S4 - Ep. 47 - Karen & Chris

Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a termino and gaye ad.

We want to send you off in start. We wanna welcome you back home.

Tell us all about it. We scared her? Was it fine? Malborn?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do your need to ride? To ride? Do you need.

With Karen and Chris?

Welcome to do you need I'll start over, welcome to Do you need to ride? This is Chris Fairbanks.

And this is Karen Kilgera.

We could leave that in where I flubbed up.

I thought it was so authentic.

Yeah, really want realism. I heard that a lot last night.

Yeah, where were you last?

I sort of crashed a party at the improv for the founder of Levity, who's uh. The whole group of people said the sweetest things about each other, and it seems like the healthiest of management places. Yes, that's great, But I have been feeling lately like I'm because I've been taking a break from stand up. Yes, and I feel like, oh, everyone's forgot me, and ever it was so cool to be reconnecting with all these people. Yeah, I haven't seen in twenty five years, like Leanne Morgan.

Oh, she's so fucking funny and I love her.

She came up to me and she's like, is your name Chris Fairbanks?

We worked together.

In San Antonio twenty three years ago, and I'm like, how do you remember? I didn't even recognize her at first, but the fact that her her career has blown up since then, it was so exciting. And her her voice reminds me and I know we talked about a lot about her last nime, but she sounds she was a calming Dolly Parton like presence.

I was like, her voice is very.

Soothing and everything she said like made me have a great night. So she's the best.

She's the best and also very authentic, Like it is so great when you're right, when comics who are up there writing and being themselves entirely and then they get famous. Yes, it's like, that's how I feel about Janelle James. Like Janelle James doing stand up, she would never adjust to the crowd and it was such a powerful thing to watch. It was just like, yep, you go to her and they always would, and then her being famous where you're just like yep.

Yep, it's the best.

Yeah.

I love seeing the people that deserve it get it and she's so sweet.

That's really nice. Also, I think that thing of feeling like everyone forgets about you is just like, that's the sign that you need to leave the house.

Right And that's what I did, and I had so many good interactions, nice, mostly with people from my Texas years. Like, I think what happened is I didn't wear glasses and all of a sudden, I didn't realize I've sort of been in a disguise, but I need them, so.

I'm gonna keep wearing them.

Your glasses.

I didn't wear them last night and everyone everyone was like, hey, Chris Fairbanks, where you've been. I'm like, oh, did they think the guy with glasses is a different person? But all I think people from Texas have good memories because they're always trying to remember the Alamo.

Yeah, I think they work on it from childhood.

There's so many old Texas connections from my early career and it just made me feel great.

It was just cool, like.

You feel after a party. It felt like a party with nice people. Yeah, and I've had a great day because of it. Great. So that's my positive intro. There hasn't been a lot of jokes yet.

No, no, we're this is the authentic part. It's not funny.

No no, but we're about to ramp it up right.

We're going to tap into what we really want to talk about, who we are? Ye, and then we go for then.

Mocking who we are exactly.

Don't worry, I have this this positive these vibes that I'm dishing out, I'm gonna I'm gonna start making fun of myself shortly. Well okay, yeah, I thought that's what you wanted me to do.

I don't know what I want.

I'm just an idiot.

There we go, boom.

No, I yeah, it was a great night. It was great night.

That's great. I feel like today was one of the first warm days of Los Angeles. Can I just go or I've never been on this on ramp before.

I know, it's so exciting.

It looks brand new. Are they in my lane?

Of course he's going to do a wide turn. Of course, of course come here.

Yeah, of course you wouldn't be in the lane you're supposed to be in.

Yeah, the I haven't been looking at the temperature. I just thought I was getting sick the last few days because I'm sweating. I'm not kidding. I took a COVID test because I was like, well, clearly something's happening. Yeah, And then I noticed it was seventy eight degrees in my apartment and I thought maybe that I had something to do with it.

Yeah, But so quickly it went from sixty seven. This is so boring. This is not authentic and not funny. It's a new area.

I know. I people love hearing about Los Angeles weather when they aren't actually here. Yeah, it's exciting. It's like being on the fly on the wall during a weather report.

People love to hear about like mundane details that will never impact them. I think that's one of everybody's favorite things.

And that's what this podcast is based on. We're going to describe different situations of traffic here, traffic that.

You'll never be in.

Yeah, whether that you'll never experience, like immediately and you can come here, it won't be the same.

And now I'm going to describe the softness of the shirt I'm wearing that you'll never wear or see, but.

You could read the brand off the.

Tag I'm I'm a Mononica guy.

Now, oh really yeah, it's kind of a throwback.

Yeah, yeah, I decided, you know, I'm today i'm a very sea worthy outfit, knowing.

It looks you look very summary. Chris is wearing white shirt, white and navy I think striped pants.

Yes, and I feel like I should be on the bow of a boat.

I never really cared. It's not that I don't care about fashion, like appreciate it, but I just realized, being a TikTok fan, how much people care about their outfits, and you are one of those people.

I do.

I am, and it's not from TikTok. I think it's something that I've always I've always cared about and I'm now I'm willing to It's so funny that I think all skateboarders are it's all about fashion and style, and they would never admit that. Yeah, like, oh, that trick looked good in those pants.

It's a lot like you're skating.

I think we will.

They are so similar, they.

Are very similar, same amount of sequence.

Yep.

I really think we need to book a skateboarder on the show. So that we can have these conversations.

I know, but I don't want you to feel excluded.

Well, then don't fucking exclude me.

I won't.

You're involved, right, then we're fine, and we will be fine.

Yeah, I can make that happen.

Listen, if it's an attractive enough skateboarder, I will not let myself be explined.

I will.

Have you ever seen photos of Paul Rodriguez Junior, who did say he would be on the podcast We're getting it? Well, I just need to reapproach, he said, sure, love.

To reapproach with no glasses and see.

What happened exactly. That's the thing.

This is it.

The last time I.

Saw p rod As that's his uh yeah, that's.

His athletics name.

Okay, I was he was going to a Dodger game and I was buying a forty eight pack of toilet paper and that's all I had. I was holding it like a baby, and they honked, and it was just I know that it's childish to be embarrassed that you have regular restroom use, but when that's all you're carrying, Yeah, this toilet paper, it seems like it's an emergency.

It looks like you're just going home to shit your brains out.

Well, that's why I said it was a carload. It was him and a bunch of strangers, and I said, oh no, now you all know I pooped, which he laughed and the other people were horrified. Oh, but that's why he should be on the podcast.

That's why he should be and they should absolutely.

Not right, No, they are not invited.

Not invited.

Do believe they were his loved ones?

But still was Paul Rodriguez senior? There?

No, but they were both on that Fuel TV show that I did together, and they had very an emotional back and forth and it was very sweet, and I wish I had footage of it so I could prove.

Yeah, I won't believe you until you show me footage.

That's how that's the era we're living.

Fixer didn't happen. Is anyone else smelling toast right now? Or I'm about to have a stroke? Sadly?

Is it toast that?

Do you have a kind of a.

I think that you're supposed to smell it on your hand, and then I hit your hand and that hits your face.

Oh, and that's how when I have a stroke.

It's either does your hand smells like peanut butter, or if your hand is smaller than your face. Either way, I have to get you to put your hand in front of your face. Good luck, And it's a terrible.

Thing to do.

But then I hit the hand and then say, uh, why are you hitting yourself?

Also, you have.

Cancer, and I'm going to be like, well, I can't answer you because half of my face is dropped and I have no control over my musculature.

Yes, I would not do it that swiftly. That was the thing when I was a kid.

Wait, quickly, back to my concern. Why are you smelling fucking toast at? I know something?

Are you worried that?

Yes?

I smell. I can smell toast.

Right now there.

I can't remember what it is, but it is a bad sign.

That's what I said, Chris, Do you smell it? Are you sharing the sign?

No? I? Well, it's a medical emergency.

If I'm not, Yes, how would I What.

Are the chances you and I both would be having the same medical emergency about you? I smell strawberries? What does that mean about my health?

You have melanoma.

I can't crawl into your brand and smell what you're smelling. I can only smell what the rock is cooking.

Which is strawberries. It's weird to cook them, but when he does it, oh my god, oh delicious.

Such a dessert. Man.

I can't remember what smelling toast means, but I think you're going.

To be okay.

It means I'm going to have a stroke.

It just means someone's having a late breakfast in their car.

God damn, a four to twenty seven breakfast, John Bradley, Are you smelling toast at all?

You know, I'm looking for the toast smell that no, no, particularly catching a whiff of Is it like burned toast? Is it lightly toasted?

Just toast? Just I don't know. Maybe it's just this freeway we got onto.

Maybe it's toast that is burnt into the shape of Jesus and it's a sign of that.

And he's gonna save me. Yes, all right, I'll keep it positive.

Yeah, yeah, But it is funny that you say that, because I of course have no memory of what it means. But smelling toast is like from a movie or something.

It's it's it's the it's when people Uh, well, I don't actually, I don't know if it's true medical thing, but it's one of the signs you're having a stroke.

I don't think you are. I think we've there'd be other signs by now. We talked our way through it.

Yes, for sure. No, I was just you keep saying you don't know what it is, and I'm telling you I do.

Oh you did you knew this whole time?

It was I've said it multiple times.

Oh God, I'm see.

I was so concerned. When I'm really worried, I kind of stopped listening and I start acting like a first responder. And I know that probably listening is a big part of first responding, especially when you show up on the scene.

You want to be aware of your surroundings.

I think first responding is more about the outfits, and it's what makes you such a good first respond.

Yeah, look at these pants, aren't they great? I started doing CPR and they're like, that's the wrong person.

They're like, look at these pants, and it's like, oh my god, my pain is going away. I guess it doesn't matter that I was stabbed in the side or what happened.

Says that they're twenty feet away the actual person I'm not working on.

I think I interrupted you with my toast commentary.

I don't know what's happening. Yeah, I don't know that it was going to go anywhere. I was trying to remember a similar thing.

Okay, and yes, a similar sign like, yeah, if you smell roses, the Virgin Mary is about to appear. Right.

If you smell your hand and it smells like blank, you have blank. It's I just know that it was never based in any reality, So I forgot about it. Okay, I don't need your you know, help, fifth grade witchcraft? Some child telling me I have an ailment?

Oh, if you me and me, that's like, that's what I bring to the table. Is fifth grade witchcraft? I kind of think is a compliment.

Yeah, I mean it's not an insult. I know you're not passionate about witchcraft. Tree.

No, I'm kind of more of a fifth grade level with it.

Yeah, which is fine.

I think it is. Oh, I have to get off this freeway soon.

Ell. No, we're gonna go through the beautiful Glendale Narrows River walk.

They're trying to make the La River nice for people, and I've seen some people take video on that walking path in different parts, and it does look really nice, like they're doing good work there.

Yeah, there are certain areas that if you make your camera squint, it looks beautiful. Like there are area there by the bridge that has a big white witch finger.

Yep, she's coming up.

Yeah, there's like because it's a real river, a lot of people just think it was made for the movie Greece.

Right.

But there are there are little.

Islands, there's water, there's bushes, there's people.

Camping, people camping against their will.

Yes, yes, it's a lighthearted way of thinking about it. Yeah. Yeah, but yeah, there are beautiful parts of the La River.

I'll take it. I mean I grew up spoiled with Montana rivers.

Yeah, you know, comparatively, which which state has the better rivers? If you could only base California's rivers on the La River?

Right, Oh, so all of out of all of California, I would say most most.

I think I got lost in the question. So we're limited.

It's unclear.

It's California versus all the other states, but only the La River. Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with any of those other states.

No, no, no, it was it was California, but only the La River compared to the rivers of Montana where a river runs through it was filmed.

Well, I think that this is you know the answer. Yeah, it was beautiful if nothing else, it was a.

Joke question for sure, But then it was like it would have been fun if you were like if.

I played along and was good at improv instead of no budding. You wait, I don't understand the question.

Hold on, this doesn't make sense on this com Let me.

Pull apart your joke before I answer, because we are talking about a part of brad Pitt, Montana that is famously gorgeous.

I mean, are there any this is actually what I should have asked, or kind of where I meant? Are there ugly parts of Montana in Montana nature?

Yes, the parts near both Dakotas. I'm kidding. Oh. As a child, I don't think any other states did this, but people told disparaging jokes about North Dakota. I think maybe it was South Dakota. I never understood why. I never laughed at these jokes, and I certainly rarely told them. But yes, there's there's some sort of a rivalry. I think Montana gets flatter as you go east Okay, away from the Rocky mountains, and so people base opinions on that. But I like a vista. I like a flat plateau.

Learned to love.

You're well, you kind of have too, didn't you.

I mean, I'm a grass guy. I like shrubbery, I like foliage.

I like greenery.

You go to the desert, the only grain you're saying is a snake leaping lizards.

I real quickly. Last yesterday, the sun was still ve yes last yesterday, I walked in my backyard realized that there was a lizard in front of me that was a good two feet long, like a big, long, skinny lizard.

Wow.

And so I was walking, and so then I tried to stop walking. I'll let you go if you just go quit lunging. Yeah, And I stopped, and this lizard I was like stomped my foot on the ground so it would just run away, but it just stayed there. And it stayed there. And then I leaned down and touched it and stayed there, but it was not dead.

Yeah. I do not like a reptile that stands at the ground right.

Yes, confidence, it's confrontational. Yeah, but also I was like, this is I almost kicked it off to the side, like, oh, if you're a dead lizard, then whatever. But it was not. It wasn't. I was like, buddy, what are you doing? The dogs were kind of nearby. Maybe it was just in fight, flight or freeze. It was in free right, right.

But people always leave out that third option.

I do two fights at the beginning.

And then my my and I've only instigated there or implemented this one time, but I found a way too, without flighting or fighting. One way to get out of a fight is to take your clothing off. That will confront them.

I did that. It's kind of a nineties thing to do.

What pants first or shirt first?

Slowly? Oh, in this situation, this was an older kid. He took his shirt off because he wanted to fight me. And then I took my pants and his shirt off and folded them.

And then he wanted nothing to do with me.

Yes, because I was without clothing and his homophobia. Yes, it began to lead the way, which was safe for me and funny legendary to my group of friends.

Yeah, it is legendary. That's good thinking. Yeah, and then you don't have to get punched at all.

Right, I'm just like, is this what you wanted to see?

Is this what we're supposed to be doing? Wait, so he took his shirt off in like kind of this expression of let's.

Go, let's go, and I believe is probably what he said.

Yeah, I bet he did.

And then he said, full send, my least favorite. That's it's up there with let's go.

I don't have time, it'll expire soon.

I don't even know.

Is that what the kids are saying?

They did full send?

Yes, full send like an email, let's.

Go for it. Yeah, it has nothing to do with email, but it should. I mean, yeah, here's my avails improv and.

Then it's like, sorry, I'm out of office until October twenty third.

The paper clip that's animated should have told you. Yeah. I think that it was in a panic mode. I might, well, I'll just do something outrageous, and then it kind of made that person think, well, that was a strange thing to do. Now I feel weird and I'm not going to grab this unclothed Yeah person, Yeah, it's of course a luxury that most I would not recommend anyone do that if you're not just a white male.

Also, maybe these days people are privileged, better adjusted, so it wouldn't work, right, But the joke of it is so funny that it might get rid of all that dumb anger right.

Again, this was a nineties reaction. It's not something I recommend anyone gets contextual.

It just doesn't. Those days are over. Yeah, what did he want to punch you.

About, Chris?

I think it was a simpler time, and it was just the fact that we were in Montana and we were skateboarding on a weekend on a crowded corner.

Oh, he just wanted you out of there.

Yes, that used to be how people saw skateboarding. It was not cool when I was young.

Oh, I thought he was a fellow skateboarder. He was just a person passing by.

A young man in a cowboy hat that drove around downtown wearing batting gloves, ready to fight that youth. That it's how the nineties were. In a small town, people drove around out of boredom. They realized, we're never gonna talk to any boys or girls. Let's just fight somebody. Yeah, and things aren't like that.

Now?

Do you think the gloves were stylistic? Do you think they were forefighting to protect his knuckles?

I knew because of my high school. There was a group of guys in my class that would go out on weekends solely just to fight strangers, and they would wear.

Eastern batting gloves.

And no one said, you're a fucking nerd, take those gloves off. No.

I think, uh, if you're ready to fight people and the last thing they call you as a nerd a violent, terrible person.

Sure, but no, I guess I was imagining more like they didn't have an older sister to say that.

Oh right, yeah, no, I think most most people that want to go fight strangers didn't have a sibling.

Yeah, that like help.

Guide there to help go This is what fighting is really about. Yes, I'm going to I'm gonna sneak up on you with a with a brush and I'm going to hit you in the face with h.

You're right, maybe that is who wanted to go fight people that were bullied by an older sibling or a mean father. I don't know. I grew up in a house of love it and support.

But you love fighting?

I mean I liked. My dad always taught me to like pretend that I was ready to go, ready to go, and that I'm someone I'm.

Crazy, But then just that's you're out.

And this is how you if someone comes at you with a knife, go like this with your hands and keep your eye on their belly and grab the knife.

The little things, the military things.

It wasn't all he talked about, but he did oftentimes say someone will eventually come at you with a knife.

This is how you get ready for that.

He was taught that in Napoleon's military. Yes, when the bayonet was really used a lot.

Yes, you put your hands like this, and then to undo your mid button and tuck your hand in there for warmth, just.

Like Napoleon, and strike a pose.

If you put your hand right there in your shirt, they'll think you've already been stabbed, you simply, and they'll.

Pity you and try to help you.

Yes, yes, you can learn a lot from Napoleon.

I've never been in a fight, although my friend and I were drunk one time and like arguing in the car, and then we got out of the car. I grabbed her hair. She was making me so mad, and I think she was walking away. So I grabbed her hair and then she grabbed my hair, and then we were just standing there holding each other's hair, right shit faced. I think I've told you this story before.

No, I'd never heard about your hair pulling hair Pully.

It was my roommate who we've gone to college. We were roommates in college, we were roommates in LA. We've known each other for.

A long This is a young adult fight this, Yes, can I guess who it was? Sure j Arabia?

Okay, I would never fight CJ Raba.

No. No. When I first met you both on the same night, she was yelling jokes through a mangaphone and was confident and brassy. And I was intimidated by CJ.

Yes, I am in and.

I'm like, I don't even know what this is, but I want to start a podcast with that person. This was a cassette tape era.

This was pre Chris thought of podcasting. That's so much she.

Wanted to do a podcast. I was envisioning podcasting in my mind way back when al Bore was envisioning the internet. Yeah, yeah, good job, thank you.

I was just gonna say I've never actually fought anybody except for my sister. Of course, in that hair brush story I told earlier that was about me, right, And then when Malaya and I, who you don't know, was my old roommate, grabbed each other's hair that night, we were ship faced and the only I came out of

And he was like.

Shit some like shit faced stoner like. It was a crazy Saturday night experience where the second a dude walked up and saw us, we were both so embarrassed. We're like, oh my god, what are we doing? Right?

And yeah stopped. Yeah, it's oh, there's an actual person here that cares about what's happening.

This is embarrassing we're doing. We're being embarrassing and being like strangely violent to each other, which is just like, yeah, hair pulling.

That was just his nineties. It was very commonplace.

It was such a toxic time.

It was truly and I'm glad it's over.

I am glad.

Yeah, I am too, although I felt like at least kids were out there interacting, albeit violently. Now everyone's shut off, and I think the the what they feel when they're being tortured after school in comment sections and everything. The fear, it's so constant, yes, all the time everyone.

I don't know. I don't want to.

Sound like some things used to be better than they are now, because that's always I don't ever want to hear that person, but in a way, you know, and then and then it's all built up, and then it's explosive. It's like, wow, if only that person had just gotten punched a few times on the weekends.

Do you know what I mean?

Yes, I do.

It lets a little air out of the balloon, rather than the balloon later just blowing up because it's over full.

And that balloon's full of nails.

Yes, it's a balloon filled nail, oh, which would be very hard to pull off.

But the ultimate weapon.

Yes, yes, because you just think it's someone walking on their way to a party. No, it's a weapon. It's not that little boy from England. What is the statistic about the boy with the red balloon?

The statistic is is it the first color? You mean like in the movies.

Yeah, there's something about that film, oh where.

It's just a little boy following that balloon.

Yes, yeah, and that is the first movie that ever what start a balloon?

That's what it was.

It was the first IMDb credit for an inflatable inanimate od check.

And what a fascinating balloon it was.

That balloon went on to star in the ninety nine Left Song.

Left Song was about that, that one beautiful little balloon. I remember watching that as a kid in school and being like, there's a there's a wire attached to that. There's no way this balloon is just going in.

The right direction, right, you didn't believe in the.

Magic I was.

So it just feels good to be smarter than the balloon. Yeah, I mean to like see through it is that my sister.

Oh, it's funny. We must be podcasting.

Oh that's Oh it's local spam.

Oh it's not spam.

That's something I've noticed in recent years. They've gotten real smart and they all the spam is coming from local area codes. Yes, that's right, Like, oh, we got to pay attention to what burner phone we're using before we try and pretend we're a prince looking for a place to put with a four thousand dollars payment, you can later have millions. I will admit the first I'm an I'm a Nigerian prince. I need a little bit of money and later you'll get a million.

I did fall for that.

It was did you It was nineteen ninety, yes, and I just had my first you know, hotmail account.

How much money did you get?

I'm like, it's I gave no money, but I did respond to it, I entertained.

Yeah, you just wanted to talk first.

Yes, yes, what's it like in Nigeria?

What's it like being a prince? Just small taught?

And then that's the conversion rate to the American dollar they got they got tired of all my full sense.

Yeah, but don't get me started on weather, and then they just.

You know, I definitely, I definitely remember getting that email and not falling for it, but also going like, oh, this is the world we're about to this someone needs to fix their brakes.

Yeah that was really yeah.

Or it's he's traveling with a trombone player. It was a c major.

Uh.

Yeah, I think that the way that this it was an early spam email, and it made me I was worried for the person, like I'm stressed out, I'm in this situation I need help from an American, and I'm like, oh, why not? Why not help this person? So I really don't like that where they're like, let me try and take advantage of the first person it's gonna be compassionate towards me, which.

Is usually someone's grandma. Yes, yeah, I hate that.

I ever since my grandma bought those ten thousand dollars storm windows.

That fell off the side of the house for people.

Yes, and vacuums. She bought a vacuum and didn't have any carpet. People will go after old people, I know. Yeah, I'm like, you are the worst type of person because I'm already. Theft is one of my least favorite crimes, is it?

What's your top three least favorite crimes?

Okay, theft number one?

Okay, theft over.

Murder, Oh, murder's way down. Murderers sometimes I get it, but theft Okay. Forgery My mom was a you know, notary, so I hate forgery.

Yeah, okay, that makes sense. Ourson, Okay, that's it. Those are your three?

Yeah, and then and and a tax of Asian something oh, okay, I'm kidding. Murders the worst, but it depends. Yes, I need to I need to hear the whole story.

Yes, that's right.

Maybe you murdered someone that was wronging you.

There, your whole life.

I mean, yes, there are times where we can we can turn a blind eye to murder.

I know, it's half half the movies we enjoy. I'm rooting for this person that killed the bad guy.

Yeah.

Yeah, but in real life, of course, we don't want that.

It's a terrible not just a crime. It's a sin, exactly.

First Corinthians, Chapter four, page one, Book of job. Get a job, book a job, get a job selling books.

Oh I just cut someone off. Jesus, Oh Jesus, I'm so sorry. Sorry about that.

It's okay, I'll do the wave. Okay, great, nobody like that's just a passenger.

Want a wave from the actual driver.

I need a wave from the perpetrator before murder on my list people that cut me off.

I know. Now, it's a terrible time.

Yeah, it is a true, it's truly a crime.

It's a it's a part, not it's a sin. Sorry, you always go work for Annie when you know I'm a pet shop boy.

That's us. That's the two personalities on this podcast. Yeah, if you want to know anything about us, that's all you need to know.

Yeah, she's raggedy Ann, I'm your rasure. This is one of our more nonsensical episodes.

I feel like this is what the people show up to this podcast for sure, just a unending line of bullshittery.

Oh it sounds coming out on mouths, no pre thought.

I just thought now about how do people actually listen to this intentionally while they drive?

I wonder I've been told that.

I just for some reason, the reality of that just hit me of like how I would actually enjoy that?

I yes, and there have been articles that I have found sometimes when I google us top twenty podcasts to listen to while driving. Oh and when we aren't on it, I want to get a hold of that struggling contributing writer and reprimand them for not doing more research.

I mean, I wonder what the thinking is on any list that we're not on, because I feel like, even if you're not driving, this is a top twenty podcast.

Yeah, we've talked about the weather, some other stuff. What more do you want?

I almost out a stroke it's like we're giving our all.

We still Now I smell toast? What other podcasts has duel strokes?

Can you smell toast at home? Right in it?

Uh? It's called this podcast is a mobile podcast called two Stroke.

Engine, which is actually a.

Small Honda motorbike. You gotta put the gas in with the oil. The point is, I think that maybe a lot of people wouldn't want to hear driving podcasts while driving, the same reason that I don't like when they're sirens in my old nineties hip hop that I would listen to. All of a sudden, I thought I was getting pulled over. I'm like, oh, got me again, Nwa.

Well hey, it's like now you know how it feels because Nwa gets pulled over all the times, and I got used to it.

Yeah, And when I hear those sirens in Missoula, Montana, in my very Caucasian community, I get it a little bit easy. Finally I kind of turned. I veered to the shoul, the soft.

Shoulder, and you say, I'm sorry, Eric for all you've been through.

Yes, I like when uh, when you and I are both gesticulating well driving and then all of a sudden, our hands Thelma and Louise embrace, and then we.

Had we had an email recently that people were talking to people were talking about going on a road trip with their mom and the and the person in the email wrote, and then we got and we Selma and Louise did and we could not stop laughing words like you need to watch the end of that movie, right, you and your mom or your grandma going on that road trip. Hopefully you are not Felm and Louis right.

It's it's it's an ending to a film that we all kind of blocked out because I watched it more recently to see the initial friendship, the road tripping, the you know, uh, the killing the bad See that was a good murder. She killed the bad guy and they were on the run. But I forgot that it ended. And this is a spoiler. They just commit dual suicide together and it freeze frames and then a Kenny Logan song kicks in like it's fun times.

Yep, and Harvey Kitel is is the audience going, know, what the fuck, what are you doing? Don't do this? And then they do it and he's like so upset.

Harvey kitel was in it.

Yeah, he's the cop that's chasing them.

Oh, how did I not? Why did I think it was Charles Bronson? They both have what are those little dolls that are made out.

Of apple apple doll?

Yeah, Charles Bronson looks like one of them dolls.

Yeah he does an apple head doll or an apple face doll.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what I win in my life. Uh, my household received a perishable.

It was when your sister was in Girl Scouts, because that's when I made mine.

Yes, or or maybe had something to do with my mom's sorority unaffiliated with a college, but there was Greek letters during rush week. But yeah, it was like books and crafts and let's hang out once a week and it was called a sorority. And it made me think my whole childhood that my mom was going to the University of Montana and they would just bake signs, let's say Lynn's kitchen, you know what I mean.

But they called themselves a sorority just for like fun girl stuff.

I think it was a thing. It was. Maybe it was just my mom and her group of friends, but it was affiliated with the Greek system. Oh, they had like the Phi Beta chapter, but no college involved, And.

Did your mom was she in that sorority in college or no?

Ever, no, did not go to college. Yeah, so it's still a mystery today.

Are there adult sororities that's that exists?

This isn't This isn't a dead end. This is a street that suddenly stops and there's a mirror of a life like bush.

I wasn't even looking. I that's where the map comes in, karens.

And now we're going to back into the bush like Homer simpsus.

Yes, that really out of shame.

That was a very dramatic end.

It really was. I wasn't. This conversation is so compelling that I was not looking at where I was going.

Really, well, you're having a stroke.

Yeah I am. Yeah, he's keeping in mind.

It's fun that we can be lighthearted about it.

Oh, the Metro patrols hanging out, Yeah, that doesn't look nefarious at all. I don't like that at all.

Yeah, he's just watching some kids play yard darts.

Also, but Metro patrol, that's not a real cop car. So why is that man sitting in a car across from kids playing in their front lawn?

Are we gonna intervene with police activity again on this.

We want to talk to the neighbor. Kid. Can you go over there and get those kids off the lawn?

Why was he just watching them?

I don't know.

Should we drive back?

Is that a bad Lieutenant?

Yes? I think Carve Cartel is with us at this moment.

Oh listen, prune face. You want to watch some kids play lawn darts?

That was super weird, Metro police. I think we should maybe look it up Metro.

As in the bus and the Why am I the transportation system Metro?

Yes, like riding on the Metro.

Why maybe he lives in the area.

Maybe we drive back by just for safety?

Should we? Let's intimidate him. I want to sometimes I wish I had my mustache.

Yeah, get grow that thing back, Chris.

It did get nods of approval by other city workers.

When you say other, are you counting yourself as a city worker.

Yes, a city citizen on patrol.

That's what we're going to be right now.

Yeah? Yeah, except not, but in a in a not a scary George Zimmerman way, in a hey, why are you? We're looking out for the kids, right, and you got your window down? You're smoking a cigarette. If I'm not mistaken.

I mean, it just was. It's not a cop, that's just the point. It's it's a why are you in a fake fucking cop car?

You can get those cars at any.

Auction, yeah, or on a set.

It's up to you to paint the white door black and put an X on it so you can just scare people. Yeah, that's okay. Maybe it's someone that's paid to be there.

The problem is we're going We're going back down to the dead right.

Oh right, No, we can turn, we can turn on the left that brought us here.

What if I asked for directions?

I dare you.

Here? We go? Sorry? Excuse me? Do you know where Whitefield Road is?

He's nice. We were wrong.

I think it's like I think we're a couple of streets away.

He's on to us. He's calling the real cops. We've made a bad mistake.

Even though you can hear me. Right now, Karen, don't laugh because then the jig is up. Well, don't immediately say you won't laugh. There's a chance I could make you laugh. There it's happening, you know. Oh man, he's gonna know you can.

Probably hear me.

He's so nice. He's looking on a map. He's gonna give us.

You know what, I'll grab my phone. I have my phone. I just didn't want to get it. It's some it's somewhere nearby, but I'll find it, thank you. That's okay, thank you.

He's just like he wasn't met tro It's like a neighborhood. There's this is like a building. Yeah, something bad happened, and they're like, well, we'll put a guy in a cruiser.

Also, you know, it was just those kids. If those kids weren't there, who cares. And it's like, yeah, go smoke pot in your cruiser and live your life. But it really did seem like he was surveilling children. That's what I did.

Like, Yeah, he did have one of the the more questionable mustache models.

And an arm out the window, which is like, so do you want them to notice you?

What's happening?

Yeah? What are you peacocking or you just being cavalier? Either way, take your job seriously.

We hate both of those verbs.

Yeah, okay, it's I he in all seriousness, seemed like a sweet guy.

He seemed great.

Yeah we were wrong, Yeah we were.

Being judgmental, but hey, that's you know what as real cocks.

This is what our job is like. You know, everyone's the villain and until proven innocence.

Yeah, a little muskache. Security is a two way street. We're doing a little we're doing a little. Uh, this is our rounds.

This we do rounds. It's the who watches the watchers?

Yeah, get off our beat. Yeah you think this is your beat.

We're mobile.

Man, you're wrong. Get away from these goddamn children. That's all mine.

Glad to see he wasn't just a metro guy.

Also, I'm glad to see that he didn't go, isn't your whole fucking car computer, asshole? And then I be like, oh, I'm so sorry, we're just being a dicks to you.

Goodbye. Yeah he could have.

He kind of knew what was up.

I think, maybe, oh this again, I'm going to pretend to look at my phone. He's just on an etches sketch. Me too, I'm in a tesla too, And he shows us his phone.

Would it was a cricket phone and did not hook up to the internet at all.

Oh wow, I'm glad we made sure those kids were safe.

Look, I'm glad we made sure those kids were safe. I'm glad I'm not having a fucking stroke, right. I think this episode went great for what we're.

Trying to do and for how many close calls there was.

Oh so many? Should we wrap it down? Yeah?

I could tell you were ramping towards a conclusionary exit.

I mean, don't make me drop every goddamn hint in the world. Let's just do it.

Hey, I get it, I get it. Listen, my tone is going off.

Yep, here we go.

You this was a great episode, by the way, I had a great I'd like to thank you. You've been listening to Do you need a ride? Dyn?

Hey are?

This has been an exactly Right production.

Produced by Analise Nelson, mixed by Edson Choi. Our talent booker is Coottner.

Theme song by Karen Kilgarrett.

Artwork by Chris Fairbanks. Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y nar Podcast.

For more information, go to exactly Rightmedia dot com.

Thank you both.

You're welcome.