S4 - Ep. 5 - Kara Klenk

Are you leaving?

I you want your way back home? Either way, we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a terminol and gay.

We want to send you off inside.

We wanna welcome you back home.

Tell us all about it.

We scared or was it fine?

Melbourne?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Ride? Do you need with Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need to ride?

This is Chris Fairbanks and this is Karen Kilgarriff.

We are driving.

Through Karen's neighborhood, just on the heels of the fourth of July, the most traumatic time.

OOP pets tough, tough in Los Angeles, cats, NonStop, dogs, all explosions.

They all, it's negative reviews.

They I you said your dogs don't seem to mind.

Frank was a stray dog for the majority of his life.

Sadly so, he has a real lazy fair attitude about almost everything. He's seen a lot, He's been through a lot. Fireworks are no big deal to him. And then Blossom is a big.

Coffeecatter, so she just does what he does.

So luckily I don't have to drug either of them, like I used to have to drug George, who was a hound and so nervous and would be truly having a nervous breakdown.

Yeah, I think that I'm the hound dog of people because or I act like I am being reminded of the Big War, right, And I I never really liked forth even as a kid. I didn't want to light off fireworks. I just don't know what's missing in me. Explosions don't do it for me.

Well, you might be sound sensitive. I think we've talked about this before.

My niece my nieces sound sensitive, so like when there's a big, crazy noise, it freaks her out really bad, and then she gets really embarrassed, where it's like, no, that's just because I think she's got real sensitive yours.

Yeah, So it's the same category these explosions as hearing someone smack, hearing someone's kiss, hearing someone scratch a chalkboard.

Or like I was watching TikTok and a guy I was saying something very deep and almost like a therapeutic type of advice, and then he bit into something I wasn't looking straight at the phone, and I was so livid Immediately, I was just like, never again.

So we will once again apologize for the episode where we ate a dozen donuts.

Yeah, a dozen donuts.

And also there was one time where I just freely ate a Rice Krispy treat, one of the louder things you could possibly eat.

Right, Well, you never know what edible gifts are. Gifts are going to bring us. True, we don't want to be rude to one person, so we're rude to all of you.

We don't, yeah, exactly, we want to make the people who are actually.

Showing up for us suffer in stereo.

And I actually wasn't even a gift.

It was me gifting myself something from Starbucks, which is like even more on us.

That's the same thing you wrapped it. I remember there was a ribbon. I pretended to be surprised.

I just I'm it's so funny. Though.

This weekend I was around two dogs, one obviously from.

The streets and was used to some noises, and the.

Other dog was a huge, muscular, some sort of a bold massive type dog yeah, and was trembling in a way where I'm like, this is trauming. I'm watching trauma happen. Yep, just would not stop shaking and was not mimicking the other dog.

And it was the strongest looking dog. Yep. That also was a rescue. But just it's you know, yeah, it was a little sound sensitive.

It was sound sensitive.

Maybe it had already had bad loud sound experiences. Like that's the thing I do when I look at my dogs and you start to think what life have you led?

And I can make myself cry in about ten seconds.

When I do that, and you can only get so.

I therapeutically ate a rice crispy trees right in front of this dog's face.

Get used to it, I yelled.

You think that sounds bad, I said, listen to me smack arnd on a rice crispy tree against your will.

He's like, I could get used to this.

It's not so bad.

Yeah.

I went to Venice Beach, where I'm reminded it's utter chaos.

People.

The fireworks that are supposed to explode loudly in the sky were just being laid down casually in the sand. Jordes, people just shelling in blankets, and no one.

Was chasing after the culprit.

It was just like, Hey, I love this country, and I'm glad that I lost a finger.

It was so it was chaos. Yeah.

Well, you know what's funny is two days before fourth of July, I was driving down York Boulevard in Eagle Rock, very hip and cool area of this Los Angeles, and someone threw an MDI in the street and so there was kind of a flash and then there was a gigantic boom and.

I thought my car was exploding or something. And then it just kind of that should is that coming from?

They shouldn't be that siren? Yeah, I have to announce what sounds we're hearing? Your car's chang studio.

Oh that's true.

We heard a siren through this this insulated Karen had the car modified.

I just lightly modified.

I had the fin put on the back and then I said, throw up some acoustic tiles in here. Yeah.

Yeah, you did have this giant spoiler put on.

Oh look they're driving down the wrong side of the road. That's my favorite.

Those firemens. They must be from England.

Those are the firemen that don't give a shit.

Oh yeah, I've seen a lot of that lately. They're being really punk rock.

They have to it's a fire.

Well, I hope it ends safe for whoever they're going to visit.

But don't let the fire.

Don't let the fire department ruin my great mat story, which is also about danger.

I mean it's a quarter stick of dynamite, if I recall correctly.

Is that true?

Yes? And so actual media is three three six. I'm not very good at math.

A quarter is what do you mean that can't be right because a stick of dynamite, I'm wrong, It has to be wrong.

I think that's one sixteenth.

Yeah, yeah, it's got to be a one sixteenth stick of dynamite.

Yeah.

That sounds just lengthwise alone, too stubby.

Have you lit off and made yourself?

I have? I mean I went through a normal childhood. I just wasn't enjoying it.

When you get a little g I Joe doll to strap it to his back and have a long wick. Yeah, involve gasoline, stepping on glass, stung by three bees at Aaron Deeson's house.

That all happened at one time.

A Yeah, I was not allowed to stay there again. I stepped on a nail, I got stung by bees. The bees weren't the fault of the decent family. They were a decent family, and they were Mormons, but they did have a lot of bees and literal bats in their bilfree and and I I was not allowed to stay there.

I came. I had too many stories. And one of them was lighting gasoline which then was supposed to light the wick.

No.

Yeah, and we were blowing up little army men.

That's from the movie Toy Story where you're the evil neighbor child.

Exactly exactly, And none of these little toys are going to come with me to college.

Very sad, but the stick of dynamite quarter to one sixteenth.

Will Toy story is a rip off of.

Movie An electric blank wh was the electric blanket movie.

The Brave Little Toaster, it was called it was called The Brave Little Toaster, okay, but it was much sadder because it was a cabin that hadn't been inhabited for a year and they're waiting for the family to come for their summer vacation.

And the guy, the kid had grown and gone off to college, and the family they were in a train wreck or something, and all this electric blanket, this toaster lamp. They're like, when are they coming? We have so much fun when we're they're here. And it was way sadder than twice Jesus. And yeah, it was not a lot of famous people except for John Lovett's one of the greats. One of the greats when it comes to give me. It was his early work. If you check IMDb, Brave

Oh shit, look at this traffic.

But that the animator of that approached Howard Kramer and I about doing something where comedians sit in a bathroom, in a toilet stall, and then the graffiti on the walls would come to life. And it was a way to interview people. Oh so they could tell stories. And then a little I thought it was a good idea.

It is a good so I spent some time with a Brave Little Toaster guy. Wait a second, congratulations, thank you.

It didn't go anywhere with credit many failed projects.

Is as you interview people, like the graffiti changes behind you or so it's almost to life.

Okay, And we got the idea of from this animate It looks like a flip book animation, but it was. He could do it on any surface, so a lone guy could run for a good time, called his phone numbers swing on one of those numbers land on the toilet paper roll and at the end, you know time you'd have to be flushed. Of course, sure, because it's into toilet spot.

But who are you interviewing in that SNAr.

It was supposed to be uh comedian.

Sorry, I must interrupt you to say, we're getting into the carpool.

It feels so good me Chris on the leaves making it happen in California.

Anytime you're in the carpool lane, you realize how lonely you've been.

Because I rarely am able to use it.

I yeah, although I wonder if I can use it because the type of car this is, it's electric.

Well, I don't want you to abuse the system.

What do you care.

You'll know for your own wellbeing. It'll make you feel bad. You know how you are with the system, what you love the systems? It works as a well oiled machine. And I know your pro government.

I just think we need bigger government with more oppressive loss.

On a civic level city wide.

Yes, I think we need to keep on doing everything that early thirties Berlin was doing and pretend it's not happening.

The mayor should be armed.

We have a lot of good ideas on this podcast, and that's why you tune in, and it's why we are on a billboard in Times Square that's still so excited.

Did you see that? Did you see some pictures of the billboard?

Oh? I did.

I even saw the quick video and Michelle Balloon stop. I took another photo.

Michelle Balloon texted me and was like, Hi, I've told you well, but I'm so excited and sent that picture.

And that in that picture I realized not only was it the art I did a long long time ago, yep, and all the imagery and the color I like, but our names.

Yeah, and our faces drawn by you.

So if you haven't seen it, go to take a flight to New York City.

They're so inexpensive.

Right in the American Eagle outfit or building.

And it's so easy to fly these days. It's just do it because it's for us. And then you're just looking at a thing that you could also see on social media.

As far as I recall, there's a helicopter pad right on top of thirty Rock and land there.

I don't know where it is in New York.

I spend the money times Square.

Times Square is thirty rock there.

I don't know.

Oh, I don't know either.

It's on my TV.

Yeah, it's been so long since I was a page.

Here's what I liked about.

That billboard billboard, Yes, is.

Looking at it and remembering like you and I putting this podcast together alone, right, and like I just think it's a little bit miraculous that we've done it and we continue to do it. Where you and I didn't know each other super well, right, We were like we'd been at some parties and done comedy shows together, but it wasn't like we knew each other, right, and we just basically were like, let's cobble together this thing to

Yes, yeah, which could have happened, I know, and it didn't really sink in until I mean, of course, there are little hints like people coming to my shows and nice messages and all those things. I've appreciated it so far, But that billboard, yeah, very tangible, even though I did wasn't actually touching it. Tata palpable, even though I wasn't licking, and like she it's very well paper, very I could smell it, I could see it. Let's just say I could see it.

It's a photo for good say it is a photo, but it also is it's a symbol of when you have a good idea and you have talented friends. It doesn't you don't have to know where you're going to land. Did we think we were going to land in Times Square?

No? No, I thought it was going to land flat on my ass like I do every time. Kidding. That's fire, that's farcical.

It's underdog comedy. It's what we like.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but yeah, I'm just proud of us. I am too.

Yeah, I'm adding you on the back and me simultaneously.

Which is hard.

It is tough.

It's like rubbing your belly and tapping your head.

You're double jointed. So you're doing it great.

Yeah, I'm doing it like Jim Carrey and that old stand up hit.

But also you kept on. We started doing it in twenty fourteen, I believe. Oh yeah, I believe someone recently told I think it was in some of the thing for our new season where it's like we've been doing it since twenty fourteen. We actually said it maybe in the promo, So that alone was like, oh, that's a

Oh well, thanks. I knew it would work. I knew we had something. Yeah, I knew it. I was just like Andrew Ridgefield and Wham first started. Sorry, I just watched the documentary. I knew I have myself at George Michael and I would take second banana seat eventually and look at me now, passenger seat. I hardly write any of our hits them suddenly along for the ride.

But you are Wham, and that's the thing. There is no Wham without Andrew Ridgely.

Yeah, yeah, I'm not gonna go off and do some solo stuff.

Oh there are you.

There was the the one time I went to the airport by myself and talked to myself out of necessity, I guess right, And it was horrifying, so horrible.

Yeah, I can only do it with.

You, okay, God, thank you well, or you're dad Andrew Ridgefield.

By the way, I think I'm saying I don't know why I had a field anyway. Chris fairbanks Field, he was really talented, and he was like this documentary basically it's it's not the best.

I'm not promoting it. It's a bit of a snooze fast. Oh but it was. I like Wham a lot.

And I think if you tell yourself you don't like Wham, you're lying to yourself.

Just like with Abbah, you do like it.

You're there.

It's music that the people who made it are geniuses at music. So if you don't like it, that's on you.

Yeah.

And the documentary was kind of showing George Michael developing this confidence and then kind of going off on his own as all of a sudden, becoming good looking and being confident and all, well, but he wouldn't have done it without Andrew.

I don't want to argue with you immediately after saying thank you to you, but I'm going to because I was twelve.

Was I twelve? No, I was fourteen when that video hits.

At the argument you were.

Twelve, you have to argue on twelve. I was fourteen when that came in. I was a freshman in high school. And I'll never forget. I went to my friends I think she was just having a slumber party, and we were down in her in the rumpus room and she turns on MTV and here comes Wham. None of us had seen it before. It was like the video premiere and I don't know if you remember the wake Me Up before you Go Go video, but they're wearing shirts

Being positive, and I think it was at a time where they were doing a lot of promoting a lot of both those Christmas songs were for AIDS, yes, research and everything. I think it was AIDS related.

Chane life, Yes, I think so.

Too, And I also think it was like, because that whole video is like wildly, you can't not be in a good mood when you watch that video because everything's like white black or neon yellow.

Green and orange ye.

And George Michael, I remember thinking, I can't figure out if I want that haircut or I'm in love with him right because he was wearing two hoop earrings, just like a girl, and his face looked like a girl, and I think he had pink lipstick on very subtly, but it was but that in nineteen eighty four was groundbreaking and very rare, so it was just like who is this? And then it was like one of the best pop songs ever written.

Yeah, and that was kind of what the documentary was about. They did not expect teenage girls everywhere to suddenly be loving them.

Well, well, let me just say this about Andrew Ridgeley Ridgefield. That guy's hot.

He was like the model where I was always like, does he really play that guitars?

He did? They just get him in this band like an adult boy band.

Yeah, And that's what George Michael was saying. It's like he was supposed to be the heart sexual heart throb figure.

And everything backfired. And then I got this face and he points to his face.

Wait did he get plastic surgery?

No, no, he just really all the angles came in, you know, they were like nineteen or twenty oh when they were.

Excuse me, once I start talking about him developing, I get it.

I start choking. It's like I'm salivating. But yeah, he just became an angled faced, handsome person. Yeah. Before they show childhood pictures.

Of him, and he looks older and has a strange beard without a mustache.

Oh, he looked like maybe he churns butter. Wait, sorry, he had a beard as a child.

Yes, yes, Or if they were showing pictures of his father and it was bad editing.

Oh, or could it have been that he dressed up as a hobo for Halloween.

And I think that beard was made of coffee? Yes? Yeah, yeah, it's honey, it's funny. Bear attack in the middle. It was dead. Yeah, it was very.

It was very I didn't mean to talk so much about WHIM, but I did.

I did just watch it. I had to relate it to us.

I could talk. I could talk about WHIM. It was a real uh what's the word? Is like a foundational background music of high.

School for me, right and uh and my older sister. It's one of the many things she's like, here, listen to this. If you want to be cool, don't listen to Poison and Deaf Leopard like your friends, even though that is what you were supposed to listen to to be cool. But much like us, they were really good friends. They knew each other children and Andrew the whole time Andrew Richfield was crowded, Richly was very just like, yeah, if he wants to be a solo guy, he's really good at writing songs.

I'm proud of him.

There was no animosity, and everyone always jokes about, oh that poor guy. Either they say it was along for the ride or he got cast aside.

No, he was like, did he become a race car driver?

Probably?

They also showed footage of him skating, and he was really good at skateboarding. He was like in a pool grinding. So all of a sudden, now I'm like, fine, which wham guy do I.

Like the most?

Right, this guy's doing front side scratchers on a kryptonic sport.

Did you see it? Wait, just to change the subject off wham for one second?

Yeah, we'll go back to it. We'll be right back WITHAM talk and we'll be right back.

Did you see that little girl that did a set? I believe it's a seven twenty.

Yeah, unbelievable, and especially the way it's she lands it and her entire body compacts like she lands it on her feet on the board, but her knees are like one of the knees is on the board.

Yes, and she almost falls and then doesn't.

Yeah.

But when I told you the way those boys ran to congratulate her, it's like, I can't. I've seen it so many times on TikTok, I sob every time. Yeah, it's so sweet and inclusive and like they get it.

Yep. And it was always kind of that way.

And I always was trying to tell when skateboarding was frowned upon, because it simply was.

Uh.

No, one believed that that's what I was getting from these older friends right that I was skating with. Sure they were smoking and watching pornographic.

VHS tapes, Well, but they're still teenage boys exactly.

Smoking cigarettes are weed.

Oh I'm sure there was weed too, but that's the kind of thing they would make sure I wasn't privy too.

Oh, because you were younger, Like, how old were you?

Just a couple of years younger? Oh, but if you're out of high school and I'm still.

You know, sixteen, that was the case. Most of my friends were a couple of years older, got it. They looked out for me. My mom picked up on that right away.

And that's why I related so much to Jonah Hill's movie Oh Yeah, Mid nineties is because that that was basically she was scared that she was hang oh oh wow, that's a beep that only means safety. That they were you know, he got hurt and they were all sleeping in the waiting room at the hotel, and I teared up because there's so many moments like that.

Yeah, it was very good.

Sorry to interrupt, guys. Kara would like us to pick her up at her house instead, but it's just a few blocks away.

Great, okay from where we were going to go.

So change of plans, new destination got its cars convenient, perfect.

I will never not I think.

Jared Goldstein Stoke where he says any car is a tesla.

If your drive while looking at and it is the best, that's good. That's a really good We got to have him on the pod doing a show with him Tuesday, ask him to do it.

I will, and then I'll say that's not official because I'm no longer a booker, and I it will be recorded, but I'm no longer the recorder.

Yeah, thank god, you're not the sound man.

No.

And you know I did that for years and the whole time it was not a skill I possessed.

It's a hard one.

Yeah.

And there was times where he's doing a wild driving.

Yes you were, Oh, but that I think that was the last time you did it while driving. I said to myself, don't.

Ever let him do this right.

Yeah, it was dangerous and I probably it was.

One of those episode people have admitted that there are episodes where we're both losing our minds at lax.

Yes, yelling.

Horrible.

Well, and also there were times where you would you would be driving and you would know something was wrong with the sound. I would be trying to talk to the guests and you'd be like, uh, yeah, it's fine, and it was like you could you are trying to pretend that you could just kind of be in it and out of it, but like, yeah, you're carrying this.

Terrible secret failing where you're halfway through and you realize, oh, I'm not recording.

Yeah, that happened. I mean, I think it's safe to say those were some of our best episodes.

Well, I would not say you lost them. I would say they were lost to time. Yes, it wasn't meant to be.

Yeah, exactly.

Everything happens for a reason. Everyone says that for a reason to make themselves feel.

Better, for a reason. I just washed my car the other day, and I'm so glad I did. I was this is the thing I love to do. I went to a hair appointment, showed up at ten am for that hair appointment. The hair appointment, oh hi am I we both gone here?

Yeah, I guess so.

And we both show up for the hair appointment and it was an hour later. So I showed up at ten and it was at eleven and they were like, oh, I'm so sorry whatever, and I'm like, no problem.

Going to go get about five things done.

And then instead of doing that, I just went and washed my own car at like one of those drive up yourself, do it yourself, vacuum it out yourself.

Yes, I've never planned to wash my car.

It's always when all of a sudden I see a gap in time and I happen to be passing by a handy j hand washed.

Yeah, and then you're just kidding.

But those self wash car wash places, there's not that many anymore, right, Like I know the two. There's one in Silver Lake, there's one in Bourbank. And most of the time you have to go get out of your car, and then other people do it for you.

And I kind of prefer it because they do a really good job.

Yes they do, yeah, for sure, But then you have to sit somewhere.

I had a waiting table out.

And kind of feel weird and hope it goes fast.

I always make small talk on the waiting bench. No, that's not true, Well yours that I'll say something, is that all? We'll drive things like that?

Oh dude stuff.

I get it. Yeah, And I'll usually do it with ladies.

I find the best disarming thing you could do is it's to casual dude talk with ladies.

That's they're like, since I'm a person and I think about cars, yeah, is that sad? But that that's really the bar where it's like, this is great. He's treating me like a person. I know.

I hope I'm not doing it on purpose, treating them on a person on purpose like a blatant Hey, hey dude, talk, Yeah, who's your favorite baseball catcher?

And they're just staring at you. Not the girls can't love baseball.

I actually I know it's since I've moved to Echo Park a lot of lady friends that like baseball.

There's a lot of pressure to get into baseball.

Yeah you gotta know.

Yeah, in my neighborhood. If you don't, you could be in danger.

Well, you have to support the Dodgers.

Yes, it's the first thing I did. I have to get a Dodger hat. Yes, it's getting people are looking at me suspiciously.

They have an intense relationship. But also it's because right over the hill there's Dodger Stadium, right.

It's nice. I like that I can want there.

God, that reminds me of my great, great story from COVID. There aren't a ton, but this is a great one that I went to go get my first COVID test at Dodger Stadium.

So that's how early in quarantine we were in.

Here's my great victory story that you already know, which is that I took the GPS directions to get to Dodger Stadium, which had me going from the valley down this fascinating stuff for basically down the five taking the Dodger Stadium exit, coming around the back, and then I just started following the person in front of me because I'm like, there's no way this person isn't going where I'm going, so I'll.

Just go where they go.

So I do.

I get all the way up to a police barricade with police at it and the car in front of me.

They move the police.

Barricade for the car in front of me, and then I go to and then the cop kind of leans forward and goes, which area are you working in? And I go no, no, I'm here to get a test. And he goes, oh, you just cut in like the employee line. And I was like, oh, I didn't mean to. This is that's what GPS told me to do. And he goes, all right, well, you better drive right up there. I cut like a two hour weight line with all the people in their cars that were waiting all the

Ever happened to me.

And at the end the gave you your badge. Yeah, there is a lot of police around there. It's like a training area they have right at the base of the Oh. Yeah, they're you know, crawling on the ground and practicing Miranda racial profiling.

Yes, they're doing a lot of that.

Yeah, they're getting good, he said, with a lot of fear in his voice.

As soon as It's funny when I don't have confidence when what I'm saying, not only do I increase the volume, I.

Get a little higher.

Yeah, just send it up and lower.

You know that I'm confident in what I'm saying.

You're confident in just tapping on that sounds.

Yeah, very excited for our guests today.

Oh my god, me too.

What you know, sometimes and not very often, Actually, I should be honest. Sometimes this when you when you look and go, oh, I have four things to do today, and my last thing is go record a mobile podcast.

Ye, like I wish I could lay on the couch. Not not today, not with this guest.

Oh exactly.

Like I'm delighted.

Even some of the guests that I know are going to be great. I either get nervous or not. With Cara, she's uh, someone that brings me calm.

Yes, yes, she's a well, she's I've always said this to her. Is she It feels to me like she is my cousin in that way that she is like me and the people I grew up with so much that there's a very bizarre familiarity to her.

Oh yeah.

When I very first met her and I was just like, where the fuck did you come from? And then I saw her do stand up and I'm like, you, why doesn't everyone know who you are from your stand up? But that you know, that happens a lot to female comics. If you're really good, somehow you're the one that's hosting the show instead of headlining.

Right, It happens a lot, Yeah, because people are comfortable with you. Yeah.

But then, luckily enough, she and Lisa Trigger put together a little podcast called That's Messed Up Lawn Order Resvie Podcast and it's one of our most popular podcasts on exactly right.

They also advertised in not Times Square.

Yes, they were up there too.

Yeah Lisa or is it Lisa or Lisa?

It's Lisa?

Yeah, yeah, Lisa.

I did a show with her the other night at the Improv and she was she kills so hard and it's it's like me, it's it's stand up. That's pretty much personality based out, you know. They everyone loves her. Every time I see her perform, she has the audience and it's done with like a not a care in the world.

I don't care if you like me or not. Right now.

She's authentic. Yeah, it's she's hilarious.

And I told her, I told her right to her face. But I'm like, you're just being yourself. You're just a funny person and you're doing it but without even trying.

Yeah, she is.

That ease about her makes it like I wish there were so many things when I was doing sets like that that I wish I knew where. It's like, if you feel nervous, figure out something to do about it, because when you act angry, everyone knows you're nervous.

Right.

That was always my drip. I'm like, well, I'll just be a big bitch. It's like, yeah, that's a huge tell that you're you're out of your depth, lady.

Yeah, they're of all people.

Barry Kats was being interviewed on some on my phone by someone and that was his main point. If they if an audience can smell that you're not comfortable, and a lot of the tells.

Are this and this and this, Yeah, you you are in trouble.

And I was like, wow, I kind of made a career of being uncomfortable on stage, flubbing where it's something I learned to make it work eventually, But I didn't realize being confident was a big part of my job.

No one ever told me that they're good dogs.

They are good dogs, and they're done with the trauma America's birth.

They're over here.

Yeah that's right. I bet they're so thrilled.

I really this year, for some reason, it hit me. It's it's I really, I don't care for fireworks. I don't want to be a broken record, but it just really hit me.

And it's because of those stops.

I wonder if there's something you can do, like you could go to pump Springs on fourth of July to Yeah, that seems like, oh, get out.

Of town, right. Yeah.

I think I might, But I'm afraid that that'll be fireworks city because it's just there's no grass to catch on fire.

I bet there's fireworks everywhere, but you can be off in some there must be.

There must be a place somewhere that's like, we don't allow these because submarine, there's people, there's people, there's veterans who can't be around it.

It's complete PTSD like it's not it's a serious thing. Yeah, and it's fucked up.

Yeah it is.

It is.

And my neighborhood loves fireworks. Yeah, they're just it won't stop.

Imagine if they came up with a Dodgers firework, you'd be ruined.

Yoh, okay, I at least want to see a photo of it.

Is it the logo?

Yes, I do. You said it before and I did want it. You read my mind.

Well, that was a really beautiful color. It was like a rose gold.

Couch.

Once you flip it around and see those cushions, you'll probably change your mind.

Rose gold with an accent color of catches.

Those cushions have been used for the pushions of cats. Oh he's pushing. We're gonna have to get rid of that cat.

I had the best, Like, I think it's a chaise lounge where it's like on one side there's a a backrest for fainting. Oh yeah, and the other side just drops off legs symmetrical and it was like crushed velvet, very nice, very antique, and my cat loved to pee on it.

Yeah, and I had to let it go. I had to let it go.

You fired your cat.

Yeah, I had to let the cat go.

It's unfair.

Yeah, you're not. Everything is late. I pay you too much. You're going to Montana to retire at my father's. Here's a skate spot and what do you mean.

Right right beyond this, there's a little embankment and I skate here sometimes.

Oh yeah, I'm very familiar. I've parked here before.

I thought you meant like a parking spot. Kara was on her porch, so I I just pulled over unless she was going to turn around. Hi, Rosie.

That's a cute kid. Rosie.

The last time I saw you you were this big.

This big.

You are four years old. That's very old. Bye, I'll talk to you later.

Kara, we're getting right into it.

Hi, your baby four years old?

I know.

It's so insane. She's like, I want to come out and say hi to your friends. I was like, okay, thanks for flip flop and with the playground, no problem. I mean, you know, when it moved back, I was like guys, I can't just sit at the playground like a loon. No, you know, a lady alone without a kid at some part. Some playgrounds have signs that say you're not.

Allowed to do that.

Yeah.

I worked at a daycare ward that was.

Please, no loitering.

I often skateboard across the street from That's what I've heard that.

That's like according to you know, other people I know that skate They're like, that's a legendary skate park. And then I told my friends and they go that flat parking lot there, there has nothing in it that's abandoned with a dumpster. I go, yeah, it's a legendary skate park.

On one edge there's there's a curve and yeah, and the guys like set up benches and like pieces of wood.

They really make it their own, you know.

Yeah, it's a DIY spot. I like that, and I think it's fun.

I watch them throw their boards over and break in every weekend.

Yeah, yeah, there is fun. There's a criminal element. There's a criminal element in my entire area.

The kids order Postmates to my house because they're not allowed to order it to school, so they'll just be McDonald's on my front my front steps all the time, and I'm like, I'm like, is this yours? Is somebody named Antonio?

They can they run across and they just run and get it.

Yeah, because I'm on the back on the back side of a high school. Yes, yeah, so it's actually kind of the best because the kids are all really cool.

I'm not near the front side.

I'm not where any of them get dropped off, so I don't get any of the hubbub of the high school, but I get all the cool high school vibes and kids ordering food to my house.

I want that so fun.

I want a cake to get delivered to your doorstep with a file in it.

Also that you must be proud because now you know that you're the cool lady that won't get mad if they order stuff to your But I'm married to the lame Clint Eastwood man who goes I swear to God and I tend to Chick fil A bag ends up on this porch.

I'm eating it, and I'm like, they're just kids that want to eat fast food.

Let them live. Yeah, who cares? He fires up exactly.

He is slowly turning into clean Eastwood. Like when we drive now he goes, look at this idiot. He narrates everything happening in traffic, and I go, oh, that guy that's waiting for a pedestrian across before he turns, and he goes, oh, I didn't see that. He's just so angry all the time about nothing. I think he's, you know, steps away from voting Republican.

But I'll do what I can.

But it's a good venting.

Don't think when you're because it's you by yourself, usually in a car, So if you're screaming at people, it never goes anywhere.

Yeah, hopefully.

And he's like a performer, so he wants to he wants someone to hear it. You're right, you know if event falls in the woods all that, Yeah, you know, does.

No one hears it? Does it?

Yeah?

Does anyone get to feel better about themselves? Okay?

I was just telling Chris a couple days before the fourth of July, I was driving right here, or maybe a little further down on this street. Okay, someone threw an M eighty into the street. Oh my god, and it was like boom and there was like a flash.

It was crazy, and it was like Fourth of July kickoff.

This is right this neighborhood is so wild out of the fourth like they it's like NonStop from the middle of the day where I don't understand the point.

Of flighting off fireworks. I can't see it.

Ye two four in the morning and my neighbor lights them off, and we watched him do a couple this year.

And when I went to take my.

Kids to school the next morning, my car was covered in orange firework dust because one of his fireworks had just shot at my.

Car because it tipped over. Yeah, you know, not that many people have a license to do this. Guy.

You know, I was in Montana, it was legal. There's just fireworks stands everywhere, just outside of town. There's like a rule that you have to be near a river or something and all. Even as a kid, I didn't want loud boom fireworks. I just wanted that little cardboard tank that is usually broken or it's missing a wheel.

But it would like you'd light.

It off and it would shoot some sparklers and then a snake would coil out.

Yeah, and I'd clap and go inside. Yeah. So I don't understand the explosions.

No, It's like, do you know how comedy is one of the only like quote unquote professions where you can just do it one time and say that you're it.

Like people will just do comedy ones and be like, I'm a comedian.

Like that's fireworks, man. Everyone's just like, I'm a firework person. I know how to light them off.

I know what I'm doing. Anybody does, it's.

Usually yeah, it's actually not only do they not know what they're doing, it's usually people that have a weird obsession with fire. Yeah, something mentally questionable that they want to be involved in that so directly.

Do your dogs hate it so much? That's what I was curious.

Yeah, we were talking about this.

Luckily, my dog Frank was found in Eagle Rock on the streets, so he is immune.

He's like, this is my culture.

Yeah, He's like yeah. And then Blossom, the new dog, just does what he does.

So there was a couple of those big booms that she would kind of sit up on the ground, but Frank was asleep, so she's like, oh, I guess nothing bad is happening. So luckily, because my my old dog that died two years ago was a hound and.

She was like that was the worst day of the year for her.

I basically had I learned.

Eventually I had to give her Benadryl and make her sleepy so that she could at least like be lightly drugged because it was so bad.

Yeah, the house eye is at in Venice. We all decided demanded the dog be drugged. You had the sleepy calm down drugs DOUN belief. They're called sleepy calm down, sleepy calm down no for dog, doggies acually dog specific.

And I took it for my Hey, I don't have dogs, but they have kids. Melatonin and I give that to my kids on the plane. Oh yeah, yeah, got to get on get nice and drowsy. What what's the craziest or a story from your children on a plane. Do you have any nightmares?

Yeah? The first time.

Well, like the best advice anyone ever gave me, if anyone is listening that like is gonna have a kid or has a tiny kid and having trouble, is like, bring extra clothes and not just for your kids, for you, you got to bring extra clothes for everyone in your family. The very first flight we went on Oscar was never a big bar for turbo barfed just all over me flight, just everywhere and I had to change my clothes.

I had changed his clothes.

My daughter has just gone to the bathroom with me on the plane and then gone because she's let her peek go on to her underwear. It's just, yeah, I don't know what is she's she's mischievsus. She's like, what will happen if I pee in my own underwear? And so then on that flight, I didn't have I didn't have pants or underwear for her on me. I mean I did in the suit in the checked suitcase.

So I just had like a.

Delta blanket wrapped around her. And she's not staying still, so she's given a flash and everyone on the plane with her little three year old butt at the time. And but yeah, I'm flying with them for the first time in August by myself. Oh, so that will be interesting. I've flown with just my daughter alone, but I've never flown with the two of them alone. And it's gonna be wild. Yeah, but you know, I just rely on those Delta blankets.

Yeah.

Well, I'm gonna be so, I mean, I'm gonna start packing like seven days in advance. I'm gonna be it's gonna be like a military exercise, Like truly, I've already booked my ride. I'm already like figuring out all the different ways that I can like get because I got. The only hard part is checking the bags because I'm gonna have a roller and bags.

It's a lot.

You guys, have you ever you guys follow me on Instagram? Did you guys happen to see the photos of me with the kids When I was wheeling them through. I got these things that attached to their to their car seats and I just wheel them like luggage, oh through the airport. My daughter outgrew it, but it was the best hack because I could just take them through everything.

They felt like they were getting a ride. Yeah, it was amazing.

No stroller.

They're facing people, They're going, what's up?

People know you have too many bags, and then they look down and they see that it's a child, and I'm like, out of my way.

You know it's the best.

Yes, So yeah, you're just constantly trying to like hack the whole travel process. But I would say, just yeah, him barfing on me, Rosie, that's like Rosie now is cool. She'll just watch TV the whole time, which is great. Oscar, I don't know what I'm gonna do with him. He's such a little wiggle worm and he wants to go get his hands and everything like he is.

I'm not a dog owner.

I haven't ever had a dog, but he is like that puppy that will find any tiny hole in the fence, yeah.

And get and try to escape.

It's like he doesn't like his life with us, because anytime there's a small crack in a gate or a fence or a door, it's like he's gone. Like we were just at I take my kids to Draggon every year, and they were in this kid's area, and then Brent Sullivan was I was with Brent Sullivan and Elliott Glazer and Brent turns to Elliot and goes, Cara's.

Child is running away.

And Oscar had just run out to like the area these double doors where there was it was where all the food trucks were. So luckily that was enclosed, but could have just been traffic. I mean he I tried me and a librarian chased him and got him moments before he ran into aunt full three lane traffic on Figueroa here in Los Angeles. It was and he was laughing gleefully the entire way, pumping his arms like take me back to Heaven Lord, and he's like I'm chasing him, screaming,

That's second born. That's the freedom of being second born. I swear to God because that's what I was like to when I was little aware. I would get these ideas where it's like, what would be fun? What could I do right now that would be really fun? And it was always something like drag a pencil along a white wall, Yeah, that's fun. Grape juice poured out of this glass at the guests at the at someone else's house that I don't know, like always, and my mom

Yeah, but are both cycle. I don't even get it. I don't even get a chill one.

Rosie. Rosie doesn't have a death wish like Oscar does.

But she she is mischievous. She's so mischievous. But Oscar threw my phone at the flat screen the other day, had to get a new flatscreen. Oh yeah, he fully damaged. I mean, like you couldn't watch TV on it anymore. It's just never ending. What you guys do when something like that happens?

Do you yell? Are you like the parents that never say no?

No? Oh my god? We say no all the time?

Okay, because permissive parenting is going to be the downfall of the society because I see it in practice every day and it's not working. No, but I I we we yell at him to say we go oscar No, it doesn't matter. So now it's like what I've been told is like, say no very sternly, and then this sounds wild, but ignore him for like fifteen to thirty seconds so that he knows, like this doesn't get you the attention that you want. Yeah, you know, because that's

And I'm like, okay, but I can't afford his lack of knowledge of his emotions.

Yeah, so you know, we gotta like he used to, he just stopped just throwing his plate on the floor whenever he was done with a meal, food on it, food not on it, just throw the whole thing on the floor, like done. And it would set me off and I would go stump itch and he would go like he doesn't.

A loud yell does not register to him.

So I've just stopped wasting my time at We're at the South Past Farmers Market. Oh yeah, Oh, my friend just invited me to this today and I said, you know I can't. I'm doing a podcast.

Yeah, well that's our surprise.

You're taking me there too.

We're gonna do cherry samping vegetable based street party.

The farmer's market is so funny, just like I don't know. I bring my kids, but they just my utter just want some the ice cream there.

Yeah.

Other kids are like sampling fresh vegetables, not mine. This's a vegetarian who doesn't need any vegetables.

I get because there's all these different farm stands and I feel bad if you get everything.

At once, So I'll get let that's here, chop around.

Yeah, you got it.

You can't just go with one plate I support everybody. You know what, I want to go to a farmer's work it for soon. I want to get my knives sharpened. Is that psychotic? I just want to pack all my knives in a bag and bring them to somebody. There's always a knife sharpener at those things. It's like there's always some guy with a little truck I got.

Yeah, that was such a thing for my dad to do. When I was a kid. We would go to the Army Navy surplus. Story. Knew the guy's name. He had a little monkey with him with a fish.

Yeah, and a live monkey.

Yeah.

Maybe it was a dog, but he had a companion wasn't human, and he would my dad would bring a Swiss Army knife. Some of them are better kitchen knives than this guy would make them dangerous sharpen everything.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's because I don't trust myself to my own knives.

No, I don't really know how to do it. But honestly, cooking with dull knives is dangerous. That is, and my dad used to sharpen knives before he cooked all the time. You would stand around, yeah, talk and do it. Yeah.

But I think it's just basically you have to go one direction on the on the sharpener thing.

Yeah, I have any thing. It looks like a sword.

Yes, but I don't know how you use it. Yeah I should.

I'll ask my dad and then I'll tell you guys, well there is a new Could you ask your dad to actually explain it in a voice memo and then send me that.

Yeah, I really like that.

I would that podcast, Karen, Dad tells you how to do stuff and you should know how to do yes, and he'll tell you that part too.

I think that's a good idea.

We got to record dad's giving advice and how to uh directions.

I don't want to make you feel bad, but there is an entire like hashtag world on TikTok that literally is.

That Well, is it a podcast yet? No?

I shouldn't say no. There's like eight hundred thousands exactly.

Probably. Wait, the TikTok is people giving dads giving it.

It's dad's literally going so if you if your lawnmower isn't starting, here's what you got to check. You just think. So it's basically stuff that if you had a dad there, they would take care of it. So they're just explaining to you how to handle shit. If you have a house or you're doing house like stuff, that's.

So funny because at my house I do all that stuff, like I put together every piece of furniture. I do all of the handiwork, and if I can't handle it, I call a man who I know in my phone. I just called him today.

There was a guy on YouTube that I follow, and I don't follow a lot of people, but he goes into character where he's actually acting like your dad, and I know that sounds strange, basically all right, sweetie, I'll see you next time. Like he's a genuine person, and he's catering to.

The fact that they realized a lot of the people that watch his.

Videos don't have parents, right they'd mentioned that or they didn't ever teach them those things, and he's really leaning into that.

And it's like called the how how how.

Do you do it?

Dad? Or something that's probably not much better, And it's great.

I watch it and I and my dad did show me stuff, but he's not always in my living room.

Right.

There's also a guy on that my sisters showed me on TikTok.

That's your nice career, your supportive Korean dad and it's this guy that's like, I'm really proud of you. Cly makes me choke up when I think about it, because it's like people need that and they and the stuff that he says.

He just he kind of goes by like either what's happening in the news or whatever.

And in this way that is so believable. It's not like he's not, you know, trying to be an influencer. He's like he's like, I'm trying to help people that need this kind of support and have never gotten it.

Yeah, it's so love Yeah, so nice. God, maybe the Internet is not a full cesspool.

I mean I don't think it is in some ways.

Yeah, you know, are you guys on threads? No threads came out?

Did people already hate it? They like started it, and it's like a nightmare. Like I logged into it and was like, oh, okay, I'll.

Just like log in and see what it is or whatever, because it's so easy to just download and it connects to your Instagram right away and it follows all the same people and it's like it's very easy. And then I realized I had to confirm every single person that friend requested me. And because everybody's doing it automatically. It was hundreds of people that I had to auto confirm halfway through the day that went away. So obviously they're

Wait what threads, I don't know it. Oh, it's literally Instagram's Twitter.

Like Instagram is starting a new thing to try to like get people instead of Instagram just be like, how it's all pictures. This is going to be just like Twitter, but through your Instagram.

I thought threads would be first spelled with a Z, and so you just have to show pictures of your new outfits.

Yeah no, And it's like if you're verified on Instagram, you're verified on Threads.

It's all connected.

But I'm just I think I'm just hanging on for and I'm looking for any place that I can once in a while put a thought that's not Twitter anymore, because I just I mean, Karen, you're one of my favorite follows on Twitter.

Do you not find it so horrible in there now?

Or what you It is the worst?

It is like verified people are at the top, and they're the people that are paying and they're the and they're the mostly Nazis. Yeah, and people that are like yeah, there's all kinds of suggestions of people that alt come, of people, Wait, am I going in the wrong way to the drive through?

And this is it? This is right?

Oh yeah, Jared got to a car accident coming out of this.

No, oh yeah, don't worry.

We just handled it.

After two years, it's been finally behind us.

The exit was on the right side. And that fireman would have love this, yeah, or someone from England. It's all backwards.

Yeah, let's all get Starbucks. Yes, this will be recorded, so order wisely.

Can I get an ice sorry, a grande iced latte and then also a couple others.

I'd like a grande iced coffee with a little almond milk.

And that's gonna be it.

That concludes the order.

Yeah, I'm like one of those freaks that doesn't drink coffee. I know why, because you don't like giving yourself anxiety. No, I just honestly, I don't like the taste.

And I never start.

I just never start.

I had one tiny little cup of it in Italy one time, and I was like, what are we doing to guys? We made a plan, but I was like, I don't, like I really need coffee.

Yeah, but you know they have things like lemonade and stuff.

Oh sure, oh sure, but I got a water bottle.

I got an exactly right water bottles and with my water staying cool in this all day, I don't need any other beverages.

Merry Christmas.

Now, I'm very happy that you're actually using that, because sometimes those are.

You know, everybody has their own specific like eyes or shape.

And I've really worried about it because I love this one because it's so big, because I hate refilling over and over again. It doesn't fit in the cup holders. But I just put it on the seat.

Next to me, right, so yeah, put thee around it.

Yeah, and I treat it like a little baby.

I put it between my legs because it's so wide. It helps with my displac I find that because it's so large, I will never leave it anywhere.

Wait, do you have hip dysplasia?

No, but I do have a false hit a fake hip. Oh that's right, and I'm supposed to get the other one done.

Because hip displasia.

It is a baby thing.

Like i'ven't known a couple people who have had babies with hip displasia and they put them in these harnesses where their legs are just constantly spread eagles, right, and it's so hilarious, just tiny babies with their little legs like wide open. Yeah.

I don't know.

It's just a word I like to say, like corrugated. I say displacious, and I usually miss it. Sounds like I was using it correctly. I gotta I like, widen my hips.

You got it? Yeah, wide wide burden hits and then I'll never get to use trust me, it's overrated.

Speaking of some mother.

Yeah, Jared got a vasectomy a couple of weeks ago, six weeks ago, Yeah, and he just complained for so many days, and I was like, this is just not that.

Big of a deal. I had two nine pound babies. Oh, they were over nine pounds.

They were both nine to three.

Sos it And I was just like me too, I don't, I don't.

I don't want to hear it.

Yeah, Like I just was like, you know, because when they it had like I'm sure it's not comfortable, but it's not painful. It's just annoying, you know, right, Like I think it's like, oh I wish this wasn't happening, kind of like, you.

Know, no, that's why I I think it's been proven women have a higher pain toll.

Yeah, I have to side out.

I'll be honest. When I had number one, I wanted to quit halfway through, I told my doctor, I go, we gotta stop.

She goes, you can't really do that.

I could see the head and I was like, oh no. And then the second one, I mean they really, they really do just pop out after that first one.

So that wasn't that hard. I should have offered to give you cash, just a straw for me, thank you. Oh did you get an extra water?

Oh that might not be our water.

Oh maybe it's not our water.

This might not be ours.

Nobody ordered the water. It does look refreshing.

We don't want him to be offended.

It was probably something we said, Oh wait, this is weird.

This is not how it should go.

I thought you meant that hat with those cargo sharks.

No, just the in and out are switched exactly. Oh that's weird. But that's not how Jared got into the car accident.

Okay, good.

He was pulling out here and it was like stop traffic, and he tried to take a left and he went into and the people coming on the other side went it was his fault.

Has he ever been in a car accident before?

Oh, I mean he's been in like two since then, but they weren't his fault. That one was his fault.

My car has many dents on it, and so people maybe think that it's me, But I've never been in the car when they happened.

Oh really, your car just gets walloped a lot while it's on the street.

It's been.

It's received so many walloppings. Even in my garage. That's when it rained a lot. Part of the ceiling fell on the back of mic. Your car can't catch a break. It can just catch some dry water. It's dented, and it's not my fault. I've never been in a wreck while operating a motor vehicle.

That's crazy.

I just wind a brag.

That's a good brag.

It's ironic though, that you're not driving I am, because I have been in I think three or four car accidents, all my fault, and the first two or maybe all three, I was.

It was college age and I just.

Love to drive fast, and I would like speed and it would be raining and then I would go to slam on the brakes and just slide into the back of cars.

I did that a couple of times.

Oh, I'm actually getting I don't want to get on the one ten, so get.

Well, you just maybe got that. I've always driven.

My friends made fun of me because I had the seat all the way up and I rest my chin on the staring wheel. Basically, I'm like a strange I drive in fear, and so of course I've never been in.

A rent well, but see, Jared drives really like a very cautiously and I'm very aggressive, and he's gotten into more accidents than I.

Have because he's doing things like trying to take a left out of that story where it's like, no, don't do that, just don't take a left four legs and then right, yeah, I mean.

I don't mean to be so harsh to Jered.

I think that we should just call this episode to Jared, stop complaining about traffic, to stop complaining about your vasectomy, and stop.

Getting in car accidents.

Sick of hearing about yours already keep bringing him up.

Jesus, I gotta get out of the house, for that's all I have are my husband and kids. You need to get over to that skatepark and you find to meet some bat pals and learn how to allie.

The next time I'm there, I'm gonna say hello, Yeah, come knock on my door.

My kids love to like watch those guys skateboard and stuff.

I love.

They're always nice and.

Every little kid seems to be somewhat interested in a skateboard.

Oh yeah, it's great.

It feels like a tiny little car that they can drive.

Yeah, I think, yeah, it's just like any kid's gonna be like, wow, there's a grown man that still plays.

With a toy. Interesting. It seems to be pirate of his lifestyle.

It must be very heartening. It's like, oh, it doesn't. It's not all shit after age seventeen or whatever.

That's that's what your children are thinking.

Yeah, they're thinking about mortality and when they're going to lose their ability to do the things they love.

The first thing my first words were, when do I have to start paying taxes?

When's that start? Have you been doing sets lately? Great question, Karen.

I find, much like on this podcast, that my material is only about my children, and Jim Daffigan.

Is allowed to do that. But I'm not you know. Oh no, so I think you're allowed to No, Yes, I know. I have a good time.

I do some sets here and there where I get booked, but I'm not out there hustling trying to put together a new half, you know what I mean. Like I'm kind of I write down joke ideas. I rarely sit and try to like put things together. But I have my show on Wednesdays. Chris comes to do it. Yes, it's at Barbiandini Oracle Park.

Yeah, which that is the best. Oh you should come.

It's so great. It's just like a natural wine bar. But they also have beer and non alcoholic stuff. But they I say that just because to say it's not a full bar. And the guy that owns it is Josh Weinstein, who used to run the Josh and Josh Show forever and so it's so perfect.

He never tries to dick us over.

He's never like, oh, you're canceled because this corporate Christmas party is coming in this week or whatever.

He gets just like he's he gets it.

He like we're like we need heaters. He got us like the chakest heaters.

I know that sounds insane because he got us these heaters that are like attached to the wall and like warm the whole area. We did the show year round outside and yeah, we we had it last night.

It was great packed.

Everybody wanted to keep the Fourth of July vibes going and we.

Did it last night. Who did it last night?

Well, Kate ber Lant was feature, was on the line up, but then to cancel truly an hour before the show because she was sick and so a lot of people shut up for her, I think. But also Hannah Einbinder was there, Jenny Zigrino, who's very very funny, Nate Fernald I believe he is a friend of yours, and a couple of newer guys that are so funny, Spencer to Rubiarde who was so funny, and Cody Wilkins. We had a great lineup last night. Kate will be back on

It was a great It was a great, you know, replacement. He was like the funniest person in Austin winner I got it No.

Three.

I'm not here to brag. Oh.

I think that he was sort of scouted from winning that contest now really yeah, I think he won out of Austin or and then and then ended up on Snell.

I don't know him, but he he did.

He's so funny, like he did really really bring Yeah, everyone in Austin speaks very highly of it.

I feel like that here, I want this question to be answered in this car, which is when do you make that announcement? And I would say if I was Kara Klink in that situation, I would wait.

Until the second to last person.

That's exactly when I did it. Gary girl, that's exactly when I did it. Because you knew Nate Fernald was going to kill. Yeah, you knew Hannah Einbider was going to kill. You knew there was a celebrity element you were going to be giving them things. If you tell them up front you're not going to get the one thing you think you want, then they're gonna have a set idea but.

Yeah, or they're gonna sit there kind of disappointed the whole time, like you tricked me and brought me here and like so right before and I told Andrew I was doing it, but I go, hey, I'm gonna tell them that Kate isn't coming like right before you, but you can just make fun of it and be like and he was like, no problem at all, and he

They're just like okay, you know she's sick.

It's like post COVID too, people aren't like forcing themselves to go out when they have a sore throat. You know, they're like I just don't feel like it's responsible, so you know, hand yeah, And they were all good, and I said, and because she had also rescheduled, I go, she'll be back in two weeks, come see us blah blah blah, or maybe it's three weeks, but you know what I mean.

Yeah, my instincts are always off because I would think you'd want to announce before the show. Just yeah, that's what my husband said, was like all these shows like that don't tell show or there was some secret headliner show that they used to do at the Helium clubs. Yeah, people are attracted to the fact that they don't know who's gonna be. The element of surprise is what attract Yeah, yeah, yeah, And it's the time I did the show at Helium.

It's so funny how far people will go to to convince themselves that you are somebody more famous than you are. Like when I went and performed for the Troops overseas, I was like two years into comedy and these guys were like, oh, I've seen you on Saturday Night Live.

Like correct, you know, and.

It's like nobody has, you know, they like they don't even have a niece or a nephew.

These people like they are all very young little babies.

They're all very cool and hip and dress cool. Yeah, it's always a good audience though. Yeah, they're a great audience.

And have food, right, there's always guest the bar doesn't.

Have food, but they will have like pop up like yeah, Burger pop ups or whatever.

Dot dot dot dot dot. Yeah I did the logo you did. Yeah that's Mike Homes.

Yeah.

Yeah it's a little dog wearing a hamburger a bottom bonn as with suspenders. The lettuce and tomatoes are on the dog's back, So I actually, right now.

I'm realizing it's like ready for a human to eat a little Yeah, it's a yeah, but you know it was cute enough that you can get away with it. Yeah, it's a little dog wearing a Burger outfit.

That's precious. I also love that bar.

There was some kind of after party type of thing and this was so long pre COVID, but I went to that bar and I was just I was very excited because Josh is such a nice person and him and Josh who did the bar Luva show show Josh

No, he They're the best.

When they quit, Josh and after ten years they gave us the show and we started our show called it Better Half Comedy, Me and Jared and Lubitch. Oh and then Lubich started fucking with us, like what I'm talking about, Like new managers came in, they didn't care about comedy. They were like, oh, you know you didn't bring in them many people this week, but it's like last week we were back to the gills, Like what are you talking about?

You know what I mean?

Like Josh never cares about that kind of stuff, Like even though we always like, you know, we have people like but you know, they were just like, oh, we've got a party next week, so you can't have the show. And like we just were like, you know what I think, let's get out of here. And we were already moving to the East Side. So going to Josh's place at Bandin, he was perfect. I had my baby shower at Barbandini.

Did it and you were like and I was like waiting for it, get me in there. Yeah great, Well it worked out.

So long ago made me realize I need to have a seersucker suit. That's very sharp dress guy. Even the pants I have right now are kind of seersuckery.

They're very summary.

Yes, let me see lift up a little.

I mean it's got little. Yeah, I feel like I could be in a barber shop court.

Josh and I are have like parallel lives. We are from neighboring towns. We went to the same college. Our mother, my mother and his father know each other through work what We both went to the same study abroad program. I lived in Rome. He's married to a Roman woman. They now basically live in Rome. He just comes back here like all the time.

That's cool. We just figured out that we have parallel lives and you didn't know that, and we didn't.

We found we would find out that out like almost every week, every time I would do Barlow Bitch, we would find out another thing about ourselves that was like, oh my god, no way. And then it's parents came to the show and they were like the dad's like I know your mother, Like you know, it's like so insane.

I love that. Yeah.

Yes, there's a guy in la that I don't know, but he makes movies. He's written some none of them I can think of right now. But he's doing well, and he lived near me in my dorms in Montana. So we just kind of figured it out Missoula. And then, you know, it's interesting, that's amazing.

Is it is?

It really is?

You know what they say it is small, and they're wrong. We're all wrong. It's huge.

It's quite big, and it's covered in water, right, and that water has not been investigated in any meaningful way.

Oh my god.

Didn't you guys feel like there was just like a collective lack of stuff to talk about after the submersible.

Conversation was over? Right, I made it.

I was just like, I guess we're done. Yeah, no, I can't even I can't talk anymore.

Yeah, this during this podcast, I mean the off color submarine comment.

Immediately you heard my voice get high. Yeah, I just I just.

Didn't say anything. I just let him dangle.

I had a tweet advertised to me two days ago that was like wondering where to go this summer the Titanic Museum, and was like, give it a beat, we need to just take the gas off.

The Titanic obsession for two minutes.

Sorry, I mean the going to the museum would be cool, but like the idea that people wanted to go down where it ended up is.

So like, what's the plus there?

I would never you know what I would do stand on dry land and watch a drone go down there and watch it on an iPad.

Right, I love that.

Take me down a little like a little drone that's not going to implode or kill anybody. Show me what the wreckage looks like. I guess, I guess I'm not even that interested in that.

To be honest.

Yeah, I just want to see footage of the fish that are down. I want to see some glow in the dark fish with a horn on their.

Head, you know.

And I heard that the people that were on that thing were not looking out windows. They were looking at a laptop to see that wreckage. You're kidding, I swear to God. Really, because have windows, yes exactly, they didn't know how to make windows.

Well, they are for the fear of what actually happened, for the fear of yeah, because no, I think no glass could probably withstand that pressure.

Lord, scary, so scary, it's so scary.

But it's so funny, don't you think it mirrors how obsessed people are with the Titanic. How obsessed we were with the submersible like people are. There have been a million plane crashes, there have been so many mass casualty events in this country.

The way we are, we are obsessed with that Titanic, right.

And I think, you know, we have to look at Leonardo DiCaprio.

We have to pin that on him.

You have a real piece of this, Sir Kate Winslet. Yes, but I think Leo really it's on him.

It's like, are people down there trying to find the heart from the old lady?

Is that part real?

They're like, if I can just find that sapphire to.

Pay my rent a beautiful locket.

But also, didn't James Cameron do a thing where he they sent cameras.

And thes gone down there, right, I think he's done like a submersible trip, not with the same guy, but I think he has done that with a.

Way better submercial.

Yeah.

The yeah, I think it was so much tension because everybody people are like, oh, I hate that, or I have claustrophobia. It's like, no, one wouldn't have claustrophobia in that situation, Like we're talking about absolute human peril, and so the idea that then after the fact people were like, it's so wrong that people are making jokes.

It's like, no, no, that's what people do when ship like this goes down because you're all you can do is so what if it was me? Yeah, yeah, freak out.

Yeah. That was the most when one time when I was in Bend, I went.

Sperlunking in these clan like way down you crawl way down, and at one point the crawl.

Space, I was stuck like my hips.

I had to like position my body because of your displaying the person, yeah, and so I had to open up my hip much like mel Gibson had to and pop it out of sokker so I could slither through.

No, I just I was stuck for a minute.

And that was my first thought is I'm going to be so embarrassed if this is the way I go, and like people are, no one's gonna feel bad heart in a blunking stuck situation. But then moments later it opened up into this room and I could stand and you could look out of these like way up and see these openings in the ceiling of this cave, and it was so worth worth I mean, okay, the payoff, I felt so good, But yes, it's not something I would do.

Now, when you went back through, was there a problem?

No, you went through, you went out a different way that you didn't turn around and go back out.

It's like a yeah, no it was.

And yes, I was drunk middle of the day. There was no way I could have done that sober, and I knew it.

You did drunk splunky, Yes, yes, it's the way that a lot of the guys do it drunk. Yes, just for drunkling is the way.

Yeah.

Did you ever see that movie that is it The Cave of the Climb where it's the three women doing it, but then there's things killing them as they're down.

I know what movie you're talking about, but I didn't watch it. The Ascent, The Decent, Decent, The Decent.

The Ascent is on the way out, that was at the end of the movie.

But that's my I.

Would not be able to stop obsessing over there's a thing that lives down here that no one knows exists that is absolutely going to kill us and no one will know or care. Like that idea that there's just a whizzle like a it looked like it looked like a hairless cat.

Sure, okay, sure, whatever you want to do, go ahead, sir. Yeah, he's he's got to be somewhere.

Guys, get up to that red light. Absolutely, but that idea seems possible to me. And therefore, how could you open yourself up to that level of cave monster.

No one's on my.

Side with this.

No, I I completely, I never I just it wouldn't even cross my mind, Like I don't even go that much. Like I mean, you're you're saying that's the worst part, Like the worst part is that no one would know or just that the worst part would be seeing an animal, right thing.

That lives in there that no one knows is there because no one goes in there.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't need to be the first to do anything. I was scared mostly of just sudden water rushing in that was.

That became the Little Boys on the Team. Y, yes, that's.

A good documentary. When Karen first mentioned the movie with the Descent, I thought, yeah.

They all go down there to save that soccer team. Oh wait, I'm confusing two things.

That was Elon Musk that saved the soccer team.

No it wasn't.

I mean we should have known it that that over promise under delivery.

And then he accused the actual hero of like being a groomer or something disgusting or just like, sir, step out.

Yeah, and I'm right now realizing my fear was so real because at the end of it, they were saying, now, look.

At your clothes.

There isn't any dirt on them because the water washes it all away when it goes rushes through. There.

I was actually sperlunking.

Through a waterway and you didn't realize.

There was zero, not a s I was crawling on the ground and there was no dirt on my clothes. I've found that fascinating.

But sorry, you didn't know there was water?

Apology accepted. No, I didn't until the end.

And then I was like, well, wait, how do we know it wasn't gonna come through because it's not June or something like it seasonally rushes through that I need.

I need more hard evidence that I wasn't about.

To But why didn't you know?

No one told me until it was over.

But water is a very specific sensation.

It's different. Oh No, I was not. There was no water when I did it. There was little trickles and puddles here.

And there, but your clothes were clean.

Yes, how I know, is what I'm saying.

It was the biggest mystery ever. I'm still it's still mystery. I know it's it's it sounds like I'm making it up.

So were they saying to you, like, there's enough water happening that you don't notice it, but it's washing your clothes?

Oh, I'm sorry. At one point water rushed through and got rid of all that dirt. We forgot that we didn't get the spin cycle.

Yes, yes, that you did. Yeah, I went through. Well, everything was being lined dried, gotcha. Yes, there was no water.

But my fear was when they said, hey, look at your clothes, aren't they clean? That's because of all the water.

And I'm like, what what now? Yeah? Like that's when I got scared. But it was after the fact.

Okay, yes, all right, that makes sense.

It was confusing and I shouldn't have even.

Brought it up. Look, no, you just confirmed fuck off caving lunking of any kind. I don't need it. I don't want to.

I don't want any of that.

I can't.

I like roller coasters. That's about as dare devil as I get And did you guys hear about how my cell phone fell out of my pocket on a roller coaster?

Recently?

A pretty new cell phone fell out of my pocket on the X two at Magic Mountain, which is a banger of a roller coast yesterday, Like it is really good and it turns you all around, and I was in my pocket and I think I just forgot to zip the pocket and it sucked out.

I didn't even notice it. We were off the ride.

We were we were several steps away from the ride before I went, oh, oh my phone, where's my phone? And I was like yeah, So I immediately go file a report. I'm like bummed out, but my brother and I try to enjoy the rest of the day doing coasters. Were coaster heads and he's visiting from out of town, so we do that. I mean, it literally turned into the worst day. It started raining, We got kicked off

I track it.

I do close up satellite. It's right under the roller coaster. So I go, guys, here's a picture of it, zoomed in as far as it can go. It's right under the roller coaster. Go out there and get it. I call for weeks, I'm calling. I finally tweeked. Somebody gets in touch with me and goes, please write to our VIP email address. So finally I find my IF iPhone pings six weeks later and it's in Hong Kong.

My phone is in Hong Kong because wait a minute.

Clearly the like teens that worked at Magic Mountain like found it and were like, oh, the screen didn't crack. This is probably a pretty decent phone, but it's bricked because I've put it into lost mode and everything. So they're like, we'll resell it to wherever. And I went on Reddit. The first thing I found on Reddit was their phone was at the exact place my phone was at, and the phone had been stolen in London. This is

This is just read it. I'm quoting as my source here. And so I tweet and go, hey, six.

Flags, why didn't you just tell me that you were gonna sell my phone to Hong Kong or whatever. I tweet some bitchy things, and they I start getting phone calls now for six Files, and I'm still playing phone tag with six Flags to this day, and I'm hoping to get Bianca on the line very soon because I would love to get some reimbursement for the brand new phone I had to buy.

How long ago did this happened?

At the very the March thirty first, and then it pinged back on the very beginning of May, and I was like, what the hell? And then I ended up breaking down and just buying a new phone because I've been using my friend's old ass phone and it wasn't holding a charge, and I just I was starting to feel like my journey wasn't gonna happen. Then once it pinged in Hong Kong, I go, okay, it's really dead. I'm going to buy a new phone.

And that little yeah thing that pinged it it's probably sitting in.

A pile, but I just couldn't believe it there.

Also, they're so expensive. It's so much money.

And I didn't have the insurance for the I have the insurance for breaking it because I'm a dumb ass, but I didn't have the insurance for losing it because I'd never really lost it before.

Yeah.

So you know, sad story.

But I'm hoping once I get Bianca on the line, we're going to talk it out. Yea if you're a diner sore. Yeah, we made a joke about that one time.

But yeah, and it's stuck.

Yeah, I think, Well I just said, any I go, any idea how my phone got from an employee's only access area to Hong Kong. Yeah, Like, it's not like other riders were down there under the coaster chilling and found.

My phone, right.

You know, So I was going to call you and say I hate to break it to you, but many times there's a criminal element with our carnival workers.

Yeah, well, it's so funny.

Everybody that works there is like seventeen and bored out of their minds, like it's really let's know, that's.

Like people doing that and then they're not. The park is like it's unsafe to go down there or whatever. Right, yeah, and then that's that.

Then it's just like, well you' it's.

On you, and I'm sure the average person can get shamed into it's your fault. Yeah, not our girl, not me, not me that X two steps it.

Out of my pocket. We are even if you aren't. The guests. We need to have an update on this phone. Oh yeah, very investigable, lady.

A voice note, but I'm only trading it for the one from Karen's dad, so I will hold my voice noe hostage until I get that one. We just passed the playground where I was going to have you guys pick me up before the snake park as we call it, because there is a slide shape like a snake.

Oh oh, because there's like a tons of snakes. That would be weird.

Thank god, You're like, come on, let's just go back and give snake Park.

The kids love it.

This is where my daughter's going to be going to school in the fall. Hey, this is her little elementary.

It's not just tiny shoes. I think tiny picnic tables.

Yeah, a regular picnic table.

They need adjustments, they're little.

Yeah.

In skateboard videos growing up, I thought that everyone was way better than they are because they were doing like kickflips over picnic tables. And then you move here and you realize these are tiny. These are baby picnic tables.

Everyone's been lying to me.

They're for babies.

Oh, babies at a picnic. So is there anything you'd like to promote.

A natural segue? Yes, my podcast that's messed up, an SVU podcast right here on the exactly right network. Please listen if you like sv or even if you don't a lot of people listen to our show that don't watch us for you, which I find wild, but go for it.

I've never watched for you.

Yeah, but a lot of people we explain everything that happens in the episode, so people kind of like are like, I don't really need to watch it.

You're telling me what's happening. It's the best. So that's how we do.

And you guys get amazing bookings of people who played different parts on the episode.

Yeah, that's like one of the funnest parts.

Yeah, we have an episode coming up where we interviewed Matthew Lillard, which was so cool.

That's a great guy.

Yeah, we were so excited to get him because he's in this wild episode with Carol Burnette, and like, we were just not going to get Carol Burnette. You know, she's like ninety in a legend. I just didn't think we were going to get her. So I was like, thank god, we got Matthew Lillard and we are actually touring. Our podcast is going on tour. We're going to be doing like twenty cities in the fall from September to December.

Amazing.

Thank you for allowing me to promote myself of course. And then yeah, if you live in Los Angeles, come down to Bar Bandini on Wednesdays. I gave that a nice little twenty minute plug. Yeah that was but I also just want you to come.

Karen, I want to come.

And that's actually a great kind of bridge from me always being in my house to going back out or like going to a comedy show.

Yeah, because you can come on the side and sit with the comics and stuff and talk to us, and you we should have you on when somebody is on that you like, or a person that you are friendly with, or it's.

A place you could do stand up again. That's an idea.

I don't want it to be thought that I haven't offered if I could get Karen Kilgarriff, I'm just watering the seed.

Plan it, Karen kill Garriff. I'm just doing jokes about my kids and my husband all the time. That's my brother.

The last time I did is said Kara was it was like a it was a hot tub show or something. I fucking had to follow James Fritch, which which God bless anyone who has to ever follow James Fritz. He is so fucking good at stand up comedy. But also I haven't written a new joke in ever, so everything I was just like a of didn't believe my own thing, you know. I was just kind of like, and then I was like, don't do it. If this is the way you're going to do it, right, I get that.

I think I'll probably eventually start writing more and coming up with more stuff. But like just coming out of pandemic and the two kids being the age they are, I'm just like, my brain is like stretched a capacity. I just can't sit and write jokes right now.

It's also being a mother is a job, and you've been doing that.

Yes, yeah, it's not that you're afraid your material won't be about that.

Yeah, I can only imagine since it's been years since I was in the daycare business.

Wait where my house? I could have sworn I knew how to get there.

Yeah, yeah, you just go keep going up a couple more. Are you driving by my favorite picnic table? Yeah?

I just wanted we wanted you to get another visual of yourself kick flipping.

I thinked over that when I was young.

Straight ahead.

Yeah yeah yeah. Alex Cole is right around here, you know, Alex Cole, Yes of the Bay Area.

Yeah, you're bay Area.

That's also a family name. I'm sure we're related. Coles, ma'am, ma'am, ma'am.

I follow this like Highland Park Instagram, where it's like it's written by somebody. It's clearly run by somebody who's lived here for their whole life and like hates the gentrifiers and stuff, and they were complaining about these things being like these like four pillars of plastic that made people slow down a little bit in the center of the street. And they're like these didn't used to be around in the old days, not when I was growing up.

It's like, but you're so you're saying you're pro is it your husband?

No?

Right here?

Right?

Yeah, that's like saying that they want to go back to the time where pedestrians were just getting mowed down time.

I just liked it when like auto fatalities were higher.

You know, it's better drunk driving.

Nobody wore their seatbelt. You didn't have to back then, you know, you just died or you lived.

You know.

We saw in the next door app the email came in and I opened it and said, did anyone hear the cops say come out with your hands up?

That? Yes, I saw, and then I saw it was Kurt, and I was like, is this a bad time to ask.

Him next door.

It's on next door, absolutely spiraling about this.

Yeah.

I didn't make the joke because I thought he actually might be totally freaking out.

So he is like in the neighborhood and he heard cops say, yeah he was.

He was outside.

I think they were watching fireworks and they heard cops, I think from a helicopter say put down your weapons and come out of the house or something. And so he's screwing his kids into the house and then just asked on Twitter and then apparently on next door, Yeah, I did anybody hear that?

Does anyone know what's going on? Well?

Yeah, it was funny to see because usually it's just about a stolen bike, and it's like, wait, I know that guy.

I did not make the hot time joke.

That's really funny, though it is now a bad time.

Hey you guys oscar hosts about in five minutes, can I just sit here for and I'm just kidding.

Waited out, just waited out. Let Jared do it.

I'm sorry, we just got talking. Yeah, I could not get back.

I couldn't get back until seven five.

Yeah, well your delight. I was telling Chris and Alis before you got in the car. And I know I've already told you this, but I always say when I very first met you, it was like I already knew you to the degree where I was like, it feels like she's my cousin's the weirdest thing. How uh well, I just adore you, and but I also love your comedy so much. And it's just so nice to know a person like you.

Oh you're so nice. You like always are so nice.

I don't I hardly like anybody, so it's fun when I like, Oh, I love to.

Hear that, you know. It's like when people say, I don't usually like female comics, but you were funny.

Yeah, that's what I like.

I don't like most people, but you I like.

All the other girls can go to hell.

You You're good. Oh my god, I love you guys.

This is always so much fun, and I was looking forward to you all day.

Oh you should we wrap it up while we all are so mne do the ending you've been listening?

Did do you need a ride? This has been an exactly right production.

Produced by Analise Nelson, mixed by Edson Troy.

Our talent booker is Patrick.

Theme song by Karen Kilgareth.

Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.

Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y n ar Podcast.

For more information, go to exactly rightmedia dot com.

Thank you.

Oh you're welcome.

You have the press down on the button, press on the button. Oh sexual, it's really fun, all right, guys.

Wow, wow, I can't believe I had to write it at test