Episode four sixty nine, Getting your partner on board with your debt payoff goals.
Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast, where you'll learn to save money, embrace simplicity, and live a real life. Here your hosts Jen and Jill.
Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast. My name is Jen, my name is Jill, and today we are talking about a question that we get asked, probably second most in our arsenal questions. Firstus how do I save money on groceries?
Yeah?
And the second is how do I get my partner on board with debt payoff?
And I feel we like to talk about food.
Yeah, I feel like we've put off the question and with enough episodes about food, that will finally ten days before the end of the year, tackle this one.
Yeah. Why not?
Well, it is something that both of us have experience with either you know, being I'm not one hundred percent sure on who was first for you, Jill, I take a guess, but.
That's the vulnerability round Yeah wait right, Yeah.
So we're going to speak from our unique perspectives on it to try to help you lead with grace and hopefully make twenty twenty five the year that you really, really make some headway in your debt payoff goals. But first, this episode is brought to you by buying what you Love without going bro. You may have heard this sponsor before, or it's our book that comes out in just a few short weeks, two weeks, I think at this point,
and it is time for you to preorder it. In nine days, we will be having our next live class where we are walking you through how to make a one year meal plan, and then on January twenty ninth, we'll walk you through how to make a one year spending plans. You don't want to miss either of those live classes, and you only get access to them by pre ordering the book, So head to buy what you
lovebook dot com. In addition to how this book is going to change your spending habits and behavior for the rest of your life, pre order the book, join us at the classes and we'll see you there. Buy what you lovebook dot com.
I love this one, especially right ahead of the holidays, right before the new year. Now we're never baby.
Throw it into your car. You know you're making a couple other purchases, Just throw them in, OK, you got prime, throw it in. Throw it in is the only time I will ever tell you to do that. I promise you. I can make you that promise unless we write another book, yeah, which won't be for a very long time.
All right.
So we have done several episodes about relationships. I don't consider myself a relationship expert, so I feel very uncomfortable talking about that. Jill can speak to a lot more than I can, so.
I wouldn't call myself an expert at anything. It's just the season I'm in. But yeah, I have worked with.
Couples, licensed clinical social worker and someone who has counseled couples. She's got Yeah, let's let's say, let's take credit where credit's due.
Thanks, thank you.
But we do have a few episodes in our archives, is what I'm trying to say. We've got episode three seventy one managing money with a partner with Lilly, who is a certified financial planner, so she's got her expertise in there and working with couples on their financial plans. And then episode three eleven, Keeping financial Secrets from your Spouse with Caroline Venzl. I wasn't here for that one. That was a maternity leave episode with one of my Oh,
she's just Funke. That was one of my best friends, Caroline Venzil, who came while I was on maternity leave and yeah, out having a kid.
It was she.
She has a fantastic story, so I'm sure that episode was fantastic. But today we're talking specifically about getting your partner or spouse on board with a debt payoff.
Okay, so this article comes from experience, and listen, we don't love needing to get advice from the credit bureau.
Agency, but it's the best.
We could find, honestly, on the first page of Google. How to get your spouse on with paying off debt, And that's.
What we're all about.
We take the first page of Google because that's what you're going to be looking at, and then we talk about it. Yeah, and it's sad when you can't find something good on the first page of Google.
It has enough that we can launch off of. But here's the thing, and potentially one of the reasons why we don't do an episode like this very often is every person is different, every relationship is different. The nuances and circumstances and barriers are unique, and it is really hard to give one size fits all advice here. And because this podcast really is for the masses, it's a little bit more of a tenuous one. With that said, I think that there are some foundational pieces that we
could latch onto. They might be helpful for you. But just know, if you are running into barriers with getting your spouse on board with payoff for other financial goals, there's probably more happening that this is not going to be your.
Last stop point.
This is hopefully a launching point to help give you some of the resources, some of the ideas, some of the questions to maybe launch off of and identify what's going to work for you. But you are the expert on yourself. You as a couple are the experts on you as a couple, what works, what doesn't, the hiccups you find yourselves in. So take this in context with what you know about your relationship and what's going to fit and what's just nah that's not going to work.
And if you don't feel seen in this episode, don't feel discouraged that it's not for you or not possible. Do what you can with the advice that we have for you, and then again move from there in a way that feels right for you.
Yeah, So assuming that you are the person who wants to pay off debt and maybe you've got a reluctant partner. The first piece that is listed on this article is to start the conversation, and they list off some really simple things about avoiding assigning blame, which I would absolutely agree with, choosing a good time to talk. Then they talk about staying firm. I'm a little bit iffy on this, but maybe more so looking at knowing where you're coming from and the things that you want to say and
communicate is maybe how I would reword that one. I also think before starting the conversation, this is me adding in some pieces that it's important to identify what the situation is first, and this can be done on your own, you don't have to do this together. But looking at what is the debt made up of? How much debt? Are we talking Where did this debt originate? So while we're not assigning blame, we do still want to work within the realm of reality and where are the facts.
Is the debt primarily student loan debt? Is it auto loan debt? Is it credit card debt? Did one of you come to the relationship with more debt than another? Was the debt accumulated since you've been together, was it before you got together? The context of the debt I do think matters in the way that you move forward, whether you are the one who brought in the debt and you are the one who wants to do it and your partner is just, I don't know, maybe ambivalent
about it is different from your partner. It has credit card debt, ongoing, racking it up, you don't have any, and you're trying to get them to change. Some behaviors do very different situations, but still coming to this place of I want us to work on the debt. So while while the goal can be similar for you, the reasons for being there can have a lot to do with how we're going to tackle this thing. And then I think it's important to identify what you believe to
be behind some of the hesitancy. What are the barriers that you've seen so far as you've tried to broach this topic, or provide some sort of parameters or intervene this too, will help to inform how that conversation is going to go. What you're going to say in it? Is it just ambivalence?
Is it?
Yeah? Okay, that's fine, but then you kind of never talk about it again, and so you don't really know what to do from here, or is it we've talked about it, they get very defensive and mad about it, they are not interested at all. Again, very different and is going to inform how you approach it, the context in which you approach it, the things that you're going
to end up saying. So much of what I'm describing right here is so individualized, and I would say if it is very be heated and usually ends in a fight, you're probably going to want to bring in more than just this podcast episode. That could mean that you are seeking trusted friends to help you talk through it. It could mean it's going to a counselor not for a
super long time. I think a lot of people think when they hear the word counseling that it's because there's this super big problem and we're gonna have to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars or just hundreds of dollars even, and we're gonna have to go for forever. And that's
not necessarily the case. If there's a very specific issue that you are looking for a solution on, you can look for counselors who can help you move through that with a very time limited kind of solution focused goal in mind.
Yeah, so I think I'll just draw from like my own experience in talking through like as we go through these steps. So for me, when we started the conversation and we had just gotten engaged and I was ambivalent, like I, Travis said he wanted to pay off his student loans, and he didn't necessarily say he needed to pay off mine or that I needed to pay off mine, but he said that's what he wanted to do and that he was going to do it. And I was like, cool, peace,
like have fun. That's a bummer, Like you're not going to have a lot of fun for the next couple years.
And you were thinking I'm going to keep paying it off but just paying the minimum payment, or were you like, well, even cares if this goes into default?
I had no I was going to pay it, but I had double the amount of debt that he had, and I made less per year than what I had in total debt, like significantly less. So I didn't see a path forward for me. And so he in starting the conversation, he didn't make me feel bad about what I didn't see that I didn't see a way forward from me, and I didn't state that. I didn't say
that out loud. I didn't know. That's why, Like I wasn't open to it, yeah at the time, So he didn't place blame on me for what I was feeling, and it was like it was a good time to talk. We were engaged. We probably should have had it before we got the conversation before we got engaged. But he is just like a super chill guy who was like, I love this person and I'm going to marry them, you know, regardless, because he had seen how my actions spoke about how I spent money responsibly and the debt
was all student loan debt, not consumer debt. So and but he also he was firm in that he didn't let me sway him in what he wanted to do, and he his first thing was to try to encourage me to want the same because he realized he wasn't going to force me to do this with him, but to make him to think about why he wanted to pay off his debt and make me understand the same opportunities that would present themselves to me if.
I did it.
As well, Yeah, cool so, which leads into the next part, which is pick a why.
So.
Typically in personal finance talk, I kind of hate the remember your why all this it's a very it's not tangible, and it doesn't help when you're making right. It's sand through your fingers, and it doesn't do a lot to help in the day to day. But in instances like this is when it is useful. Because this was the conversation that we had when he was saying, what do you really want to do with your life? Like, if you could do anything with your life, what would you
want to do? And I said, ultimately, I don't want to be beholden to an employer. I want to have the I want to have the opportunity to choose whether I work or not because I'd like the flexibility to a stay home with my kids and be foster and fostering takes a lot of time in like in addition to parenting, it takes a lot of time in you know, meetings and courts and all of this additional stuff, right, and I want to have the time freedom to do that,
which means I can't be beholden to an employer. And so he pointed out that that was my why. It's like the thing that you want can be yours so much easier if you pay pay off your debt. This is one thing that which, by doing it, can make the things you truly want that much easier to obtain. And that was my first ever experience with the one thing concept, and he didn't even know he was doing it.
But it's why when I read about it in the One Thing book, I latched onto it so strongly because I had already experienced how powerful it was well.
And it's also I think a little bit of a foreshadowing of values based spending really being able to identify.
I think that's where there's some.
Really great partnering marrying pun intended with values based spending too. Getting our partner on board with this effort is not making it feel like deprivation, right, I know you talk a lot about for your circumstances, how that's what it felt like. I don't want to live under a rock for the best part of my twenties. I want to be able to live and yet realizing you don't have to sacrifice the one or deprive yourself on the one
in order to get the other. But that there could be a third option here where yeah, we're reining in our spending and we're tackling this goal, but not totally abandoning other things that we enjoy in life.
Yeah.
So that's where I think any other episode about values based spending can help in this too, which.
Is why I don't love the things that they put down as a why in this article. To provide generational wealth and to feel safe in this face of financial emergency these again, it's sand through your fingers. Your why has to be almost tangible. It has to honestly be tangible to be strong enough. Because our minds want instant gratification, they want to spend. Our minds do not want the why, and so the why has to be powerful enough and tied to enough meaning and value that it'll win out.
Honestly, for me, I think I go the other way with some of my whys, like so that the next time a catastrophic hurricane comes through, I have the money that I need to feel degrees of safety and security to know that I'll still put a roof over my head somehow, some way, because I don't have all my money tied up in loans.
Yeah, I mean, and that's tangible.
Right right, yours like I want to be able to foster kid.
Some my mind is like I just want to be able to survive, and I feel like everything's coming for me.
Yeah. Yeah, things are trying to destroy your.
Why it has to be tied to something tangible. It cannot be something so elusive.
As you know, a generational way, whether you're a gen or a Jill and you go more hopeful or doomsday, there could be a reason for you somewhere in there. The third thing that they recommend on here, and I'm gonna put my own spin on it, but I'll tell you what they say, have a budget date night. Woo Now if that doesn't just sound like the worst evening and I even like budgeting, but a budget date night, these words are so hard to put together.
I can't see Eric at a budget date.
No Eric.
Eric would rather do so many other things with his time than a budget date.
If the date night is budgeting, he's going to play music somewhere with the dudes.
I cannot put that word on it in no way. No, how so here you go. I do think that it's gonna take two right. This is about getting your partner on board, not just like you doing things behind your partner's back and make hoping it sticks and works. It is important to talk about it. But this is where what we were describing at the top of the episod, sort of knowing who you're with and knowing yourself and figuring out what's going to be the best context to
broach this topic. How will it best be delivered to them? Is it going to be over a meal fantastic? Is it going to be when we're out on a walk, go for it. Is it going to be when I pull things, pull out the computer and I'm able to kind of show real numbers and talk about some of the risks and financial instability that our patterns right now could lead us to. Fine, but not everything's going to
work for everybody. I have learned over the years that for Eric, if I love the spreadsheets, I love pulling out the pen and paper, I enjoy the highlighters. For me, this is oh, We're going to get to the nitty gritty. He is, he's pacing, he wants to be there. It's not that he doesn't like me or love me. It just is not his language. It doesn't ex cite him.
He couldn't care less about the pennies. He just kind of wants the bird's eye view and then just help me understand what I need to shift as a result of that. So I've learned that, so I'm not come into these conversations with my budgets and my spreadsheets and
my highlighters. It's just a conversation where I've identified the top two to three things that I want his take on, I want his buy in on, I want his opinions on, I want him to be a part of And that took me a while to learn that and get there. But knowing what's valuable to him, how he ticks and operates, has helped me tremendously and being able to have these conversations.
So I would venture to say that a lot of times, that's probably for a lot of us where the hiccup happens is we're not taking the time to speak in the language of our partner or identify the correct context in which to do it, and also check our own
levels of regulation. Am I coming to this stressed, angry, blamey, irritable, or have I kind of come to my own place of here's how I would like to solve this problem, but also leaving room for some of the question marks of I'm willing to shift and bend on these things because I want to hear what they have to say wherever. It can also be collaborative and fit to your partner, yourself, you guys as a couple. These are some of the key items that are going to help make this work.
Yeah, I think this one and the last one are the most important when you're talking about getting a reluctant partner on board. Is first figuring out both of your whys. And if you're the person trying to get your partner on board, you're going to have to do a really good job of honoring your partners why. And it's in this quote unquote budget date that you continually continually check in to make sure you're doing that in the way
that your partner receives it best. And you're continuing to make sure like, we're doing this so we both get what we both want most in life. And if you're with a good partner, like it's going to excite them as much that you're getting what you want as it should excite you that they're getting closer to what they want. Next is to choose a payoff strategy. So this one's the rest is really just like nuts and bolts, right, this is this is the fun stuff, and it's not
supposed to stress you out. I remember when we started paying off debt, I was very adamant that we had to use the debt snowball method because that's what I was told I had to do to be correct. And Travis was like, we will save more money if we use the debt avalanche here, and I was like, I can't, I can't, I can't. I've already you told me to commit. I've committed, I've listened. I'm not emotionally stable enough to pivot yet. But with his support, I did get there
very quickly. And we use the debt avalanche method for most of our payoff, but some of it when they had similar interest rates, we use the snowball. So we used to interchangeably. And it's up to you to figure out what's going to be best for you. Avalanche snowball, back and forth. When do we go back and forth? As always, like we recommend if you've got high interest credit card or personal loan debt, that takes precedence over everything else, that that high interest stuff is very high.
Luckily for most people it's usually the smallest amount too, but if you're not in the lucky half and then it's one of those should probably Grand and Barrett sort of things. But again it's up to you. That's just our recommendation. And this is don't forget this is the fun part, because changing your behavior is not fun, but planning how to pay off your debt is the most fun you'll have paying off debt.
This article doesn't mention it, but I will also add here when we're talking strategy, I think it would also be worthwhile to talk about how you're going to stick to it. What will be the game plan to keep you both on the same team as you're doing this, and maybe some of the shifts that are going to
need to happen that are heavy hitters. And I wouldn't say try and throw everything at it yet, identify some of the top things that you're going to shift or change or stop buying in order to help put more money towards debt. But also what's going to keep you on track? What do you know about yourself as going to be helpful to continuing to stay on this journey and not fall off. For many people, it is finding a community and resources that will help keep your mind
on this goal. So of course that's books and podcasts, and it doesn't mean that this is forever and always what you have to be reading and listening about. But if you're in a heavy debt payoff season, now is the time to be downloading all of those personal finance debt payoff podcasts, hopefully that are still a.
Little entertaining like yours.
Truly, just to keep your brain on this because it is so easy to forget how we had that really important conversation. We changed a couple of things for a few weeks, but I don't really know what happened. Our routine changed, and so it's kind of out the window.
Now.
There's going to be a lot of different seasons that happen through an entire debt payoff season. You're going to go through summer and the holidays and unexpected life events, and it's not always going to look the same. So identifying some of these through pieces will be helpful. Maybe even telling your friends so that they know what's happening.
They can help keep you on track to what you're doing, and even check ins what types of check ins are going to be helpful, which leads to the final point on here number five, which is to set milestones. So this can be part of that strategizing of identifying this is the huge goal, but what are the miniature goals within here that we can feel a sense of accomplishment
once we got there. Identify ways that we want to celebrate, whether that is free or a little bit of money that you're going to allow yourselves to spend when you do reach these different milestones along the way, whether you want a visual tracker to kind of help you keep track, some people will call in balloons, or you know, if it is a college that you're paying off your color and in the graduation.
Hat had a thermometer.
The thermometer that's fun too. I had a chain paper chain that we like hung through the house. I did that for a couple of things. I did that for how many days left of my bachelor's degree I had, and then when we were in towards more towards the end of our debt payoff. But I want to say each each link represented about one hundred dollars, so as we remove them, we could kind of see the chain getting smaller. So that's just it's fun. It's a reminder to everyone in the household of what it is that
we're doing. But you pick what's going to work for you, and you pick how you want to celebrate, because celebrating is going to be so important. It's another thing that's going to be bonding to you and your partner as
you're working on this together. I also recently saw friends of ours paid off their mortgage, which is so amazing, and they had a sign in their kitchen, like a chalkboard sign, and so every day they'd write down, like I think it was the amount that they had left to go, and maybe a day counter as well, so they'd kind of take turns putting the new number on
the board as this visual reminder. And just whatever way is going to help you get on the same team, be excited about it, have things that you're looking forward to as you are doing something that can feel like sacrifice can be helpful. Yeah, do you know what else is helpful to me in a way that we kind of keep track of our episodes.
And it's never it's never difficult, like changing your spending behaviors, but it is bonding.
Yes, The bill of the week.
That's right, it's time for the best minute of your entire week. Maybe a baby was born and his name is Williams. Maybe you've paid off your mortgage. Maybe your car died and you're happy to not have to pay that bill anymore. Dust bills, Buffalo bills, Bill clion. This is the bill of the week.
Hello ladies, let's get right to it. For a very long time, I have wanted a full body mirror, and not one of the five foot back of the door mirrors. I wanted one of the ornate, borderline, gaudy, lean against the wall, takes up way too much space kind of mirrors. And you can get those new for anywhere from sixty dollars up from Walmart or Target. But I'm in the by user die camp, so I haven't scoured face with market Place for a very long time. I decided this
was worth forty dollars to me. I put aside the cash and negotiated, negotiated, negotiated away on Facebook Marketplace. Now, if you know anything about mirrors, apparently they go really quickly. They're really high demanded, people will pay for them. So it was a long time of fruitless searching until one day, one faithful afternoon, a girl posted a mirror for twenty dollars that fell within my parameters of what I was
looking for. If you remember from four seconds ago, I allotted forty dollars for this, and knowing how quickly mirrors go and in what high demand they are, I went ahead and offered all of my forty dollars, knowing I had set it aside for that purpose.
Did I overpay?
Technically, I guess, but at value based spending my friends, yes. Also, my name is Meg. I was so psyched to hear my review read on the podcast a couple of weeks ago. Meg akaa megalog It was awesome. Y'all are awesome. Keep up the good work. Oh I love you guys.
Meg, You're awesome. No, you're awesome. Awesome.
Guy.
Was such a hyped of scene because I also have one of those full length mirrors that sits on the floor and it is very tall, and I got.
It from Facebook Marketplace, but I got it from a hotel that was going out of business, and so they had like fifty of them. Oh that's yeah, So I think I got like three of them.
Amazing, and then resold to you're just a ball of fun. Also, Meg, this was very very true frugal friends. People say we feel like it's talking with our friends. This felt like I was listening to a voicemail from a friend, which is all of our Bill of the weeks. But I just feel like you especially get us, Meg, and you made us chuckle and we love that you just got right to the chase on this amazing story. Just a you're a really great storyteller. I'm just here to compliment,
you know. And I bet you look phenomenal as you stare back at yourself and that full body mirror that you values based spent on bought used god on Facebook marketplace with money you saved up. Did I already say that I'm just stoked for you? Well done, so excited if you all are listening to this and you have a bill about potentially paying double for something, but it didn't matter because you had the money and it meant you could get the thing that you've been patiently waiting for.
Or your name is Bill Frugal friendspodcast dot com slash Bill, leave it for us.
And now it's time for politening.
Around, all right, how did you discuss debt matters with your partner, Jill, Okay, it's storytime for you, because I've already said most of mine.
Yeah, so I was the one with the debt.
WO.
I came into our marriage carrying about thirty three thousand dollars of debt student loan debt, and we since we were babies when we got married that, Yeah, that was what I entered into with and we had talked about it before we got married, so he was aware. My memory, honestly, it's not that great. I'm trying to remember if we knew from the start that we were going to be trying to pay off debt. I think so, like I can't ever remember a time when I didn't care about it.
It did feel weighty to me.
And he was certainly on board, and I think as I talked about the beginning of the episode, that situation mattered in the context of paying it off because I felt kind of sole responsibility for this debt and I was really amazed, and it's probably part of why I married this band that he viewed it as our debt our responsibility, something he was totally willing to help pay off. That this was a financial responsibility for both of us.
Now that we were married. So that was so kind and I think I felt, yeah, really like seen in it. But it it was a factor for me to know I'm the one who brought this, You did not bring this. I really want it gone. I really want to be able to start. In my mind, it was kind of starting our financial life together with this gone, like I can't wait till we can get to that point and build beyond together, rather than you know, me bringing this thing in and here's where we're starting from.
But this more like collaborative piece. So he was there for it.
But as you all know, we did not make a lot of money when we were first married. Oh yeah, so this is interesting. I was still finishing up my final year of my bachelor's degree, so Eric was the only one working. I was going to school full time. And then just like stripping any extra electrical wire he brought home to get money for the copper life. It sounds like we were married in like the nineteen twenties if I were to describe like the way that we lived,
but truly on a revolving basis. I think we had about fifty dollars in our checking account, like no joke, we were I don't know who let us get married.
We were such children, but I would agree you we children.
We figured it out, I mean truly living on love and.
Here we are tet free.
But so I I don't think we you know, they give you. I think twelve months at least at the time, that was the case before you have to start paying back. So I definitely, we definitely did wait to begin paying it off until I got a job. And yeah, at that point I was pretty ready to tackle it. But within the context of I'm making twenty four thousand dollars a year and Eric maybe eighteen thousand a year he was bringing home with his electrical business, it was just.
How much were you making stripping wire? Yeah?
Well, since I was only doing that just like outside our front door, it didn't bring me much.
Had I gone to like an.
Established place to strip wire, maybe maybe there would have been more.
Yeah, but you did get it paid off in twenty twenty at my house.
At your house, I clicked that final button. Yeah. Yeah, it took seven years.
And I will say too, we took on more debt together Eric and I. Even in the midst of our debt payoff journey, we got a car like a private car loan for a vehicle for Eric's electric business. We took out a loan for part of the RV that we lived in, and I don't regret that we knew we wanted to be debt free. I did not like having debt, but I, even looking back, don't see another way around trying to accomplish the financial things that we were trying to accomplish. Ultimately, we paid back we got.
It was a very low interest rate, at least on the RV. We paid that back very quickly, and we sold the RV at a profit. The first time we sold the RV, it paid for my master's degree out of pocket. The second time it was the down payment on our house. So I do think that we were able to leverage debt.
Well. I do have some.
Regrets about the debt that I took on for my undergraduate degree, but I was eighteen.
But the debt that I took.
On in my mid to late twenties, I knew, we knew what we were doing, and I do think it helped us accomplish what we wanted to accomplish quicker. Yeah, Yeah, so that's how that went for us. But I will say I think I am very I don't know, lucky. It's not the right word, but I don't know, for lack of a better word, I do. I'm grateful to have a partner who hasn't been pulling teeth with these things. I have had to learn how to have these conversations, how to get on the same page, how to negotiate.
But I am not coming from a position where he was absolutely against it, So yeah, I can't exactly speak to those circumstances, other than to say, beginning to massage it, begin with some of the values rather than just the numbers, would probably be best.
Yeah.
I think throughout our debt payoff it was for us a lot. I guess since I've already talked about the first part, I'll talk about the ongoing. It was a lot of checking in and a lot of grace because I didn't want to stop spending money and he didn't want to spend anything. He still doesn't really like to spend anything.
So we were at odds.
I think, just in our spending habits, we wanted the same thing, but I it took me a lot longer to It took me a lot longer than like, even after we paid off our debt, to figure out how to spend money without feeling guilty or without just being like, f it, I'm just gonna go crazy. So that that was something I struggled all two years.
All two years we were paying off debt.
It is when you're starting something like a debt payoff, it's usually the beginning of your financial journey. And as a beginner, you will make more mistakes than any other time. And we will internalize these mistakes like we're not meant to have success or that we're just not the type of person that you know that experiences that, and it's
just untrue. It's getting through the mistakes, getting through the learning experiences and learning from them that is what separates people who pay off debt from those who do not.
And we had a lot of that over two years, and we I remember one time, this is probably the most vivid memory I have, at least spending related, is that I bought a this is gonna sound so bad, I bought a bottle of vodka and it was from Saint Pete's first local distillery and it was like the first run from the first distillery, and I was like, this is historic, yes, And I bought a bought a bottle.
Yeah, how much do you think the bottle was forty? You think forty? Okay?
Yeah, okay, Yeah, it wasn't cheap yeah, uh huh.
And I but I.
Wasn't buying it to drink like I was buying it you.
Oh, I want you to finish your story, but I am going to cut in here to say this is an interesting thing about you and the ways that you like to show support, because you have a similar story through the pandemic about wanting to support local print and how you purchased a subscription to like Saint Pete Tribune or something times. Yeah, and so that there's something deeper here for you in the meaning attached to some of these purchases at supporting local business.
It's the first roun.
This is historic, Like I'm supporting local journal effort.
Not just local, it's like local to my city. It's Saint pe local.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I get your money.
I am, yeah, fiercely passionate.
You're wearing your shirt right now about being local.
You've pinned me. You've got me. That's how I yeah, that's how I spend my money. And so I bought it, but I didn't tell Travis, because I knew he wouldn't approve same thing.
You didn't tell him about the Tampa Bay Time subscription either.
Does he know about the shirt you're wearing? Yeah, okay, keep going. This is our name thrilling to me.
I don't like I had forgotten about the Tampa Bay Times subscription.
We didn't, I didn't wow.
Uh. And so he found it. Obviously, we lived in a one bedroom apartment. Where am I going to hide a bottle of vodka? And we had like.
I just like not hiding it, so you can like take swigs in secret hiding because you just don't want him to know that he s about forty dollars on something that wasn't debt.
Pat Absolutely, yes, okay.
Yes, I still it's still I don't think I've drank it.
It's no.
I'm pretty sure you're.
Still keeping it just like a memento. Yeah, oh that's interesting. Yeah, it's artwork to you.
Yeah, okay, Okay.
So he finds it, he's upset, and we had like a really he was more upset that I didn't tell him, And so that was a big turning point in the journey in being willing to have hard conversations and not so much more guilt and anxiety and shame comes from secrecy. Yeah, so so that was a huge turning. So being completely transparent now well.
And I I think you're highlighting the importance of being able to discuss the barriers for both of you. What makes you nervous about debt payoff and for you it sounded like restriction, not being able to spend any money ever on anything that isn't for this one goal. And there's not much longevity to that. So it is important even if you are a person like a Travis who very well could say no to everything else and just buckle down. If your partner isn't, where is their wiggle room?
And that could just include a certain amount of money that you give each other. You kind of a lot in the spending plan to do whatever you want with And I think for we did do this even early on, even making such minimal amounts of money, even as low as like ten dollars, like you get ten dollars a week, because there might have been months or it was only ten dollars for the month, but there was something for
us to be able to spend on. Hopefully you can allocate more than that for you listeners, but you are going to need that wiggle room if, especially if debt payoff is going to take you as long as it did for us again seven years. Anyways, thank you all so much for listening. We hope that there was something helpful for you in this We hope it's a launching point for you, gives you some ideas, and we also love listening and reading reading. Really, you're going to be
listening to it now. These kind reviews, especially this one from Gabby Maher says, amazing and inspiring five stars. Great podcast with such relatable content. I've been following along for a few years now now that my husband and I are able to say we're debt free, each episode hits differently now that we're on the other side of it all. Thank you for always making such helpful content. Congratulations, Gabby mar I'm so excited that you and your husband are
debt free. If you've got any tips for us on how that happened, send an email, call it a bill of the week, yeah, call it d Yeah, we'd love to know. Kind of add on to this episode, how did it work for you? Because again, it's not a one size fits all everybody's story.
Thank you, Thank you so much for listening, and if you enjoyed this show, if you have any tips, please take a minute to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It helps potential new listeners know what they're getting into and what I like buying and what Jill likes buying.
See you next time.
Bye. Gorugle Friends is produced by Eric Siriani.
Okay, what will Travis spend money on?
Is there anything? Okay, I'm going to make it even more specific. What will Travis buy? Guilt free? Like immediate?
Yes? For him, no problem. Clothes.
He loves to thrift clothes and he'll buy if it fits him and it's at the thrift store and he likes it. He gets it, no questions asked. So that's his thing.
How often do you think he's doing that?
Not often, but he does have a lot of clothes and he shops way more than I do.
Yeah, so yeah, nice, Yeah, that's his thing.
For Eric, it's eating out. That's the hardest part for him about spending plans and about efforts in reducing food costs and food waste is how much we eat at home.
He's gotten really good.
At it though he doesn't think your cooking is good enough.
No, he does. And that's the thing.
And it's taken me some time to kind of separate the two things that he can love both, and the one isn't throwing shade on the other. He's like, I do love the things that you make, but I like getting out.
Of the house.
Yeah, you guys don't leave the house much.
I do think a big part of it for him is getting out of the house. And I think he really does pair that with he likes to get out of the house to get food. I've tried to kind of introduce other ways of getting out of the house that doesn't require.
Us eating out. But I like it too. I like to not cook sometimes.
Yeah, we all have our things.
Yeah he can value that too. That's good. I'm hungry now.