Yeah, how y'all doing today? Oh, this evening? I don't know, whenever you're catching this show. It's fine, man. It's fine, Amy. Welcome to the weekly Roast and Toast with I, Corey. He, Martin. Of course, Billy's dance for the old white... Oh, hey, man! What was that now? I don't know.
Wait a second. That's what y'all say about this. It's Tuesday, nigga, bro. This is night off. What you doing? Lose track of time. Sometimes. I thought I heard another voice in here. Hey, what did you crawl up in here, huh? I got to crawl now. You got to crawl, man. I didn't see you standing and walking, man. I crept up here. Yeah, you must have low-crawled in here. I want to see your big ass walking in. Hey, I got to do it.
Oh, we didn't start now. Yes. Immediately. How y'all doing, everybody? Welcome to the weekly Roast and Toast. This is the show where we take a movie that most people consider bad. Oh, but that's going to change. this evening because we take a movie or used to take a movie that most people consider it bad. But now we're starting to take movies that are considered to be retro and weird. And it's still going to evolve, but you know, hey, it's all about keeping options open.
We checked with y'all before we did this, so we have your approval for that. But yes, we just take a movie now, just any kind of movie that seems fit for just sitting back and having a good time with and just roasting the shit out of it. There we go. There we go. That's what we do. Yeah, that was testifying right there. There we go. Go ahead now. Take your time. Baby. Yep.
Hope everybody's doing well this evening. Sorry for, again, starting the show so late. And when I say starting late, I don't mean that we started late. We had to actually start the show at a later time. We already told you on the... Carousel, what time was going to start? Had an unusual time for a screening today. Yeah, that was very unusual. I know Blue-Ass Hedgehog is messing up my schedule over here. What time was it? 5? 5 p.m., yeah. Oh, man.
5 p.m. Yeah, 5 p.m. for me. You better come on down when the streets are nice and open. Oh, the streets are nice. Yeah, oh. Which streets were you open? Mine were not open at all. Oh, I didn't think about that. Rush hour? You had to cross rush hour traffic. Yeah, holiday traffic. Yeah, mom was open to criticism shit. Two goddamn...
Crowded out there, man. So for me, yes, I'm going to whine right now. Yeah, it threw me off today. That's why we started like around 10 o'clock tonight, Central Standard Time, because not only is it south for me, but y'all think like... rush hour traffic is like five o'clock and all starts around
2.30, 3 o'clock for us. Yeah, I'm a person at 3 o'clock. I was stuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A rush hour for us. What the hell are people doing to Austin that they got to cause traffic at 3.30? 3 o'clock, I know. They ain't doing shit. It really ain't going nowhere. Ain't nobody here got no job. You ain't got no job. Stay home. Two something, you're good. But yeah, by 3.30, you're just screwed. No, you may as well be 5 o'clock anywhere else. Yeah.
We got so many work at home people here in Austin. What the fuck y'all doing on the road? You ain't working. You ain't got no work to go to. You ain't got to go to brunch and all that kind of shit. Keep your ass at home. Keep the streets open. Piss me up. You can tell them that. I know. And it keeps going until...
7. Yeah, it does. No, it goes right until 7. Stay y'all's asses at home. Shit. You know, I got shit to do. Okay, reconnect it right now. We just started, so y'all ain't missing too much. We just ended up complaining. I live in L.A. Tell me about how bad your traffic is. It's bad. I don't give a fuck about your traffic. I'm talking about mine.
Well, I will say this. When I lived in L.A., it started later than it does here, but it lasted like eight o'clock. So let me ask y'all, Chet, before I introduce y'all properly. Are we back? Because if it's... If it's... Okay, we back. There we go. They're going to answer the talk shit about every goddamn thing else. Oh, no. That's the one. I was going to say. They lie about everything else, but let the stream go down.
That's the only time I tell the truth. Ain't lie about every goddamn thing else. Things I need help with y'all for, man. Y'all lie to y'all's ass up there bullshitting, making jokes, but let this dream go down. It'd be truthful as hell. Look, motherfucker. No goddamn game, all right? Yeah, and look at it. There's another truth. They're like, yeah, it's true. We full of shit. They proud of that.
They wouldn't lie about everything else. They lie about everything else, but let this stream go down. That's the only honest time that we got around here. And I know what's going on here. He wants some more complaining from me. Google. Google Fiber, they doing this shit. I'm going to go on my conspiracy theory thing. Are they throttling you? I think, well, I think they're trying to get me to upgrade because they sending me emails every other day because right now I got their lowest...
fiber and it works fine except for now and it was oh look i was coasting and doing well and then he starts sending me emails talking about hey you know go on bumping up to a hundred gigabytes you know you good for that and i was like no i'm all right like oh yeah we'll see you How's it now? You ready yet? Hey, don't even want to. He'll call back. He'll call us. Yeah, I'm about to jump on it. It works every time. They're about to get me, man.
gangsta ass damn men and men people. Be ashamed if something happened to you. Yeah, yeah. Come here. Hey, that's protection money. Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm saying. Nice stream you got. Be ashamed if something happened to you. You're right, yeah. You got to pay us when that's...
Don't bring the overview. Yeah, man. I know what they're doing. It's called insurance. Yeah. I know what they're doing. This didn't start until I started getting those damn upgrade emails, which is probably what I'm going to have to do.
Cause now they talking about, we got, we got some brand new equipment that you don't even know what the fuck it does, but it's free. As long as you upgrade. And I'm like, well, it looks cool. You know, it looks space age. That's that's everybody's doing it now. Oh yeah. Oh, to get this, to get this. feature, you just have to upgrade.
I'm good like this. Well, to even get what you got now, you're going to have to upgrade. Yeah. Yeah. So I guess you want to click. Yeah. How are you upgrading, motherfucker? Look, man, just give us $50. Yeah. Anytime I get this mesh box.
high upgrade equipment and that shit, boy, they probably don't even do nothing. Right. It's not even bugging. It's not even bugging. It's just a bug. Ding-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling. Ding-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling. Oh, what does it do? You trying to bite into it? Open up. It's going to be a hamster in the wind. Or nothing. Or nothing, yeah. It's going to be a bunch of wires. Some lint. Yeah, a bunch of wires. It's a big old ball of wires. Hey, what is it?
Hey, man, don't open that. You don't mess it up. Now you gotta buy another one. Now you gotta upgrade again. You gotta upgrade again. To this box. And I'll open this one out, goddammit. You don't know what you're doing, see? Just open it up and blow it. It was fun. until you opened it. You're not certified. Ain't a wire connected to nothing. Just pull it out. Can't be certified. Yeah, you broke your warranty. Did you actually open the lid and pull the wires out? No. Yeah, you did.
We told you I'd do that. No, you didn't. Well, you did anyway. You should have known. Let's fuck out of here. Yeah, just a bunch of spaghetti in there. Yeah, yeah. A bunch of dry spaghetti. Yeah, yeah. Hey. Well, it was working on your internet and then you didn't fuck it up. Yeah, man. I'm going to have to. Yeah, I'm probably going to end up upgrading just because. I don't know what's happening around here.
I don't know what's going on. We'll see. We'll see. But hey, we're back now. I'd rather get that out the way at this moment instead of having the stream stop later. it hadn't been happening a lot but you know every now and then it decides to like act a fool so i guess i'm just gonna have to upgrade, whether, like you said, whether I want to or not. Yeah, boy, you goddamn right. Yeah. Yeah, we got him. Can you get that notice from YouTube TV? Oh, they jacked up their price, too.
And you know how I knew that? Because I read an article that said, it ain't worth it. Don't do that shit. Wait, don't get it? They said, well, they were saying, if you don't have it already. Don't get it. And they said if you do have it, then you might want to start looking at some other options. Because they said that with YouTube TV, they said, think about this. You're paying more than some streaming services.
But YouTube TV is all everybody else's shit. Right. They offer nothing exclusive. That's true. At all. True. Yeah. So what's the benefit? It doesn't make sense. Yeah. Yeah. It just gives you some channels. I mean, you do get some channels. It's like an alternative to cable. You go like, well, maybe I should go back to cable. But then when you go back to cable, well, then they charge you for renting the equipment. All the equipment and everything. And every time they cut you a sweet deal.
Somehow, by the end of the year, that price has raced up to almost twice what it was when you came in. I got a Samsung TV and the Samsung Internet channels. A lot of those YouTube channels on there. Yeah. Yeah. They're already on. well this is so this is like it's just cable it's like cable and you get you know like uh news channels uh uh you know uh networks uh like cartoon network and all that kind of stuff yeah for me it was uh i got it because
I get tired of watching my mother's fucking shows when I go home because all she does is watch game shows and murder all day long. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how I think I first discovered the booty, man. She was watching some damn... Watching Locked Up or whatever. That's where the booty man made his debut. I think I first saw the booty man in Wago. That's where he made his dead booty. That's what I do tonight. She just watched game shows all day. And a reality show. Yeah. True Crime Order. Yeah.
And then if I accidentally just glance at the TV, like, oh, I'll turn it up, Corey. Oh, and America's Funniest Home Videos, which is like. Oh, that's the worst. Which they've expanded into other. B-roll bullshit. Like now they got America's funniest weather. What? I'm not bullshitting. Was this like a reporter stuck out in a storm? They got some perky ass woman just making fun of people in the rain and the snow and things like that. People slipping on ice.
Yeah, it's just America's Funny. It was a home video rebranded a more specific way to sell you more bullshit. So it's just the chive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. You get funnier videos if you just look up fails on YouTube or whatever and be like, look, I'm going to see some people fall at weddings. But that, you know, my mother, she don't know.
She don't know no better. I mean, my mother has, she's so old, she has to tape off all the buttons on the remote control except the ones that she uses. My grandma used to do that. Because she's scared that if she presses the wrong thing, it's going to explode or some shit. I don't know. She's probably had an incident. where she pressed the wrong button. Couldn't get back. Yeah, couldn't get back. Ain't no problem. That's exactly what she did. Mm-hmm.
Because everyone I've been picking up. She's like, don't press nothing on that card. Because I won't be able to get back to it. And I'm like, I see you got it taped off. And ain't good luck trying to talk her through the phone. You may as well be trying to dismantle a bomb. You may as well be trying to... Don't cut the red wire. All those buttons duct tape except for sound and power on and off. That's it. That's all I need.
That's it. Last channel. You touched that, I kicked your motherfucking ass. I think she has another remote for changing the channel. She's scared of the TV. So she's got everything taped up on the remote. for the TV except for sound. and power. Now there's another remote for the cable box. Okay. And she got everything taped off on that except channel up and down. Okay. She don't even know. She's too, she don't even want to press the numbers.
She wants to use the arrows. That's easy. Well, that way, because I can just go back. or forward you know that way yeah yeah and i'll be honest man i'll put some cable box buttons where i'm like what the did i just do yeah and i feel like i'm 90 years old because i'm like i don't know how to get back to this right right yeah if you can't if the back button doesn't work like i'm screwed
Yeah. All right, y'all. Well, it looked like the stream started a little bit quicker. So maybe maybe restream was slowing things down. Anyway, if update the Internet, maybe it'll take care of that issue, too. I don't know. I don't know. But we're back. Hopefully this solves the problem right here.
We'll keep talking for a little while and we'll see what happens. But thank y'all for your patience. You know, some of these things happen sometimes, technology being the way it is. How you doing? I'm doing all right. Good. Chipper as hell. I'm doing all right. At that rate, how you doing? Yeah, I'm gone. Yeah, I'm gone. Let's get this started.
Yeah, I hope this solves the problem. And I will be on Google's ass tomorrow and give them some more of my money and send me some shit I probably need in the first place. You'll be happier in the end. Yeah, yeah, you know. I mean, you know, poor. Yeah, what'd you do, man? Man, I told them how much y'all need. Yeah. do this shit again. It's $30 more a month. Damn, that's a couple of drinks.
That's two drinks. It hurts even more when you put it like that. Yeah, it sure does. Damn, I'm going to be missing out on good alcohol, man. That's two drinks a month. You'll be all right. Maybe Google be saving me, man. Exactly. You don't need to be drinking that much? We're trying to help you. Especially with them fancy cocktail bars you like to go to. Oh, yeah. That's two nights of going to a dive. That's one drink. I know.
I was going to say, yeah, that fancy one. Yeah, man. Listen, I had to slow down. I was trying to be old Gentleman Coleman out there. Got a scarf on a shoe. We got a cane out on you. Even with a cravat. A glass of your finest elixir. A glass of your finest elixir. You sure you want that? Don't you get that new internet bill you got made? Oh, yes, yes, you're right. Don't worry about that. Get me my drink. Margarita, you know what I mean? Perhaps something from the well.
Okay, you broke motherfucker. I suppose I could switch it up with a can of Schlitz mob liquor. This evening? I feel like slumming. I feel like slumming. Ironically, I have this. I have your finest Lone Star. There you go, man. Get out. Drink that shit outside. I'm sorry, this Lone Star. How much was that? It's a good night to look at the stars, I suppose. Well, can I have a paper bag? Paper bag, sir. Don't mind if I do. Good day. Yeah, man.
I'd go to these bars. It's about 20-some dollars a drink. Jesus. Yeah. But damn, it's good, though. Everybody dressed like right before the roaring 20s. Before the goddamn market crash. No, there's people just like me in there who can't afford that shit and shouldn't be in there. There's people just like me trying to look fancy and shit.
A lot of drinks have a raw egg. Every last night, at the last night, at the last call, I was like, whoo, at the same time. Fuck! He had lights come off. God damn! Yeah. Everybody paying for, everybody paying for foam. That's all. Everybody painted for foam and a fancy ass glass and a story behind it. And no lights. Oh, yeah. No, because the men you got there, because that's how they get you. You know, they... Every drink on the menu has a goddamn fable to it. Yeah, right.
This was influenced by my German grandmother who lived with elves. She lived with the gnomes in the Noble Mountains. Is it really? Nah, they taught me how to make it in class, but you know, I gotta write something. Yeah, and they put little, you know, just little cute things in there. Like, they got one drink, but they put an ice cream cone, a little ice cream cone in the back oven and shit. So you paying for things like that. Nah, man, fuck you.
And they save it on the light bill by using those low watt bulbs. So it stays dark. No, no, no, no. It's not dark. That's the ambiance. Oh, yeah. This shit is dank. I know, I know. It gives it a mood. So you can't see the prices. Yeah. It gives it a mood already. Anger. Cut these goddamn lights on. No, actually, I like going, man. There's a place, and I swear, I tell people to get this drink all the time because people...
I'm not going to tell you where it is because you're going to come in and shoot me. But I go to this bar and they had this drink called the mezcal soda. Now you think it's just mezcal and soda. It is not. They have this process of making it. And I get why that drink costs a lot because it does take a long time to prep. What they do is they take the mezcal and what they call milk washing. So they put it in, they mix it in with milk and then they put it in a strainer and only the alcohol.
seeps out of it. Oh. Yeah. It's like, it's because it's clear. You know, like this process, you would think like it wouldn't do that. Yeah. Only the alcohol. It takes away the harshest properties of it. But when they mix it right. that's the one that's got me hooked I've never had a drink like it and when I'm at the bar people are
You know, because this place always gets new people in there, you know, because it's also kind of a touristy spot. OK. So when people go in there for the first time, they're like, huh, what do you recommend that I try? And I always look at them and I say, hey.
Get the mezcal soda. It's great. And they look at me like, why don't you mind your goddamn business? Hey, this drunk over here says get the mezcal soda. I didn't ask you a fucking thing. Get the mezcal soda. I'm sorry. We're talking. Who are you? But by the end of it, they're like, oh, Jesus, thank you. I love how you said all this prep that goes into it. So every time you order, all the bartenders are like, fuck!
I gotta go get a beer. God damn it. I gotta go every time you come in there like, listen, you sit over there and you don't say a goddamn word. You suggest, I'll make you one. I'll make you one. One. Yeah. They gotta go milk the cow and shit and then mix the mezcal in and then get a fresh pillowcase and strain it and shit.
Fucking God. Every fucking week orders the same goddamn thing. We're taking that shit off the menu. I told you we should put that no colors allowed sign back up. God damn. No, it ain't the same process every week. I remember when I used to martin, every time someone would order an espresso martini, I'd be like, God damn it, come right up.
And that was too much prep for me. Just making the espresso ice to get mad. Well, that's another thing with this bar, you know? Because some bars, they put the manager. decides to put some fancy shit on the menu. Oh, yeah, yeah. And the bartenders are like, fuck, man, I want to do this shit. Right, right. Hey, that's what's happening. Hey, that's what's popular now. So you can even see, we got, in Austin, bartenders, they don't...
They don't fuck around, man. If they don't want to make something, they'll let you know. Oh, yeah. Especially if the bar is crowded. Yeah. Oh, yeah. If it's crowded, they'll tell you I'm not making that. It's too busy for that. Yeah, I can't do that. So there are bars you go to. Don't ask for it. Even if it's on the menu. Because they'll tell you, I don't feel like it.
Straight up, I'm not doing it. And it tends to be the bars where the drinks are affordable. Yeah, don't go no dive and ask for it. I don't care how many goddamn old-fashioned they got on the menu and martinis. Don't ask for that shit. Now, you go to a bar where they...
where they wear the name mixologist with pride. Right, right, right. Like, you go to a dive and go, let me get a miscal. No, no, no, my name is Michael. Well, if you go to a dive and they have old fashions on the menu, you can bet it's going to come. out of a jug. Oh, yeah. That's already pre-made. It's going to be a mix. Here's what you do. I tell people all the time.
We go to Casino Camino. I tell them to get an old-fashioned because they intentionally fuck it up to prevent you from getting to order the second one. Because they make their own version of it. Because you think you're going to get a fancy one. The first thing they do...
is shit that you never do in an old-fashioned way. Pull out a bottle of Coca-Cola and start... Oh, that would be amazing. That would be good. That would be a great start. No, the first thing... If y'all know what an old-fashioned is, what I'm about to tell you is a travesty. The first thing they do is reach for the jar of the red clown-nosed cherries. Oh, God, yeah. And then they take a handful of, and they crush them. Oh. They muddle it up? Yeah, muddle it up. Yeah.
And then they pour sugar on it. Make it real nice. It's like sugar spice. And then they pour the bourbon, all the whiskey. I am so glad you told me that. Here you go, motherfucker. I got to kind of like them. Look, it ain't old-fashioned.
It's called a skid row old-fashioned. Or a skid mark old-fashioned. It's not an old-fashioned, but they managed to create something that is kind of tasty. Yeah, it's that kind of thing where like, this is fine as long as you don't think of it as an old-fashioned.
called an old-fashioned. I wish I could name it. I would name it the slumdog old-fashioned or something. I'm sure if you suggested to him, they'd say, why would we do that? Yeah, exactly. What's wrong with you? But you don't like it? Give it back. Yeah, call it the no fashion. No fashion at all. No fashion whatsoever. No class. Yeah, they all there, man. Let me ask you this. That fancy one you go to, don't tell you the name, but what part of town is it?
It's next to the Driscoll, I think. Okay. All right. I think it is. It's... Let me see. Down the street from me. It's Brazos in... In six? And between Brazos, I mean, it's on Brazos between six and seven. Oh. On Brazos. Brazos, yeah. All right. So across the street from Firehouse. Oh. From... Okay. Yeah, it's next to a hotel across the street from Firehouse. Yeah, okay. Firehouse is a hostel that we have here. So, yeah. But it's a great place. They are happy.
to make those drinks, tell you the story behind it. And they all wear shit that you don't need to wear when you're making a drink. They all wear... It's like they had a butcher shop. They all wear leather aprons. Leather aprons. What the fuck? Like they're killing people in the back of some shit? Yeah. Oh, Margaret. Yeah. They all look like damn leatherhead. No, leatherface. And they're making these drinks. Yeah, man.
But they all wear these leather, these leather, these leather aprons and they all got shit. You don't need to make a drink. I got butcher knives and shit. Oh my God. I don't know what they're doing, but really, if I take you, you'd love the place. Listen, I go there because now I go by myself, and that way I make sure that I order two drinks and I'm out.
But I go there so much now that they actually, you know, they cut me a little slack on the drinks sometimes. You got a lot of places that cut you a little slack. Yeah, that's a bad sign. You're going up anyway. The only place they don't is the place I go to all the time.
Little Woodrow's. I met that motherfucker every night. And they don't do shit with me over there. Although, they don't really charge enough to cut no slack. No, they do. Oh, well. That's the problem with Little Woodrow's. Well, it depends what you get because they don't charge me much at all. Little Woodrow's for being a...
neighborhood bar, they charge way too much. Yeah, it's a neighborhood bar, but it's a chain. Yeah. It's a chain. Yeah, Martin is right. It's a chain. But, you know, all of them have a different personality. And, you know, man, they love us over there. When I go over there, I order the... I'll order a well tequila soda. You go over there and order no goddamn Espelon or nothing like that. They'll charge you just as much. They charge you the fucking mixology.
cocktail bar I go to, the speakeasy. No, I only ordered that right there because everything else is way overpriced. Sorry, I love y'all over there, but it's... It is what it is. Yeah. Well, you're right by the hideout. They're cheap. I'll go there sometimes. Oh, but they don't let Pixie in? No, they do now. Oh, okay. Yeah. They killed their last manager and let the one I didn't like to talk.
Excuse me, y'all. Yeah, man, it's too much money over there for the neighborhood bar. So I switch between what you call it. that place and Woodrow's in the hideout. It's funny because whenever I'm meeting with work people, it's always that little Woodrow's. Yeah, you told me about it before I start going. Oh, is that right? Yeah, you were. Oh, you will.
Either before I started living up here or before I just got to know the area very well. You were telling me how you were going to Little Woodrow's on Parma. Yeah. Well, it's funny because when I worked downtown, we were always going to that Little Woodrow's downtown. That's back when you and I both worked downtown.
It's always going there. Yeah. And then, you know, many years later, I'm over here and then everybody wants to go to this little wardrobe. So even still to this day, whenever there's going to be a meetup, it's always there. Oh, yeah. That's a nice place, man. I love it. But it's like. But, you know, I mean, I get there during happy hour. Yeah. yeah now they ain't never for many years i've been going there and i've been going there night after night and i take pics over there um
They ain't never get, they never gave me a free drink. Never. I'm not looking for it. I'm just saying, you know, it's just a sign. They're about making money. They don't give a fuck about the records over there. We get a lot of money here. They told me how much those owners make and there's a reason why.
Yeah. No, they make millions and just put it back into the other businesses and whatnot. So, yeah, they're trying to get over fucking free drinks. Well, you know, I mean, they're in a good spot being, you know, a chain neighborhood bar. They got steady clientele. I've never been in there.
Where I'm not saying it's always packed, but it's never been dead. It's never been dead. It's at least a quarter full. But yeah, their location, they're right there. And Whataburger's happy they're there too. Oh yeah. Because as soon as people stumble out of here, they're just eating Whataburger.
And it sometimes comes back. Yeah, I discovered that bar because they were open during COVID. They were one of the few bars that found that loophole for the first time where they said, oh, we have to be a restaurant. There's some chips right there. They gave you chips, some prepackaged chips and salsa. Is that what they did? Because they don't have food. You have to go to the order from the restaurant next door. No, they had food that night. Oh, okay. I started going over there.
Because I got tired of, even I got tired of staying home. But for me, COVID was an opportunity to stay in. I was happy to stay in. But yeah, it got to a point I was like, well, you know, these dogs are getting tired of being in. I'm getting tired of being in. So we just found, we were riding around and Woodrow's was open. I said, well, what is this about?
And I went in there and they said, you want some chips? It's like, no, I'm good. They said, yeah, you do. Yeah, you do. Eat these goddamn chips in order to drink. They gave you like some prepackaged chips and some sauce. They were the first one to do it. Then all of a sudden, everybody else started biting off of them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. First of all, that was in a plastic bag.
You couldn't serve just open food. No, no. So that was your meal. And Whataburger was back open. So you can bring Whataburger in there. But if you didn't come in on Whataburger. You're going to eat chips and sauce whether you want it or not. Give it to somebody else. They used to let you order Gatties in there.
They did? They used to have a menu of places you could order to get delivered there. Oh, yeah. You used to have people with whole pizzas in there. Yeah, that's always been that thing. Yeah. So people, I'm just running my mouth to make sure that this thing ain't stopping. So it looked like me putting it just on Twitch and taking Restream off.
fixed the problem for now. So I think we're good. So I was just sitting up here running my mouth. Let's go ahead and say hi to some of the chat right here. How you doing, Billy? Indiana Brooks, how you doing, sir? Whoop somebody with them. With them white women. Man, y'all leave Hector alone. Oh, man. What they got him doing? Mac and Hector. Hector and me. Oh, no. Let me see. In the side bitch chat, we got Dark Mayhem, Jenny Smith.
We got Luigi, Mellow Kid, Heath Invader. How you doing? Mr. Alakazar. What's going on, sir? Jack Hoffman, Brando Nunn. what is this sixth truth up yeah i would say i've never seen you before but somehow i think i'm wrong because i always am buffalo wild migs is up here nintendo dementia That's a great name, right? I love that. Mame the Conqueror. Oh, Superfro and Royal 94 Tay. Somebody keeps asking me, by the way, when are we doing?
When I'm going to be doing another show in New York, March is when we're going to try to do that. And please buy your tickets early this time, y'all. Buying shit 24 hours before the show. Hey, man. CP2.
Yeah. The babysitter just confirmed. Yeah. Somebody said you're going to try to do Chicago. I think I have two plans for Chicago. I might do a solo show in Chicago, but then when it gets warm, we'll do a bigger show in Chicago because ain't nobody trying to do no shit in the cold. I could do something small up there, but... Yeah, it's very chilly right now. Don't get warm until, what, April? You know, man, the way global warming is now, who knows? Yeah, exactly. Wasn't a bit of snow.
Yeah, I guess it was fucking 81 degrees today. And then on Thursday, it's going to be 47. Is it really? Yeah. Fuck. Or maybe 51, something like that. Yeah, I think it'll be 51. Come to D.C., Corey. I might try to do it since, you know. but doing stuff in uh since i'm doing solo things and uh i don't know how big we go in uh dc so maybe i'll try to do something small in dc but uh atlanta is what we're trying to do right now uh i think i don't know maybe
I don't know, maybe February for that. I'll see with having a hard time remembering to get a hold of the promoter for that.
but anyway y'all so anyway it looks like we're good so uh we almost had a hype train until the internet disrupted that but let me go ahead and tell you what's happening here tonight and it's probably good that it worked out this way so people i mean some of y'all gonna be mad don't cuss me out but let me let me tell you what's happening here so this evening you can see right here we have the retro roast
for snakes on a plane. The reason why I say retro roast is because a lot of people really like that movie. OK. You know, it's another situation of. of Demolition Man and whatnot. Now, I don't even remember what I thought about the movie when I saw it. I know I was looking forward to it. I do. Do you? Oh, shit. I still haven't seen it. You still haven't seen it? I've seen the first 30 minutes of it. Okay.
All right. Well, fortunately for you, it's a lot of people like this movie. Now, fortunately for you, so I see y'all talking about Sonic up here in this chat. Y'all can blame Sonic for what happened today. So Sonic screening was today. When I say today, I'm talking about today at 5 o'clock p.m. These movies are usually at 7 p.m. and whatnot across town.
Crazy ass traffic. So it put me behind. Like you're talking about like three hours behind, four hours behind. So that's a big chunk of time for me preparing for these roasts. Now, I decided that either we could like skip the roast tonight, but I want to do that. So we're breaking. up in half so we're going to do part of it tonight and then we'll do the other half next week
If that's okay with everybody. Probably worked out better this way anyway with the internet doing what it's doing. Sure. You're not seeing it. Oh, and another thing. It's extra traffic out there because of that damn... Trilomites. Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny if you can helicopter in. I mean, listen, some of y'all saying skip it. I can. I can tell you what, the first half I got, I think it's pretty good, but it definitely could work as a whole.
Somebody said, next week is Christmas. Skip it and do a trailer reaction or something for that new Karate Kid movie. Hey, did you finish off the series? Oh, Cobra Kai? Yeah. Yeah, I did. Yeah. Oh, well, as much as we have. It's not done yet. Oh, it's not done yet? Oh, I thought the last part had come out. I got three more. Okay. But they need to stop.
Right now. Stop. They're making a movie. I can't think of what they need to cut that shit out. I mean, we get it. That's funny. Most people get mad like, hey, you didn't finish. And this is one where you're like, you don't have to finish. Yeah. Enough, enough
So, yeah, y'all, listen, this is your choice. Somebody said, do it all tonight, but I didn't prep it all tonight. I can't just pull out my ass. What if I had to do the one option that wasn't an option? You didn't ask me what you had. You asked me why I want. We can do half. Do it all the way. God damn it. I knew it. I can't fucking breathe. I knew some awesome damn shit. I knew it.
God damn it. We all be sincere in the world. God damn it. And I can't tell if they playing or not. That's what gets me. He ain't playing. God damn it. I'm telling you right now. I can't let it just as fucking serious. Do it all tonight. How come we ain't doing that? I mean, I don't win no sense. I don't win no goddamn sense. Why y'all gon' do hell?
That's why I'm tripping. Yeah, man, you know how they are. I know, but I thought about it. Well, that was the hardest. I thought, man, I bet somebody's going to say it. But we start talking about something else, and I forgot about it. Then he came back going, hey, dude. I'll take a large chocolate milkshake. We ain't got no chocolate. All right, I'll take a medium chocolate milkshake. We're called the Red Roses. I'm a paying customer. We ain't got no chocolate, motherfucker.
All right, I'll take a small, then. God damn it. All right, I'll take a pole, see what y'all want, man. Fine. I'll take a small. I'll take a small, then. God damn. Damn, man. Take your shit out here. Why y'all being so difficult? Here it is, here. Take a small. How come y'all ain't doing the whole thing? Do a two-parter tonight. Oh, let me just copy this, actually. Oh, shit. Oh, my God. What do y'all want? Well, we do half tonight.
When are we going to do the other half? Next week. That won't be Christmas? We'll do it on Tuesday. Okay. Tuesday. But then I know we got to do all that other stuff. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know, y'all. We'll get it figured out. See, there's another thing. It's a crazy time of the year. So many screenings. Yeah. So many movies coming out. Oh, man. Here, do it. But listen, we'll just see what happens tonight. Because, I mean, either way.
Because either we have to do part tonight or all of it next week because otherwise it ain't going to happen. So I don't know what we're going to do. I don't know how it's going to work out. You going out of town next week? Yeah. How long are you going to be gone? What day are you going to? Going to leave on Christmas Day and be gone probably until Friday or Saturday. Until Friday. All right, we'll figure out something. Anyway, we'll do a two-party tonight. Or...
Wait. Wait until next week. All right. We've got to give you three minutes. Give y'all three minutes, and y'all go ahead and start voting on this now. Put y'all kinds of shit coming in. Yeah. They writing in the old shit. They writing the old shit in, and you're going to be a writing ballot. Cause maybe we'll switch it and do some stuff. Cause ours is flexible. So maybe we can.
Sorry. Boy, both of y'all. I know. I'm sorry, bro. Ours is flexible, so maybe we can do it, What Up Son, on a Thursday or Friday, and then maybe we'll just review a bunch of Christmas movies on Monday. oh that sounds like fun yeah yeah we can get out the way and everything so yeah well uh yeah i think y'all made y'all's decision
The most negative ones were the most loudest, of course. Of course, right? I don't want this shit tonight. Fuck y'all, man. Y'all kiss my ass. That's not even what I asked you. Pick a different movie. Yeah. You was random then. What? Well, okay. I can tell y'all what's happening because it's already done. We're doing the two-parter. We're doing one part tonight and another part next week. Whatever y'all say. Yeah, so there you go.
So, yeah, we'll do this tonight. It'll be fine. And then we'll get it done next week, which will be nice because it'll be Christmas Eve and we can get out the way and everybody can go on about the Christmas business. Yeah. Sounds good. Yeah, there you go. God damn it. All right, now let's do the real poll. Man, if y'all keep fucking with us, I swear to God. You know, we're doing this pack. So no Christmas roast next week. Listen, if y'all want, we can actually still do a Christmas roast.
for that next week because it's just before the new year. So, you know, if y'all still want a Christmas movie, we can still do it. Somebody said, I can't believe Christmas is next week. Yes. So it's Hanukkah. Yeah, when is Hanukkah? Same day as Christmas starts. Yeah.
First time I've ever seen it. You guys going to do a craving bad movie roast when it comes to streaming? Yes. We'll give it a couple of weeks to just get settled in. Let it at least get to streaming. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, let it get settled in. And, you know, a couple of weeks or so after that, you're goddamn right we will.
Put his bags down, I'm packed. You ain't got to get him like that. He's like, God damn, y'all, I just got him. Just got him off the plane. Can I get him off the hotel room and take a shit first? No. Well, I forgot. You took the shit on the screen. Come on. Get your ass whooping. Enough is enough. That's how you have to say it now, you know? Hate to say it, boy, but say it.
Okay, I'm giving away what I thought about this. That's back when you used to do animation stuff. Hey, the animation's coming along very well. I cannot wait to show y'all. Billy, you didn't get, did you know you were animated? No. Okay. I didn't know what the ride said. So there you go. But, Billy, let me show you. You were animated, sir. Let me see here. I just feel sorry for you.
I had nothing to do with this. She's like, I can't even look. It's hard to look at you. I know. Look at him now. All right, man. You asked for him, motherfucker. So I'm going to show you briefly some of your self-building and emanation form. Emanation. uh but yeah y'all keep uh telling y'all about the updates on the youtube channel the team the double toasted animation channel we got four shorts and coderos
He's working hard on the fifth one. Different stories that were told here on the show. We need to get another one ready. So y'all go ahead and give me some stories so I can get him ready to start the next one right after he's done with this fifth one. because he wants to get that early and he does uh does a lot of hard work on this he even edits the stuff the audio now but uh yeah billy this is uh so just in case you didn't know we're doing an animation channel
Oh, okay. I knew something about that. Yeah. And these are just based on, for now, you never know how things are going to evolve, but we keep doing it. But for now, it's based on stories that we tell here on the show. And... Since you haven't seen yourself yet, you might remember this story right here. This is a good one, actually. This is really funny. My sister used to tell all kinds of nasty jokes. I remember she was told everybody. She said, yeah, I got a call in the middle of the night.
And I picked up the phone and they said, you remember this one? Oh, yeah, yeah. I do remember this one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It took me a second. The middle of the night call. Yeah, yeah. That prank call. Yeah, yeah. They got my sister real good. I guess she's done making syrup. What's that? She's done making syrup. Let me see if I can get a part where you were talking, Billy. Let me see. Let's see right here.
Hey, you want to win $100? You know what? This sounds legit. Not bad. It was good. I'll take it. Can you take that? I'll take it, yeah. Yeah, I secretly drew you one day. Well, you got me good, yeah. I mean, I'm surprised the teeth aren't bigger than that. No, I'm going to do like... No, it looks really good. It looks good. Oh, Joe, it looks great, yeah.
No, it'll be fun. That guy's a very talented animator, man. He's hungry, like you said. I love his catchphrase. Fantastic. That's fantastic, Corey. All right. Well, y'all voted on that. Let's go ahead and go ahead and get to the roast tonight. Boy, if you don't quit talking in this show. Never mind. I know. It's crazy anyway. it's like damn uh michael this dude y'all ain't never met him michael the he goes about michael the collector
He's crazy, too. You sound crazy. He kind of goes without saying. If you saw him and Mark murders, boy, they belong in Arkham. I'm hesitant to ask, but what does Michael collect? Nothing. Oh, okay. Nothing. All right, never mind.
That's the crazy part of it. You don't collect nothing. You don't collect ass whoopings. Yeah, you don't collect these hands and keep fucking with you. Yeah, exactly. Keep fucking around with you. Yeah, like if it had been anybody else, I'm going to cuss your ass out right now. But he said I've been talking about... He said, I'll collect a lot. Thank you very much. What? But yeah, he can't bitch. See? Look, I'll collect a lot. Thank you very much, bitch.
By the way, you missed a T in there. I collect a lot. Thank you very much. That's an unfortunate time for you to misspell something, brother. You don't collect tees, I see that. Like your damn bitches flew out of me. You can't put the stank on her. That's it, man, you done. I know you dropped the mic, but come pick it back up. Out of all the things.
You dropped it in the garbage can. You collect L's is what you do. Oh, you knew what I meant. Shit. Shit. I knew I should have spilled it. I guess I'm getting too excited. I'm excited by my retorts. Think it's faster than your brain. Thought he was doing something, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got some beer weapons. Here come the kicker, boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, burn the fire right there. Bitch in there, boy. Just you wait. Just you wait. Just you wait. It's sin. Oh, no, no, no, no.
Yo, proofread that? What the fuck about it? Yeah, it got too excited. Ooh, okay, what's your joke here? Ooh, got something. Wait, how do you spell it? That's spelled right in there. All right. All right, y'all. Let's see here. Oh, boy. all this fur over here all right y'all uh thank you for your input tonight we're gonna go ahead and get into this roast right here and uh this is gonna have any big announcements i'll tell y'all i'll just real quick just
You'll be finding more about this Trova trip deal later this week. I'll tell you more as more is revealed. And that's where you can take it. We're trying to plan for a trip for the summer to some exotic location around the world. Trying to get 8 to 24 people to sign up. And we all just want to have a good time. Yeah, make sure you invite Kamara Brown. Oh, man. You've got to sign up for Kamara Brown. She don't go to you, you go to her. She can come along on you.
Yeah, I'll send an invite. Yeah, there you go. That's all I ask. Okay, I can do that for you. Let me see. A restrained order. And put it with the rest. I don't know why they waste paper on this. $1,600, Martin. Fuck her. She can come to Austin. It's a good trip. All right, y'all. Let's go ahead and...
Get things started here. Hey, just remember, I've been hearing a lot of people talking about coming to Austin, Texas. We got some information for you about that. Let's start off with kcoolmans at gmail.com. That is K-C-O-O-L-M-A-N-Z. at gmail.com. Email us if you have any questions, comments, compliments, insults, input, and advice.
Hit us up on those social medias. Where the hell you going? She thinks it's over. No, she does. She does. She thinks it's the end of the show. Girl, it's not the end of the show. She's scrambling, too. You're going to be highly disappointed. Hey, let me tell you something before you go. Hit us up on our social medias. Instagram. Facebook, X for me, Twitter. TikTok, we got Patreon. Just type in Double Toasted on any of these platforms, okay? It'll take you where you need to be.
Let's holler at Martin. Martin. You can find me on Instagram and several other social medias at Martin underscore no fro. Also look for Martin Thomas on Facebook. Billy. You can find me at Estes Falls in the corner of 6 and Red River. Show 7 and 9. 9 p.m. Thursday through Saturday. Jesus. I'm looking at pictures. What are you doing, man? I'm sorry. Okay. All right, folks. And if you find yourself here in Austin, Texas, let us know.
Email us first, though. Kcoolmastergmail.com. Let us know what your plans are for Austin, the way the movie is just passing through. If you let us know what you're doing ahead of time, I promise you, we'll hang out with you. Your phone loves talking to me, man. It does. It must be this Gemini thing. I don't know. Something gets said that sets it off. Yeah, I piss that dude off every night now. My phone does that too. The couple watching TV is going Gemini I don't know what that is
Martin's done bullshit in the video. I know, I know. And an old crank-ass phone over there. All right, y'all. Let me blow my nose one more time. I hate to do this. I hate doing this on the air. I've been so stuffed up. start taking medicine, this keeps up. But hold on y'all, I'm gonna take it off of me. See if I see my nasty nose blowing over here. And the band played on. All right. That should clear me up enough for now. All right. All right. See him. All right, y'all.
Let's see. All right. Several years ago, when people thought that geeks would rule the earth. There was a little movie out there with a ridiculous title, so ridiculous that it was made for nerds out there. And the nerds thought that they made this movie. You know what it is already. Maybe that snake was real. What you want, bitch? What you want? I'm smacking the middle of what we didn't think of.
People, that's right. We trying to get these motherfucking snakes off this motherfucking plane. Ridiculous title right there with a movie that has a plot that lives up to that title. That was monkey fighting snakes. No, no, that's the sequel that never happened. Okay. Monkey fighting snakes on Monday, Friday, Friday. How are we going to stop these snakes with monkeys? What else? What are you stupid? We got another plane full of monkeys flying right next to you. Well, I'm dropping off right now.
Yeah. This is Snakes on a Plane. This is a movie, when I say it has a plot as ridiculous as its title, it really is. We got... Hawaii's most notorious gangster, a guy named Eddie Kim, who has a witness that's about to go testify and put him in jail for life. I might even give him the death penalty. Now, how is he going to stop this man up in the air when he's already on his way to where he's going to testify? Well...
Genius idea. I'm just going to put a whole box full of snakes on this plane and let them loose. Every snake you can think of. Every snake you can think of. And we're going to just let the snakes hijack the plane. That's right. The snakes going to do what the snakes going to do. Yeah, exactly.
You ever heard of a snake hijacking? Well, you about to have one. Genius. Genius idea. Gonna bring the whole plate down with a bunch of snakes. This movie has, first of all, it got a lot of attention back in the day because... It has evolved people in this. And this man, he's still considered an A-list actor, but he was hot at the time.
So hot that people thought, what you doing in this crazy shit? Samuel L. Jackson. Samuel L. Jackson loved the title so much that he said, yeah, I got to be a part of this. So the big thing about this movie. you know, that's a big part of his history is that it's one of those first movies where, yeah, this is back when they thought that all the geeks and the nerds were running shit on the internet. And so with a B-movie title, like Snakes on a Plane.
It was the nerds and the geeks felt like it was tailor-made for them. Sure. And when they heard that it was PG-13, they said, you ain't going to do that to my movie. No, you better change that. Let's change it to art. Throw some more titties in there. Throw some more blood in there. Put some more. Hey, listen, you got to throw Samuel Jackson in there. Even Samuel Jackson said, listen, you got to let me say motherfucker at least one time. Yeah, that's what you pay him for. Exactly. Yeah.
So the movie kind of, due to all the internet stuff, kind of created a sense of overconfidence because the movie didn't open up as high. For all the buzz that was going on with this movie. None of those fools went to go see it. Nobody did. For all that manufactured buzz and...
putting this movie together by design. Yeah. Because, you know, the studios are like, well, you guys are running and shit. You know, you got your hand on... post right here hey tell you what why don't you go ahead just write the movie just put you know right as we go along so you know they put all this stuff in there to make the movie a little edgier uh the movie didn't really didn't really bomb
but it didn't open up as high as they thought it would. It opened up a little lower than it was projected. But that's what actually made it the classic it is today. When they changed it from PG to R. Because it made for some of the funniest scenes in this movie. And as we just said, it created a very popular Samuel Jackson.
Catchphrase. And by the end of it, the movie still made a profit because it was so cheap. It was $30 million. It made like $66 million after it was all said and done. No, they shouldn't have been complaining.
No, they just really, you know, man, look, them nerds got their heads gassed off. They thought they were on the way to $100 million. Easy. Yeah, they thought they were opening like a Marvel movie back then or something. Right, right, right. I guess the whole thing was eye-opening for everybody. Yeah, yeah. I ain't gonna listen to those damn nerds no more. In fact, I think they went and beat up a few of them. Hey, nerd! Tell us how to make our movie.
So I'm calling this a retro roast. So this is a little bit of history making for us here at Double Toasted. What is the first official retro roast? And it's probably going to be this movie because. A lot of people consider this movie to be very aware of what it is. They don't consider it to be really bad. And if we were to say bad movie roast, believe me, we'd have so many people in the comments section. What do you mean bad?
Come on, man. You don't know what you're talking about. Movie's fun. So, yeah, when we get movies that have ridiculous plots or they're fun to sit back and they're still pretty good or enjoyable or cult classics, but they still look fun to make fun of. And everybody says that we didn't pay.
money to go sit in the goddamn theater over the weekend. You know, you saw it on TV later on on HBO or whatever, and then you go, oh man, this movie's fun. Yeah, you saw it when they had monkey fighting snakes. Right, or on streaming or whatever. Yeah, exactly. Or streaming, yeah, exactly, exactly.
But I was one of the people that was looking forward to this. I saw it in theater. And I tell you the truth, I don't even remember what I thought about the movie. I really don't. I mean, you would think that because of that, it's probably not that good. But... Upon re-watching it, well, let's go ahead and get into it and see what we think. I'm going to tell you something about this movie, though. It's a thriller. It's considered to be sort of a B-movie action thriller.
Is it? Yeah. Yeah, it's a B-movie action thriller. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, again, I think they're very self-aware what they're doing. And this, I don't know if they intended or not, but I like the way that this being an action thriller, it didn't start out like that. It almost meant to catch people off guard who would catch it on TV, who don't know what they're getting into. Because the movie starts out just as happy and just as joyful, all sunny, and they waste no time.
One of the things they did realize, those nerds made this movie, so we ain't going to waste no time pandering to those nerds. These horny-ass nerds. At the beginning. It ain't exposed yet, but they're kind of giving you a little appetizer. A little appetizer of them ass and titties right there. Look at it. Oh, man.
and work their way up. Yeah, yeah. They're like, we ain't done yet. Get their camera on them. Yeah, and work their way up. Yeah, let them know that the faces are good too and everything. Yeah, yeah, man. All right. Yeah. Right from the beginning. All right. Got that ass out there. All right. It's still the credits too. Yeah. I don't know who this Todd Luizzo is, but hey. Fuck him. Yeah, man. His name is right next to the city. Shit.
Like I said, I like the way the movie doesn't start out like a typical thriller, man. Like I said, it's just as happy these people ain't having fun. Not a snake or a plane in sight. In fact, they in the water. They do the opposite. Living life like we just don't care. We're just doing what we want to do. Lyrics telling you. No, man, we ain't got to carry in the world. They hang on this for a long time. They play that whole goddamn song. Oh, yeah, yeah, they do. Yeah, it's Hawaii. I get it. Yeah.
Even the music saying, it's going to be a great day today, boy. I don't know what y'all watching yet, but hey, it's going to be all right. That could possibly go wrong. Boy, I love that. The happiest dude is the one, he ain't even at the beach. He ain't even hanging out with friends. The happiest dude was just in the woods, just on a dirt bike by himself. Man, did somebody launch his ass right there? Goddamn. We got a wrecked fire. Like he was on a catapult. Yeah. And he must, he.
This fool must have just bought that dirt bike because he's having too much of a good time by himself. Yeah! Yeah, he on that shit. Yeah, he on that shit. Yeah, yeah. Poppin' wheelies and shit. Yeah, poppin' wheelies. Just out there just, just jumpin' weeds. He ain't out no dirt bike rally or nothin'. He just out there just jumpin'. He's out there jumpin' wheat and shit. Where'd the ramps come from?
There's all kinds of ramps in the woods. He's on a small paved road out in the middle of the woods and he's flying up in the air. He's at a stunt show. You don't have to spend any time in the woods. There's all kinds of ramps and weeds up there. Sometimes the wheeze just fall at an angle and you just ride by, man. Yeah, shoot you 20 feet in the air. Land like a feather. He's having the day of his life. He sure is. It don't get much better than this.
Like everybody, yeah! He had the day of his life with his best friend, his dirt bike. Yeah, man. But things take a turn. Oh, man. Things take a turn when he stops to advertise his Red Bull. You know what? Of course he's drinking a Red Bull. Yeah. Dude, it's a white dude on a dirt bike. Yeah, come on, yeah. The bikes come with a lifetime supply of Red Bull. That's why we know why, listen, because of that, because he's already had about
15 other cans of Red Bulls. That's why those asses out there jumping all over the shit. You know what? You asked where the ramp's at in that can of Red Bulls. Gives you ways, man. Yeah. You want some cocaine? Nah, I'm cool. I gotta lay off that. Ramps? I don't need no sticking ramps. I'm high as hell. That fool amped up, ramped up, and coked out on that Red Bull right now.
If you look, yeah, he's on that shit. He's addicted to it. Look at him. Watch. He's drinking it already. Scratching his neck. Get that medicine up to me, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's the good stuff. That's the last one. I just got to get it right. I go to bed, and then tomorrow we can't be doing this shit no more. You know, Red Bull at it, yeah. This is the last one. Yeah, that's Sean, who's played by Ethan Phillips. I'm sorry, Nathan Phillips. And my man was having a good day out there.
High as hell on Red Bull, jumping grass, taking a nice stroll, scratching his neck and everything. Look at him, just drinking the hell with that Red Bull. He ain't paying attention to nothing. That's why he didn't see this coming. Goddamn! And by the way, I should have let it play because he just kind of looked. He's like, shit, I got this Red Bull to finish. Yeah. Some dude just...
Some white dude just dangling from a bridge. He's probably like, yeah, I hallucinate on these things all the time. All the time. You ain't real. Yeah. And it ends up being one of those days, man. One of those days when you just... stumble across a murder committed by the most dangerous gangster in Hawaii, Eddie Kim. Then again, I was raised by a single mom. I didn't turn out so bad.
He's so open up quick. He's like, shit. Like he was drunk in the whole cartoon. Yeah, by the way, that's Eddie Kim, the most notorious gangster who looks like a cross between a... Old busted ass Bruce Lee, the anime character. I'm gonna say old busted Bruce Lee. Old busted Bruce Lee. If you'll be beating people with batsmen, maybe don't wear all white. Don't wear all white. Yeah, exactly. If you are such a gangster, don't you have henchmen?
I was raised by a single mom. I didn't turn out so bad. Huh? And see, you know, he's crazy. Because I'm sure there was a much easier way to kill this guy. Besides hanging him from a damn bridge in the middle of the day. Right, right, right. But, you know, he's got to rep. He's got to scare the guy. Before he kills it. Now you can go tell everybody. Oh, wait, wait, come on. You got to go tell people what I did. Man, I did all this cool shit. Damn it. Wait a second.
it backwards again. Maybe it'll start with the head the next time. You know how I get. Could have done this shit in his house. Not wearing his nice suit over here, covered in blood, and not getting caught by goddamn dudes on dirt bikes high off of Red Bull and shit. But anyway, like you said, he's crazy. He don't really think things through. And I like this because...
Because after witnessing a murder committed by the most dangerous criminal in Hawaii, my man, Sean, leaves in the loudest way. Yeah, I know, I know. Let me just peel out. I saw this part and I was like, why wouldn't you just hide until they leave? Nope. I got to leave to the extreme. Yeah, exactly. Because he's strung on that bull. That's right. That's right. He's probably helping it twitching. Yeah. Bye. Bye.
Shit, that bull probably saved his life. He probably just all kind of shit. Pop-logging this shit. Them jitters at his ass. Yeah, I know. Bobbing and weaving and shit. He might take an eight book on his back and he just didn't feel it. Of course. You know, since Sean is a witness, Eddie Kim, he has his henchmen go and track them down. And lucky for Sean, these henchmen are terrible. Making all that goddamn noise. Let me do it. Anybody home? Yeah, yeah.
Dude got his gun out his belt. All up in the peephole. Every last one. Hey man, let me get it. I can't see. I don't know any Asian dudes. Right, right, right. I live in Hawaii. Exactly. Asian dudes, all of them got bad haircuts except for the dude with no haircuts. Right, right, right. Bad haircuts and dressed all in black. Right. This dude way into his job. That must be his first day. Yeah, he can't wait, boy. He got the looking shit and posing. Yeah, boy, I got something with him.
And they're all in the middle of the peephole. Like, hey, man, they can't see me in the picture. Let me get in there. Like, if Sean had a gun, he could have put up the peephole and took all the balls. Yeah, he took all of that. One shot. That's not a peephole. I hate for him to look out and see it. This shit look like a damn... And it gots like a fisheye lens effect, so it looks like a Puff Daddy or Busta Rhymes video. Right, right, right.
You remember me fucking like, y'all don't stand in front of the people, are y'all? Oh, shit. Man. Somebody out there, because they making all that goddamn noise. Right. They pull out a hammer. Jack Hammond. He's like, what the fuck are they doing? He's like, really? He's going to slowly pack his clothes up. Y'all got some stretching heads over here.
We're incognito. Doing construction in the hallway. This is one guy that looks like he probably told him, man, I don't think it's going to work. Yeah, yeah. He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. You sure you want to do this, man? Yeah, that's a loud way to do this. We have somebody. to take the back door? So the movie wastes no time as you can see.
jumping into action. The pacing is good in this, but it moves so fast that things just happen. Yeah, stuff just happens. Yeah, like Samuel Jackson. Nobody explained how his ass got up there. Do what I say and you live. Give me your chain Hey, Nick Rose. Shut your ass a little bit. This just ain't my day. I know. I got this bald black nigga. You damn Asians with construction equipment in the front. All these damn big people after me. I can't find a white person nowhere. My choices get robbed.
to get killed. I'm not sure which way to go. I just want to wrap my dirt bag and drink red, but what the fuck is going on? I don't want you to do that. They don't make rock over and grab me. Out of nowhere. How about explain how his black ass got on that balcony? And how does he even... know about him. How he silently got on the balcony. Because you know he's loud. Because you know he tripped a couple times. Fuck! Motherfucker shit! Goddamn Vince! Why is this shit?
Do as I say, and you live, you motherfuckers. Give me your shoes. He's like, come on, man. What the fuck? Like if he was wearing a necklace, Sam would have snatched that shit. I'm FBI, but I'm gonna take this anyway. So now that he's on his balcony, which they don't explain how his ass just materialized up there. But now he's up there, you know, they got to get into action. So they get into a shootout.
E-capping people. Yeah, yeah. Ain't going for no headshots at all. No. I didn't have to question them later. Also, they have a car chase with Samuel Jackson. Running from no one. I was like, was it Daniel Jackson? No, no, no. I mean, you can't, that car could have been driverless for all of you. Yeah, I know. And running, just all these edits with him running from nobody. Except an editor. Look at this shit. All these cuts just to make a U-turn. God damn, that's some of them, Madam Web.
Yeah. At least Madden Webb was running from somebody. This dude was running from no one. He running from himself. The people keep in mind, this is just a U-turn. I was actually back. You turned, I'm going to sink. That was cool, it wasn't. Going from different directions. Somebody said, extra as fuck. Meanwhile, we got extra as fuck. Meanwhile, everybody was like, oh.
on the knees and she like, the fuck's he doing, man? We can't go out to nobody. He just kneecapped all of us. Yes, exactly. And there was one other dude, I don't even know what happened to him, but anyway. You got out of there. Yeah. Shit, I don't want to be in the first place. I told you this shit wouldn't work. I told you this shit wouldn't work. That's why the knee can't blow that bitch. It's a loud ass. So, you know, so far... listen you gotta keep in mind this is a
This is a B movie. It's a popcorn flick. So, you know, it's kind of giving you what you want from that. It's laughable. But again, I think they're very aware. And plus, like I said, this also has the bonus of having an A-list actor who, you know, he's treating this like he... any other A-list movie out there. He knows who you are. That's why those people were at your house trying to kill you. And make no mistake, Eddie Kim will kill you.
And if it don't, I will. Right, right. He's like, all right, man. Okay, shit, I'm right here. Can I talk to Eddie? Are you not on my side? I don't know. I don't know what's happening. That dude look like, God, I'm right here, man. You ain't got a screen, man. Can I see a badge you can? Because I don't want to make sure. I'm going to trust you. Is the white cop here? Can I get the white agent? Yeah, you aren't the good cop, are you? Oh, jeez. Scary-ass Negro out of my face right here.
Oh, no, not you. Ain't you that crackhead? Look, I don't have any crack, dude. Oh, people. From here, we start to meet the main and supporting characters and potential victims in the film. And this is where the movie really starts to embrace. It's B-movie exploitation, Phil, because all of these characters right here got some kind of stereotypes going on. Oh, yeah. If I remember correctly. Yeah. Like the flight attendants.
The flight attendants there are big stereotypes. Right down to that one cliche, but one of them, oh, it's her last day on the job. This job. So you got any requests for your final flight? Well... just what any flight attendant wants low maintenance passengers now keep in mind if y'all ain't that listen let me tell you something y'all are young
And y'all ain't never flown before? Don't y'all expect that shit on the planet. Now listen, some of them can look kind of sexy in their uniform, but their skirts are never that high. Them miniskirts, you ain't gonna see that, y'all. And they always wear blue tights with them. Yeah, ain't nobody wearing no miniskirts before y'all.
watching this right now think, boy, I can't wait to fly these fine ass, no, no, hell no, no. Chances are you gonna get somebody looking like your damn auntie. Or your grandma.
Are you going to get the gay dude? But you ain't getting that right there. You're not getting Juliana Margulies. You might get Juliana Margulies. You might, yeah. You might, you might. That's possible. Yeah, you might. Because I've seen some fine-ass students, don't get me wrong, but they don't look like they- They're not dressed like Steady Mamrie is. They don't look like they in a porn video or a strip club. Right.
She's just about to go to the room and shoot right now. She's about to break off and she's about to go to the plane and she's about to go to the studio. That's porn fantasy. It's just a flight attendant right there. That ain't real. You know you ain't a real flight attendant. Get out of here. I know. I came to study for the role. They got the guy that's afraid to fly, who also meets another stereotype, the ditzy blonde who carries that damn chihuahua everywhere in her purse.
Mary-Kate, hush. Sorry, she gets nervous flying. It's okay. I understand. Do you think she wants some Xynax? Oh. No, she's okay. Speak for yourself, bitch. I'm surprised she wasn't like, yeah, hand it here. She's popping this up. But you know what I'm saying? If you were... a flight attendant or a pilot, you wouldn't let that sweaty motherfucker get out of your plane. You'd be like, look, man.
You need to calm the fuck down. You can't get on this plane. You about to do something. That shirt just is moist. Just soaked away because he's so scared. I'll be afraid he's going to flip out mid-flank. You can't get on this plane. They have to tranquilize his ass. They have to tape his ass down. As soon as he gets on, they're like. Go ahead and get your seat. Can you imagine having to sit that dude in the plane? Nah, man. Oh, and also you got...
You got the single mom with the newborn baby right there, the little baby. Of course. Yeah, of course. You know, they got them all up there, man. Speaking of kids, the movie got Jurassic Park Syndrome, where, you know, they got the little kids with no parents, you know, because they flying for the first time. themselves. Sorry. My wife is meeting them in L.A. It's the first time flying solo. You know, look, look at them.
They don't want to do this trip in the first place. He's like, I don't want to do this shit. I don't want to do this shit. But you know, because kids in danger with no parents around, that's cheap suspense. Right.
That's a shortcut to that. If you care about the kids. And nobody does ever. In fact, I wish they killed some of the kids. I'm waiting for the dinosaurs to eat one of these kids. They can't all be the kids in the first Jurassic Park. Those kids were awesome. No, the first Jurassic Park. No, I love those kids.
Ever since then, I wish those kids would've been snacks, milk. I mean, I can love the kids, but when that one guy shocked on that fence, I laughed my ass. Oh, hell yeah. Man, that's why I love that movie, The Blob. The Blob didn't give a fuck about no kids.
The Blob ate one of them kids, them kids. And not only did he eat one of his kids, that kid tried to come back half-digested and shit. Come here, come here, come here, come here, come here. I ain't telling you, I wasn't done with you. I'm still hungry.
Hell, I wish all them kids after the first Jurassic Park would have been dinner. I fucked them kids, man. I hate them. Call me cruel. I don't give a shit. Shit, I would have even let my man get electrocuted to death in the first one. I would have left my ass off a day. Had no business getting on there anyway. Don't cry baby ass motherfucker.
Jurassic World. If you don't stop crying, you gotta jam. Oh, Jesus. Oh, yeah. Oh, let me see here. Somebody, yeah, The Blob deserves a retro roast, man. That movie's amazing. So... We still got our stereotypes right here, man. When I was watching this, I don't even remember this, but I said, I hope they have the one that I want.
Well, free travel coupon won't help you get to my meeting on time, now will it? The asshole rich British dude. You ain't gonna make it. No, hell no, no, no. You don't already talking shit. Yeah, right, right, right. He's already talking shit. As soon as he walks on a plane, he's like, this is not a spoiler.
Guys, he's not kidding me. No, this dude's gonna die. You know, he's being too much of an asshole. Sir, I'm pretty sure that Coach gets to Los Angeles about the same time as first. Funny. Does my premium awards membership come with sarcasm or should I speak to your supervisor? No, that's complimentary. Listen to his ass at the end. He got that British ass accent. Oh, does my rewards cover me getting to my meeting on time? But listen to what he does at the end.
Does my premium awards membership come with sarcasm or should I speak to your supervisor, Claire? Put a little American black on that then, Claire. Oh, is he flying coach? So what happened here? was the FBI took over because they got the witness on there. So they took, they didn't have to do this. They took over all the first class. They took over all the first class. So bitches like him.
So everybody had to sit in coach. I guess my first class is all like the upper level. It's upper level and spacious. Yeah, we're all planes like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they took the whole shit just so three people could sit up. We gotta keep this, you know, nice and secure. They could have reserved about four or five rows in the back of the plane, but no, they took all that shit for themselves so they could ride very VIP.
Exclusive. And I know you're supposed to hate the people who are like, I can't believe I have to fly. Coach. But when you pay for a first class ticket. I'll be the same way. Yeah, exactly. I'll be the same way. Especially when you see how that first class is. I'd be mad as hell. I wouldn't be a dick like this dude right here. Because this dude, this is how you know he's going to die because he hates everybody. So, you know, it...
You know, it goes along with just what you think the kind of guy he is hates babies. Now, normally. asshole guys like him, they wait for the baby to start crying. Yeah. Start acting up. This baby's over here minding his own business. Baby's being good. And he hates that baby. You're great. Just great.
Is there a problem, mister? Gee, what do you think? Jesus, like the baby didn't even get started yet. It's that rattle, though. He already knows what's gonna happen. You saw that baby there. Why you sitting next to him? But this is what I like. Because he's trying to talk shit to that baby. That baby ain't bothering nobody. But that damn dog, that dog like, oh, you want to talk some shit? You want to talk some shit? I got something for you. Let's talk some shit. Ooh!
But now that just didn't hurt him. He hates babies. He hates dogs. Now when she said that, he said, fuck the world. I hate everybody. Listen to how he goes off. Fucking dog. Fucking coach. Fucking Americans. Fuck your country. And the mom over there, she's like, I ain't American. But you got that look like, you mad? Yeah.
and that baby and that dog looking at each other in the weekend eyes. I told y'all I was going to get him. Yeah, get y'all back in. We got him, did we? Yeah, we got him. A little virtual high five. And then take your British ass on back to the back. And stay out. Ha ha ha ha! Oh, British ass Bob. You said fuck America. Fuck you too. Fuck dogs, fuck babies, fuck America. I'm sure there's a flight to London somewhere, motherfucker. Exactly.
Yeah, damn. Yeah, exactly. He want to talk some shit. What the fuck? I think she hurt his feelings. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's where he got him. He's been walking around thinking nobody notices. Yeah, all of them. He's got dogs on that shit. You guys should have wore that hat. Yeah. See, yo, Tim crumped his ass. Take your ass back on back there. That dog was cool too. Hey, why don't you talk some shit with the dude? I gotta already tell you, he's full of shit. Take your patented bear ass on me.
Somebody said he ain't say anything cute. They would really hate this guy. So they got the male flight attendant. And since he's a man, you know. Oh, no. Since he's a man, he must be gay. Last thing the world needs is another lawyer. I mean, really, how could you leave all this? Oh, it's going to be hard. You take me with you, please. Boy, and he is, he is, he is. He is extra feminine. God, why do they do that? He is way more feminine.
than the actual women who are attendants. Disabling or destroying the smoke detectors located in the laboratories is prohibited by law. You know, she's kind of doing her thing, but he got to make a stage production out of it. Yeah, it's like she's just doing it because he's doing it.
way into it. He's like, no upstaging, bitch, okay? This is my choreography. This motherfucker doing dinner theater right now and everything. I know, for real. I forgot how cute, man. I forgot how good looking Julian Amaro leads. Oh, yeah. Yeah, she's gorgeous in this movie, man. Yeah. And oddly, there's a... There's a kickboxer on the plane. So he's not part of Kim's crew? I'm not going to say anything right now. Okay. But I'll just say that, you know, he's up there.
Either he's part of the crew or they just need a badass to fight hand to hand with snakes on there. Okay. Or foot to snake. Oh, wait a minute. Oh, shit. A male flight attendant can't be straight. He can't just be gay. He has to be flamboyant. He's got to be just flaming. In Hawaii for a vacation? Not really. I was there for the kickboxing tournament. And looked like he just came from the tournament. Straight from it. Got his tank top on. You could have sweating. Yeah, sweating.
You could've put a shirt on and wiped your ass off before you got on that plane. And by the way, I don't care how good in shape you are, nobody wanna sit next to you in a plane with a tank top on. Just stankin' ass. Armpits smell like tuna fish and shit. Just a little traveling tip for you. It's always like, yeah, the tournament ended and he had to run and catch that plane right away. Put a t-shirt on. You do that tattoo with a sharpie right there and shit. I'm like, put your shirt on.
So as they start to introduce more characters. You start to see how much this movie is a product of his time. Oh, yeah. Like, this is 2006, y'all. It actually feels like it's from 1996 in some parts. But they do some things that you definitely cannot do today, and they do it.
casual. At least you shouldn't do it. You can do it, but you probably shouldn't. Somebody's going to say something. Let me just say that. Like what? No pun intended here. One of the lighter things that you do here is that uh they got a plus size woman who gets on the plane and boy they immediately making fun of her you like that baby got back
I love his two little bodyguards looking at each other like, what is his problem? Baby got back. What is your problem? She just trying to walk on a plane. She ain't that big. I wouldn't even say nothing to you. And number two. Those are your bodyguards. Well, there's plenty of bodies right there. I know, I guess they could. Well, that's what he's making fun of me, but he's kind of like, y'all, hey, look, she's fat.
Y'all fat too. Y'all make a good couple. Front and side to side. Yeah, front and side. At least my man right here is acknowledging that his jokes are weak. Hey, y'all two get together. Y'all might have like... two 20-pound babies or something. That's Kenan Thompson and Flex Alexander. Flex Alexander. Right there. Talk about that. Talk about them a little bit. Michael Jackson.
Oh, I remember. Yeah, he was from the Michael Jackson roast we did. Yeah. Homeboys and Outer Space. Yep. Yeah, he played, we did a roast of the Michael Jackson VH1 movie or whatever it was. And he was tall as Michael Jackson. Which I actually like Flex Alexander, man, but that Michael Jackson he played was crazy. Right, right, right. Somebody said, oh, that's who that is. That's right. So this man, here's the thing about this woman, man.
you know, because she's fat, you know, something got to be wrong with her. You know, at least they didn't make her, you know, pull out a damn, you know, some green sandwiches. Right, right. They used to do it all. A big summery sandwich? Yeah, a big damn two-foot-long sandwich and shit. At least... That was so bad. You know? You pull out her purse or her titties or something. Yeah, that's what they...
I can't eat every two seconds. I can't just sit and play without putting on a long sandwich. But, you know, she doesn't do that. Lisa has the decency not to do that. But some still. got to be wrong with her in the event of decompression like she's an alcoholic she's got to be golem with this to you know be protective like look at it
Trying to hide and everything. So, you know, the reason why something's got to be wrong with it is because something wrong with fat people is funny. Right, right. But also, how the fuck did you get a flask on a plane on a carry-on? Oh, no way. 2006, you could do it. Yeah, exactly. Okay. Back then you could. They jump all over your ass now. Also because she's
Because she's fat, you know, quote-unquote fat. She got to take fat swigs down in that shit, boy. I'm going to get fucked up on this. Guess what? She's a coach. It's going to be wild for a drink service. That's true, man. That's true. Now she's done first. Serving them drinks fresh like they do first class. In fact, everybody should have brought a flask. Ain't nobody in first class. She's the NBA everybody right now. Man, look at that fat bitch drinking out of a flask.
Hey, you think maybe I can get a nipple? She's like, y'all should have planned it like I did. You know that British dude talking shit? Look at that fat bitch over there. You Americans are so fat. May I have a sip? Give us a sip. Give us a sniff. Give us a sniff. Darling. Give us a sniff. love yeah fuck you so
It gets worse, though. That's light, like I said. That ain't nothing compared to what's about to happen. So Flex Alexander, he plays a character called Three Gs, and he's a rapper in here because in these kind of moves, if you've got more than three... black dudes in there uh what are the odds somebody gotta be a rapper right so uh he comes on and when he's introduced the first thing he does
Yeah, no doubt. Let me do something special for you right there. Grabbing titty. It's almost like if he didn't, she would have gotten upset the way she's got him on his face like that. See the reason why because she's the reason why she's cool with it is because this is mostly a dude's fantasy
So back in the early 2000s, men thought that women just liked to have their ass and titties grabbed. You know, as long as you cool. And you're famous. And you're famous or you're handsome. In front of children. In front of children, yeah. Oh, God.
So fast. This is going to be your future, little girl. Yeah, look at the little kid right there. That's the model. If you grew up in fine as hell, this is going to be your future. I'll grab your titties, too. I love it whenever they do that in movies. Sign the titties. Now what am I going to do with it? He signed the clothes.
So, yeah. He grabbed all kind of titty, didn't he? But he did sign a ass cheek when she pulled it out. But he grabs all kind of titty, doesn't he? Yeah, he made sure. Now he got a good grip. You got to keep it steady to sign a little, you know. It's name straight. It would have been funny, though, if she had looked at one of the bodyguards and just like, I really want this. Does he do this all the time? Yeah. Yeah, that's great. Like, you can't do that today.
No, no, that you can't do. You can do it, but that changes the movie. The movie goes in a whole different direction. If you do it, there better be a goddamn good reason why. There better be some kind of positive message behind it or something. There better be some anti-sexual harassment. And that was the end of his career. He got canceled after this.
He would go straight to court. He'd be safe for the snakes. The rest is right there at the airport. He survived the snakes and get thrown in jail as soon as the plane went. And see with this. You know, the kind of world this is, I mean, it's the early 2000s, y'all, you know, sexual harassment, if you go, by the way, certain man thing back in the day, sexual harassment was just, it was just part of the normal work day. Oh, my.
I was hoping you'd be the sky candy on this flight. You're looking especially delicious this evening. I love it when you demean me, Rick. My pleasure. You know, this is back when sexual harassment was lighthearted. It was fun. You know, look at her. Women had a good laugh. And then she went about her day. Why are women so uptight now? She's quitting. She's quitting. She's going to law school. When you need somebody to be obnoxious, David Keckner. Nobody does it like David Keckner.
Except I'm just going to give you a little spoiler right here. You'd think that he would be... Probably one of the semi-villains in the movie. No, he's not. No. No, actually, no. He's one of the good guys. Right, right. He has some her own moments. Yeah. Yeah, he's a hero for harassing her all the time. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you right, man. This motherfucker.
The wet ass dream is this movie. Yeah, you can't do this shit. Grabbing ass and all that kind of stuff and now we're gonna save the fucking day. Yeah, talking about you up in her, breathing in her hair, sniffing out. Yeah, he's sniffing in her hair all over her face. You look delicious. That's what he said!
You look delicious. I'm glad you're going to be the candy on this. Yeah, yeah. I can taste you right now, girl. The only thing I was missing, he did. You look delicious. He told her you look delicious. Oh, my. I was hoping you'd be the sky candy on this flight. You're looking especially delicious this evening. Does that ever work? How am I supposed to respond to that?
Believe it or not, he's one of the likable characters. The sexual harassment, one of the likable characters. Looking like a straight villain right there. That still? I mean, look, if you just saw that still, it's like you had a work thing going on. Here's what you don't do. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. It's like a PSA. This is what they show you to the new employees at work just in case you're thinking about any kind of...
Yes, you're thinking about it. Yes, you stupid. Get that look off your goddamn face. Hey, want to join me in the cockpit? I mean, he looks like he about to drag her into a goddamn closet or something. Yeah, man. She's like, look, motherfucker, if you touch me, if you get anywhere near me. He'd be a fucking villain. He's a hero in this movie. I mean, he's completely invading your space. Yeah.
Creepy ass look on his face thing. You look delicious. You look delicious. Got that sexual harassment stroke mouth. Yeah. He always has that. I'm going to tell you, sexual harassment, it's okay on this plane. And let me tell you why. Almost everybody on this plane is horny. Because what they do is, you know, to make the snakes aggressive, they had an inside man come in.
and just spray the laze that they put on people. Spray them down with pheromones that make the snakes so horny that if they can't fuck something, they go crazy. Yes, sir. I'm soaking the laze with it. The pheromone will make these guys go fucking crazy.
And it must've worked on people too, because- He was talking about the people. He was talking about the snakes. Oh, you get snakes almost. Oh, shit. I didn't know what you're talking about. You ain't lying. I do remember that part about the movie. I was like, God damn. Yeah, so he's- See how they acted before the pheromones. Yeah. And after the pheromones, them fools went crazy. The moment they put them layers on, people couldn't keep their hands off each other. She eating his face. Hell yeah.
Probably she didn't come back with her lips in her tooth. Yeah, for real. That's tailored. Oh. Lautner? Is it... Not Taylor Lautner. James Carter of Mars. Oh, Taylor Kitsch. Taylor Kitsch. That's Taylor Kitsch. Oh, is it? That's one of his first roles where he was really not that well-known. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, in fact, if you see by the profile, that's him.
Oh, they do him dirty in this movie. Oh, they do. Yeah. Yeah, sure do. But some of the, you know, because these are the passengers. They sprayed them thermos down. Them passengers couldn't stab each other. But those thermos work so well. that some of the staff, they're trying to fuck the passengers.
Which is bullshit. And we're talking about, it ain't like, you know, because y'all thinking, you know, oh, it must be that gay dude. No, we're talking about the hottest, the hottest stewardesses on there. trying to hit up on Sean. First moment she saw him, she's like, I'm gonna get that dick. That is so... hot. What?
I'm a witness. You mean because my life is threatened? Yeah. It's hot? He's like, look, let me tell you something right now. My dick is not working. I'm too scared for that. I'm more scared of you right now. Normally, this would be awesome. Yeah, but not today. But not today. It wouldn't happen any other day, would it? It wouldn't happen any other day.
Any other day, that shit wouldn't go down. He wouldn't be in first class any other day. That is true. Because I'll tell you what happened was she thought his ass was like an athlete or a rock star or something. So she already got wet for a man. Right, right. But then when he said...
I'm just a witness. She's like, well, fuck, we here already. Yeah, yeah, I know what I mean. I already made my mind up. Yeah, I've already got a spoiler. Before that, she's undoing some buttons. Oh, yeah, really? Yeah, yeah, she can get ready to show that, that, uh... That titty crack? Yeah, I mean, she's not really showing much. Yeah, that cleavage. That cleavage, bending over for them when they're doing nothing. Safety stuff. Yeah, when they're doing the safety thing. And he's like this.
He's so scared about dying and shit. And she's over there posing and shit. Meanwhile, his dick is inside his body. He's so scared. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Shit. This safety damn routine right here. Unless you find a way to kill any fucking Kim. I don't feel safe at all. Right. He wetting his pants and shit. In not a good way.
And I said the gay dude ain't trying to get nothing yet. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Boy, he's the most aggressive out of all of them. I was going to say, don't you stop bullshitting his people. It's because he's a dude. That's why I think he's the most aggressive. He's the most awkward and aggressive out of all of them. Oh, my God. You're a kickboxer? Me too. Well, I take a kickboxing class with Lonnie, Malibu Fitness. Awesome cardio. Good for you. My girlfriend and I go Tuesdays and Thursdays. Yeah.
girlfriend He almost kicked his own self in the face. He about to kick this man in the face trying to get some dick. I know, dick right hard too. Oh, he's probably playing. Look at him. Can you help me? If you could just rub it right here. This is so offensive. My God. It is. What a revolting development. Yeah. Come on. And if they ain't horny as hell, then they thirsty as fuck. All of them just... Everybody get on the plane just looking at something. Just staring at us.
He's like, oh, why are you looking at me? There's other things going on. You know what's funny though? That, that, that. That is a very common move on a play. I've seen motherfuckers do that shit. I've done that. Me too. Ain't even been shy about it. I wasn't going to save me until... What you can't clean. Yeah, that's me. I love it. I know people who do that. I know them real well. Funny thing is, I'm not.
I'm worse. I'm more like Samuel Jackson. Because Samuel Jackson don't give a fuck. Because Samuel Jackson got those eyes. And when he's thirsty, he'll just stare everybody down. And don't give a fuck who's looking. Yeah. I'll be in first class. I'll be looking for that VIP service. Everybody's ass on his way up.
He's like, hey man, you're supposed to be protecting me, motherfucker. You ain't got time to get no ass. The reason why the stewardess was able to get so close to him because he's downstairs trying to get some ass.
He's downstairs trying to, yeah, he's trying to throw some game downstairs, leaving that boy by himself. Yeah, I know. He's the fucking federal witness. Yeah, yeah. Ain't just keeping an eye on him at all. He's trying to get some masks from him. Yeah, right there. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, look how he's trying to throw some game down. and leaving that boy by himself. So can I, can I get you something or? Nah, I'm cool. Let's just pretend I'm not here. Okay.
Well, I mean, she seems to be into it. Yeah. Yeah, but he ain't gotta look that goddamn hard when he leaves. He gotta look that hard. He worked her pretty good. Because he came on first. He first he was negative and then they have to back off and go like, oh, well, maybe whatever can I do for you? She actually gave him some shit before.
but I just, you know, I don't know, you people come in, you take over the plane, comedy of the plane, and that's when he pulls a game, and he's like, he guilted her, because he's like, you people? Because he knew what he was doing. Let me see if I can find that. I mean, like that. I fuck lots of black guys. Oh, you do, dude. Well, you gonna do it now. You want me? Let me see if I can find that part. I apologize with me. He said he had to look at her that hard. He didn't.
Yeah, but once he starts picking games, she couldn't stop smiling. She couldn't even close them out. You got to put the period on it. You got to pitch it up. Okay, here it is. She trying to... Because she tried to get attitude. I'll give you this. He broke her ass down quick. He just took up feeling guilty like one time. It's like judo. Yeah, you owe me some ass now.
Fuck you looking at. That's how you looking around. I mean, look, man. What you want. You already displaced that shit. You gotta be fucking with it, too. No, I'm just stretching my legs. Big plane. Plenty of places to do it. See, she trying to get some attitude. Big plane. Get the fuck out of here. Plenty of other places to do what you mean. I do something wrong here. Technically, no. But maybe next time you people could give us a little heads up before you commandeer the plane. You people?
She's like, I'll just go and suck your dick. I can't get out of this. Shit, I owe him some ass, man. I owe him some ass! Hey, hey, don't stress, just joking. So can I, can I get you something? He's like, shit, that worked fast. He's like, god damn. He's like, I don't even know how to finish this now. I usually have a couple more moves. That's why I get to look hard on the way out. He's like, I got nothing else. Yeah, look at it, man.
She read it too. Yeah, yeah. He's like, I don't want to blow it down because she's like, look, you ain't got to do nothing else. Just pretend I'm not here. Okay. You got damn right. He look like chef right there. You got damn right. Fuck. I messed it up. I had it too. Yeah, you better. I'm going to be stretching something else later on. There's no subtlety. No, no.
You don't see a movie called Snakes on a Plane and look for someone. Exactly. I know, but I mean, she made it so I just feel like, so we gonna fuck men or what? Right. Girl, don't put it out there like that. I mean, yeah. Yeah, but you know. A little romance, you know what I'm saying? Go back to that bitch I was talking to a little while ago. And you knew that your man right here, oh, the three G's was going. You knew he was going to hit on that white girl, that dog, when they got on the plane.
He had it. He had it. But the shit backfired on him real quick. First of all, he's a germaphobe. Second of all, he got cock blocked by that little ass dog. The dog already said like... Look, man, this ain't happening. This ain't happening. Ain't nothing happening. See what I did, old boy? Yeah, that dog was a hen by that point. Mother hen. Blocked his ass. Dog was smooth. Dog jumped right out. The dog been in that purse whole movie.
Got next to his black ass, jump right out that purse. You ain't gettin' nothin'. This is Mary Kate. Yes, that's nice. And a Mercedes, you know, like the car. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She likes you. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get that filthy animal away from me. Mercedes is a girl's name. She said, you want me? You got to fuck this dog too. That's tight, that's tight. Yeah, the dog, the dog. That's good, that's cool. I love.
Yeah, I love dogs. She's so farted out with her face. Look at her face. And dog, leave me leave my mom alone. Yeah, yeah. I got something to be bored, too. Oh. He's your black ass. You ain't getting none of this pussy. I ain't nobody getting you. You about to fuck me before you fuck me. Oh, now keep in mind, people, we are coming to the end of the first half. And keep in mind, this is probably a good thing why it is two parts, because we didn't even got to the snakes yet.
Yeah. Yeah, P, we ain't even got to the snakes yet. We just got to a bunch of horny ass motherfuckers on a plane. On a plane! We would all be arrested right now. Yeah, we saw different snakes on a plane. Nah. yeah we even got to the snakes yet man and that part like this is already crazy just with the people the people alone but the man when those snakes come in that's when shit goes off that's my big boy
Who does that? No. You know they're going to fuck him. That's why he's chewing his gum. So, yeah, people. You know, maybe it was a good thing we waited so we could really get into it. We'll see. That's what you get for Carter. Hey, here's my big boy. Man, just piss and get the fuck on out. Yeah, we'll see. We ain't even got some other characters yet. So, yeah, this is a rich one right here, man. A lot of stuff.
lot about this movie i didn't either i didn't either but you know you sound good at that that's right i'm like wow because like there's a button i only see it once but that's a bunch of shit i'm laughing at right now i forgot about i'm gonna be mad yeah So people, next week, we'll finish it up. I had a good time with this part, though. All right. Well, OK, so this is covered what I've seen so far. Oh, yeah. So it works out perfectly. Yeah.
Man, you really should get to when the snakes come in. Well, I got to where the snakes come in. Oh, okay. All right. I mean, if you want to call them snakes. Interesting thing here, they did use a lot of real snakes. No, I know. Except for the ones that bite people and jump around. Yeah, I was reading how they couldn't get the snakes to actually do what they wanted them to do. So they used animatronics and CGI. I'm sure there were plenty of actors.
on set going, get those fucking snakes away from me. I'm not... Samuel Jackson had in his... Yeah, I'm sure. In his contract, don't bring those snakes into me. I would have done the same thing. And, you know, if you got to use CG snakes, it's fine. But the shit looks like it came from a Disney cartoon sometimes. Oh, yeah. Told you what the budget was. So is this car from the Jungle Book that I'm looking at? No, that looks real. I was going to say the one in the live action would look good.
So there you go, people. We'll finish it up next week. Hope y'all had a good time with this part. Did y'all have fun with this first part right here? Is this working for you? This retro roast here that we're doing. What's the level of your boy? He ain't got to stay that hard no way out. He's about to run to a wall, man. Hey, Sam.
Do your goddamn job, man. You can fuck her later, man. It's got to be at least a four-hour flight, right? I'm protecting that boy's virginity. Now, leave me alone. Everybody says, hey, they're loving it, man. Absolutely. Can't wait for next week. Yeah, that part was funny.
roast so far yeah hey listen if y'all if y'all like this part it's gonna get better yeah it does get better i do remember that yeah because when the snakes come in it gets it gets crazy well yeah that's that's when wackiness exactly exactly
They should have a good time just setting up everybody's character, though. They can take it till they're having fun with that one. He's horny, horny, horny, horny. That's right. We haven't even covered all the characters. No, no. There's still some people come in.
Y'all pulling the Wicked on us. Yeah, part two. We told you beginning this. See, Wicked didn't tell you. And you know what? And during the time between New Year's and after Christmas, we'll find a good Christmas thing to do. You know, we'll find some. I tell you what, during that time, if y'all know some animated thing to do, because we've had two great animated Christmas. Right.
Yeah, I keep forgetting the name of the tree. With the orphanage. Oh, that was horrible. What was that one? I don't remember, but... It was something about a Christmas tree. It was about a tree, yeah. The tree of Santa? I don't know. Well, that shit's been set up at the end. Yeah. Like, what the fuck are you doing here? For real, right? Yeah. Don't you have stuff to do? Also, you could have helped us with all this shit. We did a crazy nights. Yeah. We did. Yeah.
So, yeah, man, we'll figure out something to do. We got plenty of time. We'll do a nice Christmas roast between Christmas and New Year's since it's still holidays, technically. So, yeah, it'll be fun. You got plenty of bad Christmas movies. I got one that... I think Broderick did with Danny DeVito. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, no, we have a list. Let me show y'all the list. Oh, and that one with Ben Affleck and James Gandolfini. Surviving Christmas? Was that it? Yeah, Surviving Christmas.
You hated that one when it came out. I did too. So here's some Christmas movies. So these are a combination between bad movies and maybe we can do one retro movie because the Grinch is in here. I'm not crazy about the Grinch, but that's just one. I mean, I don't like it, but I think a lot of people do, and I respect that. That's why it would be a retro roast. And I'm going to tell you, I'll watch it.
on TV these days, and I'm warmed up to it. I don't know why. The set design is awesome. The set design is great, and Jim Carrey is amazing. Yes, and the makeup is really good. It's your boy. Rick Baker. Yeah. Although, you know what? The whole Grinch's origin, I was like, when I was watching Wicked, I was like, this feels like it's the same thing. Yeah, it really does. Y'all really did just pinch that and move it over. Well, here's one that y'all can...
You can add to this and make recommendations. So you have time to actually give your opinion on this. And if you want to change some things and get some feedback. then you have a week to do so. On this list, though, is Christmas with the Cranks. Ooh, what's that one? Deck the Halls. The Grinch would be a retro roast.
a Madea Christmas and the Nutcracker. And that's a weird one, man. I know that one. I forgot about that, but that's a creepy one. I'm all about the Nutcracker then. I don't know that one. And John, what did I just say? He said, I've never heard of the Grinch being bad. I said it would be a retro roast, not a bad roast. Nobody listens to me, ever. Reindeer Games is a bad one.
That's Morgan Freeman. Right, and Ben Affleck. No, no, no, that's Garrison Easton, Ben Affleck. Oh, is that what Garrison – oh, no. That's right. You're thinking of the hard rain. The hard rain. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Radio games, it's – It's fun, stupid action, but it's dumb. Don't get me wrong. That's right. It is Gary Sinise. He plays the Charlize Theron. He plays Charlize Theron's brother. Yeah. Something who's the villain. Yeah. That's how he finds them. Yeah. Yeah.
All right. But, hey, listen, man. Danny Trejo's in. I forgot about that. Yeah. The thing is, I don't even think I've even seen Reindeer Games. I haven't. It's one of those movies, man. Like, you just chill on a Saturday on the Christmas season. You're like. you back out whatever oh somebody yeah somebody sent a uh an animated thing it can't be too obscure though it has to be like the ones that we have are our internet favorites like everybody knows
Everybody knows Rhapsody Kids. Yeah, that's notorious. That's infamous. Grandma got run over by a reindeer would be a good one. What is that? It's the world's most famous case of hit and run Well, we could... Snow just turned red. Hey, some people talking about, yes. Oh, God, this. This shit is insane. Put it on the list. We got... Okay, we'll put it on the list. I'll make sure that Kevin knows. We'll put that on the list.
That might be a good one to do. I know about this one, but I've never seen it. A kid get a gun, get revenge. So everybody looks like they're very positive with that. So yeah, we'll put it on the list and see what happens. I would say a Hebrew hammer, but it's just fun. The Hebrew Hammer? Adam Goldberg. Never heard of that before. It's an action film. It's a parody. He's a Jewish action hero, but he's trying to keep...
Andy Dick from Stealing Christmas. I've never heard of this before. Oh yeah. It's, it's fucking, it's, it's, I think he may have self-produced it, but it's, it's a cult classic. Oh, okay. Yeah. Uh, somebody out there knows. Let me see. Brandon Heaton.
Hey, did y'all hear that a Bluey movie's in the work at Disney? I'm not surprised. Bluey's huge. I'm surprised it took that long. Exactly. He was all over. He's watching the Thanksgiving parade. Yeah. Like 18 Bluey fucking floats. Uh... blooms you see here richard lloyd paramount plus is making more bad movies uh jack blackhead is bad movie
There's a thing called Henry Danger. Oh, that used to be a Nickelodeon show. It did? Yeah. Yeah. What was it called? A Dear Santa. Oh, yeah, that was terrible. Yeah, Henry Dangerous. Yeah, it's a Nickelodeon show about a kid and his dad, both superheroes. Okay. We'll probably end up seeing it. It's really, really bad. The show is. Max. Hey, Corey, it's Max. Max got fucked up. He was at the show in New York.
Oh, Max Conde? Yeah. Oh, boy. Yeah, he was. Oh, Max. Not again. Yeah, again. But that's Max. Yeah. But he had a great time. Of course. He always has a great time. And he always gets fucked up. Yes. I want to hit you up because I got a trip to Austin in either January or February 2025. I'll get back with you with more details. Hey, Max, I'll take you out, man. I owe it to you. You've been so supportive. I'd love to take you out.
Some drinks are 20. Let me see here. Michael Betcher. Hola, fuckers. Tell Billy he's sexy. That's from Michael. You gotta tell him that. He knows. Yes. Also, last you saw my post about the making of my Leatherface costume for Comic-Con. You made me think. You being a black man, maybe you could tell me this. If Leatherface killed a black dude and wore his skin, would it be blackface? I wouldn't risk it. If anything can take Leatherface down, it's getting canceled.
for wearing a blackface. Technically, that's blackface. Yeah, I wouldn't do that. You being black. That's the worst blackface ever. That's right. That's the blackiest face. Even the rest of the Redneck fans are like, hey, hey, hey, you can't go out there. Don't do that, son.
It's not a good look for us. Things have changed out there. Man, I remember. I have Elves. Elves is a movie I ordered on VHS a long time ago because I love that movie so much. It's so bad. Yeah? Yeah. Have you ever heard of this? It has... Is that the one with Grizzly Adams Isaac? You sent me this. What was Grizzly Adams? Dan Haggerty. Yeah, Haggerty. Dan Haggerty plays a policeman who's trying to solve some murders or something. And behind these crimes is a...
elves brought about by Nazis. Okay, I'm done. Have y'all ever heard of elves before? People out there? Yeah, maybe. So we could probably do that one as a Christmas roast, too, if y'all want it. has Nazis incest and Dan Haggerty. He wrote it right there. I'm sorry I didn't see it. But yeah, I ordered this movie years ago and thought it was hilarious, man. Yeah, he plays an alcoholic cop trying to chase down these elves. Let me see here. Let me see. Oh.
What happened to the Kids Next Door pilot? I love that show and I love the revival of that show. Were they supposed to do it with Kids Next Door? You have K&D. I'm assuming that's Kids Next Door. You remember that show? Yeah. That show was actually kind of fun. Let me see here. Michael Tipps. I'll read that later, Michael. Isaiah has some Christmas suggestions. How about I'll be home for Christmas from 1998? Who was that?
I remember the name, but I don't remember anything else about it. Mr. Coleman, I just bought Elden Ring for the PS4. For a beginner, can you give me some tips? It's my first time playing a game like this.
i picked the peasant character the lowest one um i would tell you to pick a magic character because magic doesn't require close combat but i hit a point where my magic wasn't serving me very well uh as you can get to some later bosses near the end of the game but i beat all these soul games except for one uh being a magic character and the one time i was not a magic character i don't know how i did this i went through the whole game
All these fancy weapons. I went the whole game with a big ass stick, a big club, like a big log. And that's the, I recommend you don't use that, but I forgot what it was, which it was Dark Souls. One of those games. Anyway, I went to the whole game with a club and beat the fuck out of everybody.
Beat the game with it. I don't know how I did that. But anyway. Speak softly, but carry a big stick. But yeah, I would ask some other people who are better at the game than me. Elden Ring. I love Elden Ring, but I haven't beat it yet. um i haven't had time to go in and do some things to make my character better but i've been getting through the whole game being a magic character uh and i might have powered up too much in that area so but i tried try this
Try being a magic character, but don't overpower yourself. Make sure you even out your attributes in other areas. Wait, don't overpower yourself? No, don't overpower yourself because if you overpower yourself, you could probably be...
cheating yourself when it comes to things like strength and stuff like that and then you won't be able to pick up certain shields that will be able to help you and if you want to use there are certain weapons that you could be able to use you won't be able to use them if you can't even pick the shit up and swing it right so so yeah uh let's see here uh oh no oh no i am disappointed by this
Kemp Powers will not return to co-direct Beyond the Spider-Verse. Yeah, I saw that. Why? What happened? I don't know. I just saw that there was two other guys who've been chosen to be the directors. I heard it's not coming out for like three years or something like that. Oh, seriously? That's what I read, but that was like, I don't know. Man, I don't even remember what the story was by that point. Oh, man. Let me see. I hope that's not true. Yeah, no, it's true.
I'm talking about how long this is going to be before it comes out. Oh, yeah. Man, Ken Powers is such a cool guy. And I've had the blessing of being able to talk to this man a couple of times. And he's so nice. And he's so talented, and I just, he was one of the people that I was very happy for directing that, you know, being a black director and everything. And he talked about how much he enjoyed working on the film.
I don't know if it was his choice not to work on the movie. But if y'all don't know who Ken Powers is, Ken Powers is one of the, it was three directors for the last Spider-Verse movie. And he's on his way out. And here are the two directors, Justin K. Thompson and Bob Persietti. Persietti? Those are the guys who will be directing now. I don't know what happened to Kent Powers. But maybe he had another thing he wanted to do. Hopefully so.
hopefully this isn't where sony said oh well we haven't been sticking our fingers in it but now it's a big uh let us help you guys and tell you what to do here please don't do that I'll read this later, but yeah, that saddens me. But if it is for something that he's working on, then, you know, good for him. But I don't know. That does sadden me. All right, everybody, we're out of here. Thank you all so much.
Thank you for your understanding. I like how we had a nice little setup, though. Oh, yeah, for the rest of it. Oh, oh, yeah. I do kind of like that. Oh, yeah, yeah. No. Because, I mean, I needed some world building on this one. I mean, seriously, man. Because, I mean, we took our time with this one. Yeah, look at all these stupid motherfuckers on this plane. Yeah, we got the board all set up. Yeah, before you get to any snake. Before you get to one snake.
You know, plenty of plane. That plane got a lot of craziness in it before those snakes ever arrived. it's yeah it's a lot of fun anyway y'all uh thank you and we'll see on the next one which will be tomorrow gonna be talking about mufasa and sonic have both those ready for you mufasa has has been getting some
decent reviews yeah i was i read some or watched some today online but i was waiting to do the show i was like i was expecting to be able to just all over like they did line came they're like no actually well well they said it was great but i'm just talking about yeah well we'll let you know how we feel tomorrow And that, by that lion and that hedgehog. I still ain't watching him. No? Not saying you should. Or should he? Not the Dizzy Bloss. All right, y'all. We out of here.
Thank you, loud fans. Aw, shit. Finally. Goddamn, man. They were prison stopping my ass today, boy. Mega Man, G. Colby, loud fan, average watch, Edward Collins. Hero named Oblivion. Diablos Phoenix. All of you guys. Toasted Butter Goodness and Toasted Evenly. Vic Matty. Thank y'all for Vic Matty.
Thank you so much for being here. We'll check you out on the next one. Thank you, Martin. And thank you, Billy. And all right. Thank you, Pixie. Yeah, Pixie. Okay, this is the one we're getting ready to go now. All right, Pixie, you ready? You hopped up to see all that music last time. All right, Pixie, you ready? Kcoolmans at gmail.com. That is K-C-O-O-L-M-A-N-Z.
at gmail.com. Email us if they ain't got any questions, comments, compliments, insults, input, and our advice. Hit us up on those social medias. Instagram, Facebook, X form, and Twitter. Ticket tock Patreon. She kind of waking up a little bit. She don't trust you. I know, I know. You don't get me like that again. Yeah. No, this is the one, girl. This is the one. All right, we're getting ready to go. I'll take you somewhere since you've been so patient.
Just type in Double Toast on any of those platforms. It'll take you where you need to be, Martin. You can find me on Instagram and... blue sky and reddit and all these other places that martin underscore no fro or look for martin thomas on facebook billy hey you can catch me it's it's just follies in the corner And you can catch us here in Austin, Texas. Just email us first. That's for your benefit. So we know what your plans are. We can actually make plans for you. We clear our schedules.
kcoolmans at gmail.com. Let us know what your plans are for Austin. Whether you move or here or just pass through. Let us know and we'll hang out with you. Good night. Good morning. Good afternoon. Good evening. Whenever you're listening to or watching this, goodbye. And stay so safe.