S4 - Ep. 8 - James Fritz

Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home?

Either way, we want to be there. Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a termino and gage aid.

We want to send you off insta. We wanna welcome you back home.

Tell us all about it. We scared her? Was it fine?

Now?

Porn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do your need to ride?

Ride with Karen and Chris? Welcome to Do you need a ride?

This is Chris Fairbanks and this is Karen Garralujah.

That is a loud prayer.

We are.

This is a podcast where Karen and I are very good friends drive and pick our friends up who are funny and have fun conversation. Have you noticed I'm I'm opening it up to maybe new people that haven't this is their first time listening.

Oh good idea.

I kind of did that last time too.

Are you doing some sort of a marketing class right now?

Yeah? Yeah. The last thing you want to do is push out new people, and that goes with podcasting as well as real estate.

Yeah, it's all that. It's more of the grab him and pull him in.

Yeah. Yes. And one thing you and I both when planning this strategically, was we applied pyramid scheme sales mentality. Yeah. You much like with Cutco knives, you get a friend, you ask that friend for ten friends. Next thing you know, you have a whole season of guests and you're.

All set, and then cut to after nine seasons and you're like, does anyone have any friends left?

Right?

Or, in the case of Cutco, cut through several pieces of leather if you want to get rid of a petite trimmer.

I'm gonna stop talking about the knives.

I am. I'm be forcing that.

But here's the thing. You're so proud.

I am proud because you know a lot about mine. I was sixteen and I tried hard. Was I a top salesman?

No?

Was I the bottom?

Yes? And I finally got my minimum payment through the company because my dad wrote a strongly worded leather leather, leather on a piece of leather, which really it was.

Small because you had to cut it up prove your point.

Yeah, I sent it in pieces, much like a ransom note. Pieces of leather. Leather was a big part of the knife sales. You always had to have leather on you so you could demonstrate the cutting power of the knives.

Oh, to cut through I thought maybe it was, you know, from like old fashioned things that were people like sharpen knives on light.

I think for show I would occasionally rub the blade against the leather as well, but for the most part it was to cut through it. And the big thing was with my presentation, why don't you right now and this seems like a bold move, go get your best knife out of the kitchen and we'll see how it stats.

Knife fight. Yeah, I'm sixteen.

Yeah, we're tying our wrists together and we're gonna slap each other with this rubber chicken that's from a weird al video. Anyway, I always was cutting leather. How do you feel about the Chicago Bowls? And I cut a penny into a bowl. It was so it was like magic tricks. And they took me too long, and I think they could tell my hands. We're shaking because I'm so nervous fitting in a stranger's house. Nives, right, but it's it's what I needed to get into, you know,

Welcome, Yeah, And if you're new to the podcast, Chris often kind of does a career in life retrospective at the top, and it's just more of like, what weapons have I tried to sell as a teenager? When? When was my entire identity, including my address, featured on the front page.

Of the newspaper. I told that many times.

It's the rets were retrospective of stories I've already told, retold, and a lot of weaponry got I took a bath, went about the bulk case of pepper spray. But we're back in the car, and I'm very excited.

It's very exciting. It also feels very summary in the car. It feels like we're out and about.

Yeah. In your car, it's more of a pleasant situation, whereas in mine, it's my air conditioner just saying no, not today, not unless you replace all these filters that you get warned about each oil change.

I mean, that's the worst in la summer with no AC Actually, Aniles and I were just talking about that, that's kind of the worst experience. Yeah, And you can have in this town because it's a desert, it's arid.

Yeah, and I'm twenty years in and I've learned nothing because it's just blowing hot air. I gotta do something other and I usually get the filter out, go to a cliffside and shake it off like that someone's ashes.

And it's not working.

But it doesn't sound like a great plan.

My sister and my nieces are visiting and they say hello, and they have yet to complain about anything. And it's been a motivation for me to try and be Are like my nieces, who are seventeen and positive and happy?

Love it?

Yeah?

Are they like pretty hip young girls that are like just on every trend?

Are not? Really? No, they are into their own thing. They're into sustainable living and vegan cooking and composting and having their own worms for the compost and loving them like pets. And we've gone all these vegan restaurants, which they don't have where they live in Washington, and they're very excited to have a meatless reuben. Yeah, and so far I've had some really good food. Oh yeah, I don't know how it's going to be received by my stomach.

None of your business, none of it.

Don't worry about nobody's business.

Just stay out of it.

Is not a podcast where I talk about my bella movements.

But I do have but there's always a medical but.

Yeah, vegan eating gives me what I like to call medical button. Doctor must be called you well, but it does.

I mean, it takes an adjustment.

But then if you do it long enough, right, yes, your system adjusts well.

I regularly visit doctor Bidet.

And christ you said you wouldn't.

I know, it's exactly what you're doing.

These are subtle and fun. Though they're subtle. Fun you promise, I know, I know every promise ends with a lie.

If you learn this now, welcome and learn this.

Now you're being lied.

To, yes, by the media, and we are the media.

And this is clearly exactly right.

I was saying Karen was exactly right and saying, you're listening to CNN. This is for CNN, and I'm Burfler tonight. Do you know what's in your drinking water? It could be something sinister. That's some of our signature improv.

Some of the best.

We've been podcasting more than we're doing what it's known in the business as banking. A few episodes, yep. Before we have little breaks, and we've been having a lot of fun every other day podcasting. We're really in the swing of things. And back when we in the Zoom days, I did not think. I'm pretty sure I would not have looked forward to doing this three times a week. But in the car, I am, I'm just another it's me again, saying again, I like being.

In the car.

It's so fun. Yeah, but also it's not really like working at all. Zoom really was worst case scenario for podcasting and conversations. Yeah. So now it's like we did our training, maybe maybe seal style, and now we can swim. We can lift that log over our heads. Yeah, we're fine.

We can scale the wall.

We can crawl on our elbows under a gnarled barbed wire as rubber bullets fly above our heads. Trantile as crawl. These are stories my dad told me he went through basic training.

I just did my least favorite audience laugh, which is the snake kiss. I hate it so much when people do that at a comedy show.

I just did it to you.

Yeah, and for a while that was my go to laugh, and I'd untrained myself. Really, that is honestly how I laughed, even if I truly was enjoying something, right, and a lot of people took it as a facetious laugh. So I made myself do my signature laugh, which, as you know, is oh goodness. People seem to like that one.

That's good.

Yeah, it's called my holiday laugh. Yeah yeah, yeah.

So what have you guys been doing besides eating vegan?

It's only a full day. I picked my sister up yesterday, so we have swam, we have talked and laughed.

We have yet to do any museums.

It's really hard when someone visits to show them an LA experience. It's a lot of pressure. Yes, so far, I haven't succumbed to it, but I'm going to and I'm going to show them a good time starting after this podcast.

Are they the kind of people that would go to like Harry Potter World.

No, I think a little too old for that. My nieces are about to be in college, so it would have to be. But I appreciated Harry Potter World.

I went with a I think Lauren was like twenty when I went with her, and she was like, will you please go to Harry Potter World with me? I mean there's some people who are if you're into it, yeah, it's an ageless experience.

Yes, and it is.

They do have this thing where it seems like you're walking through a village, but it's Willie Walker likesspective, and it's actually just a half block long, but if you look at it, it looks like it's many blocks, and it's actual buildings that get progressively smaller, and you can go in them in their stores. But I know nothing about the world of Potter or the books, so a lot of the references were lost on me.

Yeah, you kind of have to make like a.

Scarf that says humble drummer or whatever. I don't know what that means.

What do you think it means?

I believe it's a school of magic. The kids belong to different schools of magic, much like fraternities, and they have little letterman sweaters.

And there's a real hazing problem.

Yeah, and they have to get hit with hickory switches and broomsticks and bead knocks. They get lopped on that with bed knocks and broomsticks and Angela Lansbury's there.

Yeah, you kind of got it in a nutshell. Yeah, they had really good I think it was like frozen Arnold Palmer.

Isn't that a good idea.

Yeah, and I love on Arnold Palmer. It's hard for me to say it's like real, real drive for a lot of people.

Arnold Palmer.

Yeah, I think it's hard for everybody.

It's hard to say it's a weird one.

That's why everyonna start calling them Arnie right.

It was just convenience, Ernie Palmy.

I have. I have them now after a golf just to have the full experience. It is the he being a golfer, and it's the drinker's supposed to have And I like it heavy on the.

Tea with lemonade more is just a kind of a sweetener flavor.

And she used to mute the color.

Sure, yeah, just to get that nice matte brown color going.

Do they have any Yeah, I like a good matte finish on my beverages. Do they have anything like that at the mom and pop coffee place we drive through, Saint our.

Bucks, Saint of the Wickedness.

They do, Actually, let me answer that question. They have lots of delicious tea variations and lots of delicious like lemonade aid variations.

Do you think and I don't want to do something we've done several times before. We could go through a drive through and get some, or should we wait until we pick up our guest today.

No, let's fucking go.

This is our life.

It's our summer, we said at the beginning of summer, and we're holding fast throughout.

Yeah, that we're gonna be shirtless, We're gonna be horny. We made a lot of promises.

We're going to saint our books every single day.

We're drinking tea at the beach with sand in it.

Saint our books. You have to write that down. It's a good one.

Yeah, I think every once in a while. I still got it. You do, Yeah, but I'm very excited. Now I do want an Arnold Palmer that is coffee based.

Does that sound good?

Lemonade and coffee?

It does not, It doesn't.

That seems like a huge mistake, although they do put a twist.

Of lemon on espresso shots.

You're certain if you're trying to be super legit, so a full lemonade like splash.

Maybe I'm wrong, maybe to be amazing.

The more you.

Think about it, aren't you thinking it would be delicious? No, I've really considered it, but iised coffee with lemonade. Now, how do you feel.

That's what I was thinking.

Okay, you already had it in Okay, so I haven't added anything.

Too, Okay.

I was trying to justify it by saying, if it was espresso shots, okay, might work, but even then I would not want it. It sounds like you're drinking a nervous stomach, right, coffee with lemonade. It's like give yourself an ulcer from the outside, right.

Okay, Yeah, it's double acidity.

It seems like it would be highly acidic.

Yeah, it would be yeah, bad for the bowling. But I don't want to go down that road again.

Please.

I'm really I'm very excited for my tea and lemonade that I'm about to get on it.

Are you going to try the coffee lemonade?

I want to. I want to mention it and be like, oh my god, how do you know about our sacred beverage that only the employees drink.

I feel like you think that's what's gonna.

Happen, or they'll be like, oh my god, are you an inventor? Because we're about to put it on the menu.

Would you allow me to order for you and say, has anyone ever this is how we're going to order your drink. Has anyone ever asked for a tea a nice coffee with lemonade in it?

We just hear forty employees first into laughter.

One starts barfing in the back, just.

Out of embarrassment for me drink. I know what a sympathetic voment laugh sounds like, and it's that I can't wait. Yes, you you, I would. I would like you to order it for me, mainly because you're at the window.

I also think you might need if you do get the coffee lemonade, you're gonna need a backup drink, right. I'll just say that as a person who knows the bittersweet feeling of ordering something new to be interesting quote unquote and being wildly disappointed and bummed out.

Okay, you know what, I'm starting to think. I'm just gonna get a traditional teab of lemon aid. Lemon dude, does it not? Everyone puts an ellipsies between the work. I'll have a lemon.

Aid and Phoebe Herman voice at the front at the front desk of the hotel.

Aid, there's a beverage at.

The front window.

Oh I'm good at impressions.

M hm. That was quick.

Thank you one. Yeah, yeah, I really put myself on the line there. It was nervous about it. It's so scary to found out how rich little did it?

Wait, so can I ask is your family staying in your apartment with you or there at a hotel?

Yes, a little bit. I don't mind sleeping on my little futon bed. So the first night we did do that, and it was it was nice. But I don't know that my nieces are at the age where they want to share a bed, you know.

Yeah, yeah, so and how long are they saying?

A full week? Eight days? Yes, And we're going to go to museums. We're going to go to a pig sanctuary farm that my mother used to contribute money to that is still around.

Because they love.

Pigs, as did my uncle Miff, who used to work at Hormel and slaughter them, so his love was different. I always thought that was an interesting he didn't do the actual slaughtering. But there are people that work in the meat industry that are able to separate the you know, like love the artist and not the art type of a thing, because they both separate the tour he was. I never understood that. But they loved pigs, yet he knew a world where pigs were made to be killed my nieces, however.

Talking about farming, Yes, yes, so it's happened before.

We all just don't think about every morning when we have breakfast, but my nieces do think about it around the clock.

So it's something I wouldn't do on my own. But I'm going with them and it will be very fun.

Well.

And also, pigs are as smart as like twelve year olds or something.

Yeah, I mean Clooney knows it. We should learn it, right. They make great pets.

They're smart, they're childlike. They have they're filled with childlike wonder.

Yes, and they have you know, spiky hair that you don't want to pet the wrong way.

You know what I think is ironic is pigs aren't vegan.

Everyone's extending them the courtesy, but nun's coming back from them.

Yeah, if you give them a mafia killed body, they'll eat that.

They'll eat it. Yeah, eggshells, they'll go like this at the end with the two.

Hooves, Yeah, with a you know, horseshoe hanging out of their mouth, picking their teeth with a horseshoe, lead anything.

Little napkins at each corner of the mouth. Dude, you're welcome gratzi.

No, I don't. Yeah, I've never seen pigs eat. Maybe I'll have the chance.

I bet you will at a sanctuary.

Yeah, that's probably one of the four things they do.

What else are you gonna watch them do? Use the bathroom?

I mean, I please look away?

Yeah, I will, for no other reason than to give them their privacy.

Hopefully the sanctuary puts up some rules and regulations like no staring right, no staring bathroom style.

Yes, no direct eye contact, no loud.

Clapping, no flash photographer, don't make snort noises.

No cutoffs, no running, no bottles.

No cutoffs. No. They want us to just consider the line when we line up with the pigs for whatever events you do. I assume you do things with the pigs and stand in mind to do them.

Uh oh, I thought you meant be in line with the pigs, like line dancing the electric slide.

Oh my god. If that's one of the things they offer, I will grab those hoofs and I will have perfect timing. Finally, these swine swing classes. I took.

It's a true sanctuary for pigs. They can true, finally be themselves.

I have a feeling it's something I'm going to go to and then feel sad and confront it.

But maybe I deserve that.

Well, that's always a consideration.

It is.

There's certain sadnesses that you have to line up for that.

You're asking for.

Yeah, okay, now keep an eye peeled because we have James Fritz's address information here, So now we have to find a Starbucks.

Oh, natural, take a left, and I'll try not to imagine my eye being peeled.

You're the one peeling it. Does that help or hurt the visualization?

Oh?

I have to do it to myself if your eye peeled? I said, so, is this like to get rid of a cataract?

What kind of surgery am I doing?

Get in there with your little laser and you're little Have you ever fucking watched that? Like remember when people would get it's not cataract surgery, but it's the lens replacement where suddenly people have twenty twenty vision.

What's that called?

Oh, lasik?

Yeah, my sister got it, my dad got it. I watched Jessica Simpson get it on the Jessica Simpson and Nick Lahy or how right.

It's a show where she thought chicken and the sea was chicken. Yeah, and everyone torri apart for it, But I actually thought it wasn't that bad of a question.

How are we to know it?

We've been told it's dolphin before, maybe there is some chicken in there.

And also there's some who say she knew that that would cause it fuffle, so she did it on purpose, which I love even more. Yeah, yes, play those people.

They showed her surgery on that.

Show, well they showed it might not have been hers, but she went she got lasick on the show, and she was super nervous and they gave her like apparently they gave her a bunch of value and it it still didn't work, and she was like all shaky and freaking out, which it's her eye. I would too, But they did show like she had to watch a video of what was going to be happening to her, which is a video of somebody getting lasick. So she was on the show.

They see I actually I've talked about this before.

That I watched her my surgery and my hip replacement on a video, but it was suggested that I watch it, just like I think it's just as crazy to make someone watch an eye surgery before they get it.

Yes, it's why would you do it? I don't know what's the benefit?

There was no, It just made me more scared.

But I do have a pretty good understanding of what they did to me.

But I but so what Yeah, I know, none of your business.

Again, I'm on your show.

Oh, okay, when your dad, because my dad got some kind of lasick, but I think it was also cataract removal type surgery.

But he's there.

He was a little boy with Buddy holly Horn and for the first time ever, at like age seventy, he all of a sudden did not need glasses. Oh wow, which is crazy what.

They can do.

Yes, it's very cool.

Yeah, he just wears reading glasses like a normal person. He had glasses his whole life. Get your eyes peeled, everyone, that's our point.

You do it, someone else do it, do it and then make.

Them watch it.

Make no no, oh, I can't wait for you to order me this drink. But yes, very excited for the day I get my eye surgery because I'm already tired of these things.

Are those reading glasses for distance?

They are three different lenses in one.

Yes, they're progressives, sir, yes, ma'am.

When did you start teaching high school algebra?

You can't see the line, but they are readers down here about six feet way up here. So we go from a two to a point five to nothing above.

And so that's when you're rolling your eyes because you're so frustrated.

No, I more wrench my neck in different positions to end my eyeballs at the right lens.

Yeah, there's It does elicit a very strange chicken like action in the head area when you're using the first time.

I am all neck with these glasses. Yeah, I am prodding. I'm doing a lot of this. I'm acting it out so you can't see it.

But he's eating dried corn right now, guys, new listeners, Chris is eating dried corn like a chicken.

But it is something I had to get used to.

When I go downstairs, I really press my chin against my chest because I need to see out of the mid zone. If I look down at stairs with the readers, the stairs are blurry and there's a chance that I will fall down stairs.

Readers are not four stairs. No, no situation is that appropriate?

No, So yeah, it's I'm I'm starting to think I should get those teacher croquies.

Or whatever they're called, that hold among your head. Yeah, holdies in case you whip your head around real quick because you're looking through your readers thinking that someone's in front of you, but it's far away.

And now I'm starting to understand why a lot of retired people have to flip up sunglasses. I wish these would turn to sunglasses occasionally. And I know I'm not going to get transitions.

Please stop suggesting that you're going to get transition lenses.

I will not.

Please don't.

The minute you walk into a room and they're halfway there, you are the scariest person.

I'm telling you. They're my least favorite thing I think on the planet, including oppression.

Yes, especially when they're a tint of blue. Didn't get out of here?

Oops?

Am I in the wrong lane?

No? If we are, it's my fault.

Well, we have been podcasting, right, Look at her, the pretty lady.

It's okay, we can catch up. We didn't want to go buy the wetlands? Oh good, We're gonna take a slight left here at.

That works well?

It says Verdugo woodlands, woodlands, wetlands. What's the difference?

So I guess moisture, Yeah, trees.

Yeah, okay, this is good. I'm glad we made this mistake. This is good.

But it looks like is it rerouting us? Now?

I think they we were going to go around there, but now we're just going on this side of what appears to be a bike path.

Oh are we in the bike lane?

Yeah? We are?

Is that bad?

No?

Not in England. There's bikes everywhere. We're not in England, I know, but pretend we are. We'll just honk and all the old people on bikes.

That's say, come up on the Sorry Paddington Bear. I'm swear to god, I've never driven in a car lane that has the bike thing in the middle like this. It should I be out of this lane.

It really makes no sense. This is a lane for vehicle and in the middle of it there's a bike lane.

Someone made a.

Mistake this whole way. There's no way that this is for cars and also bikes.

The bikes have been repeating for at least a mile and a half, so that would be someone fell asleep on the bike painting machine.

Yeah, they made a mistake. Every twenty feet.

I mean, maybe it's just get out when there's a bike here.

I don't trust strangers too in.

Cars, we can only be responsible for ourselves.

It's the scariest city to ride a bike. Yeah, Los Angeles. I can't believe I came here a bike rider and I am leaving here. Not when I move eventually. I haven't been planning it, okay, but one day I will probably leave this city. Thank you, Karen. Extender to right arm to keep me from smashing my face on the dash, and I really appreciate it every time I saw it coming too. Because you write reader length your fingers. I could I could tell because I could.

Read your You know the word you have.

On your knuckles, the.

Tiniest little word faith, kind of faith.

The tiniest thought could fit.

And then on the other hand, no more, Oh Patton, you got an extra finger added for that. E Hi, I'm looking to have a second pinky installed. I really like.

Faith no more for my pat he looks like a model.

Say no more, Say no more. You're the third today.

I saw him when I was fourteen, and it changed my life.

It's a great idea, right.

Tiny faith moment. For some reason, I was also picturing it, maybe because it's in a small font. I was picturing it in a also in a typewriter font.

But on my hand, I think that that's a great idea.

Right, Yeah, if I ever do get words.

On my body, it's going to be tiny hel Helvetica.

Is how they pronounce it in Sweden.

Yeah, it is very Swedish. I do want whatever words I get on me, most likely in excess lyrics. It will be in typewriter or helvetica.

Fon, just give me some examples. Don't change for you.

Side blonde, just over and over, just like on repeat, stack at twelve suicide blondes up your arm.

It's kind of funny that I can't think of any devil inside every single one of us, the devil inside arrow pointing to my bh. I did have one time at the Sprint store. I looked over at this guy's arm and he had little lyrics to beaut girl, a lesser known right before Michael Hutchin's passed uh song oh. And then I noticed another tattoo was in excess lyrics, And then I said, are your tattoos in excess lyrics?

Let's can I ask about the torso?

Uh?

Huh?

Was it the kind like it's like, oh, you would have just had anything written on your torso. You're trying to show people your torso? Was it one of those?

Uh?

I think at some point he was an older guy.

But I you know, it looked like you've been uh road hard and hung up wet.

As they say, Did I.

Mess us up?

No?

I did, But oh we're good. We're good, You're good.

Look what it's doing.

It's telling that we're going this way, but then it says to be in that lane. So that's here.

It is confusing.

It's telling us to go right for the next ten feet in which and then at that point.

It will veer.

At that point, we're going to go straight into the chiropractic building.

All of a sudden, these are going to turn to Kirby. Nope, it's just telling you to go forward. Now what's it doing?

Because it was the wrong thing? God damn it.

Okay, we're going to go straight a little here is it? Yeah, we're going to go to that one. Oh too, I think this guy, maybe I'm guessing what was a roadie for an excess or something.

He was so into the band that he had to be affiliated.

I would hope. So like he earned it. Yeah, but we didn't get a Starbucks.

That's okay. Maybe we can do it with I think that James is a drinker of coffee, I would hope.

So, yeah, this, God, this is confusing. All right, he'll get.

Us back round.

Yeah, I did it wrong.

No, it's okay.

Well, it's hard to do this. This is not easy to drive and talk.

And look at this and think of in excess lyrics. I'm so mad at myself because I listened. I've listened to every in Excess and I couldn't think of one fucking song.

Shabou sha bah. That's an album.

That's what he say when I'm upset about something. Oh, shabousha bah. You're fine.

Oh yeah, I think this is a good.

No, it's not, God, damn everybody, it's you.

No, it's me, I understand.

Oh right, it's right fucking here. God damn it. Don't go for Pete's sake, For the love of Pete, I mean, seriously, where are we right now? Did James Fritz buy a home.

I don't know.

That's a good question. He lives in a very nice area.

This is great. Did he have kids?

Do you know?

Our guest today is on the portrait.

Now he's made eye contact with the headlights of the car and with our faces.

I think that's oh, there he is James right there?

Yeah, I mean, what a beautiful house. Let's not assume it's.

His, okay, because what do we act like?

How do we okay? Just be cool, don't.

Talk about the house.

Don't ask who lives there or why he was there.

Don't ask this guy a bunch of questions seriously, right, Just pretend he's not in the car.

We kind of have to. As our guest today. He seems very excited. Yes, this side, he's right. A lot of people don't ask which side. Clubs and colleges across the country. Everyone put your ears together, keep your ears peeled for James Fritz. Welcome to the space car body. It's good to see you. I feel like it's been dating.

Hi.

It needs to see you. It's been so long.

Hi, how are you saying? Look at that house. Yeah, that's my second home.

It's beautiful.

We didn't want to ask if we've gotten first or second. I've gotten so many writing jobs lately. Oh and then that house that was just.

All of a sudden, everybody.

Wants me to wait a second?

Wait? Is that bad?

That is bad?

Yeah, scab whatever.

I don't like labels, don't get Frand Dresher mad at you?

Oh god, what happened?

Tell me about this fran dresheriness if I could pronounce her name correctly.

She's the president of SAG, is she?

Yeah?

Awesome? Wow, it seemed pretty cool.

She's the name.

She was like a radical lefty.

In the day. I pretty I didn't know how cool she was until I rewatched.

The Nanny Not the Nanny.

I finghed the series.

I wasn't that into The Nanny and last around.

Yeah, the the laugh and everything that the header do. But I didn't know how funny she was till Uh, why am I forgetting the Christopher guest Rock and Roll final tap?

Thank you?

She was really funny in that. Yeah, and I that made me research more about what she's done. And she's great. But I did not know when she was on Conan back in the day.

The clip and like they waited until she did her big laugh, and then I had a bunch of sheep come out on stage.

Did she like it?

Yeah, it's telling me to go back around again.

We can do that because I didn't hit in trips.

Yeah, thinks that we're still picking up James's do it. I didn't really like my entrance.

If you want me to get it again, okay, James, Let's have a new news, fresh energy. This is okay?

Yeah, cut and okay.

Is there a place where we can go to a drive through like a Starbucks drive through?

Well?

Yeah, are you a coffee person?

I was, Actually I haven't had coffee today. Let's hear the thing about a lot of wealthy people. I've noticed I'm dog sitting by the way for the listeners. It okay picking up from a dog sit. That is not my house.

It's beautiful, so beautiful. We loved it.

Yeah. They don't have like regular coffeemakers ever, or even the curate like they always hide it. Is that how they're successful. They're not poisoning in their body.

First thing, Oh, because they don't like have a mister coffee out on the counter.

Yeah, oh is it they do? Maybe they're in the world of this new world of poor overs that I keep talking about.

Ill I can do a poor over.

Yeah, maybe they have an Italian man come in and pour over for them every morning.

Who that was?

Giuseppe was there?

You know that's a common Italian names, right.

I've been to multiple parties and you're not gonna believe me where a man showed up and he was hand rolling cigars and passing them out. Okay, I don't. It's happened twice.

Is that when you're doing your scumbag parties?

Yes?

Yes, yeah, yeah, that's either like really scumbag or really rich.

Like I mean, there's a fine line at times. But yeah, I have a whole group of friends that are cigar fisionados. Huh yeah.

Schwartzenegger, he's always there.

Demi Moore, she loved a cigar the guys guy she is. That's right. Sorry, if I keep going, well, I hit a drivers.

In this area a little any one, James.

I knew you were going to do that.

Times.

Isn't a political statement. This is Starbucks or is Chris called it? Sus Sorry, it.

Does suck because they're like half as cheap as as like anyone you would want to.

Yeah.

Also there's many of those like fancy, nice, expensive places. I just genuinely don't like the taste of that coffee.

Yeah, yeah, I just wanted to taste like coffee. Yeah, I like seven to eleven coffee.

Yes, or McDonald's coffee, Donald's key.

I keep hearing about this dunkin Donuts co boy.

Here we go again. Take a left here. I'm directing us to its mom and Pops. Ain't our bucks.

These coast guys.

Here of alertness, James, We're being such a rude host. How are you? What is going on in your summer? What's your summer theme this year?

Yeah, we've adopted a theme.

What's your poverty?

Dogs will pull you out?

I hope.

So.

Yeah, I'm looking for a job.

Take a left here.

Was working on a podcast and the network did not renew it.

What about? Is it?

The podcast industry kind of dried up.

It's a little dry.

Frankie Z.

Yeah. It was super fun. Yeah, it's like writing sketches. It was just me and Frankie and Kevin Kamia was the funniest.

Love him.

That's fun.

And we recorded it at this was so trippy, like my country ass. I never thought we recorded it at the studios that the DJ from Cypress Hill his studios. Oh, DJ mugs Okay, it's like hip hop guys coming out in the front studio the whole time.

Wow, it was pretty cool.

Like he's a very sweet guy, famous people that you recognized of hip hop.

I'm not really me, I'm not really You're not that guy on point with contemporary hip hop.

I'm kind of a rocker, are you? Are you familiar like hip hop? But like yeah, I couldn't speak. Bob Dylan had a recording studio and he led a lot of hip hop artists. He was a fan and he let them record in his studio. There was my friend was working on a documentary about it. So I drew a bunch of hip hop artists and then Bob Dylan just in with the and he's really specific.

I just heard when he made Time out of Mind, which is one of my favorite records. Like originally he at that time he was like obsessed with Beck and he wanted to do like kind of like about doing hip hop album over like blue Old blueses loops.

Wow, they said no.

I think Daniel n. Waugh was like, let's just have you be sad.

Let's take over here. You know where you're going.

I just looked at your phone.

Okay with a little side.

Yeah, how's y'all?

I saw Neil Young this week. Yeah, in a vision father?

What did he say?

More bomb? No?

It was incredible. My buddy Rick would stumbled onto two free tickets again poverty, But I got to see, you know, we're making it work, and you've had practice at poverty, you may get work.

What what songs where?

I'm only familiar with Harvest Moon because I got it for my father.

I played that fifteen times. Did he really he's old? He forgot He played it after every It was great. It was just him he had. He did play hard of Gold, but it was totally like, okay, here's.

This Yeah, come on.

No, he brought it, but it was just like, you know, it was a very obscure. It was an interesting set list. It was for like true heads. He loved it.

Is he allowed to or wanting to do Crasby Stills, Snash and Young song? Oh cool?

But he played a guitar that Stephens Stills gave him in like nineteen sixty six, And did.

He tell any Stephens Still stories?

Didn't that guy die recently?

Yeah?

He dedicated a little song to him and said like he gave me this guitar, and I.

Was like, this one's for seniors state or whatever.

He said that would be the funny though.

Yeah, I bet the storytelling would be the best part.

It was a cool set up. He had like a little he had a little stomp, and he had like four guitars on stage. He had like a little tack piano and like a grand piano maybe or a big piano, and then like a pump organ and he would kind of just mill around the stage. It almost felt like you were watching him just like walk around his living room and pick up ship and play it.

It was really incredible And like, yeah, hi.

I just want to ask, has anyone ever ordered iced coffee with lemonade in it? Is that a drink you guys make?

Or no, no, no.

Point is taken. Okay can we get it Arnold Palmer? Or yeah?

Yeah?

And uh, I wasn't tried to shame you, no, no, I know.

And can I get a an iced mocha with just one pump of chocolate? Grande? What do you want?

Just like coffee without warm? Yeah?

Can we get a grande?

Which now I'll take an ice ice coffee with.

Oat milk, and that's gonna be all thank you.

It's so funny. I forgot that you were gonna ask.

I thought I invented a new drink, and I got too scared to order, and I should have. I regretted already.

Yeah, but this is.

Gonna be good. I wanna I wanta Arnold Palmer.

The second I was like, oh my god, what what am I doing?

But I was gonna say, would James, would you drink an iced coffee that had a lemonade in it? Like Arnold Palmer, but with coffee instead of tea?

I mean of Chris really wanted me to. Yeah, it doesn't sound good to anyone. I'm gonna I'm gonna. I'm gonna have one and report back. It's gonna be an exciting episode.

Well what does coffee even mix with? Like, right, ice cream? That's all I can think of the Yeah, well.

I mean now there no one would predict coffee and olive oil.

I mean they're doing weird things.

Yeah, yeah, that's that's truly.

I've heard it's good.

I don't know what it would do.

I bowels left after that, exactly.

That's the first lot anyone would have, right.

They have.

That's their new line, James, did you know that?

No joke, no joking.

They Joe with olive oil in it.

You said, their new line, like their slogan, do you have any bowels?

No? But they really they have been serving that drink with olive oil and people have been complaining that they didn't realize they were going to ship their pants out.

Yeah, adults. Adults have been completing entire families. Generations of people have the same name. You remember the olean in the We've talked about the potato chips. Yeah, and that I think it's there's no way it's not different from that. On your body.

Yeah, there's a new poison thing. Every a new poison. Like my dad has diabetes and and he's like all I do is eat like ten bags of low fat snacks all day. And I'm like, that's still a lot.

Yeah anyway, Yeah, Also they have chemicals in him.

Yeah, he sees a lot.

It's the perfect answer to what have you been doing this summer?

Yeah? I did visit home, but where all over, all over everywhere? When he shits around the house, here's.

I'll get the coffee that starts okay, thank you.

I'll get it.

Jaggs will get it.

It's one of the things the home owner for the wallet.

Are you Are you.

Seeing any other concerts?

I'll go to a show with you if you look, if you're looking for a friend, if you want to go to some kind of a rock show, already friends, I mean, if you're looking for a friend to go to a show with, I will be that friend. I saw one of my favorite bands. Yes, yes, yes, Okay.

It sounded like you were changing the subject, so I had.

The first half of the question.

Well keep up, please keep up.

I'll take the second part first, I'll be friends with you the first part. Now, I saw Daniel Romano and the Outfit, which is like one of my favorite bands in the world right now. They're so good at the troubadour.

Canadian. I love Canadian music. Dude.

He's a genius and his band's incredible. He was a solo guy for a while. He did like some country stuff and now he's doing kind of like almost like Row and Thunder Review era Dylan Live Ship and kind of punk too, but like the band is now his brother on drums, his wife who is a great singer, songwriter herself sings harmonies and tambourines. The bass player who I'm kind of became friends with, and his wife sings back up too, So it's two gala singing back up. Cool Daniel. Yeah, it's like if I.

If I did a Wikipedia search of him, would he be affiliated with any other Canadian acts? Oh boy? Yeah? Has he ever collabed with a c Newman or another Canadian trantically hip? But yeah, yeah, yeah, the whole thing. Well, yeah, the whole new pornographers they're mostly Canadian. Yeah, yeah, I just love all of that Canadian indie rocket. I was not very nice people.

Yeah, and you can hear. You can tell in the lyrics.

There's a nice notes.

Every song starts hello, how are you? It's so cool.

Let's put the polite back in rock.

I've been saying that not enough songs listen, right.

Where's My Chance? Where's My Verse?

And you?

You grew up in Kentucky, right, And I always thought because I'm from Montana, and I kind of pushed it away, I was surrounded by country music. But you spent the fourth together and you love old country music?

Yeah?

Did you? When you were like a teenager?

I was kind of yeah, I always kind of I was. I was into Dylan and No Young early too, and like, you know, there's a country element to that, and that like nineties alternative country, seeing whatever, alternative Americana. All the right names they got gave it. But I loved like Uncle Touplow and the son Vault and the Jayhawks.

Right, I love Jayhawks.

I'm very excited for it not to be coffee.

It's willing.

I'm willing to give it a shot later. Yeah, when I was young, I was like, I don't like country music. It puts me in a bad mood. And now I don't feel that way, so I just wondered yet.

I mean, I grew up like there was no radio like rock and roll radio and much less like indie radio or college town radio. Really, right, it was all like radio country and then like one classic rock station. And at that time I hated most radio country. You know, when you're a little kid, you listen to anything, but like.

You know, well, country radio or radio country, whatever we're calling it, it is very distinct and it's almost like you.

It's very singular.

It feels like it's almost like.

A different thing completely. It's pop, it's like and now Radio Country is almost like it's more racist, but it's more hip hoppy. It's weird.

It's very weird. Yeah, yeah, it's I want to be interested.

I want to give it.

A chance, but I just don't like the whole scene.

Yeah, but you know, I was into Whaley and.

Whalen and the boys, the boy.

I loved the boys.

Yeah. Can you let me merge mother fuck the highwaymen.

Yeah, all that stuff I discovered later in life, even though it was old.

Christofferson so good. Yeah, just like for Christofferson records are so good.

It's so crazy that Chris Christofferson is like as good. He's the Bo Jackson of acting and scene as good in one as the other. Yeah, what the fuck?

And he can fly a helicopter.

Wait, but he's a pilot too.

Yeah, he was like in the military and I think he was a pilot. There's a story I'm not sure if it's true or not, but it's the story that he landed as helicopter on Johnny Cash's lawn or something.

Why did just to be like in his face about it?

This would be like here's some songs or sometimes three of the songs out the window last.

He came in like a traffic reporter pitching a song. Take him.

Yeah, and Johnny was on a lot of drugs at that time, so he didn't know what was going on.

So Chris Christofferson was a musician and then an actor, right, that makes sense to me.

Yeah, is that the order? I don't know.

Well, I think they were both around the same time, right, because he wasn't Star is born right in like seventy two or something, I don't.

Know, early seventies. That's the That is the era.

When I was listening to AM, it was AM radio mid seventies, full on Gordon Lightfoot era, and it was like you're always in a hot station wagon with that AM radio on, and like you had to be a lyrics person, oh yeah, because you basically heard the same twenty five songs.

And the sound systems weren't that great, so all you were hearing was the trouble and the lyrics. So the lyrics had been good.

Yes, exactly. It was just a radio with one with the one speaker coming out of the center console.

I just now realized that is why I never grew up with country as both my parents in the car. It was it was very frowned upon. Country was not the music that was allowed in the country wasn't cool. I could listen to anything else, No Man, No Mandrell's Sisters.

It was our favorite show, No strided or watched every week.

My good friends.

Yes, And whenever I think of he Haw, I get the sense memory of my mother, my mother doing a self.

Permanent yeah, because that's syndicated weekend TV.

That's what he has Saturday at like seven.

Yes, a weird time where you're like, is someone going to make dinner? Or has everything collapsed in this household?

Yeah?

Yeah, we're all just waiting around to die. Right, I'm hungry?

What's up?

Does anyone else hit them in the butt? All right, I'll live another work week.

I guess I'll eat cheetos. That's fine, whatever, whatever works. Have to be real flexible on those he Haw days. I think though, you Chris maybe had just like I lived out in the country, and we the area we lived in was considered kind of country ish, right, And obviously if you're from Kentucky, then anywhere your war is kind of countryish, right, So you're being kind of catered to in that way that probably wasn't happening oh in Montana.

Yeah, I mean, there goes my theory.

Yeah, every school dance, all it was was country, and all all the kids in my class had trucks with rifles in the window, so it was it was definitely there.

I just was pushing it away because I.

Guess it was an interesting time because it was all country. But then it was like there was tons of classic rock too, like yeah, scannered and more skinnered.

Oh boy, a ton of Skinner, Triple Dose, Skinnered, Triple Wednesday.

Oh rock Block, Are you kidding me?

But yeah, I guess, like I mean, grunge did hit so big then, like you know that shit kind of got played on the radio too. Yeah, but yeah, MTV and v H one were like more formative than radio was for me.

And they didn't you had to go all the way over to CMT to get a country right, right.

I had to like be flipping through the channels late at night, against the wishes of my parents. I think I'm also lucky that I had an older sister that would come home with.

Music for me that she thought I should be listening to.

Being a little boy that liked skateboarders, Oh yeah, skateboard.

My sister was two years older, and she had a buddy who was a music junkie like me, and we would just trade, you know, every like three months, we'd trade like five cities to each other. And he's the one who turned me on too, like Pavement.

Yeah.

Was it an older friend my sister?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think that helps you need like an older friend that's given you like, oh, you you haven't heard about this because I'm in eighth grade and you're in sixth. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, and we had to drive like to paduca even like buy a CD. So like Paducah that was our big city. I was like forty five minutes away. Nice and so like you know, even buying a new seat, buying news, going record shopping was like a big special day for me.

Wow.

I would buy like magazines and just read about bands. You know, you had to really search for it. I like this band, and they like these five bands. I'll get into those five bands.

You're right. I did do that too, Yeah, like find the specific sections of a rolling stone in the library in high school. That's how I found out about you know, the pick seats and things like that. That is it's funny that we had to used to we had to we had to use to get into magazine.

We didn't have no algorism. But the H one actually was really cool. For like two or three years there. They had a show called Crossroads and they that's where I saw the Jayhawks for the first time, and like Sun Vault and Wilco and I also had that storytelling show that like Tom Waits and that was Consolidate Episodes. It was like, oh yeah, and then Flavor Flav came.

To town and said I need to find love. Yeah, and he he has a right, he has a right.

Oh yeah, yeah.

I remember VH one seemed like it was for the older folks. MTV was the hip, young one. And then one day I realized, oh, VH one still plays music.

I'm gonna watch that.

You don't like twenty four hours of ridiculousness?

Oh yeah, I mean that it's ridiculous.

James, where are we driving?

You are we going back to that dog sitting house?

Yeah? I just got there today. Okay, follow your bliss, will do? I do not know this area at all. I'm sorry I should have No.

No, it's fine.

Looked up some activity. That's on us. That's on us.

We're just gonna do some visual exploring.

Yeah, yeah, we're gonna look at things, comment on them, and have conversation face on those comments.

Very that's the structure. We emailed it to you five days.

Do you staying at this house and say are you actually sleeping there or just visiting the dogs?

You are sound sleeping there till like sunday.

It's great.

Yeah. The dog's so sweet, Cami go, she's so darling.

What kind of dog are we talking here?

I'm not good at that.

Skinny long dom Oh so.

That's what I got when I got out of the shower. On the get out of here.

That's the most perfect dog I've ever seen.

That's a really perfectly cute dog. That's like a lab, pitbull something other mint.

Yeah, yeah, that is.

I would put my face right in that dog's face. She's a sweet and it's the cutest dog I can till. I'd be allergic, but I would. I would fight through the itching. That's what love is.

I know.

I don't know why it's always pitbulls, Pugs, rock, anyone with wrinkles.

No, I think Pomeranian. I'd be okay, Why, well, it's not the pee I'm allergic to.

I'm a word guy.

Yeah, yeah, I do get a little weazy when I'm near the tail. Oh, but I any dog that has like super short, pug like hair. I'm for some reason, we're.

Buying a giant.

This high school looks like it is a movie that we're driving by. Yeah, hey, kids.

Yeah, I am jealous of I wish I went to high school like that, not a not.

A log cabin like I went to. We had a gorgeous art.

Yeah, this is our.

Basketball gymnasium at our high school is also called the multi Use Room, and like so every other thing took place in there, and they after a while they wouldn't let us play volleyball in there or like do actual sports in there because it was starting to hurt at children's knees because the floor.

Was built so old and badly. So it's just like.

Just so rank as.

Meanwhile, that place.

Had its own like led board out in front.

Yeah that's insane. It looked familiar enough that I'm going to insist that high school was used in movies.

Run Up. They used to make us when I thought I could do football, to try to please my father, they paid us crawl on all fours upwards and backwards up this dirt steep dirt hill at the end of practice, and would refuse to give us water during the summer.

Crawl on your hands and knees backwards up dirt hill with full gear arms. Shit, that seems like a weird made up I don't think anyone else had to do that.

And then like some high school kid died in Texas and they were I guess we've got to start giving them water now.

But that got you all the way to state, didn't.

It kind of from dehydration while crawling.

To success The James Fritz story.

Look at where the I mean, this is gorgeous.

Sometimes we wander into a state park. I think that's what's happening. It's happened a few times where this is gorgeous. Look that's all of a sudden, the shrubbery is from Atlanta.

How is the air bad here? That never makes sense to me just on an eye eye test level, there's so much green.

Yeah, well suddenly, since we turned that corner it's green.

Yeah, we're in like coastal Oregon.

All of a sudden, Look at this wall.

I keep thinking of to stop saying.

This wall of cypress tree.

Is that a member of the Getty family? Prevacly shrubbery?

That really cool?

Look like that castle and here's a more modern Okay, we're in like somehow we went down rich Boulevard.

Yeah we did.

That place isn't even finished yet. And I can tell because dogs houses bullshit. Yeah, sorry, we didn't mean to shove these better houses. Their dogs must be beautiful in this place.

Is what happens when you go up the hill.

Don't look at what they have up there.

I do.

I have to know where we are right now. I have to know.

We're gonna find out when we have to leave it.

We just went. We're coming up on whatever Madison manner is. I'm excited to see it. It's got a it's icon at.

Yeah, there's a manner ahead, guys.

I mean that's okay. That's left is the manor. Yeah, Karen literally just had her breath taken. That's the kind of use we passed. The car is driving outside, drive itself.

Don't anybody worry.

I mean that is gorgeous. Oh we can't look at that yard. This isn't done.

What if you grew up here? Yes, as you can turn left, but the fences say otherwise.

Yeah, that's before this giant house got built. Look at this guy with the fake Oh yeah, he's just a low he's a local beekeeper.

No wonder if those children's high school was so nice.

I don't know how we missed it.

We went by Madison Manor already.

Well we'll go back.

One of those beautiful.

Places was of Royalty. I love driving our neighborhoods like this. I think this is something I should take my sister and niece. It's through a drive of this neighborhood. Sure, I'm glad this worked out. Yeah, this is.

Really great, guys, better than dunkin Donuts.

Los Angeles Times twenty seventeen. La Kenyatta flint Ridge Manor ought to be in pictures and.

It is.

Headline. So this is this is Yeah, the rich yards of Lochanana.

Oh, Madison Valley Manor is a thirty two bed nursing home. It's not a nursing home, guys, I don't want to go to Madison Valley Manor. That's how they trick you.

We're taking in a Madison manner. Oh wonderful. So many of these yards have a statue of a man in deep thought. I I've seen many, but there how many slaves do I have? Let me rest my chin on my fist and think about it guilt free.

Yeah, these are these are beautiful home.

Nobody wants to work anymore.

We are all think about it. We're all similar in that we're sort of confronted by this level of wealth. Even when I do live here, I will be confronted by who I become.

I just hope these people come to a show and I can make them laugh. They need a laugh.

Yeah, James's material and these new listeners. You should know this. People of locking Down of flint Ridge, you should know it. If you go to a James Fritz show, you're going to relate.

First of all, they're never called that.

A James Fritz show.

You just are. I'm one of eight.

That's your style.

Yeah, Otherwise it would be the James Fritz Show.

Dun James. If you could have any kind of a TV show, talk show, scripted DOCU series, what would you like the James Fritz Show to be?

Yes, pitch it, manifest it. I'm listening. It's a lot of pressure.

WHOA, This is a lot I've never pitched and manifested at the same time a lot. WHOA Which do I do first?

I would like to replace Bill Maher.

Yeah, you're a great actor.

Did Boulder?

Has anyone ever.

Right on top of them? Actually his place has been solidified with this giant Boulder.

What do you think in Wiley Coyotes?

What did you die under a rock?

Did you do?

You remember acting in the film with me where you had to be a flush looking through a will bequeathment. Yeah, you nailed that. That was fun. Thanks. And then I remember thinking James Fritz should be acting. I remember you saying that natural ability just reacting.

You know, I've watched a lot of documentaries about it. You know, I act like I'm funny on stage right. That's the biggest conival when I say it's good to be here tonight. Is that not acting?

Yeah?

People say I've been a great crowd, Am I not? Apian? No, that was fun. I was nervous because you're a very funny, good actor.

Well, thanks, I mean.

I before I even knew you, well, I shared some I lapped just thinking about it again, the uh what was it? Cocktail parody?

Oh?

Well, it's the funniest things I've ever seen in my life.

Thanks.

Betty, that's a situation.

That's the kind of show that I'm going to say you're pitching is because I want there to be a show where it's just people by themselves in front of a green screen. It's so disarming. And then all the elements that make acting hard, like a room full of people, or the process of getting a job, which is people silently judging you from a table, making you think that maybe you're doing a bad job. All that is gone and you're just in front of a green piece of

That would be the funnest show to make.

Oh and you could literally be in any movie, right except the lawsuits.

You're right, and you have to do some IP clearance for sure.

Well, there is a world of uh, public domain movies. They're bad movies, and those are the funnest ones to put people in. Just you and the right brothers, over and over right, exactly, archival footage.

Train coming at you again again.

Again, do something new with it.

I think it would be the best show.

Really. Oh No, I got electrified elephant. That's a bomber.

No, I got a decaying Fox.

It's just oh the wilderness almost got a spit taking your nice.

Yes, yes, you're back in the car.

James Frits. Wait, James Fritz have we ever had the discussion with you about how you are one of our most popular guests on do you need to write?

No, No one talks to me about it.

We should have relayed that to you. That should have been.

Oh, when we said COVID wasn't gonna be a big deal.

Way back when. Look, we had our opinions.

And then the world ended.

We're only human.

I don't remember that.

We're gonna get I think we're gonna I think global warming is just about over.

We're wrapping it up.

The billionaires have our backs.

Boy, I need to listen to old episodes and discover all these empty promises we made.

We we actually did research, though, because they went into like look through for rebookings and stuff, and they just looked at the numbers of each podcast episode for this podcast.

And you're I think you're right up there top.

Three that Hollywood. Yeah, yeah, I hope You're hate listens count as numbers too.

Yeah, that's right.

It's all traffic. That's all they care about.

Traffic's money, baby, So your hate is paying our bills.

Your your podcast episode is like a podcast version of the movie The Room, which I that's hate watched right The Room.

Yeah, it may have come all the way around to.

Being love wise, Yeah, I think so.

Wow, I've never I've seen clips of it online.

It's actually fun, is it? Yeah?

So people, it's like Rocky horror picture show. People throw things at it and yell things out like that. It's an interactive thing.

Yeah, right, because I think the guy just ran it here and it just became like a midnight movie here. Yeah, back in the day, and he like just put billboards up.

I was living in Los Angeles when those billboards went up, sincerely, like the first time around. They were on Highland, and I'll never forget being like why would that guy have a billboard? And then slowly but surely this story came out of like what exactly this was all about?

He had multiple Yeah, they were all over when I visited this.

We talk about this week all the time where I was yet to move here and I just showed up at Howard Kramer's with a skateboard on my backpack and drive me to the haha. Cafe in all these places, but there was the room billboard gone for oh yeah, you can have your caffeine and some laughs to exactly. But I didn't know much about it, but it was everywhere. And someone said, yeah, it's like a wealthy guy that promotes his own film, which I think is true, right, and they have money for some reason.

Yeah, I mean if he had billboard money, that's for sure.

And then the room billboard was just his face, real close up and he looks very scary in it, and I thought it was a horror movie. Then I was at the twenty four hour fitness in Venice and this very stringy, veiny man asked me to a slim good body. He's he's just a slim good fellow. He asked me to spot him. So he was bench pressing, and I'm like, where have I seen this scary faced man? But and then he wanted me to bench press, which I don't usually do.

But he was wearing this seems like I'm making up.

He's wearing wearing very very short shorts and they and my you know where my head was in relation and yes I saw them his balls, but but he it took me put his balls over you. He just was wearing a running short and they were short and anyway, I've seen that guy. He's a confident man. I don't know his name. What's his name.

I've seen his balls. That's the point. That's not even where the story was going.

And what's more about the balls?

Please?

They were perfect?

But but that was it took me and his balls.

I think it was days.

Later when I saw like a YouTube video making fun of his acting and that, and then I realized that's who it was.

That said those balls look familiar.

I thought he was like a rocker or something. He looked like an ex rock and roll guy. Yeah, he and he was very muscular. He was like a tiny little muscleman. I think he worked harder on that than right thee.

Yeah, I think he should have taken a cold reading class, but you know he wouldn't. Who am I to say? When how it was a very successful?

Uh project?

Really?

Overall?

Yeah? I guess it was.

And everyone knows about it, and they made a movie about it, which I never watched. Yeah, how much he got paid for that?

Oh? Right?

Was he in that movie?

Also?

Yeah? I believe so right, it's because I think Paul sheer got into it and was like the champion of that whole movement. And then I think he's.

In the movie, the movie about the Room, but none of us will remember what it's called.

I bet it's.

Called the Room.

It's like him and James Franco.

Right, yeah it is.

It does have another name.

Can't think of the disaster artist.

That's what it's called.

Did you just remember that? Off the top top of my head? Really, that's where you got it? Now, what city would you guess.

This to be? James?

I'm gonna guess James is the guest?

Oh right, right, go ahead, James, whoa James guess?

Thanks demon, before you shovel this callnity.

Guys, I'm sorry before your guest, James.

Everybody, look ahead, we got we.

Got a straight up police.

There are thirty is anybody holding sets of sirens and those are fire vehicles, and we are going to.

The action to be a part of history.

Yeah we are, and I believe we're in lock Resenna.

Well, okay, I guess it wasn't my guess. Oh, I'm so.

Sorry.

I took too long.

It's l a baby. I only know because it's too long. Someone else there's a skate park, and I've been to the skate park and Henry Phillips' parents.

Okay, this is the amount of fire trucks and ambulances that would say the first thing brings to mind for.

Me a mom.

Yeah, but I can see from here though.

There's a large ladder drawn and it has been extended to its double length off to the left.

So I think we're a jumper.

I believe we either got a jumper and there's someone negotiating. I hope it's Morgan Freeman.

P W.

Herman's girlfriend.

I hope it's JP Morgan. They want to drive directly up there.

That guys, we're doing a podcast. Let us through. We have questions, we're pressed.

We love true crime.

There are so many fire trucks.

There's like already, okay, we're gonna follow this white to get a peek. Let's try to go down this way be where that sign says dips. That's right, this car is filled with dips.

I just know that this road is riddled with dips. You got any flavored dips?

Guys?

We got a we got a skybird.

Oh skybird, that's what you said already confirming.

I want to say, Skybird, Skybird.

It feels good that Skybird's going a different direction.

Okay, finally, we used to listen to Skybird all the time.

Scarbird.

There is there are even cops a block away from something big is going on.

Yeah, people getting overtime.

Yeah guys.

Okay, it's all fire trucks.

But there's no smoke, right and we know, as Bad Company said, there's no smoke without we.

Got a sniper or a jumper, sniper jumper to the ladder that Oh that's it's like a crane. What's it doing. It is a ladder and at the end of it and it looks like a gun, but I think that's where the water shoots out.

It's a giant panana.

I'm very excited. I hope there's candy.

Inside because you know a thousand this is for like a movie.

Yeah, oh maybe, Well, then let's not shut it down. It's for a new movie. I don't think we need to be nervous anymore. To Tom Cruise jumps onto the hood of your car at all. It's just face pressed against such glass, screaming. I do my own stunts all over. I'm not really upset. It's just an Alien's emotions haunting my body.

I watched all of those movies in a week.

It's impossible.

Oh they're good, though, great, they're good movies.

They're shockingly I don't know if any franchise has gotten better as they go along. Really like that.

I need to I need to get into them.

We could perhaps are you maybe Terminator? Although I can't remember what happens in Terminator three?

Oh yeah, that's I mean, I really only like the first two. I don't even know if I know that if.

T is real good, real good.

I recently watched rain Man.

Does it hold up?

Gosh?

It does?

And really?

Yeah?

Well, right right, I'm reading between the two lines. You're laying down, Well.

You know a problematic Everyone was doing that, I know, because he's so good. Everybody wanted that Oscar seanpan that I am Sam. Yeah, he's not doing a Gilbert Grape. He's so good at it that it is.

Uh. You watch it and you forget he's Dustin Hoffman, but you don't watch Tom Cruise and forget it's Cruise. He's really good, and he's good and made to do this. Man. I even pumped my fist when there were and matching suits on the escalator and I might be confusing it from the movie Twins, but it's very joint. It was a spike lea spliff. Yeah. I think you're right. I think it is eleven. Yeah.

I wish there was some way, like if somebody was on crime next Door or whatever, we could figure out what was happening.

We kind of left our listeners.

Thanks. We used to be able to just go to Twitter, I know, right, and search flat Ladder.

Lad in the Sky.

Yeah, I think it was a fire. Don't you have to pay for like that app now, Citizen or whatever?

I bet you do, because Nazis were using it to just drive gay people out of Malibu and ship is that true?

What do you mean?

Right wingers like took it over and they're like, we're gonna make people pay for this. Really something weird was happening or like vigilante justice they were trying to do on people.

Well, right, because if it was anything like the next Door app, That's how I figured out the part the part of Bourbank I lived in. It was just like, oh, everyone here is like a racist republic. Yeah, oh ship that they were saying on there where it was like sorry, the public can see this, like in my yard.

Yeah never like was he he was wearing a Comcast uniform, Like that was.

The guy Grandma take a walk.

Grandpa take a walk? Because I mean that's a solid stand up catchphrase.

Right, And I was like, Grandma take.

Away, Grandma take a walk. I know, guys, I know T shirts available in the lobby.

I'm working on a new one for my southern character. When I say, like a truth bomb, I just go like I'm flipping a spatch line. I'll go Burger's Ready.

You buy. I would buy that T shirt.

Hell, yes, even if I didn't know who you were.

Yeah, and I'm I can I could sell the little chef aprons.

There's another one going on there.

When you're ever on the road and you're in a comedy club, do you ever, as a defense mechanism go lean towards go I'm a Southern character. I've done that before. I did it in Indianapolis and it went very well.

You leaned on your southern Yeah.

I just cable guided up and told my same jokes. But they liked that guy.

Well, if I have more than two drinks, my accent comes out more anywhere.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, I only said that assuming you don't have an accent. But I guess I have heard.

I'm nervous and I have more than two drinks. Then it's a country show.

Yeah, you are the southern guy.

I'm southern, Mama.

Listen to these observations.

Yeah, I'll never forget. And then I ruined it at the very end. I let them know that's not how I really talk. And then they felt like they were.

So you did a voice, You did a voice fake some voice the whole show, and then at the end you were listening I've been lying to you. Goddamn.

Yeah, I know this is how I really sound. But the shows weren't going very well. I knew you'd like that guy better. Good night. You did a full face in the crowd.

Yeah, I regret it now.

It's not something I would do. Now. I feel like I drink them and they I was being heckled by two men that were high school principles. Oh my god, and they wouldn't They were so disruptive, and I'm like, I can't believe.

Think of how mad you'd.

Be at students right now if this, if you were speaking in the auditorium and they just were laughing, and then of course at the end they bought like ten CDs. It was a while back. I'm not that's not that they each bought several CDs. It's true.

So they basically were like trying to go out and finally unwind, and they're like, we're just gonna yeah back like high school students.

Yes, somebody else.

And we've been getting it all wait, kind of give it to this game exactly.

I really I think that any interacting I did with them was that that's what I was accusing them of. I'm like, oh, you're just mad at students for doing what you're doing right now. And they did not apologize, but they did buy those CDs.

That's an apology.

Yeah, that's my kind of apology, to be honest.

They were also by any.

Listeners, I have a box of CDs from my long ago album. Cannot move them.

Please buy them if you'd like to say.

Sorry, I cannot move them.

I have I just in my garage.

I have two giant boxes of my old CDs.

They're fifteen hundred each.

Three just my little failure disc. I'm staring me in the face area of the kitchen you're.

In when the grid goes down, you guys will have some of the only entertainment available hard copy. Wish what anyone's gonna need. You'll be way ahead of the game.

Or just end my string coasters?

I mean, what ever?

That on? My have been taking bathtub gin classes to prepare what kind of classes?

Bathtub gin?

Just kind of a make your own at home to prison stuff.

Have you ever made a liquor in a tub? No, my mom used to do that. There's two a shower downstairs. I think it was like a plumb wine.

Are you being serious now or is this your southern character?

No? No, yeah, I don't. I don't change my voice at all.

Thank you.

You've been a great, really big voice.

You were wrong to.

Like me, consider yourself, right man?

A character? Yeah? Yeah, it was uh And I had a lot of friends that that did that, like in their closets, take some sugar and something else and fermented, and then when it blew up and you know, it was ready to drink, and we'd go to a field and poison ourselves. I'm from a sophisticated time, very simpler,

Did you get nice and drunk?

We did?

I think nice and kind of poisoned.

It was more than a drunk.

We were seeing things.

Limbs wentnam Yeah, tingly, I believe by all definition it was moonshine. There's not a lot to do in Montana, and I thought that maybe, you know, in Kentucky it was the same.

Oh, I grew up in a dry county.

It was really yeah really so did you not have access to alcohol them when you're a young person.

I mean, if you wanted to go to a field and hang out with a bunch of racist who are trying to fuck your older sisters.

Right right, right? All right?

Much so AKA Friday Night?

Yeah? Yeah, wow.

I watched a lot of TV and listened to a lot of music and got the fuck out. Yeah.

I became a drunken college and the system, you know worked.

Yeah, You're like, I see what they were doing this whole time?

They were right, Yeah, I didn't need to know moderation ever, Yeah, I went.

Yeah, it went though recently, like uh like five years ago because they needed the money.

Yeah, that's such an old leftover law.

Yeah, well it was crazy man. The I remember we had a one of our video stores had a just like a softcore room. I didn't go in there, but we all knew about it.

Sophocore chornography.

Yeah, no, soft court documentary sure, sure, okay, just kind of lightly erotic documentaries.

Of the Bible.

Yes, Emmanuel teaches you engine they really how too, but the church like got them run out of town for soft Oh shit. Wow it was crazy for like red shoe diaries basically.

Wow.

So like all this like reaction and crazy right wing culture ship going on now, Like I kind of feel like I've already lived through a lot of that. It's just online and louder now. But like I remember one time they took all the kids out of uh out of like what was that. It's like elementary school aren't like fourth or fifth grade. My mother was a teacher, so she didn't take me out of school. She's like,

No what what?

Yeah dude, and what was it? Like?

Wrote like, yeah, someone probably justel so symbols on the wall.

Well get him out of school, get him out of that school.

Well, I mean, you know a C d C stands for after Christ Devil comes?

Right what things like that just kind of stumbled out of your mouth. Are you sure that's what it is? Wow?

After Christ's devil comes?

Yeah? No, man, so like, yeah, this fucking crazy.

I guess that is how Kentucky and Montana are different. I didn't I was church wasn't as strong. Yeah, uh, you know force in Montana. I don't think it's not until I go to Southern States, where I see it's like, oh they run ship around here. Churches are fancy and their every other block.

Oh yeah, I mean there was prayer in school all the time. Our science teacher like believed in like creation something ship you know.

Yeah I wish. Yeah it was crazy and I was like, get me out of here. I'm glad I grew up where it was just it's like, oh, they have after school programs and people are nice to you and they feed you like I never there wasn't any hate ute.

Yeah, it was all.

Yeah, that's I'm glad that I didn't.

Well, there's definitely a change because we had like an old preacher, like an old timey one, and the church was smaller the church I grew up in. And then he retired, and then we got like a real like a televangelist style, right, and the church fucking exploded and and and he was, you know, just yelling about gay people and ship oh wow, real face screaming all the time.

Maybe that was I just wasn't allowed to be near those places.

And I learned at a young age like, oh that shit makes a lot more money than just the love your neighborship.

To this day to day, yeah.

That's the problem we have on hand.

Yeah, it's never gone away, and it ain't no, no, Yeah, all these people say shit satanic. It's like you believe in Satan, Maybe you should not be in the debate of public policy.

Yeah, for real, did you see there's some I mean, now I'm on TikTok so it's like the amount of like House.

Of Representatives meetings I find myself.

Watching where I'm like, why am I I'm just upsetting myself like whatever. But there was a woman who is they were trying to talk about the trans thing, and they started the guy that was the you know, one of the main guys, is talking to this woman and he starts saying stuff about demons and she's like, I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to clarify.

Like are you using a metaphor?

Ye? Are you actually saying you believe there are demons in your fellow members of the House of Representative. He's like well, and he was doing this weird bullshit politician thing like I'm not saying you're possessed. I just saying you are OD if that is what you believe, like this right out loud.

She's just like, I'm sorry for the record.

Can I just have you to that one more time?

Can you say that into this microphone that you know this is on tape?

Yeah?

Wow, say it.

I'm going to watch that.

I need to see that or do I Yeah? Wow, yeah, I guess.

So it is important to know that that's happening.

Did not take it personally.

Yeah, we went past that nice little house, but I'm just letting you know in case you didn't.

Oh, someone's trying to cancel us. Now that we're talking the truth.

Chris finally shut it down.

Guess who's the televangelist in this car?

I went the Johnny Carson. People who believe in Demon's listen to the show too. Oh yeah, we half our listeners are demons. We went to, Oh, I'm pro demon this town. Johnny Carson grew up in a town called Norfolk. I think they all call it Norfolk, but it's folk. I didn't want to correct anyone. Uh.

And there were I of Late Night. Well he it's funny.

The more we went on tours of his childhood home and we signed the wall and there I'm like, why am I signing Johnny Carson's childhood sware whatever? All the comedians there's a couch you invite yourself over to. Yeah, yeah, I stayed there for a few days. But they they no one had anything really nice to say about him. They're like, well he yelled at me once.

Dark They had a real darkness man.

Yeah, but our shows were in a church at one point. We had to be squeaky clean, uh, And every comic was assigned a chaperone family and what what I'm not kidding.

Is this a punishment?

Festivals started this one in the middle a little bit.

Yeah.

Well I flew there first, the start one of the contract behind in Blood more.

Folk, Virginia, but not it was a festival, yes, and a competition.

I didn't know I was being tricked into doing a competition.

Uh.

And I accidentally said ship and got disqualified. I said, oh my gosh, I just said ship and now said it twice, so surely I've been disqualified. And they I it was fun. I did, I did well and I got disqualified and uh.

And then the.

Old the old couple that was my chaperone family who picked me up.

Everything was just two old people. Everyone there was an old person.

There was a church on every corner, they all and it was it was an experience that I was nervous to get into, but I actually had a great time.

They were everyone was.

So nice to me, and the crowd sh yes and yeah and Shirley Jackson's lottery. Yeah. I I I very much enjoyed myself in a way that I thought I wouldn't. That's that was my whole point. And they were all very religious there. But it was religious, right, you have to. You know, he's making a l that.

Is they're the most oppressed group in America, Christian right right.

First, I know, I know, I don't want to be the one to say this, but they were.

It was.

It was a very enjoyable time, and I'm obligated to go back.

You're afraid that those two old people that let you stay at their house listen to this podcast.

They were so nice.

There's nice way. If they don't.

Listen to you need to riot. And they said, oh, we're going to listen.

They said, we promise.

You, Chris God is mild witness. I don't think they're with us anymore listening to they will listen to your robot voice show.

There they don't. They're not with us anymore because they've listened to us say the efforts so many times that they passed away.

Right right, We we do, we do we people out with our foul language, just filth.

How are we doing on time?

I'm guess we're good. Flew by for me, Yeah, it did kind of fly very fast. I really wish we hadn't answer as why there was at least thirty Well, they'll just have to listen to the next episode.

I think when we get in front of the place. You're saying we should and I mean you guys should pull out your phones. We should see if we should can find the breaking story right now, just for the sounds, right right?

Oh yeah, okay, I think we are in.

It's not a fire, so don't search fire. There was no smoke anywhere.

Glendell not fire.

Fire free.

What are you searching on? We need to be on different platforms. I'm going to get out of maps.

Oh. Firefighters are still on scene after knocking down a two alarm fire at a Lack Crescenta restaurant Wednesday afternoon.

Yeah, Foothill Boulevard.

For my I was wrong.

It was a fire.

Two alarm fire two alarm that means power went out. Oh shit, I don't think this.

Is Oh no, inside a Oh check the date on your diners evacuated as two alarm fire rips through.

I got it on the latest I have here. Major fires swept the La Crescinna area in nineteen thirty three, sixty four, in nineteen seventy five. Is that not? That's that's on? Do you need a buggy?

It's it's a good background.

Sure, I mean yeah, it gives us historical context for this fire.

I guess we get this sense of there's been fire here before. Those guys know what they're doing, so there's nobody got a bomb freat Yeah, a bomb.

Due to the size of the building, firefighters immediately declared the blaze a second alarm fire. Sixty five firefighters battled the fire. A portion of the building collapse. Sorry sorry. One firefighter was injured to the department, but there's no information provided on how he was heard or the status. The cause of the fire.

Is not immediately known.

Grease fire.

Yes, that was the twelfth.

That was today. Yeah, yeah, it was like thirty minutes ago.

Guys, we did it.

We did it. It was just a fire. We were right.

That was for you listener, Yeah, news many newsperson, newsperson, please thank you, James. Do you have any plugs?

Yeah?

Anything you want to talk about before this very fast trip ends.

Oh, I wanted to get into COVID more.

Sure, just discussing all the problems.

I was wrong, I admit that. Last time. I remember you saying it was gonna just we were going to breeze through it.

Well, it was just like it was. It was like the time you know, it was just like, oh no, there's doing a story about another bug. Oh wow, and we're just like, oh, we've seen this before.

That was really yeah.

Well I wasn't like a cod I'm not a COVID denier, right, trying to paint me.

Well, if this is a consolation, malaria is back in the US in several cases, there's that to look forward to.

I mean, I don't think it's gonna end up being a very big deal.

Just right right, let's follow the format.

Throw away your mosquito.

That's folks, I don't It's fine.

What do they even James?

If people want to find you? Are you on threads?

A situation because I'm not famous, so I have to be on everything still, Okay, great, I'm on threads and he's my billionaire. I'm sorry, I like him. You gotta be on you gotta pick a billionaire.

True.

No. I hope they both fight to the death and they both win.

I hope they all go to the moon and fight in their own rockets.

I'm gonna try to I don't want to think So'm I'm going to record an album in Chicago November or early December.

I knew about this forgot where you keep an eye out where we're.

Still ye looking for I got a place I really want in mind, So we're waiting to hear.

Back on that. Yeah, there's always shoebas.

I enjoyed that place.

It's just a suggestion, thank you, of course. Well so look for that.

Yeah, and uh yeah, I'm Fritz is dead On Instagram? What do I post my ship there?

Are you going to post a picture of this dog?

Or is that not love? Because it's not your dog?

I can do whatever I want. Yeah, yeah, post a picture of that dog.

People should see.

The look on that dog face is agreeing.

To be there's already one in the stories.

Yea, come on, it's a beautiful dog.

Yeah.

Well you're a beautiful man and I can't wait. You're very good, beautiful dog. Yeah, that's that's my specialty.

And if you ever get the chance to see James Fritz do stand up, it is he is effortlessly funny.

Absolutely effort you got.

The effort doesn't really show, not as.

Much waking up, going through the day getting that stuff.

That's the effort.

But stand up is not.

Once I'm on stage, it's feeling mis masal up there.

Yeah, You're always throwing your arms up above your head.

Like I'm outside of a car dealership, just.

Expressing yourself with a bunch of hot air.

You've been listening, Yeah, got the outro? Do you need a ride?

D y n Are no war, no wart.

Yes, we did it, We did it.

This has been an exactly Right production.

Produced by Annalise Nelson, mixed by Edson Choy. Our talent booker is Patrick Cootner.

Theme song by Karen Kilgareth.

Artwork by Chris Fairbanks. Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y n Ar Podcast.

For more information, go to exactly Rightmedia dot com.

Thank you, ooh you're welcome.