How to Say "No" to Family & Friends Who Want You to Spend

to the three hundredth episode of Frugal Friends podcast. My name is Jen, my name is Jill, and we're saving our special like I know, normally podcasts will do something special on their like you know, every hundredth episode, but we're saving, not us. We're saving that for our fifth anniversary episode, which is coming out in like two weeks, so don't worry, it's coming. But this is episode three hundred, and we will be ogling at that. The fact that

we've talked about frugality for over three hundred hours. Whoa Together, So we've looked at then. That means like six hundred articles about frugality. We have scoured the internet for you and brought it to you in all my three hundred episodes. Who are still here, and we're still here, and we still have more to give. We still have more to give if you want to take it. Ben, We're here

forgive it. Yeah. Yeah, Speaking of three hundred, it's our sponsor and to celebrate, we're reminding everyone that none of us will live to be three hundred years old. So starting off with a downer, yep. If you own a home or have kids, term life insurance is a necessity. It's super affordable and if you go with Ladder, which is our personal fave, you can change it to be more or less as your needs change. Ladder is the only company in the insurance space that offers this kind

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but it's not going to be because you turned three hundred. Like, if you're a podcaster and you did three hundred episodes, someone might put a cake with three hundred candles on it. Oh my gosh inedible. It would be thought about a celebration. We'll talk about that later. Okay, but yes, also, Ladder does not pay us to say that, but if you do choose to go with Ladder for your term life insurance at Frugal Friends Podcast dot com slash Ladder, we do get a small commission, so that is we do.

Ladder is our actual favorite right now for term life insurance. All right, so today we are talking about boundaries because after three hundred episodes, the lines have blurred between our relationship. Jill and I just think it's time to talk about boundaries. Oh wow, this is how you're going to choose to tell me? Now this is an intervention. Yeah, okay, all right, you're all here for it. Didn't know that until we pressed record, but right, you know, I'm all about boundaries,

So let's do it. I think we can handle it. Our friendship can withstand this. Yeah, after five years, I think we're there. But in all honesty, today is more about I would say boundaries with family, because that is really who can get you to spend. But some of us interact with our friends ends more than our family. It's just seasons in life, right in your twenties, I think you interact more with friends and they can be

the ones that get you to spend more. And then once you're into your thirties, forties beyond, sometimes it can be families. So we're going to talk about both of those. How to build boundaries in kindness that still acknowledge reality, but that take a little stress off your plate. Yeah, with the ability to say no. This article, we're just going to go through one article today and it is titled how to say no to others and why you

Shouldn't feel guilty. But we're going to go through it in two parts, the first kind of looking at why is it so hard to say no, why it's important, and then the next part giving some more tangible tools

and how to do so. One of the things that stood out to me though about this article is it's covering the entire gamut of boundaries and the ability to say no. This is just a helpful topic an article when it comes to identifying our own personal needs, how to navigate ourselves in the world and in other relationships,

and what is and isn't okay. But it is certainly helpful and beneficial when it comes to finances because this can be one of the number one areas where it's particularly difficult to set a boundary line because not only is it difficult to say no, it's also difficult to talk about money with family and friends. So we're just diving in three hundred. We're here and we're talking about

the hard stuff. Right. We've built up to talking about difficult things like this, and we want to like start off by saying like there's typically between family and friends. There's nothing malicious about having to build these boundaries. Your friends and family are not trying to get you to spend out of malintent. There are so many reasons that people can try and get you to spend, and they are typically not bad, but it is hard to say no. And I loved We're only doing this article because I

loved how robust it is. This is one of those articles where you google something and you want to find the best content to answer your questions, and then you want it to answer questions that pop up as you're reading it that you didn't know you had when you started. And that's this article and that's what and it goes through everything that we wanted to cover, and so that's why we're only doing this one, but it starts with

why is it so hard to say no? So if you're like sitting there and you're like, I'm a people pleaser. I already know it's hard for me to say no, then you acknowledge that about yourself. Maybe you don't yet know you're a people pleaser. Maybe we'll talk about it

a little and you might see that in yourself. But even if you are not a people pleaser, it can still be really hard to say no when somebody invites you to a place that you don't want to go and it costs money, when family asks you to chip in for a gift that is really outside of your budget, and this happens like more than I like to see.

But when someone in your family just like asks you for money because they see you're doing well, and you know that they are struggling and that they really they need it, but you're not sure how they'll use it. You don't have any control over how they use it,

and you don't know if they'll use it well. So there are all of these factors that even if you are not a people pleaser, can still make it really hard to say no, and not you shouldn't say no one hundred percent of the time, so it makes it hard to figure out when to say no. For some adults, the inability to say no stems from childhood. Children are

taught to be polite and forthcoming, especially to parents. I think like we're always set like honor your father and mother and pretty much do whatever they say, which is good and bad advice, I guess when you're a toddler, but beyond that it becomes a little messier. And then there's also issues around communication and self assertion, so not all families will have the best communication. Not every personality

is going to self assert the same way says. Being raised to believe that saying no is bad makes it difficult for children to communicate their preferences, and for some people, this inability to speak up for themselves continues into adulthood, and then you've got things like imposter syndrome, so you feel like you're not good enough to be thinking the way that you're thinking. You're afraid they will think you're

unable to perform your roles and responsibilities. So these are just a few reasons why it's hard to say no. Yeah, I think as I consider myself, I would not consider myself to be a people pleaser or unable to establish boundaries. But some of the areas that make it hard for me to say no is I don't want to miss out.

I want all the things. So sometimes it's yeah, I want to do that, and I want to go have this fun time, and I want to have you in my home, and I want to I want to, I want to, And then I say yes all these things that seem really great, and then I realize my plate is really full. I should have maybe looked at that a little bit more and said no to some of these things. Just you know, it kind of happened to me. Yeah, I feel similarly. I am definitely not a people pleaser.

I love saying no. I say no very easily. That's like my first response. I say no, and then I think about it, and then maybe I'll say yes if I feel strongly. Especially with my mom, I feel like there are things where she wouldn't even ask and I would just like do things for her. It's just this

weird like because I know she needs it. So yeah, it's just very Oh it's a complex situation, and family dynamics intersect with it absolutely, I'm sure as people are listening, they're coming up with their own reasons of why it's hard. So I'm sure we only scratch the surface, but suffice to say it can be very difficult. And so it also is not this super simple fix to then begin

saying no, especially in the harder areas. Right, maybe it's easy to say no to cleaning the toilet when you don't feel like it, but it's not so easy to say no to going on an amazing vacation on the other side of the world. So, like, identify what your hard thing is to say no to. And this is where we really want to begin examining, and so particularly

around finances, the sticky thing. But then the article goes into when you should say no and and this is going to be another area that's just scratching the surface. But I also want to say at this juncture, as we're talking about boundaries, one really simple way of defining boundaries is just identifying what is okay and what is

not okay. I think we can make boundaries really really complicated, and they are and they're different for everybody, and there's many layers, and it's hard to stick to our boundaries or other people's boundaries. And sometimes we go overboard, but it's ultimately identifying what is okay and what isn't okay that would coincide with our finances as well, it's okay for my financial situation, what's not okay for my financial situation,

and then building out from there. But the article also adds that first, if you feel uncomfortable, if you've got a situation where for whatever reason, you're having maybe a visceral reaction, or you're not feeling completely safe with what's being asked or demanded or even what you're demanding of yourself. If something is coming onto your plate and you're feeling uncomfortable, that could be an indicator sign that, oh, this might be outside of the fence for me, This might be

something that falls under the not okay. That doesn't mean that it's not okay for forever, or it is wrong or immoral. It just might not be okay for you right now. Another reason to maybe say no is if you are feeling guilty or obligated. It's not a great reason to say yes it just out of guilt or obligation. If that's the strongest thing that's happening for you, that's another indicator sign that this might be an opportunity to

exercise your No. Another one I couldn't resonate with this one more is when you're feeling overloaded, or if you are actually overloaded, might not just be with feelings when you've got a lot on your plate. All of these things are gonna need to require a degree of knowledge about our life circumstances, our seasons, our capacities, and so again that's where all this kind of work and understanding

and processing comes into place. But if you're already overloaded, and if we're talking about finances, if every dollar that you're bringing in that month already has a place to go, then your finances are overloaded or they are at capacity. There is no more space for allocation of another dollar.

Set a different way, if saying yes to this thing means you have to go in debt for it, you need to take out even just a small personal loan, or borrow from next month, or borrow from your grocery budget, that might be a good indicator sign that this is outside of my capacity, This is not okay for my finances. They're overloaded. Of course, if the request crosses your own personal bound, if there is maybe something that is being asked or demanded or requested that is just outside of

what you are personally comfortable with. That's a very clear indicator sign this is an opportunity to say no. And the final thing that they list on here is that if you're only saying yes just to please someone else, that's another good opportunity to exercise a no. And I would even add that if the pendulum is swinging too far to it's only looking at what's in the best interest of this other person to the detriment of yourself.

It is if it's only to say yes to them and they're the only ones benefiting, but you might be hurting yourself in that process, that's another good indicator sign. Of course, we're going to get to okay, but then how so I've identified this is probably an opportunity to say no, But then how that's in our second part. But pay attention to these indicators signs, learn what they are for you. They may not be fully on this list, but begin to think through how do I know when

something's not okay? And just begin to pay attention to that in yourself first, before we're even going to move on to the next steps of how to interact with and set up these boundaries. Yeah, I feel like the guilt and obligation, those are the feelings that come up most when I spend outside of either what I've budgeted for or what I feel comfortable with. And this is especially true if you are in a season where all your friends are getting married, like this can be so so,

so so real. And I think around the holidays, the guilt, obligation, and especially overload, that's when those come up, where we're trying to please our parents to come home for the holidays or to buy for family members that we probably don't need to be. I feel like some of these come up more than others, but I feel like they're also kind of mingled together. Two. And I didn't like I don't really think about my personal boundaries or saying yes to please somebody. I think more about guild and

obligation when I'm doing these. So, yeah, there's a lot of different reasons where it could be the reason that you should say no in that time. Kind of listen to your gut, Honestly, listen to your gut, because there could be some places where there's things that quote unquote obligations that you want to spend money on for the simple fact that it's an obligation, for the simple fact that it is there, and it is a tradition and it is pointless, But you want to spend on it,

and that's totally okay. That's again like it's different for everyone. What you're going to say no too, So listen to your gut and if it's something that makes you squirmy, then that's probably a no. If it's something that you really want to do, then forget everything we just said and do it this one time. But at least you have the filters now to be able to fill your thoughts through. And again, not everyone's out to get us.

Not people aren't trying to make us broke. They just don't know all of the other demands that are happening, nor do they. I mean, no is a full sentence. We do not need to add reasonings behind it. Sometimes we choose to because it feels more kind to be able to do that. But the problem isn't primarily external. The problem is primarily or the issue where the thing to address is primarily internal of my own identification of what is and isn't okay for me. Rather than blaming

everyone else for putting these things on us. People are just asking us, can you do this? Do you want to do this? Do you want to be a part of this? And it's up to us to identify yes or no and then move forward in freedom out of whatever answer we've given yes. So, before we move into the nuts and bolts of how to say no with kindness, just a few points on just to reiterate why it's important to say no, why it's important to build these boundaries, and so the first day state is do less to

deliver more. And we say this all the time. When you focus on one thing at a time, then you can do it. Well. A lot of this stuff does not mean you're going to say no forever. You may be focusing on one thing in this season and that requires you to say no to certain things, and you can be honest. We'll go through this in a second part and the how, but you can be honest in saying I can't in this season right now. They may not understand, they may not understand, and they don't have to.

But when you're focusing on one thing at a time and you can be really honest, it says produce a higher quality of work, but for the purposes of personal finance, you will get your financial goals met faster and in the way that you want them to, not just arbitrary financial goals. The next is saying no can benefit your performance and career. So I think we're talking about family and friends, but so much of this is relevant for

the workplace. When you are training yourself to say no and build boundaries in your personal life, it will naturally follow through to your work life. So being assertive does payoff. It may not seem like that in every situation, but in the long run, it does payoff. Next, it's important

for your mental well being. We talk so much in our culture about mental wellness, mental health, and so this is one of those aspects, the practical aspects of preserving what the article says mental fitness, but really just like mental well being, mental clarity. So this is just one of the ways that you can preserve that. There's a long list, but I'll just go through a few more. It helps you prevent burnout because as my people pleasers, I love you, I love you so much, but you're

so prone to burnout. I just see it in you all, and I like, I know every single one of you got enough on your play. There are beautiful people like in my life that are people pleasers, and it's just a lot of the time on the edge of a burnout. And I'm just like my friend, my good friend, say no, say no, laid down good to pick up great. And that's if it makes you feel like better, Like you can say yes to better things if you say no

to things that are not as great. So sometimes that helps, it may not, but I see you when I don't want you to be burned out. I think that though, comes with the deeper knowledge of what is great, what would this allow me to do as a result of

saying no? Or what are the repercussions or And I think sometimes we just say yes because we've not even had the time to explore those questions that need to come before the no, or the understanding of self that leads to the no. So there's work again that needs to be done before we can even enact that no. Yeah, that's so so true. So the last one I'll go through is I'll combine these. But saying yes can prevent you from achieving your personal goals. So that's like a

big thing we're talking about. When you focus. When you choose one thing and you say no to the things that aren't allowing you to focus, then you will be able to reach your personal goals faster. Will things come up that you need to say yes to that really can't be avoided, that will help some progress to your personal goals? Always those things always come up, But there are things in our control that we can say no

to that will not derail us. Because the last one I'll talk about is because of our capabilities to be realistic about your capabilities. We were told you can do anything anything you put your mind to. Just hustle and you can do it. You can be anything. That was a lie. It is a lie. Well, you might be able to, but you can't do everything right. I mean, and same thing with money, things like sure you could get yourself to a place of being able to get

whatever you want, but you can't have everything. Yeah, I guess I we're just more prone to want everything. I think That's what I'm thinking. I'm I want everything and I get yet I just have to say no. You know, like if it's a boundary thing, it's not okay for me right now. But your brain has capacities, like it's got a limited capacity, and that we underestimate that capacity a lot, but we also overestimate it a lot. There's like there's no in between. We're either underestimating ourselves or

overestimating ourselves. And I don't know where the in between is. I don't know where the radical estimating yourself accurately, Yeah, I don't know. I think sometimes we hit that it's impossible of estimating accurately. When you build boundaries, then you're better able to to do that, to say this is what my capacity is in this season, and go a little bit under that so that if something pops up, you can say yes to it. If something great pops up, you can say yes to it, but always try and

go a little under your capabilities. I think it's building in that margin relationally and emotionally and mentally so that if something does come up that is a true yes, I want to say yes to that great because you've said no to enough other things that you've got some margin and some space. Same thing with our finances. If we can build in margin and space, then it gives us the ability to say yes to some of the things so that the no doesn't just have to be

because I don't have money for it. But the no is more so for the things that I don't value, that I don't want to spend on that. But if something comes up that you do want to be a part of, you can have the space for it. That's the whole emergency fund and planning for those maybe unexpected or the long term things you know are going to happen. And I want to be able to say yes to this and not only say no just because I don't

have it. So then it goes into ten different ways of how to say no. And of course you're going to have to find the script that works for you. But a couple of things and I will I'll just list all of them off and maybe you can grab what works for you. But I want to define and highlight a couple of things about this list. It doesn't give an explanation. None of these answers give a prolonged,

drawn out and here's why. And I love that again, not saying that we can't give a reason, but no can be a full sentence, and people may not understand. We may upset or offend people, but if we are confident in the reality that this is not a good decision, for me then learning to carry the fact that you might not be thrilled with the fact that I just said no to you. Yeah. So this list actually makes me think of an Instagram real I saw from Elise Myers.

Do you know who that is? Jill No, she is the podcast funny because it's true, and I guess she's known more for Instagram, but we know I know podcasts more so. She's a people pleaser and her friend is I think it's Miss Rachel. I don't know. She's like a children's YouTuber, but she's not, like, she's not popular

in our house. But Miss Rachel's like speaking in her like voice that she talks to the kids and trying to teach Elise how to say no because she's like a super people pleaser and she's so Elise is like yes, and Miss Rachel's like no, and then Elise is like, she says something like well maybe maybe later. Miss Rachel's like no, And then the last one's like, well, I'm getting surgery at five, but maybe I can swing by later.

Oh my gosh, like just absolutely cannot. Yeah, right, So this goes back and forth until finally she's just like no. It's just like really reluctantly. So these this makes me think of that. So if you are looking for ways, if that sounds like you, and you're looking for ways to say no, these are really kind ways to say no that are full sentences. So again some really themes that go along with each of these ways of saying no.

It doesn't place blame. It's not looking to the other person or the external source as being the reason for the no, but it takes ownership of the decision that's being made, and it avoids long explanations. So if you're just kind of looking for some key things and then you can fill out your own template. But here we go. Most of them start with eye statements, as we know

most statements should as far as taking ownership of things. Sadly, I have something else going on, or I have another commitment, or I wish I were able to, or I'm afraid I can't or I don't have the bandwidth for that right now, or I'm honored you ask me, but I simply cannot, or thanks for thinking of me, However I'm not able to, or I'm sorry I'm not able to fit this in, or unfortunately I already have plans. Maybe next time or no thank you, but it sounds lovely.

One of the things that's important for me is to make sure that I'm not lying or even fibbing in the way that I'm doing this, So you know, unfortunately I already have plans. If I don't already have plans, this is my own personal moral code. I just I won't say that it's just maybe more of the no thank you, but it sounds lovely. Again, if we're talking financial decisions, these things easily fit in. No, I'm not able to go out with you for dinner. No, I'm

not able to split that gift with you. No, I'm not able to sometimes and we're going to have to assess this for ourselves. There could be a no, but if we can identify something else that makes it more feasible for us. I'm remembering one of our Debt Free Stories for Friends podcast YouTube channel Debt Free Stories. There was a teacher who was describing a gift where all the teachers were chipping in for a gift for another teacher. And she's in her debt payoff journey and so she

did that. No, but now I'm not able to chip in the ten dollars that you're asking, and no, it doesn't sound like a lot, but it's just not a part of where I'm choosing to allocate my finances. But I'll make the card, I'll gather everyone's money, i will wrap, i will do the more laborious things. I'll write the card, I'll give it to her, whatever it is. But I'm not able to commit to this. So that's a great example of finding an alternative, negotiating, finding what's feasible and

comfortable for you at that time. Like I'll accept the money and then go buy the gift with the money, because some people just don't have time. Right. I love but is like the magic word. And none of these right, and none of these involved talking about money either. So if money isn't something that you want to necessarily bring up to the people that you're responding to, you don't want to really dive into your debt payoff or investing

or whatever money saving journey. None of these involved like sorry, it's not in my budget, or I can't afford it. No, that's I mean, none of you don't have to say that. You can just say I don't have the bandwidth or no, thank you. It sounds lovely that's it. Yea. So very few people will ask you why. Your family might ask you why. You're close friends might ask you why yeah, And those are maybe the people that you're less likely

to say no to as well. But the people that probably you should be saying no to are probably also not going to ask for follow up, you know. I think that that is one of the biggest issues though with saying no, is the reality that those who are saying no too won't understand or appreciate or value the no,

And that's just a reality. I think we have to be okay with that, and I think that's what can help us clearly define how confident we are in the know, because if it means that the other person's not going to understand, then I'm just going to backtrack on my no, then that totally derails all of our boundaries because all that means is we don't know how to stick to our boundaries. So it only saying no on the things

that we know we can true we stick to. No means no, and if no doesn't mean no, then that's a deeper exploration that we need to look at. Why does my no not mean no? And it doesn't mean that I just am not that committed to it. It's actually not important for me to keep it a no or am I so swayed by the opinions of others or their disappointment rather whether real or perceived. And that's why I'm not able to stick to my no. And there's some deeper background work that can happen there. It

can happen. You're not doomed. Absolutely So, now that you have ten different ways to say no, here are some helpful tips on how to practice these phrases. Because you want to just sit in the mirror and say no to yourself a lot. I don't think it's that no no okay, but it does say many of us could use a helping hand when it comes to being more assertive and definitely even assertive people, there are people who

they have a hard time being assertive with. Those are usually the people and they need to be more assertive with. So it does help to kind of practice. Like learning how to say no can be a lifelong journey, you got to start somewhere, and these are the places to start. So the first one is to practice saying no, maybe like not in your mirror. Practice on the easy things, just like anything else. We first say no to the things in our spending that are easy to get rid

of because they're not actually that important. The subscriptions we just forgot about. We practice decluttering in the easiest part of the house. First, same thing here. Start saying no to the things that are easy to say no to. That you should say no to that we're not like letting go of important responsibilities. Yes. The next this is to be clear so that you don't have to say it twice. Be clear the first time. And that comes

down to like being assertive. The clearer you are about saying no, the better they'll respond, because to be unclear is to be unkind because you're leaving things up for interpretation for them. They're wondering, they're not sure if you said yes or no. They're thinking, oh, you're the type of person to say yes. I'll just think they said yes and then you said no, and then it becomes awkward. So be clear. It's gonna be much better than being unclear,

much more kind. I love this one. Express gratitude for being asked. I know sometimes we want to say yes as an expression of gratitude, like oh, I'm honored they would just ask me, I'm so glad to just be included. But you can say that with your words and not with your wallet. You can express gratitude verbally without having it cost you money. Take time to make an informed decision. So if it's very hard for you to say no, don't say no immediately, but also don't say yes immediately.

Just say, oh, give me, give me a few days. I have a lot on my plate right now, and I will let you know. And if they're saying, oh, no, I need an answer from me right the second, then that answer is going to be no, because that's never a good sign. Allow that indecision to be a decision. Yeah, that is never a good sign. So yeah, just be honest and say I need time to make an informed decision. So then the next several ones are just reiterating like,

don't beat around the bush, be assertive but respectful. And this one here we go, this one's big. And I actually just experienced this one with somebody. Understand the power of influencing tactics, And so again, people don't always use these influencing tactics maliciously, but they have learned over time that they work, and so they use them. So they are strategies used to engineer a specific outcome or a

specific response. And so when you gain a better understanding of how influencing tactics were, and that would be an entirely different podcast epidose, Yeah, then you can make your decision more confidently and more assertively. So like I was recently in a situation where I ended a subscription to like a professional organization, and the person the leader of it, used influencing tactics to try and get me to stay.

And I knew what those were, so I was able to recognize them and say, no, I am going to go with the decision I made, and I'm confident in the decision I made. But he was using some really good influencing tactics. Well, and that can start with you being really confident in your know from the beginning that you had thought it through, you had taken your time, you knew what was going to be best for you, So it makes it all the easier to stick to

your original answer when that happens. Yeah, and sometimes these tactics can be manipulative, but they aren't always. Somebody thinks that it is in your best interests to spend this money, they really think they're helping you. They're not doing it to manipulate you. But you need to know how people are influencing you so you can tell the difference. And the article wraps up. I'm just going to go through it briefly because it's a little bit of a reiteration

of the beginning portion. But how to decide when to say no? Again? Asking ourselves questions like do I actually have the time, energy capacity to do this? That's going to require us to create a pause, not having our instant answer to be yes, but valuing yourself enough to at least give yourself space to consider and process. Am I able to do this? Is it okay? And also consider you? Am I being used or valued? Does saying no to this mean I can't say yes to something

more important? Is this going to take up space for me? That then I have no more margin? And if something else pops up, I'm not able to give to that? Or I love this last question that we can ask ourselves what would need to change about this in order to make it a yes? That goes back to that no, but which is also a possibility for us. What would

need a change to make it a yes? Again? That's going to require a bit of a pause and understanding of ourselves, our circumstances, what we want, and then be able to potentially negotiate something within the midst of it. No, I don't want to go out to the restaurant with you, but do you want to come over? I got some leftovers. That sounds appetizing. Yeah, you know what else sounds appetizing?

That is always a yes, doesn't nothing needs to change about it to be a yes, because we've made margin for this yes, and this is our three hundredth yes to it. The bill of the week. That's right, it's time for the best minute of your entire week. Maybe a baby was born and his name is William. Maybe you've paid off your mortgage. Maybe your car died and you're happy to not have to pay that bill anymore. Build Buffalo, Build Bill Clinton. This is the bill of

the week. Hey, Jen and Jill. My name is Shannon and I've been listening to the podcast for a few months now. My bill of the week is my cable internet bill. When I last negotiated my bill a couple of years ago, my quote unquote special price lasted for two years. This expired recently, so my bill went from eighty dollars up to one hundred dollars. Your podcast motivated me to call a company, and all I had to do is ask for a lower price. They not only

lowered it, but reduced it to seventy dollars. So now I'm being even less than I was previously. Thanks for keeping me motivated to look for these easy ways to save girl. Yeah, what, yes, what, I've never heard of that before, Shannon, Like, maybe they keep you at your raid, or they only raise it by five dollars, but to go ten dollars less than what you were even previously paying for the past two years is insane. You've heard it here first. You can no longer say it never happens.

Oh yes, he can't say that anymore. Wow. Choosing to just take a little bit of time out to call this is one of the best bills I think to negotiate. I don't know what internet companies are doing out there, but there's always wiggle room. So here it is yep, phone internet. Shannon's encouraging all of us to just call and see what you can do lower that bill. What a great three hundred Billy oh oh Man, three hundred I'm so glad that listening to us is what made

you do that. Yes, oh man inspired you to do that. Thank you, Shannon, your best Yes, thanks Shannon. If you all are listening and feeling inspired by us in this three hundredth episode, or inspired by Shannon because she's our frugal friend, or just inspired by your own self out there slaying some sort of bill, submit your Bill of the Week Regal Friends podcast dot com slash bill. Oh you guys, we're not done yet. Three hundred bills. We

want another three hundred more. You know us. We're just over here thirsty for some bills, and now it's time for the Lightning Run. Oh wow, you had three hundred episodes worth of energy in that. I don't think we started the Lightning Round until we didn't a little later. It's probably still like episode ten, but something I have to go back in the archives and see when the

Lightning Round started. But it definitely wasn't planned, like the Bill of the Week was planned before we started the podcast. The Lightning Round came to be, much to my chagrin, but I have made it into something that I enjoy. Its Ulnerability Round, Vulnerability, Lightning Round. I made it the lightning round. Jen made it vulnerability, and I couldn't entirely say no. I was worn down because my no wasn't

strong enough. You were worn down because I make the outlines. Well, I yeah, and the questions are here and now they just have to be answered. So today's lightning round. How have you said no to your family or friends in order to stay within your budget? And what was your approach? Okay, you go first. This might be a little bit of a controversial story, but it will hopefully give some encouragement to women who are in that season of life where

everybody around them is getting married. So I'm not the type of friend people ask to be in their wedding for some reason, and this is probably why when my husband and I were paying off our debt, we had just gotten married. So this is my one of my best friends. I got married in October and she got married in March. Like we got married very close together, and so when we were in each other's weddings, and I made sure that everything about my wedding was very

affordable for all of my right names. The only thing I regret is that I, for some reason required them all to have the same dress and I was like, why did I do that? I was like, you can pick what it is. I just wanted you all to be the same and I don't care anymore. So that was really the only thing where they had to like spend money. Also, they we all bought the same shoes, but just because they were like good shoes and they were like forty bucks and we all love the shoes.

That was not a mistake. The shoes were good. The shoes are never a mistake. The shoes were never a mistake. They were flats. They were one of those things where you say, you can, you know, wear it after the wedding. The shoes are things we all we all wore the shoes after the wedding. The dresses Nevershire trash fire. So I was really cognizant of that. And then my friend who not my friend getting married, but my friend who's in both of our weddings, my friend they got married

after me. She has tastes that are a little more elevated than me. We will say that refined. And so my friend, who was planning all the festivities, she really like ran with that. So everything she planned was like very expensive, Like I don't even think it was the bride that was planning these things, you know, it was our fellow friend, and so this is what this was my limit. I didn't complain about anything until the bridle shower. She rented out of venue for the bridle shower, and

then after the fact was like, okay, you all owe me. Gosh, what was it like two hundred bucks for the venue rental for the bridle shower? And I was like, excuse me, it's a bridle shower. I mean, we're going to pay for her trip like across the country for a bachelorette party. Like I'm down for that. We're paying for like all of these dresses and shoes, dresses again never wore. Actually I think I went to a masquerade ball and I did wear that dress again, So one other time I

wore that dress. So like all these things I had no problem paying for. But a venue rental for a bridle shower that wasn't agreed upon, right, It wasn't we talked about ahead of time. No, we were told after the fact that's never a good scenario for me either, or like we have got to communicate earlier. But it was consulted. Nobody was consulting. No one gets to make decisions for my money except for me. Yeah, And so I told her this is not in my budget right now.

There are a lot of other things that I have budgeted, but this is not one of them. And this was even before you were a frugal friend. Oh this was Yeah, this was twenty sixteen, this little baby jen practicing her boundaries, it was. And so I did put in a hundred dollars instead of two hundred. How did that go over? You've probably never talked to her or seeing her again. She's probably still talking about you on the podcast this girl we are still friends? WHOA. But she had to understand, like,

there are not unlimited budgets. And I actually talked to another bridesmaid years later who was also super pissed, but she didn't say anything. So she paid the two hundreds. So this is a tough thing because oftentimes the whole wedding scene is happening for those in their younger years, and that's often where we're still learning adulthood and how to even identify for ourselves what isn't isn't okay. So it just does this really awful convergence of expensive things

while we're still kind of learning. How do we say no and still feel like we can keep friends and value one another. And it's really difficult. But if I could highlight one thing in this, it's communicate as early as possible when it comes to these weddings. Hopefully we can see it coming and begin to identify, all right, who's going to be the one planning it? And if we especially know I've got some boundaries here to be

talking with that person of what are we thinking. I don't want to find myself in a situation where now I'm obligated to pay something that we've not communicated about. And so being as much as assertive and as involved early on clearly communicating what you are able to do and give, and if you can't give anything, then you might not be able to commit to being in or a part of that wedding. Yeah, but like, ultimately I

did want to participate in everything. I knew she had bougie tastes, but I also knew that she was going to marry this guy like a year before they got engaged, you know, like I saw it coming. But like bridle showers are supposed to take place at somebody house, Okay, and then you get a Chick fil A nugget tray and maybe some small sandwiches. You know, that's a bridle shower to me. So that was outside of my values. That's just a tough one. And it wasn't communicated beforehand,

and that was the thing. If it had been communicated months in advance, I would have done it out of obligation. But I would have been happy to do it out of obligation because you would have known, yes, Jill. Okay, so the original question, how have you said no to your family or friends in order to stay within your budget?

What was your approach? Okay, Yes, I often say no, Jill, and I don't have any problem saying no. We have really high boundaries, and we just we have a relationship with each other on the other side of our walls, and we kind we have a little tin can and a string where we talk to each other behind our walls. We say no to each other. We also say yes, and then how much more freedom in the yes because

we know it's a full odd yes. Either of us is offended when the other says no, because we're like, that's fine, I guess, so I will say I think we are in a unique if we're going to talk a little bit about privilege. Unique situation where we have a finance podcast. So no one is surprised if I am so on top of my money decisions and saying yes or no to different things, because it's like, well, yeah,

that's like your thing. We're so perfect though. No, no, no, we're not perfect, but there are some things that we've just we're just like good at. Stay tuned for the after show if you want examples of my imperfection. Oh yes, but I I love to collect all of the things. I don't love saying no to the things that I really want to do, So I often will look for like a win win. My no is often a no but where I want to negotiate or find an a workable alternative that feels like a win win for both

of us. So, for example, I've got plethoras of examples. This is a recent one. My sister and her kids and my brother in law are all coming down to Florida. They're going to Universal for the entire week. They said, you're welcome to come down join us for the whole week if you want. Obviously that means we're getting our own Universal tickets. We'd be getting our own hotel, and I say no, but I'll join you for a day. I'll buy a Universal ticket for a day because I

know that that's reasonable for me and my budget. And also, just like my values, I don't value an entire week Universal. I value Universal one day's worth of fun in the hot, hot sun, and that's my win win negotiation. No, but yeah, well, thanks so much for listening. Guys. For maybe you're just joining us for the first time, maybe you've been with us for a few months, or maybe you've been with us for three hundred hours. If you have, I mean, make yourself known. If you have, send us an email.

I'm gonna send you a bumper sticker, not even if you haven't been with us for all three hundred hours. If you're I mean, if you're an og and you can tell us what happens the round started in If you can tell us when the lightning round started, I will personally mail you a bumper sticker. So thanks so much for listening. Many of you know we have a membership for our listeners, whether you've been with us a

few months or a few years. For anyone paying off debt or trying to reach a specific financial goal quickly. We do monthly money challenges to keep you motivated. Our members create accountability groups. We have an open accountability group for everyone every month, and we want to congratulate one of our members for a big win. This one's from Ali, she says, prescription win, y'all. I have been on this

crazy expensive medicine for years. Usually found a way around paying the total price for it, but this time it looked like I was stuck paying fifteen hundred dollars for ninety days of medication after insurance. I called my doctor and told them I can't afford it. When I told them the price, the nurse actually sounded disgusted. She said, that's ridiculous. Never pay more than fifty for a prescription

like this. There are plenty of options, and then they switched me to a very similar one that is way less. I think sometimes the doctors don't even know how insane some of these prices are until you tell them. Always tell them this is a personal win for me. Took a lot of stress off of me this year. Ah hallie. I'm like all was close to tears on this one because I feel like it's also really highlighting the boundary

lines with finances, and this took courage. I think for many of us, we don't want to admit, you know, there's something stigmatized about saying this is outside of my financial capacity. And she just called and talked to someone and then was able to change it drastically just by being able to identify this is not okay for me, This would be a no. But yet I still want

to care for myself. Is there an alternative here? Well done? Yeah, this is just another example of taking thirty minutes once or twice a month to make a call and just see, just check it out. See if you can get a lower rate on your cable or internet, see if this is the prescription you have to be on. You don't know what you don't know, and just taking maybe one lunch hour a month to maybe explore, to be curious about what you don't know, can really save you some money.

So congrats Ali, Well done, Ali, and thank you all for listening. If you want to check out this membership where people like Alie are slicing and dison medical bills and we have courses and interviews and challenges, head to Frugal Friends podcast dot com slash club you can check it out see if it's a good fit for you. We'll see you next time maybe. Frugal Friends is produced by Eric Sirianni. So another meal kit was delivered to

my house yesterday. We started our conversation this way, and I was like, hold on, let's record the episode and then you can tell me about to get this on the podcast. How another meal kid just happened to show up on your door another I know it happened to me, Like I'm helpless and defeatless, and I'm like, is I heart sending you things? Like no, no, no, no, I

heard doesn't send us things sometimes they do. That's just like the not meal kids, just like yeah, okay, so and I think I had said this on a previous episode. I got this mailer in the mail about every plate and their deal that they were offering, and I thought to myself, that's it. We're all a good deal. And it was. I ordered five meals for four people, even though it's just Eric and I. They don't know, they're not questioning. I'm thinking I can make these meals. I'll

have leftovers. They're freezeable. I picked meals that could be freezeable so that essentially becomes ten meals for US free delivery sixty dollars. I'm like, that's gonna last me for two weeks. That's way less than my grocery bill is going to be and there's like no food waste and it's convenient. Yes, I'm gonna do that, and then I'm going to cancel it. Well, so I did that. I got all the food. Oh, such great food. I'm not

being paid by every plane to say this. I'm just telling you, like my half frugal fail, half frugal win. I don't know you decide that that happened. Then I was on top of it. I went in and I paused it. Now I could have canceled, but I did just make the decision to pause it because I'm like, even the next delivery still has a discount, and I

might want that. It's a crazy, hectic season of life, and the meal plan already being established for me, the groceries already being bought, and the inexpensive amount that it is. Maybe I'll unpause it. Okay, Well, then I didn't realize that if you unpause it for one week, it automatically unpauses itself, picks the meals for you and just delivers it to your house. I had the thought in my head like, maybe that's going to happen, so I went

in and checked. But by the time I went in and checked, like a week and a half later, it was like, your box is arriving today. Nothing to be done about it, just the boxes here. Now, Jen, this has happened to me twice now. Oh so then after I got that box, I was like, okay, I freeze stuff. None of it has gone to waste, mind you, none of it has gone to waste because I refuse to

have any level of food waste. Figured out how to freeze it, went away on vacation, hit the pause button, and then forgot how long a week was, went back to be like, okay, how do I pause it again? For another week? And it was like your meal kits arriving tomorrow, which at this point was yesterday. But I hadn't gone grocery shopping, so it's not as if I have now too much extra. And really, I'm like, this is actually good because I have back to back guests

in February. We only have two days of February without guests, meaning people aren't just coming for weekends. Anymore. They're coming for long weekends, overlapping each other sometimes, So I'm like, I might continue to let this happen to me because it's enough food for more than just Eric and I. I don't have to think about going grocery shopping. It's less money than we would spend going out with all of these guests. I'm not saying I made the best decision,

but I'm not saying that I'm mad about it. But next week I'll cancel. Next week I will cancel. I won't do this pause game. I'll cancel it because you know what Linda's coming. Oh my gosh, Linda's coming. We all know what that means. Yeah, you better cancel. My mother in law's here when she's going to be offended if you don't cancel. She is better than any meal kit delivery. I'm just gonna let the people decide how to Oh no, and that's the worst decision I could make.

I will cancel it because the thing that I don't like about these meal kit deliveries is the packaging. It reduces food waste, but it doesn't reduce other kinds of waste. I do all of the recycling that I can. This is not a good long term solution, but it is helpful for me when I'm in seasons of chaos and I've got back to back and overlapping guests, Like, I'm not mad about it, but it did kind of happen to me. It wasn't an incredibly intentional decision. I will

admit that. I'm going to say it did not happen to you, but I will say a win is a win. Thank you. It's a win for me, it's a win for every plate. I wish they gave us a promo code. Actually, do I have a promo code? Yeah? I don't know. I'm too lazy. No you don't. No more, every plate for you. No, no, we're done. No more.