55: Getting Over Yourself

So I'm going to tell you about my first memory of getting the hell over myself . So it occurred when I was in fourth grade . I was a new student at a small school and there was one other new student as well . So most of these kids had gone to school together forever and they all knew each other and they had their established games .

And then I came in as the new person me and this other person and obviously , when you're in fourth grade , nobody's really jumping at the chance to play with the new kid . Obviously , when you're in fourth grade , nobody's really jumping at the chance to play with the new kid . So I thought , okay , well , I'll take my cues from this other new person .

And the other new person handled being the new kid by . There was like a big hill that sloped down to the playground and they just sat on the hill and cried . And from my interest in behavioral psychology . Even from a young age I was always watching people . So I was like , okay , let's see if this is going to work . Is that going to attract anyone over ?

And it didn't . And so my mom tells a story of how I came home from school that day and she was like , well , how did it go ? Because she knew I hadn't really made friends yet and it was kind of tricky .

And I said , well , I know one thing for sure is I'm not going to be the kid who sits on the hill and cries , and I just started joining in and allowing myself to be seen in that environment and letting my true personality shine .

And just like is true now with anything , the people who were attracted to my personality , my vibe , whatever it was I was putting out there , became friends with me . And then , of course , there's always , especially at this small private school .

I can't even tell I ended up leaving the school because I was so badly bullied by the group of people that didn't like me . So it didn't exactly have like a happy ending arc . It ended in a sad fizzle at sixth grade , which of course then presented me with the problem of being new in seventh grade and doing the same experiment again .

So a lot of people never have the opportunity to get over themselves because they either stay within their shell or they choose things in their life a path that never really tests them or test them in that way . So getting over yourself , the core of it is really rooted in confidence . Confidence is something that you can train yourself to be more confident .

You can train yourself to be more confident by consistently putting yourself out there in the world and not dying . What I mean by that is , sometimes we think like the worst thing that's going to happen is rejection . The worst thing that's going to happen is people are going to make fun of you .

The worst thing that's going to happen is and you'll build it up in your mind these worst case , worst case , worst case . And you have this absolutely elaborate show going on in your mind of worst case scenarios . So in your head you're thinking of ideas . You know you want to showcase your sessions . You know you want to market .

You know you want to put yourself out there .

But then you're jumping ahead and deciding how it's going to be perceived , how you'll be judged and the fear that you'll have and what the visual that's so interesting about this is like all of that , all of that mental work could be occurring while you are sitting on the couch drinking tea and inside of your house is world I mean , inside of your mind is World

War Three but looking in on you , you just look like you're sitting there , frozen , so nothing is actually happening , despite you feeling like you've worked your body up into feeling like something bad has happened , but nothing has actually happened . So confidence comes from doing it scared .

There's very few people that try things and do things and aren't scared to do them , and sometimes I feel like within our minds we think we need to wait for that fear to completely dissipate for us to participate .

And in reality , everyone , like 99% of people who are creative entrepreneurs or small business owners of any kind are doing it scared , unless they're like the most confident people ever .

But that actually doesn't necessarily make for the best entrepreneur , because often those people who aren't doing it scared are lacking empathy and so eventually they kind of lose their ability to connect with people , and I feel like that's not necessarily the path that we should achieve .

You can still be yourself and be worried about all of those things that could potentially happen , while still taking the steps that you need to take , because the unfortunate truth is that any result that you have for your family photography business whether it would be hitting an income goal or a number of sessions goal , or whatever getting published , whatever it is

all of those results can only happen through your own action , and the only way that you're going to take action is if you do it scared . And so , 2025 , my nudge for everyone would be to figure out the steps that you need to take and then gather the courage to just take those steps .

And , like I know I talked about this in the very beginning of this podcast is visual , grabbing fear by the hand and walking side by side , and that little guy is still next to you . He doesn't . It's not as though you take the step and he evaporates , but what happens is you learn to trust yourself .

So , if you say , for 2025 , I want to specialize in maternity sessions and I want to market those very effectively and I want to stop communicating with people about price , and in order to do that , I need to build a really high trust brand , which means that people are going to have to get to know me , because that's the only way they're going to build a

really high trust brand , which means that people are going to have to get to know me because that's the only way they're going to build trust with me . But I'm scared of putting myself out there . So 2025 is the year to say but I'm going to do that anyway .

And the reason you're going to do that is because the goal that you've tied to those action steps means more to you than staying quiet , and everybody has to reach this point .

And the people that decide that the action steps are actually too intimidating and they can't do them , those are the people that go year after year after year , mostly taking on the sessions that come in fall that just happen to materialize because of the needs in the market .

They're quiet the rest of the year , feeling scared and frustrated that they're not hitting their goals , and eventually those people burn out . So those are the main two type of people that burn out of family photography . It's the people that take . They have maybe come on the market . They have a huge group of people that they know their .

Their natural network is just massive . So they come on the market really cheap , get a ton of clients and then burn out . Or there's the people who are really creative and great photographers and have all the potential to build high trust businesses , but they're too afraid to actually market those businesses and those people fizzle out .

So the middle road that's actually not traveled and is pretty rare is the person which I consider myself in this group , where I'm just traveling along , keeping promises to myself , continuing to market , having a high trust brand . It's booking out .

It's a fairly easy path and the ease of that path is built by my own trust in myself , because no one , unless you have a venture capital friend , is coming to save your business . The only person that's going to save your business is you , and the only way that you're going to do that is by taking action even though you're scared .

So if you don't have goals and this goes back to like a very rudimentary exercise in deciding to get over yourself is deciding what you're fighting for . So literally one of the best things you can do is write out what you want this business to bring to your life .

So for me , I want this business to continue to be able to showcase for my girls that I can be a creative business owner who runs a successful business , because I think showing them that that is possible is one of the most valuable lessons that I can teach them as a mother , and it doesn't mean that they have to follow in my footsteps .

It just means that for women , knowing that there are opportunities out there to build your own thing beyond being an employee , especially if they want to go on to be mothers themselves , I just feel like that freedom that I gave myself by being brave and putting myself out of my comfort zone and building a business is one of the best things I ever did for

myself as a mother and as a female and as a wife and as a woman . So that's my number one driver . My number two driver and I always say this is that my family relies on my income . I have big goals and dreams and I want to travel with my girls and I want to be able to go visit them when they go off to college or do whatever they want .

To travel with my girls and I want to be able to go visit them when they go off to college or do whatever they want to do . I'd love to be able to maybe buy a little investment property and my husband and I could fix it up . I have all these dreams that no one is coming to do for me .

And so in the beginning , rooney freaking every time she has not barked . I just want to go on the record . She has not barked all morning , she just barked .

I'm sure you heard her is in the very beginning , I would say , like the first five years , every year without fail , I did a dream board that was directly tied to my business and a lot of people can be like , oh , that's very silly , like that , anyone can do that , anyone can do that . Hardly anyone does that .

Hardly anyone takes a minute to look at the one year , three year , five year plan of what this work could mean to you . And if the work really is all about you just making enough income to pay your car payment , that's perfectly fine .

So I'm talking to photographers who are in growth mode , who are trying to make this a profitable business , and I think that I read that only like 6% of female owned entrepreneurs ever make $100,000 or more . I'd have to look at that because that seems really low . Maybe it was creative entrepreneurs .

There's not a lot of women out there just consistently hitting income goals , and I would say that the number one reason for that is because they haven't gotten over themselves in order to market . They're too afraid . They're too worried of judgment from other people , even within their own family members .

You don't even know the amount of family photographers that I've mentored who have animosity coming from within their own home . Either it's real or it's perceived . I don't feel like my husband likes that I'm spending so much time on this business . I don't think my kids like that . I spend time away from them , whether or not that's real or perceived .

Until you can let yourself be the type of business owner that you want to be , then you are the person who's holding yourself back . So the very first step is working on that confidence and knowing that . It doesn't mean that you sit around and wait for the fear to leave .

It means you grab fear's hand and you take the step , and that's what everyone is doing . That is what is . That's what . Let me rephrase that that is what everyone is doing . Who is actually working towards something ? And there's a lot of people who just have their backs to the wall and they're waiting for something to happen .

They're waiting for something to happen . They're waiting for something to change , whether it's external or internal . They're waiting for someone to save them . And unless you have a huge inheritance coming or someone who's like I . You know what I want to do with my money . I want to invest in the local family photography business community .

No one is coming to save you , and at first I was like I think we kind of all , especially as Americans , have this idea that this American dream , or this idea of hitting our financial goals , is something that is almost innately promised to us .

But it's actually built upon the back of our own ingenuity and the fact that you even started this business makes you so rare . But you can't see its full potential unless you get over yourself . So that is the quick but important lesson for today .

Um , I'm recording this one before black Friday on my Instagram , I just put the information about working with me one-on-one for eight weeks , starting in 2025 . So I'm going to do a little discount code possibly for that . I can't decide because I feel like it's already priced really well for how much time you get one-on-one with me . So I haven't decided yet .

I think what I might do instead is just add an additional , maybe boxer or zoom call that goes over Pinterest specifically . I think that's what I'll do . So that information I'll put in the show notes if you want more and then , yeah , I'll be back next week with another episode .

And if you are going to a Thanksgiving gathering or you're going around people or you're trying to bake something new or cook something new or try to wear a new outfit , even use this little lesson as a time , like if you had , let's say , you had an outfit that you saw on Pinterest .

That was a really cute little Thanksgiving outfit but you're like , oh my God , I'd never wear that . Wear it Like literally wear it . If you want to try to bake something new , bake it .

If there's someone that you at thanksgiving that you want to draw a boundary with , I'm not saying disrupt your entire thanksgiving , like blow up your thanksgiving dinner and then blame me .

I'm saying , if you're around people you're not normally around , whether that means you want to start more conversations or share more about what you're doing with your business or your goals for 2025 .

When you're in these family conversations , all of those little scary steps that we take to wear the thing we actually want to wear without judgment , or start conversations with people we may be intimidated by , or just open up the conversation and put ourselves in the spotlight for it for a second All of those things end up building trust within yourself so that

when you go to do it again , you have the data that you can do scary and hard things . Okay , hope you guys have a great week .