How to Stop Being Selfish with Ken and Tabatha Claytor

Hello , hello and what's up everybody .

We think it will be a great blessing for them All . Right , today's segment is called how to Stop being Selfish how to Stop being Selfish , and I have one major goal and I want to help us suffocate selfishness . Suffocate it . It's almost like , because if you don't suffocate selfishness , selfishness is going to suffocate you It'll suffocate your calling .

It'll suffocate the purposes of God on your life . It'll destroy your marriage . It'll destroy great relationships that you have . It reminds me of like a fighter , like a mixed martial arts fighter MMA guy , and sometimes they put somebody in a chokehold . And when they're putting them in a chokehold you can see that somebody just taps out .

And I think that sometimes , if we're selfish , our calling and our potential and every good thing that God has in our life can be in a chokehold , and we want to make sure that we don't allow selfishness to suffocate us , and so that's the . That's the imagery that I see .

I mean , he's andre the giant , come on , nobody can beat him . And he'd go into the fight and get beat down , low down to the ground . You think he's going to die , but then , right when you think it's over , he begins to .

He started to shave for those who are not watching on the line and he'd come back to life , lord , lord , and then he'd get up and gather all his strength and then he would beat the person down , and then he would win and have the victory . And we would go buck wild in my house , we would tear up stuff , we would just go buck wild . It was wonderful .

And so I think that many people get into marriages and they're really more self-focused , and that's what makes a bad marriage is that you're focused on yourself . Are you meeting my needs ? Do you do what I want you to do ? Are you ? You know ? But a great marriage is when we don't focus on self . We actually focus on the other person .

So , no matter what it is whether it's in a business arena , the church arena , ministry arena we want to raise up people that are selfless more than selfish . And so do you know who Cora was in the Bible ?

He must have been a person that people want to follow , because the Bible says that he got 250 renowned men .

That was men who were leaders , men who had influence , men who had some substance in the community and they decided that they didn't like the way that Aaron and Moses Moses first , of course , and then Aaron , his sidekick , was leading , and so they decided to come up against Moses and Aaron , and so God judged this whole thing very harshly .

You know , and it's and it's it reminds me of even what can happen in church today . It's almost like you get a group of friends and they don't like the lead pastor , the senior pastor . You would hold on for a minute , because God's given that senior pastor , that lead pastor , a mantle .

He's given them a vision and sometimes , if you come up against that , you might be coming up against God . But for whatever reason , these 250 renowned men , along with a charismatic leader named Kor , they decided they said listen , we don't like the way you're leading us . You think that you hear from God , but all of us hear from God .

You think that you have this ability to lead . We would rather kind of go back to Egypt and go back to slavery . So basically they were saying that I don't care which way you want to lead us , I want to exalt myself and I'm going to lead myself and I'm going to promote myself .

Okay , and what they did is they came up against the order of God and the Bible says that the ground opened up and it swallowed core and his entire household . And then it goes on . It says that the fire of the Lord came out of the mouth of the lord and consumed the 250 Renowned man . And I think I see this figuratively happening to people even today .

You're like , what happened to so-and-so ? They used to go to church , they used to walk with jesus , they used to be anointed . Where are they ? I don't even know where they are any longer . Well , they've gotten figuratively just swallowed up . And I think sometimes , when we rebel against God and rebel against the order of God , we promote ourself , exalt ourself .

You better be careful . You better be careful also who you hang out with , because who you hang out with , you better be on the right side of the ground , so you don't get swallowed up . So to me , the story is all about self-promotion and self-exaltation . Wow , you remember the story now ?

I don't want to be the one getting swallowed up .

What we're talking about today is , of course , we is greater than me , and that we don't have to promote ourself . We can wait on God to promote us . We live in a society that's very this , you know , and a lot of this , which is selfies and getting on social media , is self-promotion .

Look at me , look at me , buy my music , see me , listen to my preaching , watch my clips and I don't say that as a diss to everybody who's on social media , because we're on social media but we got to be very careful that we don't promote ourself beyond where the grace of God has promoted us , meaning that the fastest way up is always going to be down and

the servant is always going to be the greatest , and if we can stay low , god will promote us at due season . But there is a spirit of self-exaltation . And what about me ? And what about ? me and do you see me ? And do you see me ? And many people nowadays would rather be discovered than developed , and I think we need to get back to .

I want to be developed , even if I'm never discovered . I've been discovered by God and he sees me . It reminds me of Isaiah 14 , and tell me what you get out of this , the self-exaltation of Lucifer . He says how you fallen from heaven , O Lucifer , son of the morning , how you're cut down to the ground , you who weaken the nations .

For you've said in your heart I will ascend to heaven , I will exalt my throne above the stars . I will also sit on the mountain of the congregation on the furthest sides of the north . I will ascend above the heights of the clouds . I will be like the most high .

Everyone's going to worship me .

And if you really listen to what's , posted what's ? spoken in the common culture today , it's all about me , myself and I , and so that is the opposite of Christ's behavior which was a washing of feet . It's the opposite .

The scripture says that he was Lord of all , but even though he was equal with God , he made himself a servant , and he comes to earth in the form of a servant , and so the principle is that the servant will always be made the greatest , but we'll only do that if we're not focused on just ourselves .

And yeah , it's just directly opposes .

Would you say that ? Yeah , definitely . What would you say ?

Can you do anything to take the load off of me so that I can have peace , so that I can have a rest ? You're even listening to , like , if I'm having conversation with our kids and the kids aren't listening to me , and you know I'm tired . Hey , do what your mother said to do , and the kids aren't listening to me and you know I'm tired .

Hey , do what your mother said to do . Yeah , that's how it goes down and I love it . I'm like , thank you , because they , you know they'll just do whatever you said . They're not going to argue with you . You know what I mean . So you just step in and you cover me . If I'm cold , you cover me . If I'm hungry , you give me food .

If I need support , you show up .

Do you have everything that you need , so forth and so on . But I just feel like if a husband is serving his wife that way and a wife is serving their husband that way I just seen so many marriages they're bad because people are just selfish and I don't know .

I mean , maybe we should do some kind of selfish surveys before we say I do , to figure out where that person is in their selfish scale , so to say . And there's a certain way if the person's too low on the scale , don't get married yet .

Wait for them to grow out of selfishness into selflessness , because when you say I do , it is not just about you any longer , especially for people who've been single for a long , long time and you've just taken care of you and now you got to think about the other person . 24 , 7 , 365 . Yep , welcome to marriage . Wow , welcome to the club .

All right , there's a scripture that jumps out to me that I feel like right now is a scripture that people need to run with . I'm running with this one . It's Galatians 2 and 20 .

It says I've been crucified with Christ and I no longer live , but Christ lives in me and the life that I now live in the body , I live by the faith and the son of God , who loved me and gave himself for me . What sticks out to you from Galatians 2 ?

You know talking to my family , but that's secondary to you . No , I'm going to make sure that you have food to eat . I'm going to make sure that my kids have food to eat . I'm going to make sure that I engage , not only just like okay , here's your food . I'm up in the bed , but now , hey guys , let's have a conversation . How was school today ?

Hey , your daddy just closed on this deal here . It was a great job that he did . We are going to engage each other . I think that's part of laying down your will for others .

But they bring their old life into their born again experience their old language , their own old ideology , their old behaviors , their old relationships . But the scripture says you know , old things pass away . Behold all things become new .

So the process of sanctification is this process where we're becoming more and more like Jesus , where it's out with the old and with the new . And one of the things that you build healthy marriage on healthy walks in churches and with other believers is when you die to self .

So he says I no longer live , like if we had more funerals , we would have less division If we had more funerals we would have less division If we had more funerals . We would have less dissension , we would have less arguments and hatred , we would have less divorce if we could just die to self .

But man , that old man rises up and you can't talk to me that way . And what did you say ? And I don't agree with this , I don't think this . And we get into bitterness , we get into debate just because we haven't died .

What about what I want to do ? What about my my calling so ? And it just chokes it out and then they end up not a part of their church . You know , um , all about me , find me , because it just they got choked out . They didn't even know that . They got choked out of being a part of we because of me . I've seen people in marriages .

You know , you got a great spouse , you , and it's all about . Well , I got married too soon and I ain't been able to go to college and I'm just not happy , no more , and I just think somebody could treat me and you're going to have your covenant getting choked out . It's happened slowly Just getting choked out because you're so focused on yourself .

You're not dead , and so actually right now , you know , as a leader , I'm always looking for hires to be made , new leaders to ordain , kingdom builders to partner with . I am literally looking for people that are dead .

What about me ? What about me ? What about me ? They're going to become a problem because they didn't understand that the higher you go in your calling the deader you must be .

And I had this routine we didn't have kids yet where I would come down in the morning every morning , and it wouldn't even be daylight yet , and that was my praise and worship time with God , because I was just disciplining myself , I was growing in relationship with Him and in the process I was laying down my desires and seeking and putting God first .

And there was one particular morning I remember and I remember this often where I had a vision of a chalk outline of my body just on the ground , and it alarmed me because I'm still new with God . I'm like , well , what does that mean ? But he showed me , tabitha , that was the old you .

You've died to yourself and now there's a new you , and so it was such a visual picture . But I believe that that is that God wants every believer to have . That point , like you remember ? Yeah , that year I died to myself .

And there are some times when you do the will of God that you actually go backwards before you ever go forward . And so we have to redefine success , because some people think that success is just more money in your 401k , more houses , bigger square footage . But sometimes success in the kingdom of God is I've obeyed God and I've actually given up a house .

I actually gave away something in my 401k . I actually gave up my career to answer the call of God on my life , and all heaven rejoices that dying to myself . That everybody else will be like you're crazy . Why did you do that ? Because God called me to do it , and whatever he gave me is not mine . I'm not an owner , but I'm a steward .

That is a mentality , and so I've had to grow there and I've realized that there's a lot of people that have to grow there . But if you can get hold of what we're saying , that when people are dead to themselves , their dreams , what they want , and they say God , I just want to be whatever you want me to be . Marriages are restored right there .

think so . Right here in the middle of our segment , let's just pause for a moment and just ask the Holy Spirit and say , lord , do I have any selfish ways in me ? Is there any area of my life , with my marriage and ministry and my business , any area of my life where it's too much me ?

Okay , and then in your profit time maybe just journal and write down some things where you could be too alive in areas . And it's not dead enough yet . It's not about Jesus .

It's really about what you want , your career , your plan , your goals , where you thought you would be by this age , and you need to recommit again and say I renounce selfishness , I die to me . Let he the greater one that is in me . Live through me and watch God start to promote you in the right season , in the right time in the right way .

So good , right I've got five keys here to kind of help people overcome what I'm calling self-exaltation or self-promotion . It's so common . I'll give them to you guys and you can jump in . Number one is learning to steward the small things well .

The first key that I have for you , if you want to overcome self-exaltation , is that you've got to learn to steward small things well no-transcript .

Um , so here's the principle that if you're faithful over the little , god will make you ruler over the much . Now that principle , which is a biblical principle . What it means is that is that God doesn't automatically give us much , all right . So people say , well , man , I would give to God if I had a million dollars .

No , you wouldn't Not if you don't give to God with $10 . God doesn't give you a million dollars , he gives you 10 to see if you can be faithful over the little , and the little either qualifies you or disqualifies you for the much .

So what we have to do is we have to look at every area of our life and say am I stewarding what's currently in my hands ? Because , what God is currently entrusting me with my wife , my family , my friends , my pastors , if I can steward this well it will qualify me for what God has for me next . It's so important .

So when we started our church over 17 years ago , we didn't have a lot Like right now . We have four campuses in three different cities , multiple millions of dollars of assets revenues . We're able to reach thousands of people . So far this year we've led over 6,000 people to Jesus . We have a podcast . We have books and things that we do .

I would consider that to be the much , and a lot of people will look at it and say , man , you guys are doing amazing . That's great . But they see the glory , but they don't know the story . We didn't start with millions or four cities and three campuses and thousands of people . We started with six people .

We were living outside of Washington DC Started with what we had . And God said , come and sell everything you have , like the rich young ruler moved to a city that we didn't know . One person Use all of our life savings to start a church and started with six adults and kids and dogs and frogs .

We counted everybody , but it was six adults and we were faithful over the least Water baptizing people in our swim pool , praise team practice in our garage , getting the police called on us picking up homeless people , bringing them to our house for Bible study . People will see thousands , but they don't understand that it all starts with the little .

It's like when God called us to preach , nobody asked me to preach anything . So what did I do ?

I got some teddy bears , I put them in a chair and I had a movie theater back when I was in real estate before I was a pastor and I would turn the lights on so it would feel like I'm on stage and I would preach the teddy and I would be faithful over teddy . So if God would see my faithfulness like I bought a podium .

Nobody asked me to preach , but I knew I had to call a God on my life .

I started to work on my craft and I would preach the teddy when nobody was there and I was qualifying for people to be there one day and I think a lot of people they want so much but they don't understand what you have to steward right now to be able to have the character and integrity to handle the much Because you don't want a much , because much can

be a burden or it can be a blessing , depending upon how you handle it . And I want it to be a blessing . So what God does ? He doesn't have us in a microwave .

I don't care about anyone else but me , and that's getting put in the microwave . You know what I mean , because you just want to get to the end result for you . You don't care about the people that are going to be helped , you don't care about the blessings that other people are going to get . It's just about you .

But when you take the crockpot way , you want the preparation . I want to be able to be prepared for when something goes down , when I need to pray , what's happening ? I want to be properly equipped to do the work of the Lord , because it's not about me and my position , it's about all of those other people that I have the privilege to be able to help .

We knew God had been good in our marriage .

Around the world and we said we can do a podcast , okay , well , let's put a team together . Let's make an investment and let Just do the best that we can , and little by little , god begins to blow on it , because we've just been faithful over the least and he makes us ruler over the much .

The second key that I would give you to overcome self-promotion and self-exaltation is this Get free from the need for people approval and man's applause . That's so good .

He said if you pay attention to the applause of people , well then you have to pay attention to the haters and the criticism of people , and so if you let the applause go through one ear and out the other , then you let the criticism go through one ear and out the other , so who cares about what anyone has to say anyway ? But God .

The next day , but as long as I can live for the audience of the one who gave me breath .

I mean we want to celebrate people , but at the same time , I think it's important for people not to look for celebration for other people , because you'll always be disappointed . And this is what we hear . It just feels like people don't appreciate me , people don't see me , people don't think about me . Now notice the common denominator is me , is me , is me .

Now there's so many people that says , god , I want you to use me , but then you get offended when you're used , like you said , god , I want you to use me . Then you get upset when people use you .

I'm just saying this from somebody who's been in it for a couple of decades that when you say yes to God , you're signing up to be used by people and it's okay because his grace is sufficient . But you got to come out of the , out of the place where you need people approval and man's applause . If God be for me , who can be against me ?

I don't need your celebration , I don't need your pat on the back , I don't even need your bonus . I believe now , if God uses you to get me a bonus , praise God for it . And if you don't , god going to raise somebody up outside the organization to get me a bonus ? My promotion don't come from men , my promotion comes from God . This is the things .

These are just some of the mindsets to keep you free from fallouts with people , because people don't have a heaven or hell to put you in . Right . They don't really have anything they can give you . They can be used or maybe not used , and if they're not used , god will rise up .

Somebody who is you know I think we have testimonies of people just come up and be a blessing to us and you'd be like the people that you spend the most time with . Sometimes they're the ones that be the most oblivious . Want something else , want something else , but then people that you don't even know . Ethiopia , africa , will be such a blessing to you .

You'll be like man . I don't even remember helping those people . Yeah , they're just so grateful , you know . Yeah , here's my third one how do you overcome self-exaltation ? It would be listen to this one Do things that bring you absolutely no glory . Ooh , we are helping somebody .

If we are helping somebody , if you want to be helped today , you are in the right place . Can I get a scratch ? Can I get a scratch on that ? That's my right there . Baby , you got to do things that bring you absolutely no glory .

So he's going to use us to do , to do things , and it's like the harvest is plenteous . It's the laborers that are few . So now we , as a laborer , we become this tool and God's going to start to hoe , can I say that ? Hoe . Like hit the ground . You know you might be a shovel . I'll use a shovel , not a hoe .

Without the tool , we wouldn't have been able to get the fruit and reap the harvest . And I think it's having that perspective that we are a tool in the hands of God . Whatever way you want to use me , use me as long as we reap the harvest .

We're still mid twenties , and so God had brought us a long way .

I remember that I would leave my business and I would go clean the bathrooms at the church I mean a very successful businessman because I was going to do things that would bring me no glory . I'm willing to do the small things because I love Jesus . I didn't take this posture . Well , do you know who I am ? Do you know how big my house is ?

I remember we had a 6,500 square foot home back then and I would leave our house it was snow because we lived in Maryland at the time and I will go to the church and I would shovel snow at the church , but I paid people to shovel snow at our house .

I will go to the church and I will cook breakfast for some of the leadership , but we actually hired someone to cook food for us . I will go to the church and I will cook breakfast for some of the leadership , but we actually hired someone to cook food for us .

I will go to church and clean the church , but I had a maid who would come and clean our house . And I'm not saying that because I'm trying to elevate myself . I'm actually trying to teach a principle about getting low . So this is not something that we're just preaching because it sounds good .

It's actually what has caused the hand of promotion and blessing to come upon our life is that we're willing to do the things that bring us absolutely no glory . What about the time ? Our pastor's wife ?

she , used to have a meeting for women and it would be about a thousand women that would show up on a Saturday called Women Walking in the Word , and one time somebody got the idea that you could cook , and so they asked you .

You did the things that would bring you no glory as a successful business person who took time out of your business to come and do small things , the things , and so now I see your ministry as a woman and you have a thousand women who come whenever you do pile women and it's sold out at a thousand I wish we could get more women in there and they're coming

to be fed the word of God , not understanding that the reason that God's elevated you to feed women , the good word of God is because he was feeding a thousand women cakes 20 years ago , when nobody else was around . We are looking for people that can do the things that don't give them glory . Can we die to ourself and glorify the King ? Of . Kings .

If we have this attitude , the church oh , come on , the church is going to the nations .

But that was seed that I was sowing into my future , into what God called me to . I didn't do it for a harvest , but you get , there is a harvest , You're going to reap something .

You're about to become more like Jesus . The principle learn to steward small things well .

There was an excellent spirit that was on Daniel . He didn't eat what everybody else was eating . He did it God's way and God promoted him . Same thing with Joseph he wouldn't lie with a woman that he wasn't supposed to lie . He was a man of great integrity . He becomes second control of all of Egypt .

We live in a generation where God is wanting to promote the people that are in the world but not of the world , that live their life based upon kingdom principles . And when you get low , God will lift you up at the right time . Today's been good . Today's been good . We would love to hear from you guys .

If you were blessed by this and you want to renounce selfishness , self-promotion and self-exaltation , would you put it in the comments right now and just put this my self-exaltation days are over . My selfish days are over with . Write us , email us . We would love to hear your testimony . We believe that , as people watch , you'll be healed .

Addictions will be broken , refreshing encouragement will come forth . Wisdom will come forth . Don't keep it to yourself . Share it with us today .

But this has been confirmation that you should get up and do what God told you to do , and so I just pray for boldness and confidence to go forward in faith and do what God said , and I pray great fruit come as a harvest .

We love you guys . We're out of time for today . Listen , if you are new to our podcast , very quickly hit the subscribe button , hit the icon . If you're watching on YouTube , wherever else you might be watching or listening hey , just keep on doing it . Now remember this caring is sharing and sharing is caring .

Take just a moment and just text this out , email it out , share this video with everybody that you know . We want to invite more people . We are a small family , but we're a growing family of people that just want to get closer to God . We're not perfect , all right , but we're striving for perfection .

We're going to give you our ups , downs and all arounds to help you grow closer to God and also closer to the people that God has placed in your life . We've got a lot of great things that are happening . If you're ever in Florida , come worship with us at a lot . Orlando would love to have you .

Tampa , gainesville we have a conference that we do the second week of October . Tickets go fast , so if you want to come to Orlando , october is a great time to do it , but get your tickets right away if you can .

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