Ask Us Anything LIVE from #FinCon2019

we go. Hello frugal Friends. I'm Jen, I'm Jill, and we are coming at you live from the podcast recording booth at finn Con nineteen in Washington, d C. And if you don't know what that is, because I'm still a little unclear, it's basically a big conference where people who blog, podcast, create videos, consults on money. They all converge here and we're in DC right now. So and they've got this awesome podcasting setup, so we're taking advantage

of it. Yes, this is our money mecca and we are here for the week to pilgrimage with the other nerds. That's intense. I don't think that's what I'm doing. I'm watched. I'm here for it. I'm here for it. Jen's doing that. I'm mostly taking it all in. Yes, but we are so excited to go through your questions. Yes, we have a special edition of the Frugal Friends podcast today, totally

different from anything we've done. And we invited our listeners from the Frugal Friends community to ask us anything, and we invited them to get weird, and yes you did. Later on in the thread, you're like, come on, people, get We didn't get as weird as I wanted it to, probably for the best, but we have a bunch of questions and we're going to go through them and uh answer some of your burning, burning questions. Yeah. I was

so stoked on how many questions people asked us. Yes, once prompted, you guys all have some really great questions. So I will just warn you there is no lightning round today of the week, there are no sponsors, so we might be pleasing a lot of people. Actually, yeah, we'll find out. But we want to answer your questions. So let's get started. Who we got Jen? All right? Our first question is from Jennifer and she asked, what's

your why of being frugal? Okay, I'll go first. So being frugal for me, honestly, it's a way of life. But as I have adopted the concepts of frugality more and more, I think it's grown my why because I've started to see more and more what I'm able to do as a result of being frugal. So I will honestly say my why has shifted as I think it will. I think as we reach new goals, your wise might start to change. For me, it is primarily to get

out of debt. My frugal living. My frugal lifestyle is aimed at a certain goal, although I do not anticipate throwing frugality out the window once I'm debt free. So I also see all of these tenets of frugality being able to help me even towards things that I want to be a part of my life long term, like generosity, giving people gifts, being able to pay like this sounds so silly, but it's something that I really want to

be able to do. I've done in small measure, uh, and I really enjoy it, like paying to take people out to dinner, or dropping off gifts two people just because or whatever the cases, just valuing other people. I'm hoping I can do that with my finances because I cut out other non essentials. Yes. Yes, so our frugality started the same way for our wise to get out of debt, and since getting out of student loan in car debt. It's become a way to two things. It

keeps me from having decision fatigue so a lot. There are so many opportunities to buy bye bye, and having a frugal and minimalist mindset keeps me from the stress of making decisions of what to buy because my immediate answer is always no, don't buy it, and then I run it through that filter and then say, okay, maybe I'll buy it. Um. And then it also limits financial stress.

So if I'm not buying a lot of things that I don't need, I don't have all that money coming out of my bank account, and I can have a good cushion in my checking account, and I don't have to feel stressed about putting my bills on auto debit because I know there's money in there for my bills to come out, and I don't overdraft. That feels so good too. Then the no fear of overdraft. All right, let's move on. So dev In Devin asks why also cute? Mm hmm, This one really hit home for me. It's

a super research question. So I'm gonna say, um, it's it's my my mom and my dad UM play a big part in that. UM. And then also like wearing clothes that fit me. Yeah, good answer. It's a super thought provoking one for me. I would say, when God was creating me and there were all the descriptor options of super attractive, beautiful, gorgeous, not much to look at, cute, he chose cute, he picked really cute, he picked cute. Yeah, he slapped it on and was like this is this

is good enough? Yeah? Thanks for that question of Stevens. All right, Melissa asks, h do you break up with a hairstylist or photographer for the sake of frugality? Okay, this one's a complicated one. Here you go yes and no, so and this is this will be this will be the answer all throughout. Right, really depends not not the diaper that you wear in your old age. So it depending on whether that's how you want to spend your

money or not. So frugality is all about saving on the things you need or you don't really care that much about but have to purchase, so that you can spend on the things that you want to spend your money on. So, if it is really valuable for you to have really quality photos of your family taken once or twice a year, then yeah, spring for that. If you're like, oh, this is just an obligation. I don't even know why I do this. I could certainly do

this myself. Or I don't want to send out Christmas cards, so why do I need to take pictures? Then don't um So Also side note, we are recording in a big lobby, and people are passionate if someone saying someone is clapping, they are not passionate about what we are saying hijacking are recording anyhow, So it really does depend on whether or not that's a thing of value to you and whether or not that's something that you want to spend your money on. Yeah, I would say if

it's something that you feel obligated to do. Like we have a family hairstylist who the last few times has not really been doing a good job on my hair. Um, she's really good friends with my mom, and we feel kind of obligated. Um, And I've just made the decision that next time I spend the money to get my

hair done, I'm gonna go somewhere else. Because frugality can also create boldness within you, because it takes boldness to tell your family, like I'm not getting you all fifty gifts or like your hairdresser when you run into them and you have a new haircut, being like I went to somebody new like. You have to cultivate boldness, that's true, the ability to say no. It's been a sponsor. So if it's something that is not your best, yes, say

no to it. You don't have to do that. You don't have to do the thing that everybody else is doing. You don't have to save the way that everybody is the saving, or spend the way everybody else suspending. Yeah, okay, So our next question comes from Virginia. How do you find the balance that works for you between paying off debt and enjoying life at the same time responsibly? Of course nice Nice add on their Virginia. Yeah, I would

say it comes in time. Uh. At first, you really are going to be really gung ho in one direction and really in an non sustainable way. Um, very like on everything, and in time you will learn the things that you want to spend money on and learn the things that oh I didn't know. I would be okay not having this um or downgrading on this, but I really am. And just giving yourself the opportunity to to

see that and realize that. So it comes. It comes with time, figuring out what the balance looks like for you doing some fun things that cost money or important things that cost money, and then some that don't. So for me, I would say that, well, a couple of things to say about this. Number one is to pick the amount that you want to put towards debt every and so at minimum do that, and then then there can be months where you do go above and beyond

with debt payoff. But then if there are months where you might have spent a little bit more on something that you enjoy, it doesn't have to be a guilty or shameful thing because you've put you've put the amount of money that you wanted to put towards debt at minimum. Sure you didn't go above and beyond maybe like you did the last two months, but there might be able

to be less shame or guilt in that. Also. I really love We talked about this with Alison Baggerley from Inspired Budget about how this happens that on our debt journey debt payoff journey, we don't always hit the brass ring every single time, and that there are times where if we were to view it like a journey or a road trip where we pull the car over. Sometimes you stop for a potty break, you get lunch, you get back in the car. Sometimes you're driving thirty, other

times you're driving eighty. Who knows you're switching roads, right, So this is a journey, and if we can almost most most of life is that, if if we can have the right perspective on it, then we're less likely to beat ourselves up for it. So if I can see that vacation I went on and didn't didn't put as much toward debt as yeah, I had a potty break, I'm getting back into it, then it doesn't need to be so oh my word, I didn't do as much as I did. This concept of balance can be so inaccurate.

That balance isn't just like everything is equal on both sides. It's the fulcrum moving to different places, and so balance looks different. Yes, I love that idea of potty breaks. You're not getting like you're you're not trying to find like a balance between two lives. You're just taking your going in and out. It's the same journey um, different parts of the same journey, alright, So our next question

is from Sarah and Madeline also have this one. How do you deal with the mental part of being frugal and getting out of debt when things get really tough. That's a good one, Sarah and Madaline. So I would for myself. It was particularly difficult in my debt payoff journey when I did not make a lot of money. That was my most difficult mental part of this because I felt like I could not make any progress to it. Things were, things were staying stagnant. I was not making

a lot of money. So at that point, and everyone's going to handle it differently, but I just I had to keep reminding myself it will not always look like this. This is a season, but to be very diligent about putting myself in a position for me at the time to make more money. I knew that when I wasn't going hard at my debt, I was in my master's program. So yeah, I'm going to school. It won't always look

like this. And friends, being able to talk with you, being able to talk with my husband, talking with other people who who are on this journey or might be in a difficult place or might be out of a difficult place to be able to encourage me and say it's that this is just the season. Like you, this won't be for forever. So I would so encourage you to take advantage of our frugal friends Facebook community group,

certainly your own local communities as well. But it is really important to have friends in that process because we can get down and sometimes things happen that are outside of our control that can feel really overwhelming. Yeah. I love this question because this was how I got into personal finance writing. I was having a really tough time. I was really really down about uh paying off debt. We were a year into our jet path and we had a year to go, and I really didn't know

if I could finish the job. And I started writing. I started helping people do the things that I had been doing, and I had I had some friends of the year that had like commented on certain things and

and admired us for what we were doing. And so I just started writing things down that I had been doing to help other people replicate it and helping people it's And I wasn't an expert at that time, Like I still had you know, twenty five thirty grand left of debt to pay off and It was the simple fact of I was a little further ahead than other people, and I was helping the people behind me get to where I was, and that really helped me keep going

and sustained me for that last year. So if you can help someone get to where you are, that will I mean, it's worth its weighting goal staying in the space, not allowing the overwhelming part to cause you to give up. But do the little thing you can't do a lot. Put a dollar towards your debt. You're doing something and you're staying on the horse. All right. This next one comes from Catherine. How do you not get too obsessed

with finances? Uh, don't ask me. It's my answer too, because she's describing Finkhan as her pilgrimage to the mecca of finance and I and I'm going to leave it at that. I'm not even going to answer that question. Jill, Okay. So I love this question because I have started to see that in myself and it's a new experience where I love looking at my budget. Actually, Jenn and I asked this question to each other the other day. What do we love spending money on? And I think I

think it's paying off debt. I do actually love throwing money at debt. It just a little scary because I don't want to be in debt again about what it's going to be when I'm out of debt. But looking at the spreadsheets and the budget, and I would not describe myself as a type a person, but seeing that I am reaching a goal and I'm close to finishing it, it's starting to become obsessive for me. So and I

have not arrived on this one. Catherine, I'm right there with you, But I will say I have limited myself to looking at my debt payoff, looking at or reconciling my budget until each pay day, so every we get paid every two weeks, and that is when I look at our our debt, reconcile our budget, and then I step away from it. So it is putting some limitations on it for me. I mean, certainly, if there's something necessary or pressing that I need to go back and

look at, then I do that. But for the most part, also living life outside of that, like, Okay, I'm gonna put this away. There's nothing more I can do with my budget except stare at it right and then and to to be able to have people around me to also help keep a temperature of am I getting too obsessed with well how do I pay this off faster? And what other side hustles can I do? And leaving the amount of money that I have coming in kind of where it's where it's at and growing, growing, like

bootstrapping myself. They're not giving all of my time to this debt payoff like I also need to live. Yeah, I'm glad you answered that. Yeah, alright. Our next question is from Lauren, and she asked, do you have a favorite Debt Free community member who you recommend other people follow for inspiration advice other than the people we've already interviewed. Yeah, So this is where I'm gonna let Jenny answer this one, because my friends at this point are the people that

we've interviewed. So I don't want to keep throwing at you people you can already look back and find. So I'm gonna first I'm gonna read rate the people that we love UM that we follow and have interviews or Merrily from Easy budget um online and on Instagram obviously, Allison from Inspired Budget, Andy Hill from Marriage, Kids and Money, Chris Browning from Popcorn finance. We love all of the all of those people. Um. We had Joel large Guard on Joel lars Guard from How to Money podcast another

great one. And honestly, we just we we see someone we really like and we bring them on our show. We only have people we really like on our show. It's true. Yeah. And I love that Jen usually is the one who gets people on the show. And I love that about how just your standards that if we're putting something in front of you, we actually believe in them and we agree. Well, we don't always agree with everything, but but I mean that's why we have people on

to share different views. Um. So, someone that we had not it on but we'll have on in the future is Caroline bencel from Caroline benceil dot com. She helps uh stay at home moms bring in income. Um and I I really I like the budgeting wife on Instagram. Um, budget girl on YouTube. We're gonna have her on the show. Um. Yeah. Honestly, everybody everybody I can think of, we we've brought on the show, and and people that I can't think of yet. As soon as I find out I like them, I

asked them to be the show. I would even recommend going to some of these people's pages or podcasts that we have had on or that Jen just mentioned and see who their network is. And so if you're looking to grow your content input, then I'm sure you'll find others through. Yeah, that's called networking, right. Yeah, the Minimalists. We haven't had the Minimalists on the show, so I love them. If I anybody has any connections, shoot me an email. Nice. Okay, So this next one comes from Joscelyn.

What's the most unfrugal thing you're willing to pay for that you might be embarrassed about. I wanted to include this question because I can say with full confidence that I am not embarrassed about anything that I spend money on ice. I can be embarrassed about a lot of things, but what I spend money on I have full confidence in. I pay a crap ton every month for CrossFit membership,

love it, value it. Sometimes I shop at the regular grocery store and I buy stuff in boxes and and sometimes I just impulse by at the grocery store, proud of it. Yeah, I I really because I've gotten so many other areas of my finances under control. If I spend money on something. I'm like, yes, I can afford this,

It's in the budget. So this is a growing this is something that I have head knowledge of that if it's if it's important to me and I have the money for it, then I should be okay spending it. I do agree with that, but I will say there are times when I'll buy something or spend money on something. I'm like, if any of my frugal friends knew about it, what would they think, which I think is where your question is coming from. Honestly, none of it is anything

super expensive. It's just usually when I feel like I'm spending money on something because I'm being lazy. So an example of that would be or even something that is different from how I used to spend money. So when I would go to the grocery store or to purchase supplies for my home, it would be what is the cheapest possible thing I can get? And that was normally

like nine cent soap at Walmart. And now that Eric and I live in a motor and a trailer, I'm a little bit more conscious about my use of things and what we're putting back into the ground. So we've been buying plant based all organic shampoos soaps. To me, it feels very bougie, very different from how I would typically live my life or how I would spend money.

But yet it's going towards something that I value. So yeah, I'm I'm going from spending eighty nine cents to maybe three dollars, which at face value wouldn't seem like the quote unquote frugal thing to do. But yeah, it is fitting well into my lifestyle because I am cutting costs in so many other ways. If I think of something that I'm embarrassed about, if I feel a tinge of embarrassment, I'll post it in the group. Okay, I will make that commitment. Same. I love that you asked the questions,

So we're gonna We're gonna do that. Okay. So our next question is from Sarah and she asks what are your best tips for avoiding feelings of deprivation while getting out of debt? Yes, that's a good question, Sarah. So for me, I would say being able to have little treats along the way. That can be so simple though,

and this comes with self knowledge. There's so many things about finances and frugality that get us in touch with other things about ourselves that can help us in relationships and emotionally and professionally anyhow, knowing yourself, knowing what is a kindness to yourself, if I can phrase it that way. And so for me, it is buying gum, No go up, broke, I am I purchase um and and it's it's not expensive. It's a small treat, but it's really important to me.

If if you were to take away gum from me in my debt payoff journey allmally, that would not go. I get it that for some people it's not going to be that. It will probably be something a little bit more expensive. But I would say, allow yourself a few things that you know are going to be a kindness to yourself that will help sustain you in this process. So that might mean one one new awesome article of clothing every two months, or getting your hair cut at

the salona, not trying to hack it yourself. Whatever it is. It's going to be different for everybody, but treats along the way. So let me get psychology ish on you. Yes, motivation is uh can be extrinsic or intrinsic. So I am really motivated by by extrinsic factors. So something doing something outside of myself to keep me going to that point.

So something extremes for me was eating out at one of my favorite quick service restaurants or or low cost like not a fancy sit down restaurant, but a good a good amount of money but like not too expensive, And I would allow myself that once a month and that would keep me going. If I could reach my goals, then I could have that dinner out and that was a motivator for me to get to the next through the next thirty days or two weeks or whatever I

had set for myself. So especially if I was doing a no spend challenge, at the end of every challenge, I would treat myself with either like a really fancy latte, like one of those like six dollar ones that you look at and you're like nope, but I would get it after my nosemend challenge, or I would go out to eat, like food is my thing. If you don't go crazy because you're just gonna undo everything that you

just work. Coffee away from me on my debt free journey, I would have I would not have been a good version of myself exactly. Yeah, we have to have things to look forward to. So whether that's an immediate thing or or you can wait longer term, and it can be six months from now, I'm going to go on a weekend away with some friends. Whatever it is, definitely pack those into this journey, plan it out, put it on the calendar, have it be irregular part of your journey,

and then you'll never feel those feelings. I mean, you could feel those feelings of deprivation, but you always know there's something on the horizon, there's something coming up to reward yourself. Just plant it in a good word. Okay. So we've got another question coming from Sarah. A lot of Sarah's in the group all different, so don't think that we're giving preference to one Sarah over another Sarah. So this one, she says, how do you divide household

chores between you and your guys? Do you feel like it's going well? Would you ever pay someone to do certain things to avoid arguing? Sarah? Sounds like it's coming from some person coming from place. Sarah. I appreciate the vulnerability in your question. Is your is your partner in the group too? You want them to see this for counseling. No, we we do face that do you have? So we really don't have it defined. You do this chore, I'll

do this chore. Parenting, co parenting. It's really when the other person is done or indisposed, the other person picks up the slack and it's I don't know. We've kind of just created the synergy where we you know, if the dishes pile up, we either live in them or somebody does them, and we don't get mad if one person doesn't do that. So we've got grace for each other and we have like servants hearts towards each other. So that's kind of how we we work it. It's

it's very loose. I do I think you're you're hitting on something important that backs it up before even answering that question. So much of this has to do with how do you and your spouse relate to each other? So that's that's a whole other thing. So much of it is communication ahead of time of what who's is who's and do we feel like that's a fair negotiation.

I think the word negotiation has been so lost in marriage that I think it's it is a helpful tool that we can be using either meeting in the middle or yeah, you win this time if you even want to word it that way, or like or yes, well we will do this this way for this time that it benefits you, and then next time will do it this way so that it benefits me if the middle ground doesn't really benefit anybody, So I would say, first

start by negotiating and does it feel fair? But beyond that, am I do I feel happy with with what I'm contributing and is it contingent on what my spouse is contributing? So, and to back this up, here's how I approach this. I do a lot of the typically domestic roles within the home, but I do it because my husband does all of the jobs that I would never want to do, Like we live in a camper, and he deals with the septic, he fixes the roof, He builds things for

me so he does, he figures out the internet. He does a lot of things that I'm really glad that I don't have to do I don't want to do. And so I do laundry a lot of times. I will do the dishes. I'll do some of like the floor cleaning, whatever, because I'm happy with like I'm glad to do that, and so I am one of those people who like zips up the zippers on the pants, buttons,

it checks the pockets. All that I do not ask my husband to do those things because to me, he is going above and beyond in so many other ways that like, I am happy to serve him in that way to say I will one take care of it. I have decided that I will not hold a grudge if he doesn't do things the way that I want them done, I can do them. So a lot of it is the decisions that we make ahead of time,

our perspectives on it. For me, I've decided that I'm not going to get upset if he does something the way that I don't that I don't want it to be done, because I do see so much value in what he is bringing to the tables. All right, this is our last question all we have time for. Marylyst asked what was your favorite least expensive place to travel to or type of travel? I eat cruise first road trip. So I love using group on and we've bought a

couple of vacations through group on. It's super inexpensive, but yet you can go to a lot of different places. So we haven't been on this trip yet, so I don't know if I could say it's my favorite, but it's the one I'm most looking forward to. We are going on a trip to Europe. We're going to see both Paris and Barcelona, where flights are included and hotel and eight days and breakfast, and we paid two thousand dollars,

so that to me was was pretty inexpensive. Obviously, if we want to just go super inexpensive traveling with friends and getting an airbnb together and finding one that has maybe like a pool table and a hot tub that you can enjoy and you all bring meals, that's super inexpensive and it does feel like a nice getaway. Yes, I have found that Travis and I vacation the best

when things are included. When we have to decide whether we need to spend money on something while we're on vacation, we we won't agree, we won't have the time to discuss it uh in order to come to an agreement. So we have found paying a premium for a cruise or something that's all inclusive is worth it to us. And it's not the most frugal thing, um, but you don't have to pull out your wallet while you're there, right,

and I it's it's what I value. I will pay more for a cruiser, an all inclusive resort because that will limit my need for a vacation from my vacation when I get home. Yes, well, guys, we are out of time. This has been another episode of the Frugal Friends podcast. Yes, we are so excited. This was a great episode. We had friends walking by making us laugh. We are on location at Finncon nineteen in Washington, d C. And we will be back to your regular scheduled programming

next Friday. Join us on the Frugal Friends podcast Facebook community group and ask more questions and ask each other questions because this is fun and we need to be real about how we approach finances. A Good Word by Frugal Friends is produced, edited and mixed by Eric Serrian. So Eric was going in front of us holding your baby. I was so hard to focus keeping it together. Eric just walking by with that baby. I heard him, I heard him cry and then yeah, Eric picked him up.

And now there was a question about when are Travis and Eric gonna have my gosh their own podcast episode, which I think that's a great idea. That's going to come. Yeah, we will do that. You should hear their voices. I'm so proud of them this week. So they're both at Fincoon with us, and they Eric separate from Travis for lunch. Just got chips and guacamole from Chipotle, and Travis got one taco from a taco truck. I think collectively they

spent five dollars on lunch. And I was like, Oh my gosh, you guys, you're so you're more frugal than we are. I'm suppressed or is that cheap? I don't know you can buy food. I value food. Oh, but I'm so proud of them, So yeah, you should to hear from them. Kind of Eric for sustaining himself on avocados. Our reality has rubbed off on them so much that they're killing it more than we are. They're like killing themselves, starving themselves all right by