T’was the week before Christmas and all through the ‘cast, The girls talked holiday f***ery of traditions present and past. Erin was nestled, all smug in her chair, While she FaceTimed with Nicole and her curly pube hair. With the Dutch wearing black face, and predator scarecrow Hans Trapp, This episode’s more uncomfortable than a lady’s annual pap. But we heard the dudes exclaim, as they let out a sigh, Be excellent to each other, we love you, buh bye!
"This tiny home was hand built by the owner in the late 1960s and has only ever had one resident. It features clean lines and a modern design, complete with a battery-operated ventilation system and an updated bucket toilet. Move in ready, this capsule can be yours for only $500,000 in $20 bills. Please place an ad in the paper to let us know you're interested, and we'll contact you via telephone." In this week's episode, Erin and Nicole talk about the Barbara Mackle kidnapping!
The "M" stands for Mackenzie because without her, Episode 40 wouldn't be chock full o' aliens or deceased pets or active diarrhea or bad accents or a bunch of conspiracy theories! So make yourself a cranberry sauce cocktail (aka the Fixin') and join Erin "Mulder" and Nicole "Scully," as they investigate the Rendlesham Forest Incident! This one's for you, Stumbelina!
Happy Thanksgiving, America! If you're a stateside listener, we hope this year brings you a Thanksgiving spread free from political commentary and distant relative stank. But chances are, you're sitting ringside to "A Very MAGA Thanksgiving 2017," while your step uncle-in-law continuously douses himself in Drakkar Noir. The maybe, potentially silver lining? The mall opens at 6pm and you can channel all of your resulting aggression into a box store stampede. Or better yet, you can hide out in gra...
"Aww, you shouldn't have." - Britney Jean Spears --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Today's topic is the Hope Diamond, which was the inspiration behind the "keep your mouth shut and your brain empty" necklace in Titanic. And that film was supes popular when Britney was Making the Video for "Oops" in a red pleather jumpsuit and white eyeshadow. So naturally, it worked itself in. Was the Titanic cursed? Is Britney Jean cursed? Is the Hope ...
Come mah lady, come come mah lady (and dudes)! This week brings a very special episode of DTFU Podcast as we celebrate the original meathead's birthday! Erin is completely almost surprised by the birthday facts Nicole shares, but it turns out the real heroes are the listeners who delivered amazing, f****d up birthday stories! So many laughs, new nicknames, old turns of phrase and a few sound effects. Oh! And a drinking game! But still no Kenny Rogers impression. Drink along responsibly.
Get ready for the most HERiFFic listener story you're ever going to hear. It was submitted anonymously and honestly, it's for the best because you'd never be able to look this person in the eye again. If it's even a person, it was submitted anonymously so who knows. After a few laughs and gags and "how'd that even happens," Erin and Nicole transition nicely into the practice of ancient Egyptian mummification. Come for the putrefaction details. Stay for the bad puns.
Most cults are oppressive, sad and poor. This cult is oppressive and sad, but it's rich, bitch! In fact, it's so wealthy, their estate in Northern California has a fully functioning restaurant, museum, amphitheater and winery! For a cult that keeps thinking the end of the world is coming, it seems a bit much. Also, Erin does the snake oil salesman voice again, and Nicole laughs.
This week's topic seemed innocuous enough...until Erin and Nicole started talking about it! There's no subject these two ladies (and "ladies" is not used ironically here, but I see why you might think that) can't bring back to body parts and/or fluids. Only DTFU Podcast can take a topic as boring as an astronomer from the 16th century, and find a way to circle back to dirty deeds. Silent-laugh along with Erin and Nicole as they discuss the minimally interesting accomplishments, but extremely int...
What do the City of Cleveland, Pennywise the Clown and 1986 have in common? There's no punchline here, but this episode will try to tie these loose ends together. Join Erin and Nicole as they rehash the excitement leading up to and the slightly tragic unfolding of the events of the 1986 Cleveland Balloon Fest. This one is one for the books! (Although, not the Guinness Book of World Records, but that's a very sore subject so let's drop it. K, THX.)
Erin and Nicole have been asking you to send in your sexy time-related stories and HERFF GIRL, HERFF have you delivered! We hear from a listener about a missed connection of rock star proportions before we get in to bed with a couple of listeners who aren't doin' it right in this Mulletsode.
Erin and Nicole would have loved to go beyond the wall for this episode, Game of Thrones style. Instead, they're talking about a different, less impressive wall. Still, it IS made out of ice. But it stands a mere 125 feet tall. Scalable in 10 minutes or less by any wildling worth their salt. Oh, and it's not guarded by the likes of Jon Snow and the Night's Watch. Oh no. It's most likely guarded by the equivalent of a band of wights who are stoned on the pot. Oh right, and this wall encompasses t...
Course Description: This course, which meets every Wednesday and is taught by renowned Bus Driver Scientists Erin and Nicole, is best geared towards passionate students with a healthy curiosity and a lust for knowledge. It is not for the faint of heart, or those who may already be over-stimulated. The course will begin with an update on the trial of Jose Consnakeo, followed by an historic reenactment from "The Straight Passing Gay." Once those topics have been touched upon, this course will deep...
Do you like the look of crunchy hair? Do you feel useless when your uterus is empty? Have you ever thought to yourself, "Golly gee whiz. I could spread the word of the Lord faster, if only I had my own child army..."? If you answered yes to any of the questions above, you may pre-qualify for Quiverfull! Quiverfull is a culty religion that really came into it's own in the 80s. Enjoy everything Quiverfull has to offer: female oppression, poverty, an overworked uterus, an out-of-fashion perm (to pe...
Jesus Crass, what an episode! When Erin and Nicole get together it's generally chaos. But add in the dating scene, D-list celebrities from the early 2000s, a chin piercing, and Lenny Kravitz's stage-peen, and you have Episode Twenty-Two! Single dudes, get ready to learn the warning signs of an a-hole trying to get into your pants. Doesn't sound familiar? Surprise! You're the predator and here's some advice: don't ever listen to anyone wearing a furry top hat and goggles. Also, don't touch anythi...
Episode 20 is a little longer than usual because there's just so much to celebrate! Ok, but also, Erin and Nicole each drink half a bottle of (v. good) champagne and they won't shut up about this week's topic. Picture this: you're a peasant in the European countryside. The year? 1348. You're hungry. You're feeling riddled with fever. Your lymph nodes are purple and swollen to the size of golf balls in your armpit and crotch. You go to Goop.com looking for the cure-all-jade-egg while thinking "WW...
Unemployment, Bill Cosby, Sloppy Joes, Warm Milk, Meth - this episode has it all. Kind of like Rumspringa, the time in an Amish kid's life when they leave the farm and head for the bowling alleys of Pennsylvania or Ohio or wherever. You thought Erin and Nicole hated talking about Sasquatch? You haven't heard this episode!
HOW (!?) did these two cram so much into a single episode of DTFU? It could be that they're trying to avoid this week's topic... Erin and Nicole share an update from Laura, who "noped!" her way out of Target in E16: Defile High Club. Erin recounts the time she discovered Facebook filters and her likeness to "hot Jesus." Nicole learns from a new fan she's the one with the cackle. And after a story about a snake, they finally (and begrudgingly) get to the topic of this episode: Bigfoot (aka Sasqua...
Hope you're hungry for adventure, because this episode is jam packed! First, Nicole tries to clear up a misunderstanding about Louis XIV before both dudes swap travel horror stories in preparation for Erin's 15-hour flight to Japan. Still, their stories pale in comparison to the travelog of the Donner-Reed party and the trek they made along the Oregon Trail. An early storm, a jabroni tour guide and a bunch more bad moves along the way sealed this party's fate in the wild, wild west.
The girls say "like" too much, according to Nicole's mom, and Erin's mom can't weigh in because she's never listened to this podcast. Luckily, the girls are only derailed for a few minutes, before a brilliant segue into cereal. Pour yourself a bowl of anything but Grapenuts, as we'll spoon feed you the crazy on the Kellogg Brothers. Mmmmm, yummy!
Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy is the topic du jour and the conversation gets a little dark. Luckily, Erin has a cat with impeccable comedic timing to lift everyone's spirits! Join us for a listener story about a parasite, a bunch of legitimately bad moms and finally, a story that Nicole argues is a heroic tale of revenge!
It's Erin and Nicole's first fan submission, and the fan may or may not be Nicole's first cousin Natalie! A can't miss, must-hear, fun fact for your next dinner party. Then, Erin and Nicole criticize the companies behind some of the biggest and most recent pyramid-marketing schemes. Buckle up and buy in, we're all getting rich off of this episode!
This week, Nicole stopped eating meat (probably temporarily) and Erin was stalked by the ghost of Minnie Ripperton. But the REAL story of the episode is Lou Pearlman, the man behind the biggest boy bands of the 90's and early 00's. And what a story it is!
In episode 9, Erin and Nicole explore the neurological bus driver science of lobotomies! Erin empathizes with half of the Kennedy clan around a very high profile lobotomy, and Nicole makes a tasteless joke. Typical.
Kids these days, amirite!? Erin and Nicole discuss all of the ways teens are embracing social media, using it to "one up" each other. No, teens aren't any dumber than when you were a kid, but they ARE more entertaining. Bonus: In this episode, we learn what "boofing" is.
Erin and Nicole are reunited this week, in a tacky AF house in the Hollywood Hills! Join them as they sit on the porch of a mansion (where literally every painting has naked boobs) and discuss how hard it's been for women to achieve ridiculous beauty standards through time. Speaking of boobs, Nicole thinks her own are pretty great.
Erin visited a medieval torture museum as an angsty teenager, and it's been all downhill from there. Episode 5 is all about medieval torture and it's particularly cringey! Let Erin and Nicole tell you all about the Pear of Anguish, a dude named Peter Niers and their preferred body hair removal methods. Each week you think they'll stop over sharing, but it never happens.
Welcome back! This episode is about all of the ways people protect themselves from baby making during past and present sexy times. And you thought the sponge was gross! Grab a Mai Tai and join Erin and Nicole for some fun times.
This episode, we're all part of The Family. Erin tells us a bit about clown culture and Nicole highlights some of the most notorious happenings at the annual Gathering. It's a downright ICP-arty.
In episode two, Nicole tells Erin about a year-long ailment. Erin tells Nicole about all of the flavors of Helminths. This week's episode is about Parasitic Worms! They're mostly intestinal, so maybe wait to eat until you're done listening to this episode.
