lore of this movie? Is what I want to know? Like what? Who put a message in a, okay, this used to be underwater. This entire place used to be an ocean.
And there was someone who put a message. I don't know, but we find out from that and crinkled paper. Mrs. Edwards vanishes without trace was the headline of the newspaper. Mrs. Edward, okay, sure. And they will spend, and now they'll be like, gosh, I wonder who that is or if we could find out anything about her. They have this weird scene where it feels like David lied about like, I know some people at the FBI and the kids are calling him out about it on camera.
Yeah, yeah, because they're like, you, dad, you had great experience in the military where you won three purple hearts and know everyone who's super cool and badass and can do everything. He's like, yeah, but I mean, they all, I retired and they retired with me. Everyone retired. He's the same time as I retired the same day. I did, they're like, we can't work here anymore without you. And they also left. We were on a yik-yak together and that's all that's a website.
God. So now he does call his military buddy. I have an important question for you guys. This is the first of what I strongly believe in my heart is a series of AI that they had do acting. I'm not even joking. I think they had voice. What are you like? You're more familiar with this stuff. The chatbots that can do voice now, I'm pretty certain that's every single phone call. And it may have even been the first one. I don't know, but like this voice, it's expressionless. It's completely lifeless.
And in a way that's even noticeable relative to the rights. Like that's how bad. It's AI that was trained on the right family movies. Right. It was like, I can't exist. Like somehow that's like, hollowness squared. I don't even know how to do that. No. So from my previous exposure to the right family films, that's David Wright doing a voice. No, I'm the dog. David Wright. There's no, I'm playing this. There's no one. Jump on Amazon. Jump on Amazon, Thomas. We have the answers.
Apparently the lady that my father bought the house from when missing. Give me the name. All I have is the name Edwards. Do you have a social? Like I wouldn't ask for help if it wasn't important. Give me until tonight. I'll have something for you. That's just an AI. That's not a real person. Check it out. Get on Amazon. Lydia, I know you've already done the research on this. Oh no, not on this. Okay. There's the donkeys and rocks. Okay, that one, the next one is an author.
Okay. Oh, now it's changing. No, no. Each of their names is a literative. I think it's a clue. Because that was Greg Gorham. Yeah. And then later the author that they call, which is even more AI, I have to play that one. It's hilarious. Mordo Morrison. Mordo Morrison. Are you talking these are real people? Eli, is that your theory? No, I'm telling you. It's him doing a voice. Why? But no, it's AI. It's fucking AI and knowing. Why would they have him?
Why would they put a different person in the cat? This is from the IMDB. I'm doing the thing you said. Mordo Morrison. You're saying Mordo Morrison is a fake person. They made up to cover their AI. Is an AI actor that they put it. Maybe the name of the AI personality. Okay, we'll get to it and play that one. And yeah, we'll see. We'll see what you think. We hear from Mordo. Yeah. Anyways, it's time for the girls to get scared again, because it's an odd numbered scene.
This time they just get scared by the lights flicking on and off. And the only reason I mentioned this is because the girl, like after that happens, flicks the lights on and off. And it's identical to what has just happened. Yeah. And she doesn't go, oh, guess the ghosts just flicked the lights on and off. By the way, he called his hot shot detective buddy and said, essentially first name misses last name, the Edwards. Yeah. And he's like, give me an hour. Yeah. Like, okay, sure.
Yeah. And then he's got, so then he's been referred to an author that we're to believe he's talking to. Yeah, apparently. And here I'm going to play this AI, definitely AI for you. I found your phone number and my father's journal and your book in his library. Your father did reach out to me, but some activity he was having. I gave him the list of things and thought would help him. But we were both coming up short on ideas. His crashing through walls. His turning lights on and off.
His turning the showers on. I've never experienced or heard of this powerful of an entity. The last time we spoke, I had him get rid of some potential trigger objects. I never heard from him again. That's because he recently died of a heart attack. We can explore the trigger object prospect again. Now reaction. Okay, Thomas, I have done that AI. I have done that to multiple people at AP's conventions, so for someone's been like, my dad got eaten by bears last week and I've been like,
Amen. So did you want a bumper sticker? I think I missed that entire thing because I was just looking at the fact that chick-a-chick a boom boom was up on the back. Oh, yeah, we're kidding. It's a good set. Yeah, also wacky Wednesday and the Lorax. Yeah, and the Lorax. I was surprised to see the Lorax. Yeah, how many kids was this grandpa hard like? Yeah, why is it there? Kids say they never saw their grandpa, but more crimes uncovered. Anyway.
All right, so now it's time for some more ominous donkeys and they're going to get some more information from Abby. I really picked up on Abby saying that most of the time she's working and it leaves her alone. So like the ghost is really into capitalism and, you know, profiting off of maybe the ghost podcast too much. But then I take a bathroom break and it starts haunting the egg. So I just started peeing in bottles. Lydia, does the ghost podcast too much?
Is there something you want to tell the ghost? All right, so now it's time for Dad to get a call from his military guy. In spite of the fact that he had Mrs. Edwards as his only clue, yeah, he does in fact have information for him. Yeah, from the FBI. Yeah, missing person case. We find out it's an FBI. Yeah, and fingerprint identification and Abby reported her missing. Okay, can we talk about the fingerprint identification? I wish you would.
This guy has a huge poster for fingerprinting way bigger than the donkey painting. So I feel like he really loves fingerprints. Just like that's the indicator, right? How much you like something? I love how you say this guy. There is no God. Oh, yeah, it's just a wall. Yeah, they just filmed a wall. David, it's David right in a wig. I'm telling you. He's such a bad wig too.
Yes, but the camera focus is solely on the wall instead of whatever the scene supposed to be because they know they don't have another person. Right, right. And it might be him in a wig, sure. But like that it's hilarious to me. They show like the FBI seal. Okay, so we must be in Mr. FBI's house or something like what? Yes. What are we talking about? Yeah, there might as well be an address played outside that says the FBI wherever they are. Virginia question mark.
I'm looking at the frame right now. It has three inches of gray hair that might be a wig. And that's as much as you see of the person talking in the whole thing. You just see the wall. Okay, but the room doesn't own the fingerprinting poster. The guy does. No, but I know it's just this is their way of making it look seem like they have another character. When really it's just murder Morrison. No, whatever. Murder Morrison. One of David's many aliases. Okay. Oh, I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry, Eli. This is breaking news. This is very important. Please. I have frozen frame on the I almost want to send you a screenshot. I frozen frame on the FBI scene. And we were talking about how the stuff is on the walls just to make it seem like there's another character and there's not. They have gone to either like you know those websites. They'll frame stuff for you. But it's super cheap and shitty looking.
They have framed an internet printed picture that says you see our federal Bureau of investigation uniform crime reporting and they just like printed that as though someone who works at the FBI would like frame that and hang it on their wall like it's a picture of a picture like it's a fucking diploma. Yeah, it is exactly like that. Then there's the fingerprint and then I noticed to the left still in frame is a poster with a horse on it. They're still in the fucking barn. They didn't pan enough.
I swear to God, there's like a fucking donkey poster that's it just out of frame. It's so good. God, I love these people. I love can you tell them I love them? I just hey, please. Hey, they know Thomas. Hey, Thomas, they know they listen to every word of the I can't promise you much. They listen to every word of these podcasts and they know that we love them. They also know it because they now have $600 for the picture. It's been a while that they didn't have before a week before this podcast.
So yeah. Okay, so now it's time to talk to Abby about her dark backstory. There's this great moment right where they're trying to set it up in the dialogue and the girls are like, do you want to know anything about us? And she's like, no. And they're like, cool. All right, do you have a dark backstory? And she does. Her mother didn't want her. So she dumped her in the foster care system. She found her grandmother. Yeah, and then her grandmother knew the guy who owned the farm grandpa.
And that's how she ended up working here. This is inexplicable. By the time we get to the end, I have to have Lydia. So, we have to redo this with my own family. The story of this film is really tough. Yeah. There's a hole in my brain where there's supposed to be anything about family. So often I ask my wife like, hey, how am I related to this person? She'll explain like my own family. It's your son. And it's all up. Exactly. And so I need at the end, I need Lydia to tell you.
Tell me the fucking unwrap the tape. It gets weirder just just letting it get weird. It does get in fact weirder. It does. And one other thing I want to point out about this scene because I loved it so much. She's doing this very heavy exposition, which will not matter to the movie at all. But while she does it, one of the donkeys noses in between them. And it's like, hey, are we expositing? I wanted to send my name's Greg. Hi. Oh, no, we're just doing her. Okay, I guess you got the camera man.
Another donkey with like an FBI uniform walks in. Oh, my God. Sorry. Yeah, it was, it might have been earlier, but at some point my favorite bit of the donkey propaganda is the little girl says, wow, people never show how donkeys really are. They're so cute. So cute and so worth wrestling. Rescuing. Patreon.com slash.com slash.com slash.com. So I'm gonna ask you. Opening arguments. Oh, my God. Okay, now and I cannot explain this enough.
You know how the lights have been flickering because of ghosts and the things have been broken because it goes now we're going to just have a scene that's a misunderstanding where he calls up the stairs. He's like, girls, I'm going to turn the power out, but they're not listening because they're on their headphones. So they're like, uh-oh, do you think that was the ghost? And then he turns the power back on and they're like, never mind the powers back on.
What? Here's the best part. He says, I'm going to cut the power. He goes and turns off the power and then leaves. And then sometime later he turns it back on with no explanation for why he ever turned it off to begin. There's zero reason. He carries like a fence at one point that doesn't involve the power. He says it has the thing that you do from time to time. Yeah. I'm just going to go down the basement and cut the power to the house.
I bet David Wright does that to prepare them for an EMP attack. Every so often he's like, sorry, girls EMP day and they're like, oh, man. He's testing a Faraday cage about something. Yeah. I guess or maybe we missed an AI phone call where they're like, have you tried turning the house off and back on? You get a gift? That's what the house pretends to happen. That would have made sense. If there was an electricity would be there even when I'm not turning it on.
Yeah. I think it tried cutting the power. There is no no explanation for this. Like they just did a, I'm cutting the power off. Yeah, that's it. Does that happen to you from time to time? Thomas, you're the one who's supposed to be our source of poor things that happen on a farm. No, if you don't have it, I exactly sorry. You think it's happened to me and Heath had suburbia? Yeah. Yeah. Did your dad just say I'm coming in the power. Or in the royal castle.
She's just going to threaten her and laugh. This is nothing. It's so incredible. Why do you? That's absolutely correct. I'll call Tom Curry. I'll see you in Tom. Absolutely nothing. Nothing happened. There was no reason for it. I think just David and Ashley couldn't get the kids off their iPads to do the movie that day. I think that means we all get a quick break for a little screen time. But first, let me give the act three, the hard sell. Will we learn how to rebuke a demon correctly?
Will it be very technical and rule based? Will it come from what appears to be an Ikea? Find out the answer to these questions more when we return for the Christian right conclusion of Hillik haunting. Hey Abby, can I talk to you for a second? Sure. What do you need? Hey, can you stop scraping your sickle against the wall for a second? Is it bothering you? Yes. Okay. Right. So my girls mentioned you might know something about this ghost. What do you want to know?
I'll have all the pertinent information you have about the ghost. You don't want to ask me questions? Nope. No, it's not like a riddle situation. If you could just give me all the information you have about the ghost now. Feels like that would be a lot. Okay, well, I'm glad to hear it's a lot. But just sort of as a general rule, if you have demon information about the workplace, that's kind of, yeah, it's kind of a self-report situation like entirely. Got it. Got it.
So if I've been talking to the skull to make a bargain for your life, I would love to know about that. Yes. Got it. Have you been talking to the skull? Yep. Great. Good to know. And we're back. When we left off, dad replaced a fuse and a no probably not. He did something. He just turned off the power and then turned back on the toilet. Turned it back on. I love you trying to sanitize this insanity, but that's not what happened.
I'm trying to help him out, but either way, a demon ran away foiled from something. Yep. And now we cut to Abby sitting at her evil altar in the woods with a skull and candles that she made. So good. And I love this. She's trying to negotiate like a hostage deal with the demon. Yeah. She's like, look, I know you're scared of my super cool sickle. So I'll bury my sickle if you leave this family alone. Huh? I wanted the demon to be like, I'm a, I don't make deals. I'm a demon.
I just do whatever you're breaking my balls, Abby. You're breaking my balls. Yeah. Like the demon's actually a keen negotiator. Ooh, I don't know. It costs. I've seen my friend over at the, the house down next to the next hill over two cycles. And then the guy, the idiot, the, the main dude spies on her and trips on his way up. Oh, this is almost my best words. Absolutely trips for no reason. It's so good.
And it was like, oh, my brain, that's a logical person who's a human has been in the world and seen movies is like, ah, that's him tripping. The sound will give him away. Exactly. And then Abby will look over and say, hey, no, he just trips. Is that the sound of crackling tripping by a human? No, he just trips, cut. Nothing, it didn't matter. The end. It's the best. And the wife was like, I'm keeping it in there. He has to pretend it's in the script that he like trips. So he has to act out.
Tripping it goes so badly that he really trips that he hurts himself. That's what I was going to say. We get to watch him go from the bad fake trip to the real trip where he's like, oh, hell, my Jesus. So now we get a scene where the girls are dressed like Rambo for some reason. Well, he takes the skull. That's called. Oh, yes, yes, he takes the skull. And now we get to see where the girls are dressed like Rambo. And they do slam poetry about the ghosts into the ghost.
This is also where we get our only donkey warning. Right, they're sitting there and the donkey goes like, and they're like, yeah, it's the donkey alarm. I've been also really confused with the transitions between scenes. Oh, that's right. Yeah, daytime nighttime. Like I can't keep track of any of it. It's nighttime. All of a sudden now. Are they back in the basement? At this point, I don't know. I'm unclear. Dead's testing the Faraday cage again.
We don't know if you ever turn the lights back on. One thing I kept wanting to throw in somewhere was that it's been a mystery. This whole movie, why the 87 year old man died. They're like, he can't have just died. I have a heart attack. He couldn't have just died of a heart attack. It's an 87 year old man. There's no way. And so I think in this scene, they're like, Slaving away on a farm. This explains it. You're like, you didn't need to explain anything. He was 100 years old. He died.
Yeah. But this is an Ashley Wright film, my friends. It's just time for Ashley fucking right to step in. She's going to be our Christian psychic. Yeah. And I will remind you that again, all of the Wright family films operate on two levels. One, it is a chance to order takeout. Two, it is her and David's sexual role play and the tension in the air. Yes. Oh my god. Eli, my note said weirdest pornost setup ever. Cause like, I got that vibe. I really, really did.
I was like, I feel like I need to leave for sure. You guys need a moment. I don't speak robot. So I'm not picking up on any of this quote unquote tension. Because listen to this quote ever. I agree. My wife died. I've just been a loner. How much do you charge? And she says, I don't charge people for a gift that was given to me for free. Thank you. With that gift, Ashley. Yeah. We're going to find out. She's got that aloof sexual energy, right? Brown chicken brown cow.
Yeah, he was really trying to do like, I don't know. I'm going to pay for this weird Christian. Yes. Yes. Exactly. He can't afford the psychic pizza. Which they did order. Yeah, they did order. It's all coming together. Yeah. So that skull that they use as a prop, they fuck the shit out of that skull. That's because. Oh, yeah. 100%. That is a sticky prop. That had all its teeth before the shooting and did not at the end. The candles were actually a cover.
They're like, oh, we'll just say it's white candle wax. Yeah. Sex would come everywhere. Yes, that is what I was saying. Do you mean come? Yes, I mean, I mean, ejaculate. Yes. That was the thing is you're welcome. Opening arguments. All right. So the next morning, Abbie's doing her part. She's digging a hole and putting the side inside. She's been on the side in one inch of sand. Of sand. Where's the sand coming from?
It's like a kid's play box area and like a single rain is going to wash that right off. And Lydia, I'm not sure about this, but the size of the sand in terms of its coarseness is inappropriate to bury a side. I 100% agree. Get into the analysis research. How was that sand doing in a commercial environment? Based on the terrain, there's no way that's the sand could have occurred naturally. So then she goes back to find the skull to tell him that she's done her part of the deal.
Someone has taken it so long. I'll say she's like, yeah, coming back in the forest. She says, I'm coming. Sorry, it took me so long and I was like, same girl getting old. I get it. I had to dig nearly an inch of sand that took almost 13 seconds. I like the, but this implies that like in the past, when she's done things for the skull, she's gotten back and the demon that inhabits it has been snippy. Yeah. Oh, 20 minutes. Oh, nice to see you. It's not. I'm glad you made it.
This is way slower here in the spirit realm, but a thousand years for me. That's cool. That's cool. I was just talking to Satan. He's nicer than you. No big deal. And then we get the example of the cuts that are so bad here that they literally cut it such that it looks like Abby is spying on herself. They cut, they sure are walking through the forest and then quick cut to her crouching. So it's like, is she watching her, herself walking out? Watches the watch. Yeah.
I know who stole the skull. It was me. What? What? Yes. But then put it in the girls and she sort of confronts. She's like, hey, did you guys find anything? And they're like, no. And she's like, just for the record, no stealing skulls. And they're like, yeah. Okay. All right. Goodbye. So good. All right. So David is now going to fix the hole that the ghost punched in the wall. But what? What is this? Small books. He finds another small book.
I all too will reach into a wall of an old place while I'm repairing it without gloves. I'll just reach down in there. Just get in there. Yeah. Yeah. And this is where he finds his dad's secret wall turn. Somebody please explain how this got here. Okay. So no, you can't do it. It's a boss book. He knew he was about to have a heart attack and put it in the wall. No, I think he hit it a long time ago. Yeah. Okay, but why? I don't know because he's ashamed of having sex with him.
So he needs to keep the journal but not get rid of it, but also put it in a wall where and then drywall over it. Well, I guess it's evidence that he knows a murder occurred. So then just throw it away. I don't. Don't write it. I think. Don't write it. Write it. Don't write down your murders. I is a pretty good policy. I'm not trying to like help out murderers here, but that seems. If I had a nickel. Is the move.
Don't. So now David is filling Ashley the psychic in on the plot of the movie so far. She's telling him that the ghost is an old woman, which again, we already knew based on the rest of the movie. But he's really blown away by that. He's like, how can you see your clothes? And I wrote in my notes. She's a psychic. But this is where she explains that he's a psychic shield. I wrote in my notes at this point. This is nine year olds playing with ghost busters toys level of stupid.
I also love it though, because it's so on brand. Because it's almost she's she's almost saying like, you know how you aren't open to knowing anything about anyone else's thoughts or feelings. And you just go about the light. The world is a man not caring about any of that stuff. Yeah, you're a shield. You're a shield. Yeah. Okay. You know how you're not generous about the skull sometimes also. My turn. Some people need more time with the skull than you, David.
This is also where we get the first hint of Christianity. Yes, this is a Christian movie. It is. This is where she says, I'm not God. I don't know everything. Yeah, this is also as he's like sharing this information. One of the most confusing things right from this journal that was in the wall that I don't think we talked about was that the old woman that he was in love with named Martha. And Martha's daughter Abby, who he also loved. But not but not Abby that we know.
But we don't know that exactly. So he loved Martha and Abby. And then he got Abby pregnant. He also liked to have the band, but that's all right. Yeah. He also runs like I'm here riding a wall journal. Yeah, tell you what, there's not enough dark secrets to fill the whole wall journal. So I'm also going to write some like casual stuff in there too. I think the godfather movies were that good. Yeah, it was always right. Oh, shit. It was I farted in the elevator the other day.
And I didn't tell anyone, but I mean, this goes in the wall too. I don't finish to gay porn, but I watch it. And yeah, and for us, he's your right. Like we don't know. We don't know that it's a different Abby. No, no, no. At this point, thank God it is so confusing. But so he's explaining it. Ashley in the scene. And he says, no, not this Abby, the other Abby. I know it's confusing. I don't know why we need to see like we could have written it differently. Cut. Why did we do that?
Oh, yeah, I think what happened was the wife obviously came up with this. And he was not happy with the script direction. So yeah, I know it's confusing. But okay, so they're both named Abby. They're both named Abby. And I actually it was my turn with the skull is also in the script now. I think it's supposed to be a misdirect like maybe at least a ghost the whole time. I don't know. And then but the grandpa and pregnant her. Yeah, the grandpa you have to explain.
We're not even there yet, honey, but you do have to explain whatever this family dynamic is just got more confusing. But also this is where we learn that the woman who made this movie, methad Miley Cyrus. Ashley, he's right. Yeah, there's rules. We get like a T3B EVE but for ghosts. Oh, yeah. The spirits have rules. The dad is like cannot believe that these spirits don't respect his property rights. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Literally like but it's my property. I'm a pregnant on the line.
Yeah. According to the Constitution. I own this property and this ghost it's the funniest dialogue. I was traveling. Yeah, she explains that like you took ownership of the evil land and that counts now as you are in charge of dealing with the David. They 100% will try to sovereign citizen these ghosts later. It's amazing. They actually will see that. And we also get my favorite line of the movie where she's explaining all that. And then she says, yeah, so the spirit realm operates on rules.
Yeah. Kind of. I love she's like I went to spirit law school for like four years. I know what I'm talking about. Don't argue. I mean, I studied a lot to be able to do this job. So yeah. So now they know. So again, what she clarifies in this scene after the rules is that there is an old lady ghost as we talked about, but there is also a demon. Yeah, yeah. And the demon is the one causing the trouble at night. Yeah. The ghost is honestly just giving us like clues as to the plot of the movie.
But it's also the one who killed the the grandpa because the demon is an additional thing that has come because she says someone has been. Have you been talking to that and he's like, no, we we know this house, my rules, my house, my rules, we don't talk to like he's certain that no one. He's not here to talk to the dead, but the trick is oh, but it's been Abby talking to the skull.
And so that addition, the rules say the the bylaw say that a dog can't and there's no rule that says a dog can't talk to you as well. And also a demon can't haunt an old lady. Yep. If you talk to skulls long enough, then a demon in addition to the ghost will come and they have a little turf battle over it. Yeah. And the demon is a turf actually. Yeah. And it would depend if that trying to happen on the so much inside the property line or outside the property line.
Yeah. No, he literally says everyone knows not to contact the dead. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, I didn't know I was. I'm not known that little I know. Yeah. So now it's time for her to confront Abby about it. Right. Okay. Small detail. He's wearing a non camouflage t shirt for the first time I've ever seen. He's always a blue lives matter t shirt. Everybody's literally always wearing camo and an American flag on every piece of clothing he ever has.
Yeah. But this time there's no camo, but it's a t shirt for a camo company called real tree. Hell yeah. Yes. It's what he wears when he works in the office at the camo. Yeah. He wore it to their wedding. But this is where Abby gives it away that the dad didn't turn into the skull. He kept it in the woods like a pattern or something and would tell the skull he loved it. Yeah. I guess I wrote in my notes. Did you notice him ever putting a mouthguard on the skull? This is important.
Then we have another scene. Ghosts flick some lights bothers the girls again. The next day psychic Ashley, it's time to get down to Jesus. There we go. Yeah. Yeah. Cause Ashley wants to know if he's Christian because the only way to defeat the devil is with Jesus, extra Jesus. So the point of this scene is that if you want to get rid of a demon, you can't just be normal Christian. You have to be all the way Christian.
Yeah. You got to pledge to our donkey Patreon and you have to traumatize your child. Yeah. Halfway through the scene, they're basically like, you can't be Christian enough. Your daughter's going to do it. And so the next scene she's preparing the daughter and I just have to point out that she is like super duper reading from the script in this scene. Oh yeah. They do this scene. They're both looking for or actually the mom can't look at the kid. The mom is looking a different direction.
Yeah. And it's like they're writing a bus or something. Like they're sitting next to each other. She's looking at different direction. The kids actually making actual human contact a little bit and is doing the scene to the back of her head. Yeah. But why? Cause she's reading. She's reading from like she was like, okay, anti demon flow chart. If that doesn't work then hold on to the head. It says so weird. And the point of this pep talk seems to be like you're not trapped in here with the ghost.
The ghost is trapped in here with you. So now it's time to kick some demon. Gold fringe on the sheet. Very good. Yes, baby. That's they are going to sovereign citizen this ghost out of here. Not joking in the least. No. It makes sense why these idiots become sovereign citizens. They really think there's these weird rules about the ghosts and about the law. It's the same thing. It's amazing.
So apparently in this one and actually in a lot of exorcism movies, the rule is you tell the demon the rules out loud and then and then it has to be like, ah, fuck you got me. He claws 18 subsection B. I do have to technically get me here. The power of Christ does compel me now. God. She yells Jesus, you know, subsection B and the rules over all even you. But yeah, she's like, I'm calling your manager. His name is Jesus Christ, but it's still doesn't work.
And then she remembers and I swear to God, I'm not making this up. Oh my God. Oh, yeah, I need to give him a time limit because he's our low and he needs transition heads up. Oh, this was the best. She's actually like, I'm going to count to three and then no more demon in here. She does like two and a half. He needs specificity. Yeah, she literally says, I have to give it a time limit. Give it a time limit.
Yeah, I really wanted her to do the miss Rachel thing I have to do for my son of five minutes left. Yeah. She does do that and she picks a minute, which I'm like, oh, I'll get just pick a second. Why do you do a minute? Exactly. It's weird. And then it works. We had to gold fringe on the flag time limit and then the ghost put down the switch and ate its fucking dinner. Okay, you know, now is your time because we get the big final scene. All right, put it all together. Solve this puzzle for us.
Yeah, where we find out this family tree, I have no fucking idea. Please God, tell me what happened here. Okay. First of all, Abby doesn't have any makeup all of a sudden. Yeah, all of a sudden, the makeup was part of the demon. Yeah. Yeah, her outfits totally different. She's wearing like flannel now. Yeah, I don't know what's going on. They should have had scenes earlier in where people were like, oh, nice makeup. She's like, what makeup? I know.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So grandpa was a weirdo creep and he was really into Martha and Martha's daughter, Abby, not our Abby, different Abby. Woody Allen. He was doing a Woody Allen. Exactly, exactly. And he decided to end up getting Abby pregnant, but like was in love with Martha. Okay. Abby was not probably not into that he was in love with Martha. So she killed her mom, Martha gave birth to her daughter who she named Abby for some reason.
And then Abby, the one that we know was given up for adoption by Abby, the murderer. She's given up for adoption and she's sisters with David, which means that she's the girls aunt. Yes. And her mom and the grandma are both gone. They're both dead. Did anyone understand that? Yeah, I agree with that. That is the trace. It's a Woody Allen because I think we can all agree and look, I'm going to say something brave here.
I think we can agree that the monster of this movie turned out to be a noggamy. Maybe Martha and Abby could have worked today. But also how do the ages work out? I don't understand how the, yeah. Well, dude, I get that you can make babies as a dude for a long time, but how old were these women? Yeah, no, it's very uncomfortable. What was also uncomfortable for me was how long that hug was. Oh, yeah, at the end, they do. They do a weird hug that's like, man, the body language is like it.
It's a kiss, but it's a hug. Yeah, but for 30 seconds. And they don't move. And then she pulls out a side and she's like, look, I found a side. And then cut end of movie. That's it. And movie. I think they're setting up a sequel where like Abby's back as a demon all of a sudden. I believe in them. They can do it. So lazy.
Okay. So the demon that got rebuked in your head, does the demon just like poof out in a snit because like they got told the rules and then they're like in the demon realm being like, yeah, counted to three. I had to go again. I got fucked on that again. Absolutely. They're having a demon coffee. Like, yeah, no, it's happens the best of us. What about the ghost though? Did the ghost also have to go or what? No, it goes to still there. Still there.
Okay. The ghost of the ladies, Martha is just hanging out. Just hanging there. But still like turning lights on and off and turn the shower on. I guess I don't maybe we don't know. We don't know. She's in bottles, small books, just fucking around. Okay. I think we do need a sequel because we need to know what's going to happen with Martha the ghost. Okay. Well, great question. So it's a kind of a cliffhanger.
What do you think happened to Martha the ghost and what do you think happened with Abby grabbing that side? Was it just like, no, no, I just, I still like this. Or is she a demon now? Wait, yeah. Does that mean she went to the child sandbox? She buried it in. I think it was supposed to be like a, I was, I was evil all along. Yes, I believe that's what it's supposed to be. No, real, what? No, I think so. Yeah. No, how? Explain that to me. Oh, again, no, I didn't have explanations to this.
That's just what they wrote. Evil, maybe. No, that's nothing. Hold on, maybe we'll just play the last 10 seconds just to see. You know what? I got good news. Look what I found. I remember where I buried the side. Yeah, see? Yeah. I remember where I buried the side. Yeah, it was under like four grains of sand. Right. How would you not remember where you buried it? I think she's evil. She was tricking them. And she sounds like an old-timey gangster. I said for some reason.
I'm here, yes, standing you. I'm here, yes, standing you. I don't, I don't, the site didn't create the problem. The skull created the problem. Ashley, as a $300 patron, I would like to know. Please. We'll check what the meaning of this last thing was. All right. So I think the messages Donkeys are magical anti-demon beings, right? That's like the big theme here and in need of rescue. All right. We all agree on that. I think that's going to do it for a review of Hillik Haunting.
But that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we found another terrible movie, Eli. What's on deck? Well, he's a family living in a home in Indiana, discover strange demonic occurrences. They convince them and the community that the house is apportal to hell. We'll be watching the deliverance. Okay. So decidedly not deliverance from 1972. That's no, no, I think we would not do that one.
Okay. Well, with that to look forward to, we're going to bring episode 479 to a merciful close. Huge thanks to Lydia and Thomas for joining us. So thank you. Y'all got me cool projects going on. Anything you want to announce? Not opening arguments. Well, we've been having a lot of fun breaking down season two of Things Fell Apart, John Ronson series and. Yeah. Undubbed he dubbed. A lot of fun and also depressing. Yeah. Where there's both.
Yeah. Some awful, awful reporting done by somebody I previously respected. John Ronson. So if you want to hear that disappointment and also have an existential crisis. Yeah. Sure. Where there's both. Perfect. And of course, a big thanks to our Patreon donors for all the generosity. If you'd like to help split the show, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash God awful. And that I'll get your early access to an ad free version of every episode.
And if you enjoyed the show, check out our sibling shows, The Skating Atheist, Citation Needed, Skeptocrat and D&D Minus, available in all the podcast places. If you have questions, comments or cinematic suggestions, you can email God off movies at gmail.com. Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slotnik of Evil Giraffes on Mars. While other music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark and was used with permission.
Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week. For Lydia Thomas and Eli, I'm Heath, Promise and War card turn another chunk next week. Until then, we'll leave you with the animal house clothes. The donkeys, all 14 of them, run away from the right family rescue because it's not worth it to be unpaid in these movies, unrest you us now. We could start a donkey rescue rescue, don't we? We're in the right care.
Ashley Wright, Rennon to win Best Director at the 2024 World Premiere Los Angeles Film Festival according to something written on the YouTube file where I was watching this. What? What? Yeah, also one of the kids won Best Teen Actor for this movie as well. If you want to Google that film festival, you can't. I tried. It doesn't exist anywhere on the internet. Yeah. I haven't gotten to the hearing yet. Roll around donkey needs an Instagram so I can send him to Heath on an hourly basis.
I actually support that one. The Hillock family tree did some major crinkling. Still in the closet. I am. Yeah, we went back and forth and then I made the closet slightly better for her. I'll tell you what. How about you're instead of having a room. I moved this coat. You're lucky duck. I have foam on the walls now. So now I can be locked in here. Locks from the outside. Yeah, I was going to say if I'm good. If she does a good recording, she comes out. Put the microphone in the basket.
She doesn't. We put Arlo in there with her. Oh, man. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle on the Thunderstorm LLC copyright 2024. Wallrates returned.