We acknowledged the traditional custodians of the land we're recording on today. The head moved a significant amount down even more into my pelvis, and I was just like, whoa. That was really intense, like something is going on. And then I kid you not. It was on.
Hello and welcome back to Eat, Sleep, Shit, Repeat your wildly Unhinged podcast about the madness that is motherhood and everything in between. I'm Kelly McCarron and guess who's back.
It's Key Resells.
Y'all.
Wow, that was a lot of energy for someone that hasn't slept much. Yes, she is back. Her nipples are currently being used as a pacifier, but she has popped out of matt Lee for the week to share her birth story. And if we hear babies yelling and i'l b Allen barking and actually my kitten's going crazy, that's why I thinks.
That it's yeah. Sorry, This is a true representation of what it's like with a newborn, a toddler, a new cat, a dog, and just two very unhinged people in general. There's a husband somewhere around here. He hasn't come to get the barking dog, but anyway, I'll send him a text and hopefully he vacates soon. This is so exciting. Let me tell you what a treasure it is for me to have a we break from a baby.
I'm just also so excited. So Key gave birth two weeks ago, and I'm yet to hear the tale because I don't know. I kind of wanted to hear it properly in all of the entirety, Like I wanted to basically be you shitters at home listening to no detail spared. I just love a birth story.
Yeah yeah, and this one has got We got some great storylines within the story.
Let me tell you, Oh excellent.
Okay, So, I first of all wanted to start with the fact that I had to admit that we had been keeping a wee secret from our shitters, and that secret was that I told everyone, yes, that I was going for a bea, but there was a little bit more to the story because we were actually trying for a h back, which is a home birth after cesarean. So that was the plan.
King Reese had her tinfoil bray on.
I was a big old layer and I felt real bad, but my midwife had spoken to me and she's like, hey, just like a little bit of advice, be careful about who you tell that you're having a homebirth too, because people can have reactions that are written all over their
face and they don't necessarily mean it. And with a bit of talking to but she's like, you don't really want to have to keep explaining yourself to people, and you don't want people's initial reaction to be detrimental to like your success and how you're feeling about your home birth.
Which makes so much sense because like even people that I would tell, like even though it was a secret, it wasn't really a secret. So I tell people and your people would be like, oh why, And I was like, oh, okay, that's why she's not telling people, Like, yes, exactly, it's her baby, Like let her do whatever she has and it's not like you were free birthing anyway you get into it.
So just about this, because I do. I think it's quite interesting to talk about. When you're doing a homebirth, you engage the services of a private midwife, so on the day that private midwife comes, and then a second midwife is legally also required to be there so in the event something happens to you. Two of them can lift you or help or whatever, So there always has to be two midwives present at a homebirth. It's exactly the same as seeing a private obstetrician, except they come
and do all of your appointments at home. So it was so fun, like sometimes Charlie would be there, Charlie and Ru would be there. It was just really lovely and it took us away from that hospital environment. So one of the key reasons that we decided to do a home birth is because we had spent a lot of time in hospital about a year ago and it
just wasn't our lovely experience for us. And when I went and had that pesky Pooh stuck in my barm, we had another stint in hospital and we both kind of agreed that we weren't really loving how it was making us feel that we needed more of like a continuity of care, like personalized care for this birth in order for us to both feel like safe and secure, and that ended up being a private midwife and going the home birth route, So that was our decision.
I loved Charlie's reaction when you first broached it with him, like you thought that he was going to be like, oh my goodness, like what are you in the woo woo type thing, but he was just like yeah, why not.
He was so into it from the get go, which was so good, so I knew it was like definitely the right decision.
We love a supportive king.
And just on that my midwife, she's actually British and so she had been saying, or do you want to get a duela because the thing about home births as well, there is actually so much medical evidence to back it up as to how much more successful physiological vaginal birth
can be. So she said, hey, something that also makes your statistics higher for achieving a v back at home is having a dula, so like having someone there who's like just there for you emotionally rather than your midwife who was typically there for you in a medical capacity. And I was like, oh, well, you know, like my best friend Lucy's going to be there, Charlie's going to be there. I love you, Like I think we're okay.
Her mum was actually visiting at the time from the UK, or was going to be visiting at the time, and she was a dueler for years in Dubai. She had her own practice there, so she ended up being our dula. They got to do their first birth together as mother and daughter. So that was another really lovely thing that kind of came about from it. That is so special, really special. Okay, so let's get down and dirty, well,
shitters and kel There were a few false starts. I wrapped up work on I think what was I thirty seven weeks?
You wrapped up work on the fifteenth. You were like, I think I'll go over the next few days because my brain's like I'm done with work. I can have my baby now.
Yeah, And everyone was telling me, like my physio was like I don't want to see you anymore, like you are physically ready, and you're like everything soft, like your cervix soft, Like I don't need to see you. I'm done, I'll see you post Natalie, And I'm like, okay, cool, And then my midwife was like, yeah, you're looking good. That was thirty seven weeks. I did not give birth to forty one weeks on the dots. So there were many false starts in that time period. It was hard.
That is a month, It's a whole month. I was literally like, fuck, I could have worked for another month. I couldn't have couldn't though I was not feeling good, you're off it. I was so off it. I was off everything. To be honest, I was real big grumple stilt skin. But yeah, there were many false starts that happened, but kind of in that, I think I got to like thirty eight weeks and I got to thirty nine weeks, and I was just like, what the Hell's going on?
And then I realized like, I've just got to like let go, because I think I was so convinced that it was going to happen that it was almost like not letting it happen. So I really had to just like give in and I just had to do one thing a day and keep planning, Like I was like crossing days off the calendar, and I stopped at thirty nine weeks, like putting it on there. And then I was like, all right, I'm just going to right up to forty two weeks just to give myself a little
bit more anyway. So yeah, Emma, my midwife, was just like, Babe, you've got to relax, like just take everything off your mind. Figure out if there's just like spin something on your mind that's like niggling at you. So with the false starts. I had like a bit of mucus plug fallout on a Friday, and I was like, we are so on. I was looking after Rue laying on the couch and I was like, oh, things are starting to get spicy,
Like my cramps are cramping right now. And so I messaged Charlie and I was like, hey, I Reckon, you should come home just because things are starting to heat up. And then I called my sister in law and I was like, hey, just letting you know, lost a bit of my plug and my cramps are cramping. And she's like, okay,
I'll be there in an hour to get Rue. That was so nice, But I think what happened is that I then realized I had this like freak out that I was like, okay, this is literally the last time it's going to be a FA family of three, Like she's gonna go and her whole life's going to change. And I completely wigged out, and I actually think I packed myself out. So Ru got picked up and then everything went away, like everything. I had no cramping. It was like my cervix was like like closed itself.
Was that the night that you were also vomiting in diarrhea though.
Yeah, that happened to me twice, so twice before that plot came out. So that's the thing. It wasn't just me thinking I was going to go at thirty eight thirty nine weeks. It was like I'd have these things where I'd open my bows, be vomiting, and then nothing would happen. There was one of those instances that I was having to like breathe through. I don't want to say that they were like contractions, but.
Like a strong cramp.
Yeah. I really had to breathe through them. So but as my doller kept saying to me, they're not false starts. That is your body starting the process. Like it's a long process. She was like to me, remember you haven't dilated fully before, so if there's a bit of work that needs to be done, you know that first. Like six centimeters should be pretty normal.
What did you get to with rue for six centimeters over several days?
Over two days? Yeah? Yeah, so it finally happened. Tell me, I want to.
Know everything, because it was a day that I all of a sudden I realized that you'd gone really dark. Lucy had gone dark, and Lucy never goes dark, and I was like, it's on. And I sent you a message saying you've got this.
Happy pushing, you can get this baby out or something like.
I was just so aggressive with my ha. I know that you're in labor because you and Lucy are both dark, happy pushing.
Monday Day, I had, like, was making breaky in the morning and I was like, oh, yuck, that's a lot of you know, when you're just pregnant and you're just there's a lot of sweat and things fluids coming out of down there. And I was like, oh, that was a lot yuck. And then but anyway, I made my toast because food comes first, and then I went to the bathroom and I was like, w that is the rest of my mucus plug, like a big amount of my mucus plug. And I was like, all right, we're
on here. So I texted midwife Adulla. I was like, Hey, the rest of my mucus plug just came out, So just giving you guys a little heel that we might be on here. Charlie came home as usual that night. We put rude down the whole day, nothing, no, nothing, But do you know what I did that day was like on my head. I was like, oh, because we've
been so ready for a month. The house was like kind of a bit in shambles, and then you know, life having a toddler all of that, and I just wanted to like fold everything and put everything away because it was just like some washing out and blah blah blah, and I wanted to just you know, spruce it up a little bit. So I did that that day, and then I sat down and watched like a little bit
of TV. So the day went really quickly, and I swear that was the thing that had been on my mind that was annoying me.
It was just like the messy house.
Yeah, just the messy house needing to get ounder control anyway. So we put rud to bed and then I'm sitting on the couch. I'm just so uncomfortable because the baby was so low at this point.
If baby was hanging between your.
Legs, literally, I could not sit, babe. There was no position that I could sit or lay in that was comfortable. I wasn't sleeping.
I was just bad.
It was bad. Walking. I was like waddling like i'd be. It was like I was a caricature of a person who was pregnant, like I was so dramatic. It was just like, I'm embarrassed about how dramatic I'm being in this pregnancy above all of the other things.
Like it's not that common to go to forty one weeks, especially with your second child.
So well, it turns out it is, because remember when I put it up on my Instagram and everyone's like, oh, yeah, I was engaged at thirty six weeks and didn't give birth to forty two plus.
Who three And I'm like, oh wow, Yeah, I didn't realize it was that common.
Honestly, it can be anything. That's what I learned as like, the baby will come when it comes, and it's its own personality. It's whether it's stubborn, it's whether it's comfy in there, whatever. This baby was like I'm feeling good and he I don't know about you, but I'm feeling good, and I'm like, I'm not feeling good. Get the fuck out anyway. So we are brushing our teeth and I sit down on the toilet to do a wee and
then I felt a massive drop of the head. And I've heard people say this, so it was just like so crazy for it to happen, but like the head moved a significant amount down even more into my pelvis, and I was just like, whoa, that was really intense, like something is going on. And then I kid you not,
it was on. It was on straight away. So that all kind of kicked off at ten PM as we were going to bed, and for the next kind of hour and a half, I was just trying to breathe through the contractions basically, So I was laying down trying to breathe through but not really getting any reprieve. So I was finding it really difficult. And then the only position that was like really comfortable for me was standing up, but that was bad because my legs like was so
sore by the end of it. So about an hour and a half and I said to Charlie like, hey, I think we need to call Nikki the dueler over just because I need help with like how to get through these contractions. Like I feel like they're just coming so fast and so quick that I need her there to kind of like be doing kip squeezes and just like coaching me through. Cheerleader yeah exactly. So Charlie's like, yep,
we'll get her over. So she came over. She was like fifteen minutes away, so she got here and so that was about midnight. She arrived. She was really great. She was just like coaching me through it. She's like doing great. And as soon as she kind of got there, I relaxed a little bit more because I felt like, Okay, Charlie's there for me emotionally, but she's there for me as well, like to get me through it technically and
to figure out like what to do. And we were trying a bunch of different positions and then she's like, why don't you do some sideline just to rest your legs. I was like, yeah, So in our room, we just had like a little mattress on the ground that I was kind of laboring on.
Is Rue just sleeping through you laboring? Rue was asleep at this stage, sort of quiet.
Then.
Yeah, So interestingly, for Roux's birth, I was really quiet as well. I didn't make any noise, and I was exactly the same for this labor. I didn't make any noise. I was more like breathing, really controlled breathing. I felt like that was the thing that was gonna help me the most. So then yeah, I'm sidelining and my waters break.
What did that feel? Like?
Warm gush of water that did not stop for ages? And then I can you know when you can just like sense someone's like oh, I saw the doeler's face, like oh, and then she kind of like tried to take a picture really slide. She's like, I'll just be back in a second. And I was like, okay, she's calling Emma because there's definitely maconium in my waters.
Oh my god, you got that just from her face? Or could you smell it? No?
No, no, I listened to so many birth stories that like, you know, you just know. I don't know. I just had a sense anyway, and she came back and she's like, okay, well, I've just let Emma know that your waters are broken and she is going to come over. So Emma got here at like one or two am. She was like, Okay, there's a little bit of maconium in your waters. But what's happened is that as your waters are coming out,
it's getting clearer and clearer. So it's not uncommon for babies to do who before they go into labor, they're kind of empty their bows. But if it was like consistently dark maconium. Then we would know that the baby was in distress. So she checked the feet or heart rate. Everything was fine, did my obs, like my blood pressure. Everything was all good. So she was really happy for us to continue to labor, and I felt confident in
that as well. But then things started obviously getting even spicier, and I didn't think that they could get spicier because I was fucking red hol at that point.
Is Lucy here?
No?
And so after kind of Emma gets here, I'm like, all right, I need to call Lucy because in my mind I was like this, this is happening so fast that she's going to miss the birth at this rate. So I just called Lucy and I go hey, and she's like, is it happening. I'm like, yep, you need to get here now.
She's like, oh, for goodness sake, thanks, I've had my phone on laud all night, every night for the past month.
And then that was it. And then I just like hung up the phone. And so she appeared and she was.
Great, did she have the cake? No?
There was no cake. There was no cake. There was no time for cake, let me tell you. So then I'm like saying to everyone, can you guys get the pool ready, like I need to not feel like I need to be in water like right now. So with the home birth, you get access to a birth pool that they give you as well as like a tens machine and other things to help you. We had birth combs. Birth combs are fucking amazing, I will say that. So they're just little mini combs that are that can be
made out of anything. But howls are made out of like bamboo. We just got them of farmers on. They were dirt cheap withought. I'm in a pair of two and what you do is you have this pressure point between your thumb and your pointer finger and your palm and you bend the comb into that pressure point. When you're having a contraction, you push on it and it just distracts your mind because it's like a different pain
and it also released. And that was what I did pretty much from ten PM until I got into the berth pool around like four And that was a wow. Like I wanted to get into the water because I just didn't want like I wanted to float around and kind of just have warm water around me. But the birth comb one hundred and ten percent the Tens machine. This time around, I was like, get it away from me. Like I was like, it's not working for me. I
hate it. I hate it. I hate it. And Charlie was like, fuck, that was like my thing from last time that I was like contributing, like the Tens guy.
I was like, I got I'm the Tens guy. I got it.
And I'm like, babe, I don't want to tell you fucking I hate it. Get away from me. And he's like, got it. So he's filling up the pool and then we hear a little scuffle of the feet and little root Cearles appears. I was just like, fuck, it's like three four am. I don't really want to call, even though it would have been fine to call my sister in law, but I was just like, if she's sweet,
I'm kind of fine for her to be here. I don't want her to be here on the business end because I feel like it's a little bit too much for her at that age. But I was like, let's just see how she goes. And she was amazing. She was just like super inquisitive, watching everything from the sidelines, just like would bring me her toys and say like here's lying for your mummy to help you. And I'm like, thank you, baby.
They have got the purest hearts, don't they?
They really do, And like she knew everyone right, so she knew Emma midwife. She spent a bit of time with Nicki as well, because in the Nicki had been here for a month, had to extend her trip twice because it was no baby, so they were coming over regularly, so Rue was like super comfortable with them, and obviously Lucy is really close with Rue, so she felt super comfortable and safe with everyone there. And I think that
made like obviously a really big difference. So the pool finally is ready because.
It's not a small body of water like I can imagine then you waiting and it's like taking its sweethearts don't feeling up and you're like, oh my god, oh.
The thing is. It fills up quickly, But the fuck our tap water it's like came out at forty seven degrees. It has to be thirty seven to birth, Like that's the temperature that you want, Like the baby cannot be birthed into cold water, but ours is ten degrees high as so Charlie, bless.
Them, he's so specific though.
I think it's just like the warmth of maybe your tummy inside that the baby's in. I don't know, that's just a guess. But when they told me it was thirty seven degrees, I was like, please, please, don't let this baby come during a fucking heat wave. I'm going to be getting like my forty degree apartment into my thirty seven degrees like gross. But luckily the winds had changed that day, dyl and it was very cool for laboring was so good anyway. So I'm like, what's going on with the pool?
Guys?
Like, I'm trying to stay really calm, but I'm like every single person that came up to me was like, what's happening with the pool? I want to get in there. Charlie Busson was trying to bring the temperature down by ten degrees by putting cold water in. He got it to forty and Emma was like, just let her get in. She really wants to get in. So I got in and oh my god, instant relief. That fucking water. Oh it just felt so good. I felt. I just felt relaxed,
Like you're also weightless, right because you're floating. So yeah, it's just really great to have that, and it was just really nice to then have everyone kind of standing around me. Were they chanting, No, there was no chanting. We had lots of music on and we had like, oh good, good good, kind of these like fake candles that we bought off Amazon just like scattered around. So it was very like Castle esque or.
The one that you tricked me with. What was this did I drink in when you sent me a selfie like a week before?
That's right, that's right.
And I was like, oh my god, there's candles in the background. Oh my god, we're in business. And then she doesn't ride back for ages and she was like, oh no, we've just been setting the mood every night.
We had been every fucking night, Clarius Adoyle, fake candles, every bloody thing. She still just came when she wanted to come. Yeah. So we're in the bath, everyone's standing around and Rue is just like so hilarious. At this point, She's just like up in my face, just like giving me like a little cold compress and then she like disappears and reappears with her like frozen deck chair that
she has. It's like this deck chair that her grandma got over Christmas a couple of years ago, and she pushes the deck chair like right up to the front of the pool and just like takes a seat as if it's an actual pool. Okay, she's just like got a front row ticket to mum giving birth. And I was just like, everyone's pissing themselves laughing.
She's like, well, I need to be comfortable so I can enjoy the show.
She's like, I've been standing for long enough. I also need a little bit of comfort right now. Anyway, So that was just beautiful. She is so funny, she's hilarious. So it started getting even more intense, I guess, but you know, it was so.
Weird, like what time's this now?
This is four or five am. And I probably stayed in there till about six thirty, and then I was like, okay, I need to change it up. They were like, why don't you try. I'm sitting on the toilet because that's like a really well the toilet and a berth stool. My god, it's just like the exact angle that you need for a baby to like increase your surges your contractions. So we did that for a bit.
How many centimeters were you at that point? Like were they checking?
They were not checking. So yeah, we weren't doing any vaginal examinations only when we absolutely needed to. But even then, I think maybe when she got there, I think I was already at six and then later on I got smaller. But I'll tell you that in a second. Anyway, so I was like, I need to change it up. They're like, hey, yeah, let's go. Let's try birth stool. So we're trying like the birth stool, which was really good. It made it so intense. We were trying like kneeling and then leaning on
the couch, which was really good. We went back and did sideline for a little bit, did the toilet.
Oh.
Then I realized the sun was coming up, and I was like, fuck, okay, I think Roote needs to well it's like seven am. I was like, Roue needs to go to daycare and things are firing up here.
How are you feeling mentally at this point? You've been in a lot of pain, no pain relief, Like I know this is what you wanted, but how are you feeling mentally?
I was feeling okay, you know, like I was really calm, but I was like feeling I was saying like I don't. I can't do it, guys, I can't do it, and they're like you can, you can remember.
Lice he played the playlist.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. She played all of these videos from my friends, voice notes from my friends and also my godmother, my godparents from overseas, and that was like beautiful and she did like bring one out at like the right time when I was just having like a little crisis of confidence or just being like because I just thought like every fucking contraction was so intense, and I was just like I can't do it. And they'd be like, you literally just did it, though, you just did it,
and I'm like, okay, yeah, I just did it. I just did it. I just gonna remember I am doing it. And I was like that what the doueler was so good about, because she just kept saying to me, but you are, like you are doing it, and you're so calm, you're so composed. It doesn't matter how you birth, like
you don't need to be calm and composed. But she's like you're okay, like you're getting through it all, like it's hard, it's meant to be hard, and I'm like, yeah, you're right, okay, and then Emma, my midwife, was like to me, Okay, I need you to go and rest for a little bit because I feel like you're getting tired. I need you and Charlie to go lay down on the bed for a little bit and rest because I feel like we've been going for a while and we've just kind of reached like a bit of a block.
I don't know what words she used, but I need you to go and rest for a while. But what had happened is that I had also started to have involuntary pushing. So basically my body was like during a contraction, my body was like trying to expel the baby, right, so.
Our bodies are wild, Like that's wild.
And I was actually so excited about this because I had heard like not all women get that sensation, but like I was so excited when it started happening because I was like, oh my god, like this is such a cool thing to experience, you know, like this is when the baby is in the right position, When you have that involuntary pushing, that's often how the baby like comes out. So I was like, oh my god, this is awesome. And then she's like, I need you to
go have a rest. And if you can, I need you to not push, because what has happened is that your cervix is you've got a cervical lip. So basically what that means is like the baby comes down pretty much, it has to be like on a target with your cervix. If the baby's slightly off, the cervix doesn't like dilate evenly, and you end up having like too much cervix on one side and the baby's kind of trying to push
through and you're not properly dilated. So she's like, I just need you to stop pushing for a bit so we can see if some of that inflammation of your cervix comes down. And I was like, well, so you want me to not push when my body does like the involuntary pushing, and she's like, yeah, I know, it's really hard, and I was just like fuck. So, like I said to Charlie, like, how many do you reckon?
I was like breathing through and letting through, and he was like, oh my god, it was like fifty to fifty. Like you would breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe, breathing, and you would let like two through. And I was just like fuck. So we laid down for a while. Some really beautiful pictures actually that Lucy took of Charlie and I just kind of like laying there in bed and cuddling and he's just like, you can do it. And then she's like, I also want to try some front lying in versions.
So it basically I had been doing these and the lead up to the birth, but one of them, for instance, was like on the edge of the bed, bringing my top leg forward and like my belly, letting my belly fall over the side of the bed, and with gravity it kind of sometimes can spin the baby a little bit to get into a better position. But she was like, Okay, we need you to do this, and I was like I can't do that. It was like that is too painful, and she's like I need you to do it, and
I was like, okay, let's do it. She's like you didn't take much negotiation.
Yeah.
I was like I really don't want to do this because it was just so painful, and I was like, any any additional thing that I'm doing is just like freaking me out. Anyway, So we did a few of those and I'll be like, how long are we holding for and she'd be like, we need a hold for a minute. I was just like, oh my god, this was fun, Like I haven't been doing my pilates lately, very fit. It was honestly so intense because it's like
your whole belly hanging off the side. It just wasn't the feeling that you want in the process of labor. It just was like kind of a yucky feeling. And then we did another position which I cannot, for the life of me remember what it was, but it was like rocking the apples, so you're like kneeling and then leaning onto like the bed and then they get like a wrap. So I think we just had like a
terry towel, like a Terry beach towel. They put it under your booty and then they just like wobble from left to right basically, and it actually feels fucking amazing that one didn't have to that good and that kind of can jiggle the baby into place. Anyway. We did that, and then I was like, oh, I need to get out of the bed, Like I just want to get
out of bed. I had also been vomiting a lot, but they were worried because I hadn't done a wee in ages, so they were like, I think what's happened is that you've been drinking heaps of water, but you're not getting a sensation to wei because obviously everything's so smushed down there. What we're going to do and I wish I could remember what the term was, but instead of putting a catheter in, they basically put something into your urethra and they drain it. So instead of doing
a catheter. So what can happen, right, is it if you've got a full bladder, The full bladder can be impacting how the baby's coming down, right, So the head's like not coming down completely on target because the bladder is so full.
Logistically it makes sense.
Yeah, And I was like, oh, here we go. Okay. So they did like an empty for me, and it was so much wee so much?
Is it painful? It sounds painful.
No, it was like a relief. No, they just gone through urethra. I actually have quite a nice urethra. I've had to do a lot of this because I've had that underactive bladder.
How do you know what your urethra looks like?
I don't know. But when I went to the hospital. They said I had a beautiful urethra. I think it just means I have a big one and it's easy to get a fucking carpeter into my board.
I've got a wide set urethra.
Anyway, so they emptied that, and that actually did feel good. It felt good to get that out. And then I just said to them, Okay, I need to get out of this bed, like I feel like I need to change up the energy. I feel like I need to sit on the toilet. But that just increased my pushing because of the fucking the.
Like I'm on the toilet, I'm pushing.
It's just also gravity. It's everything. It's like how they tell you, like the optimal way to push is by putting your feet on a little stool and sitting on the toilet. Same like that setup is really good for birthing. It's like too powerful. I was like, oh, that's too powerful. I've got to get out of here. And then they were like, okay, we want you to come and lay down in the lounge, just on your other little thing
there and we'll just do your obs. And at the stage, like, what time is it at this point, maybe eight or nine am? So the whole time this is happening, that involuntary pushing contractions are still happening, right and I'm trying to breathe through them, but a lot of them are getting through. And I did notice that I had a bit of blood that had started coming out as I was moving around, which I didn't really have before. I
just had that clear liquid. But I had a bit of blood and kind of thought to myself and my head, oh, I wonder if that's like a flag. So when we went down, she was doing my obs and my blood pressure spiked and my heart rate spiked, and they were like, okay, we're going to give her some fluids. So I had some. They gave me like an ivy bag of fluids because they just thought maybe I'm really dehydrated. So they were trying to see if that would kind of stabilize everything.
It didn't. Like my heart rate was still really high. And then the other thing that happened was the baby's heart rate decelerated. It went down. So Emma came and sat with me and she's like, key, we've had three markers, so we've had the spike and your blood pressure, we've had. Your heart rate is really high. We're struggling to get it down, and you've also got a bit of blood and she's like, those are markers for a scar tear. So that and also the fact that the baby's heart
rate decelerated when we were doing checking. She's like, I'd like us to go into hospital. I think as a precaution, just to make sure that we are we need to be should anything happen. The one thing we wanted to do was labor at home for as long as possible, because I feel like with Rue, we just didn't know enough right first time parents giving birth, we just didn't know enough. We actually stayed at home for quite a
long time in comparison to other people. But we were listening to an app that was saying, your contractions are so close together, go to hospital, go to hospital, like and we went to hospital and that kind of started us down the path of rus birth. But this time we got to really stay at home. We got to do the laboring that we did, try everything, We got
to use the pull. At that point, I felt like, yeah, I need something to actually stop the involuntary pushing, because she was saying to me, the reason you have started bleeding is because your servix is so inflamed and that is just blood from your cervix, but it's as a precaution, you know, all of these things together. And I was like, okay, cool, that's fine, Like I feel fine to do that. And I just said to her, do you think I'm going to have to have a cesarean? And she said, yeah,
I think that that will be the likely scenario. So the decision was made not to call an ambulance because we weren't in an emergency. And also if we had called an ambulance, they would have had to do obs and like basically do a whole thing.
How are you feeling?
I was feeling emotional. I was feeling that the thing that was detrimental to what was going on was involuntary pushing, and I wanted that to stop. And I was just like, I just want that sensation to be taken away because I'm really struggling now to I mean, I had been dealing with that for two and a half hours, right I And I was trying not to push against what my body was wanting me to do. So I felt relief, I guess because I felt relief in that Okay, I'm
gonna meet my baby soon regardless of what happens. And I felt relief in that the experience I had was still really beautiful, Like it felt like it was a really posit that of experience, and I knew that I had done everything in my power at that point.
It was literally your body that like, well one part of your body that wasn't letting you progress.
Exactly, and it's just unfortunate. And the thing is you can persevere and continue to labor with a cervical lip, but for us and those markers, it was just like not worth it. For us, well not not worth it. It was just like to labor then for another day or so with no guarantee that it would happen. So that was for our choice to do that. Charlie like six four, he ran to get the car. He was back in two minutes and I was like, do you think I had packed a hospital bag at forty one weeks?
No, of course you didn't.
I hadn't.
It's ridiculous.
We were like, oh, we'll pack that during the labor. It'll give us something to do. So I'm going to Lucy, Lucy, I've poked my hospital bag and she's like, I'm on it, so she's like throwing stuff in. It was fine, you don't need like that much. But I was like, I don't need anything, you just need few things exactly. I was like, put the adult diapers in.
Put those bloody diapers back here. I love those things. I noticed, yes, and the other day when I was talking to you that you had one, and I was like, key in those diapers. She loves them.
Honestly. I'm like, literally almost stop bleeding after like two weeks, and I'm like, oh no, I don't have to wear normal undies again. It's just so nice.
Just chuck them in the ben when you're just going to pretend that she's still bleeding simply so that she can wear them.
Literally. So we get in the car, so it's me and Charlie and Adula. Niki in the back, who's wedge between two car seats. She's tiny, she's like five feet so it was fine. And then Lucy and Emma are in the car behind us. Oh, I forgot to say. Sorr the second midwife had been there for ages, just like pottering around waiting for her thing, and she was really lovely.
Oh what was her name, Kate. It's a full house it's a lot of house.
And the dog was there too, obviously pottering around.
Oh god, of course I'll be allen.
He was good though, he didn't hit him, bark or anything like that. So Kate stayed behind. And this is the other great thing about having a private midwife. They clean the house for you. They drain the pool, they pack the pool down, they take everything away, so you come home to like a really neat house. We just had some washing and laundry that we needed to put on and that was it.
Oh my god, that's so good, so so good.
Anyway, so the car ride to the hospital was about as good as you'd expect it to be. It was fucking terrible. I thought I was really loud, but Nikki was like, you didn't make her sound, so in my head I was going fuck.
Yeah, but in reality you were just like.
She's like, you did squeeze my hand a little hard. Anyway, we get to the hospital and Emma's like, just parking the five minute parking thing. It's fine if you're like, if they give you a ticket, we can just say it's to the birth whatever. So we pull in and it's Simon's right, Royal Women's. Yeah, in Sydney, amazing hospital, the greatest, the best, the best, and I can't walk Guys like I am, yeah, deary, pushing is still happening.
And also the contractions were on top of each other so they were not stopping, so it was like it was just fucking mental. I was just like, how is this happening? This is so crazy? Sorry, I was making noise with the involuntary stuff, like if I couldn't breathe through it, then I was like like letting it out. And would you believe that happened in the car park in the front of the hospital, just everyone there, and I'm just like it was like out before.
No.
But I was just like in my head like, Okay, this is just so funny. These people are leaving.
Did they still make you do a COVID test as you enter? No?
No, no one did. It's so lax. Emma went and got me a wheelchair, so that was good. And luckily it's like right there, you just go straight into the lifts and up to the berth suite and we went into the room and they're like, sorry, we don't have any big rooms, and they wheeled me into what is the biggest room I've ever seen in my life. What do you mean this is a small room? This is like the same size as my private room. When I burst threw like, I was like, what do people expect?
Like I was expecting nothing. Public hospital was expecting.
Like like a tiny room.
I would just be happy with whatever I got, Like I'm getting it all for free care.
Yeah right, it's public. Yeah.
But it was a massive room. It had like four chairs in it. I mean I was like, fuck it, it's bigger than my apartment almost anyway. So we get in there and I'm straight onto the gas, and let me tell you, the gas was good, but the contractions were so big that it wasn't really touching the sides. I was like thinking, are they just give me fucking oxygen? Like is this in my head? I would never say this out loud, obviously, but I was like, is this
just oxygen? Anyway? It wasn't, and I just said to them, I just want to stop the involuntary pushing because like it's really scaring me about how intense it is. And they're like, yeah, yeah, we're going to do that. We're going to give you something for that. So they're like we're just waiting for the obstetricians to come. The obstetricians came and it was three women, and I was like, I just said to them, I cannot tell you how
amazing it is to see three female obstetricians. I'm so happy. Yes, because what had happened is as we're going to the hospital, I'm thinking, Okay, the thing about having a vback but also a H back is that there can be a lot of judgment, right, And I was worried that us coming in was going to be like, oh great, here come the you know, the hippie dippies with their h from home. Yeah, coming into the hospital. But everyone was
so lovely. Everyone was like, okay, so you're coming in, like, let's do a vaginal examination just to see where we're out. Like they've got to do the whole thing obviously, and they're like, wow, okay, you've actually gone up to seven centimeters. So I think what happened is because I was like, on the way to the hospital, I knew that the baby was going to be here, and a few hours ish that maybe my body had relaxed a little bit,
and then my servics had dilated a little bit. So they were like so we actually could still have a chance here at birthing vaginally. And I was like, oh my god, Like I didn't even think that was like an opportunity. So they said, Okay, what we'll do is we'll give you an epi dural and then we will see how that goes. And they did say, like, look, the thing about an epi durl is that we need it because we need you to stop the involuntary pushing. But the thing about an epidural is that every it
can slow everything down. So we might be kind of like counteracting and a little bit here, but let's give it a go. This was the only bad experience at the hospital. Everyone else was fucking rainbows and butterflies, so supportive, so nurturing, so loving. The anetheist comes in, lovely guy, the kindest eyes I've ever seen. The senior an ethetist walks in now, because this anetheist hadn't practiced at this hospital. He's he's been working for years, like he's like our
age or a little bit older. This was his first day at this hospital, so he needed to be supervised by a senior attendant there. And this guy is us, like this old prick of a guy. So I'm having these involuntary pushing contractions and he doesn't give a shit, and I'm saying to them, I cannot sit still. And it's lucky that Emma was in the room. Like Emma used to work at this hospital, so she knows everyone, like she knows the Oh my god, my boob's fully leaking.
Oh my god, that you've just wasted milk.
Oh my god. I was like, oh my.
God, look I feel a bit moist. Look at you, you little milk machine.
Milk machine. Anyway, and that was just like an awful experience. And who I felt worse for was the actual anethetist, because what would happen is he's administering something and I've just gotten through a contraction. I'm like, Okay, the contraction's finished, and he's like, okay, I'm going to do the first step now, and he does it, and then the fucking guy that's supervising is like, and why would you do that? So like testing him while he's doing it, and he's.
Like he's only got like ten seconds.
Exactly, and bless the guy, he's like he's like trying to speak so quickly. He's like, ah, I would do this because then I would do that.
Da da da da da.
And I'm just like, in my head, I'm going to bless you your kind soul, like thank you so much. He was trying his hardest, but this this guy, like I was trying to sit up to get into the position for them to administer the thing, and he like put his hands on me, like he was like pulling me, and I was like anyway, And when I had to lay back down again, he was like pushing me, and I said to him, please don't push me. I'm in a lot of pain, like I'm trying to move in
a way that is least painful for me. And his answer was, we are the priority here, the anethetist, And I was just like, in.
My head, I'm my father in labor, the old doctor. He's the priority.
And I just think he's one of those guys who thinks that women are hysterical when they're having pain.
He's one of those guys that would like institutionalize us all.
Exactly the Emma the midwife doing is she like, oh, she was fucking not happy. She was advocating for me one hundred percent. She was like, look, guys, she's in pain. She will tell you when she's finished, like blah blah blah, Like she was really good and she actually, like afterwards, went and spoke to some people and everyone's like, yeah, he's a dickhead, like literally walked in arms crossed like
such attitude, and it just changed the whole mood. Anyway, We're gonna forget about that part of it because we ended up just roasting him for the whole rest of the labor, so it didn't even matter.
It was like, also, like, what's a birth story if it doesn't involve one sad little old man?
Exactly? So true. So they ministered the epidural and they both left and then kind Eyes, an ethetist, came back in and he was like, I'm so sorry about that, and I'm like, no, I just want to thank you for oh crushing rushing your answers in order for us to get through that as quickly and painfree as possible. And his epidural was fucking slay. He was sligh under all that pressure. That fucking epy durol was slay. They did do a top up, but my gosh, it felt good, honey.
My epi dural with route didn't work, so I was a bit like, oh, yeah, they're gonna give me an EPI dural. Will it work, won't it work? Who knows? Anyway, spoilery, Well it's working.
It's good.
It's real good. It's real good. So then I was just like cracking jokes. I was just like the life of the hospital room guys.
It was so cute.
And then everyone's like, you need to have a sleep, and I was like, so true. I've been up since ten pm the previous day and it was like literally mid day by that point, and so I ended up having a week sleep. And then they came back and did a vaginal exam I think maybe four hours later, and they were like, Okay, hasn't been any progress. We're still sitting at seven centimeters, but let's give it another couple of hours and then let's have a chat then
and see how you're feeling about everything. So two hours or three hours later, two three hours later, they checked again and nothing had happened. It was still the same, and so they kind of had a chat with me.
They were like, you can continue to keep laboring like this, but like explaining, the epidural has slowed everything down, obviously we need that to control the pushing that you're having, so we would recommend getting a sea section, and I just said, yeah, I'm super comfortable with getting the sea section, and then yeah, that was kind of it. We went through the kind of procedure. They talked me through the risks of everything, which I feel like didn't happen the
first time around. I don't want to say that for sure, but they talked me through every single risk that could possibly happen as a result of a sea section. And another thing happened that they gave me the stuff to stop the clotting and I had to take the injections home with me and give myself an injection every day for five days. That did not happen.
Everyone has to do after a sea section.
I did not have that with RU. We never had to do that.
So that's literally just everyone has to do. Oh my god.
They were like really shocked when I said that, and I was like, I think it's because remember how I said. When I went and got my hostpital records, they had discharged me under a different name. I think that's what happened. I think I fucked up my discharge, so which is lucky that nothing fucking happened. It's really bad anyway. Then I'm like, well, how long until this is happening? And they're like seven thirty and I'm like, oh my god, it's seven pm right now and half an hour I'm
going to meet my baby. And they're like yeah. So we were just so excited, like it had been such a beautiful and long day and now we were going to meet our baby, and we were just fucking stoked. I had a new anethetist because the other one is just on the ward, and this anetheist comes into the C section. He explains all of the things about the epidural just and also kind of the procedure that's going to happen, just so from start to finish, so I
understand what's going on. And he's like, we're going to wheel you in to prep you, and then I'm going to take you in to get the drugs and everything right, and then Charlie can come in after Emma was allowed to scrub in with us, which was awesome because she still work there. So we had two midwives present, which was awesome, and then we did have to do a spinal tap. It was awesome. He just gave me a bit of time, and that's what happens.
The spinal tap on top of the ePIE is what makes you like, gives you the really bad shakes and stuff.
Right, Oh, no, I get the shakes anyway from from it. Yeah, it's not good. I was like shaking it immediately as we went in there, and they're like trying to talk to me and I'm.
Like, no, put a blanket on me, please. They're like, you're not cold.
I remember, yes, from last time. But we said to them, hey, like, obviously we'd really love skin to skin straight away. We want to do delayed cord clamping. And also Charlie will announce the gender because we didn't know the gender. Obviously we thought it was going to be a boy and they're doing it and so obviously we didn't know this at the time, but Emma, our midwife, told us this after the fact. Was that the surgeon who did the C section ended up being doctor Harry, my other doctor.
Because they were going to give me the spinal she ran out because it was like an emergency on the ward, and then because the spinal didn't happen, epidurer worked, she missed out on the berth and she was really devastated. She came in the next end She's like, I cannot believe that I missed the birth, and I was like, oh my god, it's fine. Doctor Harry was amazing, lovely, loveliest guy and really like OCD like it took him an hour to sew me up, and I was like, well,
list oh it was starkay. Anyway, he did this thing called a gentle cesarean, which I had never heard of, and basically what happens is that rather than like pulling the baby kind of out of your stomach, they still
put pressure on you. So I felt still pressure on the top and the bottom of me, but it's almost like a bit of a reflex that the baby ends up pushing itself out, and it's it's something that they do to kind of mimic the feeling of and it's obviously not the same, but to mimic the feeling of them coming out of the birth canal, so it's like
they're actually birthing. And it was really cool because I felt like our whole experience, even though we didn't get our v back when we went to the hospital, I obviously had resis about how people would view our choices for birthing, even though I feel confident in them, but you just never know we'll welcomed like so nicely, had full female obstetrician team. Everyone was like, yeah, let's keep going. There could be you know, we could do a vaginal birth.
I didn't say this before, but they actually did do another vaginal examination on the table just to make sure that I hadn't like miraculously dilated to ten centimeters, to be like really sure that we had exhausted all opportunities, and then for it to finish with this like gentle cesarean. I just thought it was so nice, such a beautiful end to our birthing story. And I never had any
trauma from Ru's birth, so I wasn't like worried. I just was so emotional about everything, and I just felt like when I found that out, I was like, Okay, this was meant to be the birth that we had on the day. And so they lifted the baby up and doctor Harry was like okay, and the father's going to announce the gender. Everyone so no one say anything, and then Charlie goes.
It's a it's a girl, and then we both just like pissed ourselves laughing because it was so funny, Like we were one thousand percent convinced that this was a boy, so for her to.
Be a girl, it was just like the biggest and best surprise, Like there is something in not finding out the gender because you always think it's going to be one thing, and then for it to be the exact opposite. It's just so fucking funny. So anyway, it was beautiful, and she was.
So chubby, like she was chubby but like the photo, she's like, there's big chunky monkey. How much way when she came out, so.
Rue was like three kilos and this baby was three point eight, so almost almost a kilo more, like not far off from being a whole kilo more than Ru was no wonder. I was like hobbling around like it's biggest baby I've ever had. But yeah, she was just so beautiful and has dark coloring, like I could tell instantly. I was like, oh my god, looks like you. She looks like me, like jet black hair, so much hair,
which I already knew from the scans. I had said, like they've got a lot of hair, but jet black hair and this like darker skin. So it's just so interesting the way that genetics all works. Like I was just straight away, I was like, oh my god, she's so different looking to rue definitely my coloring, and yeah, it was just really exciting. So they put her straight on my chest and she was there the whole time.
They'd like, they're like, oh, we can do her way in now, or we can do it later and recovery, and I was like, oh, let's do it in recovery. I just want to like spend that time with her. So we just like spent time as a family of just me and Charlie and the baby and just cuddling and just looking at.
Hercuse she looked quite alert after a long labor and also so cooked. She looks like quite an alert little baby.
Well, the thing was, her heart rate was fine the whole time except for that deceleration. She was like so normal. That's why they were so happy for me to continue to try and die, because she was fine. Once they got that involuntary pushing stopped every my heart rate, my blood pressure was all good. So she was so calm, Like she let out a massive cry instantly, and that would like flooded me with tears because they're like oh my god.
And then she was just like when they come out, and then the rest of the time that they're they're small, you're like, please don't cry.
Yeah, that's enough now. But then the most sort of chillst thing, like she just wanted to kind of feed straight away because she's a chunky monkey. But yeah, she's really alert for sure because she cooked for two more weeks than Ru. So it's just completely different. Rue was
like quite a sleepy baby. But I also think that's because I labored for so long with drugs like I did the potocin, I did morphine, potocin, had the epidural, Like, there are a lot of drugs in my system with that birth, whereas with this birth, I think the total amount of drugs I would have had would have been seven hours worth of drugs and the whole which started at ten pm. So like it's just a different, yeah, different scenario. But yeah, she has been awake, alert and
ready to fucking live life. So that's the story.
You took her home the next day, right.
We took her home. No, So technically the day they're born is day zero, so day one and day two, so we took her home on day two.
I've never heard of someone being able to leave that soon after a sea. Well, I just like.
There was one actually one complication, Like it wasn't end up being a complication, but when they were closing me up, they saw a little bit of blood in my bladder and they thought maybe they had nicked something. So they had to like clear it out with this methylene blue twice just to make sure that it wasn't actually blood. In the end, they just think it was a bit of blood from her. But because of that, they wanted me to keep the catheter in, like they wanted me
to stay. They wanted me to have the catheter and basically the whole day. So typically they'd take it out the morning after the sea, but I had to leave it to the following morning. And I just was so uncomfortable with the catheterine. Like I was really bedbounds, you know, like your bedbound until the epiduro and things were off. But I just just doesn't feel good having that catheterine.
That made that first night really difficult. And then it came really down our decision to leave early came really down to how it was affecting Rue. Like Charlie went to go pick her up from daycare to bring her because that's like Jem, friend of the Pods, sister in law. She had been taking rid of daycare picking her up, but after we birthed, Charlie wanted to pick her up just for a bit of normal scene that the educator said to him, Oh, we're so glad that you picked
her up today. Apparently she had just been like she was fine when Jem dropped her off. She's so happy with Jim, loves her, loves her cousins, but just was like sobbing in the educator's arms and she's just not like that, you know. So the educator yeah, oh my god. And they were obviously fully aware of what was happening and everything like that, but me finding that out and then having her come, so she came. Lucy was there. We had like a little birthday party for Suki. Lucy
baked a cake and brought it. We had some champagne, and Rue got to meet her, and then we stayed like roue stayed till like eight o'clock, and then Charlie took her back to our sister in laws. But we were both kind of talking like we need to get out of here. We just need to all be together because the transition is really difficult, and she was already showing signs of struggling like that early on the baby was had only just arrived or wasn't even there yet,
you know, when she was really upset. So yeah, we just said, like, can we leave tomorrow? And they were like you can. I think they wanted us to stay a bit longer, but they were like no, you know, if you want too, you can, but just like, obviously call us if there's anything going on. It was fine. Look, it wasn't ideal.
Could you not have stayed by yourself or you wanted you wanted all of you to be together.
Well, we did talk about that. Charlie's like, I'll go home, But the thing was, it was like it's a bit useless meeting hospital by myself. Like what had happened actually when he was dropping her back at eight o'clock that night, is that the baby started crying. I couldn't move because I still had the catheterin and the buzzer had dropped on the ground and I was in a amount of pain.
I needed pain relief. So it took me probably fifteen minutes to get the courage to push or pull myself up to then get out of bed and get the buzzer, and I was in tears, and I just was like, there's a reason why, like you need a support person with you in hospital, because like if the fucking buzzer falls on the floor, you were fucked. Like I was like trying to think, like what number would I call right now to reach the midwif sit outside my door?
Like it was, so do you not just be like help help?
I did think about that, actually, I was that would be my next thing, right, But anyway, I managed to get the buzzer and they came in and I was just like in tears. So when Charlie and I were talking about that, I was just like, but I kind of need you here, so I'd rather all be together so that you know you can be there for real, you can be there for me and I can be there for the baby kind of thing. The funniest thing happened though not funniest thing, but like the fire alarm
went off. It was like cold red, evacuate, evacuate, and I was like, fuck, You're like I can't. I was like I can't.
Really do that.
I'm like, should I be evacuating right now. And then people pop the head and be like, hey, it's all good, nothing nothing to see here.
Both um.
But then it was like evacuate now, evacuate now, and I was like, evacuate now, yeah, and they're full on, like.
The yeah, and there was aggressive and.
They're like, oh, there's just been a little fire on the floor and.
I was like, oh, no, worries.
All good.
But they had it all yeah, they had it all on to control. But I was like, I think it's time just to get home to creature comfort. So yeah, we went home on day two. And I will say something about leaving in the hospital early that because and Dona is a controlled substance, they only give you ten. So had I stayed in hospital for like the full five or whatever days that you're meant to after a C section, they would have given me because they are
controlling the substance and how it is been dispersed. I would have been able to continue like the four a day, but the ten lasted me two days.
Would they not have given you a script or something?
No, Like I would have had to go to the doctor and ask for a script. And even then it's like, because it's a controlled substance. They like, I really want to make sure and I just didn't really want to go to the doctor's surgery. I was like fine, So we just took major like my panadol and my I took voltairein for inflammation was regular and there was a bit a day where the pain was like not ideal, but I just had to really stay on top of the panadole and it was okay. I mean I liked the end.
It was a controlled substance. I've got so much here.
Okay, Well, you could have told me that, I would have realized.
I didn't know that it was because I don't like the way that it makes me feel. So whenever I've been given it, I just s.
A take it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, well it's it's it's an opiate.
It just makes me sleep, which I don't like.
Anyway, So we all came home and that was at and now it's been crazy ever since.
So talk to me about your feeding and latching, Like, how's the feeding process going?
Okay, So this time around, I really wanted to like nail breastfeeding the first time. It was also new to me. I also got different advice. Saw that Dodgy lactation consultant. I was fine with bottle feeding Rue, but I was like, if I can do it, yeah, So best feeding has been going really well. We have Look, it's been really hard. At the same time, I'm not gonna lie. Obviously, when you have a c section, your milk can take a little longer to come in. I felt like my milk
did come in. But she has was cluster feeding for like a week straight and it was just insane.
Are your nipples okay? Have you been using those little silver things? Hello?
The silver eggs? Hello, Sheilby.
I can't wait to squeeze your cheeks. She was so cute.
Look, it's been really challenging the feeding, just because of it's so different to Rue. She's just such a completely different baby in every way, Like she's so hungry all the time, she's clinging, so she wants to sleep only on me. She doesn't like the snow, she doesn't like the snow as a busnet. So it's just been a
lot different. And the midwife. The thing about also having a private midwife is they come every second day in the first week, every four days, every five like, and it kind of peeters off after six weeks so you see them quite regularly. So she was like, would check her latch and she'd be like, her latch is amazing, she's good, she's pink. We weighed her and she'd only lost four percent of her body weight in the first way in which is awesome. So she's like, everything is happening,
like you're doing really well. It's just whether or not mentally it's too much for you with you know, the slipless nights and that you maybe want to introduce a pump or you want to do a little top up, like that's completely up to you. But she's like, you know, your milk's still establishing, so those things can also be detrimental to that. And I was just like, look, we've
come this far, let's just like get there. And I think the two week mark is when I'll make the decision, like if I start pumping then, because obviously like doing a fake pump, like your body doesn't know that that's milk for the pump versus milk for the baby, so
it can fuck up like your supply. So only because I had issues with my supply last time, like other people who don't have supply issues wouldn't have to think about this too much, but because my supply was so bad last time, we're just trying to get it up as good as it can be as a standalone and then introduce some of those things. So I'm seeing Emma today and we're going to do a way in for
Suki then to see how much weight she's lost. Hopefully I founder up a little bit, and then we'll make a plan for how everything's.
Going to go.
So how are you feeling mentally?
Look, it has been quite different this time around with Rue. I didn't have baby blues. With Rue. I had a drop in my hormones after I stopped breastfeeding, which we've talked about in our feeding episode or the mental health episode. But other than that, I was pretty blissed out for that whole pregnancy and newborn phase. Obviously, our life and our family was a lot different back then.
You were really in the bubble, the baby bubble, really in the baby bubble. You also were working for a company, so maternity leave looked a lot different exactly.
And just like money stuff, even like you know, government stuff is great, we've applied for that, we're getting that money amazing, But you know, there are more significant stresses this time around, and more things that are sad at this time around. So the baby blues definitely kicked in, and in the first few days it really kind of grasped onto the that we didn't get our v back.
So even though like logically and rationally in my head, I was saying I was so happy with the birth and the labor and how everything went, and I was like, there literally was nothing else they could have done, my baby blues were like, you failed at that.
You know, when you messaged me and told me, you were like, it's all fine, though you know I didn't, And I was like, no, it's not no one. When you have a plan and it doesn't go to plan, or it doesn't matter how rational your brain can be, that doesn't change the way that you feel. And of course you would feel that way, like it's just normal and that's okay.
Yeah, And so that was pretty hard. And then we had a lot of they just shouldn't let your name a human when you've just had a baby and you're emotional and the.
Especially if you've got no idea what to call it.
And it took us days and it was just like I don't know what to call this because we thought she was going to have a penis and we had only penis names.
Well, I loved the story about the white board that you had, like all of the names and a white board, like as if it was a like a spy show or something. You're like, right, we have to name this kid. We were just trying to have a name for like what five days.
Yeah, yeah, a week, almost a week, and it was just like, what did you call her?
Baby?
Yeah, we called her a lot of different names to test them out. We were like, hey, but Susie, Susie, rue Wren, but we yeah, ended up picking a name and then it just we started telling people and it was in my mind it felt like it was like
this runaway train because I don't know. It's just like with Rue, I knew her name was meant to be her name straight away, but Charlie had a lot of like we because we talked about this, because I was like having a full meltdown, and Charlie was like, I felt exactly how you feel about Rue, Like, but you you were so confident in the name at that I was like, Okay, it's going to be like it's fine. He loves the name of this.
You just mean that you feel like now that everyone knows what her name is, but you're still like not one hundred percent sure, and you are like, but what if I wanted to change it?
Exactly?
What mean?
That's exactly what I said. And then Charlie was like, if we want to change it, we can who cares? And I was like, so true, a famie, Shuma can do it. When the kid's a year old, you can do it.
Yeah.
I remember she named her kid like Gene, I'm a Janital or something without realizing.
Yeah, that was a bit silly. Someone should have told her it was a tribute to her bestie the middle name.
Not one person was like doll, no, no, So that was just Trumas people don't have good friends clearly.
No they don't. They need us in their lives to tell them. But yeah, it would just attach itself to things like that. And so it's just been a bit different that there's time around, like you know, and you've been struggling a lot with Ruth, and Rue has been the hardest challenge of it all, Like having a new baby is hard and normal like way like lack of sleep, but it's really difficult with Rue. She's just not handling
it well. She loves her sister. She comes and she's so gentle with her, and she cuddles and she's like, I want to do this, and like holds her hands like she wants to hold the baby, and I'm like, you want to hold the baby.
She's like yeah.
So she obviously loves her, but I don't think she fully understood how that would impact our dynamic as a family. Like she didn't understand her getting a sibling meant. She was just like, oh, I get a baby.
Cool.
I've got my dolls they're pretty cool, but this baby.
And then she see other people with siblings, like her cousins or whatnot, and think that that's what it meant. But for the first while, it doesn't mean that at all. It means Mom and Dad in particular, Mom, a lot of that your energy is just on the baby and forever more the energy is.
Split, exactly. And so she's just having a lot of meltdowns about different things. And you know she wants something and you don't want her to do it or have it, and you're kind of putting a boundary in place. She'll just scream and cry and be upset and it's really difficult. And what we're finding at the moment is she'll scream on purpose to wake the baby up because she knows
that that gets me upset. And I'm just like, but do you not understand that the baby being asleep means that I can give you attention, Like, babe, I'm trying to do this for us, And so I just feel like I've been really grumpy with her, and you know, Charlie's like your sleep deprived babe, like you know. And so basically at the moment, we're having to all go to bed in our bed together because she doesn't want to sleep in her bed. She doesn't want to miss out,
you know, she wants to be with the baby. Is So once she's asleep, we're just transfer her and then we're just going to bed early, just to get a little head start on the bloody cluster feeding monster.
Because Suki is feeding every twenty to thirty minutes. You said during the night.
Yeah, she's kind of eats a little bit more, but in the last two days eased up a little bit. But even though last night's tenth card again, yeah, so that was the first you know, ten days and then yeah, in the last two days, it's gotten a bit better. She's starting to do long distance of sleep during the day, so the day is better dependently independently. Yeah, I put her in the pram. She seems to like the pram bassinette.
You know, whatever works, whatever works. She hates the bloody cocuona babay.
It is not cheap.
I just got a whole new cover. I'm just like, well, fucking.
Hell, apparently a lot of babies don't like this new till they're like a little bit older.
Yeah.
Well we put it on really gently and she lost her shit. So I'm actually getting a side sleeper because she, like Emma said to me, the midwife was like, and she actually asked her other midwife that she works with, and she was like, one of them said, I had a baby exactly like this. They just want to be on you, and often second babies want to co sleep.
So I'm getting like a side bed coat. Oh that's a good idea, yeah, And iltatoan to test that out and see if that works, because I'm just also a little bit anxious about not having my eyes on her.
This is the other thing that's happened. Like I've got like weird things I'm anxious about, Like people were looking after Rue, but yeah, she was going to like a pool party, and then our other friends were looking after her, going to their like Nana's house with the pool, and I just had this like crazy anxiety about like not being there to supervise her. And it wasn't like I
didn't trust them to look after Rue. It's like, you know, Ru is just so different to her normal self at the moment, like worrying that she gonna just like run off because she wants to find me, and then like so, yeah, there's just been a few I get it around. My anxiety.
It'd be so hard, Yeah, just hard because.
You're not there, and I don't want her to like I don't want want her to send her away, but also I want her to have fun, you know, and have these outings, and it's good for us to have like a little rest as well. But it is very hard, and I thought I had prepared myself for that, but I don't think you really can because you just don't
know how your child's going to react. So that's the hardest thing at the moment, and that's the thing that I is really weighing quite heavily on me, but I just have to keep remembering it's a sibling for her. Yeah that hopefully one day they'll get along and.
Oh my god, they will look at me and my sister like and my brother like they will. I was thinking, next week, once Charlie's back at work and you could use the extra hands, I'll come over and just even play in the backyard so you can still see us.
Oh yeah, nice, love that.
And then Lenny and Ruke can just like play in the backyard. Yes, supercure arrest upstairs.
I love that, Thank you.
What would you say is the best thing? You know, you've spoken a little bit about that, you feel a lot more confident, Like, what's the best thing about the second time around?
Ah?
I think this time around just like knowing how hard our like family life has been and everything, just seeing the joy that it's brought Charlie, Like, because I've been pregnant for nine months, you know, so I'm having this connection with the thing that I'm growing. But they've been for ten months actually ten months, thank you. But the guys kind of sit on the sideline. So I think for me, the best thing has been seeing him become
a dad. Again and just like how stoked he is and how happy he is, and it's been like a very long time since I've probably seen him that happy. So that's probably my favorite thing about it so.
Far, Like watching him in the birth video that you put up will link it. He was just the pillar of strength that men should all like look to.
Yeah, he did a really a good job he did.
So I can't wait to hear his little thoughts about everything.
Yes, yes, hopefully that don't make me cry.
They probably will, that's okay. Now we're lucky enough to have insights from a few other people who were at Sukie's birth.
Hi, shit is longtime listener, first time caller. This is Lucy. I wanted to give you my perspective on Key's birth. Spoiler, she was amazing. I got a call from Key at about three point thirty in the morning, and for a good four weeks, I was so scared that I was going to sleep through this call that I had my phone like not on, do not disturb on four volume, but one ring and I answered and Kay just said it's happening, come over here, quick, quick, and then hung
up the phone. So when I got there, Key was in her bedroom on the floor with Nikki, her Dula and Emma, Andrew and Alan and Charlie, and it really was a really beautiful experience from the get go, like it just felt very peaceful, very calm. There were many comments throughout the whole labor from the midwife, Emma and Nikki, the idola just saying how calm and controlled and kind of like introspective Key was. She was really really looking
inward for that strength. And Charlie was setting up the bath and I decided that it would be a good time to play Key the first video message that I had gathered from people in her life, and this one was from George, her sister in law, Charlie's sister. And my intention with it with these messages, I gathered about ten from her nearest and dearest, and I just wanted them to be little moments of kind of community and support throughout Key's labor in those tough moments, just hearing
from the people that back you the most. Even I can imagine, like I haven't had a baby, I haven't been through labor, but I can imagine that it gets to a point where like I don't know if I can do this, and I obviously knew he could do it, and so did everyone else, but I wanted her to hear that from them, so I played that, and then from her godmother Sue, I played a voice note. Of course, Kelly got a voice note in there, and there was lots of other videos throughout, but they were just moments
of kind of lifting spirits, I think. And then Kee was like, something's coming out. I think I'm giving birth and it was her. I'm sure she's talked about this her like the sack, like the amniotic sack. But I was like, holy shit, I think she's having a baby. And I've run out to the midwife being like I think she's having a baby, like something is coming out.
Obviously I was wrong, And then Rue was amazing. I just kept being like, gosh, she is so calm and collected and wasn't like wigged out by the experience at all. Every now and then she'd look over to me and be like, is mummy okay? Just like a look like that, and I'd just be like, mummy's okay, Mummy's good. And there was like a couple of really cute moments. So obviously prior to the birth, Key was like, look, you might see me pooh, like I just need to get
that out there. That happened sometimes in birth, and I was like, truly the least of my worries, but glad it's out there now. And Key was in the bath and Rue was at the business end and she looks at me and goes mummy, poo pool and Key's face. She turns to me and just gives me this look like did I just shit? And I was like, you actually didn't. Like I was like, no, you did not, pooh. So there were lots of like really funny little moments
throughout it. Rue like pulled up her favorite Elsa chair and literally sat right in front of Key in the water, like she was just divine throughout it all. And Key, I was obviously Key and I've been friends for you know, a good time now. But seeing her in labor and delivers Suki, like seeing her bring Souki into the world, I can't quite even express how incredible it was to witness.
I was in awe of her and her strength and her courage and her determination to meet her baby, and oh gosh, I had just so many moments where I was like, this is incredible. Like people who give birth are unbelievable, and this person that I love is so unbelievable. I did have a few teary moments. I cried when we got to the hospital and it was time to go to the hospital, and that decision was made just because she was in pain. And I went.
To give her a hug.
She looked at me, she started tearing up. I was tearing up, and it was just kind of a moment of like not necessarily a sad cry, but like you got this, like I'm just trying to transfer all of my strength to you. When we went up to the hospital room, I just felt that Key had a real sense of calm and control around the berth, you know. Of course she was going for a vback and the team was so amazing, Like once she had the epidural, they really gave her her body that chance, do you know,
to keep trying. They didn't rush her into surgery, they didn't try and speed it along. She really was given a lot of choice, as she should be. But I just felt like Key was in control of a pretty like out of control situation, you know. And of course then I was sitting in the waiting room while she was in theater, and then we went up to the room where she would be recovering and Charlie walked in. A couple of nurses and doctors walked past me going do you know? Do you know about the gender? And
I was like no, no, I don't know. And then Charlie walked in with Key following behind him in the bed and he just said, has anyone told you? I said, no one's told me anything, and he had this look of pure joy and delight on his face and he just said, it's a girl. And I was convinced it was a girl. So it feels good to be right again. Crying, just so proud of Key and of Charlie. He was an incredible support. And also just witnessing Emma and Nikki.
It really as someone who hasn't experienced this before, it made me think, I think this is the kind of experience that I would want to have. These people who are, you know, advocating for you, you and by your side and seeing you through this transformative experience. I was just in awe of everyone, and it's an experience that's changed my life, There's no doubt about that. And I feel more connected to Kay than ever and Key and Charlie and Souk and Ruit and Alan of course and Allen
are my chosen family. Like I really believe that we have a bond that is very special and being there in that moment was the greatest honor of my life. And even I feel like saying that is an understatement, Like I just can't express enough how much it meant to me to be there with them in that moment. Just congratulations, Kay, you are a rock star like anyone who gives birth. I'm like, you really fucking did that? Like that is wild and I'm just I'm just in awe.
Okay, what's your name?
Very good? And did you just become a big sister?
Yeah?
What's your sister's name?
So cute?
What's your favorite thing about being a big sister? Mid baby?
Do you like holding your sister? Yeah?
Do you like giving her big cuddles, hair and kisses?
Yeah?
Nice work.
You're such a good big cissy.
Hi. I'm emma. I'm Key and Charlie's midwife. My experience of Key and Charlie's labor is just awe and I'm just so impressed with how they both coped, and especially Key.
It's been such a difficult.
Year and throughout the pregnancy she just fought for what she wanted and for what she wanted to achieve, and that's very much how she was in the labor and birth. She overcame so much. It was really amazing to watch him and be a part of you know, she genuinely had the full home birth experience, and you know, I know that baby Soukei wasn't born to her vagina, but she did absolutely everything she could her power to try and that wasn't what was meant to be on the day.
But Key and Charlie should be so immensely proud of themselves.
So what they achieved. I haven't seen so.
Much love in a room before, with Rue running around, our running round, My mum was there as Adula, Lucy, so much support, and I know that he will look
back at this as a positive experience. I know I left that long labor and birth feeling really positive, and that's not always the case when somebody has necessarian but I remember leaving feeling like we have done absolutely everything in our power to try and achieve this, and it hasn't gone that way today, but I know that, you know, Key will look back at this and use it to
do something positive, because that's just what she does. And I know that her sharing her story and her experiences is going to be huge, and that's It's been the absolute pleasure. And I'm just in awe of that beautiful family.
Hi, I'm Nikki, I'm Key and Charlie's doula. But the thing that I was really struck with straight away was their openness to not to be stuck just to the idea of having a vaginal birth after cesarean, but to go with whatever was right on the day, So the right birth on the day for everybody, and that's exactly what happens. And you know, the labor and birth itself was absolutely lovely. It was a joy to be part of,
you know. For me, I see the whole experience in two parts, really, the part at home where I went and spent the earlier part of labor with King Charny. And at home it was just beautiful, really relaxed and happy and lots of laughing dogs running around, really bringing her elsa chair to sit and watch mum laboring, something I shall never forget. It was just beautiful and to watch the obvious adoration that Charlie has for Key and
the support he gave which was really lovely. So we had that part and Key labored beautifully and was very
determined and strong and just kept on going. And then when Emma and Kate arrived and we tried all manner of things and to keep Key comfortable and in charge of everything, and then the decision was made obviously to get to hospital at that point, which was the decision that everybody agreed was the right thing, and it was a decision that Key helped make, and the fact that she felt empowered and had the information, she knew what, you know, what she wanted and was happy and you know,
at the end of the day we had a lovely happy experience. And then when we went to hospital, we had a lovely happy experience as well. Key was relaxed the situation, It was handled really really well staff around us, and you know, for me, it was just an incredible experience really seeing Key and Charlie become parents again, so the gorgeous little girl, and you know, watching their family grow, but most importantly seeing them have a birth that they
felt was right for them. So I feel incredibly lucky and happy to have been part of it and to have been there doers. I thank you, Key and Charlie, Henry.
I now, hey, I'm Charlie and baby Dunny. Like Monday night, we'd just put my head, I'd feel head to go to bed. Key, that's something change, you know. I'm probably it's going to be like contraction to the first few hours, so let's just trying to get to sleep and you pick things up in the morning. But they escalated quite quickly.
I think the midwife said that by the time she came over at two am, he was already around beautiful centimated, so the contractions were already pretty intense after about an hour. There's all a bit of a shit show on my end. The first couple of hours. I hadn't set the pool up. I hadn't cooked any food or you know, packed a hospital bag because I thought i'd have a bit of
time in the early stages. I was able to do that, but it was a bit of a scramble at first, you know, I get any electric pump out to pump up the inflatable pool, and when I am I'm sure the neighbors went too keen on that, but didn't get any complaints by then. The dueler and a lovely midwife thinking and Emma over and helping out quite a bit. I mean, I don't know what I would have done about them, to be honest, Row work up and was
with us for the entire time. Between trying to set things up and controlling Brew, I didn't really have much capacity to help. Can you get through the contractions in the early stages there, but things kind of normalized after a few hours. We're all set up and he was
just got throwing through the motions pretty intense pain. To think that she went twelve hours in total adding pain really his bloody impressive And you know, I don't have any any profanities or anything, which I was sort of expecting she changed it to custing out people around her when she's under duress, But no, she did. She did it all with a lot of a lot of grace, and unfortunately we didn't get to finish it at home.
But I was very confident that that key had one hundred percent put everything she could into doing things naturally, And the great thing about having the private midwife with us is that we felt safe to continue to over at home even though things have kind of slowed down a bit, and they really did everything they could to make sure that Key was comfortable where she was at and that she was comfortable she had done everything she could before we finally made that call to go to hospital.
From there was it was quite a seamless experience. We had a great, great team around at the hospital who were really supportive of Key, you know, even tried to encourage it to continue for a feedback, but made the call to do the see that but didn't ever put any pressure on us to jump straight into surgery or
anything like that. And we're very accommodating to me. And you know, let's let me play my mum's playlist, which was really special and important to me speaking ended up coming out one of her favorite songs, which is really really nice. Much let's I'm plaud mind.
Well, thank you so much for joining me, Key reseals you can you can go back to your cozy chair on Matt leave. And we've really loved hearing the tale of how sweet Little Silky came earthside.
Thank you so much, and thank you the shit is for all the lovely messages. It's meant so much getting them all, and I can't wait to well, I can't wait to get back, but I'll be back soon.
Yeah. I love that. You were like originally I said to you, didn't I. I was like, don't you promise anything, because you're not going to want to come back as soon as you think you do. But you know, don't mind me. I'll mind the fort. I'll go find more people to farm for content from my pumpkin.
But what do we agree on?
No ghosts, I'm not promising anything.
Huge thanks to our audio producer Maddie Joanna and if you like the pod, please rate and review us. It means a lot.
Bye.
Shit is ye