¶ Difficulties in Marriage and Menopause
Hey , welcome to Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha . We are so pumped that you're tuning into this podcast . It has been designed for people just like you . We wanna do life with you , share our wins , our defeats , our ups and our downs , in hopes that you'll grow closer to God and to the people that you love in your life . Sit back and enjoy today's podcast .
Hello everybody , good day , good day . Good day . I was gonna say good morning , but I don't even know . It's morning for some people , but it ain't for other people . Good day .
The glasses made .
you say Is that what it was ? It brought out ?
the British , the British man on the inside of you .
Welcome to Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha , season two . We're so pumped that you are here . We're so glad to have you here . We pray all the time God , let people who need our podcasts find our podcast .
We started this a while back with one simple goal in mind to help people grow closer in the relationship with God , but also closer in the relationships they have with other people . This is Tabitha . We have been married for 24 years y'all and we're gonna give you the good , bad and the ugly of relationship advice and all things in between .
Absolutely , and we just wanna say thank you for tuning in today and hearing what we have to say . We just consider it such a blessing to be able to give to you whatever it is that God has put on our heart . We've been through a lot in life , done a lot in life , and it's great to share with you our highs and lows . Hopefully you get something from it .
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sweetheart .
Ready . You know what we're talking about today . Today , we're gonna be talking about dealing with difficulties Dealing with difficulties you know , I think this is so important because just because we are saved , we have a walk of God , walk with God , and it's a walk of faith doesn't mean that it's gonna be easy .
Wow .
All right , and so I wanna help people who are in a difficult situation .
You know , everybody who's listening is either have been through something very difficult , in the middle of something very difficult , or going to go into something that's very difficult , and so we need to equip each other with the tools of how to handle difficult situations , and so today is entitled Dealing with the difficulties , and so let's start off with a question
, like we normally do . Sweetheart , what is the most difficult thing that you are facing currently ?
Jumping the deep end . Currently , the most difficult thing I'm facing is probably menopause .
Okay .
Menopause has been difficult .
In which way .
First , it has taken me off . It's caught me off guard . I wasn't prepared for it at this point in life . So I overcame breast cancer , two years now cancer free , In that my doctor recommended for me to have a full hysterectomy . So I had a hysterectomy which kind of put me chemotherapy , kind of put started menopause for me .
But the full hysterectomy just went ahead and I jumped right in there . And so the side effects , symptoms , things like that , have been a lot hot flashes , weight gain , brain fog and just little things , just me having to work extra hard to be happy , keep my attitude right , not say dumb stuff and why is that ?
Is that a side effect of menopause , like trying to the attitude stuff and just keeping the right perspective ?
Well , yeah , because it's hormonal and so in menopause you cease , your estrogen levels drop dramatically . So right now I have like no estrogen and so your body's used to that .
So your body's trying to figure out what to do without the estrogen and it's like sending these alert , alert something's wrong , something's wrong all day , and so inside my body's kind of like something's wrong , something's wrong and it plays with your emotions and how you feel and all of that . But yeah , it's hormonal .
Okay , I would like to say for those of you all who are women , who've experienced menopause , please , in the comment section , let us know some natural things that you've done to overcome that season of your life . And then there's some younger women who's like man , that has nothing to do with me .
I think they're gonna I mean , hopefully learn things of what to do when that day comes . And for those of us who are married as men and we're married to a woman who has these hot flashes , it's like , listen , it is so cold in my house right now I don't know what to do . And I was actually just thinking about this last night .
I came in it's like 8.30 , and when I walked in the door it felt like Antarctica it was this Antarctica breeze and I was like , oh my God , it is so cold . It is so cold in my house that , like , my nose feels like an icicle and like , usually I wear a scully like somebody some people call it a toboggan or knit hat .
I wear it around the house or a hoodie because it's so cold . It's cold because you're so hot and for a man , you're like I don't know what to do . It's just like I don't know what to do .
I'm just I mean just so you know you can turn down . If you need to turn up the , you know the AC turn it up . I just don't know I would , because my temperature is off right now . I usually go and I'll go to the thermostat and I will adjust it , but I don't notice If it's freezing . I don't know it .
Well , I don't wanna burn you out , though I don't like because when you wake up from a hot flash . It's hard for you to go back to sleep .
I can deal with it , though . I mean , I put a fan on I do stuff . I can't have the rest of the house crazy .
You're saying that , but it's not that I mean it's freezing in the house and you got a fan blowing on you , and I mean like- .
I refuse to have you sitting next to me in the bed with a scully on .
I'm sorry . I just feel like you're taking it different than what I'm saying . I'm not saying that for you to defend or to explain or to change . I was saying it because I was going to give some keys for men who have been experiencing . I was just trying to but this is part of the struggle . I don't .
I know the struggle but I don't want my family to be frozen . You know what I mean , because I'm going through these changes . I am , you know , I'm working on stuff . I'm gonna do what I have to do . I am believing God , I'm quoting scripture , I'm going to the doctor , I'm doing natural medicine , natural remedies . That's part of the struggle .
Yeah , I don't want to get lost , but so the struggle . So I guess . But you know what ? I'm glad we talked about this . You know why ? Because I think so many times people watch our podcast and they feel like man , that couple is amazing and they got it made .
They don't have the problems that I have and if we were honest , we probably have very similar problems to most people . Because we're people and because we are public figures in a faith-based space , satan doesn't like us at all , and so there's warfare and there's weight , and so I would say I think it's good for us to talk about hot flashes .
What's going on in your life , right ?
now so that , even though we're people of faith , we understand that we all are living in a fallen world and we all have something in our life that's difficult , that we got to figure out how to live in the midst of difficulties , and so what I was trying to do first is just paint a picture of like , because many people who are younger don't understand the
menopause season . Many men don't understand the menopause season . Many older women who've went through menopause , but their menopause was gradual , don't understand the hysterectomy , when estrogen is immediately taken from your body and so these hot flashes just tell me so why is this so difficult ?
It's like you talk why is this so difficult If I say what's the most difficult thing in your life and you say menopause ? Help me understand that .
Because I would not have understood it . It's not just a hot flash , you know , and we joke about like I joke about the hot flashes because what am I gonna do ? Sit here and cry and like , oh no , I'm just going to , it is what it is . I'm not gonna sit here and be stressed out about it and all of that stuff .
So it is the hormonal roller coaster , it's the feelings of inadequacy , it's the your body changing and you feel like I gained probably 20 , 25 pounds going through menopause , not because you don't work out just from hormonal changes . Just , you know it changes . It is , you know , my sex life , my sex drive .
It's changes my attitude and like , maybe , how I feel , you know , at a certain time of day , for no reason , I just feel like , well , why do I feel like that ? Oh , okay , you know , let me think on what is good , lovely , and you know , a pure and of a good rapport , like it's those things that I'm working on .
So we are all working on something , but with the menopause thing , it's just okay . You know that this is what's going on in your body , but you just , you're just tweaking all the time , just keeping things in check .
So for some people it's not menopause , maybe it's a financial problem , maybe it's a bad doctor's report , maybe it's a bad marriage , maybe it's a problem child , maybe it's depression . Yes , I think there's some correlating principles when it comes to overcoming difficulties .
Yes , so give me just a couple things of what you're doing to overcome the difficulties in your life .
Absolutely OK , and so menopause
¶ Normalizing Difficulties in Life
. I don't know if it'll be tomorrow or now . First of all , I'm believing God .
OK .
I'm going to believe God for his best . I'm not afraid to believe God for miracles . I'm not afraid to believe God for angels to manifest right now and I just believe , like . So , number one , my faith is out there for the miraculous God . I pray in the next breath I don't have another hot flash , like I'm believing God .
So , number one , my faith is out there . But I don't know when symptoms will cease . Research says it could be seven years , it could be tomorrow . We don't know . You know I don't have a sure , positive way of knowing , but I have to walk by faith in the meantime .
So in the meantime it's just like OK , if I do have another hot flash , I am going to think of good things . I'm going to remind my body practice all of these techniques that doctors have given me and other women have given me advice . I got a fan sitting next to me . Now Y'all can't see it . It's down here on the floor . Here's my fan .
So if I get a hot flash , I'll just pick it up real fast . I have a fan next to me at night before I go to bed . I have a fan that I wear in praise and worship when I go on the stage . I take it off and when I get off the stage I pick it back up and put it on . It rolls around my neck .
And the fan it just gives me my own fresh breeze .
Younger people is like what are you talking about ?
Listen what am I doing ? I am being innovative . I am being creative , I am doing what I have to do . But let's take it outside of menopause . Before I had menopause , I had periods . Come on , ladies , husbands , you know about PMS and that time of the month and stuff . I mean we get cramps , ladies , we still go to work . We don't call off .
You know , we adjust our attitude , we adjust our schedule .
Maybe we need a nap , maybe we need to take an Advil , maybe we need to do some natural remedies , but I'm always just tweaking my life so that I can be in the moment and have joy in the moment , win the battlefield of the mind Because , honestly , it all starts in the mind and so , if I can begin to , at the moment that a bad thought comes where I start
to feel , if I start to feel Start to fart , like right there , the moment I start to feel insecure , the moment I start to fart .
If we could do something about the moment she starts to fart .
That's the perfect thing with menopause as well . It's just like the . You know this spaciness going on up there , but anyway it's walking by faith . I will have a serious laugh attack if we don't change the topic right now . We will be done because I will laugh .
You can do something about the moments when you start to fart . The world will be a different kind of place . So anyway , you know , my counselor gave me some advice a few years ago and I went to him and he said you know , ken , how's everything going ? And to me , I'm paying you to be able to vent to you .
And I said well , you know , this is happening in my marriage , this is happening with the kids , you know church people , this , this is happening in our finances . And I just began to tell him all of the you know the negative stuff I've vented . And so he says , ken , you know what your problem is .
He says your problem is that you just want life to be easy and you don't expect any difficulties . And he says and people who don't expect difficulties actually end up overeating and overdrinking because they just want to be happy or they idolize happiness . And he says but Jesus , in God's word , never promised us an easy life .
He never said that there wouldn't be difficulties , matter of fact . He said the opposite . He said as long as you're in this world , you're going to have trouble . What's that ? Difficulties ? But then he said be of good cheer because I've overcome the world . And so what I take that ? And it dawned on me that his grace is sufficient for us in difficulties .
Meaning that I see you having a hot flash right now , because talking about farts mess you up .
Laugh at that .
And so what I'm saying is that , no matter what you go through whether it be menopause , whether it be financial things , whether it be something in your marriage , whatever is happening God never promised us that we would not go through difficulties .
He just promised us that he would be with us in the midst of difficulties , and so I think my answer for people would be we have to normalize difficulties like what you're going through . We have to normalize this . You know , when people leave your life and they ghost you , you have to normalize some of this .
You can't just be sucker punched every single time you go through a battle Like why is this happening to me ? Like something strange is happening because we live in a fallen , broken , sinful world . But , be of good cheer , for he has overcome the world , and so that would be my word for those of you all who are listening .
You have to start by normalizing difficulties , and so you know , I thought when we became believers and got into the word of God , I thought that because I was a believer and victorious , that things like you know , trivial things wouldn't wasn't going to come my way , that I wouldn't get sick , that I wouldn't , you know , just be challenged .
I wouldn't have , you know , any like a fender bender , I'd just be like no . I'm surrounded with the favor of God and his angels are here to protect me . You know , no sickness or disease shall come by me , and those things are true .
But those things , a lot of those things , those words that we're saying , they're spiritual things and they exist in , you know , the spirit realms , so to say . And when we say the word of God out of our mouths , we are declaring those things into the earth .
Angels hearken to the voice of his word , angels go forth to make the word of God come to pass , and it's like we're prophesying over our lives . And we do have , you know , those things that we ask the Lord of .
So , yes , it's true , but at the same time , there's seed time and harvest , there's the waiting on God , there's all of those things that , as a young believer , I just didn't get and I just didn't understand . It didn't mean , you know , that God wasn't going to heal me .
It didn't mean that you know , because I was in a bad situation , that God wasn't with me . Yes , it just meant that I'm human and in this world we will have trouble , but take cheer because Jesus has overcome the world .
Yeah , so we got to normalize difficulties . So now I feel like I'm on a mission around the world to tell people that you should expect some difficulties , not expect it like it's part of my faith , like difficulties come , but no , let's not get sucker punched . You know , somebody comes to me and they're like well , pastor Ken , guess what ?
We're engaged to be married . I'm like , congratulations , when is the wedding date ? But in the back of my mind I'm thinking that's about to be difficult . You know You're talking about the two are going to become one and you're going to share a bed for the rest of your life , share children for the rest of your life , share money for the rest of your life .
All right , get ready for a fight . And I think that there's a lot of people that are married right now and they think something's wrong , like , oh man , that I married the wrong person just because it's difficult
¶ Embracing Difficulties and Overcoming Challenges
. But here's the thing we've been made for difficulties . Just because it's difficult doesn't mean you wasn't made for it . Just because it's difficult doesn't mean you need an out . You've actually been made . And what I've learned about God is God grows us best .
Sometimes , when things are difficult , people come to me and they're like hey , pastor Ken , you know we're pregnant , we're expecting a baby . I'm like , well , praise God , when's the due date ? But in the back of my mind I'm like that's about to be difficult .
You're talking about for the first three months you're not going to have any sleep , you're not even going to know your name and then you're going to give everything for this child . I mean , they're going to go through the teenage years , adolescent , all this stuff is going to happen . But , praise God , I think we've been made for difficulties .
Absolutely the parents who have their kids matching on Instagram and they're all wearing Ralph Lauren together . I'm like when is the real kids Like ? I can't even get our kids into the same picture . Remember that time that we tried to take a family picture and Kenny was like two years old .
He was so cute , he wasn't even two Like he couldn't even walk yet Sit down .
And the picture that we finally took is you had him by his leg , upside down over this by the rest of our family .
We didn't show that picture .
The rest of our family sitting on the couch .
We were all perfect , the girls were perfect in their little dresses and you know we were all color coordinating , but that just that boy would not stand still . Hey , one Christmas we were standing in front of the Christmas tree and the kids something happened . They full out , were crying and I'm like , stop crying so we could take the picture . It's terrible .
Yeah , so nobody told me that parenting was so difficult . Actually , I look at parenting as the most difficult endeavor of my life . It's been more difficult than ministry , building business , marriage , all of that . Parenting has been something , something that's emotional , but you got to be ready . We've been made for this . I wouldn't want to do anything different .
You know people say , pastor Ken , you know what I feel ? A call of God on my life . I feel like I'm going to get involved in full time ministry or start a church . I say praise God . How can we help you ? How can we bless you and release you ?
But in the back of my mind I'm thinking like , if you survive till next year , because it's going to be difficult .
Well , the Bible says that we are more than conquerors , and sometimes we will sing songs about being victorious and sing songs about being an overcomer . But we don't realize in order to be an overcomer , you have to first overcome something . In order to be a conqueror , you have to conquer something .
What are those things ? You have to have victory . You have to have opposition to have victory over .
Come on .
And we've been given victory .
And those things are difficult Come on .
Why do you think marriage is so difficult ?
Two different people becoming one .
Right , anything else . I thought she was gonna go on with the statement . Oh , I mean I can , I can go on , but you know two different people becoming one , wise parenting so difficult . Hmm three different people .
No , you can't control them . We want them just do what I tell you to do with their their own people .
I know why parenting is difficult because they , in a flash , like like other adults that are they're not saved . I can . I can talk to them about you know what the Lord is saying and submitting their life to Jesus and you know there can be a level of repentance .
And the kids , before they get saved , they're just in the flesh , their selfish , they want to steal the cookie , they want to sneak stuff , they want to do stuff then , even after they got saved , because we got baby . Christians is this saved , but fleshy . Saved , gotten baptized , but still carnal . And it's like every day .
I mean this morning it was a fight , for I said to do this , but you went and circumvented what I said so that you could do it your way . To me , that's just difficult . It's just like if these people would just do what I tell them to do , it's just they'll be so happy and easy around here , but that's not parenting at all . That's not parenting at all .
And so I'm gonna give you some keys on how to deal with difficulties . Are you guys ready out there ? I'm gonna give you five keys today , and you got to get these in your heart . Number one is don't quit just because it's hard . Okay you got to make up your mind in certain things that I'm not coming off the wall .
Nehemiah , chapter 6 talks about how Nehemiah was building the wall and I spoke about this last week building a wall . His call was to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem . He was building a wall and some of his enemies were trying to get him to come down off the wall and he just made up my mind that I'm not coming down off the wall .
I'm not quitting just because it's hard . I don't care what comes at me , and I think when it comes to difficulties , there are too many people that quit ministry because it gets hard , or they quit a marriage because it's hard , or they quit a business because it's hard .
Listen , yes , that's why you're doing it , because if it wasn't hard , everybody would do it . But you're not like everybody and you can do all things through Christ , who strengthens you . I guess my word for you would be that you've been made for hard things and his grace is sufficient .
Yeah , I've always been a person that I like to step up to the challenge , come on . So when things get hard , it kind of motivates me , you know , to kind of lean into the situation . I feel like I'm a problem-solver and now being redeemed and being saved and in Christ I know that if there's a problem , I have the solution .
I have the God who created everything .
But it doesn't mean that we feel like that all the time . No , no problems right now , and I'm like , oh my god . Do I have to have that conversation ? Oh my god , do I have to deal with that right now , because difficulties don't come like on your watch like yeah , okay . I'm ready for you , mr Difficulty , on Monday at 11 am . I've been expecting you .
It comes at a time where you're like ah , not right now , I got too much going on . Yes , it's still been made for that difficult .
Yeah , you're made for it . It's just like . You know , I had a hot flash a second ago . I have makeup on and my hair is done and a hot flash messes up all of my makeup . It makes my hair crazy , you know . I mean like that's not . This is not the time that I want to go through a hot flash right now .
But , praise the Lord , I'm gonna overcome this hot flash , like I did all the other ones . You did it like sooner or later , I will have no more .
I was sitting here , I saw your face start to glow . I was like look at this girl here .
She handle that hot flash like a boss you go girl , I will smack that hot flash in the face .
Sometimes you got a smack of difficulty .
The taste out of it's mouth Smacked out .
Number two invite God into your battle , all right . Don't fight out of your own strength .
God wants to fight with you , and he also wants to fight for you and I think many times , when it comes to difficulty , we out there trying to do it ourselves Some of y'all got financial difficulties and you are just working , working , working , working , working , saving saving saving .
Saving instead of Inviting God and all of his power into your situation , same as it is on a relationship front . It's not just counseling , it's not just natural , it's supernatural help that you need Reminds me of a story in second Chronicles I think it's chapter 20 when Jehoza fat heard that his enemies were coming up against them , mm-hmm
¶ Worship and Joy in Difficulties
. And what he decided to do was put the worship leaders in front of the battle . And as they went into battle , they were singing and they were dancing . And I'll read it out of verse 17 that says you will not need to fight in this battle . Position yourself , stand still and see the salvation of the Lord who is with you .
Oh , judah and Jerusalem , don't fear , be dismayed tomorrow . Go out against them , for the Lord is with you . And there are some battles that you don't have to fight , and I don't mean that you get to be lazy and you get to sit around and do nothing .
I mean that God's gonna fight for you , leaning , that this ain't gonna be out of your strength because of your degree and your education , because if it was , then you would take the glory . This is gonna be something that God wants to do in you and he wants to do through you , and sometimes you got to send up Judah first .
That means you got to send up your worship and the spiritual things first , and the spiritual things is what changing the Changes the natural things in yeah , I gotta invite God in .
I think that was a major growth point for me , mm-hmm is trusting in God's ability and not just my own ability . Yeah , I'm a fighter , yeah , and I'm gritty , and so if there's something that needs to be done , I will make a way . I will figure out a way . You know what I mean . I will just do what I have to do and stay up all night Won't be healthy .
I mean , I would sacrifice . That's not the best way . Yes , I have gifts and talents , but those have also been given to me by God . I can only go so far on my own . Yeah , I need the help of God , and so to be able to kind of rest , you know , in the grace of God , ask God for favor and run with the favor of God .
Yeah yeah . Number three is you got to tap into the oil of joy the oil of joy . Hebrews , chapter 12 , verse 1 . It says through 3 it says , therefore , since we've been surrounded by such a greater cloud of witnesses , let us lay aside the weight and the sin that so easily ensnares us or entangles us .
Then it says let us run with endurance the race that set out before us , meaning that life is not gonna be a sprint , it's a marathon . And then it says look to Jesus , and that was our point you got to look to Jesus . Yeah the author and the finisher of our faith . Watch this . For the joy that was set before him .
He endured the cross , the spies in the second . For the joy that was set before him . He endured the battle , he endured the pain . He endured the persecution , the abandonment , the rejection . He endured the difficulties and there are so many people that you are going through a difficulty but you don't have the joy set out before you .
And there's something about the oil of joy when you can say there's a better day that's coming , there's more working for me than working against me , that where I am is not where I end , that I'm not , if I'm not dead , then God's not done like this isn't like my tomorrow , my best days and my most blessed days they're still out in front of me .
There's something about the person who has the joy that set before and sometimes you have to .
Sometimes we will quit when the time becomes difficult because we haven't received the oil of joy and because we haven't intentionally went into our future and Dreamed and hoped and wrote down a vision or a plan . So , whatever your difficulty is Okay . What do you want it to be tomorrow ? What do you see you ? How do you see yourself coming out of this ?
For example , when I got diagnosed with breast cancer , from the moment I knew that , okay , I'm gonna have to go through surgery , I'm gonna have to go through cometh chemotherapy . I know this is gonna be a year process . I began to see myself on the other side when my hair was growing back , when my children were a year older .
I saw myself preaching again on stage , teaching again . I saw myself living out the life that I wanted . I had an end goal . I had a dream , a vision in mind , and that's where I could tap into the oil of joy . It was the joy that was set before me , but I had to be intentional about setting that joy .
Yeah , I mean , joy is our superhuman strength . I used to think back in a day that joy was like oh , let's just be happy . It's so much different than that .
The joy of the Lord is our strength , and many times when you feel weak , especially in difficulties I know that there was a weak season , that you felt weak in cancer , or maybe you feel weak with a , with a sickness or something that's happening in your life right now . You need the joy of the Lord , for the joy of the Lord is our strength .
And even in that cancer battle we would watch comedies , we would watch comedians , we would tell jokes . Why ? because we understood that the joy of the Lord was actually a weapon of warfare , and I just feel like there's too many people that are sad , depressed or discouraged Because they don't understand that when you find Jesus , you find joy .
And so the scripture says it , and I think it's in John . It says that Jesus he says I want you to have my joy so that your joy is complete . So the joy that we're talking about , the world didn't give and the world cannot take it away , because it's not based upon circumstances .
It's not like I got a new job and I'm happy , then I lose my job and I'm not happy . No , this is a joy that you can have when you get a job , lose a job , have a kid , lose a kid . The joy of the Lord is your strength , because it's not natural joy . It is the joy that comes from Jesus to you , through you . It only comes from Jesus .
Who is this joy ? It is a fruit , a gift and it is a choice . It is something , that supernatural joy that will help us endure all the pain that we can go through . And so I don't know . I could go on and on about the joy of the Lord , but you need that to face difficulties . Number four you gotta practice what I call the palms up principle .
The palms up principle .
All right now . Proverbs three and five says trust in the Lord with all of your heart . Lean not into your own understanding , and all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path . Trust in the Lord All right now , in the season of going through cancer , which is actually our biggest battle , and we keep referencing that . But we've overcome depression .
You've been 20 years now depression free . We overcame six figures of debt . Praise God . Haven't had a credit card in 15 years . I mean we've overcome what was that ? Your joints were locking up .
They called it fiber myalgia .
And thyroid problems and all kinds of things . We've seen God battle after battle , victory after victory , but our biggest one was his breast cancer piece and when I was going through it , the Lord taught me .
I was going to a counselor and he taught me this principle called the palms up principle , and he says this that whenever you're going through something that you do not like I'm talking to somebody facing a difficulty and you have pain in your life and there's a storm in your life , you have two things you can do . You can get better or you can get better .
You can get angry at God and you can question why and that's why so many people that's why they fall off Atheists are atheist , statistically showing because there was something that they believed God for when they were a child , or something happened and they said go , and then that person died and they concluded that there was no God . That's always there .
When you don't get what you want , when you want it , there is a temptation from Satan that will say well , god must not be real . That's not true , but a lot of people believe well , I guess there's no God .
So when we were going through our battle , I could have said well , if there's a God , why would he allow my wonderful wife , who loves Jesus , who eats well , who's lived for him for 20 years , why would he ? So you can either get mad at God or you can get mad at the devil and serve God .
I decided to get mad at the devil and serve God , but my counselor taught me this principle . He says when you don't like what you got , the Bible says this . But you got that . The Bible says by the stripes of Jesus , I'm healed , but I see sickness .
He says you can either get angry at God or you can put your hands up like this we call it the palms of principle and say nevertheless , lord , I still trust you , no matter what comes in my life , no matter what mountain you might be facing right now , no matter what setback , no matter how painful the relationship might be , whatever you're going through , no
matter how difficult it is , you can put your palms up like this and say nevertheless , lord , I still trust you . And when you do this , you position yourself . See , the highest form of faith is not you just speaking to the mountain and command it to be removed . We've been prophesying over stuff for years , decades .
I've been declaring it , decreeing stuff for years and decades and when I don't get what I want when I want it , if I can still put my palm up like this , this is the highest form of faith . It's saying that , yes , you've given me authority , I've done everything that I know to do and at the end of the day , nevertheless , Lord , I still trust you .
And I actually came to that place in our cancer journey . I said even if Tabitha doesn't make it , Lord , I'm still gonna serve you , I'm still gonna trust you . Why ?
is that ? I just have an issue with that .
What is your issue with that ? That's a good teacher .
It's just , it's really good . I have no problem with that's good , I mean I get it . But you know , sitting next to you and hearing you say that just I just wanna punch you , no , just playing .
I wanna talk about that , though . I wanna talk about that , no , no , not you . I wanna talk about that Okay , go ahead , I wanna talk about it because that seems like that was offensive to you , as if that wasn't a step of faith , and that's actually what I'm teaching . Yeah , I know . I got you Because that is not the highest form of faith .
I wasn't stopping believing that you would be totally healed . I got you . You've been healed now over two years . That's what I was declaring . We would have communion every day . That's what we were believing . Everything in me was believing , declaring and standing that you would be exactly where you are today .
But at the same time , there are some resolves in your heart that you gotta say no matter what happens in my life , god , I'm still gonna trust you , you know what I'm saying . No matter what , and that's good teaching . It's not a thing of doubt or worry .
What it's saying is that because if you don't make up your mind that , no matter what you go through , you still gonna serve God , there are people that will serve God until somebody dies . Mama died , grand mama died and I stopped going to church and we hear that way too much . I lost this job after I tithed and now I don't tithe no more . This happened .
But what about this ? What about saying listen , you can take my house , you can take everything I have . What about Job moments ? What about times where Job lost his family , lost everything that he had , all the money that he had , but then God restored him double ? He had to say nevertheless , Lord , I trust you .
I don't prophesy a Job occasion on people , but I feel like there's a part of the faith world that wants to act like Job ain't in the Bible . We wanna act like people aren't going through tragedy or loss or bad things that are happening .
So I'm much more of a realist , Like I'm a man of faith , but like in my time as a husband , I had to say like , okay , I'm still gonna serve you . That was actually a thing of faith for me because , I know you're gonna live . That wasn't even a question . The Lord said it settled .
So it's more of a yo . I trust you no matter what , but I know where you're coming
¶ Overcoming Fear and Temptation
from . It was because the enemy was tempting you with fear and trying to intimidate you that your wife's gonna die . This because of the same temptation came to me . The temptation was you're gonna die , and the worst thing wasn't me dying . The temptation of the enemy told me your husband's gonna get a new wife . Your kids are gonna be raised by another woman .
That was horror for me . That was hard . That was something that I had to overcome , and the way I overcame was I had to do the same thing that you're talking about . Okay , god , if I did die , I would go to heaven , number one , and I would be with Jesus and everything would be wonderful . I would be okay . Number two , you would be there for them .
You would be here for my husband and if he did get another wife , I would be happy that he got another wife and I would be happy that there was someone here to help take care of my kids . Like , I had to come face to face with that as well .
Not that I believed it was going to happen , not that it was ever gonna happen , but to silence the enemy and to silence my own fear , cause some of it was the enemy , you know , he all on his own . But then I learned through counseling . Some of it was actually my fear . It was me being afraid . What's going to happen without my kids ? Oh my gosh .
What's going to happen ? Who's going to take care of my husband ? Oh my gosh , another one's going to come and take my place . That was my fear . So I had to silence my fear and I had to silence the enemy . Say God , I trust you only .
Yeah , so why was that hard to hear just now ?
I don't know , it was just the mood in the moment .
Just , you're absolutely right , I was just I mean yeah , I mean we can work it out . I love to work stuff out in front of everybody to figure out , you know , so that we all grow .
No , you're absolutely right . I would want you to say that again . You're absolutely right in it . It's just that , just the way I heard . It was just funny .
Okay , yeah , but yeah , I mean , you should live and not die . I mean , we talk about that all the time Come on baby , the number of your days . You shall fulfill the word of the Lord for our house is that it's settled . Yes , sir , so that's you know .
For those you know . So you're watching and you probably don't know what it settled means . When I got my doctor's report , I got off the phone . I worshiped God . I got done Doctor's report that you were cancer free , that I was cancer free . I walked out from my bedroom into my living room and God spoke a word in my heart . He said it's settled .
And I knew from that moment that I would not have cancer again , that cancer was settled forever in my life . And so that's the word . I made an artwork , a piece of art . It's hanging in our house . We use that day as a monument June 24th 2021 . We've built a monument to glorify God , and so it's settled .
I personally , I really like talking about really tough topics like that , like death and sickness . It's not easy things to talk about , but I feel like we do need to talk about it , just to talk about how do I handle this . How do I have ? Because I got two guys that I know of just off top of my head . Both of them their wives had cancer .
Both of their wives died from cancer . One of them I saw in church two weeks ago . The other one I haven't seen in three years . He back slid completely .
I would wanna talk about that to help other people who , when things happen that I cannot explain , I cannot , as a pastor , bring you to Bible and just say well , the Bible says this I don't know why you ain't receiving . Maybe you didn't have enough faith whatever , when we went through cancer . We had tons of faith .
We were living holy , no chicks on the side here . You know what I'm saying . It was an attack of the devil .
It was an
¶ Trusting God in Difficult Times
attack of the enemy .
I am not gonna take this Bible and beat somebody over the head and make them feel like , no , you did something wrong . I don't know why bad things happen .
We live in a fallen and broken world , but when it comes to the battles that people will face , that I do not have an explanation for , the best thing I can do as a pastor is to say you can put your palms up and say nevertheless , god , I still trust you and he will be with you , and we believe by faith that you'll have everything God's word promised you
Absolutely . And if something happens that I have no explanation for , I will not stop believing that God is good . I will not stop believing that his word is true .
I will not stop believing .
It's better for me , it will be more humble for you to just say I don't know , instead of start to question the word of God or question the character of God , for the foundation of our theology is the goodness of God .
So when things go against the goodness of God human trafficking and poverty and death of children , stuff like that there's so many people that are questioning the goodness of God because they don't understand that we live in assault . And I'm not trying to give them a theological answer .
All I'm saying is that I don't know and I'm so sorry , but I still trust God and his character does not change for me just because there's things that I cannot explain . So for me that is a very like it's a touchy subject . I hope that this helps somebody out there .
It's hard , it's difficult .
Yeah , nobody wants to talk about it . I mean , I think that's probably why you're laughing a little bit like , yeah , that's not something . No one wants to consider your own passing away .
Exactly , but like .
I need to consider it . That's why I have a retirement account . That's why I'm thinking about coming up with a succession plan for me . You know , we know pastors that have passed away .
You know we need to think about this life .
It's not all there is to this thing .
Yeah , definitely . And so , yeah , that's an uncomfortable conversation , but the truth is , yeah , nevertheless , I still trust you , but we'll move on , it's good for people , though , to you know when you , those who have had loved ones , die , who have have sickness in their bodies . Right now , it's hard to hear .
When I was going through cancer , it was hard to hear oh , such and such just died . Oh , my gosh , like while I was in chemotherapy , going through the hardest moment .
The last thing you want to hear is somebody tell you well , you might not make it .
Yeah , well , I mean , people didn't mean any bad , but they would come up to me and they'd see me with a bald head or know that I was fighting cancer and say , oh yeah , well , my grandmother died of cancer , my aunt died of cancer , my can I just look right in the camera and please , can you , please not do that .
I'm asking you pretty , pretty , pretty please . Can you be self aware enough to know that when people are battling and Satan is trying to take their life , the last thing they need to hear is some story of someone who didn't receive the promises of God this side of heaven and I know you're trying to relate to them .
But we need more stories of victory , we need more stories of overcoming , we need more stories of miraculous healing when a person is fighting . That's what they need to hear and that's kind of like it's a playback on the field .
I think people get nervous . I don't know why . Maybe they're trying to relate , but it's just no .
So I mean , and when I was , when I had cancer , your best friend , who was a best man in our wedding , died of brain cancer and it was so hard for me to swallow , to deal with , to just realize that a person that was so close to my life so I would say so .
I would hope our audience is like so what do I do then ? You stand on God's word for peace , like I never look and say well , my mom was a person of faith and she died . And my grandfather ? He was in church all the time . My mom and my grandfather has nothing to do with what God's words promised me .
So when it comes to my friend passing , away that has nothing to do with you . Has nothing to do with you , our story . What is God's word ? Promise you and you stand on that by faith .
At the same time , if something happens that is contrary to what God's word says , don't stop believing in him , trusting who he is , that he's good , he's a good God , he loves us and he heals us . That's not gonna change . God's word does not change . It's forever settled in heaven .
Even if I don't understand it , and I think that those two things is what gives us longevity , and that's why we're you know , we walk with Jesus to the day that we die . But I wanna give number five , just for the sake of time .
Grow through what you go through , and so if you wanna handle difficulties , you have to grow through what you go through all right . I just feel like there are some people who go through things but they don't understand that that's an opportunity to grow through things , and I say it this way that it does not define you , but it might refine you .
Don't allow the problems that you face , the difficulties that are in your life , to define you . I'm not defined by them , but I will be refined by them . And so , sweetheart , can you just pray for people that are going through difficulties right now ?
Yeah , Father , we lift up every person who's going through a difficult situation In the name of Jesus . We breathe life into them , we speak life over them and their situation . We speak peace , we speak love , we speak grace and mercy . Lord , we pray rescue for those who need rescued from a terrible situation .
Lord , your word says that if anyone call upon my name , that I will be there for them , that I will rescue them . And so , lord , we pray rescue for those who need it . We pray for healing for those who need healing and , most of all , lord , we pray for an understanding . Just your word says that you would give us peace that transcends all understanding .
So , for those of us who are in a difficult situation we don't know why , we don't know how , might even not know how we're gonna get out of it or what we're gonna do that we would just have the peace that transcends all understanding .
And we would put our palms up and we would trust in you and say , nevertheless , lord , we believe in you , we believe that you're turning all things around , working them together for our good . We believe that you are going to show up in our situation .
We believe that you are here in the midst of us right now we might not be able to see you , we might not be able to feel you , but you are , and so we declare your presence over their situation . In the name of Jesus , we call them victorious . We call them out of that situation in Jesus' name Amen .
¶ Renouncing Bitterness and Achieving Breakthrough
There's somebody who's watching and you've just been dealing with a bitter heart and this is the word of the Lord for you .
God is wanting you to turn away from that bitterness and actually renounce bitterness and actually repent from bitterness , because it's actually the bitterness that you've been carrying that's stopping you from having the kind of faith that moves mountains . And maybe it's bitterness because of a loss .
Maybe it's bitterness because of somebody who did die , that you didn't expect to die . Maybe you felt like you did everything that you were supposed to do and now you're a tad bit just angry at God and it's . I wanna pray for you that your faith not fail .
Father , in Jesus' name , I pray for my friend who's had the bitterness and we just pray that you give them the kind of faith that would not fail , the kind of faith that wouldn't fail in trials , the kind of faith that wouldn't fail in a battle , the kind of faith that wouldn't fail in the midst of doubters and people around you that don't understand your faith
. And I just pray right now that God begins to restore your heart to childlike faith again , that you will be able to believe God again with everything that is in you , for you are a mighty man of God , you're a mighty woman of God . In the name of the Lord Jesus .
Hallelujah .
The Lord gave me a name Lisa Lisa and I hear the word breaking . Okay , breaking . God's called you to be a breaker and I believe that God is now giving you an anointing to break through .
Break through the years of generational mess , break through to be the first in your family to love God , to go further in God , to break through the problems that are in relationships , to break through the things that have been holding you back , and I just declare that your ceiling is now becoming your floor .
The things that were hindering you in the last season is actually propelling you into another season and a season of breakthrough .
And so , whether there has been bars around you , whether there has been chains around you , I just declare that God has given you a breakthrough anointing to break every addiction , to break every stronghold , to break out of everything that's wrong , to move into everything that's right . In the name of the Lord Jesus , sweetheart , do you have anything ?
I just see for a few people that are watching today .
I see like a staircase and it's almost like I can see you walking up , like you took one huge step up a staircase , and so I just want to just breathe life into your situation right now and prophesy that this is the end of that situation , that it has come to an end and you have literally stepped up into a new level , a new level of anointing , a new
level of confidence , a new level of power and faith in God , and so I just want to encourage you that it is the end of your , of that negative situation that you've been in . Begin to just declare it and receive it by faith , and believe that God is going to do exactly what he said he's going to do .
Yeah , I got two names that just came to me One is Michelle and the other is Naomi , and I don't know exactly what God is doing , but I feel like he just wants to touch you with His power . And so , if you are a Michelle or Naomi , if you could just lift your hands like this , in the name of Jesus .
Lord I ask for you to touch and pour out your spirit right now and I want to pray for those who've been experiencing vertigo and I don't know . I felt like a couple of days ago the Lord says I'm giving you an anointing to be able to see vertigo healed , and it just felt like a very powerful anointing . There's some things that I'm like man do .
I have the faith to be able to do that , but when it comes to the vertigo , I just feel like we're going to start to see a lot of people be healed from vertigo .
Vertigo is where you feel like dizziness and you feel like your room is spinning and maybe there's been a problem in your ears , in your inner ear , a problem somewhere , that's causing that to happen . And so if that's you , if you could just receive this .
In the name of Jesus , we come against vertigo , infirmity , sickness and disease and we command it to leave you right now in Jesus name , and we pray the healing power of our God touch you right now to remove it and that it never returns again . In Jesus name . Hey , if you received any of that , please reach out to us and let us know .
You can comment in the sections below . Make sure that you share this with other people . We want you to get through difficulties . You've been made for difficult things and you can do all things through Christ , who strengthens you . We're out of time for today .
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¶ Weekly Update and Promotion
. We release new content every Thursday at 3 pm Eastern Standard Time , and we would love for you to be able to join us live or at least catch the playback . Email us if you have any questions . Every once in a while we do an Ask Ken in Tabitha .
And , of course , if you haven't been through the boot camp , if you're going through the boot camp right now , keep up the good work . I'm telling you your marriage is getting better . If you want your marriage to get better , we got a better marriage boot camp . You can check it out at Kenandtabithacom . All right , we love you guys .
We hope you have the best week ever and we'll see you next week . Peace .