You found us. I'm so glad you did. But I'm sorry that you had to. Who are we? I'll tell you what, we're not. We're not old, we're not boring, and we're not giving up. So come on into our widow circle, where trauma meets humor. And we remind you that you can not only survive, but thrive. This is every widow thing. Hi everybody, welcome to every widow thing. We are excited to share so much information with you over this next season.
We may have seen on our Instagram page that we have some exciting news that we were celebrating. I'm going to take it over to Kira and let her share something that I think will inspire all of us. I got engaged over the summer. Just to recap, I'm nine years out from the car accident that took my husband Frank's life. I met Brendan probably a little over five years in. I had been on and off some dating websites. I had a few set up. I had a couple relationships.
Lacey's laughing. Was there for all of that. Setups never really go that well, just to be honest. But you know one thing that I think when you're going into this process after like, losing your spouse is? I had a couple of relationships with some really nice men who, you know, it was just nice to be taken out to dinner and it was nice to take a trip. Or sometimes they would come over and help with home projects, yes. As you guys know, light bulbs. And their names.
Nice to have a man around the house. Yeah, I don't know. Does that sound sexist? But it's so true. What I realized though, is that I was not. Falling in love. I was not in love with any of those gentlemen. And I met Brendan in a period where I was just kind of off. I was just, I guess, taking a break. Anyway, a girlfriend was like, oh, there's this new one called Hinge and let's get you on there. And she just kind of threw up some pictures and threw me on there. And you on there.
One really funny thing about meeting Brendan, who's my fiancee, I guess just like a mouthful, is that he lives a little bit out of my typical kind. I literally had like a 15 mile parameter on my apps and he's about 30 miles away. She had just threw it, thrown me on there and that parameter had kind of opened up his area, which is he lives a little north of the city. And so, yeah, so we met online and I will say like the very first date. We definitely connected big
time. We just had one of those dates. Was like, wow, it was easy. It was laughing. There was just chemistry. And he had picked this plate, this really funny place. Is this too much detail? No. No. Anyway, he had picked this place I'd never heard of. That was sort of between where I lived and where he lived. And I was joking about it with my girlfriends that morning at our workout. And they were like, where are you meeting this guy and? Suburbia.
It was called the Brutorium and they're all like, what the hell is that? But it's like a. Brewery, yeah. And anyway, we're giggling about that. And then we were calling him. I used to nickname most of the men I dated, Something like where they were from or in my phone. Here's another good tip. Widows. I would always put the contact in as a female name. So he was Brenda in my phone. So was that for your kids, like?
Yeah, my kids were young enough that they would be picking up the phone and be like, who's Maria? And it was really Mark or whatever. It's. Still Brenda in your. He is not still Brenda, but all the other people I dated are still in their. I would forget I would have iteration keep being be able to remember so many. But I mean. We so many, we've all had young kids who are just the phone. They're it's in the kitchen or they're picking it up to look at the phone and you know.
Anyway, that was one of my strategies that you're welcome tomorrow. So anyway, yeah, close down the place, you know it's a Wednesday night. They actually started playing closing time. On the patio? That's hilarious. So that's pretty funny. That's your song that needs. To be the next day, I was like, I think closing time when. You're late when you're coming down the aisle at the very. End closing time. That was the November before the pandemic. So we were kind of just getting
serious. And then the pandemic hit. I'm gonna drink my champagne. Well, yeah. Cheers. Yeah, I can drink. Sorry, yeah this is too long. Window it is. I want to hear it all. I was just getting to know you. They. Don't, But they don't. Doesn't know. Yeah, it's fun. It's fun to listen. All the. Because only after you came and had coffee with me in my backyard that I really got, I was like, this is.
Yeah, he's it. Yeah, and I will say Lacey was with me for a lot of the some of the other men I dated she had met. Two that I remember. She was like they're. Freaking to my house. But they're not. That's not. That's not going. But Brendan's the one I He's also. Yeah, so OK, so the pandemic hit and it was make or break, right? He ended up moving, kind of moving in him and his daughter kind of moved in with me initially because his daughter was back and forth.
His exwife was still working in healthcare in a healthcare capacity, and we were just worried about that. So I'm just sort of like a home bring everyone here. I'll be cooking and shopping and going in wasn't. There a trip to Spain or something? Yes, we went to Barcelona the Christmas before the New Year's, before so 2020. He came to Barcelona with me and my kids and another. Family remember being kind of early on, I thought, wow, that is brave. But you knew already. You kind of knew.
Well, he. Was like, I thought that was a dicey move. I guess I was like, come on, let's get when did you tell them that you'd met someone and did you say you think it's going to? Clearly before he's serious. Yeah. So I would like right around Christmas. So you met in November and Christmas, you're telling your kids when you? Lay it out like that. It's no, but that happens all the time. Sounds a little When you know, you know. Well, Oliver and I met married
in three. I meant met married in eight months, but yeah, engaged in three. I think you know when, you know, I was just curious how you handled the kids. Well, I want to say also at this point, my kids were. Were dating. So they were like 1015 and 17. You know, they were older. They weren't as little. I felt like they would be on board with meeting somebody because at this point I had pretty much kept most of my dating from them it. Had been like what? I mean six years at least.
Been 5 / 5 years since yeah, but still. I mean, my kids were older and I even now I keep that stuff pretty close and I'm I think. You go with your gut like you know your kids. You know yourself, you know did you sit down with like how did that. I'm just curious how did that work? Like do you have a sit down with everyone there? So I've. Met so interested in well I'm just interested in I just no I. Introduced the boyfriend to the children. I was just curious, yeah, for
the listeners. So, you know, we kept the relationship separate, but it was getting, I would say it went and moved quickly and quickly became pretty intense. And then I had already planned this trip to Barcelona for me and the kids for after Christmas. After the accident, I kind of started doing more of.
You know, the sitting around the tree and the Christmas was difficult for me. So I started doing more planning like of trips around the holidays and it was a time that we were all together with the kids were off school. So I had already planned this trip with another family to go to Spain. I don't know, Like, I probably had like one or two, one too many cocktails one night and was like, hey, like, do you want to come? I knew he didn't have his daughter that that at that time.
And I was like, hey, do you want to come on this trip with me and my kids to Barcelona? I already had the apartment, so he just showed up on the flight and I'm like, hey, he's coming. Along, so then when he decided. Whitney likes the detail. Yeah. Then when he tells I would like to join, I said, oh gosh, we better introduce you to right my family. I had a friend that pretended that brought her boyfriend along on a trip to Iceland, and her kids were there and she didn't mention anything.
And then she pretended like they had befriended each other on the flight, had gotten, like, mixed up, and he didn't have anywhere to stay. So then she's like, Oh well, you, we have an extra room. You can stay with us. Did they end up together? No, OK. Yeah, I had him over for dinner and. Everybody sat everybody down and I said, you know, this is someone I'm dating. And then I think they met him a couple more times. And then I think I said, oh, and by the way, I think he's going to come.
And what was what worked about that is we were already going with another family that we're really close with. So there were other people at one, just like. It wasn't. Just you, your family and Brendan. Exactly right. Exactly and. Brendan's such an easygoing guy. I would imagine he knows how to, kind of. Adapt to whatever's going on in the room. He seems like that type of person to me, the times I've been. Around he does. He does. He's not overbearing.
He's not Joe salesman. He's. The greatest person in the world and the kids will have resentment or you know, a loyalty that that puts up a wall to, you know. I guess I'm taking it from like my son, he he wants me to have that. So I assume like your kids. Maybe it's different than divorce. I think divorce, maybe it's more contentious that we're still alive than yeah. But when they're dead, and they've been dead as long as your husband had been dead, I think that they want you to be
happy. They want their mother. They don't want the pressure of having to make sure their mom's happy. So they when they leave the nest I'm sure for Thomas and. Your daughter, I think they probably were thinking, great, she's got somebody. I don't have to worry about her. Yeah, So there's that. Get to the juicy details. So so. Jessie came forward. So Fast forward. We've been together almost four years and we had talked about getting married someday, but we just hadn't really sat down and
hammered it out. So Fast forward to this summer. He wanted to plan a trip for just the two of us, which is really sweet. And you were not going to go on it? Yeah, there was. Two. I remember at the pizza place, you were like, I don't know. I don't think I'm going to go. Maybe I should? Have gummed. I had a lot going on with another. Girl could have gotten your ring. And I know, and I was like, he insisted.
And obviously, you know, I was excited to go, but I just in that moment I was feeling over your plate was full and you thought how can I leave town? Exactly understandable. He play on the trip to Maui, which we'll get to in a minute because it was right before the fire. We'd looked at rings. On one trip in New York. But I was like, well, I don't really know what do you want second time around? You don't really think about it. That is a hard. Thing.
I don't know. I just that was my problem. I was like, gosh, I don't even know what that would look like. But then on his insistence, he was just like, just send me some ideas. So I sent him one ring that I thought I had seen online that I thought was really pretty couple months ago. And that was it. So anyway, we get to Maui and we're like 2-3 days in, we're sitting around the pool. I have a couple Mai Tai's in me and I just kind of brought up where are we with things and.
You know, what's our plan? And how come you never want to talk about it? And remember that time when you said you would never get married again? I mean, I was just doing all the things when you kind of pick a fight, I guess is sort of what I was doing, kind of bad. My ties will do that. I think I. Was just getting a little frustrated in the relationship like, well, what what's going to happen next? And you know, I was giving him a hard time about how he never.
Whenever it came up it I felt like it was me bringing it up, you know, like what would the future look like? And I don't want to say never, because he would engage in those conversations, but I I felt like it was always the Mai ties were telling you. The Mai ties said it's his
fault. So we have this fight which I think carries on back to the suite and then we were getting ready for dinner or something and he just kind of at one point he just kind of took about his shoulders was like, can we just. We just. Have a good time. Right. And again, I didn't. Again, I still didn't think so the next day we might have even been that night. We were supposed to drive up to the top of Halayakala, which is the volcano there.
And we were going up for sunset and we drive about an hour from the resort and then we get to the entrance of the National Park which is at the base of the volcano and the. Park Ranger is like, well, it's full up there, there's no parking, you won't be able to park and we're like, Oh no, so we start driving and it's just I don't know if you've who's been to the top you've been. It's a nightmare scary drive.
It is. It's a twisty drive, so I'm sitting very quietly so that he can focus on the road and I'm just sort of looking out and it's just it's. Beautiful though. It's an incredible experience. You start in this kind of foggy low bit. And then you start to get above the clouds and you feel like you're in an airplane. And I'm just kind of looking out the window and I'm taking some pictures and I'm letting him
focus. But I think I was telling you guys that I had this feeling looking out over the clouds. And then you know how sometimes there's light that kind of comes? Through and I sort of have this thing whenever the light comes through. Maybe this sounds cheesy or very late. Doesn't predictable, dude. You know, I'm eating it up. Feels like Frank. It feels like heaven. It feels like maybe Frank is peeking through the cloud.
Yes, stream of light, yes. So on the way up, I kind of had that like feeling that he was there, I guess with you. I'm going to get upset so we get to the top and and Brendan's in logistics modes right now, he's like white cycling. He's like we. Have to get. There, there's a first parking lot and then there's one at the top and he we get to the first parking lot and he's like there's a spot. It's like into the spot and we throw on like our jackets and our hats.
And because we have to do like a 10 or 15 minute hike to the top, we get up there and we're high fiving because we got the parking spot right. And all these people are sitting on the ledge. And so I kind of walk over and I see this Little Rock and I kind of sit down and he just keeps walking like he's, I'm like, babe, you know, this good spot. And he just keeps going and I'm like, OK, so I'm following him
and he keeps going and going. He had a plan and he gets all the way to where there's just no people. So we're just at the end of the crowd and he sits down and I'm like, are you good? Like is this going to work for you spot? And I'm kind of annoyed because I'm, you know, I want to get in position and get ready for the sunset. I'm sitting with my phone out, and he's sitting and he starts this kind of speech.
I guess he's like, and, you know, ever since I've met you and, like, you know, that's really And all of a sudden I just like, look at him and I'm like, what are you talking about right now? Like it's about. To go down and did he get down on one knee? So he, I look at him and then I can see like, he's getting emotional and there's like and I'm like, Oh my God. And he gets down on one knee and I'm kind of in shock.
And then he pulls out the ring, and it's the ring that I had sent that I was like, I really like this ring. He didn't ask, like, will you marry me? He said, you know, would you make me the happiest man in the world and be my wife? He busts out the ring. And I put the ring on and I'm like sort of shaky and it's a little cold and the ring is a little oversized. And so I'm in my mind, I'm panicking that the ring is going to go, like, tumbling down the volcano.
And I'm trying to get keep the ring on and kiss him and hold the so sweet just you're thinking. About it tumbling down the. Or like I cannot let go. Of your brain. Well, I think all of us kind of maybe have that kind of tragedy moment like it. I always have that about everything, like everything. I always think, oh, that could happen. Anyway, it was so sweet and we just kind of kissed and hugged and watch the sunset as a widow. It's like you don't know if this
is ever. Going to happen to you again, you don't know if you're ever going to find as. Far as that's why, I said. You're giving a lot of people that kind of. Get there is. Love a second time around? We all know it's different, but that's Okay. And everybody was super excited. So exciting. I know there. Wasn't anybody that was like, oh, terrible idea, but we got back and sadly. Maui had this horrible fire happen literally a week after we were there.
And so then we were like, what's not really appropriate to post? Like, look, we just got engaged in Maui. I have donated. Please donate. There's lots of good causes. I ended up just really quickly doing baby to baby in the very beginning because they were looking for supplies for kids. But yeah, I'm excited for this new chapter. It is a very hopeful place to be in my life right now initially. I really wanted to fill that
hole for the kids. Like my kids were little and I was like, I got to find a father figure for these kids. And so initially it was almost like a mission to find someone for them. And then as I got further along in the dating process, I realized, you know, this, there's just not a quick fix for a great love. I mean, you just have to be patient. And wait. And sometimes it happens and sometimes it doesn't. And I feel so fortunate that now
I've had two. But I definitely got to a point as my kids got older and as I had sort of muscled through the single mom, you know, journey that I felt like we're going to be okay. They're going to be okay. I'm going to be okay. This doesn't have to look like the family that you know, that family unit that you've lost that you. Want to recreate so badly. I really had gotten to that point when I met him and that was a really good place for me to be.
Well, I think that's a great lesson for everyone. It's something that I really believe. When you let go and you are just trying to live in the present moment and create the best life for yourself, then more is brought in and it's icing on the cake. You're already creating a happy place, so you're fine with
whatever happens next. And you don't want to settle and none of us are going to. To settle, that's not going to happen because we had great loves and that set the bar really high and we're not looking to replicate what we had, but it sets the bar pretty high. You want a guy that you feel like can be for the long haul and someone that's I know. For me, I would rather wait. It's worth the wait. It's to be. I have plenty of friends to play with and I know you guys do too.
It's better that and then just also fill up your own life. Fill up your own life. Make it good. Like it. They're hard things are going to continue to happen. Like they're hard things going on in my life. And I'm sure you too. You know, my mother's not well and my son's. I'm going to be an empty nester. But I decided I'm going to embrace. Even on those hard days, I'm going to embrace. I'm healthy.
I have the ability to travel and I'm going to focus on that and then I think that's when amazing things happen. We can't promise that people are going to meet another person because when people say that. You don't need.
You're not worrying about that. I'm going to live my life and have a great life and I do have some people in my life that have no interest in finding quote that person like we like our life the way it is. I think it's important to embrace that as you go through your life just to you know, and then you'll you'll have love. It may not be that kind of love.
It just made me love with people and friends and so I kind of feel like that's the goal is to. That, you know, it was, it was helpful for me to take that pressure off early on. I took that pressure off myself. I was trying to fill that that need for my kids, and that's not a good way to approach a new relationship, you know, like too much. Take the pressure off yourself to find that person. Just dig into what your family looks like in the moment and that's kind of it was me and my kids.
And you know, we formed a really nice bond through that. And then Brendan coming along is just kind of icing on the key. My dad always said this because he was really raised mostly by his mother, but he said if you have one advocate in your life, you've got something major. And all of us have been there for our children 150%. They've got us. So if we don't find that quote, extra person like, mine's too old now. I mean, if he has step 10 now,
it's kind of silly. He's 18, he doesn't care, and he didn't care back then. It takes the pressure off when you're dating to find someone for you, not trying to find someone for you know my 6:00. Year old. And think about those years beyond now that I've launched 2 and I'm down to one kid. I've got all this time without the kids and who's that's right. I'm looking for someone that I can have a good time with, and he and I, we both like to travel, We both like the same kind of music.
We both, and you're a fairly social. Vote as far as the age of your kids you're gonna be. I mean, I hate to say free, but you know, you'll be empty nesters. At the same time, it's something to think about, like, this is my rule. I'm not dating anybody. Nobody that has kids at home for me because mine's gone. I'm finally after 12. Years of raised anyone with with kids still at home is unless they are like at the tail end of like senior year or something
like. Never say never, because, well, maybe not, because that is really fun. Toddlers. No toddlers I know. Keep thinking 12 I would. Not do that again of doing. That by. Congratulations. Thank you. We want everyone to feel inspired by Kira story. Your life is not over.