Grounded in Gratitude with Ken and Tabatha Claytor

She was telling me , you know , like what a blessing we've been to her life . And actually she was trying to bless us . But you know she was trying to . You know , just tell us what a blessing that we were to her . But really she was such a blessing to me yesterday . Oh , my goodness , so love you , shola .

The first two years was absolutely horrible , but now she got herself together and things are much better , praise God . So our podcast , of course , is a marriage relationship podcast first and foremost , but it's also a personal growth podcast and we're pumped that you're here for it , absolutely . We also pastor a church in Florida .

So if you're ever in Orlando , tampa , gainesville- come worship with us . man I know that you will .

I mean , there's just something about when families come together , and so that's probably what I enjoy about Thanksgiving the most .

And so my country part like is from West Virginia . You're from West Virginia , but you're a different . My country part is like redneck , west virginia and I say that , not derogatory but , as proudly okay um , and so the countryside of me like so we have and we didn't do this growing up or whatever , but I made this up .

We have a hoedown on thanksgiving day we have a hoedown .

But it's the kind of dance where we all get in a line .

I mean , we salsa , we merengue , we do all that kind of stuff because it's just . You know we can do that . But there's something about the Thanksgiving hold down .

Well , anyway , happy Thanksgiving everybody

. We pray you enjoy today . You have so much to be thankful for . Even if you have pain in your life , even if there's been loss in your life , even if it feels like you're in a storm , in the fire , the famine or the flood , just know there's more working for you than working against you .

I want you to know that there's a better day that is ahead , no matter where you are right now . We believe your best days are out in front of you and God is perfecting things that concern you . I dare you to go get some corny jokes .

I mean just Google some yo mama jokes or something , because laughter does good like medicine and you just need to know how to joy and have joy and also count your blessings . And ain't no day like Thanksgiving day to be grounded in gratitude and that's actually what we're talking about today . That's the title of today is grounded in gratitude .

And I've I've said this it's hard to be thankful . I mean it's hard to be depressed when you're thankful . It's hard to be offended when you're thankful . It's hard to be offended when you're thankful , and it's hard to be hurt when you're thankful . What do you think about that ?

But I believe sometimes we've over labeled depression nowadays and just when we get sad , we call it , we say that I'm depressed , and the truth is is that you just need to get super , super grateful and shift your focus . You've been focusing on what you don't have .

You've been focusing on what you've lost instead of focusing on all the good that is still in your life . And really , this is Thanksgiving to me .

For me , it's a time of celebration , but it's also a time of reflection and it's also a time where we get to build memorials , and so I love to use Thanksgiving as a season , not just this day , but a season where I look back and thank God for all of his goodness . I thank God that you're three and a half years cancer free .

I thank God for my children and their health . I thank God for a church that's growing . I thank God for the tons of testimonies we get , because it's easy to focus on .

I can give you a list of things that are painful in my life or some challenges that I'm having physically and all of those different things , but there's so much more that God has done and I just feel like you can build a memorial and you have to do this daily , like park yourself to reflect and be grounded in gratitude .

Keep on being thankful , keep on being grateful for the little things , that depression won't stay for long .

95% of the days I'm going to get up into my devotion time , I write five things that I'm thankful for , and I try to do it different every day . So I can't be the same five things , but this is how I start my day off , because I want to keep , I want to stay grounded in gratitude , and I think that's just very powerful .

I wanted to eat certain foods , so I went in there , got my lunch I'm coming back to the car and I came out and I just had this sense of , like , fresh air . I'm literally looking at the birds flying , walking to my car and just like hearing myself say thank you Lord , like just for breathing this fresh air .

I had this bag of groceries in my hand and I'm not taking it for granted that someone else can't go out and get those groceries , yeah , or can't get out of their house .

We've been through a lot of battles , whether it's been cancer , whether it's been a marriage that was headed for divorce , whether it be overcoming what the doctors would say was lupus or rheumatoid arthritis . Tons of fear , broken off , addictions and all these things .

What has been your life ? Summation of how to remain grateful and thankful in even the painful things , like you lost your father when you were six years old and you were abused , and all kinds of things that we've been through .

I just feel like sometimes we allow the circumstances of our life to dictate our joy level , so for me it takes like intentionality and choice . What has it been for you ?

You mentioned losing my dad at an early age , losing my grandmother , who was kind of like my mother , who raised me at an early age , and so there was a lot that I didn't have and I had to kind of learn on my own and into early adulthood .

But now , like I even gave the example like walking to the car part of the reason why I'm so grateful it's like , if I just look back to being a childhood and the environment that I came from , we didn't have a car . We had food stamps and government income . I couldn't get what I wanted to get . I actually bought some organic lettuce .

He's brought me out of darkness and into the light of Jesus Christ and I live my life now in the light . Now I don't remember the darkness to bring me down and make me depressed , but I remember it like oh thank you , Jesus , I'm not there any longer . I'm no longer bound , that's where I used to be .

Thank God for where I am now , and here's the testimony . And if you're where I used to be , he's bringing you out too . You won't be there for long . You just keep trusting in God . If he did it for me , he can do it for you , right ?

I don't know if you have any clues of how can you tell if a person's grateful , if they're going to be the kind of person that you get married five years into it they always point out everything that's wrong with you Ten years into it . They're negative , nancy . They're just . This person that's just . They take everything for granted .

You want to try to , even in business . You want to try to partner with somebody who doesn't take you for granted . If you are a person who's a part of a company , don't take your supervisor for granted . Don't take your boss for granted . If you're a supervisor , don't take your employees for granted .

Don't take the people that you get to worship with you if you're a part of the church for granted . Don't take your pastor for granted . I think to me that's what happens many times , to the demise of relationships is that we start to take the people that God has placed in our life to be a blessing in our life .

We begin to take them for granted and we , just you know it doesn't matter . What they do is the downfall of many relationships .

That means you have to die to it daily , because your flesh always wants to do what's ungodly and what's wrong , and so you got to walk by the spirit and you won't fulfill the lust of the flesh . My flesh , my unfallen nature , is a negative , nancy . I'm able to see what's wrong in myself and in others and I'm able to focus on that .

So I have to be very intentional , always to be encouraging , to be lighthearted , to be thankful , to be grateful , and that's why I journal every single day . I start my day off with what am I thankful for ?

I think there's characteristics also to gratefulness to the person who's grateful , because they will also walk in humility . You'll see some , you know humility there . You will see kindness there in their words , please , and thank you . Right and um , whether they open doors for people .

How are they , when you're just walking through the mall , um , and there's an elderly person that comes up , do they open a door , do they like ? How do they respond ? You know , instantly , in situations in traffic are they just ? You know , no , traffic's a big one , because that's a , it's a trigger for people . But really you know how do they respond .

They feel like , well , I can get that person saved and they do missionary dating and we have found that that doesn't work well at all , just hoping that somebody will come across in the relationship with God .

But what I was thinking about and why I brought this up , is like for me , I think the number one thing you should look for is relationship with God and then you guys having similar spiritual vision , because sometimes people can say they love Jesus but they're legalistic and they're narrow and they're hard to deal with .

So , almost like spiritual agreement , all right .

I think that sometimes people get in relationships because how much money they make or how my parents might feel about them , so forth and so on , but you don't even like hanging out together . So the secret sauce to our 25 years of marriage is that we genuinely are best friends and we enjoy . That doesn't mean we like everything .

We're very different people , but we enjoy one another . My third one would probably be what I got . What was number one ? A God , we got personality , and then I'm looking for character . I'm looking for character .

I'm looking for and that's why I stopped because I feel like we've said this in other podcasts when you start talking about humility and you start talking about , you know , servanthood and you start talking about these are the things like when we post certain clips on social media , it's amazing that the comment section is so revealing because you see people's character

, you see their worldview , like if a woman don't want to take care of her man and it's going to be like what he's going to do for me and they can only see through that . You've got to watch out for that .

Vice versa , with a man , you can just tell when he's just about him and he's treating his woman from a dominating kind of perspective , like he's using the help me from a wrong perspective , not understanding that he has a greater responsibility to love and serve and cover his wife . It's Christ loved the church you and cover his wife as Christ loved the church .

You know what I'm saying . And then number four to me would be attractiveness and looks . My point to all of this is that a lot of people put that as number one , and that is going to change .

But I think in our common dating culture it's about the booties , the legs , the boobs , the muscles , the six pack , what he looked like , his smile , so forth , and so on . It's important but it's not number one . The things that keep marriages lasting is going to be those . First , those other three things , and then number four is important too .

The sex is going to change over the years , the physical attraction and our looks are going to change over the years , but our choice has to remain the same . I choose to love this woman until death does us part . She chooses to love me . So healthy marriages that last .

The distance is the people who get up , and we intentionally choose each other , day after day , good seasons , bad seasons , even when we get on each other's nerves . But it is not built , our relationships are not built on something that's fleshy and fragile .

It's built on God's word , it's built on God number one , and those are the relationships to me that are really the best right there .

First , thessalonians 5 and 16 , it says rejoice always , pray without ceasing and in everything give thanks , for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you . You know . I love this because it says rejoice always , you know .

And so that means , like , no matter what season that you're in , figure out a way to celebrate and figure out a way to still give God praise , figure out a way to live in Jubilee . It says pray without ceasing , which we know . That's a dialogue with God , where you're always sensitive to the leading of his voice . And it says in everything , not for everything .

So we didn't give him thanks for cancer . We didn't give him thanks for the battle , but I'm giving him thanks in the battle and I'm giving him thanks in cancer and that's what helped us get overcome , overcome it .

. I think your mom is fighting cancer right now and she is such a like a blessing , a breath of fresh air every time we get a text from her , because it's filled with wonderful praise hands and prayer emojis and thank the Lord . You know , I made it to the doctor for another checkup on time .

And then after every checkup she says , oh , everything went great , I'm thanking God that my numbers were all good . And then , even if let's say she needs a transfusion or something like that , oh , thank God , I only needed a transfusion . Now I'm back on my way home , like there's something to be grateful for .

I've never seen a person go through some of the things that she's going through up close like this , before we are believing God for a miracle , and in the midst , before a miracle shows up , we're believing God for sustaining grace .

And I think that's what she's tapped into that even though she's in a dark place and her body is not fully , her healing hasn't fully manifested , she is filling her soul with praise and she's filling her mind and her heart with thanksgiving , because even in the midst of a pain , there's still a lot to be thankful about .

My mom is a great example of somebody who's grounded in gratitude , and if she did it , anybody can do it .

If you ever have this thought like maybe God's not good because somebody is going through something and you lost somebody , you're in a battle for your soul and don't even know it . And I think it's good , when you're in the middle of spiritual warfare , to call it out for what it is . Excuse me my nose .

You got to say hey , I'm under an attack right now because the goodness of God is not up for discussion . The goodness of God is not on the trial stand .

He's good even when there's things that I don't understand , and I think when you understand the goodness of God , it helps you find good things that are in your life so that you can remain grateful .

I mean , that's a good praise , you know , and it's good to give God glory for your new job , your new home and your new boo , but there's just something about a person that can give God praise in the darkest hour . You know it reminds me of Paul and Silas .

And while they were singing praises to God , there was a great earthquake that happened . The foundations of the prison shook and the prison doors fell open . And that was the power of their praise of like . Can you imagine being like ?

They're in prison , you know , and instead of being sad , afraid I mean , they could have , they probably experienced all of those things , but they chose . It was a choice to say no , god is good .

At midnight Midnight is actually the darkest time of night and so in the darkest moment when they were chained and when they was bound for simply doing what was right you know , many times you do what's right , and when you get what's bad , when you're doing what's right , it's almost like anger towards God . Like God , why would you ?

I've been fasting , I've been praying , I've been tithing , I've been going to church , and so when bad things happen to good people , it's not the time to abandon your faith . It's the time to abandon your faith , it's the time to give God praise in the darkest moments .

And I don't know any of the songs and I'm not a rapper , but the first verse of the song says I'm so good , it's like I'm spelling God with an extra O and I always . That song always comes to my mind to like no , god is good , god is good . You know what I mean . And this is the verse is so catchy to me .

Yeah , and just funny , like goodness comes from God , yeah .

It's not just in the morning , it's like throughout the day , driving in meetings , coming home , picking up your kids . It's this remembrance that this is the day that the Lord has made . And then it says I will rejoice and be glad in it . And so it's a matter of your will . And so your soul is made up of your mind , your will and your emotions .

The mind is your thinker , your emotions is your filler . Your will is your chooser . And when it comes to certain things in the kingdom of God , you just got to choose to do it , no matter if you don't feel it , no matter if you don't understand it . I'm going to set my will .

When it comes to this is the day that the Lord has made , I shall , I will rejoice and be glad in it . I'm setting my will that , no matter what I'm experiencing right now , I'm going to rejoice and I'm going to be glad in it , because God's given me another day I'm in the land of the living . If I'm not dead , god's not done .

The best is still ahead for me . That's a mentality , that's how we think , that's how we believe , that's how we prophesy , that's how we declare things .

It's like whatever you do , whatever you're doing , do it in the name of the Lord Jesus and giving thanks to God , the Father , through him . So you're working in a manhole . Give God praise that you got a job . You know what I'm saying . You're working on the side of the street picking up stuff . Give God praise that you have an assignment . You have legs .

You have arms . You run a business . You have arms . You run a business . You're a billionaire . Give God praise that you're in your right mind and that he's given you the ability to steward over the organization that God has entrusted to your care . You're married . You're a stay-at-home mom . Okay , give God praise for your children .

Whatever you do , do it in the name of the Lord .

But watch this what about the relationship that you have that somebody else doesn't have ? I guess what I'm saying is that there's just a way to like everything you do do it as unto the Lord .

So I don't want to just serve you like the way that I want to love you , the way that I want to serve you , the way that I want to encourage you , I want to do it as unto the Lord , meaning that it's not just for you . I'm doing it to glorify his name . I'm doing it for an eternal purpose . I'm doing it for an eternal purpose .

I want my father to be like well done thou , good and faithful servant . And so , the way that I want to lead our team and our staff , I want to love them and encourage them and build them up as unto the Lord . The way that I do everything , I want to do it as unto the Lord and give thanks to God as I'm doing it .

I mean , I came back last night from from from midweek and you know they had a youth meeting and I pull up in the garage soon . As I pull up . Thank you for for driving us . I get some food , okay . Thank you for the after dinner . Every , every time she eats , thank you for the food .

It really wasn't , but anyway , I would be like Kenny , you get to take out the trash for your family . This is our house . I made dinner . You put the bags in there because you know that we're going to fill it up with stuff and you're going to keep our house smelling fresh and you get to . This is your responsibility .

This is what you do for our family and you do it as unto the Lord . That makes Jesus happy . It's so elementary . But really , in everything that we do , whether it's , you know , putting gas , you have to stop . I remember . I thank God .

This is another thing to be thankful for that I have an electric car and I never have to go to the gas station , because I would be a grumpy Tabitha having to go to the gas station . You know what I mean . Oh , my gosh , I'm late to pick up the kids for school . Oh , I'm on E . Oh , my gosh , that's something .

But no , while you're going to the gas station , I am thankful that I have a car , that I can fill up gas . I have money to put gas in the tank . I'm going to do this as unto the Lord . Lord , thank you . I am stewarding my family well by doing this .

And then there's tax benefits . Right now , I think you get $7,500 back on certain things . I don't know that it could change over time . But there's tax benefits , there's all kinds of things that are really good about an electric car . But that's my little plug . I'm going to get one one day . I'm just be faithful over what I got my gas guzzler right now .

I'm just going to be faithful . Okay , yeah , but I appreciate when I get in your car . I've been driving it . You've been out of town for a couple of days .

And I think the reason that that story is amplified is because 10 got healed but one was crazy grateful and that one was grounded in gratitude and I can't remember exactly . Do you remember the story ? What happened to the one ? Was it like ? Now he's made whole . He wasn't just healed , he was made whole .

Well , probably in some situations , yeah , but some situations no . I guarantee you that all of us have been one of the nine that never came back .

I mean , I was just like oh .

The Lord shared , because I was praying a prayer , something like that , and the Lord showed me how , no , I still show up the same way . It's just back then that you appreciated it more . Back then you noticed when I showed up and you were grateful for the little things , because it was just the little things .

Now I'm accustomed to his blessings , I'm accustomed to all of his little things and I'm less likely to come back and say thank you .

I just , you know , if you talk to a child , they notice the little things , and it's just something about a person that can just remain childlike enough to just notice all of the little things and still be overwhelmed with joy because of them . I don't know , that's really good to me . I'm going to really meditate on that one .

I want to give like five keys of how to have a lifestyle of Thanksgiving and how to be grounded in gratitude . All right , number one is that you have to have an attitude of gratitude . You know , I believe that attitude is like everything I remember hearing years ago , 20 years ago . That attitude determines altitude .

As an employer , when I want to make a hire , I'm just looking for an attitude . You know . I want you to have competency , I want you to have character , I want you to have all the five C's , but I'm also looking just for your posture and your position . Are you going to bring like a heaviness to everything ?

Are you going to be doom and gloom , or do you have a perspective of life that you bring the right attitude ? And there's something about having an attitude of gratitude . Can you talk to me about that ?

We've had businesses and things like that and we've been employees , employers , for a while and sometimes you get an employee who will somehow , in the interview process , we miss the fact that they are ungrateful and their attitude is that they are defeated in the first place .

Well , I'm not even going to try , I'm never going to be able to do that , and it's like that is the most annoying thing to me ever , because if you think you can't , you won't , but if you think you can watch out , because even if you can't , god can for you , in you and through you , okay , and so attitude does , like you say , an attitude of gratitude .

Attitude determines your altitude , which determines how high you go in life , in your relationship with God , in your career , in everything you do . Your attitude is everything .

Yeah , I have a pet peeve towards the personality or the worldview , especially in the church context , where it's almost like you have the senior leaders and they're almost like the big brother , you know , like the ones who will .

you know how the church is , you know how the church people is like there's some ungodly organization you know doing something and it's just a pet peeve , like when you have senior leadership and you have somebody who's a CEO , or you have somebody ahead of something . You don't know the price that's been paid for them to have that office in that position .

You don't know the weight , you don't know the warfare , know the weight , you don't know the warfare . And so what you want to do is always be Aaron and hers , because many people who are in those positions are covering you , so you never have to experience the weight or the warfare that they do .

And so whenever I hear that , what it speaks to me of ungratitude you know what I'm saying you have a job and it's in , but you don't really , you don't really appreciate it . You have a position , but you don't really know what it costs to give you that delegated authority .

When I think of great sports people , there was a level of attitude that they have , even those who've been really good in the business world . There's a level of the right kind of attitude . You would be amazed what you could do , how high you could go if you had an attitude adjustment . And so we're talking about the attitude of gratitude .

Number two , the second key I would give you is this Keep a gratitude journal . Keep a gratitude journal and remind yourself of the blessing of God that is in your life . And so you can actually get a notebook , and this is what I do every single day . I write down . This is how I start off my prayer . These are the five things that I'm thankful for .

So you can do it like I do it . You can get yourself just a separate journal where you can just document the goodness of God in your life , document the good things that are in your life . There's something about writing down what you're grateful for .

But what I usually do is I have a , I have a journal , but then I also have like a day timer , like I just write my life in there and I just write like up in the corner . I'll write one , two , three . And just you know , it's as easy as that .

If you're grateful to God , you should be thanking God as a lifestyle , OK number four would be practice gratitude meditation , and this is a part of your quiet time where you can just sit back and just meditate on everything that God's done and meditate on the goodness of God . You know , joshua one nine talks about meditating about biblical meditation .

You know , eastern meditation . Is9 talks about meditating about biblical meditation . You know , eastern meditation is an emptying of your mind .

Biblical meditation is filling your mind with the thoughts of God , filling it with the Word of God , and there's just something about a person that sits around and meditates on the goodness of God , your history with God , the battles that have been won , the mountains that have been conquered . There's just something about that kind of gratitude meditation .

that . I usually do that at night before I go to bed . It's a time where sometimes I lay down in bed and there's so many thoughts swirling in my mind throughout the day . But I will pick one thing to be grateful on and then just think about it , go back and forth , you know , run it through my mind . Like last night I was grateful for my health .

Okay , through my mind , Like last night , I was grateful for my health . I had been traveling and I was just feeling like , uh , like I wasn't feeling my best . But instead of being like whatever , I said Lord , Lord , I thank you that you are my healer .

And then I started thinking about all the times that he's healed me in the past and I started seeing my body Like I imagined my cells being healthy and energized . I imagine my bones being strong and fortified . I just go back and that's how I fall asleep , thinking about the goodness of God .

Green saver that just says have you thanked God lately ? Put a sticky on the wall , are you grateful today ? Because if you're that person that you're kind of just stuck in negativity , just put some natural reminders on you around you , just reminding yourself . Don't be hard on yourself , just remind yourself .

You know what I need to take a five minute praise break . You know people take a smoke break . Take a praise break . Just step out for a minute in the middle of your job and take 60 seconds and just give God praise for all of the good things that are in your life . That's how you can be grounded in gratitude Grounded in gratitude .

Well , we're out of time for today , guys , I hope you enjoyed today's podcast . We really are thankful for you . If you don't believe that , just take it from us , from our mouth to your ear and to your heart , that we're thankful for this , being able to do life with you . Guys , this is really what our podcast is about . You know we don't know everything .

We're just going to share our life with you , our wins and our losses , and we're thankful that you are in for the journey . Bring some other people along with you . Make sure that you comment , like and share . I want to tell you about a giving opportunity . Okay , this is Thanksgiving .

Ok , this is Thanksgiving , but on December the 8th just in a week or two we are having a special giving celebration at our church called Super Sunday , and I know for some of you guys , you already are part of a church and you give towards your church .

Continue to do that , but I really believe that there are some of you all that are seriously generous people and you're looking for good ground to sow in . You know we have a vision here at our podcast to help a million couples have a better marriage .

We know that this is a tool that God can use to cause relationships , people that were headed for divorce , to be reconciled and even people who are single to be ready for that season of marriage when it comes and if it comes .

And so we want to begin to spread this podcast and we have some vision to be able to create some doing Life of Ken and Tabitha merch . We're going to be doing , some master classes we're going to be doing . We got a book that we're working on right now .

So stay tuned , because there's a lot of things that we want to do and we're only doing those things to add value to your life . And if you want to help us , one way that you could do it is by praying for us , but another way you could do it is by sowing a seed , if God leads you . And so we have a year-end giving celebration .

This has been our tradition for many , many years . We've done this for 24 years of our life . At the end of every year , we sow a sacrificial seed of faith where we believe God for his best . We never end our year in doubt and unbelief and worry . We want to end our year in faith , and Jesus is the reason for the Christmas season .

You know , as we step into December , many of us are going to be tempted to buy gifts for people that can't marry , that can't heal us , deliver us or save us . We just feel like the best and the first gift that we should give this Christmas season should be to Jesus .

And so in the first week of December , we have a year end offering , a kingdom expansion , offering a heart of the house , offering that we love , and it's called Super Sunday , and all we ask the people of our church and now for you all , as a podcast audience , is just pray . That's all we ask you to do .

We ask you just to take a moment right now and say , lord , what would you have me to give ? Can you do that Wherever you are ? Just say , lord , what would you have me to give ? And we just believe that , whatever God speaks to you now , whatever he speaks to you over the next week or the next several weeks , all we ask you to do is just obey him .

100% of everything that comes in as it relates to resources will help us change more lives and reach more people next year than we have on this year , and so , if that bears witness with you , all you have to do is go over to our website , mylifechurchorg .

Backslash give and then hit the drop down menu and where it says Super Sunday , you can just say I'm a part of the online campus , if that's an option , and hit Super Sunday and just know we will steward those resources in a way that will bring eternal impact into people's lives .

If you're new to our podcast , we release a new podcast every Thursday at 3 pm and we would love for you to you know . Kind of hit the subscribe button or the icon . If you are getting a podcast somewhere else , you can hit the follow button . We want you to be the first to get the podcast whenever it comes out .

And the word for there's somebody watching this today and you think that you're too old and your time has passed , but the word of the Lord is you're not too old , Believe God , you will have a baby , your womb is going to be fruitful , and so I just wanted to share that with someone .

think God is up to something good . Yeah , can we just declare that very quickly . We declare that over you , in the name of Jesus , that your body be healed .

All your reproductive organs of you , your husband , your wife , both of you guys together are working properly , and the fruit of the womb is his reward , and we pray and believe that it'd be within the next 12 months in . Jesus name and we've been getting a lot of stories about conception .

We've been getting a lot of stories about people who couldn't have babies and now they're having babies .