S4 - Ep. 31 - Chris Garcia

Are you leaving? I you want your way back home?

Either way, we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim, and give us time and a termino and gage.

We want to send you off in style.

We wanna welcome you back home.

Tell us all about it.

We scared her?

Was it fine?

Malforn?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do your need you ride?

Ride?

Do you need.

With Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need a ride?

This is Chris Fairbanks and this is Karen Kilgarriff.

It's a beautiful What time of year is it? We'll never know.

Spring winter, spring.

It was cold for a couple of weeks, and I purchased a bunch of warm clothing and now I do not need.

It until tomorrow.

Until tomorrow. What happens tomorrow is get this.

All changes tomorrow?

Oh good? It all changes because I got some beautiful sweaters.

Try to figure out a way to wear three in one day?

Oh yeah, I do.

Even when I don't leave the house, there are costume changes. I have alternate flat people laid out of my bed.

Flat people laid out on your bed.

Yeah, that's what my dad.

Used to call them when I put out my little outfits. I think I's more organized as a child. I would put my outfits on my bed getting ready, and my dad called.

It laying out a flat person. I love it. Yeah, it's a cute little See. Let's start with something cute.

I mean, finally giving the people what they want, precious childhood memories.

That is what you want. Okay, this is a light loose lucy, we have it. We keep it loose, keep it loose, and we enforce the goose.

I grew up with two geese at my Aunt Jean's house.

They are the worst animal, worse than the worst animal you can think of, worse than snakes.

And we're going to get a handwritten letter because of that one.

I hope it's on blue Goose Country stationery, because I have a bone to pick with geese.

They're fucking awful.

Have you ever hung out with a disgruntled full sized turkey not to have a foul contest.

You're trying to out foul me and it won't work.

The thing about it is, I'm just gonna make something up right now, based on my experience and then just me trying to be argumentative. I think geese are smarter than turkeys, which makes them more dangerous.

Right, Like they're they mean it. They have malice.

They're coming at you and you're a child, that's all. It's that they're like feral for six year olds, right.

And the ones that I spend a lot of time.

With geese where at the Wilson Harding golf courses.

Oh, they are everywhere and they're used to people. But still you have to be like, I'm coming up.

My ball is between you, guys, and I've approached them, and they're like, they will not move, and I make any sudden movement movements, they will start beaking me.

Well, the thing they do and I don't know if they do this at Wilson Harding, but we grew up with the kind of geese that hiss at you, right, and it is frightening.

Yeah, because they use them black tongue.

Yes, and their long necks. It's like their part snake. They're a mythical creature.

They are a sock puppet. I refuse to believe they're even real. It's a human hand in a bag.

Horrifying.

Yeah, it's a it's a it's a hissing bagpipe.

But turkeys add sharp edges.

Yes, they have lots of They can kill things. They're not to be messed with. But they're so stupid that there are turkey farmers that say, if they look up while it's raining, they'll drown. I don't know if that's literal or if that's just an example of how truly stupid they are.

But wait, could you could you repeat that if.

They look up while it's raining, they'll drown, all right, because they're like not smart enough.

To or swallow.

I like that. I've never heard that. I need to hang out with more farmers.

You need to get up to the Tom Turkey Farm, which used to be in Sonoma near my parents' house, just for the quotes, just for the fucking yeah, the chit chat, chopping it up with those turkey farmers.

Come on leaning on a fence.

Oh, it's been a while since I leaned on a fence.

I mean, that's that's living. You did, You did your work. Now you get to lean a little bit.

It's been a while since I mended a fence. And I have mended a fence.

What type barbed.

Wire? Those are two different types. I have had.

There's a documentary about the gathering of artists for the We Are the World recording. Heard of it, Yes, and and yes, I've the song. I can't get out of my head now since I watched it, because I followed

Is this thing over?

She was running the show.

It is so interesting to watch how nervous people got and a lot of the most It really was important for me to watch because the people that are most nervous killed it. The artist Yes, and it is so fun to watch because I knew nothing of that day. Lionel Ritchie was hosting like the American Music Awards, I think, and had a bunch of you know stuff he had to memorize for that, and then that night they were they just happened to be recording this We.

Are the World thing.

And that the day for him and him writing with Michael Jackson. It was just it's a very fun watch. I just wanted to endorse that for some reason. Going to watch it, I think you're my age especially, you will enjoy it.

I remember when it premiered.

I remember living my entire life through MTV and the things that presented to us. If if if they were sad about people in Africa or apartheid or whatever was happening, they told me how to feel, and I felt it right.

And most of the artists that showed up, like Kenny Loggins, was like, I knew nothing about apartheid in Africa or famine, and because I think it was more yeah about that.

Yeah. Yeah, And it.

Premiered globally at the exact same time, like it was promoted that things aren't like that anymore. You just get it immediately. Yeah, And it did raise a lot of money. It's really kind of cool. So I'm deciding this episode is dedicated.

I'm kidding.

I couldn't even think of a thing because I don't want to make light of dedications.

You want to make a light of people doing good with their entertainment platforms, right, Yeah, yes, I get that.

We are here to be light even though we know things are happening, and it's all I think about God damn, But you and I are here to be have fun together.

Right, Yes, absolutely, yes, yes, have fun And then this can be a slight break in between people having to deal with everything going on.

There's a lot of pressure.

People are asking artists and comedians to be the voice, and I, for instance, I'm all for protesting.

You know that.

Yes, we saw at work that scary murdering cop went to jail because people kept protesting.

I was on the fence about it.

I'm like, come on, breaking into things, and then it worked and I'm like okay.

And also, did you see any of those stories where like the breaking into things was faked and there was

It's such a good change, but man, is it huge.

But at the same time, when to put the word out about global warming, which is happening, and you and I of course know that, but by pouring soup, they they got the Mona Lisa again, and I just didn't. I just I understand that the reason is people are going to pay attention to this, but is it the right attention where you're annoyed and angered?

They threw soup on the Mona Lisa. Yes, but doesn't she have a plastic box over her at this point?

Yes, but it's still a apparently as emitting methane gas because they I just don't.

Yeah, they're just trying to say, none of this will be here if the world, if we are flooded and we're all dead.

But why take it out on art, is my point. Yeah.

I think it is that thing of like it's because we're saying, oh, that's too precious, and then the protesters are like, no, no, we think our lives are more precious.

Yeah, and it is the reason I'm talking about it right now, which is the purpose.

But the connection is vague for me. That's all.

Well, I can think of valuable things that they should also ruin right before the most beautiful things that have ever seen.

Exactly, how about defacing many many gas stations.

Or golf courses have.

Yeah, I'm on the fence, so now I'm on the fence that I just mended. Yeah, it's true. Every time I go, I'm like, boy, I'm a water wasting problem contributor. And then my swing is perfect. It helps me hit straight. But you know, knowing that I'm.

Wrong, it's we're all kind of wrong in some ways.

And then the wrongest part is that, especially when it comes to like global warming, individual people should feel guilty and it's like it's up it's up to us to blame each other when and everyone knows this from social media, but it's like it's these corporations that if they don't change their carbon footprint, it won't matter what we do.

And that's the that's the deep down truth.

This person, Yeah, they don't care. They know they're big, they know they weigh several one hundred tons. That's probably wrong at least ten. And this truck just pulled in front of us.

I mean he was like, he's clearly pro global warming.

It was that's fine, Tomato soup in your face, sir, Yeah, is what I say.

Throw a big fucking thing of chunky Campbell's right onto that. Oh yeah, kunky chambles.

What you say?

Thank you, thank you for remembering old jokes that I'm ashamed of. Trambles Kunkie gradually turned into character character which you.

Know what that makes me think of? Have I ever told you about it?

Dina Martina, who is a drag queen that is the funniest performer.

I don't know that I do know her as.

This character, Dina Martina mispronounces, she like confuses and switches around g's and j's, and she does it so consistently, and the character is almost like your mom's kooky drunk friend, right, And it is the funniest, Like go home and look her up on YouTube. One of the funniest live comedy acts I've ever seen.

Just like example, be Gallapenno.

I can't do it because it's so fucking specific and it's so subtle and it's they never miss one.

I believe she likes to be called her.

I believe I Yeah, the person I'm a huge fan of that I almost want to go see live. It's that Broadway Barbara. Nothing makes me laugh harder. It's the character. It's a woman who's playing an older dancer that is.

From Yes, Yes, Yes, and I've seen her.

She's so deep in the character and says the funniest shit. It's just my favorite. I laughed so hard I rewatch it. I just want Broadway, Barbara.

I bet you could see that performer at a live show somewhere, don't you think?

I think so?

I think so, yeah, And then I'm like, am I going to see a musical? There's certain I need to quit with my hang ups. I was scarred by Ghost the Musical. I need to start going and seeing live not stand up performance.

Ghost the Musical the first musical you ever saw.

Yes, And I was laughing out loud because it was in English.

I think it was an opera. It was what I believe it was an opera.

Is this real?

It was real and it was amazing. After I was making fun of it for a while because the on stage special effects where they mimicked scenes from Ghosts. It started with hilarity because it's like, I love our new place.

We should put the couch over there.

And so I'm like, oh my god, what have I gone to for free. But then scenes like where the mugger gets carried off by demons they were projecting I feel like I've talked about this before, but it's still on my mind. They were projecting like these ghost images on a screen in front of the stage and carrying them off on like cables.

So it really looked like.

More so than in the movie where the special effects were you know, from the late eighties, it really looked like demons were carrying this guy off.

Like I was terrified a couple times.

Oh, the scene where the guy is teaching him how to flick a penny on the subway they are on, it's just people standing and then behind them projected was everything rushing by as if they were on a moving subway, and projected in front of them was the actual subway car, so it looked like people on a subway car. It was absolutely amazing.

And that's it was.

That's Broadway.

That's Broadway, baby.

I mean, that's the cool thing is that the people designing stagecraft for Broadway, they're the people.

They're the top of the top.

So that kind of shit, like, that's that's what they're known for, right, because what's happening on the stage is just as important as who's in it, how good of a singer they are, how good songs are.

Whatever.

Yeah, that work, and just props in general. When I props to props, this is what you're doing. When I did ConA in a very very long time ago, I think ten years when we first started podcasting, remember that, and I gave you called me and gave me a good luck you got this kid message yep, which I appreciate.

Thank you, You're welcome.

Ten years later.

Yes, I never said thank you. Yes you did well. Here it is again.

It's a reunion.

Yes, I hope you never tire of the thanks I give. But backstage at CONAIN they were just making giant props for jokes, mostly like and it looked like the funnest job. If I were to quit show business, well I wouldn't be quitting.

I would. I would go into the props department.

No, you should, You're built for that. I enjoy making things. I appreciate the work. And I want to be in a union.

Yes as all yeah, all good reasons.

You know.

I'm union strong.

I wonder if there's ever going to be a show that would need miniatures made for it.

Oh, that would be really I mean, if I could be just But then I think, what what if I was making backgrounds for Wallace and Grammont or something. One of the reasons I got into miniatures because those are like little dioramas and they do the stop motion little Clay people.

Right, I uh, your man explaining Wallace and Grommitt to me right now?

Yes, yes, as a man, let me tell you how that show works.

Great?

Yes, uh, your dainty fingers can't quite grasp if you will.

That's actually pretty good.

It's distracting from the very offensive character I was doing.

I uh, do you?

I Actually often I feel like people don't realize things like Chicken run are Clay being manipulated during my frame? So I do explain it to people because very often, and I'll be a boy, or.

They assume it's computers. Yes, it's everybody.

No, you're right though, that is a huge achievement, or like any of those I almost said Will Wheaton, Wes Anderson movies, Yeah, come on in here, you stupid asshole. Yeah, sorry, Freeway, the wes Anderson movies like Fantastic Mister Fox. We will watch that anytime we're flipping around and I met my dad's with Nora. We love that movie so much, and it is all of that was done by hand, none of it is.

It takes years, yeah, to make this.

Stuff just moving. You know, a little fox in a grocery store.

Take a picture, love a whisker, so it's flapping in the wind. That's so am I am I ready to sign up for those kind of hours.

That's my only issue.

Well, because it'll cut into your golfing.

I cut man of leisure.

Yes, you don't like working really.

No years of fence mending.

I was, Oh, this was like a honk.

To let us know. Either you get sideswiped or heed my call.

Sir. Now I'm going to go faster. You will not be get.

God.

I love to box out a land Rover. Fuck you.

Okay, calm down, everybody, everyone, calm down, stop it, knock it off.

Let's we're all one. We're all one organism moving together. That's how you have to look at traffic.

That's true. We leave our brothers out.

We are plate. Let's trying to mend an aortic.

Uhsort take this a hole in a part of a heart.

That's I think.

What's happening right now in my brain is what I'm describing.

You're describing the actions of your brain as it's breaking.

Yes, yes, oh God, play by play of my mental breakdown.

Listen to it live, platelet by platelet.

Wait.

I had a going off of what we were just talking about.

I do change the subject a lot.

Yeah, yes, yeah.

We were talking about musicals.

It doesn't.

Then we talked about broad White, Barbara, we.

Talked about Dina Martinez, even.

Though we didn't want to. I brought up fences again.

Oh, fences, That's what it was.

Oh see you you've built a barbed and you've built a plane wire or just barbed or were lying?

I mean I was kind of bending the truth a little bit. But I just do want people to know that for a time I did work with my hands and I helped bury snowmaking equipment.

I worked at a ski area.

What is enough to do with fence?

There was fences.

There and you had to sometimes mend them.

Yes, yes, are you what?

Why are you lying? It seems like I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not.

I'm just trying to remember as I as I make things or recall the truth.

I see, I see yes, and in the meantime you'll just say whatever.

Oftentimes yes, you know me, it's just my mouth is a scruntled man with diarrhea.

I have a lot of them. Were snow fences.

Okay? What are those made of metal?

Sometimes with like a plastic lattice like mesh. Oh, yes, okay that I don't know what the I should know more about them since I was in charge of them, but I think.

It keeps pee skiers out of the main.

It might have to do something with directing traffic, but it also holds snow into place, maybe for avalanches.

Sure I should know this.

I mean, did you actually work there or were you just touching the fences after you snow.

Did Every year I've worked off my season pass, which was expensive. You know, it's like five hundred bucks probably now it's a thousand and so I drive up to this gay area all summer and new just maintenance jobs. Oh, carrying dirt from one place the other. Sometimes it was dynamite. No, always in a truck called the war Pig, which I was not licensed to drive.

And you were oh yeah, with T and T.

With T and T and sometimes with a bit of alcohol buzz. Yes, because it was boring work. And I think I for a good portion of my life maybe had a drinking problem.

You know, I've talked about that well.

I mean, yeah, if you're a comic.

It was also the weekend, you know, a lot of it was the weekend that we'd go up there. One time in the war pig, I was like, we can navigate these giant things of dirt and I broke I hope you're listening, Pat, my old boss.

I broke the axle.

On the war pig. Oh shit, And I heard it crunch. And then one other wheels just wasn't steering. I think it was the how.

Many steering wheels was in the war pick?

Just one just for the driver. The other one was plastic of Fisher price one. So my worker friend felt like he was contributing.

He worked with Maggie Simpson.

He was a child.

Yes, amazing on the saxophone, but it took away from the work we're doing.

But woodn't hear for music? A little yellow bastard?

Wait what Okay?

You were driving the warpig with and one other person was with you, and you were lighting off sticks of dynamite and throwing them into potential avalanche areas, and that was boring for you.

I was not.

I was not lighting that.

I simply moved the dynamite that was later to be used in the winter for purposefully making avalanches happen, so they didn't happen.

Accidentally being involved in dynamite in any way, and boredom, I don't think should go hand in hand.

I know, you should at least have a boiler's license or.

Something, but I mean that would add to the lack of boredom. But you're not able to handle right it, and yet you're being forced to.

Yes, I know, and you're still bored because it's the weekend.

I don't I appreciate the work now, you know, when's the last time I had a blister?

These hands, they're so dainty.

Anyway, the following weekend we went up there and we had to pile into the war pig and Pat was like, God, damn it, I just broke the axle.

And I's like you did, Oh no, well you shouldn't have done that.

Yeah, I steer it more carefully than you do. Like last weekend when I was driving it. You can't wrench it like that, Pat, I had broken.

It yeah, yeah, and Pat took the hit.

Pat took the hit. Sorry Pat?

Did Pat have to pay?

I don't know.

I don't know that they ever fixed it. I think they probably just kept driving it around. This was a like from the sixties.

Yeah. It was big and heavy.

And filled with tant Yes, you were like, let's definitely not repair this or make this any safer.

I do it is it's it just was buried in my memory that I was.

Responsible for explosives at one point.

Yeah, that's that's a big one. Bring it to the front.

Yeah, I say, you can trade right to the front of it. If your memory is you holding a handful of cards, you trade that one out with hip surgery. Just just blank that out entirely and bring TNT right to the front and center.

Chris Fairbanks explosives expert and.

Then also comedian, Yeah, but also real blase like barely can get interested.

Yeah, can you can you tell me more? You know what, I like to keep it behind me.

I like to forget about it all the time.

Yeah, that was Those were good times. And I did work very hard.

You're working for the ski, I mean.

It was a good time. Yeah, other people worked harder than me.

And sometimes I would remind them, you know, at the end of this, I get the same season pass as you, and then I put straw in my mouth and lower my hat down and they'd be like, oh, fair BENCHWAYZ he's so cool. What were other people doing more of?

Do you think they just knew how to do stuff and you were just kind of apprenticing?

No, none of us, None of us were skilled in any way.

Nobody was.

We simply showed up.

I don't even remember how we found out you could work off a pass.

I don't even know that they do.

That sounds like something you heard on the Grapevine. Yes, yes, along the Grapevine.

Yes, up Grapevine hillpe Cree.

But yeah. And the boss that was the owner.

Of the the ski area was also a doctor, and he mended my nose every time I got broken, you know, for my smart mouth.

All over that hill, people punching you.

Yeah.

I remember one time we were watching him dig and his leg was trembling, trying to push the shovel in the dirt because he was showing us what he wanted us to do, But the dirt was very firm and he couldn't get it in there. And when I was months later high on I believe cocaine. Oh, that they get administered during the straightening of my broken nose for real.

Yeah, that's what my mom told me.

But my mom also told me that I was like roasting him about how he couldn't get the.

Shovel in the ground while he was fixing my.

Nose because you were so high on coke.

Yes, wow, And but he was laughing about it. My mom said, he wasn't upset.

Well, he did give you coke, so yeah, I think it was a form of cocaine.

Oh, I don't know if that makes sense. It was unless it drogged though.

I feel like if you call it coke, that means you snorted it off of a rolling Stones mirror right in his like back room.

Rolling stones mirror, like the kind you went at the fair.

Yeah, exactly, wooden frame, yeah you had that.

Or the heavy metal.

Logo, oh god, everywhere that heavy metal logo was everywhere.

And then I finally watched the movie and it really didn't hold on. No, it just isn't all it was cracked up to be.

Well, it's a cult classic.

I worked at a movie theater in Sacramento and I wore a little red vest.

We all did.

And this was when you were a shriner.

This kind of this is when I was like a freshman in college, still acting like I was going to college. And it was a movie theater behind a motel, so it's real, like, not a lot of foot traffic, very odd placed odd people that came there.

And on the week ends they would.

Show at midnight either Quadraphenia, Rocky Horror, heavy metal, and.

What was the fourth cult.

Classes, Pink Floyd's The Wall.

Yeah.

Maybe, I imagine people going to those movies were just passing time before they retired to the motel, and a lot of them were in relationships not recognized.

By the lord or their spouses at home or the state of California.

Yep, I think you're right. I'm talking about cheaters.

That's right.

I think we had an episode of cheaters taking place in our lobby.

The most uncomfortable show I've ever watched.

Did show for children raised by alcoholics who crave chaos?

Yes, oh, just the it's Jerry Springer, but outdoors Jerry Springer by the lake. Pardon me, sir, I'm here with your wife. Can you explain what you're doing? Watching Quadrafina with your but I but I and that guy got punched so much.

The host of that show.

Yeah, he must have liked that.

He I think it is.

He's like a ball in the mouth in the in the old bedroom type of a guy.

She's that guy for such.

He's part of the job.

I love eighties dirty guy.

Yeah.

I don't remember his name.

Chrint, the Chris Hansen of marriage you like to expose people?

Was it Mark Summers? No doubled there?

Have you ever seen the Mark Summers uh and Bert Reynolds on a talk.

Show clip where he tries to say.

Something to Burt Reynolds and Bert Reynolds just takes his drink and splashes it in his face.

Oh shit, it's very intense.

Does Burt Reynolds hate him?

Yes? And I think it went on for a long time, like.

Uh, it was just like you're not cool and.

I'm don't talk to me? Or was they had beef?

I think that it was what Mark Summers said, and I understand wanting to throw a drink in his face. He just overstepped like who are you? And he was on there promoting a kid's game show. It was very strange of him to get in Burt Reynolds's face.

Yeah, we're talking about the bandit man, you guys, a legend.

And good his good friend made those spices clawback. Last episode, Oh god.

Deep Paul pr Dome cut.

Yes.

You know what show I really loved and I really miss and I think they should bring back is the show Blind Date where they had the little bubbles pop up to like talk shit on the people that were going on the date. Yeah, as you watch, it was talk about uncomfortable sometimes when they weren't on a good date.

It was crazy bad.

Yeah, it's I mean that was the beginning.

Now there's entire seasons of shows on Netflix, like do you want to watch these awkward people have a forced love life in front of cameras?

Normally you do?

Tell me nervous, I do not want to watch it, except.

For have you watched Love on the Spectrum, which.

Is I was just going to say, the only one, but even that I get uncomfortable.

Well, it is very vulnerable, but it is so sweet.

They are so sweet and also so simple about things.

I was wondering if perhaps and I don't mean to be crafts, but may I hold your hand?

Yeah?

And then they're holding heads and then the girl goes, I guess I like this. Then moments like that, It's great. It's the best.

Also, there was one where and this was like I've never related to another human being more these It's the guy that they were kind of following.

Oh here's a baby, and he thank you.

That is very important. Yes, and he yeap.

That was straight out of a driver's ad video.

Yeah for real, because I'm like, I need to tell my story that baby can go to hell.

Look a red bouncing ball and a child from the seventies.

Don't care. I must tell my anecdote and not pay attention.

Oh.

So point being the guy that they were following, who's who was super Everyone loved him. He was kind of like the star of the show, very intense. And he goes out on a dinner date with this girl and he's super like, got all these plans and he's telling his mom he's going to do this and say this and all this stuff.

And they go on the date, they sit down.

He's very like, you know, bewildered, Like it's just they're acting out everybody being on a first day and all the kind of weird feelings you have and then and he's doing really well and like asking all these questions and all this stuff, and then at one point she goes, I have to and then she just gets open leaves and it's like she just the intensity, like she just

But she was just like Okay, bye, gotta go.

And what I'm learning from that show, oftentimes people on the spectrum there, it's pretty hard to hurt feelings anyway. It's probably like okay, good, I kind of want to go too, or I do now, like they're I don't. That's what I like about watching that show, as people are just inherently kind.

Yeah they aren't.

There's no anger, no, no, They're very understanding and kind of like because also they're getting really good help and training in their dating coach, right, Like they have dating coaches that are like, well, wouldn't you want to be asked a question?

And they're like, oh, I get it. That's yeah, that makes sense.

Like it's very it's data boiled down to its simplest parts, and then being like, oh, yeah, this isn't this doesn't work, or it does.

Right, we could all use those coaches.

For real, yeah, or the right to just get up and leave with no explanation and a funny look on your face.

We all want to do that. And then I dive out of the car right now. No, no, don't be crazy, I'm not. I refree, Well I was, but I'll stop.

I love every every time we come out this way, or or when I've come out this way to do stand up.

I've done some shows out here.

I've come out here too.

The I've come out.

Here a lot.

I've come out her a couple of times.

I was here yesterday.

Anyway, those those mountains, I always forget we're surrounded by mountains here.

Look at that thing.

Yes, that is one hell of a rocket straight out of the Prudential logo.

It's great looking.

I have friends who live kind of like the No brag at the base of the mountain, and then their view is the mountain behind that mountain.

Stop bragging that you're friends with mountains.

I have to tell you.

People that are currently mending fences.

My friend Grizzly Adams lives right there.

So good with geese.

Surprisingly, he loves geese and he understands them.

This dog in the back of this car up here that does look like a trooper's cruiser looks like a retired eighties guard dog. Yeah, not a Doberman pincher. Those came a little later. But this dog German shepherd. Yes, yeah, thank you, you're welcome. That is a German shepherd. You don't see the mountain the wild.

I'm good with celebrity names. I always have been.

German German shepherd. Pleased to meet you.

He's being driven. What's the word I'm looking for? Show around?

Yes, that's a retired actor from Canine Coop.

Well, now it seems like I'm making it up because the dog duck down thinks we're paparazzi.

That dog is dating Lady GEGAA.

Oh, they're gone now.

I always assume things about someone's personality when they drive the same issue of car as a police Yeah, well.

Yeah, is this cosplay? Why would you buy that car?

Are you about to make a citizen's arrest? You have the car, you have the dog, but you're wearing.

A cart again, are you seventy eight years old? Right?

A lot of times it's just an oldie. Yep, let's follow him. We are the paparazzi.

You're not getting away that the paparazzi.

Yeah, because you're following a dog.

I didn't want to I didn't want to say it. I would like to write it.

You said it, and then I said it like I was the one making joke.

You're the one making the joke. I know.

Thanks for taking the hit on my very bad pun.

I enjoyed it, but I thought I thought of it. That's the sad part.

Oh right, No, we do hang out a lot, I know her.

That's true.

Beauty. Ah, look at these beautiful little houses.

Yeah, I'm more attracted now to houses that I feel like one day all a foard than I am big giant, fancy ones.

These are better houses.

Yeah.

You only are ever in two rooms usually, and then you go to the bath.

My biggest fear is is living in a house where you can hear echoes.

That's your biggest fear.

Yes, that and snakes.

Have you heard of cancer?

Sorry?

The biggest fear is one day living in a house of cancer.

So much cancer at echoes. This is are we Meltada? I believe so this place.

Is the greatest, made famous by, of course, the milk.

I think that might not even be a joke.

Well, it's not a joke, and I wouldn't say it's famous, would you.

No, I think that's a regional milk, isn't it.

Yep? Yeah, I do think it is.

How about Metal Gold?

Do you remember that Meadow Gold? Meadow Gold. No, that's a milk that's regional to my childhood. Every soccer team I was ever on was a Meadow Gold milk T shirt in Missoula.

Yeah, in Missoula. Thank you. I know I did that talk about bouncing around?

Well, no, I just like to fill in that information for the new listener.

We must always think about.

It, right, No, I'm reminding of remembering the time where I jumped from Texas to Montana to hear.

Yes, my soccer days whereas a.

Child in mont Hannah and Metal Gold it was like responsible for the I remember my soccer coaches were teenagers that chewed Copenhagen, and they were but I vividly remember how good they were with kids, and like these guys like they're they're still kind of kids themselves, but they were older and I could tell they were just they got it openly using tobacco. Was I influenced? Yes, I did chew for a while. I just remembered.

Yeah.

Well, I think though, if you were anywhere near the countryside as a boy between the ages of twelve.

And fourteen, you kind of had to try it.

Yeah.

I was wedged right there between the country and the foot of the hill. You were going to be pressured to get into that inevitable that you will put tobacco in your mouth, even as a joke, and it looks like you like it and immediately become addicted.

Yeah, that one I didn't get because look at that chair. Should we grab that chair?

Sure, I've done it before. I've found chairs and walked for miles with them just to put them on my porch and then realize I don't like the chair.

But it was free because they always look good when they're sitting out by themselves on the sidewalk.

How about Bubba Gump? Is that a regional port at company or a very you familiar with Bubba? There? He is not Bubba Gump. I confused my shrimp and my shitters.

You're all the same.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, look at that friendly face he is.

We have a guest today.

You might know him from clubs and colleges across the country. He's a writer, he's an actor, he's a comedian. He's our friend.

Put your ears together for Chris Garcia. Glarcia, it's good to see you.

Good to see you too.

Really enjoying your neighborhood.

Are you really do you come out here often?

I was just bragging about how there's a little theater here that has something to.

Do with Bud Diaz and I did a.

Show at it recently. We were on the main street and I think it was on that street.

Oh yeah, that little theater.

Yeah, PDA, it's called right, it's like and only if it's like fifteen people.

But you can be publicly affectionate, Yeah you can't. And we are in a driver's head video. Now there's clones laid out.

Yeah, it's wild.

There's no sidewalks, there's people drive by the rules of their home countries. Yeah, and yeah, Chiwawa just stole my catalytic conversion.

It's really wild. But Maria Bamford lives nearby, which.

Is fun, and we do the there's a little open mic at that at the little ramshackle theater down the street, and we go there every Monday in the valley.

Maybe only like six.

Or seven other comedians, maybe ten comedians go and we just work out her stuff there.

That's great.

I love it.

That's something I've always noticed and loved about Maria is she is not above any stage. All the work she's done and now good she's been for so long, I am not surprised when I see her at a coffee shop store and.

She really loves it, and she comes out every Monday. Sometimes she'll do shows at eight o'clock in the morning. She'll like put on from two shows.

And lately she's.

Been doing crowd work and paying the people that she interacts with. You're kidding, She'll get Yeah, she did it Monday, she did crowd work. She asked someone a question that she had it up twenty dollars for their service.

It was awesome.

She's sucking great and it speaks to the cookie spirit of our little town.

Yeah, just a cookie little places.

I love it here.

And how often do you just stare at that mountain and you're like, oh, all.

The time, there's bears up there. It's so funny.

There's bears and Ms thirteen graffiti.

Really, it's funny.

It's like a little bit of anything, do you Jackson.

Are they the ones that are against each other?

Yeah, it's like the blood and the crips of our neighborhood is the Grizzlies and the Salvatorians.

Wow.

And seriously there's gangs and then they're hills.

No, No, it's okay, it's not that yeah.

Yeah, but there's there is graffiti on it on trees and rock sure.

Yeah, sure everyone everyone likes to go hiking, even machete wielding tough guys.

Wow. And have you seen bears?

Uh No, there's a lot of coyotes.

Sure, seen. I've heard of.

There is a bear down by my daughter's preschool, like a.

Month ago or something during the day.

Wow. But more up like, if you live up this block, you have to have a bare box for your trash. So they're actually they're like out and around right in the foothills here.

There's a museum up here.

That is a bunny museum and it just has like all sorts of dilapidated rabbits and then you can rint an electric bike there too. It really feels like northern California, like a sister city to some Oakland or Santa ROSA type of my.

Favorite is multitasking businesses.

Get it done, Get her done. That is so great, Chris, I wanted to get coffee. Would you be opposed to us going to the McDonald's stride through to get a McCafe of some kind?

Oh that sounds great. Okay, Yeah, that sounds awesome. It's a real fun McDonald's.

Yeah, think about what you want.

Yeah, well you should you coffee to be great, ice colored. I think those are the two options at that McCafe.

Have you been doing I feel like I personally haven't been doing stand up as much as I used to or enjoy, But.

I'm okay with that. Also, how have you been doing stand up a lot?

You know? I hadn't, you know. I think I stopped in like November or something.

It just gets too cozy around the holidays, sure, and too nice.

I'm like, I don't want.

To go outside or anything.

But you know, actually seeing Maria out on a Monday night at a nine o'clock Mike, I was like, what am I doing?

Do I write this? And I do?

And so that started getting me out on Mondays, and then that just made me want to go out more. So in the last month or so, I've really been out there again. And at first, you know, it's so scary. It feels like you've never done it in your whole life, right, what are you even doing anymore?

And then you have one good set and you're a genius from the future, and.

Then it again and you a shit yeah and that ride.

Yeah, That's the one thing I love about stand up is a time travel.

The last set I did, and I think this is probably why it's the last set I did, because it was pre COVID obviously, but it was so bad and I had to follow James Fritz and I was like, oh, what the fuck am I doing? It was like one of those what am I doing with my life?

Sets?

And then COVID hit and then I was like, well, I'm not going to address that ever again. But it was really it's I think I can't leave that. I can't let that be my last set. You can't because it was so bad.

It wasn't your last set. I was your most recent.

Most recent, most painful.

I remember I forgot got his name, but this guy killed before me on my own show, and we had to show a little joy called the Business, and he killed it so hard and I just couldn't follow him. I felt like I was following fucking Jimmy with like a kazoo or like a kid xylophone or something, and I still try to be like, oh, yeah, well check out this kazoo or whatever. And I just ate it so hard on my own show that I walked home, Oh to lot.

Like a forty five minute walk of shame.

Did you do it like right after your set? Like you just left?

Yeah? I just laughed like I was walking into the horizon.

Wow, And you left your car there? Or had I had? That's where we go.

You you had not driven?

No, I had not driven.

Okay, that would be super dramatic if you just walked like you were in a daze.

Yeah, forgot you drove.

Then I don't walk back. That'd be so sad.

And just then everyone's gathering around in the parking lot. Yeah, make fun of you.

Yeah.

Do you know how to get to make tons?

Well?

I put it, Oh you got it. I put in that.

It seems like, oh yeah, that's right, so that it'll work right somehow, did not see the giant TV in front of you.

I miss that stage where you had your show. Yeah that that bar is now a a hotspot. There's a line out front, there's a velvet rope.

Yeah, it seems to have turned into some sort of Mexico City cocaine bar. It used to be a Los Angeles City cocaine bar.

No, it's where I started and peaked and have resigned in my in my billiard's career.

Also just because I can't it's so packed. And then do they still have it in there?

The pool table is in there, but I just you know, I just don't touch the stuff anymore.

And when I say I mean cocaine, mean the cocaine.

They make you do it as you playpool. That's part of it.

Yeah, that's the reason I was sinking so many balls.

Look at this.

Yes, this whole day has been a driver's ad video.

Yeah for real, Like you're missus and.

It's a real frogger situation.

It's really and it's real.

And now that I have a kid, you know, like I've I get so mad, like even when she's not in the.

Car, just because I have a family, and I don't know, I'm not.

I haven't.

I've turned almost Republican except for how I vote or think or anything just in terms of my road range.

And I still don't have a gun, but I just get.

I still get really mad, and I just like I was driving, and it adds up because I'm like, jeez.

You didn't you ran that stop or whatever.

I was actually let maybe like a month and a half ago, I was driving home from Torrance where my mom lives, with my daughter in the back of the car, and uh, you know, it's kind of crazy traffic, and I'm on the one ten.

Which is the crazy craziest it's.

Like Mario Kart for people that don't have insurance, like driving crazy and this car and I see like the sea of red brake lights coming up, and so I start slowing down because traffic is slowing down. And the guy behind me is in one of those Rivians.

Electric fancy truck.

Yeah, like a fancy truck.

A new type of car.

Yeah, And he's just not stopping and he's right behind me.

Uh, and so I pull off.

I'm on the right, I'm in the right lane, and I pull off to the shoulder or whatever so he doesn't hit me. Right and he's he eventually slams his brakes and he almost hits.

The car that was in front of me, So you would have gotten I would.

Have gotten hit with my daughter in him back and uh, I like roll down my window and I'm like farous. I'm like furious, and I'm seeing red and I'm like trying to get back onto the freeway and.

He's not letting me. Oh is this like looking at his phone or something, and he just doesn't let me.

And I have I have a Lacroix that's like I haven't that was just dead like I took two SIPs like two weeks ago. I like where this is going and I'm just like I'm holding it in my hand and I just chucked it at his car. I threw it at his car like sideways, like a quarterback that was about and I just like chucked it at his car and it hit his car and there was a huge thud, and he like looked up and I was just like like yelling and stuff.

And then and then he like scampered it. He like drove away.

I love it. He was scared of me.

I mean it was really dumb of me. Like I love my daughter was in the back that did not feel good. And then who knows, I mean this guy did.

Did she start crying? You got upset?

No, she seemed kind of thrilled a little bit, which was kind of scary for me because I was like, oh, nice, but I get really I get really mad in traffic now and I don't. And now I turned around her car seat. She's like outgrown her car seat, so she has to like face forward now, And now I'm really scared that she gets to see everything.

Knows, whether it's technical stupidity or it's just that weird every man for himself. Fuck it, I don't care. I'm not gonna I'm gonna cut you off before I yield.

No one will yield anymore, No one yields at all.

And it really I just can't. I'm gonna go on full like falling down.

Because people have guns and want to show them off.

I know that is that's true. I really have to cool it.

I really have to cool it for Sunny's sake. Please, for Sonny's sake, you're right.

Or catch them off guard and just go, wow, that's a really nice gun. Where'd you get it? Because that's kind of what they.

Want the other thing that I, oh my god, this is really bad. But instead of flipping people off if they start yelling at me, which has happened before. I don't feel like I instigate any thing. But people just yeall have.

Gone like this.

I like look at him and I go, you know, you wipe my tears.

You do the cry baby baby face. That is bo That'll make do that for a while.

And me stop.

And now I just do the smile.

Yeah, yeah, that is yeah. It just all feels bad.

It does.

Just do they kind and smile.

During the podcast near car accidents, No.

No, we I think the closest famously we ever got to taking a comedian out of the scene was Eddie Pepatone I think.

But there was a close but it was someone else. It wasn't us. Karen's a great ride.

Uh well. Also I drive really slowly so just to make sure.

But there was also the guy that tried to hit like he I think he thought I cut him off, so he tried to hit the front of the car with a bike lock.

I was hackling. I'm like, yeah, yeah, we know you're on a bike.

It was super crazy.

He didn't understand I was being funny on a podcast. That's so it was a miscommunication and he not only.

As he swung the.

Lock at the car, he just darted into an intersection.

Were all stopped at a red light.

We almost watched him take his own life in anger towards in a ridge. Yeah, and and yeah, so we've seen things like that, but no, I don't think. I'm almost certain we will never be in a fender bender?

Did you decide what you wanted?

I know what I'm I'm going to get a like a mocha or something like a latte with chocolate or something.

Could I get a do you still have.

Like the Can I get a latte?

Are you still making those now?

Just like a hot coffee with milk and flavor in it? If you haven't, Oh, I was gonna do. Can I just do a small latte? If you still serve those a vanilla?

I'll get a small iced coffee.

And can we get a small iced coffee?

Do you want a flavor at a little bit of caramel?

Caramel?

Please, Chris, I'm gonna get that same exactly.

Can we get two of those? And on the leaves? And can I also get a small sprite? And that's it those four drinks. Thank you. She was incredibly.

Patient, She really was, because I was doing that. This is the thing I do, and I do it all a fucking time, especially if I'm on the phone. I start to anticipate how they're going to misinterpret me, and then I say the thing that I was saying of I don't even know if you make these anymore? And she then I was just blabbering, and she's like, do you want coffee with milk in it?

Like?

What do you want? I want to talk about McDonald's menu history.

I don't want to assume that you still are making lattes if you're not, because God forbid.

It's like I can't ask a question.

I'm just weirdly phrasing my thing in a way that makes it the least understandable. I used to do it, like trying to get like customer service people where they'd be like, and my voice woul always go up really high. It's like I was wondering if and it's like, no one needs any backstory.

Just pick a thing and say it's.

Say say what it is.

It was a picture of it on the screen, Gary.

No, but I want I kind of wanted to mocha, and I knew if I introduced that, like a totally different thing, that would be kind of wild because that wasn't on the menu.

I'd like to order something, but I'd also like to tell you some of my fears.

I certainly don't want to be so uncute, is to try to order something from the miccafe if you have closed it down.

That's my worst That's the worst thing I could do.

My voice goes up to I still do it anytime I order Ranch dressing or something.

I i'd have a sign a ranch too.

He don't hurt me.

Do you still have those paper crowns?

Oh no, well you're offended.

Can I have that walet?

They just get a wallet they can put over your shoulder, just the wallet.

Oh oh, I thought you were making a purse joke.

Carrying Your hair looks great, by the way, Chris, thank you.

That is really nice for you to say. I got this haircut.

And I could have sworn when I said I wanted a bob, I was like, down here under the chin with it. But she gave me the very trendy like this is the bob that all the twenty five year olds.

Are getting, where I.

Was like, don't do that, it's like easy, But then I think it turned out good.

Yeah.

Plus, that Bob is the Bob that I think we had when it was first.

Bobbed or whatever, you know what I mean. Yes, that's our Bob.

This was the night. This is Karen in the nineties for sure.

Yes, the original Bob. I was unsure of pulling.

Like I went to my mom's house and I found a bunch of old stuff. I was just like going through boxes and stuff and a pair of old Dickeys, and I was like, it's time to dusty soft.

And I was like, am I gonna look like a like an idiot wearing these dickies?

And no, Dickies are back and they're forever, They're classic, and now they come stretchy, yeah, which was really weird. Yeah, because that's one thing we didn't like about a Dicky is that it was very, very firm and starched.

Ye had at least fifty times.

Yeah. Yeah.

Ever since they started having a skateboarding team, they put Lykra in that fabric and now they're like Chuck Norris kick jeans.

Chris, did you wear Jenko's back in the day. Jenko's guy.

No, Jenko's were, Uh, Jenkos were more for inline skaters.

I think it was just like a brand thing.

It's very hard to break into if you aren't actually a skateboard company. To break into the into skateboarding. The only people that did it were Supreme. But somehow, without being a skate company, they're just like, we're going to dictate what skateboarders wear.

I don't know how that worked, but yeah.

Jenko, although I have seen him out there, Jenco's back and now I kind of want them as much as I want a pair of cross colors.

Oh my gosh, I had cross colors.

I had.

I have to find this picture.

I wore bright yellow cross color overall shorts with a Malcolm X hat shirt when I was a freshman in.

High School's great.

I really thought I was the hardest gangster that ever.

That's so great.

I was going through and I was a tagger, but I had like I looked like I was a fly girl and living colored.

That's great.

I would have been your friend immediately with my giant mustard colored pants.

Oh that's great.

Thank you, there's yours, Thank you, thank you very much.

Oh look at that. It says drinking of you?

Thank you?

Are we in high school?

I don't like it talking about big pants and drilling around drink and McDonald's.

Wait, if you guys had to choose, we'll go around the car Ben Davis or Dickies.

Oh for me, it's dickies all day.

Okay, But when it comes to a work shirt with those train engineer denim stripes Ben Davis for the top, okay, yeah, but Geky's bottoms.

I was the same, Dickies on the bottom. I never had, even though I like the snaps. I think they had like a button snap that Ben Davis. But I just always had dickies. I think they were easier to find or something. But then the pin stripe, the pin stripe Bent Davis shirt is just a classic.

It is have you taken a sip yet, Chris of your coffee?

Yes?

It is a melted ice cream? Is wild? I am not sure. Let's go back and ask if we were a dairy queen. Because my.

Shoulder tattoo is literally moving. It is moving. That is insane. My teeth hurt. I've never even I brag about this. A lot have had a cavity, but I.

Now have all my molars holes in them.

And I'm gonna take another sip because.

It almost is like a Vietnamese ice coffee butt somehow.

Yeah, I'm not mad at it.

I just have to be surprised by this kind of sweetness and then I understand chasing it.

It's gonna have a couple of little more.

It is pretty.

Mine smells like maple syrup, but it's a vanilla lae.

It was good.

Yeah, I've I don't even know. This is an unrelatable amount of sweets. Really, I grew up in a house of carab chips.

And.

Oh boy, we're just going crazy.

But I'm already a quarter done. I get it. I mean, I get it. Yeah, I get it.

Everyone delicious.

My tooth is officially sweet.

I Chris stopped drinking recently. I don't know where you stand on the alcohol intake, but I like an old Mark Maron joke. I now crave candy and sweet and I never was a.

Sweet tooth before.

Oh, Congratula, When did you stop? Congratulations?

Oh it's nine months nice.

I stopped on years.

Year's Eve.

I stopped of this year.

Yeah. Well yeah, well, I was in New York with friends and down I went with the family to hang out with a high school friend and his family and it's really sweet. And we went out to see this grateful dead cover band and the only way I can really get through it was to really drink so much. Like I was like, this is and it's like not even like here, It's like upstate New York level white people, right, It's like I can't I can't see you guys have.

So much goofy joy all in one boy. And it did not feel good. Yeah, just thinking about being there is.

And I got wasted, and I will I woke up feeling so bad the next morning.

Were there any stories about bad behavior or just physically bad.

Just physically bad.

I mean, we were goofy and stuff that night. And the worst thing I did was eat an entire brain taco and no brain burrito brito with brains in it brain which it seems like a lot.

Of brains brains of abe just.

A living monkey, a living of a living monkey.

And it just it just made me feel bad the next morning. But the next morning, I was like, I never want to feel like this again. And I think it turned out it turned out to be COVID, you know, And I got I got COVID while I was there. I woke up with COVID. But still I was like, I don't know if I'm gonna do this. This might be a graceful exit.

Yeah, like not necessarily a rock bottom situation where it's something you have a story to tell.

Yeah, but yeah, there's been plenty of close calls like that. Right, I'm like, maybe I could just use this as a good excuse have cold for a week and then not drinking. Right, I have been eating a lot of Trader Joe's Swedish swimmers.

Right, so good.

It starts with the gummy candies. That's what got me.

I'm like, sure, off some worms and bears and now I'm just officially craving. I mean it actually it started for me with mangoes, dried mangoes and.

The and mangos are the fruit with like the most sugar in them. So it makes sense that you went to those first version.

I still go to them.

But yeah, it's so good. I had a pretty uneventful exit. Also, when a month before that I've fell in my shower and ripped down the curtain and hit my head, that you would think day after that I would, but no, I just wanted to make some dietary changes, but in retrospect that that showerfall maybe had something.

To do with it.

How do you feel now?

I feel great. My brain works a little better, a little better.

Yeah, I'm feeling pretty good, even though it's only been like a month or something. But it reminds me that Kyle Kinane, I think he had like a tweet or something He's like, haven't drank in three days?

Feels great.

Shit, I don't want to feel good.

That was That was always I was always trying when Twitter was like an art form for me, trying to come up with the perfect version of a tweet where you decide something or something happens in the middle.

I don't I don't know if I'm describing what you just.

Said is a perfect example that that is the tweet that I always wanted to come up with.

There it is, man, this.

Is I could feel like my tongue and the rest of my mouth feels like it's one in the scene.

You know what I mean?

Right?

The sweetness of this thing, it's kind of yes, it's.

The unification of the meccafe.

Well, one thing I forgot to do. Uh, And it seems like such a rookie mistake is to mix it. I think I was just the first couple of drinks was the let's call it syrup? Oh, they put it there and now now it's now it's fine.

They should have shook that up for you.

I know I'm lifting the strong good idea, Chris, Are you watching anything that I should be watching?

Yeah? Or writing on something we should be watching.

Let's see, am I watching anything I'm watching?

Oh?

Yeah, Karen, you gotta you gotta start watching this Premier.

League League football?

Really, I think you will love it. I mean Chelsea versus Liverpool.

Today, what a storyline?

Right?

I mean clop is about to retire now, clop Yeah, clop Is he just.

Announced he's gonna retire.

It sounds like it would be the mascot you clops out.

Oh there goes Clap again.

But let's see he wrote on Oh the show Minx Show season two.

It came out recently.

That was fun.

It was a fun show.

We had Oscar Montoya. He was on so delightful, like so much fun.

He is so sweet and so funny. Yeah, so really fun to write for.

Yeah, I bet are you? Are you guys pals now?

Yeah, we're pals because you know, he is like the Latino guy in the show, and I was only Latino guy in the room.

So sometimes I'd be like, whoa.

Whoa, whoa, whoa whoa.

Colombians don't necessarily have larger cheekbones everybody.

Colombians don't have extra bones, like say, Ben, let's scale that one I have. You know, fewer bones, have less bones. They live in alter altitude, right, some of them fly, so they do have burdens, they don't necessarily have more of them.

So there's some stuff like that.

But just dispelling all of the missing rumors in Hollywood about Colombia getting it taken care of I did.

I did manage to put like a fun inside joke that I did not tell anyone else about that. There's like a I think they go out to eat at a Mexican restaurant or something or like a cantina, and.

They're like, Christ, do you want to name it?

And uh and so I was like sure, and I had.

To pass clearances and all that stuff, so I just called it I think chat cantina, you know, and everyone.

I was like, oh cool is you know?

I think they just assumed it his name after a family member or something like yeah, I thinks actually someone asked that. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, but it's just what It's just short for chut the fuck up.

I choked that.

A lot of friends that I used to have like, hey, do you know chut that fuck up?

And it was just inside Latino friends and I growing up, but like, oh, chat, that must be a grandma Taser. Tita's are a Filipino, right, And I was like, no, it's just short.

Fuck up right across from up Dog Cafe. Yeah, that's so great. That's good.

But yeah, that was fun to write for.

And then oh, and there's a cartoon that's coming up that doesn't comes out in the fall, or something called the Hogy Brothers that's gonna be on fault.

I read for many thirty voices on the Brothers really, oh yeah, over and over to Whea's like I want to paycheck for how many these I bought this?

But it was very funny.

Yeah, and then Maria Baffer turns around and gives you twenty dollars.

I can never It might be riddled with uh, well known people, but it was what I read, which was a lot of it was really funny.

Awesome.

Thanks.

You know what the funniest part is is that I think the creator guy ended up.

Doing all the voices. Oh that's funny.

Every time there's a new voice, and he's very funny.

That makes me feel better.

He's like, I'll just do it.

There's a lot of coaches and football guys, right, yeah.

Yeah, it's kind of like a guys It's not really a guys.

Show, but I had a lot of like gruff sounding men who sounded like this like I over and over and I'm like, well, I'm just gonna use the same voice again.

But yeah, that was that's so funny.

I'm just gonna fold all these characters into one.

Yeah. I can't wait to watch that.

Yeah, it should be fun.

Other than that, just watching, I'm real deep on love on the Spectrum.

We were just literally just just right before we picked you up. Really yeah, awesome.

What do you think?

Are you all caught up? Well?

No, I love it, but we're talking about like the vulnerability part that makes it like to watch, like it feels like you got to gird your loins to watch it.

Anyway.

Yeah, we went into it after talking about the show Cheaters, so that was kind of the rout cheaters.

That was the route we took.

You've never watched jets from the nineties, sounds like a nineties or two where the these.

Uh was hosted by Chris hardwickers.

No, No, not Chris Hansen either. It was we couldn't remember the wormy guy that was the host. But what's very nice was it?

No, he was warmy though, and he would he would uh you know with uh the spouse that knew they were getting cheated on our girl friend show up with them at a gas station. Well while the guy was with another woman or something. He'd actually confront cheaters people.

Well, so they would do it out in the wild, ye Like. It wasn't like in front of a live studio and show up it.

They would literally show up.

A car would be parked in front of a lake, this is what we were talking about, and two people would be in that car cheating and then the host would be like open the door and be like, you're we caught you.

You're cheating sometimes having yeah, yeah.

Well that's the whole thing. Wasn't all conversation?

Yeah yeah, obviously mixed the two cheaters on the spectrum.

Let's do it. I just get it.

It's time, it's time.

I think this is what.

Mad TV writers did.

They would drink something from the from the midcafe.

I and station. Did you see that? Girls, No, she was she was going to think this to try to make me go buy faster.

Oh well, that's what we're talking about. This is that's great.

The vulnerability though, is I mean I as someone who is too vulnerable sometimes on podcasts and cries on stage and stuff like that, even for me, because I mean, it's so beautiful in a way.

There's there's it's just.

So nice to see and it's so sweet and it's so pure that at a certain point.

You're like, oh my god, going and it brings back all these personal things about taking that leap of trying to kiss for a relative stranger for the first time, right and then but then.

But then they're trying so hard and they're putting something and.

You want them to go so much, and it's just, yeah, it's too much. I found myself in the fetal position in the kitchen like a part of an episode.

Well.

Also, the other people get really good at like communicating where they're just like, I've really liked meeting you, but I just don't feel a spark or whatever. We're like, this is more like adult communication and more like emotionally intelligent communication that I've ever had in any relationship.

It's so true.

On the one we wanted to say, it's just like, hey, so I'm a little nervous right now, I'm not feeling super comfortable. I mean, what have we met two and a half times? Like just like being like super forthright about it. Yeah, and then they and then she kind of opened up too, and then they just went on from there, and I noticed it.

I was like, oh my god, I wish every interact, not every interaction, but like dates could just be like that. It was just really really lovely.

I need to revisit it. Yeah, I it did.

It made me uncomfortable, but not in the way Cheeters did, where I thought someone would have a gun.

Yeah.

Did that ever happen on Cheeters?

Oh yeah?

There was like that man is a train killer and you're knocking on his window telling him.

That he's a cheater. It was so terrifying.

Yeah, if you make a lot here, it's kind of cute.

Oh yeah, Christmas Tree Lane, Oh yeah.

Okay, great.

I hope they still have their lights up, they don't nuts.

January thirty three.

Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised.

Still, oh yeah, there are houses in my hometown that, but just all year round.

They were the Christmas house.

Do you know anyone that's kept keeps a Christmas tree on for super long time?

Mm hmm.

Do you guys know Kevin Avery?

Probably yeah, yeah, of course.

The podcaster, Yeah, comedian podcaster guy from San Francisco.

He would have his and he's he's an adult, grown person. He would have it on till like April, his Christmas tree.

Wow.

And you would turn the lights on and stuff, Wow.

I couldn't believe it.

Not a real tree or a real tree, and they would just get like kind of musty and crispy and Christmas.

I don't know does he does? He love house fires?

It seems like he was asking for But it must have been March when I was at his house and it was still it was still going.

He's like, I don't know, I kind of like it.

That's crazy. And this smell too, oh that old dog. This smell of like a dried up and out of season. That really makes a big difference. YEA three months out, four months out Wow, these trees, there's like really nice.

Yeah, yeah, I love Oh, I like I love a street that is just lined with old trees.

This is great. This reminds me of And.

There are lights.

Yeah, there's there's bulbs, the big the big bulbs, the classic.

Night light bulbs.

We have to climb up to that fuse box and turn him on.

Yeah, oh wow, those have been up there for decades.

Yeah, my U.

I had a little night light when I was a kid, and every time the bulb burnt out, my dad had to climb up to the attic and pull one out of our Christmas lights.

That's what those always remind me of.

Oh it's really sweet.

I just got down to the bottom.

Yeah yeah, yeah, Oh my god.

It was a reverse experience. You're in an alternate universe from in my mouth. You made the right choice coming down this street. I want to let's drive slower so we can look in the windows.

They have a fish tank.

How long did you did you have a night? A night?

I really hate it dark.

Oh totally, I don't. It's funny because I don't have bad dreams anymore. I'm not bragging, but it's all just fun or just boring. Human interaction. I don't really have nightmare, but as a kid, I had the most terrifying nightmares and I needed.

I couldn't be in the dark. I couldn't do it either. I one big one I remember.

Is that I was convinced the Pope Like I don't know why, but I had convinced myself that the Pope was in my closet.

That was a Catholic school, and I.

Was Catholic, so Catholic, but I.

Was like, he's in there, and he's not happy.

And I didn't think he was gonna do anything, you know, sexual or anything.

I didn't even know if I'm.

Just judging your outfits.

Just generally not approving of you.

Yeah, and I army crawled to my parents room and I explained the whole situation. I think I just started watching scary movies too early, too, like Nightmare on Elm Street and stuff. I just watched all that stuff and I just freaked down. I wouldn't leave their bed, and my parents immediately started taking me to a child psychologist.

Really me too, I went. I went to one as well.

Yeah, it wasn't because of scary dreams, it was it was other issues that I won't go into but yeah, at age twelve, I went to a child psychologist who I've mentioned on here.

His name was Richard Come.

And I knew and it was spelled that's all k k U M M.

Grosser.

And I mean I don't even have to remind everyone that Dick.

Is short for Richard. He actually has.

A daughter who was I think a psychologists. Now I look because I wanted to look up if I had made up that name, and indeed it was Richard Come. But yeah, I specifically think that the fact that nightmare on Elm Street was Oh, this, let's make a monster that comes do while you sleep, is meant specifically to scare children.

It's a great idea.

Oh god, it was terrifying.

It's amazing.

Uh you know it's really I this is kind of funny. Wait, your psychologist was named Richard Come.

Yes, I went to a dentist as a child named mister Dentist, which tell me it was legally changed.

Uh no it was not.

I don't know it just I mean he was a bad dentist.

Did share it was like a budget dentist, And he did share a bathroom with like the smog check place, and.

So everyone had to use the same squeegee.

That's attached to the key to use the bathroom. Love multitasking, and my teeth are still not greet that's.

So, mister dentist. Maybe it's more like a hey to put people at ease. Uh, based in the fact I have no training. Let's put the doctor aside. I'm just mister.

That's yeah, that's that was his legal loophole. No, no, I did.

I never said I was a doctor. It's miss mister dentist. I went to art school. I paint teeth white.

Wow. That is absolutely amazing.

I would love if if a dentist actually changed there.

I met this this hippie kid.

In a bar once, like a you know, a white kid with readlocks, and he said, hey, what's up.

My name's Fun and I'm like, no, it isn't.

And he pulled out his driver's license and it was just the word fun. No last name whoa really yeah? And the no name no, it just said the word fun, Mike macdona.

And he was he wasn't fun. He was not fun.

Turns out he had a personality.

Yeah.

He thought it could change it with his id.

Chris, you you have to go pack.

Yeah, oh right, I was just going to keep driving around and then I'm like, oh no, there's.

A heart out.

What's your heart out? Do you want to talk about it?

Pick up my daughter from.

I just like hate having her be the last kid to get picked.

Yeah, oh yeah, so I would do it for you, guys.

I mean that was so it's so lovely to see you, so frank to see you.

Thanks for having me.

Thank you for this the worst coffee of all time. Do you have anything to plug?

Yeah?

I have a parenting podcast with the very funny American Gaily and Kurt brown Eler called I Love my Kid but and uh yeah, I love it really fun.

I'm gonna listen to that. I like a lot of.

You and yeah, and and you're the best.

Yeah, it's good to see you. I'll go to that open mic with you.

It's on Mondays.

Okay. It's really fun.

It's like us and a bunch of kids that love stand up and are making fun mistakes.

That's great.

It feels like going to Mexican for like when you first start. Don't tell anyone about.

It, Okay, under wraps, allright, you guys, so good to.

That.

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Production produced by Elise Nelson.

Mixed by Edson Choi.

Our talent booker is Patrick Kottner.

Theme song by Karen Kilgarrett.

Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.

Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y nar Podcast.

For more information, go to exactly rightmedia dot com.

Thank you both, You're welcome