S4 - Ep. 45 - Sean Jordan

Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want to be there. Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a termino and Gaby aid we want to send you off in slive. We wanna welcome you back home. Tell us all about it.

We scared her?

Was it fine? Malborn? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do your need to ride?

Ride with Karen and Chris? Welcome to Do you need to ride? This is Chris Fairbanks and this is Karen Kilgariff. Will it be distracting if you glance over and see me in my new cop sunglasses?

Yes, I will immediately throw my hands in the air.

Well, that's okay. I can simply turn them one eddie and have them on the back of my head.

My favorite Internet picture is somebody took a picture of a guy doing that in church and he's bald, so it looks like a little smiling head because he has wrinkles on the back.

Of the Yeah, perfect hot dog wrinkles. Just a six pack of Francs.

Just staring back at the person in the pew, behind him.

Oh, but they work and the secret I've always wanted to be like a jet ski repair man.

I mean, your.

Dreams are coming true in this car right now.

Yeah, I got myself everyone some Oakley wrap arounds for free.

Chris is doing a hot Head summer.

Those glasses, Yeah, yeah, I was looking for a summer theme. You know, we were late this year trying to come up with one, and mine's going to be these.

Glasses Maga Republican summer.

If anyone, I mean some people, it's how you wear them. Yeah. I put them on slightly crooked, like hey, I'm fun.

Yes, and then people will know that you're not going to start a fight in the coffee bean and tea leave.

I have noticed I've gotten some respectful glances from some Ruffians. Oh yeah, yeah, people that aren't going to try it with you because of those glasses. Yeah. They command authority, Yeah do they?

Though?

I don't know. Maybe they're just nervous that I am who I appear to be a cop? I do? Yeah, but boy, I put these on and immediately could see better. They block out. I think they're also for fishing. Do they like a nice calm fisherman? Member one with nature.

I mean, if every guy wearing Oakley blades was also a provable fishermen, nobody would be stressed out in public anymore.

Exactly. All I have to do is start carrying a satchel, yeah, with lures, or a kind of hawkeye pierce hat with a bunch of lures on it. What if, just so I felt comfortable in my glasses, I started tying flies. Even though I do not fish, Even though I grew up in the river runs through a town of Missoula, Montana, I do not fish.

How did you get around not fishing? Is because Jim didn't.

Fish the right It is because my dad felt bad for even and so I was never forced to wake up at six am and go fishing. God, all of my friends' dads did that, of course, and now they fish. Yeah, I bet they do it well because it's kind of nice, right. I think the times I've done it, I've totally enjoyed it. But I I, you know, just because it was relaxing. But I can't imagine getting excited about it to where that's your thing. Yeah, Well, maybe you need it. Maybe

That's why guys hold them up on dating apps. Right, look, girls, I got this sized salmon.

I can't imagine, knowing my personality, that I wouldn't be mad if I caught a huge fish last year and never caught a huge fish again.

Yeah, you would bring that furious energy into fishing.

I would be furious. I'd be thinking of that.

I'd be curious.

Could get through this, Chris, it's not a word that starts with age. Furious. I'm unhappy. But yes, that's I had a couple of mental breakdowns while golfing, and so I've decided maybe that isn't my zen, But hey, I got these cool glasses.

How Sorry, real quick, not to contradict you immediately, but the idea that you would ever think golfing would be zen when well, my dad player did it for a long time, golf for a long time. And it's that it feels to me like signing up and getting interested in a thing that you will basically always be relatively bad at. Yes, because to get good at something that difficult you're right.

If I had thought about it that way before I started. It's too late because you hit it bad ten times and then all of a sudden you hit it well and you're like, okay, I'm back, I'm addicted again.

You get one going.

Yeah I was. I was pretty hard on myself. I was almost driven back to the uh. I want to call it the lodge, the ski lodge, the nineteenth hole. Yeah. I think I was affecting everyone's mood. Oh yeah, yeah, you know you. No, I don't do that anymore.

I just.

Whisper horrid nothing. Yes, I sure we all throw golf clubs in the beginning. Sure, one time I threw one and it it appeared to have hit a squirrel and that bothered me for many years.

Yeah.

Good, but no, no more, No more throwing.

Out of your system.

Yes I did early on.

But yeah, it's it seems to be tantrum worthy. I support your tantruming in that, because thank you. How fucking frustrating.

My dad will always be like, come golfing with me. I'd be like, I do not get it really in any it seems like tennis, where it's hard to hold the golf club correctly. It's hard to hold a racket correctly. Yeah, and it feels odd, And then that's how you're just starting.

That's square one.

Yeah. None of it is intuitive to anything you've done before, unless you grew up playing hockey, I suppose, and that grew up really rich or just with money for a bed. Yeah, I suppose my zen fishing thing is my skateboarding. I don't. I'm not competing. I'm only competing with myself. And today I did something I haven't done for fifteen years, just a trick, and it made me feel great?

Was it a mick?

Mick?

A mixed twist is a five on a half pipe? Oh, so that you gotta be. I don't even know to drop in on those things?

You don't.

I could drop in, but then once I'm at the other side, what do I do?

I panic?

You turn real fast?

They're twenty feet tall.

Pizza French fries? Does that help it all?

Yeah?

Do the little power slides, I suppose. I suppose I could do that now, I've been meaning to. I got the pads.

I guess I just assumed, because you do so much snowboarding and skateboarding that the halfpipe stuff I know, automatic.

And it's lower impact. You can do it for longer. I need to get into it. A friend of mine that I follow on Instagram, so he's not really a friend because I've never met him. Just went to an adult skate camp wherever him was a grown up and they let you launch your body and to foam pits and harness hold your hands there you drop it. There are strong handed men that hold you for support, nice

Where where does it take place?

Well, there's Woodward West and Woodward East. Woodward East is in Philadelphia. I think that's where he went. And that's a big rib fancier one. But Woodward West is here in sunny Golden State, California. Oh, I'm not sure where, but I'll find it on a map and I'll drive there. Okay, and bring underwear? Mm hmm, that's all I have to bring. Give yourself at least four pair of underwear, yes, for each day, Yes, of course, because.

You never know what's going to like to what it's going to be like to drop into that ball pit. Yeah, he could scare the living and literal shit at you.

What he said was getting out of the foam. It's like blocks of foam. He said, getting out of it was like hiking a mountain, like it was very difficult to remove your body from a pit of foam cubes.

How did don't they hoist you back out?

I don't think there's there are these strong handed men that are there to help. Are just something I made up? Oh God, I know.

Well now I'm not going. It's so sick of these fake strong handed men.

Hi, I shut up for the strong handed men.

I thought I'd be helped places with a hand on my lower back.

No, no, no, I would buy no, But you do get enchiladas later. I can get those myself. I've already had them. I think I'm going to do that, so I'll let you know when I'm going to be gone for four days.

Hey, if you own an independent business and you'd like to sponsor Chris as he goes to skateboarding adult man camp, then please write in at how.

I think it'd be embarrassing. None of the other guys are going to have sponsors.

Yeah, you'll have a sponsor. Meta Mucil will come through.

They'll pay for that camp and some maybe some gear and get you some new some new sunglasses. It would be so funny if I was sponsored by Meta Mussel and I redid the one time I was in a skate competition in seventh grade, I went off a launch ramp. Those don't exist anymore. They just shoot you in the air and you land on flat ground and the impact I shot my little pants?

Did you?

In front of everyone? And I just skated off in the distance.

How old?

Sorry?

Seventh grade? I think, oh that's not bad. Yeah, I mean it was too old to be doing that though.

Yeah, but how do you add a bunch of prunes? Recently?

I think it was probably something like that. There was an unguarded bag of runes and I just went to town. I don't know why I was irregular. No one knew, though, I just they thought it was funny that in the middle of my skate routine, we'll call it a routine.

Sure, I just.

Landed a trick and then skated off past the baseball fields and started walking down the street. And no one really knew why because it was It wasn't until four or five blocks away that it was actually probably visible from the outside. And then I continued to walk with that visibility smart on my Vision streetwear pants.

But you're like, no, this is just a new design of this season.

Yeah.

I called all my friends. I'm like, does everyone know I shot myself? And I said no, we didn't know, but now we do.

Uh.

It's kind of ironic that Meta Mucal is sponsoring you for this return ended glory.

Thank you for bringing me back. What if I sponsored my Meta musical and it's just every thing I did?

Oh Land, Oh no, I'm waiting.

He'll be in cabin number seven. Yeah, hopefully that doesn't happen. It'll be you know, a coffee shop or something. No, same problem, Yeah, same problem.

Kind of it's everywhere. Look at all this traffic.

It is a special day for traffic, it really is.

It's a celebration of traffic today in Los Angeles.

People are loving staying still. Oh They're like, no, no, you go ahead, I'll.

Just hang here.

The incessant honking is the nice kind, the beep beep kind, just friendly. It was bad last night too. I was on the freeway. This I've never seen. One car was turned over like a turtle.

Shit.

The other car was just smashed on the median, and the cops were running after the people. I think it was a normal rack. But both parties fled.

Oh shit, that's because both parties didn't have insurance.

One hundred of the people in that accident. We're doing something unlawful. What are the chances that's fucked up?

Thank you? Sorry? Kind of like what I'm doing right now, which is blocking both lanes.

It's okay. Everyone understands why, I hope. So, yeah, we gotta get I'll act like I'm in abdominal pain, good ideaspital, my stomach.

We need to go to hospital.

He hit him and the prince, and then I just get out by these flowers. Thank you.

We got to the flower station first. Is there like a big funeral? I mean there's so much traffic.

Well, if we're in a procession, we might as well go through with it. Yeah, let us morn. I need to pay my respects.

Please.

I don't know.

It's just funny when you're out of context. Sorry, we have to pay our respects.

Yeah, kind of pushy, like, No, it's about us. We need to get this done. It's la funeral.

Yeah, it's funny to say I'm here to pay my respects, but say it disrespectfully. It's great. People love that irony. He would have loved it.

He died doing what he loved, being disrespectful at a funeral.

Does anyone know who that is? No, they just came with all these cars. Yeah, they just wanted to pay respects. How was your week? What do you do?

Just working and regular stuff?

Yeah.

I cannot seem to get a morning ritual down where I feed myself protein in a way that at noon I don't have a nervous breakdown. And I it's on me. It's because I love coffee and I like difficulty. Really, and so it happened again today and I was talking to I was in the office talking to Danielle, and

Oh wow, So wait you your new thing is to eat protein.

In the morning.

I'm trying to but here's the thing.

My old routine was, and this is a really good one if you need and this is the new This is the thing for like hairy menopausal and menopausal women. You got to eat like thirty grams of protein. It's so that you don't whatever. It's like a cortisol thing. Okay, and it's really smart and true and I used to have it's also, sorry to interrupt, No, no helps reduce belly fat.

I saw that in a commercial.

No cortisol causes Oh no, but if you eat that protein, that helps fight that.

So you're right.

I think we were talking about the same Yes, yes, did I just correct you for saying the exact same thing?

No? No, I think no. I thought cortisol. I've been rubbing cortisol cream all over my belly, thinking you must wonder you.

Look like Santa Claus.

That's why I got these glasses. So here's the trick. Greek yogurt.

Okay, cut up some sort of berry and then get yourself what's called oat bran and they.

Make it gluten free if you need it that way. And so you get that crunch of granola.

It's mushy like oatmeal, but it doesn't have it's better for you. I think it's faster. And then you mix it all together. You've got like kind of a nice parfe but you it. Then suddenly you like you don't have to eat or have like mental illness for like four hours. And I used to do it regularly before work when I had an office job, and now that I'm going back into the office, I'm like, you have to start doing this again.

Yeah, so that when.

You interact with people you don't have those blood sugar hits. That then like I lose, I just lose faith in humanity. It goes so global for me, right when the blood sugar drops.

Yeah, it's the whole world.

It's the whole world.

And I need to tell it's usually Danielle, who is in charge of everything at our company.

And it's usually her having to receive me being like.

And we need this and we need that, and she's like uh huh okay.

And you know what I mean.

But luckily she's a calm and supportive presence. She's the very calm Yes. I often skate with her husband, who is the greatest, Yes, one of the funniest people around. Yeah, it's funny that I when I'm skating or golfing or something, I don't. I think that's why I was asked to do this tournament. Of course it is, But then I'm not actually funny while doing those things.

I think you are.

I'm the same as everyone else. I'm frustrated. I want to do well. Yes, I'm turning to a normal dude, weirdo.

You know Bill Murray when it comes to winning anything.

I know, that's whateverone wants to be. They want to be Bill Murray. And even Bill Murray probably just loses it and throwing clubs at squirrels.

Or he knows to drink half a bottle of whiskey before he goes out there so that he can do it the way.

You know.

Hey, but you know it's funny people drink.

Yeah, yeah, I think right, yeah, just loosen it up.

But my dad really doesn't like when Bill Murray is at the golf tournaments.

He thinks it's disrespectful because he's not serious about it. He's wearing a funny hat.

Yeah, he doesn't like the jokes. I think he thinks golf is serious and needs to be respected.

Oh that's great, I guess my generation. Yeah. If if Adam Sandler was there screaming yes and headbutting people and boxing Bob Barker, I feel like that is disrespectful to this serious and quiet sport.

It must be why Happy Gilmour was such a good movie, because people are like, finally, finally we're pulling back the the gauze, Yes.

From the serious wound. We all had the golf wound of America. So you used to just wake up and drink coffee, right, yes, And that is anxiety.

Really bad because coffee on an empty stomach. So now I learned the trick, right, me too. Then I learned the trick just so I have like whatever, I have yogurt or whatever, but then I kind of balance it out early and then keep drinking coffee and never go oh no.

I have to actually eat a real breakfast.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's the key.

Yeah, because it can uh suppress your appetite. Coffee is I don't know, is it bad? I just wish it was easier to there's so many when it comes to breakfast. I think of like two things like, oh, I'll have some cereal or I'll wait till lunch. Yeah. Yeah, I think most people are like that. I'm not in there frying eggs.

I mean, I guess people do.

I suppose most people do.

I guess they do.

And there's those people who prep their food, like on a Sunday, they'll make heres all my breakfasts for the week. Oh I mean that because you're the kind of person that organizes a closet and throws away things they don't wear anymore. I just am not that person. Stop trying to make me, you.

Listener, he lunged at me.

I'm sorry, he lunched at me with those sunglasses.

The whole benefit so far has been that no one can see all my lunging. And now you sell me out.

I'm going to report you to the listener.

Yeah, there's reasons. There's reasons that we all land cameras in here. It's because I'm very violent. Now I sit with my hands on my lap like a good church boy.

Anyway, go to my website if you want to get some great breakfast recipes.

Why am I even talking about this? It's my fucking place.

I started it, did you? Well? No, the podcast, I started it really in the beginning when I said welcome, you started it with this breakfast business of yours. That's the real mistake. I'm saying, yes, should we just ditch our guests today and go to the equestrian center or what were you gonna say? Moonlight horse ride?

Uh?

I was gonna say, this isn't zoo drive because this always gets me where point zero point seven miles?

I don't know what that fucking means.

Yeah, I'm sorry, I don't.

Know how far away that is?

So can you just tell me turn now or whatever? It's his turn.

It's his turn, white car.

Ye, God damn everybody, And we were on your side of the road, that is. Yeah, it's uh, yeah, I think a good way any point something. It's just you take that seven it's like seven tenths of a mile. So then imagine you didn't really want the answer, did you not? Really?

I'm sorry, Well, I've learned after a while, because now it does the thing where like if this goes low enough, then it'll go eight hundred feet three hundred feet, right, But it still makes me panic because I'm like, when you're coming up on a four way stop or whatever, I'm like, you have to do both.

Yeah, and if it's feet, I still don't know that. The same the time I went bungee jumping off a bridge and they said it's two hundred feet and I look down and I'm like, there's no way that's just two hundred feet.

How many feet did you think it was? How many feet did it feel?

It looked like a thousand feet? Yeah, I'm like, there's no way. This is just twenty stories of a building. But if you think of that, that's doesn't that seem like it would be about a thousand feet? No, each story is about ten, Each story is ten depending on the building. Unless you're a rich person and you have twelve foot exactly.

Feet three hundred feet. What's happening now, you see?

Yes, all I'm.

Saying is I could really I don't know why I don't ritualize a very important morning routine that not only will I will feed myself breakfast, but I will then take the supplements that my changing perimenopausal body absolutely needs to feel.

Okay, yeah, treat it like your skincare, which, by the way, I went to the is it just like heaven? Cruel World one of them. I went to a festival that see Metric, which was absolutely amazing.

Okay, really quick, do you see that this motherfucking car is about to put us back on the one thirty four?

Do you see that right there?

What in the world we're getting I don't know just for a second though, Okay, I think we're.

See one hundred feet.

I won't it zoom in? Oh, I guess we don't need it to. We're getting back north. I've done. It'll be just for a moment, okay, and.

Then it'll oh gotcha, I see, I see, yes, Okay.

I was walking at this this music festival.

When did you go?

It was just four or five days ago. It was so great. Always a Metric are two of my favorite bands, and they were always so good, so good, such a rock band, like quintessential rock band.

It was so good.

And then I was walking and these two guys were like enjoyed some of the patching I done on my shoes. I'd thet all flies and they're like, are those the Van's Madrid fly shoes? And I'm like no, but I wanted them so much as a kid that I kind of made them. They're like, you weren't alive. How old are you? And I said I'm forty nine and they said, shut up? What is your skin routine? And I went and I don't know if they were serious and really

Here's really quick, but they almost wrote it down for real.

Yeah, they're like cars. They were young people, but I think they're gay boys. And they were very already, very much conscious about their They both looked like they had a waxy like sheene on their skin, like they already did stuff even though they're in their twenties or something, So they were ahead of the game already.

They may have just been flirting with you too.

No, I think they meant it. I think they thought I looked young for my age.

Oh I bet they did. I bet they did.

But also yes, I will accept that they were possibly flirting.

Also just to let you know, and this is not a commercial, but since we did a commercial for One Skin and we got sent or I don't know if we did on this podcast, but we did on my favorite murder.

Yeah yeah we did. Oh I got it. I read about it. Oh boy, it tingles and it works.

Yes, It's like I.

Have since seen tiktoks where they're like, this is the shit, this is like, this is what you want, and I'm like, now I can't find the I cream. But there's another one where I'm like, oh my god, this is real.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we got it. Just go to go to go to where you go.

Me?

Yeah or you know, we'll say it in the podcast. There's a place where people can go to find where our sponsors are, right, I don't know we should know that. Should we have a website? I think it's too late, it is, it's too late.

Yeah, I think there's a three year refractory period.

Right they do. Now we're done for Yeah, yeah, One Skin's the place to go. And then we have a promo code. Is all I'm saying.

Watch how hard it is to do this.

You too will have unsolicited, handsome young people asking you for the time of day, even though they're wearing a watch.

Even though they know the time of day.

Yeah, that's the thing. It wasn't about the time. Oh look at that. Look it's a dad and son on little suitcase scooters. What am I looking at?

Suitcase scooters?

But I feel like the child should not be leading right. Well, you know kids, they want to get in front of dad and prove that one day they'll be a man. He probably was like slow down, Caleb.

Wait for daddy, and Caleb's like fuck you.

I am confused about what they were on though. They were tiny little scooters that look like luggage.

They look like rectangles, Yes, like sitting down bird scooters with rectangular bases.

Yeah, they were sitting on a toy that a child would have. That is a little box that unfolds in like a transformer into a motorcycle.

You know how children love to play with card tables. Yes, well these ones clearly turn.

Into a motor's EyeT took that motorized vehicle.

Yeah, we're in Glendale. Now do you feel the vibe change?

Oh, we'll feel a change once we're with moving traffic because the aggression is real. Yeah, people drive very fast boulevard. This is a deadly boulevard.

We're going to drag race for sure at some point. Not Rue Paul's regulars.

Sometimes my dad just casually reminds me that one of the things all the kids did on the weekend was drag race, and you could put down your your title slip. Yeah, and people lost their cars.

Yep.

My uncle Martin used to do that in San Francisco. He drag raced corvers, the ones that exploded in the back.

Wow, that would be intimidating during a Yeah. Yeah. My dad had a gto and he would drag race.

Yeah, that's cool.

And I think there was like a flag person like go everybody, like in Greece. I'm the best dancer at Saint Bernadette. Yeah, but this is the gigs I get on the weekend.

Go.

But now I'm in the La River things. It really sucks.

Damn it. Sorry, I should have done that faster.

I looked too fast and it was on three hundred feet and I couldn't swing left.

Well, well, you know it's gonna work out. We will. He will have to patiently wait, And I am patiently waiting for when he gets in the car and makes fun of my oak lates. That's how I know he's a friend.

That'll be the proof. Is he a comedian and a friend or fraud? He doesn't even understand the test he's about to be tested on.

I think I thought you called him a frog, and then I thought you meant you just said testing two in a row.

Here, I'll do them.

Yeah, we'll do a little dip jump driving whale, the old three point turn.

Classic classic Glendale move.

Yeah, first, act like you're parking, and then zip into the middle of the road. Secondly, dip into this wave. At the guy drawing it socks sadly while drinking of beverage, drawing and dry drawing, drying drawing his socks. He's drawing he took off a sock and he's doing a still life portrait in the alley where sock portraiture belongs. Oh is my? Are we picking up today's guest at Fat sALS? The sandwich shop?

The sandwich shop?

No girl wants to go to? How dare you call me that?

Okay boo waits on the other fucking side.

Yes, but I think if we find yeah, there's a crosswalk here, it'll work out. I can let him know that he can just cross the street and meet Just go next. Great, we're waiting for our guests. We're in the streets, like originally intended this podcast. We will go anywhere. Yeah, even Glendale, not just your driveway. We are in Glendale. We're in the thick of it. And and as I'm assuming, our guest today is at Fats I'll sandwich shop.

Today's show is brought to you by you Break I Fix Phone and Computer Repair. If you have a broken phone or computer, come on down Brand Boulevard and you break.

I Fix, We'll fix it for you. So it's our job to break it. Yeah, their job to fix it.

Hey, can you please do your job? Break your phone?

Hey, I did my job.

Here he is everyone, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You in the backseat, not my lap. You know. Today's guests from clubs and colleges around the country. Everyone put your ears together for Sean Jordan.

Oh this is so dope.

Thank you, Sean. Oh sorry, Sean, Karen.

Have you met Karen Befure briefly? But hello, yes, see you. Nice to see you.

Maybe a Bridgetown.

It's absolutely Bridgetown.

Yeah.

Did we party in Bridgetown?

I sure did. Chris and I tried to move a car off some train tracks at Bridgetown.

That was insane.

Yeah, somebody came in. It was somebody who drove down some train tracks.

But he would do it because of me. No, he said, should I turn right here? And I thought he saw that it was train tracks.

I think he did. I think it was just a more on. Yeah.

No, he thought he would make it later on. I had respect for him once one he was sober, and Dewey's like, yeah, I really thought I could make it, And for some reason I was like, okay, I can live with that. But we drove for a while and then all of a sudden, the train tracks were higher than the clearance on the car.

You said, we drove for a while.

You got into the also was in the car, grabbed the steering wheel. I was driving with him. He like, dared him too his money. The story changes over to yeah, I mean really well, well, my right hand was on the steering wheel, my left hand was down on the gas. He was trying to kick it away, but it was his fault.

So you got high water. And then Chris comes in at the after party, is like, there's a car stuck on the train tracks. Who was gonna help me move it? And like fifteen of us got up. We moved the back really easy, and then none of us accounted for the engine, so we tried to move the front thing to be easy.

It wouldn't budge, no, and it was it was just a Honda Civic or something, right.

I wasn't like a hummer or anything.

I really thought fifteen people because I've seen footage from the fifties of you know, them lifting a convertible.

And also so the cops showed up, and you could tell that some people had real drugs on them because they both because I went, I was just like, I doesn't have some alcohol. So I went and like went towards the cops, and like half the people ran away, like yeah, I get it. I'll go. I'll go talk to the heat and let me take it. Yeah. I got the cops in my first.

Road, and I started demanding that they called the train people because I was worried about a train coming.

Get a couple of ules, allowed mouth soup, Yeah, get the train on the phone.

I had a heaping hot ball allowed talk to the engineer now, and the cop yelled at me, you don't think we already contacted the train people. I appreciate that he also called them trained people, but they.

Were I'd never even thought about it. Twelve years, I haven't thought about that, so good, good call. I never would have suggested that.

Yes, and the train did eventually come it indeed would have been a problem. Yeah the I mean, and didn't the police have their guns drawn? Or am I making that part out up?

You know, it gets a little hazy towards that part, and I might not have stuck around for the whole thing.

At first, they thought there was a real problem, like uh, because yeah, there's a car in the train tracks with fifteen more trying to But I remember one of them making a comment because there was like three girls wearing poodle skirts like I don't know if they had a sketch or something that was fifties saw Coop themed, but it may have been butter Boss. Maybe it was. Oh, now I need to know if they helped.

They could have.

I didn't know, but they and then real pitching gals.

I feel like they would have.

Sure everyone else I chose for my team was based on size and then interest. Thank you for being interested, Sean.

I was crazy interested.

But the thing is, I didn't remember. It was such a it's hard to know where you are, and that that warehouse district straight from Judgment Night the movie, and I couldn't find it right away, so a lot of time had passed. But it is crazy, and so when we lifted up the car and rotate it, it was wedged in there so tightly that it became more of a problem.

Yeah, like when someone tries to loosen a knot or something the wrong way.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. We really tightened that knot. But the next day that guy was driving his car, he just yeah, I just had a flat tire, no damage to the car. And I'm like, you aren't in jail. He's like, no, I sober. They just it was a friendly mistake.

That was like the first within two days of knowing you.

Yeah, that was It's a real Fairbanks start. Yeah. I was always in rare form. At those uh, at those those Bridgetown festivals.

I think everybody was you have a party till four in the morning. It's like that's gonna happen.

It's gonna go down. Yeah, sure, Yeah. I wasn't always proud of the stories that he stuck.

I just like the idea that someone's like, hey, should I turn here, and you're like, you absolutely should.

I really a great.

Idea in a chaos over there.

And then as we're going driving over the track, so it's like, oh, you didn't know they were here, but he did know.

He knew, he knew, and he didn't know you were super drunk.

It's funny in this story. I really I was. Yeah, I was. I was on many things, but he.

Wasn't.

And so why do I think that's great? He's just crazy.

It's just a wild doing that drunk or sober?

Yeah, super sober.

He's taking the egg right there.

Yeah.

Also was the local like.

Yes, I want to say his name was Drew. I can't remember last name, but he lived in town, and he was.

His name was, Hey, Drew, please call in, we need to talk to Yeah, I've only I only have the utmost respect for you, Drew. I think that's been established. Oh that was fun. And then was that before or after you? Because you were pretty good pals with our friend of the show, David Huntsberger.

I was just at David's two hours ago. Really, I went to go see him in the kiddos and uh.

Did you help bring the kid to school? No, I have a few appointments with Dave because he had Hernie's surgery. So I just show up, take the cart seat with child inside, and put it in the car, and that's my job.

You want to bring it up to Portland, You can take Maxine to daycare anytime you want, your friend, I might refinitely fill the time.

Your daughter's name's Maxine. That is such a good name.

Thank you. So the Jordan's, the Jordan men notoriously haven't been good people. So my because my pitch, my pitch to my wife because I don't I don't obviously think our kids should have the last name Jordan. It should be a discussion whatever. So I was like, if you please would do me the honor of letting us raise a good Jordan, then I will. You can. You can have the first and middle name. I won't say a

What's your middle name?

Max Seen Louise Jordan's.

Oh that's great, it's perfection.

Yeah, thank you. It's that ex is strong, you know. Yeah, it's nice. And then I kind of wanted a name that was going to be an immediate nickname, so I just am you know, Max all the time.

Yeah, you know, that's a perfect one. And girl little girls having boy nicknames is the cutest.

I love it.

Like our friend Jay's baby girl is Stevie.

Yeah, I love a Stevie girl.

Yeah, and she tall, so I always call her Shax scene. That's a fun one.

Oh that's great.

How old she'll be three in a few weeks?

Wow, two weeks and it's already tall compared to the other.

So she's in the one hundred percentile, which I thought, Yes, you hear those things. I was like, I never thought it was true. So I asked the doctor what that means, and he goes, if there was a thousand kids, she'd be one of the four tallest. That's how he explained it.

Oh wow, yeah.

And everybody, I will tell you I don't know a thing about kids, Like I could look at a kid and be like, I don't know. They could be six, they could be two. I have no idea. But every time someone looks at her. They're like, oh, holy bucket, she's tall. Huh. Like, first of all, shut the fuck up, you're gonna give her a complidense. But yes, it's wild. It's like that in the sunburn are the two things

Yeah, oh yeah. I would be offended if it was like, did your kid get some sun? Like you're a bad parent.

People people say those little snide stuff. They do it all the time.

So they know that she's tall because they look at her face and they're like, that's a three year old's face.

Well, people, they'll say, these little weird parents at the playground. It's a whole it's a whole situation. But because she looks older, right, So parents they'll come up and they'll be like, oh, I wouldn't worry about the words and all that just yet. And I'm like, beck, get out of my you're crowding the plate, you know what I mean, You're you're out of your depth on this one.

So they're assuming that she is like a six year old.

With yeah, it's like you're a stranger if she is behind, You're not gonna make me feel better about we just met and.

I'm like weird and yeah, and you're wearing capris.

But yeah, it's she's tall, it's it's super super fun, just just the whole parent stuff.

Man.

I love it way more than I thought I would.

Do you get that's awesome?

Do you get? Are you one of the only dads at the playground?

Do you have a lot?

Are you in a minority?

I'm almost always the only dude. Well, playground in the morning, there's usually maybe a couple dudes, but whenever I take her to like music class or uh whatever whatever we get her into to like recreate, always the only guy. Yeah, it's hilarious to wow like.

Me in bar method.

My dad was also the only guy at the playground a lot because he was a fireman, so he was like on and off whatever, and he was also kind of big and strong, so he would like start pushing me and my sister on the swings and then all of a sudden there be nine kids be like, now push me, push me. And it was every time we went to the park with him, he would just become like the guy that was making it happen at the park for everybody.

Yeah, it sounds like a milk commercial.

It was very pure and cute, but it was also kind of irritating, where it's like, yeah, this is our time, not like your time.

My dad's a firefighter. Your dad doesn't have a driver's license anymore.

Don't you're dead, You're dad still at the insurance office.

Flaming it up that you know.

It's funny too because it comes up just I don't know why, but people like, what do you why are you free during the day, And I just it's weird telling people you're a comedian.

I try to do of course. Yeah, so I just.

Kind of end up saying different stuff all the time. I say I'm cutting customer service sometimes and I work a weird schedule. Well that's great, that's interesting. I always say graphic design that kind of But then nobody knows what they're talking.

Well, yeah, but and if there is the chance that they do, I also know how to talk about it because I used to do it a little very much a lot. I still do it a little bit, but yeah, I it's such a mistake to say you're a comedian, and I did it in this last golf tournament, and it was just like an interview about comedy. Who do you like? Who's your favorite comic? And I'm like, I'm gonna say someone.

You don't do you know? Fluffy? And You're like, well, Kyle Kanaan.

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Kyle's a good one to bring up. Yeah, because see it's I for years I just say David Tell. It just comes off the top of my head because I always said it in the beginning, and luckily it came out with a new thing and I like it, so I can continue to say that. But Kyle's a good one. Kyle is my favorite.

I like to say Kramer from Seinfeld, Right, see where the conversation goes after that.

Well, while I got you on playgrounds, the amount of parents that just stare at their phone and push the kid in the swing is so so interesting to me because I get it, we're all on our phones. We gotta look at our phones. I understand this the world we're in, but it's just such a tough look where you're like, you look like you hate that kid.

Right, Yeah, it's a part time job. They're paying so little attention that an it's an empty swing.

And also I hate you pulled the ripcord. Here the amount of big, gnarly tattoo guys that will let their dog just tear ass into the playground and then slowly come walking up like sorry, bro, You're like, keep your animal away from you know, it's such a the playground. Man, it's a whole different world to jungle.

Yeah that is I why are their dogs in the playground? I don't like that at all.

Portland's just got dog parks next to everything. Oh sure, which, yeah, I get it, but like they really they come. Somebody's came over and I had to remove myself because he comes running over. He's like, hey, watch off my dog. She just loves running into kids and knocking them over. I was like, why is your dog around these kids? Then? And then he puffed up and I puffed up? But what you know, what am I gonna do? And uh? And then so I just walked away.

Oh wow, Ready was it a person with a dog that wasn't fixed?

You know, I didn't. We didn't get there those.

I mean, it's got a private but those.

Let me get on an automotive back cart.

A connection with those the guys that are like, hey, like those guys would come to the dog park and those their dogs would attack all the other dogs and they'd be like, sorry, it's not fixed, or it's like this seems about you in some way that like no one wants.

To Yeah, we were just I was in Denver and we were out playing disc and there's just everyone in Denver has hell of dogs and backpacks that play music, like the disc golf course. That's a whole. But two dogs with no owners came over and attack. They ended it was fine, but they attacked another dog and it was that sound is so nuts when you hear a dog really fighting.

Yeah, yeah, it's It makes I freak out. I don't know what to do. I just run in circles.

You're supposed to pour something in their nose or finger in the butt. Those are the two things.

Wait a minutely, The first one I thought would be difficult and the second one certainly.

Those are like that fool proof to like get to loosen a dog's jaws, I.

Guess is a butt finger in the butt.

In the butt, or if you can pour something up up their nose so they can't breathe.

Oh my god, that's that was all seems so difficult. Both are you have to have amazing the jaws.

So if you just pull, they're gonna pull whatever. Like if they're biting onto someone, you pull them, they're just gonna pull it up. Whatever they got in their mouth is gonna come with, so loose their jaws.

Even if you have a hose in hand, but who so, who's gonna you have to aim that hose up the nostrils.

That's the word I bought, Yeah word cheve those.

Little yeah, the anime and anything.

My dog used to because my niece would let my dog lick her face.

And my niece was like three or four.

So when we were at the dog park and people would bring kids, which is the kind of the reverse of what you're talking about, because I would be like, unless unless your child is tall enough to defend themselves from dogs of any kind, why would.

You bring like a toddler?

And the second my dog would see a toddler and she was like a lab hound mix whatever, but she would run right up because she wanted to go lick their faces. But it looked like she was just like coming for a toddler, and I would have to run behind her and go She's just trying to lick the face. She's only gonna lick the face, psychotic And it was so scary to the parents. But then I was like, oh wait, I'm they they should learn this lesson.

This is the best kid.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, why are they here?

Yeah?

I thought that the dog would smell the licks of another dog on that kid's face, Like that's some thing I would worry about. What if they don't like the licks of this other dogs? It brings me anxiety. That's why I have no children or dogs. I mean, it's a constant anxiety.

I'm anxious anyways, like I suppose like most of us, but that kid every single thing. I'm just like I caught myself the other day at a stoplight, but I'm texting, and I'm like, she's staring at me. These are I'm putting these deep like I'm programming her brain right now to think it's okay to be on your phone. I don't even want her driving ever. I can't even imagine letting her go in a car. We used to run stop signs because we were bored when I was a kid.

Yeah, yeah, it's just, oh, you're right. Everything you do, she's staring and learning all of it.

Oh yeah, I get mad in traffic and I what I get, you know, smack the steering wheel or something, and she's like, what's wrong. I gotta be like me, I'm sorry. I have a short fuse in the car, and I apologize. If you don't want to program that into you.

Oh, that would get your constant like thinking about that.

Yeah, has she sworn yet because of hearing you swear?

I'm pretty good about it. Uh. My wife is much more put together than I am. So it's it's not like there's there's not two body mouse living in the same house. So it's pretty easy to And I got all these Midwestern things that like holy buckets and gee whiz. I say those all the time. Sure, and it gets the anger out in a funny way. Yeah. So it helps cheese crackers and rice.

Oh yeah, oh, cheese and Rice's different parts in the Midwest, different cheese accompaniments. Oh that's fun.

Driving around Glendale. I used to live in Glendale, so I mean, yeahs anywhere you need to go? Yeah, Bill, and I got a root canal right over there a few years ago.

Should we go?

Should we go?

Check in to say?

Surprised me with it. So the doctor the dentists are like, you need a root canal, and I go, okay, And I was prepared to mentally, you know, prepare for that for the next month or so, and they're like, uh, just go downstairs. They're open right now. I don't want to go do it right now. But then the she basically called me a coward and uh in so many words, and what are you?

Are you a dental chicken? Have you heard of that phrase?

No, there's a.

Dentist on on benches and this dentist and he's real creepy, and it shows him with a kid and he's like got a real creepy look on his face, and it says we cater to dental chickens. And I'm like, I had to look it up. It's just it's someone scared of going to the dentist. Oh, Like, I don't know if that's a phrase. If they coined it, it's not a phrase. We would not be so confused.

Right, Yeah, I heard that one.

Yeah, it's uh. So you went down immediately and got it done immediately, that's what they do.

It was such a bummer. Minutes to an hour or something of drilling, go to the dentist. Man, yeah, and then they get that's gross, but yes, go to the dentist. Put it off. I didn't go for fifteen years, yeah, because I popped a filling out and I just got scared and I was young and broke and everything. And when I finally went in, they were like, yeah, all right, well it's not as bad as you think, but like nine grand eight cavities, a root canal and a crown.

Oh no, well that isn't too bad. For fifteen years.

Wasn't It wasn't too bad. It could have been a lot. It could have been like pulling teeth and yeah, yeah answer.

So yeah, old timey forties tools coming out, I asked my dentist.

So I heard a long time ago that Keith Richards never went to the dentist and he was fine because all the alcohol was killing. The Dennis was like, absolutely not, that's not true. Yeah, I ever tell anyone that's true.

Yeah, yeah, that is such a great fantasy.

That's to me.

It sounds like a great stand up comedians fantasy of like I'm actually taking care of it right now.

By Yeah, yeah, it really is romantic. If somebody told me that I worked, if one Google hit told me that worked. I'd be like, well, I got to figure oh yes, yeah.

Like when I went to the colon doctor and he was like, do you smoke? And I'm like no, no, never, And he's like, oh, okay, I was gonna say, if you do, it's it's a really good annie inflammatory for coalon issues. I was like, what, Oh, did you just prescribe it?

You like they shouldn't tell you that.

No, yeah, yeah it was. It was really funny. I was in Texas though everything is a.

Little so it wasn't a real doctor.

No, No, it's just a guy in boots in an alley.

Yeah, he was offering you a huge cigarette.

No, that's the doctor that I paid with a drawing. I drew him he liked a barbecue, and I drew a big picture of him at a barbecue with different with forceps and different colonoscopy tools, read in a cowboy hat. And he still has it above his desk. Apparently.

It's kind of nuts. When so I do. I do a podcast myself with a couple of friends, and sometimes people will do you forget that everyone out there needs entertainment, so like doctors and dennis and stuff.

Yeah, everyone out there has a pot them.

Yeah. But a dentist hit up a a friend of ours that did our show or something, and he's like, hey, if you get to Phoenix, I'll just get you some dental work for free, whatever you need. And some of my buddy went down, I think it was Phoenix's went down there, did a show, got all his teeth tucked up, and oh that's great, isn't that cool?

Yeah, that's really nice.

Yeah, I'd love to offer my services to a doctor, but they don't, you know, they don't seem to want them.

Yeah, yeah, not the same vibe. Yeah yeah, in lieu of laughing gas, I will tell one lie.

Why A friend who didn't go to the dentist for years because as a child, her dentist and I was telling my dad about this recently, and we decided that this dentist was like a pur freak in some way. The dentists would ask her mother if she wanted to pay for novacane, and the mother would say no, So he would drill the children's teeth with no novacane.

Dog that is is like psychotic.

It's torture, it's literal torture.

And then so she didn't go to the dentist.

Like when she got older, she stopped the second she could and never went back and then did the same thing where she finally went after like twenty years and had to get all this work done. But I was like when she finally told me that was the reason, I was like completely valid, Like you you were in the right entirely because that's torture and crazy.

I think that, especially with the dentist, and I think it's probably irks dentists to hear, but I think it's some sort of traumatic thing that happens and then that's what you don't go for a long time. Yeah. Yeah, My current dentist who's amazing in Portland, she was telling me she had four clients who meditated while they would get their work done, never took any medicine until one of them got a root canal and halfway through they calmly they were like, I would like some medicine this time.

Yeah yeah, oh so like in exchange for novacane.

They were like, I'm just gonna meditate.

Yeah, they would so know they wudn't get numbed up and they get all their work done. And she said they never winced or anything. Wow, it's shocking, but it worked until until it didn't.

Yeah, oh my god, that would be really scary.

I tell I want to feel like I got hit with a shovel, Like I want my face to I'm like, you numb up my forehead if you got to. Yeah yeah yeah, and they'll be like, well you're not gonna You're not gonna be able to chew all day. And I'm like, I've gone days without food anything. Yeah, yeah, you numb it.

Up, mab Yeah I'm juicing today.

Yeah, any same, you know the doctor I got stitches with no novacame one time because it was three and I was like, well whatever, just do it and it was such a dumb idea. So ever since then, it's like, you mean, just three stitches on my elbow. I cut my elbow skating one time and I was just so tiny. I was like, to do it. You know, it'll take like a minute, but.

It was awful. Yeah.

That's like when when you see in an action movie where someone does their own stitches, so.

You know what I mean, where like I'll get this bullet out and then I'll just do this where I'm like, no, I would I literally like wax my legs and just stopped after the first thing.

I was like, no, it's fine, I'm not how.

Could you finish, like continue hurting yourself that badly?

Right? I wonder I always wonder if I could stitch someone up. You think it could, Like if it went down right now in the middle of the country and I just like cut Chris's arm, You think you'd stitch him up right?

Depends on how much he screamed.

I think yeah, I would let you do it, of course, if it happen right now, I would trust your stitching ability. I mean, look at the work I did on my pants here, Sean.

That is uh you did there yourself.

Yeah, I know how to stitch. But I've been waiting for that scene in a movie to just be super glue, because at the time my dad shaved off the tip of his finger with a bandsaw. He just squirted super glue in a bottle cap and then dipped his nub in there, and there's just a bottle cap on the end of his finger for a few days and it totally healed. You can't even tell anymore. It was just a little bit. Why did he put a bottle cap

I've heard of that duck. Yeah, just like a bulllow butterfly bandage, but duct tape.

Yeah, way better than sewing skin, right for sure. So next time I go camping or think I'm gonna get cut, that guy doesn't care at all.

He's it. That was so buck. Yeah, nobody listening. There's a guy masturbating in the street, but he just walked right. It's so crazy when a pedestrian like right or wrong. You still gotta understand that if you get hit by a car, it doesn't matter if you're in the right or wrong. You're gonna lose that fight, you know. Yeah, Yeah, it happens in Portland for days, like just these kids on their phone steering. I mean there's signs all over the train like the it's called the Max, or like

Yeah. When I lived in Austin, all the news reports would refer to them as car pedestrian collisions, as if it's two equal forces.

Yeah, oh, like it's matheroring King Kong or something like.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, car versus human. The car usually would win. I would guess it's not so much a collision. That's a terrible thing that I shouldn't bring up.

I got I I'm not proud of it. So I got hit by car once and I bumped into So. I was pulling up to an intersection one time, way before phones or anything. I just did not see this person going across the crosswalk and I was almost at a dead stop. I was probably going an eighth of a mile an hour and I just stopped. And then this dude jumps up in front of my hood and slams his hands down. He's like what And I started giggling.

Right, and which would make you nervously laugh, right I would.

Yeah, I was terrified because you know that almost thing where you're like, man, if I was going a little faster, that would have changed both of our lives. Yeah. Right. And then one time I was skating skateboarding across the street and a guy I had the right of way, and he just pulled and hit me. It was a big truck and I rolled up onto his truck and uh oh yeah, and then he flipped me off. So and so I threw my board at his car. I

That was in Uh are you from North Dakota or South.

Wow where you know you still can't skateboard down the street in that city without people calling you all the stuff they called you in the nineties. Oh?

Really still to this day that's amazing because nowadays everyone yells do a kickflip, but not South Dakota.

It's still Yeah, it's just they just I don't know why.

Do they think it's like rebellion or see that yours you must be a punk if your skateboarding.

Or something, it could be anything a little different. I think just kind of the smaller the town, the more everybody kind of wants it to be exactly the same.

Right.

Yeah, but skateboarding has been around for a while. Yeah, it's cool, crazy innovation.

Is it cool?

And I don't know, Yeah, that is so curious. It's actually good to hear because it's kind of like that in Montana still too. People are like, you still do that? They don't know the rest of the world is it's wildly popular.

I yeah, I just I'm going in. I have an orthopedic doctor. Now that's where I'm at with it. And I know you've had your battles too. My ankle. He's talking about taking the blood out and like spinning.

It, spinning it and blood spinner.

It's like what Kobe used to go to Germany to get the right Wow, because what we didn't even have it here like fifteen years ago, but we're gonna splin it a spin it in a blood spinner and it's like plate lit enrichment or something.

Sure, and then they put your blood back into you.

Uh huh. And the theory is that it heals the problem area with that new stronger blood and it kind of like like it like roots digging into the ground or something.

Okay, have you sprained your ankle a ton of times?

I've broken my legs six, six or seven times.

Every time I would see Sean, he had a new different ankle or foot or leg injury or knee. Haven't you heard my knee?

There were a few like comedy festivals where I just had to crutch around just ball wings.

You are the most skin skateboarder I've ever known.

For sure. I ruptured my kidney one time. No, this is another thing that freaks me out because I think about how I would react if my daughter came home. So I fell really hard, but I was sixteen. I didn't think anything of it. And then I go home and I was bent over a little bit. My mom's a nurse, and she goes, what what would you do? I said nothing, I don't think and then I went to go to the bathroom straight blood. I as red as you could get and I still I still was

Did you wrap yourself on a handrail in the.

I allied up and I just didn't have my board with me, so my feet I was trying to do this. It was a nine stay Rael. I allied up, no board, but my feet stuck like the board was there, and so then my feet just stuck on the rail because there was nothing to grind. And then I fell from the top of that to the bottom of the ground. Sure, you know, probably ten feet or something. Sure, but like right onto my right on to my kidneys. Wow, that is the worst. Yeah, not cool. There were a few.

That's great.

And they had to learn cooperation.

They did and they were it was It's funny. People think skateboarders a little punks, but I'm like, they came together. Oh yeah, fall over the other side and one of them had to catch me.

That's great.

I was jumping out the window.

Yeah, I love a human pyramid. It's been my goal since the vacation video by the Go Gos to do a water ski pyramid. And all my friends were on board, and we tried multiple years to get in a perfect six man formation and it's simply too hard.

On maybe pardon my ignorance on water skis. Yes, you were trying to do that, Yes, that seems isn't that like real hard?

You need a powerful boat. Everyone knows needs to know how to water ski.

For Montana, We're like we got.

Yeah, well, we all grew up around having access to friends with boats so everyone can stand on water skis. It's just then after everyone's up, abandoning your water skis and climbing on your friend's back while staying and we got easily got to where it's three people with someone on their back trying to get on their shoulders.

And so you're standing up in the water.

Yeah, yeah, standing riding on skis, three people on with and three people on their backs.

Yeah, and those size on the back of your shoulder, is it like a yeah, yeah, okay.

That's as far as we got, Like I have some of my on my shoulders with thighs on my neck and then like a chicken fight in the.

Pool exactly, okay water. Yeah, how did they get up? They had to climb up.

You Yeah, that part wasn't that hard. It's getting that that sixth person to the very top wow, and getting the two people in between the three bottom people. It's very difficult. But they used to do it in like the fifties, you know, you see the people they had bad equipment.

Yeah, well they were tougher.

Yeah yeah.

Yeah.

They just woke up and ate steak and immediately went out and did a pair of.

Me They got paid fifteen dollars an hour to try that over and over.

Yeah, that's the thing.

Put on their nicest polyester pair of shorts and hopped in the water.

Yeah, let's make a lot off of this.

God, we can do it.

What a great time. Yeah, it's still a dream. I do want it to happen eventually.

There's that Buffalo wild wings right there. I was in there with a buddy one time and he started rolling. He just pulled out a bunch of weeds, started chopping it up on the table and rolling joint and I was like, I don't think you can do that in here.

Yeah, they're not that wild he was.

He goes, no, you can do it, and I go, I bet you can't, but I'm not gonna say anything.

Was it a friend from Denver?

No? No, Oh wow, was my buddy Jamlvine. They came over and they're like, sir, you can't do that, and I mean they were just shocked, you know. Yeah, then I kicked us out.

It seems like a lot because weed's been legal in Denver for so long that friends from Denver well just openly before it was also legal here. There's a little window where you absolutely can't and yeah, I had friends from that.

I don't know.

I feel like going forward, I'm just gonna see it as buffalo wings because they're not willing.

Yeah yeah, follow the rules.

Yeah yeah, buffalo nerds.

Sean, do you have?

I feel you just had a special come out? Right, you should do some plugging and stuff just before we wrap this up.

It's so fun time. This is so thank you for letting me do this. And here's a surprise that we have. We're dropping you off at a root canal.

And you have to get good. Not a problem. I yeah, I just had a special come out. It's called girl Dad, and it's about the process of going We went through IVF my wife and I to conceive, and then just the birthing process and then I gotta ask ectomy. So it's kind of just those three things make up the hour and it's fun. I worked really hard on its first time I've like really had a cohesive thought process. I wanted to get out, you know what I mean, And I was like, man, I got drunken a party

Upright, like the whole act is cohesive.

Yeah, yeah, and it's how it came out. It's it's The visual is on Patreon right now, but if you want to listen to it, it's on Spotify and everywhere all you know, so uh yeah, go give it a listen. Yeah, very fun.

I need to because I I did a show in Portland and you were nice enough to open the show and you were just starting that material mm hmm, because all of that sounds from all those topics came up. But it's it's funny, really fun to see how far it's made.

You get, Like when I was working it, because you know, the whatever a few weeks before, you kind of get to run it no matter what. And sometimes it just the room wasn't wanting to hear such heavy material, but I'm right, give a shit what you want to hear. I gotta say it. So just like a bunch of bunch of people at a wine bar, like whoa, whoa, whoa whoa. Now, yeah, that is the worst graphic IVF talk was it was.

It is It a little bit like more one man show ish than your average stand up because you're kind of getting into personal, serious stuff.

It feels like, yeah, I'm and it took. I think I kind of have I can get by with like talking about that stuff, and people don't get too offended. I don't know why, maybe because I had just tone of voice or something, but people are ready to listen and then you just you punch it up in the right places. But there's definitely some things. I mean, you know, we miscarried and talked about that in there. Obviously that's not a joke, but it I feel like you got to talk about it a little bit.

It's finally relatable to most people that get pregnant that first time.

Yeah, that that idea that like most publicly people don't understand how often miscarriages happen, and that that's almost like a woman's secret or something.

Is it's one out of five. I found out that one out of five women that have a child had a miscarriage first. And again that's not the that's not the bulk of the humor on the special. It's definitely you got to.

Talk about it.

You made a mistake by not making it the bulk of.

The Yeah, it was really fun. And then I do a podcast with Ian Carmel and David Bori and it's called All Fantasy Everything. It's Ian's podcast and David and I are lucky enough to be a part. But we're doing a big tour in June. We're going all over the East coast in the Midwest, so fun. Yeah, if you want to come check any shows out. It is a fun live show.

That's terrific. Yeah, man, I and you are you do that remotely? Then with them we do?

Right? It has it has worked. I mean it thank thankfully for zoom because as soon as COVID hit, I was in a long distance relationship with my now wife. She lived in Portland, right, and I was like, I'm gonna move back at some point.

Yeah, it only makes sense. Okay, we're gonna have to help these guys. Yeah, we'll usually help out and pull right up to us.

Is there car on the train track somewhere?

Yeah?

Yeah, could you guys move this car just a little and not in a way that gets it out of the way.

I had so my mom she fell one time. She I'll save the spury of the details, but she was badly injured and I had to call them one. She's okay, but I had to call them one in the fire departments showed up first, and I was so mad because I didn't know firefighters could do anything cool like that. I thought they'd just put out fires. Yeah, and then they went and saved your life. And I was like, oh man, sorry, I got you guys all wrong.

Oh yeah, what are you doing here?

I was all red face serious.

I was like, there's no fire here. Why are you always the first to respond? Yep, they do it all, Yep they do we are we are a fireman friendly car and podcast.

This might be the nicest car I've ever been in, So thanks that alone is fun pleasure.

I'm definitely going to get rid of it since the guy that there's no that's famous for it is a now I guess a public nazi. Very uncomfortable to drive it around.

But look at these look at these lines and contours.

I mean absolutely, it's nice design.

Yeah, we'll say, well, listen, hoop dreams. We're gonna I called them hoop dreams once. Wait, I'm still feeling.

I walked. It was when he lived with David and I forget who else, but we walked from I walked from Largo to Culver City. It's a long hour, a deep deep Culver's I got to their house. I was cashed out, and I locked the door like you would, and then Chris banging on the door like two in the morning, and I came to unlock it, and I had messed shorts and no shirt, and he's like, we don't lock the door around here, hoop dreams, and then he just went to his room.

I'm so sorry.

I was red.

I barely knew you at the time.

It was great. Oh you're the.

Best, the best really quick.

Though.

What you don't know is that this whole episode has been a test because Chris, remember your Oakley.

Oh yeah, we're going to do.

Yeah, yeah, what do you think of my new glasses?

I like them.

I shouldn't have said it was his voice, crack.

I don't like him, I said, I like him. I like him. I like him.

Well.

In the end, I.

Had a selection of all type vocals at this golf thing, and these are the ones with the lenses that help. I mean, I put them on. I'm like, oh, I don't need glasses anymore. They're they're a little more aggressive than I go.

I go a little more aviator style.

Yeah, and guess what style was the first pair I tried on full on, very avian and then these ones though giving coup ready to give a little stick time in.

I said, it's I don't think it's misrepresenting you or something along the lines. And then Chris was like, you'll see he'll give me a bunch of shit about these.

Yeah. Yeah.

Then it's like, well they think they were just up on your.

We've all grown as a father now. He just said supportively.

I like him, and stop testing me, just trying to my.

Voice, did crack.

Pressure?

I wear backwards hat still? And can the aforementioned Kyle Cane he came up. He's like, I think you're a backwards heat guy. Man.

Sorry, Oh that's great anyway.

Yeah, it's tough business.

Thank you so much. Yes, thank you.

I love you, buddy. Good to see you.

Thank you so much.

You've been listening to Do you need a ride? D yan Aar. This has been an exactly right production.

Produced by Analise Nelson, mixed by Edson Choi. Our talent booker is Patrick Cootner.

Theme song by Karen Kilgarrett.

Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.

Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook at dinar podcast.

That's d y n Ar Podcast for more information, go to exactly rightmedia dot com. Thank you, Oh, you're welcome.