Being Frugal With a "Non-Frugal" Partner

Friends podcast. My name is Jen, my name is Jill, and today we are bringing a frequently requested episode essentially kind of like how to get your partner on board, but not really well we'll talk about it, well, you'll get it, but like being frugal when your partner is not as frugal and I feel so seen maybe and

called out. I don't know what you'd call this Jill's episode. Yeah, Well, in some way is I'm really looking forward to this because I think we're looking at this topic from some different vantage points that we don't typically here or see talked about, where, Yeah, like you're saying, John, it's not just how to get your partner on board and financial conversations.

This when we find real rubs with one another, when there's tension and the various levels of tension that I do think, especially towards the second part of this episode, we're going to be getting a little bit more vulnerable and highlighting some more challenging and difficult dynamics. So brace yourself, but glad you're here with us. And I think this is going to be a really good one to open the door to some things that are lesser talked about

and hopefully people can feel seen and equipped. Yeah, I'm very excited for it. But first, this episode is brought to you by National Middle Child a So today is National middle Child Day, and we want to celebrate this day on the show, not only because those children who are not the oldest but also not the baby, and who are probably arguably the most put together sibling in the family is rarely recognized because because absolutely no drama, but because Jill is a middle child. As a middle child,

you probably get the least attention in your family. So you're gonna want to take care of yourself because nobody else is going to by opening a high old savings account. So right now C I T Banks Savings Connect account is offering a one point three five a p y. It's the highest uh we've seen that we like. So if you're a middle child, if you're not a middle child, wherever you fall in the family tree, head to Frugal Friends podcast dot com, slash c I T and start

stashing away money that your family doesn't know about. Again, I feel so seen. Apparently this is my episode and a middle child. All of these videos that are going around, these reels about oldest, middle youngest, I'm like, oh my gosh, that's me. That middle child experience is me and all of the things, all of the things that can be said about a middle child. Although, mind you, I make

myself seen and heard. I started a podcast, so here I am absolutely do and in that C I T account because I got to do for my own self. You've celebrated a National middle Child day or two. So if you are looking for some episodes to queue up after this that are in the same realm, we love episode one, which is healthy financial boundaries with family and friends. We love boundaries. And then also episode seven how to have healthy conversations about money. Both of those again Jill

episodes for sure. So episode and episode seven really really good ones. Happy National middle Child every probably day. Cheers to that. Thank you, thank you, thank thank thank you everyone.

I want to thank my fans, my siblings, your sister for being born first, thank your brother for being born second third rather, So this was so I had to dig deep to find these headlines because a lot of when you first Google, I don't think being frugal with a non frugal partner is probably the term you're going to search for in Google. It's probably like how to get your spouse or your partner on board with frugality or paying off debt or budgeting or what have you.

But when I searched those things, they all came up with very symptom based tips, so very like symptoms like I don't know if some them is the right word, but just like very surface level tips like show them the budget like I guess it, convicting them or maybe even guilting them, I don't that's probably some of the result that's going to come inadvertently. So I didn't really love most of the articles on this topic. Well, a lot of times its behavior based rather than relationship based.

And of course, if we're talking spouses partners, these are people we deeply care for, and we're not going to resolve deeper rooted issues by just looking at behaviors or ways we can manipulate or get our way. We want to dig deeper to that relational level, and I think that's what what we aim to do here in this episode and hopefully in all episodes. It's not just about

the actions. There are some tools we can implement, There are some things we can do, but not without also looking at some of the deeper layers and having tools that are maybe outside of just the do this, don't do that. Yeah, behavior is what I was looking for, not symptom, but yes, they were all behavior based. And if there is no motivation to do behaviors, there's gonna be no success. You're going to keep spinning your wheels

and being frustrated. Nothing is changing with your partner. So these articles, we hope give kind of an alternative like view, maybe more positive and relational views. So that starts with this first article, what to do if you're more frugal than your partner. It comes crunchy tails, I'm here for it, what I'm here for it. Oh, I am very, very pleased with this article, every single aspect of it. I think it is so on point and gives really insightful,

rich things to think about tips along the way. I'm I'm so thrilled. And one of the things that they point out at the very onset. I'll just read this quote that is unrealistic to expect your partner to change your way of handling money, much like it's unrealistic for you to change your spouses this concept, and I think recognizing and embracing this from the start is very necessary because for however set in your ways, you feel, it's

most likely the case for your spouse or partner. And so recognizing that that this is where we're starting from, and the aim isn't just to change the other person. We can shift and change and morph and grow, but hopefully out of invitation and relationship and personal desire to change and grow, not out of manipulation on the part of another person. And so coming into us recognizing what is my motivation? Is it to change this person or to understand them better and learn ways of working together

in ways that are mutually beneficial, totally different approaches. Yeah that I have same same feelings. I also liked these

these different tips, So I like the first one. It's not not a tip, but she's just saying, like more than numbers, opposites attract, and so maybe you're not opposite from your partner in every single way, but she says we each have our internal money wiring which is reflected and how we save, spend, invest and give um and to that, we also have our individ visual money stories from life circumstances. So understanding these differences is crucial to

getting the result that both of you want financially. I love how they describe UH. One of the first steps can be well, certainly they talk about having a financial date. We've used the term money party, whatever word you want to put on it, that's the most appealing for you. But the idea is that we need to have time set aside that's attractive, that we want to engage in, but where there is space and safety created for an intentional conversation about money, but not necessarily just diving into

the numbers and the budget and the spreadsheet. If if you've got a well oiled machine, then then find that's what you're doing. But obviously that's not the couple that we're talking to right now. Beginning first with some of these other layers that aren't the budget, that aren't the numbers, and we'll get into more of that. One of the things that they talk about is identifying your money personality. There's a lot of different ways of going about this.

I really like what they've outlined here though. Of they've identified in this article five different money personalities, and they include the nurturer, the epicurean, the independent, the producer, the visionary, and being able to have an understanding of what each one of these are, where you fall and where your partner falls again for the sake of understanding one another, valuing one another, so that from that foundation and launching point,

you can move towards some actions that align with your growing understanding. Yeah. I love these five money personalities. Do you okay, don't tell me which one you are? Do you know which one you are on these? Yes? Okay, I'm gonna guess. Do you think you can guess which one I am? Probably? Yeah, okay, just having looked at these briefly for the past five minutes, not digging into these, but I think that you are the nurture that that was my first okay as well, because you are so

extra in taking care of people. Thank you. That's growing inside of me. I do think I've changed throughout the years, and that's a whole other thing is I think sometimes our personality with money can change, how we can change for you, I think you're the producer. Actually I'm the independent. Okay. I was back and forth between them. I think if I was the producer, I would I would look at my money more than once a month, my banking out

more than once a month. Um. If that you know I have to do it once a month and it's chore for me. Well, let me let me read through this really quick, just so people can know if they don't end up making it to this article. The nurture is someone who will keep others in mind when making financial decisions, even though sometimes they're aware putting others first may not be possible. The epicurean They may enjoy spending money, but usually with a spending goal in mind. They typically

seek the good life and like the finer things. The independent they deeply value freedom and autonomy. It's important to them to live life on their own terms have the freedom to follow their bliss. They tend to think about money. Um, not think about money unless it's getting in the way of living the life that they want. The producer is grounded, diligent, consistent when it comes to managing money. They watch over

it carefully, enjoy accumulating it and watching it grow. I might be a combination of the nurturer and the producer. Honestly love accumulating money. Yes, I think that that's what stood out to me about you, probably, and then that might the producer might be our crossover, your independent and nurturer. And then we have a crossover introducer. Three so achievers, So that yeah, easily translated to that. And then finally the visionary. They see money as a tool for self

expression and a means to follow. They're driven to do what they love for work, and are equally excited when they are working towards consistent success financially. Now, mind you, as I've read all of these brief descriptions, they're all good.

All of them are are excellent not There's not a hierarchy here, and so I think that's one of the things we also want to highlight in this conversation that the frugal, the non the non frugal, or the spender, the saver, the one who's more money conscious, the one who doesn't think about money a lot. There's not a good or bad, a right or wrong, a better than here.

They're all valuable and have something to give. I recognize that there can be tension sometimes there can be a railing against or a pulling apart that can happen when these various personalities come together. But that's another thing I think to hold onto here is recognizing where is their value? Where is there or understanding where we can uplift the various qualities of the other person. The financial conversations will

go much better if that's the standpoint we can come from. Yeah, I mean, you can absolutely love nice things and the good life and be that epicurean and be frugal because that is the definition of values based spending, knowing what you value and spending without guilt on it. And you can also be the producer and love making money and love spending it intentionally. So like all of these money personalities are also translatable to a frugal or non frugal lifestyle.

It's just trying to get see how we can live in our personality and our partners personality in a more productive way, like the concept of values based spending, but around this of how can we help each other be the best version of money personality that they are, Right Like, not all of my nurturer or producer tendencies are rooted in beneficial things, but me for me growing so that that I can be the best nurturer with my money. And how can I help my spouse be the best

producer or visionary with their money? Like what an amazing goal and gets us on the same team, even if we're different. Absolutely, and that's going to help pull your partner into wanting to be frugal if you're if they know that you have their best interests in mine and you want them to live in their fullest self, then they're going to be more open to the idea of

being mindful of their money. I think so one of like one of the reasons I'm truly independent is like I don't like being told what to do with my money. Like I don't even like myself telling me what to

do with my money. And so when I think somebody else is trying to tell me what to do, like I push back and so like but Travis telling me, like, how can we, you know, align our finances so that you can have that freedom you truly value, not just like surface level in I can spend whatever I want when I want, but like the true freedom is I can live however I want in the time and have

enough time to do it. That's like mind blowings, and that's yeah, that's way more effective than look at your transaction, look at how much you spent last month. You convinctate about that. Oh, I'm saying in a high pitch voice, in a low pitch voice. It's not shame based, and it's completely removing the shame from it, but celebrating what is inside of yourself and the other person. I'm so

jazzed on this conversation, absolutely so. Then the next thing that that that can be talked about in this financial date, this money party, this whatever you want to call it, is your background, your money story. We all have one, and it began in our childhood and it was developed throughout our teen years and into adulthood. Some of it is excellent and aimed at well being. Some of it probably not excellent, not beneficial for us, and so teasing

that apart, weeding that out. But we're not going to be able to have growth, experience growth, learning better things for ourselves without an understanding of where we came from, which can help to inform where where do we want to go? And having this understanding of yourself and your partner again is going to form that foundation of how can we best approach one another? And how can we make decisions that are going to be aimed at well being?

So tell each other your stories. I like some of the questions that they provide of what were your early feelings about money? What where your parents, circumstances and attitudes about money? Ask getting each other these questions again in a safe space, digging deeper on these money conversations that are not threatening about what did you spend last month? But let me get to know you. Invitation for deeper intimacy and understanding of one another, Holy smokes, gonna go

so much better than looking at spreadsheets. Absolutely, So the next part is to create goals and middle ground strategies. I love the middle ground strategies part, and she says in bold successful relationships are a journey of compromise, forgiveness, and of course love. When it comes to money, it's essential that you both have an equal say and can come to an agreement regarding saving, spending, investing, and giving.

And I think that's what these the like the middle ground strategies are so like important for so like what's that amount that's too high for you and too low for your spouse that may love to spend. Find that middle ground. It's gonna be a little uncomfortable for both of you, it should, but there should be some agreement so that, like when they're out and they're making a purchase, there's already a guideline of Okay, what do I have to consult the budget on? What do I have to

talk to my spouse about? What can I just buy you know, without asking, you know, consulting a soul. I love this concept. It's negotiation, which we've talked about before. I do think this conversation does need to be tethered to numbers. We can't just throw out numbers without knowing, well, what what can we afford? What is within the money that we bring in every month to be able to say, what can you spend without needing to ask? And what's that number that is going to make quite an impact

on the money that we've brought in that month. So tether that conversation to something, but give room for that negotiation of this is what I think we can spend and don't need to consult with one another. This falls under the bigger purchase category where we should check in with one another, make plans for this thing to be purchased.

I know many couples approach even shared finances in a variety of ways, so definitely bring that into consideration, whether you have shared bank accounts or separate bank accounts, whatever, that is tethering it to the reality of your situation when you finally get to this point of the conversation and then from there implementing a document together. Again, this

needs to be congruent with who you are. But a lot of times when we put things into righting there is more follow through when we can come to a point of very clearly defined boundary lines but also aims and goals. Were more likely to have this Okay, we're doing this together and and this is a shared journey that we're doing, so it doesn't have to be complicated. I know we talk about within the Frugal Friends podcasts

and community a one page financial plan. This can be that of putting down in writing, what are your long term goals, your short term goals, what do you want to be putting towards saving? What are some of the spending things that you want to see in your life in the coming months and years ahead. So get it in writing, put down what you this hard work that you've implemented of all these conversations, and now bring it together. This is finally the action point. We finally made it there.

We've talked about all the other things. We've invited one another to deeper understanding, and now what do we want to do with this? Let's put it in writing. Yeah, she the the the rules, she says, the rules and budgets have a restrictive implication, especially for natural spenders. So how about calling them adoring agreements and soulful spending plans. It's all about branding, right, Yes, I mean that's one way, that's sure. If that's what if that's what you need. Yeah.

So our next article, the last one kind of ends um with this, like you can still control your own spending even if you can't control your partners, And that kind of leads us into um. This next one from cs monitor how to protect yourself when a spouse mishandles money. And this one's kind of like a worst case scenario. We always hope for the best, and we live, we live in that, but we don't want to be so naive that we do not prepare for the worst. And so this article goes or some of the ways that

you can just make smart financial decisions for yourself. Yes, Okay, a couple of things that I want to say, because this is now the point in this episode that I think we are digging even deeper into some of the realities of people's circumstances. First, I want to say, it's an interesting hosting website for this article. But don't be misled. This person is a blogger for the Simple Dollar, and and he owns the Simple Dollar. I just couldn't find

the article on the Simple Dollar website. So here here it is hosted on the Christian Science Monitor. Yes, but but the pan that is has valuable insight and we trust trustworthy. Yeah. And so then beyond that, we are now talking about issues in relationships related to finances that go beyond oh we can't seem to get on the same page, or they like to spend a little bit more money than I do, or I wish they enjoyed eating at home more. We're not talking about those dynamics anymore.

We're talking about some dynamics that can really be devastating

in relationships. And part of the reason we're talking about this is because it is more common then I think we realize, and I recognize this in my own care for people in the mental health field, in my own conversations with friends and acquaintances, and within this podcast environment the the real things that people are dealing with, and wanting to put some content out there that can help people feel seen but also equipped for Okay, yes, this issue does go to a deeper level, and there are

things that you can do in response to that financially but also emotionally and mentally to be able to care for yourself. This one also does hit very close to home for me. I'm not going to go into details, but I have seen this very real time play out where there is some extreme mishandling of money that can affect a spouse, and if that is you, there is no shame in that. There there is help, there are

things you can do, there's influence that you have. But I think also this might be a conversation where it goes deeper beyond oh, I just need to listen to episodes about how to get my spouse on board. It's very possible that if you find yourself in the situations that we're about to describe, there needs to be some counseling for you as an individual. For hopefully you as a couple, if your spouse is willing to come together. Because what we're about to describe goes deeper than just

quote unquote surface money issues. There are deeper things going on that are most likely linked to past experiences, understanding of money, potential traumas, and so deeper levels of help and assistance. But we want to give some of the low hanging fruit. There you go. There's a statement I say often of but what can you do in the

immediacy when you recognize that this is happening? And so some examples are a spouse that consistently refuses to talk about money, or they're spending where there are maybe charges on the debit or credit card that you have no idea about and they refuse to be forthright about. There is spending beyond one's means that might have to do with addiction, it might have to do with again traumas, various coping mechanisms, you name it. But secretive purchases that

aren't gifts for you. It's not the holidays, and these secretive purchases aren't things that eventually you're going to find wrapped up as a nice gift. These are the things that we're describing. And again, many many people do find themselves in this situation. So part of this is normalizing and validating, and you are seen, but you're not without tools and resources and you don't have to fall victim to this circumstance with the person that you care about

in value. Yeah, and even if you don't believe that there could be like deep stuff going on, like stuff you don't know about, these are still things that are essential to do for individuals because maybe there aren't issues now, but down the road could be. And so these are just these are just smart things or or there's very often in this when there are deep issues, the non spending spouse doesn't know about it because the overspending spouse is hiding it so well they're really good at it.

So that's why, again there's no shame or judgment in this, because these are just things we need to do and and know about because it could come up at any time, and we hope it won't. We hope that your non frugal spouse will, like you'll have these conversations and they'll be inspired and you'll work together and you'll have this

like really fruitful relationship. But we always want to like prepare for the alternative to Yeah, if they're secrecy, if they're stonewalling, those do though, indicate deeper issues that you will most likely well, I would encourage get some help, get some counseling to help understand what's happening, protect yourself, be able to navigate this, and hopefully, as you're saying, Jen,

come together and find some of that healing and well being. Yeah, and I would say so the first tip for me, which I don't think is on this, but I would say it's it's first before. The first tip is to check your credit report, and if you are able to check your spouses credit report as well, ultimately check yours first to make sure that no um loans or credit cards have been opened up in your social Security number

that you don't know about. Your credit report at free credit report dot com or credit Carma will show you all the debts that you have on your social Security number, and then the same for your spouse. Uh So, if you can keep separate finances, but an open relationship should be willing to share what's going on in each person's finances. So yeah, that would be the first thing, just to make sure there's full transparency in the relationship, making sure

we know. It's not going to tell you how much is in your bank account or what the transactions are, so it's not gonna do like individual like specifics like that, but you'll see the debts, the checking accounts, all of that. And so i'd say that is the first thing I

would do. And from there, one of the ways that we can protect ourselves and we can take control and influence in the areas that we have control over, is to open up a separate savings account, put a savings account in your name, and begin to put money aside into that account. That it can be small amounts, large amounts, whatever it is. Set that up. I'm not saying to do, and I don't think this article is either, and then

keep that a secret. But of course you do want it to be protected, so that that money is there, so that you can care for yourself and potentially your

spouse or partner if needed. But of course, if there is a lot of secrecy, especially from the other person, I would say before informing about this other account, that they could potentially have access to having a mediator, having some counseling, a therapist to be able to talk through some of those issues, because if you're getting to this point where you might need to open up a separate savings account and keep it hidden, then that is an indicator of there might be some other things that we

need to talk about and explore here. So I'm not saying forever and always keep this hidden and do the same thing that the spouse is doing, but know that you are moving towards protection of self in this and continue to operate in protection and wisdom at each next step. Yeah, you can absolutely and should absolutely be open with your partner and say, I have my own savings account, I'm transferring money regularly into it to save for YadA YadA.

And so if everything is great, you have the saving account, you're saving for whatever in it, whatever you want, um, and you just have it just in case. It's on your social Security number. You know the password, YadA YadA, so it's it's yours just in case something happens, like God forbid, your partner dies and there's a problem accessing immediate funds, then you have all of your own stuff

for immediate access. Yeah, there's a lot of reasons to have at least both names, if not each person having an account. Again, that's a whole other situation I've seen before where one spouse is not on any of the accounts. Uh. Sometimes not ill motive or malice in it, just it just didn't happen. And yes, there's no access to funds then in an emergency situation. So that's just a good idea across on the board. Set up your beneficiaries on your account and put whoever you want as the beneficiary

and you can alleviate that problem. But yeah, sometimes it gets forgotten. And setting up automatic transfer again, this is one of those tips that is worthwhile regardless of the situation that you find yourself in. When you have a savings account, when you have investing accounts, setting up that automatic transfer, even if it is a low amount, so that you know regularly money is being put there and

that can give peace of mind. Yeah, and then and next, something everyone should do, no matter what kind of relationship you're in, is have a raw IRA or a traditional I array for yourself and be putting as much money into it every month as feasibly possible. And so this is something you should do whether you are I mean, you know, you're like, I'm never even a spouse, they're great, They're much better than me, or you're like, this is rocky, I'm not sure, like how this is going to go

or whatever. Everyone needs their own ira because the maximum contributions are so low that really it makes sense for both spouses to have one. And if you are a non working spouse, you are still eligible for a roth ira as long as you are married, filing jointly or I believe possibly had a household. You'll have to check me on that, but non working spouses are eligible for rath ira, so you should have one. Everyone should have their own. I Ray mic drop and that's what it is.

And hopefully you feel seen, equipped, given the tools that you need to have conversations that might be difficult, but starting at the relational level and then moving to action. And if your situation goes deeper than I just wish my husband didn't, you know, by so many snacks and

it is, there's more layers of concern. You are also seen, and there's no shame there and there is help and there are things within your control that you can do and get a part of the community within your your network that can help to provide you the support that you need. You're not alone in it, and hopefully some of these very simple tips can help in those first few steps to be able to move towards well being

for all of you. And you know what the next step is here now that we've said all of that, and it's a necessary step no matter where you are in your relationship, but especially if you're where Jill and I are. The Bill, that's right, it's time for the best minute of your entire week. Maybe a baby was born and his name is William. Maybe you paid off your mortgage. Maybe your car died and you're happy to not have to pay that bill anymore. Duck bills, Buffalo bills,

Bill Clint, this is the bill of the week. Hi, this is Kelly and I am a fairly new listener to your podcast. I was listening to the episode about saving money on coffee, which I desperately need to do, and I was heard your cry for a Bill Curtis. And I do have an uncle, Bill Curtis. He is my mom's younger brother. He's the youngest of eight kids, and he is recovering from a major stroke that he had about three years ago. And I'm just so proud of his recovery. So thanks for hearing my story about

my favorite Bill uncle Bill Curtis. I think I might. I think I'm about to cry. I think tears are like welling up inside of favor. So I'm like so happy for you, Kelly. I'm so happy for you Jen like you beside yourself, Kelly and Uncle Bill Curtis. I'm so thrilled that you are recovering from this stroke. I am so so thrilled, and may you continue to experience recovery. We want all the best for you Bill, Mr Bill Curtis,

and Kelly, thank you so much for seeing me. I feel seen in this episode now and bringing this, bringing this beautiful Bill to our episode. Yank you. Wow, Kelly, you really brought it. It's a person. It's inspiring. He's an uncle. We all know there's there are uncles out there named Bill and Bill Curtis. Mind you. Everyone everyone gets something with that. Bill. Thanks so much, Kelly. If you all listening, I these just keep getting better and better.

I don't know if you can top it. I don't know if you can do heartwarming and amazing and funny and but but give it a try. Submit your blush, you know, Bill Curtis and you get him to call in a bill. I will pass out. She will pass out. I don't know if I can handle that, but I'm here for it. I will be here for it. Visit Frugal Friends podcast dot com, slash bill, leave us a bill, and now it's time for round. Oh, so this one

is our vulnerable round. It's vulnerable like lightning. Vulnerability, lightning, like standing outside in the lightning storm with the umbrella vulnerable. That's this, um. So, the question today is are you the frugal or non frugal partner in your relationship? And I didn't put this on the question, but prove it. We know this for each other, but we want you guys listening to know. So um and hashtag prove it. Okay, you all probably know, especially if you've been listening for

a long time. I am the more frugal partner in my relationship with my husband Eric. He's amazing. We are married ten years and we have discovered how to care for and value each other well, and we've got those check ins and money conversation shans and how we're going to go about this down I mean not saying it's flawless or perfect but thankfully it is going it's going better and better. We sometimes hit the snacks. Here's how I'm going to prove it. There was a time when

I made an online purchase with our credit card. Eric was out of the house. He gets a phone call because it's his phone number that's attached to the you know, the main contact of the credit card. Both of our names are on the credit card, though, but it's his number that's first listed. So he gets a phone call saying, we think your card has been compromised? Would you like to cancel it? And he's like, well, what was the charge?

And it was this online retailer and he's like, yeah, no, I think I can say without a shadow of a doubt, that's a fraudulent charge. Please go ahead and cancel it. And then I try and make another purchase on the card and find that the card has been canceled. It's it's closed out, And I call him. I'm like, what's go went on? Do you know what's going on with credit card? He's like, yeah, there was this weird charge, so I had them cancel. I'm like, and you didn't

check in with me? He's like no, because I know you just you don't. You don't shop online. You don't do that, and and and I had it was like the one time when it made sense to me. I was sitting on my couch. I didn't want to drive to the store, so I made the purchase. He didn't eat. So here's my proof that a charge was made on the credit card. He didn't make it, so he just assumed, oh, yeah,

that's fraudulent. I'm going to cancel the credit card. Oh gonna That ended up being quite a fiasco because then we needed to get a refund and the refund went back on that card, but because the card was canceled, we just like ended up never getting that money back because it was that canceling of the credit card was quite a headache. But the main part of my story is that's my proof that I'm more frugal, because he

was like, no, clearly, Jill never spends money. I'm gonna go ahead and cancel the card because someone else is using it. And that's how we know. That is a great and the fact that Eric WinCE wanted an indoor water feature like that is something he legitimately as. It's so funny because I'm not cheap, I am willing to spend where it makes logical sense to me, Like I'm not going to take advantage of people. I'm not afraid to spend money, but I don't often find myself in

positions where I need to do that. But I also am willing to like buy the plane tickets, do the adventure, get a gift. But there are just certain categories where you won't. Yeah, you won't find me at Target, you won't find me in the dollar section there. You're not going to find me. Just spend in just to spend. Yes, I will agree with that, all right, Jen, I know what you are, but but share. Okay, So I wouldn't say I'm the non frugal partner, but I will say

I am the less frugal partner. And it is only because my frugality pales in comparison to Travis's frugality, which borderlines on cheap, possibly homeless. He is so, oh my gosh, how can I narrow down the stories? I mean, just yesterday he brought home a dresser that he found on the side of the road. And I love to drink coffee, and Travis, oh, here's one. So we went on a cruise. Travis does not drink alcohol because he doesn't like to

pay for it. But when you buy him a drink, he also doesn't like a lot of the taste of alcohol, but he will accept an alcoholic beverage from you if you buy it for him and the people at our table, but the drink package and they couldn't use it all. You both have to, like, not just one person in the room can buy it. Both people in the room have to buy it. So they had to go, like thirty drinks a day, like that was their max, and they were not going to use that, and so they

were buying us drinks. And they bought Travis a pina colada and it is his new favorite drink. But he said, I think the reason like, I think the only reason I liked it so much because it was free. He wouldn't even admit to just like really loving it. He had to stipulate that part of the reason why he loved it was because it was free. And what's your reason for liking it, for liking alcohol? I just like it. So there you go. So that's the proof he likes

it's because it's free, and you like it because it's alcohol. Yeah, I will buy alcohol. It is one of my core values. It goes community achievement, alcohol, Oh man, but we die, we digress very response. So I will spend I will spend money on that, and he doesn't get it because it costs money. He's like, why wouldn't you just get water? It's free, m So fair point, Travis. Yeah, so that's and there are countless stories. Those are just the ones that happened last two weeks. Oh yeah, I love that

you've got. You've got them locked and loaded for all the examples, and yes, I have seen firsthand. It's funny. We've got such a pendulum. All of us collectively, the four of us together are all very much more so on the side of very conscious about spending and quite values based and and frugal in our own right. And it goes Travis being the most frugal to you Jen to then me, to then Eric. So even though I'm more frugal than Eric, you're more frugal than me and

Travis thy just like right in a row. But there's speed a minute, and that's what I and I think we can all value where each other is and laugh at when it goes awry. Oh well, let us know what you are, what your personality money personality type is, how these conversations go with your spouse. If you've got any other tips, and thank you so much for listening. Many of you know we have a private community where

we do monthly money challenges. Sometimes it includes talking with spouses about this type of thing, and we offer accountability groups. And we want to congratulate one of our members for a big win. This one is Tenaya E, who said, I have never negotiated a bill before. I've never had the capital to be in the position to negotiate, nor have I ever known it was a thing that I

could do. At one point in the Spending Symposium, that's our virtual event that we do annually, which was so fun, one of the speakers talked about negotiating their first medical bill. I had an epiphany about this and was facing more than two thousand dollar bill for my daughter's gastronomy procedure. I have yet to meet my deductible for the years, so I was forced to pay the entire amount out of pocket. Since I heard I could negotiate, I asked

the billing lady what my options were. Since I offered to pay the bill in full, they offered me a twenty percent discount for the entire bill. I put the whole amount of my credit card and paid off the credit card the next day. From my savings. I also got two percent cash back on all purchases, so the dollar bill gave me an additional thirty dollars back in my rewards account. And because I have the h s A, the payment was made with tax re money. Yeah. Oh

my goodness, in that is that is hacking? Yeah? Just really being intentional and smart. Yes, And this was before she heard last week's episode on negotiating medical bills um and depth. So way to go, Tonya, so proud of you. Thanks everyone for listening. If you want to check out our monthly challenge community, head to Frugal Friends podcast dot com slash club and see what we've got coming up next. See you next time. By Frugal Friends is produced by

Eric Sirian. I will say, sometimes it can feel and I don't want it to feel this way, but I recognize it, and so I think naming it is part of it. Even though Eric isn't a massive spender, I can feel like I'm harnessing or like holding back floodgates or kind of like whole, Like I need like I am responsible to kind of just like keep it reined in, because if not, it would potentially go haywire. Not that he would could spend outside of means, but maybe beyond

what other savings or spending goals would allow. For like, if given permission, I think it could potentially be a frenzy. And I just feel this responsibility to like tether or rain in. I don't love that. Sometimes it feels like I'm holding multiple leashes and and I can't let them go because if I do, then it's gonna um be completely out of my control. But it sometimes sometimes it

feels that way with the leash. I feel like if you let go of that though, Eric would experience that for like I'm month and then he would like be over it. So I like, your concerns are not without merit. Yeah, But I also think that you have taught him well enough over the years, and he's listened to enough episodes of the FRU Girlfriends podcast. But the thing is, the damage that he could do in a month is amazing. He's got some very expensive interests and hobbies between and

and this. This has helped that a lot of the things that he purchases, and so he's a he's a researcher and he loves to look things up and learn things, and that's a that's valuable and there are many things ways that that benefits us. But I see that some of the flip side of that is that leads to them spending. When he is constantly researching, looking up, learning new things, it makes it gives him an awareness of

what's out there that he might want. And so there's that's a double edged sword, which I'm grateful for in some regard, and sometimes I feel like I need to be part of the reining it in. But when it comes to renovating our house, it makes sense that yes he needs to buy these tools, Yes we need to buy these materials, and I'm grateful for that research and he finds the best deal and he does the thing, and I think renovations gives an outlet for that. But

without the renovations, where will that go. I know that it needs an outlet. I know that he needs to be researching and buying. But like his interests are boding, r VS, music equipment, tools, Like we're not talking, you know, he just really enjoys collecting Pokemon cards, which I'm great, very grateful for that. I wouldn't love that if that was his ship. But it's it's quite amazing the things that he could find to spend money on. And I'm like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

that's really cool. You know that we can't buy our view right now, right right, we're both on the same page there. Well what if you he just like gets into stocks and index funds and sectors and he could reach research recreational sectors and see which on those index funds. Maybe, yeah, definitely, I think that could help that. It reminds me though of Travis with bringing home free stuff. I'm very thankful for it. I love second hand. I don't like to search for it myself, um, but I do prefer it.

And Travis is always bringing home free stuff. Like the dresser was like, oh my god, are you in my head? I was literally looking for a dresser exactly like this. I was going to spend a hundred dollars on it, and you brought one into my house for free, and so thankful. But then like some of the stuff he brings in, we're never going to use more need and so it just becomes like a things that sit until we put them back where he found them. Oh, that's funny.

That is so similar where I kind of feel like I'm holding back the reins on spending, and you feel like you're pushing out the please don't bring this, Please don't bring this into my home. It's very similarly what I'm doing. Yes, yeah, very thankful for it, and don't stop. But also there's a boundary line that's, um, yeah, it's great, don't stop until I say so. And on that note, we're stopping