Welcome to Everything Life Coaching. I'm John Kim. And I'm Noelle Cordeaux. We are the founders of Lumia. And we're super passionate about all things coaching and we want to share what we've learned from over a decade of coaching and training thousands of life coaches. Let's dive into the science and magic of coaching. Hello everyone and welcome to Everything Life Coaching. Noelle here. Today we are going to continue with our series.
on exploring the real world application and nuances of the ICF core competencies. And today... we are going to tackle the competency titled establishes and maintains agreements. So how are we thinking about this? In context, one of the things that a coach... needs to know how to do is establish and maintain agreements as it relates to our work in the world of coaching. So here we go.
Any professional engagement, coaching or otherwise, benefits from the existence of clear expectations and agreement. In the world of coaching, The ICF dedicates an incredible amount of time and thought leadership to helping coaches understand the ins and outs of setting agreement. area of coaching, it requires extensive thought.
planning on the part of the coach. And then it requires extensive thought and planning between coach and client or any sponsors or any other stakeholders in the coaching agreement. before, during, and after the coaching engagement begins. So the level of complexity that exists in this competency is there for a reason. It is protective for both coach and client. and reflects the ever increasingly complex roles that coaches fill. This might look like one-on-one relationships with clients.
and coaches who work in Different environments, whether it might be a gym or a manufacturing facility or a corporate environment or somebody working within a sector like hospitality or government or education or even. working at the global level, such as taking place right now for economic recovery in the Ukraine and nation building, right? So this is setting the stage for establishing and maintaining agreements.
And that description of all of the different ways that coaches can and do work, I hope sheds a light on why there is such a deep dive here that is required. So first up, the definition of establishing and maintaining agreements according to the ICF is that the coach partners with the client. and relevant stakeholders to create clear agreements about the coaching relationship, process, plans, and goals. This includes establishing agreements for the overall coaching engagement as well as
for each individual coaching session. So we're going to tackle this in two parts. First, we're going to look at setting the agreement for the coaching engagement itself, and then we'll take a micro look at what it means to set the agreement within an individual session. This competency is broken down into 11 subcategories that deal with creating a core understanding of what coaching is and is not. agreements about responsibilities and logistics.
A coach-client personality fit is on the table here. And the agreement, again, that we're talking about in session, which is what carries us. through the coaching engagement and then of course we're looking at what happens at the conclusion of a coaching engagement. So as we go through each of these 11 sub-competencies, we'll take a look at what this means to coaches in everyday terms. When we're looking at the ICF core competencies and honing in on setting the agreement, the first five aspects.
of this core competency, I like to bundle together because the first five are what truly relates to the period of time before a coaching relationship begins. And therefore, careful thought and consideration must be put into ensuring that all parties involved have clarity, comfort. and clear expectations. And this includes explaining what coaching is and is not and being able to explain the process to clients and stakeholders.
reaching an agreement about what is and is not appropriate within a given relationship. This includes what is and is not being offered and all of the different responsibilities therein.
This also includes reaching an agreement about the guidelines and specific parameters of the coaching relationship. And here, when we're thinking about guidelines and parameters, we're talking about logistics, fees, scheduling, duration, termination, confidentiality, and who might be included in the coaching relationship if there's a company or a sponsor involved.
And then finally, the last two, we're looking at partnering with the client and any other stakeholders to establish a plan and goals for the engagement. And then we're looking for the client and coach to partner in determining that personality fit, that compatibility, which is... really, I think, foundational to any coaching engagement and something that folks don't necessarily think about because of the sales-driven nature of getting a client. But we'll take a look at how that works.
and why we need to be considerate in our evaluation of a coaching relationship in a little bit. when we're looking at the first two points in this competency. is doing a good bit of education for the client and the stakeholder on the functional and...
technical aspects of the coaching relationship. Now, in the land of coaching, we're in a much different place than we were even two years ago. I think really the pandemic was... a bellwether moment for coaching in that more people than ever globally became aware of what coaching was. and became aware of what coaches do because there was such a global movement towards meaning and purpose for so many people. So to this end.
All coaches should have a really good working definition of coaching that they feel comfortable expressing in their own words. I like to describe coaching as strategic facilitation. And when I talk about strategic facilitation and what I do as a coach, I partner with my clients to facilitate the strategy. learning, of course, action and self. accountability that is required for sustainable change and goal accomplishment.
Notice the nuance in my words there. I didn't say accountability. I said self-accountability because ultimately we want our clients to understand that coaching is a self-directed process. And while the coach is the partner, the client. is the one who is actually responsible for doing the work, accomplishing the goals, and the outcomes and successes that represent their own life. So all of these pieces.
are necessary if folks want to change their circumstances, whether we're talking about work personal life, or looking at coaching to support large-scale initiatives that involve many different components. When we are laying out facts about coaching in this beginning stage, it's important to generate both clarity and understanding. So this includes differentiating between coaching and other professions. The most common comparisons to coaching are mentoring.
consulting and therapy. So as a coach, you're going to want to have a good working definition of each and a way that feels very comfortable to you to differentiate between all of these different disciplines. The way that I explain this is that a consultant is hired to tell someone what to do. And a mentor relationship is one in which a mentor is explaining to the client what they have done or what they would do in a given scenario.
And then therapy is completely different. It's in its own space, away from consulting and mentoring, because therapy is medical treatment for a diagnosed issue. when we go into the topic of therapy it is important to explain to the client and sponsor that coaching is not medical treatment Coaching is not a replacement for therapy and coaching doesn't serve as a replacement for any other kind of medical treatment. And when I'm working this...
In the phase of setting the agreement with a coach and a client, I really take the time to talk about medical treatment in its own lane because... When folks are going through medical treatment, whether it's therapy or something else, they also feel that they can still move forward with their goals. And so for this reason, coaching and therapy can coexist. coaching, and any other forms of medical treatment can coexist if the client feels that they can still move forward with their goals.
And of course, since coaching is not a privileged relationship, this is a really important place to get clear on the difference. between coaching and medical treatment in that there is not the same kind of confidentiality that can be expected within a coaching relationship. Beyond the differentiation of coaching and other services. It's really important, and ICF does call on coaches to educate clients and stakeholders on what is and is not appropriate in the relationship.
and what is and is not being offered. What this looks like when we're doing it in real life is getting clear on the responsibilities of the client, the responsibilities of the coach, and any responsibilities that exist. as it pertains to a stakeholder. practical exploration of the way in which a coach and client will work together. And this includes stuff like expectations for responsiveness between coach and client.
I like to drop in here the fact that the coach will not give advice or direct the client. When we're talking about terms and responsibilities, I always make sure to say to my clients, you know, I'm not going to tell you what to do. I'm not going to give you advice. And sometimes that surprises people. And then we get to have a conversation about what coaching actually is and what I will actually do.
This is another great place to really hammer home the idea that the client is responsible for their own outcomes and for doing their own work. So in this section, as we're exploring the ins and the outs of a working relationship with our clients, As coaches, it's important for us to think about our own boundaries and needs as well and to have these established for and with ourselves ahead of time.
So, for example, are you going to be comfortable having relationships with your clients on social media? If so, how would confidentiality need to be agreed upon in virtual public exchanges? How about messaging on social media apps? Are you okay with getting Facebook messages or Instagram DMs from your clients? How about texting? What are the parameters? around how often you're willing to have your client communicate with you. Is it all hours of the day?
Is it morning, noon, and night? And if so, when are you willing to respond and within what timeframe? What's the level of responsiveness that you're willing to engage in with your client? How about the way that you practice? For my coaching clients, I prefer to work by phone. It's a preference that I've had for over a decade. It really works for me. And I encourage text updates.
from my clients in between sessions, but my clients know that I'm not going to respond right away. And I do take time for myself, especially on the weekends. And so those are my boundaries. I work by phone. I like to have text exchanges in between. And that's about it. Some coaches... like to work via video session, Zoom, other modality, or in person.
And some coaches have started to utilize different kinds of environments like virtual reality. Virtual reality is an environment that's really starting to show up. in career coaching right now for college-age students, which I found absolutely fascinating. So you can move into the metasphere with your clients if it suits you. And these are all... really important factors to consider when you begin your coaching practice as so many of us learn what we want through trial and error.
And it's also important to note that the way you feel when all of these factors are in play will likely evolve over time. and nothing is set in stone. So for example, when I first started coaching, I really encouraged email responses from my clients. And I still do. People can email me if they have a big download, but I was getting big downloads. And it was taking up a lot of my time. And so I prefer text updates and text exchanges for my clients. I don't have many clients because I have this.
day job here at Lumia. And so I do genuinely like to hear from them as often as needed. In discussing how things will work in the context of a coaching engagement, this is also a great place to talk about fees and a timely payment structure. as well as your cancellation policy. So most coaches have a rule of thumb that if a client doesn't let them know ahead of time and they just no show for a session, the client is responsible for paying for that session. And that's true.
of almost every professional relationship. So that's a great thing to both have in your contract and to discuss with your client. And also, you're going to want to talk with your client about the fact that both coach and client have the right to terminate the coaching relationship at any time. In fact, the ICF recommends that all coaches have a clear refund policy in their contract.
to discuss with clients at the time of setting the agreement. Now, no coach and no client ever goes into an engagement. thinking that either is going to or wants to terminate that engagement. But shit happens. And so to be mentally prepared, emotionally prepared, mentally and emotionally mature enough to say, hey, this happens sometimes. Let's get an agreement in place just to cover our bases is a really good idea. So once you get through.
If everything feels good to coach and client, we then move into the interpersonal part of setting the agreement, which is a gut check. between coach and client to make sure that each feels good about the coaching relationship. and that each feels clear that coach and client have a strong personality fit for each other. It's just true that not everyone gets along and people have different styles of communication and people have different values.
around a lot of different things. And so it's important for a coach to feel comfortable that they can maintain a nonjudgmental stance in a coaching relationship. If this is not true for whatever reason, The ICF calls on the coach to refer out. The reason that I'm bringing this up within setting the agreement is because that gut check.
is going to serve you really well as a coach. If you're going into a coaching engagement and you're like, man, I'm not sure how I feel about this human, there's a solid chance that it's not going to work out. So it is ethically. and emotionally responsible if we're not feeling it, just like any other relationship, to not continue down that road with a client, but also to have a handy network of folks. to whom you can refer out. This is one of the benefits.
of Lumia and getting to know so many coaches with so many different disciplines and so many different values so that if you meet someone and you're not the right fit for them, you know a ton of different people to whom you can refer out. This can feel funky. At first, if you have somebody who wants to work with you and you're just really not feeling it because landing a client is exhilarating. It is. It's the best feeling in the world.
And working as a coach is part of being a human service professional. And we coaches count as humans in this equation. If there is not a good relationship or match between coach and client, just like any other relationship, it will be difficult to maintain healthfully. So use your intuition and use your inner knowing and use your values as a guide.
And finally, after we have gotten through of all of these lengthy but important steps, But before we move into the coaching relationship itself and begin to work as coach and client, the last step in setting up the coaching engagement. is to partner with the client and or relevant stakeholders to establish an overall coaching plan and goals.
So now, as we are looking at this step in the coaching agreement process, I cannot emphasize enough that this is a space where both coach and client need to be evaluative. feel that what the client has brought to you or what the stakeholder or sponsor has brought to you is a coachable topic. That's yes, no, right? Are the expectations of the client and stakeholder realistic and reasonable? And do they relate to your own scope of practice as a coach?
Our folks have come to me and they've wanted to work on career coaching. Career coaching is an awesome topic, but it's really not something that I do. It's really not something that I feel is in my wheelhouse. And I don't feel connected to it. as something that I would typically coach people on, unless somebody was really specifically wanting to develop a coaching practice.
Which case, I love that stuff, right? So I tend to say no to career coaching engagements if they're outside of the scope of coaching. And that's okay, because there are so many other people who are really, really great. career coaches and i love referring out Another thing to think about here is time frame. What is the proposed scope of the contract? And is it reasonable?
for the goal set at hand. Sometimes proposed coaching engagements can be too short or too long, depending on what the client and or sponsor or stakeholder wants to accomplish. And this is fertile ground for conversation around, hey, do we feel this is realistic? Is there wiggle room if we need to contract or expand whatever it is?
If you're working with a client that also has a sponsor or a stakeholder attached, and some different ways this could look is maybe the sponsor slash stakeholder is a parent. child, move on with career progression, getting into college or some other goal.
It could be that there is a married couple where one person in the couple has said, you know, I'm a stakeholder in this coaching relationship. Or it could be... an employer that says, I want my employee to expand in these goal areas or increase these skill sets. In looking at many different possible scenarios, do the client and stakeholder agree on the goals or objectives for the client? So, for example, if there's a parent who says, I want to hire you as a coach.
So that my kid gets into law school. Kid, do you want to go to law school? You know, that's a basic foundational question. Are we all aligned? And then if the answer is yes. From there, we go into reporting what information will be shared and with who. When you're coaching and engagement at work, This is very important and things that will be shared about the client when and with whom need to be cleared with the client ahead of time and the client needs to sign off.
that they recognize that all of these things are okay with them and that they're going to take place. It's important to discuss this with the client, the stakeholder, and then get it in writing so that everyone has a record of it in the coaching agreement that can be referred back to again and again. It is common in some instances where a sponsor or an employer will want information from a coach about a client that has not been agreed upon.
And in those situations, that's why we need to have this stuff in writing because it's out of the scope. of what the coach can reasonably provide. And so that coach needs to go back and say, I'm sorry, you know, this isn't in my contract and providing this information is outside of my scope of ethics. I can't do it for you. And if it becomes a problem, coach, client, and sponsor all need to go back to the drawing board.
This is an area, too, where confidentiality is really important to get clear on about what will and will not be shared with others, no matter who they are. So for coaches... You can't disclose if you're working with someone if that client has not explicitly agreed to that disclosure. There was a situation... And Lumia office hours recently were a student for an issue that took place in a relationship coaching contract.
where the coach was hired and contracted by a man who was married, and the man wanted to work on things that were coming up in the context of his marriage. Out of left field, the client's wife texted the coach and asked the coach, how come you only schedule calls with my husband when I'm not home? So let's just pause here for a second. According to the standards of confidentiality, that coach can't even acknowledge that they're working with the client, period.
Full stop. No information can be disclosed. unless it has been explicitly agreed upon by the stakeholders. in a contract. So what that coach needed to do, and why it was brought up as like, what do I do here is to respond to the text message and say, I'm so sorry, I do not discuss clients. You're not giving any information, not giving an indication, yes, no, anything. Maybe just an acknowledgement that I am a coach, right? Again, confidentiality takes place before, during, and after a session.
So that's one of the things that we need to keep in mind and get clear if in the course of a coaching engagement, coach, client, or stakeholder feels that they are going to have to, at some point, disclose something to somebody else. And lastly, when we are setting the agreement with our clients, will want to have some sort of idea around what the conclusion of the coaching contract looks like. And this is balanced against...
a preliminary plan. So when I start a coaching engagement with a client, one of my intake questions is how will we know when our coaching has concluded? And I discussed that question. How will we know? When our coaching has concluded with the client as part of setting the agreement, that's one of the questions that we talk about before we actually move into our first session. How will we know when it's over? What will it look like?
What will it feel like? What will the outcomes be? What will the emotional indicators be? And what do we have to be on the lookout for coach and client in order to know? when this thing is done. This is a great way for clients to express their desired outcomes in their own words. And it can be surprising. Sometimes people want a concrete action plan, or sometimes they want the embodiment of a specific feeling, like I will feel more confident when.
And sometimes it will be really concrete, like I've been accepted to law school or I published a book. And so this varies from client to client. And the only way that we can find out this information in order to set the agreement properly is to ask, ask, ask, and ask our clients some more. So now we're going to move into a part of setting the agreement, which is nuance.
layered and very important for setting up a session and putting the client squarely in the driver's seat and setting you as a coach up for success. Two of the most important but often invisible outcomes of the why behind all of these layers and frameworks that are implicit in the ICF coaching conversation are. Number one. By asking the client to direct the work of the session and to do the work of the session, we instill autonomy in our clients over time.
We do this with repetition, asking questions and constant redirecting the client back to the self. as the best source of all knowledge. And over time, our clients just get into the habit of the fact that they are the best knowers in their own life. Number two, when we layer in multiple steps of questioning, we give our clients the chance to slow down and to become thoughtful. The impact of slowing down in order to think through multiple steps.
gives our clients a chance to get out of their limbic brain, which is right back here. Your limbic brain governs emotional response. both positive and negative. And this has the same cognitive capacity of other large mammals like cows, horses, and eight. And so we can live in our emotional brains, but it doesn't really give us the best information. When we slow things down and we add layers, logic, step. questions, the reflexive logic center of our brain wakes up.
And we're able to dive into this part of our brain, which is right up here. And it's huge. It's most of our head. We don't even know what that baby does fully yet. The neocortex. And this is the part of our brain. to engage in creativity, and to create a bird's eye view of a given situation. So when you are in coach training,
Yes, a lot of these layered steps and frameworks can be frustrating and even uncomfortable to get the hang of. It's very similar to learning a new language because all of these are verbally enacted. But once we get the hang of it, what we're doing as coach and client is giving... Both a chance in partnership to slow down and engage in the logic center of our brain.
It's a very cool process. Let's take a look at how this works at the start of a coaching engagement when we are setting the agreement. So when coach and client come together at the beginning of a session, After the basic pleasantries are exchanged, it's incumbent upon the coach to ask the client what the topic of the conversation is going to be. Most of my clients are long-term and I tend to open with a simple question, you know, what are we working on today?
And all of my clients are absolutely familiar with this protocol. And they're very used to me saying, what are we working on today? Otherwise, a very nice, powerful question that you can use is what brings you to coaching today? And this question allows the coachee to speak to their specific needs and challenges, providing a clear focus for the coaching session. Once we have the topic from the client and the clients might.
need a little help really nailing down what they're saying that they're bringing to the session. But once we have that topic from the client, we move on to gaining an understanding of the client's desired outcome. And this too has some nuance to it. Coaches prompt the coachee to define their desired result for the coaching session with
precision, right? So the coaching topic is just generally, this is what I want to work on. And then the outcome is precision. A powerful question to facilitate this process could be, from what you've shared what would be most helpful for you to achieve in our session today. I'll say that again. from what you've shared. Topic.
what would be most helpful to achieve in our session today? Now, I like this question because it draws awareness to the fact it opens up for coaching clients to talk about the fact that a lot of times... the topics that our clients bring aren't solvable in a single hour or a 90-minute session or a 30-minute session. But from what you shared, what would be most helpful? to achieve in our sessions.
So by asking a question like this, the coach invites the coachee or the client to reflect on their aspirations and identify the core of the desired outcome. This is interesting because sometimes it's a concrete tactical aspect like a plan. Sometimes it's a feeling. Sometimes it's a set of awareness. It can be all sorts of different things. And so to be curious in this stage is really important for you as a coach.
Next, we move on to the source of urgency. Urgency is a great way to both build and understand motivation for the client's desire to achieve a specific outcome. I usually use... the language why this why now so my clients know they roll into session i'm gonna say what are we working on today
And they're going to tell me and I'm going to say, okay, but really, what do we want to get out of this? Like realistically, what are we going to want to get out of this? They'll tell me. And then the very next thing that I'll say is, all right, why this? Why now? For a deeper cut, as a coach, you can use a powerful question like, of all of the challenges you're facing, why have you chosen to work on this particular topic today?
And this question is expansive. It prompts the client to explore the meaning. behind their choice and understand the drivers. And this is a huge link to the very important coaching tenant where we coach the person, not the problem. So when we're looking at, you know, of all the things, why this? it asks a really great question about what's the deeper cut, what's underneath, what's behind it, what else is going on in the client's life, and what is driving the urgency today.
In this way, just looking at how nuanced this session setup is. And I know a lot of times coaches when they're first starting out feel like, oh my God, like this is taking a lot of time away from the session. And it's really not. It gets done in about five minutes. But again, all of these different layers are slowing the brain down enough for coaching client to really move into the logic center and get super specific.
and clear about what's on the table and what's realistic within a given period of time. Moving on, the final stage of setting the agreement at the beginning of the session is to look at potential tangible measures of success. for the desired outcome. This is a nuance when you're setting the parameters. for a successful outcome. So if a client says, you know, I want to feel more confident.
Cool. Where are you now on a scale of one to 10? And where do you want to be at the end of our session? That's a very specific parameter. So to that end, a great question might be, at the end of our session today, how will you client know that we've reached our desired outcome? So this question prompts both the coach and the client to define tangible indicators of success. Coaching client co-equally contribute to this process. to ensure that the coaching session is purposeful.
and results oriented. Now, sometimes clients bring multiple issues to the table. And yes, when you change direction in a coaching session, you have to go back. through and reset the agreement for each piece of the session. What are we working on today? We're working on two things. Okay, for the first one.
What's the outcome? What's the measure of success? Why this? Why now? How will we know if we're successful? Mid-session check-in. Are you getting where you wanted to be? Yes, no. Yes, you're ready to switch to the next topic. Okay, cool. You go right back. and run through all of these different measures. So the type of measurements that your client comes up with may surprise you and oftentimes clients need to
think and sit silently in order to think through what you're asking of them at the beginning phase of setting the agreement for a session. And so this is another space that sometimes feels uncomfortable when you're first getting the hang of this in coach training because it feels awkward. to hold silence at the beginning of the session. And that is absolutely what is required.
you as a coach so that your client can really do the work in defining for themselves with what a successful outcome looks like and feels like. And then, of course, you know, you're going to close out the session after the mid-session check-in with... You're going to invite an action step. And you're going to talk about what that action step could look like, blockers.
and check in for any measures of accountability that your client would truly benefit from. So that's just kind of the global frame. And thank you so much. for joining us, for setting the agreement. It's been an absolute pleasure hanging with you and I'll see you next time.
Thanks for listening to Everything Life Coaching. If you're feeling the draw to become a coach, head to lumiacoaching.com slash everything. Explore a new career that brings fulfillment, gives you a true sense of purpose, and a bold community to do it with. Lumia is ready to equip you with the tools, training, and community you will need to reach your goals. If you're ready to build a unique coaching business on your own terms,
While making an impact on the world at large, Lumia is the next bold step in your coaching journey. That's lumiacoaching.com slash everything. And hey, if you're waiting for a sign, this is it.