Surviving Breast Cancer

Greer: 
Hi, this is Greer, your host for Femammal, the podcast that holds space for women to explore what what it means to live well in our bodies and celebrates moving through this world as female mammals. Jamie Lynn Calzi is a breast cancer survivor. She was born and raised in Louisville, Kentucky. Jamie is a wife, a mother of two daughters, fur mom to Presley, and to her granddaughter and her grandson on the way, she is known as Gigi. She's also a yoga instructor. In this conversation, she shares her story of survival from diagnosis after a routine mammogram to reconstructive surgery and beyond. While she wouldn't wish this diagnosis on anyone, she reflects on the wisdom and gratitude she has gained on this journey. So, welcome, Jamie. I really appreciate you joining us for this conversation. You are a 19 month survivor of breast cancer, and I was hoping that you could start by sharing the story of how you first got diagnosed.

Jamie: 
Yeah, absolutely. So it's interesting, it was March of 2021 and I was very diligent about getting my annual mammograms and then COVID happened and everything got kind of pushed back. So I was actually due for my annual mammogram in December of 2020, so I wasn't able to actually get in until March. So it was scheduled actually for March 22, 2021. And interestingly, at that time, my oldest daughter was expecting our first grandchild. She was due the end of April and life was good, excited about that. And we had actually had a baby shower on Sunday the 21st of March. So we had a lot of people coming in and my mammogram was actually that next Monday morning and I almost canceled it because I was busy. We had all these people in town and was tired and I'll get into this in a little bit. But my last mammogram had been normal. I thought I'm fine, but I went ahead and I went in. So I went in for my mammogram, and I wasn't very big chested at the time. I am a little different now since all of my reconstruction and stuff, but I have very dense breasts. And so when I'd gone in for mammograms in the past where I had had to go back because my breast being dense, they would have to do like a diagnostic mammogram because they couldn't see things as clearly. And so when I went in on that Monday, it came back and it said, well, we see some things, we'd like to schedule you for the diagnostic mammogram. So I didn't really think anything of it. It was just like, okay, here I am, this is where I've been in the past. And so they scheduled that for the following week. So really I went on like, this just happened, no big deal. So I went in for the diagnostic mammogram where they just did like an ultrasound and they can see things a little clearer. And they had me go back to a little room after that. So I thought, okay, this is different than it's been in the past. And I started to be a little concerned at that point, but yet I still didn't know what they had seen on the mammogram. And they came in and they said, well, we have found some calcifications. We would like you to come back in for a biopsy as soon as possible. So at that point, I thought, well, this is a little different, and this could be something that's a little concerning. And I have no history of breast cancer in my family, and I really didn't have any risk factors going in. I tried to eat healthy, I exercise, non smoker, social drinker, so I really didn't have anything that would make me have any higher risk than anyone else my age. But I did realize that age is a factor actually going into this, looking back. So I went in, went home, and just kind of let all that marinate. And that's when I started to really get a little scared about what could be ahead of me. I can remember I called my husband Dave and I said, this might be something more than I think it is. That's when it kind of started to get a little scary. So he is my rock always and everything, and we just kind of prayed about it at that point. Again, my daughter was expecting our first grandbaby, and they were actually living with us. They had come down from New York right at the beginning of the pandemic and ended up relocating and living with us temporarily, got pregnant, and so they were living with us at the time, so I didn't want to tell them that I might have something physically going on with me. While she was excited about the birth of her first child, I just kept it between Dave and I. Went in for the biopsy on the second week of April. At that point, when I went in for the biopsy, during the biopsy, you're awake, they numb you up and stuff. But I knew that there was something that wasn't right. Just by the conversation between the doctors and the nurse that was in there, I could tell that what they saw was probably not good. So I left, had the biopsy done, and just was left with this uncertainty of not knowing what was physically going on with me. I felt fine, but I just was very scared and uncertain, so I had to wait. I think it was three days after my biopsy, and it was crazy because I had actually gone in for a hair appointment. It was like the first hair appointment that I could get after COVID, and it was, like, very important. I'm like, okay, I've got to get my hair done. And I was getting some highlights, and I'm in there, and I have all the foils and stuff in my hair, and I had to go actually wait out in my car because the COVID restrictions, you couldn't have two people in the hair salon at the time.

Greer: 
Sure.

Jamie: 
I'm sitting in my car to get the phone call from the radiologist, and she said, Hi, this is Dr. So and so. And I'm like, Hi. And she goes, I've got some bad news. And she said, your biopsy results came back and you have cancer. That's how I got it. And it was just so surreal for me because I think that they're so used to delivering that message that it was just like and I'm like, oh, my God. My world has just completely stopped at this point. I didn't know quite what to say or think she said, but it's DCIS. And so I've referred you to the Norton care specialist. They'll be contacting you. And it's just kind of like this. I'm like, okay. I didn't even know what to ask or how to respond.

Greer: 
Did she tell you what DCIS is? Because I don't know what that means.

Jamie: 
Okay. She did. I'll get into this in a bit. Well, I didn't do the deep dive until after I got the diagnosis, but it's ductal carcinoma in Situ, so basically it's the earliest stage of cancer, breast cancer that you can have, and it's cancerous cells in the milk duct. So it's non invasive, typically has a very low risk of spreading when it's caught this early.

Greer: 
So she felt like that was reassuring news.

Jamie: 
Absolutely, yes. And I didn't know enough about it at the time to even think that.

Greer: 
Right.

Jamie: 
I'm like, okay. So I got off the phone and I called Dave and I said, I have cancer. That was just the only word that stuck out to me. It was like the word and the diagnosis and the thing that you don't ever want to hear is that you have cancer. That was like the shift for me. It was like, okay, God, the things that come into your head is, I'm going to die and I have a new grandbaby that's coming. I'm not going to know her. All those things, all the worst of the worst immediately came into my brain. I went back into my and I couldn't even tell her because I thought, I can't let you know before I tell my girls.

Greer: 
Right.

Jamie: 
So I'm in there, and she's finishing up. And then when I walked out of there, I just lost it. I got in the car and I just bawled my eyes out.

Greer: 
Yeah.

Jamie: 
And then I got home, and Dave held me. I cried, and he said, whatever it is, we'll face together. And we did not tell the girls until the next day. And I just wanted to be in a place of, I don't know, strength for them because I'm their mom and she has a new baby coming. It was really hard. Then I did the deep dive into on the computer which I will tell you, the biggest mistake ever is to go into the world of researching what that means and all the different scenarios that can happen, because that got me really scared.

Greer: 
Oh, yeah, no, I do that all the time and it only makes me more anxious.

Jamie: 
Yeah, you just go you just deep diving like, okay, well, it is good to have information, but everyone's situation is completely different and somebody could have a really again, it's a different diagnosis for everyone and nobody's situation is going to be the same. And a lot of times what you're going to find on the computer is really going to be the worst of the worst. I took a step back and I got scheduled in to see a surgeon and it ended up being actually a relative of our daughter's future husband. Yeah. And we kind of made that connection and I just felt right away so comfortable with him, I'll step back. So my diagnosis was, again, DCIS ductal carcinoma in situ. So it was only in my left breast. The biopsy did come back, though, that it was a high grade cancer, not hormone fueled. So with all that being said, a couple of things. One, had I not gone in for my mammogram when I did, even though it was very early stage, it had a very high risk of becoming invasive. So again, early detection truly saved me from a different course of treatment than I ended up having. So after meeting with the surgeon, based on the grade of the cancer, and I was very small breasted, so we started talking about reconstruction. He didn't think lumpectomy was an option for me either because all that was early stage, it was in most of my milk ducts. So if you think about your breast, you've got milk ducts extending all the way out from your nipple. So trying to, it wouldn't have even been possible to do a lupectomy on me. So they would have had to have taken so they had to take my entire left breast. I had a slightly higher risk of developing cancer in my other breast if we did not take it. And if we did not take the right breast, trying to reconstruct something that would make me feel kind of whole and symmetrical, it would have been almost impossible to try to create that. So after talking with him and Dave was with me the whole way, we opted to go ahead and take both breasts and go that route. He felt pretty confident at the time that the cancer had not spread beyond the milk ducts into any surrounding tissue, but that would be something that we would not be able to confirm until after the surgery was complete. So that was our plan of action at the time, to take both breasts and I opted to then go for reconstruction. So I met with a plastic surgeon the week after meeting with him, someone who he recommended. He completely agreed with the general surgeon's opinion about taking the breasts and then reconstructing. So we had a plan that was where we would go. One thing that was a little bit of an uncertainty, they had to take sentinel nodes that were the closest lymph nodes to where the left breast was. So it was under my left armpit, and that was to confirm that the cancer had not spread. Surgery was scheduled then mid May. So I had this whole time between diagnosis, meeting with the doctor mid April to when we scheduled the surgery Mid May. I'd about a month of kind of this waiting period of thinking about what was possible, what was going to happen with the surgery. And while all that was happening, our oldest daughter had our first grandchildren here. 

Greer: 
Oh, wow.

Jamie: 
Yeah. And I think just God has a way of really surprising you and just being there, giving us the opportunity to have our daughter here and having her first grandchild while all this was happening was truly a gift. It was a wonderful distraction for me. And it also just gave me that sense of the purpose of us. Here is life and living and love. And it was really beautiful, actually. And it just gave me that sense of hope and that sense of comfort that no matter what happened for me, I know that I could see myself in our beautiful little Esther and in my daughter. And it was just kind of this perfect combination of everything happening all at the same time. It was really beautiful.

Greer: 
That's really poignant.

Jamie: 
And then it was interesting. And this is kind of a weird kind of thing that was kind of coming up. So my granddaughter Esther came. Everything was great, and Emily was breastfeeding Esther. And it was just this moment of where I'm like, okay, and I breastfed both my girls and how it was such a life giving, but yet here I was. Now my breasts were creating an issue that if I didn't do something, it could kill me. I don't know. It was just interesting. It just made me really, like, think about how our bodies are and how life giving, and yet here I am. If I don't let go of my breast, I could be facing an illness that could take my life away. I don't know if that makes sense.

Greer: 
Yeah, there's a sort of ying and yang to it.

Jamie: 
Yeah. I don't know what the word I'm trying to say, but it was just a noticing and awareness of all of it. So went in for surgery then mid May. The plan was that I was going to stay overnight, went in, had the double mastectomy. They put tissue expanders in for me to prepare for my implants. And so that would be at some 6 weeks post the bilateral mastectomy. So went in that morning, and I think the surgery I can't even remember how long it was. It was not a long surgery. I woke up in the recovery room, and again, one of my fears was based on my deep dive into the Internet and looking at things, what was that going to look like? Because I think as a woman, you so much identify your femininity with your breasts. It's just the way our society is. And it's also that sense of for me, it was motherhood. And I was so worried about what was that going to look like, even though I wasn't very well endowed, it's my boobs. And part of me was going to be completely removed. And I can remember waking up in the recovery room. I did not have big bandages or anything on me. It was just like stereotypes. I think that's what they're called.

Greer: 
Yeah, I know what you're talking about. That's kind of surprising. It's hard to picture that.

Jamie: 
And I looked down and it was like, okay, I don't look so bad. This is okay. This is me. And I just cried at that point. I think that there was a part of me that knew that everything was going to be okay, that I was going to be beyond this, and it was all going to be okay. The nurse came in and said, are you ready to go home?

Greer: 
Oh, wow.

Jamie: 
And Dave and my youngest daughter was in there with me. They're like what? And they sent me home that night. I don't remember much about it, but I think it was really good for me to get home and to get back, just to start that recovery process. I think it actually set me forward a couple of days just to be able to be home and to be in my own space. First couple of days were rough. We'll just say it was like, honestly, some of the worst pain that I can at times not constant, but it's definitely something that I remember. But I just did have the love and support of my family around me. That was hard for me too, because I am such a doer and light giver in my every day to day life. So it was hard to just allow myself to be taken care of completely like that. But I had no choice physically. I just wasn't able to do anything other than that one thing. I will just say that throughout the whole process and I'll backtrack a little bit, that really for me helped me is that I connected with women. I had had a couple of friends who I knew had had cancer, one from high school that I really hadn't stayed in contact with. But I knew that she had been through something similar. And I reached out to her and she was great. Just to see the strength and where she was and where she had been completely was what I needed to. I'm like, okay, I see where you're at. And anytime I had like, a doubt or question or anything, like text or call her, and she's like, you got this, you're great. Look at me, I'm here. And I connected with some other women who had similar diagnosis and were on the other side of it and were living and strong, and they were so supportive. And that really got me through it because, again, cancer is such an early diagnosis. With cancer, different types of cancer, the outcome can be so much more positive when things are detected early. And cancer is also something that I think people are afraid to talk about. And even how do you respond to somebody who's being diagnosed? I had some people, some people that are close to me who kind of shut off because they didn't know what to say, they were afraid to say the wrong thing, or people who would be like, oh, God, I'm so sorry. This is awful. And that didn't help me, right, because I'm like, oh, it just made me go back and tell, this is really bad. There's so many treatment options that are out there. And again, it goes back to that early diagnosis, getting that mammogram or whatever preventative thing that we can do for ourselves, just getting tested, whether it's a colonoscopy or a mammogram or anything, there's nothing to be afraid of because it's the unknown. Had I not gone in for my mammogram, although I felt fine, again, I would have been in a completely different situation. As far as my treatment plan, I know I'm a little bit all over the place, but I'll get back to had the surgery, went home, and I had to wait a week before I went back to my surgeon to get the results of what they found when they took my breasts, the tissue and the result of what the lymph node showed. And that was a tough week, and it was the waiting. And that's again where I went into. All right, what if it's worse than what they think? What if it is spread beyond the breast? What if it's in my lumph nodes? What then does my treatment look like? Will I see my granddaughter grow up? All those things. And it's very consuming, and it was very scary, and I didn't want to share that with a lot of people. So I really closed myself off from anyone but basically Dave and my daughter Maddie. And I didn't even want to bring all of that on my daughter Emily with the new baby who was here with us. And it was this joyous, wonderful celebration of life, also then mirrored with this heaviness of, could I have something that could really be serious? All of that kind of happening all at the same time.

Greer: 
That was just so much to carry.

Jamie: 
It was a lot to carry, yes. And it was just a lot for all of us. And then I got my results on my chart on my account on my computer where you can look up and I wouldn't look at them. I got them two days before I was scheduled to go in for my appointment with my surgeon. I just couldn't bear to look at them. I was afraid that I would see something on there or I would see something I didn't understand. And so I waited, and I didn't even tell anyone that I had had the results that were available, because everyone's like, oh, don't you know? I'm like, no. And then I went into the surgeon's office that following week, and he came in, and he's all smiling when he walked in. How are you doing? I'm like, well, how am I doing? Tell me. He said you didn't look. I'm like, no. I was afraid to. He said you're good. The margins were good on all where they took all the breast tissue. The lymph nodes were clear. So at that point scheduled me to meet with my oncologist, but basically there was no further treatment that was needed. So surgery got all of the cancer. And since my cancer type was not a hormone fueled cancer, I didn't have to have any hormone therapy drugs going forward, nor did I have to have any chemotherapy or radiation.

Greer: 
That's wonderful.

Jamie: 
Yeah, that was like, the hugest relief. And from that point, we scheduled my reconstructive surgery, which was in July 2021, and we went through a series of I mentioned that I had tissue expanders put in, so I would go in every week and we would fill up the expanders to get to the size of implants that I wanted to have. That what looked good and fit well with my body. And we had that surgery on, it was mid July 2021. From that point, I've just been getting myself back to a new normal. My body is different, for sure. I got a little bigger boobs than I had before, but I have a whole different appreciation, truly, for life and what matters and what's important. And I think when you have that sense of you could lose everything, you realize what truly, really matters. And that's how I am moving forward with life and what I choose to do, where I choose to spend my time, and just how I see things through a different lens because of it. I wouldn't wish this on anyone because it is scary, and it's definitely physically life altering, mentally life altering. But I am better because of it, truly. So in a strange sense, I am grateful for it.

Greer: 
It's amazing to be able to get to a place like that after going through so much anxiety and fear in such a pretty compressed few months that you went through with your family, especially.

Jamie: 
Yeah.

Greer: 
Does it feel like it's over, or does it carry forward in surprising ways in your life today?

Jamie: 
It's definitely always with me. Yeah. They had to take my nipples off, so I lost everything. So for a while, I looked like a Barbie doll, if that makes sense. 

Greer: 
Sure. 

Jamie: 
Okay, so it was like Barbie, and I decided just for myself that I wanted to get tattoos. So I actually, Louisa Kleinert at Bluebird Ink is absolutely, like, amazing. And I went in this past year and had 3D nipple tattoos. I finally feel complete, and it's a personal choice. Like, no one is going to see them, but for me, I feel more whole. That was just something personally for myself that has just given me that sense of my body back. I still have the scars that are there, so it is always with me. I look in the mirror and it's just a reminder of just be thankful and blessed for all that you have. It's so easy to live your life from the lens of, I can't wait for next week and I can't wait for this, and I'm looking forward to this. And it truly has given me the sense of just being so much more present with my life and being grateful and thankful for the simple things that are truly the gifts that we have every single day. Just being with your family, being with your friends, and just being more aware that everybody is caring something with them. We may all from the outside look like we've got it all together, but we've all got stuff that we have that impact, just how we interact with others and how we look at things. And I just try to just come back to that every day and just be grateful for the fact that I'm here and that I have the chance to live another day and to be there for the people in my life. So it is always with me. It will never be not part of who I am. And I'm grateful for it, truly.

Greer: 
Yeah, that's real wisdom. I really appreciate that perspective that you bring. Have you done anything specific to celebrate your survival and your resilience? The tattoos sounded really neat.

Jamie: 
Yeah, that was my big thing, doing that, just celebrating, just being with family and just being here. I think every day is just like another day to celebrate just being alive and thankful that I had that nudge to go in for that mammogram, honestly, because it's so easy not to do the things like that, especially when you feel fine and life does get busy and you push off sometimes, those things. But again, it definitely changed my course of treatment and got me to be where I'm at today. So I just want to try I think I want to be that advocate for women to get their screenings. I also am here for anyone who is going through this and wants to talk about any of it because I am an open book about it. There's nothing that I won't share about it. And I do think, as for myself, talking with women, who had been through it, that's what really helped me to see myself on the other side. When it's something that's very scary, and especially with our breasts, it's one of the ways, I think, that we identify as women. It's to lose that can be a life altering, just self image type of thing. And I think if you can see women on the other side of it, whether they've chosen reconstruction or not, strong women supporting each other. And I think that's what we need to do. And I just want to be that for anyone out there who needs that or wants to talk or just wants to have a sounding board.

Greer: 
That's so generous of you, and I really appreciate it. You've shared so much. Do you mind sharing a little bit more about your thought process, how you decided to go for reconstruction?

Jamie: 
Yes. So interestingly. I will just say I didn't think a whole lot about it. We went in, and when the surgeon said that he recommended double mastectomy, I did have the choice of not doing anything at the time. I could have opted to just have the double mastectomy and then decide whether I wanted to stay like that or choose to do something at a later date. And I think at that point, organically, it just was like, okay, no, I just chose to do reconstruction right away. I didn't think a lot about it, honestly. It just was an organic kind of decision in the moment. Dave and I hadn't even talked about it.

Greer: 
You went with your gut.

Jamie: 
I did, yeah.

Greer: 
That's great. And you made a comment about choosing implants that would work. I'm sorry, I don't even know if implants is the right word there. But choosing a reconstruction that suited your body, are there, like, models that you try on or something? Like, how do you figure that out? 

Jamie: 
The process, I had expanders put in, and then I would go in every week, and they would fill them, the expanders up a little bit every time so I could see how the size would eventually be in my body. So the expanders then during the reconstruction, once I decided how big I wanted to go, then that's how the expanders they would stop filling them up and then remove the expanders during the surgery and then replace them with that size so I could kind of like, along the way, see, okay, well, these fit my body. I don't want to go any larger. Does that make sense?

Greer: 
Yeah, that totally makes sense.

Jamie: 
Yeah. So, like, filling them up with water or whatever, I'm not sure I can't remember what they filled them up with. So I could kind of live with it for a bit and like, okay, these aren't too big. That's how that process went. One interesting thing that this is something that I have to have gotten used to is because of all the tissue that they had to take. So my expanders and my implants are underneath the muscle. So sometimes implants either go underneath the muscle or on top of the muscle. So mine are underneath the muscle. And it was the only option really for me based on the tissue that they took and everything. So my implants, so my boobs move a little bit, like when I do certain things and it doesn't bother me, but it's just a different way that my body works. Now I am a yoga instructor and so I do a lot of pushup type movements in my yoga practice chaturangas and my boobs move differently than they did before and so it's just a whole getting used to my body in a different way. And it's fine. It's wonderful. It's just different, if that makes sense. 

Greer: 
Yeah. So many details that you'd never think about in advance.

Jamie: 
I would know. I'd never thought about this and it doesn't bother me at all. It's just a different my body's just different. And I appreciate and love my body in a whole different way because I'm here and just celebrating and love the fact that I'm here and alive and that I'm healthy and I'm grateful for it. It's good.

Greer: 
I love that for you.

Jamie: 
Yeah, it's all good.

Greer: 
Can I also ask, how did you find your tattoo artist?

Jamie: 
Well, my plastic surgeon recommended her, but I had also a fellow yoga instructor, actually went through very similar diagnosis at the same time and we kind of connected. After all the fact, I didn't even know her before any of it, but she had used her for the nipple tattoos before me and we connected and she was excited. And when she showed me hers, I couldn't even believe it. I mean, it was just like, okay, I can't even believe that those aren't yours. She was hard to get into. She's so good. She had a long waiting list, but it was definitely worth the wait. And she just was so her manner in which she has such a gift, it was truly a beautiful experience that I had with her. I just really, can't even describe what she's given back to me because again, she's made me feel whole and complete. And I still have my scars, but they're a beautiful, just reminder of how precious this life that we have been given is. And every day it's like, okay, what am I going to do with it? What can I do to just give back and to really be present with the people that I love and be present with this life? So it's just a reminder. It's a beautiful reminder every day when I look in the mirror.

Greer: 
That's really beautiful. You've shared so much and I'm so grateful. I have to ask you one last question that I love to ask all my guests, and that is what advice do you have about listening well to our bodies?

Jamie: 
Well, our bodies tell us everything and I am an active person as far as I do teach and practice yoga. I think, you know, when things are off in your body and we know our bodies better than anyone else, we live with them. It's just so important to put your health first and to take care of yourself and to do the things, the preventative things. Again, like early diagnosis like Mammograms colonoscopies, just put your health first and love that sense of self love and self care. There's no greater gift that you can give yourself because if we don't have that, we can't give ourselves to this world and to others. So that's just my advice is to take yourself. Take care of yourself and get the screenings and put yourself that self care first.

Greer: 
Thank you, Jamie. Your story is really beautiful and I'm so appreciative that you shared it with us today. And I really hope that someone listening is inspired to go out and get that screening that they've been putting off so that they can get the help they need if they need help, or be reassured to know that they're in the clear. So thank you for sharing that message and thank you for sharing your story.

Jamie: 
Thank you so much. I appreciate you having me here. And again, I hope that if one person goes and gets a mammogram because of our conversation tonight, then my job is I feel like I've made that contribution. So thank you.

Greer: 
Absolutely. If today's episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you. You can email me at femammalpodcast@gmail.com that's femammalpodcast@gmail.com. You can also follow this podcast on Facebook. Just search for Femammal Podcast and you will find a community of people who are interested in living well in our bodies. And of course, I'd love for you to rate this podcast and leave a review wherever you download your podcasts. Until next time, be well.