In this podcast, now in its fourth year, therapists Stella O'Malley and Sasha Ayad take a deep dive into the psychological and cultural forces impacting the social changes around "gender." Through interviews with researchers, doctors, therapists, parents, detransitioners, and others, Sasha and Stella's podcast is a "must listen" for anyone trying to navigate the current gender landscape. With their sharp analytical minds and deep compassionate hearts, Stella and Sasha have also become known throughout many parent networks as lighthouses in the midst of some very stormy seas. Previous guests include Helen Joyce, Jesse Singal, Leor Sapir, Kathleen Stock, Jamie Reed, Peter Boghossian and more.
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Dr. Lisa Littman coined Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria (ROGD) in her seminal 2018 parental report survey. ROGD is a descriptive term for the phenomenon of young people suddenly announcing a transgender identity and experiencing gender dysphoria for the first time around adolescence. Dr. Littman’s latest ground-breaking study on the experience of 100 detransitioners was published in the last few weeks and we reflect on some of the most astonishing findings. In this conversation, Lisa also reflects ...
UK transwoman Debbie Hayton discusses how she came to the decision to medically transition when she was a 44-year-old father of 3 children. We discuss Debbie’s appearance in Stella’s film, Trans Kids: It’s Time to Talk and the intense public reaction to her story. Male sexuality, shame, and autogynephilia are explored openly in a bid to gain a deeper understanding of the complicated mosaic of traits that encompass MtF transition. She also shares how she became disillusioned with transgender ideo...
The holiday season is often associated with big expectations and high hopes. It can be fraught for families, whether they are going through challenging times with a child’s gender identity. Sasha and Stella discuss the meaning of extended family, big celebrations, and how to keep the stakes low and reasonable during the holidays. They also discuss the holidays as a time some young people try to ‘come out,’ while others feel hesitant to reconnect with loved ones who haven’t yet seen their new ‘ge...
Over the last number of years, Benjamin Boyce has become known for his prolific and powerful video content on the impact of social justice. Among his most-watched content is a huge series of conversations about sex, gender, identity, and transition. He was among the first to platform detransitioners’ stories and investigate the issue of childhood transition. In this episode, we delve deep into Benjamin’s childhood and find out why he has committed to exposing the underlying problems associated w...
When an adult comes out as trans, it might be a liberating moment in their lives that has felt long overdue. Sometimes, however, the sudden nature of the identity change can feel destabilizing to their loved ones. In this episode, Sasha and Stella discuss the many complex factors in adult transition. Are there elements of liberation, freedom, and independence, or might indoctrination or identity crisis be playing a role? And how can families try to stay connected if the adult begins throwing up ...
Sasha and Stella delve into the complexities of parental disagreement regarding a child's gender struggles, examining different parenting styles—interventionist versus relaxed—and the underlying factors driving these stances, including fear, research, and pre-existing marital issues. They discuss the potential for conflict to escalate, especially in divorced households, and highlight the importance of family coaching and rebuilding connection over individual child therapy, offering insights into finding common ground and strengthening relationships through crisis.
Our conversation with Helena continues and takes a personal, intimate turn. She reflects that her desire to transition was actually an attempt to meet a deep relational need. She sought to garner a kind of engagement and recognition from her parents. Unfortunately, the way they responded triggered a doubling-down and sense of urgency for medical intervention. Helena offers some insights into better ways parents can react to their gender-questioning child in the hopes of helping families avoid th...
This is Part 1 of a two-part conversation with Helena. She is a 23-year-old detransitioned woman, well-known on Twitter and YouTube for her insights into the FtM trans kid mindset. The self-described “gender apostate” shares her thoughts on ROGD’s relationship with critical social justice, fandom culture, “shipping,” and the extraordinary fascination many teenage girls have with young gay men. Links: Helena on Twitter: Twitter.com/lacroicsz Extended Notes: Helena is a detransitioned woman. She i...
Aaron Terrell transitioned female-to-male in 2011. He wasn’t involved in social media or the trans community until roughly 2017 when he noticed some unusual anomalies involving the new cohort of females identifying as trans men and undergoing medical transitioning. Then, earlier this year, Aaron read J. K. Rowling’s essay and everything changed. Links: Aaron’s blog: Aaronterrell.substack.com Aaron on Twitter: Twitter.com/elegationvain Gender Dysphoria Alliance: Twitter.com/gd_alliance?lang=en Dy...
The listeners’ questions continue to absorb our interest and influence our discussion. The issue of power struggles between parents and children has been raised along with a special focus on knowing when to hold ’em and when to fold ’em. The script that trans-identified teenagers often use to declare their trans identification is outlined and Sasha & Stella discuss a kind of counter script for parents. Finally, we suggest a liberal parents’ guide to explaining your child’s gender-related dis...
Many children with ROGD seem reluctant to grow up. Sometimes this is related to the difficulties of an early puberty or the hyper-sexualization of children. Other times the gap between the Disneyfied wonder of childhood and the grim hard reality of adulthood feels unsurmountable. Sasha and Stella delve into the psychology of the fear of growing up and how elements of both transition and transgender activist dogma may further infantilize and stunt development. Links: Four Thousand Weeks: Time Man...
The New York Times describes Helen Joyce’s book, Trans: When Ideology Meets Reality, as “an intelligent, thorough rejoinder to an idea that has swept across much of the liberal world seemingly overnight.” Joyce reminds us that her book is not about trans people, but rather, it is about the idea “that people should count as men or women according to how they feel and what they declare, instead of their biology.” Helen explains the ways it’s more acceptable for men to “give up some privilege” and ...
Social transition is often the first recommended intervention when a young person begins questioning his or her gender identity. It entails changing one’s name, pronouns, appearance, and other identity markers to match the desired gender. In very recent years, schools, led by the current gender identity affirmative approach, have taken it upon themselves to support and sometimes encourage students with social transition. Families often feel pressured by professionals to make these powerful chang...
With the invention of the term “nonbinary,” we’ve seen an unprecedented number of young people claiming to feel like neither a man nor a woman. Today, we explore Ian Hacking’s concept of “making people up” and the creation of new classifications and “types” of people. Several questions also arise: does a non-binary identification require medicalization? What personality traits may correlate with this identity and is it different in males and females? For parents, how might one respond when a tim...
“Differences in Sexual Development” (DSDs) is an umbrella term encompassing a range of over 40 medical conditions that impact sexual development in humans. We speak with Claire Graham, an advocate for the organization, DSD Families and explore the intricacies of these complex conditions, which are often simplified and misunderstood. Claire also tells us how she became embroiled in heated debates about transgender advocacy and dispels common myths that are used to conflate “intersex” conditions w...
The founder of the Positive Birth Movement speaks to us about the birthing process and women’s health. A common theme of self-assertion and empowering women to speak up has characterised Milli’s work over the last decade. There were attempts to silence Milli last year when she said that the word “woman” has significance in relation to childbirth. Milli, however, decided to assert her boundaries and speak her truth; in this episode she explains why. Links: Milli Hill: https://www.millihill.co.uk/...
Carole Hooven, Ph.D., is lecturer and co-director of undergraduate studies in the Department of Human Evolutionary Biology at Harvard University. She earned her Ph.D. at Harvard, studying sex differences and testosterone, and has taught there ever since. Hooven has received numerous teaching awards, and her popular Hormones and Behavior class was named one of the Harvard Crimson’s “top ten tried-and-true.” In this episode, Stella and Sasha talk to Carole about her new book, Testosterone, which e...
Sasha Ayad and Stella O'Malley act as translators, helping parents understand their gender-questioning children and vice versa, across various scenarios from initial identity discovery to medical transition. They delve into the underlying fears, hopes, and differing interpretations that lead to communication breakdowns. The episode emphasizes the importance of empathy, space, and a shared foundation of love to navigate these complex family dynamics, advocating for compassion for all involved.
This episode critically examines the multifaceted issue of suicide, particularly in relation to gender dysphoria. Sasha and Stella expose the misuse of suicide statistics, challenge the narrative that transitioning guarantees a reduction in suicidality, and critique how media and activism often misrepresent the topic. They emphasize the importance of nuanced understanding, appropriate clinical responses, and fostering connection for young people struggling with suicidal ideation, rather than resorting to fear-driven or simplistic solutions.
Stella and Sasha sit down with Jessie Mannisto, the Editor in Chief of Third Factor Magazine, a publication for and about uncommon people and their uncommon paths through life. Jessie expands on the many overlapping experiences of gifted, creative, intense, and gender dysphoric individuals. They explore some critiques and uses of terms like ‘queer’ and ‘asexual.’ Stella and Sasha ask Jessie about androgyny, loneliness, ordinariness, and exceptionalism in dysphoria people. And what’s up with anim...
Are stereotypes always harmful? Should we use stereotypes to predict and impose behaviors and preferences onto others? Some people believe transgender identities defy stereotypes while others believe they reify them. And where does stereotyping come from? This is a mental shortcut with complex roots and crucial implications for the gender debates. Links: Carole Hooven: Testosterone: The Story of the Hormone that dominates and Divides Us Noam Shpancer: Stereotype Accuracy: A displeasing truth Ext...
Heather Brunskell-Evans is a philosopher and sociologist who studies the intersection of medicine and culture. She joins us today to trace the ways in which queer theory evolved in academia and moved into the broader culture, including the Gender Identity Development Service (GIDS) in the UK. Explaining how a social justice angle is key to the ‘affirmative model’ of care for gender dysphoria, Heather recounts a few key moments when she realized there were authoritarian elements at play in silenc...
Sasha and Stella answer listener questions… again! They start by highlighting recent episodes inspired by listener feedback. Next, they discuss the financial implications and complexities involved in adult children using their parents’ medical insurance. They reflect on the different roles that can emerge between mothers and fathers of gender dysphoric youth. Other questions address the similarities between body dysmorphia, gender dysphoria, OCD, and other ruminative anxieties. Links: Activist P...
Jungian Analyst Bob Withers joins us to discuss the differences between gay conversion therapy and gender identity conversion therapy. We examine the possibility of misinformed therapists “transing the gay away” and suggest that perhaps the dark history of conversion therapy may not be over. Bob delves into his view of psychosomatic symptoms and draws on his background in philosophy and medical history to understand our current fixation with one’s subjective sense of identity. Bob also defines w...
As they wrap up their initial Behind the Curtain series , Sasha and Stella discuss important issues surrounding the termination of therapy. How do we know when the therapeutic process should end? Does a resolution of gender dysphoria mean it’s time to end the therapeutic relationship? Does the start of a medical transition indicate a good time to end? And how can therapists leave the door open for a client who may want to return at a later date? Extended Notes ● When a long-term client leaves. I...
Marcus and Sue Evans both worked as clinicians in the Tavistock Centre in London for many years. Noticing red flags since the early 2000s, Sue was the first whistle-blower in the Tavistock Centre and Marcus resigned as its governor because the concerns raised by therapists, parents, and managers were systematically dismissed. Marcus and Sue have recently released their book Gender Dysphoria: A Therapeutic Model for Working with Children, Adolescents and Young Adults . They join us to discuss the...
Sasha and Stella continue their series which peers behind the curtain of depth work with gender-questioning clients. Today, they weave in philosophy and psychology to discuss the importance of authenticity, happiness, and connectedness. They also explore the value of art in the slow evolving process of an emergent Self. Links: The Catcher in the Rye: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/5107.The_Catcher_in_the_Rye The Bell Jar : https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6514.The_Bell_Jar Taxi Driver: h...
After the therapist has laid the foundations of therapy and established a trusting relationship, the process moves into the middle stage. This is the meat of the therapy! In this episode, Sasha and Stella explore the dynamics that can elicit change in the individual. They consider the curious vs. fixed client, self-esteem issues, broadening the client’s focus, and how to speak meaningfully about gender in therapy. Links: The Importance of an Unhappy Adolescence: Youtube.com/watch?v=zcUI1Hk0GRU&a...
This is the first episode in a short series which takes listeners behind the scenes of a gender exploratory therapy process. Although there has been plenty written about Gender Affirmative Therapy, very little has been written about a concept often described as Gender Exploratory Therapy. Sasha and Stella discuss the specifics of establishing a therapeutic alliance when a person is questioning their gender identity. They describe different strategies involving issues such as names, pronouns, clo...
In today’s episode, we begin to answer some of the many questions sent to us by listeners. Can we be born in the wrong body? Do parental role models influence children to reject or seek transition? What is the impact of a trans partner on a teenagers’ sexuality? How do siblings of trans people experience these changes in the family? Listen in to see if your question was answered and how Sasha and Stella plan to explore these topics in future episodes. Links: TED Talks — “Own Your Face” Happiness...
