S4 - Ep. 49 - Gil Ozeri Pt. 1

Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a terminal and gay.

We want to send you off in style. We wanna welcome you back home. Tell us all about it. We scared her? Was it fine? Mal porn?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do your need do you ride?

Ride?

Do you need.

With Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need to ride? This is Chris Fairbanks and this is Karen. Thank you for matchingdence.

I always like to.

We're going to continue to do this throughout the entire episode.

Do you like it right in? Do you need to ride? Dot hotmail dot earthlink dot.

Gov, dot dial up dot org, and be sure to in your writing of the email leave pregnant pauses please. It's an important part of comedy that I used to not make room for pausing pausing.

It conveys to the audience confidence and security that you will whatever horrorle hole you're digging for yourself, you're going to get out of it exactly.

Yeah, And I used to just fill all silence with panic stricken words. Yeah, and it's a great it's a great trick silence.

It is.

I saw Todd Barry and did do it well, and I'm like, I'm going to copy them and do their jokes and it did great for me. I tried to slip that by.

I tried to slip it by.

Oh, I'm actually.

Yeah, out of my way. It's an emergency.

It's it's very.

Scary when a car you're dealing with in traffic on the side that you're dealing with has been side swiped severely because it lets you know they really don't care when it comes down to it. And that's what I'm getting from this Kia Serreno.

They'll do whatever it takes.

On the way not the way here. But I was grocery shopping before coming and I and I'm not bragging, but there was an elderly lady standing next to her car with a flat tire and I immediately pulled over because it seemed like, you know, when you're a kid and they say in church you're going to be tested. Yeah,

Why didn't you back down?

I because I was kind of first. It was like right of way. I was the first at the stop.

Yep, I know, I know, first versus best.

It's almost like he pulled over knowing that I was already there. You know when you see an accident and you pretend on the phone because you know if someone else is on the phone. What okay, okay, dude, what you want whatever? You didn't have to add the brights.

Did you see that?

Lunatic? But also, yeah, don't do that. Don't go against the road rules so that you can do me a favor.

God, well, let's go back.

I'm absolutely gonna fight that person.

But it was easy. It was fun and easy. Wait, lug nuts.

Am I getting on the freeway right now?

Yes?

Yes you are. The point is if we see anyone on the side of the road, I have already done that. Today, we don't have to do it. Let's go straight to our guests.

The real point is is that you're going to fight to change a tire you're not equipped to change from the tow truck guy.

Is what it sounds like to me.

Honestly, I'm fully equipped. I assumed because of the model of the car that there would have been a jack, and that jack would also have the long sticky thingy.

And then it did, it did, and you did it and it was easy. Oh congratulations, Yeah, it was fun okay.

And I'm not bragging. I'm just I wanted to bring up the funny like with me and the guy both had the same intention. And then he took off and I'm like, come on, man, do your job. He didn't fight that hard to do it, but he's probably on the way to something.

That's a little bit the way you described it.

Maybe I'm just jumping to conclusions based on the way you described it, but a little condescending that he is like, well, okay, buddy, you got it.

Yeah, and now I have melted popsicles from what being in the hot car?

Oh you were like on your way home from the store.

Yes, forreus, I know.

He's in number fifteen. Why you should let the other man do it.

I wanted to roll down the window and say sorry, lady popsicles, because I figured she would have gotten it. But now it was a yeah, it was. It seemed like a test. She was standing there helpless. Huh and maybe it was my age, I said she was. She had a shawl like she had.

A what if the late what if it was a test and the guy in the truck was Jesus.

It's so funny that that was the only thing ingrained in me when I was getting free food at after school youth group. Was that notion of be sure to do kind things for strangers because it might be the Lord testing you. And I immediately went to even hitchhikers, because oftentimes I see hitchhikers that do have a Jesus like look, a beard and long hair, and oftentimes that's not who you want to go pick up. Jesus at the look at the time his look was very Messiah appropriate.

And now it has a kind of PCP dealer from the.

Seventieses a hatchet wielding cat man, which is the ultimate test.

Can you survive the Lord if he was in your car.

The Lord comes in mysterious ways, and sometimes it's a murderer. But yeah, it's it's so funny that it's bad advice, and probably not advice that a lot of you know, church folk probably don't want to help. Who knows. I'm not about to say that. I'll only think.

It good idea.

Who knows what anybody's thinking these days?

That's okay, that's a great way to smooth pulling me out.

I'm here for transition phrases.

Thank you, thank you, But yeah, so far, I believe that's all I've done today.

Oh well that's a lot though, changing some a stranger's tire.

You're done for the day, is this?

And I feel bad because you're probably an eight o'clock and at nine o'clock and at ten o'clock my day won't start until I one time glanced and you weren't. You didn't know this, I don't think. But I glanced into your your daily book and saw how many appointments you had, and I was like, I don't know that I'm a grown up yet, because this is terrifying to me.

Well, I'll tell you this.

I went from definitely not being a grown up to getting slammed directly into being a grown up in that way.

I feel like you and I were almost at the same level when we met. We both had similar stories. We both were worried about overdo taxes. Yes, and now look at you. Yeah, and I'm here as a reminder of what you once were, thank god.

Yes, yeah, I mean, look, it's fun. And it's like the frog in the pot that slowly gets boiled to death, where it's like it's fun and I don't really notice it. So it it's fine, right, and like it is a big difference, like, as I always say to my sister, Hey, it's better than working at the gap. Like, it's a big difference working at your own company and on your own projects and stuff that you want to do than working for other people, especially when you're like me and you have.

A what is it called goals? No?

No, like I just don't like telling people telling me what to do.

Ever, Oh, authority issues, Yes, that's what I have. Yes, I'm going to start treating my career like a business. It is a business group and I until recently I didn't realize that. Yeah, I have met with a social media specialist. I'm going to start what kind of tiktoks do like Karen, because I really don't know what I'm going to do.

Just get your big face up into that camera and blab people don't give a shue And.

You're very right.

Yeah that's what he said.

I was you weren't paying this person front forward. I'm going to pay them a little bit sure, all right, yeah, and see what the results are like. See if it's something I can do on my own learn while doing it. Sure, I have a feeling it will be something that I will they'll know a lot more about than me. But I'm having troubled thinking of things I can do.

That's because you're thinking of them as bits. They don't have to be bits.

Literally.

You can get on there and with a thought, the kernel of a joke, you can talk through how you just thought of a joke, and there are people who might like that. Yeah, as opposed to executing. It's not vine where you have to like do a mini movie.

Sure, even though that's kind of what I want to do, I need to start with things that I know I can do immediately, and that's front facing blabber.

Yeah, do your blabbing, because it's what has made you all the money so far, and you're good at it and even a one minute blab, you know, with just like a concept of you know, I was watching Netflix the other day and it made mean.

Bloh blah blah.

Yeah, is the idea as opposed to if you get on there and you're just trying to like do hard jokes, people are going to be like, this guy, isn't he's just doing a character right or something.

Yes, they have to know that you're actually like this exactly.

And that's what these nice people were saying, is that people want to make it personal.

Is these two white doves right now, I apparently a magician pulled over and lost its livelihood.

Well, that one just did a dive bomb, which is rare for a dove.

We're seeing incredible birds on the one today, ladies, and we're just seeing.

Peaceful birds doing crow like behaviors?

Were those two albino crows?

Did I tell you about the time my friend where I was at the Comedy Magic Club following a very nervous magician, a young nervous magician, and one of his birds died before his show, and he was crying and I said, why don't I go up? He lost one of his birds. It was the worst thing I'd ever think it.

Was he crying because he was connected to the bird, or was he crying because his act was Fuck?

Yeah, I think a little bit of bone, mostly because those birds were his friends and they aren't supposed to actually disappear. Oh oh, and I said, but that's not when you imagine when you pull him out of the hat. But I shouldn't have. I didn't say that, of course, but it was very I mean, he had dubs.

That is, that's a sad bird wand of dies it is or cries as Prince used to talk about.

Always all of his songs are lousy with dove references. But those birds that we just saw were certainly they were not the typical bird.

I see.

They looked like a Christian poster.

They looked like we were down in the church choir rehearsal room.

Yeah, it looks like between them the should have been a flapping red ribbon. Yes, said United First United.

Methodist Hosana in the Highest Church has started advertising like that, like will you marry me?

Behind an airplane? They just sent out carrier doves.

Wait, can I just tell you this past weekend standing in my backyard, I think I was pulling weeds although I doubt it. And I see that there's a skywriter and I look, and the skywriter wrote imagine dragons.

Which of course was an advertisement for the band.

I mean it either that or Kurt Broneler's up to his old tricks again making people imagine dragons.

It made me laugh. I out loud, was like what, Like, what are you talking about? But it was so funny.

If you stuck around for a while, he would have written live at the Forum or something, or.

He would have been like, now, if you imagined a yellow dragon, you're passive aggressive.

Just it's a personality.

Test in the sky and the guy's doing it for days, and the wind it's just taking away the first question you'd have to rewrite that. Let's think about how stressful that job would be, by the way, trying to write an entire sentence and having to factor in wind, yeah, in your exhaust girth or whatever. It's not a job I envy. No job is one I envy?

Is it computerized? At this point though?

I wonder, Oh, they're just like projecting an image or an airplane.

The guy that's flying the airplane doesn't have to be the one that's farting out the right the exhaust that lets you know that you need to imagine dragons.

Right now at two o'clock on a Saturday.

Yeah.

Maybe now they have little exhaust for extencils that will shoot out the shape of those letters.

Computer.

The technology has to have gotten further. Have you ever soos days?

Have you seen those fireworks displays? I'm sure it's in Singapore because Singapore has all the good stuff first, oh yeah, but when they're like, it's a fireworks display, but then it does all this other shit and like you can't it goes up and then suddenly it's a baby looking down at you or whatever.

Crazy.

Yeah, it's rare that I see advanced my complaint about fireworks for my whole life. It's like, this is just like last year. Then something happened and they started animating. They started doing three D. How am I looking at suddenly a sphere?

Yes?

How do they make it blow up into a perfect circle? Now?

A step before that, and I don't want to ruin your bit, but a step before that in the this was just like last year's journey was in my opinion, when they started to do the one where it exploded and then fizzled down. I like that, right, which they were like, that was new technology for a little while. Yeah, I didn't think we were gonna get past or like the grouping ones that were like or the color changing.

I was like, wow, this isn't like last year.

I remember really feeling that one year, and now we've gone way past that.

And I believe that's called a report. Oftentimes you buy a firework and it claims to have this is a sparkling forest tank or whatever with report, and I remember asking, what's the report, and they're like, oh, at the end.

Thanks you dick.

Of course, course of course it's you.

Andy has a picture of Jesus in his back window. Well, I don't fucking think so.

Time for someone to remember what he would do.

He would let you murder.

I think you're the one that blasted passed. When I was helping an old lady with a bad bad she keeps changing.

She gets more and more tragic as the guy that left gets more and more of an ass.

He just turned his eyes away when he saw she had one.

Arm, and then he flipped her off, specifically.

Flipped off a lady with no eyes.

What a waste her eyes were on a plate in her hand. It's actually Saint Lucy the Halloween.

It was surrounded by werthers. I took one to be polite.

Oh my god, I was so you guys were waiting for me. I was just on a zoom call. Is it this one? Yes, I was just on a zoom call that was taking a long time, and in front of me there was a tin of cookies and candies that Georgia brought back from France or her French friend brought to her, and she brought into the office for everybody. So as we're sitting there, I look over and realize

I was like, oh, I'm like it.

If I eat this candy, I'm gonna make a scene on the zoom call.

So no, I can't have it.

I like tried it and it was like immediately the loudest cellophane.

Oh, that's so funny. That brings back memories from just two years ago where I was like, can I get away with this snack or with opening most likely a tall white claw while doing this zoom show. Everyone's gonna notice, so I'd be coughing or making noises so you can cover it up. Yeah, people didn't know all the snacks.

In my lap, so you got away with it.

Oh yeah, I got really good at it. It's interesting what I got good at knowing that I would never need it in the future. Private candy eating Is that the top of the list.

I'm no po a candy.

Candy for money?

Oops?

What was that little hole we're going?

This is towards now I'm turning on central No.

Oh okay, yes, I will do a better job. I mean, look at me. I'm doing nothing. You're operating a motor vehicle.

I know I will.

I will mind the map, mind the map anyway. Yeah, the little sparkly crispy things at the end of fireworks are called reports.

Reports. That's really what you wanted us to know. Yes, and I wanted to get back to it, and you did with almost no sege whatsoever.

Exactly, Yeah, or really pay off. I knew, but I had to finish.

I wonder though, because fireworks similar to guns, right, the report is what happens when it goes off. So they're saying, hold on a second, I'm so sorry. We're passing a restaurant called Crab Avenue. Have you ever heard of Crab Avenue? I mean we've driven down Crab Avenue.

I mean we called a street that back and call it. I don't want to go in. I think that it's probably great food. Let's not.

No, No, I feel more like what I'm trying to point out is maybe that's the best name of a place ever. It is like on par with cellar Door, Crab Avenue. It's all very it goes together.

Yes, yes, I think a linguist would approve what I wouldn't approve. I don't want to deal with fish. If if your sign is sun faded to where you can't see the word restaurant though, yeah, to me, that means they're they're gonna leave stuff out for a little while.

They're gonna definitely be like that crab from last week is fine, just mix it into a salad.

Yeah, if that's how you treat your sign, I don't want your open air of shellfish.

I feel like also that was closed.

That place, Oh, it totally is.

I think it is. But so rip Crab Avenue.

Hey, there'll never be another one like you. I'm supposed to go around the blue Sorry.

So all right, speaking of closed and should be closed, here's a shareless ferris wheel.

Oh they're building it right now. Look they're building it, and I think, oh those guys, Wow, that's the gravitron.

But it's called something else here. It's been a while since I've seen a fly by Night carnival.

God, I wish we could go here. It looks like it's about to open. It.

It just pops up and they put in three or four screws and then you trust your family on to get on there and spin around.

I actually saw a lawyer on TikTok and they used to do this thing on TikTok. It was like five things I would never recommend as a dermatologist, five things I would never recommenmnd as a fireman whatever.

And this guy was like five things I would never.

Recommend as a like an accident lawyer, and those he was like I would never let anyone in my family on a ride that got set up in a parking lot.

Like, you know, unofficially, that would make me assume he's said there's a story behind that.

Oh yeah, the way he said, the passion with which it's like, because those dudes, it's like, the trust is that those two dudes building that ferris wheel right now are totally fine, Yeah, totally sober, Yeah, totally focused, right, but.

They might look like a you know, hitchhiker. Posing is the savior. I'm I'm yet, those are the carnival barkers that I remember.

As a kid, and they and those also are the best in the biz.

Some people are dedicated in Karen would never do any of the things I just mentioned.

Exactly for fairness. I remember the most passionate guy who assisted me on the bumper cards so much to where he is concerned that I would I had a faulty turning radius or something that he jumped on the back and made me look like the biggest dork ever, because even so passionate about his job, it's so embarrassing to be on the bumper cars. And the carnival worker decides this guy needs help. I'm going to stand on.

The back of his car, that's true.

And steer for him.

Yeah, this little guy needs help, is what the guy yelled to all your friends.

I don't need help. Why what is it my red suspenders? What is it about me?

The popsicle staying around my mouth?

Oh? So much drama.

Here we are, we're picking up our guest today. Is a stranger. I'm so nervous.

I know, I am too.

It's a stranger. We love or I do anyway. I don't know if you are familiar with his work.

I was not, but now that I look at what he's done, I'm certainly familiar with the work part of it.

Pretty goddamn great? Right?

Yeah?

Is this him? No, that's an old lady.

Well that's change her.

Tire, ma'am pull over, leave me alone.

Oh yeah, well she's talking. You can really get away with talking to yourself lately. All you have to do is hold a phone in your hand and whisper, whisper sweet nothings to the clouds. Is that it's somebody? It is?

Is that him?

Yes, Harry comes.

This is exciting.

Yes, that's right, it's us. Hi Hi other side, please, ladies and gentlemen.

Ladies and gentlemen, you know today's guests from uh from? You know I'm from clubs and colleges throughout the country. Hello, put your ears together for Gillow's Ai.

Hi.

Hi, how are you ge? I'm doing all right. We haven't met. My name's Chris him Chris.

Hi, I'm Karen.

Hi.

Thanks for having me.

You're welcome.

We're very happy that you're here.

Welcome to Glendale.

So gorgeous.

We've been on the way here, and I think it's a sign. It's a good omen. We saw two doves appearing to dog fight in the sky.

Oh. I thought you were going to say something else.

Okay, No, they were just large.

Doves and they were having a fight in the sky.

They were dive bombing. That's not There is a strong chance that they weren't doves, but they look like them to me.

Okay, Well, maybe Glendale I hope didn't bring it out in them.

We usually were known it.

Yes, they just start flying like a lot of folks drive in Glendale exactly. And you are in New York, man, are you not?

I was, Yes, I was born and raised.

Oh in New York City or.

Queen's Yeah, Queen Queens just like the Entourage boys.

Yes, so you know that's how I know you?

Yes, go ahead, when.

I first moved to Los Angeles, I had an audition for Turtle on Entourage and the audition was just out of work actor being a clown at a kid's birthday party. Okay, we went in this car. Recall that being in a scene in an episode.

I've seen every single episode and I couldn't tell you right in a row.

In a row.

That's so. The magical part ABOUTOGE was it called Entourage.

Thon You got it? That's it because.

When I first sawt on Twitter, and this was pre COVID, this is a long time ago. It was just like I was by myself at the weekend and I thought it said encourage Athon.

Oh, and I would have been a positive experience.

Yeah, I thought you were being funny and it kind of went along with other things i'd seen you post.

So I was like, that's funny.

But then I started to realize that Gil was basically going to watch every episode of Entourage from all of the seasons and.

Then get into a limo and go see go to the movie at the arc Light. That's correct, and that was the And it was how long was it.

Was seventy five hours without sleep and.

You had not seen a single episode.

I had seen like one season or two seasons prior to that, but I had not I had stopped and then so I I decided to catch up before the movie, but we ended up going to see Aloha at the end of it instead.

Which do you remember Aloha?

No?

It was it was that Emma Stone plays Asian vehicle.

Oh wow, yeah, no one talks about that.

Yeah, especially Emma first name basic.

But they live streamed it so you could just watch Gil basically torturing himself on like on the internet, and it was so hilarious to me.

It was fun for hours and hours and days, Yes, for about three days straight. I love it. It was great because the only time I've done that is with shows that people actually get mad at you for having not seen, like The Wire or some.

Potales, and I do it with terrible shows.

I did it with Two and a Half Men as well a few years prior to that. Really, yes, that was even worse.

Same idea.

Say it was called two and a half days of Two and a half Men, which it exactly. It worked out to be two and a half days. This was at the time when Charlie Sheen was having like his Tiger blood meltdown.

Right right post bowling shit exactly.

Yeah, and so we had like a bunch of his ex girlfriends in to watch with us. It was it was pretty nut.

Wow.

Yeah, it's so funny. When someone brings up that show, I immediately think of three men and a baby and that's.

What that show is, isn't it.

Yeah, minus the go in the background.

Exactly, but with a lot of sex. Have you seen Two and a half Men.

By the way, I've never seen.

Okay, so it's very dirty. Oh yeah, yeah, it's actually a really dirty show.

And that's the idea is like John Cryer is the nerd and the grossy.

Yeah.

The funny thing is when I have watched it, I'm I am like, these are pretty good jokes. Am I wrong?

I mean it's not.

I wouldn't say it's like, you know what, A lot of it is blue humor because that's what I was like. But like, I think people liked it because it was like something you could put on in the background while you're making dinner or like hanging out or whatever.

There's some hard jokes in there, I'll give you that way.

During two and a half days of Thon, did you ever sincerely laugh.

I actually made a count of all the times he had counts, and I don't remember how many times it was, but it must been like twenty five or something like.

That out of the entire yeah, exact season.

Yes, Yes, there were some crazy weird things on that show that You're You just they would like constantly eat pizza with forks, like.

That was a thing they did.

I don't know if it was like on purpose or not, but there were there were some really really unusual things that happened.

Was that supposed to be like a running joke.

I don't think so. It was never spoken about. Wow, yeah, and it happened multiple times.

I wonder if it was like a safety issue. We tried doing pizza at the first season.

We set up birth the kid's mouth.

You do not want to scald John Cryer's roof mouth.

No, you don't.

They treat it like having on gun on the set, where they're like.

Ye're coming in for exactly.

They give you like a whole like spiel before they shoot, like, okay, we have hot pizza on set.

Everybody, we want you to be careful. Fingers up, fingers up, Where's Ali Baldwin? I hope he's not here.

Let's let let me remind you of Totinos versus Vermont. Okay, let's have a good shoot.

I know I bring that case up every time. Shoot. It's a very important thing.

Also, don't remind me. A lot of you looked it up, and I'm the only one that knows about it because I.

Was the one who was burned.

Anyway, my name is Jonathan Toatino.

Oh jeyous.

If you were to do that again, yes, what show do you think you would do?

I've thought about a bunch of different things, like I don't know, maybe like every Nicholas Cage movie or something like that, or Steven Segal or I also wanted to do one on like a trip to Australia, so like I fly there and back and only watch plane movies.

Oh that's great, and.

You don't stay there, you just just go.

Get go and come back.

I love it, but I have not had the courage to do it again because I was like I was really breaking down the last time.

Yeah, when I did the orthoorogy.

It did seem near the end, well, I didn't understand how you were doing it, but I was so excited because I can't remember if I had just like stopped a job and was just like really like locked up on the couch, okay, permanently, and I was like, this is perfect. I can just lay here in my computer soffer Yeah. But then also I was I was watching the actual episode, so I knew what you were talking about.

Oh nice, which was kind of funny and whatever.

Fun Yeah, yeah, to follow along.

I missed those days of Twitter at the time where you clearly Karen had an addiction. You were you had a Twitter problem.

Yes, I did, for sure, I do too.

I mean it was a lot more. It was a lot. It wasn't a hellscape as it is, no, Yeah, it was.

Actually it was very rewarding. And before my podcast got popular and anyone gave a shit what I was saying, I used to get on there and just like tell people to shut up.

And right right, do you all kinds what you like to do? You love?

It's like a big part of my personality is definitely stepping in when people need to shut up and letting them know, and.

You just go after a while, it's like, oh.

Those are needed, those are I mean people like that?

Yeah, kind of like a room monitor for the Internet.

I remember one of my favorite shut ups I ever got.

It was not from you, but I'm sure you're shut up.

You're still the.

Best, and you're still the best.

I was walking one time with my dad and I was a teenager, and I was screaming at him in Central Park. We were having like a huge argument. We were about to get on like the subway. Do you remember what the argument was about, like about how he's never around.

I don't even know. I didn't want to, like, okay, here's the sad part. No, But I was like yelling at him and I was.

Being you know, pretty teenagery of like rude and like, you know, really loud. And as we were going down to the subway, this homeless guy just goes shut up, and my dad just started cracking up. It was really it was like perfectly placed. So a good shut up is like perfect.

So good.

I actually I had a really good shut up once, and I think maybe that's what in my mind I was imitating. Did you ever go to the bar the Coach and Horses, It's on Sunset, It's gone now. It was the diviest dive bar, and there was a bartender named Ginger and she looked like a lady from Central Casting who was like, I'm from a trailer park.

Like it.

It looked like she was doing a bit of like I'm here in my house dress and sun.

Black costume, Yes, exactly.

And she was really grumpy and very unfriendly. And so one time we were sitting there during the day it was pouring rain sometime in the nineties, pouring rain outside mudslides in Malibu. Everything felt like everything is like on fire or mudslides are crazy. And so we were just sitting in there, like at four o'clock in the afternoon, getting drunk and what and the TV was on. Sharon

Hey, shut up, like same style.

Not only did I shut up, but I think I stopped publicly thinking anyone wanted to hear me criticizing a celebrity.

Wow, that's a powerful one.

In a second, why am I doing this anyone? Because I think later she tried to say she was friends with Sharon Stone, which there's no fucking way that she was friend.

So what do you guys think it is about someone saying that like that in that way that just sort of like takes you down because.

I can give it up, but I can't take it, I think, is what it is about me? Or I'm like, I love I love the vibe of hey, you don't need to be saying this, but I certainly never think that's true for me.

Yeah.

Yeah, there's also something of like im you're exposed as like an idiot, like in a really perfect way.

That's just like, oh right, I am. I did sound stupid. Just you're like.

Loud and taken up. Yeah, you're taking up the air. You're mucking things up for everybody else.

I remember when I was in like high school, when I was exactly when I was in high school. I decided to wear gel one day to school, Like I was like, I'm gonna comb my hair, I think, And I put on a ton of gel and walked in. And as I was walking in, the security guard was standing with like a few like high schoolers, and he just goes, drip, drip, drip. Everyone just started cracking up, and I was just like, I'm never like wearing gel ever again.

I'm traumatized.

Yeah, horrible, but it was so dead on. It was just like, yep, you're right and crazy, right, the.

Funniest security guard I've ever heard of it.

Yeah, but it's like it is the thing if you are a funny person and then you are the butt of the joke. That's the reason.

Like I almost always just wear black where I'm like, oh, you think I'm going to give people a reason to like.

Say, notice me nice shirt?

Yeah?

Yeah, yeah, anything, yep, yeah, I just want to fly under the radar.

Please.

Yeah, anytime I'm being negative and outwardly vocally, I deserve If someone says shut up, I'm like, okay, you're probably right about that. Yeah, I think I would appreciate it me too, although I've never been told shut up. Isn't that weird?

That's a realist fact.

I'll follow up with that.

Yeah.

Yeah, sometime when you don't expect it.

No, I'd like to get it right now.

No, I do, I do, But it never. I mean, I guess when you're young it's different than when you're older.

I think the age gap of six years having an older sister, yeah, it was. It was more like she was another motherly figure.

Gotcha, gotcha?

Yeah, that's so funny because I have a six year gap with my sister.

Oh, and I was horrific to her the opposite. I'm older.

Yeah, yeah, I was a I mean we're very close now, but when younger, I.

Was just I think it's yeah, if if I had an older brother, I think it would have been a totally different thing. I was my sister's play thing since I was a baby, and I loved it right, dressing up and wearing all of it. To talk about hair gel, that's immediately what I thought of when you said that, Oh yeah, is my sister saying, let's put moose in your hair? And I walked around proudly.

And must have been excited. I mean the attention of an older person exactly.

And all her friends they would dress me up full makeup, different little outfits and they're no secure already guards at my school, so it just went great.

Wait was that high school in or where you were in Queens?

Yeah?

It was in Queens.

Yeah, it was a place called Townsend, Paris. Have you heard of it? Are you from New York? No?

I just love New York.

Okay, yeah, it's in Queens.

Yeah, it's like a uh sort of like humanities school. Oh, like a Bronx science or divesant type of school.

And as humanity is English the arts, I don't know.

Yeah it means like English and the arts, I guess.

Okay, Like you know, so you could say that you went to like a a high school for the arts in New York.

I could say that, and I do from now on, shut up, because that.

Is like truly. I'm from northern California.

Saw the movie Fame when I was like twelve years old in the theater and I was Juilliard. Oh yeah, it's about a high school. It's a performing high school. Yeah, performing art high school in the city, I believe. And we were just like, well, that's the only life to live.

Like.

It was like so exciting and amazing and incredible.

Yeah.

Well I wanted to go to a place called La Guardia, which was also like a performing arts school, but I did not get in. So this was more like this was more like English writing, liberal arts, that kind of stuff.

I know. I know a handful of people that wanted to go to Laguard get in. It's not it's hard to get in.

Yeah, it's tough.

What did you want to get in for?

What were you drawing?

Actually, I'm a drawer. Do you still draw?

I do every day? All that every day? I mean I draw now on my iPad a lot, me.

Too, you do?

Yeah, And I'm I've been uh watching a lot of like saving now that I know how to save Instagram videos tutorials about different the brushias.

Oh yeah, it's so cool, isn't it? Yeah? It is. And we're gonna nerd out here.

We are going to know that I do have one of those uh screen protectors that is a texture of paper.

I don't, but I've seen those. We gotta get them. And how do wait do you have them?

I've only heard it because of getting used to drawing on slippery glass with my shaky hands. I've just gotten used to it. Turns out we don't need.

To we don't. Like. Yeah, I'm I'm suffering for no reason.

When we end today, we're going online the company that makes it. It's called like paper by the way. Oh really, yeah, and uh we got to get that if we're are you confronted by how much tracing you now do?

Guilt? How much tracing? Oh? Like you're like I'm feeling like guilty or something about it? No.

You know a lot of people don't know a comic book artists. There's a pencil guy.

You go in.

You start inking. If I were in that world, I would be the anchor. Okay, I now, if I have to do, you know, some caricatures of I go into photoshop. I can't believe I'm admitting just a minute. I go into photoshop and I do a photoshop mock up, and then from that I draw on top of that loosely mind you. Right then I get rid of that background, and then I ink on top of my my more gestural drawing.

I mean, I find the whole process I've done that. Yeah, I find it very meditative. That's why I like it so much, because I'm not thinking or planning with like if writing or anything else.

I feel like I'm thinking.

Steps ahead before I see, like you know, the product itself, and withdrawing, I'm just like.

In the in the moment. I love all the steps.

I love, like you know, drawing it out, coloring it in, shading it, all lighting, all.

That stuff is it's really I find it calming.

It is what It's the only thing I do where I can suddenly realize, wow, I've been sitting for twelve straight out exactly.

Yeah, my neck is broken.

Yeah, and and do you use this might be we'll move to a new topic.

No, no, no, take your time.

Being able to export a time lapse video of your drawing for me and for most people, huh, it's very I've.

Not done that.

It's just a click, go into the settings. Anything you draw on there, you can export it as a video.

And what do you gleaned from doing that?

It is well that I have to edit out all my photoshop cheating. But it's like, wow, you just started with that simple drawing and then you went straight to shaving. But it is it. It's just fun conceit. Yeah. And and it's a it's fun to watch that, Yeah, yeah, because you gotta do it all right.

Next step, we're back. We're folks. We're back as human being guys.

It's fun to witness two people having two things in common back to back, because the six year sibling difference is quite a that's weird.

That you're gonna go where. I bet you there will be a third one before we're gonna find out.

Was your father a good artist?

My father is an artist. He's a photographer.

Okay, we've done it well.

I mean, if you can consider that art, do you consider photography art?

It took me a while as a kid because my dad was a painter. He's like, painting in this way and the way I do it is the only art there is. Are you close with your father? I am indeed okay? And but when I think back about how he would you know, have me look at my hand and draw it over and over, and then look at the other hand and draw it with my left hand. Oh wow, in the basement low light, I wasn't allowed to lead.

With a gun to your hand.

Yes, it seems like abuse, but it made me great at drawing hand.

It's so funny. My dad would make me read when my friends came over, not a joke.

Would say, all right, Gil has to separate himself right now and go read for half an hour.

What if you if you want to.

Play kidding you talking about abuse?

Well, it means so kind of fucking up the fund.

He just wanted to, I think, exert his power A and B like make it known that you know this was really important to him, and that like reading, I shouldn't just fuck around and play.

But it's right when your friends show up.

It was like on purpose. I like the idea of.

Him saying, Okay, when your friends come in, I want you to be smoking this pipe with this thing.

I want them to see that you're we're going to find you in a diaper. Yeah, here's here's how we're going to humiliate you. Yeah. It was awful.

It was awful also for my friends too, because they had to just be alone in my room.

Yeah, well that is kind of that is not It's basically an interference on a thing that's very that needs to have its own chemistry. That's like basically when they're like, okay, everyone out of the pool type of energy where you're like, you could ruin this whole day right now. We could all go, we could turn on each other, like anything could happen exactly.

Yeah, but he didn't care. He liked that that that power.

Oh but how's your reading comprehension these days?

Oh it's not good.

Oh no, I mean I feel like you could go either way.

It could.

I think it's okay, I'm just teasing, but like I do feel like there was a rebellious side to me, which was like, okay, you want me to you know, be really serious, I'm gonna be silly instead.

Yeah, you know, so it sort of did the opposite of what he wanted to do.

Maybe that's unjust a rebel. When I'm five six pages in and realize I've retained nothing.

Yeah, I'm reading the same sentence over and there.

Take that, dad, exactly. There's a little win every night before that.

That's amazing. Oh man, I really like the idea of him handing your friend's books too. You're all going to read.

He is the kind of when I begged for a I don't know if you remember, there was a a video game system called Sega Genesis at the same I was like yeah, and.

I begged him for it, and he said okay.

And then on my birthday he got me a a chess set that was like a computer chess set that was called Genesis Genesis. He knew, he knew, and he was just like he was like he wanted to make me into this like student.

You know. I think it was because he also had was forced to learn like my dad.

My dad was My dad's parents were yemen night Jews and yet from Yemen, yes, and sometimes they're called Yemeny some there. I mean, there's like a but he was forced to basically, you know, learn to read the Torah every day and if he wasn't, if he wasn't learning.

He would get hit if with a leather whip.

Like it was like under it was like abusive, right, So I think he's just like, you know, we repeat the mistakes of our parents sometimes.

Right, And it sounds like he had it maybe worse.

Yeah, So now I make my daughter read the value path. Everybody.

You'd be like, like, find me a car wash, Yes, exactly.

That I can really use.

Get in there.

That's crazy.

I want a Sega Genesis. How about a box set of everything? Phil Collins's retort.

I mean my dad did a version of that because I was like ten years old in nineteen eighty, so it was like we were the Atari generation.

Like that was that broke Everyone went insane. Everyone got Atari. We did not get Atari because my dad his big thing. He would say it all the time because he was a fireman in San Francisco and go we have that at the firehouse.

You won't like it. So we didn't get cable and we didn't get like he wouldn't. He was just kind of cheap. So he's such a good right because he's like it's as if he tested it already. So for atari, we were like, Dad, like it's been two years. You have to we have to get this, Like we can't be so out of the you know, conversation. Yeah exactly.

And so that Christmas we got the like original Pong machine, Oh wow?

Which is which was the That was like the one game going.

Back a decade where we're like thanks so much, so we can now play Pong on the TV like it was it. That's how he did everything. We never had a new car. It was always like he's got this great car of Fireman's gonna sell him. And then we have the weirdest you.

Think he knew, like in the same way he knew he was getting an old thing, or he's just like I'm just gonna get It's like the way my mother's like, have you heard of j Lo?

He's like yeah, you know, no.

He he just kind of wanted to do.

I think he really worried about money all the time, which I didn't ever feel. I didn't feel it except for when it came to stuff like that where it's like why can't we just have this and it's like, oh, because that costs I'm sure it costs three hundred bucks or whatever. Right, And he's like, that's crazy for a kid's toy. Yeah, because he didn't really get it. So he's like, well, here I'm going to get you know, I'm gonna buy someone's old used.

Version of pong.

Right.

We're like, thanks, So there's dust on the kids. What do you think enjoy it's tennis?

Yeah?

I thought that. Yeah, I was being taught some sort of a lesson when my dad would hand me blocks of wood that he cut with a saw as a gift, but that we were poor. We were poor, and I actually liked those blocks.

Of what I mean, when you're a kid, I feel like I don't know. I mean, I guess maybe this is like toddler age, but they they're more interested in like a cardboard box than an actual toy.

And you're right, and I am this is early memories. Yeah, it's it's crazy that I remember that. Well, that's I'm amazed.

Do you need a beverage of any kind?

Sure?

Should we try to go to a drive through?

I would love to.

We often do that.

How often do you record the podcast once or twice a week? Once or twice a week. Okay, all right.

I was also thinking about like when I was like, oh, I don't know if these because they mentioned suggesting something.

So I was like, have you guys heard of Foster's Freeze? Oh they have a drive through?

Do they really they do?

Oh?

We have to go there and I've never been. This has been an exactly right production.

Produced by Annalise Nelson, mixed by Edson Choy. Our talent booker is Patrick Cootner.

Theme song by Karen Kilgarrett.

Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.

Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y n ar Podcast.

For more information, go to a exactly rightmedia dot com.

Thank you, so You're welcome