¶ Keys to a Better Marriage
Hey , welcome to Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha . We are so pumped that you're tuning into this podcast . It has been designed for people just like you . We want to do life with you , share our wins , our defeats , our ups and our downs , in hopes that you'll grow closer to God and to the people that you love in your life .
Sit back and enjoy today's podcast . Hey , what's up everybody ? Welcome to another edition of Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha . We are here . We're pumped . Yes , we're ready to go man , we're going to talk marriage today .
Come on , we're going to talk marriage today , my favorite topic .
Listen , we've been talking personal growth stuff for a few weeks and that stuff is good , but we love it when we can dive into some marriage principles . So today is that day . Welcome one , Welcome all today . Today , we want to give you three keys to a better marriage , and we believe that , no matter where you are , your marriage can get better .
We are believers in that . We stand behind that statement . But you have to be willing to do the right things to get the right results . And so welcome , welcome , welcome , welcome .
All right , and if you're new to our podcast or YouTube channel , we want to say welcome , we're so glad that you're here . We don't think that you're here by accident , because we actually pray for God to hear it exactly how I needed to hear it .
And so sometimes people say well , we're new to your podcast , it just came up , it popped up , you are favored by God . Anyway , we love you guys . If you're new to our podcast , hit the subscribe button . If you're on YouTube , so you can be the first to get the content .
If you're on Apple music or Apple podcast or some podcast , just know that we're on YouTube as well . We have the video way of hearing this . We got the audio way of hearing this . We're just glad that you're here and a part of us , so are you ready to jump into this ? Today we want to talk about the keys to a better marriage .
Now , this is what I assume that there are some of you all who are watching today that you have a really bad marriage . There are some of you all who have been through some really toxic relationships . You've already been through a divorce . We're not here to beat you up for your past . We're here to give you keys for your present and also your future .
I believe that there are some of you all who are here that have a good marriage , but it's not great . Let's go there . Then some of you all have a great marriage , but it can get greater meaning that there's no limits to this . You can go from bad to good , good to great , great to out of this world . We want to help you .
Now we minister to marriage out of the foundation of our mess . So , tabitha and I , we've been married for going on 25 years . On July 3rd , we are celebrating 25 years of marriage . We're having a party , a vow renewal , a special celebration . We would love for you to come , but the first two years of our marriage was horrible .
I mean , I had a plan to divorce her . I told my dad about it . I wanted to be . I thought I made a mistake . I wanted to be with another woman , didn't even know exactly who that would be , but I was just like what I've done here . I would not give you some to teach you a lesson .
I remember shutting down like you wanted to talk , I didn't want to talk . I could shut down for a day or two at a time . I remember leaving the house , threatening not to come back , and we had all of this baggage with us , and so that was how our marriage began , and it's not like it's been all up and to the right .
There has been over 25 years ups and downs , just like anybody else's relationships , but what we did 23 years ago is that we made a commitment to do it God's way , and now we're best friends . But what was to you ? So just give our audience . What was our problems for those first couple of years specifically ?
I mean , well , you talked a little bit about you Me the first couple of years . I was depressed at the time and I maybe had been diagnosed for depressed for about 10 years and so I was trying to overcome depression .
Yeah , you were doing a lot of things to get my attention and let me know that you were so upset with me , but in the time I just kind of didn't care because I was so depressed in the moment . I was kind of caught up in my own world and in my own mess that I just kind of neglected you .
I'm glad you said that , because what I've noticed sometimes in the comments , when I tell people how ratchet I used to be and how I was unfaithful or I was like shutting down on you or a weapon , I'm just saying that like it wasn't like this long season and it wasn't like I was doing all this stuff out in the street .
I mean , I made some mistakes you know there's no excuses for things that I did but that was a long time ago and sometimes , because I'm articulating myself so well and how ratchet I used to be , I feel like sometimes people hear that and they're like , oh my goodness , Tabitha didn't do anything . He's lucky just to have you , girl , Girl , you just all that .
We don't know what he would do without you . And that's true to an extent . But please tell the people the part that you played . There is another side of this story . Yeah , did you play a part to any of this ? Because I don't hear you .
Well , you know , that's one of the things that just like in depression and because I had an illness and things that I was trying to overcome , abuse from my past sexual abuse , physical abuse , verbal abuse , domestic violence in my past I mean just so much that I was trying to overcome .
But I was in a really real place where we were married and I was not fulfilling my wifely responsibilities . I wasn't doing anything when we stood at the altar and said yes , I wasn't doing anything except kind of just being there and living life .
And so you were full of life , 20-something years old , ready to take over the world , ready to conquer the world , but your wife , your partner , the one you said yes to , is just like in the bed . Sleep somewhere , wake up , woman .
I would articulate it more like it felt like I was in a marriage by myself at times and that I was dragging dead weight around with me . I was in my 20s and I'm trying to get you to go to class , trying to get you to graduate , trying to get you to get out of bed and it was like , oh my God , I can't do it for you .
I mean , I think we really need to work on how you articulate your part . I know you don't remember it completely , but I just want our audience to know that , yeah , there's no excuse for the crazy stuff that I did , but there's always . My pastor used to say it like this it takes two fools to fight .
Yeah .
There's always another side of the coin as well .
Absolutely . I mean , yeah , I mean people get . My side was worse , my side I mean yeah , because two wrongs don't make a right .
I think that's why people get mad at you . I wasn't right , but then what you did ?
Yeah , you made it worse .
Yeah , I get it 100% . I can tell y'all some stories too .
Don't even do it . We don't need the stories Boys going crazy . I tell you what we already know you was in Cancun .
I was in Cancun Trying to chase down this R&B singer . Oh man , she don't like it when I say her name . She go crazy right now . She just turn this whole place I would not , but it's not needed necessary .
He only needs to say the name Tabitha . That's all he needs to come out of his mouth .
I just share these stories just to let you know . We've been there and done that , but that was over 23 years ago . Here's the great news is that now we're best friends . This is not because we have a podcast or because cameras are on . This is because we have an authentic love for one another . It is not a perfect love .
It is not a love without challenging days . It is a love that every single day , even to this day , it still takes work . It still takes work . I think I was and you just it . There wasn't much conversation flowing .
Yes , what was on your nerves ? Well , you really got on my nerves on the way back from the track meet , because you didn't want me to drive , because you don't like my driving , but I don't like your driving either .
Well , on the way to the track meet , you was on my nerves because you driving is just like , and that's because I was'm talking to you and then you go and get on my cell phone mid conversation .
Well , I wanted you to drive so I could do some work .
But then I realized how you was driving , that I could not focus on my work .
I was driving safely and following the traffic rules , Anyway .
so we just say that to say this is not like , hey , you arrive at some pinnacle of marriage . Marriage takes work every single day . It's a choice every single day . Every single day , we have to work that I choose to love you .
You know , one of the things I think we should do is just define what love is , because I think people say , well , I just feel like I'm not in love anymore . I feel like this Like what does your feelings have to do with it ? Like we want you to feel attracted to one another .
But at the end of the day , marriage is a covenant and it's based upon choice . And when you say I do , don't , say I don't , because I chose you and you chose me . So together we got to get our team to the championship and agape . Love is so much more than a feeling . It is a choice to love one another .
Yes , and so that's what we've done for 25 years . We just keep choosing each other when it's ugly , when it's bad , when it's hard . We want to help people . Today we really do , and so , anyway , I'm Ken , she's Tabitha , we're your friends . Here's three keys that you need to know .
Key number one is this you got to place the proper honor on the covenant of marriage oh I love that .
Can you talk about that ? Yeah , I think that in order to honor something , you have to first value it , and most people I think we don't value marriage , or you can have a different value on marriage than what I do . When I was a long time ago , we were training for a marathon together . You remember the Washington DC marathon that we trained for .
We were training for a marathon and we bought these really expensive watches . You remember those watches ? I'm glad you said that , because you said 15 years ago and then you said a marathon . I thought you were talking about the Miami marathon that we did eight years ago . We trained for the DC marathon . Oh , you're talking about the Marine Corps marathon .
The Marine Corps marathon that we never finished .
We never actually run it . We ran up to like maybe what 15 miles and we were like we didn't have the time to put into , took too much time , we couldn't do it .
But anyway , we bought these really expensive watches and they were like a few hundred dollars , you know , for it wasn't a Rolex , but it was an expensive watch , but the watch looked like it was a $5 watch , a little digital watch , but this watch was special . We wanted to be legit . Okay , because we were marathon runners .
So we bought the top of the line watches and it tracked your pace , your mileage , like all of this stuff , right .
¶ Valuing Marriage as a Covenant
A couple of weeks went by and I couldn't find my watch and we had some family members who were staying with us and they had kids . And finally I went to the mom and I said , hey , have you seen my watch ? And I described the watch and she goes oh , you mean that cheap little Walmart watch ?
Yeah , such and such was playing with it like a couple days ago I don't know where it is now . My heart broke . Long story short , I never got that watch back . But when I described to her the value of the watch , how much I paid for it and how important it was to me . She felt a different way . See , she didn't know the value of that watch .
If she knew it , she would have took that watch right out of that child's hand and put it up on the refrigerator where he couldn't get it anymore . But I think we treat marriage like that sometimes . Where there's a value on marriage , if we don't value it and know how much it's worth , then we'll mistreat it .
And so when it comes to marriage , I think a lot of people treat marriage like a contract instead of a covenant .
Okay , can you talk to me about covenant ? Talk to me about covenant . What is it ? Why is marriage a covenant ? Talk to me .
Well , marriage is a covenant .
A covenant is defined as an oath or a pledge , but it's so much higher than a contract as an oath or a pledge , but it's so much higher than a contract .
A contract is basically um agreements of what you can do to kind of get out of a relationship , or you say A contract sets the basic requirements , the minimum requirements meaning that a contract , I must do this to fulfill the requirements of the contract , and only this . I don't have to do anything above this .
This is what's required of me and you , and in a contract , it is designed to protect you , to protect your best interest . And a contract is also built on distrust , meaning that I don't know you and you don't know me . That's why we are writing this contract , so that if you break it or if something happens , this is what happens afterwards .
So that's what a contract is , but that's not what a covenant is . A covenant is something before God , so in a contract it would have been like man and man . Covenant is man , woman and God . So marriage isn't just between husband and wife , it's between husband , wife and God .
It's a covenant under God . It's the covenant under God .
And with covenant , it's not designed to protect your interests . Covenant is all about the other person that you've become in covenant with , and so now covenant says I'm not going to give you a minimum . I'm going to give you everything . I'm going to give you over the top . I'm going to give you my maximum to fulfill this covenant that we have together .
And a covenant is not based upon the lowest parameters to be able to get out . It's actually based upon the highest parameters to stay in it .
Yeah , it's lifelong .
It's lifelong . I think we need to put more value on the word covenant . It's lifelong , you know , I think we need to put more value on the word covenant .
If there's a younger believer who's watching this , I believe that we need to hear more messages about covenant relationships , valuing covenant relationships and putting some honor and respect on covenant relationships , because God is a God of covenant .
Absolutely , when we read the Old Testament and the New Testament , we're really reading the old covenant and the new covenant , the new covenant the Old Covenant and the New Covenant the New Covenant . Our God is a God of covenant .
The thing that he did to say I'm not going to flood the earth any longer is he made a covenant with Noah , put a rainbow in the sky . The Noahic Covenant , the Abrahamic Covenant . God made a covenant with Abraham because he believed God and it was counted to him as righteousness .
He said I'm going to bless you , I'm going to make you a father of many nations . So he blessed Abraham and the seed of Abraham . He made a covenant with them . So we're saved even though we're not a part of the Jewish family .
We're grafted into the family because of the covenant that God made through Abraham , all the way to Jesus , and we're heirs of Christ Jesus , joint heirs with Christ Jesus , heirs according to the promises and so the reason that the Jewish people are considered God's chosen people are not because of where they lived or because of their race , the color of their skin .
It's because they are the seeds of Abraham , and God made a covenant with the seeds of .
Abraham .
Abraham Isaac , then who ? Jacob ? Jacob's name is what ? Israel , so the children of Israel , is God's chosen people , not because they're all that , but because they are simply in covenant with God . Our God is a God of covenant , so the marriage relationship is a covenant relationship , meaning that it's something that God has brought together .
Let no man put us under . The Bible says it this way that God hates divorce . It doesn't say that he hates the person that's been through a divorce . It doesn't say that just like sin . So I really feel like we have to start to hate what God hates and love what he loves . And the way that you get free from sin is you got to hate sin .
I just hate unforgiveness , I do . I just hate drunkenness , I just hate it . I hate it . That's why I'm free from it . A lot of people , they kind of like their sin a little bit . That's why they don't get free from it . And when the Bible says that God hates divorce , I want to hate what he hates . So , listen , I can't meditate on divorce .
Think about divorcing you In my mind and in my heart . If I hate what God hates , I got to put my foot in the sand and say no , divorce is not a word that I'm meditating on . That's not something that I'm considering .
I hate what God hates and so that's very important that we uphold covenant relationships , marriage covenant relationships , even sometimes when you get connected to a local church . The Bible says that God places the members in the body as it pleases him . That's a divine connection . It's not as high as a husband and wife , but it's still a covenant relationship .
Don't just bounce from church to church just because you have a disagreement with somebody . Where's the covenant at ? When I look at David and Jonathan , they were in covenant relationship with each other . I look at Paul and Timothy , there was a level of covenant relationship that means that I'm going to have your back .
I think there's times that you break covenant . Obviously there are biblical outs , even for marriage . We call them the three A's adultery , abandonment and abuse and all those biblical outs . You can do those with counsel . It doesn't mean that you have to take them .
I know people that has been adultery in their relationship but then they fought through it and they're together today . I know people that there's been things where you need counsel with that .
You don't have to take it , but you can take it if you want to , and so I don't want people who've been through a divorce walking around a church feeling like , oh my God , I'm such a bad sinner with all of this guilt and shame , that was yesterday .
You can't change yesterday .
You can only change today . But for those of us who are single and want to be married one day , or currently in a relationship that's not going the way that we want it to go , we got to realize this is a covenant relationship and God hates divorce .
You got to put a value on it , wow yeah , and you'll honor what you value . The Bible also calls marriage a holy institution . When we got ordained , when I got ordained into the ministry , I took that as something that was very serious . It was weighty to me .
I knew that I was going to make a commitment to God , a covenant to God , that my life was going to change , that if I was going to read this Bible , I had to live my life according to the word of God . There was no turning back .
This was a serious commitment that I was making to God and I think that marriage I don't know if most believers understand that- marriage is a holy institution .
I didn't . I had a nonchalant attitude towards our relationship .
But we were entering into this holy institution . I had no clue .
I just felt like if the marriage was good , cool , we can rock . If the marriage happens to not get good , well , we can get a divorce if we had to . And because of that , our marriage was headed for divorce until God got hold of my heart and taught me to value what he values , and we have to place a value on this .
We got to take the word divorce out of our vocabulary unless there's a biblical out , and that's another step . Number two number two second key here to a better marriage is to commit to personal growth , not just marital growth .
That's so good .
We have to commit to personal growth , not just marital growth .
Yeah , I think that was a huge one for me because I had so much baggage from my past depression , anxiety , fear , so there , was a lot that I had to overcome unforgiveness , bitterness , hatred , resentment . I had to overcome all of that and what I realized was this is that you couldn't do it for me . I had to do it myself .
You couldn't make me forgive people , you couldn't make me get over bitterness , you couldn't make me lay aside guilt and shame .
I had to do that myself and I think sometimes we get into marriage and there's some work that we need to do , there's some growth that we need to do , we need to overcome some things , but we will blame our spouse , we'll blame the other person for where we are or what needs to happen , and that's not fair .
Number one and number two they can't do it anyway . We have to take responsibility and do it ourselves .
You know I say all the time that this podcast is a marriage and relationship podcast first and foremost , but the undertone of it is a personal growth podcast , meaning that we have single people and people from around the world that listen to our podcast and they grow as human beings and I just feel like the reason that some people's marriages suck is because they
suck . And I don't mean that . I mean that in a way , that kind of wake you up , like , could it be that your spouse is not the problem , could it be it's you ? Could it be that the issue is you ?
Could it be that you need to grow the heck up , like , for real , like you , like your perspective of marriage , how you treat your husband , how you treat your wife . You have to grow you like as a human being .
¶ Keys to a Better Marriage
So for me , I want to grow as a man , then I want to grow as a man of God , then I want to grow as a husband , and I don't know if that's the right order . Maybe I want to grow as a man of God , then a man , then a husband , and I don't know if that's the right order . Maybe I want to grow as a man of god than a man , than a husband .
I don't know . But like many people are just like , I want to grow as a husband . Well , you can't grow as a husband if you don't grow as a man and as a man of god . Yeah , like I want to grow as a man , meaning that I want to be able to pay my bills on time . Like I want to be able to keep my word .
I want to be a person that can be trusted in the community . I want to make sure that I'm not got my eyes on all these young girls and somebody else's DMs and watching pornography to get off . I want to make sure that I'm growing as a man . Some of the things that people are married , you're 30 , 40 years old , but you act like a little boy .
You know what I'm saying I want to be able to control my urges . I want to grow as a man . I want to grow as a man of God . I want to grow my prayer life , my ability to hear from God , to speak on his behalf , to get a revelation out of the Bible , you know . And I want to grow as a husband .
I just feel like there's too many people that they're not committed to grow themselves . And I was just with John Maxwell recently and he was just . You know , everybody knows him as a leadership guru , but after spending a couple of days with him , I realized that he's not a leadership guy , he's a personal growth guy .
He's 77 years old , still trying to grow as a human being . And what could happen to our marriage ? This is what we believe that when you get better , the marriage will get better .
Absolutely . And you know , the Bible talks about growth all throughout the Bible prosper and be in health , even as your soul prospers .
And so I think that even as we grow and meditating on the word and all of these things , it's all personal growth , it's all growing in our relationship with God , whether it's hearing from God , whether it's being diligent in the word of God , being a better mother , father , all of that it all has to do with growth and God taking us from one level of glory
to another . I mean we're constantly growing and maturing in the things of God .
And that's the will of the Lord . He cuts and purges that we bring forth more rich and more excellent fruit . Yeah , you know . So anyway , I'll give you number three . The third key to a better marriage for us would be keep the fire burning . Keep the fire burning , um , aka , get your sexy back .
Yeah .
All right , and so sweetheart .
I think after you know , after almost 25 years of marriage now , there are definitely have been opportunities for us to let the fire burn out , and I think we've done a good job at not letting it burn out . But I want to read this scripture from Revelation real quick , because this is a scripture that can apply Now .
This scripture is talking about the church and the church and its relationship with God , but I think we can apply this to marriage as well , and I think it's great instruction for what you do when the fire does go out , and this is Revelation 2 , verse 4 . Yet I hold this against . You , says God , for you have forsaken the love you had at first .
Consider how far you have fallen , repent and do the thing you did at first . Consider how far you have fallen , repent and do the thing you did at first Period . You know my vision like is coming in and out . I bless it in Jesus name , but it's like it blurred and I'm like , is there another word ? There's nothing there , but I saw stuff there Anyway .
Everybody over 45 said amen .
And so I thought , with this scripture here again , the principle is that- .
Do the things you did at first .
Yeah , when you feel like you know what , we're just not romantic anymore , I just don't feel special anymore , I just don't feel like this anymore . It's really clear . Okay , repent , okay , I'm sorry , I let the fire go out . I'm going to get my sexy back .
You know what I mean .
Repent . Go back and remember what you used to do . Oh , I used to dress nice , I used to go on date nights , I used to light a candle , I used to turn on some music . Go back , do the things that you used to do .
You used to want to have sex again . Yeah , you used to want to have sex . You used to like look forward to it . You used to like be you know freaky , dicky a little bit and like expectation , like have stuff ready to go . I mean come on man .
I mean like do the things you first did and I think you know we have to take ownership over these things because each of us , like you and I , um going on 25 years of marriage . You grow , I grow , you go through phases . I go through phases . You know I have kids and you know menopause and all of these things .
We've overcome cancers together sicknesses , setbacks , poverty , attacks , persecutions , abandonment , having children , having money , having no money all of these different things over a quarter of century that we've been together , we've had to fight for this , and anybody can fight for this but , you got to continue to get your sexy back .
You got to keep the fire burning .
Let me tell you what you can't do . You can't get to a point and say you know what ? I just feel like we're not romantic anymore . I just feel like the fire's gone in our marriage and then be like , oh , and it's their fault If they would do this and they would do that and just put it on the other person and you don't do anything about it .
That's what we haven't done . Anytime I feel like you know what I need some romance in my life . I'm desiring . I need a little spicy in my life right now . I will do it myself , Babe . Take me on a hot date tonight . Go make a reservation somewhere . I will light it myself . Babe . Take me on a hot date tonight . Go make a reservation somewhere .
I would light a candle . I'll put on some music , I'll go buy a new outfit , I'll get a haircut , I'll buy some new makeup . I'll do whatever I need to do to feel like I'm in the mood to be romantic and I'll make sure that I fan the flame and not let that fire go out .
But I think we have to take responsibility ourselves and that's where a lot of people get stuck in marriage , because they point to the other person and they want to be romance , but they don't do anything to be romantic .
There's two podcasts that we've done in the past that I would really recommend right now . Number one , we did one called Saving the Sexless Marriage , part one and part two . I would check that out right now , where we really break down this horrible instance of people being married but not having sex .
Yeah .
And we just help you . We want to help you in that area . And number two we did a podcast called Get the Romance Back and we gave 25 simple steps . I'll give some of them here . Do stuff like hold hands , just hold hands , touch , touch . Each other Caress each other . Spoon one another , fall asleep together again . You know , caress each other .
Fall asleep with a movie , sit on each other's laps .
Give a lap dance . When's the last ?
time you've given me a lap dance . I need a lap dance . Oh , my goodness , get the sexy back though . You know what I mean . Come on man , how about this ? Compliment each other often , ok , communicate deeper , like OK , you feel . Ok , let's talk about this Not in an accusing way , where you don't do this and you don't do that . Hey , this is how I'm feeling .
What can we do to help each other in this area ? I'm doing activity together . I know many times , you know , the guy has activities that he does he likes golf and he likes fishing . And the lady has her own activities she likes pottery and she likes art or something . Why don't you find activities that you can do together ?
I learned this years ago the first step to getting back into love is the falling back into . Like the first step back into love , I'm falling out of love . Your first step to back in love is to back into like . You got to find stuff that you enjoy together . You say well , I don't like nothing that he likes , so you can begin to like what he likes .
You didn't like basketball , but you like basketball because I like basketball , and I know you don't like basketball the way that I do . You act like you like basketball , but when it came time for the NCAA tournament , you were up there asleep .
That's different On very pivotal moments I like NBA , professional basketball . I don't know these college teams .
Women's basketball has went to a whole other level . I'm watching Caitlin Clark and Juju Watkins .
Now I am a Juju fan and a Caitlin fan . I'm like yo , these girls and you sleep . Yes , you sleep . I'm like this girl don't like no basketball . I like it , but not that much to lose my sleep over it . I'm sorry .
But I will say this she's definitely tried over the years .
Yes .
You know , and so you got to find some activities together Serve him or her breakfast in bed , keep your eyes and attention on them , turn off the . You know , many times in marriage we compare your low lights to another person's highlights . We get on Instagram or somebody that we work with . We don't know how they are at home .
Yeah , we're not around them when they're using the bathroom and flushing the toilet .
So we compare the person that's in our inner circle to the person that's way out in our outer circle and we see the glitz and the filters that they put on their picture and we're like so mesmerized by this person's 10 percent of the image that they've decided to put out to the world .
But we have an inner circle relationship at home where we are judging a person's private life in comparison to another person's public life , and it ain't fair .
It's not fair and you would hate that other person . You wouldn't be able to stand what they do so . Just don't do that . And judge not , lest you be judged . And that's what happens in relationships . I'm judging you and you judging me . We both have a log in our eye and it's just , it's not good , but that goes back to just you suck .
No , I won't say you suck , it's just personal growth . It's personal growth , it's immature .
I was there for many years . Yeah , yeah , and I think you know happiness has to start from within . Happiness starts with you and your relationship with God , and not with the other person and the spouse .
I used to look at Ken to make me happy and Ken to give me joy and Ken to be my security Is that is that irritating , but I used to look at you for all of those things . But I found out that that that you out , that you fell short of all of that .
I can't be God you can't fill those shoes .
I can't fill that void , only God can be the source of that for me . And I tell our kids when they come to me they're like Mom , I'm bored . Mom , I'm bored , I don't have nothing to do , what am I going to do ? And I'm like , look , that's your , I am not bored .
And I am never bored because if I ever feel like I don't have anything to do , I'll just go find something to do . I am not a boring person . If you're bored , that's because you are a boring person . Get up and get something to do and then you won't be bored .
And I think it's the same thing when it comes to our lives and romance and happiness , all this stuff in our marriage . If you're unhappy , that's because you're just not feeling romantic .
Get up and be romantic , get up and be romantic Love life . Love is a lot , ain't it ? It's such a choice , it's so much .
¶ Real Love and Marriage Commitment
I want to do a podcast on aging well together Because I feel like people are making their love too surfacy and it needs to be deeper .
You know , when I saw you lose your hair through cancer in your eyebrows and I saw you almost lose your fingernails and toenails and go through a double mastectomy and lose your breast and , you know , have a hysterectomy and lose feminine parts , you almost can sit back and say what is life really about and what is love really ?
Yeah , there are so many people that are in marriages right now and someone's gained some weight or someone's something's happened and I'm just not attracted to them anymore . Well , your love's going to have to be deeper than that .
You know , I spent time with my parents recently and my mom's been overcoming stage four cancer for three or four years and chemotherapy for three or four years and my dad is her caretaker and I just saw they're celebrating 50 years of marriage , how my dad was taking care of my mom in some really , really challenging moments , and I was reminded that's what love
is . It's not what is on your explore page . It's not the Hollywood love . I don't know if them people gonna be together in five years , it's not what other people . That's love . My ability to love you as you age and wrinkle and I age and I wrinkle and I change and you change is what the God kind of Bible love is .
It's so much deeper than what I initially thought it was In my 20, . When we first met , I was 19 years old , you were 22 . And I was like my God , I'm the man . I got an older woman . She don't know how old I am . To me you were the prettiest girl on campus . You were the one that everybody wanted to be with and I got you .
And really , when I look back on who I was , I got you with tons of selfish motives , because you were the prettiest , because you was the best catch , because you was this , that and other .
And what happens is that if you don't mature in your love at some point I'm going to meet somebody who's prettier , who's smarter , because you only date who you date from the season of life that you're in .
So if you work for a certain company when you're 20 , you might be in a whole different set of people when you're 20 , you might be in a whole different set of people when you're 30 . And so even if you felt like you chose the best at 20 , doesn't mean that they're going to be the best at 30 and 40 . So at some place .
This cannot be about what I like . It has to be about the agape , love of God , commitment , faithfulness , covenant , the claders , our family , my ability to make you the most beautiful woman in the world to me at 70 and at 80 and at 90 .
And somehow you got to be deceived enough to believe that I'm the most handsoming guy when I'm 80 years old still and so happy , just not because I have to have the best and you have to meet all my needs , but because we have history together and we stood before God and we chose each other and he said if that's who you want , that's who you can have , this
is your favor , this is your good thing , and I just think we need to do some teaching and podcasting about what real love is , not for five years or 10 years or even 25 years . When I look at my dad in 50 years , I say there's something that you know .
When I look at people 60 , 70 years and I look at people that's taking care of one another , the things that I'm hearing people say of why they want to leave their marriage is like you are a punk , like I wish I could say that to your face , like I want to , but I love you enough to just put it on this podcast and let you hopefully hear this Like you
are a spiritual baby . Marriage is not the place for immature people . There are too many emotionally , mentally , spiritually immature people who got married because they thought it was going to be really , really cool for the IG pics , but now you're in warfare and don't know what to do with it . You got to grow the heck up .
Right , and I think we get deceived into thinking that just life is like la , la , la , la la , everything's going to be perfect all the time , and you know . But we and we do , we break up and we divorce and we get mad at each other and we argue over stupid things over who didn't put the laundry away or who left dirty dishes in the sink .
We take each other for granted , yeah we take each other for granted and we're looking at all of these silly , superficial things when the real stuff happens .
Like I remember when the doctor called us on the cell phone and we sat down at the table together and she told us that I had stage three breast cancer , that the biopsy results came back , and we were believing that , no , that wasn't right . But when she said stage three , I looked in your eyes and it was just . I remember just .
It didn't matter about any argument that we had been in . It didn't matter about anything that you would have said to me , anything that I don't like about you , anything that you would do to get on my nerves , how you drive . None of that mattered to me . All that mattered was this this is our lives .
Like I'm looking into the eyes of my husband , like the one that I'm doing life with here in the earth , like that's all that mattered . That's all I wanted is for you to be there with me in that moment and agree with me that we're going to get out of this moment . And I think that that's a very real thing .
And if we could just move all of the play you know out of the way , all of the lies all of the deception , all of this dumb stuff .
Just set it aside and get really real with one another and value what's real , value life right right value the commitment that we made , value our health toward one another , the fact that we have kids , the fact that we have a roof over our head and don't waste time .
Don't waste time on dumb stuff and dumb conversations and atmospheres that are not benefiting the calling on your life and who God's called you to be . Don't entertain what the world says , you know . There's just so much . But .
I don't know .
I feel like being done for today , so let's be done that was good Cool .
We're done .
We love y'all . We thank you so much for tuning into our podcast today . So let's be done . That was good , Cool , we're done . We love y'all . We thank you so much for tuning into our podcast today . Our prayer for you from this moment is that you will divorce .
Divorce the thoughts of it , the meditation of it , the theory of it , that you would fight for what you've committed to do . You've committed to do . We pray the blessing of the Lord upon your relationship , upon your marriage , upon your mind , upon your emotions , that you will bring back acceptance for your spouse .
Adoration for your spouse and also attraction for your spouse .
God raised Jesus from the dead . He can raise your marriage back up . Why don't you be the hero in the home ? Why don't you be the one to go out and set it off , like Queen Latifah Jada Pinkett set it off movie style back in the day ? I mean , set it off .
Kick every devil out of your life , kick every devil out of your marriage and home and serve your man and serve your woman as unto the Lord and see what God going to do . We would love to help you with it . We have a what we call the better marriage boot camp . We got a goal to help lead a million couples to a better place in their relationship .
If you are feeling this , you are going listen . This podcast is all right , we're doing our best , but it's just the icing on the cake . You got to invest in your marriage and I'm telling you what if you go through this bootcamp , I believe can't guarantee it , but I believe you're going to come out with a better marriage . That's what it's all about .
We Can't guarantee it , but I believe you're going to come out with a better marriage . That's what it's all about . We want to be your coaches , your mentors , if you want more information about the Better Marriage Boot Camp , what it is , how to get involved . You can take it on demand .
You can do it in the prophecy of your own home Check the link in our show notes and that we would love to walk with you . And also , if you sign up for the bootcamp , we have this 90 day devotional for you , called the better marriage devotional , which will help you for 90 days have a closer walk with Jesus , who wants to help you in your marriage .
All right , if you're new to our podcast , make sure that you hit the subscribe button , hit the alarm , the notification , so that you can be the first to grab the content . We release a new podcast , a new episode , every Thursday at 3 pm . Would you join us next Thursday If you enjoyed this ? Leave a review , leave a comment .
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