¶ Creating Space for Husband in Home
Create space for him in the home .
Create space .
Figuratively and literally . Okay , so create space meaning whenever you come into your own home . I think that it's really easy for the woman , and I'll speak for myself .
We have so many rules and we decorate the house and we put you know , we design the house , we do everything the way we want it to be , that sometimes the man can come home and we treat you like one of the kids or you have so many rules so when you come home , I believe that a man wants to come home and feel like this is my house .
Like I said , I'm the king of this castle , not to degrade the woman , because you're the queen .
Yeah , I feel like we have to add a lot of disclaimers there , but no , it's true . Like listen , we're together , what mine is yours and what yours is mine . But there is something that's valuable about a man coming home and feeling like man I'm taking care of him and , like I said , I do this .
I say this because this is trial and error . I have been at a point where I had so many rules set because maybe I was taking care of the kids and I was working and I was trying to do ministry . So I'm like okay , I got the master plan , this is how I'm going to do stuff . And so , ken , here's the rules .
You just obey these rules and you just do what you got to do . So when you come home , you feel like man , you're not even welcome in your own home because , well , it's twofold .
I mean one . I do like when you take care of everything domestically . I'm actually in the season right now I was just thinking this morning that our next family meeting .
I want to have a little conversation about needing some domestic help here and there , because I'm in a season where I'm feeling more weight and more pressure and then it kind of bleeds over to domestic stuff . So there's a part of me that just loves it when you just kind of have it so controlled .
I'm just like , okay , well , she moved the couch around , but it looks good and she went and moved the TV . Like my wife is a mover of stuff and she's stronger than me , but you've given me permission to do that . I mean she will go and she will move a piece of furniture that should not be moved by one person alone .
And I'll be like how did you do that ? Did you not blow out your back ? Did you have 10 guys ?
come over and help you . I literally pray and the angels of the Lord help me . I am not lying .
So , anyway , what I'm saying is that she starts to move stuff that probably should not be moved . But I've given my wife , like , the green light . She can change whatever she wants to change in house , decor it any way she wants to decor it .
So there's a part of me that likes that , but then the other side is that I just never want to be treated like a kid . That is a big annoyance for me . So if you start talking to me like a tone or an angle , as if . I'm 10 or 12 , like the kids .
That's the part that I don't like , so I understand what you're saying about the rules and everything , and so I don't know .
It's just , and it takes conversation as well , and it's observation , and sometimes it's trial and error . Like I said , you never came to me and told me like quit , you know , treat me like the kids . Maybe you did .
Here and there I would say , hey , don't , don't , don't talk to me .
And so that you know trial and error . But I found that , OK , let me back off a little bit . One of the things that I found that really help is that so you know we have rules and you need rules , but some of the rules I would just make up and not let you know about it .
And so you would come home and I'm like take off your shoes , it's a new rule , everybody has to take off their shoes in the house . And you're just like , yes , ma'am , and I'm like don't put them there , put them over here , take .
You know I'm barking all of these rules at you , but what I found is okay , that was a mistake , don't do that , because that doesn't turn out nice . But when we have a family meeting , we can sit down together and I say hey , babe , I would like to make these rules because of these reasons .
And we talk one another and now it's not my rules that you have to obey , like one of the kids , it's our rules .
Well , that is a principle right there for any team or any organization . It's what we call buy-in . So , even as a senior leader , if I come to my staff and I'm like , hey guys , we're going to do this and we're going to do that , and we're going to do that , there's a percentage of early adapters that are like , yeah , let's go .
Then we got the mid adap . My job is to get buy in , and so , as a wife , what you're trying not to do is go in and just bark orders , but you're presenting them in a way . This is what I'd like to do , and why ? Because then it's not your rules , it's our rules .
And I just feel like it's important that when we have talked , but what we're just saying is like high level , because you got to have family meetings , you got to have communication and we're tricking on down to agreement , you know , but I think it's , it's important , yeah , absolutely , but I will say this .
Can I say this before you jump where you're going to go ? I feel like the Holy Spirit is saying that there are some wives who love our podcast and it's time for them to invite their husbands to start watching this podcast as well .
You know , I know that we have a great majority of women and wives who are listening and watching , but it's really time for them to invite the men that are in their lives , because there are men and men need this even more than women Sometimes .
We need principles , we need mentorship and we don't even know it , and there are many men that are out there and they're doing everything . In their first generation , they didn't have a father , they didn't have a husband to look at and some of them did , but it wasn't a good example and they need modern mentorship of principles that work for today's marriage .
And so I just want to invite you guys to start to invite the men in your life to tune into this podcast , because there are God's given me an anointing for men Like I can help , because I'm a man's man . I love talking to men .
I can help men on how to think , how to grow , finance provision , how to build stuff , so forth and so on , and so let's make sure that we do that , I feel like I got that from the Lord .
¶ Creating Personal Space for Husband
It's just like the person who wrote in . She just played it out loud . You know , just put it on the TV screen throughout the day when you're cleaning the house and , you know , let your husband hear it .
And you know it's good stuff and for all my men who's been tuning in love you guys . Let's keep up the good work . What else you got for us today ?
Okay , so make space for him .
And this is good , by the way . Thank you .
Good , good , make space for him figuratively . You know , one thing I would say about that too is also paying attention to what you like . This kind of goes into honor and making space . It it's like paying attention to what you like . So , like you like basketball , and I know you like it , and so when the game comes on , I turn on the game on the TV .
So when you walk in the door you know you're watching the game . Or if it's , like you know , Sunday afternoon and the kids are playing , and you know when the kids were growing up , sometimes they're watching all of these . Cartoons and stuff like that .
No , we're not going to do ?
I don't let the kids Take over Daddy's in the house . Let's put on the basketball game . I teach the kids basketball . We all just partake in it as a family .
Yeah , you some of what we're talking about , because we don't go over these things many times before we have the podcast . You're reminding me of how you have woven these principles through our home . And as you're talking , I'm thinking like , yeah , when I come in , no one fights me over what to watch , right , I can watch whatever I want to watch .
Like whatever daddy wants to watch is what we're going to watch . And I'm not a . I'm not a bonehead either . Either , I'm not trying to take over all the time . I'm always like , well , I'm letting everybody do whatever they want to do , but God knows that .
It's good that you've set that culture . Yeah , and if you're not careful and I know , like the kids cam I'm talking a lot about kids because before we had kids I just set the house like I knew what you'd like and I didn't have three kids to care for 24-7 . So it was all about you and I did so much for you at that time .
You missed those times , I know .
We're going to kick these kids out . We're going to get back there . We'll get there one day . I love my kids .
But like even our kids now , like there's a place that you sit at , at our table , at the kitchen table . There is at at our table , at the kitchen table there is talk about . There is your seat , jesus , and you know other people might not care , but in my house there's a seat that you sit .
You sit at the head of the table , one stank kid that always wants to sit in my space she wants to go in your seat and I have to and , like , just like the day before yesterday , I had to go and tell her because you weren't home yet . Why are you sitting in your daddy's seat ? Because there's a seed of honor that I'm trying to sow .
Get out of the seat . He's coming , let it be ready for him .
And we're jokingly telling you this because I think that this kid right here just likes to be where we are . It's almost like she is probably a leader in the making and going to be who ?
we are . It's out of love .
But it's like if it's mine love . But it's like if it's mine , she wants it , if it's yours , she wants it . She will take your hair , stuff . She will sit in your seat . She will act like you are not there and it's just like oh my god , so I see you . I mean , this is like a weekly conversation get out of daddy's seat .
Get out of daddy's seat , get your own seat . And it's almost like why ? Why even sit there ?
like she'll start looking around like you know you're not supposed to be sitting there . I think she likes it just for us to be like move . I don't know . She likes the tough love .
Yeah , but it's a principle .
Yeah , but anyway that's just honor and respect in your home , making space for you in the home . Thank you for that and then literally making space , and then literally making space . So I found that for you as a man , there's times where you just want to be alone .
You don't want to talk to anyone , whether it's five minutes , 10 minutes an hour , a couple hours . You just need your thinking space , your private time .
Give us perspective on that .
The perspective is and I hear this like I need my private time too . But , honestly , I go in my bathroom , I take a bath . I like , as a woman in my house , I know where to go . I would literally hide from our kids when they were younger Okay , and just be like , okay , I need five minutes . But as a man , I just make sure .
As a wife , I make sure that you have a space that's yours Now . Right now , you used to have an office that was just all yours , but right now I have a space where it's your office .
And you set that space up for me .
And .
I made it specifically for you . And she comes and she'll put all of my cell phone wires , all of my laptop wires , so that I don't have to look for anything .
Well , I know you don't do that , I organize everything .
She'll organize everything for me . All your pens are here and I'll just walk in one day and she'll just have everything completely in order because she knows at the pace that my life goes , that's something that's a blessing to me .
Yeah , it's just like your personal assistant in the house , like , okay , we moved into a new house . Okay , you're going to need an area set up , and I asked you before baby , what is it that you need ? Will this function right for you ? Okay , I think I'm going to buy you a new one of these this one's old and I set it all up for you .
But then there's also things like in our bedroom . I have a space for you in the bedroom , like there's a couch , there's a TV , there's tables , the remote sits right here on your side of the bed , like everything . I have a couple spaces that are tailored just for you .
You're preaching good , but it's just because I want you to be able to come home and feel welcome in your home . I want you to feel honored and respected in your own home and I want you to feel like it is a safe place for you . Like , just let me go here for like 10 minutes , put my feet up and relax .
Now , some people might not have a separate office or den or a big bedroom or whatever , but you could have a chair with a stool that he can put his feet up on just for a few minutes . Like , make a space in the corner of the living room , someplace that could be his own . I found that for you that works well for your mental health .
It works well for my ability to handle the weight and the pressure and the persecution that I'm under . It gives me strength to go back out the doors and to win spoil to bring it home to my family . It gives me the wind beneath my wing , so to say , to continue to be a spiritual leader in the home .
It's just the breath of fresh air and , so to say , to continue to be a spiritual leader in the home . It's just the breath of fresh air and you create that atmosphere , and I think that wives have that power to do that .
Absolutely .
I kind of parked for a minute on the part that you said that men have , might not need five minutes or 10 minutes to do nothing , and I kind of wanted to validate that a tad bit because that might seem strange .
And .
I think it's OK when we say men and women , we're talking in generalizations . There might be a woman who says I need that too . Well , that's fine . But what I'm saying is that for a husband , just because he needs five , 10 , 15 , 20 minutes of just quiet time , doesn't mean that he's not connected .
It doesn't mean that he doesn't want to give you affection or put you first in other areas . Just give me time to think , give me time to almost I want to use the word like defrost or like what is the word when you're just like okay , unload , unload , unwind for a minute , decompress , and then jump into it with the kids .
And so the hardest part for me is sometimes when I'm out and I'm making all of these decisions and then I come home and then as soon as I walk in the door there's kid decisions , homework decisions , family decisions , all these decisions , and it's like if I had a little bit of space to be like give me like 20 , 30 minutes to kind of unwind , maybe have
some food , then I can kind of recharge to handle more responsibility and more decisions , and so I don't know what I'm hearing . What you're saying is that you protect my nothing box . That's not offensive to you . Saying is that you protect my nothing box . That's not offensive to you . I'm just saying that for some women that might be .
I don't know if it's offensive or not . Understand .
It's . You don't understand and I've been there and it's trial and error .
Ladies , wives and these are really like wives with young kids it's hard because when you come home , you have the kids running at you and you got to make dinner or whatever your responsibilities are , so you can feel like , well , I want a nothing box too , I want time for me too , but I don't have the ability to do that . It's just an adjustment .
And now the Bible says that as wives , we have the ability to adapt . We are adaptable in any situation when it comes to our husbands , our family and our family life situation when it comes to our husbands , our family and our family life .
And so when I , what I did is that I knew that when you come home , right , typically I would pick up the kids from daycare kind of getting there , getting home first . Yeah , I'm getting home first . It's not saying you don't have other responsibilities .
It's just that you got home first I pick up the kids from daycare and so , in the car , you know um come home . When I would get home , I would let the kids , because the kids I found were just like me . They just got home from a day , whether it's school or daycare or whatever , they just want to go to their rooms to and chill out and do nothing .
And so what I would do was I already had pre made snacks . The kids know , go get a snack and either they're going to go to their rooms or , like with their babies two and three and stuff they would go . We had play pens . I would sit them in a play pen and I would turn on whatever their favorite TV show was .
They didn't watch TV all day , but they might have 20 minutes or a 30 minute little show that I turned on and they had their snack and they ate and they played in their little , you know , play pen area , had their snack and they ate and they played in their little , you know , playpen area .
The child is safe and mommy is sitting down on the couch , mommy's having a cup of tea , mommy's doing whatever she wants to do . But I would build in those spaces
¶ Supporting Spouse in Creating Balance
for me . And then , when daddy came home an hour later or whatever . Daddy can come in , he can get a kiss from the kids . They go and they get , cause they're yay , daddy's home , you know . They give a kiss to daddy and then daddy can go upstairs and do what he needs to do , just like mommy did .
And if there were times where I feel like you know what , this is just too much , I really need a break , babe , you know , go ahead when you come downstairs . Let me go upstairs for like 30 minutes . I need to take a hot bubble bath .
And we communicate and we plan those things .
But as the wife , I have the ability to make all of that happen . Amen .