When you're in a really thin season with your temperaments both on override and also hiding vulnerabilities, you're bound for difficult marriage territories you hardly recognize, territory where you're tempted to blame your spouse or lose your marriage altogether. For Josh and Katie Walters, it was too, and it was a big something: infidelity. Today as guests on the pod, Josh and Katie speak to the pain behind infidelity and more importantly, how to courageously walk forward in actually loving yo...
Jan 22, 2024•46 min•Season 6Ep. 8
During these winter months when everyone is hibernating, it can be tempting to turning inwards and shut off your love. In this mini-episode, Christa helps you to rev up your love together again as you learn tips to relight the fires of desire. We’ll talk about safety, sex, and society as you warm up by the glow of your love! Let us also know if you’d like to join us in our E + M Certified Coaches Course that starts February 15, 2024, and runs for 12 weeks! Let's dig deep together! $500 off with ...
Jan 16, 2024•14 min•Season 6Ep. 7
When we're feeling weary, our temptation is often to run away from the very things that heal - authenticity, community, sacred daily rhythms, and most of all, Christ. We can even allow our creative outlets to be another way of escapism, or move so fast into the "post-human" world of bots and "ten easy steps" that we miss relating and sharing Christ's love. Today we get to talk about this human tendency and about finding our truest mission - and solace - in real community and giving as Christ sho...
Jan 15, 2024•54 min•Season 6Ep. 5
The 4.5 space in marriage is a beautiful place to create, plan, dream, and think, yet this pensive space can keep partners lonely without healthy habits and movement. Today we give our audience tips for finding safety and respect in the depths of the heart and mind with the generous help of the wildly popular husband-and-wife podcast host team, Sharleen Joynt, 4w5, and Andy Levine, 5w4 of the Dear Shandy podcast, as they humorously but soulfully and honestly allow us to plunge the depths of thei...
Jan 10, 2024•52 min•Season 6Ep. 4
In this inspiring getting-your-love-back-on-track episode, Christa takes you through several seeming paradoxes of relationship health on this heart-to-heart journey. We look closely at the work every personality type needs to do as they face the issues of independence versus leaning in, self regulation versus spousal care, and how to establish social bonds to encourage you both as you begin walking toward your partner. Come away from this episode with newfound courage, wisdom, intimacy-building,...
Jan 08, 2024•26 min•Season 6Ep. 3
One of the key factors that will determine how healthy you are in your marriage is and will always be working with your attachment styles and responses to threats and triggers. Yet the typical attachment wiring labels (secure, disorganized, anxious, withdrawing, and more) also need more fleshing out as well as acceptance, for each part of you has a role to fulfill to protect you and make you feel safe. As we open the new year, Christa is joined by Dr. Anita Kuhnly (Baker Books, The Four Relation...
Jan 03, 2024•55 min•Season 6Ep. 2
When it comes to personal and marriage growth this 2024, it's helpful to have not only a type-finding tool like the Enneagram but a trait finder like the most empirically scientifically studied personality test, the Big Five, to go along with it. Let Christa guide you on a relationship-based Big Five convo as you find out how you score on Openness, Conscientiousness, Extroversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism scales, and allow yourself to come into some refined New Year's learning with us as y...
Jan 01, 2024•24 min•Season 6Ep. 1
When any one of your SP (self-preserving), SX (sexual), and SO (social) instincts is taking over, you'll find yourselves in a sad or collapsing marriage state, maybe even metaphorically dying as a couple. Couples who want to grow and thrive need to use thinking skills also as well as to distinguish feelings versus just using automatic responses. In this final episode of the year, join Christa in walking you through the rubble to hope on the other side with tips and tactics for finding your deep ...
Dec 27, 2023•31 min•Season 5Ep. 95
Author Scott Kedersha, Enneagram 3 (3-9 pairing) is not only a fellow Baker author with Christa but also the long-standing marriage pastor at Harris Creek Baptist Church out of Waco, TX. His conversations with couples over the last seventeen years have led him to understand the biggest themes in marriage issues also involve a lack of vulnerability and prayer in marriage. In fact, he's discovered that couples who pray together have unparalelled commitment and a far less drastic divorce rate, whic...
Dec 24, 2023•41 min•Season 5Ep. 94
Every personality type in marriage DESPERATELY needs compassion and kindness if they expect the marriage to be joyful, yet kindness and compassion look different across personality types. Since each has a different main emotional and mental struggle, today on this E + M mini, Christa walks you through a baseline and type-by-type reminder of how you can stay strong yet kind and deeply joyful this holiday. For all, there are important and specific steps to add more kindness and compassion as well ...
Dec 20, 2023•16 min•Season 5Ep. 93
Giving space for suffering and holding space for one another, as well as working through life and generational trauma in marriage are essential practices for long-term couples. Almost everyone has been through something hard or incapacitating by the time they are married for any number of years. Today Christa is joined by the esteemed Dr. Dan Allender and Becky Allender, co-founders of The Seattle School/The Allender Center, who in their 8-9 pairing have helped hundreds of thousands of people to...
Dec 18, 2023•55 min•Season 5Ep. 93
Relationships are all about learning to connect, challenge, and adapt to one another’s gifts and ways of thriving in the world. When we are no longer thriving in our instincts, but over-or-under usng them, our spouse or partner tends to feel incompatibility with us and our inflexible behaviors do not bring us the joy they promise. We are no longer seen as comforting, fun, adaptive, and expansive but rigid and cut off from growth - a major turnoff for partnerships. Tune into this E + M-mini as Ch...
Dec 13, 2023•13 min•Season 5Ep. 91
The number one question Christa has been getting on her podcast tour has been about partner compatiblity. Why does it feel like partner incompatibility often only grows with time in marriage? What can you do when the years have disconnected you? How can you prevent rigidity in personality structure from leading to the perceived incompatibility in relationship that many divorcing couples cite? Listen or watch along on YouTube as Christa helps you to discover not only what draws you apart, but als...
Dec 11, 2023•40 min•Season 5Ep. 90
When Ebenezer Scrooge is hit with the alarming totality of death in a fever-dream like observation of his past, present, and future, he is awakened to the magnificent springboard of joy that comes with the awareness of all the good one can still do in the world with and for others. You too, as you look deeply at your life with us in this episode, can view your past, your present, and your future with intention and intentionality. Join us in this fun episode where Christa coaches you into daring ...
Dec 06, 2023•23 min•Season 5Ep. 90
In this two-for-one episode, you get a chance to first learn soul care from coaching duo Travis and Jessica Vangsnes (8-4 pairing), who are both trauma-informed E + M Certified Coaches with skills in emotional intimacy building. First, take a deeper dive into what soul care is and how you can attune with yourself in the heart, mind, and body individually and together with these trauma-informed expert coaches who help us through integrating contemplative prayer practices and ideas for each of us ...
Dec 04, 2023•1 hr 19 min•Season 5Ep. 89
In this fun Christmas movie episode, we take a break with our favorite holiday drink to allow cinematic mastery to woo us into a healthier intimate dance of relationship together in middle marriage. Here, Christa is joined by Hannah Hardin, 4 as we talk about a favorite family and more realistic middle-marriage movie to watch during the holidays (and a modern nod to It's a Wonderful Life), The Family Man with Nicholas Cage, Tea Leoni, Don Cheadle, and Jeremy Piven, as well as another family fave...
Nov 29, 2023•25 min•Season 5Ep. 88
If you're deeply hurt but you keep moving, but you’re locked up with resentment, you and your spouse and family can feel it on an internal level. It robs you and threatens your felt sense of safety and regulation, and it chokes you of joy, peace, and compassion. Today in this experiential episode where we discuss forgiveness and experience a forgiveness practice together, Christa takes time with the Enneagram & Marriage community to walk through the best ways to heal an attachment wound and ...
Nov 27, 2023•18 min•Season 5Ep. 88
Join us for laughs and love as we walk and talk together through the beautiful Little Women story and find the beautiful virtues in this epic holiday tale mini-episode. If you love this book or movie, you'll love leaning in with us as we go type by type in this lighthearted conversation, covering Jo, Meg, Amy, and Beth, along with Professor Bhaer and Theodore Lawrence. We hope this episode brings a burst of joy to your holidays as we remember the joys and sorrows of life, love, legacy, and famil...
Nov 22, 2023•24 min•Season 5Ep. 87
It's never easy to face squarely that the person we signed up to marry has changed - or worse, that we've changed and no longer feel the same level of desire together. In these critical middle seasons of marriage stages of fighting for your family and partnership, we need every tool we can get to add joy and decrease resentment together. Join Christa and world-renowned couples therapist and author Dr. Tracy Dagleish, Ph.D., Enneagram 1 (1-9 marriage), as we discuss exactly what you can do when y...
Nov 20, 2023•40 min•Season 5Ep. 86
Once we pull back the curtain under our conflicts and see what's hindering us, we can work on our issues with one another - that is if we're emotionally regulated. In this quick episode, Christa will help to stabilize you and your conflicts further by helping you open up your relationship window of tolerance. Don't miss this regulating episode right here! Get Christa's book, "The Enneagram in Marriage: Your Guide to Thriving Together in Your Unique Pairing" here paperback, Audible, or Kindle! Us...
Nov 15, 2023•16 min•Season 5Ep. 86
Today we’re joined on the pod by Drs. Bill and Kristin Gaultierre, psychologists and spiritual directors who help us to find one another's gifts amidst the rubble of soul wounds as we learn to offer Christ's compassionate healing to one another. They do this with us with structure but also gentleness and care as a mature 1 & 2 pairing. You won't regret taking the time to dig underneath the anger, shame, and anxiety to journey through the soul with grace and healing from God and one another r...
Nov 12, 2023•52 min•Season 5Ep. 85
85% of adults will have experienced a traumatic event by the time they’re 18, which means that virtually all married individuals need good ways to cope with trauma. In today’s brief episode, Christa walks you through five tried-and-true methods for walking through traumatic conversations and situations in marriage, with as much resiliency as possible. She'll share tips for working through your triggers and enduring vulnerabilities, as well as practical, logical steps, and lots of love. Do not mi...
Nov 08, 2023•19 min•Season 5Ep. 84
The last thing you want are holiday arguments between you or your extended family to carry forward to future generations and this week's shows are aimed at helping you to process, love, and set the boundaries you need. We welcome expert and author, Courtney J. Burg, author (Thomas Nelson, 12/12/23, Loyal to a Fault: How to Establish New Patterns When Loving Others Has Left You Hurting) to the pod today to help you truly find your way together this season, as we discover how boundaries can become...
Nov 06, 2023•34 min•Season 5Ep. 83
In this episode, join Christa and Melody Hardin, Enneagram Nine as they walk through each Enneagram type through the lens of Marvel characters. Join us as we hack out each type in nuanced detail with some superhero fun typing Iron Man, Black Widow, Loki, Bucky, Roadie, Dr. Strange and more and bring joy but also meaningful insights as we enjoy a lighter moment on this Hallo-week episode! Get Christa's book, "The Enneagram in Marriage: Your Guide to Thriving Together in Your Unique Pairing" here ...
Oct 31, 2023•33 min•Season 5Ep. 82
We get scared as humans when we feel our pair bond is threatened and today's episode is designed to empower you to feel both safe and loved together, type by type. Listen to tips for your partner of each type and find not just goals but systems to carefully place these specific tips into actionable steps so you can truly begin thriving more and more together, starting today! Get my book, "The Enneagram in Marriage: Your Guide to Thriving Together in Your Unique Pairing" here paperback, audible, ...
Oct 30, 2023•29 min•Season 5Ep. 81
To find our truest mission, it's not only important to find our personal gifts, but there's a deeper joy in marriage in finding collective missions, too, not just to be self-serving as a couple. Here in this episode, Christa helps you to find synchronization together with your partner, to encourage growth in one another as well as celebrate one another's gifts and struggles. She brings her husband Wes, Enneagram 1 also on as he helps you to learn to sit with your spouse's gifts and struggles wit...
Oct 25, 2023•25 min•Season 5Ep. 80
Though each of us is unique, today on this E + M short, we're talking about the three most common reasons why couples cite divorce and ways to prevent your own relationship from becoming a passive casualty. One of the main ways we will keep this episode hope-filled is that we're also sharing tools for the specific timelines where issues tend to crop up and take down 43-44% of married couples. Don't miss this noteworthy, logical, and encouraging episode that will help you sit up, take note, and m...
Oct 23, 2023•17 min•Season 5Ep. 79
When we're not honest with our spouse and with God about what's actually going on inside, we bring that darkness and the layers of hiding to our spouses and families. Whether you're hiding from each other because you feel hopeless, angry, hurt, or believe that being honest will drive you even farther away from your goals of connection, this is a MUST-LISTEN episode guiding you and your relationship back to true intimacy. Christa is joined by Justin Davis, best-selling USA Today author (Being Aut...
Oct 18, 2023•32 min•Season 5Ep. 78
Finding your marriage mission just isn’t possible without finding your own authentic God-given gifting, a gift others may have missed in your life. Today Christa intimately weaves her own stories and encouragements for you together on the podcast to give you a lift in finding your authentic self before God. This episode can help you to destabilize shame in your life and find your gifting again with yourself and with God, even amidst church hurt, family of origin wounds, marriage hurt, and more. ...
Oct 16, 2023•30 min•Season 5Ep. 77
Today we take a peek into the soul of the Enneagram in Marriage book in a heartfelt conversation with Christa and the Baker Books executive editor Christa worked with on the pages of it, Stephanie Duncan Smith (Slant Letter, @stephanieduncansmith on Instagram). Stephanie and Christa discuss not only the heart of the mission of E + M in the pages of the book but also private writing as soul care, and how partners can and must give one another support, liftoff, and a safe place for us to explore o...
Oct 11, 2023•36 min•Season 5Ep. 78
