How Strict Is Too Strict?

so good to be back. We've had a little bit of deliberation, haven't we kel Well, can I say? It's just that it's been quite the kafuffle getting this episode. I feel like that's just the story of our lives, the kerfuffle. I think it's very on brand for mums, like we are doing it tough, you know, like last week what happened. The kids weren't sick, No, the dog started vomiting up blood. And if it's not one thing,

it's the other. But we did recall with this episode last week and my bloody mic didn't wo and it was a really good episode. So I really hope that we can get the magic back. How we will. We will.

The first part of the episode will be different because it will it's been a few days, so we're going to have a different peak and pick probably, But we did want to ask you before we got into that, whether or not you, as our lovely listeners, are you interested in hearing about our picks and pits or are you just like, stop being so depressive and floppy, or also just we do want to know because I know that sometimes I could not care less about the host's

live yes, lives. Yeah, when I'm listening to a podcast, I'm like, shut up, just get into the topic that I'm here for. However, that's I guess where time stamps are also helpful. Yeah, exactly, And I think it's a really cute way to start off the episode, Like sometimes you're going to the same thing as someone who might be listening. I get little messages after and I'm like, ding dinging, I'm not the only mum who's I'm going to doing it done right now or slaying if it's

a good day. So is your pit different to what it was when we last recorded to this episode? I would say yes, because I think I was having a lot of guilt over the lack of patience. But last week I was so exhausted. I just had a really full on week of pod record So I had three different pod records and all the things that go with it, the socials, the preparation, the scripting, all of that. Apart from that, yeah, and then I had obviously my content creation stuff and it was just a big week of that,

and so I was exhausted. So even when I typically would get my little rest in on my Thursday and Friday room nap time, I didn't get that. Oh usually up as well. Well, yeah I tried to or I rest like I literally watch TV or something. Yeah, yeah, and I'm very important. The Friday, I was in shambles

because we had to pack. We went away for the weekend, and it was just a lot the to do list, the to do list, and it's often like the mum or the primary current in the relationship, if you are in a relationship raising kids, it's like they have to kind of put all of that admin and stuff together. So the Friday for me was really stressful and I felt like I wasn't that patient. I was to a certain point, but then I'm like, I don't I let her sleep for bloody four hours, didn't I you would

have paid for that that night. Yeah, we're way away though, because it didn't matter. That's what I said to myself. I was like, that's all right, let's take the hit and she can go to bed at ten, which she did and it was fine. But my peak was that Rue has finally taken a liking to television. I love that you've had the most beautiful weekend, Await, but that is still your peak of the week. Welcome to the

TV loving club. It's honestly been so good. She's just at the stage now where before she could just kind of posh her on around me and blah blah blah blah. But a lot of the time now, when I'm getting ready and need to get out the door, the reason why I'm late is because I'm having to entertain her

at the same time. So there would have been no way that I would have gotten anything done on that Friday morning had I not been able to sit her in front of the television and put Snail on the whale on for her to want nail in the world. That's her favor, isn't it. She gazed and gazed, amazed by it. All, and she said the whale. I feel so small. She loves Nail while she loves Zog. Honestly, I know I've recommended this a bunch of times, but

ABC IVU, the Julia Donaldson series, it's slow TV. It's just like Zazzy approved, Zazi approved, we love as sod in the show notes, and I feel okay about it. I think it's just like, obviously, I want to just always cavey up when we're talking about television. I never judge any other parent for what they do. I'm so

happy for that. From my lived experience growing up as a TV kid, I just had a different feeling of how I wanted to raise ruin the type of television I want to give her, And it's slow based on what Zazzi recommended, But it just was so good to just have her sitting there. I knew she was safe, I knew she was entertained, and I run around and educated, and I could run around like a headless trip but actually get stuff done without trying to come up with

different games. Yeah, I mean, Lenny tries to help me with all those sorts of tasks, but often that's not slows you down to it's not helpful. Yeah, he's trying to unpack the dishwasher. And then I was like, time for TV. But anyway, so I would say, actually that my peak is going to alleviate some of the pressure that I feel around my pit. It's like television will help.

So I think in those times where I don't have a lot of patience, I might just need a five minute break boom sit or a half an hour break. I was to say five minutes, yeah, just to find the right show exactly. But yeah, I'm really enjoying it. And you know what, on Sunday, we actually sat down and watched sing as a family. Everyone in the city gets a shot at being a star in our singing competition. This staate just about to explode with major piggy power.

Oh my god, that is so cute. And you know what, it was really fun like to sit down, snacks, we gave her dinner. We just like photo past u while we're doing it and hanging out. But it was really nice, like I actually really enjoyed kind of the ritual of it and seeing her little face light up with all the different things. So, yeah, I'm into TV. She's into TV. It's helping our household helfs move. Yeah, definitely. I tried to get Lenn to watch that show. I was like,

do you want to watch Ruu's favorite show? Hated it? The Snail appeared and he just went no, Well, do you know what? I realized, Snail on the Well is quite scary, Like they go out in the deep ocean, there's like a shark incident and there was just like big crashing waves. I'd be interested. I love water things too, you would honestly really like it. But on the weekend when we went away, we went away two couple friends they eat Oh my god. They were like, please do

not show our children. Well. They wanted to put on Pepper Pin I've got a bigger version to pepper Pig because everyone says it's really rude, and I'm like, okay, well we shan't be watching that. And that's what our little friend wanted to put on. But her mum was like, let Annie Ki choose because she knows I'm a little

bit stricter with what I'm letting Rue watch. Anyway, so I put on Snail on the Way, and poor Ava she's like in tears because of the scary but so I'm like, I did not realize how terrifying my the show is, but because Rue read it as a book and then saw she wasn't scared. She's not scared at all. But AVA was like, what do you mean? And then I was like, well, let's put on Zog and everyone was like, let's put on dragons, and I'm like, all right, put on play school, put it on place. Sorry anyway,

that's really yeah. It just reminded me before I had my own child. One year, I was like listening to this podcast and it was recommended anyone with kids or buying presents for kids. This book is so good. It's the perfect thing for all children. I really recommend it. I was like, watch me be Auntie of the Year. So I ordered a bunch of these books and then gifted them to a lot of the children in my life.

So Christmas which is also very unlike me, very organized, but it's basically about this little boy whose brother gets hit by a bus and dies and then he gets a cat. But like in the book, there's like the blood on the ground and it is graphic and just confronting, and my friend's trying to tell me politely because I'm like, oh, just seven, So enjoy his little book that Auntie got him. And they're like, no, we hit it, we'll throw it out. I love that. It's hilarious. We've got to find out

what the book was. I'll put it in the show notes as an unrecommendation. Yeah, yeah, a reverse recommendation. Over to you kel what we all let's start with Pitt. What was your pit? My pit was that I was diagnosed with a brain aneurysm. So I went to get an MRI Wednesday, two weeks ago. I was like, I've got to have a bloody a mari and whatnot. Anyway, went to get the m R. I don't think you

have actually expect anything to come up. Yeah, you just make jokes, but you don't think procedure or it's just a checklist to make sure you know, which is what I told myself, what everyone else told me about it. So I had my doctor appointment on the Thursday and she was like, clear of this, clear of that, clear of that. Now they have found a small suspected brain aneurysm.

And I burst into tears because growing up with my dad as a paramedic, I was like, well, I would just hear these horror stories about my dad just going to someone with a really piercing headache and they literally just dropped dead. Yeah, because their aneurysm burst. My doctor, she's so lovely. She was like, no, no, that's because it goes undetected and it's huge. Yeah, it does burst. And she was like, I might not even be that.

It could have just been like a dodgy scam. But in my mind, I'm kind of thinking these machines are hundreds of thousands of dollars. I don't think that scans it's dodgy. Yeah, But anyway, So I then had to go get a ct angiogram, and all of this is very terrifying for someone that hates medical stuff. I hate needles. They never confined a vein. I had to have this giintass canulas shoved in my arm. I'm there by myself just sobbing. It was just awful, awful anyway, I think

it was. Then two days later it was confirmed that it's indeed a small brain aneurysm. So I've got to go see a neurosurgeon and they have to go to a panel and discuss what to do. I guess whether or not they just monitor it or if they clamp it. Yeah, which the idea of being thirty five and having brain surgerat I know I'm fine, i know I'm not going

to die. It's just very confronting and stressful. And especially when the receptionist on the phone when I was booking to see the neuro search and she was so lovely and she was like, oh, Kelly, I've got you at the top of my pile. Oh Darlan, this is so stressful. You're so young, what a big deal? Like she was just so lovely. But also then that made me really upset because I guess I'm so used to people saying, oh,

you're fine, you're fine. Yeah, Yeah. She met you at your concern and gave you Also, maybe it made me more concerned because she was like, this is really serious. It's going to have to go to a panel, Like you know, you're very young to have this. But sometimes it's nice when someone's up front with you, because it's like how you said going into the MRI, thinking everyone's saying to you, it's just a checklist, we're just checking off the list, blah blah blah. Then you're more shocked

when they find something wrong. Yeah, and I'm falling to bit basically, not to say that you know anyone's journey or health problem that comes up is you know, more serious based on whether you have kids or not. But I think as a mum, when something happens to you to do with your health, there's an added layer of concern, worry, anxiety around. I said to my mum, I was, I just don't want to leave Land year and I know

I won't. I know that I'm fine, but that's just obviously my biggest concern because I do not want that bloke growing up with just Luke God anyway. So that is my pit and my peak is people around me. I just love my friends and family and that you will meet me where I need you to be. Yeah, and you will understand that a sense of humor is the only way that I know how to ever get

through anything. Yeah. So a couple of people that I told they were like, well, Firstly, when I told Hannah, Hannah was like, oh well, thank god you're not bloody terminal. I couldn't deal with the theatrics as you were. And then like my girlfriend Emma was like, oh cool, So that explains the doc Martins, you know, because girls that I play in it, but they were like, oh, how

did you get con? I was like this, And then we're playing and I fell over for the fourth time in one game, and then this other girl fell over and they were like, what's her excuses? I don't know ban aneurysm do they don't. And then even things like he's like, good luck this morning because she knew I was having a skin and I just sit back like one of those hospital selfies where you're like, just sat in my little gap with the canula in my arm,

just like ma'am. That's all. I said that I was scared, and he wrote back, Oh, you look really pretty, you look really hot, So like I mean, so I think just like the people around me. Just good sense of humor, being able to make me laugh one d All of that sort of stuff is definitely a good peak. Yeah, before we get into the episode, we are having a little break for a couple of weeks between seasons. We realized that season three has been going for sixteen episodes.

That just seems like a little bit too long. I don't know, we don't want to get into the OC territory. Yeah, it's a twenty six episode. Yeah, it's like the next season. And also we're chasing our tails a little bit at the moment, and we think that we just want to regroup. Yeah, have a look at the show. We had our one year anniversary a couple of weeks ago. Now, Pari Hippopparie was it's just a good time to kind of like take check of what's going on, make some changes, and

then launch into our fourth season. Yeah. Fuck yeah. For rear Gyar, I sent through some like the top line concepts the other day. I was like, what do you think, just knowing that she would be like, oh, I always am my content queen. True. True, I'm not always like that with you. Sometimes I'm just like, oh god, no, yeah, doesn't like my suggestions. No, they're just they're too practical. Yeah, talk about ghosts. Yeah, I'm like, sure, let's do it. Then on the pod today we are talking all about

strict rules you had growing up. Key can't relate, He can't relate, so I had to outsource my rules. They're so funny. Luckily, I've got good friends who care about me and we're happy to offer up their trauma for me to share. On the postage, I love the niche of like childhood trauma that isn't really trauma. No, guys, there are actual problems in the world, but it's just yeah, we probably have like a little bit of trauma from it, but it's not real. It's the sort of stuff you

work through with your therapist. Didn't have a real fuddle of that. Yeah, yeah, it's funny because Kelly, you grew up in a house that was so strict. It is, especially if someone doesn't know me that well, they'll just be like, that is so off brand that you had a really strict upbringing because I'm a bit of a wild bit of gear in some ways, it's like, yeah,

likes it if you will. When we met at Chopo, if you had to told me half the rules that you have growing up, would have been like, yeah, that's you know, that's not on brand because I was the girl running around drunk with possless chaps and that was such a vibe. Though. But I think as people get to know me more, I have a fear of authority. I get scared, like even asking different people things, and I am a stickler, like I do enjoy a rule. Yeah,

you do. Actually, even with like lend in the way that you kind of do raise him like, you know, you can see that you've had a bit of a bit of rules in your life. Ye yeah, And I'm quite strict with the rules that I do have with him, yeah exactly, which given his two when I enforce them, oh my word, it's like I've tortured him. The bottom lip came out on the weekend, huge, big fat tears running down his face. He was so upset he hit

me in the face and got in trouble. So they should know the hitting is where I draw the line, hitting me or hitting anyone else. Even though he thinks he's been funny most of the time, it's not. Actually the militia. Why do they think they're being funny? It is so honestly, it's such a head fuck when they're like fully like slapping you and then laughing after it, And I'm just like, what kind of a sick joke is this? Yeah, your little psychopath. Anyway, we're going a

bit off topic here. Taught me through your strict upbringing. Cal So for context, my dad was one of four boys, yeap, and they were so naughty. They were so naughty, like he stole his dad's cigarettes at seven, shut up, and we'd like go around the corner for a little path las seven. It's just like if I look at a seven year old now and imagine that, I could not imagine. I get cranky at Ashley, seven year old for like sneaking off with chocolates and hiding as room and eating chocolates.

I was like, you left the wrappers in there, Bally, how very dare you? Meanwhile, my dad's oh yeah, and it's not even you know, these days the seven year olds might be on the vapes a bit of grape or light sheep. Back then, they probably didn't even have the ment boles or the less aggressive cigarettes. Trying to watch you explain cigarettes because you've never smoked, have you? I beg your pardon. I have had a cigarette in my time, just when you said to the less offensive cigarrettes,

I have smoked a cigarette before. Okay, sorry, I was young once. You just don't strike me as a smoker, though not with my father. You know what we had in our household in the garage, what a lung? A lung, A giant poster of a lung full of all of the cancer and stuff that happens when you smoke. He was a paramedic, so that makes sense. That was the thing.

My mom, for context also one day said to me, because they won't let me go to a party, and she was like, hell, the place that you want to go to he found a girl only a little bit older than you, passed out, beaten up when they were called to the job. So I think it's just it was an accumulation of different things. Hey, that is such a unique experience though, because you grew up in a small town. Your dad's a paramedic, he would be going to these parties that these teenagers are out, you know,

people who have drunk too much. Yeah, in that case, so I feel like you just got stitched up. Yeah, big stitch up there because your grandparents weren't strict at all, and your mom well, well she was a well she was not there. She dipped out a couple of times. Her strictness was so strict that she was like, raise yourself, raised yourself, go on, do it, you go. I counted, and the only rules that I could remember were two rules.

Don't cross the road without an adult. This was obviously when I was like a child, like you know, primary school. I hope it wasn't now or not at the traffic lights. And I remember when I broke that rule, I've like had this guilt for months. I was like sick with it. I remember that was the first time that I felt what I then would find out later was guilt or anxiety movie both for months because you had crossed the road not at the lights. Yeah, and without an adult.

Oh no, I know, but I was in a really no, I actually completely get it. And I told you, and I said to the other older kids that I'd crossed the road. I was like, what was that saying that was on the ad? Look watch see oh look left, look right, look left again, whatever it was. And I crossed it and said to the big kids, don't worry. And then I repeated that saying back. And then I had even now second hand embarrassment for myself. I just

started sweating on your behalf. The other rule I had was don't drink soft drink before midday, which seems like a valid rule, but I was a teenager. I was allowed to do whatever they want. I mean, they wouldn't buy me like alcohol or anything, but a lot of the time they would like drive me to my friend's house and then we would like go to a party

and like get alcohol. Or there was one time I told my grandparents I was staying at say, like Abby's house, and we snuck over to this boy's house and like drank there. But then the mums found out and they came over in the morning. We got into so much trouble, but they didn't tell where grandparents because they didn't want to worry them. And I was like, yes, so everyone got grounded except me. Oh, but your grandparents probably wouldn't

have even grounded you. They would have been like, ah no, they would have been really disappointed because they thought I was quite cool. Weren't. But I was like, you were naughty when I Wasn't it naughty because I didn't have rules. That's why as a parent, I think I will be quite controlled the fun. It's about like building trusts are important learning, Like I understand that rules will be broken, but I think that you need you need structure as

a young adult. And as we talked about in the Spoiling episode, boundaries, they're so important at the end of the day, it's for your safety. Like I remember this when I art sourced to my girlfriends. You know that we got kind of a bit of a convo coming up about you know, how strict people's parents were, and my girlfriend Steph, I think, who is a shitter. She is very supportive in many ways. I think she listens. She also has four kids, so who has the time.

Her mom was the best. She was kind of like a second mum to me growing up, well, a first mum. No, I haven't Anna, this is our dark human that comes out when we're having a silly day. I'm so glad that the sh is you have to She was awesome and that she just would drop us off at parties. But she would say, girls, it doesn't matter what time of the night or morning wherever you are. If you are unsafe, if you don't have a lift home, whatever it is, you call me and I will come and

pick you up. And she said, I don't care if you're drunk, you call me and I'll pick you up. So it's the best rule. She was the best, Like she would pick us up on we'd be sideways, we wouldn't get in trouble, but she'd pick us up so that we were safe and she would bring us home to her house. I love that rule, so it was good because you pass out, you pass out somewhere and getting someone's card that they've been drinking or exactly, and that was her big thing. She didn't want us getting

into cars with boys who had been drinking. So shout out to Janet. But I think sometimes it's like rules but giving them. I mean, we'll get to the lady when the kids are bloody teenagers. But the healthiest kids I saw growing up were the ones that had rules but also had a bit of we're given a bit of rope. Yeah, Whereas I would say that my parents, I was the eldest as well, so I was the test run child, A bit of a stitch up, being

the eldest kid, such a stitch up. I did a thing on my own in Instagram months ago where I asked people to share their oldest child trauma. Their responses. Some of them were actually so bad in terms of I can't believe that some parents did stuff like that. But the thing about that, which is even more of a stitch up with having siblings is actually watching it play out in front of your different get away with absolutelyness. Oh, I remember we had jen on. Remember when Jen gave

the example Jen you're shout out to gen. She's our little guardian angel with us trying to handle our kids in their tantrums. But she said her kind of skills and how to navigate tantrums changed over the course of her three kids or whatever. And there was at one time at the dinner table and her kid was like, oh, what got to the naughty corner? And She's like, I have changed, And she said the way that I parent my fourth kid, who yeah, completely different, the stuff that

I would watch my siblings get away with. The first time my parents found me drunk, they made me get up and go to work the next day, even though I had been vomiting all night, and they did not speak to me. And when I tell you they didn't speak to me, I mean they did not speak to me. Mom for a week, Dad for a month. They froze you out, completely complete. I got chills from her because they were so disappointed in me. You ought to know what they did the first time. I'm not mad, I'm disappointed.

It literally fucking worse, isn't it. And I was never allowed to go to parties after that. When my brother did it, my dad picked him up. Was sending us messages going, oh no, your brother's drunk, and he stayed up with him all night because he was so afraid that he was going to apphixiate on his own vomit. And then the next day he got up early to cook him a big like bacon and eggs, joking because he would have been so hungover. Must be nice, Like,

are you kidding the sexism? Yeah, I wasn't gonna say anything, but you went there. Yeah, well no, because my sister got off easy as well. Oh so it wasn't it was just a youth. Yeah. I used to love it though, because she was such a goodie two shoes compared to me. I loved it when she did something naughty, like one time she didn't even have a license and she crashed a car. What And she told me, I know, And I was like, I had the biggest smile because I'm like,

we better go tell mom and dad. Can I be there when you tell them? It's okay, it's okay, everything's gonna be fine. And I'm literally in the next room listening, just like yes, yes, yeah, justice for Quel. I've never crashed a car without a license. Yeah, only with a license, Okay, Okay, talk me through some of the rules that some of the rules. Every single facet of my life there were strange rules. And I say strange because they were strange.

Like I've always been very weird about meat and texture with food. Yeah, yeah, yeah, And I had to sit at the dining room table and drink my glass of milk with dinner. And I had to sit there, imagine trying to drink like you're already weird about textures, forced to eat chunky meat with gristle because we didn't have that much money, so it's not like they were buying primo meat. Yeah yeah, and then finish a glass of warm by that point, milk that's been sitting there. Oh,

that'd be the word. I'd take the gristle over the milk. D Okay. So we went all to watch any TV unless it was the weekend. But even then, on the weekend it would be movies. And this was back in the day where there was a VCR. Yeah, so they would have pre watched the movie. Even PG they might pre watch the movie. Wow, okay, I want to cut out anything. So when you were taping it, you'd pause it. Oh, so they'd be taping it as they're watching it. Yes, Oh my god. So when you get to watch it

there you're like, there's chee. I remember there was one that I just thought that it was a happy ending, and then as an adult, I found out that someone had died at the end of this film that they're just like, cut it out. That person passed away in that film. Wait, the doc didn't go to live on a farm. Yes, sir, so very strict about TV. We're allowed to watch the news with mum and dad, which seems alarming looking back, like I feel like the news

so scary. It's also so much worse. But they were like, if you're going to watch anything, it's this has to be educational. They also knew that as if we would. And on the weekends even it wasn't like we could watch South Park or The Simpsons or Home and Away. Nothing. Everything was absolutely not It had to be a pre approved show or like Nickelodeon. For someone that is like has a lot of pop culture references, it's very surprising considering there was like decades of pop culture references you

missed just I have. Like last week I was recording for the Spill with Laura Brodneck and she said something about Pretty Woman. I'm like, oh, I've never seen it. What so I have a lot of pop culture references, But I could quote a lot of that film just from I've got a really good memory. So even if I've just seen little snippets of something, Yeah, actually, like mistake, it's huge, Like you would know that from because it's so popular from the movie you were on commission, right, Ah, yes,

big mistake, big huge Yeah. And I know that whole thing, and I know the plot, the general plot. I didn't see the movie. Yeah, okay, I mean to be fair, a movie about a prostitute being as a kid. As a kid, I get that. Probably not allowed to watch it, but yeah, so no TV unless it was weirdly pre approved, and they would actually enforce it on the weekends by locking us outdoors in the morning unless it was pouring

with rain. Locked outside in the morning, we could drink from the hose if we were thirsty, stop it, not the garden hose, the garden hose, if we were thirsty. Who knows what they were doing inside, probably watching probably ready Simpsons, probably watching the Simpsons and eating all the foods that we weren't allowed to eat because they were

also so strict with junk food, no way. We were allowed one can of soft drink on a Friday night, and me and my brother Emma never liked soft drink, but we'd sit there and like try to savor it for as long as possible, yeah, so that the other person would then have to watch. I always won. He'd have to like watch me just sip from it afterwards, and I'd be like, let's have a race to see who can drink it the fast, but I just pretend and then be like, I'm just still really enjoying my

Coca cola. Yeah, and you know, like one little bowl of chips or something. Yeah. Yeah. So we weren't allowed any packeted food or those sorts of things. Oh wow. Yeah, very strict with food. Not healthy though, it was just I guess a budgeting thing, and like I wouldn't say the gristly meat at dinner time would be considered healthy. Although this was back in the day when that probably was. I think it was. I ate a lot of meat

and three bag a lot of mince with a chewy bit. Yeah, you guarantee that our parents or your grandparents, they were like if we got a meat pie mashed potato and peas. They would be like, this is very healthy. Oh yeah, fish fingers, fish fingers, so many fish fingers, so many fish. Cheese sauce. Did you ever get cheese sauce? No, I watched it. It's like milk cheese, milk cheese. It's healthy exactly to get that chat, I got to get that dairy with the junk food thing. We didn't have McDonald's

in the town that I grew up here. Yeah, so it would be four birthdays, but it'd be cold because Dad would have to drive to a few towns away to actually get it by the time it came back. Or occasionally on holidays we might pull into a McDonald's. Yeah, and we just it was like the jackpot. We were so excited. Sleepovers were very hit or miss, Like I was allowed to go to slumber parties generally, yeah, which

are honor reflection, they're the bad ones. Yeah, I mean we talk a lot about slumber parties and yeah, so in high school, they were very selective about whose house I could go to, which is kind of rude to the other parents if you think about it, well, I do think if you're going to say no sleep it has to be a blanket rule, otherwise we'll cause some friction with the relationships as well. We had to go to church every Sunday, and I had to go to Sunday school, which I hated with a passion. I hated

every single thing about it. As someone who I was very shy, not religious, hated church and all of the activities as well. They were so into the activities. So I was doing gymnastics, singing, drama, piano, netball, athletics, but I had to practice all of them. So Dad would take me to the sports fields and just like make me do long jumps over and over and over again, and he'd sit there and watch me. He'd lay back and listen as if I was really good while I

was practicing the piano. I don't think I would have been that good, but he'd just enjoying the fruits of my labor because obviously all of these activities would have cost a lot of money. Like, I just don't know why I was doing so many activities all the time, because I probably didn't really like doing them that much. I wasn't really allowed to do stuff or go to parties or like I was bullied in primary school, so it wasn't invited to that much, and then in high

school I wasn't allowed. And I also lived really far from the school I went to. That's right. Yeah, so I couldn't just be like, oh, let's go to the mall or let's go do this all it had to be a pre plant. Yeah, okay, so yeah, we just got locked outside. We were very creative. I think that's why you're so crafty. I always say this. I think that's a really good thing that's coming out of it. You're an amazing reader and you're super crafty, Like you

can keep yourself very entertained. Oh, I could entertain myself. If there was an apocalypse and I was the last woman on Earth, I would be fine. I would entertain myself to the dawn of time. That's the thing, right. This is also why I have such an aversion to TV or having TV being so big, is because the main way in which I can get myself to calm down and rest is by watching TV. Because I watch so much of it. Growing up, I had a TV in my room always, which is horrifying to me. On reflection,

do you have one in your room now? No? I have a rule like, no TV in my room because I want that to be very separate, like the living room is watching and sex or sleep. But I do get just like, actually, I'm so full of shit. I lie in my bed all the time. I do work, but I do like going to a hotel when there's a TV in the room, but then it's a luxury in trees. Yeah, but see, I think definitely the kind of rules you have as a child enforce how self

sufficient you are as an adult. With my dad being such an angry man, no showers at nighttime after a certain time because of the pipes. They could have woken him up. But he always told me that if I dared get my belly button pierced, that he would get players and rip it out, And I genuinely was fearful about that, which is so unhinged. Did you get your belly button pair of size? Yes? I was like, I'm pretty sure. And then I couldn't keep it a secret

because I just couldn't keep it at you. That's why I am. Yeah, the fear of authority couldn't keep it a secret. And of course he didn't rip it out of my belly button with pliers. He just like glared at me and then maybe didn't speak to me for a day. That's the thing though, as like what that teaches me is like saying things like that it's bad because they're probably going to do it anyway, and then when they realized that the consequence that you said you

were going to implement that you don't. For instance, I was petrified of my mum about the crossing the road thing, and I had all of the guilt around it for months and when I finally blurted out one day, like I crossed the road without an adult and not at a crossing and her response was, oh, that's fine, and I was like, oh, so I can do it, so there's no consequence, Like that was a big hard moment for me, like as a kid, like, oh, there's actually not really any even for my two rules. Yea, even

for my two rules. And I also think like it's once again coming back to boundaries but also having open communication, Like I mean, I will just say absolutely no tattoos until you're eighteen at least. If you really want a piercing, I mean, let me know and I'll take you to get it if you really want, because piercing don't bother me. Your body. Yeah, they close up, and honestly, you'll probably

be a lot more lenient with tattoos because you've got them. No, I'll definitely have the eighteen, and I'd like to go just so I feel like, let him get anything really aggressive. Well, I just feel like everyone says this in their first time. They are so scared because it's such a scary environment. And tattoo artists are always like, go biggers because you don't want to get it, like retouch later on blah

blah blah. And then you're like, oh, okay, and then you end up getting something, your first tattoo ends up being bigger than you wanted, and you're just like hate not hate it. But I think like it's really important to go with someone and have a friend be like, no, No, that's what she wants. She's been thinking about it for a year and a half. That's the size she wants it, that's the color she wants it. Do it how she

wants cannot be a split decision either. I mean, really like one guy said to me, this one on my arm, where is it? It's thin? But he said to me, I can't go any thinner than that. Have you seen this one. Yeah, clearly he wasn't very good at his job. He thought that that's what looked best. So like, I think that's the thing. Is like I want to go with rue if she wants to get something so that she doesn't get talked into getting something shit that she

doesn't want. That's massive, you know, big old tramp stamp. Yeah, they're actually back in so obay. Yeah right tro. I don't know if this comes across as laced with judgment, because I genuinely don't mean it to. Yeah, if Lenny wants a tattoo, I'm gonna be filthy. Really I made that skin. Yeah, but that's their I made him the biggest piece of advice or something that I was like so into recently as my girlfriend Sarah, Sarah, she is

a massive shitter. She was like, I love my dad so much because he always said I am raising you to let you go off into the world, and it's like, I'm raising you to do the things that you want to do and make the decisions that make you happy. I wow, does we dare he go and get something on it? It doesn't mean that you get control over anything in his life. He is growing into a person you are going to shape him in a certain way,

but then it's his life to lead hands down. How many times over the next couple of decades are you going to have to talk me off the ledge? Oh, I've got enough self awareness? Really struggle with that because a big part of me does think of him as mine, I know. And I think even with boys and mums, I think there's a little bit of an added thing

when people talk about like nightmare mother in law's. I think we could already get guilty guilty about your holidays with me, Lenny, A stupid girl friend, A boyfriend's not coming. I can't stand them. I'm taking you. I'll pay for your tickets, not them. I would love to go on holiday with my kids. I know they went to Cullen. She's the editor I think of like l Australia. Now. She does this thing it's called like twelve z E's.

So she's got three boys and every time they turn twelve, she does a one on one holiday with them and it's like they's Jewish? Is that for their bar mitzvah? No, I don't think she's Jewish. Oh okay, that's really cute. But I thought that was really cute. It's like a ride of passage kind of thing, and she's like, we get a hotel room together, and she's just like, it's that last time before they like turn into a teenage boy. And I thought that was really like weld enough to

really froth on that sort of thing. Yeah, and it's a really cool memory, right, I really love that too. Okay, we've gone on a massive tangent. Should we talk about the rules keys friends had, the ones I had to outsource? Okay, So Chuckles said that he was forced to have a nap every Sunday afternoon, which I think is out standing. Sorry, he did say that, like he didn't really it was resleep, but it was like forced to rest, which I actually

do appreciate. I really think I'm gonna implement that because I think that rest is so important. Yeah, but also it's just like I need to rest sometimes. I want to lie on my phone for an hour. Yeah, exactly, I need to quote unquote rest. No alcohol in high school, and if they didn't have any alcohol throughout the whole of high school, they got whatever car they wanted. And she did it. That's genius. She did it, and she was really good at high school like she focused on

her grade. She would go to the parties, but she would not be one of the ones that were shrunk. Honestly, I do like this rule. I love that. But I was thinking about this to other day. I don't know if we'll have to worry about that because they're saying that the newer generations they don't party or they don't drink alcohol. Boring anyway, no dances till grade ten, which I think is warranted. No discos, are you joking? Seedy stuff goes down at those dances. Oh oh goodness, A disco? Okay, Hell,

I'm gonna say that. You going up in a small town, maybe your discos were a little bit more PG than the ones that were happening, and the ones that I was going to, some of them were a bit dodge. But you can't miss out on the disco. It's well you looked forward to. Well, I think primary school discos are different. I'm talking high school, like grade eight, grade nine. Oh yeah. The other thing was like those bloody movie marathons. My girlfriend was allowed exactly, No one should be allowed

to movie marathon. What's going on there? What isn't going on there? I saw some stuff. Fuck exactly. We'll just leave it at that. This one's really funny and niche because my friend's dad had to get up really early on the morning for work, so no one was allowed to call the house after five pm. Because dad used to have to get up so early for work. I remember him losing his mind for people calling quote unquote so late and it would be five point fifteen pm.

The other one that my girlfriend said was like no TV during the week and then on the weekends it was strictly ABC a boring channel. If you will, Oh my god, singer shout out to the ABC. Though I'm not boring and they're not. They own Bluey did they not?

So true? Show your snail show. The other one that I thought was pretty funny is that my parents always wanted to drop me off and pick me up from everywhere, and they rarely let me go with someone else, so like even if a friend's mum was driving her to the same place. Not great for carbon emission. Yeah, this was like the early two thousands. Yeah, well it wasn't It was a live environment was fine. Yeah, yeah, climate change was a myth. Now I actually did do something

because I felt bad. I thought oh, I'm not dropping the ball because you know, I had a fucked up upbringing. I'm not really bringing anything to the table because I was like, well, I could go a list of fifty rules, and I don't want to talk a whole episodes. So I thought, all right, I had a chat with Charlie and we came up with some rules that we're going to have for RU. I love this so much. Okay, perfect, So I make fun of some of them if I need to. Yeah, but remember I'm sensitive. So if you

feel my energy change, layoff. Oh okay, miss, you're in the hospital. Hey, you look pretty. I was trying to bring up your spirit. No, I'm not sensitive. Can't handle sensitivity, can't you can't. Okay. So we've decided definitely no television during the week unless it's something as a family. Can I just say I think that that's probably because they look at me and think she's so well adjusted and

smart and successful. I'm not gonna lie. All of my friends who are like we weren't allowed to watch TV during the week. I was like, oh, I can tell weird. No, they're all big readers. Ah, yes, because that's what else do you do? I don't know if they puzzles, but some of them might be. I did many a crossword on the weekend in sudoku, actually sadku. See what I mean? This is like very flex stuff I want real to have. So we're going to prioritize like music, reading, homework, and

also rest. Rest is a big one that we want to prioritize. So once she's at school, she can't leave the dinner table until she tells us something that she's learned that day, so to encourage reflection, but also conversation at the dinner table as like a conversation starter. That was actually Charlie's wants shout out to my very husband. But I can just imagine now today I learned that

I really hate this tradition. Do won't say that, but imagine if you've had a big, annoying day, she's going to have to at least be able to have one pass a week. No, absolutely not. We're at the dinner table or a family, we're having a conversation about what

you've learned in school today. Charlie made up this one, which I was kind of like, this is aggressive, but then I was kind of like, huh, it finishes quite nicely, pay her to read and once she saves a little, teach her the value of money and how to invest. Love that so much. I thought it was quite cool that we're making her read, because no one cared about it if I read or not, so it's taking me

ages to get into reading. I think it's really important to be well read anyway, and also teaching her how to use money, because that's the biggest thing I feel like as an adult, being kind of like financially illiterate. Yes, it's really difficult, So I'm really excited for her. She's going to do, I know a lot more than I did anyway. I'm going to have her cook one night a week. I'll help, of course, I'm not just going

to throw her into the kitchen. You're going to be like chopping for a stir, right exactly, but just to kind of help her build those skills that I don't even really think I had, Like I've started to cook now that I'm a mum because I've had to. But I think that creating that environment and having her own something each week will be really cute and maybe if she likes it, it'll flourish. This one I loved Charlie again,

he's really good at these. The three hobby rule, one to keep fit, one to keep you creative, and one to make your money. I love that so right, it's super cute. I had lots of hobbies to make me money. I used to steal people's flowers and sell them back to them. I had lemonade stands and such. Yeah, you did a lot. You were a hustler, an entrepreneur alas that never continued. Hello, what are we doing right now?

Ye're not hustler CEOs of our own life hands. Okay, So never leave the house without saying I love you, which is something Charlie and I always do, because you never know what's going to happen. You want to make sure that you say you love each other. And no sleepovers. We're certainly at the life's stage where they're too young. They are too young. If we go for sleepovers, I go as well. That's even just a thing at the moment, because it'll be like, oh, Luke's out with the boys.

Maybe I'll just go to my sister's house for a sleep Yeah, yeah, you know. If my girlfriends have quite far away, I'll obviously then take Lan and will stay the night. Yeah, so true, so true. So sleepovers are kind of like for both of us. We build slumber party all my girlfriends and said, we all live in apartments, there's not really any room for us now have sleepovers. But I usually would just walk home, like I'll do dinner, bath,

and then like rude just goes home in it. Yeah, Jim Jams, that's what I do too most of the time. Like if it's just someone around here, yeah, yeah, yeah, I do think that that's potentially because there's so many things to discuss that have come out over the past year, and it's definitely a very interesting topic. I think that I will have the same rule, which is unfortunate because

I hated the rule growing up. I think it's just like you might trust the parents of a kid, but you don't know who they trust to come into there. He don't know the family, friends, you don't know the uncle, you don't know the cousins. Yeah, so I think friends. Yeah, it's a conversation that's honestly come up so much, which is interesting giving our kids at two. But I know about all the mums are reading the same things, you know.

I think there was a viral Instagram posts probably within the last year, where a girl hadn't been allowed to go to sleepovers her whole life. So for her eighteenth birthday, she had a sleepover and her girlfriends all said like, hey, what was the reason that you weren't allowed to have the sleepover? And she said, oh, it was because my dad was sexually abused at a sleepover when he was

a kid, and he kind of had that rule. And then what ended up happening is like a large majority of the girls who were at the sleepover revealed that they had actually been sexually assaulted in some way or had some kind of sexual experience in some way at a sleepover, and so she was kind of like, wow, Like I thought this was a really strict rule for a very good reason, but like how common is that? Yeah, and she realized it was actually quite common. So so

it was a big discussion. I mean, we're way off from that, as you mentioned, Kell, but like it was a for a couple of weeks it was going off in the group chat about like and it's so which we just always talk about because we also just think it's really interesting. Yeah, and some of my greatest memories are at sleepovers and can so it's a hard rule and things where you learn. Ye, let us know what

rules you had growing up. We actually had so many funny shitter submissions that I had a chance to read, but I'll pop them on socials. My favorite one, though, I just know from the top of my head, was someone had their best family friends. They made their children like everyone in the household had to pooh before they went to better about which I'm just like the logistics, it just completely wild. So the other one was if you had soup, you couldn't have water. You couldn't have

a water, or you couldn't have a beverage with your meal. Yeah, there's so many funny ones, so pop them up and you can add your funny ones and share away. And it's recommendation time. I'm Kelly mccaren. What have you got for us? My recommendation is for anyone in the same boat as me who child is going through a I hate getting dressed stage rough gold is doing the same. Honestly, manic. It is so wild, It is so upsetting in the morning, and I'm just so sick of it. So I've come

up with a really good hack. Oh tell me, tell me what I do at nighttime? Now is I put him in his daycare clothes. This was a tip I gave you episode ages ago about loll I think it was about saving time or something. I think maybe I was probably like, I don't want him to go to daycare in his pajamas, and to be fair, I do like him to look nice, so I wouldn't do this on just a normal day. But I've realized I do

not care what he looks like at daycare. No, so a tracksuit set with a singlet under the top, and then obviously he's got a puffer in his bag. If they're going outside and it gets cold, all I have to do is pull the pants down a little bit and the pulley off the pull up, and then under that I've got like just an average nappy. Take that off, chuck that over my shoulder, pull the pull up back up and the pants so nothing actually ever has to come off. He does screen through that, but it's a

lot bigger than actually getting dressed. That is so good cal and he's nice and cozy because you know how like such a first world problem. But in winter it's so cold in the morning to get dressed. Oh I know, I know, and if you have a shower in the morning, you're like, oh, I never want to get out, I never want to get out, so nice and cozy just to be able to keep your clothes on. Yeah. Great. Thank you so much for joining us today. A reminder that we are going to be taking the next couple

of weeks off to focus on season four. We're going to come back bigger and better than ever. Don't forget, though, to share the pod with other people so we can extend our group of lovely shitters and rate and review, rate and review. Of course, you can find us at kurees and at Kelly Underscore McCarran and at essr dot pod on socials and each Sleepshit Repeat on Facebook. It goes off the little group. We're just asking questions. We're helping each other struggle through. A great place to be

it really is. This episode was produced by myself, Key Reese, and Kelly mccaren with audio production by the lovely Madeline Joanna. We'll see you in a couple of weeks, Shitters. We love you. Bye.