Frugal Self Care | Finding Peace without Breaking Your Budget

all need self care. Yes on this topic is so near and dear to my heart because I train on this, have got all kinds of content on this in my regular everyday professional life. And we're gonna be talking about more than just take a bubble bath, because I think that that's what people think about when they think of self care is just a bath. No, that's it is on somebody's list on the internet. But y'all, that's so much more than that. So we're going to dive in

with some just legit content. You're welcome, yes, but first our sponsors. Today's episode is also brought to you by scrolling. They see me scrolling, they're hating. They try to catch me scrolling instead of shopping that's right. When you're on social media and you see ads for whale milk and you're like, what's going on? That's gross, but maybe I

do want to see what it is. Just keep scrolling score right past all those things people are trying to get you to spend your money on scrolling you should probably put the phone down and go to bed. Well. Thank you to one of our Frugal Friends community members for that idea. That was I was hers. Wow. What I'm literally over here laughing but trying not to interrupt you because it's an awesome reference to a really funny song, but also whale milk? What are we talking about? Have

you seen? Have you seen ads for it? Since we mentioned it on the show, if anybody has let us know in our community group, it's so funny. I'm just saying, right because yeah, that that's that's the one where we're like, they're listening. We'll see if they end up giving us ads for whale milk. Have you seen Have you got it gotten any? Nope? Not any whale conservatories or animal things. Now that we're talking about it more, I'll screenshot it

hands down very soon. I'm going to get something whale milk well before before we see any ads that tempt us with the whales, let's get in today's show about self care, and this one is going to be a great one. I want to challenge some of our views about self care, especially on a debt free journey or for busy moms or whatever the case is, because I think we need to be a little more self centered

when it comes to our self care. I heard that on the three and thirty Moms podcast recently, is that we need to be more self centered, just putting ourselves in the center of our jars so that everything else

can fit inside. So that's what we're gonna do today. Yeah, and I think it's worth so I wouldn't even want to spend it a bit more positively because that sounds that sounds negative to like we have a negative connotation about like being selfish or being self centered, or somebody will do something for themselves and then they say, oh,

I know, I'm being selfish. And and I would even challenge us to say, what if we were to talk about this as far as what is needed in order to care for others well or where can the boundary lines fall that is pleasant for you? Where you feel good about giving to other people because I think so often we do do do, do, do, and then there's this bitterness that can set in that is not good

for anybody. So approaching this if that's you, If you have a hard time looking at self care because it seems like it's a selfish thing or it's a self centered thing and there's a negative connotation with that, well what if we were to look at it the other way of in order to care for other people well and to do it without bitterness, without frustration. Then these things are necessary to come first, come in the middle, come at the end where wherever you want to fit

it in. But it's necessary to be able to accomplish the things that we want to accomplish. Yes, So our first article is from psych Central and it's on what self care is and what it isn't And this is the first result that pops up on Google when you google self care. I would have chosen it anyway, because you get a lot of articles from Bustle and Refinery twenty nine and all these like girly websites like how

does self care and stuff? But I really wanted to take time to focus on on a psychological level what self care is so that we can identify what it is and what it isn't. So I like their definition here where they say self care is any activity that we deliberately do. There's effort involved in order to take

care of our mental, emotional, physical health. And so it's a simple concept in theory, but it really can get tossed to the side, and we think that we have this unlimited capacity to just do everything in front of us, only to often get wiped out or end up in bitterness and frustration. Yeah, and self care is not something that you force yourself to do or something you don't

enjoy doing. So I think for me, I think a lot of people equate self care with yoga, and I personally do not like yoga and so but for a while I thought, oh gosh, I have to do yoga because that's self care, but I never enjoyed doing it. And one day I was just like, this is not this is not for me. This doesn't refeel me, it doesn't light me up, it doesn't re energize me. It makes me feel awkward and like nervous about farting. So

that's not self care for me. Like what self care for somebody else does not necessarily mean it's self care for you, And so you just throw off that um mindset. That's what it has to be because it's something you need. It's not selfish, but it's something that refuels you so that you can fills you up so that you can pour out to others. Yeah, and I look at it as you know, when you're on a plane and the flight attendant says, put on your own mask before assisting

others with THEIRS. That's how I see self care is putting on your own mask before you start assisting others with theirs. It's just practical. M m. Yeah. I love that they have three golden rules here for self care. I love sets of three yes, because that's simple too. There's only so much we can take in all at once. So the first golden rule of self care that this article lists is stick to the basics. Don't try and find the most complicated, not gonna work for you kind

of rhythm. I would call this the low hanging fruit. What is right in front of you that is easy to grab. You're walking by a fruit tree and it's just right there and you pluck it off. We're not climbing up to the very tippy top, going across branches to find fruit. Just what's right there within your grasp that you can incorporate into a regular rhythm or routine. And we will get into some of these specifics, but

we're laying the foundation first. Stick to the basics. Yeah, and self care also needs to be something you actively plan rather than just happens. So it should be some low hanging fruit, but you should plan on when you're going to grab it, because if you fail to plan, you plan to fail, and you will not incorporate your

self care if it is not written down in your schedule. Yes, and also the third one is to be conscious about what's happening, kind of this idea of paying attention, being present in the moment too, in order to see is something sticking or not? Is this working or not? And I will add to this. So what is RESTful to us or life giving at one point in life or at one point in the month may not be what's RESTful to you a few weeks later, a few months later,

a year later. We change and shift, Our needs change and shift, and our circumstances change and shift. So what we need at each point might look different. So this definitely isn't a prescriptive. This is what I do and I feel this way. Certainly. Sometimes we can have rules of thumb for ourselves, but it's worth paying attention to what works what doesn't. Sometimes watching a movie is just what I need it. Sometimes it's not. Sometimes I actually I need to be around really good friends and and

have good conversation. Sometimes I just need to sleep. Sometimes it's the best thing we can do for ourselves than grasping for who knows what. Just go to bed and get some actual sleep. So keeping that in mind, but paying attention to you, all right, how did that impact me? How am I feeling? Am I more anxious or am I less anxious? If I'm more anxious than it didn't work, don't keep doing that thing that doesn't work, so be

paying attention to it as you go. Yeah, I think it's a good idea every season, like every quarter, to reevaluate where you are in your life and what self care practices you want to incorporate. So right now I have an eight month old and sleep is still one of my priorities for self care. And it used to be like self care could be doing things for me, but in the season of my life it's less doing

things and just taking being intentional about my basic needs. Uh, and that will not always be like that, hopefully God help me. But giving yourself twenty minutes to say, Okay, what has my last quarter looked like? What is my next quarter going to look like? What have I been doing for self care? What do I want to keep? What do I want to add? So just doing that evaluation a few a few times a year, maybe if

your life is not changing that rapidly. Yeah, And I think I want to highlight that piece of intentionality because these things won't just happen to us. Somebody posted on Facebook recently I saw this meme that said adulthood is basically saying, but in a few weeks, life will settle down over and over and over and over again. Meaning

we're always busy. There is always something vying for our time, attention, and energy, and if we're not careful, we will give it away over and over and over and over again. So so while self care should be something that you actually enjoy, not stealing somebody else's self care that doesn't work for you, but it will take intentionality. There's there's

this biblical concept. I know we all come from different faith backgrounds, but this one I think is true across the board of it takes effort to enter into rest. This this concept that we need to labor or make effort to experience rest, which we all know that to be true. It sounds like an oxymoron of like, wait, labor for rest, but it's a reality that need others, needs other attention to other people. Accomplishing things will always

take over if we don't make effort to rest. It has got to be something that we intentionally set aside, otherwise it will never happen. Yes, I feel also personally attacked by that mean, because I always say, I just I'm gonna be busy for the next few weeks. I'm just gonna be busy for the next few weeks. And I've noticed myself saying that, And I always figure out something when I have some like a few weeks of downtime. I'm like, oh my gosh, I could like do this

thing and like fill up this time. And I'm like, why did I do that? Yeah, exactly exactly, And and probably that depends on your personality type too, Like I I am that for sure of all right, I got ten minutes in between this appointment and that appointment, So what should I get done? I can, Yeah, it's it's

it takes effort for me to let that happen. I felt really convicted about this as I was doing research for this episode last night, and so I actually stopped working when I felt like my mental capacity had been expended, and uh went and just folded some laundry and I used one of those facial masks that you got me, Jill, like when Kai was born. Yeah, I still you had that for like four months. Yeah, so I give it to you. I give it to you the end of

the beginning of September. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I've had it for a while and I finally used it and it was great for you. Yeah, it was great. So I took I tried to take this info to heart. So, although self care means different things to different people, there's a basic checklist that can be followed by all of us. And I love the first thing on this checklist. It's create a no list with things you don't like or

you no longer want to do. So examples might include not checking emails at night, not attending gatherings you don't like like not answering your phone during lunch or dinner.

When we were in premarital counseling, um our pastor said him and his wife grade events, so they'll put an event like out there because they I mean, they get invited to so many things, so they'll put the event out there and they eat have to give it a grade A to F and then they don't go unless it's uh, unanimously like an air B A C A C average. You can't even be a C average. It has to be a unanimously an air big Yeah. Yeah,

Oh what if it's a funeral or something. I mean, I don't think you're ever going to get an AIRB on that kind of thing. Well, if it's important, like an important funeral, that a like how excited I am about the event? It's a how how much do I want to go? Oh my, got it? Thanks for that clarification. If you were wondering, I'm sure you were. But no is a full sentence, and I give out nose graciously. Yes, yeah,

saying no to things. But also so this this bullet point actually carries a lot to it because it's not just saying no to things, which is a part of self care. It's also our own personal boundaries and limitations. So I love that they gave the example of not checking emails. That's a boundary. That's not a saying no to an event or a person. That is, what do I want to do to be able to set these boundaries in places that are going to provide me with some rest and some self care? And so what does

that look like in my life? Not keeping your phone in your room or not staying up past a certain time. These are great things for us to be able to say, I know that this impacts me negatively when I do X, Y and Z, so I'm going to put a boundary around this for myself. Yes, a few other things that should be on everybody's list. Healthy diet, enough sleep seven to eight hours r I P sleep in my life which pause pause on the sleep thing. There's actually studies

showing that most of America is sleep deprived. Most of America is not getting the sleep that we need. Uh shout out to you Mama's Holy smokes. Thankfully, it's just the season, hopefully unless you keep popping them out. Um. But this is how they torture people, Like if if you're if you're ever going to torture somebody, well don't, don't do that. But when people are tortured, they usually deprive people of sleep. It is the most effective torture tactic.

So holy smokes, let's not do this to ourselves. Yeah, amen, learn how much sleep you need and get it. Yes, exercise, So maybe that's yoga for you. For me, it's CrossFit. I'm a horrible crossfitter, but I enjoy it, so I do it. Uh, maybe it's running also like running, Maybe it's biking, it's going to the gym, doing whatever you do there. So just any exercise whatever that looks like to you. Following up with medical care, this was an

interesting one that I did not think about. But it's not unusual to put off checkups or visit to the doctor. And we even have these well visits that are included in most of our health plans that go unused every year. So so making sure that you use those and stay on top of your health so that you can have peace of mind and don't stress about what's going on, like what that blemishes? Check out our medical episode two if that If this is something that you want but

you are concerned about your budget. We do have some tips on medical care, reduced medical how to reduce some medical costs, So check out that episode. Engage with us in our community group too. If that is a piece of the concern or a barrier to getting these things done, yeah, we'll link to it in the show notes. And uh so, use relaxation exercises or meditation, spend time with your loved ones. Just relaxing and doing pleasurable things and things that fill

you up is basically what it is saying. Awesome. Yes, our next article is from pure Wow, not as educationally backed as he's, still good free ways to practice self care. And I really liked the list and that's why it's here.

Which all of what we've talked about so far has been free, other than the medical piece, which yes, it does cause something to care for our bodies, but I think it's it's dispelling this whole idea that self care is getting your hair done, getting your nails done, buying new clothes, going shopping, going out to dinner, doing this, doing that. None of what we're talking about has been that yet, so much of it is what boundaries are we setting, what are we learning about ourselves? Are we

getting sleep like it. It is so much more than spending money, and I hope that that is the underlying message we can get across. If you can care for yourself and be well inside yourself without a ton of money, it really does not require money for sure. Oh yes, Jill, what were your takeaways from this one? Yes, so the first one that stood out to me actually wasn't until number twelve, which is but it resonates with me. So I'm not, yeah things, but number twelve is tidy up

your house. And I think the reason I like this one so much and I recognized this for myself. I don't know if it's similar for you, Jen, but I realized that when my space is cluttered, it is often reflective of how my mental or emotional state feels of just being cluttered. And that's okay, that comes and goes at times. But when I can stop and realize, oh, that's what's happening, it can really help me to tidy up my physical space, which then can create space for

me to breathe emotionally, mentally, spiritually. And it's something tangible that I can put my hands to and I can see a result to it, and then that's one less thing that's kind of on my plate, and I literally feel like a weight lifted when this happens, and I feel like I can exhale emotionally when the space around me is a bit more tidy, I feel like, okay,

I can kind of tidy things up than untily emotionally, spiritually. Yeah, well, it's one of the reasons we love minimalism is because the fewer things you have, the easier it is to tidy up, and the more often your space will be clear and tidy, and that helps your mental space going forward. I liked quite a few on here, so the first

one I liked was take a walk. I live in a city where we have sunshine over three days of the year, and I just recently started taking being intentional about taking walks, and it's become something that I really

enjoy doing. I have to get out of the house on Saturdays because Travis works nights and he sleeps during the day and Kai is loud, so we'll get out Saturday morning and go walk downtown and it's just been a beautiful time of like walking by the water, um, walking through the Saturday morning market, maybe listening to a podcast or audiobook while we're walking, I'll make my coffee at home and bring it with me, so I don't spend anything to do it, and it has been given

something that's been given me life on the weekends. Yeah, it's there's so many reasons why that's good. Being outdoors. It's a form of exercise that's a bit more leisurely. It's an opportunity for a friend to come along, and there can be awesome chats that happen on a walk. Love it. Oh yeah? So the one right right after yours is watch a Netflix movie or show that makes

you laugh. So I like this one not necessarily just the watch a movie or show, because that doesn't usually always give us the rest that we need it it seems to be like what we need. But what I do like about this is the what makes you laugh, because playing and laughter and being able to engage in something lighthearted, especially depending on what type of work you do.

For me, this one's really important because I am sitting in some really heavy stuff quite often, and I think it's important for us to recognize what is the type of work or labor that I typically do, and where can I find some joy or life or laughter that I can put back into myself. And if I could add to this, I think it is important to pay attention to what we entertain ourselves with and what we do in our leisure time because we can continue to pile on unrest on top of ourselves. So I'll unpack

that a little bit more. For instance, this might be an extreme example, but I'll throw it out there. I work with trauma a lot, those who have experienced trauma a lot. For myself. It can be a temptation to you. Then go read a lot about trauma, or watch movies where individuals and the characters within the movies are traumatized. And I can just kind of like soak and marinate in this topic all the time because it's what I do.

And I would challenge myself and all of us to look for something that is different from what we do all the time. And so, for me, entertainment has got to be lighthearted. It has got to be funny, it's got to be enjoyable. Otherwise it's not entertainment. That's like, that's more work again. And then I'm marinating in this stuff, and I'm becoming what I'm marinating in, and and so, and I do feel like that applies to anything, even if you're not working in you know, trauma work all

the time. Even if you're in finance, Well, what are you doing with your leisure time? Are you constantly doing finance things? Are you then always looking at your budget? Are you only reading financial blog posts? Like that is where it could pile on the stress because it just feels like you're only doing what you usually do in your line of work. What would it look like to do something completely different, to read a blog about gardening or to go watch a movie about bumblebees, like, I

don't know, just something totally different. Read up on whale milk because you scrolled past it earlier, but let's revisit that one. It's so interesting. I feel counseled right now because that is literally all I do. Thank you, you you know me, you know, thank you for counseling me on the air right now. I do need to have more diversity in my free time. When I come park my camper at your place, I'll come make sure that we look up videos of cow milk together, have different

types of all the milks. Yeah, okay, is this life giving to you? This is not in my self care at all? So Another one that is on my self careless is number eight, which is put your phone on do not disturb. So I don't necessarily do this, but my phone is on silent of the time. I do not like to interrupt my life with ding's buzzes, vibrations,

sounds like. I want to be fully present wherever I am, and that means sometimes I don't see a text or a miscall for thirty minutes, an hour, whatever, but my phone is there for for me, I'm not here from my phone, so that is always on silent, and that is a form of self care for me. Love it. I also loved number of artein on here, which is create morning and nighttime routines. And you could pick or choose whether you want a morning routine or a nighttime routine.

But I do think that that is important. Something that is structured to whatever degree of structure makes sense for you, something that you know, you can anticipate and sets a

rhythm for you. So for me, that's coffee. Coffee in the morning, and because it's such a ritual honestly, like, yes, I like coffee, but especially with how many transitions and chaos that can be in my life of travel, living in different places, I at least know every morning I'm going to get coffee wherever I am, and it provides some security for me, and it provides a nice rhythm, routine, ritual. I would encourage nighttime routines, especially for people who have

difficulties sleeping. This is so important. I know you've probably heard this time and time again, but here I am another voice just solidifying this that we need good sleep hygiene. If we're going to get the eight to nine hours of sleep that is really recommended, then you have got to have a good nighttime routine. And that doesn't mean you've got to do like five things and it needs to take an hour and a half before you fall asleep. But that does mean not putting blue light in front

of your face a half hour before bed. It does mean knowing yourself. But here's some a couple of ideas. Whether that's a hot cup of non caffeated tea or cutting out caffeine past three pm, or getting a weighted blanket, or utilizing some magnesium before you go to bed, or consult with your doctor on that one. It's a nutrient whatever, but that helps me sometimes, um, especially if if it's anxiety that's kind of keeping us from being able to

fall asleep. So that can be so helpful, not only not just for what's happening at night before what's happening through the night to be able to get the sleep that we need. Good word, Um, here are some of the things that are on this list that are not self care for me. So you know, you mentioned that watching a funny movie or show is good self care, but they also have a Netflix binge and I feel like that is good maybe in a season. I did a lot of Netflix binges right after giving birth because

it's literally all I could do. Um. And then got into a habit of doing more TV than usual. So we actually did no TV January this month, and it helped us. I should have chosen more carefully what I was going to do instead of that time. Sometimes I used it to just do more work, but instead of it just instead of going straight to the TV, we tried to find other things to do. So we would read or do work or listen to a podcast or something. So that is so no screen is our form of

self care this month. And then also looking at animals being cute. So I have been looking at a lot of baby Yoda memes, and I I have to say that I don't find it to be self care. Yes, it's funny and it's great, but it's also addictive and can get me sucked into my phone for too long and to where I just keep scrolling and scrolling and I should probably stop scrolling, put the phone down and go to bed. Those are my those are my only qualms with the list, and they're personal because self care

is personal. Sometimes looking at animals or Yoda's being cute is self hair for some people, yes, not for me. In this season. The one that I did not resonate on here with on here is the look at positive affirmations on Pinterest. So that's fine if it works for you. I do feel like that this is a bit of

a myth, and this is backed by research. I think I've mentioned it on a different podcast that research has actually been done on positive affirmations like that wave that went through a couple of years ago of like look at yourself in the mirror and be like you're so great, You're so wonderful, good jobs, thumbs up, that it didn't actually have impact on someone's psyche through the rest of the day. Mostly because it falls flat, like it's flattery.

It is not really based on anything or connected to anything. It's just this kind of flattery. And most people don't like flattery. You want the truth. They on something that they can hang their hat on. So there are things that we can speak to ourselves that might be a little bit more rooted and grounded in some like actual truth, something we can hang our hat on where we can

point back to. No, you're not going to fail, because remember that time that you thought you were going to fail in this circumstance and you did X, y Z, Like those are effective. But just the like hey you're great, you're amazing, like that doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't do anything. So I'm not like, I'm not fully against affirmations. It's just that I think there has to be more meat to it. It just can't be fluffy flattery. It doesn't.

It doesn't, It doesn't last, doesn't stick. Yeah, actions are definitely louder than words here are. Values are defined by the things that we do, not by the things that

we say we value. So when you're making when you're making actions that are toward what you value or towards what you're going to uh, that is what defines what you value versus just saying like I value myself or I value my time, or I value self care, Like you really have to make actions that move towards that instead of just saying it, speaking of just doing and taking action, rather than just talking about it. And things that I value, things that bring me life and joy.

It's the bill of the week. That's right. It's time for the best minute of your entire week. Maybe a baby was born and his name is William. Maybe you paid off your mortgage, Maybe your car died and you're happy to not have to pay that bill anymore. That's built buffalo bills, Bill Clinton, this is the bill of the week. Hey guys, this is Take nine team for me because I keep on messing up. I just wanted to let you guys know my favorite bill is my

dog's insurance bill because it saves me a lot of stress. Um. I worked in the vet industry for over ten years, and I've seen some crazy, crazy bills anywhere is between, Like, you know, the average five thousand dollar bill two fifty thousand dollars and true panion actually cover that fifty tho dollars and the owners only had to pay five thousand dollars, So it's just in case of those huge emergencies. It's

really nice to have insurance. And I know a lot of people are like, oh, I can say about that money, but you never know what could happen. And also if your dog ever gets like allergic to anything, um, they will cover the food as well. So if your dog needs to be on a special food, they will cover that food for its entire life. So you know, it's really important to me to have it. And my dog just recently went in to see a dental specialist to get a root canal done and extraction or lump removed

in his mouth, and that all got somethway. And then at the same time he was in there, he went to go see the ophomologists and you know, they ended up, um, he ended up with panis. So all his medication is now covered. So I did the math. I'm up dollars with true panion. It's great. I recommend it. I would do it. Dave Ramsey hates it, but you know, um,

he's not always right. So have yourselves a wonderful day, take care by Oh yeah, I honestly I personally agree with you, because all I ever hear about people with pets is like how expensive the pet bills are, like thousands of dollars and saw the fact that you're out on that is is less than one vet bill. And usually if there's one bill, there's other ones to follow. And pets are expensive. Man, you think kids are expensive,

try having a pet. That's what I'm saying perfect. I think you described it so well, Kate with the It gives you peace of mind, particularly when the big emergencies come up of it, I might spend and especially yeah, I mean we care about our pets, and so you know if they still have a lot of life to live. Of course you're gonna you're gonna pay for that surgery. You're going to do that thing, and then that's just coming out of your pocket or you're going into debt

for it. So to just have that peace of mind to know that all right, I've got this covered if need be. And I love your your confidence and what you need and what makes sense for your financial journey. Regardless of what Dave Ramsey agrees with or doesn't agree with right now, we're not none of us are always right on everything. Yeah, So Jill's there most of the time, but even she has been just don't tell my husband

that he's going to hear this. Yeah, sometimes I'm wrong. Yeah, if you want to submit your bill of the week and you want to tell us all about the bills that you enjoy, that makes sense to you. Even if there are other financial growers out there who might disagree with you. It's okay. We we don't mind controversy. So Friends podcast dot com, slash bill, leave us a bill, Yeah, thank you. Let's get controversial with our bills. Oh my goodness.

Depending on how controversial, we might not play him. But right, yeah, we we've reserved that. Right and now after all of that, it's time for boo boo boo. So I was super convicted after doing research on this. So I wanted us to set some self care goals. Jill and I personally like one or two things on this list that we are going to do immediately or this weekend. How we are going to care for ourselves, because Jill, you just got back from like a really intense trip to Peru

and you need some self care. I am just living my life and that's hard for me. And I'm here. I'm here on this earth and I need self care. So things that I am going to do in the next couple of days and this upcoming weekend and that I want to do regularly. It so this this is just a handful play. And in our outline that I have with Jen and I, I have it in like all caps and it's first and I talked about this in my trainings. To play is so important. And you

can do your own research on this. There's a fantastic book called Play It Away. Lots of books about play, lots of research about play, journal articles about play and its benefits. It helps to reduce anxiety. It um increases blood flow to the brain. It bonds us with whoever we're playing with. Uh, it helps us to sleep better. It increases relational harmony, It increases the likelihood of experiencing like peace and joy inside ourselves. Like there's there's so

much um. The book Play It Away is about this guy who was a workaholic and basically burnt himself out in the work that he was doing, like high Power, I believe, like CEO of a company, and how he kind of journeyed through, walked through that experience of burnout and just at his wits and mentally and emotionally, and how play, just play yang is what helped him get back to a more stable point mentally, emotionally, physically, anyhow.

Super important, But it looks different for everybody. For me, one of the ways that I play is actually with kids. So thank goodness, my nieces and nephews are in town right now, and the second I get off from podcasting, I am going to go play with them. We're doing ninja training. We are digging through like cute little figurines. We are dressing little stuffed bunny animals, and we are just playing and laughing and it is so good for

my soul. Oh, I love that. Oh my gosh. One thing that I'm going to do is call a friend, not you, Jail. This doesn't count. I is not you. But I want to call other friends that I don't talk to a lot, because I feel one of the places where I really, where I really fail in life is maintaining relationships with people who are not right in front of me. And Jill has been like the only person. Jill has been the only person that I've been able

to maintain a relationship with. It doesn't live in my city that I don't see on a weekly basis, and that's because we have a side hustle together. I mean, maybe that's maybe that's what I need to do with all of my friends, is to start a segal money involved. For me to maintain a relationship, there has to be money involved, ask my husband. But I want to call a friend and catch up and uh and yeah, because relationships are life giving to me and I just take

them for granted. So that's that's one of my things. And speaking of life giving, actually this weekend, I am going to go away with some friends, some life giving friends. And it's okay to have relationships that are varying degrees of life giving. That's that happens. Some people take more than they give and that's just the season that they're in and and that's okay. But we also need to make sure that we've got people who where there's more

reciprocity in the relationship. It may only be one to three people, but finding those people and regularly spending time with them. So for me, I've got two really great friends and we're just going away to Philly for the night. She got an awesome deal in a hotel and we're just going to have fun with a couple of girlfriends. Yay, that sounds so good. The other thing I'm gonna do is make a gratitude list. I want to write down

things that I'm thankful for. And I actually, uh spoiler, when Travis listen to this, started making one about him and just all the things that I'm thankful for that

he does and the person that he is. And because I heard this in an audio book and how there was this husband who was unhappy in his marriage and saw somebody make a gratitude list for his wife and then he started doing it and like it just transformed their entire relationship, marriage, family, And I'm like, why wait until things are bad, let's do They'll do all things they're good, And so that's I want to do it for other areas of my life as well. Just in general.

It's awesome. And you know that is the simple thing, Like going back to our very first article of the Golden Rules, and the foundation of all of this self care stuff is the simplicity. And I think sometimes we think, oh, man, I'm so exhausted that what I need must be such a massive thing. I'm so exhausted. But man, when am I going to be able to take off for three weeks and go on an elaborate vacation. And no, that's

that's not what we often need. Those things are great, they're fantastic, they can be life giving, but I think we would be so shocked to realize how simple it can be to bring us up out of a place of feeling absolutely exhausted. And I think what you're describing, Jen is one of those pieces that we would so easily overlook but has a profound impact, like what you're saying of it saved a marriage, just the simple act

of being grateful. And I will say, even from a more like clinical perspective, this gratitude piece, there's a lot of research on that too, and I'll spare you like all of that, but to say, where there is if you're noticing this in yourself of bitterness or frustration or a constant pattern of feeling like tired, worn out, upset, angry, this is the antidote gratitude. Again, it sounds very simple,

but it is. And so where you can start creating a rhythm and a routine of gratitude, of listing things out every day, of looking for the gratitude pieces even in the midst of something awful, My goodness, that perspective shift and that practice of saying, Okay, I had a really sucky week, but where is the gratitude piece, or I kind of I call this the kindness? Where was the kindness in that time? Like, so you just said I just got back from Peru, which is true, and

it was a really difficult trip. However, I am practicing to look at the kindnesses in the time where a lot of people were sick on the trip. I had to take on more than I thought that I would have to take on. However, the gratitude for me and it was that I did not get sick. I was able to do the pieces that I had to take on, and we had a final day, an unexpected day where we were able to enjoy a beautiful pool and like

jungle surroundings layout in Hammocks. So I'm choosing to look at those pieces, and it is drastically changing my outlook and my perspective on the trip. And I feel a whole lot freer inside myself because I'm choosing to look at the kindnesses and sit in gratitude rather than like, oh my word, look at all the things that sucked. I'm not saying that that's super easy or super fun,

and that is not to discount the difficult stuff. We can still look at that, we can still mourn it, but we will be better off inside ourselves if we can discipline ourselves to practice this. Oh that's such a fantastic, such a good word to finish this episode out on. It's Yeah, thank you, Jill, thank you. I'm grateful for you, Jen,

and so grateful for our listeners. Yes, I'm grateful for all of you and whether you are listener subscriber in our FRU Girlfriends community on Facebook, I think about you guys, and I'm thankful for you, and I'm thankful for all this. Yes, So, and be encouraged that you can do these things. You can care for yourself well, you can be aimed at well being even if you have zero dollars in the bank. Amen,

let's land this plane. So we're doing something a little new this year, and how we thank you and show our gratitude for your support. Before we explain that, we we want to thank you. Thank you for your kind reviews on iTunes, on Stitcher. It has made a profound impact for us and the people that we are able to reach. Because of that the types of other podcasts and sponsors that we've been able to interact with, Like there's there's so much growing here that we're so grateful for,

and we want to highlight a review for you. So this one is called first podcast review. I guess they've never done one before. Here we go. I've never past review five stars, I've never left a podcast review, but I truly love the Frugal Friends podcast. It's light and refreshing take on personal finance and frugal living, and I look forward to new episodes every Friday. Also, now I'm always on the lookout for my own Bill of the

week to call in. And there's a fun emoji from Mark k Mark thank you, Yes, thank you, And we appreciate that we your participation in this does help us grow and help us be able to take time out of our money making jobs to do this and not lose money on it. So we are extremely grateful, and we also want to thank our friends who share these episodes on social media. So in addition to leaving reviews, you can now enter the monthly giveaway by sharing the

current week's episode and tagging us on Facebook or Instagram. Yes, so just tagging at Frugal Friends podcasts on either of those and sharing this episode and we see it that way, so you wouldn't have to send it. We will see it. And instead of books, we're giving away ten dollar Amazon gift cards, so we'll give away a ten dollar Amazon gift card. One for every five tags or reviews. You can still review us, screenshot it and send us in or just tag us, share us, and you'll be entered

to win. So those odds are real good. Uh, One for every five enter literally every week, keep leaving us those reviews on iTunes or Stitcher, give us, take a screenshot, send it to Frugal Friends podcast at gmail dot com, or tag us on social, and you'll be entered to win ten dollar Amazon gift card. Well, yes, so until we see you, see you, when we see you, see when you see it. Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself. This Week by Frugal Friends is produced, edited

and mixed by Eric Seria. Okay, Jen, holy smokes, we have got to talk about this because I love it so so give it to so very much. I'm on the whelk. It's not whale milk, but pretty soon it will be. I know it will be. We've talked about it enough today. So I'm in the Frugal Friends Facebook community group, just hanging out doing what I do, and op Up pops the most amazing post that we have

got to talk about this. This woman, this strong, fearless, powerful, formative old woman, is in her hotel room being frugal on a no spend challenge, being resourceful, cooking ramen on an iron. Stop it, I'm right now, I'm not. I'm not going to stop. I'm not. She's not going to stop. No one's going to stop, and I'm gonna going to stop her. I'm gonna support that all day long. I'm not saying that this is what you should do. Be careful of, consult with a doctor. Don't do what I'm saying,

don't do everything that you see. However, I am so proud of this woman and the things that she's accomplished. And turns out she's not the only one in this thread. We've got. We've got other women rolling up towels to hold the iron up like upside down, but so that it stays flat. She was cooking burgers in foil burgers and veggies and foil on top of an iron. Oh my gosh, yep, that's Karen. Oh this is a great It is so next level and I can't uh link

to Spoon University. I made five recipes using a clothes iron. Wow, y'all, y'all are the real deal, real deal. What a good way of describing it. Inspiring, motivating. You are my people, and I my heart is literally beaming that we have created a group where this is what we talk about, the real deal stuff of being resourceful. You are the people who who uh make nations great like you are the people who who preach who who countries are built

upon that kind of resourcefulness. My goodness, you will be okay. You are a freaking survivor, and I am so glad to call you my people that I love that we have a space together because this There aren't even words. I'm just I'm so beaming inside my spirit. Yeah, I'm sitting on twenty two requests to join our group actually, and it is this group has taken out a life of its own and I don't even I can't even

express my gratitude for a Yeah. So shout out to all of our frugal friends in the frugal friends community on Facebook. Y'all, nothing nothing to say except you the real deal and nothing's going to stop you. You are going to accomplish over the moon. My word, I show and I don't even think you're hitting all the keys. I think you can bribe you can keep going for a few more stanzas. Okay, uh. I showed this to some of my friends like this picture, and oh my word,

everyone who's seen it loves it. And I think I love it to a greater degree than they do. Um, but I just I love this group. I love what you all are doing. I love seeing how you're accomplishing your financial goals and just proving that you you can. It's a mindset thing to think if you're in a hotel room without a microwave, without a coffee pot, without a fridge, that you can't make ramen, and you guys are like, Nope, that's not true. I'm gonna make this.

I'm gonna make myself a burger and some veggies, and you're just you would ever want. Oh my goodness, I'm so every smiling. Can you hear it? Can you tell as I'm talking that I am smiling so hard? Yeah, you all are myself care, Thank you, M M