Enlifted Essentials 06: The Blamer Thower (Projections)

What if mindset coaching was focused on being practical instead of just being positive? Practical, as in, you could practice it. Welcome to Unlifted Essentials. In these mini episodes, you'll learn the enlisted system of practical mindset tools to unlock freedom and confidence for yourself and your clients. Let's do this. Kimberly.

I'm going to rattle off some sentences. I'm going to say a sentence, and I want you to tell us the mental picture or mental movie that it creates, how this statement, this spell. influences your imagination okay he's always interrupting me he this person who's sitting here with me while i'm trying to talk is always cutting me off

And speaking over me. What an asshole. Jerk. You gonna let him do that? No, I just talk louder. Perfect. Gets me angry. Yeah. Make him pay. My mother treats me like a child. I see my mom and I see myself as a giant adult baby. Cause I'm, you know, I'm an adult, but she's babying me. They need to respect me. I see myself standing there, stomping my feet, clenching my fists, making a statement, respect me, and trying to demand respect rather than earning it.

And are those people respecting you now that you're stomping and clutching your fist? I don't know. They're just being like, hey, look at that giant baby. He ruined my life. I see myself in a... dark room, alone, crying, eating chocolate, thinking about the dude that ruined my life, that he's out having fun, living his best life, and I'm over here disempowered and just crying.

Sad. Defeated. Never gonna make anything happen again. Chopper Dave never lets me think for myself. I'm thinking about Dave controlling all my thoughts. Telling me what to think. making me go out on long runs, pick up heavy shit. I don't want to do it. Kayla makes me feel insecure. We're talking about our team members. It makes me, man, I just see Kayla.

confident, powerful, smart, articulate, and then me over here just not able to match up, not ever able to do as good of a job as she is. Chase doesn't respect me. I see Chase over there kind of just like dismissing me. And here I am trying to get the attention. I won't slam my feet and ball at my fists and try to declare it, but I'm just like, damn. He's just, he's always dismissing me. He never wants to give me the respect I deserve. Kyle. Kyle Langan embarrasses.

Kyle Langan embarrassed me. I see Kyle in a well-dressed suit, probably up on stage giving a presentation on sales, crushing it, and him saying something about me that makes me feel like... I shrink, my face gets all red, my cheeks get flushed, my chest gets flushed, and I'm just like, I can't believe Kyle said that about me. These statements, folks, all of them share a few things in common.

From the structure of the language to the way they influence our imagination and our feelings and emotions and our posture and our breath.

We're into the land of projections. There's a reason that we're doing this pillar. There's three pillars of conflict language, formerly known as victim mentality language. There's a reason that we do this one at the end, because this... is usually, statistically, where people's strongest emotional attachment and addiction, I do dare say addiction because I just said it, addiction lies to their language. Okay, so he did that to me. She always interrupts me. They need to respect.

My mother treats me like a child. Chase embarrassed me. Chopper Dave's always controlling me. Here are the projection keywords. If you've got your pen. Great. Write these down too. He, she, they, mom, dad. Let's get them in there too. People's first names. Those statements. So there's their in the statement or the person's first name, he, she, and then I'm over here, me. He needs to respect me.

When I say that, I'm going to – this is huge, everybody. I'm going to whether I want to or not. This has nothing to do with intelligence, everything to do with education. She – ruined my life. The picture I'm going to make, she's in the picture, I'm in the picture, she's doing something to me, I'm on the receiving end. I've got to wait for her to change her behavior, to treat me better so I can feel different and better. Good luck. Don't hold your breath.

It's known as the victim-villain mental imagery. There are language patterns, and this is out of the three. This is usually... by far, the most emotionally and psychologically inflammatory of the three pillars of conflict language. This is where the venom comes from.

And if you – I did this for an entire year. If I had kept going, I would have gone to the land of the bitter person, okay? And that just shows up on someone's face, okay? I didn't laugh for an entire year because I jacked my knee up and – thought the world was ended and turned into a huge blubbering 27-year-old baby, blaming the world, having all the proof that there was something wrong with me. It's like just the, you know.

The tenets of the victim mentality, which we're going to talk about in the next lesson, mini class that we're doing here for the Enlifted Essentials. So we've talked about soft talk, the keywords, what those do. Creates the indecision, the anxiety. Nobody likes prolonged bouts of indecision. That is stressful. Then we talked about...

Negations and affirmations. So negations force you to stare at the worst case scenario over and over again, whether you want to or not. And now projections. This is where the blame game...

This is the language of the blame game. And an important side comment, this is the language patterns of gossip. you want to do something of major significance for you and your community, extricate yourself from gossip conversations and watch what happens. Watch who you talk to less. Watch who you end up talking to more. Watch what happens to your energy.

Because guess what? You get in there and you start gossiping and you take those exact same sentences and turn them back around on yourself. And then you've got something of significance to think about. Because there's a difference between Chopper Dave is... is always talking over me and take out Chopper Dave and put in I. I'm always talking over me. Well, who gets in the more... in my way than me. I'm talking over myself in my head way more than anyone could do in my external world.

They embarrassed me. Chase embarrassed me. Take out, no, it was Kyle Langan. Kyle Langan embarrassed me. Take out Kyle Langan, put in I. I embarrassed, whoa. what? Now I take Kyle or Kayla or Chase or mom or dad or fill them in out of the picture and now I just have me and me in the picture.

It's a whole lot easier for you to make adjustments to your story and change your behavior and get a better response from yourself than waiting for other people to treat you the way you're still not treating yourself, negation acknowledged.

Projections are tricky. They are tricky. They are super seductive. They are addictive if you emotionalize over them strongly enough and repetitively enough. And they are... They will also... Take your breath away and not in the good way. They will put you into a majorly stressed state. And if you continue using them and telling yourself these victim-centric stories, your breath is going to stay in your chest.

That is not a fun place to live. Our man, Adam Chin, he said, if you enjoy being you, then you're winning. It's really hard to enjoy being you when you're uncomfortable in your skin. And if you're breathing in your chest, then you're uncomfortable in your skin. So where does this go? Change your language, which is going to. If you improve. the way you use your language thoughts speech writing you are going to improve the pictures and the mental imagery you make

You are going to improve the feelings and emotions you create. You are going to improve your posture and you are going to unlock your breath and get it out of your chest and get it to reside down lower and slower. in your abdomen known as parasympathetic nervous system response, or rest and digest, or feed and breathe, and things will look better, you will move better, you will feel better, and you will breathe better.

And you start doing more and more of that, and the language drives the whole thing, folks. And you're talking about turning yourself into quite a dynamic powerful. Damn near superhuman person. That people enjoy being around. I mean, the enlisted coaches, we're up at the lake house right now.

How many times have we packed this thing full of coaches and just the magic happens because people are relaxed and breathing well? People are like, why are and lifted parties so cool? It's because all of us, everybody that... Anyone that's gone through one of our certifications has taken a major bite out of crime of their own personal story.

Here's these language patterns before they turn into World War IX in their head or worse. They externalize it out into their family or relationship or community. And another way of saying it, they've got a handle on their own victim mentality and they've turned the volume down on it so they're breathing better and they're more fun to talk to. None of this stuff is rocket science. I'm almost... Take out the almost. I'm shocked that we've gotten six of these recorded and...

This is the first time I'm saying this is not rocket science because I say it all the fucking time. There's a little asterisk on this thing. None of this stuff is rocket science, folks. You did not negation. You didn't learn it in school, okay? I've asked a lot of people. Very, very, very few people have had any courses or classes or conversations in school about how to use their language to build up their confidence and build up their self-image. I've had only three people say...

Yes, that they have. And even then, their answers were rudimentary. And it was from a Steiner school, a Waldorf school, and a Montessori school, all not public schools, specialty schools. Most people have, because it's so close to home, Kimberly, it's so easy to miss. It's right between our ears and right under our nose and right at the end of our fingertips.

And I'm on a rant and I'm going to keep going. It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that the solution to our problems, which when you get people talking about their problems, they're going to be big picture and scary. that the solution to these big picture scary problems are equally as large to the problem. The solution is as large as the problem. No, very frequently, you pick up a pen and you start getting these stories on paper.

And you start breaking these spells. You start changing some of the language, which is going to change the perspective, which is going to have this very positive knockoff effect, which... Bringing it back to the conversation makes mindset practical. If you remove the...

part of the conversation about what words to use less of and why and what words to use more of and why, then you only have this generalized big picture conversation about mindset, this thing you know you need to get better at, but how? Okay. Add in the words, which we just majorly did. Y'all just got gold. Soft talk. Negations. Projections and what to do about them. Use solid talk.

Use affirmations more. Take out the he's and the they's and the she's and put in eyes. Watch what happens. It's a stiff drink. Now you can practice a mindset. creating a mindset that turns you into the kind of person that you want to be.