Episode four forty two, how our lack of community is costing us.
Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast, where you'll learn to save money, embrace simplicity, and live at your life. Here your hosts Jen and Jill.
Welcome to Frugal Friends podcast. My name is Jen, my name is Jill, and today we are talking about an interesting topic that we have talked about briefly. We've kind of, like ten twenty thousand foot like, mentioned it, but we've never dove deep into it until I saw an Instagram post from Katie Gatty Tassen from Money with Katie that very well like, was very well articulated in what we
were trying to say about it. So we're going to go through it today and hopefully it will help you as much as it kind of as much as we hope it will.
We have a chapter in our book by What You Love Without Going Broke on community and relationships and kind of both sides of the coin, but this is particularly talking about how we'll buy our ways out of problems, the things where we will pay for convenience rather than leaning into community. So I'm particularly looking forward to this conversation because this is a heavy blend of mental health, social health, financial health.
This is a heavy one. When we say that money touches our whole personhood, this is the definition of that. And so even if you've been frugal for a very long time, this is definitely one that you will get a lot out of. But first, this episode is brought to you by the Industrial Revolution. A cup of sugar. We all know the old adage borrowing a cup of sugar from your neighbors, and that was once a in
place practice. But thanks to the Industrial Revolution, we now have access to affordable modern technology like transportation, grocery stores that are open every day, and now even delivery. But all that access does come at a price. While the sugar is more accessible, all the ways we get it do cost money. So if you're feeling the pinch of a lack of community, a lack of being able to borrow a cup of sugar from your neighbor, open a
high Heeld savings count at CI Bank. You're gonna get over four percent ap y almost five percent, with the only minimum being one hundred dollars. Just in there on the first time, and it doesn't have any hoops to jump through as far as high yield savings accounts go. We really do love it. We wish you'd use the interest you're building on it for something other than paying to have your sugar delivered. But if you do, you can thank the Industrial Revolution for allowing you to do that.
Frugal friendspodcast dot com Come slash.
C I T Wow, Jen, Yeah you really did it.
Yeah, it's you want to You want to have some of the backstory and how we got to where we are. It's not just because of marketing, it's not just because of the advancements of our culture, our society that it's there's a lot of things that have been leading up to how we got here to where we are right now. It is not one isolated thing. But regardless, you should have a high yield savings accounty.
There's one thing you can do for yourself individually.
Yes, So if you are really feeling the sting of you know, lack of community, we talk a lot about Gosh, we talk about community almost every episode. It's one of our highest core values personally, not like Frugal Friends, but individuals will most likely cite, you know, a combo of these four things as their highest values. Family, friends, faith, and fulfilling work, and all of those, all four of them have an element of community. It is so important
to everyone. We've done a lot of episodes you can find you can find it in almost every episode, but I think a really good one that I like is episode three eighty nine, Creativity over Consumerism with Miranda Anderson. Because once you start to change your mindset from how much do I have to spend on eating out, coffee, et cetera, and you change your mindset to shift it slightly to how can I maximize every dollar so I can get as much of what I value as possible,
it changes the way you budget. And this is an episode that's going to help you peripherally with that mindset. And we are using a article from like I said, Katie Gatty Tassen called we Live in a Society very She has a very uh, I would not dry way of saying these, but just like a very straightforward way of writ like writing style.
She's quite cerebral.
If you follow her on Instagram, she's definitely worth the follow She does crazy deep dives, tons of research. She helps you feel smart for sure, or maybe sometimes feel done if you're me, like, what in the world is after you read it you feel smart. Yes, if you can get through one of her long Instagram brands, you will be better off for it. This one, thankfully, is a shorter article but really packed with some great things.
And I just want to say I love how she starts it off with telling a story that is a good way to real those of us in who just like you know stories a little bit and described some of the relationships that she's been building with neighbors, being able to kind of care for one another, check in on each other, just noticing this reciprocal relationship beginning to build where she'll text and say, hey, I'm running later than I thought I would be, can you let my
dogs out? Or the neighbor made some extra food and wondered if she could use some want some dinner that week, Just kind of this thing that was evolving because they were both open to relationship with those literally in their community, not just friendships, but the people who are literally living next door to us, which can feel very scary. Like you just mentioned, the industrial revolution kind of helped us to solve all of our problems with money and convenience
and be able to pay for those things. And it has drawn us more inward. We've become more isolated. We can go days without seeing the people we live next to. But this is kind of this call to how could we we might have to be even more intentional about seeing those who are next door to us and being willing to offer a lending hand or ask for help from those who are right next door to us. So that was a helpful introduction I think of what she's
been noticing as a result of having community. Of course we'll talk about what happens when we don't have that, what it's costing us, But I like that intro.
Yeah, the reason that this post in this article really grabbed my attention is is the little favors economy that she's referenced. Apparently there's an uptick in content hard selling
the quote unquote little favors economy. So the thing is is the people giving each other little favors, which is I guess, on the rise, but has been an integral part before the Industrial Revolution, was an integral part of our our well being, our like ways that we just survived because we didn't have grocery stores that were open all day every day, we didn't have ways to get there, and if we did. It took a while, and so
we relied more on the people around us. And so the fact that this is kind of like coming back is kind of this turn on its head. We've we've been living at least for the past four years in in kind of wanting to accept isolation and or at least be okay with it at first because we were
forced to. But now, like there's even she mentions this this like meme where there's this I don't know if you saw it, if you clicked the link, Jill, but it's a telling someone, it's an it's a script on how to tell someone you don't have the emotional bandwidth to care about them, so that could you take your personal crisis elsewhere or schedule a different time to need me, Which in and of itself it's not a bad thing, but more often than not, these good things get abused
and overused, and what it breeds is this culture of not just individualism, which is what our country really has been founded on, the desire to be individual like separated from a monarchy, but isolation. And I think that is the issue, and that is what these apps and all of these services have really given us, is isolation. And so I loved the way that she put a lot of this. One of the quotes from the article is this worldview, like the worldview individualism, isolation, has framed asking
for help or needing support as an inexcusable burden. It's fever frame is don't be cheap. Do not ask me to take you to the airport. And so this is actually in reference to another like thread. It was from a from a Twitter thread that's saying like, I will not take anyone to the airport, get an uber, and where some people were back and forth being like, well, friends who love each other have no problem taking them,
you know, each other, to the airport. And then other people were like, I don't even take my immediate family to the airport. Have you been to Lax, Like I'm
not waking up at four am? And so it's automatically like the whole thread went to these extremes, you know, and so by going to extremes, we're creating a culture that normalizes we don't take people to the airport, you get an uber when in reality, like, of course, if it's a really busy airport with a lot of traffic like Lax, or it's a four am or a midnight flow like of course we use these modern technologies to help us in situations like that, but those are the extremes.
And in the middle, if there is if you have a broader community, not just one or two friends, then you have more options for you know, asking for help from someone where it isn't a burden, but it is like somebody is taking you to the airport on their way to work. You know, it's a little bit out of the way, but it's not a burden. And so there's a lot of nuance to this that gets lost in these extreme scenarios that we then translate into what's acceptable.
I think that's the context in which I've seen little favors quote unquote on pop up on Instagram as people kind of pushing back against it, like what all these little favors are costing us and our bandwidth than what we have the ability to do and not to do, and the permission to say no and not hemorrhage your help and your kindness to other people. And I think yet what we're saying here is the holding the tension of both recognizing that there could be asks that are
really putting people out, and it's worth identifying. Okay, this is something that I can find a way to do on my own versus. This is just what human connection and friendship looks like. And then Katie goes on to describe this one quote which we love as well, so I'm just going to read it for us. The fear of being a burden atomizes us and as a result,
further entrenches our reliance on something else money. The central promise of so many apps is that they can eradicate the need to maintain relationships, look out for one another, or inconvenience yourself for the sake of a loved one for a price. And I think that this is what keeps a lot of us from asking for that help is I don't want to be a burden. I think for the majority of us, we would be more willing
to help somebody than we are to receive help. But I think if we can dig a little bit deeper and look at the connection and the reciprocity there, that if we are willing to help somebody, then that's the perspective of our friend. They are willing to help as well, and if they can't, there's opportunity to say no. I think we have gotten very good at saying no. Is a societal down exactly. I think that we don't need such a loud messaging on how to say no anymore.
We've got that one down. So I think that it's this little bit of give and take. And sure, sometimes it might have been too much, we might have overextended ourselves. We can learn from that, and we can learn what boundary we would need to set in place in the future. But if we're willing to give help, I think we've also got to be willing to receive it as well, and recognize that in not being willing to ask, what else does that play?
There? What pride?
What power plays might be underneath the surface, under the guise of I just don't want to burden somebody. But if you're thinking I would rather just help than receive, there's something deeper that's worth looking at there.
Yeah, I love how she puts it. If you ask this, if you have the smallest ask, you're going to be seen as these are the lies we tell ourselves. You're going to be seen as needy, boundaryless or inadequately self sufficient.
And you think your friend has every right to hit you with the I don't have the emotional bandwidth paragraph uh, and these are these are lies that we tell ourselves that even the slightest hint of rejecting individualism, rejecting the isolation, even the slightest hint of that is we're going to be seen as the mooch, the mooch friend in the group. And nothing could be further from the truth when we have this mindset of reciprocity, like I want to help you, and I want you to be able to help me.
I want to feel safe in when I ask you for help that I'm not seen as a mooch. And if you don't have that safety with someone, then that's the case for creating a wider community so that you can have more people that you can have that safe relationship with, because not everyone is going to see you as the mooch. If you're not and everyone if everyone does see you as the mooch, the frugal, cheap mooch, if everyone sees you that way, then that's a different conversation, that's a different episode.
That means that there's not as much generosity happening in the other direction. People aren't going to say that about somebody who's also showing up for that. Yeah, so I think it's okay to always be asking, but also then you need to.
Be ready to be giving as well. Yeah. I love this.
One final thought from her, just around the cost of buying our way out of problems. She says, the financialization of our every move strips us of our humanity and weakens our ties with while little favors create trust and common ground. The beauty in asking for what you need is not just in the straightforward receiving of it, but in allowing other people to give it to you. We glorify individual stability and self sufficiency, which are great, But to be human is to need, so too is to give.
And here you understand the writing style of a Mondy with Katie. It is beautiful and poetic, and it's why I wanted to just read it straight up. But it's so true that when we are buying our way out of problems, it's costing us not just the money that we're paying for the convenience of that, but the lack of community and connection, which is costing us on our social health, our mental health, our relational health. All of these aspects are then going to suffer because we're not
building these bonds. That again, is what makes us human. To our core, we desire community.
Yeah, and marketing capitalizes on this because they want you to think first of their app instead of your community. Because atomizing us as individuals means we don't think of ourselves as members of the whole, as members of an ecosystem who can give and take as we're able, but instead as competitors in a cut through Okay, and this is a little extreme I'm reading from the article, but as competitors in a cutthroat game who need to take
every chance to get ahead. And so this is obviously an extreme case, but but we see it in our lives. Everyone can name someone who really does like value their time more than anyone's and will say no to the general never give anyone a ride to the airport, even your closest family members. So if we continue to think of ourselves as indo us in isolation, that's better for these companies that sell these services.
All of these ideas that we're talking about. This isn't in the article, but I think I want to kind of underscore in case anybody wants to look into this a little bit more, have more things to read. We're talking about social health here that aspect of our personhood. I think we could also talk about relational health. It's
similar how we approach community. Some other terminology attached to this is community psychology, which is our inherent need to be around others to feel a part of something bigger. We've also got concepts of social constructivism woven throughout. This is the concept that we are shaped by others and the way that we learn is in community, and we see this in our daily life. Right parents teach their children, People learn from teachers.
We are not learning in.
Isolation, even if we're at home on our computers. We're learning from someone who has written something, created a course. We are learning from other people sharing ideas. So I think this concept of community relationship social health is embedded in the fabric of what it means to be human. And yet there's so much of our particular society in the United States that has caused us to kind of push against that. It's the boundaries. It's not wanting to
be a burden. It's the ability to be an individual and not need to be dependent on another person. But we want to say to aim at interdependence, not a
total dependence. Also not a total independence, but this radical middle of interdependence where we allow people to come in, we also give out, and thereby not just helping ourselves financially, sometimes needing to be generous with our money as a result of that when we're when we're giving, but recognizing that all of this is going to help us as a whole, because when we help ourselves relationally and socially, we are also helping ourselves in all other aspects of
our personhood. And maybe we're less likely to need to pay for convenience, Maybe we're less likely to need to pay to solve our problems because we've learned new skills out of these relationships that we've built, and we're willing to lend the ingredients in our pantry or provide the ride when needed. And what else is born out of those relationships we can't even totally comprehend until we start to lean into it.
Yeah, and so this isn't just in like consumer consumption. This is in personal finance as well. So much of personal finance is about get out of debt so you're self sufficient, you know, don't give a handout because you have to pull yourself up before you can help you know, put your own oxygen mask on before you can help someone else. It's all about investing so that your self sufficient.
So much of personal finance education capitalizes on this idea of isolation independence, setting yourself up so that you don't have to rely on anyone. And so we are pushing back on that as well, that you don't have to have the multimillion dollar net worth or even the million dollar net worth and be completely self reliant on just yourself. Your money does not have to cover one hundred percent.
And if it starts by getting creative with how you meet your needs, but it progresses into this idea of not like an official sharing economy like by nothing groups or time banks, but true relationships, like relationships with the people around you. And I think we've had conversations about friendship relationships, but I think now in this episode we want to also have a conversation about local relationships.
I e.
Your neighbors, like getting that you know, metaphorical cup of sugar from a neighbor. Because I remember last year, when my son was in preschool, we had a meeting at his school to get us ready for kindergarten. And the
thing I was so surprised. The main reason they wanted to bring all these parents together is so that they could meet one another, because they really emphasized how important it was for your child to go to school every single day, and even if you're not able to bring them, meet these other parents, get to know where they live and create a plan among your children, like among these parents on how they can help you get your child to school. That was the main reason for the.
I remember talking about that. I thought it was such a.
Great idea, and it just like solidified in my mind how important it is not just to have friendship relationships, but close neighbor relationships is a different type of relationship. You don't have to be best friends with your neighbors, but as a as a you know, how can we do better together? Having relationships with your neighbors is so, so so important. We've seen it in our lives, and so how do we do that? And so we want to briefly go over a few tips from this article
called nineteen ways to connect with your neighbors. We are absolutely not going through all nineteen, but there are a few that have specifically helped Jill and I like meet our neighbors. You know, in our own respective neighborhoods. So the first one for me is hanging out in the front yard. We have met a lot of people simply by being outside, just by standing there. So Travis, the
most recent of this was last weekend. Travis was mowing our yard and another neighbor was taking a walk with his baby and he came up and he's like, I've been trying to like meet you for months, and apparently they saw the sign that we put in our yard for Easter from our church's Easter service, and he's like, we go to that church, but we just had a baby, so we like haven't been months. Yeah, but they lived
two blocks down from us. Whoa, and they we were finally able to connect because they were out for a walk and Travis was mowing the front yard. And there's been so many times where we've just been outside with the kids, like you know, riding the bikes or letting the kids just walk around that we have met other neighbors who are also outside, you know, going for walks, and so they give a few ideas, like aside from just sitting in your front yard, which honestly, this is
how we met so many of our neighbors. At our last house too, we would take walks and just see people with a grill and a table and some beers and a cooler on their front yard instead of their backyard, so having equal amounts of time almost creating your front yard as like an oasis. So they say you can set up a fire pit and your driveway just like
a temporary one. Or they say a turquoise table. Apparently this is like a national movement or somethings picnic tables, So if that's something you're familiar with, putting that in your front yard, but making your front yard a place of gathering as much as you try to make your back or sideyard a place of gathering.
Similarly, the taking walks things, so not just sitting in your front yard but taking walks. That for Eric and I has been huge when we've gotten to meet other people not just on our road but surrounding us. And it's been really hot lyate least we haven't been taking as many walks, but in the fall, winter and spring when we take daily walks, it has significantly exponentially increased the amount of people that we meet. The and it's
not as if we stop and have long conversations. Sometimes we do, but as many of us know, there are the people who want to talk for forever and who's the people who don't, And yes, it might cost us the time and energy. There was one day recently when I wanted to take a quick walk before starting dinner. We ran into a neighbor five feet out of our front door and ended up talking with them for thirty minutes. So I couldn't continue the walk. I just had to
come right back inside and make dinner. But it was also really amazing to be able to connect with that person, hear what's going on for them and sidebar, Yeah, there's gonna be some people in the neighborhood who aren't exactly the people who you're gonna be long term friends with. That's what we're describing here. Yes, you've got friends, but you've also got people in your community. Is good for us to be around different, different from who we would
typically engage with. It helps us We grow because of it. And also you're gonna get some tea. When we are walking around and talking with the neighbors and hearing about what's going on, it is better than the next door app there has been.
We live on a tiny road.
There's just twenty houses on this road, and there is some stuff that goes down.
And I like being in the know.
Okay, I like having my windows open, like so look at what's going on, See.
What's going on.
I've seen this behand.
I have become my eighty year old grandmother. Sometimes I wish that I could quick run for the binoculars just to find out more.
It is good to be in the neighborhood.
So yeah, I mean, and it's it's from these main two. So I think if you take we're gonna go through a couple more. But like if you only take away these suit going for walks around your neighborhood or just sitting outside on your front porch or your front lawn.
Even if you're not super extroverted, something's gonna happen.
Something you will be able to connect with somebody. And this has led to being able to borrow power tools from another neighbor that we don't have to buy or rent. A neighbor was able to jumpstart my car when I had both kids and my car wouldn't start. This has led to like play like playdates friends for my kids. This has led to so many good things not just
for my heart, but also for my wallet. Like I've been able, like Travis has been able to borrow so many things that we didn't need to buy, and we have been able to lend things.
Yeah, which is the next one on my list. The helping each other out piece when you are so close to each other and experiencing very similar things, right, like the same type of storm, a power outage.
That kind of a thing.
Being able to help one another out post storm cleanup, that's a real thing for me.
A lot of people after a storm, you are going to meet your neighbors. Everyone's outside at the same time cleaning up. It's a great, great place to meet your Nay, we have.
Helped and we've experienced help from others in helping poststorm clean up, clean up, taking meals we've been able to We've exchanged I've exchanged bread and treats with various people on our road. When someone has a baby, we can take a meal to them. Others have you know, known
important things for us and have checked in. Sometimes there's been storms where are we evacuated for it, But the neighbors are sticking around and they're going to keep an eye on the house for us, and then even when it comes to maintenance projects, specifically, I'm thinking of fence we had to redo and it was a neighborly effort with the people just on either side of us who pitched in with costs and day of labor and rental equipment to kind of clear out the shrubbery that was
lining both of our sides of things. So truly, even financially, it has helped out so it and it just feels good to know what's going on. We've had deaths of people on our road. We've had major surgeries happen, We've had tons of things go on that are both celebratory and tragic.
And the ability to know that and be there.
For a neighbor, there is nothing like it, and that produces health inside of us.
Yeah, I mean yes, same fence for us. We've had help with that. We had a neighbor across the street from our old place when Hurricane Irma came through and put that tree down on our roof. We had evacuated to Atlanta, so we were seven eight hours away and she called us as soon as it happened. She's like, are you home? And I was like, no, we evacuated.
She's like, good, there is a tree on your house and sent a picture so that we were able before we even left Georgia, we were able to call the tree guy, because had we waited even a few hours, then we would have maybe been waiting like a week or two to get that tree off of our house. But we were able to get it off quickly, and like literally the day after we got home, it was off. We were first in line and we were able to
you know, know what we were coming home to. And we came home in the dead of night, and we knew what we were coming home to. We weren't shocked by it. It's gosh, there's it's essential. And so okay, we're we're homeowners. But like what if you're not a homeowner, what if you live in an apartment? You know, you're maybe not be having block parties. But they give some other recommendations. You can use your pets to connect with other people in your building or around you know, the complex, and.
People with pets know this. You all gravitate to each other. You're meeting your pets.
You can also give like gifts around the holidays. So the holidays are coming up and so maybe something small like Jill loves to propagate her plants, and you know, find some little pots and you're giving some plant babies to your neighbors. And anytime you can start a relationship off with giving is going to be like a really good foundation. So there are still ways that you can
you know, I would have viewed. I would avoid like the homemade baked goods because you don't know people's dietary restrictions. But like small things create that reciprocity atmosphere, create let people around you know that you desire to know them, because sometimes they're just waiting for that permission. They're waiting for permission to get to know you. They want to know if you want to know, if you want to know them.
I love the little neighborhood libraries that are popping up. We have quite a handful in our just little community here of just people with little cabinets outside their house. Take a book, leave a book, whatever that I have personally utilized, which is awesome, but of course also borrowing and lending tools. And you're only going to be able to do that when you go on walks, you sit outside, you talk to people, You learn of each other's needs and you're willing to give and receive.
This is not something that's going to be so formal that you can create like a buy nothing group or a Facebook group. This is not formal. This involves learning about people, getting to know them, and you know, maybe being inconvenienced once in a while. But like it's it can be messy. It doesn't have to be unhealthy, like I think sometimes we'll confuse messy with unhealthy. But it's not going to be cut and dry. There's not going
to be frameworks and rules. There are boundaries, but there is very little guide to maintaining and creating these relationships that are not just essential for our financial preservation but for our well being. And so I hope that these gave you a few things to incorporate into your life this fall.
Yeah, just a few ideas, but speaking of something that we incorporate into our episodes every single time that is life giving, Yeah, and actually lends to social health.
And I would challenge you to take you know, as many walks this week as we do sharing with you.
The bill of the week.
That's right, it's time for the best minute of your entire week. Maybe a baby was born and his name is Williams. Maybe you've paid off your mortgage, maybe your car died, and you're happy to not have to pay that bill anymore. That's bills, Buffalo bills, Bill Clinton, this is the bill of the week.
Hello, Jenn and Jill. It's me again. I am Mary. I am a music teacher from New York and I called earlier this year after I realized that I had saved two hundred and ninety dollars by getting all of my books from the library. And I listen to you when you aired my Bill of the week, which was very exciting, by the way, Thank you, and I thought to myself, huh, it's been a while. I wonder how much more money I've saved since then, Let's do some calculating.
So it is currently June of twenty twenty four, and I do a Goodreads reading challenge every year, so I track how many books I read, which is great. As of right now, I am at thirty six books for the year, all of which have come from the library. I didn't buy any and I did the math once again, and in the first half of the year, I've saved seven hundred dollars. And if I keep up at this pace. Then in one year by using my library, I will save fourteen hundred dollars. And I know that sounds like
a lot of books, but hear me out. I teach pre k through fifth grade music and they're crazy and they terrorize me. So when I get home, I have to do quiet things to recover. Don't get me wrong, I love my students so much. They are all amazing, but they're kids, so they're nuts. Anyways, that's all. Have a good day.
Well, oh my gosh, Mary, I look forward to your Bills of the Week now. Like I know, this is just a second one, but I want you to keep college updates. I want you to be a regular Bill of the Week contributor, just like a website has regular contributors. Mary, I want you to hear this. I want you to be a regular contributor.
We are charging you with a task. Now, okay, this is amazing.
First of all, you sound so calm in the midst the job.
You are the type of personality that can do your job. And I have a five year old and a very loud seventeen month old and they are nuts. They are, and I call them that. I was like y'all are nutty. You're a nut and I love you. But yeah, I get why you read, and I am I love the library. I recently, I know this isn't about me, but I recently bought a shirt, brand new, not used. It says support your local library.
Yes, you did tell me about that. I've not seen it.
I am a one issue voter. I've decided, and that's my one issue is support of local libraries. That's what I've decided. I'm thirty five years old and that's the platform that I sit.
Libraries are great and this is an insane amount of money that you have saved.
This Marry you, marry that the.
Library has allowed you to read and enjoy some peace and quiet and maintain that sense of stability that you seem to exude despite the work you do day in and day out.
And here's the thing, We're gonna say this over and over again. If you want the libry library to carry
buy what you love without going broke. And you're listening to this right now, we rely on you to pre order the book because libraries don't just carry every book, and they don't just carry every book you request, right, so they have to show that there's going to be some demand for the book, even a minimal demand, and so the more pre orders we get, the more libraries will carry our book so that more people in the future who need it have access to it.
It's a it's kind of a pay it forward thing.
Yeah, it will require you to spend some money so that others can enjoy it.
But at the library, if you think that the message of the library and the message of values based spending is important, I hope you'll invest in that message by pre ordering by what you Love without going broke at Buy what you loovebook dot com.
If you all want to submit your bill of the week, if it's like and you're just saving tons of money, or.
You've got a wild story about.
Crazy kids, or your name is Bill Frugal friendspodcast dot com slash Bill. We can't wait for it, and now it's time for lighting.
Okay, when was the last time you asked a friend for help?
Jill, speaking of the book, this is.
The vulnerability around the thing we are getting in it.
Speaking of the book.
Honestly, it's recently with the sale of our book, and it is very uncomfortable with the marketing. The marketing of it. Yeah, trying to get people to pre order this book. I have not posted on my personal Instagram for approximately two.
Years, and before that it had been two years.
Like if you go to my Instagram, it's when Eric and I came I'm on vacation down to Saint Petersburg in twenty twenty. Then there's a post about my nephew in like twenty twenty one.
And then not saying until until now.
And I felt as though, this is something I'm proud of, It's something I want to share. I know my friends would care about this. There is something that feels so I personally, this episode is kind of personally something I need to take take heed to. I do have trouble asking other people for help, not always that I'll buy my way out of my problems.
Whenimes I'll just I'll fix or elbow grease my way out of my problem.
I will just live in my heart, learn to live and sit in them, learn to deal.
So this this took a lot of effort for me personal growth to actually post that we are this book is in pre sales. It would mean so much to us if people would buy it. Truly a lot of the future of rugal Friends does kinge on this. I don't mean to be doom and gloom about it. We will still podcast one hundred percent, but mine and Jen's ability to do this as as a vocation, as a career without needing to worry about hustling hard and having
so many other different jobs on the side. We are really hoping this book does well, and beyond that, we hope it helps people. We really do believe in this message. It's why we've put so much work.
Yeah, it's why we've stopped so many of our other jobs and cut our incomes so drastically. It's because we believe so much in the content of this book.
And I think it's that realization, like recognizing that if people really knew what this meant to me to actually pre order it, I think they would, but I have to tell them and I have to ask, and it it doesn't feel great, It is uncomfortable, but.
I did do it.
I asked people to buy and it has been so encouraging. The message, just even the text messages that I'm receiving from people they might not have known or they might not have discovered it right now to say.
You did this thing.
That's so exciting and I can't wait to read it, and I just pre ordered and I'm telling my friends about it, and you go, and I hope this does so well and what it has done for me in return as well, and hopefully how I think it will help those who do pre order and get to receive it in their hands in January. So it's uncomfortable, it feels vulnerable. People know now what I'm doing with my life.
But it's good. Mm hmm.
Yeah, you got to open up and be vulnerable.
How about for you? Jen?
So yeah, I mean the same, but I'm not gonna I'm not going to repeat it. I think for me, it's been a lot of like asking people I've met over the years, like if we can be on their podcasts or if they can connect us to people they know, and I just never and this is probably to my hindrance, because the people that are willing to ask for more
help do succeed at a faster rate. But I have always prioritized relationships over what can I get from someone else, and realizing that I can have both relationships with people, but then separately maybe with other people or even with the same people, we can have agreed upon, like how can we help each other? And so that has been such a struggle for me to call, like to really like be in change my mindset and ask people for help in that. But for me, the most recent time
I asked someone for help wasn't a friend. It was a stranger. Kindergarten has been rough a rough start, screaming, crying, yelling, shouting every morning, and so I made the mistake. I thought maybe he would want to walk in, Kai would want to walk in with his brother, like maybe that would help. It didn't, and so I had to carry Kai, five years old, and he's flailing in my arms, kicking, screaming, and the baby I is now walking and he wasn't. I did not plan to walk literally with the baby.
He didn't have shoes on. So he's walking the grounds of this elementary school barefoot and like I can't even hold his hand because a he won't hold my hand, but be kicking wildly as the kindergartener in my arms. And so this stranger mom sees me struggling and she's like, do you want some help? Like can I watch the baby? And I was like yes, please, So I just take Kai into the guidance counselor, because that's who I have to drop him off with now because he's become a Yeah,
he's gotten to that point. And dropped him off and the guy's counselor's like, do you want to walk him back to my office? And I was like, my baby is with a stranger right now, like outside, I gotta go get my baby. And she's like, gives me this worried look. But so I walk outside and this woman is just like standing with my baby. She hasn't touched him, and I told her. I was like, you can pick him up if you want, if you need to, Like
he didn't have shoes off. It was a hot mess, and last time I ever brought the baby like with me to pick up for sure, But like this woman just taking time out of her mourning to stand with my baby, you know, my toddler really and just be the village.
But that's the thing. Why can't we normalize that hot take on? Hot mess is hot mess just because we're trying to do it all ourselves and we think that it should look so polished and clean, but really we were meant to have more hands on deck, more help than this, and so it's just life. When you don't have community and people there to help you, it's just
what life looks like. So normal life is just someone who's there able to keep an eye on your kid because you don't have fifteen arms and three sets of heads and.
All of the things.
Yeah. I really believe our children need another parent, like a third parent, they really do.
Someone to make the money, someone to make the food, someone to watch the children.
Yeah, we really need someone.
I think it's more than that. I think at least communal. That's what's next.
Yeah, yeah, that's a different episode we need to talk about.
Well, thanks for listening everyone, and thank you also for your kind reviews like this one who comes from Bueller thirty seven. It says super fun, five stars, great to listen to, fun and informative. That's it, short and sweet from Bueller thirty seven. And that's all we need so much reviews like that.
Yeah, So if you enjoyed the show, please take a minute to leave a rating and review. It helps potential new listeners know what our show is all about.
See you next time.
Google Friends is produced by Eric Sirianni.
I got bananas off my banana plant. I tell you about this already.
Is that?
What?
All those bananas?
All those bananas are from my own property. Well, the ground grew them that I was here for it. Yeah, watched out my window with my binoculars perspective.
Yes, and they have finally ripened.
I enjoyed my first banana from my property four years after moving here, and it.
It tasted banana.
It tasted exactly banana, which is all right, you can ask for because I was really expecting other events banana I was expecting I don't know, but not this tiny and slim, which is very fun. It feels miniature world. But they still taste exactly banana.
Wow.
Yeah, how exciting. It is so exciting.
It's so wild though, because it really didn't take any work from me. It just it grew and then I sliced it off and it was exhilarating. But the amount of banana, it's a big banana bundle, and I think I got about six to seven kind of bundle size, like what you might get at the grocery store. Again, but the bananas are a bit smaller, and so it's wild to realize, like bananas are so inexpensive. This probably would have cost like three dollars at the grocery store.
Like this amount of bananas, it would have been three dollars. Oh, but there is nothing like getting it off the land.
But if a big banana disease comes, then all the bananas are gone and you'll still have a banana.
True, unless the banana disease hits my bananas. You know, I'm not protected. Yeah, banana disease.
But you're not near a banana farm, that's true. So and it usually we'll just stay around all the bananas there.
Good. Yeah, I'll be able to keep up with my bananas. I never know whenever they produce one bundle every year.
Yeah, but those bananas will taste so much sweeter.
Yeah, But now they're all starting to ripen at the same time. It's like, how do I keep up with?
This is not the amount of bananas I would ever buy from the grocery store.
So banana bread what we all know. You can make some pan bread.
M