We acknowledged the traditional custodians of the land. We're recording on today.
Almost as soon as he pulled out of the driveway, I started bellowing like oh real, like yeah, And after maybe ten minutes of that, I was like on the toilet, and then I thought, I'm going to have a baby in the toilet if I don't get off right now.
Hello, and welcome back to Eat, Sleep, Shit, Repeat, the Wildly Unhitched Podcast, all about the madness that is motherhood and every damn little thing in between.
I'm Kiri Cells, I'm Kelly McCarron, and in case you missed it, on last week's episode, we talked to podcast host and disability advocate Peter Hook and how to talk to kids about disabilities.
It was a.
Must for everyone, not just people with kids. I think it was just a must. I absolutely loved that chat and we would love to get her back on the pod if you want to send in your questions on the show today, Key is going to share about the recent developments around the upcoming ish birth of baby number two and setting herself up for a.
Bea be back vaginal birth after Cesari case you didn't know what the acronym was but first, kay, this episode's all about you do because you're.
Up for peek and pit.
There you go. So I think probably if the shitters have been listening for the past couple of weeks, you could tell that my mental health was not doing very great. Really, yeah, just lots.
Of things I would have never guessed.
On my plate, lots of you were so things to navigate, so just cal didn't cry once. No, no. So basically after that week, I felt like I had reached a bit of a rock.
Botty, funny way to describe it. Given the week prior with the issues.
Oh my god, I'm never going to get over these pooh joke Sally, and I just was like not feeling myself. I think after Europe it was a lot being away for so long, and then I had the shit storm, and then we had obviously my mother in law's birthday, and just as pregnancy has been so overwhelming, and I just kind of pulled Charlie aside and I was like, hey, I'm not doing well. I think I need to get on top of things. So went to the GP to fill out my mental health thing again.
And it's a bit of a fun time isn't it.
And it was just like she got the format and I started crying, and you're just like, she doesn't even ask them questions, pull yourself together. So embarrassing rooms with me obviously, because I'm taking it on like a Thursday or Friday. Anyway, it was just very clear from that scenario that I was in fact not doing well.
That you would have failed the question I failed miserably.
But you know what the really bad thing is is that I had to do it two days later with my midwife.
Oh no, she had to do it twice.
Its grim both times.
It was pretty grim.
It was pretty grim, and I just thought, of course, like, of course I've had to fill out a mental questionnaire and you know, the space of a few days. But I will say that for anyone listening who might be like not in a great place, honestly, like voicing it to Charlie, chatting to my GP, tell some lagging it with my.
Midwes, someone that you don't feel okay.
I felt instantly light better, lighter that I had just kind of like addressed the elephant in my head. You know that a lot of the stuff's internalized. I'm sure people are picking up on it, and I do talk about it to a certain extent, but it was like a bit of a release and it just thought, Okay, cool.
I've released that.
Now let's figure out a better way to move forward. So that's kind of my like little silver lining learning from that. It's like, if you are just feeling overwhelmed and stressed, talk to someone, tell someone. I mean, it's obvious, but sometimes you just need that little bit of a nudge. And hopefully I can be that much for you, and you can laugh at the fact that I had to do it not once but twice.
Oh, that's a really nice reminder. Yeah, and also helps to laugh, it does. Yeah, And as soon as you start talking people around you will help you laugh and see the funny side, even when there is in a funny side.
You make one. Yeah, you like the fact that you had to do it twice in a few days.
Exactly exactly over to the peak though, Oh god, it's a cute one. So Rue started ballet, Oh.
We need to put up some content. She has the proper.
Little beautiful She does shout out to Tals her gorgeous auntie who's a massive shitter Fana pot. She let us borrow ours. She's like, oh, yeah, I have like Ava's stuff. I tried it on and I was like crying, obviously put it on her crying, but not only that, it was like, you know, I put her hair back into a little ballerie like a little girl, and I said, she doesn't look like a told laugh.
Oh.
I did this video of her and I said, okay, darling, you excited for ballet? And she says yes, and then I'm like, okay, on your tippy toes, arms up in the air, okay, now turn around and she's just so excited. And then the other cute thing about it was like, because I'm pregnant, I get a free fucking cart, don't I so.
I didn't have to parents and the Zaddy content, Yeah, Charlie was it's so sexist. I was saying this to key off air, awkward shout out Charlie listening, it's so sexist. But why is dad's dancing with their daughters the hottest fucking thing ever?
Like it's so cute, Like you know, I said, after this pregnancy, Lauren, I'm like, I don't one after watch from you exactly, my overaries were like, oh yeah, can I ask because this all happened while I was away. Yeah, like her first class and I didn't even know she was doing it.
Why ballet?
Ballet is problematic af and I hate ballet, So why the little.
Stuff is like gymnastics is the other thing I want to put around, But I know that's super problematic.
For me.
As a kid, I loved dancing. It was like my biggest passion and I never got to do ballet and I always wanted to. So it's a little bit of me.
My sister put my niece in dance because of the exact same reason, because she was like, I always wanted to be a dancer.
Yeah, Evelyn laugh did two classes.
Well, this is the thing. I got this from my friends who have older kids. It's like each term they let their kids choose like an activity.
To get them involved in something, yeah, figure out what they like and also exactly makes it way more for when people say that their kids are doing like ten different activities. I'm like, firstly, how do you have the time you can afford that?
I know, And it's like I think, al, we still don't know how much it's costless. Lady is not writing back to me, and I just keep showing up two classes and I'm like, I will pay, but like, yeah, tell me what to do. I think it's like, well, I think it's a you sign up for a term. So most activity is like two hundred and fifty dollars a term, which is not cheap. But that's why I'm
okay with her doing one. But at the end of it, I'll be like, hey, do you want to do ballet again, or do we want to try gymnastics or whatever, And then my god, you could join Nny's Little Kids team exactly exactly, and I will have her do something like that for sure. It was just like every Saturday we'll be walking down like the main street in our suburb and all these little baby ballerinas will be running around, and Charlie and I were just like, I mean, it's
within walking distance as well. But also we like selfishly wanted a bit more structure to our weekends.
Like we're just not selfish. I can't relate.
We're not big planners. We kind of go with the flow and we're always like, oh shit, the weekends kind of got away from us. So we thought having like an activity that our kind of saturday's built around as well. Has been really nice for us.
That is so cute though. Yeah, it was.
Really nice just seeing her like walk in and be really nervous.
It's also just so nue that you both take her.
I know, well it's just mums that take them, like, but Charlie and I had it's like so go dependent. We do everything together. I don't know if it's a good or bad thing.
Anyway, I feel like it's got its pros and cons.
Yeah, yeah, we just love doing stuff together, especially with her.
Whereas I have not gone to Little Kickers once.
Yeah, but that's all right, don't you.
No, No, I said to Luke, I will not be going. I don't enjoy it.
I don't want to see him do it just once.
I see him kick the ball all the time.
Yeah, I know. But what I really liked was like seeing her come in, like assessing everything, like looking at the other girls, like meeting Miss Molly and like and just seeing her interact in a space, like I know that she's a really kind kid, but like Miss Molly's like, can you.
Pick up the little because.
I have these little dots on the ground that like make them stand in one place kind of thing to listen to her and then Rue like picks them all up for Miss Molly and gives them to her. And then by the end of the first class, she'd kind of found her feet a little bit, she was a bit more comfortable. So then she really started to like open up and get into the dance class.
So she loves to dance.
She loves to dance. So I just love seeing her in like a new environment of finding her confidence and then just like loving it, like that's a bit I really enjoy.
And then on we best thing when you see them, Yeah, loving something so much.
And Miss Molly did comment that she has quite good rhythm, and I was like, oh, that's definitely from me. I'm a dune.
So you said, you've said Charlie has good rhythm too.
Yeah, but he doesn't have like ballet rhythm like on time, Like.
That's me, I reckon, I'd probably have ballet rhythm.
Yeah. Should we move on to the topic for today, yes? Please. So I have fired my obstetrician and I have also fired my dula. Wait wait what Yeah, I didn't know about the duela. Oh yeah, double whammy. I'm no longer going to deliver my baby privately.
Oh she's joining us on the public side. I am a welcome, thank you so much. It's a lot cheaper.
It is a lot cheaper, although I have hired a private midwife oh okay, which in New South Wales it is pretty much the cost of an obstetrician animated seven but you get about maybe fifteen hundred back from Medicare. Maybe maybe it like varies based on how much money you're spent.
With many that just absolutely blows my mind and will for anyone else that birthed publicly. Yes, not one dollar. Oh sorry, I lie. There was two tests that I paid to take.
To Patrea tests and to be fair, like after I have my little incident impacted. When I did that, it was like a bit of a because I was in a bit of a weird spot with my obstetrician. She was trying to make me deliver in a different public hospital.
Well, explain why you fired your.
Obs Okay, yeah, I should probably start.
I'm going to get real comfy for this.
I mean, as with a lot of people like you either go private or public right, and I think you're mainly influenced by what you.
Can afford and what your health cover is and what your friends have.
Done exactly, and ninety nine percent of my girlfriends went private and I did two FARU. But we've also been paying for like gold hospital cover oh my three years. So you know, you get pregnant again and you're like, well, we're fucking using. We've been paying like you know, something crazy.
I've got brons and always winged about not getting anything back.
Well, with this pregnancy, I just found myself at like a real crossroad. So before we left to go to Europe, we had our last meeting with the obstetrician, who we.
Need to clarify Key was obsessed with, well.
Okay, this is what happened, right. So my original obstetrician I really loved. I called her up when I got pregnant with this baby and I was like, hey, Sue, I'm back, and she was like, sorry, I'm not actually doing obstetrics anymore. And I couldn't even be mad at her because she's like helping her cancer patients, like she's the saying, really, can't be mad, no, No. I was like, okay, well, you're doing God's work. So I said, hey, can you
give me a couple of recos? She gave me a guy and a girl, I prefer to go to a female for guyiny obsetrics, that kind of thing. So I went with this obstetrician. She's also a woman of color. Like I know that wouldn't mean anything to anyone else, but I did quite like the idea of it not being like a white doctor.
Oh my gosh, it's just.
Just like something a little bit different. And I called and booked in with her, and she was really lovely. And this is the thing. She isn't a bad person, but what I came to realize is that she is a trained surgeon. Yes, So with this doctor, I wanted to deliver at the same hospital. When I went in, I said, are you okay with me doing.
A v back, because let's do a TLDR of your birth with Rue.
So with Rue, I went into spontaneous labor.
The plan was vaginal birth with any assistance needed.
Basically yeah, I was like, I'll try and do it without, but I'm not opposed to getting it. I got everything. I started contracting bang on thirty nine weeks in Cada, in Cama, after what I thought was my water's breaking. I now know that they hadn't broken, but at that time I thought they had It was like five am. I called the hospital in private. They have lots of kind of procedures, so if your waters break, they want you to come in to check that they have broken. Oh really it.
Is, and they got to send you back home if you're not. Yeah.
Yeah, but they were like, yeah, your waters are broken, so go home and labor. So we went home. And this was my favorite part about Rue's birth, like was laboring at home. It was so much fun. We played scrabble, weirdo. I was bouncing on the ball.
It's my favorite part of birth. What do you mean were you not in pain?
I was, but it was very manageable, So this is like, okay, and how far are they away? As soon as I got closer together and fired up, that was when I was like, we've got to go to the hospital. But this was like I can't remember the but you had a period of time where they weren't that intense, and they weren't because there was only half an hour where they were manageable, but they were still less than five minutes apart, and then they went to under three minutes apart. Yeah. See,
I think my labor was a lot slower. I'm anticipating having a long labor with this baby too, or.
You could do what my friend Camilla has done and just shoot it out.
I mean, I'd love that too. I'd love any type of flavor. But yeah, we were playing scrabble. He was making me egg salad sandwiches, which was my craving for that one. We were like bouncing on the ball. Had the tens machine, Like it was just really beautiful. What does a tens machine do? It just basically gives you like little electric shocks that.
Kind of like is that that you get from a trampoline.
Kind of and you can intensify it or lower it based on like where you are, and like does it hell labor, Yeah, it does. It just kind of like takes your mind off it. It helps you a certain extent.
Anyway, I wonder if we should get one for needles, Yeah, you could try it, or even.
Like a hand con. You know a lot of people do that and labor.
I bite my hand generally when I'm getting a needle, but that doesn't we.
Could probably not let you bite your hand and get you maybe just a hand comb that you can just push into your palm. Let's look into that first, So about nine pm, I'm like, whoof all day? I reckon, we're ready to go here. So we go in and yeah, it was like three centimeters. At this point, I was like fuck the hypno birthding told me not to ask
how well it was progressive. Yeah, They're like, you don't want to know, like kind of thing, because if you someone says three centimeters, you're like, I've got to get to ten.
Yeah, you're going, well, how long you can actually go from three to ten very quickly?
You can, And that what I've learned since then is like how much of dilator is not necessarily like indicative of like how far through labor you are progressing. You can be more progressed than you are dilated anyway. So they're like, would you want to go back home? And I was like, well, yeah, I'm not going to like check in now. But they were like, okay, well, because your waters are broken this morning, like if you aren't progressing, we have to induce you after twenty four hours because
that's a procedure for risk of infection. YadA, YadA, dada. Went home. I lasted until midnight and I was like, I need fucking something. So we went back in had the morphine, and then the next day was like intervention after intervention, so it was like I was on the trips to induce me. I had then said, well, I need the epidural then, because this is incredible pain. Mid afternoon, my midwife realized that my waters hadn't broken.
Did no one check? I thought they did.
They did at the start, but not properly. They just checked the fluid and my undies to make sure that it was clear basically and not something bad. And I'm like, I wish someone had have checked me because they were starting interventions that were causing me to be in labor but not having my waters broken. They were kind of like working against each other in a way, like my midwife has said since then, like if you were going to give you one intervention, we want to give it
all to you. So everything's kind of working together. So that midwife then broke my waters, and then.
My smell I don't remember at all. I just like poo because Lenny had shit.
In the Actually there was a little bit of poo in there. They weren't concerned, though Charlie reminded me of that the other day anyway, So I'm like exhausted by this time. It ends up being like the obstruction comes in and she's like, hey, you're doing really well, but it's been a while.
Now how many hours at that point since it's been like gone out a contraction.
It was like thirty five hours maybe, And she was like, let's go for a few more hours, but then I'm gonna come back and we're gonna have to have a conversation. And I was like, okay, she's gonna say let's have a sea section. So the epidural just I felt like it was not working. I could feel fucking everything and I couldn't move, and I was just like, this is so shit. By the time she came back and she raised the sea section, I was like, yeah, and I.
Was feeling I didn't realize you still got a choice, though you always have a choice.
Yeah, But she came back and said, this is what I think we should do. And by this time.
It wasn't like we're racing you in type thing.
No.
I mean it's called an emergency success because it wasn't planned. But yeah, Ru's heart rate was always stable. It was very chilled. That's why I don't have a lot of trauma or any trauma at all around Ruy's birth, because I felt like I was really in control, yeah, the whole time, and I felt like I had a lot of say, I had all of the same what was
going on after the fact. I know more about birthing now, and I know that basically I kind of timed out of the hospital that and she had also turned prosteria, which isn't really an issue, like a lot of my girlfriends have delivered prosteria babies, but she was flexed, so her head was also up, which meant that like the widest part of her head was trying to come out so help help melt. So that wasn't really gonna work.
So I had also kind of by this time, felt like, oh God, like I have just put her through all of this, I've had all of these drugs and my being selfish. That was kind of going through my head. So I was just like, I just want to meet my baby. Of course, So we had the sea section, and look it was. I have listened to so many birth stories recently, and so many of the sea sections sound so impersonal. Mine was beautiful, Like mine was so nice.
I had an amazing like Kiwi anetheist who came in, who took one look at my fucking epidural and was like, what the fuck is this guy done. It's like, oh, these young kids, I do these like new and improved versions. And in my head, all I was saying to myself was like I fucking knew that it was working. Yes, I could feel everything, no wonder, I was exhausted, like anyway. I was just like relieved to have that validation. And he like suited me up and he was just like,
I'm gonna put some music on. He just had like the most beautiful music. Everyone introduced themselves to me, like no one was having conversations over me. It was all to me. It was like such a beautiful experience. Like I didn't once feel bad, and I was just like, whoa, this is what having a society shaking. No, I wasn't shaking until after she was born. That was when I got shaky and that had her on my chest and I was like, oh, could you take her off because
I'm just like really shaky and I'm scared. I'm gonna like, yeah, shake her off, shack her up.
But I just really enjoyed to cry. She did, right, Yeah, yeah, she very really.
There's a massive screen, so I could see her the whole time, like when they went over and when Charlie cut the cord and stuff, and.
Oh you can see her getting cut out.
No, no, not cut out. Sorry, they take because they take them away to the little to do the check and so there's a big screen so you can see everything. Yeah, I could see everything, which I think that's a massive difference because a lot of people are like, where's my baby, Like they can't see. But I think that now knowing my hospital has like the highest rate of cesareans, I think that they have really made their process quite personal.
So that was a prefer Yeah.
Now go into what you now know, shouldn't or you would have wished it would have happened differently. And why because, like, let's be honest, paid doctors, Yeah, obstecricians would.
Rather you have a C section. Well, this is the works with them with their schedules much better.
Exactly it does. But after I had rue, I then was floating with the idea of having a v back and I was speaking to my girlfriend Rosie, who's had two v backs after a cesarean, and she was like, oh, you should join the v back Australia support group and she's like, I know, I know, like it sounds funny,
but like, honestly, it's so helpful. And what I realized in that group was when I was researching like V back positive obstetricians, like in Sydney's East, my original obstetric came up a lot, but what I realized is that this new obstetrician wasn't like so my original one right, this other one was young and super risk averse. So when I brought up the idea of a V back,
she said, yeah, that's fine. But then I think, when you should deliver in this public hospital, which is like really far away from where I live, but that's where she works out us So she works out of the hospital is RPA in Newtown.
I mean it's not really far.
I don't want to be that far away. I'd rather if I'm going to go public, I just do Ranwick. But she said to me, but it's ultimately your choice.
I thought she told you no, she wouldn't do a vback, or that she really didn't want.
To no, So this is what happened. She said, yeah, we can do a vback. She's like, you know, we are worried about risk of your tear.
Is that what it is? Because I don't even know what they are, but like, hell.
There's so long between my pregnancies, Like they advise eighteen months for a starter. Heel, you're gonna have a good or a bad scar, right, My scar's fine and the risk is like one percent one percent? Yes, that can be true. But anyway, so she says to me, but I'd like you to consider birthing an RPA because it'll be a lot safer. Just because your old hospital doesn't have a twenty for our theater. So if you, you know, if your scar does burst, then we want to get
you into theater as quickly as possible. Yes, I understand that, but she said, you know, it's your decision, and I'm like, okay, cool. So that was like the first kind of meeting with her, and it was all lovely.
And I just need to interject because I never wanted to obviously push my thoughts. Key, but I don't even know if I said anything to you, but I was like in my head.
I really hope she feedbacks. I really hope she feedbacks.
Yeah, only because like I obviously don't care what you do. Yeah, whatever, just get the baby out safely. But if I was to have another baby, would love to be back. I'm so jealous of women that get to both professionally because I just think.
I fucking pushed a baby out. Like I remember, you know the influence of Tammy Himbrow.
Yeah, she had a feedback oh for her latest kid, Yeah, not long after, and I watched it when Lenny was still really little. Yeah, on YouTube. I will link it in the show notes because I have watched it. I'd probably three times and it makes me sob every time.
Yeah, And I think what it is writers is like you put so much trust in the medical system, especially as a first time mum, that you don't realize that you're going into a system that has policies that are built on statistics, Like it's not personalized care based on your it's.
Also policies dictated by shifts and yeah hours and.
Wanting to obviously cover themselves in case of incident and things like that, like insurance companies are basically putting these policies to get the fine. But when I left the obstetrician, I then relayed, like the meeting to my Duela. When I met with her my now ex duller, and.
We talked about in another episode that you sort of said to Charlie, hey, I don't have a mother figure anymore around hell do you think?
And he was like great, he was so into it. So we grabbed her. But when we were in Europe we kind of like opened up to each other that like, maybe she's so lovely and honestly, the questions that she told us to ask the obstetrician were like instrumental on us really finding a whole new team for our birth, but we just didn't click, and we were.
Trying to make it probably really understand.
That, yeah, totally. So I met with a Duela and she asked me a few questions and she said, okay, well on your next one, I just want you to ask your obstetrician a few questions so we can figure out how v back positive she is or pro v
back she is. And the question she told me to ask were around the statistics of her vback clients that have successful vbacks and the percentage that she would give me in having a successful vback, and also because water for me in this birth is going to be such a big part of it, and statistically with v backs
water is so helpful. She was like, some hospitals don't let v back patients go into water because they want to have you monitored the whole time, because they want to make sure that the baby's heart rate isn't dropping, because that's an indication that perhaps your scar has ruptured.
I feel like you feel it.
I went into my obs atrician and like, this is a few days before we live for a europe Right at this stage, I'm like twenty ten, eight nine to eighteen weeks pregnant or something like that. I say to her, so, percentage of your patients that have successfully v back? She said that that's too difficult to give you because everyone has different medical histories and I can't give you that.
That's not the answer exactly.
And I said, okay, well, what percentage would you give me understanding like my birth with ruin everything. And she's like, well, because she was prosterior and it wasn't because her heart rate dropped that you had to have emergency sees. It was because you didn't dilate. I think we'd give you a twenty percent chance. And I was like twenty percent, Like I was just like fuck, like that really sucks, Like that really sucks. I'm really upset about that, like,
doesn't even think I can do it. And then I said to her, Okay, well, water is really important, Like what are the policies around now, and she's like, yeah, you can't be in the water because we need to have you connected to a CTG the whole time to monitor to make sure that you aren't having like an abruption. And I said to her, Okay, well, what about like me trying to negotiate right, what about like if we did monitoring on the hour. And she's like, no, you
need to be monitored the whole time. And then she said okay, so what have you just about the hospital And I said, okay, well, we've actually made the decision. We've considered everything. We feel comfortable remaining at the private hospital for the birth. We feel like that's a comfortable risk that we're willing to take. And she said, okay, well let's just book RPA just in case. So I walked away from that being like.
You must be so defeated. I actually remember talking to you. Were so upset because you're like, she doesn't believe you can do it. First, Yeah, she said no to.
Everything that you want, and you know what you're doing this time around, you have control.
I always thought I.
Could do it, Like I had this belief going to birth that I could do it. I came from a really good space of like not having any trauma about Ruse birth and also being like, if I do have a cesarean, another cesarean, I will be fine with you.
I'm so fine with that.
But what I will be upset about is if I have another cesarean staying with this obstetrician because I know that she is not like believing that I can do.
It, and she will at the first chance, go.
Let's just cut the baby exactly, get the baby, Let's just get it out.
You also really think it's important.
To labor, yes, So that's another thing. Like with rue I never had to have an argument about that because she came at thirty nine weeks, so she came early. Well, my water's kind of broken, the contracted started contracting, so that was fine, But like, if this baby goes over, like I want to go into spontaneous labor, and I want to labor for as long as I can, just because I feel like it wakes the baby up and your body being like yep, baby's ready now, rather than totally the baby.
People that do choose to though my friends did for medical reasons or like one of my girlfriends did for mental health reasons.
She was like, I don't. I can't have the not knowing time.
And this is the thing if each meant to a scan tomorrow and they're like, we have to take the baby out of course, like yes, no judgment that this is like it's your sky plan, like if everything goes to place, it's your birth. Yeah, And I just thought like, oh, this is that going to be a fight that I'm going to have to have. Should we go over like forty weeks anyway, we go to Europe. Charlie was at that appointment with me, so he and I just walked
away from being like oh my god. And it took me a couple of weeks into the holiday to kind of figure out what I was going to do or like have that conversation with Charlie like do you think maybe we need it, like get a different obstetrician And he's like, well, yeah, maybe, like but I just don't know where we'd begin with that someone that's pro v back. And I was like, why don't I just like put this into the v back Australia group and see what
they say. So I just wrote this post that basically just said, hey guys, I've just had this meeting with my obstetrician. This is what she said, this is what happened in my original birth. I don't even know what I'm asking right now. I'm just kind of like at a real crossroads, and its like is it ever too late to change a birthing team? And I signed it off something like defeated like second time mom to be or whatever?
Do you defeated second time birabad mold.
Literally all of the responses were so beautiful, so considered, and what I really liked about it I actually did say in my message is like, has anyone v backed at this hospital, like this private hospital that I was booked into. All these people wrote back and they were so nice, and someone was like, it is never too late to create like your dream, you know, birth team.
And then I had like three women right in and say basically confirming that I don't want to say that the obstecration had lied, but that she hadn't been super truthful in saying that basically she never mentioned that there are waterproof ctgs, and three of the women in the group had actually had v backs at that hospital and said that the midwives encourage you to get into the
water because it helps with the birth. So there were just all these things and the fact that she wanted me to go public and she's like, yes, understood, but that's probably because that's where she works out of and that's where she feels most comfortable. She probably lives closer to that hospital, like that's what they were kind of saying to me. And I'm like, yeah, this all is kind of making sense now. It's like you don't want to think those things, but.
When you really validating. Yeah.
And I came from having an amazing experience with my obstetrician who was really hands off and was stopping honestly, to someone who was like basically trying to control everything. And I think would have been really happy if I had had a scheduled cesario, you know. And the thing that stuck out to me it's like, it's never too late to change. And I was like, Okay, it's never
too late to change. So I got back and I had that experience at the Royal Women's Hospital, the public I had to go in there for the obstructed bow, and they actually put me like in the delivery suite and then they put me into the anti enador ward and I started to kind of talk to the obstetricians, and like this obstetrician came up a lot who came up a lot in the Facebook group as well, and I don't know, I kind of started thinking like, oh, maybe I could go public, Like this just seems like
in the public system they are more pro vaginal birth.
Midwives hate intervention. Yeah.
My midwife was like, I made fun of home birth is and she goes no, and she like shut me down. She was like, actually, there are plenty of studies for home birth if you wanted to, I totally open to you doing that. And she like was very against induction.
She yes, yeah, And look, all of those things exist for a reason, and there are so many birth stories in which those interventions are used and the correct way, of course, but there are so many traumatic stories where those interventions are misused, like inducing someone and turning the fucking induction up super high. It's when we don't use those interventions in a way in which they're intended, and you're on someoney oh, you didn't need them or you
didn't need them exactly. So I was kind of like talking to Charlie, and Charlie doesn't love to waste money, so he's.
Like, I don't know, like I don't know anyone that doesn't really. He's like, well, my toddler, Yeah, you like to waste money.
He was like, we've been paying for this insurance, so do you think like that's the way to go blah blah blah blah. And I was like, I don't know, but like I'm feeling pretty defeated about this whole process.
And so then I spent kind of one day because the v back group has been going for years and there's always recommendations going in, so I kind of researched in the group like pro v back Obstetrician Sydney East, and then a lot of people had written back to me in that thread saying private midwives, and I was like, so basically I ended up I couldn't find a female one in the v back group who'd been recommended other than my previous obstrican who's obviously no longer working in obstetrics.
But I was speaking to Beck, my girlfriend, and she's like, I really love my obstetrician, why don't you book him with her? So I was like just a starter, I booked and with her for a week's time. And then I thought, oh, maybe I'll expoil this private midwife thing.
Just to likely public midwives.
Well, this is the thing I couldn't get into the movie with free group program, which means that you are kind of like guaranteed one of the midwives. Because they say about vbacks is continuity of care is really important, So having someone that you has seen you the whole way through is really important. So I knew that it was way too late for me to get into the MGP program.
I wasn't in the program, but saw the same midwife yes of the time.
Which is awesome, and like I just knew the statistics around it, and I was like, no, I want to have that private care or you can get your own midwife. And I was kind of okay, And so I was looking up stuff in the group and writing down names of the different midwives that kind of came up in my area and then like, really weirdly, the Frandro's Kitchen chick who so she created the lactation cookies like super
popular and I, I don't know, I never ate them. Okay, so tbd, but yes, I think so it's just like eating things that increase milks apart, okay, and yummy cookie, I assume yeah, And I follow her and I saw that she had a private midwife and it was the chick who one of the names had come up, and this was also of the ones that I had found in this group.
She was the vibe.
She was like a little bit older that maternal vibe. No, no, not earth mother, because this is what I was like, you know.
I didn't want to woo woo. I didn't want to woo woo less patruly more like penicillin.
Yes, love that.
And she was like not for me.
E LOGI, yeah, definitely not for you. I don't know this chick, but this is a good sign. I'll take any sign I can get right now anyway, So I emailed her and she's like, oh, actually I can't be available for birth because someone in her family's are getting married. But I've got this girl called Emma who's on my team, and she is really like open to doing vback support.
I'll put you in touch with it. I had this call with Emma and oh my god, it was like night and day just talking to her, like being heard. She asked me about my birth with Rue, and she was like, you went into spontaneous labor, you contracted on your own, and you dilated, like you're a perfect candidate for a feedback. She's like, from what I can gather about your birth, you just timed out of the hospital.
And she's like, I wouldn't be worried if this new baby is posterior because we can, you know, do some spinning baby stuff and get them in the right position.
And midwives don't mind if you're in labor for a long time. Do they know if they're private, like if they're not going to time out of the hospital?
Ye, exactly. And the good thing about having the private midwife is that we can labor for as long as we want to at home and really know when the right time is to go into the hospital. And the other thing I loved about Emma she has just gone into private midwif free, so she does homebirths and she does like midwife support. So basically you can have a private midwife who manages your care kind of like a
private obstetrician would. But then you're booked in to deliver at the hospital, and they just become a support person on the day in the room. So Charlie will be there, and she'll be there. Lucy's also coming to the to the birth.
I was literally just gonna ask that because I was like, oh my god, Lucy can film it.
I really wanted like footage of the birth.
She takes beautiful pictures and videos.
Why not have like your best friend there rather than like a birthing photographer or whatever. So yeah, I asked her a few weeks ago, and yeah, it was really cute.
Did you cry? Yeah, I'm actually so jealous.
I cried too. I was like, I didn't realize it was going to be so emotional as to.
Watch someone give birth.
Oh my god, if anyone wants me to come and watch, please let me.
I promise I'll be a good cheerleader.
You would be good cheerleader also scold naughty nurses, Yeah, you would.
No, I put it in and I have a fear of authority.
Yeah yeah, but you'd like draw a curtain with like authority, like yeah, yeah, yeah exactly, you know, give them a sign, you know, it's my I love to watch someone. Yeah, it would be cool the way Lucy said, it's like you've invited me like to the most private me your baby, like to be one of the first people that get to meet your baby. And I was like, I do not think about it.
But you were like, but also take lots of cuprotoes, yes, and like don't get bad angles that don't get like my full badge.
Okay, it's just tough, just like artistically yet my badge. Yeah, so she does homebirth, but she also can do like just private Midwiffree management and then be also person on the day. So it was like I was high. I was like got off the phone and I just felt like so empowered, so excited.
What you want.
And it was the first time, which this is really sad, but it was like the first time in the whole pregnancy that I had felt real genuine excitement because I just thought, like, this is what I was meant to do. Like,
and I've listened to so many v back stories. In one of them that really stuck out to me, she said like she actually did have quite a traumatic first berth, like she had a terrible obstetrician who just was not like gave all the intervention in the world when she was like, so close she could have given birth naturally. But she's like, I don't regret that first birth because that really suited that baby. But she's like, if I hadn't had that birth, I don't know if I would
have got to my v back Yep. And my son really needed that vback birth, like he really needed his more sensitive. He needed that to be was her other kids, like a firecracker doesn't like so independent whatever, Yeah, but I just thought that.
Many would have needed a birth. He definitely C section did not suit that truck.
No, it didn't. Emma did say to me that, like, the reason why I have such confidence in you too is because you sound really sure of yourself. But she's also like, you are also in the such good headspace of not having any trauma from me first birth and being okay if a cesarean for some reason has to be done. She's like, you're in a really good mental headspace.
So she kind of just affirmed that for me, Like all the things I was thinking, it was like I just needed someone to encourage me and say like.
Yeah, let's do it, that you could do it.
Yeah, and even if it doesn't work.
I don't like that, but you're okay, you try.
But I've set myself up to have the best possible experience that I can have with people who like are fucking championing me and saying like, yeah, you can do this and yeah. So just very excited about that. And also part of the private midwife, you get like a lot of I can do all of my appointments at home, so she just comes over and doestate all appointment.
Does she bring the little.
Yeah she does.
Wait didn't you buy one?
Yeah? We do have a Dopler. Look I don't not everyone should have them, no, but for us being overseas, it was really good that we had it, just because we're away for a month. And after the carriage, I think, yeah, she does really like it, except when I laugh and it goes and she was and she's like pulled my shirt. I like it, Like I don't like it either. It's kind of weird. But yeah, you have those and then
you have like a lot of aftercare. They come back, they come to your house after your been discharged and do your appointments and things like that. So that was also the other thing we thought, like, Okay, there's like an element of after care here that will be helpful for us as well, because that was like the maternal part that we're really wanting to have that energy in the room with us. But then after care of like having someone come over and be like, hey, is you guys? Okay,
like how's breastfeeding going? Like can I just hold like play with roof for five minutes? You know, like that kind of thing. Anyway, So yeah, I've gone from a private obstetrician birthing in a private hospital to.
Be back in a public be back in a.
Public with a private midwife of support, so very crazy.
I love it.
I'm so excited.
I actually have a little bit of a surprise for you.
What I actually ages ago interviewed our gorgeous shitter Romini, who had a very successful home birth feedback.
Oh wow, yeah.
I love that, and she actually ended up birthing the baby by herself.
It is the wildest story. So strap in everyone.
I love these birth stories. Okay, let's do it.
I firstly just need to say congratulations because you have a teeny tiny little baby.
Yeah, this is Rupert and he is twelve days old today.
Twelve days old.
I mean, we can't thank you enough for taking the time, because I know it is your second time around, so you probably know what you're doing a little bit more so than the first time. But I just remember being twelve days postpartuman what.
I can't remember it.
So the fact that you are on this call right now recording with us is so amazing and so appreciated my pleasure.
And if it was the first time round, there is absolutely no way that I would have been on this call either. Yeah, he's an absolute dream and like the birth was just so much better than the first time round.
Could we get into that a little bit if you're comfortable.
Sure.
So you said that you homebirthed, Yes.
Yeah, yeah, I planned to homebirth because I had private midway free care, so that meant that I engaged a private midwife. I didn't really know that homebirth was a thing then. I just kind of had it in my head that it was illegal, and I don't know why.
I was exactly the same.
I just assumed it was like maybe illegal and also something that only the hippiest of people did, like the people that sort of do it in a lake by themselves.
Yeah, on top of a mountain, yeah, meditating or something. Yeah, I also grew up rurally. So I grew up in northeast Victoria in a country town with a population of three thousand, and so you don't if I lived somewhere there, like I live in Camber now, probably wouldn't birth at home because it's yeah, forty five minutes to the next hospital, whereas I'm like six minutes from the hospital here. This is the perfect place to do a home birth.
Because exactly are close if you need it.
Very short trip to the hospital if everything hits the fan. There was fifteen minutes between me going I'm actually definitely going to have a baby today and him being born. Wow, it was crazy. Like five thirty am. I woke up and was like, oh, yeah, that's definitely cervix. All the other times were Braxton Hicks. This is definitely in my sense how something's happening. And I had like, yeah, different sensations. Yeah, So I did a little bit of laboring, but nothing much.
Could sleep through them. Seven point thirty we were sitting up having breakfast like scrambled eggs on toast, and it was a daycare day, wasn't it. When Rupert was born, and Georgie had said in the morning we're all in bed at about six am and she I said, do you want to go to daycare and then come home and your sibling will be born? Or do you want to stay and watch? She said, no, I want to go to cottage. Okay, time to go to daycare. I
think this is on. We'll come back later. Had duelers as well, so I sent a message to the dueler at eight oh one, being like, oh, yeah, I think it's on. Can you come over, knowing that they were like half an hour away, and ten past eight sent Nat and Georgie to daycare. Then he took the car. He's like, I'll be ten minutes. I'll be back, and I was like, cool, when you get back, we'll set up the birth pool. Almost as soon as he pulled out of the driveway, I started bellowing like oh real,
like yuptual. And after maybe ten minutes of that, I was like on the toilet and had this realization. I thought, oh, I should call the midwife. Yep, I'd been texting her earlier, but I hadn't told her that. It kicked up a notch and then I thought, I'm going to have a baby in the toilet if I don't get off right now. And so I like waddled with my pants around my ankles, like I didn't have time to take my underwear off,
my pajama pants off. I got a waterproof blanket out of the linen press, threw it down on the bed and went on hands and knees and mee. Two contractions later, Rupert's head was born. I hear Nat come in the front door, and I'm like bellowing because his head's been born. And I've got like my hand on his head, and You're literally runs down the hallway literally nobody else is here, and that runs down the hallway to Rupert's head being born, and he like puts his hands there and I'm.
Like, don't touch it, he'll gruss stuff it.
And he like takes his hands off me, and in the next thirty seconds there's this massive contraction and Rupert shoots out like a football and that like captures him like that all stops him.
From My goodness, that is wild. You too, Literally, were you birthed your baby without anyone?
You were one of those ladies in the lakes.
Yeah, in a dodgy suburban house in Cabra.
How did you feel were you, just like in shock for ages.
I was like, thank God that didn't go on forever, Like it was kind of perfect for me because I didn't have any chance to be in my head. I just did it, and I was just like, what do I absolutely need in this moment. I need to not get stuff all over the floor, So let's get the waterproof mattress a bit out so that I'm all tidy.
Yeah, don't need birth flu with everywhere hard and expensive to get out.
I'd put the TENS machine on on my back, like maybe at six am, and I'd realized while I was on the toilet that it wasn't doing anything, but I didn't have the time or brain capacity to take it off or turn it off. So Nat passes rupert through my legs and I'm holding him, and then he has to take the pads off me because he was kind of all tangled up in the cables of the tens.
Yeah.
And when you don't turn it off before you take the pads off, it zaps you. So it was zapping Nat as he was taking me. He's getting you smiledly electrocuted. Well, he tries to take care of me. Yeah, and then we just hopped in bed, and then everybody else arrived and so it's lovely postpartum time.
And then did your midwife help you birth the placenta?
Yeah? Yeah, probably like an hour later. Yeah, like forty minutes to an hour later. She helped me birth the placenta. I found that really uncomfortable, Like I could feel it sitting really low down in my uterus and the contractions were still going and then really, yeah they're huge.
Y did you find that experience healing.
Part of that healing experiences that I did at all by myself? Yeah, you know, it's nothing more confidence building than just doing it.
Literally, you can do whatever you want. You can rule the world.
Yeah, and you can certainly raise this baby.
Yeah.
What a story.
Oh my goodness, we can't thank Rominy more because holy.
Dolly, I just love her story so much. It's so incredible.
Yeah, definitely, I'm just immersing myself in that whole world of like vbacks and physiological birth and just like really understanding everything. So I love hearing stories, especially like.
I love birth stories.
Yeah, they're so good. On that note, I did have a recommendation for this week. It is a podcast that I have been religiously listening to every day it is Australian vback Birth Stories, which is yeah, like a group
of full girls. They like take turns and hosting and interviewing different people, just interviewing Australian mums who have gone on to have successful feedbacks, some privately, some in the public system, some home birth, some I don't think they have any free birthers, which a lot some of the other podcasts do, but it's a free birther.
I thought that was a home birth, no medical person present. Ooh, it's a risky.
It's quite risky. But do you know we actually have a really high rate of free birth because it's sometimes can be quite difficult for women to be approved or taken seriously with getting a v back, like depending on how like quote unquote traumatic their first birth was, like, there'll be so many things. Like one of the ones I was just listening to was like when they pulled the baby out of her stomach, her incision tore and
it was like, basically it's a bigger scar. So their thought process was you have like a higher rate of tear, which didn't make any difference, but they were like basically laughing in her face about having a v back up until the very end she's in hospital and then an obbsctration comes in and she's like, oh my god, I can feel the head. Okay, we're gonna get you into a room to birth. Yes, crazy, but this is what
women are up against, right. So that's why so many women in Australia are free birthing, which I mean is just insane. Free birth is on the poet do yes, so I Lincoln in the show notes, it's really helpful and I think even as a first time it's quite helpful to listen to people's first births to understand because you hear the growth and the mom from the first time to the second time and identifying what went wrong or what could have been different, not what went wrong,
what could have been different in that first berth. So maybe you have like an idea of things to be like educated on, or.
You need to go back and watch the live that we did where you did your birth story and here two and a half years later, how you describe it, how you talked about it compared to now.
That would be so interesting, Yeah, it would be. We can link that in the show notes.
If anyone else is interested, I will also link my recommendation, which is Tammy's vack birth video.
Perfect right.
Well, we will be back in your ears next week, but it will be a time show some love on socials and rate and review us.
Yes please. This episode of Eat, Sleep, Shit Repeat was produced by us keyth and Kel with audio production by the gorgeous Maddie Joanna. We will all see you next week. She is by
H