465: The Animated Book of Mormon, Ep 1 and 2

As we have mentioned on the show before, we write a little header of each scene that we all put our jokes in, right? And we'll usually write the first sentence of a scene or A A A, a piece of writing, right? If it's like 44-8-8-8-8. or something. Yeah, yeah. March! Who got to the notes first this week decided to introduce this scene with the heading breathless recriminations. I need a fucking dictionary to get into my notes for this podcast.

That is an excellent description of how this scene starts. Not awful. Movie. Movie. Movie. Welcome back to the Gamcast where each week we sampled another selection from Christian cinema unless we decide to do two of them. I'm your host no illusions he saw it this week. I wonder why but sitting night under miles to my northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir? More men movie months, baby. I got a tray of funeral potatoes.

My penis is inside someone and I promise not to move. Let's do this. So yeah, it's a bit of a weird mid month start. It's just like, hey, we're going to we're like going to be in Salt Lake City. How could I not think of the match? Yeah, right. And also joining us of course is perennial guest massacres. Co-hosts the skeptics with a K and COVID-Dewer Michael Marshall. March. Welcome back. Oh, hey guys. Love you to be here. I know nothing about moments. So my penis isn't anywhere.

I have no potatoes anywhere near me. I didn't get the memo about needing potatoes, but I'll see if I'm salt that out in the break. I hope your penis is somewhere. What are we saying about facing your penis out of his existence? Every time. So tell us, Marsh, what will we be breaking down today? First. So we watched Nephi and the brass plates. It's the first episode in the animated Book of Mormon series about the time.

Nephi and his surprisingly diverse family fled Jerusalem so quickly that they forgot to pack something that belonged to somebody else. Yes. Yes. And Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you loved Disney classics like the Prince of Egypt, but your holy book is as well written comparison to the Bible and you would like the two animated films to match in quality. You will love this movie. It's Richard Rich throwing one to the church folks at home, everybody.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, so yes, so to be clear, this is a 24 minute video. So we're going to be doing two episodes on this week's show. And we're going to actually get like a separate little intro for the next one later. So speaking simply of the Nephi and the brass plates one, is there anything you guys want to nominate that for being the best at being the worst at? Yeah, yeah.

I want to go best worst disguise because there is a moment in this children's film where someone needs to pretend to be someone else. So the method he does that is to kill that person. And then the next time that we see them, it definitely looks like he's wearing the guy's face. Sure does. It turns out he's not wearing the guy's face, but it could not look more like he was wearing the guy's face if they'd done that on purpose. It's always so long to realize that it wasn't that.

Yeah. And let's be clear that the reason that it looks like that is because the animation is fucking terrible. It is. Oh, yeah. So if we were doing a best worst for both episodes, it's best worst. We don't need that many frames. Yeah. This thing is it's like they got a buy one, get one free deal on frame. Oh, and everybody's face when they turn just changes shape like to thinking about animorphing, but change their fucking mind. Nobody looks through it. Look at the left to guy, look at right.

You can't tell it's the same dude except for the clothes. It's so fucking bad. There's a moment where this camel's walking and the frame rate is so low that it's difficult to tell which direction they're moving in because it's this flickering back. Right. It looks like one of those things where there's like if you see them going forward, you're right brained. If you see them going backwards, you're left. Right. Yeah. All right. So I was going to go with best worst plan.

Now, this is straight out of the book of Mormon. But Nephi at one point, like his brother fails at something. He's like, I got a plan and it's the worst possible imaginable plan. We'll get there. Yeah. And I'm going to go with best worst lesson learned.

Now those Ewhalist and Escaithing atheists and followed along with us on Mormon piece theater back when we were reading the book of Mormon were surprised as I was at the, I'm going to say in defaculability of Nephi's brothers to keep beating him up after the angel tells them that he is the chosen one of God. That is reflected in the animated film as well. Yep. Yep. Sure is. All right. Well, there's a lot of tapas coming on the other side of this break. So we're going to keep it brief.

And when we come back, we'll dive into all the detention flip book animation that he is Nephi and the brass plates. Guys, guys, amazing news. What is it? Yeah. That time you accidentally took a sip of caffeinated cola. Oh, wow. First of all, Steve, that was the worst day of my life and I appreciate you not bringing it up. But secondly, we got approved to make the animated book of Mormon, guys. We're going to make our very own Disney movie. Wow. Disney's making it. What?

No. But a guy who worked for Disney is making it. So that's, I pretty much the same thing. Obviously. Identical. So I guess the only real question is, yeah, what story should we tell? Right. Yeah. Because we want something kid-friendly. So not too violent. Right. And, you know, there are parts of Mormon history that are, well, they're true. They're just confusing. Yeah. So we should probably not go to those right away. And of course, it is the 80s.

So we should probably stay away from anything about Black people who we acknowledge have souls about 10 years ago. Sure. Sure. Modern times. Yeah. So what we're going to need from the book of Mormon is a story that isn't racist, sexist, or a historical. Exactly. Yeah. So, what do you want of those? You guys just want to go in chronological order instead. Yeah. That's probably best. Sorry. Did you say 10 years ago? We said that. I mean, there's no 10. I don't think it's not been that long.

It's not great. And we're back for the breakdown. And we're going to open up on Jerusalem circa 600 BCE. Hell yeah. The narrator goes, my name is Nephi. I wrote my notes. He read it. Gunpoint. Jesus Christ. Yeah. They might have gotten Richard Rich for the animation, but they did not get the voice talent. I think even the animation, that's falling to get in. Because it's a throughout, this is the first time I noticed that the animator really does struggle with where fingernails go.

Yeah. At some point, it's like an inch away from the end of the fingers. Yeah. Somewhere in the finger reaches five. Yeah. Second knuckle or so. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. So we open on Lehigh and he sure is worried about Jerusalem's future. He's like, God, what are you going to do to Jerusalem? And he, like a fire tornado hallucination appears to him and burns Jerusalem. He's like, I'm burning my fucking downs when I'm going into.

Yeah. Just silently, which is a bit of a weird thing to just like do silently do the thread. Like this fire whirlwind God is either only communicating in mine or it's the equivalent of like just cocking the, like doing the gun thing with your hand and point. Right. Or yeah, or the thumb across the cross. Exactly. Exactly. So, okay. So yeah. So Lehigh goes into Warren, all the wicked Jerusalemites and they don't want to hear any of his repent bullshit. Right.

And to be fair to him, he has a master crowd of 14 people and a horse, which is not that, but I've given talks to smaller audiences. Sure. I'd been happy with the full team without the horse, but the full team. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We had a horse in there. It would have been it for a weird skeptics in the pub. Yeah. And I was going to say with the horse there, then you have an audience that's been on the same amount of Ivermectin as some of your audience. Yeah. There you go.

You know, works out for everybody. I do like, and I don't know why they kept this in. The first heckle after he's like talking is throw him off, which I thought was pretty fucked up. Yeah. Who are they heckling that too? He stood by himself on a large podium. Who are they heckling that too? You throw him off, man. Yeah. So he's going to fucking do it. I really wanted the whole to heckle next as well. I really want to know. Take his apple.

Yeah. Okay. So it also, this is where we first start the tradition in this film of lazy animators drawing tiny crowds. Right. Because it's supposed to be a bunch of people, but like, it must be being very generous at 14. And then when they actually start heckling, we just zoom in on two or three of them once they have to actually do shit, right? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. You know, when you were a kid and you would draw yourself in front of like a big audience or an stadium full of admiring fans, maybe that's just me. Yeah. And you would start drawing the faces in to your big stadium and or theater. And then by the end, you would just drop it. Yeah, you would start going to be like, hey, you have to zoom over here too. Wait until we get the city and the second one. Yeah. Oh, god. Yeah. It's okay. So that night, Lehigh gets a dream message from God as well.

Put a pin in that. We're going to have a whole fucking video about that in a minute, right? I really wanted the dream message to also be from like a silent fire tornado and he's something like interpret what it's doing now. I don't get it. I don't get it. Four words. First words. First word. First word. Yeah. So yeah, but so we always see us him waking up and going, well, that was an awesome looking dream vision. Thanks, Scott. They don't even show us the dream.

I was so angry that they didn't show us the dream. Later, now that I know we will see the dream and I'm angry that they did show us the dream. Right. Yeah. During this week's part of the moment. Yes. No, no, no, please. I'm not the fucker with your source material is the Book of Mormon. Right. Yeah. So but Lehigh wakes it goes away. Sneafie up. So is dressed in a headband and risk cups and like a tarzan onesie. He's dressed like an extra in the he man cartoon.

Yes. Yes. He's dressed like Kevin Saul bulls, hercules. There you go. The entire time. Yes. In his sleep. In his sleep. Yeah. He wakes up with his risk cups in his head. Which would be less weird if everyone else in the movie wasn't dressed entirely differently. Right. Yeah. So yeah, but dad tells Sneafie, hey, we all have to leave town tonight or the townspeople will kill me. I just heard from God's fire NATO. Right.

So then we cut to Nephi's evil brothers desperately loading the camel and complaining about how they have to do all this work. And I wasn't totally clear who was part of the family here because these are a very diverse looking bunch of people. There's not a lot of commonality amongst them. They don't look like either father or the mother. So all I can assume is that like essentially how I sold his sold his old pretty broadly back in the day. And this is kind of the after that.

But we don't know that yet. So we just got guy being a wine little shit. I didn't know was his brother. Yeah. So but that's what you have to understand, Marsh. Who is that? What does he have to understand now? Is that those two brothers are the source of all of the darker skinned races in the world and the highest in Nephi rather and his other brother are the source of the light skinned races.

Does the anime to understand that because in the crowd we saw before there were several people on which darker skin than those guys. Yeah. So okay. So then we cut to the mom and the little sister enjoy the little sister for this scene. We will never know. Sorry. She's in the next scene and then she disappears from the from the universe. Yes. Because this is where they're like leaving in the middle of the night like the Von Trapp family.

So we wanted them to like push the camel to the edge of the town, but they get stopped by the baddies when they try to stop the camel's engine. Right. Right. Yeah. So but as they're leaving mom looks at her ostentatious jewel and crusted golden cup and thinks, that's the simple things I'll miss once we're done. She gives a goodbye hug to her jeweled cup and I wrote in my notes. Oh, she really is Jewish.

Oh. Also, this is where I noticed for the first time that the closed captioning on this video has a scripture option. Forget. Yes. Yeah. If you click on scripture, it'll tell you in the closed captions where in the book of Mormon we are minute to minute in the video so you can follow along. Oh, I just realized because I saw that option. I turned that option on. I thought, well, this is fucking stupid and I turned it back on to like regular subtitles.

But I also thought was there was a Spanish scripture option. I didn't think to click it, but like knowing that it's just where you are in the book. Right. How is the Spanish going to be different? Yeah. That's because it's just the name, which is like Nephi. So they're not. So they're not. They're in the living when they're there. They use the same numerals as us. Yeah. Just me doing the senior pets voice.

Yeah. Just occasionally some of them got like an upside down exclamation mark to begin with. That's quite a lot. All right. So okay. So then we set out on our camel train. Yeah. And they're an eight camel family, you know, so we'll do it. Well, themselves. Yeah. They're a dual and crusted cup kind of kind of family. Yeah. And they gave these camels. I'm going to say a quarter of the frames they need to be quote unquote animated.

It looks like a child without manual dexterity playing with a flip book. That's just like. It looks like it reminds me animation wise of like video games in the 80s, right? Where they're like, okay, you got three fucking frames. What are you going to do with them? Yes. Just like, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, Yeah. The camel move. Yeah. So yeah. So they're walking along on their camels. The bad brothers, Laman and Lemuel, sure do hate dad and his stupid holy visions.

Oh, sorry. We also get the daughter complaining though. Like, are we there yet? Daughter moment too. Yeah. Told you she'd be back. Yeah. And I was in shoe because I've not read the book at moment. I thought I was thinking, I think I'm going to like camel all the way to you. Tell her is that what the balance is? It's not. But from moment I thought it was. No, Mars, they take submarines. Yes. No, they don't take so that other people took submarines earlier.

They're going to build a boat by looking at what other boats look like really, really hard. Yeah. That's true. It is stupider than what I thought. That's it. That motherfucker was tight like a dish. It's high as a dish. It's high as a dish. Like unto a dish. Yeah. I don't want to piss off the Latter Day Lesbians again. So all right, Nephi's little brother is a total Asuka. So we learned that on this trip, Nephi and his little brother, they trust dad in his visions, but Lermu and Lame and don't.

And after we established this, we get this just insanely long, nauseous pan of the desert. 20 seconds. I rewound and check the end of the same with a 20 second pan over a still of the day. It's not even on any of the desert. They're not moving. It's still. This is a 24 minute movie. That pan is like more than 1% of the time. It's amazing how much they had to pad time in their animation to get to 24 minutes. So okay. So then we cut to some morning or another on the trip.

They've set up their tent, right? And so I had a good look at this tent set up. For one thing, they stake the tent into a solid rock down the right hand side. There's a rocky outprop and they are址. And stakes it. That must have taken them so fucking. Yeah. Outside of the tent is a small fire pit made out of stone blocks that they must have brought with them on the camels, I guess. Yep. There's one dedicated camo for the fire pit. Yeah. Well, there's only three camels visible.

So I don't know if they killed an eight five of the camels at this point and make it. And one of the camels is very clearly eating the tent, which I can only assume is like a protest at the fact that they've been staddled overnight while tied up. They just don't want me to eat this fucking tent. Nothing else I can eat. Yeah. So fucking dumb. Yeah, but this is where Lehigh remembers that they actually should have grabbed the brass plates before they left Jerusalem.

They need those because otherwise when they get to the Promised Land, they won't have a Bible. I guess the brass plates have the Bible inscribed on them. Right. They didn't think to transfer that onto a parchment so it'd be like a bit easier to move around and stuff. Sure didn't. Although they don't have to worry about moving stuff around because the tent they're in and this was blowing my fucking mind. This tent is so fucking lavish. They left on eight camels.

This tent has two or three different rugs on the floor and hung on the wall. They've got questions. They've got an entire treasure chest in this is like when Nicola packs for a trip. Like you see our room at the Pajama party, but there was a treasure chest. I saw it. I saw it. There was a treasure chest. I thought the rugs on the walls were weird, but now I get it. Now I do get it.

Yeah. I guess because so whenever I read the book of Mormon, right, it's always who is Joseph Smith gripping with that he is secretly encoding it into the book of Mormon. And this scene is a great example of that because the brothers of course don't want to go back because it's dangerous and Nephi will and Nephi sort of turns to camera and does a like whatever God wants us to do, we will never be harmed doing. Also stop arguing with Joseph and stop letting your fucking wife look at the pages.

Also, like just because the listeners need to get a sense of how bad the dialogue is in this, I actually transcribed that bit that you just did Eli word for word from the film and it goes, I'll go and do the thing which the Lord has commanded for I know the Lord gives no commandments to the children of men without preparing a way for us to do what he commands. It's oh my god. I think of a synonym Jesus comes giving one synonym. That is asking me to look in a the service.

Yeah. So but and they're like the brass plates, it'll be impossible to get the house. Laban has them and they're like layman and they're like no, Laban is that's a different character and they're like, Lee high is like no, Laban is like limb highs. Like that's a different guy. Leah Hone is like no, that's a thing. A thing. Yeah. Yeah, right. So but no, but they got it. They have to go back and get the brass plates from Laban and of course, layman and yet Lemuel hate their dad.

I think that's a stupid idea. Yeah. Oh god. And this is where we see that they're starting the journey back and the camels look so annoyed that they have to go back. It looks like they're sort of five minutes into the car journey and then someone realized that they've left their sunglasses at home and it's like no, it's fine. It's only five minutes. We can turn back around. It's not a problem. We can go back and get them. It's that for brass plates and it's different for blue eyed people.

Mars is different. Yeah. And I loved that they kept the blackstone thing from the book of Mormon because it's just such a useless thing for the plot of the book and they kept it in the animated movie. Yeah. Well, right. So they got to get 24 minutes somehow. So they're all drawing lots to see who's going to go and get the brass plates from Laban. But right before they draw lots, they'll have this conversation where Laban and Lemuel like, well, I'm not fucking going to Nephys.

I was like, well, I'd be happy to go because obviously God will make it easy for us to do since he asks the student, I'm like, then why the fuck are you drawing lots? Yeah. Right. So but they draw lots. Laban gets the blackstone and of course, as we know in the book of Mormon, black is bad. So he has to do it full shadowing. Yeah. Right. Literally shadowing. Yeah. Yeah. Right. And Nephys like, Hey, you know, I'll go.

If you don't want to go, I'll go and he's like, I'll be damned if you're going to let him let you go and get all the glory and everything. I'll go and do it. Oh, God, it's so ridiculous. Why any layman is annoyed both at having to go and at the prospect of not being able to go. It's just everything is pissing him off. Yeah. Just standing at the door, you're opening a screen door for him. Do you want to go in or out? In or out interrupting marshes record.

Yeah. Yeah, listen to the patron, actually. Yeah. Right. So we cut the layman trying to sweet talk Laban out of the plates. Right. He's like, Hey, why don't you give me the brass place? We cut the laban and he's just this. You know, the 80s cartoon debaucherous guy, except instead of a like a giant turkey leg, he's eating an apple the whole time. An apple.

Yeah. I mean, it's an apple the size of his head, but it's right because they've done it as like this like ostentatious over the top kind of like wealth. He's so rich. He's got literally strings of gems just draped off every surface like that. The lights have got gems straped off them. That's quite confusing because he's also got like a ball of fruit in front of him and it makes it look like the grapes are all sore gems.

He's got a treasure chest in the room just open with everything pouring out. But to make him look extra greedy, he's eating an apple. An apple. And not what you're dissociating with greed. All loud and gross. Yeah. Yeah. I want to talk about the failure to animate this apple, right? Because and they it starts strong like it really looks like an apple and then he takes a bite and it turns into ball with a white. Yeah. For the.

Well, as I'm looking at it, I'm like, well, you know, wouldn't that normally be something like a big turkey leg or something like that? And I guarantee that the animator was like, I don't know how to draw turrets. I can't. So that seems really complicated. There's a bow and meat and I just. Yeah. I was surprised that no one in the scene kept on and I'm sorry. Is your apple phasing in and out of existence?

Yeah. Also, the fucking facial expressions that everybody's doing here, it felt like this animator wanted to make sure that he had a short reel that had all the facial expressions in it, right? So fucking weird. But ultimately though, Laban says, no, I'm not giving you the brass plate. There's a great moment where Laban's like, so let me borrow the plates of brass. And he's like, why'd you say borrow all weird like that? What you did. You did just say it. No, you said it weird.

Yeah. But he says, no, he's like, you can't go. So Laban goes back and he tells everybody about his failure. Yes. We have another sat meeting at the rocks and the animation is so bad that rather than sitting on a rock, it just looks like one of them is squatting in front of the rock. Like you're about to do shit in front of the rock. Right. But Laban's like, well, if Laban can't do it, nobody can. We should give up. And Nephi is like, oh, do it. So then we cut to, we cut to them at their house.

They're gathering up all of the riches that they left behind when they moved in the middle of the night. They've got so much gold. There's so much stuff in this house, how rich were these fuckers being tied up? And to begin with, I didn't recognize that it was their house. I wasn't paying full attention when they were in the house. Oh, so you just had to rob and some, through the back, it's lute and so well. We call it the press plates, but let's just loot these fuckers on the way out.

Yeah. So yeah, but, but at one point, Lemio picks up that Jule and Crusted cup from earlier, mom's favorite Jule and Crusted cup. And he's like, well, I'm not giving him this. And he's like, no, you give him everything. Because apparently they're gathering up all the gold so that they can buy the brass plates from Laban. Right. So, and this is where getting into my best worst, this is Nephi's plan. So they gather everything up in four giant bags of gold.

They go to take it to Laban and Laban's like, no, this isn't enough. Well also like to be fair, he's not exactly lacking in the stuff made from gold, the pulp. No, everything in this room is made of gold. This wooden table is somehow made of gold. That's how would gold this guy had. Yeah. Right. And he's like, well, also like I was, you guys left town because I was going to kill you. And now you've just brought me all of your riches. Like I'm just going to keep them.

And they're like, fuck, this was a bad plan. So it's like he calls for the guards. They all grab their, their gold and run and he yells guards guards, right? Like you do. And then we don't see any gods. And my theory was like, no, it's just Laban's crazy. He has no gods. He's just everybody somehow like, I just yells that sometimes. My theory was that the animators were like, look, we're not going to do a whole bunch of fucking guards, okay? Take forever. You got two gods.

You were allowed two gods in his film. And they're also like, they're all carrying a bag of gold the size of themselves. Yes. As they run away. Well, you know, it's an important part of this cartoon to establish that someone very much could run with a bag full of gold. Yes. Right. Yeah. Goldway is nothing in the Mormon verse. Yes. Exactly. So yeah, that we get this chasing and I love this fucking, so they split up there, right?

Like Nephys, like I'll take the cowardly brother with me, you two go to the city gate and make sure they keep it open until we get there. Oh, and I love this splitting up. I love splitting up because they're like, we'd better split up. But first let's stand here in the middle of the town square while we bottom out the admin on who goes with you to work. Right. So yeah, so they, well, they can't have these characters running and talking at the same time. The animators only do so much here.

So they go to run. We follow Nephi and Lemuel. Nephi drops his gold, right? It's bag of gold and he's like Lemuel, drop your gold. You'll never get away while carrying so much heavy stuff. And I'm like, he's, he's after your gold, labeness. Yeah. If you just left the gold, he wouldn't chase you. No, he would not. Yeah, absolutely. So this is so fucking dumb. Lemuel would be damned. He's not going to drop his gold. He doesn't want to be poor, right?

But as they're running away, one of the guards throws a knife and it kind of tears open Lemuel's bag and he starts dribbling out gold like a trail of breadcrumps. Yes. And Lemuel goes, I think I'm getting stronger. I remember, why would that be your guess? Yes. It's a very small moment. But the first time we see the guards, the first thing we see is that shadow appearing.

But the shadow is way too long and thin and I really wanted them like when they finally get there to be like a massively tall, really thin guard. Yes. It's like, under man as one of the Jerusalem guards. Yeah, it's what he did. All of the guards stood on top of each other's shoulders in one guard uniform and they're trying to get into a cinema. So then.

So then we got to the other rows, layman and Sam and they've made it to the world's squeaky est city gate, right, with a wooden wheel, the wooden wheels squeak particularly. Now, I want to point out, this is not in the book of Mormons. So I don't know what they thought this, did they think this was comedy?

Because the guard with the wooden wheel is operating the gate kind of like a Zelda game, right, where you're stepping on a switch and the thing having stepping off the switch and it stops stepping off the switch. And it happens to be going. And so they're basically feeding gold into him like some kind of weird meter. Yes, right. Like a like a vending machine. He did that. They hand him this gold dish and they're like, hey, keep the gate open. He's like, this is but you one minute one minute.

And so now every minute they have to give him another gold's item out of their bag to keep the gate open. Yeah, it's one large golden plate per minute, which I think is still cheaper than New York parking rates, but 100% yeah, but they don't just give him the whole bag. They keep going like, oh, shit, he's lowering the gate again. Yeah, right. Here's here's one more thing. Yeah, right. Right.

And we get to them like out of gold, which means they've handed over everything they own a bag for one minute at the time. That means this chase has been going on for like 35 40 minutes for the other two brothers to get to where the first two brothers already are. How long is this chase? Yeah, we see Nephi and Lemuel climbing over a wall at one point, climbing over a building that cannot possibly be the optimal escape through a city to like scale a building. Yeah, right.

This isn't fucking assassins. Creed, you know, so but then they they they slip out of the gate. There's a great moment where Nephi is running at and he turns back and he goes, Lemuel hurry. And I'm like, he's hurry and dude, he's just not as fast as you. Stop in an answer. Yeah, he is hurry. There is a moment for that where they run out of all that gold and then the gate guy's like, you've got no gold now.

And there is a moment where the brother realizes he's out of gold and he looks like he's trying to work out how he could pay for one more minute. I thought he's seen the fire festival documentary. I mean, that's what you see. Yeah, right. All right. Well, I'll tell you what, this is a random spot to take a break, but we're trying to fit two videos into our three segment format. Damn it. So we're going to take a break.

And when we come back, there'll be even more bullshit about Nephi and the brass plates. I've had it with your lies, Nephi. Take that. Oh, layman, do not strike your brother for God has chosen him to lead your people. An angel? Yes. Release your brother and heed my word. Wow, I'm sorry, Nephi. No problem, layman. Now let's make it to the city and fetch father's plates. Are you trying to kill us, you fool? Take that. Oh, dude, what the fuck are you doing? Sorry, sorry. I just carried away again.

Okay. To be very clear, you've seen an angel, right? Just come down to earth and tell you not to kill your brother. You got it? Got it. No killing my brother. Yeah. Oh, layman, sorry, that was too for flinch. Just cut it out. Okay, or I'm turning you black. Sorry, you'll do what? Not now. Nephi. Okay. And we're back from where this shit, we're going to rejoin the action with Nephi and his brothers regrouping at a pile of rocks.

Well, layman rightly points out what an incredibly shitty, best worst fucking plan Nephi actually had. And if I can part the curtain slightly before we get into this scene, no illusions, I love our friend Michael Marshall. And I am honored that he joins us as often as he has. But he does a terrible job of getting us into our notes. So as we have mentioned on the show before, we write a little header of each scene that we all put our jokes in, right?

And we'll usually write the first sentence of a scene or a piece of writing, right? If it's like 44-8-8-8-8. And then a little dialogue or something. Yeah, yeah. March, who got to the notes first this week, decided to introduce this scene with the heading breathless recriminations. I need a fucking dictionary. I need to mind up for this podcast. That is an excellent description of how this scene starts. Because they're like really pounding their breath in their pissy.

Oh my God. No, wait until he's just trying to open scenes with And it came to pass. I'm like, I have no fucking idea where you are. You could be anywhere in this video. This is morbidism, dude. I mean, you did pass over the previous one which I labeled establishing shot of someone we haven't seen before. Question mark disestablishing shot. Yeah. Right. So, okay. But yeah, but so let's consider how bad Nephys plan really was, right? Because they started out without the brass plates.

Now, they have no brass plates. They've lost three quarters of their wealth, right? The only one who got their money out was, was Laban and the city guards are out there trying to kill them. Yeah, Nephys totally fuck this. He absolutely deserves everything he gets here. Yeah. Right. And the funny thing is, right? Like, I don't, I don't know. I find myself psychoanalyzing Joseph Smith a lot. Whatever we need or talk about feminism.

And there's something very Joseph Smithian about Nephi being the oppressed protagonist who can't stop fucking up and pissing off all the lawns and getting beat up all the time, right? Like Nephi gets beat up more than John Wick, right? In the scene over the course of this fucking book. Yeah. Right. So, but he's like, he's got this terrible fucking plan. And layman is like, you fucking idiot. Now we've lost all our money. You threw a fourth of it away.

He dribbled a fourth of it out behind him like fucking gunpowder and Yosemite Sam's pants or some shit. And this asshole bought us 13 minutes of open gate with a quarter of our family's wealth. Nobody got anything out of me. He starts hitting Nephi and I'm like, yeah. Right? Like I'm team layman. We put some of the stick and start trying to beat him to death. I'm like, yeah, it's a little much, but Nephi probably does deserve to get the shit kicked out of him a little.

I mean, they really do beat the shit out of him with that. Also, it just occurred to me. Why didn't they wait with the gate guy and just pay him when they needed the gate to be opened again? It just occurred to me like a great idea. Stand with it and then hand him out. A gold plate. We really need one minute every. It depends on which minute. Yeah, I bet one of them during this meeting is like, fuck, that's what we should have done. That's why they're so breathless. You're a criminal tree.

So yeah, so they're beating this shit out of Nephi and all of a sudden this angel appears out of nowhere. He goes, he's going to stop beating him up. Actually, he's in charge now and he's just doing his best here. Okay. Yes. And the angel is being played by Kenny Rogers as well. I get back to the praise because I do like to compliment Sam which Marsh, you fucking nailed it. This angel looks exactly like Kenny Rogers. And it doesn't.

And it even sounds like I'm the guy that doing the voice clearly is going for Kenny Rogers. Yeah. Yeah. So the angels like stop beating him up and the waves his hand and he makes all of his bruises and quote unquote go away. Yeah, they remember all the cross hatching on his arms. Yeah. Yeah. And and then the angel disappears. It's like, all right, Nephi is in charge now. Bye. And then and Lemuel is like, I don't know about that pale, glowing bastard. I'm not kidding. You're in charge.

I'm saying. I stopped hitting you with the stick because we had company, but I'm not just going to let you be in charge. Yeah. Lame is like, I don't know about it. I'll play along for it now. But the angel tells him, go back to Jerusalem. God will, I don't remember the exact phrasing, but God will like deliver. Or layman to you or whatever. Yes. Yeah. So they get back to the Jerusalem gate. Lame and Lemuel are like, we're not going in. This technically counts. We are over the city line.

We did what the angels wanted. They heathen right school. Yes, right. Yeah, exactly. Following God's commandments. All right. Right. Let's wait for God to deliver him like like the angel said. I think you'll find I am in the township of Jerusalem right now. So. Yeah. So Lame is like, I've gone far enough. He's like, I'll go Sam's like, I'm an ask. I'll go with you. He's like, no, I want to do this alone. Yeah. Because he said, like, oh, you know, the Lord will protect me.

And I really want to like walk into Jerusalem and then immediately get killed. Like one step into Jerusalem by the instant death. Yeah. So. Right. But so then we cut to Lavin. Lavin is very drunk. He's drunkenly walking out of a bar. Now he's drinking out of that cup. He stole the cup, I guess, of the, uh, that the mom liked so much. He's full on Marsha on the last night of QED right now. Drinking his favorite magenta colored wine. It's definitely magenta.

At one point, it's a dribbling from his mouth like he just went down on grimmers. That's how magenta is. So he's, he's, he's one of them, like, spociting. You know, he's, he's like, I'm drunk and I'm sure help was right now. I want the movie. I bet he appears to have made up a theory based drinking song about the evening's events, which can I say impressive? Yeah. Right. Right. So yeah. But so he passes out in the street and then we cut to Nephi sneaking in past the sleeping gate guard.

He comes across Lavin, you know, drunken past that in a ditch somewhere. Mm hmm. And the Kenny Rogers angel appears and says just murder him. Yeah. Murder him. He's grabbing sword and kick and chop his fucking head off. It is the cartoon angel on the shoulder moment, except there is no devil because the angels like fucking kill that guy. Yeah. And I wrote like, oh, is this gonna be like a lesson that angel Kenny Rogers is teaching? Yeah. You know, it's like he's an expectant to kill him.

He's like, is the lesson going to be you got a no one to slay him, no one to save him? You got to know when to leave him. No, no, leave him. Oh, yes. Oh, phenomenal. We. We. I'm so sad, Anna's on vacation. You're gonna have that in commercial. Brian's. You got to tell me this shit ahead of time. But again, you want to psychoanalyze Joseph Smith. How about this shit, right? Because he comes across the guy passed out and the angels like grab his sword and kill him.

And and Nephi's like, are you sure that because that's like so cowardly and grossly inappropriate for the crime of refusing to sell us his shit. Yes. You don't get because the angel makes out like he's that like Nephi is in the right here. But no, you don't get to kill a guy because he won't give you the thing that you want that belongs to him. That's not allowed. Right.

Well, and he's like, and Nephi's like, are you sure in the angels like it's going to be way easier to steal his shit if he's dead, man. I mean, he has got a point. He has got a point. No, that is true. Yeah. But they're trying to make out that like this is the trolley problems.

Oh, it's it's better to kill one man so that like loads of others may live, but like the trolley problem is somewhat undermined by us seeing Leven passing out in these like weird, embarrassing pose where he's completely helpless. Right. That's undermines the whole thing a bit. Yeah. He's not the trolley. He's a guy laying on the fucking track here. Yeah. And then also like it's a let me give you the exact fucking line, right? Because it's again, it's straight from the Book of Mormon.

He says, quote, it's better for one man to perish than to let a whole nation dwindle and perish because of unbelief. And I'm like, how bad is it that bothers me most is the double use of the word perish there? Right. I'm just happy there wasn't a treble you stuff that's really. Yeah. Yeah. And no and it came to pass. Yeah. Really free. Yeah. So yeah. So but Nephi kills the unconscious man and cold blood in the children's car. Yeah. And that's that.

He might as well turn to camera or covered in blood and be like, eh, ain't I a stinker. Right. Right. So and then we cut to a we cut to a dude that we've never met. This is Zoram, the treasurer, I guess Laban's treasurer. Right. The slave he steals. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. He's got like a giant golden box and he's just talking to himself. This guy we don't know about how heavy this golden box is and how much he likes it. That's all the context we're giving him.

I thought these were the brass plates. They're not the brass plates. They look identical to the brass plates, but like this is this leads just nothing to work with you. Yeah. Can I say something from my heart? Zoram is the only character in this movie who is wearing a Yamaka. We're in Jerusalem. So presumably a lot of people would be wearing a Yamaka. Do you think? But the only character they've chosen to wear Yamaka is the one whose job it is. Is to count the goal.

Yes. Yes. Wow. Feels a little on the literal nose. Right. Yeah. A little bit. Yeah. He is quite like Wisecracky as well. He's got like a Wisecracky kind of Hollywood Jew kind of thing going on as well. Like Hollywood Jewish character. Yeah. So silence me like I've just said to be really offensive. I'm actually canceling you on Twitter as we speak. I can't imagine a Wisecracking Jew. I don't even know what that even looks like. I didn't get to say what? Nothing wise about my cracking.

You know this most of all. But then so there's a knock on this guy's store. Zoram goes checking out and it's Nephi, but he's dressed in Laban's clothes and I wrote in my notes and wearing the juggernaut's mask. He's a perfect metaphor. Yes. That is exactly what he is wearing. Which at least it's that and not fucking Laban's face, which is what I thought I thought initially he's cut off his face but couldn't get the mouth right and just let him have thought.

Have you tried taping another man's lips to your lips? Mars because it is how I've tried it and it is difficult. No, it is tricky. It's good because they don't move right. So if it's not Laban's face, this guy is in brown face or at least three quarters of him is in brown face and a quarter is still at him. Right. It's howl of brown face. It's so fucking weird. And the guy's like, oh, it's, it must be Laban because he's wearing Laban's cloak.

It's this bug's bunny level fucking disguise of stupidity or whatever. He comes in and he's like, and he's just doing his Laban voice, right? He's like, I don't mind the brush. He says like a little kid trying to sound like an adult on the phone, right? Yeah. I demand the brush rates. But that's not how Laban talks. No, it isn't. He didn't have a particularly deep voice, but this guy's doing fucking Christian Bale's Batman or something.

And this is where we discover that the juggernaut mask that he's wearing was supposed to just be shadow from the cloak over his face. Right. But these animators are so fucking bad that it looks like a juggernaut mask. Well, you know what had to happen, right? They must have tried to brown out his face in shadow and they were like, ooh, guys, we're actually going to need that look for a couple of them. No, no. No. But things I've put the picture in the note here.

The brown of the shadow is lighter than the brown of the cloak. So that somehow the shadow is lighter than the thing that's obscuring. Yes. Yeah. That's very confusing. Yeah. So, but we get that he's like, I wore the brass plates and so I'm like, well, you're wearing the correct cloak. So you must be entitled to all these treasures. Let me grab those for you. It's like a lazy RPG. You know one of those RPGs where you just like have to be holding the one object to walk through the right door.

Yeah. I feel like that, the religious text. Right. So he's and then he gets the brass plates and he's like, Zoram, come with me and we have no fucking idea why we will never have any fucking idea why, but they leave the city together. They do. And also just a very small thing on the brass plates. Did we all notice that the brass plates were ring bound? Oh, yes. They had a little ring bind if all of them. So March, this is the deep lore. So I can understand why you wouldn't understand it.

Okay. Part of the purpose of this cartoon is to model what will eventually be the golden plates of Nephi, the thing that Joseph Smith absolutely hadn't his hat, but wasn't allowed to show anybody except for those five guys, except for one of them who later said that he didn't get to see it. You know, the golden plates. So what they're trying to do with this brass plate scene is like acclimate us to the idea that plates might look like that. Yes. Yeah. So yes.

So when they leave the city and the brother, CM, coming and he's like, oh, look at the cloak that can only be laben run. Right. And he's like, no, guys, I'm not. It's not laben. I'm Nephi and then Zoram who's going with him is like, oh, fuck, did you, are you wearing his face like a chug or not cowl? Right. And so Zoram tries to run up Nephi tackles the shit out of it. So funny. It's real good. And in all the brothers, brother, ran in there like murder him. Why don't you kill it?

Why don't you just kill him? That'd be the easiest thing to do would be to murder him. And Nephi says, hey, why don't you come with us, Zoram and be our servant instead of laben's and he's like, that's a great idea. I'll do that of my own free will. Yeah. Instead of being a servant, how about you come with us? All you need to do is pledge your loyalty to us. This kind of sounds like still a service. Pretty much the same. So funny. Yeah, because again, this happens in the book of Nephi, right?

And the choices either die or continue being not a slave, but you'll hang out with us. We're for us for free. Yeah. Right. Good thing you didn't have any like family or friends in town. You didn't want to immediately leave for all time, huh? Yeah. Because I introduce him. He's not a slave anymore. You've killed his, his owner, his master. I suppose if he's laben's slave, laben's dead. So this guy could just like go and be free, I guess. Mm-hmm. He's got access to all the gold. You would think.

So okay. So but then we cut back to mom and dad at camp. They see the the sun's returning. There's much rejoicing, right? The narrator cuts in to say and then dad taught us all the stuff that was in the brass plates. Just why we'll know that later. And this is so fun. And also I wrote this story down. Yes. And this is where he writes down the thing into the gold plates, which one feels like you're kind of one up in God by making your plates gold and his plates brass. Oh, yeah. Interesting.

But also it's just super funny because I had forgotten about the weird double plates confusion that's in the book of Nephi. And it makes it even dumber to watch it in cartoon form where it's like, okay, we're learning out of the brass plates. I guess I'll write my story, which includes those plates into the gold plates. And he's just writing on the gold with like an old like it's, he's using it like a pen. You can't write.

I've never tried carving on gold, but I imagine it's not as simple as I just pick up a pen like implement and just start like a calligraphy. Yeah. Guys, I just had a huge realization. Nephi is the story of a guy who inscribed a book of brass plates into a book of gold plates is the book of Nephi, the first house of leaves. No. So, so then we get our credits, right? And there's a song about how fun it is to be a narc. Yeah. Tell God what he wants to hear.

Do exactly as you're told, even if an angel tells you to kill a guy. Yes, listen to Kenny Rogers when he tells you to kill a sleeping man. This is to be fair, I love that song. Yeah, it was a good one. All right. So that's going to do it for Nephi and the brass plates, but that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to watch and not entire other videos. So tell us, Marsh, what else will we be breaking down today?

So we also watched the animated book of ballman colon, the tree of life, which is episode, I want to say 11, some asterisk. It's hard to tell of the series. But if this is episode 11, I don't know what happened in the intervening nine, but the plot has become that time dad had a dream about a magic handrail and that's what we're going to watch. Right. Which if I recall correctly, he dreams during that last video. Mm hmm. Right. That makes sense. Yeah. They're swishing their doodly dues hard.

Yeah. Right away. Let me tell you right away and Eli, how bad was this swish doodly do? Well, if you love my rule about not telling people you're not fucking about your dreams, but you wish it had a bit of lemon party dot com flavor. You will love this movie. I should say anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at the worst out.

Yeah. Can I go best worst failure to realize an innuendo because through the 22 or ish minutes of this, there was a lot of talk about holding onto rods, putting your hand on the rod. Don't take your hand off the rod. I'm making sure you really work that rod with the hand. Don't forget to do the little ball thing at the end of the rod. You're making it. It's paid plenty of attention to that as well. It's a very rod based episode. Yeah. Did they not know that that's also an innuendo?

We've had a little fun with that one in the past. Yeah. I'm going to go with the best worst squint in the near. Yeah. That's a very good one. I will point it out when it comes. It might just a little one, but it bothered me so much watching it and animated form. Best worst except this guy. This guy doesn't get punished for some reason in the metaphor. Why would Aaron not get punished? It takes no fucking sense. Yes. Thank you.

So we're going to open this one up on a big title card that tells us we're going to be watching an animated version of a fake dream that a fictional person recounted in a record that doesn't exist. So strap the bucket. We're in all the two of these. This week everybody. Yeah. And there's something about this because it opens with like a title card, which kind of is like a disclaimer.

And it says we've created the animated, this animated story of his dream without giving an interpretation of certain symbols. What are the, I've not read the book a moment. What are they missing out? Is this like with the Disney bit where they put up a screen to warn about all of the racism, but like the opposite of that where the one who's got some of this wasn't racist? Right. And that's about the unsuttleness of the metaphor.

Yes. And I love that they're like, you'll have to read the book of Mormon if you want to know what it means. And it's like really the most obvious metaphor ever, which you're going to further animate at the end because you don't trust us to get it. Yeah. Right. Right. You'll have to read it. And I'm like, look, if reading the book of Mormon makes sure to think make more sense, you have fucked up in ways that we have never even dreamed up.

Right. Yeah. Da Vinci code ain't got nothing on the end of it. Book of Mormon. Right. Opening line, the voiceover comes over and says, behold, I have dreamed a dream. And I'm like, yeah, it's the kind of writing that we expect out of Joseph Smith. Yeah. I wrote in my notes, no, I have a dream this movie. Yeah. Right. Right. He says he dreamed that he came across this tree and it had on it the the whitest fruit that you'd ever seen.

It was, it was fucking mayonnaise sandwich with bad rhythm complaining about affirmative action levels. Right. Hey, guys, I'm about to animate the fruit for our thing that represents salvation. Should I make it look exactly like a ball sack? Yes, like a ball sack and the ass at the same time. 100% of balls that will get out of the ball sack. I'll make a series of ball sacks hanging off a tree and everyone will rub their face against them in this children's conference.

Yeah. A lot of ball sacks and then those people take a nibbles and they rub their face and they just pop just pop one in the mouth. Yeah, just. Yeah. Well, and also he's goes, it's the whitest thing that's ever been whited and it's like, it's not as white as his beard. Like on screen, we're looking at it and we're like, well, it's kind of like a mother of pearls. Yes, I can all fly.

Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, but he saw this white white fruit and so he ate it because why the fuck not eat a random fruit that you've never seen before? What could go wrong? And he immediately knew that it was the greatest of God's gifts. And I'm like, you have not used anal beads. I think so. But anyway, so he's like, I love the fruit so much I wanted to give it to my kid. So he looked around and he sees his non shitty sons, Neyfai and Sam with with their mom with Saraya, right?

Right. And how I was unclear how long has meant to have elapsed since the first episode. You've now told me this happens during the first episode, but it's a dream. He's dreaming his wife to be super older than she actually is. Yeah. Because she's not this old in the actual episode. So that's a weird element of your dream. I'm just dreaming about what my wife will look like in a few decades time and what one of my sons would look like a bit fatter.

Like if it was just a bit fatter with a mustache, yeah, with a mustache. Well, so yeah, we should point out that like the all of the characters in this more or less look similar to the last video, but not the same. Especially Neyfai. Neyfai looks way the fuck different than this one that he did in the last one, right? The only one that really looks exactly the same is Laban. So but yeah, but this is where we introduce Marsha's best worst.

This is where he says he yells at he calls out to Neyfai and to Sam and to Saraya. He's like, you must follow my rod. Oh my God. There's no way they didn't know. It's so long he might as well be like, aren't you going to make a joke? Huh? Yeah. What are you doing? Make a joke in school and the substitute or the teacher was like, do you want to make that joke again? Because they thought you were going to get shy, but you're me and or no us. So you just made it louder.

Yeah. This movie is doing is like, go ahead, make a joke and I'm like, I will for a living. That's when I wrap my rod. That's how I learned about the call back. Yeah, exactly. So yeah, but so we pan over this like this perilous walkway to this tree and there's a handrail all the way across it, right? That's the rod. You got to you got to follow the rod. But like they seem confused to where to go. They're like, oh, what do I do? Oh, hold up. But like, why would you be confused?

There is literally only one path across this ravine. And it has a handrail and it leads to the only thing you can see. Yeah. Why would this be a difficult like path to find and follow? No shit, right? So they start like, I love Nephi. I was like, I'll all lead mother follow me and I'm like, oh, yes, ladies last. Very shovelous of you. And then Lee, I look so far. He sees his shitty sons. He sees Laban and Lemuel and he tells them, hey, come eat the fruit.

Follow the grab my rod and come follow the fruit. But Laban is like, fuck his rod. I bet we can find a better way to get there. Oh, yeah. Laban has absolutely no interest in holding his father's rod, which is a large departure from how gay cold it is character has been in the first episode. They've really taken a step away from that staring time. Yeah, I wrote in my notes, let's all grab dad's rod. No, no, as kids did that one. No, no. So yeah, but they're going to go off and find an easier way.

Lee has yelling, he's begging them to hold onto his rod, but they go off to turn Native American and evil, apparently. But they think they can find an easier way across the ravine than the only visible path, which has an actual handrail. That's so easy. I wanted to say to define. Yeah. But now Lee, I see a bunch of people following the rod, but also a lot of people don't follow the rod. Yeah. I would say Numbilus concolls as a people. Numbilus concolls as a people of it.

Some people want to walk into the fog to circus music, apparently. Yes. Well, and this is where we meet Jezebel and we get my best worse, right? Because so there's this chick and she's with her boyfriend and she's like, Oh, you know, I don't think I want to follow the rod. And somebody comes up and he's like, Hey, you know, there's a great big party over it. The not rod over here. And in the background, we hear this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love it so much.

And every time for like the rest of the video, anytime anybody mentions the party will get that little jazz. We won't get that. I'm like, it's something. It's it's something sweet. I thought spoiler or the party is not going to end well. And I wanted so badly for there to just be one last sad. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, we don't get it. We don't get it. Everybody. I don't want to get your hopes up. So she leaves it or the boyfriend turns it goes, but Jezebel, wait. And we're like, Oh, okay.

I guess I know where we're going here. That's right, everybody. The book of Mormon was too subtle for these cartoonists. They thought they needed to add a little. Yes, little hint here and there for us. So we could really get this complex metaphor. Yeah. And we've got to introduce another group of characters. This family here, there's a there's a mom and her mom and her two sons, Abel and Aaron. They are also following the rod. Oh, did we get Abel? I knew there was Aaron.

I didn't get Abel from it. So I wasn't paying much attention at this point. Yeah. Well, he'd done enough L names. He had moved on to A names at this point. Apparently, yeah. So but Abel, the youngest son is scared, but he holds the rod, but Aaron is a teenager. Oh, he doesn't need a whole for all. Yeah. And now to be fair, this is the most realistic thing in the book of Mormon is a teenager just very obviously doing the unsafe thing because their mom is asking them like nicely not to.

Yeah. Right. Right. But then oh, we also cut to the stupid smart people. Right. Yeah. We got a compound. I was so hoping they would keep this part because it says so much about you when you need to distinguish that smart people are going to say my thing is bullshit, but they're just raw jealous of my smart. Yeah. The smart one who likes to learn is that for evil is literally what they say. It is amazing. Right. Because the two guys, there's two guys and one guy says like, what should we follow?

The rod and the other guy goes, no, we are learned. And man, we should strike out and find new knowledge. And it's never in the obvious place. What the fuck are you doing? Yes, yes, they want to run. And speaking of wandering a drift from Lee, high is rot. I feel like we need to do that for a minute as well, but we'll be back in a minute with even more of the tree of life. My sons, my sons come to me. Yes, father. What is it? Yes. Tell us, father. I have had a prophetic dream.

Oh, what did you dream, father? I dreamed that I stood beneath a great tree and the branches was the purest, whitest fruit that I ever saw. Do you think the fruit stood for salvation, father? I... Yes. Yes, I do. Go on, father. Well, I mean, Nephai has kind of ruined it now, I think. Oh, I'm so sorry, father. Yeah, go on, father. Tell us anyway. All right. I'm not a fanning spoiled, but fine. Anyway, I saw you and your brothers and encouraged you to come eat of the fruit.

And I told you to follow the way of the iron rod. The iron rod of Scripture. Well, seriously, Nephai, what the fuck is this mad libs? Go on, father. Well, no, he keeps ruining my thing. I feel like I'm being heckled. Please, father, I won't interrupt again. Fine. Fine. Anyway, some followed the rod, but others did not. Those who did not follow the rod fell and died. Like Bruce Willis at the beginning of Sixth Sense. All right, that's it. I'm the fuck out of here. Oh, father, no. I'm sorry.

No. This is why everybody's trying to kill you, Nephai. It's this. He's got a point. I know. And we're back for still more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action with Nephai Sam and Sarai are making all the way to the root of Lee Hyse Rod. Okay, guys, I just realized we are making a podcast about a movie, about a story, about a dream inside a book are we the first house of Lee. Much better. Also, I have to point this out like, what the hell ever happened to the daughter? Yeah. Right?

You remember the daughter? And now we don't talk about the daughter anymore. I don't. Well, because I thought this was so much later, because this was like episode 11, I didn't realize it was happening at the same time. I assumed something happened to the daughter and we don't talk about it anymore. Right. In those nine episodes when, like, when Lemuel or Samuel got fat, something else all happened to the daughter.

But no, if this was his dream, oh my God, that means the dad is just dreaming about a world in which he doesn't have a daughter. And that's his paradise. I guess. Yeah. Exactly. And he's like, and he's like, hey, guys, I'm glad you made it all the way to the end of the rod. Check out my white ass fruit, right? So everybody, it was a white ass fruit, actually, it's probably the better. So everybody eats some, some, some testicle fruit.

Oh God. And enjoys it quite a bit and way too, like Nephi eats that fruit way too centrally. Like Nephi is tracing the alphabet on that fruit. But then it came to pass. And we haven't mentioned this yet, but the words it came to pass have already appeared, like four fucking times in this, in this part of the video. Yes. Marsh is annotating our notes at this point with it came to pass number four. Yes. And then I wrote, fuck me, amid scene, it came to pass.

I'm going to have to stop labeling these transitions with it came to pass. Yeah. Right. So, but then it came to pass that there rose a great mist of darkness, but they were already in a mist. Yes. It said there arose a great mist of a mist of darkness. Yeah, even an exceeding great mist, but wasn't the whole point that it was already misty. This is a mist on a mist. That's why you needed the rod. You don't put a mist on a mist.

But how could they see the new mist with all the others getting in the way of it? Yeah. Exactly. And I wrote a bunch of notes while I was watching this movie, like it's so funny that the animators made Lehigh's dream even dumber and even more complicated. No, this is accurate. It is. But the more than I was misreliable, how stupid this metaphor was. Yep. So we cut back to the learned guys from earlier and they're lost and they sure do regret not following Lehigh's rod now.

Yes. We're done with those characters. Yeah. And at some point, someone suggested to Joseph Smith, well, okay, what about all the people who seem like they're having a really good time not listening to a very obvious con man from upstate New York, which means it's time to introduce the giant city, baby. Yeah. Yeah. Just just then, Lehigh notices a gargantuan iridescent city, a fucking what? A large parking lot away from the tree that he's been standing under the salt.

So how did he not spot this massive building behind the tree earlier? There was a great, exceedingly great mist of darkness, actually. Well, that's true, but I feel like the building was an easy thing for people in the mist to spot than the tree. Sure. Because the thing is, this is a mist. It's not a fog. It's just a mist like a fog. Yeah, you're going to lose your way in a fog, but a mist. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. You're British, Marst.

That's like how elves have dark vision. Yeah, right. So yeah, but so that I love to, because the actual line in the scripture here is the... There was a great building, whatever, whatever. And then the line is and it was full of people. But the animators were like, fuck you. It was full of people. You will see stationary little circles with little lines under them in the background, full of people. Now, wait a second,

guys. It's a, it's a tall and spacious building full of people who are laughing at Mormonism in a fog that no one can penetrate. I think the tall and spacious building might be QED. That makes sense. That makes sense. Let's, let's figure out how fast the fucking elevators are here. Yeah. That makes sense. So because all the people here look like they aren't drawn by LSL. Who was from Manchester. Yeah. Well, it did just a great moment. We resume in on the full of people. We get another

one of these like lazy ass attempts at a crowd. There's like six or seven people at a time. And only one of them moves at a time. Like one of them will move here. And then this one over here, old Swile and then this one over here, old lap. It's fucking awful. Yeah. Also, it's, it's just a tiny detail, but I have to point it out. There's one of the, one of the people leaving the rod to go to the large and spacious building is a wife. And

she turns to her husband and she says, I've missed out on too much. His answer is, no, you haven't. Yeah. What? Religious patriarchy in a nutshell, everybody. I'm unhappy. No. You're not. She's looking at this party. You know, she's looking at the party in Chewie, as she's missed out on all the drinking, laughing and fucking like she is about two steps away from joining the Patreon for this show. That's how quiet it is to turning.

Yeah. Well, yeah. That's exactly it. We're the people in the iridescent, because they they're even say and all the people in the iridescent tower pointed at a laugh at all the people following the rod, needing the fruit. And you can bet they're going to feel bad about that by the end of this story. Right. So every one or away from the rod, they all are going to the big party instead where presumably they become a stationary painting, right?

Yes. We get a little, a teen peer pressure scene here where the boyfriend of one of the girlfriends is like, come on, babe, let's just try the tip of the great. Yeah. Right. Right. There's also there's a couple who are like weighing up where they scored the party. In the same sense, it like they're a couple who both want to go to an orgy, but neither ones to seem to the other one like that too into the ideal. Right. I can't relate to that

statement. There's also there's a cut to the fucking party. There's a moment where this we see this one woman and she's just throwing money off of a of a balcony or whatever. And there's like a fucking hyena laughing below it or something very good for you. Yeah. But then we cut back to Limhino. So Limhye was Jessabelle's boyfriend who watched her go to the party. And so now he's watching her just falling out of her clothes talking to some

other dude and he's getting really jealous, but he keeps following the rod anyway. Right. He does. He eventually makes it to the tree. He wants to go to the fucking wine and hyena party over the tower, but he makes it all the way to the tree and they give him a bite of the fruit. And he very clearly is like, well, I mean, it's fine. Yeah. Yeah. He just drops it on the ground. Like it can't have been that amazing. If he drops it on the ground.

Cause he drops out of the ground. He's like, well, I'm going to go fuck my girlfriend. Jesus. This is not that good. Yeah. And then he punches Nephi on the way out, which I fucking love. It's worth getting to the end of the road. Just a component. And he now that's a fruit. I'm going to travel for. Come. There you go. Come, Bull chick. Nephi. So, but so lima goes, he runs off into the darkness. Meanwhile, Aaron, the teenage boy that

was like turning go into a verb earlier. Right. He's going his way further and further from the rod. Now we should point out because like we saw this entire rod for at the very beginning when Nephi first saw it. He was like, and Lee, I was saying, Hey, follow the rod. We panned all the way up. But it's 150 meters or so. Yes. Yeah. Right. It's like I have no idea why it's taken people so long. Well, sometimes it take when you work in the

road, sometimes it does take a while. It depends on what's going on with Lee. Hi, at the time, well, especially if that rods 150 meters long, I guess it's been worked by a lot of people. He just needs a moment. No, that's right. Yeah. In a moment. Yeah. Maybe if Jesper was still there. Also, this is where there's like wind and stuff. And so people stop being blown off the rod by the wind. Is that what if the wind blows people away from the rod?

That's not on them. You can't blame people for weather. You can't do that. Well, yeah, because it was a windy when Nephi got up. This isn't fair. Yeah. So but then we fight that we see Limhye, the Jesper bell's boyfriend, fall into this ravine and then a great shit river explodes around them. Yeah. Who put the filthy, they call it like the filthy water fountain. It's not a water fountain. It's a fucking waterfall. But who put that right

next to the tree of life in the first place? That's a bad place for your shit river to be. Well, I mean, I'm wondering if just like everybody up there has nothing to eat, but fruit. Maybe that's the source of the shit river, right? That's what it is. Honestly, you feed me nothing but prayers that represent white patriarchy for a day and you are getting a shit river. Oh, yes. I mean, feed you anything for a day. Well, that's true. That's fair.

Shit river. It's fair. So but Aaron falls into the shit river to the teenage boy. There's a weird moment where some character we haven't met falls, but his buddy catches him and they have this tearful. I can't pull you up. I'm so sorry moment, but we've never met these characters and it goes on for so long and we don't care about them. No, and it's not in the book. Like none of this weird drama is in the book. So I don't know why the animators

were like, we need a cliffhanger moment. I guess. Yeah. Although seeing all these people complaining about the river full of shit did make me feel nostalgic. So Britain, it made me feel like, oh, I thought it was going to make you nostalgic for Paris. But Aaron, we follow him along. He finds a guy. I don't know. I fucking corn kernel in the shit river

whenever he climbs up it. Another guy tries to climb up and push him off, but he fights it and presumably murders the guy or I think he kills this guy, which is wild because there's plenty of room on that rock for two years. This is like a Titanic doll situation. You can just be. Yeah, I was going to say Rose is just comes and clings to the other end. They both have to get off now. It's not even a matter of the door of the Titanic.

Unless, of course, there was just another boat just on the other side of the door, right? Because he climbs up and then he just steps over onto a big large area where he's got room to lay down and. So fucking dumb. But so, but now he's going to climb. He's going to try to climb back up. But he can't make it. He's like, cry apologizing to God for letting go with a rod now. And can I say, what is this part of the metaphor? Right? What is the what is the

rock in the middle of the dookie river in the metaphor of the. Is it the refractory period after you jerk off? You feel bad? So yeah, but Aaron realizes he can't climb up by himself. He just can't make it. So he gives he's going to give up. He let's go and just then Nephi catches him and we pan up and there's this whole fucking bucket brigade of people like going all the way back to the rod down the ravine, holding onto each other's hands. Like remember the barrel of monkeys?

Yes, it's like that. Exactly. Yeah. And that is not in the book of Mormon, by the way. It's so stupid. In case you're wondering, the one part where someone who makes a mistake still is redeemable, that's not from the book of Mormon. That's the bullshit Richard Rich wanted to put in there. No, that could have died in the shit river in the fucking book. Exactly. Right. There are 10 people who formed a human chain to rescue this one guy, presumably letting

like a dozen other people fall off the rod and die in the process. Obviously. This one guy, not worth it. Yep. Game theory. Clearly. Yeah, but mom sure is relieved to see him. And then we cut back over to the party right now. We still laughing at Lehigh. Even layman and Lemmuele are over there at the hyena party now and and Lehigh is very sad about that. But just that. There's a great earthquake and the city is falling apart. Now that's right.

Great and spacious building. Yeah. Motherfuckers. Now as you can imagine, the animators of this film really win all out for the city fall. There's like nine animations. There's like nine frames of animation from this city falling apart. It's so cheap and shitty. We see. Uh, Jezbole, I guess get what's coming to her. Yeah. Right. In this movie's disgusting estimation. Yeah. The guy she's with like a bandins her immediately and then gets instantly smushed.

Like, debris smushed immediately. The second he lets go of Jezbole. Yeah. Right. The couple who just got to the orgy, they get instant smushed before any action happens. I feel bad for those guys. They just don't. So unfair. So unfair. Yeah. But so she gets crushed to death to so do layman and Lemmuele. Right. They get caught in the collapse as well. Yeah. And we check back with the good fruit eating people and they're like, hmm, bummer.

Yeah. Fucking bummer. This one guy in the rod and he's like, oh, beans. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Right. Nefisters walking back and he's like, well, now we're going to have to clean up all edge shit. Come on, guys. Right. That's it. That's the whole fuck. His brother's just died. Yeah. And then a fucking child starts singing in case this was too pleasant. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know what? They were like, guys, guys, look,

I love the book of Mormon as much as the rest of you, but that's dream. It's so complicated. And the metaphor is so hard. Why don't we play one of our nonsensical Mormon hymns and turn the tree into the literal clouds of heaven, you know, as a little hint for the folks at home. Well, it's so funny because we back away from the tree. And of course, your first thought is upon seeing this tree is like, wow, only like 11 people made it. So like everyone else died.

Yeah. It's worth watching hundreds of people die because I doesn't know so people got a magic peach that time. Right. Right. But what I would imagine is that like this is actually supposed to be a big crowd, but the lazy ass animators are like 11 fucking people. They get it. They get it. A bunch of people live, right? But they back away from that. And yes, it all turns into clouds in case the fucking heaven analogy wasn't obvious enough for us. All right. Well, I think everybody

needs a minute to recover from that big reveal. So we're going to wrap up the video there. Mars, thanks as always. Uh, always a pleasure. And while that does it for our review of the first two episodes of the animated book of Mormon, that's not going to do it for this episode just yet because we still need to earn a paycheck again next week. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. Well, Noah, we'll be continuing with Mormon movie month, of course. We're going to move forward

a bit in history to the life of Joseph Smith. Now, thanks to Mormon movie month. We've heard retellings of this con man story more times than I'd care to remember. But next week, we'll be spending time on a part of the prophet's life that we have barely grazed his mid jailbreak death. Oh, really? Will he use his magic powers and get shot anyways? Two next week for out of liberty. Well, not all the way out. But yeah. All right. So with that to look forward to, we're going to bring

episode four 65 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to Mars for all his help today. Be sure to check the show notes for links to more stuff from him. And perhaps even a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors to help make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash god awful. And thereby earn early access to an every version of every episode. You can also help a ton by leaving

a five star review and by sharing the show and only various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows this again. The excitement of D&D minus in the schedule crowd available wherever podcast live. If you have questions, comments or cinema suggestions, you can get them. I got off of movies and Gmail.com. Generally, Roberson takes care of our social media. Our theme song was written and performed by a

lot of people drafts on Mars. All the other musicals were written and performed by our audio engineer, Morgan Clark. And was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a check your life this week for Heathen right in the end. I'm no delicious promise to work hard to earn another chunk next week. Until then, we'll leave you with the right fist club clothes. Now that he's told them about his dream, everyone had to fuck Lehigh, which I think is actually

canonically how momentism what? Yeah. Eventually, the animators did remember the scientist guy in the little sister. Those brothers turned black as punishment in a future episode of The Animated Book of Mormon. And I can't wait! Morgan's band Moody Boyce came out with a new single called Don Ciodi about the wind farm. It's really good. It's good. You should check it out. So we watched your cat hate it that joke, Mark. Yeah, the breath that she's playing in in the back.

I was hoping it wasn't getting picked up because I didn't want to turn on a shout. Would you shut up, Milo? She's speaking so lightly louder than you are. Milo, what is going on? Are we done here? So that's the noise she makes when she's bringing me her toy mouse. I may need to go and acknowledge the timeout. Otherwise, that means I'll stop. Just give me one second. I get it. No, go. Knowledge the toy mouse. Milo, what's going on? You're here now. Okay, did you bring

mercy? You did bring mercy. Okay, well, well done you. Okay, can we record now? Okay, sorry about that. Yeah, no worries, Keith. I'll give you the question again. Yeah, 100% keep all this. Oh, absolutely. I at least give me this as a as a as a Patreon extra. Oh, God, yeah. It's always so easy because then I start like going by when I hear you guys is for on a slight delay. It's so hard to keep on. Yeah, yeah.

Counting to five is trickier than it seems. Oh, to like nail a timing. Yeah, it's really difficult. No, I think just the counting part. Morgan has a degree in that she knows, right? That's right. I'm doing like what you do as a as a questionist. Morgan achieved a lifelong first for me this week, which is that someone sent me music their band wrote. And it wasn't awful. Yes, yes. I've honestly, I've been singing that to myself all God never in my entire life as someone sent me a

piece of music and been like, my band wrote this and I haven't been like, great. So I have to become up with 27 topics of conversation to distract this person with. Yeah. So they don't ever say how do you like it? Yeah, because I'll okay. So I'll find you. So then we can't tell. Unfortunately, yeah. Eli died sent. All right, here we go. It's in my lifetime. It was like 78. 1978. Yeah, I was alive when that happened. Yeah. Jesus. Yep.

And to be clear, they let people into the church before they acknowledged they have souls. The reason they weren't allowed to hold parsing ship is they were like, but you don't have souls. So, so why would it be in the church? Why would they join the church? Yeah. All right. It's like how women are in the church now. Yes. Yeah. So all right. Or black people are in the Mormon church now. Honestly, yeah. Mildred quiet.

To just hack it in because Nicholas got Nicholas out for the night. So his mildred Mormon is that what it is? Maybe she's a fan of if she's in. We don't. Oh, I think you never know if you're getting a Mormon cat. I'm usual in the UK. My dog is must. I've never seen her drink beer. She's not allowed like caffeine stuff. She's not allowed you. Well, although she does sniff around when I'm drinking a cup of coffee, but she never drinks any of it. So I think that the kind of the more

temptation thing going on, right? Right. Right. Can I tell you guys what I'm most excited for at the Salt Lake City show? What's that? They so Utah has a chain of drink restaurants that aren't like they make special non-caffeinated beverages, but they're just beverage restaurants. And there is common as Starbucks in Utah. And everyone drinks it. I mean, they seem fucking awesome. I'm super excited. Oh, right on. Nice. Also, they have the world's largest board game,

cafe. Yep. I'm going. Yep. I'll go with the other way. But when they're hard. All right. Interestical to. I'm going Wednesday. Oh, I won't go with it. The fun fact is that it comes in yesterday and she goes, Hey, turns out that we have stars. And I'm like, really? She's like for the last two years. I'm like, really? She's missing rocket money. And not even close. I know. Marsh. I am aware. Hey, guys, what are you doing?

Ah, trying to jump through these hoops that my wireless company gave me. Yeah, that's a lot of them. Yeah, but when I make it through all of them, I get a free cell phone. Wow, really? No, I pay for it, but I can put it on my bill. And that, like, that lowers the costs of it. No, no, but you could, I pay for it there. Right. Well, Ely, if you want to save money on your cell service, why not try Mint Mobile? What's Mint Mobile? I love a great deal as much

as the next guy, but I'm not going to jump through hoops just to save a few bucks. It has to be easy. No, be out. So when Mint Mobile said it was easy to get wireless for $15 a month with the purchase of a three month plan, I called on it. Turns out it really is easy to get wireless for $15 a month. The longest part of the process was the time I spent on hold waiting to break up with my old provider. I don't know. No, well, I still got the same speeds. And do I have to change my phone?

Sure will, Marsh. And not at all. Ely, to get this new customer offer on your new three-month premium wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to MintMobile.com slash cam. That's MintMobile.com slash cam. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at MintMobile.com slash cam. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three month plan only speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan and additional taxes fees and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile

for details. All right, Noah. Thanks. Side note. What's with the big red marks on your chest and stomach? Oh, yeah. On the first run, we tried fiery hoops. I see. Did not go well. But I believe you. Okay, what about ballmen? Yeah, no, we can keep there. Keep it really? Hey, guys, what you doing? Oh, hey, Ely. Marsh has just helped me clean up my subscriptions. Being a sports fan can get awfully expensive. Yeah, there's apps for watching games,

premium channels. It can all really add up. I bet. But, guys, you don't have to do that stuff one by one. Why don't you just get rocket money? What's rocket money? Rocket money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps lower your bill so you can grow your savings. With rocket money, I have full control over my subscriptions and a clear view of my expenses. I can see all of my subscriptions in one place. And if I see

something I don't want, rocket money can help me cancel it with a few taps. I love how the dashboard shows me this month's spending compared to last month so I can clearly see my spending habits. Plus, they'll help me create a custom budget and keep my spending on track. Wow, Ely. That sounds great. It is, Marsh. Rocket money will even try to negotiate lower bills for you by up to 20%. All you have to do is submit a picture of your bill and rocket money takes care of the rest. They'll deal with

customer service for you. Rocket money has over five million users and has saved a total of 500 million dollars in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's features. Amazing. Where do I sign up? Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocket money dot com slash awful movies. That's rocket money dot com slash awful movies. Rocket money dot com slash awful movies. I'm ready. Like thanks.

So he subscribed to ballman too. Yeah, the soccer channel. No, mine. Yep. Yes. The soccer channel. Right. The preceding podcast was a production of puzzle and a thunderstorm LLC copyright 2024. All rights reserved.