¶ Five Qualities to Look for in a Wife
I'm pumped about our segment today . Sweetheart , what about you ? Feel good about it ? I feel good about it Now . This week , we want to talk about five qualities to look for in a wife . But this is not just towards men .
Today , for those of you all who are young men , or men altogether , and you're looking to be married again one day , we're going to give you some attributes of what to look for before you say I do . But this is not just for men , this is also for ladies , because we're going to teach you the attributes that you want so that man can find you right .
Many people are asking God , god , send me my Boaz , but you ain't ready if he shows up . And today we want to help you have the right attributes . So , as I was preparing this , I was in an Uber and I was going over to a barbershop and I love my barbershop . Big shout out to all my barber friends and I love my barbershop .
Big shout out to all my barber friends .
And I was just telling them hey , I'm about to do this podcast called Five Things that A man Needs To Look For In A Wife and Five Things A Wife Needs To Attribute Qualities To Look For In A Husband and I asked them and they were single men and I just said hey guys , what are the qualities that you look for in a wife ? I'm doing a podcast .
Help me , help other men .
I want to know .
Okay , and they said I'm looking for someone who is not going to beat me down at the end of the day , someone that's going to be my cheerleader , I think they used that word . Yeah , I'm going to look for someone who's going to build me up . Yeah , I think they used that word . I'm looking for somebody that won't kick me when I'm down .
Yeah , other guy jumped in . He says man , we're simple creatures . I don't need a lot of fanciness , I just need to know that you kind of have my back . I need to know that , you know you're going to be there for me , I need to know . And then they begin to get over into other stuff , like , well , okay , she needs to look good too . They said that .
And then they said and she needs to be like loyal , like dependable , like faithful , you know . And so I said , okay , that's interesting , kind of stopped it right there and then I interject what about her love for God ?
And they was like oh , yeah , yeah , yeah she got a love for God and I don't know .
They just agreed with that because pastor was there and it dawned on me that there's many men that they don't understand how important that is .
I mean , I'm telling you , if she looks good and she's good in bed , or she has money , or she looks like a cover model , they will forego all of these other attributes that you need for a successful family life and marriage just because of what they see .
Listen , I do not believe Hold that just one second that that David really considered the cost of Bathsheba Bathsheba's taking a bath or whatever she's doing , and she was probably fine , but he didn't stop for a second to not allow what he saw to mess up who he was . And there's this temptation with men that they can be lured away by that which is visual .
But what I've learned about marriage is that that which is attractive today won't be as attractive as in 35 years because physically we're all changing .
I see some actors and actresses from back in the day , not to name names , but just to say I mean , if you go back to old school movies 85 and the people that was hot there and now you look and they're like 65 and 75 , they won't even come out in public because they have changed so much and their whole identity has been based around what they look like .
Now , if you get married and you got married just because of what she looks like , not knowing that she's going to change and he's going to change well then your marriage is going to be very short-sighted because it's very , very shallow . But what were you going to say ?
I was going to say , you know , when it comes to men finding a wife , I don't know if men realize that they have to protect themselves in that dating season , talk about it and protect themselves when it comes to finding a wife , and not allowing someone to come and touch their emotions and , you know , kind of touch them in a way that will make them respond ,
you know , in an ungodly way or anything like that , meaning that I think that men and women alike underestimate the power of a woman . I think women are very powerful . I think women are more influential than men . I think , when it comes to women and a man in a relationship , I think
¶ Don't Be Blinded by Beauty
that woman , she can turn that man's head whatever direction . I think , yes , he is the head , but I really you know the Bible in the marriage , the husband is the head in the marriage , which means the woman is going to submit to the leadership of him .
Yes , we submit to each other , but in the total scheme of things , if there was a president and a vice president , he would be the president and she would be the vice president . Right Girl , you own it today Go ahead .
But anyway , as a wife , we can turn that head , whichever we are , so influential you are and so I think that men underestimate that power of a woman , even in the dating season , in that you have to protect yourself and guard yourself when you're allowing women to come in and touch your emotions , because you can be blinded by her body , you can be blinded by
her beauty and even , like we can say 10 words to your one word , you know we can get into an argument and we are .
Is that why I can't talk on the podcast ? No , I'm just playing , you know you know that .
Y'all know he be talking . Anyway , we can be wrong and I'll speak to I mean because I mean .
I've been married .
I can be totally wrong in a conversation and if I wanted to , I can turn it around and make you say you're sorry , and I say that because when men are dating and in this relationship , one of the things you want to look for is you got to know , like , who you're working with .
Now , if you get married to someone because we were talking about putting God first like a woman who one of the characters , she just has to love God you better make sure this woman is submitted to God , because if she's not submitted to God , she's sure enough ain't going to submit to you , and when you get married it's going to be crazy .
You won't have a word . You know , like we can go there if we're not submitted to God .
Yeah , so I would write in my notes don't be blinded by her beauty . Yeah , Because a lot of people are blinded by the beauty . Yeah , and when I look at Samson and my God , I mean don't let her cut your hair . What in the world ? You ain't got no eyes . You're throwing down pillows .
Everyone would agree . Samson , what are you doing ? Don't tell her . Why would you ?
tell her that I mean Bathsheba , blinded by her beauty . Come on Again and again and again . We can see that men are blinded by the beauty , and so that is a great warning to a man of God . Don't be blinded by the beauty , because we need something a little deeper than what you look like on the outside .
And so you know , honestly , I was so gullible that you were so beautiful to me that you could have turned up being a ratchet mess .
You really could have been .
I thank god for the grace and the mercy of god .
I think I was kind of a ratchet mess emotionally , but I got it together .
I thank god that he protected me because I was so blind . Oh my god I'm telling you .
But we could have if we had a private conversation . We could start naming off people and be like they were blonde and they were blonde , I mean because , it's not cool at all , but you know , I don't know . But on the other hand , that godly woman , when you find that woman is submitted to God , you found a good one .
It almost felt and I can't say for sure , but it felt like they had been in relationships where the woman was just beating them down , just beating them down and just beating them down . And now all they could say is hey . When I say hey , guys , what are you looking for in a woman ?
Somebody that's going to build me up , Somebody that's going to love me , Somebody that's going to encourage me , Somebody that's going to believe the best in me . Is that a woman thing , or is that just a sinful ?
thing it is . If you were to listen to secular music and the way women talk about men and men talk about women .
If you were to watch reality TV shows and what's going on and I don't listen to none of that and I don't watch any of that , so feel me in .
And what's going on . I mean , a commercial comes on and it's a 30-second commercial and you're like dang , you know . But if you were to , you know tune into what's going on out there . Yes , men are getting beat down , you know , by words , and it's not fair . And I think you know we're talking about men today . I mean it goes back and forth .
But yeah , that's what men are tired of and as a wife , it's not our job to beat our men down . The world does that , can we just ?
talk about that for a minute , Because I'm going to get into these five qualities but , there's something that's ringing out to me in the spirit right now .
¶ The Power of a Woman's Influence
I've even noticed , like on our podcast , if I do something that's a little manly , or if I do something that might not be , as you know , you're bubbly , so forth , and so on , I'll have a tone from some women that almost feels like , well see , he should just be lucky to have her . It's almost this thing . Can you speak to that for a moment ?
Because it's almost like there are some women who've lost the honor just for the office of a man .
You don't understand a man .
You don't know how he's wired and you actually are sick of man , but God made him that way . That means that you're sick of God's creation . And the problem is not that the man's being a man . It's your perspective and I know that you might've been hurt . I know that you might've been . God my heart goes out to you .
But , if you don't understand to honor men for being men , like one thing that I teach my son . Like he don't . He don't yell at this woman , he don't disrespect this woman . This brother , 12 years years old and got it . The other night I came down she's trying to help him with homework and he's carrying her . She's doing his homework , doing it with him .
You ain't in the 8th grade , you're in the 7th grade . Listen . One more time I said no more warnings . I come down the next time and he's doing this Get up , go in here , because I'm not playing that . You don't disrespect this woman . I teach that boy to respect a woman , open up doors for women , treat them with kindness , so forth and so on .
But I think some of it needs to go from women to men .
Treat them with honor , build them up , pray for him .
Well , like you said , that's what I do to our daughters . You know what I mean . Like , okay , go ask daddy if he wants some tea . You came in the room , sat down on the couch with a drink . Did you ask daddy if he would like a drink ? I mean just honoring you .
I'm always teaching them to honor you , but I think women respond that way and it's really sad because they have had that . Probably they've been let down , and maybe some women have never even seen a real man . I will speak for myself . My dad died when I was six years old .
Every man in my life that was either abusive , beat me , sexually , abused me , called me all kinds of names . I got into my very first relationship . I got my spit in my face , hands around my neck , and so the image of a man was very , very low for me . And my expectation of how well was the even to be treated by a man was very , very low .
So I didn't have the yeah , and there's so many women out there like that , and so when they respond like that , it's worldly and it's not the right thing and it's totally wrong . But , baby girl , I understand .
They've been triggered .
Yeah , you've been triggered , it's not .
Okay , it's not an excuse , but you have to know , yeah , it's not an excuse but they have to be presented .
They've never seen a real man .
Well , here's the thing Not every man is like the man that choked you and spit on you . Absolutely Not every man is like the man that abused you Absolutely and don man absolutely protect their women , love their women cherish their daughters and are faithful to their wives . And it's just like anything else . You don't throw the baby out with the bathwater .
You don't go to a corrupt dentist and then say , well , I'm never going to the dentist again .
No , no , but for some reason people have allowed the enemy to paint a picture of the other gender that way , and I think that this is important , that we're talking about that in this segment , because men need to know when they are looking for a wife .
They need to know if she's being triggered and saying , oh well , you just don't talk to me like that and don't do this and don't do that , she may have some stinking thinking . She has some junk in the trunk , meaning like trauma from her past that you need to let her overcome .
Don't , don't ask her to marry you if she hasn't overcome this , because she has to renew her mind according to the things of God .
I'm not telling you theories , I'm telling you what .
I know right now , this is yes . The people I'm counseling , people that I'm talking to , that woman will tear your house up . And so you want to make sure that you know who that is .
And I will say this also is that you know , one of the problems that we have , you know , in our society today are just young men , men who haven't been , who've been raised by only mothers , and they haven't known a man either .
So we got women who are offended by a man being a man , and so if she's offended by you , single man , because you talk like this and don't talk to me in that tone of voice , what do you mean ? You want me to talk to you like a woman ? No , you're a man . That's how men talk . Men , don't you know like they're not .
They're not a woman , they're a man . So , anyway , there's a lot of women who haven't been subject to a godly man or a real man and they want us to treat them like a woman or how their girlfriend would treat them . He ain't going to treat you like your girlfriend , you know , and even our sons , you know .
Our sons got to be raised by men , so anyway , so I want
¶ Honoring Men and Healing from Past Wounds
to get into these five qualities to look for in a wife , and we're going to spit through them very quickly , because I want to help a man out .
Number one you need someone who's respectful , okay , someone who builds you up , someone who doesn't tear you down , someone who brings the best out of you , somebody who believes in you , someone who encourages you to dream , to support your dreams , someone who knows how to honor her husband is unto the Lord , not just with actions , but with words .
Not just with words , but also with actions . And so you need someone that will build up your ego , so to say . And that's actually what one of my barber friends said and I know ego is a word like I ain't going to build up your ego , but God has hardwired a man to actually need respect . The Bible says this in Ephesians 5.33 .
It says , however , each one of you must love your wife as you love himself or yourself , and the wife must respect her husband , and I've heard it been said that this is circular , like , if a man loves his wife , the wife will respect her husband , and if the wife respects her husband , the husband will love his wife .
And so God has hardwired the woman to need my love , and I'm supposed to love you like Christ loved the church and died for it . So this is a very high level of love , and it's not that you're not supposed to love me , but the way that he's wired me .
He's wired me for honor and respect , and so if you are a wife that disrespects your husband , you are tearing down your house with your own hands . And so if you are a single woman , you want to be someone who understands how to honor a man for that office , to honor your husband for the office that he's in . Anything come to mind on that ?
No , that's very good Okay .
Yeah , Proverbs 29 , 19, . It says it's better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and a nagging wife . Now , can you think about that for a moment ? It's better to live out in the desert with some cactuses and no water than it is to live with a woman that's going to tear you down and cuss you out if something has to change .
Number two what are you looking for in a wife ? Someone who's secure Are you feeling this one . A man needs a wife that's secure it you feel in ? this one , like a man , needs a wife that's secure . You know it's a huge quality . You don't want a wife that every time you go out on a business trip she's like , okay , who you done been with .
You don't want a wife that every time you go and take a picture she's looking through your phone and looking through your email . I'm not talking about if you've been unfaithful and you have broken down trust . I'm talking about she's just a jealous person , she's just an envious person she's just an insecure person .
Oh , my God , you will always be guilty , even when you didn't do anything at all . And so you need a woman who is confident , because her confidence is in Christ . You need a woman who knows who she is in Christ Jesus , that she's not looking over every corner , because she believes . Well , if God before me , then who can be against me ?
Yeah , and God will make anything . All things work together for my good . She needs a confidence in God . She needs security .
Amen .
Anything on that ?
No , I agree .
Okay , proverbs , chapter 31 and 25 , it says that she is clothed with strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future . And that's what you want A woman who's clothed in strength and dignity , like you are sweetheart , and laughs without fear of the future . This person is secure . They don't have a fear of the future .
What if that investment don't work out ? What if we get foreclosed on ? What if I can't have a kid again ? Oh my God , there's so much fear . God hasn't given us the spirit of fear , but of power and of love . You want a woman that's secure .
I think I love that . It says , alas , without fear of the future and a lot of that is because she is resourceful , she knows how to make it happen Like , okay , I have reserves , I have storage . I'm not living day by day by the hair of my chinny chin chin , no , I have . You know history .
I have bank accounts , I have savings , I got a backup plan , I have a network and a family of people to support me , and so she's , she's strong
¶ Quality #1: A Respectful Partner
.
Yeah , I love this . I think I'm gonna jump to number three . Number three the third quality that you would be looking for in a wife is someone who's submitted . Okay , I'm submitted to God , but also submitted to you , and I want to talk about this for a moment and we always park here . You know I believe in mutual submission . I really do .
I believe that the Bible tells us to submit one to another . As a pastor , people should submit to me as a godly leader , but I'm also to submit to other authorities in my life and also to the people of God . So even when I preach , it's a level of me serving people and submitting to them .
And so when we say submission , unfortunately many people hear slavery . But this is what I need you to hear about submission is that it takes two equals to submit , okay . And so submission is not a position of weakness , submission is a position of strength , and so if you submit to your husband , it's because you are mature enough to do that as unto the Lord .
It's not because you're controlled , it's not because you're weak , it's because you're strong enough to do things God's way . All right , and so I want to make this as simple as I can . When I say a man , listen , you got to find a wife that submitted . Let me make it practical .
You need somebody who's easy to lead , because the last thing that you need is the bump heads and a fight over every car you need to purchase , every house you want to purchase where your kids going to go to school . It's like there's so many people that are butting heads and fighting because there's somebody who just doesn't know how to follow the lead .
Now , as a head , I'm smart enough to marry Tabitha . I'm smart enough to listen to the wisdom that comes from her . So I typically don't buy a house or a car without getting her yes and her approval , and if we're in disagreement , I just won't do it .
Every once in a while there's a decision that just has to be made and she has to submit to me as unto the Lord , because I am in the office of a leader . Okay , and that's very important . I think there's a scripture in first Corinthians 11 , three . Listen to this .
It says but I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ and the head of the woman is the man , and the head of Christ is God . It says that the head of every woman wife okay is the husband is what it says in a different translation . Let me kind of break that down for you .
What that means is that the husband has a leadership role in the house . It's not because he's bigger or better or he's special . Actually , headship is a position of responsibility . So many people when they read this , they say well , the Bible's antiquated and I'm a woman , hear me roar and can't nobody tell me what to do .
You ain't gonna have a good marriage that way . Until you understand this that God is the one that made marriage . God is the only one that can give you an anointing or grace to manage your marriage . And what the scripture says is that the head of the woman is the man . It does not mean that he's your dictator .
It does not mean that he's your controller , but it does mean that he is the leader . And you need to honor your leader . You need to be easy to lead , because leadership is not just talking about controllership . This is talking about servant leadership .
I just feel like people's definitions are jacked , because when it says that the man is the head , it means that the warfare is coming to him first . The weight is coming to him first , the pressure is coming to him first , the persecution , the way that the enemy wants to attack the children in the home it's all coming to the man first . Why ?
Because if you can take out the leader , if you can take out the president of the United States , the nation is in a disrupt . If you take out the head coach , the team is going to the left and to the right . If you can come after the leadership person , well then the sheep scatter .
So to say and so , because many people don't understand the importance of headship , they hear it like okay , what do you mean ? The head is me , and think of it . This scripture relates the way that the husband is to the way that Jesus is over our lives . It's an important position of honor and prestige that the man should take with great care to be
¶ Quality #2: Security in Christ
a great servant leader . But the wife should build him up and uphold the office that he's in . Are you feeling me on that ?
Absolutely . I just love how you broke it down and you make it . It's not offensive . The Bible is not offensive .
The Bible ain't antiquated , it's not .
It's just easy peasy it's just everyone there . There's an order to everything that God has done in the earth . It's just like you know children and parents . You know , have parents and children . It's the children submit to the parents . You have grandparents . There's a hierarchy in everything that we do .
Let me read it again , but I want you to realize 1 Corinthians 11 , 3 , that the head of every man is Christ and the head of the woman is the man , and the head of Christ is God Talking about the Father . Okay , so what it's saying is that the head of every man is Christ and the head of the woman is the man .
But if the man's head is Christ and I'm submitted to Christ , when I read it and I say , well , I'm the head because I'm the man , what does that mean to you then ? Man ? When you say you the man , what does that mean ? When you say you the head , what does that mean ? Let me tell you , because you got a couple of another scripture .
So hermeneutics is your ability to have right interpretation from the spirit of scripture , genesis , the revelation . You can't just take out 1 Corinthians , 11 , 3 and say I'm the head and this is what it means to me . No , what does it mean ?
You got a couple of what Ephesians 5 , 25 , and it says for husbands , this means love your wives , just as Christ loved the church and he gave his life for her . So when I say you're supposed to submit to me , let me take you higher . I'm supposed to give my life for you . That's a higher level of submission .
So if the Bible says you're supposed to submit to my leadership and my headship , well , I'm supposed to die for you .
I'm supposed to give up my life .
It ain't about my Ferrari , it's not about where I want to go , it's not about how good I look . It's all about how I can make you better and your dreams come to pass . It's about how I can die so that the greater one in you can live . And when we understand hermeneutics and we put scriptures together , rather , headship ain't a bad thing .
There's women that should be like . Please , god , send me a head , please , send me a leader , send me a covering , send me some
¶ Quality #3: Submission and True Leadership
protection , send me somebody that can take the warfare and the weight that you have not created me to handle by myself . And so that's what it means to be a husband . So good babe , what sticks out to you ?
I mean , I just , I don't know .
I just agree with it all . I just love the way that you laid it out , because're looking for a woman that can handle multiple things . Well , household responsibilities , financial responsibility , children responsibilities , spiritual responsibilities and God knows , wifey responsibilities In parentheses . We know what that is .
You're looking for someone who can go to school but still have a clean house , pack lunches for the kids but still give up some at night . I mean you're looking for someone like this is what a wife is . And you say , well , where is that in the Bible ? That's what the Proverbs 31 woman was ?
Yeah , if you read Proverbs 31 , it says verse 10 says who can find a virtuous and capable wife . She's more precious than rubies . Her husband can trust in her . So you want to find somebody you can trust . She will greatly enrich his life , not tear his life up . I love it she brings him good , not harm all the days of his life .
That's a woman that can bring me good to my life , not harm . The wife's job is to bring good to the man .
All right .
She finds wool and flax and busily spins them . She's like a merchant's ships bringing her food from afar . She makes sure that her family is fed . That's not chauvinistic , that's not old school , that's like doggone . Go to Chick-fil-A at least you can't cook . Take some classes , do something . Don't let us walk around here hungry and horny .
I should do a podcast why men are quitting on life because they're hungry and horny .
Like , if you just give them a sandwich and some sex , he will be okay . I'm telling you , god , I'm preaching , okay , it makes a difference I'm fulfilling myself today .
I don't have to say anything because you're kind of covering it here . Verse 15, . She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plans the day's work for her servant girls . She got people working for her . She goes to inspect the field and buys it . She's an investor . With her earnings . She plants a vineyard . She gets a return .
She's energetic and strong and a hard worker . She's not watching soap operas all day and basketball wives or whatever . She makes sure her dealings are profitable . Her lamp burns late into the night . Her hands are busy spinning threads . I guess what I'm saying is that she got a lot of stuff going on .
She's managing a lot of different affairs , and you need a woman that can do a lot of different things because , honestly , that's what it means to be a wife . It's a whole lot of stuff . It's not that the man don't have stuff going on as well , but you are looking for somebody that can .
She handles her business , she knows how to prioritize and , most importantly I think you're saying here is that she doesn't break under pressure . You need a wife that's not going to break under pressure , especially if you got goals . You have goals for your life . There's things that you want to do in your life and you need a wife who can support you .
You need a wife who doesn't break under pressure , that can handle the controversy , that can handle the haters . A ride or die is going to be like baby . Let's do this .
I know of someone who got married to someone beautiful on the outside but start dealing with mental health depression and sadness , started going to counseling and some therapist told her that you need to get yourself together , almost independent of your marriage . So she just worked on her , worked on her , worked on her .
Nothing on the marriage Ends up ruining the marriage , leaving the marriage just because she felt like she never got . She should have never got married . What's that ? My friend didn't look for the right attributes going into the marriage . It wasn't that he was a bad guy or even that she was a bad girl . She ain't ready to be a wife .
She cannot handle the weight , the responsibility , mentally , emotionally . She is not wife material and the only mistake that was made was that you didn't know what you needed going into it .
Wow .
And so , oh man , I hope we're helping . Number five is look for a wife who's God first and of course this is the last one , but this is the first one for us Somebody who knows how to talk to God , someone who knows to hear from God , someone that lives their life by His word , not just a woman
¶ Quality #4: Capable and Resourceful
that's carrying a Bible and throwing oil around , somebody that will really live a life when God is first . You know , matthew 6.33 Is our scripture . It says seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these other things shall be added unto us and man of God . That's what you're looking for in a wife .
You are looking for a woman that will seek first , not second , not third , not fourth , but first the kingdom of God . A woman who will go to church without you asking . A woman who will pray in the morning . That you get up in the morning and you see her having Devo time the morning , and you see her having Devo time .
You're wanting a woman to where , if there was an advantage to do something that was shady , she would rather take the disadvantage than break the heart of God . Thankfully , by the grace of God , I married a woman like that . That I get up in the morning , I see her praying that when things happen , I hear her prophesying , I hear her decreeing .
When I say , hey , god's leading me to give this , she says , well , god told me to give this . She's always challenging me , and that's the kind of woman that you want , and there are all kinds of women of God around here . But it's not just about their looks , it's not just about their figures . It's not . Let me just be real .
It is not about their breast and their boobs and their legs . It's not just about their figure . It's not about their bank account . It is so much more than that .
It is about their spirit , it is about their soul , it's about their emotional development , and so , if you're going to look for a wife , find somebody that loves God more than they love you , and God will also make sure that she always takes care of you for the .