Building a Frugal Culture in Your Community

another episode of the Frugal Friends podcast. My name is Jen, my name's Jill, and we are excited to be coming at you with this really interesting topic that I've been really wanting to cover for a long time, and it is transitioning your life from a life that doesn't really care about how you spend money to one that does, and how you can, yeah, how you can bring your friends along or if all else fails, find new ones.

But that was phrased, well, not kick them to the curb, just replace them, right, Because it's something that I personally went through when Travis and I were starting to pay off debt and I had a lot of trouble with it, and so I'm sure I'm not the only one because my experiences are not unique. That was one of the reasons we started Frugal Friends podcasts so that we could have more frugal friends, and why we go back and

forth from Pa to Florida just to maintain that frugal friendship. Yes, yes, because when you find your frugal soulmate, stay with them and start a podcast together. Exactly. So we've got some really really good articles to share with you and a really sweet lightning round that you're going to get a lot of rich content from. When don't you get rich content from? For sure? For sure. But first, of course, our sponsors, of course, also brought to you by friendship.

That's right, it's friendship that brings you this podcast today, obviously, because friends are the ones you can laugh with, get angry with, like as in alongside, you know, make bracelets with, start podcasts with, and so much more. Friendship leads to so many great things. Try it today. Friendship the best kind of ship. Yes, it takes way less maintenance than actually owning a ship. I'll say that you have to hose it down a lot less than you should hose

it down a lot less. A lot less hosing down. We all know how tiring that can be. Yeah better, Okay. Our first headline today is from Living Well, Spending Less and this is a guest post on the site from a woman named Sherry Low, and it's called how to Stay Friends and become debt free or how to stay friends while becoming debt free. So even if becoming debt free isn't where you're at right now, Uh, this pertains

to becoming frugal, becoming minimalist. I think it's family that we have to worry about more when we're trying to become minimalist because the holidays and baby showers are absurd. Yeah. So basically, if you're trying to be wise with your money and make wise decisions, how you can do that. Yes, so this has some tips about how to maintain existing friendships. Jill,

what did you like about this one? So? I liked how they encouraged conversation with your friends, like not not keeping people in the dark if you do have goals that you're trying to get at, and they do a good job of sussing out like who you share with, who you don't share with. Um, they're not saying, like advertise on Facebook everything that's going on in your life financially, but having like a heart to heart at the right time.

And they kind of like correlated this to the DTR for those that don't know, like the Define the relationship conversation you know, where it's like, are we going to be exclusive or yeah was a little far, but a little bit too far they just wanted to reference to tr But anyways, just telling your friends about what it is that you want to be doing with your finances and how that might impact the relationship. And this is a good opportunity to be able to explain that you

value the person you want relationship with. You want to be able to hang out, but that may mean a little bit less hanging out over dinner at a restaurant, and so just some just some heads up, right, it's good to help set expectations for people and communicate that

is the key to relationships. And to be able to say I want to pay down debt or whatever it is that you want to do, which means over the next year, I am going to be going out to restaurants a lot less frequently, but please invite me over. I still want to invite you over. It may mean a lot more barbecues in my backyard, but I hope that we can still maintain this relationship. And right, like it shouldn't be founded on whether or not you can

go to restaurants together. Yeah, just like saying what to expect like, you might hear no from me more, but it's not because I don't want to spend time with you. It's because what I want to do financially. And I like the She notes that it's closest friends, like again, not advertising on Facebook, are just going up to people you just met and be like, Hey, I'm gonna say

no if you ask me to dinner. And I think this this is true even if financial situations shift, like if you just lost your job or unexpected financial concerns have arisen, Even if you're not trying to get at specific financial goals, that can alter the landscape of what you're able to do and engage in. And a lot of times we can try and cover that up and continue status quo, like yeah, we always go out on Wednesday nights to bowl or whatever it is that you're doing.

But that may not be wise anymore because you've got to pay off a new medical bill, or you don't have the same cash flow anymore. And so I think just being willing to be vulnerable in this way with your close friends to say hey, here's what's happening for me,

which means here's how my life needs to shift. Of course, this isn't This is an interesting one where when we share what's going on for ourselves financially, also making sure we're not putting other people in a position where they feel like you need to now be their charity, right, No one wants to do that, And I think sometimes that's a barrier to telling people is like, now are they going to feel like they have to buy my

meals every time we go out? Or are they gonna I don't want them to just feel sorry for me, And so I think some of that is the way that we approach it. But that's that's worth noting too as a potential barrier, and even how we communicate these things to not put people in a position where they feel like, okay, so now I'm buying the dinner, what do you think about? But how do you? What are you?

What are your thoughts? And not putting people in that position. Yeah, I mean we experienced that same thing too while we were paying off debt. We had people who were just more generous that you know, would buy us tickets to things or bias meals, and it does it feels it feels awkward because it's like, it's not that I can't afford it like I have a job, I just am

putting my money towards something else. So I think making that distinction with your friends and saying like, in no way do I expect to be your charity case or do I want you to buy me things so that we can hang out. I actually want to shift the way we spend time. And this actually goes into my favorite part of the article, which is refined how you

spend time with others. So this isn't just about having friends you know, buy you tickets and meals, but it's it's cultivating a new way of doing things, So thinking about free activities and spending more nights in each other's homes. And I like this quote. She said, if a night out on the town for the two of you cost more than the g d P of a small country, it's time to scale back your quality time, which is

so funny, but it's like so true. And they're most of your friends will be super open to refining how you spend time, and if they are not, then you just have to be open with them and say like, hey, I understand this is not where you want to be at this time, and like your priorities are different, So I'm just gonna have to scale back. But it's not you, it's me. And I've even been surprised in this process of how much a lot of us just go through

the motions. It's almost that group think idea of we're all just going to go out to a restaurant because what else will we do? But then we can actually say I'm trying to scale back. Do you all just want to come over here and like, let's do some frozen pizza? How many people are like, yeah, Like I don't really care to go out to a restaurant. It's just like what else were we gonna do? And you may I have even found that a lot of other people. It has spurred others on to say, yeah, me too,

I have financial goals I want to get after. Let's do this thing together, and even opening up about your goals can cause some friendships that can help you sustain in the progress of your goals. Yes hard, yes, hard, hard, yes hard, yes, anything else on this one. Yeah, So they just are also talking about making the tough decisions in this and being willing to Yeah, sometimes it will be a sacrifice. Right, We're not saying that you can

have your cake and eat it too. To set money aside for some financial goals means some sacrifice in some areas, hopefully not relationally right, hopefully you can keep relationships, but it might mean that, yeah, you're gonna sit out that Broadway show, but you'll catch them next time during the backyard barbecue. So apparently I love barbecues as alternatives going

on to a restaurant. They're I do have a lot of our friends are in this place of either home buying or raising kids or paying to own debt, and so there is some similarities at least in my friend group in the decisions we want to make with our money and go to hang out. For us is like b y oh thing for your grill, and so then

that can be whatever you want. Sure, if you want to spend money on a steak and you want to put that on the grill, fine, If you just want to bring a bunch of veggies and a salad and put the veggies on a grill, that's fine too. And so it's kind of a fun, fun way of getting together, sharing a meal and not breaking the bank. So there will be sacrifices in it, but you can still be

creative with relationships. And maintaining those friendships. Yeah. And I mean, and if in the unfortunate event that like you have a friend or a friend group that isn't willing to be flexible with what they do to spend more time with you, it's not like a like a hard and fast decision you have to make just to like stop

hanging out with them. I did have a few friends that just were not at the same place at the same time, and some of them have like since changed and have you know, come over to the frugal side, you know, but they weren't at the same place at the same time, and so we didn't hang out in that time in that season that we were paying off debt. But now that you know, we're debt free and we have a little bit more spending money and they're you know, a little bit more focused on finances. You know, we

reconnect and it's like no time ever passed. So you have to be willing to make those hard decisions and to not not feel guilted or obligated to keep relationships going if they're not where you want to go big picture. Yeah, and if they're not responding to the invitations to just come over and hang out and have some tea together and yeah, okay, then what is the relationship built upon? So if you have to make some new friends, that's not the worst thing in the world. Right right now,

we've been so much from our new friends. Yes, so our next article is all about that. It is from Tanya Hester at our Next Life and it is the benefits of building a frugal real life community. So not just in our wonderful frugal friends community on Facebook, which you definitely should all join because it's super fun, but you got to have that real life community. So she starts the first half of it is all about the benefits, but we want to skip down to the nitty gritty

of how to build a real life frugal community. The first thing I liked and the thing that has been the most helpful for me is looking for thematically appropriate meetups. So these are meetups either through Facebook or meetup dot com or something that are focused on either you know, there's like financial independence meetups and like side hustle meetups,

and You're buy Nothing group has meetups. So all kinds of like meetups with people that you already know a d percent are going to be frugal Beyond the Shadow of a Doubt, No going in so that and we have we've been part of Choose five, which is another

really great podcast. They have local meetups. So we've been a part of the Tampa Bay one for over a year and we have made some great friends from yeah, from that group and we get together like once a month and it's super fun, super frugal, and we talk about like all kinds of nerdy stuff and so yeah, I love that one. Yeah, And kind of reflecting back to even the previous article, this one talks about talking

about your goals with existing friends. So even looking within your current network to see who might share similar interests and help me to stay on track with what I've decided to set my hands to and might be able to create even greater connection and partnership in this thing that I'm trying to get after. Yeah, you could have some like acquaintances in your arsenal that could be your

like next greatest friend. You just don't know yet. It could be just like a random person on Facebook and then you and then you're like, yeah, let's meet up, let's be friends, let's start a podcast. Yeah, it's like love at first sight. So yeah, exactly. I also liked um send signals through your actions, which was really when I read it at first, I was like, like smoke signals, Like I don't, can just just send up smoke signals alarm? She said, turn on the alarm bells. You can draw

out the secretly frugal folks through subtle actions. So it sounds manipulative and fun. I love it. But I guess through just doing normal frugal things and seeing who shows up or who's super into it can give you an idea of who around you leans more towards a frugal lifestyle. Okay, and she also suggests chatting with people on planes, like I don't recommend that. I like to just put my headphones on and look, put a headphone in and get this plane right over with that's amazing. I just forced

my frugal lifestyle on other people. Guys show up to a baby out and I'm like, yeah, these closes are from the thrift store, but I washed them. What you do with it after that is up to you. I actually put that on my baby shower invitation that I prefer second hand and used items, but I'm also registered at Target. One person brought me like hand me downs

from her son, but also got me a Target gift card. Yeah, and then my mom got me this really sweet swing so and everybody else, even though they like knew they had the option to get me like cheap thrift stuff, they didn't. They just went to Target. So, which is fine. You know, not everybody wants to do the frugal thing, and you just you give people options, yeah, and sometimes

you force it on them. Okay. I think along with this, I do want to just make sure that we bring some balance to this conversation and that it's not about surrounding yourself with everyone who's like minded to you and is going after these goals. The reason that we're having this conversation is because oftentimes the majority of of people that we are surrounded by may not be so focused on paying down debt or reaching other financial goals that

are going to require sacrifices. So this is finding friends or making new friends who can help you, not to say get rid of all the others, because they're just

a drag and they're pulling you back. Like it's good to have variety and relationships and different perspectives, but when you're in a season of really buckling down financially, it's really important to have people who are going to cheer you on and that who understand some of your reasons behind it, who might be doing it themselves, or who at least can be supportive. So I think it's more about in and adding in people who can provide this versus a like taking away or only hanging out with

people who are like minded. Well said, yeah, that's exactly what we're going for. Balance. Balance, yeah, balance and composure. Yes. I also liked um. I want to just reiterate the joined by nothing groups because this is a twofold like method. You can check back to our episode about how to Get Everything for Free where we talk more about by

nothing groups. But these things also have meetups, potlucks, orientations, like a lot of opportunities for people to get together and do things, and it is a great way to meet like minded people. So I also have that one anything else stuck out to you jail that's it on this one, I think it's again. I do like the first part of the article where they talk about the benefits of being in a real life frugal community, so feel free to reference the article after you listen to

this podcast. You can head on over to our show notes and find the link to the article so you can read read the whole thing for yourself. Yes, something else that I'm super into and I know you are super into. Also chill oh, because how could you not be. It's like the literal best time of the week. Yeah, it's the bill of the week. That's right, It's time for the best minute of your entire week. Maybe a baby was born and his name is William. Maybe you

paid off your mortgage. Maybe your car died and you're happy to not have to pay that bill anymore. That's build Buffalo bills, Bill Clinton, this is the bill of the week. Hi, Ken and Joe, this is a Marilla's again. I wanted to give you an update on but you not a bill that I have. I don't know if you can hear this, but I'm driving in my brand new off Toyota. Oh okay, guy, I love you. Okay, by guys love it. Yes, we heard it. We heard it. It was I didn't hear it? Were you just punking

and traffic and talking on the cellphone? Pie of it? That's amazing. Congratulations, What has good feeling to have a paid off vehicle. Oh my gosh, Yes, we own that thing. You own that Toyota Corolla and you're driving it around, you're calling the Frugal Friends, you're doing the Bill of the week. You're just killing it right now. And it's a Toyota curl So you can literally have it forever. I challenge you to have that thing forever. Yes, oh

my gosh. If you have an amazing Bill of the week, like Amaryllis, please send us your bill to Frugal Friends podcast dot com slash bill and you can leave us a speak pipe or a Google voicemail if you're on your phone, and we're going to play it because we love these, because we love it, so websessed. All right, Well, you know what's the next best thing to the Bill of the week. The second best thing is our reception to that is so different. I'm not changing, I'm not rerecording,

but I did really enjoy put this one together. Yeah, this is a good lightning round and you're finally getting it. Was laughing by myself in public, and and that's how you know it's good. So let's get into it. Today's Lightning Round is four ways to loose friends and make enemies. Tell them how to do it. Tell them how to do it right. Number one, assume they don't care about

their finances. Don't ask them. Just assume because your friends spend money, it's not because they feel overwhelmed by their finances. It's because they just don't care. Yeah. Definitely assume they don't care about their finances. That's way number one to lose friends and make enemies. Jill, what's number two? Number two out of four ways to lose friends and make enemies. Shame them when they make a purchase you don't approve of. Don't consider that you probably would have made the same

purchase several weeks ago. Just let everyone know you wouldn't do it now, No way, no, how not me, not today, wouldn't have made that decision. Nope, all right, I would never do that. But go ahead, No, yeah, go ahead, go ahead if you wanna. If you want to ruin your life, you know, these are some things you can say to them, like in an effort if you need

like a script. Yeah. Um. Way number three to lose friends and make enemies talk only about Dave Ramsey, seriously only topics from the latest radio show book Financial Peace University class. That's it. And occasionally you can mention Rachel Cruz or Chris Hogan, but don't go crazy, don't get it twisted. Occasionally the closely affiliated people, but other wise, and they're the only two, to Dave Ramsey, the only two you can reference. Yeah, I mean, just stick to

one topic. That's That's a surefire way, endless but certainly not least way to lose friends and make enemies. Only advertise your successes. Did you bust your budget? Did an unexpected expense cut your student loan payment? Don't tell any one. Only post on social media about how well you're doing and that God is obviously smiling on you because your choice to become financially secure. I think this is the most important one. It's the most important ones, the most

practical one. Like, just like everything else in life, don't tell other people when you fail, like, only tell them when you're succeeding. And definitely make sure that you find something that you're succeeding in on a regular basis that you have enough to talk about to make people understand just like how perfect you are. Yes, yeah, people forget that little one. You want to have enough successes to actually mention it sounds like we're bitter about something. We're

really not. We're just having fun. Yeah, this really hasn't really happened to me before. But it's we definitely know ways that you wouldn't keep friends, you know. It's like the Bear and Stain Bears, like what not to do. Yeah, but here's like a dirty little secret, Like I've probably done all of these things at one point or the other.

And I think if you spend any amount of time paying off debt or changing your lifestyle to be like more financially conscious, you've done one of these things without thinking about it. So I think it's fun just to poke fun, like poke fun at ourselves, are at me not chill? But now you can poke fun at me. I'm over here, I'm over here, you can make fun of me. Yeah. So those are the four ways to

lose friends and make enemies. If you have decided that you don't want to do anything else we talked about on the first half the episode, then definitely stick with these four and we've covered all the base. But don't reference us, don't ref prints that you heard it here. It is interesting though that you mentioned number one, assuming they don't care about their finances. I'm about to bring

this one full circle. I do think we do this a lot, particularly in marriage, when it comes to finances, Like if we make different decisions about finances, we can I mean right, this is like this is a key to marriage. Is like assuming the best in one another, which we often don't do. We don't assume the best. And so one of those ways is assuming that the other person doesn't care about finances. So here's a little counseling tidbit for you. We actually did this, and I

I know this one's for freeing. It's interesting, it's interesting enough to share, Okay. So in this couple's counseling session, we put like a ten dollar bill on the ground, just like whatever somebody had in their pocket. We put it on the ground, and we asked both of them, both the husband and wife, like if you saw this in a room, what would you do? And both of

them said they would pick it up? Right, Like, what would you do if you just saw a ten dollar bill lying lying on the ground, Like everybody would say, I would pick it up? Why because it has value, right, Like you can do something with it. Either it belongs to somebody else and you want to give it back to them, or you're you're going to pocket it because you can purchase something with it, Like it has value. And I think just that simple illustration shows that we

do value finances. Everybody does. Everybody would pick up money on the ground. Maybe not everybody would pick up pennies like me, I do value even pennies, surprise, but but that we have value. So like, let's start the conversation from that point that, yes, we both value this thing. What we choose to do with it might be different, but let's not assume the worst and that you just don't care, which I yeah, it can be, and that can be a pivotal thing, especially when it comes to

financial conversations within marriage. So anyhow made me think of that. Yeah, that's a really great tip. Thank you for sharing that show. You're welcome, alright. So I mean, yeah, it's a pretty short episode today, but I feel like it was packed with a lot of really good information and I think

that all of these tips are more instantaneously actionable. So take the rest of the thirty minutes that would have been this episode and like call a friend or find a meeting, or do something to build out your frugal community, make your surroundings more frugal to set yourself up for short term and long term success. I like, there's your challenge for it? That was intention today this weekend? Yeah, for sure, for sure. We didn't just like talk really fast.

So we are. It's the last day of May, and so we're finishing up The Soul of Money by Lynn Twist for book club and we'll be starting a new one next week and you'll just have to tune in to see what that one is. But if you still want a free copy, what are we still giving a free copy of The Soul of Money if you still want a free copy of that, because you can still

read even if we're done reading it. And you can enter to win a free copy by leaving us a review on iTunes or Stitcher, then screenshot that review and email it to us. So our email is Frugal Friends Podcast at gmail dot com. And once we reach five reviews, for every five review we give away one book, So we'll select the winners at the end of the month

depending on how many reviews we get. And if you want to know an example of a helpful review, here's our review of the week and it's from Gnulli Trek and uh it's titled still Listening, so five stars. It's five stars. She said, I wrote a bad review because I was annoyed by the ads. These ladies are running the joke. Ads are hilarious, but I hate real ads and sponsors in all contexts. In the most recent episode, they called out my bad review and reminded me it

was here. Yeah. I'm clearly still listening to every episode and have grown to really love this podcast. I especially love the interview with Mrs Frugal Woods, who is a fave blogger of my Ignore the ads, everybody's got to make a living, but the content really is fab and I enjoy the banter well tracks. Honestly, you made I would I like I would say you made our week, but you've kind of made my my month slash year

with that review. I could not believe it, honest to goodness, Jen and I were texting back, like when Eric found it and pointed out to us, and then Jen and I were just texting back and forth, obvious obviously tons of g I f s flying back and forth with just how amazing this was, Like who does that? Who goes back and says like I left a bad review, now I'm coming back with a good review, like talk about some courage and some just amazing character. I'm like,

I just can't get over it. Thanks so much. You definitely definitely made our month with that one. And uh yeah, feel free to ignore our ads, feel free to feel free to fast forward through it. Yes, but I'm glad that you love the content and the banter. That's what we're really here for. Friends kind of ship. Yes, that's kind of ship brought to you by friendship. Glad you've turned into a friend, Nollie treks us. All Right, y'all, this has been a good one. Take this extra twenty

minutes and go go find a friend. Find a friend, find a friendship that you don't have to hose down. And if you do have a friendship, don't pose it down. Only if I asked you to don't and I still don't. Okay, Well, bye bye Nextually. Frugal Friends is produced, edited and mixed by Eric Syrian. Oh goodness, right, I wonder how often people with ships need to hose it down? Like, how

how relevant is that statement? Even like hosing down your ship? Um, I think it's actually relevant because you need to get the salt off of it. Although ships are different from boats, and I think I learned this, don't don't take this, but I think in order to be called a ship, you need to have you need to be like there needs to be other boats within your within yourself by saying that, like other vessels on board in order to be considered a ship. Okay, so must contain at least

like one lifeboat in order to be considered a ship. Okay. I you think I would know that because I live on the water, but I don't. I have no clue because I don't have a boat or a ship. We will come live in Florida and we will bring our boat, and on our boat we will bring a raft, and then we will be called a ship and will be friends, having friendship on the ship of life boats. Yeah, yeah, don't say that fast. I don't even think I can remember what I just said. I know I made a

lot of boat references though. So you're welcome. Yeah yeah, oh wow, I'm a lifesaver, life preserver. I'm I don't know. You can't just cut me, like, what is this? Are you doing this? I'm talking to myself right now because you because you cut me. Are you gonna start doing that in real life where you're just like, Okay, cut because we have a podcast together