Step by Step Guide to Values Based Spending

our only pieces of merch a bookmark. So it's with earth shattering excitement that we can announce.

We already know that values based spending is the thing you love most about what we talk about, and so we've kind of created a book about that, and we're just gonna we're kind of throw out ideas to you in these episodes, kind of summing up things we talk about in all of our episodes, but kind of dedicating

whole episodes to them. And so we would love, love, love if you were hearing this episode anytime in the next year and you have some feedback about, oh, when you said this it was yes, absolute yes, or when you said this I kind of felt this too, or any feedback that you have that can help us really dig into what's going on in your head as you listen to us talk about this stuff or any experiences that you feel like relate. Please email us let us know.

You can email me directly Jen at frugalfriendspodcast dot com and let us know. We want to hear your feedback because this book is for you, and it is for the people in your life. It's for It's a love letter to all of you. And that's literally what we said in the book proposal. It's a love letter to you.

and so there's no articles unfortunately about this. Someday there'll be a book about it. But this is going to be Jen and I telling you.

bad to spend on. There is a lot of judgment out there from people who will judge you for spending on one thing or another. And unfortunately in the frugal community. We tend to be the most judgmental about what people spend on, but we're trying to break that stigma. Spending is not the enemy. Spending is neutral, and there is nobody that can tell you what's right to spend on.

You can value spending on anything, but not everything. You do not value everything because when everything is important, it diminishes the importance of the things that truly matter. And often we have found that those things aren't things you can spend on. Those are things money can't buy, like time, freedom, and the preservation natural resources, and you know all of these other things that yes require money, but are actually peripheral to money. Yeah, so that's values based spending.

of our own frugal journey. And I think it can give this impression that every single dollar we spend is only on the things that are just fun or or the things that maybe it's only discretionary spending, but this can also include fixed expenses certainly it's going to play into We're going to see it show up more and more when we are making decisions with our discretionary income of should I make this impulse purchase or not, Should I go on this vacation or not, should I do

something different? But it does also play into our fixed expenses, our living, our transportation. Now we might not be making daily decisions about how they align with our values, but at some point in time it will behoove us to look at that and consider, how does living in this area, or in this particular house, or in this school zone align with my values? How does having two or three vehicles align with my values? How does having this particular vehicle.

All of these things kind of come into play. It makes me think about Marie Condo's whole thing about minimizing and how she received pushback on only keeping things that spark joy. It's like, well, yeah, sometimes I just need a rubber scraper for when I'm cooking, and so, yeah, you might not be able to exactly say why there is joy in a rubber scraper, but you can connect it to the fact that maybe you enjoy cooking nutritious meals for your family, and so having a good quality

rubber scraper is what brings you joy. I think very similarly when we're talking about values based spending, it might not be that, oh, I value this particular vehicle, but I value safety, or I value going to and from this location that I've chosen to live in because I

love it. To my work, there's always something that I think we can get at the deeper level, but it will certainly bear impact on our day in, day out choices on what we spend on and bring a greater level of awareness to our spending, which increases our understanding of self and decreases guilt and shame that can often coincide our finances. Some other things that I've also noticed with values based spending is that sometimes it will mean

finding permission to spend. As we understand ourselves more, we feel more confident in our spending. Then we don't have that kind of icky feeling of loyally shouldn't be spending this? Or why am I doing this? Or this feels impulsive? But whatever push it aside, that diminishes and ultimately can really merely go away when we've really aligned our spending

with our values. What it also means is sometimes cutting back when we've given ourselves permission to say yes to the things that we know deep down we value, it's going to be such an easy no, not for the sake of deprivation, but it can mean getting really good at cutting back on the things we don't value, which is also a part of this process learning what that is.

Sometimes we might think we value something and then we enter into this journey and discover, oh, I actually don't care about that at all, So that's an easy no for me. What I've also realized is that sometimes values based spending means that you're finding you don't need to spend at all, even on the things that you value, which could create this space for contentment and less and

learning what is enough. I know we will often talk about increasing our income decreasing expenses, and that can certainly be a part of this, but it's very possible that as we're on this journey, we get to the point where we discover I don't actually have to earn more than this amount, because I've discovered a life that I love, leading I'm able to spend on the things that I enjoy, and this is enough, and it gives me more space, more freedom, more time to enjoy the things that I'm

realizing I love and it's not costing me anything.

and that can change throughout the seasons. And values based spending really gives you the opportunity to define what is enough and again can change throughout your life, throughout your season without that right, without that baseline to say, oh, this is what will get me to all those things that I really truly want, plus you know extra for spending on fun things, impulse things, what have you. Once you can get there, you have a lot more freedom and you can actually strive in ways that maybe you

didn't know that you could before. When you have a goal, you can always strive for more. So I love that about values based spending, something that we have really refined in our view of values based spending over the years is what is a value? What is a core value? What is a thing you value spending money on? And at first we really focused on actual core values, so achievement, community, beauty, generosity, stuff like that. And while those are great things to

know about yourself, like what are my core values? How do I want to show up in the places that I care about? And how can I show up best? If one of my core values and who I know to be is somebody who loves community, then it's much easier for me to make life today decisions that affect my finances, Like I don't want to be a digital nomad because I want to be rooted somewhere with a

community versus meeting new people all the time. That is a life decision, but obviously affects finances in our day to day In spending, there's not so much need for that. Core values are for big financial expenses, where I think in the day to day you just need to know kind of what you value spending on in general, Like I will I don't eat at sit down restaurants very often because I don't value that, but I know I hate dishes, so I'll get takeout and I'll never turn

down getting a latte because I love them. I love not having to make my own. So it's stuff like that that is, there's no core value in me that would lead to why I love buying lattes out and don't love sit down restaurants. But there are two values, both important to know but different.

Even with having Frugal Friends podcast five years in, people still expect us just to talk about how to save, how to cut, how to live with less, how to deprive. And I'm not saying that there's none of that. We do talk about those things, but not to the exclusion of spending. Even the most frugal, cutting, even borderline cheap

person needs to spend money. And if we're not good at it, then all of the cutting is hardly going to do much for our financial trajectory, and so learning how to spend well, spend wisely, spend with intention, good stewarding spending, we are going to be better off for it, not just in our financial life, but all of the

rest of our personhood. And values based spending is one of those tools overarching mindsets that we can pick up and help us to understand our spending rhythms and patterns, what it means about us, and how we can spend better in a way that's going to ultimately benefit us. That's the whole goal here is integration of financial self

with the rest of who we are. Our physical, emotional, relational, mental selves is connected to our financial self, and we feel as though this value use based spending piece is one of those missing puzzle pieces to bringing about that alignment, that connection, that understanding of our whole person How do we move through the world make good spending decisions that are related to all other aspects of our.

also don't want to over indulge in it. So there's this radical middle in the center, and people very much think like spending well means spending all your money. Oh yeah, I spend real well. I have zero dollars in my bank account by the next paycheck. I got no problem spending. But spending well doesn't mean going broke. Spending well means that you are spending on the things you care about and have margin to be able to afford the things you care about later in life too. Because we don't

want to be working our entire lives. Even if we do want to be working in some capacity, you probably don't want to be doing what you're doing now for the rest of your life. You will transform and maybe you won't, but we want to set you up to be able to have the freedom to choose what you want when you want to choose it. So I love that about it, and it helps us better understand and ourselves, which is a benefit to all aspects of our personhood,

not just our finances. When you can there are so many times where I used to make a budget and I would put lattes on it. I would say, Okay, I'm gonna twenty dollars for coffee this month, and I would be scared to spend it like I had budgeted for it, and I still felt like some guilt for spending in the budget, and then I would hate that feeling and I would just throw the budget away all together because I didn't want to make myself feel guilty. Other people can make me feel that, but I'm not

going to make myself feel that. And so when you can understand, like, oh, this is good for me to spend on just because somebody else is telling me not to spend on it, I don't have to listen to them because it's probably not what they value, but it's what I value. And now that I understand that about me, I can say no to other things and I can spend on what I love without guilt.

the deeper meaning often associated with money. For me, coming from the mental health field and having provided therapy and counseling sessions to individuals and couples, one of the things that I realized throughout that season in engaging with people at this level was very often the conflicts that they would come to me with wanting to be able to process it out or receive tools to do better with their relationships experience more health and connection and intimacy with

one another. Didn't necessarily be the very problem they were coming with. It had to do with values. It had to do with spending of capacities. So we don't just spend money, we spend relational capacity, emotional capacity, mental capacity, and so you know, let's say there was a couple who came to me with not appreciating how one another

chooses to spend their time. He's always out doing whatever he wants to do, fixing up whatever, and she's always out with friends and you know, we're not connecting in the ways that I think we should be connecting. It's not necessarily about him doing what he's doing outside her doing what she's doing with her friends. It's what's at

the core of this, what's the value here? And so the same thing with money can often happen where I don't like how my partner is spending on this, and they don't like how I'm spending on XYZ, and we can experience this massive barrier in moving forward and gaining headway in resolving this conflict, coming to some sort of mutual agreement if we're not having conversations at the deeper level and being curious with one another of what is

this connected to though? What is it that draws you to spend in this way, whether it's money or time, What is this providing to you? What is the meaning that's attached to that? Often when we pull it away from the actual thing itself, you spent on this, and look at but what did this give to you? How does this connect to who you are? Your personality? The

things that you enjoy. Gives us so much more insight into ourselves in one another and really gives such a beautiful playground for conversation then of I didn't know that about you, or oh yeah, that does actually make sense with what I do know about you, And then there's negotiation that can come into place where there's understanding and

mutual agreement and space given to one another. So this values based framework helps us again not only know ourselves, but one another and can create such beautiful space for conversation where now there's room for one another and not just rigid sets of rules that lack understanding and continue to throw us into this pattern of conflict and relating that is not benefiting us.

be a really great start. Values based spending is not something that you can like fully master because as we grow and change. Our values grow and change, so you think you've got it and then it.

money on. How many people can say, like I feel really good about what I spend money on, Like I spend money on what I love. I can say no to the things that I don't and I have money left over. I'm saving investing so that I can spend better and well in my future.

include your discretionary spending as well as your bills. We can't pretend like they're not a thing or a part of this financial picture. So go back through all of your whether you put your expenses on credit cards or debit cards, or it comes out automatically, gather it all up. You can do this digitally, but if you love printing things out, feel free to do that too. And look back over the last three months. And the reason we say three months ninety days is because month to month

things change. Each month typically brings a new, often unexpected expense. Each month doesn't look the same as the previous months. We've got various birthday parties or weddings, or bills, unexpected or irregular types of bills that happen, and so that ninety days is going to help get us a more clear picture of where does our money go most of

the time. And so once you've got that actual physical list of where your money has gone, we're going to want to look at this with a little bit more of a curious lens, not critical of ourselves, not judgmental, just putting on our curious George hat to ask ourselves some questions about these transactions. We can look at it almost like a fun financial journal, where we are considering what triggered this spend? Did it give me the result

that I wanted? What was going on for me? We can even dig a little deeper of what was the environment? Do I remember what I was feeling emotionally? What happened for me relationally that day? What is going on for my entire personhood as each of these expenses happen. You may not be able to answer all of those questions in grave detail, but as much as you can, we really want to take a deeper dive as we are

practicing curiosity with ourselves. This is an exercise in learning more about who we are, which will ultimately lead to understanding our values. But it's going to have to start here first of really looking at what do I choose with my finances?

before you finish this. But make it a priority to finish because it will give you the solid foundation you need to make change. But don't procrass. I call it procrass to spending, but it's procrass doating on anything. We think we need to like master the first step before we can move on to all the like steps that follow it. I stop doing that and good enough is okay? You can get through it, get some under your belt, and keep moving on. While you continue working on this

first step. It may take you like a week or two, depending on your schedule, but it is really important to before you change what you're spending on, you need to get a baseline of what you're already spending on, because when you make a budget, you want to make a

perfect budget. You know, you want your numbers to say, oh, yeah, like this is how much I should be spent quote unquote should be spending on groceries, when in reality, maybe you're spending twice that and it's unreasonable to think that you can cut your grocery bill in half in one month.

You got to know where you're at so that you can start moving towards where you want or you can even decide if where you think you should be is actually where you want to be, you can consider other options, but first you need to figure out where you are so that the second step you can choose what you value.

So once you make that list of transactions and you make a note for each one, and this is again with bills too, honestly, like if you are paying a mortgage that is huge and you have housing bills and appliance replacements and all of these things that come with home ownership when you really want to be traveling and doing these things that don't align with home ownership, you need to question if that mortgage is giving you the

result you want in life. So don't just do it with discretionary do this with your bills too, figuring out, okay, what triggered this spend, so like, what was I doing, what was I feeling? Stuff like that, and did it give me the result I want? Didn't really fulfill what I had desired. Once you do that for all of your purchases. Then you can choose from that list, like what are the things that did give me the result I want? So and they can be different, so like,

for example, lattes. One latte could be giving you time with a friend, which is something you really value, while another latte could just have been a habit purchase. Like you, whenever you go visit your mom, you pick up a latte along the way. You don't know why, you don't need it, just it just it's a habit. Stuff like that can be the same purchase, but for different reasons, and that's why it's important that we make a note

of like what triggered the expenses. You can get an idea of like, Okay, maybe next time when I go see my mom, I just don't pick up a latte. But when a friend asked me to coffee, I say yes without hesitation. Again, lattes aren't the enemy. The purchase is not the enemy. The knowing why you're doing it is the goal. So that's the next step. So, and you can decide today on a few things that you value.

You won't have an extensive list, You don't have to have the perfect list of your values, but you can decide today like lattes with friends. That's a no brainer for me. I'm always going to say yes to that and feel confident.

But we're recognizing, yeah, that one the purchase of the same thing one day could be in total alignment with our values and another day may not be. And so there's again so much of this is rooted in just our understanding of self. So then from there you're going to move into asking a very similar question, only the opposite.

Decide what you don't value, What transactions as you look over that ninety day list you didn't enjoy, didn't give you what you wanted, weren't actually in alignment with now what you have decided in your step two you do value.

So some examples of this could be as you look back over these expenses, where might have you felt pressured to buy or contribute what might have been an impulse by and maybe just the act of purchasing itself provided you something in the moment, but the thing is nowhere to be found and you kind of want to return it, Go ahead and return it. Or the purchase was influenced by some unattainable standard, something you saw on social media.

You're being sold and told this is the next step, even down to what you said already jen of mortgage, some of us could be in home owning situations just because we've been sold this narrative that that's the next step in adulthood. But truly, for you, you would rather low maintenance, free up time and money for these other things, time with your family, travel, the ability to be flexible, you name it. That's totally a fine adult decision. That doesn't mean that you are some young adult live in

some frivolous life. There are plenty of older why individuals who have chosen renting as a lifelong living lodging solution, and it is wisdom for them so feel the freedom even on these larger things that we can challenge these ideas, and we can decide I actually don't value owning a home. I actually don't value having two cars. I actually don't value spending half my Saturday mowing my lawn every weekend.

And that's a decision that might take a little bit longer than deciding, yeah, I'm okay spent like buying lattes every week. But I think every single one of these purchases we can look at with this lens of is there anything here that I don't value? Isn't giving me what I want? Isn't creating the space for the things that truly do matter for me? That might become an easier and easier know for me.

you've assumed is set in stone. When you take that off the table, you can start to ask questions and you can start to investigate. Because a no doesn't automatically mean a yes, and a yes doesn't automatically mean a no. There are areas in the middle, and it's just taking the time to question if something is an absolute or

if something's negotiable. So the next step, and I would say the same as when you choose what you value, when you decide what you don't value, decide that day on a few things you'll never spend on again, things that are easy nos. Write them down. Like for me, when I realized I love to go out and get a cocktail with friends at happy hour, but I actually don't like beer that much. Like I can drink it, but it's it's usually just a thing that I get

when there's nothing else available. I decided that day, like, I don't buy beer anymore. Like that is an easy no for me. So it's like some simple things like that. Decide a few of them, write them down, never spend on them again. And then once you've done that, step four is to put barriers up to prevent disaligned spending. So it is a lot easier to once you figured out what you value to keep spending on that. It is not as easy when you decide what you don't

value to stop spending on that stuff. Sheer willpower can get you started, but it isn't enough to learn and master a skill. Any athlete will tell you that. Any person who's adopted a habit will tell you that.

to this? I want to do this. The math is mathing, but I can't. I can't connect. And that's where this comes in is because math isn't enough to make you follow through the thought that this is where I should be when I'm in my thirties financially, or this is where I should be. I should be able to do this that's not going to get you through. Learning the ways to refine your actions is what's going to get

you through. It's not deprivation, it's refining. This skill of spending is what is going to get you through.

being in all aspects of our personhood. All throughout here is then these tools that we pick up at different points in time, different stages of life, that will fit us, that will suit our needs for that time, for that season, for the goal that we're identifying, and this is ongoing.

If there were to be a step five in all of this, it would be refining, honing, revisiting, because, as we've said many times, this does change and shift life circumstances, seasons, living situations shift and we are allowed to steal gens phrase, we're allowed to throw them a plot twist. We're allowed

to change our minds. We are allowed to move in a different direction and decide this is now in more alignment with what is important to me at this stage of life, and so it is going to be important to not just set it and forget it, but to be an active participant in the life that we're living. Wouldn't that be amazing? And then to feel so good and confident and free in the decisions that we're making

because we know it so well. Now we've done the work, we know what we value, and we are constantly revisiting that idea and wondering, Okay, I did this thing, this used to bring value to me a year ago? Is it still? If yes, great, keep going? If no, what changes can I be implementing? And what's going to happen here is decreased guilt and shame across the board and a deeper increased understanding of ourself which will again not only benefit us in our financial life, but every aspect

of our life. I think what we have found, and what many of the people in our community are indicating their finding, is that as they're improving one aspect of life, we are noticing benefit to other aspects of life. It's a really amazing peripheral impact of well being that really

can happen in any part of our personhood. Right we start exercising, and then we notice that our focus on nutritional goals is getting better, or our relational capacities are improving, or we're focusing on our financial health and we're paying down debt. And we're also noticing that our impulse spending is getting under control, and we are spending more quality

time with the people that matter. And now we're interested in what else can I be incorporating that's going to be good for me, because I feel like I'm on a role here. And of course the opposite happens too, Right when we are experiencing not so great in beneficial habits for our ourselves, it almost wraps all the other aspects of our personhood and brings it down with it.

But it works in the opposite direction too, So leveraging this to our benefit getting better in one area and then just reaping the benefits of it improving quality of life in these other areas.

and over, but we get so discouraged. When I have learned about values based spending, I know what I value, I know what I don't value, and for some reason, I keep falling back into these impulse spending binges even though I know the stuff is stuff I don't value, so you give up on it. And that's what we're trying to prevent. And so throughout the book there are nine principles that are really going to be the foundation

of the practice of values based spending. When you know these principles, even if you just know a couple of them, it makes practicing it so much easier. But we're giving you all nine so that you can really master the skill throughout your lifetime and put up these barriers, or just make it's simpler, make it easier to say the yes or say the no.

I found out that the doses are cheaper through Chewy and by buying those in bulk and taking advantage of a one time discount, I was able to bring the bill down to one hundred and eighty six dollars and that is a one hundred and forty five dollars savings annually. So if you have not found out that you can buy your prescriptions through Chewy, I would highly recommend giving it a shot. I love the podcast and thanks for all you doo, thank you.

those kid push button books for the sound effects. Just for this, there's one button. It's the Lightning Round and whenever you need it or want it, you've got these sound effects right in your face.

we want you to get vulnerable with yourself. So it's going to be questions that help you get vulnerable, because we always say the Lightning round is like our vulnerability segment, So we want you to get vulnerable with you or your book club, whoerever you're reading. So, Jill, what are your personal examples of values based spending?

It usually does include seeing some beautiful places. It often includes hikes, being out in nature wherever it is that I'm going to, And so I will spend on travel, which does cost a lot. It costs more than staying home, but it makes it easy to say no in other areas to create room in our spending plan for travel. And I'm not traveling as much as I used to, but it's still important to me to make space for

those new experiences. I love international travel. So one of the things that we've done in our lives, Eric and I is go down to having one vehicle. We are in part able to do that because we both work from home, but we have chosen for the last three plus years, maybe even going on four years, to just have one vehicle that frees a lot of money up in our finances, to be able to throw some extra money towards a sinking fund of travel for us. We're

also in a season of renovating our house. We are nearly at the tail end of it, which is so fun, and this in some ways aligns with I value for beauty. I want the space that I live in to feel comfortable and beautiful and clean, and so I only know that it's clean if I am able to rip out all of the dry wall and bug proof it and insulate it and then re dry wallet and paint it

and cock it and would fill it myself. It's extreme, but we've created space and our budget for it, and I don't know what's going to happen once renovations are over and it frees up some of our money. But for the time being, we have said a lot of nose to going out to eat, which we love going out to eat in part because we love being around friends and that's a fun thing to do with friends. But we have said no to going out yes to friends coming over or going over to friends' houses. So

we're not giving up connection with people. But for this season, we are eating most of our meals at home home so that we can say yes to creating a home that we feel is beautiful, and again we will refine in home. We're going to come into a new season where we're not doing renovations, where maybe going out to eat will become a more regular part of our rhythm. But these are the values based choices we are making currently.

not with other people. So that is a value for me. But I also like community is one of my highest values too, and so that's a a reason I don't meet people very well. I am awkward, I don't mean at meeting people, and so I need my lifelong friends. I'm sure I come across as cold to people who do not know me, because I just knew people are weird to me. And I wish that I was better at it. I work towards getting better at I don't let that be an excuse, but it is to have a meet and greet.

and do not enjoy, including frisbee that is around. I'm like, doesn't matter, it's a flat ball, and and so I don't do that and I've never been good at it growing up. So so I'm not, you know, quote unquote athletic. But in my adulthood, I have run half marathons. I have done CrossFit, like I've done all these things, and I feel so good about it, Like I feel it's something I'm bad at that I can make very small

strides at and feel like they're big strides. And because of the feeling that that gives me, that is definitely a value and something I will say yes too pretty much without thinking. I do put some thought into it, because that stuff can get expensive.

and really enjoyable. I actually apply a lot of the advice in my everyday life, and I feel better about my money and how I spend it. I got life insurance because of this podcast. Thank you guys. Well done. Side note, I have listened to so many episodes since discovering the podcast a few weeks ago that every time someone in conversation pauses for dramatic effect, my brain goes ten stars. WHOA, this was a good review. I feel seen.

I feel like we are friends. I don't think Jen would be awkward upon meeting you, Off Duty Dalek, because this is Jill.

is all about. And we want, I mean, we want them to know what they're getting into because if they don't like girls laughing, if they think it sounds like vapid giggling, we don't want we don't want them here. We want them to get you know, what's more suited for them to belong here? Yeah it would, they would be welcome here, But if they are not going to like us, we want them to get what they will like.

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