¶ Don't Compare Your Relationship Status
10 ways to prepare yourself now , as a single , for what you say you won't . Are you ready ? I'm ready . Number one is don't compare your relationship status to anybody else's . There are too many people that are down low , sad because somebody else is living the dream that you desperately want . They see their friends getting married and they're still single .
They see their friends going on honeymoons and they at home . They see their friends having children , but they don't have anybody to have children with . And what I've learned is that you never really know what's going on behind closed doors . You don't really know . There are a lot of people posting pictures that they happy , but they ain't really happy .
There are a lot of people who are married but they wish to God they were single . And then you got the single people wishing to God they were married and it's all like you got to be content at whatever state you're in , what do you think about ?
that I like that and I noticed what you said is that you know before that you talked about maybe God , you know , maybe you need to get yourself together first . You know what I mean and sometimes you know , I think some people can be single and maybe they're waiting on their , their husband or their wife , to get it together .
I mean , I've met so many people who help them get themselves together . No , no , like the person that God has for you , god's working on them right now . God needs another six months until they're , until they're ready . You know what I mean . Like give me another three months , give me another year , because I got the right person for you .
But , trust me , wait for it . Wait for it and it's going to be good when it comes . But you know , sometimes you know the people that we see out there and they're in , maybe having trouble in their relationships . They didn't wait , they didn't want to wait .
Six enemy Okay , and that's one thing you have to choose now as a single person ,
¶ Reject Satan's Lies About Singleness
because the Bible calls Satan a liar . No , it actually calls him the father of lies . So all of the lies that we hear basically originates with Satan . He's the father of it . So he says this kind of thing to single people You're not attractive , you're defective . Nobody's ever going to want you . You're too old now . Who wants to be with you ?
And you got all those kids . Your standards are too high . Your standards are too low . What man going to want you with all you've done ? What woman's going to want you ? And you don't have this and you don't have that . And sometimes you just got to say shut up , devil , you got to put them underneath your feet , because the devil is a liar .
He's actually the father of those lies .
Yeah , I would say , you know when I think about let's just , let's , let's just use common sense with it . You know what I mean . And really , like you , can look around at all kinds of people who are married . They , they might not be attractive , they might not have good jobs , they might not be smart . You would never marry them .
And my point in that is , the enemy will try to look at you and say , well , you're not married because you're too fat , you're too ugly , you're too , you're not smart enough , you don't have . You know , those are all lies , because there's a bunch of married people out there today . None of those things . That doesn't make sense . Devil , that's a dumb .
You know that's dumb . That doesn't make sense . Come , come again , try it . You know , try something else . This one , I'm too smart for that one .
I've even seen people who were once married before or they were in some long lasting relationship and after that , after the divorce or after that relationship was over , that person that they split from on the way out the door says all these mean things about them .
Like this is why it's over , because you're not this , and that's why I'm leaving with this person and I'm going to be with this person . And you're not this and you're not that , and you do have to go through a season where you send those words back to hell , where they came from , absolutely , because those people do not define you and always .
I heard a saying years ago that one man's trash is another man's treasure and just because somebody treats you like trash doesn't mean that you're actually trash and you're treasure because of who God says that you are . Yes , you're an heir of God and a joint heir with Christ Jesus .
You are a royal priesthood , a holy nation , and it doesn't matter , because when people break up with you or break it off , satan tries to use them to tear down who you are and you got to go back to the word to build yourself up .
Yeah , and also , people who speak those kind of mean , abusive , unkind things don't listen to them . They don't respect themselves enough to not let those nasty things come out of their mouth . I'm not about to sit here and listen to what you had to say . I just
¶ Don't Be Pressed in Dating
don't go there .
Number three would be don't be pressed . That's what I would want somebody who's single to know in the preparation season don't be pressed . I'm not saying don't give people the cold shoulder , because I think people do that too much too . It's almost like you act so not pressed .
You're not even baiting the hook , so people would think that you're not even interested in dating or seeing anybody because you actually took it too far . You want to say something about that ?
You look like I mean I've probably done , uh well , you know both of those things in the past . But um yeah , when it comes to you know the , the whole , I mean mean both of them . Okay , let's take the press one for being pressed . Um yeah , I mean especially for girls .
Now , you know , I can say this because I'm a woman , especially for women , what I would you know .
I find that women who chase the man usually never , usually I mean they're , I know some , usually somehow I'm not saying initiate , because women you can initiate , like would you like to go , like coffee , or like , I'm not saying , I'm not saying initiate I'll go back to the I'm saying chase I'm saying you chase after him , he don't call you .
You call him , he don't ask you . You know , like you're always chasing after him . It don't work listen after that first date , you know if he's not calling you .
Let you know if we're interested you know , we actually guys , are wired to want kind of the thrill of the hunt a little bit and like if you take away the chase , that's actually yeah , don't be too easy for him , let him work for it he wants to work for his meal even back in the day when I was not living for god , like if a girl was too easy , I
would take what was easy , but then didn't want to talk to her any longer . And I know that's sad . I'm saying long time ago , long time ago , before being filled with the Holy Spirit back when I was in the world If it's too easy , it's too easy . And then there's people that make it too hard .
But when I say , don't be pressed , give me what comes to your mind , any examples . Don't be pressed .
Um , like I said , you know , blowing them up on his , um , you know , on his cell phone . You know all these texts , all these voice messages . You've stalking him on social media . Um , you're , you know , asking his friends and stuff . Where is he Like , just like , leave him alone .
Let him come and find out what you like , what your favorite color is , what restaurant you like to go to . Like , just you know , leave him alone .
For me it would be being press will be go too deep too fast . You know you're on a first date . You kind of got to , you got to wade the water . There's a wisdom with this thing , you know . Um too too easy or available . You know , what I'm saying , like you should have some things like , hey , you want to go out Thursday ? Well , you know what ?
I got this class that I do on Thursday night . Okay , how's Friday ? Okay , yeah , friday , I can't do six , but I can do lunch . I mean like not , you know , like like uh , uh , they call you go ahead .
And you don't not saying like you don't have to be fake but be .
You know you'd Go to the YMCA , do an exercise program , join a small group , take a new class , have something that you're doing and you're interested in , so that when he does come along you're like oh snap , no , because I got my small group on Tuesday at seven o'clock , so how's Thursday at six ?
You know I can't explain exactly what I mean by pressed , but I would say that's a person who lacks a level of security and inner confidence . And I just feel like , as a woman of God and even as a man of God , that when it comes to the dating , there should be a knowing who you are , there should be a little level of confidence .
That's exuding to where it's not like you're just so thirsty that you're just going to take whatever and you got to know that about yourself , though .
Know that about yourself . Spend enough time in the presence of God , knowing that God loves you , so that you know when he's telling you I mean , because he could be just a joker , you know what I mean Like , not really , he , just , you know , is really not that into you , but this is what he does . He's not ready to settle down yet .
He don't believe what you believe , all of that stuff . And yet he don't believe what you believe , all of that stuff . And so that he says if you're thirsty or if you're pressed and you want , you know , you're hungry for love like that , because you don't have it from God .
Maybe you don't know who you are , you haven't spent your time in the word to build yourself up in the word of God . The first time he says oh , you're so beautiful , I love you , all of these things , now you fall for it .
Yes , right from the beginning , you , these , things .
Now you fall for it . Yes , right from the beginning you had me at hello . Well then , you end up it never . Most of the time it doesn't even . You don't even end up at the altar . It's just another broken relationship . Another , you know soul tie , another .
And so we're not saying come over here to where it's cockiness and it's cold and it's hard to get , but there's just a level of confidence that you have and a security . And it's almost this position of if I get married , praise God , and if I don't , praise God Like I'm good with who I am .
I desire that I want to spend my life with someone , but if I don't , I'm still going to have joy and peace and all of that
¶ Finding Balance: Pickiness vs Settling
. Number four don't be too picky . All right , and I don't know if this is a man thing more than a woman thing . You tell me , but sometimes I feel like we are too picky , specifically when it comes to you . Know , you've got to be picky on spiritual things .
You know what I'm saying .
I want to make sure , if I was single , to find somebody that's going my same direction . I don't want to be unequally yoked , trying to drag you to church every Sunday , absolutely Trying to get you to tithe and trying to get you to give and live right . I don't know if you Right .
I'm going to be picky when it comes to spiritual things , but when it comes to like how a person looks , I don't know . I just feel like I mean talk to the people are too picky . I think they too picky . I mean , you've been single for 47 years and now it's like , well , I don't know , he's just not tall enough . Like what that got to do with it ?
Like , do we got a job ? Do you love him ? Does he go to the person ? Yeah , but being picky as far as he has to be a certain height , a certain skin color , a certain you know , like I think that's . That's different .
But I think that some people bring those things over into the if they're attractive or not , because are can be attractive more than how they first look physically . Their personality can be attractive , their thoughtfulness can be attractive .
Their intellect can be attractive , their confidence , their swag , that's what we mean , yeah .
But sometimes we're so picky that they don't even get a first date or a second date , because you're just judging how a person looks like on the outside .
I don't know if I mean tell me if you think differently , but I'm just like I think it's true . I mean , it's hard to say , but I think we both know several people over several years who we'd be like . Well , what about this person ? What about that person ?
And their response was so like you know , in a way , that we'd be like you might not ever get a husband or a wife , if you're judging off those kind of that's what it is .
That's what I'm feeling .
That's what I'm getting at yeah .
So , over the years , people of God , we've had people that have been a part of our church or that we've known that really want to be married . And when we say , hey , what about this person ?
It's like and we know they're great people because we know them .
Yeah , we nah . And we like , why not ? You've been believing God for 15 years , why not ?
I think God did me a favor when I met you .
Yes , he did .
Because , like I was just hopeless without God and I think that's the thing is just , you know , be ask the Lord to help you with this . You know , like I think sometimes I hear singles they write a list , you know of , not demands , but you know my this is what I'm believing God for .
We present that to God , but just like you present that to God , in the same way God helped me with anything on this list that I need to change , even if the person you have for me is not anything like this list .
Show me , lord , because I think sometimes I don't know , because God will give you the desires of your heart and I know that and you have not , because you asked not , and all of that stuff .
But I would not have been on her list . Let me just say that I would not have been on her list .
You were not on my list .
I am better than her list I am . I check all the boxes that her list didn't even know that it needed .
I didn't even know .
No .
Oh , my goodness . And so , yeah , like . So when I met you , I would like I didn't even want it . You know , I was just done with men altogether , because I thought that all men were just cheaters and liars and disgusting . I didn't want anything to do with men . Okay , I was about to miss it .
But when I turned around and looked at you , in fact you asked me hey , you know what's my , what's your name or whatever ? And I was like ignoring you . I was just like didn't want to talk to you at all . But you said I saw you in church on Sunday and that's how God helped me , because I wasn't going to look at you at all .
I was going to give you a fake number . You would not know .
Number four was don't be too picky . And number five was don't settle . And these two points go hand in hand , because there's some people that's too picky , and then there's some people that settle , and so sometimes we can say , well , I ain't going to be picky , that don't mean go marry Magilla Gorilla At the same time .
Who's McGillicuddle ?
I don't know , but don't settle , and so only the wisdom will help you identify if you are too picky or if you're settling , because we're saying both yeah , and so when it comes to settling , it's kind of like you know , do you enjoy being around this person ?
Yeah .
Do they get you ? Do you feel better when you're around them ? Do they add value to you ? Are you going the same direction ? Do you have same spiritual passions ? Don't settle for those things . I'm not trying to drag you into the end zone the rest of my life .
I was going to say I know for women . I think in what I see in the church world is a lot of women settle for men who aren't spiritually mature .
Well , why is that ?
I think because they're settling , they're just like , well , he's good enough , he comes to church with me on Sunday .
So I think there is a . What is it when there's a scarcity ? Maybe there's a shortage of spiritually mature men ?
And I'm not judging them at all .
I think that many times when men get married , God uses their wife to help them mature .
Amen .
Meaning that I think there's a reason for that . I'm not saying that it's right . I'm not saying that I'm you know that I can quantify it . I'm just saying that I think that's the problem . But go ahead . What's your point ?
I was going to ask you for men . I think you know , for men who settle .
Do you feel like a lot of men settle for women that they don't necessarily maybe they're not attracted to , they settle because she's there , maybe that she is rude and kind of you know , always got to come back , but they settle because it's basically like , well , I'm just going to listen to her , she wants to get married and she won't leave me alone , so I'm
just going to get married .
In my experience , I do not think that men settle as much as women do . Okay , it just in my experience . In my experience , though , I have seen men settle and when they settle it's more like , well , I wasn't really attracted to her , but she was so nice and she loved the Lord and she checked all these boxes , but I wasn't really attracted to her .
And I do believe that when you get married , you need to be attracted to that person . There Intimacy side of our relationship , that's very , very important .
Not saying that he has to be , you know , have a six pack , so forth but there needs to be a level of like I'm attracted to this person , and so that's where I see God settling , but I don't think it's like the common thing .
Wow .
But anyway , don't settle , don't be too picky . Number six would be Get your finances right , and to me that's important as it relates to preparation before marriage
¶ Prepare: Finances and Emotional Healing
. You don't want to come and God finally put somebody in your life and it's like , well , you know , I got all this debt and my credit is messed up . We don't want them to be like you used to be , and so I had this whole project that I took on .
When I said I do to you , I said I do the bad credit to debt to people , and so I had to , for the first two , three years , just work ourself out of a hole . That's not God's best , and we didn't know nothing back then , but that's not God's best . And so what I'm suggesting is that in the preparation season , you're still single . You don't have anybody .
This is the time for you to boss it . This is the time for you to climb up the ladder of success in your career . This is the time for you to buy a home . Yes , if you are single , go buy you a home , when Now , that is the foundation of your wealth . These houses are appreciating in most markets .
Not sure what nation you're in , but here in America , in most cities , stuff is appreciating . You're getting a tax deduction . You already own a home Fine , turn that one into a rental property . Do a long-term rental , do an Airbnb rental . You got two or three homes Fine , go get you another one .
If real estate is not your thing , invest in stocks , mutual funds , maybe a business here and there . This is just a time where you don't have the responsibility to take care of that husband . You can be number one about the work of the Lord , but number two you can get your financial house in order .
So when you finally meet somebody , it's like you're meeting somebody that adds value to you and you're adding value to them .
Anything on that ? Amen . No , that's good .
Okay , Number seven . I would say deal with your past and get healed , because in the season of preparation , like I say , marriage is a magnifier . And so if you have a bunch of hurts and habits and hangups from past trauma , specifically childhood trauma a lot of what is manifesting today .
If you talk to most psychologists , whether it be confusion in gender or even sexuality , they will tell you that 85% of people that are struggling in those areas have childhood trauma that's been unresolved .
I was just talking to a certified psychologist counselor and she was telling me that they will say well , I'm this way and my trauma that I've been through helped me come to realization of who I really am , when , truthfully , the trauma that you've been through helped you believe that lie , it molded you into that , and all it is is that I have not really dealt
with trauma in a biblical , godly way and I just feel like if you don't deal with your past , it's going to come up in your future . It's going to come up , and there are a lot of people that are rushing into marriage without dealing with the fact that I felt rejection and abandonment from someone who was in my past .
This is what I saw , this is the abuse , and so then you get married and it's manifesting in your sex life . It's manifesting in the way that you perceive the opposite gender because you just didn't deal with the junk in the trunk .
Wow , that is so true . I mean , I'll say that firsthand . That's exactly what I did . I did not deal with my past . I got married and there was my past . I brought it into the marriage with me and so when we were married , I was depressed , with severe depression and anxiety .
I was taking antidepressants , I was going through therapy , I was working it out in our marriage and it affected our marriage . I mean , it almost ended our marriage and so it was harder to do inside of our marriage . I mean it almost ended our marriage and so it was harder to do inside of the marriage .
How much better would it have been if I came to the marriage complete , completely healed from my past .
It would have been so good . I mean , you can do it because a lot of people say , well , I need to get myself together , I can't work on my marriage . Well , if you're married , you got to do both at the same time . But if we're talking to single people and that's what we're- doing .
You have the opportunity to do it before you get married .
Yeah , number eight would be growing , god ,
¶ Growth, Health, and Marriage Knowledge
I think in this season . I think there's a scripture in first Corinthians seven and 32 . It says but I want you to be without care . He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord , how he may please the Lord , but he who is the principle is vice versa . Basically , the single people should be the most turned up people in the whole church .
They should be the ones that show up when the church is open . They should show up for midweek , they should show up for small groups , because what the scripture is saying is that when you're single , you should first off be about the work of the Lord .
I know you a boss lady , I know you a boss man , I know you a career person , but you got to put God first . But then , when you get married , you're going to care about the things of this world , not the things like the ungodly things of this world . You have to take care of my needs as a man and I got to take care of your needs as a woman .
And so now there are certain things that I can't do for the Lord , because I have to take care of the ministry of our marriage first . And so in the single season you get a great opportunity to go after God , like to go hard , to spend time in prayer , to go on missions trips , to go to multiple small groups .
I mean you get an opportunity to build this wonderful foundation in Jesus that you can build the rest of your relationship upon .
Yeah , that's so good . And I know , being a wife and a mother , there are certain times where you know , well , I'm not coming to midweek because I got to go do this with my kids , and you know , having babies it's just like . You know , I can't , I can't serve right now . I just had a baby . Or you know , like , give me six weeks , you know .
So those are the like , literal you have to take care of your family .
But in the single season you get to grow in the fruit of the spirit kindness and peace and gentleness and long suffering . You get to grow in the gifts of the Holy Spirit , the working of miracles and the gift of faith . You get to grow . You get to study your Bible without being hindered by other people .
You get to spend time with God , not just 15 minutes , you can spend 15 hours . I mean , you got to go to work and stuff like that . But what I'm saying is that this is a great season it is . Don't diss it . You know what I'm saying . Don't act like oh , I'm single and it sucks . No , be single and satisfied .
And back to the preparation , like I know , of a couple . They still go to our church in our Gainesville campus and they were single . I mean they maybe got married in their late 20s , early 30s and they were just about God's business , I mean just like kingdom warriors and they got married .
They have a baby now , a young baby , maybe one , two years old , but they don't have any strife . Their marriage is good . They're not arguing , they're not fighting . They love the married life . But they did it right as a single . They were in the house all the time serving not like , you know , crazy , but like all as much as they could .
They were serving , praying , just all kinds of stuff . And I'm just thinking about them as I think about single people . It's just like enjoying your singlehood , enjoying where you are and making the most out of it , because when you do , if it's your desire , you're going to do it . You know it's going to happen when you do .
It can be so good to take care of what you need to take care of in this season , so good , number nine would be get in shape . And .
I would really speak this as a word over single people like this is a season , and if you're saying I'm going to prepare my yard , I'm going to prepare my soil and then I'm going to build a house , this is a great time for you to get in the best shape of your life .
Yeah .
There's spiritual shape , there's spiritual shape , there's emotional shape , but there's also physical shape . Like , as a single person , I just feel like I want to teach , especially my daughters , my spiritual daughters , that is .
I want to teach you how to bait the hook , because many people don't bait the hook right , like , if you come out of the house like a man are visual .
Most men , you know most men are visual , so it does matter what you look like , okay and so , um , if when you come out , you go to the publics , you might want to go with your hair done , get your nails done , put a little makeup on .
You mean , I just can't be me and walk out , and you could , you know , and I got to go out because if you don't like me looking like the real me , then why would I want him ?
I'm just saying first catch them . First catch them , then you can clean them and then come out like however you want to come out . You know what I'm saying , like ? But what I'm saying is that men are visual and I'm not saying that you got to go be Holly Berry , how about that name ?
I'm not saying that you got to go and put the and be there's a couple of names that you like to say . I'm not saying that you got to go and be this model or be some perfect person on the outside , but you can be the best you , you can be .
Yeah , and you don't have to be a certain shape or size , it's just to be , you know , like you say in shape . Yeah , the best you like .
Can we just talk about that for a minute , because I think there's so much media pressure for women to be like a certain size . All the pictures are like women who are zero or one in size , and the average woman is not that it's changing now , which is good it's changing now . But that's not our message .
Our message is like just be the best you you can be .
Yeah .
Because you know there's going to be people that are thinner , wider , bigger , taller , darker , lighter . Be the best you you can be and be happy with the skin and who you are . You know what I'm the field . Don't try to be anybody else , but doggone it . Get yourself in the best possible shape the best .
you is a healthy you .
Yeah , if you go to the doctor and they say you are 35 pounds overweight , do something about it for yourself . Like , go get yourself . Like , if you're single , get into the gym . When you come to church , present the best you that you possibly can , not just at church , wherever you go , I mean , be that person .
That's like you're always putting your best self out there . And then when you get married and things change and you have kids and then you'll transition into that season , but now you've got something that's built off love . And honestly , when a person meets you , it ain't based off love , it's just based off of infatuation and attraction and stuff .
So play those cards , that's true , that's true . What were you going to say ? You were talking about just being your best self . You know , after you get married , you have kids .
If you're women and men men men usually gain a couple pounds too whenever the woman gets pregnant , and so but what you do is in your single state , you're you train , you're just training yourself for what you're going to do for the rest of your life . I'm always going to be the best me . I'm always going to be in my best health .
I'm going to go through ups and downs and all of this stuff , but I'm still going to go back to being the best me , and I think that's important and some of this I lean towards because , if we were to be honest , in the church the ratios are more women to men . You , know what .
I'm saying Men , if they want somebody , it's like they go find them by the time they're 25 , they're married or something like that . But it applies to men too . Like if you're single and you want somebody get in shape Like , cut your hair , you got chest hair , it's just coming all out of your shirt .
Men , women see everything . We notice your fingernails . We're looking at your teeth .
We're looking at your eyebrows .
We're looking at your ears .
We're looking at it all . Yeah , cut them ears . Hair's just growing out your ear . I mean get , you know , get , we don't need you to .
Men , women don't need you to be perfect Okay , but we just need you to not be gross . Okay , don't be gross .
Like iron your clothes .
Don't do anything that makes us cringe , and then we just going to cringe away from you the same principle Be your best self , be your best self .
And , last but not least , number 10 is get a solid understanding of what marriage is all about , and I really feel like many single people . They wait till they get married to study marriage and I realized that there are some doors that you don't want to open too soon . But I wouldn't want to wait till I drive a car to learn how to drive a car .
So if you want to be married , there are some principles and that's why we're very open with our podcast and even teaching marriage stuff on Sunday , people say , well , there's a bunch of single people here . Single people don't want to wait till they're married to learn principles of marriage .
And so I'm glad that single people love our podcast , because we're giving you the clue of what to do and , more importantly , what not to do to have a successful relationship if it ever happens for you , you know . And so you know , at least from a 30,000 foot view , no stuff like okay , divorce is not an option . You know what I'm saying .
Family meetings , communication is important . I mean , you want to know those things as a single before you even get into marriage .
I think that's . I never thought about that before . But you know , if you're single and you're always reading all , all these books about being single , you're just learning about how to stay single . You know . But you know you will need to at one point at one point you got to transition .
It's almost like , okay , let's say , there's nobody on the horizon , you just know maybe a little bit about marriage . You start dating somebody you might want a little bit more . You start talking about engagement , you want to know more . You know what I'm saying .
It's almost like , but I don't want you just to come from single into married and you really don't know .
¶ Final Thoughts and Closing
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