Hi, and welcome to Unleash Monday, where we make Monday, your favorite day of the week to many of us just leave for the weekend. And we dread Mondays on a Sunday night, but it doesn't have to be this way. I'm here to make Monday to favorite day of your week. I will come and share with you stories, tips, and tricks and tools,
which I have learned over the last five years by encountering so many awesome And inspiring women. This already leads me to my first guest. Our first guest today is Nicole. She's a very good friend of mine, and she only recently found out at the age of 36, that she is a gifted adult. This came to a total surprise to her and she will share her story and her experience.
In today's episode, this recording was actually a prerecording for my first episode. So that structure is a little bit different and it was just us chatting and you will get a listen. The ending is also a little bit a prop, but you get the main points. It was a very inspiring talk with very surprising realization on my side. And I thought,
wow, if Nicole shares this story, there must be other gifted adults out there that they don't know that they're in fact gifted, they suffer and they think there's something wrong with them that they're too much or too sensitive or just two loud and just two weird. So this episode is for all of you that feel a little bit out of the norm. Sometimes you are not alone out there and maybe you're even gifted and you don't even know it yet.
So with that said, please welcome my awesome friend, inspiring woman, Nicole, during our talk, you will hear, we mentioned a several time a book. It's a French book about giftedness and adults, and I will link the exact title and where you can find it on the show notes on my website. So the website is called unleash monday.com. You'll find us also on Instagram,
on unleashed dot Monday, please subscribe. And let's hear from my awesome friend. Nicole have fun. Hello, Nico. Let's dive right in. I'm happy that you said you will, you will talk to me and be on my podcast. I'm super excited. So the adventure, what made you actually seek out to get tested? That's actually happened purely because it was in an accident.
I, so I, I see a psychiatrist because of my chronic pain and I was complaining about people who annoyed me. And he say that it's normal for me because he say, you're definitely someone who has, so in English, it's actually called gifted, which is really weird. I don't like really. I think this term is very strange for me to use.
For me, I'm uncomfortable using the gifted word because that feels like I'm a genius or something special. And for me, it's just, my brain works differently. We should try to find a word that we can talk. That will say what it is without saying that I'm a genius because I don't feel like one in French. They, they use the word HP high potential.
And I was like, what? Because I never, I really never thought about it. My mother mentioned many, many, many times that my sister was one. So it was always in the family. Oh, your sister, she's a zebra and other people's friends, but it was people very intelligent. I have a cousin is going to special school.
He very deep philosophical discussion with people at the age of 13. So very, very special. And I never considered myself as special. I thought I was a normal person. And what do you think made your mom say your sister was sassy, bruh. What made your sister stand out? She was really good at school. She didn't need it to study.
And then she was just having amazing grades. And I struggled at school. I was the one who had two work hours and hours just to get an average grade. Then I did finally go to high school, but it was difficult. And I did, I was the middle students. So never something that you think, oh, that's special. Yeah.
When we hear about gifted people or geniuses, we have this prejudice that these people memorize. Everything has like a photographic memory. Yeah. You'll think about Sheldon from big bang theory. And you think about the beautiful mind. And so that's what your first idea is. Do you think when you're looking back, the struggles you had as a kid in school,
when you never identified as different or gifted or special during that time, but looking back, do you think the other average struggled to same you did? Or did they have other difficulties? It's hard to say for the other students, but I always felt that I had two sort of hide my problem because they were weird problems. And I always have to find a way to,
because you can struggle because you cannot learn something new. You cannot understand something. But for instance, at school, I had big difficulties with math. I'm with two the mental calculation. And so I always thought it was very strange because everybody else could do very easily. And for me, it's still to this day, two times three, I have to think,
I don't know the answer right now. I have to go. And I'm like, okay, that's six then. Okay. That's nine. And see right now I just had a very easy station and a big scare because I was thinking about 12. And then I was like, oh no, you're going to say something wrong. And it looks so stupid.
And so you have to always catch yourself and make sure that no one really noticed that you were scared and afraid that you were going to say something wrong. But what was strange is that I never had problem to understand math. I was good at math. If you gave me a problem, if you give me a four Wheeler to solve, as long as I had a calculator with me,
no problem. And that was very strange because a calculator, if I remember correctly, I only go to that high school before I was having very, very bad grade in math, just because I was not able to calculate. We've Covered like how you struggled in school, but, and you never thought you are a C Seabra. What were these tests that your psychiatrist suggested you to do to get clarification?
He didn't suggest it. It was me who then when he talked about it, like very casually, like he always knew, and then I read a book and then I thought this is so looking like me, but I still can't believe it because again, I don't feel like I'm different than the other people. So I had a hard time to believe what he told me.
So He basically never questioned your being a Seabra. He just mentioned you are one. Yeah, it was clear. Yeah. It was clear. He knows me for quite some years now. So it was really just like a, an after he was actually a bit like, oh, I don't think you should have done that test. You, I could have just confirmed to you.
That's my job. Okay. And he Probably thought you knew, Or for him it was everybody that it was very surprising. I know I got a bit of a problem with my family because I told my mom and she was like, oh yeah, I always knew. And I was like, what Nobody ever told you. Yeah. And then I think your other sisters,
so I have two sister, the other one. I'm pretty sure she is also in. Right. Did you ever told her? And so everybody has two. And I think it's, it's funny because people, my mom, after we talked and she said, yeah, because it's, it's kind of logic, but I didn't think it would change anything for you.
How did it, how did the diagnosis, or how did this realization change anything for you? And I think for me, it was just to say first I was not an Egypt for not being able to do some stuff. When I was a kid doing a mental, mental calculation, I'm struggling with how to write. I very like I can write good grammatics,
but the spelling is the disaster. I think it was just a lot of understanding of things that are happening in the past. And then we were just explained by this diagnostic and also to realize officially that my brain is not working. Like, let's say 70, 80% of the other people. And to have this information at 36 or 37, I thought it was quite late.
And I think that was because if you know that people don't think the same way than yours, you can sort of anticipate. And then I have, my little brother has a mental handicap, so his brain function very differently, but we know that since he's three years old. So the way I talk to my little brother and I talk to my other brother are very different because I know their brains work differently.
And so if I knew mine was also working differently than my two brothers, then I would have been able, I think, to understand and maybe accept, even now. It's not always very easy. I'm still annoyed by people. But if I can remind myself, wait a minute, try try. It's like speaking a little bit different language. It's a different culture.
So that's what changed. And so that's why I regret I wasn't diagnosed before. It's also something that I think 30, 40 years ago, it was not as usual. I think now people are much more earlier check, even if I'm sh I'm quite sure they say that there is a lot of special cases. So they are very quickly discovered, but there is a lot of cases we're not who are managing apparently two,
hide it. Like, like I did two, make sure that you fit in the normal area. And then my feeling is also because then they say, oh, you feel different, but doesn't everyone feel different. Yeah. What is normal? Right? If you, if you're hiding something like this and you feel like everybody is just struggling the same way you do,
and you try to keep up with it, You just try to keep up. There is a, the sales or the small talk. That's also struggle for me was a big eye opener. I always hated the small talk. Right. I don't know what to say. I want to go straight to business. And I was like, oh, you have to do that.
And then I think I learned, I remember sort of learning that when it was my first student job and I was 20 or something. And then just understanding that you have to, I think, again, it's sort of a culture it's like going in Japan and you have to send it to people in a certain way. If you have interaction with people,
you need to behave in a certain way to make sure that people are okay with you and are going to respond to whatever you want. If you go straight to business is not going to work. You need to learn the small talk. So you learn. But for me, I had to learn it. I had two to work on it and apparently it's not normal.
Let's see. Before the average, Apparently most of the population find it very normal. And don't have to think about, I have to learn about doing small Talk. And I think the people that I hear that struggle with small talk, they also say they're more shy or they introverted that that's also something they need to overcome. So it's a different kind of,
I guess, a hand handicap in a sense in, in a cultural or situation. Yeah, exactly. So, yeah, I think it's great to shave you share your story because I think there must be other people out there, as you said, there's, it's not just 2%, but maybe, you know, that 20% that are on the more higher IQ level that might struggle,
they don't even know that they're struggling or they know they're struggling, but I cannot point why they're struggling. As you say, it will be great. If this conversation had come much earlier for you 10, 20 years earlier, and that we really talk about this and address it and how, yeah. So tell me about what, what, what you read in the book that made you really identify with that character.
So it was a book about, so they described a few situation. I read, I cried most of the time because I was so much thinking this is so me. So it was very emotional, like the problem with the mass, unable to learn poetry. Like I, I have for the, you can put a gun on my head. I don't think I can learn a poetry.
I, I did manage it again. That's where you find trick, you find. So to get the good grades at school, I would not be able to do the poetry, but after the teacher would say, oh, you can read it. And then I would read it with a lot of tools. So with, I would really interpret the poetry and he loved that.
I remember the teacher really was happy about me because instead of just reading very monotone news, you would just, so I find trick to make sure that that would have the grades or bad at spelling or what else. It was just an example. And very kind, I think also just to say it's normal, there is other people like that. I remember being surprised,
like really? Like, that's not how it is for everyone. So it was really, maybe it is. I don't know. But apparently in the book they say, not everybody is like this. So you're just for some situation or behavior, because the big thing of being a zebra is that you think not leaner. Apparently the other people, I don't know,
they have to tell me, they think, if you think about cow, then you go to meal two, then you go cheese and then you, so you think one, one thing, two, the others that's apparently how people in the brain it works. And then someone who is in zebra, think about cow, think about Munich. Yes. But then think about the grass.
And then think about my nephew who likes to come in and think about my nephew, who likes to cow, but doesn't like the grass. And then the brain goes in the tree. Oh, like branching out. Yeah. Thinking in tree. Can you say that You basically, your mind goes in all places. Yeah, But still for me, at least apparently is not the case for every zebra.
I still get to the point, but I've been able to think about three or four other options before going to the milk and the, and the, and the cheese. I also know you do. I didn't know about the linear thinking. No wonder they cannot keep up with my idea. Exactly. Because With an idea and they go from, from the,
the, the milk to the cheese, you have already done out there in the, in the, in between. And then they just get to the cheese, like send me this there. So you, you have, so th the difference with, for me, it's really like a wispy totally a different languages. So of course, in a meeting at work or with some people you think might come,
we already talked about that. Chop, chop when next to the, No. Yeah, but this is like, for me, this is constant. As you say, does this a norm that this is normal. And if I have a conversation with somebody, this is what's going on in my brain as well. It's like, and then I am also very outgoing.
So I say those things and people can kind of, I think You can scare people because they're like, what is she talking about? They don't see the connection. And I think that's why you and I are good friends because we, I, I went the same way. So I guess, you know, It makes it all, now I'm crying.
Now. This makes sort of sense to me. I didn't know. I didn't know. People think linear. Well, it makes sense Now, but like, now I can see why people are irritated the way I bring it. I give you a hug. It's more kind of like, like it's stupid, but it's like, like the world is not working.
It's like someone telling you that the earth is not flat is Israel. I guess it was the same. It's just, the world is suddenly so different now. And Do you get easily distracted? If you talk with somebody and then you see something or an idea, and then you can quickly switch and you talk about something else and then you can jump Back.
Yup. Yup. But I guess maybe that's also not normal for people because I get like a lot of things Or seeing a lot of details. You're talking with someone and then something is happening in the background. And then you, you just, you're talking, you can concentrate on the conversation, but you see what's happening in the background. And then I I've noticed now I noticed that it's more,
that it's other people. They don't see that people can only focus on one thing, but we, the brain all drink and you can go in different places. I Just thought that was because I'm female. And they say like, women can better multitask, but yeah, I can, I can observe, I can have a conversation with you and I can notice what's going on in the background.
And then usually, sometimes I pointed out why I can tell you this story. Oh, once I, I had a conversation with somebody and well, this was not in Switzerland. And then a pig ran by with like the floppy ears And the person got so irritated. Oh yeah. He thought I couldn't focus on the competition. Couldn't Focus. Yeah.
And then it's actually, you were totally focused on it, but the brain, can we look in That pig Ear? And because you can think in three, you can deal with different stuff at the same time. This is dated business for you. Yeah. And then it's people, people get mad. Yeah. And even now, like when I sit at the dining table,
I see outside and there's like birds flying by and I see it. And I have a conversation, but there's so much going on. Oh, I didn't know. I thought I was just being rude. No, no. Yeah. Being different is so that's why, if you don't know it, you think you're being rude or you think you're being in Egypt.
And I think that's kind of not the point because you actually, if you knew how your brain actually works and the other one's brains actually work, you can, I really liked the difference for me. It's really clearly like a cultural difference. Yeah. I like that idea because I feel sometimes that people think, not that I'm rude, but more that I behave like a little kid or that I'm more like childish by the way my brain works jumping around.
Yeah. But I also, I don't know for you, but I also try not to two, two, I try to stay quiet. I observe a lot. But what I wanted to say is also zebra are very good at seeing the other people emotions because we observe so much, you know, did you ever had a meeting? And then you have them,
you see that someone is upset or someone, something is not working for someone. And then you have the impression that no one else sees it. And no one else cares because they keep talking or they keep pushing that person. And you're like, stop. This is really bad. This person is on the verge of going in tears. But no one has,
seems to see it. Yes. I thought people were just ignorant. I was in a meeting and one lady started like crying. And she was really upset because she, she had also a disability. And for her, these changes that they implemented meant, you know, her, the workflow that she created for herself was to keep, you know, to compensate for her impairment of the vision.
And these changes that they announced in that meeting meant for her two, like relearn kind of the workflow that she came up with. And it was really it. Yeah. It was more difficult for her to adapt to a new routine. And I could see she was clearly upset and nobody like reacted. And then afterwards I went and talked to my supervisor and pointed it out.
And she was like, oh, thank you for, you know, I will reach out to that person. But as you said, I, I didn't, I thought everybody was just ignoring her because it was uncomfortable for them. No, I think that's what they say in the book. And I also noticed that we can check. You can see if it's,
for me, it's even what you're saying is someone was very upset. But even if you were in a meeting and you can just see a little face reaction of someone unhappy with a decision, they don't want to show it or anything, but you can feel that their mood has switched. Somehow. I'm always annoyed by people who continue to talk to this person without changing their tone.
Because I think at one point you have to be careful and you have to try to understand. So apparently it's something that we notice more the zebra, and it's also something that makes us very tired because it means that we are sponges. And so we get those emotions. Yeah. We, it's not, we get, if we see it, we cannot unsee it.
And so we care. I, I didn't, I didn't know. See, I have a big, you're going to read the book. Yeah. I was actually searching for that book, but I don't think it has been translated. It's Been translated. Okay. But I'm sure there's some good books in German or in English as well. I know for the podcast,
I need to have tissues. I'm not sure it's my goal to make you cry during the, but I Learned again, something interesting. So it's like, I didn't know that my brain, I knew like when you, whatever you mentioned that kind of set you apart from the other people, I kind of saw me and you as well, but I was also thinking,
you know, Yeah. It's saying that because I think the word gifted or high potential sounds two even still today, too much like Sheldon or a beautiful man, like we say before. And so we can't believe it, but actually I think that's why we are friends because I've, when I look back at the people I'm friends with and it's people who are the same kind of thinking,
because we like to hang out with people who have the same kind of a way an ideas, ideas. But, And I just think I've selected my friends because I liked them. And they think like me, but not because they're sea bros, but more because you know, we're all normal or, Oh, no one for us. It means that when,
when I meet you, I know it's going to go fast. I'm not going to have, because sometimes yes I have. There is people who tell you a story for 20 minutes about something that you could have been stayed in two seconds. And you're like, okay, that's nice. Once in a while. But two hang out with, I prefer someone who has a brain where goes shoots ideas and shoots ideas and have projects and,
and, and an open mind also, I think, and I, I guess that's apparently more a zebra, like, so, so For the listeners, if, if they can identify with what you're saying and they think, oh, okay, I maybe want to get tested or want to have confirmation, where can they go? Or who can they approach?
Should they reach out to a psychiatrist? Or can you do a test online? Or how did you, how did you basically get tested for this? So there is online tests that are free, but they are not considered as enough because technically in the book I read, there is two types of tests. There is the queue IQ test. So there's online tests.
They're free to give you like an indication if you Might. Yes, but they're not recognized a real, because the IQ test is a very big test. The company, the Institute I contacted there, it was I think 750 Frank. So it's two or three sessions with psychiatry's to ask you a question and to really give you a number of IQ that you're going to have being a zebra is with an IQ of 130.
I didn't know. I'm not good at learning stuff by heart, but yeah, it's, it's a high number and we look so stupid in this show, 130, 130. So an IQ zebra has an IQ of over 130, but there is another test. So that's the quantitative test. And then there is a qualitative test. I did the qualitative test because the Institute I contacted is in Lausanne,
the lady, I had a half an hour appointment. And she first, she said she presented a two tests and say, usually they go with the qualitative tests because IQ is just going to check how much do you know? But it doesn't take into account your life. And how did you, like, how did you grow up or did your parents encourage you to go to school?
You know, that your history, because it's also part of how your intelligence will evolve. And so she said, she, she comes, she recommends to do the qualitative test first. And then, because that's a question about, so that, that test is about, I had a session with that lady she's so she's not a professional psychiatrist. And it was about how did I learn?
What was the struggle in childhood? There was very various question. And it's also, I had to ask a few people around me to fill up a questionnaire that they had to fill up about me. So they also looking at how people see myself. So I asked you, and then I asked my parents and one sister. And so with that, she builds a qualitative report.
And in there she says, when she, she, she told me if she presented there is two tests. And then when the qualitative, she can either say, for sure you are. And then if you can, if you want, you can do the IQ test, but she doesn't recommend because we know that you are. It's just, if you want to know the numbers you have then sure.
And then maybe, and then the qualitative test comes back a bit negative. Then you can go for the quantitative quantitative to make two, two double check. And then that's why I did the qualitative. And then it came back very clear. And she said, there is no doubt that you are a zebra. I don't recommend to do the other test.
And that test was still quite expensive. It was 500 francs. We, I think we need two sessions. She completed the her report. It's quite expensive, but I think you and we are like the same moment. I can't believe it. I need it. I think I needed, for me, it was more like, I need someone. I need to pay someone to tell me.
Yes, I prefer because I could not put it myself. Even though I read in the book and I was like, this is me. This is matching. Yeah. And even if your parents say, you know, all parents think their kids are smart, so you don't believe You're good. Exactly. And even the psychiatrist, I, I go over to,
you know, me, you like two nights or whatever. And it's also something very easy bred, like not to believing that they are zebra. So I think if you can't believe it, that's a good sign. Okay. And then there is also an association who do, who does some IQ test, but are less expensive. I don't know if they eat the possibility to try.
So apparently they have a club. You can pass a test. I think it's 100 Frank and they have it in all Switzerland quite regularly. And then what's, they say, you can enter a club, but this men's soccer club. And they have meetings, picnic, a single meeting for people to find love or whatever. So you can hang out with people that think the same.
I went to a Facebook group of people who were zebra and I hated it. So I left. Yeah. That was my next question. If you ever reached out to a group or a network, why did you hate it? What did you Reminded me? A lot of my sister, zebra likes to be right. And to say, this is how you do,
and this is, and I was like, this is not, I don't think so. I ask My boyfriend, he spent seven weeks with me. 24 7. Yeah. Yeah. That's another thing. So yeah. Very, very, No, you're not. I dunno. I think it's a zebra sign because I was because the group you can enter,
you don't have to sh you have to say, but I'm guessing the companies, like, maybe people think they are smart, but they like, a lot of people say, oh, I never did a test, but I think I'm a zebra and stuff like that. So I'm not sure. And so I, I feel the, the atmosphere was not very,
because usually in the book they were saying, zebra, very kind, very open. I don't know what are I was in this group. I was like, this doesn't look like what I was told or how I feel. So the men's are, think, and then it's also feels strange to go and hang out with people. Like you feels like,
what is this rethinking again, for me, it's going a bit too much because the club two getting men's, I have to pass the test. And only the people who have passed the tests and they, even, the website feels very arrogant. I didn't feel very, like, this is not what I want to go in sort of for, But if they don't make the test,
it's again, as you say, a lot of people that think they are zebras, but are actually not we'll end up there and it will actually defeat the whole purpose of the, Of the thing. I don't know. So yeah. So for me, it's it's. Yeah. So then for me, I'm more like, and then what the, the lady would make me the test.
She gave me a few clue and she say, you don't have like the men. So she say, you can join if you want, but it's more about knowing now what you are looking for in people and understanding why you are looking for that kind of thinking and tree thinking. And that should help you in the future, selecting people you're going to hang out with.
So it basically now you encounter people a little bit differently. Like when you meet somebody, you look for different traits or you can easily see a difference or you know what to look for, basically in a friend more. Yes. And I think I understand more. I'm not sure. I, I, it's not like what you say. It's more,
I'm more aware and you find your own people more easily because You know, now what makes you different and that you see that in other people as well. And also because when you meet someone who is not sustaining the same way, then you, you want still to be friends because you want to be nice and you don't want two. And then thinking it's actually not going to work so much.
We can stay in touch, but it's not going to, don't take too much energy, especially on my side. That's the chronic pain problem. I have very little energy. So energy for me is a very expensive thing. And I only use it for various. I try only to use it for special projects, like a blood test. Thank you.
Well, Nico, your story is so awesome and so inspiring. And I think this message really needs to get out there. You need to spread this because I think otherwise other people suffer in silence and maybe somebody will. Yeah. Some resonate a few. If you feel that, I still believe that everybody feels different because everybody is sure. But if you can just realize,
why do you feel so different? I think that's a nice help to help you translate the world. Yeah, Because I think we all feel like outcasts and everybody thinks like we all want to achieve normal and we all want to be with the cool kids and everybody strange. Right. That's what I believe. And so that's why the word gifted or high potential feels like I'm a wrong word because it's not the way we it's really not the way I feel about me.
So I would feel very arrogant saying that. And that's why a zebra is used because a lot of people say the same. They don't think that it's properly reflecting who they are. And zebra is more, it's a nice horse. It's just a weird one. It's not better than anything else. It's just different. Like my little brother is just different.
I don't think he's stupid because he's in some cases much more intelligent than I am. He just, it just think differently. Yeah. He views or he experienced the world differently, Differently. And I think the world today is adapted for the 80% who are in the, in this curve. And then the world, the people on each side of the curve,
they're just out of reach. It's just easier. I guess, if you're a zebra to deal with the world and if you have a mental India, but it's just for me, I really believe that the world is just not made for my little brother, but Yeah, for us, we, we kind of like try to fit In there. Right?
Yeah. And then I think as a zebra, you, you, you have enough tree resources to deal with that. Thank you, Nicole. So much for sharing this interview ended a little bit of properly again, as I said, because we actually never planned that this was our first ever episode, but it was just so important for me to share this story with you.
And I'm looking forward to our next episode where I dive a little bit deeper into this topic of giftedness in adults. And I have a very special guest for you planned out. So stay tuned, subscribe, and I'll see you next time. Bye.