“Purgatory is nothing. This is hell.” You’ll never guess which presenter’s mouth that inspiring line came out of today. Well if you want a clue perhaps you might be able to tell that John has had a bum setback. But we lube up, we go again, and we create content. Though he has bifurcated into two - spiritual gas John and physical John - in order to remain zen. But let’s not continue on that bum note, because there are other bum notes to be played, for there’s a quite astonishing email from a list...
Nov 29, 2024•51 min
The term ‘firing on all cylinders’ was invented for 72 minutes of audio just like this, because your beautiful boys really are firing on every one of the Content V8 today. And that’s all despite John having some flakey skin on his elbow. That’s eight powerful cylinders for you. On Cylinder One we’ve got 'unlocking the corporate secrets of eggs'. Cylinder Two: The Novelli Protocol. Three: More eggs. Four *&* Five: The art of navigating Buckinghamshire’s beautiful pharmacy women. Six: Dua Lipa...
Nov 26, 2024•1 hr 12 min
It’s the night before Elis’ big Welsh stand up gig, and he’s packed all the essentials needed to record a smash-hit TV comedy show: spare trousers, spare shoes, nappies and a funnel. And how best can John pep up a clearly nervous Elis? By talking him through an array of ridiculous scenarios that DEFINITELY won’t happen, and ridiculing the man's social media strategy. No wonder there are tears in the studio… Banter free zones are discussed, John hits the heights of podcast-first broadcasting, plu...
Nov 22, 2024•1 hr 5 min
There’s a lot of inspiring going on today in Elis and John towers. And perhaps unsurprisingly, once again it’s Inspirer-in-Chief Mr John Robins doing the rousing. What Nightingale was to nursing, Robins is to content. Dave goes sanulus canulus as he follows JR’s path finding - well according to John. And a glossy eyed Elis reminisces about utilising a Robins comedic innovation as he crashed and burned at a potentially career-making comedy gig. Because, deep down, we can’t but help live like Thor...
Nov 19, 2024•1 hr 4 min
John’s back in action - well to a degree. He can now eat Dairylea on toast and has to stand for the duration of the show. And in solidarity with the prettiest and bravest private in the Arsed Forces, Elis and Dave are also no longer seated. It’s like a podcast now manned by Zane Lowe or those under 40 business types that work standing to boost productivity by 12% and drink meal replacement shakes. And wowee zowee are the emails standing to attention today. Some exemplary Mad Dads which stop our ...
Nov 15, 2024•53 min
Huge news from Leeds, for Producer Dave has been in the vicinity of the Director General himsen. Solero perched in hand, not a drop of juice on his fingers, charming the big wigs of the media world. What an honour to be in the presence of an intoxicating whiff of his Magnum cologne. But incredibly that isn’t even the biggest news of the day. For there is huge BBC Sounds news, which, if you can believe it, is even bigger than its vast catalogue of audio. Still reeling from all this headline doubl...
Nov 12, 2024•1 hr 12 min
At what point does a bum recovery journey transmogrify into a spiritual journey? Probably around the nine day mark, for John’s continuing convalescence from his spooky procedure has gone beyond the physical. It’s also led to him growing a beard and looking like a Russian chess prodigy, so swings and roundabouts… But what does excite John is the news that Elis has finally stepped into his first Sportage. Questions cascade forth from John’s lips like a gushing waterfall, as Kia talk lifts the spir...
Nov 08, 2024•53 min
The march of AI has engulfed everything in its path: cars no longer need drivers, paintings no longer need painters, and songs no longer need writers. But one man stands in the way of AI’s relentless progress: John Robins. What can AI do with hours and hours of one of the leading voices of generation shame? It’s a question that is finally answered in today’s podcast. Beyond the grip of AI’s ever-extending tendrils, the finest (and probably only) example of prone podcasting continues. There’s an ...
Nov 05, 2024•1 hr 5 min
What’s the only way to spend Halloween? It’s having a spoooooky intimate bum procedure of course! So John's dressed as a spoooky ghost in a bed sheet. (He's in bed as he recovers). There’s no way he was to be knocking on the doors of rural Bucks to fill his pumpkin bucket with Chomps and Refreshers when he’s got an ice pack strapped to his behind. So it's prone podcasting at its finest. While our backside hero recovers, it’s Elis’s job to do the heavy lifting - i.e. read the emails. But right no...
Nov 01, 2024•52 min
Bye Bye Mr Audio, Hello Mr Saturday Night! There are rumours that Saturday night TV is dead. That it just doesn't bring in the eyeballs that Bowen, Black and Forsyth once did and the cash well is drying up. But with five kids between them and the prospect of John’s fixed rate mortgage expiring at an unstated date, that’s still enough cash to entice the ever well oiled ideas machine into life. Whether ‘Mr Saturday Night’ or ‘Dave & Dave’s Sexy Show’ would pull in millions is one question. Ano...
Oct 29, 2024•1 hr 6 min
Drink in it folks, we’re living in a new golden age. That’s right, the lesser talked about field of alpinism has reached new heights, a new zenith. And there’s one man to thank: Mr John Robins. Johnny JR’s record-breaking successful scale of the Matterhorn with his eyes (a feat previously thought impossible) is picked over in detail, as is his expensive alpine driving, and his holiday eating habits: lots of pasta, double pizzas. Have we unearthed the new Michael Palin? Among the usual japes - in...
Oct 25, 2024•1 hr 13 min
Jekyll and Hyde isn’t a work of fiction. Nor is James McAvoy in hit film Split. No. If you were to venture down the B and C roads of mainland Wales the past few weeks you’ll have seen something far more surprising: Welsh Elis and English Elis. For there’s an astonishing revelation of the West Walian comic once thought of as polite and mild-mannered. James’ alternative persona is coming to a Welsh theatre near you and be prepared for an attitude that will shock. As well as the mental there's also...
Oct 22, 2024•1 hr 1 min
What do we all do before going on holiday? Check we have our Big Three (keys, boarding pass, passport), worry about whether the place has a washing machine, and write up a draft will. It’s the classic Robins pre-holiday triumvirate. Yes, Johnny JR is off on his holidays to climb the Matterhorn with his eyes. And boy does he have a spring in his step! Alongside holiday chat, we witness the birth of a new event: The Elis and John Decathlon. Jessica Ennis-Hill and Daley Thompson watch out, two digi...
Oct 18, 2024•1 hr 1 min
When one thinks of the great socialisers ‘John’ and ‘Robins’ are two words that don’t immediately spring to mind. But are we seeing a transformation in a week that sees John enter 1920s socialite levels of social butterflyery. From partying in Brixton and currying with top business folk, to watching Tom Rosenthal get fitted for golf clubs for four hours on a Tuesday, is there nothing this man can’t do to fill his busy schedule? Beyond John’s Big Social Week we throw open the doors to one of the ...
Oct 15, 2024•57 min
Wheel the to 1:50 scale Maine Road birthday cake out, Producer Dave is turning 40! George Orwell posited that 1984 would be a year of bleak dystopian nightmares. In reality it spawned Lionel Richie’s ‘Hello’, the film Ghostbusters and Stockport's finest podcast-first producer, Dave Masterman. Eat that, Orwell. So it’s time to celebrate in the only way Dave knows how: with a bucket of coleslaw, an overly priced toastie, a trip to the local omnipotent bar chain and an hour of podcasting fun. We he...
Oct 11, 2024•1 hr 5 min
It's all about heights today, as despite scaling the lofty heights of the digital UK audio comedy chat rock face, Elis is still uncomfortable when confronted by a modicum of verticality. But not the case for John who is going to push his own ocular mountaineering boundaries. Elsewhere there’s dinner dates, Welsh heart rates and service stations potentially located on J8. Oh and there’s an unexpected detour into sex clubs. If you're under 40 and therefore apparently know about sex clubs then John...
Oct 08, 2024•1 hr 20 min
After the wave of excitement around Mr Audio’s new Welsh podcast project 'Welsh Rarebit: Grilled by Elis James', it’s time for John to enter the lucrative side-hustle podcast game. Step forward 'Trauma on The Tee with John Robins'. If deep emotional conversations and the latest bunker wedges are your thing, keep your ears peeled. But here on this podcast, featuring two of the country’s brightest and best comedians, it’s actually Producer Dave who comes up with the best quip of the episode. Ring ...
Oct 04, 2024•1 hr 9 min
Elis and John have been on journeys this week, both metaphorically and literally. Yes we cover their travel woes as the pair journeyed back from Wales (Elis sustained by Aberystwyth goodwill, John driven by the need to forge his own path), but we also cover the spiritual journeys undertaken in the realms of teeth whitening, shoe laces, and slug juice. Aside from all the journeying there’s a new character introduced to the mix, a desperate attempt from Elis to avoid the hat trick of failures in t...
Oct 01, 2024•1 hr 7 min
It’s happened. Elis and John have turned into crypto bros. This is now a crypto pod. It was only a matter of time… But worry not, it’s only a fleeting transformation, and after some serious reflections the boys are back doing what they do best: discussing how to approach an all-you-can-eat buffet, wading further into the dried fruits vs sweets debate, and questioning the coolness of marshmallows. John reflects on yet another successful golfing trip, and Elis delivers his latest hot take on popco...
Sep 27, 2024•1 hr 8 min
It’s a giddy John we encounter today, for our hero is about to embark on his yearly golfing pilgrimage to Elis’s beloved Portugal. Talk of unspeakably high win rates and historic opportunities to become “better than Man City at golf” abounds. Elsewhere, there’s a lengthy discussion about the pros and cons of skipping TV theme music, an eventful outing of John’s favourite feature The Cymru Connection (which leads to a yet another new podcast idea for Mr Audio), and a “billy-bink-bink-bonks” Shame...
Sep 24, 2024•1 hr
Tick tock Robins went down in history. But tick tock Masterman? Now that’s a whole different ball game. Like Stuart Pearce or Joe Royle missing the team bus, you’d think that unheard of, but not today. So expect the sackings to fly. Away from such tardiness, Elis reads the best and second best emails of this financial quarter, John features in one of sport’s most hilarious beefs and, shockingly I know, in depth service station chat interrupts some Tolkien Mad Daddery. If you want to provide the ...
Sep 20, 2024•1 hr 4 min
Oh we do have some fun don’t we. And if the Funometer was measuring in funtometres then today’s show would cause it to 404 error due to exceeding the fun scale. And it’s in large part because walking jingler David O’Doherty is on the show with a funtastic Made Up Game to play! Plus there’s a Shame that’ll really make you squirm and an absolutely compelling Welshman for Elis to sink his parochial teeth into. But there’s also time for #reflection with some earth shattering news about the Bag of De...
Sep 17, 2024•1 hr 15 min
As time continues its cruel, relentless, and inevitable march onwards, thoughts turn to retirement plans; how will our heroes see out their final days? Who has their eye on one big final paycheck? The answer may surprise you. And who doesn’t mind just fizzling out quietly? Elis. It’s also a big day for Producer Dave, as his lost university dissertation finally sees the light of day. The nation has been waiting with baited breath to hear about the past, present, and future of Sheffield Hallam’s s...
Sep 13, 2024•1 hr 11 min
After such vigorous dancing last time out the boys have done their stretches and downed their recovery shakes in preparation for a classic Elis and John day at the office. In a quite astonishing move, Dave takes a laptop to church, Elis struggles to follow the recipe and there’s a Cymru Connection for which circular content was designed for. Elis also takes in some excellent advice from you the you the listener on how he can chart the waters of wedlock and John makes a quite startling revelation...
Sep 10, 2024•1 hr 7 min
We’re all excited about dancing the dance. The most intimate dance. Cheek to cheek entering the ballroom. John woke up at 3:30 this morning on edge about dancing the dance. His favourite conversation. The romantic frisson. The interplay between venue capacity, ticket price and audience demand. The delicious dance. The one thing better than talking about the dance is being actually involved in the dance. What the above probably hasn’t elucidated is, it should be pointed out, is that the dance mor...
Sep 06, 2024•1 hr 12 min
We’ll throw down the gauntlet here. This is *classic* Elis and John. A podium place episode. Champions League. There, I said it. Big laughs, sex swapping, something harrowing from Robins, an absolute Billy belter… of a Cymru Connection, Americans dealing with 5-year-olds’ opinions on gun control and a rock solid Shame. Elsewhere Elis settles into married life by talking about Patreon to a Frenchman, John is desperate to know from Phil Wang how to get a Netflix Special and a Made Up Game to reall...
Sep 03, 2024•1 hr 24 min
A union that we’ve waited 15 years for between a pair significantly involved in the UK’s cultural scene. Some of the most significant personal news to hit this show in a long long time which requires examining on many fronts. No not Elis’s wedding but the Oasis reunion. For Producer Dave might spontaneously combust. He might break down due to not being on the presale and there are distinct concerns for his use of substances in July 2025. Elsewhere Elis has got married. That's also in here. Also ...
Aug 30, 2024•1 hr 3 min
With post-wedding factors still in play, it’s another trip down the pre-recorded well today. But don’t for one second think that means a drop in quality, for with this very podcast episode comes high quality chat about dog/fox mess, a scorching anecdote about Elis having his car cleaned, and a meaty Made Up Game from the vaults to boot. With the Oasis reunion news rocking producer Dave to his very core, there’s also a very fortuitous and timely chat about the merits of Noel Gallagher’s cooking s...
Aug 27, 2024•52 min
You might have been expecting to come across the full lowdown of what is being described by Hello and OK! as the wedding of the summer. But no, for with weddings come honeymoons, so it’s a break glass for emergency episode situation. Thus, if it seems weird that there’s no mention of the happy couple or John’s best man activities then there’s your reasoning. So it’s three crazy guy joined by Annie McGrath to tackle a Chinese conundrum. Plus they dig into some of your questions and chat the hotte...
Aug 23, 2024•44 min
Well, Fine and Unwell: the three states. Constantly switching across protagonists with one having to pick up the slack. But who will it be this week? An Elis at peak stress levels, a Dave on one hour sleep, or a still zen Robins? There’s a lot of chaos to absorb on the show today as Dave tries his best to wrangle four professional talkers. Never has a bleary eyed father of three had his patience tested so much. The combination of Elis and John x Clara and Jordan from BBC Sounds’ ‘Make Me A Mixta...
Aug 20, 2024•1 hr 17 min
