When I Have Kids I Will NEVER Do THAT!

We acknowledged the traditional custodians of the land we're recording on today.

Am I fine with putting it in my own body? Absolutely?

My body is fucked already, not his precious little body. Am I okay with him eating devon and sausage for every meal? Throat hypocrisy doesn't make sense?

Hello, and welcome back to Eat Sleep, Ship Repeat, a wildly unhinged podcast all about the madness that is motherhood and everything in between.

I'm Kiri Cells, I am Kaylee mccaren, and I'm so excited to have.

A good old fashioned giggle today.

Yee.

Today's episode is a lull fest about shit we said we would never do before having kids.

But first it's Key's turn for peak and pitch.

Well, you're getting your wish because my pit today is really bleak.

Okay, I said that for one week.

I know, I know, but I actually denied as to whether I would share this on the pod because I just thought that maybe it was a bit too depress So, but I also feel like sometimes being honest about where you're at helps other people and maybe might even help me feel less shameful. I think yes, So basically for the last I would say month or two, my mental health has taken a massive dip, and I can't really remember a time where in recent times where I felt kind of like this depressed.

Do you remember what.

Spurred it kind of brought it on? Yeah, I think definitely maybe the miscarriage could have been the start of it. And then I think that, you know, kind of while I was healing from that, because stupidly, I never thought that I would have a miscarriage. I know statistically I could have. I just didn't cross my mind because things with Ruin conceiving and everything had been fine, and I

I hate saying that because that doesn't make it any less sad.

It doesn't.

However, there is a big.

Difference that is the way that we know and expect life to go.

It doesn't make the.

Impact any less horrible and devastating, but we expect it. Yeah, we don't expect someone to have an accident, have an accident in their very early sixties.

And that's what I think, Like I think also now I'm living really like just knowing how like fleeting life can be. You live a little bit differently, and you feel a little bit differently, And I just feel like a lot of the time I'm sad, but like I've always dealed with kind of like grief and sadness somewhat in a silo. Right, So with my grandparents, I was like grieving.

You could compartment for myself though, right.

But I think every day that I get up, you know, I'm thinking about Charlie's dad. I'm thinking about Charlie. I'm thinking about his sister, his brothers and Ruth and Rue. Like I'm grieving for so many people on top of my grief. It's just a really shitty time.

And that was all on top of the physicality and the emotional loss of the baby.

Yeah, and like right after our wedding, like we're meant to be really happy. I mean, the good thing is is like we are. We've definitely hard ups and downs through this because it's really hard to both be grieving at the same time. And a lot of the time I think, like, it wasn't my mom, So it's difficult for me because like Charlie's not like now, Charlie's like no.

It's not like he's it was my mom. No, But he's.

Supported me for so long with different things that have happened to me. He's been my support system that I really want to be his support system. But it's also really hard, like for something that shouldn't have I think it's makes it so much harder to be able to like understand and make any sense of because it's senseless and it was your mom.

Yeah, because you don't have your own mom. Yeah, and you've never had a mother figure before, so deb.

Was your mom.

She's been your family for seven eight years, a long time.

Yeah, and she was that mother figure to you.

Yeah.

And I think she always like championed me as a mom. Like that was a bit of kind of like a realization I had with my therapist the other day was like I definitely was like worried about having a girl, and I had all of those things because you didn't have a good point of reference, I guess, and that mother daughter relationship. I was like, oh God, like, am I gonna be strong enough to kind of stop whatever happened? Tipping over into how I'm gonna then shape this little

Like you don't have that cheerleader anymore.

And I just feel like my confidence is gone because of it, and stuff I lope didn't worry about before, I'm worrying about now. And it just feels really hard and really heavy at the moment. So that's my pit.

That's a really fucking shit.

You know, it's really shit. I don't think I've just.

God, you're such a special person. I'm getting upset because I don't think she's just so amazing. And my own parents have never told me that I'm doing.

Well. No one had ever said that to me before. That was why I think it was life. Yeah, hear that.

That just impacted me so much because go tell everyone you know that they're doing a really good job, because I mean, not if they're not.

But don't be throwing it around. But if you.

See someone and you think.

Oh God, what a lucky kid to have those people's parents, tell them, well, what's the plan? Because you can't just like keep living in a flop.

I feel like talking about it is a good thing. I think I'm going to up my therapy. It's a monthly at the moment, I think I might do it fortnightly. I mean, I even just feel a bit of relief, like talking about it and not keeping it as.

A secret, you know, because you shouldn't.

And when you said that you're on the verge of tears all the time, and I said, maybe that's a good thing, but letting it out actually helps so much, and having a good cry.

Sometimes cries are good.

The other day I had an absolute meltdown. I was bowling myyes at, I was screaming, I was shouting, I was throwing tantrums about so many different things. And then after like I Simon, down goes.

Do you feel better?

Even though he copped it, and I.

Was like, I, actually, yeah, I do.

Do you?

Also then I got my period and I was like.

Oh that on.

But you can't continuously bottle everything in.

Yeah.

And also I hate small talks so much, so when I see someone, i'd much prefer they have a cry and tell me what's actually going on in their life.

Then tell me it's very cold at the moment.

We fucking know it's cold, or tell me what's going on in your life.

That's how I knew that it was bad, was because like I was seeing people and going and crying, which is so unhid, which is not me. No, like I'm a Fort Knox usually, like I've dealt with stuff before, Kelly do Yeah, he stop crying all the time. It's fine.

Ever since I was healed in in Balle. Can we move on to your peak there.

On your peace?

Firstly, it won't be cold, it won't be cold, because that doesn't help.

We booked our honeymoon, so we are going I'm sorry September for three four weeks.

He didn't even get a chance to tell me. I just message and goes, hey, where are you going? Because it was in like this document.

This document for like podcast host leave and I was like, shit, I was gonna tell you.

I just want to know where you're going.

So we booked it. We're going to London. A friend of ours is getting married heaven, yeah really curiously's wedding, and then they're doing like a buddy moon in Sicily, and then we're going to go spend hopefully a week with my god parents in the Netherlands because.

They live there in Amsterdam.

Will they live in like a little cottage, a little village, I should say, But we'll travel around. You can go from one side of the Netherlands to the other. End of the day, Oh, that's really cool. The only other thing is we're flying out of Paris to come home, so we'll have a night or two there. So I really want to do a crazy horse that burlesque show that they do to Paris.

Never I've never been to France or Italy.

I've been to France. I went to like Bordeaux when we were there for our thirtieth and we like we actually stayed in a giant wine vat that they'd converted into like a little mini Airbnb thing in the middle of that so cool. It was so sick, it was really cool. So yeah, that's just our loose plan we'd like to do, like just get a villa somewhere and just set up in a little town, but like very scaled back because we're taking Rue. So she's gonna be She'll be fine. It'll be fun. It'll be a different

Actually be fine.

She's so.

Happy and chilled, not chilled chilled in the way like she's just happy doing what you guys are doing. Yeah, you can take her out to dinner and she'll just like chat to people and play and like, yeah, exactly get there.

And so and I'm hoping because we're going to be doing a lot during the day, like she'll be shattered, we can go out for like a late dinner and just have her in the pram and transfer later. Like we're going to just kind of let it take us where it goes and not be too caught up with.

Routines or naps in that.

Like yeah, like she can nap on me. Yeah, well on Charlie probably. I can't really carry her anymore in the how.

She's quite heavy. And yeah, she'll still go on the carrier, right.

Yeah, she will, so we just put it on the back, I think.

Yeah, and then they can see everything. You can still go on hikes that.

Way, man.

Yeah, it'll be really fun. So that is just yeah, that's a nice peek.

I'm so excited for you.

I'm not excited for the flight, although she should be all right, but like I hate flying in general.

So good thing is you'll have her own seat. I think, like you know, when you don't have to pay for them and they sit on your lap, Like the bigger they get, the more annoying it gets. Like I think them having their own seat, you can kind of set them up a little bit. We'll get one of those inflatable things that you put on the floor so it makes like a little bed for.

The cute yep for twenty four hours.

So well, hopefully, she'll say, hopefully, hopefully. I'm preparing for the worst and hoping for the best.

So today's episode is a very nice, light episode. It is designed to make you laugh and feel better about your own choices as a parent, because my word has parenting turned me into an absolute full of shit fear buck with a nice side turving of hypocrisy.

If you will, we're gonna be chatting about all the things we said we'd never do before having kids and reveal whether or not we're stuck to that rule. And I would like.

To preface my list of stupidity with a disclaimer that I am aware I was an evangelical fool who had no idea and I've been absolutely served my smug ass Yeah on a steaming pile of loll Yeah.

I didn't say a lot of mine out loud, so I feel confident that other people didn't realize how stupid I was before and how judge you I was before having a baby. But yeah, now I'm about to tell everyone. Sorry, I'm a bit nervous.

I can't wait. So we're gonna should we take it in turns?

Yeah, let's do it all right.

First things first, this is one that.

I use to try to get shitter submissions when I'm a parent. I will never let my kid eat McDonald's. Why and how did I think I was going to get away with that?

Well, I too had the same kind of thought about it.

In my defense, the reason I have that rule over other forms of takeaway is because of those viral videos you've seen where they do the experiments where like the food doesn't even disintegrate or grow moldy, like not even moldile attach itself to McDonald's. So I just am like, I don't care if you eat shit. I just don't want you eating McDonald's. So even though that is a bit of a lull, he's had it twice and he just had a few chippies.

That's the same as Rue. I actually did get her nuggets. Because we've really fucked up our drive from Sydney to Brisbane. We just like left late and then we decided not to go to one place where all the food places were. And so we had one of those servos that we had to stop off and that I only had a McDonald's. And I was like, oh, I need her to eat to go to sleep. So we got her like a happy meal and nuggets because she loves chicken nuggets. She wouldn't eat the chicken nuggets.

She was like, these are not nuggets. She was like plastic.

She literally like bat it out of my hand. It was like grows. But she nummy, yummy the chippy.

And that's the thing.

The first time it happened was we often have McDonald's because I love McDonald's. You don't strike me as a McDonald's person.

I was trying to pretend that I was for I was like, I just go with it.

No your face, you're a bit of a food stop.

I'm not a food but they don't have like gluten.

Free off no.

Yeah. Fair.

But also even Charlie, he doesn't strike me as a McDonald's person.

No, he's more of Bernando's guy.

Okay, yeah, yeah, that's very bond.

If you both no.

Chicken, Domino's and McDonald's getting into it.

They they do.

They do really good vegio options. Anyway, we just thought we'd get it. He'd already had dinner, obviously not. He saw it and was like, give me some of those.

I think I remember. I think you put it on socials.

No, I think I just sent it to you, being like loel. I was like, I'm not putting this on socials anyway. I have now because I'm just it's happened twice now where he's been like, I've spot those chips. And then I tried to trick him. I made him some crappy oven chips.

Oh no no, and then like.

Got his little box, like the little chip packet thing and put like some McDonald's chips in, but mainly the oven chips. He's not dumb. My kid is not dumb. He did not fall for that trick. He ate around the oven chips and then put.

Held it out of me and he's like, more more of the good ones. Don't give me this ship in there. I don't contribute to that bad at all. They don't grow, mold or go off.

Yeah that's disgusting, Keith, Yeah, yeah, am I find with putting it in my own body? Absolutely, My body's fucked already, not his precious little body. Am I okay with him eating devon and sausage for every meal?

Though hypocrisy doesn't.

Make sense, it's not meant to make sense. Okay. None of the parent was in my.

Head, and that's what it is. All right, your turn.

Well, I think you know this from when I message you frantically, probably about I want to say, maybe two weeks, yeah, two weeks and two weeks in never will I ever co sleep with my baby?

Well? You know what also is dangerous not sleeping yourself and then falling on your baby or being in a car accident.

Well, and also I didn't realize there was a safe way to do it, and you sent me that.

What's it called the safe seven? The safe seven?

Basically I was a shitter through and through from day one because he sent messages to some of her other friends and no one even responded to her.

No one responded to the Hey does anyone coas sleep?

Because there was crickets. She messages me. Within two seconds, I'm like, fuck, yeah, I do. Here are all the resources that I follow on Instagram to do it properly, which I wish someone had sent to me. Yeah, totally, because we used to do it so unsafely because we just fall asleep holding him.

Well. I think a lot of people do that inevitably because they're so.

Tired, exactly mattress, no bedding, seeing the cuttle curl sea around them, no alcohol, no cigarettes. If your breastfeeding, it's even better. I don't know why, but apparently it is, probably because, like you.

I think they just grab the boob and self settle. And that's why a lot of people do it, so they don't have to like get up, get up.

Well with my best friend, with her first I think I've told this story before, like everything was so by the book and safe. With the third she didn't even co sleep safely. He was in the bed with her, with the blankets and everything. She just slept without a top on, and he just found her tit in the middle of the night, which I've never slept better.

He doesn't even realize he's breast feading. That's a dream, oh dear. Yeah, so you coasleep, I do, and I do recommend it four people that have difficult sleepers or yeah, I often too. Yeah, And I think like those moments also fleeting.

I think it's so fleeting. He's not going to be thirteen and in bed exactly.

And I just wonder, like, when I have a second I'm probably going to be much more looser, because I know how fleeting those moments are. You know, I can't believe I was like so obsessed with like six months, I'm moving her into her own room and then she will be in her own bed.

Sleeping through the night forever.

Why, Yeah, that's so unrealistic. Lenny ends up in bed last night. He didn't, but that was the first night in five nights because he was sick. Sometime, if he's sick, I don't even bother putting him in his own bed. He just goes straight in hours. Otherwise, he often wakes up and just wants to come into a bed. In the winter, it's quite nice.

He's a whole water bottle.

He's a whole water bottle. That kicks me. But still, Charlie was like, I was being a martyr on Monday morning and I was like, oh, I was up for an hour last night with ru And He's like, what do you mean? What did you do? And I was like, well, I was trying to resettle her, wasn't.

I was like, don't bother with that, Just bring her in.

She's in a face. Just bring us raight into bed.

She's a hot water bottle. She just wants this.

My mutterring didn't work. He's just like, you're a dumb ass.

Why the fuck did you not just bring her in?

I was sleeping real good.

Yeah, Luke said that He'll be like, because Lenny and I had a little staycation at my parents'.

House recently, so curtly met the puppy.

He did meet the puppy, and he slept with me all weekend because he had a chest infection, so I had to settle him a lot.

Fuck he frothed it, and Luke.

Was like, I love sleeping with him.

He missed us both in the bed.

I read, yeah, yeah, you do miss it. I did read this thing. I can't remember where it's from, but was like, well, the only culture in the world that's obsessed with getting our babies to sleep independently and by themselves.

Which is just so ridiculous.

There are so many parts of the world where they can't afford different beds in different rooms. Like, it's such a ridiculous notion, And I'm saying that there is a risk.

There is always a risk babies do die.

Yeah, they do, but it's always because of external things like alcohol.

My dad was a paramedic for forty years.

He never once went to a job where a mother rolled on her baby, yeah, or suffocated the baby. He went to syds, He went to many other accidents. He never ever went to a job. Yes, it could happen. And you see horror stories on TikTok, and then you see pediatric doctors going, I would never go sleep. Okay, Well, you've clearly never been into a position where you've had to. Yeah, and you see the horror stories, don't ever judge someone.

Well, it was literally the first thing you did. Wasn't the first thing I did.

But there is one there footage of me.

I made a funny, like stupid little meme about it because.

I did a nursery tour.

There was no nursery literally like a day before I went into labor, and I was like just making fun of people.

Where, oh, oh, here's my nursery aal setup. When's the baby moving into that room?

Sis? And I was like, oh yuck.

I would never be one of those moms.

That puts up fucking wall decals.

And then I like, just cut to me with Lenny in his carrier and I'm just like sticking some leaves on the wall.

You really were mumming that day?

They are cute, so cute.

I still haven't.

Like my sister's got proper alphabets and shit on the walls, and I'm like.

That's really cute. I would never do that, but I think it is cute. I'm very like UK Garden party but in the room. Yeah, what's that stuff called? But like the what's it called?

The bent bent bunting bunting?

I need to have another step from my coffee bunting. I've got like, you know, cutoffs of like that Liberty London print that's been made into Yeah, I just love that.

You're so particular though, but.

You're like, oh, you can't come over my coffee tables on my dining room table.

Oh but you can't have Okay, here's one. Let them watch the Wiggles.

Why.

I just see how obsessed kids get with it. Those songs are annoying. They know they are annoying.

We need no I'm not headphones.

Yeah I know you say that, but like I don't know where. There's just something about the Wiggles that get so obsessed. I don't want to go to a Wiggles live show.

I wouldn't. I just make Luke do it.

But they, oh, yeah, that's a good point. But Ady Sadie Wiggle, it's too much. I mean, I have, of course played it for her on occasion, but I found other ship because I'm like, I don't know, I want our house to have like our music. Is that a monstery thing to say? Name also so unrealistic.

I'm gonna put on a record on mom's new record player, but she fucking loves deep house and she's like daddy song, Daddy song, and he puts his hair rabou.

Yeah, every morning the speaker comes out.

I love it.

It's like all these different things. She's just like eat, toughing down, Weepex new record five in one sitting and it's just like they're going like I love that she loves it, and I think it's just like I know I'm a monster. I'm not judging anyone else, but I'm just like I do feel bad because all the kids are like Blowie Blowey, and Rue's like, who's bluey?

What about Mickey Mouse. We're in a Mickey Mouse face.

I don't put any of that shit over her.

The Mickey Mouse the cop house is very educational.

But am I a monster? Though? Okay, real top? Am I a monster? Because I don't show her this stuff?

Oh god no, I'll show her.

No monster. I do feel bad, but.

She will find it anyway at some point.

And then she asked for it. They ask for it daycare, like they play all them like she knows the songs. And when we're on car rides, I play the Wiggles music. I just have a thing about that's fine watching it, like listening to it in sitchu tick tick, listening to it in the house, watching it. No, fine.

I don't think you're monster at all.

Thank you.

When I'm a parent, I will never buy my child clothes, let alone nice clothes. Why because, like it's so small, they grow out of everything so quickly, and they shit on everything or get pain on it.

Why would I spend my money on kid clothes.

We need to superimpose the picture of Lenny in the outfit that he met ruin. Do you remember it's like a little sailor outfits all.

He couldn't walk he couldn't walk, he had shoes on?

Or was that my baby shower?

Oh?

That was your baby shower? And was he also wearing a jaunty fedora.

Hat? There was a hat as part of the suspenders.

If you will, there was suspenders.

Let's just superimpose a bunch of photos about Lennie's style evolving. I actually said to my sister at one point. I mean I was half joking like, oh my god, just wrap them up in news paper.

Like and my sister's like, they're not fish and chips.

And she would say that she was going shopping for her baby, and I still was like, why would you waste money on baby clothes and things for your baby? Hand me downs are fine and get a gry Yeah, hand me downs are amazing. Who nine times out of ten when I go to the shops and when I'm shopping online, we'll purchase something for old Leonard not his actual name, and not myself these days because I'm like, who has his summer capsule wardrobe ready and raring to go? I sent Keith photos.

And I was like, where are you guys going nowhere?

Just got his outfits ready, including like little.

Thing he's got a passport, he's got the wardrobe. You need to book a trip. I know you've got.

Two out of three do but yeah, so I love shopping, and I also like buying him nicer things. Not for daycare obviously, but of course, look I wait till they're on special.

Most of the time I.

Did have on my list before it had her that I would say, I don't want to spoil her because I felt like I grew up not having a lot, and I turned out I'm not as like I don't need heaps of stuff, you know, and I know that she is growing up a lot better off. So I wanted her to understand the value of things, and so that meant like, I'm not going to buy her stuff, like really, But then after we lost deb who was

You didn't, Yeah, I got them for for a birthday.

Oh my god, you weren't there, that's right. She you never come to the birthday parties, but I got her little minisumber.

Oh do you have matching ones? No, you don't even know your child does.

And she's gonna wear them for approximately one season.

Yes, literally, who's ninety dollars shoes for a child?

They're not actually probably orthopedic, they actually are.

That's what got it off over the line for me, because they are orthopedic. Approve.

Can you wear them to daycare?

No, she's wearing the new balance, afforded all the new balances to day care. Okay, And she's wearing the Salmers on the weekend. Okay, Well he's not ny dollars though.

You kind of want them to wear them every day. But then they get paint on them.

It's not like the paint you can get out. They're like you, it's w washable paint and it's not, well shit, I've soaked it three times. And when it's not coming.

People, I draw the line on like things that are actually stained. Like I'm fine sending him to day care and like hand me down to old clothes, but not stuff that's actually got paint all over.

Yeah, Like he has a home he really.

Does anyway, Sorry I did cut in there with that. Next all right, here we go. When I'm a parent, I will never be on my phone in front of them, I reckon. One of the first things route did was to be helpful, was to give me my phone, pass.

It to me here, mama, mummy's phone.

And like, I also don't really understand this because who talks on their phone holding their phone up to their ear? But she would make it. I don't know. I don't know because I'm not doing it, Like I'm always.

Talk on the phone anyway, but then she never holds.

It up as if she's on face. That is ninety nine percent of what I do on my phone.

And can you to do that when we don't actually talk on the phone like that?

And look, I was adamant on this point. I was like, I'm not going to be in my phone, Like this is disgusting. I've got it.

You're missing out, You're missing out what is happening in front of you. And then your child will think that the phone's more important than you.

But you know what, especially when their newborn's a bit boring, until they can like roll, I don't think you can.

They're newborn. So I mean like when they're like old enough to understand.

Yeah, well it all went out the window of the stage. So your job.

I'll always be like, Luke, get off your phone in front of Lenny and looks like you're always on your phone, and I'm like, firstly, I hide it, so I'm like really sneaky. If Lenny's sitting on me, I'll do it like behind.

I'm not at all so in her face about it, like it's my job.

You can do it too when you're paid, when you can pay the bills from being on your phone.

Bro, It's so true girlfriend, so true. Yeah, I do feel like I want to work on that because it's obviously not setting in the greatest example. But I'm human at the end of the day, and if that's my one vice, it's not probably a million, But if that's the one vice that I can identify, I'm not gonna like freak out about it right now.

Yes, I'm just careful, Like if he's trying to show me something, I'll pay attention.

That's the stuff, right, It's like, I'm pretty good if she's like playing independently or something, or she's watching something on TV and I'm just like, did, Yeah, I think that's fine. What I want to do is just like when she gets home from daycare. That is a lot of the time when I have to do posts and when people are like messaging me or about different things, I think I just need to like put it away for that time. It's hard because then like Charlie's messaging me, Hey,

Get one?

Yeah, maybe I will, Like they're very expensive, so it will be a consideration, but you can just accept things that are actually important or like figure out, you know, to.

Talk on it, Like if Charlie called you, Yeah, I don't need to know where your phone is.

Well, honestly, sometimes I'm like, can I just have a phone that's a phone without all the other stuff.

I also said, I'm not even going to go into this too much because it's like such a lull that I would never let him read or watch things that aren't educational. I mean, every night Zoom Zoom goes the car and the trucks, the trucks, we read books about truck.

The show about trucks, and it's just like literally moving trucks.

Around like a weird truck. I don't know one little girl that wants to watch some weird do just pushing trucks.

I'm saying, we do.

That's probably worth millions of dollars from Yeah.

Yeah, so I'll just move on to I also had be on my phone let them eat heaps of crap.

I said, oh, my kid will never.

Eat crab like a food or packet food, just like I genuinely was like, no, I need to make sure they're treating their body like a temple.

If he eats, eats and that's good.

I think that's the biggest realization you have when you get onto solids. It's like you spent all this time laboring over these like delicious nutritious meals, not delicious nutritious meals, and they're like, what the is this? Where's the fucking salt? Yeah, where's labor? And I'm like, so true, this tastes like shit. I remember someone on Instagram wrote to me. I was giving her broccoli and she wrote to me and she said, hey, you like me two years ago? Would you eat that?

Would you like unsalted, unpeppered broccoli?

And I was like, absolutely not. You were so right.

I ever tried it before.

No, it tastes like us you know, it doesn't taste like US salted broccoli.

But oh my god, says so good. But remember how even weird I was about like packet fruit and you were like, she doesn't like fruit, give her the packet fruit. And I was like, oh my god, I thought.

About it so crazy about packet food. Used to cook and make everything.

I'm pretty sure I would have said that at one point, but then I was like, I am busy.

Busy, and also you just exactly what you said. You want them to eat at the end of the day. It's like you want them to eat, so you don't do milk all the time, like you're trying to get their kegs up. Yes, this one's really funny because it's I literally say this two to five times a day. I'm calling Daddy when she's in trouble.

Oh so you always said that you wouldn't. I was like, I'm never going to use like bully my keys and.

Make them think like, I'm never going to discipline her like with threats. Literally, you know, the stair thing that she doesn't like going up the stairs at night, she just like sitting on them.

And Key's cutting everything up, and I'm just like, he's also a very small human and Ruse now a beast, so.

It's and I can't pick her. I have to put everything down to pick her up anyway. So I'm like, I'm calling Dad, I'm calling Dad, and she's like no, and then hurries, and then she just sits there and I'm like, all right, that's it. Daddy's on the phone and literally on FaceTime and he's like, Rue, go upstairs, and she's like okay.

Ah, that little So it works.

But I'm also like I said, I wasn't going to do this, but it works. It works, it works.

It's so annoying.

When they listen, I'll be like, Lenny, let me brush your teeth. Otherwise Daddy's gonna come in and brush your teeth, and he'll do it because I think he does a much better job and probably really gets in there. Whereas just swirl it around that that's.

Fine, that's so funny. Where the opposite, Charlie just like gives the brush to her. That's what I do. So for half an hour she just walks around sucking the toothpaste better. And then he's like, okay, all done, give your tooth.

What I do is I down and get her chomper is open.

Well, we do the countdown, so I'm like, here, you brush it, and the mummy's going to do countdown and she's like, okay, So I have a laying down and I like count down from five on each part, so five four, three, two one at the front side side beautiful the bottom now, and then we do front side side and she like is into it now, So I've given her a bit of responsibility with it, but then she knows mommy does count down. Oh dear a freak, am I afraid? I'm sorry.

When I'm a parent, I will never let my child throw a tantrum in public.

I mean I remember vividly.

I was on the Gold Coast and these parents were just sitting there having breakfast while their kid was absolutely throwing down yeah, And I walked past them and side eyed them like a mole.

And I was like, ell, like, get a hold of your kid, eh, Like I was never that unhinged as a kid.

Like, honestly, some people just really have never control over their kids.

I would never let my kid bath like that public.

Yeah.

Now, when I see people and their kids are throwing tantrums in public, I look at the parent.

I'm like, I see you, I see you, I see you, I feel you.

I'm quite lucky that Lynn hasn't had that many public meltdowns.

Because he's quite shy. Yes, rather, there's wait till the end.

However, there was a situation a couple of weeks ago where we were at a child's birthday party and it was at nap time and he was under the table while everyone was eating party food, hitting, screaming the floor and I'm just sitting there like, who does.

That belong to mine?

Who bought that kid? Like someone left him at home?

It happens, It happens. Oh, it does happen. Rus are but the same. Actually with her, she hasn't had any like public mountdowns, but the other day she did have like some somewhat one, but she's smart. It was pitch black, dark with walking home from daycare and she wants me to carry her and I'm like, no, you're fucking fourteen

Bag Lenny's bag Lenny, and like some trucks and I'm just.

Like doorshush for my mom. Tore built different. I reckon, Like you know how you get good arms from having a kid. I never do any boys and there's they're like ripped.

I'm like, okay, I'm not ripped, but I'm getting my arms out for the socials.

Show them I've got like I don't.

Do shit at the gym. Waits wise.

Yeah, you've got definition. Yeah, that's wonderful. That's wonderful. I know. Anyway, it was raining. She laid in the rain and sobbed. I ended up carrying a home to.

Did you just pick her up by the force and just carry I had to put.

Her tiny backpack on, so I.

Was like, oh, then you sort of suffocate you a little bit.

Just like nothing more ridiculous than an adult wearing a child's back.

I'm aware and I have to walk.

Men like be bulky men wearing them and they're.

Like, ah, it's so embarrassing. Okay, when I'm a parent, I will never let my kid have a snotty nose. What do you mean.

I would always judge.

Moms if their kids had boogers coming out of their nose everywhere. I'd be like, get a tissue and wipe the nose.

Oh my, yeah it is gross because.

It's gross, right, But honestly, sometimes you just cannot. You'd be there all day wiping it.

Oh you'd have to follow them around, yeah, with like a snotsucker.

And I was just like, yeah, why don't they wipe their kids?

No? Yeah, other people wipe Lenny's nose before me half the time. Some win when really I've done that. Yeah, well you've wiped Len's nose.

Yeah. It gets other people more upset. I'm like, oh, he'll eat it.

I start it back up.

It's fine.

I mean, I am quite diligent about it, but I understood. I was like, oh shit, I can't of get it. Yeah, I kin't of get it.

My child also has over producing adnoids. You've never seen a snot. When he sneezes, it ends up in his lap sometimes that's how long ago, like they should have taken the adnoids out last year.

I don't know, key, but it's a really easy procedure.

Everyone that has seen him sneeze is like that kid needs his adnoids out, and he's way snotty even when he's not sick.

Does he have like labored breathing. No, Yeah, maybe that's why because usually it's like if it's really impacting their breathing, they'll do it.

They're like, no, it doesn't impact anything except there's fluid all the time out of his nose. When I'm a parent, I will never let my kid control my life with routine.

I actually think I did pretty well with this. I did not know, but you had it. You had a difficult sleeper. I think when you have a difficult sleeper, you live and die by the routine.

To this day, he's two and a half years old, and I not only judged, used to get.

Annoyed at my friends.

Oh, we have to be at home by ten o'clock so they can sleep, Like, oh, live a little bit, Live a little Why is that kid, that stupid kid ruling your life with their stupid routines?

Who cares?

Just let them sleep forever, Just just let them do whatever. Who cares? What do you mean you've got to be home for bedtime? Just let the kids sleep.

I have a friend coming in from Queensland. Yeah, she arrives at like eleven on Friday, at twelve thirty on the dot, even though I haven't seen her in six months. I'll have to be like, anyway, I'm off to bed with Lenny because he must have me next to him for a ser on our days and yeah.

I'm not fucking around with our nap time.

Yeah, that is very true.

Will always deviate for some things.

But you're surprised at how closely your kind advised.

At how much my life is completely ruled by my child.

Yeah. The fact that you have to get up early in the morning.

Oh, don't even get me started on that, because you know I'm not a morning person.

But you've done pretty well to adjust. Can't have I I don't know. I was just trying to give you props. He's one for the lolls. I do feel really guilty about this. I was like, never will I ever pick her up from daycare later than like four thirty and sometimes, but.

You can't help it when sometimes you don't want it, sometimes I.

Want to, So I'll pick her up at six, which is the last time you can figure up, because I'm a bit tired, you know, I'll just be like, oh does she care? No, But how funny is this? She never done this to me, You've never done this to mummy. But Charlie had to pick her up. I had an event or something, and Charlie went to go pick her up. And he always would pick her up at six because he's coming from the city and the commute is just like wild. And he walks in and she goes. Daddy

She's like, how very dare you, daddy.

And then points at her imaginary watch. I was just dying over that. So I do feel a bit guilty because I'm also like, do they know how close I live to the day? They do?

They do, because it would be on your file. I know, I know, But they also don't know what time you finish work.

And a lot of the time it is because I'm finishing, wife, But a lot of the time it's like I'm just need half an hour before I start pay them for this gauntlet, right, and they have fun Yeah with a ticking time bomb. I know that, you know in half an hour's time, I'm going to be spending half an hour in the stairwell. So it's like you want to delay that a little bit, just a little way, you know.

Yeah, yeah, I know, I get it.

I will never let him wear ugly boy clothes because I hate them.

The shoes.

Don't start me on the shoes.

I really don't want to boy because of the stuff is so holy.

Shoes he would wear had eyes on them. And now he's got car shoes. I bought him really cute other ones. He flat out refuses to wear them.

They're like boat shoes. And then there's like, give me the ones cars.

Oh they're fat and they're always hideous colors.

I shop a lot in the girls section for him because it's just nicer stuff and stunner.

Herself and for myself, although.

He did have to talk me out of one floral pair of overalls once.

She was like, too far too, I think you look like a giant baby.

So I hate boy clothes so much, and everything is just disgusting, like covered with cars, covered with dinosaurs.

It's so gross.

That's weird.

Oh my god. My mum ended up buying him some hideous stuff and.

I was like, oh, I'm really grateful that you bought him clothes, Like, you know, closes are expensive. Also, why would you do this to me? She goes, it's fine, they're just for daycare. And I know that you put him in his daycare clothes to night prior, so then this just stops a fight. And I was like, okay, fair, I now have to hide the daycare clothes though.

Because he will pull them out of his wardrobe.

Cars.

They are so ugly, they're covered with gross cars, and Luke thinks it's funny.

It is a bit funny. It's not funny.

He looks so ugly and these stupid clothes.

Look, I do get any.

Shoes with eyes on them, and cars.

I do get it, honestly. Like prying the crocs out of Rue's hands when but for winter and they were too small, she'd grown out of them, and the she kicked off the tears.

I'm so sorry you've got I don't have sampers.

You're ruining the outfit the mummy put together. Okay, when they ruin outfits, well know when I'm like, lay out the outfit with the shoes, and I'm like, get her dressed please, and I'll meet you Bill, And then I get there and he's just the softy, isn't he. So she's wearing her daycare new balances that are grubby. We're just like really cute, like corduroy assembly no, with stockings

Yeah exactly, I just carry him to the car. Sometimes.

Really seemed like she wanted to wear the new balances, and I'm like, she doesn't have a choice.

Yeah, why are we giving her so many choices?

This is not a democracy? Okay.

I also have to add to that that I said I would never neglect to myself when I was going out in public. Oh, sometimes my child will look like, apart from the shoes that he's in like a catalog.

Because you're so cute, he's very well dressed.

I look like Adam Sandler chasing after him.

Like why how did that happen? Why am I so concerned with what he looks like?

It's weird how you just don't care what you look like?

Hey, I dropped him off at daycare this morning. I forgot I had a towel on my head.

Who are lying?

No one, No, I'm not because I had to get up when you arrived. Did I not have wet hair?

Did? Yeah?

I had to get up and I washed my hair. Decided to have a shell before I even took him. Didn't even think about it, just put my hair in my little towel, turban thing.

It wasn't even a towel. It was like a turban thing. It wasn't I don't want you a huge towel. I get how you can do.

Oh my god, I don't think that's possible, because it had just fall off at some point. No, like one of the ones that you then button on. So I've just forgot that it was on my head, and I'm literally like thinking to myself, gosh, everyone's staring a little bit at me today.

I did makeup on. Maybe they're like my coat.

They like your little terry toweling thing.

That was like branded as well. It had like a big brand across.

Oh my words, your turn, I text Charlie, because I didn't have many in comparison to your list. You've got a few more to go. So but I text Charlie and was like, when I'm a parent, I will never It's for the pod and he wrote back immediately sit down to WEE And I went, are you sure I can tell this on the pod? And He's like yep. So Charlie now sits down to wi. He doesn't stand to we There's two reasons why. The first reason was she kept copying me and standing in front of her

And the purin has splashed flash.

Him and his face all he's six, so she hasn't pegged it, pegged it.

I hear him go no dunk's.

He's like, I'm not fucking standing to pea anymore.

It's just too risky.

There's too many things that happened in the middle of the night. He actually got it from a friend. So one of his friends grew up with all girls, and he wasn't allowed to pee standing up in the middle of the night because it's so loud. Like it is loud, right, so he did sit to pee in the night. I feel like Luke.

Sits to pea most of the time anyway, So maybe is it really Yeah, I think he's just either very lazy or maybe it's having sisters.

But Charlie did say to me, I don't know why we stand well, yeah, it's kind of nice.

That just reminded me though.

This is such a good example of like why it's so hard sometimes, like why.

Vagina was a little bit hairy.

Okay, And I was in the bath with Lenny and the bubbles went away, and.

What did he say? He got a bit scared. He got scared of your bush.

And he was just really confused. So then I was like, Luke, can you please come in here? I'm like, pull your pants down, and Luke's like what. And then I'm trying to explain to Lenny. So Luke's dangling is dick around my Joiney's out with a bit of a bush, and I'm trying to explain to Lenny why they're different. And then I'm like, Luke's dick's dangling around, Lenny's dangling is around, and I'm like, parenting.

Yeah, never pictured this, you never know, you never know. Oh my god. I just wanted to shout out Charlie for letting me out.

That's amazing to me.

That's a real husband right there. Do it for the content, babe, Do it for the content. So what are the things you have stuck to after the list of lolls? After the lolls?

Shooting games or toys that look like guns.

I always said that I would never allow that, yeah, and I'm absolutely.

Stuck to that.

Yeah, even like at.

Other people's houses, I'm like, oh, can we just put that one away? Other people might be like, oh, it's unnecessary. I do agree, he gets older. No games on TV with guns or like hurting people, No nerf guns, nothing, no water pistols. There was a water pistol in a lolly bag a couple of weeks ago.

Throw it out, yeah straight away. I was just like, nah, I just very anti guns.

Yeah. I think it's a good decision, though I don't need them. There's so many other things.

Oh, there's so many toys that I wouldn't participate in daycare slash school activities.

I've absolutely stuck to that.

Luke does it. Yeah, he loves it. Though it froths it. Yeah.

Miss Rangeet was telling me this morning. She was like, Oh, the kids love him. They run up to him as soon as he arrives, like, he loves that shit. And the last thing I said, I would never do that. I've absolutely stuck to you. And I know you do this, eat their leftovers or just eat their food.

Okay, well I'm hungry when like I haven't cooked mind in a yet.

Yuck.

You probably eat half chewed stuff as well.

No I don't. I don't. I draw the line at that.

Ashley will literally eat like she'll feed her three kids three different meals and then eat half.

Of all of them.

Yeah, and then have her own dinner. She's like a little bird just picking at the leftovers.

Yuck.

You would have hated me. Last night. I was so hungry making roots dinner and Charlie's started to come home early because his work has slowed down, which is great, but thank you Charlie. I'm like, feel like I have to wait to have dinner with him, and I'm like cooking this delicious meal for rue, and I'm like, I really want some of this. So I just like carved myself off like a little plate and I was like

Packed, nutritious meal exactly.

The only thing that I said I would do that I did stick to was the nose TV or screens before one.

So many shitters said stuff like that, like they all had different times.

But Sally get they they say there's research, He's there, okay, apparently like there's no benefit for benefit in general, Well.

Yeah it is, as I say, it can be educational, but there's no real benefit before like one or two. But I just wanted to basically hold off for as long as possible.

We watched cartoons first thing in the morning. I know, yeah, for an hour.

We only allow TV now on weekends and on holidays, so there's no TV during the week.

What about when she gets her from daycare, we hang out and play. But she's been playing all day, she's tired.

We hang out in the kitchen, she watches me cook. It's weird.

No, it's not weird.

That's really good.

I just I feel like I'm too far.

I don't know if I could backtrack now and be like absolutely not no Mickey Mouse.

But she was just different, Like there were moments where I broke right and I did shove some TV in front of it, but she just didn't start liking it till now. And by now.

She's in a routine and understands she.

Doesn't need it as much because she hasn't always had it, always been interested in it. I think that's the difference. Right. If I have another baby, I'm pretty sure they're going to be addicted to DV.

You have another baby, these rules for RU will probably go out the window because you're like, just sit down, please recommendations. It is my turn for recommendations. Yeah, girl, below deck biby.

Some of you were expecting Captain Lee or even the dock with a.

New captain, new crew.

Tenches are high. I put people in line that need to be put in line. This is in high school drama, this is five star circus. Have you not recommended this before?

No? Okay, sorry I don't think so, or maybe I did. I'm just so obsessed. Apparently Charlie was like, why is it?

What did he say? Last night? We were watching the latest episode of Blow Deck on Binge and he was like, why have you gone back and watched old seasons? And I'm like, oh, it's Kelly. I'm obsessed.

As someone who doesn't really like reality TV, and I certainly do not like TV shows like Math and I have a huge problem with them.

I love Blow Deck.

And I will just let the record state when you were like got into Blow Deck, oz, I was like, oh my god, you need to go.

Back and watch all of med.

You got like this's just so so off.

It though You're like, no, I don't just watching it. Yeah, I just watched the Australian one. I'm like, it's the shittest one. It's all good, like Australia is good, but it's the shittest one comparatively, because the other ones.

Are so good, so full of drama, and the guests is so much more theatrical. And as I was saying to Keith, if you also hate reality heavy and don't want to support it, the reason why I don't have a problem with blow Deck is because they're actually working.

Yeah, they have jobs, like they have property.

It's a proper job. There's just cameras there. That's what they all do. Yeah, for real life as well. And I'm even one of the show.

Like the franchises get really successful, they still can't really deny how good the money is to continue in yachting.

And still I think a lot of them yacht just for the fun of it.

They enjoy the lif They're just like, oh, they just.

Happened to be on a season that gets filmed, and then they continue yodding like.

Yeah, it's so good. I love it so much.

If you should at your job, you just get fired, which I love. It's like you gotta leave the boat now. It's like whoa get off now? Pat shit. They will go a man down or multiple men or women down rather than have rather than have shit people on which and I like the hierarchy of it. It adds like an element of like, you can't say that to her.

Sheeriore And just another quick one if you are a reader. I read the best book of the year. I know it's called The Nightingale.

What's it about.

Well, it's a historical fiction. It's about two sisters in World War Two.

Don't tell Charlie that's his favorite genre.

Oh, please tell him to read this book. I have not cried so much over a book in years. But in a way, that's very beautiful, beautiful Well, I mean it's sad, but it's beautiful. And it's just a lot of people say that the hardest thing that we will have ever had to go through collectively in Western society is COVID and lockdown. Yeah, and when you put it into perspective, it's like, oh my god, Like I know that it was such a shit time, but we're just asked to stay indoors.

I know. Yeah, TV it's a different sacrifice.

What people had to go through in World War Two. And this was from a woman's perspective as the men went to I will just put a disclaimer. I found it very confronting as a non Jewish person, so I think that with the rise of anti Semitism in the world at the moment, if.

You're Jewish, just a trigger warning. It was just the best book I read a year, and I loved.

It all right, adding it to the list.

Well, thanks so much for joining us today, Shitters. Share the pod on your socials. Let us know what you think and what you want to hear. You can tag us at kiris at, Kelly mcarronan at ASSR dot pod and please rate and review us.

Yes, please, please, please please.

Thousands and thousands of you are listening every single week and you're listening to the whole episode, so I know you're enjoying it. Please take the twin minutes.

To go to rate and review.

It really really helps. This episode of Eat, Sleep, Ship Repeat was produced by myself, Keiri Searles, and Kelly McCarran, with audio production by the wonderful Madeline Joanno.

Bye Shitnaz Bye