How Your Parent's Finances Affect You And What to do Next

probably gonna be a hot take. I don't want to look at this, but I probably should, and you couldn't stop yourself. Yeah. So this is a topic that Jill and I are actually super passionate about, and it's not talked about a lot in personal finance because it's not sexy on lee. It's a very like it's very hot water,

it's very towing lines, it's very awkward. And so we are going to brace all of that and take all of that into consideration as we talk about how our parents affected our grown up interpretations and relationships with money, and also how that affects our legitimate tangible savings planned too. So it's not just about like, what has it done to me? But what am I going to have to do in response to it for my own finances? But also does there need to be a consideration for how

I care for my parents as they age? What have they set up for themselves or their conversations uncomfortable but necessary conversations that need to happen. So taken two different angles and perspectives here and buckle up. Yeah, this is gonna be required listening for all frugal friends. And if you don't know you need it now, you will by the end of the episode. This episode is brought to

you by the Three Days Spending Makeover. If you if you are tired of busting your budget every month, or you're gonna add a caretaker sinking fund to your budget and you need to find money for that, then check

out our free three day spending Makeover. By the end of three days, we want you to know what you value spending on, learn strategies for saying no to things you don't, and create a plan for guilt free spending that won't leave you broke, but actually leave you space uh to be able to care for the people that you love most, or to afford to have other people, care for the people that you love most, whatever is

in your boat. Uh So, if that sounds like something you need right now, had to Frugal Friends podcast dot com mom Slash Makeover to get that three day challenge for free. So yeah, so we haven't talked about this in quite some time. This is a direct follow up to episode sixty two talking about your parents finances with them UM, and we interviewed Cameron Huddleston, who is the

industry expert on this. Her mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and they were not able to have the conversation about money before her mom's memories started deteriorating, and so all of these things came up UM that she was not prepared for. Cameron wasn't and her mom wasn't able to

prepare her for at that stage in life. And so Cameron wrote a whole book called Mom and Dad, We Need to Talk About How to talk to your parents about their finances with respect, with honor, and it's just it's a fantastic book, required reading for sure, So check out episode sixty two queue that up for after this. But now we're an episode two five, So it's been there's been a little time. I had no idea it's been that long. But yeah, that that interview was excellent.

We received a lot of really great feedback on it. It really prompted a lot of people to do the hard thing, and hopefully this episode will do similarly. Yes, she really challenged me to get documents set up for my mom since I'm an only child, so that I could be like power of attorney and get her medical like um information like when that time comes. So I that gives me a lot of peace of mind that that stuff is already set up for me and I don't have to worry about it or wait till it's

too late. So like, yes, she's she's fantastic, and it's a it's a topic we don't want to think about, right but accord in to a study by a RPT, of caregivers are between the ages of eighteen and forty nine, So that's almost half of caregivers are under fifty UM and the same studies suggests that the average age of

a person receiving care is roughly sixty nine. So did some calculations, and so by these measures it could be concluded then a mother who gives birth at twenty nine, which is scary because um, thirty, I gave birth that thirty and I'm about to give birth at thirty three. So a person who gives birth at twenty nine, which is just above the average age in the US, would like me, needs some sort of care by the time

their child turns forty. So this is not just something that we're doing for self preservation, but also for our children in the future, so that we're more aware of the things that they need to know, just for some kinds of prep. And we already know we've talked about before, like the average retirement age just changed. It's and now I can't remember the new number, but it is. It is sixty three ish, and the average age people say

they want to retire is sixty seven. And so that number is not less because people are surprised pleasantly by how much they have saved for retirement and then like, oh, I can retire five years earlier. It's because they're leaving for some kind of health reason, there's some kind of layoff, or they're leaving to care for a family member, like those are the three main reasons. So this is a really important one to listen to. And so yeah, I'm

gonna stop selling it now. Yes. So this first article we're going to get into comes from Psychology Today, and this is now we're beginning with the perspective of how did our parents views on an approaches to money impact and our views on and approaches to money. Really appreciated this article. I think Psychology Today does put out some some great articles, and they're also a great resource for finding a therapist in your area. Side note, if you're

looking for a counselor they've got a great search database. Anyhow, I really appreciate how they've described that our attitudes towards money are approaches to money is formed over a lifetime, and this is similar to anything else as far as worldview and approach, it's formed over a lifetime. Certainly our parents have an effect on that. So this is definitely not a guilt and shaming episode because each one of us our children, even if we're adult children, and many

of us have children. So the circle of life goes on, and there are positive, great beneficial ways that children are impacted by parents, and there are some detrimental, difficult ways that children are affected by parents. Both are true at the same time, and so there can be really great things that are instilled around money and some not very helpful things. And so that's that's kind of the framework

we want to put on this. It doesn't all have to be hung on parents of they did an awful job, but there is always worth looking at what were you taught in childhood because that is a very foundational piece of what we carry into adulthood, especially if we don't look at it. Any of these things can be reworked, rewired, new patterns and cycles can come into place, but we have to first look at the foundational pieces to know what needs to be reworked. How did the article hit you, Jen? Yeah?

I I really interpreted as like these are I think whenever you have a child, you're never going to raise them perfectly like we always try to, but there's never a perfect parent for every child. Like you could have three different children and have actually like three different human beings, and you're problem and you're not going to know how to parent three different human beings exactly as they need

to be parented. And so you are going to come out of your child parent relationship with some maybe like negative scripts on not just money. But we're focusing on money.

So it's important to do the best we can with what we've got, and I think you can't go back in time, so you might as well identify what's going on right now to figure out how to best get through it for you, and also to have grace for your parents who really thought they were doing the best that they could and really were doing the best they could. To just cultivate some grace forgiveness and more love for what they were doing and probably understand why they were

doing it. Um. So this article primarily goes through what they're calling money scripts, and this is a term coined by financial psychologists Brad and Ted Quantz. They both have

the same last name, their father and son. There you Go, and they wrote a book called Mind over Money where they talk about money scripts, which are underlying assumptions or beliefs about money that are typically only partially true and are often developed in childhood and then unconsciously followed throughout adulthood. Really appreciated these different money scripts that they highlighted here, so I think it's worth going through each of them.

The first one that they identify, there's four of them. The first one is money worship, so people who have this money script often believe that money buys happiness and love to flaunt their money. They obsess over money, and they feel like they ever have enough. Now again, I want to highlight what they've already said in this article that it's not necessarily all true about you or even consciously. Are you aware of this money script? Many times it's

kind of underlying in the background, below the surface. But there can be people with this money script of this is what's going to make it bring me happiness. I want to show off my money. I feel like I'm never going to have enough money. That can be a money script. And the next one is is similar, but it's money status. And so whereas money worship believes money buys happiness, money status is people who who view their

net worth as their self worth. And I think this for me is kind of where I in an unhealthy state, I very much revert to. And it's not that my this wasn't my parents. The this is a direct like trying to go the opposite way of my parents. So you may not get where you are as a direct result of what your parents did, but as a direct

result of trying to be the opposite of them. And this is definitely for me what I feel like in an unhealthy state, I can compare my net worth to others and feel a lack of self worth because it's not where their's are. Maybe I'm not doing enough. And they also say these people want the best quality products and may overspend to look like they have more money than they do and that's out of pure like insecurity

over what they're self worth is. So this is money status is a compensation for self worth that's not found where it should be. M The third money script is money avoidance, So people with this money script will want to typically avoid money altogether. They may associate the concept of money with fear, disgust, or even anxiety. They may have a belief that money is the root of all evil, like having money is greedy, it's awful. They may view wealthy people as greedy and believe it's better to have

less money. Uh, it's interesting, as I've kind of thought through each of these, I can I can think of examples in my mind, and it's not always so overt again like they would be able to identify this, but in some of the behaviors that happen, you can see some of the subconscious underlying money script that's happening. So that's what money avoidance is. And then the last is money vigilance. And so these people are have a vigilant focus and they say are more frugal, but I don't.

I don't like to associate us with certain money scripts. But they do say the focus is on saving their money and believe you need to work hard to earn money, and so they make this one sound like the best one, when honestly, this this is where you have parents that hoard money that never allowed you, like made four siblings share one soda, and not because they were you know, didn't have the money, just because they were like so quote unquote frugal, which is Travis. I remember that is

a thing that Travis's parents did. Four kids had to share one soda. Hey, that's less sugar though, I mean that's kind of a win win. I don't disagree. My mom added water to my juice to delude it. And I feel like if I had kids, I would do

that too. But so depriving like deprivation out of fear and hoarding trying to hoard money, working very hard because and this is very much where the scarcity mindset one is so money vigilance is essentially the family who grew up with a scarcity mindset where we have to hold all of our money, we can't spend it, we can't use it to enjoy, and that can cause more often

than not, people to go in the opposite direction. Like that is what I see, more than than passing down frugal tendencies to people, is people just scarred by like viewing money is bad to spend and that's not frugal. That said, though, this article does reference that when they did a study on these different money scripts, of the four money beliefs, money vigilance was the only behavior not linked to problematic financial behaviors. The other three were linked

to potentially distruy ouctive ones. And I just I don't know, I'm sure, okay. Also, there's sample size with four two people, so I like to see a sample size of at least a thousand when I'm citing a study, just for a frame of reference. If you are ever looking at a study and there are fewer than a thousand people, be skeptical unless it's a very very targeted, like very niche survey. But yeah, I feel like it doesn't matter all of these can have very good and very bad

outcomes for the children who experienced them. Yeah. The interesting thing to me, this is not talked about in the article, but it does seem to me as though each of these money scripts hold a relatively destructive, not super healthy outlook and probably correlated behaviors, which I suppose highlights the reality that a healthy relationship with money and financial behaviors needs to be cultivated. That we most likely were not born or raised with a perfectly curated view on money.

Chances are we've got some sort of outlook or experience that has shaped things that need to be kind of honed in, some growth edges that are present that we need to kind of sand down a bit, and there's there's hope in that. I think to realize, all right, what are maybe some of the unhelpful beliefs that I have about money? How has that been instilled in me throughout childhood? What do I carry with me into adulthood, and how can I reorient redirect some of those things

to aim at health and well being. I really, I do truly disagree that only money vigilance created healthy Like there are so many people do in destructive financial things because their parents were like money hoarders. And so many of the people we talked to in personal finance are where they are today and doing great things with their money because they saw the destruction not being responsible did to their parents. Like that, to me, is more common

than than the alternative. Yeah. I think what I got from it is that there are there are some that could be more destructive than others. That like, if we were to view this as a spectrum, there could be some money scripts that lead to more destructive behaviors than others. Not to say that each of them are healthy, but I think recognizing what does this mindset or perspective lead to in my financial decisions, and some might have larger

consequences than others. Yeah, I think if we're looking at this in thinking like okay, this how than to me, this is who I am? How do I break the cycle moving forward? I think more than just like identifying

money scripts, it's being honest and open about money. I think in order to be honest and open about money, like with your children or whoever is younger in your life, that you want to pass on this wisdom too, knowing these money scripts and knowing why you you have the point of view that you do, and knowing that there are their points of view that are just as valid

or just as destructive that they are out there. I think that will help you be the most honest and open about money, knowing that your money script is not the only money script, and that it's not um. Knowing what's rooted in truth and what's not rooted in truth. So I think just being aware of that so that you can not keep it to yourself but pass it on to other people. Yeah. So then that the article kind of wraps up and saying all right, now, what do we do as a result of these different approaches

or understandings about money? And one of the things that can be done that they talk about here is to think about a situation or behavior you often engage in around money. What's a common experience with money that you have, And then to ask yourself the following questions. First, what are the feelings or emotions or even physical sensations you get as a result of that behavior or that situation? What is stirred in you emotionally, psychologically, psycho somatically, what

what is happening inside of you? And then to be able to identify with that as a result, what do I think might be my money script of the four of these? And and maybe there's a combination. Maybe you you happen to identify a fifth money script. That's all fine, we we can be to see here. But what do you think is the underlying message that's happening there? And then what could be an alternative script or behavior or action that you could implement instead of maybe the behavior

or action or mindset that's currently being implemented. This is certainly identifying patterns and cycles. This could also be drawn out even in a kind of like a circular way, if you're a visual person, being able to use a piece of paper and talk about what starts it, what's the action or situation that begins this money behavior or outlook on money, what comes next, what comes next? What

comes next? Around the circle? And identifying where in that cycle can I interrupt this with what type of thought or behavior could interrupt this cycle? What is the thing that I want to aim at here instead so that I can experience a different outcome in this cycle. This is gonna take time. This is not going to happen in a day and suddenly this is all resolved and really probably this money script will never go away. I like how you referenced earlier jen in in my unhealth.

This is what I tend towards. We will all have that. Whatever your money script is, it will probably be carried with you for the rest of life. It's just a matter of how can I actively be aware of that and interrupt it so that that's not the script that I'm actively living out of, but can find better alternatives

for myself. I think that pretty much sums up this article, so you can kind of get a feel for Okay, this is maybe why my parents are where they are, and again give them grace because they probably got their money script from their parents and it is just a cycle that perpetuates. And now we're going to look at an article that says what to do if your parents

were not money vigilant. I guess if you were any if you had any other type of parent besides the money vigilant kind, they probably didn't save for their future. They probably did not They were, you know, struggling with self worth and spending on expensive things. They were trying to buy happiness. They were trying to avoid having money for whatever. That looks like those are very generalized terms. But so if your parents were one of those, they

probably didn't say for retirement, and that affects you. You don't want it to and it shouldn't, but it does, because it does, it will. We're all in it. We Social security is a thing, and yes, your parents will probably get it, but their expenses that go above and beyond that, and there are emergencies you cannot plan for, and there are just regular expenses that come up with age that when some expenses from our youth leave, these expenses replace them, and we don't always plan for them.

So now we're gonna look at some practical things to do if your parents didn't save for retirement. What did you think of this, Jill, As we both have parents who may you know, this article may hit close to home for both of us. I really appreciated this one. I thought it was really helpful in filling in the gaps because we don't know what we don't know. We could have a sense of Yes, I want to have a conversation with my parents, but I'm still figuring out

my own personal finances. I'm not of retirement age yet, so it's almost like playing catch up with my own self. But then also what needs to be considered for the loved one in my life who is of retirement age. And if they didn't know what they were doing, then how do we help to collaborate and prompt and ensure that there is quality of life as our parents age.

So I think this article did a really great job of kind of scratching the surface but giving this kind of good overview of here's what you need to consider, because again that a r P study where almost half of caregivers are younger than fifty is crazy, that is not so. Yeah, and most people do not work until their desired retirement age, yeah, which I mean the the This is our listenership you all. Again, you probably clicked on this because you're feeling it, because our listenership is

that eighteen to forty five, you're probably caregiving. So here we go. We're with you. So this article from The Balance, which is titled what to Do if your parents Didn't say for retirement, references that up to half of all adults between the ages of fifty five and sixty five have no meaning zero retirement savings, according to the US Census Bureau. And we all know that not everybody responds to the U. S. Census. So let's just assume. Let's just if they did not respond, they probably did not

for retirement either to save demographic. These people just reject all organized things and they're living off the grid and like more power to them. Good for them. But until they fall in the category, oh man, we make ourselves laugh. So we all we're going to feel this in some way, shape or form, even if it's just helping our parents to get in order the things that they have already

set up. If you are in the amazing situation where your parents have done very well, you're still they're still going to most likely be some involvement as adult children for our aging parents. So all of this is worth considering. And they do give some helpful pointers on where to begin, and that is just having a conversation. Yeah, and so this is where that episode with Cameron Huddleston will really help.

We dive a lot into how to have the conversation respectfully with honor, because if your parents has not saved anything for retirement, or has not saved enough, there's probably going to be some shame around that they are not going to be proud of that, they are not going to be happy about the position that they are potentially putting you in and they're not gonna want to talk about it and so and I know this from experience, so it is definitely a conversation to tread lightly to

avoid shame, blame feelings, avoid making this about you, and really hone in on the fact that like, hey, let's let's just start talking about your financial details so that we so I can help you as much as I can, and I can let you know how much I can help you if you let me know where you are. Some parents are gonna want help, and so in that case, you've got to change up the conversation a little more and just be like, hey, we want to know what there.

That's gonna be such a light tread for parents who refuse help. But also to say like I, hey, they're going to be forms that I need um to have filled out if for forever some reason you end up in the hospital and I want to be able to find out what's wrong with you, We're going to need to have some just legal documents signed and notarized. That's maybe a very low barrier to entry thing, to be

like very practical. They're helping you, but not in um, yeah, you're they feel like they're helping you, um, and so like to not dive into the financial stuff right at first, but maybe think of maybe some lower barrier to entry conversations you can have yeah, or and and just yeah,

like open ended conversations like how saving for retirement going? Yeah, that can kind of give you because there's a range, there's a spectrum here of what information needs to be gathered, how much you may already know, how much you don't know, and so depending on where you're at with your parents, what communication looks like, what you do and don't know, you're gonna have to identify what those questions are going to be. But if you know nothing and yeah, what

does retirement savings look like for you? That's that's a

great place to start. But I think, similar to how we're not going to reorient our own personal finances in a twenty four hour time span, it's not going to happen with our parents very quickly, and so I think we really need to as adult children, tread carefully but also recognize that this is a hopefully a little bit of a long game, and hopefully if you start early enough, you've got time to space this out, recognize and don't come in with like hot hot, hot fire, thinking all

of this is going to get figured out in one sitting. But pace yourself and say, here's the most what's the most important thing, And it's probably going to be figuring out power of attorney and what happens in a medical crisis, and to keep going from there as you get some of these things figured out and to there and your

comfort level. And in the day they're grown, adult humans and so if they don't want to let you into this space, then we cannot pry no. And if you go in hot, it will backfire on you and make this whole process take so much longer. Trust me. And another thing you could also do, and I think this is probably for the parents that won't accept help. This is probably where I would start is just ask them for help. You may not need the help. Ask them, what do you think about four oh one K? What

should I do about four ohwe K? Ask them questions you already know the answer to, like what should I do about an I RA? What do you think about I RA S? What is it like an index fund? Ask them, get the answers, and then ask them questions already gonna answer that's not gonna have a personal finance podcast, but it could work for you. It could work for you listening and then you kind of get I mean, once they answer, you kind of can get a feel

for where they're at just by their answers. So if you're looking for a real, low bared entry way to start, ask them for help that you don't really need. Yeah, I think to recognize that who the messenger is is important. So it is possible that we are not the best ones, but it's also very possible we will be the ones. Yes, we may be the only ones are ones. We are

definitely not the best ones. So there could be a scenario where you begin to broach this conversation, you come up against a wall, but you at least pass along resources and say, well, here is where my understanding is is a good place to begin, or here's the things that would be good to have set up, maybe even where where your parents could go to have these phone calls. There's someone else, is there a professional that they might

trust to have these things set up? And you just say, could you get these things set up by the time you are age whatever, and just give me the information for it. If if you trust me to do it, maybe there's another sibling that's better to handle these things if you're not an only child. Sorry, Jen, Yeah, it's fine. Okay. So once you've had the conversation depending that went start started a decade long conversation. You opened that door, and hopefully it's a door that you opened, or maybe a

window and not a floodgate. Let's make sure it's not a flood open with a towel, say keep it open. Then the next thing that could be considered is talking about a retirement budget, and essentially what that is is a retirement spending plan or considering how much is retirement going to cost? And so this is definitely going to be a conversation where you've got adult children and parents

who are very open about talking about these things. So if this is you here, we've got we're going to keep moving through this writing out a budget should include looking at retirement income. So what is going to be brought in from an estimated Social security is their pension? Is their income that can be generated from savings or retirement accounts? Do they have if for owen k i RA a rath i RA a taxable investment accounts, annuities, what are we talking about here? Where are they held?

What could retirement income look like really important place to start for all of us. What about liquid retirement savings? What available resources for investing are there that could be used for expenses or ongoing income needs? And of course, what are the monthly expenses going to look like? This of all of this is going to be an estimate, especially as far as monthly expenses go. We don't know

exactly what the future is going to hold. We don't know really what exactly your parents life expectancy is going to be. You can take an educated guess and also include inflation, right, I think that that's like one of the biggest mistakes that the Fire movement at least previously made. Sorry to knock on the fire movement, but it just seems like inflation was never accounted for their let's consider that. But what and and we don't want to say, okay, mom,

how many lattes do you hope to buy in your entirement? Like, that's not what we're looking at here. We want to look at the biggest expenses of housing, healthcare, transportation, and food, just like for our own selves. We want to look at the heavy hitters. This is what's going to make up six of a retire aria's budget. So we need to consider these important costs, and then beyond that, of

course insurance, personal care, travel. We can certainly be looking back at what is the trend of spending in the past, what does that look like for the future? Where can things be cut. We don't have to do all of the work here, and actually I would encourage all of us not to. Again, we've got adult parents. This is just a part of the conversation. These are the things

that we should be looking at. Part of it, while we don't want to make it about us, is definitely having an understanding of Okay, if there's not enough money here, what does that mean for me as your child and potential caretaker? What gaps might I need to be filling in here? What do I need to be considering? What do you want from me as the parent in this scenario? And what can I reasonably give to you in this situation. But all of this will be helpful in recognizing the

expenses and the income that could be coming in during retirement. Yeah, and a lot of people will take for granted what their expenses will be They will think, oh, I've got this, but it's going to go down by like one or two grand a month in retirement and it might drop a little bit, but you you really have to be

cognizant of other expenses that come up. So like, yes, your parents may pay off their house and expect to only owe taxes, but what if something happens and they need to go to assisted living or even nursing home care, which is very expensive. So while you may not need to save for the worst case scenario, you do need to save something for maybe like a middle bad case scenario. And also recognize that property taxes go up as well. Yeah, by scenario they nearly double and like this and of

two years. Yeah, so so yeah, we we do need to be thinking about this stuff because a lot of times our parents will not want to think about it and it's not something to dwell on, it's just something or to think about all the time. This is really something that you can think about once a year. Honestly,

just think about it once a year. Make sure things are in line with you, make sure you're updated on the you know, ambiguity of your parents situation and uh, because if you pry too much, they may lie to you. So it is better to have ambiguous information than to have false information. Don't ask me how. I know that at least an ability to know where to find stuff

in the event that that there. And I think if there is some barriers in this conversation, I think that could be a good entryway point too, of just in the event of a crisis, where is the information that I need to have? What do you want me to know in the event that you are not able to advocate for yourself. I think nearly any person is going to want someone in their corner given that situation. So at least at least that Yeah, and the last one I'll mention are kind of two in encourage your parents

to minimize debt. Honestly, these are grown adults and they are going to do what they want to do, and they're probably not going to listen to their child on like telling them what to do. Again, you may be the only person who cares, but you are the wrong person. You are not a person that they are probably going

to listen to. And that stinks like it's and then and it is this is payback, This is retribution for all the times they told you what to do, and you didn't just send this is this, this is what this is. So this is also a fine line, Like if your parents have a lot of debt, then you can kind of say, I guess you can encourage them to minimize it. They probably already know they should be

minimizing it, and if they wanted to, they would. There's definitely oftentimes an idea or opinion that then I'm too far gone, it's too to turn the ship around. And if you honestly, if you have had this in your life with your finances, think of how many times your parents has had it. So I think the best thing we can do is just to continue like asking those questions and to say, like to honestly just talk about other people, but not in a way that makes your

parents feel guilty. Just be like, oh, I was listening to this podcast and they were talking about this, and it seems like a good idea, Like what do you think? Just really open ended stuff like that, until if you are blessed enough to get to the point where you can have those real, honest, in depth conversations, then take advantage of that, and you then you have the right to encourage your parents to minimize debt, to maximize income, reduce expenses, all of that. But that's a privilege, not

a right that you have as a child of a person. Yeah, not that you are a child. And depending on how much time you have before your parents enter into retirement, we can be chatting about encouraging them to have retirement accounts, whether they already have them, and it's can you up your contributions to them or open them? And then I know that there's this kind of concept of it's too late, it's too late, but really something is better than nothing.

So if they're still employed, encouraging your parents to open an employer sponsored plan that that includes contributing to a four oh one K traditional or wrath i RA a health savings account, and after age fifty, your parents can accelerate their retirement savings by making catch up contributions. It's not going to make a massive difference if they're that close to retirement, but it still is something they can be adding more past fifty than they could before fifty.

So these are important things to be considering, Yeah, and to take advantage of, I mean, be be cognizant of when they're going to take advantage of their government resources. So I'm sure that they are already looking into this. But taking out Social Security earlier means you get less per month then if you wait. So this is also something a conversation you can have with them and just be like, hey, are you planning on taking Social Security now?

Are you waiting? What are your thoughts on that and all of the other benefits that come with it too. Yeah, and lastly, maximizing in common reducing expenses. We're all familiar with this concept, and so that's just looking at what are all the different ways to have income and maximize that income when it comes to retirement. You just mentioned that gen with Social Security, and when you take that out, it could include considering downsizing, looking at homes and whether

or not they're going to sell. Are they going to be relocating to um to a different state, whether that's a more retirement friendly state or relocating into a retirement community. Are they going to consider finding a side hustle in retirement? Depending on how healthy your parents are, that could be

UM something worth consider ring as well. Yeah, we had a lift driver in Nashville who was just retired and he just drove for lift just to I think be able to talk to someone granted that vehicle as fast as possible. I think his wife set him out of the house. Um, there wasn't enough room. There was barely enough room for our bags in the trunk of his lift because he had all of his golf clubs back there. Yeah, so all things to consider. You know what, you don't

have to worry about or be ambiguous about. It is for sure, it's out front. It happens every week. We don't tell you the the week. That's right, it's time for the best minute of your entire week. Maybe a baby was born and his name is Williams. Maybe you paid off your mortgage. Maybe your car died and you're happy to not have to pay that bill anymore. That's Bill Buffalo Bills, Bill Clinton. This is the bill of

the week. Hello Jan and Jill. This is Lisa from the Pop Fashion podcast, also previous guest on Frugal Friends, and I wanted to share with you my bill of the week. It is my car that I fixed without spending too much money. I recently discovered that the little nubbin on the top of the car that gets the radio um fell off. The car took an extended stay at the car wash or something, and I was told that to get it replaced at the dealership it was

gonna cost about two seventy dollars. To buy the part myself for about twenty bucks and get it installed by somebody else, it was gonna be another Instead, I watched a YouTube video. I bought the part online for about twenty bucks. I bought some JB weld, which is a great like a POxy adhesive, for about ten bucks, and I put that sucker back on myself. Okay, there's one radio station where sometimes it mixes in with another country station, so like I get like some rock and some country

in the same it's like a matchup. It's just a matchup. It's a feature, not a bug. But other than that, it works. And I saved myself like two, I'm thrilled. That's it. I love you guys, goodbye. I saw the nubbin. I saw the job she did, and it looks great. You wouldn't know. I actually when we had lunch together and she told me this, and I was like, Lisa, please call this in as a bill of a week. So I knew what it was gonna be as soon as I saw her name and yeah, it's great. It's fine.

The nubbin that gets the radio. It's for the Yeah, yeah, I mean I know, yeah, the nbbin for it. I mostly love that you still care about whether or not your car can get the radio. I didn't know people still listen to the radio. I mean, because you know, we have a podcast, so I just assume everyone tunes into The Frugal Friends on whatever platform they usually because she loves no, I don't know to hear all of her wise thoughts. That is not true. That is not true.

But we have a retraction on that. But Lisa, this is amazing. You have fixed your car or the nubbin on your car without spending too much money. You really, YEI wide this thing. You problem solved it. You said, hey, I could probably do that myself and get a rock mixed with country station all around town. And I honestly don't think that has anything to do with the nubbin because I also had a Hundai and the radio on it was jank. Like, I think it's just the car.

I don't think it's the nubbin. Well, if you're out here not listening to podcasts but instead listening to the radio and order to fix the radio and the nubbins all on your vehicles. Or you've got a regular bill about paying off a bill or saving on a bill, or again you are Bill. Goodness, we've had bills. We've had people call in about people named Bill, and you know those are some of my faves. We have yet children named actually Bill. I don't think we've ever had

a person themselves named Bill call in a bill. We are still wait today in it'll break podcasting and you'll have to listen to the radio. So hopefully yours works. Visit Frugal Friends podcast dot com slash Bill to leave us your bill. We're here for it, and now it's time for shoo yeah something. You won't have to wait two hundred episodes for these sick dope sound effects. So today's Lightning Round is from courtesy of Goldier Podcast Manager.

Did you know your parents are family's financial situation when you were growing up? And in what way did that influence you? I played the fifth This is the vulnerability room. There are no vulnerability You get to choose who, when, where, what and why. There is no protection, only exploitation. I am going to choose my own path and Okay, my own ending in this and tell a funny story. Okay, something that I thought really teaching the people way the

way to go. So I okay, I will say this, yes and no. I had a general awareness of money. I will say oftentimes the thing that was communicated verbally was we don't have money for that, and I believe it was accurate. I think that there were some really great things that I learned as a result of managing resources and figuring out how to have what you need

when you only have a little. There were some really great things that I would not change about some of the ways in which I understood how we manage money and yeah, make the most of the resources available to us. But because that was often said like no, we can't get that, like we don't have the money for it, or we can only get that if we have a coop. On my mom and her coops, she had the whole accordion file. She was an organized woman who who fed

us well. Other than the lentils and rice. Mom, I did not like the lentils and rice, You know, like lentils and rice. Was it just lentils and rice? I don't know. She she says, she made it one time and some child said that it tasted like pizza. I know it wasn't me. And then she decided to put it on like a regular rotation, and every single time would be like, we don't like this, and she'd be like, you said it tasted like pizza, and a lot of I think my sister said that one time. But I've

never liked it anyhow. I lived. I lived to see another day, obviously, and but I have not lintels and rice in adulthood. But maybe I should try it again. Okay. There was a time when we were at the grocery store, and I remember seeing this often where we would we would be checking out, and in my little little child brain, my mom would say we didn't have money for things. But what I saw was she would swipe her credit card or whatever card, maybe it was a debit card,

and then the cashier would give her money back. And I was always so confused by this interaction, like You're not only are we walking away with groceries, but we're also walking away with money, like cash in hand. Why is going on here? I'm like, she's like, you don't have money. I'm like, why not use the money that the cashier gives you like it finally got to the point where I act like where like I said this, like, but they give you money, Like we walk out with

groceries and they give you money. This is a really I love going to the grocery store. This seems awesome. And I she probably tried to explain it to me. I don't think I understood. She's like, no, no, no, that's cash back, and I'm like, yeah, they're giving you cash back, and it wasn't. I don't know. I don't know when I finally understood what cash back was. But I know as a child, I thought you go to the grocery store, you get food, and you get money,

and that was my understanding of finance. That is confusing, you don't know because it's not an a t M. It's not a bank, it's an yeah, and there are And then sometimes it confused me when they were when like someone would ask do you want cash back and she would say no. I'd be like elbowing, or like what do you mean, mom? You just don't know you don't have any money to take the cash that cash back? Oh that's so good, that is so good. Oh what about you? Jen? So I don't have any like as

funny stories. I do remember, probably now as an adult it's funny, but I didn't fully understand it when I was a kid. Is that my my parents didn't have debt. And I thought that was like a good thing. You know. It's like, okay, we we don't have debt. And it's because they couldn't get any debt. They couldn't take out any loans or get any credit cards because they had really bad credit and so, and I don't know how I found that out. Maybe my grandmother told me. I

don't know. So I asked my mom about it, and she's like, we don't have bad credit, we have slow credit. And I have brought that with me. I just I don't remember the day that it became funny, but now I bring it with me, um whenever I think about credit. I was like, we just have slow credit. We pay our bills, but it takes us a while. And meanwhile, every weekend we're going to the mall and buying stuff at j C. Penny and bath and body Works. Penny, Do j C Penny still exists, Yes, it's still exists.

And the radio my mom, my mom just went to J c Penney the other week and got kai some stuff. Did she listen to the radio on her way probably yeah, yeah, because she definitely doesn't listen to this podcast. So so that was that's probably my funniest like story, which isn't really funny. But I don't have to have credit. We have slow credit, slow credit. And that was the first of the many deceitful things she told me about her finances.

So she might have thought she was being protective, and that's exactly what way, yes, And that's that was where I was going with this, is that I my parents did not talk about money with me because they thought they were protecting me by not saying anything about money. Yeah, they would fight about money and I would be in the same house and when I would walk in, they would say, we're not fighting, we're having a discussion, and

I was like a very loud discussion. So they there thought of how to protect me was to not talk about money at all. And I think from I mean, I was a kid, but I still knew that was a bad idea. So like, I went to college and immediately got a credit card, um because my parents didn't have credit cards, and I was like, well, I need to build credit, so I don't have slow credit. I mean that's credit, I mean that fast pace speed credit. And thank god it was just a five limit because

I max that thing out very quickly. So yeah, that was really I went against my what my parents had done, what I had seen them do with money, because they never talked to me about money, and I only got to interpret what I saw, and what I saw was negative, and I got a lot more perspective as an adult, and you don't have to be and and honestly, I did not want full transparency from my parents. That's not what I wanted, and that's honestly not always healthy for

a child. So you're not wrong in thinking that if that's you know, something you're protecting your children from, but also doing the opposite, just like not talking about it at all is just as unhealthy as full transparency. There is a radical middle. We're only going to let our kids into something if we feel we've got a good crasp on it, Like I'm only going to be able to teach my kid how to read to the extent that I know how to read, Otherwise for sure, I'm

going to avoid it. So I think the best things parents can do for their kids in this regard is to do well themselves, to rework some of those money narratives, to make wise decisions, and as you feel confident about it, to let your kids in on it, and of course still some of the vulnerability. Right. You don't have to be perfect yet, but it is going to have to begin with you taking steps before you're going to be anywhere close to comfortable in showing your kid the right path.

You're not going to be able to do that if you don't have any understanding of it. Absolutely anyway, we hope that this episode gave you some tangible, actionable steps. We know this is a difficult journey. There are landlines all over this, so be kind to yourself, be kind to your parents in it. And thanks for listening. Thanks for listening to a podcast instead of the radio today.

Many of you know. In addition to this podcast, we also have a membership for our listeners who are paying off debt where we do monthly money challenges and offer accountability groups, which is super important in the debt payoff journey. And we want to congratulate and highlight one of our members for a big win. This comes from Katie who recently shared my husband needed a new credit card. He just called me from the bank. This is a national bank,

very well known. They told him debit cards. Oh, sorry, a debit card, I say, credit card. He need a new debit card. They told him debit cards are no longer safe and to not only and to only do a credit card. What he called me and I told him debit card only. Because we've been in credit card debt before. I can't believe that a huge bank is doing this. They even told him he could get a two hundred dollar bonus. I don't want ever be in

debt again. I know we can pay it off each month, but trust me, I don't have the discipline to not go crazy its behavior. And I know I can have a credit card, I can't have a Yeah, congrats Christie for knowing your boundaries, that knowing that it's not the

financial product that is the enemy or is evil. But just like knowing your boundaries, identifying them and being confident in them and not letting uh big old bank people intimidate you go to good for him to yes, good job Christie again, Thank you all for tune and in and if you want to check out our membership where we have all the courses, interviews, challenges. Then head to Frugal Friends podcast dot com slash club you can just

check it out. Just check it out see if it's something you want to join in on m See you next time. Frugal Friends is produced by Eric Sirianni