Episode three eighty three, Overcoming Emotional Spending with Megan Dwyer.
Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast, where you'll learn to save money, embrace simplicity, and liver a your life. Here your hosts Jen and Jill.
Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast. My name is Jen, my name is Jill, and today we are talking about specifically emotional spending. If you were here with us a few weeks ago, we did an episode on the psychological reasons behind why we spend, and one of those was emotional and we are doing a deep dive into just that one today with our friend Megan.
Great conversation, of course, a lot of the more emotional whole person perspective, and with Megan's background, she brings such an awesome perspective and just some helpful tips, tools, questions we can be asking. Megan is a certified financial planner and she hosts the Money Isn't Scary podcast. After spending fifteen years watching women take a passive role in the management of their money, she is on a mission to
help them stop playing small. So she's got so much experience in helping people know all of the ins and outs of what to do what not to do with their finances, but also has really excellent insight on the other aspects to this bigger picture of why we might be spending the way that we're spending.
But first, this episode is brought to you by the Friend Letter. We have a weekly newsletter that we publish three times a week sent straight to your inbox, where we are helping you overcome all of your overspending, whether it's emotional, impulsive, habitual, mindless, whatever it is. We want to help you spend better and consume less of what doesn't matter so you can afford more of what does. So if that is something that you need help with, then head over to Frugal Friends podcast dot com. This
newsletter is free. We also share freebies and different spending hacks. We are very much getting into how to afford quality products over cheap quantity and sales getting swept up by sales on cheap things, So that is really what we're focusing on in the Friend Letter. Please Frugal friendspodcast dot com get the Friend Letter. It will very very much help you on your spending journey.
It'll change your life, really, I hope drastically.
That is my hope.
Yeah, between that the podcast following us on social media life changing.
Yes, we hope so so. I mention at the end of the interview wanting to look into some healthy coping mechanisms, and I did look those up after the interview, So stay around to the outro and I'm going to quickly run through those after the interview.
Cool, let's get with Megan.
Megan, welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast. We are so happy to have you here.
Thank you for having me, and I'm so excited to be here.
I had such a lovely conversation with you when you did me the honor of coming onto your show, So I'm so glad to have you here talking about a really important topic. And I do want to say I think we can talk about emotions in such a negative way and that can be like this socialized thing that happens in our culture. But when our emotions are not helpful with our finances is kind of what we want
to be looking at. And I'm curious for you, Megan, when it comes to your experiences your work with clients in the financial space. What have you noticed are some of the patterns coming triggers of emotional spending that maybe isn't the most beneficial for their finances.
Yeah, So, I mean I think really anything that can be stressful or uncomfortable, or that we're really using coping as kind of a I mean, that we're really using spending as kind of a coping mechanism or a quick fix to feel better in the moment is something that we see a lot, right. I see this with myself personally.
I have get overwhelmed and stressed out, you know, full time working mom, two young kids, and I find that it's again, it's like more socially acceptable to go to target when you're feeling overwhelmed than it is to like go to a bar or something like that. So I think emotional spending sort of gets a more of a like a positive reputation in our culture. But I think these are all kind of common, common triggers, and it's
it's situational. It's different everybody's life like everybody's life. So some of those feelings, right that we get, can be that I just said, overwhelm, sadness, fear, It can be boredom, it can be stressed, it can be even jealousy, and then there are some positive emotions that can also be triggers for spending, and that can be I don't know, excitement or like you're proud of something or you want to celebrate, right, So I think it really could be
anything honestly that are triggers, and it's all about sort of knowing yourself. There's also, interestingly enough, there's also some behavioral health conditions that people can be sort of more predisposed to impulse spending right than others. So things like addiction or a substance misuse ADHD is a really common one,
anxiety depression, certain personality disorders. So those are things that may you know, if that's something that you identify with or your you kind of resonate with, that you may want to think about. You know, how is how am I impulsively reacting when it comes to spending or when I'm out shopping?
And so you, as a certified financial planner work with clients who are like higher net worth and higher income, and so like, how do you see the more money you have, does the emotional spending does the impulse spending like become less of an impact? Or like what do you notice in your clients or when you're around the water cooler with other cfps, Like, what should we who is maybe like not multimillionaires and want to be what should we know about how spending happens at the higher net worths?
Yeah, I mean I think honestly, everybody, it doesn't really matter how much money you have. I think I think deep down, emotional spending is really a very personal issue, right, It's it comes from knowing, well, it comes from emotions, and emotions are something that is universal. We're human, We're not robots, right, so every single person is going to have emotions in big feelings and things that are going on in our lives that, like I just said, elicit
those big feelings in their lives. I think that the higher net worth you have, the less that emotional spending tends to be an issue. And that's only because cash flow may not be as big of an issue. Right, If you have more income coming in, then what's going out may not be as as important. We don't necessarily look at when I'm doing this work for clients, we don't necessarily look at where the money is going. We're looking at trends in spending so we can see what's
coming in. When we look at kind of pre imposed tax dollars and then where and then what is going out? So that's really my job as a financial planner is to take that data and then sort of project forward, how is this spending sustainable on a on a long term basis, But that doesn't really where the dollars go
is really where we're kind of getting at here. So on you know, maybe the average person right that may not have a quite as high as an income or a net worth, The issue really comes down to where the dollars are going and is this sustainable for you in your everyday life, right? And if it's not, and that's when we identify that there might be an issue and there might be something that needs to be worked on.
Now.
The other piece of this too is yes, there's the there's the numbers, there is hey, what's coming in and what's going out? And then there's also the the emotional reaction to it. So if you are feeling if you're buying something and you feel so much guilt and shame and maybe overwhelmed after that purchase, then that's a huge
kind of red flag that something is off. So that's where I think we need to kind of like focus on those two things regardless of what your net worth is or or what you're kind of cash situation is.
I think it's encouraging, in part to me to hear that there's benefit to working on some of these more internal pieces of our behaviors and thoughts and actions and habits around our spending, around how we manage our emotions, regardless of the amount of money that we make, because it doesn't really matter a lot of times, it's not I need to make more. Oftentimes it's I need to learn more about myself and refine the things that are going to point me towards more well being and benefit,
and then more money could help us. But until we kind of know ourselves and are able to spend on our values and cope with life's difficulties in ways that are beneficial, then money doesn't have much to do with that.
But we can hurt ourselves financially.
Yeah, I think it's also encouraging, is like if you're coming up in your career or your pursuing doing a higher level of income, knowing that just putting into perspective like, while I work on this, I also need to be working on the internal stuff of why I'm spending money, Because yes, I want to make more money. Making more money does make these things less of a burden, but less of a financial burden and not less of an
emotional burden. Like there are. It is still an unhealthy way to cope with emotions or celebrate emotions, Like spending money is still an unhealthy way to do that. So like, while yes, it might have less of a financial impact at a higher income, it still doesn't meet the need. It is still just a treadmill that leads nowhere.
Absolutely, you're still not getting to the root of the issue. There's something else going on here, and spending buying yourself something to fill that void. It's like putting a band aid on a bullet hole.
Right, yeah, yeah, So let's talk a little bit about specific emotions. I found while doing research for this episode, this study from lending Tree. It's two thousand US consumers. It passes my study test, it does pass my standard. And it's a financial survey, a general financial survey from a financial company, which also it's not skewed, but it's like targeted. So and they say sixty nine percent of
Americans say their emotions have influenced their spending. And what really surprised me was that the survey found that overall, Americans are more likely to spend when they're in a positive mood, but some still seek retail therapy. So it's that almost half of Americans have made in a purchase in an attempt to prove their mood, with women much more likely to do so than men, at least vocally, but people. And it lists down here the different reasons
people have said that they spend. So fifty percent say stress is the top, so that is number one, but the next one was excitement. Forty four percent said they shop because they're excited, so like maybe you got a new job, maybe you're excited to go on vacation, like all these things. Excitement and then happiness. You're just in a good mood, like you're feeling yourself and you, you know,
want to buy some new makeup or something. So I was really surprised to see that a lot of people spend out of We knew this, but I didn't know how high the statistics skewed toward positive emotions. So let's let's kind of start there. What are some of the ways that maybe you've experienced or seen in your in your practice, Like some of the ways people can curb their spending when they're spending out of these positive emotions or want to celebrate something.
Yeah, and it's funny like like let's think about that. You know, we a family and I we just booked a trip and the winter. I live in Boston, so we wanted to go somewhere warm. So of course, you know, my brain starts thinking like, well, I need to get a bathing suit, I need to get new sandal, you know, and I need to get stuff from my kids and all this stuff. And I'm just like I hear you, Like I get, I guess we get. It's that anticipatory
excitement around it. And then same thing, like I think about the celebratory right, like wow, I just maybe I got a promotion or I just nails that interview, or I did something like so great right at work, and it's like you want to celebrate yourself for it, right, So what do we do? We ought to dinner or and this is again like this is just kind of
cultural things that we've been taught. Right, we go out to dinner, or we go treat ourselves to I don't know, a new pair of shoes or something like that that makes us feel good oftentimes we can also say, hey, coffee on me this morning, or I'll buy a bagels for the whole office or something like that, right, And I want to get across that there's nothing wrong with that, like in my mind, and this is going to be probably radical, I really think that all spending is emotional.
I think that we are taught that emotions in our culture are a bad thing. I think emotions are actually a really good thing because they're telling us things. They're telling us things that we need to know. So if we actually can kind of listen to our emotions, we recognize that there's there's something that goes a little deeper here that maybe we need to dig into. And money is emotional, like there's no way around it. You can
say it's not, but of course it is. Because money helps us to feel all the things that we want in life, right like security, safety, being able to take care of our kids and our families, and you know, or being taken care of ourselves. So there's like some kind of core I think, like foundational level emotions that you can't deny, and just denying denying it isn't going to get us anywhere, right, So money is emotional how we earn money is emotional, and how we spend money
is emotional. But when it comes to the positive, we tend to think of like the emotional spending as the negative, right, And that's what we were just just getting into the But the positive stuff we almost like brush off, we brush aside. So what are some strategies you know that you can kind of work with around those positive emotions? Like maybe instead of you know, going out to dinner and spending one hundred and fifty dollars, maybe you just
make a special dinner at home. You can go to the grocery store, you can get the ingredients and make something at home, and that saves a good amount of money there. And I love this what I'm going to say, because this is the financial planner in me. I love thinking about like your future self versus your current self.
So instead of saying, like, hey, I just got that promotion, why don't I go buy myself a new pair of shoes right, these super cute shoes or this bag that I've been eyeing, why don't you make an investment in yourself instead? So maybe make a contribution to your IRA, or you know, create put a depositing into you, I don't know, you're kids five twenty nine or something like that. I think we forget that there is a future self because we get so caught up in the moment and
the emotions feel so strong in that moment. But there's plenty of ways to kind of like slow down. Like that's the biggest thing, especially for women and moms, which is kind of more my audiences. We're on this treadmill constantly and we're just feeling like everything coming at us, and we don't take the time to just slow down and actually feel what is going on here, what is happening, and what do I really want and think about not only future you or not only current you, but future you as well.
I do think it's so important to be able to attach action to something that is going on in our life circumstances, especially when it comes to celebrating. I know Jenna and I talk a lot about often flying past accomplishments or things that have happened in life that are celebratory. Is I can especially understand why we'd want to make a monetary action when we get a raise. It's here's a way to celebrate the fact that I can now
I can afford to go out. So I think there even can be times where it does cost us money and we're okay with that, but we're always talking about but where does it become non beneficial for us? And so I think some of the foundations that you're laying are really helpful for us to think through. Will this help me or hurt me in both the short term and the long term. Is there a way that I can celebrate that's going to feel really good. It doesn't mean it doesn't It doesn't have to cost money. It
could mean going out to dinner. But would I be just as happy if I stayed at home too, but was still able to attach action to this thing just happened. It's worth putting a pause on and ritualizing it in some way that I can feel really good about.
Yeah, and the thing I'll add to that too, It doesn't have to be so black and white. I'm somebody that's I'm a recovering perfectionist. I always think like in this all or nothing kind of kind of mindset, so I have to kind of coach myself out of it. But I really think that, yeah, it doesn't have to be to one extreme or the other. You could still
spend money. You could still you know, buy something for yourself if you really want to, and I want I don't want you to think that you can't, right, because that's totally okay. It just has to be within something that feels good for you. And you'll know if it doesn't feel good. Your body will tell you that your emotions because you'll have feelings. You'll have there might be guilt, it might be shame, whatever it is, or discomfort or something will come up and tell you that, hey, this
doesn't feel right. But if it's within your means and it's something that feels good to you in this moment and it's you know, not that expensive, cool do it. I don't want to discourage somebody from not celebrating or doing something that that is important to them.
Yeah, that's one of the reasons I wanted to start with the positive emotion aspect because unfortunately it happens so much less than the stress emotion, and we do tend to gloss over. And we should celebrate more. We should celebrate more achievements, celebrate smaller achievements, and I think we should memorialize them in some way. Usually that way can spend that can cost money, and I loved Megan your suggestive instead of going out to eat, maybe making something
at home. But it doesn't have to be that. Like, people are going to have different standards of celebration, right Some people's celebration is like a five hundred dollars dinner at a really nice restaurant. So maybe if that's not in the budget you have, because sometimes we want to celebrate outside of the capacity that we are already earning, fit something into it. So maybe it's just a less
nice restaurant. It doesn't have to be a dinner at home, or maybe like Carabas is your idea of a nice restaurant, and so maybe right now in your capacity, that means, Okay, maybe I'm not going to spend the money at that, you know, that restaurant, but maybe I'm gonna spend I'm gonna splurge at the grocery store on the wagu like beef steaks that I would normally not get, and that's gonna be my celebration. So it's not not spending on
these celebratory things. I think we also have to put them into perspective too, because like, if you've got nineteen credit cards, with like one hundred dollars and you pay off, you know, eight credit cards in a month. You're not going out to dinner eight times in a month. Probably that's probably like too much. But if you get a raise and you really fought for that raise, it's not just like you're you know, you're three percent, then then
that can be like a heightened celebration. So I think it's also good to kind of prioritize, like what are myself, what are my goals, and how I'm going to celebrate each So that might be like and it also forces you to celebrate them, right, Yeah, it forces you. You can't just gloss over it and then really like you feel how significant a success is.
Yeah, and because it's something different, right, So if it's me, you don't want to do the same things that you always do. Like for me, you know, go on a target is something that I talk about a lot on my show and how I have this love hate relationship with targets. But if I'm using going to target as a as a reward for doing something great, then what is it? Every other? It almost like devalues, right, Like.
If it's a reward for getting your kids to school, then that's probably something to pay attention to.
Totally exactly, exactly, yeah, And I think that, like, also, we need to it's important to maybe list out what our ways to celebrate so we don't kind of automatically go back to that default, right, So what are ways that I can celebrate myself? Right, which again I feel like is something where we need to slow down and recognize, like what's going to feel good to me? And you're the only one that can answer that, Unfortunately, you know that.
I think culture tells us what self care is and what celebrations should be, right the champagne and all that stuff, But it doesn't necessarily have to be that way for you, right, Like everybody has their own definition of it and how and how we actually take that into action.
I appreciate your radical perspective on all spending is emotional and it really is just defining what is going to be best for each one of us when it comes to the ways we implement and understand our emotions when
it comes to our spending behaviors. And so the flip side of celebration and happiness and really good things happening is some of what we've touched on a bit of overwhelm and fear and stress and anxiety and jealousy, and some of these quote unquote negative emotions are not as comfortable emotions and how that can lead us to spend.
Are there any different different techniques or tips that you have found for your clients or from your clients that work when it comes to if my spending is primarily triggered by those types of emotions.
Honestly, I don't. I think we're getting at sort of the ultimate the same ultimate thing, right, which is knowing yourself. So I think the application of how to like that comes later, how to stop spending our curb your spending. But I think we need to really like dig get, like hop off the treadmill, slow down, dig beneath the surface to see what actually is going on here, right, because I think it's not. I think the answer to not spending is going to look different depending on what
the need is. Right, So what is that void?
What is it?
And this is something again that can be so hard for women to do, especially when you're just overwhelmed and there's so much coming at you. I myself, I started my podcast in twenty and I was at the time my husband had lost this job. I was working full time from home, and I had a three and a one year old at home, and I found myself online shopping because I was there was nowhere to go, right, I couldn't go to stores, and I was trying to
make myself feel better. I was trying to fill this void essentially, and then I would start to feel this guilt and shame because those things would my closet with the tags on, and I would never use them because again I had nowhere to go. But then I'd almost like crave, crave, spending more, crave more shopping, even though it wasn't the thing that was going to solve my problem. And this is what I always says. It's never the thing, it's never the object, it's the feeling behind the thing.
So I started this podcast because I knew I couldn't have been alone during that time. I think a lot of us were struggling during that time, and I really wanted to figure out with myself what was going on. And I know that, and I made it a public thing because I wanted other women to be able to really to it as well and know that they're not
alone in this. And so yeah, I mean there was a lot of big feelings going on at that time, and I think some of the big ones and the big themes there were connection, you know, appreciation, feeling overwhelmed, feeling scared, feeling anxiety. There was a lot of things. And I discovered that kind of like episode by episode and through kind of journaling and getting it out right, that there was more beneath the surface. Right, So it wasn't buying the J crew headband and the new sneakers
and stuff. It was that was not going to solve the issue. Was it was peeling back those layers and figuring out what was really underneath. And I feel like again, for so many women, there's so many of those overwhelming emotions that come up. And it's not just the emotions, because they feel like the emotions are a reflection of the time that we're in, in the circumstances, in the situation that we're dealing with. There's also beliefs underneath that.
So where do these what are the beliefs that I have and how are those impacting how I'm feeling right now? And a lot of that, especially when it comes to money and everything, comes from how we grew up and
so there's kind of the two pieces. There's how we grew up, and then there's also the culture that we live into and how we kind of live in this materialistic and consumeristic consumerism culture that's encouraging us to spend and kind of praying off of our insecurities and our emotions and saying, spend more, spend more, right, because this is going to solve your problems when really it's it's it's not. I'm just going to say it.
It's not.
So Unfortunately, there there is no in my mind, quick fix to this, right. There's no quick fix to all of a sudden stop spending money or start spending money differently. It's it's a it's a process. It's a journey to self awareness and really getting to know how you operate right and what are those core beliefs and what are some of those things that I want to maybe you know, change.
Such a tough one because when we're feeling uncomfortable emotions, one of the last things we want to do is uncomfortable work of what those emotions are attached to. Usually, our go to coping mechanisms are some sort of escape, and that can help for a time, but eventually I think we're all going to find ourselves in a place where we recognize that what we try to fill the
void with didn't actually meet the need. The void is still there, but now I have spent more than I wanted to, I've collected things that are still stressing me out, and I think it's only until we kind of get to that point a couple of times that then we see the fruit the benefit of all Right, I'll do some of the uncomfortable things because that might get me closer to actually finding what's going to meet my need here.
I think we avoid it because we think it's it's just all going to be discomfort, but to find that eventually we do learn more about ourselves, and we can find activities and ways of relating that more closely connect to the deeper need, and we can feel more satisfied and at peace and content for the long term than some of these quick fixes that continuously lead us on this cycle. Yes, all that to say, I'm curious, Magana. You've talked a lot about doing some of that deeper
work getting to know yourself. Are there a couple of questions, like your kind of top of mind that either you go through or you recommend to clients when they are wanting to know what it's attached to, Like, what can we be asking ourselves in those moments?
Yeah, I mean there's some good ones. So I think if you're struggling right now again, finding kind of a quiet space and just saying, Okay, how am I feeling? What is it that I'm feeling, and I write it down, identify and there is I think people forget right that there's more than just like three emotions. It's not just sad, it's not just overwhelmed. There's a whole list of emotions out there. You can google it. It's there's a whole list, just.
A good emotions wheel exactly.
Yes, there's a lot of emotions that help you very much narrow in and identify what it is that you're feeling. Right, So, so what is it that I'm feeling? And how do I I guess one of the other questions that I would say is how do I want to feel? And this is something that women, especially again, I feel like, don't take the time to work through. So I'm feeling this right now and oh I'm going through it. I'm
having a really tough time. But how do I want to feel instead, right, instead of feeling overwhelmed and stressed out and like like I'm not in control of my own life. Right, how do I want to feel? I want to feel at ease, I want to feel peace. Right. These are things that again we don't really like talk about, or we don't imagine, we don't envision because we just don't see it in our reality. Right, So what is it? Is it pent up energy or is it connection that I'm craving or what is it?
Right?
What is it that I'm feeling right now? And and what do I want to feel? And what's that gap in between?
Right?
How do I get myself there? And again, only you can do that. But it's again it's I really encourage like small incremental action. It's not again, it's not a quick fix. It's not going to happen overnight. But if you want to feel if you have this pent up energy and you want to feel connected, go for a walk with a friend or you know, go for a walk by yourself, get that energy out and then come back and call a friend or something like. Little things
like that that we can sort of back into. And I think by asking yourself these questions, we can sort of come up with like a toolbox of tools tricks that we can use when we're in those moments when we're struggling.
What have you found in your journey from being in that place in twenty twenty and using online shopping as your coping mechanism to now, what do you feel like for you? And your story has kind of helped you bridge the gap the.
Most, definitely the self awareness, like I will now take the time to pause when I'm struggling. If we just had a morning at my house, and it's to say it's a weekend, it's a Saturday morning, and and then you know, I have a few minutes to myself. I'm like, I just need a break, you know, I really will instead of just like default driving to target or driving to the mall or something like that, I'll send the car and I'll take a few deep breaths and I will literally go through that in my head and I
will ask myself, what do I need right now? What am I feeling, how do I want to feel, and what's going to help me that helps me back into like how to spend that hour that I have to myself. And again it's it may not be and maybe it is driving to the mall, but maybe it's just walking around and maybe and sometimes I do. Honestly, I think it's fun to just like windows shop to fully knowing I'm not going to shop because I just like to see what's going on and for me, it's kind of fun.
But that doesn't mean that I'm going to go spend a bunch of money that I didn't intentionally want to buy, right and it'll it just forces me to slow down again. I also journal. That's something that I do if I'm really having a hard time, I will just pull out
a piece of paper. And I don't do it like in a formal journal necessarily, but I pull out a piece of paper and I'm just like, what's going on because it allows me to get that all those feelings that are inside me out physically out somewhere, and I usually feel better afterwards and I'm like, Okay, now I can come back to this in a different in a different place.
Yeah.
Connecting with yourself.
Yeah, it helps for the rest of the day too, like put like doing work and being present for your kids and for your coworkers. Like not just in the money saving aspect of not spending to cope. But if you want to show up better in your relationships, having these alternative cope mechanisms, and you can definitely like google coping mechanisms as well, and in addition to your emotions weel, but like having these alternative coping mechanisms helps in so many other aspects.
What you're describing megan to me seems like the difference between playing darts with a blindfold on or a blindfold off.
Don't get me wrong, I'm bad either way.
I will like holes in your wall, put up quirk around it, But it's like throwing a dart and not knowing even where remotely the bullseye is yeah, versus I can at least see it. I know. What I'm aiming at is that difference between checking in with myself, what is my need, what's it attached to, and is there a way that I can meet that need that is
more focused on where the need lies. Sometimes we just go to spending and shopping because maybe it has worked in the past, but it's shopping buying something impulsively is not actually going to solve my relational need that I'm feeling as a result of tension that's going on with close friends. That's going to come from a relational reorientation and connecting with people. Shopping is never going to meet that.
But if we don't take the time to ask ourselves whares that's coming from, then we will find ourselves on that never ending cycle.
Spot on.
It is matching the solution to the need.
Basically, Yeah, and you know what else matches a solution with a need. It hits the bull's eye every single time, blindfolded or not.
Definitely a healthy coping mechanism.
The bill of the week.
That's right, it's time for the best minute of your entire week.
Maybe a baby was born and his name is William.
Maybe you paid off your mortgage, maybe your car died and you're happy to not have to pay that bill anymore. Fuck bills, Buffalo bills, Bill Clinton.
This is the bill of.
The week, Megan. Every week we invite our listeners and our guests to share with us their bill for the week, and we would love to hear yours today.
Oh my goodness, I'm so excited to share this. It is my very last daycare bill ever.
Get out of here, bye.
It was it was so my youngest. I have two boys that are seven and five, and my youngest started kindergarten this past fall, and when I no longer had that auto debit from his preschool coming out, it was like the best day of my life.
One day I almost got there, But one day I too will be there.
Yeah.
Kids, kids get older, they get older faster. That's amazing.
It's such a good thing for you. Anyone who has kids is like, oh my god, it's like the it's you just got the biggest raise of your life.
Yeah you did. Yeah. I purposely waited to only pay for daycare for one child at a time, so literally just swapped them out. But still, like an infant is more expensive than a two plus year old, so it did cost me more for daycare, but only for a few years.
Yeah.
Do you know what you're going to do with that influx of cash?
Oh I am, I've already allocated for it. I mean, I'm sucking it away.
About your future self.
Honestly, I'm putting it in cash at the moment because there's so much stuff that the kids need with like right now, we've got camps coming up, yeah for the summer, which is crazy. There's always something. So it's a small amount but I feel like it's it's what goes in goes out when it comes to the kids. So I just want to have something there in an account that I can pull from when I needed. And of course, you know, interest rates are pretty competitive right now, so it's not a bad place.
To just park it in cash, Yeah for sure.
Yeah, if you all listening, have a bill that you want to share, if it's about the very final last daycare bill because your kids are getting older and it's a good thing they're getting smarter and wiser, or if your your name is Bill and you run a day care, just a bill you don't mind budging whatever it is. Vis Approval, Friends Podcast dot Com, slash Bill, Leave us your boo, and now it's time for the.
Lightning roun all right, So in today's Lightning Round, Megan, you kind of went into this this question a little bit, so we're going to vary it up a little. So the question is how do you tell the difference between what you truly need and what you impulsively want? But I would love for us to share here you go, here's vulnerability when she's just pulling out right, we have an outline, but it's a it's lose. What was your last positive emotional impulse buy positive?
Yeah, I just talked about it. I we booked a trip to Florida. Yeah, I live in Boston and we booked a trip and that was intentional. That was not impulsive, like we had planned to do that. I had money saved for that. All good, but yeah, I mean then I decided that I was going to go to again. I said, I want to Target, and I didn't at that time because I was with my son, go and
get a new bathing suit. But however I did when I came home ordered it online because I could, I had the I had a discount code, So.
Yes, you go any more time?
Okay, I good because I have mine. It was also not impulsive, but and it was not the last one. I'm sure. I'm sure that in the last like nine months, i've or yeah, eight or nine months i've. But my favorite one, maybe of last year, was on my birthday when we got a book deal and we went out to celebrate with Margarita's and chips and salsa. And that purchase was a celebration half my birthday, half of getting the book deal.
Amazing.
I love spending money on all those margaritas.
You know what, though, we got affordable quality over cheap quantity in that because we went at a happy hour.
Yeah yeah, well there you go, that'u.
Although we also got quantity.
We did get quantity. We got both and that's where you really go, right.
Was it endless chips and salsa?
Yes? Oh, you you can't find a non endless chips since.
We're not going to find us bablished they don't include endless chips and salsa. You won't find us there if.
You don't sell pictures of margarita that happy how are you also won't find us there.
And you know what though, I love that that answer because you don't regret a thing about it. Sounds like you are so proud of doing that. And that's what this is all about.
And if we're going to talk about ways we saved money on it, I had my husband drop me off so I wouldn't have to uber there you go, having to go having your man drop you off in front of the Mexican restaurant so you can have endless chips and salsa and pictures of margs.
Perfectly.
That was a good We had accomplished something else, finishing the book, Jill finishing it.
I want to let.
All right, Jill, you have had your time.
Well, okay, I guess it was emotional.
I don't know.
I should be a more attached person than I am, probably so. The last time I spent money was around the holidays. Eric and I decided that we would instead of getting gifts for each other, we would go shopping, which is not a super common activity for us. But I had been putting money aside for Christmas, and so we had money in the bank, and this is how we chose to spend it. But some things I had written down of this is what I want, and other times I just let myself make an impulsive decision on
what stood out to me in the moment. One of those things are the pants that.
I am not wearing today.
Oh my god, I've.
Been wearing pretty much every day of last week and this week.
I literally looked down and I was like, oh, you're not wearing the pants.
I know you're getting your money's worth, though I am.
That's the thing about me.
When I buy something, I use it all up.
It's awesome.
Yeah.
I picked up these pair of pants and I'm like, well, they are my size. They are the specifications of what I'm looking for, But this is a lot of fabric.
Truly.
I tried it on just because I wanted to know what they were going for, like I had, I said that out loud.
I'm like, I gotta know what they're even.
Trying to do with this amount of fabric. And it ended up being the only thing that I bought it.
And now her personality is these pants. She wore them every day last week and I love gosh darn it. If they don't look comfortable, and you know what, it's good.
There is an emotional choice because they made me happy. Yeah, and they still make They do still make me happy.
Yeah.
And that's a that's a topic that I feel like, you know again, can money make it? Can money make you happy? I think it can to an extent, I think so it all depends, right, I mean I can't. I think it can in the short term, and that's what it's doing for you, right, But at the end of the day, like it's not going to make all your problems go away, but having these pair of pants makes you good, that's great.
Yeah. And I feel good about the purchase because I had set the money aside, so I think you know, even to your point, all of our spending is emotional. I had the money to spend, but I still purchased based on somewhat informed by my emotion. How does this make me feel? Do I want to buy it? And that's an example of where our emotions can be helpful when it comes to spending.
Yes, yes, I think the true lesson that we've learned today is dopamine isn't happiness, but pants are. And buy the true money by.
Drink the marks that happy hour and get the pants with more fabric than you know what to do with.
Just plan for it, I'm band.
Yeah, budget for it, and if you're going to be impulsive about it, budget for impulsivity.
Yes. Yes, well, I love Megan, We've had a blast with you. Can you tell us where people can get more from you?
Yeah?
So you can check out my website which is money Isn't Scary dot com And you can also check out the podcast money Isn't Scary anywhere you listen to podcasts. And I also I'm on social media so Instagram, Facebook, all at Money Isn't Scary, and I am also have a Facebook group, the Mindful Money Mamas, which is where I am a little bit more intimate with people and I'm trying to just gather a community of women that are all looking to create a healthy relationship with money.
Love that we're here from some here for some alliteration. Thanks for being here, Megan.
Yeah, thank you.
Oh my goodness, that was fun. I had fun with Megan. Also, I really love her reframe about all.
That thing being emotional.
I think it helps to take some of the guilt out of this being an emotional person seen as a negative thing. We are all emotional people. They play into all aspects of our lives. And there are helpful, beneficial ways of managing our emotions and recognizing them and non beneficial. And it's not as if we detach ourselves from our emotions to make the best financial decisions. Our emotions can be informative when making the best financial decisions. And that's my takeaway.
Yeah, I loved how she made it a safe space to be an emotional person. I really hate when emotions are vilified professionally in the business world. I think that it really is is a weapon against women. Viewing people as emotional and valuing emotions. I think it helps us celebrate things like our accomplishments and it helps us cope better. So we mentioned coping mechanisms and the pausing and the asking of the questions that Megan said was really great.
It was one of the one of these like healthy coping mechanisms, whereas shopping tends to be the unhealthy. So I just wanted to find the tell you about the five that I found on good therapy dot org and Jill has allowed me to say them. So the first is support, so talking about a stressful event with a supportive person. So that's something we talked about in the episode. That is an actual thing that is science back that
does help with coping. I think some of these we think we read them on the internet and we're like, oh, sure, that's really easy for you to say, but really practical to do. But I think hearing them from an actual like therapy website and me like, oh gosh, okay, it is an actually science backed thing that if I paid to go see a therapist they would probably tell me to do. Maybe I should try it. So support relaxation, so relaxing activities like meditation, progressive muscle relaxation or other
calming techniques. So that's again Megan sitting in her car taking the deep breaths. That's another coping mechanism. Problem solving. So this involves identifying a problem that is causing stress and then developing and putting into actions some potential solutions. So when we were talking in our episode on psychologically psychological reasons, we impulse spend making that list of these are the things that I'm going to do when I am celebrating positive motions. These are the things I'm going
to do when I'm feeling negative emotions. That's that problem solving coping mechanism. Humor this when we love making light of a stressful situation that can teeter into unhealthy so uh just be aware of that. And then also physical activity exercise can serve as a natural and healthy form of stress relief that can also sometimes teeter into unhealthy so uh so yeah, So those are the five coping mechanisms that this therapy website recommends.
Yes, all of them can be so helpful, so try them out see what works for you. And thanks for listening. Everybody, we had a blast with you along with us. Thanks for listening. We also love reading your reviews. That something else we have a blast doing We especially like this from this one from och Widgeous.
Letters.
But is I think how I would pronounce it?
I'd pronounce it. I think they said love this the best financial podcast I have found. Jen and Jill keep me entertained while teaching me all the financial tips. Some of these tips I didn't even know I'm needed. Thank you, ladies, Yeah, so thank you for listening. If you enjoyed the show, please take a minute to leave a rating and review
on Spotify or Apple Podcasts or both. It helps potential new listeners know what they're getting into, so if they're not into healthy coping mechanisms, then this might be not be the place for them.
See you next week.
Gorugle Friends is produced by Eric Sirianni So Jen mm hmm.
We during No Before No Spend January, you and I shot a lot of b roll together, which is basically video where you're not going to hear us talking, but we might put our voices over top of it or music over top of it, usually text YEP. That then goes out on social media so you can see our faces,
but we can still be giving you content there. One of the things that we did was go to the thrift store and kind of show how we were shopping at the thrift store, how we're using our color palette to find the clothing that we might be looking for.
I don't think we bought anything, though, Yeah we did.
We bought the shirt that I wore yesterday and a well I did. Oh, I mean frual friend's botty.
Because it was a business.
Oh yeah, Pence, I got a red sweatshirt that was in my color palette and a blue linen shirt that was also in my color palette. However, in the b roll video, I am now realizing I don't think you've used it yet, so maybe this mistake will be unrecognized. But only after purchasing it did I realize that when I first tried it on and you took video of me with it on, that I had it on backwards. It has buttons like all down the center of it, vertically down the center, and I thought, and buttons that
don't work. They're more aesthetic. And I thought that they go in the front because jenuine generally that's.
Where buttons would go.
Yeah, So I put the shirt on in the front, thought it was cute, purchased it because I liked it, got home realized that's where the tag is them buttons are supposed to be in the back. Still like it.
That is how I wear it now. But interesting if that little video of me ever comes up and.
I'm wearing a blue linen shirt with buttons down the front, that's backwards.
Oh okay, mm hmm. Well, I'll make sure that makes it up on the internet. By the time you listen to this, it probably will be somewhere on our Instagram.
The whole world is up down?
You know what else is upside down? All the people on your blouse right now? Did you know that?
Well, there's no way to turn it the other.
Well, I know, I know, but like it's printed upside down.
Well not to me because I'm able to look down from my vantage point and see the people. But look they look right side up.
I look at your arm the whole time we're recording, just looking at these people being upside down, just holding hands.
Well, it's artistic with our giving elementary school art teacher with this, you.
Really do very much? Are you're loving very Gulf Port vibes?
Oh? We'll take it.
Yeah, I like it. And those trees are right side up though, that's just that's art right there,