Don’t Take This Advice (But Also Maybe Do?)

We acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land we're recording on today.

Not everyone does love being a mum, but no one really likes the bad shit.

No.

I hate being a mum. When my toddler is screaming so loudly that they could hear three streets away, when I'm brushing his teeth at night, I hate that part of being a mother.

Hate it.

Hello, Hello, and welcome back to our podcast with no current name.

I'm Kellen McCarron and I'm curious selves and regardless of whatever we end up being called, we are still always going to be that wildly unhinged podcast all about the madness that his motherhood and everything in between.

Today we're giving unhinged advice on many.

A topic, if you will, because it's our first monthly episode where we answer your questions and give sometimes questionable advice to your dilemmas. Don't forget you can always add yours. The link will live in our instabio and we will also pop it in the show notes. But first, yeah, queen, everything through the shit.

I have a voice that is really failing, so apologies for sound and st sexy, Y'll I like it.

I am up first this week.

My pit is I don't want everyone to get Madam at home sleep training, but not really so I kind of had to look at the old calendar and realize that Suki Dooki is four months my goodness, and her sleep had been a bit shit the past couple of nights, and it was like, duh, the four months sleep regression. But I'm not like freaking out about that at all. I'm just kind of being more aware of kind of the rhythms to how she's sleeping and when she likes to sleep.

She certainly doesn't like to sleep at the moment.

She doesn't want to sleep right now, which is not very good because we're trying to record a podcast.

But when I was reading this thing, it was like the Huckleberry app.

They were like, don't think of it as a regression, Like developmentally, she's just hitting a massive new milestone. She's now starting to sleep like an adult. And I was just like, fuck yeah.

But I've been.

Flirting with the idea of a loose routine see where we land, and I started trying it, and I had a little suspicion that her biggest nap she really likes to do in the morning.

So it's just completely the opposite to what Rue did. I've just got to learn how to do it a bit differently.

And I was really hoping that we might have the same routine, which I can get around. But she loves a really long nap in the morning and a really long nap in the afternoon, which sounds brilliant, but when you have to get things done or leave the house.

Or drop the child off at daycare, yeah.

It's just a little bit tricky.

How many naps do they have at this age?

I forget three to four a day. She's probably sitting out a solid three, but she does a lot of catnapping. And also if I have to get up, it's the end of her nap. Because she does all of her naps a contact naps during the day, I can't, for the life of me get her down. When Rue gets home, and I can see that she's really tired at like six point fifteen, but I can't put her down, and I know it's like, just do another contact nap, But by the end of the day, I am so touched out.

You also need to cook dinner for Rue, and like, because Charlie's.

Not there, I want my focus to also be on Rue, Like I really miss her and I've been with Suki all day. She's had my attention all day, and I really just want to be able to pop her down and for her to go to sleep, and just for me to have that like hour hour and a half with Rue until I'm ordering her around to do things because she needs to go to sleep, you know, Like I want them to be a bit more positive in our nighttime routine.

And it's just really really hard.

I know we'll get there, but it's hard to try and think of in what reality am I ever going to be able to have a routine at night with the both of them. It just seems so chaotic. And I tried to do it once last night. I put her down. She just cried, cried, cried, cried. So I just picked her up and I was like, all right, well, we gave that a try, Let's not try that.

Again for a while.

So I think what I'm going to do the new plan moving forward is just to bring out the cozy Ltuti side sleeper that I have, just to pop her in there because it's mesh on the side, so she'll be able to see me and I'll just grew up if she cries, but then I'll put her down because she is tired. I'm thinking if I put her in like an arms out swaddle, which she can be, and now maybe she will just naturally fall asleep if we're in the room together, because I think for her, she just does.

She'll be able to hear you.

And yeah, she just want to miss out. She's very inquisitive. She is like right now, she wants to be part of our conversation.

She really She's across the rooms, bubbling away and I'm just letting her do it.

She's in the bouncer, but she's just like girls, I'm still.

Out, yeah, and I've got a lot to add.

Yeah.

So I'll let you know how all of that goes. I'm trying not to spiral about it, get overwhelmed by it. But I'm just ready to just try to make that last night nap or beginning of her night's sleep really get together so that Ru and I can have that time again.

My peak quick.

Story left at four point fifty to go pick up Rue. Went down to my car park and some piece of shit ass hat as I called them, fully fully parked me in as inn, there was no way I could get her.

I tried this.

There was this other gentleman in a car park who he and his wife and I will like, very friendly, and he's like, you're not going to be able to get out, and I was like, I've got to go get my daughter from daycare. And it's not like, oh, I parked and I can go get an uber. I can't get an uber or a cab with a baby. I can get a cab with RU, but I still have the baby, So like, what am I going to do?

And I can't.

This is obviously stupid, and I know I need to learn how to do this, but I don't actually know how to take the car seats in and out, so I need to obviously learn how to do that for situations like this, but I was just really really pissed off.

Anyway, it ended up being fine.

I called my girlfriend back, Goldie's mum, and she luckily didn't have her little baby. Her mother in law was at her house, so she's on our emergency contact list, so she was able to pick up Ru and drop her over.

So everything was fine.

But what I am proud about is that I am such an anxious person that often, in the heat of the moment, especially when things aren't fair, I'll get swept up in it and I'll handle it and it's not an overreaction, but I always have like reaction regret. So me, I wanted to obviously write this really rude note and be like, you're a dickhead. I hope you know what

Dickhead you fucking parked me in. But then it becomes a joke.

I posted it on our Insta and everyone agreed that you were far too nice, So I think you should be proud.

I just know myself and I know that what would happen is that I would turn this into that I've done something wrong and that I shouldn't have reacted like that. But I wanted them to feel guilty because I'd handled it so nicely.

Someone pointed out that you could have called the police.

Yeah, I know.

Well, actually someone who was there who was like so pissed off about it, more so than me goking, he actually put in a complaint to Strata, So they're probably going to get in trouble.

So go me, Okay, your turn.

My pit is that I am absolutely drowning. I feel like I'm flailing around like a fish. I am so overwhelmed with everything at the moment. Luke is doing night shift five nights a week. I work full time. As I mentioned last week, I have all my coms overloading me.

I have no help.

My grandma still isn't exactly like she's not ready to go on a cruise. There are five different building projects around the house. Everything is just a disaster because I start things and then never do them. The gardening needs to be done, and I have to get an accountant, which is then just a huge job getting them to sort through everything and everything that I have to send them. I need to set up a website. I haven't eaten a home cooked meal for weeks. I need to go

I have enough self awareness to recognize that.

It is just that my brain seems to be getting worse and worse at being able to actually finish a task and get through a to do list, and it's just really really stressing me out.

I'm sorry, he is that.

I'm really enjoying getting dressed at the moment. Winter fashion is so much fun. Winter's a mess yet, like just being able to layer and play around with clothes and it's just so much more interesting than chucking on a dress. So I'll pull things out that I've had for six years and I just forgot that I did and I'm just having a lot of fun.

Yeah, I love that. I love that. I have been very inspired by you. So keep it up.

Next up our unhinged parenting, or just advice in general, lack thereof, if you will, before.

We get into your questions and dilemmas a reminder that we are in no way qualified to give advice. Think of kel as you're drunk aunt. She'll tell you like it is, but also has a heart of gold. And I'm more like a good friend who will be sensitive about your feelings but still give hopefully helpful advice.

Tibid Question number one, Kiris, do you want to take it away perfect?

Is it better to live far from your support network or village to earn a high income or stay close to them and accept a more modest lifestyle such a good one.

What do you think?

Hell, this one is so good and it's so hard you straight away think, we'll obviously just accept the more modest lifestyle so you have people around you. But it's not always as easy as that.

You don't know.

So, what sort of jobs are available in the area that someone sort of grew up or that their family and friends are in. It really made me think because over the past year or so, I've been in a situation where I don't think I've ever mentioned this to you before, but our family friends that live on the same as state as my parents are selling their house. There's acres, there's a pool, there's so much space, and it's incredible and we can afford it, and it would

And even though we'd be.

Close to my parents, I only have one friend up there. He doesn't have anyone, and we'd be moving away from the village that we've sort of created. It's so hard, but I would say, while you're younger, if there's an option to create a village where you can earn more money, I would do that just because you're going to get to a life stagehere. You probably don't want to work keeps and you sort of do want to take that

I think it comes down to like what brings you the most joy because for us, we currently choose to live in Sydney for the lifestyle and also the money, Like we couldn't earn necessarily the same money that we could had we both lived in Brisbane. So the longer we're here, the longer I actually see us living here, And I think.

What it is. It's like, obviously it would be easier.

To live near family, for sure, and every time we get together with our family, we're just like, oh so so nice. But I also love where we live and I love that we get to do things that I might not get to do.

How to move back home.

Although it's tough, I think what's really good about it is that it gets you out of your bubble because you're constantly meeting new people, especially as a parent. The next phase I'm really looking forward to is school. It's like that next stage of building your village, because that's when your kids go on to make their friends and they hang out with them quite a lot, and you have different sports activities or whatever activities that they're into.

So I don't know. I think I'm in the.

Boat of do it for the lifestyle because you only live once. But if it's not working, change it up. Don't feel like you fully have to do one thing or the other. Like, if you can afford it and it works for you, try it out. And if you end up wanting to move closer to family, that's okay as well. But for us at the moment, lifestyle and just seeing our family more frequently, I think that's also key.

Yeah.

You know, if my sister, because apparently they've got like a base in Paul McCrary for my brother in law's work, if they moved up to Paul McCreary, I'd move back.

I'd buy that property in a heartbeat.

Yeah, because she's a big lifeline.

For you, huge huge I could live without seeing my friends every week. Like, you know, I could live with seeing my friends once a month because I'd be coming down to Sydney so much anyway, But I just could not live without seeing her and my niece and nephew all the time. Yeah, question number two, what are the main things I need to plan for approximately one year off starting to try for kids? Fitness, money, relationship and housing.

And the way of housing. Babies are little for ages and like Toddler's a little don't be stressed out about housing, I don't think. I think, take that off your plate unless you're only adding one person.

Unless you know that you're going to have to move when they're really little, because that is so stressful.

I think.

Don't let the hell that you live in deter you from having a children, Like everything doesn't have to be perfect. Like people often move their baby out of the room at six months, So you've got nine slash ten months of pregnancy and then six months where they're gonna live in your room even longer, very little, even longer, even longer.

Sonny, it's over three. Does he need his own room? No, he doesn't because he doesn't use.

It exactly, So don't let that be a deterrent. But for me, I would say the things that you need to focus on is your relationship and your finances for sure, because they are the two things that will be the most strained after having a baby, and they need to be rock solid going into Yeah, this huge, big life change.

I completely agree.

I actually have friends that I would say have one of the healthiest relationships out of all of my friends and their relationships who they didn't even have anything wrong that they needed.

To speak to a counselor about, but they.

Went and did a bunch of counseling marriage counseling sessions while she was pregnant because she was like, I do not want to have a baby into with life. Sorted some stuff out and done a bunch of sessions so if you can afford it.

I thought that was such a good idea.

It is such a good idea, Like anytime you're investing in your relationship is amazing.

And I agree.

Financially, it would be nice to be able to have time off proper maternity leave without having to worry too much.

Yeah, yeah, I agree, I agree. Okay, Question three best wedding planning tip please, I'm in the trenches kind of love keys eight week approach. But alas, what do you think, cal don't bother? Save your money, what a waste of money?

Don't do it.

So on the flip side of that, I would say, don't worry about the small things. Don't worry about the pomp and ceremony of it all. I think the simpler the better, and often the more fun because you worry less, you care less, and on the day, honestly it doesn't matter. But definitely get some kind of wet weather.

Or you will all end up partying in side, which to be fair, is still fun.

Was really fun.

But just don't get caught up in the small stuff like bombonds and table settings like who cares?

Who cares?

Just make sure good food, good music, and shrinks pitches.

That's so true.

One of my biggest piece of advice after I got married was like, fuck the details, because no one cares about them the way that you do.

I was just so heavy on the details.

But for weeks prior I bought like these biodegradable silk rose petals.

Aren't normal rose petals biodegradable, They're a flower.

It's too hard, like in a small town area it's too hard to guarantee that you're gonna get rose petals God on the day. Also, it would have been so expensive because I wanted the entire grounds of the backyard area basically littered with rose petals.

Got it.

So I was.

Buying these like shrink wrapped packs of them from China and like separating them, spending hours and hours and hours of nights, and they were meant to all be on the ground when people returned from the ceremony. No one else cared. It was such a waste of money. It was bad for the environment. I was so caught up on like stupid details that no one cared about. Yeah, so I completely agree question number four. I'm exclusively breastfeeding my first baby. She will be six months old when

Okay, this is funny two kind of wedding questions, But this I can so relate to.

I get your stress.

I've had my first outings recently and I'm at the moment exclusively breastfeeding, and it's very stressful. The thought of them not taking a bottle bit different because I hadn't tried it and you haven't it's not working. But in my experience, I completely left the house, like we did not try when I was around. I don't think it was just luck that she took the bottle. I think it was because I was not there. So I think keep trying. And also there is no backup plan, do

It also would just be so good for your sort of autonomy. In general.

I was a little bit more brutal, same advice as Key, but just a little bit more brutal with if the baby is hungry enough, she will take the bottle. Babies are at their core, they're going to do what they can to survive like all humans do. I'm not saying torture the baby. I'm just saying that she if you are gone, of course she's going to scream for a

I love that you touched on that discomfort helt because it's so true, Like it's a greally good opportunity for your partner or whoever is helping you raise your kids to really step up and take some of that away from you, like alleviate some of that stress. You don't need to be there, no, because I think it's very stressful to watch your kid and distress obviously.

And your boobies can't they start leaking everywhere. It's not in our nature to listen to a baby cry. No one likes to listen to a baby cry, and it sounds awful, even just saying let your baby cry.

Also, something my best friend said to me when I was freaking out about going on the boat and leaving Suki for the first time. Hadn't done a bottle any of that. She said, if she doesn't take the bottle, you can syringe milk into her mouth, and that's how they do it in the hospital for baby when they're going to have it.

I have a bottle.

So if you get to it and you really won't take the bottle, someone can be there syringing the.

Milk to feed her. And that is your backup plan.

We don't want to keep doing that forever, but to make sure that you don't have to breastfeed on your wedding day, I reckon that is your tip if we don't.

Get the bottle into them.

Yeah.

Agree.

Question number five. I am nearly twelve months into parenting a beautiful little girl and yet still have regretful what on earth I've done to my once relaxed life. I'm in a constant state of stress, debt, and overwhelm, and although I absolutely adore my baby. I absolutely hate being a mother and I wish I could turn back time.

This, Oh what do you think really broke my heart because it sounds obviously I'm not a doctor, shock horror, it does sound like postpartum depression, though in so many ways I can relate to those feelings, So I just I think you need to speak to a professional because you shouldn't be feeling this shit. I also think that she needs to find a good mum crew, because friends that are in the same boat really really help, which is why he has always spoken so highly of her

For yourself to have that separation.

But my main thing would be that to go speak to your GP and get them to do one of those little scory things, because it does sound like postpartum depression, which is the worst thing. As Clarea and I touched on last week, it's such an awful feeling.

Yeah, And if you're as you said, you're in with mental health review, you do get a certain amount that are discounted from the government, so that should help. It is still an investment, but hopefully you can find somewhere that bulk bills you can maybe that'll get it across the line.

You get ten and you get ten h.

I agree with Kel. Definitely chat to your GP. Just make sure that there is no kind of postpartum depression creeping.

Out, and let them know your financial state that they don't then suggest to give you a faruh for some really expensive psychologist that will only sort of subsidize it, not bulk.

Bill it absolutely. And also remember that the first five.

Years and I know we're talking about the first year, but they always talk about how labor intensive the first five years is and that it gets easier each year. So you're only year one into that first five years of when they're out their littlest and they need you the most.

I know.

For me, having a toddler has been the hardest. Give me a baby any day, but toddler's I really struggle with. And the thing that keeps me going is knowing that hopefully they are going to have a really long life and the grand scheme of things. The first five years is such a blip in the overall experience of what

Also, not everyone does love being a mum in the regard because I think that when people say I hate being a mother, but no one really likes the bad shit, because the thing is is that you're saying, I absolutely adore my baby. So you do like being a mum in that regard. You just don't like the state of stress, debt and overwhelmed, which is so normal.

Do you know what I mean?

Like, sometimes I hate being a mum when my toddler is screaming so loudly that they could hear three streets away, when I'm brushing his teeth at night.

I hate that. I hate that part of being a mother. Hate it.

So there are parts that, even three years down the track, I think, oh, dear.

Lord, I really do not enjoy this.

Definitely, So yes.

I would say very normal. However, not okay that you are still feeling like this. It's okay, of course, but I want you to feel better. So I do think that you should go speak to your GP and reach out maybe in the Facebook group. We need to build you a village and some people around that you can spend some time with. How do I find my style

I feel like, did you write this.

In this is literally me?

You touched on this last week?

Definitely.

I have been really struggling as well, and I don't want to spend heaps of money as I don't have a lot of money to spend. But what I found's been helping is using Pinterest as kind of like style inspiration and looking at what you've got and different things that you can put together. I think that obviously, if your body is a different size to what it was, you're going to have to spend a little bit of money to be able to put that don't make you feel shit, and I think that is half of it.

I thought it was because you're not five eight exactly.

But I think you have to objectively look at it and say does it not suit you or does it just look different on your body? Because this stylist was saying that wipes out eighty percent of what you can quote unquote can wear. So wear what makes you happy. Just get a size that fits and that you feel comfortable and confident in, and try and get the image of the model that you may have seen wearing or the inspiration that you may have seen wearing it, and just be comfortable on how it looks on you.

That is such good advice.

Key. It changed my approach a lot.

Yeah, I remember getting rid of so many different clothes after I had land because I just didn't feel like, if I really thought about it, probably really regret some of the things I got rid of. Because you know how much I love my clothes. But another period that this reminded me of was when I got my boobs done because my body changed so much, so my style changed and for so long I didn't know what to

I think there's another outlet.

Now you can literally get like three feelings, three things for twenty bucks. It's insane and like a lot of it's good stuff. So deepop eBay even I've heard that eBay.

Is apparently having a resurgence. Facebook market Blows is another one.

Try to stay away from Tamu and Sheen because you're just going to end up with rubbish that doesn't actually fit you either because it's made poorly.

Like at least in Chemic you can try to trap.

On exactly question seven. I'm struggling to relax at night and I end up scrolling on my phone until I fall asleep. What are your favorite ways to unwind and relax at night?

Well, Kee likes to watch TV shows for Charlie, which I think is so cute.

You guys are so.

Good that you like wait till he gets home and when the kids are in bed, and that you also don't get much sleep, I feel because you mustn't go to bed till late.

We do go to bed quite late.

But that's what I was gonna say in relation to like finding ways to relax and wind down at night, get into bed early and go to bed early. Honestly, I know it sounds so simple and stupid, but like the other night, I did have shingles, but I was like trying to sit up and just quote unquote relax, right, but I just was like.

Fuck it, I'm just gonna go to bed.

And I still like did whatever I was going to do, Like I still kind of lay down, but I was like, I felt so smug because I was in bird early and I actually did fall asleep. And I think it's almost like the fear of not being able to fall asleep at a different time I think can sometimes be a barrier for just like getting into bed.

But also reverse procrastination where you're.

Like, oh, it's the only time I've had for myself all day, so you I don't want to go to bed.

Yeah, And for some reason, sleep we don't see as a reward or relaxing or a way to bring wine. But babe, that is that's going to make you feel refreshed. So I know it's boring, but go to bed early and read a book in bed, or read a boring book and bed, and then you'll fall asleep even quicker.

What did you think.

Cal a couple of nights a week.

I go to bed with Lens, So some nights I'll be in bed at like eight o'clock. I don't go to bed then, like but then, because I'm in bed so early, I'm probably more likely to go to bed, you know, put my phone down or put my book down or whatever. It is more likely to do that closer to ten, rather than if I'm up and about and doing stuff around the house us after he's gone to sleep, then it's probably closer to like eleven, And just that one hour can make the world of difference in the morning.

We are the only species on the planet that fight sleep. Every other species but sleeps animals. We don't prioritize sleep enough. I honestly think that's the secret.

My ideal way to relax really would be like a nice glass of red, something on the television that I can like a two screener thing so I don't have to concentrate that much on it, or a book or a podcast that I'm listening to, saying that I can listen to whilst I'm doing a really good puzzle, and like some chocolates or just something maybe some lollies, like a snack that I really like feeling cozy in my pajamas at the moon.

I love being cozy. I love winter pajamas and socks.

Or you've just reminded me of one. An audiobook in bed, like laying in bed with my eyes shut listening to an audiobook. When you're listening to a podcast or audiobook or something, usually you're on the rum, but there's something that quite relaxed and unwinding about, like laying down and listening to something.

Question number eight advice for when you are so touched out slash burnt out from work, life, admin and parenting and you have nothing left. Your partner at the end of the day he is so understanding, but I feel like I'm a really, really bad wife.

Oh this is such a good one.

I know some people they're just annoyingly smug though they're like, our relationships so good. Yeah you know why, Well, you have parents around the corner that take your children slash child once weeks.

You can go on a date night, that's why.

And you're probably really rich. Yeah, you can.

Afford babysitters whenever you want to. I really struggle to justify the cost of a babysitter. They're worth every cent of course, but it's like that adds hundreds of dollars.

Onto your night.

Yeah, it's a lot. It is a lot.

What's your advice? You're better at this than me.

My advice is it's a season and shit, but it's a season.

I think that's really good advice. But mine is to have no TV nuts. So I think Charlie and I we actually this happened recently with us. We've fallen into a bit of like a ships and the night kind of thing, very routine y, and we don't like make enough conversation. So say we do have something to watch on TV that we want to do. When we're actually eating dinner, we don't have the TV on, so we have conversation over dinner. We don't have a dining room table,

But it's not that.

We talk to each other, it's just that we both sit on the couch together but doing our own things. So it's spending time together where you don't necessarily have to chat, but it's without costraction of a TV that's dumbing you, so for instance, like we might read a book, or one of us is playing a game, or I did actually buy us a board game to play together.

Our board games are great.

Sitting together and each other's company without having a television on, I think is a really good one.

Pillow talk is.

My absolute favorite though, because it is the best part of the night, and we just got into this habit where we would like get into bed and talk until we fell asleep, and I just thought that that was so cute.

Anyway, can I just say that's quite unrealistic because not that many people go to bed at the same time.

It doesn't have to be every night, but it's a you're in bed one night and you just have a little chat in bed.

It's quite nice.

If Luke and I tried to do that on the one night that we go to bed at the same time because he doesn't know shift, Lenny would have a lot to say because he's between us.

So true, it does not work if there's a kiddo in the bed. Question nine, what age did you get your babies off bottles? And how did you do it? So much conflicting advice?

How did you do it?

Cal Like I could not remember.

It shows how quickly you just forget mundane things or things that don't matter down the track. I could not tell you what the rules are around toddlers and babies and milk and that sort of thing. All I remember about it is that Lenny gave up his So he mustn't have been having bottles of milk during the day.

It must have just been a night thing. But I remember it was around.

Eighteen months because and I've spoken about this before, he literally just stopped because he had hand foot mouth and it was just so bad that he didn't want to do anything, and that sort of just weaned him off his night bottle. But then I was just so sad because I was like, but I don't remember the last night feed. I don't remember the last night bottle with his little noises going. So about eighteen months and just literally he weaned himself because he had hand to foot

Yeah, yeah, we did it. I think around the twelve thirteen month mark. She just didn't really want it. At twelve months you can start giving them cow's milk so you don't have to broastfeed or give them formula animal They're fine to have cow's milk. But I remember it being really hard after Bali and I don't know when that was because the nanny is God bless them, and it was such a good trick. Women were traveling would

My girlfriend Ash, she's been on the pod before Diddy was well, even Harley, they were old toddlers from memory closer to four and still having because they called it Motti's. And I'll never forget because they'd be like lying in the dark and go I want mom Motties, and I'd be like, oh, dear lord, but it would just be in like a sippy cup. But they still actually and sometimes Lenny still has a milk before bed, like in a cup.

Yeah, like if it's helping themself sooth. Fuck, yeah, keep that maybe eat that bottle. Don't get rid of it. They'll get rid of it when they don't.

Want it to exactly. They all do it at their own time. All right.

Last question, what is the funniest or strangest thing that has happened to you on a first date. I need some lulls because I'm so nervous about getting in the dating pool. I split with my partner last year for context. I'm ready for some light fun.

Oh my god.

I just remember this guy that I was talking to on tender. This is when I lived in New York, and like we had this like really fun first day and night out. I took him back to my apartment and like I went to the bathroom and then I came back. But I don't think he well, he didn't. He didn't hear that. I had like come back to the room, and just before I opened the door, he did a huge fart yuck, And I was so grossed out that I just.

Blew balled him. I didn't do anything with him.

Because I was so grossed out, like it was so big. And then he was like fluffing the douner cover, like to get rid of the scout, and I was like, why didn't you just wait and like go to the bathroom like a civilized person.

To do it.

But I do not understanding ill, and it just put me off. And then afterwards, like the next day, he was like messaging me and I was like not wanting to message back, and he was just like got really mean and was like I wasn't like I was trying to make my girlfriend, and I was like.

If I want to be your girlfriend when you fart like that, yuck, I don't even know if that's funny or gross.

It's probably both.

But I was just like, oh my god, how do I get this person to leave my apartment? I'm so turned off by you right now? And I was so drunk too, and I still cut through the drunkness. I feel like it made me really sobered up and be like, not doing anything with this guy.

It's gross. Anyway, what's yours?

I have so many funny dating stories. I was so good at dating, and so I would. You haven't asked for advice, You've just asked for dating lolls. But my advice is don't let especially if you're kind of like, oh, I just want some fun, have fun, because the worst thing that can happen, like obviously, bar actual criminals, the worst thing that's going to happen is you're gonna have

But there was one I don't even.

Know if I've told you this key, but I was talking to this bloke and we'd been talking for a while and we'd organized to go on a first date. But then my housemate, who was my really good friend said oh, we're doing birthday drinks pub crawl, and.

So I canceled this date.

All of these boys were at my house and one of them just looked so familiar George, who was my guy friend that I lived with whose birthday was And I said, what's that guy's name? And he's like Nick, And I said, oh, my god, George, that's the guy that I canceled on. That's the guy that I've been talking to on Tinder. And George is looking at me like, what is wrong with you? You have met him so many times before that, he's been here, You have photos

Wait, so he didn't realize as well?

No, because maybe I was a catfish because and I really wasn't dressed up this night because it was just a pub crawl with the boys, so I probably looked like a foot anyway. So then I saw him and I go, oh, Nika, it's Kelly, and he goes, yeah, I know, and I go Kelly from Tinder and he was like, oh, so he really didn't realize either. Neither of us realized that we'd been talking to each other and that we already knew each other, and just so strange.

That is actually really funny, but thank god both of you didn't realize.

Yes.

But then to make the whole hymn thing so much weirder is that then years later, my first ever solo Barley trip, I was in this restaurant that my friend was the head chef of in Chengu. Then these guys came in and one of them looked really really familiar. One of them was talking to Dan, who was my friend that worked there. By the way, so me and Nick then we were friends for years. So we've spent a lot of time together over the next years and

Okay, anyway, these I'm reading between the landes here.

These guys left, and one of the boys had just been staring at me so weird, and then I sort of just like made an excuse and.

Walked off because I was like, who are these weirdows?

Then I said to Dan, I said, oh my god, that looked so much like this bloke that I know in Sydney.

And he goes, oh, Nick, he's Australian.

Yeah he is, shut up, Kelly.

And then he goes, oh, do you know him? And I was like, yes, yes I do.

Did he recognize you that time?

Yeah, that's why he'd been looking at me so weird.

I opened my messages and I said, did I just see you and completely ignore you? And he's like, yeah, I just had no idea what was going through your face because you clearly had no idea who I was, and I just didn't know what to do.

Damn.

So someone with such a good memory, I clearly suck at faces and just what is wrong with me? Honestly?

But also I get that when you're in like a different country. I know the proximity of Bali to Australia, but you're not expecting it.

I was not expecting to run into someone that I knew. But then Dan, after he said so do you know him? I said, yeah, just intimately.

It's a Kelly. What is wrong with you?

Anyway?

That was, like I said, all dating stories are funny even like they're fine.

Yeah, they are, they are well.

Is your recommendation this week?

I am recommending an amazing television series that I have been watching called Mobland. It's all one word because mob Spaceland is a different show movie. Okay, Mobland one word. That's a good point. Yes on Paramount Plus or if you have Amazon Prime. It's free with Amazon Prime. So it's a British crime drama and it's actually directed by Guy Ritchie. The cast is incredible. So Tom Hardy plays

World characters far out of their comfort zone.

Yeah, and they're not caricatures, like they bring a lot of like heart and depth to the roles of like the characters that they're playing. So they're really believable. And it's whenever an actor who is so famous and so well known, like Pierce brosn and played James Bond for years, whenever they make you forget that they are Pierce Broslin or Helen Mirren. I just think, as an audience, you are so lucky to be able to see actors at the top of their game, and it is so good.

It's like a modern Peaky Blinders, is how I would explain it.

If you've seen Piky Blinders, also another fantastic TV show, but it's period. So actually I'm going to give more Bland four out of five because it's present day. Piky Blinders is five out of five because it's period and I love gone back to those twenties babes, so.

Well, I'm going to watch that because after your last recommendation, holy you are up there now with Laura Brodnick for TV recommendations, I would say.

Because oh my god, that's a lovely compliment.

I can't even deal with how much I was so obsessed. It was so much better than Pulse, which was what spurred you to tell me about the Oh so good.

I couldn't even watch Pulse. Charlie and I were like pissing ourselves laughing because it was too slow. We're like, once you've watched that, once you've watched changed television. For me, it's changed television, I think for everyone, the pace of it, the depth that you care. Anyway, I'm going to stop talking now because my voice is going, what's yours?

Okay, But I have questions that I need you to answer. Oh for my recommendation. My recommendation is so weird this week, but I just think it's so interesting. If you're interested in ethics and morals and philosophy, you need to look at this website that we will put in the show notes of course, called Philosophy Experiments, because it will blow your mind with how your thinking can change and make absolutely no sense, or when something is perceived it can

Oh, this has happened to me. I would save the child.

You had to save a child drowning in a pond and the surf. Yeah, you saved the child that was drowning.

Yeah.

But say you're walking past and you're a little bit late for work. You've got a really nice outfit on, so obviously it's going to get destroyed if you go into the pond. There are other people around to and you're not sure one hundred percent if the child is going to drown, and you think, oh, someone else will probably probably save it, do you think you morally would get in the water and.

Save the child.

Yeah, definitely.

So say you're walking along and someone from Oxfam or one of those places is like, can you please donate a dollar? Yeah, I know what you're gonna say to save this child in this other country, and you were one hundred percent by paying a dollar, I'm going to save a child's life.

Do you morally think that you were required to donate.

Ah, this is yeah, this is a hard one, isn't it, Because it's removed.

It's like one step removed.

It's actually just blown my mind with how different frameworks completely change your perception on different things.

And oh, it's so interesting.

That is really interesting.

I like that it's going to make me think, and I think it'll probably make me a better person reading these things too.

I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing, but I'm a lot less than average with how I think about things in terms like I'm too logical almost. Ah okay, Yeah, Because if there was two train tracks, as an example, and there was a train sort of speeding towards you and five other people, and you could divert it, but there was one person that was going to die if you diverted it, would you think that it was better morally to save yourself and the five other people or the one person.

It'd be the five other people and me.

So I responded with that I didn't think there was any moral difference, because as well, you could even then argue that you're like changing the course of fate. Almost anyway, it's so interesting, have a look at it. Obviously this is not for everyone. It's obviously very niche, like some people be go, oh, what is wrong with you? Kelly?

Honestly on that note, fairly well, please rate and review us.

We're off.

Leave your questions in the link.

In the show notes or in the ESSR pod on Insta.

We'll be back in your ears next week.

We will.

It was produced by US and the audio production is by Mattie Joannu Bye should is Bye