On a very special episode of Scanner Cop The Legendary Journeys, Scanner Cop reunites with his mother and has to confront his old friend Carl about a long ago dust up that threatens to uproot his budding romance with the head nurse of Scanner Hospital, Red Haired Lady who's name I can't remember. Also, just the plot of NBC's Heroes but with Scanners, and like fifteen years before Heroes. So join Matt and Tristan as they stare at each other for an hour until both their heads explode and also talk...
Oct 21, 2022•1 hr 19 min•Ep. 160
Just when you thought the Amityville movies couldn't fit any more D, here comes Amityville 3-D to rub your face in your despicable naivety. You know the story, but this time in addition to the extra D, this we get Meg Ryan and Aunt Becky wandering around, plus a sad divorced couple! If you think that's exciting, hold on to your seats for the plumbing issues in the upstairs bathroom sink. Also, a guy has a piano and doesn't play it. Just really great stuff. Join Matt and Tristan as they discuss t...
Oct 07, 2022•1 hr 30 min•Ep. 159
When the ickiest man in all of Long Island moves into everyone's favorite murder house with his family, he continues to be icky. When his horrible son shows up, he's horrible. The men of this family are so horrible and icky it's hard to see events unfolding any differently in a non-haunted house. But with the haunting it adds flies and some pretty sweet demon makeup which helps to make you forget about how gross everyone is. So join Matt and Tristan for a movie full of themes so unpleasant that ...
Sep 28, 2022•1 hr 33 min•Ep. 158
Norman is feeling much better after his "incident" a few years back, so the federal, state and city courts, lawyers, and police drop everything they are doing to make sure that Norman gets back to his old life as quickly as possible. They get him a part time job, they've hired a manger to keep his family motel running. His psychiatrist visits him once a day at minimum. The roads and bridges in this town are falling to pieces, but it can't be helped. Those funds are desperately needed to keep Nor...
Sep 19, 2022•1 hr 37 min•Ep. 157
If you thought you knew Psycho Cop...think again. He's back with a whole new image for the nineties! He's rollerblading to the local store to pick up a six-pack of Zima to wash down his Bigfoot Pizza while watching all new episodes of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. It was made in the nineties is what I'm getting at. Other than that, it's your same old buddy PC, killing folks for increasingly oblique crimes. Join Tristan and Matt as they talk about the best stair-case based film in recent memory, Psych...
Sep 09, 2022•1 hr 28 min•Ep. 156
Psycho Cop is the story of...honestly who cares. He's a psycho cop and kills people.
Aug 29, 2022•1 hr 25 min•Ep. 155
We're talking about the Freddy meets Rambo mash-em-up Night Wars. Or Nightwars.
Aug 06, 2022•1 hr 37 min•Ep. 154
This week on the Fun Box Monster Podcast: That lady from Raiders of the Lost Ark does battle with a murderous screensaver. Things to be scared of: CAT Scan machines, Computers, Microwaves & Microwave Dinners, The Internet, Strangers, Dishwashers, and Misused 90's Hip-hop Jargon. Join Matt at Tristan for the best horror movie based on a Police album since Wes Craven's Zenyatta Mondatta.
Jul 15, 2022•1 hr 57 min•Ep. 153
We bid a tearful farewell to the Phantasm franchise. Does this answer everything and fill every plot hole? Of course it does.
Jul 08, 2022•1 hr 38 min•Ep. 152
For real. This is the episode where we explain everything. All of the Phantasm movies make sense now.
Jul 01, 2022•1 hr 30 min•Ep. 151
Three times the Phantasm. Phantasm Summer Continues!
Jun 24, 2022•1 hr 45 min•Ep. 150
Following the tried and true eighties sequel tradition of taking a successful, well made horror movie and Rambofying it by at least three hundred percent, Phantasm 2 is a Jolt Cola fueled pile of confusing and amazing banana-pants nonsense. I declare that a new law, (The Phantasm 2 Accord) states that any movies made with weapons should be forced to double the number of barrels or stabbing implements on their weapons for each sequel. Friday the 13th part 12? More like "The one where Jason gets a...
Jun 17, 2022•2 hr 1 min•Ep. 149
You play a good game BOOOOOOOYYYYY, but the game is finished. You die. What was the game the boy was playing? Where does this tall guy come from? Who does Mike think he is whipping dirt-bike shiddies in a cemetery? Who is the old lady? What's with all the other random ladies? Why an ice cream truck? So the teleportation device is just a tuning fork? Why are they waiting so long to drop the little Jawa guys into the other dimension, are they brining in a pickling solution? Shouldn't Reggie be pla...
Jun 10, 2022•1 hr 28 min•Ep. 148
Probably the best wacky comedy-slasher-lifetime drama to feature a caveman killing tens of campers with death-traps I've ever seen.
May 27, 2022•1 hr 37 min•Ep. 147
Alright new meat. I'm only gonna say this once. You're in the hoosegow now. Your mommy isn't here. Except for you Tommy. Tommy's mommy works in the office as the prison accountant. Her name's Dina and she's a real caution. But everyone else, your mommy's aren't here. So sit down and listen to this here podcast and everything will go as smooth as a pint of grandma's old fashioned Alabama corn-smothered pig cracklins. But act up, and you'll see that I can make things tougher than a barbecued polec...
May 20, 2022•1 hr 37 min•Ep. 146
When FANGORIA reader Michael is told of a mythic video game advertised as the ultimate in psychological horror in the back of a FANGORIA MAGAZINE, he's knows he's got to play it. Turns out the game is killing people in real life. Undeterred he keeps playing. He's visited by a virtual reality demon who looks like a punk Ronnie James Dio, and he remains unfazed. Anyway, the movie got great reviews in FANGORIA for some reason. So join Matt and Tristan for the most jacked-in, cyberest, virtual reali...
May 13, 2022•1 hr 24 min•Ep. 145
Uggh. Remember the nineties, when there was no internet porn, so you had to use a seventeen million dollar defense department computer to transform your house into a companion robot? Who's got time for that? When the designer of a boondoggle of a missile defense system accidentally kills three innocent people in a civilian plane during a live fire demonstration he goes bonkers, moves into a cabin abandoning his wife and child and starts working to make this murder computer into a loving wife. Th...
May 06, 2022•1 hr 23 min•Ep. 144
Demons 2 is most likely an extended music video for shot for a song from Demons 1, but never used. That's the only way this non-narrative makes a lick of sense. The hero of the story is locked in an elevator until fifteen minutes before the credits roll for god's sake. What are the rules? Why do we care about any of these characters? Why do they live in a bullet-proof, tank proof, high rise? What the hell is this demon documentary they're all watching on TV? These are among the many questions th...
Apr 22, 2022•1 hr 28 min•Ep. 143
When a Kaiju sized Grizzly goes on a rampage at a Hungarian national park hosting a concert for your dad's drunk friend's band who are you going to call? That's right, John Rhys-Davies as a French Canadian fur trapper turned Native American Poseur. It's all just cobbled together nonsense and clocks in at just over an hour. Both the podcast and the movie. Join Matt and Tristan for Grizzly 2. Or don't. It's pretty unwatchable.
Apr 16, 2022•1 hr 11 min•Ep. 142
There's a big octopus attacking people. For a full synopsis see the wikipedia entry for Jaws. Just kidding. This movie may have a big Fourth of July celebration that a big carnivorous aquatic animal is threatening, and a quixotic cop who is hellbent on stopping it, a mayor who's more concerned with the bottom line than the safety of the citizenry, a bunch of children in peril, and a denouement where the animal explodes, but the similarities to Jaws end there. There's also some really boring scen...
Apr 08, 2022•1 hr 9 min•Ep. 141
This is not you're daddy's route. Not the "Mother Road" as Route 66 was once known. Certainly not a place to "get your kicks" as songwriter Bobby Troup once wrote in his famous song. This is more the Highway to Hell, as crooned about by famed Australian troubadours, AC/DC. But not the movie Highway to Hell, which is a different movie. When the aptly named criminal Rabbit flees protective custody he's brought back in by the two toughest names in action movies. Lou Diamond Phillips and Lori Petty....
Apr 01, 2022•1 hr 30 min•Ep. 140
When frustrated painter George tries to do himself in, he’s brought back from the brink of death by the glowing head of a gangster who was killed by a cabal of meanies who shot and burned him to death over a debt that wouldn’t have paid off the average car loan. The head took this execution poorly and hijacks George and sends him out on a grizzly mission of revenge and stoned museum visits. So get the cheapest haircut imaginable, pour yourself a giant milkshake, and join Matt and Tristan as they...
Mar 25, 2022•1 hr 24 min•Ep. 139
When you just barely survive engulfing the world in darkness by summoning a bunch of adorable demons, what's your next step? Doing it again...Duh! Terry, now seemingly cured of his heavy metal interest, is intent on reopening the gate. This time he's ready, as evidenced by his rental P.A., headset mic, and cool purple robe. Sadly some bullies interrupt the ceremony and the only demon that manages to squeeze through the gate is one of the little adorable minions from the first movie. Turns out he...
Mar 11, 2022•1 hr 17 min•Ep. 138
Model rocket enthusiasts rejoice, for your day has finally come! The Gate is the true story of how the Estes Model Rocket Corporation of America saved the world from a million years of darkness, with a little help from the band Sacrifix. Our sad kid Glenn is noticing the world pass him by. He's still launching model rockets, while everyone around him is getting in to cool stuff like parties, and worshiping Satan. Until one day when lightning strikes his treehouse, opening a gate to hell, powered...
Feb 25, 2022•1 hr 8 min•Ep. 137
This is a clever idea. Remake a movie that was already perfect but take away anything enjoyable. That's bold. And that's the Trucks promise. Trucks takes the explosions, insane, bold, cartoonish characters, high budget set pieces, gore, and incredible AC/DC soundtrack and replaces it with four broken down farm trucks and a gravel pit. Contrary to everything you might expect, this formula fails create an entertaining film. So grab all the Canadian film tax credits you can find, a potato truck fro...
Feb 18, 2022•1 hr 32 min•Ep. 136
When I'm looking to get buff, the first question I ask any potential gym is, "Am I going to have to lift that little key on the machine that changes the weights?" Inevitably these losers tell me I will. I storm off in a huff and swear off exercise forever. But at Starbody Health Spa they've fixed this. All you have to do is carry around a credit card and swipe it in the machine, probably talk to the guy in the computer room on an imbedded mic. He puts you in a cue of people who need similar help...
Feb 04, 2022•1 hr 42 min•Ep. 135
The usual way a filmmaker tends to approach a sequel is to take what was successful about the first movie and amp it up. Alien had one alien, Aliens has a pile of aliens. Right? This concept is turned on its head with Alligator 2, where the Alligator seems to be considerably smaller than an average alligator, and the movie is free from blood or any other exploitation elements. The plot plays very much like a double episode of an eighties action tv show, but just add an alligator. Corrupt land de...
Jan 21, 2022•1 hr 39 min•Ep. 134
When you check in with the Ghostkeeper, your blues don't stand a...GHOST of a chance! It's a non-stop laugh fest when three wacky snowmobiling funsters crash a cannibal family's secret mountain ski lodge! When the stodgy old cannibal Ghostkeeper tells them that she's closing the cannibal ski-lodge to make room for cannibal condos, those nuts from snowmobile house come up with a plan for a topless ski-contest that might just save the lodge! Check in for the night...you'll Wendi-GO away laughing!...
Jan 14, 2022•1 hr 15 min•Ep. 133
When an experimental aircraft using time altering technology as a cloaking device crashes into an island resort celebrating New Year's Eve in 1959, the explosion traps the partygoers in a never-ending Groundhog Day style party. We don't see that story though. We see a 1987 group of teens arriving on the island and almost able to see the time-ghosts wandering around. Unsurprisingly these teens get picked off one-by-one. Then they become time ghosts too I guess. I'm not really sure. This thing is ...
Dec 31, 2021•1 hr 31 min•Ep. 132
Were you too happy this holiday? Well we have a movie for you. Depressing, mean spirited, and not sure if it hates women or men worse. Definitely not a poorly made movie, just really not fun. It does have Clint Howard, so there's that. And FX by Screaming Mad George. That's pretty great. Anyway, don't blame us, we warned you.
Dec 28, 2021•1 hr 24 min•Ep. 131
