458: The Golden Laws

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Movie. Welcome back to the Gamcast where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema because you can't argue with the fates. I'm your host, Noah Luzon's. Heath is unable to join us this week. But sitting 900 miles to my north east is my bad friend Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir? I'm fantastic Noah. You're just fantastic. No follow up gag or anything like that. Sibbidi bibbidi bibbidi. There you are. Thank you. Thank you. And also joining us this week.

You're no knock knock joke now. You do. And also I already know who is there. It's our guest. Messochist extraordinaire host of bees reasonable and co-hosted skeptics with a K Michael Marshall Marsh. Welcome back. Hello, hello. I am in a fantastic mood is all I will say. It's got nothing to do with this film. Obviously this film is a termitable and very difficult to get through. But it's been a good week here in the UK and it's going to be a good six weeks.

I'm going to be very happy for at least some of that time until something happens that will crush all my hopes and render me a politically wasted husk. But for the time being, I'm in a great mood. So it's election time. Is it? It's a time we're actually having an election. We're actually going to have one and they're probably going to go and it's crazy and Matt stuff has already happened and I'm very happy. Very happy. I wish we were talking about that today too.

Unfortunately, this isn't the scavenger crowd. So instead tell us what will be breaking down today? We watched the golden laws. It's the happy science anime about a boy from the future who meets a time traveler from his future. And then together they go on a journey through time to, well, to kind of just be there, kind of politics being well still just happens around them. It's back to the future. Yeah. There it is. Well done, sir. And Eli, how bad was this movie?

Well, if you love following along with the batch and adventures of everyone's favorite a historical Mary Sue Elkantare, but you wish more of his movies were in a bullet pointed list form. You will love this movie. It's the fucking leftovers dinner of the happy science cult everybody. Right. Is it it though? Is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best of you in the worst state? Yeah. I'm going to say best worst time traveling competence.

Yes. They do a lot of time traveling in this movie, time travel several times to several different time periods. But I think having thought about this film, there is only one successful example of someone deliberately time traveling to the place they want to go to. And that happens off screen. That's before she turns up and then everything after that is just a fuck up after a fuck up after a fuck up. They're useless. It's the no illusions using a new piece of technology of time travel.

It isn't it? All right. So I'm going to go with best worst profundity and I know this is kind of a cheat because this is all happy science cult movies, right? Because the idea is they want to present themselves as though there are regular movie and like a kid could actually like this movie and then like two thirds of the way into it. They run into Elle Contari and he gives them the wisdom of the happy science cult, right? In this movie, they like set this up for the entire fucking film.

And finally, there's this moment where they're like, I'm going to impart on you the great secret wisdom of the ages and the great secret wisdom is be good instead of bad. Yeah. Yeah. It's a fun, it's a fun, great little deflation, mostly the way through the movie. And in every happy science movie, it is somehow more disappointing than the last time they told it to us and also somehow longer, right? It's like there are many ways in which you could be good. You could wear a hat that people like.

You could eat just the right amount of strawberries. Now I'm just like, oh my God, it's so hard. This time they have to go to a needle. We start saying like the angles of rotation of a compass point and you guys will get like a protractor out and start measuring how many, if you're at like a hundred and seventy-nine degrees, it's okay. It's a wonderful thing. But you could go as far as a hundred and seventy-four. I really think you could get there.

Yeah. And I'm going to go with best worst and also this guy. So right, as is also the happy science tradition, they will always list the people that Elk Cantare has been and it's Jesus and it's Moses and it's Buddha and it's Vishnu. But then like they always want to be like, well, we should throw some humbleness in there. So they'll end up doing someone like Isaac Newton or fucking Joseph Smith from the book of Mormon.

Yeah. And it's like Elk Cantare also reincarnated as a member of his own fan club. It's fucking great. Yeah. We'll get there. We'll get there. It's a fun one. All right. We'll tell you what, if watching happy science cult movies has taught us anything, it's that I need a break. But we'll be back in a minute with all the hastily cobbled together vignettes that are the golden laws. This podcast is sponsored by naked wines. Hi, sorry. Do you work here at the grocery store? Yeah. Yeah. What's up?

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Now, have you seen my British friend around here somewhere we were shopping to gather? Yeah, he's over in the dairy aisle yelling about how milk shouldn't be refrigerated. It's a waste of electricity. I'm telling you, it's a waste. Roger, get your Roger here. Backwards, forwards, all sorts of kinds. Pound a pound. Come on, get your Roger. Hey, Marsh, Marsh. What are you doing? Oh, hey, no, yeah. I'm just selling my body. I've left my old job, you know, so got him against me somehow.

Well, we all do, Marsh, but that's why there's matriot. Oh, what's matriot? Matriot is the time of year where we remind the listeners of this show that we can only do what we do because of their support over on Patreon. Well, that sounds nice for you, but what's in it for them? I'll tell you what, our Patreon only pajama party live stream. For each new and upgrading patron we get during the month of May, we're going to add new fun activities to the pajama party and to our shows.

We've already hit enough patrons for behind the scenes scathing content, a song from Anna, a magic trick from Eli and the morning of this recording. We hit enough for a new episode of D&D minus DM by Heath. Wow, that sounds amazing. How do how do folks join in? Add a pledge or upgrade your pledge at any of our Patreon.com accounts or follow along at matrion.com. That's M-A-Y-T-R-E-O-N dot com. All right, Noah. I guess I don't have to get Roger for money after all. No, excuse me, sir.

I heard your call and I'm interested in your business. Eli, I know that's you in a moustache. You've had your one for the day. Don't get greedy. And we're back for the breakdown. We're going to open up on a city street where some people are glowing yellow with halos of some sort or a, I guess. Yeah, they're all glowing like we just hovered over their character in the character selection screen.

Yeah, we've done like, it looks like we sort of done like a select all and now we can hit delete and I wrote, please God, let us hit delete. Let's stop it. That's great. So yeah, so we see a bunch of people meeting on the street glowing yellow and then like the camera zooms out from above and because they didn't want to draw a whole damn city it's cloudy that day. Yeah. Yeah. So it only just strikes me now what the fuck were those people on the street about?

Because they bumped into each other and then they recognized each other. So no, I think I've seen you before and then we never see them again because the movie is not about them in any way. Nope. I mean, Marsh, if you were paying close attention to the prequel sequel that we watched 16 months ago, you will remember that people have different spiritual bodies, but they are re incarnated over and over again.

And the yellow glow means that they're all part of the happy science call throughout all time in history. Gotcha. But still doesn't answer Marsh's question because we'd never see any of this again in the fucking movie. I saw it. I got it. We don't even go to that period of time ever again. We keep trying. No, yeah. Right. Yeah. So and so we start zooming out of this and you're like, oh, this is a happy science call movie. I wonder how long it's going to take to get crazy.

And before you can finish that thought, among our zoom outs, we zoom past the council of sky island monks that watches over the earth, yeah, giant space. But I actually wrote in my notes, giant space, but in three to one, there is. Yep. There is.

And then we've been zooming out of the universe and then so we start zooming out of, I guess, different dimensions now to it's so funny because it's very clearly that thing at the end of men in black, where it's the cat's marble is on the collar or whatever the fuck it is.

And then the guy who is the head of happy science is like, no, no, it's stupider than that because all the galaxies are on a intersecting infinite series of discs, which when zoomed out from our a globe, a globe that has planets. It was that that's the thing we all have in our notes here. Like, wait, what are we zooming out of now? Are we zooming out again? Or is this the universe's universe? All this came out of that one meeting, we're now at the very edge of the universe and beyond.

And I just thought how much further is this going to is the whole movie just going to be zooming further and further away. I really wanted that to be the case. Just two hours of was just zooming out. Oh, there's so much more pleasant. So then this title card comes up and it says 100 billion years ago, the primordial Buddha created existences with his will. Yeah, which suck because that wouldn't be a universe for it to live in for another 87 million years. So that's brilliant. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's so brilliant. Yeah. But then it's it comes up and says also time he did time to that was his dibs. We couldn't fit it into that previous sentence, but he also did time, which makes sense because he, I think what happened was he created existence. Then he created time and at that point, he realized there'd be 87 billion years until there was a universe and he was so embarrassed like, oh, it's done the time first. I'll figure this out. Yeah. So, okay.

And then we get our title, the golden laws. And it tells us that we're in New Atlantis in the 25th century. And so the thing is, do you think New Atlantis will be like New York in that it's got nothing to do with the original Atlantis at all? They've just reused an in.

I think actually because I know a little bit about happy science called I think that it's supposed to rise back up and be like the old Atlantis that sunk will now then rise back up in the right because thoth and his people use flying ships at one point to come back. I mean, that was in one of the movies. I don't know if that's a prediction. It's really hard to tell what is and isn't part of the religion. What's an acid flashback that it's just for a minute time I had in college.

Yeah. So we're going to meet our main character. This is Sotaru. And Sotaru is a student at this very prestigious school. He's gotten the book, the golden laws from the school's libraries. Check that out. At one point we see like an angle from the books perspective. And I hope the the shot was titled POV. I'm attempting little book. Can collect me. I'm watching in the library. So yeah. So but he takes the book. He's leaving future school. Everybody gathers around to expose it.

All his buddies do, right? You know, we're at a very exclusive school. It's the best school in the whole country. You know, whatever. So wait, sorry, we're in the 25th fucking century. New Atlantis has risen out of the sea. And we still have the high school ranking system that is a problem in Japan. Yes. Yeah. Absolutely. They've kept it. And so you know, as he's wondering, we we pan down this insane number of stairs. And we see a sign that says University of Happy Science Middle School.

So the middle school is because this seems like the first instance in anime of a child that's drawn like an adult. Like they flipped the script on anime in this one. Yeah. Yeah. So he gets on his flying bus and flies home. Oh, is it really small detail, but they're all flying bus. He gets in the bus. The bus flies away. The bus is the number for the bus is on top of the flying bus. Yeah. The one part of a flying bus you will never see. Right. Right. So okay.

So that night, Saturus Home Alone, he's read this book that the hologram Alexa think comes on to tell him his parents are having a date night. They're not going to be around tonight. Well, it's a hologram that tells him that, but it's only good not to be a hologram of words. It's not even like a picture of the parents saying it. It's just some words floating, which is needlessly cheap. It just seems really tacky.

Yeah. It's also weird that the words are right in English and the parents are speaking Japanese. Right. That's true. Also, are you longing for that technology? Right. Are you like, I hate this fucking post that note. I wish this was a glowing hologram. Right. Let everyone know to take the trash out. So as he's reading the golden laws, he hears a spaceship crash out in his backyard. Right. He runs outside and he's like, holy fuck, there's a spaceship just crashed in my backyard.

Yeah, but he's like, he's weirdly freaked out by it, which is strange for a kid who lives in a world where there are just like a wide and very heterogeneous selection of flying vehicles in the sky at all times. Right. So when there's one in his yard, why is he surprised? Yeah. Right. This is like, it's from the future. Wait, fuck, I'm from the God. Yeah. And he goes outside to hide from it. Right. Like he goes outside, looks at it and then hides behind a bush. I'm like, go back into your house.

Yeah. Right. There's so much more hidden there. But then like the hatch opens on the spaceship and an alien gets out. But then when the light hits it, right, it's just it's a girl. It's a, it's a, it's a chick. Right. So she comes out and she's like, hey, you wouldn't happen to be Sataru would you? And she's like, yeah. And she's like, oh, you're the one that I'm looking for. Right. But she specifically seems like she wanted to come back to now to see him.

So like when he was a child, when he was a minor, which seems like a very odd thing to do. Yeah. Yeah. She says, I wanted to meet you when you were 15 and I wrote my notes. What are you, Jerry Seinfeld? And just then we start here in alarms, right? The police sirens are going off and she's got to get away. But her time machine is broken. She needs his iPad from the future. She needs his iPad to charge her time machine. Is it a chart? I don't, yeah. Okay. Or like a jumpstart.

Maybe she's just like the battery's flat and so she needs like a jumpstart to get it going. She's going to sort of stick the iPad on like two little clips on the battery under the bonnet or the hood. I guess. Yeah. So yeah. But so the cops are showing up and he brings her the note, and he's like, you can only have this if I can time travel with you. And she's like, oh, fine. I feel like they just say, oh no, I'll just look up the nearest station is.

I'll just pop to like to rhymin or somewhere and get my own worries and not have to take you on a, on a, on a, on a jawn through time. Right. But she's like, well, where in time do you want to go? And he says, let's go to Japan in 2003, the year that this movie was made. Right. So and by the way, this is the cops show up there. They've got their guns drawn because apparently in the future, Japan gets America cops. No, I'm sorry, a new at Lannis gets America cops.

Well, they start off like drawing like the rings on their finger holding them like their guns. But then when it's start when they start to think there's actual danger to get actual guns out. So I don't know what the ring things were all about. Yeah. We never see the rings deployed. I wasn't sure about that. But yeah, but the cops, they swing around into the backyard just after the time machine disappears into the time. So okay. So now we're flying through fucking time space, I guess.

Which is also time water. I yeah, right. And also a tunnel. It's super unclear. Sataru is feeling very blurry. Yeah, he's got time sickness and don't worry. They will instantly solve that and never mention it again. She's like, no, you just need your spirit body to cover you up. And he's like, fucking what? And she's like, you know those stupid glasses you see people wearing on TikTok. It's like that with your soul. I got it.

But also at the book at this point, he's got the book within the Golden Laws book he got from library. That's all blurry as well. And I thought is the book also got time sickness when the book also have like a spirit cultman help him out? Yeah, you know, she goes like your body's converting your to a spirit body because of the time travel.

And I thought to myself, like I had to listen to that whole Tucker Carlson interview with Aaron Rogers for a guest spot I did on where there's woke with Thomas and Lydia Smith. And I was like, wow, it was a lot like this. Like I watched these two back. Yeah, sure. Like this both, both this would fit into both this statement. Yeah, so she explains that they're traveling through the spirit world, also known as the fourth dimension. That's not what they like those are the same thing.

No, totally different. But she says there's no time in this dimension. And I'm like, weird that your words are in an order than. But also she says, but otherwise things occur in chronological order. Well, yeah, that's what those words mean. Like that would be time. That happens. Yeah, they can't not. Yeah, exactly. And I will point out at this point in the movie, I had written down, there's no way this doesn't end with a fucking her own granddad and ending the world.

And I come weirdly close to being right. Right? So fucking close to that. Within minutes. Yeah. So, okay. And but just then there's an alert because his iPad is fucking things up. Now I hope you enjoy this listener because we're going to do this 113 more times before this movie is over. The entire plot resolution of this movie will be the time machine going. All right, that's enough of that scene. I'm going to explode or something. I don't know.

Yes. Yeah. So we get this extended sequence of them almost crashing through time, right? And this is a sequence we've seen done better in a thousand cartoons, right? But like, oh no, they're in ancient Egypt and somebody sees them and carves them into the hieroglyphs, which I don't think that's how that works. He carves the hieroglyphs so quickly. It's not like dictation. It takes time to do that. It's not like in real time.

Also, there's a point where she, like they go, they fly too close to this guy. I think in like in ancient Japan and he sees the bottom of the ship as a demon. And I brought not to sell. If I shouldn't have been persuaded to get that demon face landing gear upgrade, that's stupid. Time machine dealership sales rep was so pushy and I just should have been stronger. I should have gone with the twisted T rap. I don't know why it did this.

There's also a moment where they appear in Babylon and there's a dude looking at him and he goes like, wow, that was crazy. Well, this is where she accidentally shoots off her gigantic pillar of fire gun. Yeah. No, she does have one of those. Yeah. Yeah. Should never have got the downward facing flame thrower as insulin, still tired. Next time I let my wife got the dealership instead. Yeah. But to be fair, Marsh, those were free with the undercut. Yeah. Those were free.

So but then after the fire thing shoots off and then they disappear back into time. Somebody says, Ezekiel, are you ready to go? And he goes, like, well, man, I've got a great story for my Bible. It's so fun. They could not pick a crazier person, right? Because I know they're going for like looked into the fire and the air, but like keep in mind that if we had continued to watch this shot, Ezekiel would be like, anyways, bake a poop into some brand new day.

Yeah, you're going to eat a scroll real quick. Well, it was so funny is that they do this over and over again in this movie, this sort of like, oh, that spiritual thing for that religion. That was really just these kids in a time machine, but like also God though, right? They think there's also God doing the other stuff. Yes. So Ezekiel really did see God, but on this one occasion, though, it was a time machine. It was a teenager. It was two tweens in a time machine.

Yeah. So, but she can't figure out what's wrong with the time machine. She slams her hands down on it and it's fixed. So that's like the Marty McFly time machine repair method. It works out just fine for him. Mm hmm. So she's like, oh, let's exit into the third dimension where dammit if they aren't almost eaten by a seed dragon. Yeah. What are you just exiting into a random place in the time scope for?

What are you fucking a a tourist being like, if we get off the subway, we'll be able to figure out where we are and think things. I didn't realize. I thought for a moment they were going back to 2003, because this is a happy science cult film. So like, I don't know that he doesn't think there's water demons flying around in Japan. They may have been all the rage in the years after nine and a leffin. I don't know. I can't remember. No, that's that's honestly that's what I was thinking too.

I'm like, oh, yeah, I bet they're called to actually probably think there's dragons in the water. No, they but no. And would he would they think the dragons were like life and slim and water efficient? Or would they go for like fairly chubby dragons like slightly a shade dragons who were kind of struggling to keep up this dragon. You're a friend who has a fat cat and they all that you call it fat. That's what this dragon looks like, right? Is you're like, oh, what a big what a fluffy boy.

Yes. Yeah. And so they're with the dragon is attacking them. They're dodging left and right. And like you're in a flying vehicle. It's a sea monster. How about you dodge up? You dumb fucks all the way up. Yeah. I feel like up is the major direction to be traveling. But no, they're they're they're left and in writing. So naturally it knocks them into the water. Don't worry. The time machine is also a submarine. Yeah. And then just then she yells, oh, God help us. And he hears her.

So he so God shows up and does the fucking the flare trick from Jurassic Park with the sea dragon. He does. He does do the flare trick from the Jurassic Park. Yeah. So and with us still thinking they're in 2003 suddenly a old time. Yes. Fleet shows up with Greek warriors on it. Mm hmm. Yeah. That's time the spot is invaded 2003 Japan. We all remember from the history books. So. So he's like, ah, fuck, we got to fight the sea monster.

So they all grab their bows and arrows and they fire their arrows at the sea dragon. They have no effect. So they fire their arrows at the sea dragon again. It worked. The second time the charm. Absolutely. So often it up like a pickle jar getting. So so the sea dragon attacks about what the boat juke and I was like, wow, that was pretty good boating. But he gets them anyway. And this is the point in my notes that I wrote down. This was meant to be happy signs explaining the concept of time.

That's what we were promised in like the old man. We're 15 minutes in and a teenager from the future has taken another teenager from a different future back to what I thought was 21st century Japan where a water monster is drowning some Spartans with 15 minutes. Yeah. And can I say it makes a lot more sense than the concept of time in this happy sign. Yeah. That is their understanding of the concept of time. Marsha, I don't know where you confused.

So yeah, but the dragon destroys one of the ships and then he goes after the flagship. That's where Hermes is with his magic staff, right? Yeah. And he's not even going to use his magic staff. He's like, babe, babe, hold my magic staff. I'm going to fist fight this big catfish thing. It's so frustrating that he doesn't use the staff that he does everything but use the staff. It's really annoying. Well, especially because he's eventually going to use the fucking staff, right?

And we know that he is. And I thought is it like in the power engines where they've got like the big souls with the move that killed him? Right. Yeah. But he can't be like, oh, I'm just going to be the big robot. And just like before the monster even gets blown up to the large size by Richard Rapulsha, I'm just going to like step on it. Yeah, I stepped the tiny monster and then moved on with. But no, you can't do that. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, so he sword fights the dragon.

He throws a spear down his throat, sword in the eye and everything. But that doesn't work great. He yells, Aphrodite, he grabbed the golden arrow. And I'm like, what is happening? You'd be like, you get your golden arrow ready before. You're like, open with that. I feel like the minute you see the catfish monster, you're like, hey, golden egg, let's get all the weapons ready. Right. All this special. Also gold seems like a shit arrow material, right? I don't think that.

So yeah, but he fires the golden arrow and the monster dies. It's him. It's it right in the eye. The monster dies. But then it, it undies. It comes back out of the water and it's like, no, I'm not dead. And he's like, well, fuck. Now, Hamie pecked the goddamn step. Okay. I guess we'll use the step. You know what? It's good that I shot him with that arrow because it can be sort of a lightning rod for my lightning powers that I have that I didn't use first.

Right. Yeah. Well, right before an entire boat of people drowned and died. It's shit. Yeah. So many of your men have died in this fight. You're like, well, I guess I'll use the sep to that. And I get it. You don't want to be the one trick pony. You know, that's going to get boring. You've got the magic set. You can end any fight, the magic set fit. That's going to start getting boring, but just don't let so many of you men die a long way. Right. Exactly. So yeah.

So everybody on the boat is celebrating Hermes great triumphant. They're over the deaths of the other guys already. This is very interesting. And then they look out and they see that Alisa and Satoru Alisa is the girl we never mentioned her name, but Alisa and Satoru are like Jack and Rosing it on their sinking time machine. Yeah. And the people on the boat are shocked to see them. It's like, you just fall to a giant water truck. And you'll shock to see two kids on some driftwood.

Guys, guys, water dragon, water smagon are those two tweens? Right. Yeah, exactly. But they're like, oh, we should help them. And Hermes is like, Hermes knows time travelers when he sees him, right? He's like, oh, you'll, you'd probably need me to use my god powers to fix your time machine. Don't you? And they're like, fuck yeah, man. Well, that's really good. Give me the time machine arrow. Okay. So you've got like an arrow for Hermes. Well, no, he uses his sep to that.

It's like God, that's sep to really is great, isn't it? I really kind of emphasized how much you should lead with that in any fight with giant dragon. So we're right. Yeah, exactly. And so and they go to leave. And I'm like, I wrote my notes at this point. I'm like, wow, guys, was that just a random action beat that exists for its own purposes and relates to the movie and no other way? And it is. But like, so is every other scene. Right. You overestimated this one moment to be. Yeah, completely.

I was exactly the same. And then, I wrote down what a completely pointless scene, even within the confines of this movie without realizing that that's all this movie is going to be just scenes of that pointlessness stitched together. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. Well, at this point, it's still possible to believe the movie's heading in some sort of direction.

So before we have to shatter that hope all together, we're going to pause for a quick break, but we'll be in a minute with even more of the golden laws. Oh, thanks for taking me to a typical New York dinon, Noah. No problem, Marsh, you're an institution. Welcome to typical New York diner. Can I start your guys with something to drink? Sure. Yeah, I'll have a coke out of a coffee, please. All right. I did not write anything down and I will be back in 45 minutes. Wait, what? Wow, just 45 minutes.

This was great. Okay. I see. So what's good here? Oh, nothing. Nothing. What? How is that possible? Well, 45 pages. Oh, do you not have the specials in yours here? Take mine. Right. It's pretty tough to get a fresh cook meal these days, huh? No, not with hello fresh. Wait, what's hello fresh? With hello fresh, you get farm fresh, pre-portioned ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep.

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I love how the meals each come in their own bag and how everything unpacks in seconds. That's why I know illusions personally endorsed hello fresh. All right. Now I'm in. Where do I sign up? Just go to hello fresh dot com slash awful sweet for free desserts for life. One dessert item per box. Well, subscription is active. That's free dessert for life at hello fresh dot com slash awful sweet. All right. Here we go. One coke and one toffee. No, I ordered a coffee.

Oh, I wonder why you started with toffee. Why do you even have toffee? It's a whole page of the menu. Right. Got it. Yep. My pages were stuck together. Toffee. Yeah. You're a way different voice than you started us. Oh, yes. I was rushing when this started. That's right. Hey, honey, your mother and I are headed out. Yeah. Be good now. I will. Right. So I, no, I, sorry, I just want to clarify. Yeah, dad. By be good, I mean do not steal my time machine. Um, sure.

Cause you know, it's a time machine. I honestly can't believe that I'm, I, that I'm doing a date night when the opportunity for time travel is just sitting in the garage, but it's Thursday. Yep. Yes, it's Thursday. So we're going to instead of time traveling, we're just going to do that tomorrow, I guess on Friday, but going to Benagons. Yep. Going to Benagons. Anyway, I just, I can't emphasize enough. Please don't take the time machine to the past for any reason at all, right?

Cause we don't know what happens when you do that and we won't know until after Benagons. I got it, dad. Thanks. Right. I see you later. Oh, can we check out that new cocktail bar in the city after Benagons? I would like to travel due time, Susan. Thursday. Fine. Fine. We'll check out the cocktail bar. Nice. I'm going to get a mehito. And we're back for more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the kids. They're in their time machine going like, that's weird. We rented a Greek gods, huh?

Huh. That's weird. And they are swooning over how hot Hermes was. Like they just cannot let go of Hermes. They really, really love that Hermes guy. Right. Yes, they should. They're trying to figure out and this, this will come back. He really thinks that Hermes is awesome, but he's not quite sure what. Awesome me. Whoa. Okay. So this is so fucking dumb. We didn't bother to say it because so much dumb shit was all happening at once, but they have universal translators, right?

They put babble fish in their ears earlier in the middle, which was already stupid because they were going to two, the 2003 Japan and they were already speaking Japanese. So like by their own logic, they did not need that. They just got lucky that they, that they happened to have it. Right. Just have to have them on board. Yeah. So, but they've got those on and he says, wow, Hermes was really awesome. And she's like, what is this word?

Awesome. And I'm like, your universal translator isn't just giving you your time's word for awesome. Yeah. What a shitty babble fish you've got go in there. But yeah, that's, but that's going to be important. Now this is the theme though that we've, we've set up pay attention to here, folks, because we're going to do this again. If this movie has a through line, it is about what the word awesome means.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. But the formula that we've set up here now is that they're going to go into a time. They're going to do their thing at that time. And then they're going to go back into the time machine to talk about that historical slash mythical moment and how it relates to happy science called theology. Yes. They basically like rewrite all the Greek myths. Yeah. Right. So that they fit into the framework. Exactly. Exactly.

He goes like, yeah, a lot of people think that Hermes was mythical, but no, he was a real dude. As a real guy, fought Sea Dragons and shit in reality. And there's also, okay, it's really clear early on that Sitaru is Alisa's like great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather or something, but she doesn't outright say that. No, it's just it's clear to us as the audience.

The movie uses it as a twist towards the end of the movie, but keep in mind that her initial statement of, I wanted to meet you when you were 15 is fucking insane if they're not somehow related or know each other. She wanted to be a random teenager. Right. And that or something absolutely horrific happens to him at 16 and she wanted to get in the quadrat. No, no, you don't understand. You're the Rhino. Okay. You'll get it. You'll get it when you fall on the cage. Sorry. Right.

But then what makes us super uncomfortable is that we know this all the time and then like he is like falling in love with her. You're like, oh, yeah, that they play up the sexual tension so, so far. It's like, please don't make us watch these anime 15 year old fuck. I have lines even for good awful movies that I would make. Right. Right. That makes one person on this podcast. You are outvoted. So yeah, but she's like, oh, well, you know, the time machine's all fucked up.

So we can't go directly to 2003. We're going to have to inch towards the plot a little bit at a time. Oh my god. I wrote in my notes, inch towards the plot as though they were ever going to get there. That's literally never actually. So, but yeah, she's like, we can only go a thousand years at a time. Yeah. We're going to drive all the way home in second gear, basically what they're going to try. Right. Well, they've got that Tesla time machine, right?

And so it always tells them that they have enough to get there, but that puts you get exactly 0% where you get to your rights all day. But the thing is as well, she says, I don't understand. We were supposed to be going to the year 2003 and we went to 2000 BC. And I thought, oh, please don't let this be that she just forgot to set the BC AD toggle button on the day of selection. Right. Because like a software mistakes go. You know, that could be worse.

You know, they could have accidentally end up on January the 1st, 1970, which is a very niche UTC joke. Okay. There you go. I'm sure there are some some of our British listeners all computer date start on the 1st of January, 1970. When I don't find one of your jokes funny, Mars, I always assume that it's because I'm not smart enough. So there it is. And I assume it's because I'm not British enough. They don't work covered on this podcast. So yeah.

So, but yeah, they wind up in Egypt and it's nice because the time machine takes them out of a nice recognizable landmark like the Spigs. Huh. Good. And they knock the Spinks his nose off. Right classic. Yeah. Why does every time travel movie feel the need to do that? Because it's not a lot of creativity in the world. I just opened a couple of thousand years. That trope has become doing 9 11. Oh, right. Like every kids movie. And be like, uh-oh. Were there two of those towers?

Oh, thanks, Marbles. Marbles is the lovable animal sidekick. Right. And accidentally. And you'd like to buy your marble plush. You can. Yeah. Which, uh, which genocide does Marvel deny he lied just while we're in some check? All of them, baby. So yeah, so they wind up outside this Egyptian city and they see an army issuing forth, right? So they're like, oh, I wonder what this army is chasing. They run along and dammit if they don't see all the exodusing Hebrews.

Yeah. That's great because there's like people, but the army's like chasing out of the bill of the area. And she says, oh, they're heading somewhere else. Let's get there before they do. So right, but you don't know where they're going. So you can follow them, but you can't preempt them unless you know where they're going. What if they turn left? Oh, fuck, I didn't think about it. Somewhere. Yeah. But the Sitaru is in this time. She's like, oh, let me tell you about Moses.

And I'm like, what is this the fucking Quran? But she's like, oh, let's shift into a visible mode and warn Moses that the bad guys are coming. Right. Because again, all of these adventures will be a mix of tweens, interceding in history and God interceding in history. So right to be clear, Moses is now going to get a message of warning from God who will speak to him for the first time in a 15 year old girl's voice.

Yes. Well, and also like, it makes you wonder, maybe that's how God did everything, right? Either's just a series of wacky time traveling teenagers accidentally enacting each of the 10 ways. It's an awful each other at all times. Yeah. Yeah. You'd think that. And because I thought at this point, okay, we've already established that the time travel ship can like have things shooting out the bottom of it. So that's how they're going to part the water.

You know, they're going to get there and they're the ones who part the water. But no, they just hover around in the sky watching actual God part the water. So they're still just the onlookers on this, even though they could have very easily explained what was happening there. Right. No, it's such a weird mist because like they're hurt like she acts, she goes back and she's like, oh, we'll use my fire pillar holograms to stop the tornado holograms. Right. To stop to slow them down.

And then we're like, oh, wow. So the whole thing she's going to do the parting the water. And then but the movie is like, no, because there is a God and he parted the water. So he watched that part. And also this, this was an interesting insight. Like so we watched this in the original Japanese with subtitles. And it was just an interesting insight because I'm watching Moses speak Japanese. And that's fucking hilarious. But I'm like, that's not funnier than him speaking English, right?

It's just, it's obvious how funny it is that we've got Moses speaking English to me because I'm seeing this. Do you think they had him speak in Japanese with an accent? Like, you see Moses, they'll have like a bit of a middle eastern accent kind of going on. Like an old tiny kind of accent. Do you think he had like an old time yaksen speaking Japanese? Oh my Japanese. Yeah. Okay. So for our Japanese speaking listeners, will you check it? Make sure they're not doing a Jew voice to call that out.

If like if they were doing the Japanese version of like, oh no, here come the Egyptians. You have to tell us to let us know now more than ever. Yeah, so so that we watched the Egyptians go through the part and see the sea closes up before the Egyptians go in because they didn't want the kids to have to deal with the with a horrible murder. Just two tweens being like, oh, they're all, they're all drowning. Yeah, right. Right. You, um, you want to go back into the time stream? Yeah, right.

You go back to the time stream. That's really. I really wanted us to have to let watch a lot of horses drown at this point. If anything for me, that would have been a win-win situation. I would have made it. It would be incredibly better. God damn it, Marsh. Your horse vendetta. You're getting us canceled. Okay. Marsh's horse vendetta does not speak on behalf of one of the others from LLC. It doesn't extend to donkeys.

We're going to take, we're going to make you guys, you, you're left like zipline onto a horse and draw it like and well, that's going to be our next Patreon go. Also, this is the point in the film where I realized these kids of forest gumping that way through every. Yes. They sure are. Yeah. They sure the fuck are so they get back in the time. I love to like, Satoru is like, yeah, so things don't go great for the Jews from here. We really could have probably told them about the Holocaust.

Damn. Oh, wait, did you just say the Egyptians are coming? They knew the Egyptians were coming. Oh, they were right. Right. So yeah, so they get back into the time stream and they're rear-ended by a glowing golden orb. At this point, the movie is just running out of things to go wrong with the ship, right? Because the last two times the ship just could be blue-ed, right? And now they're in a new place. This time they fucking get knocked out of the way by a motorcyclist, right?

Who gives them the finger in the time stream. I really wanted to be a different set of 15-year-olds in a time-traveling device. Oh, yeah. Engaging in some sort of interstellar dogfight. That I mean, right. Exactly. Right, right. We just made it rainfrox. And now I guess for the 18th fucking time, the ship is crashing and a Lisa's desperately typing at it. But ultimately they land in India at the time of the Buddha.

And they know that because the second they crash and pop out of the ship, someone yells to a different group of guys, hey, the Buddha is preaching to your guy. You want to go hear the Buddha? Yeah, he means the Buddha. No, I mean Steve Buddha. He's going to dunk his entry outside of Bangalore. Hey, everybody, it's me, Chris Buddha. So, so, Statoos like, at least we should go see Buddha. He's the reincarnation of both Hermes and Moses. Where, where, see, don't you get it?

We're traveling through the various incarnations that the founder of the happy science called claims for himself. To be right. Yes. Yeah. Oh, God, I wish he had to do all of them. I wish the movie made him do all of them right into Princess Diana. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mentioned Princess Diana a lot in my nose. So, yeah. So, but then we have to cut to the evil king. So, they've added a bad guy to Buddhism. Right. So, there's this evil monk that wants to kill Buddha and take over Buddhism.

I guess it'll be him, is him or whatever, when he's done with it. But he's talking to the evil king. Yeah. Evil king, eczema. Yeah. Right. Yes. Well, that's how we know he's evil, right? Because he's got a skin condition. That's, yeah. But he tells me he's like, hey, you know, once I'm in charge, I'll make all the people love you. And he's like, yeah, okay, go kill Buddha then. Yes. Sounds good. Okay. I want to talk about a weird choice they made for these villains, right?

And this is pretty true of a lot of animates. A lot of the time when you have a villain, they'll be like twitchy, right? Yeah. So there's literally a moment and, and, and, and, Marsh, I'm glad you have it in your notes too. There's literally a moment where they finish the conversation and then both characters kind of like twitching each other for a second. I've got block capitals twitch five. No, it's like the room had flees at a certain way. Yeah, rather than. So yeah. So they're okay.

The kids are flying in their invisible time machine over Eagle Peak to hear a good old Buddha sermon. As he swank it through, Sitaro notices that the evil monk has a boulder that's waiting to roll on to Buddha as soon as he steps on the big red ax, right? It's a very wiling coyote attempt. It is. There's got an acme rocket strapped to it or something. Yeah. And so the boulder starts to fall on him and Buddha's like, yeah, Boulder ain't got shit on me. So he just stands there.

I hope his next attempt assassination is he draws like a tunnel on the side of a mountain and puts a sign saying and like to him in this way is that all co-ebl get him. So no, importantly, once everyone sees the boulder, there's plenty of time to just move out of the way. But nobody does. Buddha's got like a secret service that all surrounds him. Yeah. And he just stands there all calm. And then Alisa blasts the boulder and vaporizes it with her time machine's laser gun.

Yeah. She laser booped it. Yeah. I'm talking about the ears. Yeah. Yeah, we do have to talk about the ears. Yeah. Okay. Sorry. I missed 90% of this scene because Buddha. Okay. So I looked this up because I was like, why does Buddha have elephant ears? And luckily Google was like in some representations and I was like, okay, good. This isn't a happy science cult thing. So in the Hindu mythology where Buddha is the reborn this.

No, he said with a question marks he can't get in trouble where Buddha's a one of the reborn Hindu gods as well. That is a representation that he's also that God. I see. Okay. Gotcha. It's all makes sense in his normal. And I didn't spend all of his screen time during the movie just typing ears. Ear. His ears. Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh. It's like his a lobe so reconnect midway through his neck. They do. Yeah. Right.

You may, you may, you may, you may, you can't see him below the shirt, but they keep goat. Yeah. So yeah. So then we get Buddha. He's like kind of red carpeting his way through town. And he's like, oh, it's the booties coming through. Oh, wow. Very, very, very awesome. And Sitaru and Alisa are also standing there red carpeting with them. Yeah. They're back. They went to Eagle Peak to see him speak. And he just like walked away from that to where they just were. They must have been so annoyed.

Just like, oh, fucking, you can't, we miss each other. Like some sort of French fans. Right. They get back and everyone's set up tense. There's a really long line now. Come on. So yeah. So, but Sitaru notices the twitchy bad guy. And he's like, look how twitchy that guy is. He must be the bad guy, right? We're in an anime. So they follow him down into this alley where he's paying off a couple of guys to try to kill Buddha with the stampeding elephant.

Feel like that's, feel like it's a bad technique. Feel like you have a little control over them. 100% flawless plan could be all know that elephants target Buddhas first. That's like they, that their natural thing. It's like they run away from mice. They run towards Buddhas. That's exactly what elephants work. Because Buddhas are the opposites of mice. This all makes sense. Absolutely. Joke retracted.

Also, if you're ever going to bribe someone to assassinate someone else with an elephant, would you make them count out the bribe in coins right there in front of you? Obviously. Obviously. Because you won by one these coins. So yeah. So they, and the kids see this and they're like, oh, we better warrant. Buddha that an elephant's coming, but a couple of like knights or whatever find them. And they're like, no, we're going to hold on to you for the remainder of the scene. And they're like, damn.

Because once again, like they've used the time machine to say, oh, some miraculous thing that the Buddha did was actually just these kids with the time machine. Now they have to show him actually do something miraculous, right? So the elephant comes tearing through. It sees Buddha and it's like, that's the guy. Right. The guy, yeah, the great thing is the crowd work in the background. They shout, they don't shout, it's a killer elephant. They shout, it's the killer elephant.

Like this is notorious elephant. Apparently this guy's got a reputation. There's wanted porthas all over town. Or his YouTube home later that day. You guys really wanted PT Barnum, El Contare to show up and be like, I have a solution. Oh, no. Citation needed listeners. Get that shot. I'm just saying. No, they don't because you went to say Thomas Edison. That's all that shit I did mean to. But now they get it. Now they get it. And now they're all sad, damn it. And it's my fault.

So yeah, but the elephant goes to stop on Buddha, but Buddha's Adam, right? He goes full Buddha stance. And then the elephant apologizes, bows to him and cries. Cry, he changes his way. The single remorseful to you. Yeah. Absolutely. That elephant knows an incarnation of El Contare when he sees one. And King eggs him a he's super impressed. He's like, oh, wow, the the the the Buddha is pretty awesome, right? So then we cut back to twitchy monk.

And he's like, ah, damn, I haven't, you know, I've tried and I've tried. Now I've got one last backup plan. You know, murder plots come in threes. I have this super deadly poison where one drop would be enough to kill an elephant. Right. The nice plans seem to have a very elephant motif. You know, he's a real. There's a real theming there. Yeah, he's a poison. And if that doesn't work, I'll infect him with this elephant titus virus.

Yeah. Well, so when he said, you know, this is a one drop of kill an elephant. I'm like, are you taking vengeance on the elephant for not doing its job? But no, he's going to he's going to put some on his fingernail and then he's going to stab Buddha with his fingernail. I'm like, why wouldn't you use anything that isn't part of your body for that? You think right?

Yeah. The deadly poison would have to go on as something that is I know they didn't have like, you know, a sport you could grab from the cafeteria, but they did have. Yes. They had sharp stuff. Also, like we've established that this guy is a very twitchy character. What we haven't also established is that he's a chronic nail bite in every one of the previous scenes. He's biting his nails. So he's like, my nails, that gives me an idea.

I'll put the things that I can't keep out of my mouth into the poison. And that would be the best delivery mechanism to someone other than me. Yeah. So yeah. So he's running that booty. He's going to stab with the poison fingernail. So Turtle looks over at him and he's just like, oh, shit, that must be a poison fingernail. And he yells. He's like, Buddha, look out. Buddha turns around and he like stares at him. He does the Buddha thing. He hits him with the blue steel.

He literally does like a, and he's like, oh, he totally died. That guy is so free of want right now. I just came. And here's the best part, right? So he like falls to it. He does the elephant thing, right? Where he falls to his knees and I'm like, I'm sorry. I killed, tried to kill you with the poison nail. And Buddha's like, yeah, we don't really have a sin concept. So do better, my man. Yeah. And he's like, I'm going to eat this poison because it's a children's movie.

And we need kind of a tighter clothes than that. And he's like, I mean, do you like the truly amazing thing? Yeah. Yeah. He goes, he bites his fingernail and he goes, oh, the poison, it's going to kill me. And then Buddha starts healing. And we're like, oh, Buddha's going to forgive him for the thing and he's going to heal him from the poison. But no, he's healing the king's exima. He lets that guy die. I'm actually while he has his healing powers out. I'm actually getting the guy behind him.

I kind of started my spell around. I was so surprised by this because I thought he was doing the healing on that guy. And then the king was just like collateral damage. Like he was just like sending out panacea vibes in all the directions. But no, he only healed the king. Right. He just let the other two die. All right. And just so we cut back to Satoru and Alisa and just then her, the time machine is about to leave with her without you alarm goes off.

Yep. Yeah. Which we have never introduced up to this point. Nope. And I feel you do tell him that the time machine can leave without you before you leave the time machine the first time. But you don't just bring it at this point. Also, you set that. I feel like you set that alarm at an hour, you know, hour 15 a day. Do it. Give yourself space. Yeah. This girl seems to know everything about the time machine that every time she gets inside it, she instantly loses control of it.

Well, no, that's the heated seat spot and right there. Oh, God, damn it. We're in 14th century Russia. Yeah. So they're like, oh, we got to go right now. And the guards are like, no, remember, we're holding you from earlier. And Buddha's like, no, no, I remember them from back when I was Hermes, they're good. You can let them go back to their time machine. So with now that that's instantly deflated. So they leave.

So Tarou is like really bummed that he didn't actually get to hear a full on Buddha sermon at any point. And I'm like, yeah, if only you were in a fucking time machine and could. God, this movie really is just this kid meeting his heroes and then not shut in the fuck up about. Right. Yeah. Yeah. So, but he's still got that golden book from before. I remember the book of the golden laws.

And she's like, hey, I don't suppose your book of the golden laws has anything about why our time machine keeps crashing. And he's like, it'd be really fucking weird if it did. Wouldn't it? Yeah. It's a total Hail Mary, but it fucking does this full hundred year old book is actually a manual for fixing the time machine that you're that invented in the full millennium. Right. Well, so yeah, he says, yeah, actually, it does have an entry for this thing that happens 400 years after it was written.

It says that we get trapped and lost in the river of time forever, which spoiler alert, they don't. Right. So this is so great, right? Because people who watching this are part of the cult. They have read the golden laws and one of the things that they say, right, because he's got all these stupid predictions. And one of them is that time travelers will get lost in the river of time. And so he's assuring us like, no, I know if you've read the book, you think it might be these could don't worry.

They're going to make it out. There's going to be. They're not the time travelers I predicted. They're just for my anime movie. Also, so when he says that they're going to get lost in the river of time, her face does a thing that I can only describe as I took a lot of acid back into that. Yes. It goes very Picasso for a moment. Yes. So. So yeah. So but then the golden light crashes into him and pushes him out of the time stream again, like that stupid fucking mechanic in the flash movie.

And we cut to Jesus dragon lacrosse, right? Past a very low key crowd, like the energy of this scene isn't what I was hoping for from a crucifixion. It's a very chill crucifixion. Yeah. Yeah, they're throwing rocks, but there are, there are hearts not in it. Yeah. Or maybe this is like very early on in his crucifixion walk. And like all the crowds have got the best spot later on. And these are guys who came late. And you know, the stragglers early on kind of thing.

Yeah, it's like those old ladies that were like six miles from the queen's body getting interviewed on the BBC. It was like, okay, you know, obviously didn't care that much. Yeah. Then the people who wave a cyclist on the tour to France, that kind of thing. Exactly. Yeah. Right. Right. Right. So yeah. So so the people who wave at the queen's body on the tour. Yes. So yeah. So but but he's getting crucified. They show up. They're like floating over the the crucifixion.

And I'm like, oh my God, are they going to save Jesus? Oh my God. They don't. They don't. They're just like, oh, fuck it. We got to go. And I also like, so they leave and I Jesus kind of looks up at him. I'm like, please tell me that their time machine is who Jesus was talking to when he asked why they forsaken him. Right. Yeah. He was like, come on guys. It'll happen. Right. Yeah. You did fire tornadoes and lasers for Moses. You fucking you broke a boulder for booting.

You guys are just going to sit there for me. And they're like, sorry, it's just your thing is really it's got your whole thing. It's really honestly. If you think about it, if you're not really lacking her, just they got rid of the book of the shepherd. Not a lot of you slept in the time machine these days. Yeah. It's got a save energy. So yes, but they watch the crucifixion and then they see all these angels come down from heaven to bring his spirit back up or whatever.

Oh, yeah, to Monty Python into this guy. This is pure Monty Python. And I actually, and I also, I have to point this out because it's so funny. I know it's not related to anything, but they look up and they see the the chorus of angels right that classic sort of medieval painting image of the hundreds of angels swirling into the yellow light. And the girl explains it by going, yeah, no, we paid extra for the angel vision on this thing. Right.

She goes, oh, yeah, no, our cameras are set to fourth dimensional. So they can see spirit stuff and like, oh, what really? That's, that's great for the movie. Anyway, so that then I guess, I guess the Torah talks are into like hanging out at the tomb waiting for the resurrection. Yeah. Which is weird because the time machine we just established only let you hang out for a few hours before it just leaves without you. Maybe they turned it off. Maybe there's an argument of right.

Yeah. Why the fuck would you have that? You nearly got us killed in like India thousands of years turn that off right now. That, no, that makes a lot of fucking sense. Also, while you're doing that, could you turn off the noises that every time you press a key on the fucking keyboard and make the thing? Oh my God, it's so funny. You don't need the on. It's the musical keyboard, but they didn't line them up so that it'll always make music. So it's like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

So yeah, so they're waiting around at Jesus' tomb. The ladies come to wash his body and we know that because one of them turns to the other one and goes, let us wash the body of our savior. You're too excited. Way too high. You want to wash his feet? I mean, like let's see what the body's like in the morning. Chill. But yeah, so they check the tomb and it's empty and just then a lease of sneezes, right? And they all hear her.

So they all run around and they're like, did you steal our savior's body? And I really wanted this to be yes. I'm one of these kids who like still in the body and we just got like a smash cut back to the time machine. And it's like, sit up. Jesus rotten corpse propped up against the window. But no, we were using them as a dartboard. Yeah. But no, they see a glowy pillar ascending to heaven so that sataru and Elise are off the hook. We see a bunch of angels.

Now they can see them without looking through the camera. So it's like, well, why did you establish that it was the camera that allowed him to see it? Spirit. So dumb. But yeah, so sataru looks to Elise. So with a sort of a like, I told you it was worth driving all the way to Vermont to see right? Kind of a look. And also, there's this moment where like we see her knees in the clouds. In case you weren't putting together that these are all incarnations of the same guy, right?

It's wearing a name tag. Elkontard. We get it. All right. Thank you. All right. We'll tell you what, we've shifted from BC to AD here. So I suppose that's as good a time for break as any. But first, let me give act three, the hard sell. Will this movie very conspicuously skip over Muhammad? Is that out of respect for Muslims or disrespect? Will they go with a religious leader equivalent of Larry instead? Find out the answers to these questions and more.

We'll return for the plotting conclusion of the golden laws. All right. And squeeze and hold it and hold it. Oh, come on, dude. I'm trying. Hey, guys, what are you doing? We're getting ready for our coffee animals. Right. Well, I guess I better be hitting the road then, do I pull it to that way, right? No, Marsh, it's not like that. We're almost at our goldenU coffee animals for matrion. And we want to get our bodies in shape before that happens. Right.

But guys, if you want to get in shape this summer, why don't you try FitBod? What's FitBod? Whether you are a seasoned gym goer or just starting a fitness journey, the essential your workout really needs is FitBod. It's a fitness app that customizes each workout based on your goals and adapt them as you improve. And they can help me with my rectal retention? I think they'd like me to strongly emphasize that that is not what the app is for. Okay. Well, then why did you bring it up?

Because this isn't ad Eli. Like FitBod creator, personalized workout routine based on your goals, fitness level and available equipment. Plus FitBod helps you learn new movements the right way with over 1000 demonstration videos. Wow. But have you actually tried it? I have. I started using FitBod when they became a sponsor and I love how I can adjust my workout based on how hard I want to go that day and you know, whether I'm in a hotel room or a fully stacked gym. All right, Marsh. I'm sold.

Where do I sign up at FitBod to your workout essentials? Join FitBod today to get your personalized workout plan, get 25% off your subscription or try the app free at fitbod.me slash Gam. That's F-I-T-B-O-D dot M-E slash Gam. All right, Marsh. Thanks. Who came up with a coffee and a more idea anyway? Oh, we did. Right. You see how that's worse, right? We do not. Uh-uh. Right. I call together this meeting of the incarnations of El Contare and also Chi-E.

Fuck yeah. Chi. Sorry. Sorry, I'm just excited to be here, everybody. Anyway, as you know, each incarnation of El Contare through the thousands of years has strived to bring man closer to the light that shines from the deepest soul. Yes. And I was going to shut up. Buddha's talking. Sorry, go ahead, Buddha. Buddha, go ahead. Right. Right. Thanks. So, uh, it was I who told man that searching inward. Oh my God. So true. Fuck. Yes. Someone is saying a clap hands, clap hands, clap hands.

I, I wasn't finished. He wasn't finished. Guys, shut the fuck. Sorry, why is this guy here? Uh, cause then Buddha's best friend. Nope. Nope, not that. No, he's, um, he's like a, a prophet kind of. Well, actually, it's a, it's a pretty obvious misinterpretation. Right. Uh, you know, why don't we all just turn into glowing balls of light and sustain the universe, huh? Yeah. That, that sounds great. Oh, I'm so sorry, guys. I don't want to change the plans. I just, I can't do that.

Uh, I can't do that. Right. Uh, well, why don't you hang out here and then we'll just, we'll catch up afterwards. A catch up after we're cool. Cool, cool, cool. Um, what are you doing? Buddha, are you doing the ball of? Yeah, that's what, what he just said. I'll do that. Oh, okay. Yeah, no, I'll wait here and then you get, yeah, I'll just catch you on the, on the flip flop. I'm going to watch TikTok. Great, great. Yeah. Thanks, Chi. No problem, man. Like, I, anytime, seriously. Right.

Oh, man, crazy people sure do hate adoption, huh? What? I'm just watching TikTok. TikTok. You know what I mean? And we're back for still more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action back on the time machine with Sataru telling us all the stuff we just saw again. Right. He's explaining how Jesus fits into the happy science cult theology. Was it male? Did they hire a different voice actor for his voice during that one sentence? And then the next sentence is phenomenal.

Yeah. Or he went through puberty for that one particular thing. Yeah. Which is bad because like, that's the one thing she wanted to avoid. She wanted to see him pre puberty and she's just missed out. Or maybe that's it. She wanted to hit the cusp. She was looking at it all day. Oh, yeah. She wanted the, yeah, it's Thursday moment. I got it. So yes, but she gets the time machine fixed and working. Jesus, but it's almost out of time gas. We only have five more time warps left.

Cool. We should go right home then, right? We should go right home because of our tendency to not get where we're trying to go. Right. But they're like, well, that's, we have plenty to still do some touristing, right? Yeah. No, he's got a point. The best thing they should do now is try to go to the one place they tried to go at the start of this, but fucked up every single time. Yes. Now is the time you'll nail it. I'm confident of that. Right. Back into the time tunnels or whatever.

And then the golden orb comes and rams them out yet again. This is a question to a forest. And this is where we're going to get the Jerry Christ of religious figures here, right? Hell yeah. It is. Chee, everybody. Chee. Yeah. This is where I wrote, I chee, ee. I hate it when these movies run out. He was like, you've heard of and now they go try and make like a big deal out of a minor character. Right. I'm excited for chee, just like I can't wait to say Kit Harrington is black night.

I'm looking for. Yeah. Here's Chee and his friend, the blue beetle. All right. Relax. Right. No, I'm like, okay. So this is TNTTIGE. And I'm like, that's God of you. The guy who invented Tai Chi. No, it isn't. I checked. No, it's not. And he's such a minor character. Okay. So let me explain this because I went down a rabbit hole of like, why does happy science called care about chee.

So for those of you who don't know, chee is like, you know how like someone is like, well, here's the thing about the football inside sponsorship and that buffalo bale's back. This is that of Buddhism, right? The person who knows way too much about like the kicker stats. So when Buddha first was like, Hey, everybody, you can sit in real still and then you can change enlightenment.

Of course, because India is still at the caste system, they were like, right, but you mean like the good people, not the fucking shadow people over there. And Buddha was like too late to clarify I'm dead. So Chi is a Chinese monk who's like, no, everybody can achieve enlightenment, right? Which why would you visit that person? Why does it matter just happy science called well as part of the metaphor of his writings. Chi said a thing that sounds an awful lot like the Buddha will be reincarnated.

And of course, if you're a guy pretending to be the Buddha and Jesus and Moses and Joseph Smith reincarnated, you're going to make Chi's prediction a lot bigger part of your cosmology than it probably should be. God, cosmology, not cosmology. Maybe take their cut to you. So that's why we're visiting the fucking Chad Christ of Buddha. Right now. All right. And also there's even like a, because he's like sitting on a hilltop and he's talking to this spirit lady.

And Sitaru tells us that she also is actually a pretty big deal. We've never heard of her because we're pianc, but we, you know, we don't know what they're talking about. But was that not to all? Yeah. And I know that one because that this what we're finding out like he all the other things he's been and apparently he's also been like Aphrodite and it's awkward because he's explaining to Alisa that, oh yeah, I'm Chiyeh.

She's like, I used to be Aphrodite and she's like, oh, I know Aphrodite and that's all good. It's a real sort of like don't play the new material vibe, but the concept when you play an old song, the crowd goes wild. And here's his, a new one where I'm Chiyeh. It's okay. Could you just do lady? All right. So it will Chiyeh. Stick's fans in our audience love that joke. Okay. Well, glad to know it. Glad to know somebody loved that joke. My fellow sticks are out there. Stick's are six.

What are we call ourselves? I'll be able to upload it to the Gag Joach. That's all, man. There's a computer nerd slash sticks fan who just jerked off onto this episode. That's how much they loved it. There you go. We were hitting our fans one at a time. I'm sorry. Listener, this just isn't your episode yet. Should have given us more money for matriots than we could shoot while. We've been out personalized jokes in the hopes of it and those goals.

So yeah, but the, but the movie itself seems to recognize that like, oh, shit, we, you know what we've got here is we've got fucking Hawkeye talking to black widow. Nobody gives a shit. Let's bring the Hulk in and Buddha shows up and he's like, I also have revelations. And they're like, oh, thank God, we can't carry this scene by ourselves. I was so big. He's so unnecessarily big. Like, he's a very big Buddha. And this is where we get my best worst.

He's like, I have come to tell you the most secret of all the secret shit, the greatest wisdom there is. And he's like, really? This is where most movies would have to cut away. And he's like, not this dumbass movie. No. Do good stuff. And don't not do that or certain stuff. He gives us this compass analogy, except it's just like when the compass is pointing at bad stuff, you're doing bad stuff. To point it at good stuff. But when it's pointed at good stuff, it's good.

Yeah. He says the compass needle never stops moving at which point we see a very static needle. Is that okay? I would just like you to run off into my point. It points to lust at one point and lust is like, is described as depicted as a bunch of tentacles. It's like, okay, calm down Japan. Calm down. I got a Japan. Right. So I understood that metaphor. Loud and clear, Japan. I've seen live laugh love signs with more profundity than these goddamn teachings.

But yes, this is the point of the movie, guys. This analogy is like now that I've got the kids' attentions with all that cool dragon sword fight. Shit. I can tell them to live laugh and love. Right. Right. But then Chi-E kind of has to throw off the vibes by being like, I would get AIDS and have my eyes torn out by hawks to hear this. And they're like, hey, no. Why don't you bow and kill that? Yeah. He's happy for his eyes to be torn apart by a million hawks.

Logistically, that's going to be a challenge just logistically. Half a million per eye is that to the answer? That's all I know. Half of each of those hawks is not getting much out of that eye. That's not so. No, no. That's like a big miracle from the fish and the breadfish to make up one eye. So you get 500,000 hawks. And everyone just sort of inches away from him back to the time machine. They're like, yeah, okay. Well, okay. Thanks Chi-E, I guess.

I mean, we all got Buddhist message, but you were the most into it. Yeah, exactly. Well, and he's like, you know, the Buddhist like, I'm going to be reborn later on. He's like, are you going to be the leader of the happy science cult? And he goes, just don't say it just like that. But yes. Yeah. And G.E. cries at the very thought of being able to live at the same time as the leader of this cult. Right. And again, Buddha awkwardly has to be like, yeah. I mean, maybe.

Yes. No. No. No. Yeah, you see, it depends on how many hawks you can get into your eyes, you know. I would, oh my God, I would love to hang out, buddy. But I just, oh, it's been such a crazy year in the toddler. You know, it's just so. I'll see if we can have the time. Yeah. And time's on differences makes the conversation difficult. That's the main reason. Yeah, I mean, he really likes you guys. He really does want to talk to you guys. He really does want to come to different jobs.

He's got a party every year. It's, it's, it's, it's Aphrodite's vacation time. It's really, really. The last time she was that Aphrodite decoloured this win play. She got her eyes torn out. So okay. So, so the go back to the time machine. Now they've only got four time travels left. She counts it out in case we weren't getting it. She's like, so that's my time, your time. And 2003, where she's where we've been trying to go the whole time with one extra warp.

And Sitaru is like, hey, I have a great idea for what we can do with this extra warp. And I'm like, guys, you, you can get home with a bullet left in your gun here. That's okay. I feel like maybe it just maybe take, go all the way into the future, fill the machine all the way up. Do infinite time. There you go. Or that. Yeah, just keep the spare back. And I just, I guess you, you haven't made one successful intentional jump yet. Just keep wanting to back. Not a single fucking one.

These kids are that friend who doesn't want to stop for gas too often on a road trip. And you have to be like, Hey, man, we're adults and we're going to stop for gas as often as we want. Whoever you're doing, like call your dad and tell him to fuck himself. I'm going to use the bathroom. And she says to him, like, you know, if we mess this up, we won't be able to get home. And his response is like, hmm, yeah. You know, yeah, yeah. It sucks. That good, good argument.

I feel like we already kind of blew one of our visits with that Chi guy. Yeah, right. It was weird that he made a sign all of his jacket, right? He's here. I'll have a sign. Also, the reason he wants to use this extra thing, he wants to go to Greece because Hermes said to him, well, earlier when we met him, you need to find your treasure. But like, when we saw that scene, it very much felt like that was just Hermes trying to get rid of them.

Like, that's, that's the equivalent of like Hermes ruffling their hair and saying, now go on, skidaddle scamp. And now he's taking skidaddle scamp as the quest prompt. And he's going off to try and find a way to skidaddle. Right. Yeah, he's like, but how much daddle must I ski? We must go back and, right. Yeah, no, he's like, let's go back to Greece. And she's like, that's crazy. The story has already fucking done that. You can't, and he's like, this is a happy science cult movie.

We can do any dumb shit we want. So they go back to ancient Greece. They stop along the way and get sucked into a whirlpool and Hermes has to save them and it's like, yeah, here you go. Sorry. Oh, damn way. What? So we have for also really minor thing, but this is the first time I think in the entire movie that the emergency warning light comes on inside the ship, which feels like that light must be malfunctioning because they've had some emergencies at every other.

Right. Yeah. There's been a couple of moments. So yeah, so they get out of the whirlpool. They're flying up. He goes, that's a grease. And I'm like, you can just tell from the assortment of islands, this kid is good. I can smell it from here. Trust me. There is a lot of cheese. I'm not going to say that. So they're on their way and they see these three mysterious colored flames. So they're like, well, this must be where the next plot point is, right? So they fly up.

There's a red, a blue, and a green light and a festive atmosphere. Everybody's come out to see Prometheus. He's got fire themed hair, which was nice. I thought his hair was on fire. I thought that's not what the Promethean myth is. He didn't steal the fire from the gods and then where it is a fetching hat. That's not what it is. And I like that he's doing spirituality themed smack talk, right? Like, I am the most enlightened one and no one will be more enlightened.

Hachachah. Yeah. He's roasting hermys and then he tries to actually roast hermys. Yeah. Right. Right. Because he's like, hermys is there and he's like, hey, you know, I have fire powers. Like I'm going to show off my fire magic and he's like, do you have magic powers to and hermys is like, well, no, actually what I have is a, I've learned something here today speed. Did I like to give fire?

So yeah, he starts to give it his little speech to crowds like, well, you know, he has learned something here today. But then Prometheus is like, no, I'm using my fire. I'm going to surround you by flames with my fire powers and I'm like, you know, it's really now that we think about it, you probably shouldn't fight Prometheus with three giant fires around you to begin with, right? Yeah. That's on hermys. So he puts on his winged sandals that allow his soul to leave his body.

Again, regular this knows you remember this from three movies ago. Yeah. I didn't see that one. I thought it was weird because his winged sandals start off as like a cute little towing. Okay. He's just putting on like a cute little towing. But then it turns into a sandal. I thought, yeah, when he was just, I can't do this fight without my little toils. He's being adorned. I thought that's a very old man.

Yeah. But he flies up to heaven where he meets his best friend, a tiny horse and a baby, which of course we all remember from three movies ago. I wrote in my notes. I mean, I remember this from a few movies ago, but it didn't make sense a few movies ago. So I don't want to remember. Right. Right. Right. So and then of course the kids show up in their time machine and they're like, oh, we better help hermys.

But then as they fly up despite being invisible, Prometheus blasts their ship away with his wind powers. Right. Right. That's important. Keep that in mind. Okay. But for the hundred and third time now, they've crashed their spaceship. So they have to like run up to the cliff where this is all going on. Spaceshipless or time machineless. Right. And so the kids are like, hey, don't you dare burn Hermes to death and the entire crowd stops and is like, oh, well, let's hear them out. Let's do it.

I have to say, what is your counter proposal? And they're like, who are you? And the kids like, fuck, we did not consider that question. We are King Hermes disciples. And everybody stops and they're like, does that change things for us in the next half? You're just rooting for the guy who's losing. Okay. Why you said that? Do you want to meet on a stick? We got meet on a stick. So okay. So meanwhile, Hermes is following Pan and Agape, the little baby in the horse dude through purple clouds.

Yes, I titled this scene, the purple clouded magic castle of the dragon seeking, I guess. Yes. Yeah. And my first note was so much of this movie feels like the final twitching images of a brain starved of oxygen. And of course, at March got to this movie before me. So I wrote in my notes, guys, I think skepticism may have broken. March, his opening notes for this scene are the purple clouded magic castle of the dragon seeking, I guess. And I really need him to be more surprised. Right.

But so here's the thing. That is what is happening right now. Hermes has flown into the spirit realm so that he can cash in the favor that the seed dragon king owes him after that last dragon fucked up his boat. Yes. And now let me be very clear what actually happens in this meeting is Noah apologizing secretly behind my back for one of my jokes. Oh, sorry, that's Craig. He's going through a bed divorce right now, but we the sea dragons are actually on your side.

Yes. That was a miscommunication. The old dad's isn't a puzzle and a thunderstorm. Yeah. The dragon tells us it serves omniscient and omnipotent gods like him, which is weird because like if that was true, you wouldn't need to tell him he would already know it. And also if it was true, he wouldn't need a dragon. He could do whatever a dragon could do because you think right.

Yes. You want anybody to serve you anyway, you know, is it a case of like, well, you know, I could do that, but I prefer not to because I be a whole thing. So I prefer you can do the thing for me. Is there yeah, right? It's paperwork. Maybe you could do the paperwork. But yeah, so he's like, yeah, yeah, no, I'll get right on that. So we cut back to Prometheus and the fight and everything. They've seized Sataru, right? He's getting captured. So at least it's like, you know what?

I actually have a secret weapon that I have not used at any point in this movie even though it would have been super duper useful. Yeah, at others. And she calls it a secret weapon. So well, I suppose I'm going to use my secret weapon now because I think about 80% of the way through the plot. So now is the time for it. Right. Yeah. All right. Now before we say what this is, podcast us now. Take a second. Take a second. Take a million years. Take one million years where they random word.

Guess what? You did not get lion purse. No. I think that's a secret weapon. There's a lion hologram purse. She opens her person, a lion jumps out. Well, initially it wasn't clear that it was a hologram. I thought you had a tiny lion in a book. I also thought she just had a lion. Yeah. Which, hey, can I say I would absolutely keep out like I don't want to be one of those guys who's like, if you don't have the lion purse, then only the bad guys have the lion purse.

I would absolutely keep the lion purse. Someone cuts in front of me and lion at Starbucks and just out of the person. They're like, oh, no, sorry. Thank you. So yeah, so her lion jumps out of her purse and it starts to chase everybody off. But then the hologram starts to go on the Fritz. And as holograms often do, when they start to go on the Fritz, it turns into a less menacing version of itself first. Yeah. A tiny little kitty cat who does a little meow and then disappears.

Yeah. And then it just disappears. And then everybody looks at her and they're like, oh, that was just a hologram. Right. That was a fucking lion hologram, guys. What do we get so worked up about? I said she can just call forth lion ghosts from her fucking bag sees her. So but they served a grabber and but just then the lamest possible dragons show up. They all. It's like that. It's like we missed the scene where the dragons were like, hey, I'm so sorry.

Only the PS1 dragons are waiting for right now. Do you want to wait for the full leaves? No, no, you're okay with the vector graphics. Yes. So the dragon show up and it starts to rain and it puts out all the fires with a big day loose and Hermes is as a spirit rides in on a golden dragon and starts lightning shit. Oh, yeah. Like so sassally. He's not pointing like pew, pew, is that me? Yeah. Right. Yeah. I felt like necessary to take shit out of the fruit card. It wasn't doing anything.

Hermes, damn. Yeah. But the rain stops and there's just one little ray of sunshine that's. It's showing through the clouds and it's it's right on Hermes who's praying and. Yeah. Who's doing a Tim Tibo? Yes. Like all great men have got right. Everything is the townsfolk are just absolutely amazed that the rain has stopped and to be fair, that's how the people in Manchester react on the rare times that the rain stops there. Yeah. And all the people turn on Prometheus.

They're like, hey, he was doing tricks all along. Yeah, I was on the tricks team. Let's beat him to death. And Hermes is like, yes, sucks to sucks. They're helping me out, kids. He totally fucking does. He told he's like, all right, well, yeah, they're off. They're off to beat him to death. So kids, how you do? And I remember you from earlier in the movie, do you remember that metaphor with the needle? Huh? You been thinking about that at all?

Yeah. And Prometheus, Prometheus just complains that all that stuff Hermes just did wasn't in his, it wasn't in Hermes power set, actually. Like he's someone complaining about a Marvel film on Reddit. Right. Yeah. But I think you'll find that Hermes is overpowered. That's not how that works. Yes. So yes, the crowd chases from atheists off Hermes and the kids chat. They hurt me spouts more happy science bullshit pseudo profundity. More of my best worst.

And then the townspeople show back up and they're like, Hermes, I, we were chanting for him to murder you just like, yeah, two and a half minutes ago. We just want to let you know we didn't mean it. We're on your side now. We killed that guy. We killed him. We just like a shrine will make a shrine. We built you a shrine. We built you a really nice shrine. You still got no shards. I do love shrine. You guys know me so well. And then, and then there's a song because of fucking course.

There's a goddamn song. It's mercifully short, but there's a song full boss. Yeah. It's the me telling Anna the midnight before we sure would like a song. Yeah. Right. But yeah, so then, and then Hermes goes to leave and Sotaro sees a kid chasing after him that I guess is like himself in an earlier incarnation. I don't, I don't fucking know what the hell the kid was supposed to be. But now Sotaro finally feels like he can define awesome for Alisa. I'm so glad we wrapped it up.

That felt like I was hanging. Oh, yeah. So lucky. And finally, we got a tension. Yeah. He says, I think awesome means living life with love and courage. And I just wrote my notes. Nope. It's not what it means at all. It's not even close. So then we get back at the time machine. And Alisa has bad news. She's like, look, we fucked around too many times. There's only enough energy for one last time warp.

So we go to the future where you're from so that they can fix the machine they invented and then take me back or just fill it back up with more time. Time gas. Right. I mean, initially he wanted to go to Japan in 2003. Right. He's like, well, I guess I fucking get it. Japan in 2003 it is. And she's like, no, you fucking idiot. No. But she's not, she's not much better.

She's like, no, I have to get you to your time because then I won't have a, both, she doesn't tell them yet that the great, great, great, great grandfather thing. But she, but she like implies, no, I have to get you back or it'll be really bad for me. Yeah. Just go to the day before you took the time machine from your dad and pick up that time machine, which is sure to fully feel right. Yeah. Exactly. There's so many ways around this.

Like, at least the era where time machines were invented by your dad, your dad can just solve this. But no, she did come to his house. Yeah. Pretty fucking easy. Yeah. They waved to 2003 as they drive past. Just wanted the voice of a guy pretending to be Brinces, died to come into the speakers. Okay. We got a little taste. Well, and then he has a realization and I don't know.

Maybe I'm trying to, I'm trying to make meaning out of this or I'm trying to get meaning where I just can't possibly get meaning. But I just know as Koyana Scotzy. Right. This is where he realizes that like the whole time he wanted to go meet the leader of the happy science cult, but he realizes that he has been meeting the leader of the science cult all the fucking long. Oh, these are all the various incarnations of El Cantare and it was El Cantare that he really wanted to meet.

I thought he was saying that he was El Cantare. I thought he was realizing that he was the guy he wanted to meet so it was fine. Oh, maybe that was it too. I don't know. Maybe I've been on a journey to meet myself. I took from it that he, that this kid was Hermi. He realized that he was Hermi's the Buddha, Jesus Christ fucking Chi. And rewakawa from the 21st century, Japan. I'm so sorry, Mars. I hate to correct you on air, but the movie is very clear. Chi is not a rebirth of El Cantare.

He's just a big fan. He just loves it. That's true. That is very true. Yeah. Fair. So well, maybe perhaps we couldn't see what was going on here because we were blinded by the incessent goldeness of this scene. Oh my God. It's so, it's like when people like make an AI do a picture and say like, oh, make a picture as golden as it could be and then be like, no, be more golden. Be more golden than that. We just are more golden than the exact ones. Yeah. So okay.

So we wind up back in the 25th century with the cops are still investigating the backyard because it's just the instant that they left. I've got to say is what I really wanted us to learn that it turns out she was actually the reincarnation of him. And I wrote in my notes, oh my God, Martin McFly is his own mother. That's where we're going. It is. I wish it was, but we're not. No, no. This movie has no courage.

So she takes him back on the ship's unempty and he's like, hey, maybe we have time gas around here. She's like, no, no, the fuel it runs on. You can only get it from the Pleiades. And he's like, and that's not a thing we can do now. And she's like, no, I know it's the future. I guess. Yeah, it's a future in there. Specified. Right. Because we don't know that because like they only have it in the 30th century, but we're supposed to know they don't have it in the 25th century. Right.

Also in our future. Yeah. Yeah. So Tara was like, well, you know, she gets all shy. He's like, well, maybe you could stay and be my great, great, great, great, grand girlfriend or whatever, right? So you can't go home, I guess you just sort of stay here and sit my dick instead and then he blushes. Yeah. That's what I'm so who said that? But just then mom and dad show up in the spare time machine. Yeah, he's cock blocked by an even bigger time machine. Right. Yeah. And I love this.

So because this movie ends, I don't know if you ever had this happen because I had good parents, but I apparently I'm the only person on earth when you really fucked up and your parents would like make sure you were safe. Yes. So fucking mad that they were like, okay. So she's going to get back on the time machine now. How long did it take? It took us a year to rebuild the time machine, darling. So why don't you just get in? Well, forget in the time machine.

But also like why didn't they then take the time machine once they got her and bring her back to the day that she left? Yes. So that they would then know that they are successful in rebuilding the time machine and that she turns out to be fine. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. You see what he did is the tool, you made a load of paradoxes. I hope you're happy with yourself. Just staring angrily. They've been the real in the rear view mirror. It's just like, Dad, you should really watch the road.

I'll watch whatever I want to watch. And then too, but this is also where like they reveal like she reveals to him that he's her ancestor and he's like, now it feels weird that I wanted to fuck you this whole time. You could have just told me that up front and it would have been. Feels weird to you, maybe. So also a lot of pressure on him, type of kids now. Like so much pressure on him to have kids. Yeah. Dwight, do you have to come on your tits? I know you said it. That's really cool.

But I just like, like one of my best friends growing up is really counting on me. His turn. Right. And her dad at this point is like, well, actually, this is Sitaro. He turns out to be a world famous priest. And I'm like, priest only get world famous when they rape kids, man. That is not a good thing, right? But like she's and she realizes she's changed his future. So now he's become super famous. And also his bully from high school has to wash his car every day.

So like, it really has worked out. Yeah. Right. It turns out that she only came back in time because she had a report due and she found out that 500 years ago she had an ancestor who knew this kind of shit. So again, to be clear, this epic change through history, this entire adventure where the Buddha and Jesus and Moses and Chi-E were all changed forever was because she was like, I don't do my homework. Right. Yes. Yes, they were building, tending their way through all of the religion.

Yes. And then awesome adventure, not even bogus adventure. Right. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, no, because he goes, she goes to leave and he goes, at least I, and I were like, oh, do you have profound words to say as this movie ends? He goes, love and courage, you know, like I, you're making sure I don't change my best words. Stead the last minute. Thank you. My grandma pops up from behind the bed, the spaceship. Bad last words, man. All right. All right. And there's two little things here.

First of all, the dad gets rid of the second time machine, the one they've been traveling in, but like just setting it so it just goes off and flies into a sun or something. So he's doing like the equivalent of like leaving it in New Zealand, just like rolling it off a cliff for a time machine. Yeah. We'll just let this take care of itself. 25th century Bill Clinton is just dragging Jeffrey Epstein's body up into it. Do you mind if I use that? Yeah, I do.

And then the other thing is like, so the lesson here is it does make logical sense to become religious, but only if a relative of yours from the future takes you on a time traveling adventure that gives you concrete proof that some of the religious stories are true and others are true if you cause them. Right. Yeah. At that point, become religious. It's a good idea. That's the moral. Yep. No, that's actually a pretty good moral. Now again, like dude, we're going to do our multiversal zoom out.

I think I think this turns out to happen in northern Brazil. I guess that's where you at. But yeah, but we've zoom out of the multiverse and we're done. Right. Which is nice. So I mean, there's like nine more of these. Well, yeah, no, we're never. This is whenever quite done. Thank you, Eli for the reminder. I there was happiness. And now there is this instead.

All right, well, I guess that's a good door for our review of the golden laws, but that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to do this to ourselves again next week. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. Well, Noah, as we tore through our favorite families, it's crazy. You know, it's time to check back in on the right family. Oh, nice. Oh, yeah.

So we're going to be checking out what I believe is the sequel to the Bible, the badge and Bigfoot Bigfoot colon grip of the monster. Oh, shit. All right, family's sequel. What have I done to deserve such plenty? All right. So with that to look forward to, we're going to bring episode 458 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to Mars for all his help this week. Don't forget to check the show notes for links to skeptics with the K and be reasonable.

And hey, if you want to meet Mars tickets for QED are now available at QED con dot org. And check your passports, everyone. We definitely go. Yeah. Yeah. Make sure you get the right one. You have to live with Mars. And of course, and also huge thanks to all the Patreon donors to help make the show go never a better time to sign up. It's matron. You can make us chef coffee up our asses.

If you'd like to help make us chef coffee up our asses, you can make a prep episode donation at patreon.com such God offland. They're by your own early access to an entry version of our event. So you can also help a ton by living in a pie show review and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. If you enjoyed this, show be sure to check out our siblings shows, the skating a diastaticion to the D&D minus and the scabricrat available wherever podcast live.

If you have questions, come visit us in the message us and check out email God off and move us to gmail.com. Timor opposite takes care of our social media. Our theme song was written in performed by Ryan Slot. We've addressed our Mars all the other users performed by our audience and your work and click the washers. Thanks again for giving us a check your life this week for Heathen right now.

I'm Noluzin's promise to work harder and learn the check next week until then we'll leave you with a breakfast club close. Alisa and her family never made it back to the future because a dad's pace of shit time machine decided that they really needed to see the chick salute impact firsthand. The slyly tobes went on to guy your in gimbal in the way I have no idea what the fuck we just watched. Nobody ever told Poodle about his ears. It was awkward.

What did I should have done is travel through time and then afterwards traveled back to the end of the day and then to take his wife out to Ben again. We can figure it out time travel. There's always a loophole. All right. Hello, fresh. In case it wasn't clear Morgan, that was not interstitial 3. I was just led to believe that it was despite the fact the last thing was interstitial 3. Eli had written it on the top just to fool me for some reason, but you to say as well.

So you look like a fool right. Right. Exactly. Yeah. Damn it. Building up a bank of interstitial 3. Declarations. The preceding podcast was a production of puzzle in a thunderstorm LLC, copyright 2024, raised reserve. де D 80