Many emotional abuse victims have been accused of having a victim mentality—as if the abuse isn’t real. Some victims don’t like to be labeled a “victim.” It sounds weak and powerless. Recently, one of my listeners asked this question: “ How do we accept the reality of abuse without living as a victim? ” In today’s episode we’re going to clear up this confusion by answering the following questions: What are ten characteristics of someone who has a victim mentality? What are the ten characteristic...
Nov 14, 2023•18 min•Ep. 249
Join us for a conversation with our special guest, Rebecca Davis, author of the “Untwisting Scriptures” series. Her latest book on brokenness and suffering is the topic of today’s conversation, and we answer questions like “Do you have to be broken to be a good Christian?” “Does God break us down like He breaks down the wicked?” “Is God like a gumball machine - you have to put something in to get something out?” Join us for today’s conversation. Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question ...
Nov 07, 2023•30 min•Ep. 248
“How in the world am I going to tell my kids that we’re getting divorced?” Kids + divorce = a tricky topic, but I want to help calm your fears. I want to show you some questions you can ask yourself as you contemplate this big conversation with your children, and let’s give you some practical ideas as you introduce this new change in all of your lives. Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage,...
Oct 31, 2023•23 min•Ep. 247
Is it me? Shelly thought it WAS her for so many years. “I must be the problem in my confusing marriage.” Today, our episode chronicles the story of her marriage to her second husband, a covert emotionally abusive man who even went so far as to *almost* convince her that she had Borderline Personality Disorder. Listen in as Shelly shares how she went from stuck to flying free. Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotional...
Oct 24, 2023•1 hr 2 min•Ep. 246
Today I want to explore the four common responses people have when they have experienced or are experiencing something that is threatening or traumatic. In particular, I want to focus on the fawning response and how that relates to our view of and our relationship with God. Let’s break down our responses of fight, flight, fawn, and freeze, and then destroy the false, abusive version of the God that we may have in our minds. Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here If you are a Chri...
Oct 17, 2023•24 min•Ep. 245
Today I’m answering some more listener questions, including, “What do I do when I love my abusive husband so much?” “Should I give my abusive husband resources and books to read about his abuse?” and “Can my abusive husband change?” I KNOW you’ve thought of that last question yourself, so stick around, and let’s have a conversation about these important topics. Key Points From This Episode: An analogy about Grown Man, Grown Woman, and Little Boy. How to break the cycle of abuse. Why leaving your...
Oct 10, 2023•44 min•Ep. 244
How do we help other women who are in emotionally abusive marriages? And how can the church help these women as well? In today’s episode, I’ll be answering a listener question about this very topic, and then I’m going to read you a letter I wrote to the church leadership at the church I was ultimately excommunicated from. This letter highlights sixteen ways that the church can reach out and support the emotionally abused woman instead of re-abusing her, which is all too common. Key Points From T...
Oct 03, 2023•35 min•Ep. 243
What do I do when people disagree with my decisions? Can I get remarried if I get a divorce? What if other people don’t believe I’m being emotionally abused? What if they think I’m making a big deal out of nothing? How will I get help? These are the questions we’ll be diving into in today’s episode! Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com I'll send you...
Sep 26, 2023•14 min•Ep. 242
Our relationships with our kids are important to us. We raised them from little babies and have deep connections with them, but when those relationships crumble, it can be devastating. Let’s answer some difficult questions about relationships with our kids and how we can navigate through them when our children disapprove of us and our decisions. Questions We Answer in this Episode: “My young teenager went to live with their dad because they were upset I initiated a divorce. Will I ever be able t...
Sep 19, 2023•35 min•Ep. 241
Today’s guest is Laurie Sullivan, a survivor of emotional abuse and sexual infidelity at the hands of her husband, a prominent leader in several churches they attended. Laurie outlines her story from getting married at age nineteen to a man she loathed in childhood to eventually finding freedom years later. Christ is at the center of Laurie’s story, showing Himself to her throughout her custody battle for her children and her third marriage to a good man. Listen in to this eventful story of Laur...
Sep 12, 2023•42 min•Ep. 240
I’m finishing up a new book chronicling my relationship with myself and God through years of spiritual lies and emotional abuse. For the last few weeks I’ve been letting you into the creative process by sharing bits and pieces of my rough draft. Since the time of this recording, many things have already changed, and I’m excited to see how this book is transforming. I can’t wait to share the final version with you when it’s published in 2024. But for now, enjoy this last little sneak peek from Pa...
Sep 05, 2023•34 min•Ep. 239
I’m finishing up a new book chronicling my relationship with myself and God through years of spiritual lies and emotional abuse. Today’s episode is taken from part three where I begin to discover who I am, who God is, and what my responsibilities really are as I start to make my own life-altering decisions. Decisions that have changed my life in the best possible ways. Listen to part three and see if you can find yourself in my story. Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here If you...
Aug 29, 2023•30 min•Ep. 238
I’m finishing up a new book chronicling my relationship with God through years of spiritual lies and emotional abuse. Today I’m sharing a little bit of part two, this time written from the perspectives of different parts of me during my adult years. You’ll meet Freaked, Rosie, Melancholy, Rude, and more. If you’ve ever felt like part of you believes one thing and another part of you believes something completely different, rest assured, you aren’t alone! Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a ...
Aug 22, 2023•39 min•Ep. 237
I recently finished writing the rough draft of a new book chronicling my relationship with God through years of spiritual lies and emotional abuse. Today, I’m sharing a little bit of part one, written from the perspective of my younger self. Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sen...
Aug 15, 2023•23 min•Ep. 236
You’ve probably read countless books and articles about marriage, how to be a good Christian wife, but if you’re in an abusive marriage, I’m here to tell you that these reading materials probably don’t apply to you. Many of the authors writing them don’t have any knowledge regarding abuse in Christian marriages, so there are no caveats, exceptions, or words for those women who are struggling with an abusive spouse. In today’s episode, I take apart an article on marriage that I recently read to p...
Aug 08, 2023•18 min•Ep. 235
"Till death do us part." Those words haunt you. The enemy was supposed to be outside of your home and family. Easy to see. Protection just a prayer or a locked door away. But the one stealing from and killing and destroying you is the one you lie beside at night. The one you promised your forever to. And he's counting on it. You need to listen if: You're overcome with desperation to leave and consumed by guilt to stay Your husband is the greatest source of pain and harm in your life You are resp...
Aug 01, 2023•20 min•Ep. 234
Jessica Nagy is joining us today to talk about how to raise children to be resilient, even when their dad is destructive. No matter if your kids are spending time alone with their dad at his house because you are separated or divorced or if they are spending time with their dad while you are present, there is a lot of trauma that comes with having an emotionally abusive dad, and we as moms need to know how to help our kids become resilient in the face of this trauma. In this episode, you will le...
Jul 25, 2023•37 min•Ep. 233
In today’s episode, we are going to be talking about the deep sadness that survivors experience as they begin to wake up to their reality and see the truth about their relationship. I get it — I was there. It took me a while to truly wake up to my reality, and when I did, that reality hit me like a ton of bricks. It was painful . Let’s talk about noticing and normalizing our pain so that we can move from grief a bit more quickly than if we just stuffed it down, ignoring it and drowning it out. W...
Jul 18, 2023•18 min•Ep. 232
Cognitive dissonance seems like it would be a “bad” thing, right? It can actually be a very good thing, and vital to our growth! Take a deep breath - it’s okay if you’re experiencing cognitive dissonance. In this episode, I break down what cognitive dissonance really is, why women in emotionally abusive marriages may experience a lot of cognitive dissonance, how cognitive dissonance can help us create better, healthier thoughts, and I also share three fun illustrations of cognitive dissonance fo...
Jul 11, 2023•26 min•Ep. 231
Let’s answer some more listener questions today! These questions include, “How do I respond to my husband who says that ‘Your body belongs to me, and you don't have any biblical grounds to say no when I want sex’?” “How can we continue to do the work of unraveling purity culture's effects if we're not in a healthy marriage?” and “What type of counselor should I be looking for?” If you’re looking for some Biblical truth, a *few* snarky comments, and some very practical advice, you’re looking in t...
Jul 04, 2023•31 min•Ep. 230
Let’s get practical today. In this episode, I answer four listener questions by directing you to the best resources I can offer from the Flying Free Podcast. These questions range from “At what point do you refuse to have sex with your husband if he is emotionally abusive?” to “Any recommendations or resources as I go into divorce court?” After you listen to the episode, be sure to go down to the “Related Resources” section of the show notes to grab all the links to the podcast episodes that are...
Jun 27, 2023•23 min•Ep. 229
When twelve women come together to write a book about rising above narcissistic abuse, you know they are a force to be reckoned with. Today’s episode is a sneak-peak into their stories and how they escaped their abusers, what their healing journey has been like since then, and more. Join Ina Johnson Meyers, her co-authors, and yours truly as we discuss red flags, how religion can keep you in bondage, and how these women gained the courage to leave their abusive situations. Spoiler alert: God is ...
Jun 20, 2023•1 hr•Ep. 228
Last week we explored the Myers-Briggs personality typology, and today we have a special guest, Stacey Wynn, talking with us about another personality typology: the Enneagram. Not only will the Enneagram inform you about who you are as a person and what motivates you, but it will also help point you toward where you can grow and develop. No matter what you’ve heard about the Enneagram in the past, come along for an authentic conversation about the history of the Enneagram, its benefits, and how ...
Jun 13, 2023•36 min•Ep. 227
Who are you, really? And how do the different parts of you work together to create the whole you? What makes you tick? What makes you un -tick? (That’s not a word, but you know what I mean, right?) Our resident Myers-Briggs expert, Rebecca Ferris, is here to talk about how understanding your personality can help you unhook from abuse. This episode is jam-packed full of golden nuggets about what each letter in the Myers-Briggs system actually means, what those letters mean about you and how you f...
Jun 06, 2023•1 hr•Ep. 226
Have you ever been sitting in a women’s Bible study when all of a sudden the Bible study curriculum asks a leading question, taking the verses you just read completely out of context, and now you feel confused and upset but like you need to nod your head “yes” to the rubbish you just heard? Or have you ever wanted to leave your abusive marriage, but you find yourself continuously coming back to your abuser because 1. You feel bad for him 2. Your biblical counselor told you that you can’t leave a...
May 30, 2023•43 min•Ep. 225
Covert abuse sneaks up on you. You may not recognize certain behaviors in your spouse as being abusive for days, weeks, months, or years, and even then, they can be hard to identify. That’s what makes covert abuse so incredibly painful, confusing, and hard to see, especially from the outside. Is your husband emotionally abusive, or does he just not know what it takes to be a good husband in a marriage? When does abuse become abuse — the first time, or after it is repeated many times over? If it’...
May 23, 2023•29 min•Ep. 224
You deserve better. Your daughters deserve better. The women around you deserve better. She deserves better . This is a sentiment Sheila Wray Gregoire strongly believes in, and she is here today not only to introduce you to her new book, She Deserves Better , but to tell you exactly why you deserve better and how you can heal from the lies you grew up believing about purity culture, sex, modesty, men, and more. Join Natalie and Sheila as they discuss the harmful lies you were taught to believe, ...
May 16, 2023•37 min•Ep. 223
Does your cluttered house ever make you feel crazy? And does it help to have a cluttered home on top of your cluttered brain from dealing with emotional abuse from your spouse all day? Probably not. Cue Dawn Madsen, The Minimal Mom. She is a declutterer extraordinaire, and if you want to learn a tip or two about how to keep your home tidy (and keep your brain tidy), you won’t want to miss listening to this episode. Let’s discuss the intersection between a destructive marriage and simplifying/dec...
May 09, 2023•29 min•Ep. 222
It’s about time we talked about purity culture, and I’ve brought in an expert, Dr. Camden, to help us do it. Purity culture has harmed many people in many different ways, and we need to discuss what the effects of purity culture are on Christians and how we can heal from the negative impact that it has had. Let’s break down the three main ways that purity culture has impacted people (faith, sexuality, and relationships), what we can do to heal from those wounds, and how we can view sex in a heal...
May 02, 2023•34 min•Ep. 221
Note: This episode is a repost of Episode 84 . It was too good not to share again with some of our newer listeners who weren’t around way back then! Please enjoy this interview with Wendy Hernandez. What if I lose my kids? How can I stand up for myself in the process of divorce when my husband seems to hold all the cards? How will I keep it together as I climb this ladder out of hell? These questions haunt women in abusive marriages who want to escape. They wonder how to even begin to prepare fo...
Apr 25, 2023•42 min•Ep. 220
