¶ His Money, Her Money, Our Money
Hey , welcome to Doing Life with Ken And Tabitha . We are so pumped that you're tuning into this podcast . It has been designed for people just like you . We wanna do life with you , share our wins , our defeats , our ups and our downs , in hopes that you'll grow closer to God and to the people that you love in your life .
Sit back and enjoy today's podcast , but before I get there , i wanted to take a moment just to invite our audience out to a live conference . And so every year in October , the second week in October , we have a special conference that we call a live conference , and this is what we say that these three days could change the next 30 years of your life .
Our goal is to try to give people at least four times the amount that they invested in a ticket . We're gonna have seven main sessions this year , six master classes , three after parties , but one encounter with God . And I believe that one encounter with God is what it's all about .
It's so good , ac 23 . You know there are certain things that we do every year , like as believers , like I fast , i do like major fast a couple of times a year . You know , sometimes there's certain books of the Bible I'll study . You know there's a word of the year . But then something else that we do every year and that is a conference .
Ac 23 is that conference . It's that encounter , like you're saying , where you just like Wednesday , thursday , friday , all day , every day , you are like enveloped in the presence of God , just daring to go beyond your own personal boundaries . It is amazing .
And we're gonna be doing a special session on marriage there . It's gonna be Ken and Tabitha . I think we're calling it unfiltered .
And so you wanna come . Really , what is that ?
like You gotta come , we're already unfiltered If you're interested with getting more information about our conference , check out the website mylifeturchorg , and you can also check it out in the show notes . I think there's a link to that as well . You gotta get your tickets now because it is gonna be a sold out event . All right , what's up ?
everybody , So good to be with you guys today for another episode of Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha . I'm Ken and this is Tabitha . Hopefully you guys know that by now .
Did you expect me to jump in there ?
Yeah , hey , 23 years of marriage has been the best 21 years of our lives , and two years was absolutely horrible . We got ourselves together .
We did .
And now we're able to share some principles of success and also failure , and we just wanna say what's up ? everybody Y'all tuning in , listening . We love you guys . Thank you so much for all of your comments and your feedback . We love to hear from you .
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I'm feeling good today . I'm excited to share today . I think this is gonna be a blessing to people , And you know what I'm excited about You said it a little bit is that we have so much fun when we do this .
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Today's topic or segment is called His Money , her Money , his Money , her Money , and I guess we got one major goal today And it's to help those of you all who are married look at his money and her money as our money , and we had to make that transition years ago And it's probably one of the best things that we've done . Can you talk about that at all ?
Oh yeah , I mean , it's just . You know , when the two become one , you really become one in everything like one flesh . You know , when we have kids , it's not your child or my child , It's our child . If you have a problem , it's not your problem , It's our problem . Let's work on this baby . We're gonna do this together And same .
It's the same with our finances .
So I mean , what you're talking about is teamwork , teamwork , and you're talking about the two becoming one , and so , but why is that ? When it comes to money , it almost feels like there's a lot of individuality And it's almost like , well , i make this money and you make your money .
And I have a savings account and you have a savings account And there are many couples who really struggle with his money and her money becoming our money . Why do you think that is ?
I think it's just society and the world that we grow up in . You know we're taught to earn and to make And you know we wanna achieve and be successful . I also think that you know the Bible says that the love of money is the root to all evil . Some people get that's a real test to see whether you love money or not .
If you're married is to say is this both of our money or is this mine and yours ?
Well , it reminds me of a scripture that says where a man's treasure is , that's where his heart is also . And so sometimes the reason that people keep their money separate is because the heart is not all the way there yet . Wow , because you know , i learned years ago that if you follow where a person puts their money , you can follow what they really love .
Yes , and so when the husband and wife become one , one way that we know that we really love one another and like we're all in is that we don't have these separate things . It's our money . My treasure is in you , everything I have , and so it's not just that you took my last name , it's just that what God has placed together , let no man put us under .
So good . You know , as you were talking , i was thinking about like if you were to look at my bank statements and see where my treasure is , see where my heart is . It's like in Target and the grocery store and Amazon , because my heart is with you , taking care of my house and my family . My heart is with my children , like I have to all day .
Every day I'm like I was going to say what do I have to do with Target and Amazon ?
Baby , i get the toilet paper for you , i get the groceries for you . I get the paper towels for you , your socks , i get them for you . Like that's where my heart is .
I actually need some more socks . You do , and I have needed more socks for quite a bit of time . I feel like that .
I'm working on it honey .
Yeah , Okay , The divorce rate is 50% in America . 50% of people who say I do eventually will say I don't . One of the main problems that people are facing are financial hardships and financial constraints and shortage and so forth and so on , And so it's not just our money , It's also how do we manage our money .
Yeah , And some of the principles that I wanna share on today are things that we can do to take some of the financial pressure off of us . And so for us when we first got married we've been married for 23 years , about to be 24 years And when we first got married , we had tons of financial debt and financial shortage .
The first year of our marriage , our combined income was about $10,000 for the year . The first home that we lived in was $350 a month in rent and I could barely afford that . I remember the first apartment we got when we moved from West Virginia to Washington DC area was a one bedroom apartment with roaches and mice And man .
It was just like I always had more month than money . I remember waiting for the first of the month , you know .
The first of the month .
Wake up . Wake up Just so that we could get food , just so that we could handle certain things . We needed government assistance And thankfully , that's where we were . That's not where we are We didn't stay there .
God taught us principles of stewardship and living beneath our means and how to debt snowball , and I just think that I wanna share some of those things with people today . Now there's a lot of products that you can go , for example , financial Peace University , which is a Dave Ramsey product . There's a lot of financial gurus out there .
We don't claim to be a financial guru , but we do love Jesus and we do have a testimony , and there are some things that will work for anybody who works it , and I think that's what I wanna share with people today And so talk to me . So back in the day , did you feel a bunch of pressure financially ?
Honestly , i didn't . I didn't feel the pressure . It wasn't . It was something that I think I don't know . back then there were other things that I was working on , honestly . So you were working on cleaning up our finances , i was depressed , i was working on overcoming depression , and so I knew that there was financial pressure because I had constraints .
Maybe I couldn't buy the things that I wanted to buy . I couldn't go the places that I wanted to go . So I felt it , but it wasn't as heavy compared to other things that I was focused on .
Well , I kinda feel like our personalities are different And I feel like you can do a thing when you can be like out of sight , out of mind . For example , when you were in a sorority , what was your line name ?
Comatose or something . Yes , it was Comatose . Where did you get that from ?
Well , because I'm thinking like because back in the day not now , but back in the day you had this ability to almost compartmentalize life And like , if you were dealing with depression or something else , it didn't matter that the bills wasn't paid . I mean , you would not , i didn't care . Yeah , you didn't care . I mean , you literally can turn off stuff .
My personality is different . I care And I see every single detail and I care about where it's going . I have a plan , i have a strategy , so forth , and so on . And so when it came to that question , it kind of feels like you were more like you know your credit was bad .
I mean , it was like 500 something you know you owed people , but you probably just didn't care .
Yeah , i mean , i cared , but I wasn't even educated enough to know how important a credit score is , like I didn't just didn't even know , and so a lot of it . Ignorance is bliss , they say . A lot of it is because I was just ignorant , okay . But I think , yeah , it's , you know , it's a gift . I think to be like , okay , well , this is over .
This is either going to stress me out to the max or I'm just going to not care about it And I'll deal with it when I get to it , because I have so many other things on my plate And I think that was more my attitude .
Yeah , well for us , i think , thank God for you .
Who did care ?
Well , yeah , i remember years of me trying to improve your credit score . years of me I remember pulling all of your credit reports .
Thank you , babe . I remember disputing things , you were so helpful .
I remember , remember . You tried to get a job at the rental car place and you couldn't get a job because your credit wasn't good enough to get a job .
So we fixed my credit and then I got the job . But then I took another job .
Yeah , but it wasn't as simple as that . I actually the way I fixed it was by paying off what you owed me with a credit card . Oh , you did , which actually is part of the reason that we struggled . So I know , i never even knew that , so let it all come out right now . And so that was the pain in our marriage .
It was almost like you had this whole world and you're dealing with something . But I'm like take , and that's why it does matter who you marry , absolutely . I always tell people hey , you know , check their credit report before you start dating somebody Get that cleaned up .
You know , check their credit score , find out what kind of debt you're gonna marry into , because I took all of your financial weight on me . Yeah , because the two have become one And I know that there's a lot of people out there that might be doing the same .
And then you know people nowadays like we got married young , they get married a lot older And maybe you know they kind of got this two separate thing going on . But I don't know .
I just think it's important for married people to have a financial strategy and a financial plan and financial goals and financial agreement and all of that kind of stuff , because it's so important to the marriage .
¶ Managing Finances as a Married Couple
And I found that I mean I'm thankful that you didn't just like quit , give up on me and just allow , like you helped me , Like you really stepped up and helped me with my credit , because obviously I didn't know how to do it right , and so thank you for doing that .
But I think that's for someone like , if you're a gift , if you're strong in the finances , step up and help the other person , male or female , just step up and help and not be frustrated . Don't just leave , but help .
You know and I'll add this balance to it just because some of our audience are getting new to you and to us all together , That's not who you are as a person . You're a very detailed person . Matter of fact , you're probably a better manager of money now than I would be because you use technology and out do some old school stuff .
We're talking 25 years ago .
We're talking a long , long time ago And from your upbringing , coming out of a place of poverty , coming out of a place where you did not see people steward money , well , you had no clue of anything . I had a business background . My dad taught me a lot about managing money And so I was able to help for that season .
And it's kind of like now , you know , since those 20 years ago , you can kind of take it in and run with it and do what you do . And so now I'm happy to announce that your credit score is last time I checked it , 840 . And I didn't even know a credit score could go that high .
I honestly didn't either . Yeah , yeah , so it was like 840 .
And so you know , we haven't had credit cards 15 years . We live a blessed life . It's not we're not Bill Gates or nothing like that , but God's been good .
And so we want to share some of those principles to help a married couple who is just where we used to be Or maybe you have a lot of money but you're still have financial pressures And so here's some things that we did , and I kind of put down 10 things . Are you ready ?
Number one we don't have his money , her money , we have our money , and so we kind of hit that one already . Is there anything else you want to add to that ?
one . No , i would say just strategies and like well , how do we make it our money ? Because there's natural things like if I get a check in my name , there's savings accounts , checkings accounts and like all of this stuff . But literally what we do is we have a joint account and that's where all of our money comes to from the most part .
You know , like our paychecks go into our joint account , but then you have a private account and I have a private account . You have a private savings , i have a private savings And there's just certain things that we do with those . You know , like my account , like I put money in there .
Honestly , right now money goes to that private account because our daughter's eight , who's about to turn 18 , her account is connected to my account And so she basically withdraws all the money from my accounts , you know , and so I don't know . There's savings accounts . There's like budgets .
Like you know , we used to at one point we would take , when we were budgeting , we would take a lump sum of money and we would put it in my , to my private account , because that was the money that was allocated for groceries , for diapers and things like that . So you can just be creative in .
You know how you manage his and hers and how you bring it together , but there should be one pot where you know Well , yeah , I mean , I think you're talking about the spirit behind it , then you're talking about the practicality .
Yes , thank you The spirit behind it is that there is no mine and there is no yours , it's only ours . Now , practically , it's not exactly what you said . So our money is deposited in your account , it's deposited in my account , but we see all of the accounts together .
So basically , even though I have a separate savings and you have a separate savings , it's still the same login , like we can still see the same thing . Yeah , we see everything .
So if we ever need to transfer money , so the only reason that we have separate accounts is because you might steward the groceries , et cetera , et cetera , and I might steward something else . So we're basically bringing it all together and then putting it out into these different things to take care of the kids and our responsibilities .
I think it's complicated businesses and things like that . It gets complicated but it can be done .
Right , so , anyway , the principle is that it's our money . So number two this is also what we did . We started living beneath our means , okay , we just made a decision that we're not gonna spend more than what we make .
okay , and so before that , there was seasons where there would be something that we really wanted to buy and we would either put it on a credit card or we would do something . We basically would extend ourself and that's all . debt is Over extend .
You are overextending yourself And there comes a place where you just gotta say , no , i'm not gonna do that any longer . So one of the things um Most excited about , or proud about , would be that we have not had a personal credit card . Yes , and probably 15 years More .
You know , you stop counting after a while , yeah , which is problematic when it comes to rent in a car . Yeah they want to take off a big deposit on your debit card And I don't have a problem having a business credit card , but we haven't had even that .
It's just like I've been okay over the last 15 years with cash and debit card so forth and so on , because we had so much credit debt . I just was like I want to deal with it . I'm looking at a business card now , but it's it won't have a balance outpaying off every single time , right .
But that's one thing you have to do is live beneath your means and I think that was a big deal , for I mean , that was major for us to just not to not use credit and if we were going to buy something , let's do cash .
Now you know we have home loans and things like that , but you know your everyday things like buying furniture , like no , i'm not going to the furniture store . And you know financing my , the couch .
We did all that we did all of that and they find it's the bed , but they hit you with that . No interest for 12 months or 20 yeah . But then if you go to 25 months , all of the interest comes do right from the previous 12 months . It's a trick and we just , we just felt like , if we can't buy it , we don't need it and I think that was golden .
And even today I'm telling you Every store I go to there . I mean it's annoying to me . Um , would you like to put this on your credit card ? You know like no , no , no , no , no . well , if , if you do it today , will give you 50% off and blah blah , no , no , no . I don't want credit , like you know .
But you can have like 10 , 20 credit cards if you just take , you know , you just keep accumulating .
Back in the day I got credit cards because I lied You know I was in college and they you know . On the application , they say how much money do you make ? wow , be like . Well , $40,000 and they sent me like a $13,000 and they didn't check it .
They just said this 18 year old kid in college makes $40,000 a year . And then they sent you a credit card .
Pretty much . That's how it went , happened . That's how I got into so much debt . You know , and I was kind of robbing Peter to pay Paul and I was paying minimum monthly balances with other minimum . That's crazy and then I married someone who I had to help her , and so That's how .
I told the truth and they gave me a $500 credit card and I maxed that out .
I had a $13,000 credit card in college , $13,000 limit . Wow , i thought I was rich $500 so , anyway , the principle is live beneath your means , and Anything come to your mind , practically , about how people can do that , because I think it's easier said than done .
¶ Living Beneath Your Means and Budgeting
But how do you live beneath your means ? You have to say no to some things you have to say no to some things .
And then all you know , and there's a few different things that come to mind first of all , you have to say no to like every birthday party , every wedding , traveling , like every summer to family reunions , and you know , like you , it's cost money to get a plane ticket to go . There's a hotel room , like .
All of these things add up and so and people feel like they have to , yeah , but you don't really want to get your finances in order , you're gonna have to say no .
Yeah , some things meaning that some people are gonna have a problem with you , but you're saying no today So that you can say yes tomorrow to better , absolutely , and our marriage and just just taking the pressure off of our marriage Was worth it for me . Well , that brings me in a point number three , which is just stop buying things .
Oh yeah , stop by , because at some point . So the principle of number two was like you got to learn to say no , and this principle would be like you just got to stop . Like , stop buying things .
You don't have to have a new car , you don't have to have a new computer , you don't have to have a new phone , you don't have to have new clothes , you would like it right But you don't have to have it right , but I think that when people live in debt , they feel like they have to have it and they make up . It was like in my mind .
It felt like , man , if I can just do this , this will help me get better , this will help me get to where I want to go .
Yeah , and I think it's a setup and yeah , you don't have to have anything and I don't know . Kind of like it goes back into living beneath your means . Is just it does we get used to a certain level ? and The problem is , if you're living at a level that you can't afford , you got to back it down .
Yeah , you might not have to say , okay , i'm never gonna go shopping again . But instead of shop shopping at Nordstrom , you might want to shop at Macy's , you might want to shop at Target . I'll take a step forward at the Goodwill . Yeah .
I mean shop at thrift stores . Yeah shop online , have some second hand stuff , play those closet .
I just believe that where there's a will , there's a way , and I think that that's what some of the principles like let's say the Dave Ramsey principles Yeah , almost like live way beneath your means , like cut everything out , and I think that sometimes you might can , might , can go too far with yeah , but I like the principle still , because when you are bleeding ,
stop the bleeding . Like when you're leaking money , like we used to leak money , somebody has to stop and so , instead of you don't have to have the two-bedroom apartment You want it right You can have a studio or one bedroom .
You can put the baby in the corner for a minute , or you can have a two bedroom in rent , one but , i , don't want any roommates . Okay , how much do you really want to get out of debt ? How much do you really want financial success ? And so There is a thing where we just stopped buying . A number four would be would be we began to live on a budget .
We began to live on a budget and , and I remember having the spending envelopes back in the day remember , oh , i did not like those spending envelopes . The spending envelopes for those .
They were pressure for me .
Well , basically what it was , it was saying that this is how much money you have for the month in a certain area for Groceries or for clothing , and you put the actual cash in an envelope and once the money out of the envelope was spent , you didn't have anything else .
And it was almost just a way to make sure that you held yourself accountable not to overextend , but why didn't you like those ? I don't understand I don't know .
It made me nervous to have the money , you know , like in my hands , and and what I found is that , like okay , so I spend the grocery budget , right , there's no cash left in the grocery envelope .
Well , now I got to go into the household , the cleaning supplies envelope so I can get money out of there , and it was just stress for me , but we did it , yeah well , I'm not even saying it's the best way to do it .
Yeah , but what I am saying is that that's how important living under budget is .
What you're saying is that we did what we had to do . Yeah , to get out of .
That's what I hope people are hearing that you gotta do what you gotta do .
We didn't like it at the time , but we were gonna try it .
Yeah cuz . We needed help right , and so everybody needs a budget . Yeah , okay , and we will probably suggest like a Zero-based budget , meaning that you give every dollar in assignment . So , even if you have a hundred dollars left at the end of the month , give that hundred dollars in assignment to a savings account or somewhere .
I mean in that , every dollar that comes in your house , it needs to get allocated somewhere Now . Now we've kind of grown to the place that we don't have to overlook on a budget . You know Cuz we kind of know what's coming in , what's going out .
But to get to the place where you're getting some traction to get out of debt and to to get some margin here , man , you need a budget . You need to know cuz , you know , the crazy thing is there are people who are struggling financially and they spend hundreds of dollars a month at Starbucks and don't know it .
Or they spend hundreds of dollars a month Eating out and don't know it . They spend hundreds of dollars a month . What I'm saying It's just not Starbucks , it's basically they're wasting money and they could make coffee at home and have margin . Or they could say I'm gonna make me a sandwich instead of eating out for lunch .
I mean there's so many little things that you can do and But you won't know it if you don't have a budget and so you can just Google . You know how to do a budget . Calm , I think you know .
As we progressed , we started doing quick books and you kind of oversaw our quick books and Thankfully now we're able to have bookkeepers and people that will help us because , god knows , we're too busy to kind of look at everything .
Yeah , I enjoyed having like quick books .
You were good at it too .
Because it would just put everything in order . It helped us to organize everything and I liked giving our Money and assignment . Yeah , you know , like this is Everything that we have . This is the Lord's and I'm going to steward it properly . Lord , what do you want us to do with this extra hundred dollars ?
My bookkeeper . Right now He's using every dollar . Every dollar is an app . It's been a really good product . He's kind of introduced it to me and kind of just helping us manage money and it's a Dave Ramsey product .
Nice but it's called every dollar and I think mintcom was some people like that For a while I wasn't able to get them on customer support like you can never get them on the phone or things like that . But it's a pretty good program . But the every dollar seems to be working pretty well for us .
But there's all kinds of apps and programs to really help you know where your money's going . I mean nowadays I mean you like our every dollar is connected right to our Accounts so it automatically downloads and now my bookkeeper can move money around and about the end of the month . It's like you overspent on groceries or you did this , or why did you ?
you didn't tell me you were going to do that . I mean it's so good , you know , but you don't need a bookkeeper for that . You can actually , any person can do that if they have the time to do it . Accountability Yeah . Great number five would be we stopped making Everyone else's emergency , our emergency . We stopped making , and this is huge .
Yes , sir .
Okay , especially for the newly married people , because many married people feel such an obligation to mom , to dad , to grandma , to the brothers , the siblings . I know that you felt that way . You know , coming out of where you came out of , you felt like an obligation to take care of your younger brother and sister , like what will they do without me ?
And then we kind of come over into a mindset where we're handling everybody else's problems but we're not even taking care of ourselves . And what I learned over the years is that if we can get ourselves together , i will be in a much better position to really be able to help everybody else . Absolutely , can you talk to me about that at all ?
Yeah , i feel like sometimes we can be a crutch for people when we wanna step in and be you know and rescue people when they're in bad situations . But honestly , if we looked back at the situation , we see that God isn't even helping them in this situation . You know what I mean . God is not stepping in because God is waiting for them to do something .
Yeah , let me unpack that for a minute because that's a realization that many times we try to meet needs that God isn't meeting .
There you go .
And it's not that God doesn't see it or want to meet the needs . Sometimes he doesn't meet the need because he's trying to build character in them , and then what we do is we put our little God hat on and we step in front of God and we come and start paying people's bills without even consulting God . You know , and it's so true , yeah .
And I think , in that area as well , we have to be okay with saying no to family and friends . If somebody asks us for money and they say no to us and we feel bad because we know that we have the money and we might not want to give it to them . And I think what we said earlier is like all of our money has an assignment .
Okay , so it's going to savings , it's going to different places , and so I don't have any money that's just lying around idle , like , well , what do I do with this ? No , because I'm a good steward over my money .
And so if somebody comes and asks me for something , now I am weighing , okay , if I have it to give to you , okay , well then , fine , i'm gonna give it to you . But if I don't and I need to now I need to dip into my savings . Or I have to go and dip into my kids' Christmas gift fund . I need to go in , and now you know my kids I'll take .
I'll go into there , where you know they need to get clothing . So I'm gonna take a little bit of other clothing , that's where . No , i'm not gonna do that , because I have to take care of my own responsibilities as well .
Now , things that we've done in the past is you know , we don't lend people money Like , okay , i'm not gonna lend you anything , but I'll give this to you without expecting anything back .
And why is that ?
There's a scripture in the Bible that says what does the Bible say about lending ?
It says don't be a surety for a friend or a neighbor , Which ?
surety is , so don't cosign .
Don't cosign , don't yeah , don't do those kind of things . But also what we found is that it creates this thing in the relationship that can get toxic .
It's like you owe me something , You owe me something . We don't wanna go there .
I kinda would rather just give it to you . So , here's the principles that we don't give people loans and we don't cosign for people And it doesn't matter to me the need . well , i can't believe it .
What if it's your son or daughter ? Are you gonna cosign ?
Well , i mean , that's a little bit different . I mean , i'm still not in the cosigning business , no , okay . Just saying I
¶ Boundaries With Adult Children and Support
don't know what would you do .
I know people who have cosigned for their adult children .
Oh , you're talking about adult children . No , absolutely Yeah , for it .
I mean because you can't cosign a minor can't do anything . But their adult children , they cosigned for their adult children . These children went and wrecked their houses , they wrecked their cars and they leave it for their parents to take care of . like mm-mm .
Okay . So in that regard , no , absolutely 100% . No , heavens , no , no . And that kid can be like , well , I'm gonna go to prison or I got this going on , or that's . You made that bed , You gotta lie in it .
Absolutely .
And I'm gonna come pray for you and visit you in prison and bail you out , if the Lord leads me to do that . You know what I'm saying .
Yeah , I know you're being funny , but it's real .
No , because people need to know that they can say no . They feel such an obligation to be pulled into other people's toxicity , pulled into other people's drama , and one of the keys to financial success , or success period , is learning how to say no and to draw healthy parameters , like that's your drama , but it's not mine . Absolutely .
I love you , though , and I'm here for you and I'm praying for you , and just because I don't wanna take what I've worked hard for and give it to you doesn't mean I don't love you .
Yep .
And so the relative or the friend can be like oh see , you got so much money . You don't wanna do this and you don't wanna . You can judge me all you want to , absolutely , but my money is not my money . My money belongs to God Now . But here's the thing that I will put as the overarching theme I'm gonna do whatever God tells me to do , exactly .
So it doesn't matter if it's kids budget whatever You can be like , no , I prayed about it and I don't have peace with it .
If the Lord tells me to do something , I'm gonna go do it . I don't think you're on the page that I'm on . you're saying something different . What I'm saying is that I'm gonna do whatever God tells me to do with my money , It doesn't matter where it is .
I was thinking of your response because people , especially family members , they will come and make you feel guilty for not well , you have all this money and all of this And so my response is , well , i've prayed about it and no , i don't wanna do that . Like you can just very boldly say no .
Right , yeah , i mean , it's very good , very good , and so we don't make other people's emergencies our emergencies , because I just don't believe I'm God And I believe that I want God to be God . I wanna be Ken , I want you to be Tabitha and I want God to be God . So that doesn't mean that I'm not moved with compassion .
It doesn't mean that my ear is not attentive to whatever God tells me to do . It just means that I'm not gonna make your drama mine .
And it doesn't mean that we don't give . I mean we give all the time .
Well , actually , we actually have a portion that we just set aside for those kind of things , Right ?
right , because we wanna help people , but there are people who just suck the life out of you . They will leech and just suck and suck , and suck And you help them one time they're coming again and again , and again and again And it's like no , you have to say no to that .
Yeah , number six
¶ Managing Money as a Team
would be . we began to communicate regularly about our budget And we appointed one of us as the money manager , and sometimes it's been me that's been the point person for managing money . Sometimes it's been you . Then it will come back to me , then it will go back to you , and so the point is that we began to communicate regularly .
So we have a thing called family meetings , and those of you all who are new to our show , we have an episode called How to Have a Family Meeting . It is a once a week or every other week meeting where it's like we bring everything that we need to talk about sex , parenting , intimacy , finances And in that meeting we talk about money .
Now , sometimes it's more detailed than other times , but if we're doing it at the highest level , it's basically this is what we have , this is what we're going , these are the investments we're making . Do you have anything that you wanna say to it ?
I guess what I'm saying is I do not believe that the person who manages the money should manage it and keep the other person out of it , because , once again , it's our money , it's teamwork . Right Now , i have the responsibility of managing it . Let's say that it's me , but I still need to be accountable to you for our money . So this is how it's going .
This is where we're winning , this is where we're losing . Would you like to speak into it at all ? And that's how we go about . But I think complete communication is important .
Then we're on the same page , we know what to pray for , and so the last thing I want is for you to be doing the finances , but you carrying all the weight of it . We can carry this together .
Carry it together . And we can pray about this together And we can combine our experiences and our intellect to be able to come up with solutions And also think it's important to not be able to just go off and haul off and buy whatever you wanna buy just because you are the manager of the money .
No , that's good .
Yeah , Like you got some guys . they have a midlife crisis and they wanna go get them a Corvette and didn't tell the wife that he wanna go get a Corvette or she wanna go on an all girls trip , don't have a midlife crisis .
And then You know , we still we use those principles where I would call you if it was over , like maybe $100 . Yeah .
In the past . I mean , we're bringing a way back , we're bringing up really old stuff , but these are the things that people need .
You know what Those principles ? we still use them in some ways .
Because I was just thinking about this that it's maybe like a month or two ago I wanted to buy a bike because I can't not that I can't run , but you know my knees , i wanna protect my knees And so I've been a runner my whole life and I'm looking for something else like running And so I wanna go out and buy a bike .
Now my friend , she's a biker , she's biked her whole life and she's got this like fancy electric bike and she got me all hyped up about it .
It's like $5,000 to $10,000 for a fancy electric bike , okay , and I was like all right , now What I've done in the past is I've bought a bike and it's set , i wrote it like once or twice and it sat in the garage . We ended up giving it away to Boys and Girls Program , right . And I was like I'm not going to do that with a $5,000 bike .
And so I went out . Or actually I asked you , and what I did , how went out basically along . The story short is I bought a bike that was like $200 . It's real price was maybe like $300 . I got it on sale for $200 , but I actually asked you . I was like , babe , do you think it's okay if I buy a $200 bike , you know ?
and I told you all of my reasons and stuff like that , and you were like , well , it's a cheap bike . And I was like , i know , i know , but it's , i just want to get it so that you know I can figure out whether I'm going to really invest in a $10,000 bike . But anyway , i still use those principles today .
There's a few things . Number one we're not going to be investing in a $10,000 bike . That's probably not going to happen .
That's not going to happen I personally I wouldn't buy a $10,000 bike . I probably there is a one like a $1,500 one that is probably has my eye .
But number two , the principle that I think you are extracting is the principle of so , back in the day , if we wanted to spend over $100 , we needed to get each other's permission .
We had to get each other's permission And I think that somebody might can apply that .
Maybe it's not a hundred , maybe it's $500 , maybe it's $1,000 . I don't know what it is , but set it in your home , but what it is is that maybe we need each other's approval in order to spend over this amount , and I think that communication removes a whole lot of fuss . And inviting Number seven , we always function as a team more than individually .
Yeah , okay , and I think that's huge for people who I guess what I want to do is breathe a little hope , because I remember when we had tons of debt and financial problems , it felt like there was no way out . It felt like a dark hole that was hard to climb out of .
Yeah .
And I didn't know if it would take 10 , 15 , 20 years or I would ever give out of it . I would want you to know that all things are possible to them that believe Amen . And there's absolutely nothing too hard for the Lord . And it's amazing how God can change things around in 12 months . He really can .
You buy the right home , you sell it , you do some things , you get a promotion . He can change some things around , but you have to position yourself for this possession . But we came at things more as a team . So there were seasons where , like I , was in real estate and that was all commissioned , and so you decided to go and get a salary job .
Yep , it wasn't your dream job . You were an assistant , an executive assistant , but it helped us pay our debt .
It gave us health benefits , got our bills paid , food on the table .
And then there was a time , after I grew in my real estate business , you left a job and you came and worked with me . Yep , i think the principle that I can see that we've done for the last 20 plus years is it's always teamwork , teamwork , uh-huh .
It's even like when we started our first church in Gainesville And I still had a real estate business that was going in Washington DC and we moved to Gainesville , florida . We didn't know a person And in the first 12 months of ministry we went through all of our life savings . So we came together and say what we're going to do .
You decide well , you do the ministry full time . I'm going to go get a job . Yep , you went and got a job in real estate because that was our background in Ocala , which was 45 minutes away . 45 minutes , and if I recall , how much did you make at that job ?
Maybe like 45 . Okay .
So it was , let's say it was like 45,000 . It wasn't anything compared to what we I was paying a lady 55,000 probably , to continue to run our businesses that were failing , because we had left and went into ministry . I was still . I still had a business in Washington DC and I was paying that person even more than what you were making , right ?
I guess what I'm saying is that we do what we got to do to get where God's called us to get to , yeah , and so you went on in that job for a while and then ended up getting let go from that job And then went right into . We had a daycare .
Mm-hmm .
And so , once again , this is teamwork . It's not like , hey , i want my career or you want your career , we want the claders . What do the claders need to do in this season , and this is not going to be for always .
We have a saying in our house , noted today but not forever , and so there are some things that , as a married couple , you got to say no to . But we're saying no today but it's not forever . But not forever .
And so if we can continue in the unity as a team , we will all get ourselves to where we're supposed to be going And I would say thank you for that , thank you for always . You know , because there's some people like , well , it's about my career And I was a dentist and I went to , i went to medical school , and now you know , it's all it's .
And I'm not saying that's bad , yeah , you did , but at the same time it's all about our team . Yeah , and what does your family need right now ? Sometimes , what do the kids need ?
right now .
Yeah , do you have a 5 , 10 , 20 year plan ? Can we get you there ?
You know , yeah , sometimes you have to do what's good for the team Anyone who's played sports before or been a part of any club or something like that . You do what's good for the team but it's worth it in the end because when the team wins , you win , and I can't .
You know , like , looking at my life now and seeing like right now , i get to do what I love to do . I get to do what I'm gifted and talented and purpose by God to do .
But it took you 15 , 20 years to get there , but it took me a long time to get here . And in between all of those 15 , 20 years you did all of the messy work .
I did .
You did all of the well . I don't know nothing about a daycare , but I'm going to start one .
We're going to start a daycare ?
I don't know nothing about bookkeeping , but I'm going to be the bookkeeper for the church .
I don't know anything .
Well , i got a little graphic art degree . I'm going to make the bulletins , I'm going to make the worship guide . I'm just going to do whatever I got to do . I mean , we could go through . We cleaned the bathrooms . I remember when we opened our first real estate office , we didn't have money for a janitor . Right , you were the cleaner .
That was me , that you were the cleaner , so you were the cleaner and the CFO all at the same time .
Have a nice office , but I was also at the end of the day Go clean up . I'm getting out the bucket because you do what you have to do
¶ Financial Success and Stewardship
.
I don't know if people have that kind of grit any longer . You know they kind of want something for nothing , but it doesn't . It doesn't happen overnight , yeah , and the story is a story of a journey , of unfolding , of a process , you know it's , it's and it's this .
Like you know , i think at one time it was the microwave generation , but now it's the social media world where it's like we only see highlights and we only see the highlight reel of people's lives . So you see people bossing , so like if I were to go ahead back then and I took a picture , i'd be like I'd have myself in the office , you know , like CFO .
Yeah , you know all this stuff talking about how great the business is going , but I might not put me in the bathroom cleaning the toilets because that's not , you know , so glamorous . But we have to remember that there is a behind the scenes to everything .
We see That if , if they're up there being applauded because they're balling and they're , you know , they got all these awards and things like that there's something that they're doing behind the scenes that isn't that , you know , worthy of applause so good .
Number eight point number eight is that we built a team of professionals around us , and I think that's very important . Yes and so , to get good CPAs , to get good lawyers around you , bookkeepers , financial advice Advisors . I remember the first year that I made like a lot of money . I mean like we made a lot of money , like a lot of money .
I owe the IRS a hundred thousand dollars . Yikes , you know , you say yikes , thank you , don't remember . I .
I , i honestly don't , but I I know , okay , but I don't let . Like I said we just I Don't it's in one year now , yeah , i'm like , yeah , it's , we really did that . Yeah , we did yeah .
But yeah , the IRS , a hundred thousand dollars and I had it to pay . You know I had it to pay , but it hurt really , really bad . And What happened was is that I wasn't doing quarterly withholdings , i didn't have enough tax deductions .
I was making money and I was spending the money , reinvesting the money , but I did not know some things about withholdings , tax laws , etc . Etc . And so I learned it the hard way . But you need to get great professionals around you bookkeepers , attorneys , you know .
I'm working for you people who work ? and in the beginning , when you don't have enough , have a need for these professional people .
I mean , at least You know podcast , books , friends , other couples , you know if you're a married couple and you have another couple that maybe mentors you or speaks into your life at all , hey , ask them what they do , ask them you know how you know . Just get information right , get information .
Yeah , that will bring us to point number nine is that we put God first in our giving , and for us , that might be The most important one . God and so we're a God first family Matthew 633 . And I just feel like there's a lot of people that love Jesus , but they don't love him in a financial way .
And the Bible says where a man's treasure is , that's where his heart is . Also , and if you want to be really , really good with money , I'm talking about . You want God to bless you financially .
You got to put God at the top of the budget , meaning that , god , when you give to me , the first thing that I'll do before homes , cars , um , private school gym memberships is I'm going to give to you first . And so when we began to do that , we saw an anointing and the favor of God come upon us , because we're partnered with heaven .
And that will bring me to point number 10 is that we filled our hearts and minds with scripture Concerning financial stewardship and success , and I think there's a lot of people that struggle his money , her money , the marriage is going through financially , yeah , but nobody has committed to get into God's word .
And so what I did , from Genesis , the revelation is , i have studied every scripture about prosperity , wealth increase , stewardship , and what I've learned is that the Bible says more about finances than it does heaven , hell and salvation combined .
Wow .
God has a lot to say about how we manage our money And even what he did with the people , like how he made Abraham a wealthy man , and Solomon and David and And and Job . I mean there's just so many people and characters in the bible where you can learn Financial principles , but I think that we need to go through a season .
So I'm that kind of guy that I love , i like triage , and so if I have a problem in my marriage , i'm going to read 100 books on marriage until I get it right . Yeah , if I have problems in my finances , i'm going to read everything and go to every financial conference until I get it right .
I just feel like there are some people who they have financial struggles But they won't sow the seed of revelation into their heart to get into the bible and to they believe the bible more than the situation They have in their life .
And I think that if they could really put in that work to speak the word , meditate on the word , study the word , know the word , the word is so rich and it will change every situation . What do you think ?
I believe it , it's good .
Yeah , all right .
Anything else that you remember us doing to kind of get ourselves together , no , I just , i just remember that I think the best thing and you said this is just the teamwork . Like it was so refreshing for us when we found out that god Didn't want us to be poor , that he didn't want us to be in debt , that he wanted us to be happy .
It was just like that . He gave us the power to get wealth . That was like , so like music to our ears , and especially someone like me , born and raised in the projects , like you know , everyone that I knew didn't have money . We were all trying to struggle and you mean , like that's the good news of the gospel to me .
You mean , i don't have to struggle my whole life and you actually want to bless me . I mean so when we found that out , it spoke life to us . We kind of grabbed each other by the hand and say , hey , baby , we're on the same team , let's do this together . And I think that's why our finance , we got so blessed .
Yep , you can do this , people .
You can do this .
You can do this , okay , his grace is ultimately sufficient for you . It doesn't matter where you currently are . Right now , with the help of the lord , you do the natural . Believe him for the supernatural . You're going to get yourself out to the place where generational curses of poverty are broken And you can walk in the promises of our god .
We speak the blessing of the lord over you and your marriage . Don't you allow money to come in between your marriage . If you can walk in the spirit of agreement , there is a commanded blessing .
When husband and wife dwell together in unity And we just declare that it's yours , that god is going to give you witty ideas , inventions and great favor , his favor that goes before you even right now . Hey , if you enjoyed today's show , please let us know .
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