¶ Arguments and Reconciliation in Front of Kids
Hey , welcome to Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha . We are so pumped that you're tuning into this podcast . It has been designed for people just like you . We wanna do life with you , share our wins , our defeats , our ups and our downs , in hopes that you'll grow closer to God and to the people that you love in your life . Sit back and enjoy today's podcast .
Hey , what's up everybody ? Hey , everyone , Welcome to another episode of Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha . We are pumped to have you guys joining us on today , Wherever you are . Can you do us a favor ? Can you shout us out ?
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We call it Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha simply because we wanna share our good and our bad with you guys and hopefully you can learn some things of what to do and what not to do , specifically concerning marriage , relationships , but in everything that God gives us to talk about . But , sweetheart , I'm excited about the episode today .
Today we're doing question and answer .
These are so fun .
Yeah , cause every once in a while we'll put out just questions , and that's why you can use the email and we'll just say if you have a question that you would like to ask Ken or Tabitha , please send it in . And so our team has just handed me questions that I have not looked at . So we're gonna . I like these questions and answers just to be raw .
We don't do a lot of post editing around here . I just like to give you the rawest , the realest stuff that comes straight from our mind or from our heart or from our spirit that we possibly can , and that's what today is gonna be about , and so hopefully the questions aren't too ratchet praise .
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I guess we can , I guess , we can , but that ain't what I'm planning on doing . But if you're new to our podcast , hit the subscribe button so you can be the first to grab the content . We release a new show every Thursday at 3 pm . We have a live conference coming up second week of October . We hope you can join us here .
It is going to be life changing , and so drum roll , please . Here it is , guys . Do you have arguments in front of your kids ? If you do , now who should read the question ? Should it be me , or you Want me to read it ? I don't know Cause I like to read it , but you seem like you like to process more .
I do process more .
Uh-huh , so which one would you like you want to read it ? You want me to read it . I'll read it , just because All right .
Do you have arguments in front of your kids ? If you do , do you make up in front of them ? We are struggling with this .
Let's put the . We're gonna go through the question Put them here .
I knew you were going to take the questions .
Go ahead , you got something you want to say .
So , yes , we do have arguments in front of our kids , but I mean , we don't really have like heated arguments , you know . And sometimes we do have arguments in front of our kids . Yes , we're small and we resolve them , yes , in front of our kids Like we have disagreements .
I would say Okay , I was going to say because I , can you tell me of an argument we've had in front of our kids ?
I don't really feel like we have arguments . No , we don't . Disagreements .
Disagreements and I think it's important to note that so we don't do a lot of arguing . Over the last 20 years Maybe , I can maybe think of 10 times that it felt like intense arguing where we had to walk away .
And we would not go ahead . Go ahead , and we would not do intense arguing in front of the kids . We haven't done that . No , we've never done that . It's not appropriate . Yeah , we always walk away .
We always . There's no way you would do that . You would just shut down and just say , well , we're not going to talk about it , right ?
now . Let's talk about this later . Yeah .
So I don't know if they're talking about arguments , because I think there's a way to fight right . I think we did a whole segment on how to fight right and when you have some specific tools , things shouldn't go to the level where it's , like you know , argument . There can be a disagreement , but there's a way to talk about it .
But when it comes to disagreements , I don't know . I'm surprised you answered it that way . I don't really see us doing that a lot in front of the kids .
For example , you know one of our children . We're debating whether she's going to take her car to college or not . We disagree on that , but we talk about it in front of her and you know we've exchanged words in front of her of you know how we disagree and how our opinions differ .
I can't really think of a , you know , but there's just things that we disagree about If that's the example .
we do that all the time .
Yeah , all the time .
And even in ministry . A lot of people say well , how much do you talk in front of your kids about ministry ? All the time we don't use names of people , but our kids , we say our family's called the claders are called , so it doesn't just affect us , it affects the whole family , right ? And a lot of people ask us like well , how do you do it ?
Like , back in the day I heard that if you want to manage your life , you need to know when you're a father , when you're a pastor , and it's almost like when you come home you need to take the pastor hat off and what I like to do is just be that 24 seven . So I'm a father 24 seven . I'm a husband 24 seven . I'm a pastor 24 seven .
So we can be sitting around the kitchen table and we have a pastoral conversation . This is what's happening in church . Flip it over to being a father , have a husband conversation , because I'm always that .
Turn around have a disagreement between husband and wife , we handle it , we talk through it and resolve them like right in front of our kids .
Right , every disagreement doesn't have to escalate to a blowout . I don't know . This question makes me feel like because when they say do you argue in front of your kids ? If so , do you make up in front of them ? Because what you're talking about there's no need to make up .
Yeah , yeah , disagreement , because we differ on our opinions all the time .
So you think that she's 18 and she's going to ? We live in Florida . She's going to school in Oklahoma . I'm like she's 18 . If she want to try to drive , let her drive and I say absolutely not absolutely . Well , that's , that's a very strong absolutely .
When I'm telling you what you should do is say Husband , dear , covering of mine , why do you feel like it's okay ? So you've kind of taken a draw a line in the sand on that ? Why is that Uh ?
not totally . I'm just expressing to you how I feel about it . Like I want you to know , I absolutely think that she should not do that .
Okay , do you want to discuss why that is ? This will get us off our Q&A for today , but why is that ?
Um no , I would rather go to Q&A .
Okay , all right , number
¶ Teen Suicide Prevention and Relationship Abuse
two . The second question is this how can I help my teenager through thoughts of suicide ? She currently is not a believer , but I do not want her to keep struggling like I once did . How can I help my teenager through thoughts of suicide ?
as a parent , you have much more power than what you know . Don't underestimate your power of a parent as far as Praying for them , speaking the word of God over them , fasting and praying , petitioning God , breaking out the anointing oil , anointing the doors and windows of your home , anoint your you know , the , the bedroom of your child like .
Pray over them and they might not need . Since she's not a believer , does this say she's not a believer ?
She is currently not a believer , she's not a believer .
Since she's not a believer , you might not even . She doesn't even have to know that you're doing this , but you mother or father , I don't know who was saying this you go to war , you go into straight spiritual warfare mode , and those techniques are Powerful . So I think that's number one . Number two is , of course , professional help . Maybe you know tea .
All you kid like , going off of the word of God . Yeah you know you might not believe , but this is what I believe .
Yeah , there's a couple things that jump out to me with this question . I believe you need to lead her to Jesus , and I don't know what kind of personality this teenager has if they're rebellious or they reject .
But I believe as parents , if we start introducing our kids to Jesus at a very early age , they'll get saved before they get into those rebellious rejection years , and then we'll have a spiritual platform that we can build on . Amen now , let's just assume that you've told her about Jesus and she's like no , I don't want anything to do .
Then what you're saying is very , very true . Then my second thing is where you have to pray for the eyes of her understanding to be opened . But when you say thoughts of suicide um , thoughts is Common because Satan is a thought thrower and so I can have lustful thoughts . That doesn't mean that I'm a lustful person .
That means I have to bring every thought into the obedience of Christ . I can have angry thoughts or murderous thoughts . Where are they coming from ? From the thought thrower , who is Satan himself , and I have to grab hold of those thoughts and make them obey Christ Jesus . But if the person is not saved , they're not going to be able to do that .
So that does concern me that she's having thoughts of suicide . So , beyond prayer , counseling is much needed . You have to get her in front of a psychologist or psych Psychiatrist , the way she can really talk about those things and they will be able to put some natural . So you have the natural and you also have the spiritual .
But my wording of encouragement to you would just be don't get down .
Actually , we see thoughts of suicide in the teenage generation right now on the rise , because Satan is telling them they're not good enough and the this information age has an atmosphere where the spirit of Suicide is trying its best to lie and we're gonna cut it off at the root in the name of Jesus , as parents and cover these , cover these kids Absolutely .
Somebody wrote in and said I saw your video about not having thoughts of changing your spouse but just praying to understand him . This is a woman . My husband is mentally and physically abusive . Can you give any advice on how I should handle this ? You remember that video ? I do release the video where I asked you a question .
I said , hey , babe , what , what thoughts ? What , um ? What about me ? Would you like to change ? And he was like there's nothing about you , I want to change . When I go to God , I pray about him changing me more than God changed my husband , yeah . And so this person is writing in , said I've seen that video , but my husband's mentally and physically abusive .
Yeah , that that was not . That's not in . I wouldn't apply that video to this question because you are not abusive to me or in any way and I know that you have a relationship with God and you are actively seeking God to make you better and better each day a better father , a better husband , all of that and so that response doesn't apply to this question .
My response to this question is my husband is mentally and physically abusive and I would say that if you don't already have professional help , get it . And I would say you know , physically abusive , that's dangerous .
Get to a safe place . Get to a safe place . We always tell people and you can just tell other people you know who are in abusive situations that if you are abused , leave and get to a safe place .
Yeah .
And then seek counsel about what your next move is going to be Go to someone . Some of your next moves will be never go back . Some of your next moves might be go back with parameters and boundaries and counseling .
But if you are in an abusive situation , leave and get to a safe place , and can I just say this very quickly Now I grew up in a domestically violent situation where it was so bad , the domestic violence was so bad , and so I've done a lot of research over the years on domestic violence .
Most of the time , a man who is physically abusive only escalates in this abuse if he doesn't get helped . And so I'm saying that not to you know , go against your faith or anything that's for you to me to say you need to get physical , professional help , you and him .
Yeah , I think that's important to say , because sometimes we talk a lot about believing for your spouse taking authority spiritually .
Those are scripture and first Peter that says a man can be one by the lifestyle of his wife yes , and all of those principles are good , but when you bring in abuse , that's a we got to go in a different direction with our ministry , and our ministry wisdom to you would be get to a safe place .
You can't sit there and get beaten talking about your believing God for something . I would say get to a safe place , then figure out what you're going to believe .
God for the next multiple . The multitude of counselors is what you need .
The next question says my husband does not submit himself to God . He is not a godly leader . Am I still supposed to submit to him ? Like those questions , they must have called each other and been like , hey , what you about to ask .
No , I don't know . I question that like it kind of okay . I feel like sometimes , if , if I don't , what does that mean ? Not a godly leader , though it does , that that doesn't mean that he's beaten you . That doesn't mean that you know he's a bad person . It means that he might not go to church or he just like , what does that mean ?
And what is submitting to him mean , Like he just wants you to cook dinner or he just doesn't want to do this . Like what does this submit thing mean ?
That's why these questions are tricky because there's no dialogue I need . I got questions about the questions I got to dive in more .
The last one I get no , every question .
I got questions about every question , but go ahead .
No , this one I'm a little suspect as to you know . Why are you asking that ? Do I still need to submit to him ?
Can I make some assumptions ? Let me put myself in her shoes , bicariously . My husband does not submit himself to God , so he doesn't come to church . He believes in a God , but he's not living for him . He's not a godly leader . Okay , that means that he's just not reading his Bible , he's not coming to church . I'm going to assume that the guy's not abusive .
I'm going to assume that he's not really cheating and sleeping around . He just ain't a godly dude . Okay , am I still supposed to submit to him ?
Um , I have a question .
Oh , I got a simple answer , but go ahead .
My question is what is , what is he ? Is he asking you to do my quest ? My answer is yes , unless he's asking you to do something that's ungodly .
That's the answer . All right , that you submit to him as unto the Lord , unless he's asking you to do something that is unbiblical , ungodly and wrong . You submit to him as unto the Lord , meaning that I'm going to submit as unto the Lord and I'm going to believe God gets in control of his heart .
For you , dear heart , I would go back to first Peter , chapter five , I think it's five or three . It says that a husband can be one by the lifestyle of his woman .
So , woman of God , you have more power than what you know , and I've seen a guy being ungodly guy for 10 years but his woman come to church for 10 years and believe , and then she won them , and so that's how much power you have . I can't say when , but I would say , yeah , that's the way to go .
Another person wrote in and they said is it bad to want a man that makes a certain amount of money ? I wish to God that she made more money when I was .
I don't think it's bad , but I think you have to be careful . You know like . I don't think it's bad to you know like .
Once again , this is a question that , if you were in the room with us , I would be like well , how ?
much do you need to make ?
Yeah , Are you saying that he needs to make 150 and if he don't make 150,000 a year , you don't even consider him , because I know guys who would be great husbands and fathers to make $40,000 a year , and that's just . That's just where they are .
It's rather , instead of saying a certain amount of money , say I did . You know , I want someone who paid , who can pay all their bills , who has a job you know what I mean A secure job , who has a savings account . You know all his needs are met , like those kinds of things . Not like you know I need a millionaire , because that's probably not you know .
I would say that it's okay to believe God for someone who has money , but don't make it a standard . Like every person who comes to the door . I'm trying to figure out how much you make . And if you don't make this certain amount , I don't care if you are sent from God himself . If you make this certain amount , you're disqualified . So I'm going to believe .
I would believe if I was single . I would say God , send me somebody who makes this much money and does this and does that . But then I plan . But it's God that directs my path , so I would hold that loosely .
Yeah .
Looser .
Yeah , I mean .
You don't like that one .
I mean , I get it . You want somebody who is secure , you know , like who can handle their business . At the same time , my question is what is your motive in asking for someone who makes , who is a millionaire , Like ? I don't know if the you know and I can't judge , so you're looking at her like she's asking for someone who has a lot of money . Yeah .
Let's assume that she's just got a standard . I think let's say it's 95,000 a year and to me I'll take it like is it okay to ?
each his own , because $95,000 is a lot to some people and not a lot to others . So that's what I mean . Like , the money thing is like okay , let's not , you know , try to , okay , let's not put a monetary value . I mean cuz I .
Feel like what you're saying in the reason that you're taking a while is because that just shouldn't be at the top of your priorities . Yeah , like character , integrity , love for God , communication . Silverie , hey , treat you , respect , kindness . I mean the money piece is important , but like .
It's important . You know what I mean . Like I you know move on .
I think I said enough on that one you just gotta pay your bills .
Have a savings account , please , and own a home and oh man , I don't know about that one .
I'm attracted to their mind , but not them physically . Can the attraction grow over time ?
red flag . Red flag . Red flag .
I'm attracted to their mind , but not them . Can the attraction grow over time ?
I mean it could , I Don't know you're taking too long with this one . No , you ask , you answer no .
Like if you're not attracted to them physically , move on .
Yeah , I know .
¶ Dating and Relationship Advice
We counsel way too many people that I yeah , I married him . I was never attracted to him , I was never attracted to her , but this , this , that nothing . We met and people hooked us up . Why are you married them then ? Like , listen , part of your whole Relationship is like we want to be attracted to . We have way too much fun in the category .
Imagine not being attracted ? Yeah , I'm looking at you and I'm like she a dog . She's the wife . You know that's crazy . Like what are you talking about ?
you married somebody fun of being married .
I'm attracted to you , girl . That's not even carnal , that's just like for real . You are so like I'm , just I've been doing this too long . No , you need to be attracted to you know what ?
I was starting to think about . I was thinking about , like you know , people when they're married , before they're married , they have a list and it's like you got to meet these certain things on your list . And so I was thinking of , I was thinking that they don't meet what's on your list .
Not that you're not attracted to them , that's a whole different thing like , yeah , attracted yeah , it's like you can have a list and this person doesn't meet your list . Uh-huh , but they still attract , but they're still attractive .
There's things about them that are attractive . Now , if you're saying that you're not attracted to this person at all , this is not the one for you . Friend zone , friend zone , friend zone , friend zone yeah right . What happens when they want to keep you on the down low and they don't want to tell people about you ? Should I be offended ?
These questions are too easy . No , this is a person who's single . I'm sure that it would make no sense if this was a husband and wife . Please , babe . This is a no , what happens when they want to keep you on the down low and they don't want to tell people about you because they , I guess ?
I was thinking of husband and wife . I'd be like whoa , okay , yes , you should be offended and no , don't be with them . They should be . If they like you , like that , they're proud about it . They want to introduce you to their family , their friends , everyone .
If they're not introducing you , they probably have something to hide , or or some other person that you know you might be a side chick .
Yeah , this one is just . These last two are so easy . For me it's like find somebody else . I mean , I'm being honest with you because if a person , let me just tell you as a man , when I found somebody like Tabitha that I wanted to marry , I wanted everybody to know . It was like a trophy , like I made it .
You know I'm saying I got somebody that I like it's pretty , that's beautiful a man we want to show you off . And if that man doesn't want to show you off , it's not because you're not Worthy of being shown off in somebody else's eyes , he just don't see you don't see you like that . And if he don't see who you are , that it . And it's vice versa .
If she don't see who you are , well then you really deserve somebody else . But this whole download thing , that's cool for like College and booty calls and stuff like that , but it is not cool and I don't believe that believers just should be dating just to date . You know , I love my daughter , my oldest daughter .
I would always ask her hey , when , when do you feel like you want to maybe be interested in a boy or go to a movie ? Just tell me . If you ever start liking somebody at school , I would ask her that at 15 , 16 , 17 because I didn't put a parameter and say , hey , you got a at this age is when you can date .
I mean , just talk to me , let's keep it a fluid conversation . And she told me early on I don't want to date anybody till I get to college . And I said why ? She was like because everybody in high school Is just playing around and I don't have time to play . She was like I want to date .
That's my girl .
I want to date for marriage . So if I'm dating you it's because I think we could become something man . If people could hear that like I ain't got time to just be going out to dinner , I mean I thank God for the free meal , but really , like I don't think we should just date just to have a good time .
If we know that this person , I'm not attracted to him , I want nothing to do with him , but since I got free time right now , let me hang out with him and kind of lead him or her on , and so for me that's the epitome of secular dating . Like I really don't , and I did this to women all the time .
I'm not happy about it , but before we got married , when I was in the world , I would date girls because one could cook , but I wasn't really attracted to it . One had a car that I needed to drive sometimes .
The other one had an apartment that was kind of cool if my boys needed to crash there , I mean I would date women for all these various reasons and would never think about marrying any of them and I was just using them for that time . I know it's wrong . I know it's wrong , don't y'all don't get mad at me .
I'm this , I've been married for 24 years and I love yeah , I remember when I met you and there was , there was a group of girls that would just hang around you and all them girls Disappeared when you showed up and I serious with you and they all said , well , no , we're just friends , we're just friends .
No , they wanted more than that , right , but I could keep friends around me , you know . But I'm just saying that no man , you deserve man or woman of God for somebody to show you all .
Come on .
There's no such thing as on the down low , no number nine . What is the difference between having taste and having standards , and my two picky ? What's the difference between having taste ? Well , we would need you in the studio to ask you questions , cuz I got Like I don't know . You tell me , are you too picky ?
Was it ? Is it like taste-meaning preference , like I like this and I like that ? Standards meaning like , yeah , okay , the standard is you must have a good job , you must have it . You know what I mean . And taste is like your hair is red or blonde or black , I prefer one of those . You know what I mean a little bit .
Yeah , this is way too subjective . I mean , what is having taste and having standards , Cuz you should have both . Yeah , so the wisdom will tell you what's too much in . Holy Spirit is gonna help you with that . I cannot really tell you what this is . This is tasteful , or ? not tasteful and this is your standard or not your standard .
But yeah , there's some people that are too picky and then there's some people that ain't picky enough . Where you happen to be , I don't know . Gotta help you do ? You need to know the vision of your life before you start dating . What do you do if your visions do not align ?
Yes , I don't know what do you say ?
What do I say ? I Say the people who think they know the vision for their life is crazy , because you have an inkling of what you think God's called you to do and where you're going , but he has this way of changing that and man plans but it's God that directs their path .
So the people who's like I just need to know what I'm called to do , I just need to know what my vision is for 30 years . I am nowhere near .
If you were to ask the 21 year old me or the 23 year old me , or even a 25 year old me , if I would be in Orlando not Gainesville Orlando , not Washington DC , orlando Pastoring a church , there is no possible way that I could have came up with that vision of that plan . I'm not saying that not having vision is important .
Of course you want to know , do you have a vision of your calling in your career and what direction you're talking about ? But I'm just saying I hear so many people . It's like they almost feel like anxious because they just don't know where they're gonna be in 10 years and where they're gonna be in 20 years .
And we're gonna be , I'm gonna be in a perfect will of God .
I don't know I hope it's Orlando .
if you ask me , I don't want to move again . I'm standing Orlando , I'm gonna be right here , but at the same time my life is not my own and I'm gonna .
God directs his path .
But I understand , let's flip it around . We all need vision , yeah , so if you were to ask me , do I have a 20 year plan
¶ Navigating Vision and Attraction
? I do at the same time . So I'm 45 and I know right around 62 or 63 , I want to start to turn this church over and I want to become more of a pastor , of pastors teaching in our leadership school . I don't want to be in the day-to-day operation .
So over the next 18 years , I'm simply identifying other pastors and campus pastors and I'm equipping the next generation . And so for me , when I talk to my financial advisor , he said when you want to retire about I'm giving them dates . I'm telling this is what I want my succession plan to look like .
So I do have a vision , but at the same time , I'm like , okay , whatever God , whatever you want , lord , mm-hmm , it's your life , I'm just . I'm just , I'm just Children but .
But so it's good to have a vision , you know it's good to have a plan , but just know that God is going to . I mean , it might be yellow , it might be blue , he might take you to this point and this point and then you reach that point like God is going to direct your path .
But the latter part of the question , that says what if our visions don't line up , that's where I have a problem talk to me because if you want to , you know maybe you want kids and you want to , you know , be in church and you want to do all of these things . But maybe he says , well , no , I don't have a plan to have kids .
That's a major problem right . And so I think the vision should line up somehow .
There are some parts of your vision that is it doesn't matter if it doesn't line up . But then there's other parts of your vision and calling that must line right , and the Holy Spirit and the wisdom of God will Tell you the difference between the two .
You know , if it's like , hey , I want to live in a popka versus I want to live in Kasemi , big deal , pick one that don't have to line up , right , do I want to serve God versus not serving God ? He's the lineup . You know what I mean . So , last but not least , here's one more for today . I'm married , but I have someone at work I'm attracted to .
I can't seem to get away from it . Should I quit ? What should I do ? Boy , I'm glad you were the last question , that's a quick quit .
That's what you said like Joseph did , flee .
Yeah , wow , I like that question because I don't think people are honest when they are attracted to somebody . And I like your question because you are self-aware enough , yep , to say I'm attracted to somebody and I need to do something as crazy enough as quit my job . Yeah , bravo to you , for real bravo to you absolutely guys .
That's better than being there and being like I'm attracted to somebody and they're getting close and I'm getting close and I ain't said nothing to nobody and I would never leave this job , and so I don't know , do you think it's a problem being attracted to other people ?
I don't think it's a problem . Yes and no , I'm thinking about myself and there's I'm not attracted to other people . I mean , like I'm attracted to other people , there's a line that you cross . No , just play . Do you know what I mean ? Like I feel like attraction is a different thing . Like if I can find you attractive , but I'm not attracted to you .
Do you know what I mean ? When you become attracted to a person , then that is a problem .
Okay , so that was a great , you did a great job on . There's a different definition so you can be find someone attractive , but that doesn't mean that I'm going to . It's kind of act on that attraction . So I see women because I'm not blind that are attractive , but I'm not attracted .
Attraction is that pool , that magnetic kind of like you know , like you feel you know an attraction there . That's what that's , what it's like .
Is that how you define it ? I don't define it that way . I define it as this person's attractive .
No , that's just , you find it in a person attractive .
But if you are attracted to someone , so there's no problem with finding someone attractive .
So we find other people attractive .
I want to know who I want to know .
What tons ? Everybody . I mean there's attractive people , jose's attractive , jose's not attractive , I don't know . Jessica outside the door is attractive . I mean there's handsome , beautiful men and women .
Okay , all right , what I'm saying . Listen , there's attractive people everywhere , right ? But what you're saying is that when you say , are you attracted to someone where you're almost having to leave your job and you're married or you're in a relationship , that's not good because you're saying there's something that's being pulled towards you .
Yes , and honestly , you kind of want to lean into it and that's why he's saying do I need to leave my job , he or she ? If you're married , do I need to leave my job and you cannot stop the attraction ?
Yes , I think you said that from the beginning , like if you are married , the most important thing in my life is God , my marriage , then my kids , then my work , and work is my fourth priority . I can find another job , but I'm not trying to find another tablet .
Listen , I would flee , like Joseph . I would say God , you know , this is what's going on and I will not . I don't want to be here attracted to this person . If this is what you want to do , open up other doors of opportunity . I'm looking for a better pay , better position .
I'm looking for a better job and I believe God's going to honor that , because this is my commitment .
But do you feel like the believer , if they do have that kind of attraction , should be able to discipline it , do you ? Feel like you should be able to be like I'm married , I'm not attractive to you where I'm going to fall into sin . So then I don't have to leave my job .
I do believe that . However , if you know that's your weakness and you feel like you , I don't know it's like for me .
Cause basically you're saying that this woman is just being real . Yes , or he or she .
They are being real .
They're being real , like I'm attracted to this person .
That's like for me , like I have a problem . I had a problem with alcohol , right , I don't , I'm never going to drink alcohol again . I had problems with it , family history , everything with alcoholism , and so for me it's like if I'm around , you know , that would be a red flag for me , like , okay , this , I really feel like I want to have a drink .
No , I'm good , I'm just going to flee from it , because I know my history and I know that that's just something that I don't play with now .
If this , if I'm one of those people where I have a history of maybe lust , pornography , maybe I've had an affair before , maybe you know , like , just whatever I know , I'm not in control of my flesh like that I'm going to flee .
So if you're in an environment work environment , church environment you're attractive to a person and you feel yourself being attracted , If you feel like you can discipline yourself , cast those thoughts down , you feel like that person's not trying to come on to you and this is just something that you're dealing with .
That will probably go away in a two or three weeks . Maybe you don't have to leave your job . But if you know yourself enough to know that , no , I'm going to go back to drinking on this one . No , I'm probably going to slip a number . No , I'm probably going to be meeting somebody somewhere , oh yeah , go get another job .
And tell on yourself .
Tell on yourself . Confide in someone , yeah .
That'll take it away real fast . Do you think they should tell ?
their spouse . It depends on the kind of relationship you have .
It depends on your relationship If you have a mature .
I would hope that we would have the kind of relationship where I can say I'm attractive to somebody and you wouldn't beat me over like I've sinned . Because the reason I'm telling you that is so that I wouldn't sin . But that would be a hard one .
I think that would be a hard one for you , if you come to me , or if I came to you and said , baby , I'm this problem attracted to somebody , it's gonna hurt .
I don't feel good .
It's going to hurt . Okay , and so .
Well , maybe not start with the spouse . I mean , maybe start with a pastor , spiritual leader , mentor , small group leader , somebody like that . But I do believe that when you tell on sin , the sting of it goes away .
So when you're bottling up sin and you got like a pornography issue or something that you got going on and you don't tell anybody , sin is more tempting . But whenever you tell on yourself hey , this is the problem I got it's almost like the sting of the sin or the temptation of the sin decreases just because somebody else is in the know .
If you have the kind of relationship where you can tell your spouse , that might would even kill it . If it's like it just depends on how strong it is . If you're saying like I'm attracted to this person because I'm not attracted to you and I would like to leave you , that's really hurtful .
If you're saying like there's a swimsuit model that just got in my cubicle with me , like I don't know what to do To me , I'd be like babe .
You can have your wife come meet me at work for lunch . You know what I mean .
Like I work with Miss Universe . Babe . I don't know , you know what I'm saying . I don't think you would take that person . You can be like yo . I'm attracted to you , I'm just playing with y'all . But anyway , I think we're out of time today . This is- .
I appreciate those questions , though they're good Good questions .
Y'all keep them coming . We love to hear from you . We really do . This is real and we want real , raw questions . We do not care . We will try our best to answer what we can . Take the meat , leave the bones . That's what you do with anybody who's answering questions , because only God can speak to you about what you need .
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Rock paper , scissors .